Uncle Barkey's Bites Travel

SEARCHLIGHT PICT URES Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell star in “Downhill.”

By Chic DiCiccio @chiccywood

If Julia Louis-Dreyfus was not involved in “Downhill,” it would be an absolutely dreadful movie. Her timing, biting wit and charm are this movie’s saving grace, even when writers/directors Nat Faxon and Jim Rash send her into a woman’s bathroom stall to, ahem, “relieve” herself. It’s a moment of slapstick, physical comedy that seems only in place to distract you from how cold and cruel most of this film truly is.

“Downhill” can’t decide what it wants to be. The awkward comedic elements aren’t funny enough to overlook how irritating it is and the dramatic notes simply cannot be carried in any way, shape or form by Will Ferrell. There are two scenes in which LouisDreyfus absolutely steamrolls Ferrell, only furthering that his casting is an extremely poor choice. Everything starts out fine for Billie and Pete (Louis-Dreyfus and Ferrell), an obviously well-to-do married couple who are vacationing at an Austrian ski lodge with their two sons (who barely say a word in the entire film). It quickly becomes apparent that Pete is a buffoon and after 20 minutes, you begin to wonder why someone like Billie would want to be saddled with such a putz.

The couple’s underlying issues come to a head after the family finds themselves on a patio during a controlled avalanche. Snow comes barreling down a mountain and just as it’s about to shower them, Pete grabs his mobile phone and runs off. Naturally, everyone is fine and just dusted with snow, but it brings out every single thing that Billie can’t stand about Pete…which should be just about everything. At this point, “Downhill” still seems to be on track. But post-avalanche, it becomes a poor mix of drama and comedy that’s interrupted by moments that should make you think something like “why isn’t Julia LouisDreyfus in a better movie than this?”

Faxon and Rash call this movie a “reimagining” of the Swedish film, “Force Majeure,” but it’s not remotely close to the darkly brilliant humor of that film. The two of them can’t seem to commit to any direction, other than a deliberate attempt at “irritain-ment.” They even try to deliver an ambiguous ending, which seems more like a failed attempt to be edgy even though every minute before it was anything but. Ferrell is quite simply not up to this type of role. When he defiantly denies running from the avalanche, he sounds like an ignorant buffoon incapable of realizing his own insecurities. His attempts at admitting wrongdoing are even worse, which are full of self-pity as opposed to self-realization.

It’s difficult to imagine how much of a bore that “Downhill” would be without Louis-Dreyfus. Given that she’s a producer on the movie, her commitment to the role makes sense and is apparent, but she’s let down by poor casting, writing and even some extremely generic direction.

By Ed Bark unclebarky@verizon.net

Robert Conrad didn’t mind playing rough, both physically on-screen and verbally with TV critics who found fault with his shows.

He died on Feb. 8 at 84 after hooking earlier generations on three enduring TV series that ran hot back when television mainly boiled down to three big broadcast networks.

“Hawaiian Eye,” “The Wild, Wild West” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep” provided steady employment for Conrad through the ’60s and ’70s before he struck out swinging with a trio of failed series – “A Man Called Sloane,” “High Mountain Rangers” and “Jesse Hawkes.” In his later years, he was the contented radio host of “PM Show with Robert Conrad,” which aired through the summer of last year.

I had a number of brushes with Conrad, all of them memorable. The first came in January 1982 during a Los Angeles screening and interview session for NBC’s “Will,” in which Conrad starred as the Watergate burglary’s most infamous participant, G. Gordon Liddy. He proclaimed this an excellent fit after seeing the film for the first time while Conrad sat nearby. The two of them first met about 18 months earlier after Conrad had let it be known that he wanted to embody Liddy on the small screen, In turn, “I wanted to know if he was real,” Liddy said. “We closed a few bars together. I found out Bob Conrad is real. There’s no bull*#!& with him.”

Conrad returned serve and told TV critics that playing Liddy was “the best role I’ve ever had. Gordon and I aren’t the kind of guys who would have a beer together (never mind the aforementioned bar closings). But if I was going into a foxhole, I would be very secure with Gordon Liddy there. He is not one to back away from anybody. Gordon Liddy is a man.”

A week later, at the end of a midseason “press tour” in Los Angeles, Conrad was the most vocal inquisitor during a panel in which four TV critics took questions from members of the TV industry. After it ended, I approached Conrad and asked him if he’d like to do a guest column focusing on his problems with how critics reviewed his work. He was more than willing to talk into my tape recorder.

“The pen is mightier than the sword,” Conrad said in part. “And what I’ve seen happen, particularly in recent years, is a new kind of journalism that’s sort of pseudo-intellectual reviewing, based on what the critic assumes the public wants. “Rudyard Kipling said something about keeping the common touch. And I’ve always called myself a man of lower-class mentality. And when someone says that television is crapola, and represents himself as a TV critic, I question whether he’s in touch with the general population. I doubt it … Maybe escapist fare is good therapy. Maybe it’s the

ED BARK Martin Landau, Mike Connors and Linda Evans. Front row: Nichelle Nichols and Robert Conrad.

kind of thing that people really need after eight hours of manual labor or eight hours of stress on an upper-income job.” (Conrad never won an Emmy Award. Nor was he ever nominated.)

Several years later, Conrad and two of his sons, Christian and Shane, were in Dallas to provide live commentary on the 1987 Cotton Bowl parade, which used to be televised on CBS. It was a very bad fit, as you can imagine. But the Conrads were mainly using the parade as a vehicle to promote “High Mountain Rangers,” which premiered on CBS the following night. Bluntly put, Robert Conrad feigning interest in a float was akin to The Three Stooges attending the opera. Cotton Bowl officials were not amused and went public with their criticism. I last saw Conrad in August 2010 at a “Pioneers of Television” event held by PBS. He was joined by Linda Evans, Martin Landau, Mike Connors and Nichelle Nichols. Toward the end, I asked Conrad about his extreme competitiveness on ABC’s old “Battle of the Network Stars” specials and whether his “hate-hate” relationship with TV critics had softened over the years.

Conrad credited an on-screen argument with CBS foe Telly Savalas with landing the famed battery commercial in which he knocked around a punching bag before daring viewers to knock an Eveready off his shoulder. The president of Eveready supposedly had seen Conrad acting tough and thought he’d be a perfect ambassador for the product. “'Battle of the Network Stars' got me a million dollars,” Conrad said.

TV critics seem to hold him in higher regard now, he contended, referring to reviews of DVD sets of his hit series. “It’s bizarre," Conrad said. "I’m becoming a greater actor in reruns. I think the fact that I took my shirt off and was a macho man offended many. Not me. You should have seen my dressing room.”

Whatever his views of TV critics, at the height of his career or on the back end of it, “you’re entitled to your opinion,” Conrad said. “You’re not right most of the time, but you’re entitled to it.” Fair enough. Ed Bark, who runs the TV website unclebarky.com, is a past member of the national Peabody awards board.

By Michael Wald wald.world@yahoo.com

Cholula, Mexico is the oldest still-inhabited place in North America. Located about two hours from Mexico City, close to the city of Puebla, it is often visited as a side trip from Mexico City. It is, however, worth more time, a destination best explored from a stay in Puebla. Cholula is stunningly beautiful. Said to be Mexico’s most beautiful town, Cholula is set against the background of the Popocatepetl volcano, largest in North America and fifth largest in the world.

If “oldest city” and “largest volcano” aren’t enough to whet your appetite, how about the world’s largest pyramid? The world focuses on the pyramids in Egypt, but much closer to home and easier to reach are the pyramids of Mexico. This one holds the world record for size, and size matters. The base of the pyramid in Cholula is three times the size of the biggest one in Giza, Egypt.

When you visit, you should get a guide to show you around the pyramids because they are not visible from the street and much of the pyramid area is still unexcavated, meaning that a mound of dirt that looks like a hill is actually a pyramid, only partially visible from one side. Learning the background of the pyramids will also give you a greater understanding of their significance. The pyramids were built before Christ by Olmec indigenous people and were buried under at least a meter of silt from a volcanic eruption making them hard to find. It wasn’t until the 20th century that excavation began, and there is still much to be done. Since Mexico has other funding priorities, it may be a while before the full grandeur of the site is uncovered.

In a situation that is a metaphor for how the Spaniards treated the indigenous people, a beautiful church was built on the top of the pyramid complicating possibilities of full excavation. To be fair, at the time it was built, it was not known that the hill it occupies was actually a buried pyramid. Further excavation would require moving or destroying the church. The situation creates what is truly a Mexican standoff, no pun intended.

A local museum has a scale model replica of the pyramid area and is the best way to fully understand just how large the scale is.

Meanwhile, the church, built to honor the Virgen of Remedies, is a fine example of baroque style and offers a tremendous view of the beauty of the colorful city of Cholula and, also, the city of Puebla in the distance. From this vantage point you can see the surrounding volcanos. With a guide, you can learn how Cortez conquered Mexico in this area, see why the Cortez Pass got its name and discover the legend of the sleeping lady of the mountain.

One impediment to visiting the church is the steep climb to get to the top of the hill (i.e., the pyramid) it is built on. Allow 10 minutes and rest as often as you need to but know that you will be well rewarded for the climb to see the view and the church. There is a tourist train from the Cinco de Mayo area of Puebla to the base of the church if you want to arrive that way.

After the pyramids and this church, you’ll want to visit two other fine examples of baroque churches in Cholula, a city of many churches. Again, finding these will probably require a guide or taxi as I did not notice any public transit to these church locations which are in other parts of Cholula.

One of these churches is Santa Maria Tonantzintla and the other is the nearby Temple of San Francisco Acatepec, with a Talavera façade that you will probably agree, hands down, is the nicest baroque church exterior in the world.

While in Cholula, consider visiting Chipilo, an Italian neighborhood famous for its excellent cheeses and Italian food. Cholula is also known for its exciting nightlife that caters to college students.

Cholula would be an excellent, easy weekend trip