Humour

What’s the difference between a United States senator and a Canadian senator?

In America, you must win an election to become a senator. In Canada, you have to lose one.

A Ukrainian from Winnipeg goes to the Motor Vehicle branch to apply for a driver’s licence. He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

CZWIXNOSTACZ

“Can you read this?” the clerk asks.

“Read it?” the Ukrainian replies. “I know the guy!”

Three hockey fans go mountain climbing. One climber is a devoted Canucks fan, one is a Maple Leafs fan, and one is a fan of the Canadiens. As they climb higher, they get into a heated argument about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the Vancouver climber takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, “This is for the Canucks. ”

Not wanting to be outdone, the Toronto fan walks to the edge of the precipice and yells, “This is for the Toronto Maple Leafs, ” then pushes the Montreal Canadiens fan off the cliff.

It’s game seven of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at centre ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.

“No” says the neighbour. “The seat will stay empty. ”

“This is incredible, ” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?”

The neighbour says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to my wife. She was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been together at since we got married over 30 years ago. ”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a relative or friend, to take the seat?”

The man shakes his head. “No, they’re all still at the funeral. ”