Second Time Around

By Kristi Spencer

After experiencing a significant life event such as death or divorce, jumping back into the dating pool can be daunting. Before boldly taking the plunge into the dating world, take time to heal and become comfortable being alone. When you are ready, these tips will give you a smooth start toward finding love again.

The Wait

In Emily Post’s day, options were black and white when it came to dating after a spouse’s death or divorce. In 1905, Emily herself was a divorced woman but had not yet become the authority on etiquette she is today. Fast forward to today, and the options vary greatly. Everyone handles such a situation in their own way, and there truly is not one right answer. Some people take years before they feel ready to start over while others need only weeks. Some even choose not to date at all. While well-meaning friends may offer their opinions as to whether you should get back out there, it is up to you to decide what feels right for you and when you are ready.

Introducing Children

When introducing children to a potential new partner, on average, experts suggest waiting six months before doing so, giving them time to adjust. Furthermore, consider how an introduction could affect your children emotionally; if they feel overwhelmed or anxious about it, wait until they are more comfortable.

Don’t Dwell

Talking about past relationships may come up naturally in conversation, but try not to overshare, and keep conversations lighthearted and positive. This will help avoid awkwardness and tension to create a healthier environment to get to know each other better.

Who

Pays?

Figuring out who should pay for the date can be tricky. In general, etiquette dictates that whoever invites is responsible for the bill. Of course, if both parties agree to split it, that is okay, too. Dates don’t have to be complicated. In fact, the simpler, the better! Try meeting for coffee or going for a walk.

Looking for Love

When searching for someone special, establish connections with people through friends and acquaintances who can vouch for them personally. Also, consider taking classes or going on group outings that will allow you to meet new people in a safe environment without too much pressure. If you decide to go the route of online dating apps, be honest, don’t disclose too much personal information and remember the golden rule.

Be Selective

It is easy to get caught up in all the excitement of meeting someone new when starting to date again, but make sure this person meets all your criteria (i.e., similar interests, communication style and lifestyle choices). Additionally, make sure they respect your boundaries. You deserve nothing less than happiness. Good luck out there!

Kristi Spencer is the founder of The Polite Company and an etiquette expert. Kristi provides personalized in-person or online etiquette lessons that build social skills and self-esteem. She helps clients find success at work and in personal relationships. Kristi is a graduate of the Emily Post Institute, the gold standard of etiquette training. Kristi is the exclusive Emily Post Institute-trained etiquette instructor in the Four-State Region. Kristi Spencer lives in Carl Junction with her husband and two sons.

Jane McCaulley

Fused glass pieces inspired by nature

By Ann Leach

Have you heard that saying “If you know, you know”? Well, Jane McCaulley knew early in her life that the artist’s path was hers to walk.

“I remember as a small child, I was making things and doodling,” she said. “I made things from scraps that my dad had from remodeling our home. I cut things out of magazines and put them back together. I always wanted to do art.”

Fast forward to today, and you can find McCaulley’s fused glass art for purchase at Local Color Gallery, the Spiva Center for the Arts gift shop and at the Webb City Farmers Market around the holidays. She also teaches her technique at Spiva Center for the Arts and Local Color and during art camps at Carthage’s artCentral.

McCaulley describes her technique as “pretty simple,” explaining, “I take an object and simplify it so it’s possible to cut it out of glass. I can also paint onto glass, which can be a little more detailed. I work with mosaics, which are glued to a surface, and now I mostly do fused glass. This is cutting glass from large sheets, layering it and then fusing or melting it together in a kiln, usually at around 1430-1460°. It can take as much as 24 hours for some pieces.”

A weekend retreat for art teachers hosted by the Art Education Association of Indiana is where McCaulley was first introduced to glass as an art medium. “That was 20 years ago,” she said. “And the first time I cut a piece of glass, I was hooked.”

McCaulley taught elementary art for 35 years in Indiana and said she is still influenced by the work the thousands of her students created in her classroom. She is also inspired by nature and God’s creation. “I believe my ability to work and create with glass is a gift from God,” she said. “I like the scripture that states ‘Every good and perfect gift is from above.’”

But there are still challenges in the work. McCaulley cited making multiples of things for sale. She is excited by a new design, but “after six or more of something, I find myself making little changes to keep going without getting bored. I made 66 dogs for the Georgia Humane Society, and that was definitely pushing it.”

McCaulley works from her home studio in the large, finished basement. “We moved to Missouri 14 years ago and the house had an unfinished basement at the time. It was perfect for a large studio.” This year, the space will continue to support her artistic goals. “I am always looking for new techniques and new products,” she said. “I will also be taking more classes both online and in person.”

The reward for the long workdays is the feedback she receives from her buyers. “It makes me so happy when people tell me they bought some of my art and how much they like it or where they hung it or who they gifted it to,” she said. “That still amazes me and pleases me to no end.”