HURRY UP AND WAIT

As you all know, I have been in a lengthy trial out of State for the last couple of months. When I wrote my last President’s column, I was certain that I would have a plethora of time to come up with a brilliant idea for this September column for the wellness issue, but again I find myself writing what I am thinking as I sit down to type this message. Thank you for indulging me.

I am struggling with my patience. This is not a new problem. As a child, my grandmother, the saint who raised me, often had to remind me to practice patience. I was a premature birth so maybe my lack of patience stemmed from the womb, but it was just not something that ever came naturally to me. In my adult life, even after her passing, I frequently find myself hearing her voice in my head as if she were standing next to me. “Patience, Loretta, Patience,” she would say. Thankfully, as an adult, I have learned to better heed her advice and have learned to practice my patience when necessary, and I have become a much more patient person.

I occasionally even share the lessons on patience, sometimes in manners that might not be deemed appropriate. Not too long ago, I stood in line at my local gas station/convenience store. The line was long, the store understaffed, and it was moving slowly. The gentleman in front of me was clearly growing impatient and making no secret of it, as he grumbled, huffed, and shifted his weight from side to side. I could not help but notice his behavior, and having once upon a time, worked in such a place, find it rude. I hoped I had never behaved in such a way, though I suppose at some point in time, I might have. As the line continued to crawl forward, this gentleman deemed it necessary to turn to me and make an inappropriate comment about the staff and the wait time. I smiled, “It seems like this is a good opportunity to practice our patience.” Why that came flying out of my mouth, I will never know, but it seemed to work. He turned away and silently waited his turn without another word.

As I write, I am certainly practicing my patience. My fellow litigators may understand my current agony. I have a jury out. My mind is spinning like a butterfly caught in a tornado, unable to catch purchase on any focused thought, yet I feel seemingly paralyzed at the same time. Nonetheless, this message is due today, and I refuse to be the President to disappoint Marsha at this late hour in her remaining time with the KBA, so I type and practice my patience.

For me there are truly two most difficult parts of a trial. First, are the final days leading up to its beginning. The final preparations, the stress, the late nights, the constant feeling of not being ready enough, of not being capable enough to represent my client well. The silent prayer for wisdom and discernment that I might find the right words at the right time and make the right decisions in the moment to best serve my role as counsel and best represent my client. The DOUBT! The second, and perhaps most difficult for me, is now… the waiting for the jury verdict. Whatever is done is done, and now the matter is completely beyond my control. Like most lawyers I know, probably like you, I much prefer to be in control, so waiting on a jury is nerve wracking.

During a trial the days are long. Up early, long days of court, trying to stay alert for each witness, evidentiary issue, or development that may present itself, work all evening trying to prepare for the next day, grab a few hours sleep, and hopefully at least one meal in there somewhere, and repeat. Such is life in trial. Yet, it is constantly moving. There is always something to do, something to work on, some action to take. It is tiring but there is always action to be taken. Action is the antidote to anxiety. I cannot succumb to worry and anxious thoughts when taking action, but my goodness is the opposite true when all the action that can be taken has been.

Some years ago, I learned a hack from Mel Robbins, a former lawyer and television legal analyst, turned author, podcast host, and motivational speaker. In 2017 she published The 5 Second Rule.1 Some years earlier, in a 2011 Ted Talk, she had spoken of her 5 second rule. That Ted Talk that now has more than thirty-two million views.2 I’ve adopted a version of her five second rule into my own life, especially at times when I’m anxious or indecisive (yes, it did once take my five full days to decide on a new television model). When I feel paralyzed with thought or inaction or just do not want to do whatever it is that needs to be done, I count down from five to one and then just start doing it. I just start taking action, any action, and once I am in action mode it is so much easier to just keep acting. Keep moving through a task and onto the next. Five, four, three, two, one… out of bed. Five, four, three, two, one…take a walk…get in the car... etc. Five, four, three, two, one…start writing that President’s message… just start writing and something will come to you. Try the 5 Second Rule some time. I promise you it works. Just like that, I have finished this column in record time. Thanks for indulging me. I suppose life is a game of give and take. Now, back to practicing my patience awaiting a jury, while I five second rule myself to my next action.

1 The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage, Mel Robbins (Savio Publishing 2017).

2 https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_yourself_over

By: Lindsey Martin Collins Paine | Tarwater | Bickers, LLP