CONOR

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH include you as you don’t fit into some sterilised plastic version of what pride can mean. You may want to shout your queerness from the rooftops, or for now just work on building the self-love you so rightly deserve but what this month means is your accepted and you are wanted and in this company you are safe.

EVERYONE! HOPEFULLY EVERYONE HAS PLANS IN WHICH TO BEST CELEBRATE WHO THEY ARE WHETHER THAT BE DANCING YOUR HEART OUT IN A MUDDY FIELD OR SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH YOUR NEAREST AND DEAREST IT’S A GREAT TIME TO APPRECIATE YOUR OWN JOURNEY, HOW FAR YOU’VE COME AND HOW YOU CAN LIGHT THE WAY FOR OTHERS.

Pride month can be a difficult time for people who do not feel ready or able to express their identity and struggle with the thought of this. Too many social media posts have already expressed an undercurrent of this idea that Pride Month is the month to spring yourself out of the closet, to shout it from the rooftops, and while I myself would probably fall into this category I don’t expect it of everyone nor demand it of them, almost like this outdated idea that pride month is the month your “allowed” to come out and be proud, it feels just as “icky” for lack of a better word as when Kit Connor was forced to come out last year based on a belligerent rally for a young adult to share their identity with the world as clearly seen, before they were ready.

It’s through events like this and the commercialisation of pride, I questioned my own thoughts and beliefs of what pride month is, aware of how companies will use it to build a month of easy branding, how people might find themselves a little more loose tongued to indulge in a modernised version of Polari and camp nuances for a viral video and then laugh about it. Like a queer version of Cindy Lou I found myself struggling to find the true meaning of Pride Month, a way to embrace it which felt authentic to me.

Of course, the answer would be to look back on the stonewall riots, the treatment of queer communities compared to now, yet the strides we’ve made don’t seem equal, the hatred and absolute bile that the trans and non-binary communities face disgusts me, even on my occasional trips to Belfast the absolute trash being spewed from “activists” shows the worst in humanity, but when you see this being echoed on social media, even and more personally from members of our community, it’s abhorent, the community which fought for our rights so feverishly continually the topic of speculation on how they should even exist, and in particular the way in which that person who I will not name was able to speak in Belfast only last April.

Pride is a riot, not all riots start shouting on the street some of them are quiet screams that start within yourself.

I would also just like to take a quick moment to say this will be

Please note, this column is the opinion of the columinst and not that of GNI or Romeo & Julian Publiccations Ltd.

In these comparisons I came upon a piece of information I never really thought about. Before reading on, ask yourself, when did a Rainbow flag become synonymous with pride? I could just be being an idiot once again, but I was shocked it was literally only 46 years ago. Before this the pink triangle was used, a symbol used in Nazi camps to identify gay men, later turned to a symbol of positive self-identity and protest. Forty-six years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things and yet the flag which was to symbolise a safe space has grown, it has changed and developed to include and represent as many people as. This beautiful tapestry weaving life, acceptance, and growth. I think this for me is where I find my stance on pride month. It’s easy to write it off for the negatives and to even think it might not my last column, recent health problems have meant I am not as able to juggle as many responsibilities and feel as this is my 15th issue now is a great time to allow someone else space. I have lived a lot of life in-between these issues and would like to thank everyone who has reached out or connected with my somewhat cohesive mumblings. I want to thank everyone involved with GNI and the amazing team involved. Lastly thanks to Jay for understanding no matter how advanced a spell checker, I will still find a way to spell something wrong and require a re-read.

This just being my parting ethos, be kind to each other, tearing down your own community is an act of self-hate, get outside and touch some grass every now and again, you’re not a robot no matter how much you wish you were, there’s nothing better than a dog that will sit in your lap or a cat who purrs, and lastly free Palestine.

Let’s go back to 1999 pre Atomic Kitten, you were in a performing arts college, what were you training for and what was your dream? I actually wanted to go onto the cruise ships and travel the world. I was a working class girl from very humble beginnings and for me the thought of just being free and travelling the world - the easiest way for me at that time was to get on the cruise ships. I actually went to a few cruise ship auditions when I was 16 and I got chosen but you had to be 18 to be on the cruise ships.

I mean, I was hungry and I had been performing every weekend doing cabaret from the age of 12 so I had four years of hard graft, learning the hard way, standing in the social clubs, the working men’s clubs and the dockers clubs, trying my best to get people’s attention when I was singing. Between the age of 12 and 16 you could see the way people’s reactions changed. Initially I was just this little kid singing ‘I Can See Clearly’ and then by the end of it I was singing Whitney Houston and fellas were putting their pints down, the women were putting down their G&T’s and people were watching, listening and clapping. I just loved it, I really did!

You’ve been vocal saying it was a lot of grafting particularly in the early days of the band, do you think with social media and apps it is harder or easier to break through?

It is harder in a way now because it is so easy for anyone to criticise. If I believed everything on my social media I wouldn’t leave the house - I would be a recluse, I would be a nervous wreck, I wouldn’t have belief in myself - because I think if you are not mentally strong it really can chip away at your confidence. I have been in the industry for over 25 years and have got tough skin on my back, and I have got self belief. Other people’s words aren’t going to penetrate my armour, but they did in the past. It is easy to lose confidence, I used to watch younger girls and the Little Mix girls and you would see all of this body shaming that Jesy got and it resonated with me, because I used to get body shamed but it was in the paper. So it would be there for a day or in a magazine for a week and then it would disappear and it would maybe come back in a few weeks or a few months and be regurgitated up again, but that poor girl could not get away from it.

You have to have social media to survive in this industry, it is part of your promotional platform, so imagine having to wake up every day with that fear, knowing people are just going to say s*** to me today. You have got to be so tough. I just hope that the younger people coming through are being looked after and they are being taught how to put on their armour and not take it too seriously.

If you had to put up with that on a daily basis, it is going to wear you out and wear you down. You would start to think “Is it even worth it”, because it is just the energy it creates. It is a really sh**** energy. That’s why I hang out on Instagram because I can shield myself from the people that aren’t so nice about me. It’s a different world today.

With the band you had so much success, for you what would you say was your greatest achievement and biggest regret?