A Troubled Life

About 10 years ago, I stood with other relatives and watched, teary-eyed, as my half-sister Atossa — lying in a cardboard box, looking smaller in death than in life — was slid into the cremation oven . Her granddaughter Emily wept at the sight . It was a powerful moment for us all, and the end of a long, rich, generous, but deeply troubled life .

One day some 75 years ago, Atossa was at a lake in Michigan with her husband and her daughters, age 2 and 5 . Everyone thought that someone else was watching the 2-year-old, Connie, in the water . No one was, and Connie drowned . For the rest of her life, Atossa (named, for some reason, after a Persian princess) had to live with that memory . And she also had to live with the fact that though she was married and had had five children, she was attracted to women, not men .

Thirty years older than me, Atossa was only rarely part of my life when I was growing up . And for many years she and her husband, David, lived abroad . But after I had children, we visited her often at their place in New Hampshire . Our son, Nick, never wanted to go to camp, but for about six years, from about age 8 to 14, he spent a week with them every summer . He loved riding the tractor around the tree farm and doing projects with David, a tireless project-doer .

Atossa was a big, generous-hearted woman, always welcoming — one of the essential rocks of my life . Though we were a generation apart, we did share a father, which was a topic of occasional banter between us . “Our fodder,” she would say jokingly, sometimes adding, “who art in heaven .” But for all her warmth and good spirits, her existence was surely haunted by those two crucial facts . The daughter she lost would have been exactly my age . As their other daughter (the oldest of their four surviving children) told me later, there seemed to be no grieving . They all just packed up and went on with their lives . But that daughter, then only five, surely had little inkling of whatever grieving took place. So Atossa, who lived to 99, lived for years with that memory .

I can’t imagine how painful that must have been. But the complicating factor — equally painful, in a different way — was her sexuality. Many of us in the family always suspected that she might be gay, and sure enough, after she died, she left a diary detailing her infatuation with a woman friend . And here’s where the two painful parts of her life intersect . Her surviving daughter, also named Atossa, suspects — and she may have been basing this on conversations later with people who’d been there — that when Connie drowned, Atossa had been distracted by thinking about a woman . So piled on top of the pain of her daughter’s loss could have been the far more painful thought that she might have been partly responsible .

Dentistry, as with other health services, is rapidly changing. Technology is constantly improving, allowing us to deliver quality care in less time and with less stress. Most importantly though, dentistry is still an art as well as a science. As a health service, the patient care is provided not only by the doctor, but by the entire office staff. Dentistry as a health service means properly placed restorations and courteously answered phones. Rapidly changing technology will not change this philosophy of service.

Kevin Jong, DMD & Peter Zegarelli, DDS

87 North Broadway • Tarrytown, NY 10591 • 914-631-1800

Website: www.drzegarelli.com • Email: info@drzegarelli.com

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Owner: Jean Mayer, EA jeanmayertax@gmail.com

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Enrico Hair Care, Inc.

Enrico Hair Care, Inc.

Tuesday

Yolanda is available for pedicure by appointment

MondaysEnrico cuts and styles and Tatiana consults on color

Wednesday

Kim does hair color/cut and styling

Wednesdays

Hairstyling by Kim

Friday

Wednesdays through FridaysMaria does manicures

Maria does manicure and waxing

Sandra does hair color/cut and styling

Thursday and FridaysHairstyling by Toni

Saturday

Fridays -

Enrico does hair color/cut and styling

Christina does pedicures, manicures and hair.

Call for appointments 523-6382 or 922-1057

Call for appointments 914-523-6382 or 914-922-1057

Your partner in health and wellness

Vitality at Phelps Hospital offers a variety of free programs and services to help you stay active and engaged as you age. We provide educational healthrelated classes, events, support programs, and expert care to enhance your well-being. We invite you to enjoy our activities and social gatherings to keep you connected to your health and wellness, while having fun with your peers.

For more information and any questions, please email vitality@northwell.edu. To see all of our upcoming free events, please visit the events page on the Phelps website at: phelps.northwell.edu/events