MENTAL health

How to hit back when criticised

Dr Amanda Foo-Ryland

Firstly I would like to look at what is criticism?

To me this is someone’s else’s opinion of what I am doing or thinking is wrong. Therefore it is someone else’s story, their reality, not mine.

Here’s how I deal with it.

I listen to what they have to say, I then ensure I understand what they are saying by repeating it back to them.

Then I ask myself this question;

‘What can I learn from this?’

If I can learn then I look at what I could do or think differently. Then I take action to install this, change this.

And I thank them.

If however, I don’t agree or there are no learnings then I simply delete it!

Yes, you read that right, delete it.

Let me give you a simple example.

I know that I am good at what I do, I know that I know my stuff and I love to learn so when someone offers me their opinion, I am all ears.

I have just landed in New Zealand to run my workshop for corporates on Creating Dream Teams. When I was sharing this in the business lounge with fellow traveler, he said I was doing this wrong, that I should scale and create this two day workshop as an online product, then I wouldn’t have to fly to NZ to run it.

We do have online products, just not this one, I know my subject, this needs to be bespoke and in person.

He was wrong, so I deleted it.

It goes like this:

I imagined a huge red delete button, it covered his whole head as shoulders and whilst smiling I hit my delete button.

DELETE DELETE DELETE

If You Need Help Now

1737 Need to talk, Freecall or text 1737, 24/7, for support from trained counsellors. www.1737.org.nz

Depression: P: 0800 111757 Free text 4202 | www.depression.org.nz

Suicide Crisis Helpline: P: 0508 828 865 | www.lifeline.org.nz

The Lowdown: P: 0800 111 757 / Free text 5626 | www.thelowdown.co.nz

Youthline: P: 0800 376 633 | Free text 234 | www.youthline.co.nz https://youtu.be/L4UTIsnY3-Q

Shouting this at the top of my voice.

INSIDE my head.

I then asked him what he did. I diverted him so I didn’t have to keep deleting him. Like the dog in the movie Up who gets distracted every time he sees a squirrel. And he was distracted.

Squirrel.

I actively chose not to have the mind virus he was giving me to enter my neurology. I was consciously choosing that.

It’s powerful, in fact this tool is so easy to use that I featured it in my TEDx talk, all 9 and a half minutes of it.

Take a look and I can guarantee you will use your delete button before you lay your head on your pillow tonight.

Family Violence: P: 0800 456 450 | www.areyouok.org.nz

Alcohol Drug Helpline: P: 0800 787 797 / Free text 8681 www.alcoholdrughelp.org.nz

Women’s Refuge: P: 0800 733 843 | www.womensrefuge.org.nz

Sexuality issues: 0800 688 5463 between 6pm & 9pm | www.outline.org.nz

Southern DHB: Crisis Mental Health Service: 0800 467 846

Wanaka Mental Health Peer Support Group: www.mentalhealthwanaka.org

Your Life Live It: Helpline@yourlifeliveit.com | www.yourlifeliveit.com