RISQUÉ

issue 01 july 22

Rachel Cameron - Copy Editor

For this edition of Risqué, felt it was important to discuss the importance of being educated sex. When I was in school, I didn’t have much of an education on it, so I hope for anyone who also didn’t get much of a sex education benefits from it.

I also discuss the reasons why virginity is and always will be a social construct. I hope you enjoy reading this edition and learn something new.

Kirstie Clark - Design Editor

For this issue, I decided to focus on transgender surgery costs and discrimination and how often women get sex shamed. I found these topics very interesting to research and write about as I have been sex shamed before and didn’t realise how often women are sex shamed in general.

Ross Chalmers - Editor in Chief

I wrote about queer men and HIV/AIDS as I am a pansexual man myself. I felt if I had material like this when I was 18 it would’ve been a lot easier to educate myself and find comfortability in who I was. I hope this helps younger students who are struggling with coming to terms with who they are.

2

2. Meet the Team 3. Contents and Editors Note 4. The Importance of Sexual Education 6. HIV Isn’t For Your Discrimination, It’s A Disease 10. Top 10 Safe Sex Tips 10. 18 Months 12. The Realities of Sex Shaming Women 16. Educate Yourself Before You Undress Yourself 20. Sexual Education Quiz 21. What You Think When You Hear The Word ‘Virgin’ and Quiz Answers 22. It’s A Straight Man’s World This is our first edition of Risqué, a sexual health magazine committed to addressing hard hitting subjects that can help educate and empower those who choose to read. In this edition, we start by informing you of the importance in having safe sex and talk about the hardships that people with STDS’s can go through. Followed up with ways in which you can keep yourself safe when engaging in sex.

We then address the importance of trans rights and how they are affected, leading into the shame that can come

from women enjoying sexual pleasure.

Educating yourself before sex then comes back into conversation before its time to quiz yourself on the issue.

We finish of with the topic of virginity and discuss if it’s a social construct and finally come to an end with talking about the experiences of queer men.

This edition is to be used as a way to help people learn and help those who want to understand these issues more.

With the creative photography styles done by the amazing Ayleigh McNaughton to help tie this issue together.

3

It is extremely important that every single person no matter who they are take the time to learn about sex, how to safely engage in sex, and fully learn and understand their own bodies first before having sex with someone else.

nancy, gender and sexuality and sex and consent among other topics. While in the past boys and girls were given different information, now they are taught the same, avoiding “playground misinformation”.

In Scotland, children and young teenagers are taught briefly about sex and sexual education. A primary school teacher explained to the Scotsman that, “RSHP (Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood) lessons begin in Primary 1 with body parts, and progress to covering relationships, periods, preg-

This improvement is substantial when compared to previous year groups. In my experience, we didn’t get RSHP education until I was in Primary 7. I was definitely not educated on the importance of consent, and we definitely didn’t learn about the LGBT+ community and the different sexualities. I went through

UNCONSICOUS PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TEA

primary school thinking that the only relationships that existed were between a man and a woman. I didn’t learn about LGBT+ until I was in high school. I was never educated about consent and the importance of that. I remember watching one video about a young girl who went to a house party, got too drunk and then passed out and ended up in hospital. I think that is the closest I ever got to learning about consent and the dangers of sexual assault. This is why I so strongly believe that educating yourselves 5 on consent is so important. Unconscious people do NOT want tea.

In North Carolina, they have the Healthy Youth Act of 2009. This means it is legal requirement for public schools in North

Carolina to teach students that abstinence is presented as the safest choice and the expected standard for all school children, all FDA-approved methods of contraception, HIV/STD risks and prevention, and sexual assault and sexual abuse risks and prevention (SHIFT NC). Every child in the world should be educated on this. It is so important for our health and our safety.

A typical sexual education class consists of the anatomy of the body, how to put on a condom, heterosexual sex, and heterosexual sex only. Not only are teenagers only taught about heterosexual sex, but also that the purpose of sex is purely for pregnancy.

Teachers were frightened to even just say the word ‘pleasure’. This is why many teen-

agers are often miseducated and can direct themselves to harmful pornography videos to educate themselves. Leading them to believe that vanilla sex is boring sex, and that everybody craves and prefers rough BDSM sex.

All in all, the sex education system in Scotland has had a considerable improvement but could still be better explained. Many students are misinformed and miseducated on consent, sexual activities, STD’S/STI’s, etc. By improving the sexual education system, students can improve their knowledge and have safer and better sex.

6.

HIV/AIDS have been used for years to discriminate against LGBT men who were previously seen as dirty and untouchable.

HIV/AIDS first became widely known in the UK in the 80s. It sought to affect the gay community drastically by becoming one of the biggest sexually transmitted diseases across the group. Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) and Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is a disease that can be transmitted sexually or in some cases by injection with dirty needles. Once HIV develops into AIDS it breaks down the body’s ability to fight diseases and severely weakens the immune system. In early years of the disease most people who developed

AIDS were left with not long to live and the world watched as many, including Queen star Freddie Mercury (this is your sign to watch Bohemian Rhapsody), were faced with a death sentence.

It was believed that people with the disease were untouchable and highly contagious, leading to unfair treatment and ridicule towards those who had it. Also, it opened a wide range of discrimination to LGBT men who were seen as a leading cause in the diseases spread. While that discrimination has subsided massively, there is a still a long way to go in becoming comfortable with those who live with this terrible disease.

A pivotal moment for the LGBT commu-

nity and those battling HIV/AIDS is when the late Princess Diana of Wales was photographed having skin to skin contact with someone who had the disease. This helped in battling discrimination and destigmatising the effects by showing that people with the disease were not to be feared and they were still people. She showed the world that the disease needed to be addressed with compassion and understanding towards those suffering.

In 2020, 66% of people living with HIV/ AIDS were virally suppressed, although there may be no definitive cure (United Nations AIDS). Most people accessing HIV/AIDS care acquired the disease through sexual transmission. Being safe when having sex is one of the most important ways to prevent any type of sexually transmitted disease. For those who do have the disease there are now ways to safely have sex through taking medication and viral suppression. However, in 2019, the proportion of people who acquired HIV through heterosexual sex (45,445 - 46.1%) is very similar to the proportion of people who acquired

HIV through sex between men (45,771 - 46.4%). These statistics can also count towards destigmatising the relation between LGBT men and HIV/AIDS (NAT HIV Statistics).

The main thing to remember is to always stay safe when having sex because you never know if others have been safe. HIV/AIDS should never be used in discriminating against people due to their sexuality. People with the disease should not be feared or shunned and should be treated as any other person due to most people with the disease already feeling shame for it. The stigma around the disease can be horrible and with ways to prevent HIV/AIDS in those who don’t have it as well as ways to stop transmission in those who do have it. There is no reason for people with HIV and AIDS to be feared or ridiculed. They should be treated with compassion and like any other person and for the people who do have it, this is no longer a death sentence.

7.

8.

1. Consent – Consensual sex is healthy and safe sex. Ensure that anyone involved is 100% ok for engaging in sexual activity. If someone is unsure or not feeling like it, do not engage in sexual activity of any kind. Do not pressure anyone into doing sexual activities.

Without sexual consent, it is rape and/or sexual assault. It does not matter if you have previously engaged in sexual activities before, or already agreed. It is however important in that moment that it is consensual.

2. Protection – Unless pregnancy is the objective, ensure that protection is used. Protection/contraception can come in a variety of forms. Condoms can be bought in supermarkets, or pharmacies. They can also be accessed for free in pharmacies by asking the pharmacist for them. Ensure the condom fits and is not too big or too small as this can lead to the condom falling off or breaking. Birth control pills, the implant, the IUD, the injection etc. are all available by speaking to your doctor.

3. Letting partners know of stds etc Letting your partners know of any STD’s/STI’s is essential. Any known STD’s should be communicated to your partner before, and if you test positive shortly after, then letting them know is also essential. This prevents the spread of STD’s and ensures that all parties involved are safe and clean.

4. Communicate Communicating what you like and don’t like in sex can enhance pleasure for all parties. It ensures that they are aware of what can make you orgasm/what feels good.

It can also ensure that if you engage in sexual activities with them in the future, then pleasure can be heightened yet again.

5. Clean sex toys If sex toys are used, ensure that they are properly cleaned/sanitised before and after use. This prevents the spread of STD’s/STI and also prevents UTI’s. If the toy is shared, ensure you wipe it down with a clean cloth between each person.

6. Educate yourself on products (lube etc) Educate yourself on products, for example lubrication. Some lubes can encourage condoms to break or slide off. Water based lube can reduce friction and prevent condoms from breaking and/or sliding off. Find out if your partner(s) have preferences 9. protection, etc. on lubes, sex toys,

7. Consent Whilst engaging in sexual activities ensure that your partner(s) are still ok with what is happening. If anyone is unsure, or says ‘No’, automatically stop.

This is rape and/or sexual assault.

8. Safe words Communicating before with what safe words you are going to use can encourage a better relationship behind parties and ensure your partner(s) feel safe to stop without having to explain any further.

9. boundaries By setting strict boundaries before, this can lead to better and safer sex. Letting your partner know what you wouldn’t like to engage in can reduce the feeling of discomfort.

10. Post Sex After sexual activity of any kind, ensure your partner(s) enjoyed their experience and comfort them as sex can be a very emotionally charged activity.

Through communication post sex, you can enhance potential future sexual activity experiences and respect boundaries further.

Imagine waiting a year and a half just to get an appointment to discuss a broken foot. Anxiously waiting for an email/ call/ text for 18 months. Ridiculous right? So why do transgender people have to wait a minimum of 18 months just to speak to a medical professional about transitioning. Bear in mind that this is just the beginning of the process.

For a person in Scotland, it takes around 4 years to fully complete their gender transition. Waiting times are shameful, barbaric, and emotional. Don’t worry though, the Scottish Government are fully aware that waiting times are a large part of a transgender person’s trauma and gender dysphoria. NHS Scotland recently put out this statement: “We want to reassure you that waiting times will be addressed by work around the strategic action framework…and is being managed by the Scottish Government”.

Some transgender people believe that their only option left is to spend the jaw-dropping amount of money on going to private clinics. Some people are so desperate to feel comfortable in themselves that they turn to unregulated hormones bought on the internet, which have devasting effects. Trans people tend to experience discrimination, gender dysphoria and/or unacceptance from friends/family. So, you probably aren’t surprised to hear that transgender peo-

10.

ple are 4 times more likely to develop a mental health condition when compared to cisgender people.

This leaves us with a couple of questions: why is the waiting list so unbelievably long? Why is going private so stupidly expensive? Why do people still discriminate against transgender people?

Coming out as trans, or not cisgender, is much more accepted nowadays compared to even just 10 years ago. It is estimated that around 200,000-500,000 people in the UK identify as transgender. Attitudes amongst young people in the UK are much more positive towards the LGBTQ+ community in general.

Representation of trans people in society has played a large role in acceptance of non-cisgender people. This has led people to accept themselves and learn about transitioning and want to potentially fully transition. The waiting list has grown from waiting 18 weeks to 18 months, due to how long it takes for a person to get approved and then start the process.

Private clinics just are expensive in general. However, the full transgender transition can cost 6 figures and above.

Despite this being in the USA, transgender surgeries are often always referred to as cosmetic. Meaning that they are not ‘essential’/not life-threatening – so I guess we’re just going to ignore the fact

porting transgender people, that around 82% of transa specialised mental health gender people have considprogramme could help reered suicide? duce suicide rates.

Transgender people often experience discrimination through harassment, humiliation, ignorance, exclusion, unwanted comments etc. All of this comes under the umbrella term of ‘transphobia’.

People may be transphobic due to stereotypical gender norms or traditions taught by family and/or peers. They are often misinformed and miseducated when it comes to trans people and/or transitioning.

Transgender people have to wait an excruciatingly long time for an appointment to discuss gender reassignment and the Scottish Government couldn’t really care less. When it comes to sup-

11.

Stereotypically, heterosexual men are often repulsed by the word feminism.

Although the word itself has a hint of feminine energy, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, feminism is “the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way.” So why are men, specifically white heterosexual men, so intimidated by feminism? Maybe they just don’t know the proper definition of the word and assume that it is supporting the opposition. Perhaps they are terrified of the idea that women are just as powerful as them. Whatever the reasoning, the double standards for men and women are frustrating. Typically, men are praised for their sexual encounters whilst women are labelled the most horrendous things for the exact same actions or presumed sexual activity level.

Females are often humiliated through degradation for their sexuality. By making a female feel shamed for their promiscuity, society is linking a higher sexual

12.

activity level to a lower self-worth as a human being. Lorna Ann-Elizabeth, a sex-positive woman and activist from Stirling says “I’ve always known I was a very sexual person and never had a struggle knowing my sexual orientation, but I definitely was not sex positive until my 30s. I just didn’t know I could be! Until I saw other women on social media talking about sex openly and masturbation without any fear, it relaxed me.”

We see many examples of slut-shaming in modern television, film, and society. ‘Double Standard’ is a 1988 film produced in Europe that defines a man who has sexual encounters as a man being a man. Yet a woman who has sexual encounters is labelled as ‘defiled forever’ – meaning the people who have sex with her are lazy pleasure filled people. The men are often seen admiring the women or even having sex with them, even though they claim to despise them at the same time. Lorna and many other women heavily relate to

the women depicted in film as she has, “definitely been in a situation where I’ve been pressured to talk about my sexual encounters when I haven’t felt comfortable to, and twice been told by men I’ve slept with not to tell anyone else that it happened. Whilst it was not direct sex shaming, it definitely made me feel shameful.”

Nowadays, a woman is considered confident and in charge of her own

sexuality for a variety of things, even just thinking about sex. Although, there is definitely still a stigma for women to openly discuss topics like masturbation, having sexual desires, owning things that could be considered ‘sexy’ such as lingerie or sex toys etc, they are being overly praised for habitual normal things. Lorna states that, “there’s this ridiculous idea that women who like sex and talk about it

13.

are uncouth and unladylike, which is such an archaic view. We haven’t done enough as a society to make women feel comfortable talking openly about sex and sexual desires/kinks, so if we have a few women open and unashamed talking about it, more women will see that it’s ok, it’s (mainly) safe and that shame will fade.” Heterosexual intercourse is often depicted as something that men do to women, which when analysed obviously isn’t true. Both partners have to be there for sexual intercourse to occur.

It is often assumed that men should enjoy rough sex whereas women should enjoy ‘vanilla sex’ or love making. The

assumptions that women are there just for the pleasure of men only adds to the stigma and encourages women to feel uncomfortable when discussing sex. “I clearly remember boys in high school talking about wanking, but not once did a girl say they did too, that was shameful – and I did it all through school! There’s literally nothing shameful about that and it’s a shame that so many of us felt that way for years.”

Sexual education provided in schools is horrific. Young people are allowed to be (spoiler alert: they always have been and still are) curious when it comes to talking about sex. Firstly,

“I clearly remember boys in high school talking about wanking, but not once did a girl say they did too, that was shameful - and I did it all through school!”

purely discussing straight sex only severely damages LGBTQ+ students (and it’s very homophobic). Ignoring topics like masturbation and pleasure only leads young people to find the information elsewhere and builds stigma. Teaching young people that sex is simply for having children and that they might come across an STD once in a while is harmful and portrays sex in a negative light. Lorna believes that, “the lack of realistic sex education has definitely contributed on how people view sex. The argument that talking about it openly and informing young people will lead them to have more sex is ridiculous. If we carry on withholding information from kids, they’ll seek it elsewhere. There are so many ways that kids can be made unsafe now, especially with social media and peer pressure – if they’re taught about all of this from a young age, without any shame attached and with all the empathy, I truly believe we’d live in a happier society.”

Although sexual promiscuity is deemed to be a female issue, if we apply this stigma to men, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t harmed by these stereotypes. If men are

presumed to be sexual beasts who are desirable for sexual activity constantly, then a man cannot be sexually assaulted because how could he not want sex? Women who are deemed as sluts are throwing themselves at men then how can they not want it. So, a man who is shamed for sexual promiscuity is now seen as a predator rather than a slut. This also increases the pressure on men to perform well and live up to the expectations of their partners.

“Why wouldn’t I be sex positive? Sex is great and being open about it in a positive way helps other people remove the shame they attach to being a sexual person.” Sexual education needs to be addressed and proper discussed in order to ensure young people have a positive view surrounding sex and topics related to sex. Women are allowed to enjoy sex and only have sex for pleasure. They are allowed to discuss and involve sexual desires and/or kinks within sex. Women masturbate and it is completely normal! Whether it’s down to religion, traditions, societal standards or whatever, sex is completely natural and something to be enjoyed.

15.

According to Planned Parenthood, “A virgin is someone who’s never had sex. But people define ‘sex’ and ‘losing virginity’ in many different ways.” However, it is very hard to define exactly what constitutes a virgin. Despite it being difficult to define what a virgin is exactly, there is still a lot of stigma and stereotyping around virginity and being a virgin.

Even though it is now 2022 and not the 1950s, there is still a lot of stereotyping surrounding

the topic of virginity. We want everyone to know that it does not matter whether you’ve never had sex before or you have lots of sex. It does not define you in any shape or form.

A survey was conducted in order to find out the general views surrounding the topic of virginity.

The results of the survey concluded that 69.9% of people didn’t think virginity was an important thing for them. When we asked the respond-

ents to then explain their reasoning, the majority explained that there are more important things in the world than whether or not someone was a virgin. The progression of society is relieving due to the fact that in this day and age, virginity is not something we use to define a person.

Virginity can be viewed as a variety of different things. Planned Parenthood described it as: “A lot of people think that having penis-in-vagina

sex for the first time is how you lose your virginity. But this leaves lots of people and other types of sex out of the picture.”

By viewing virginity as purely heterosexual sex, it is actively leaving out a large part of society and is pretty discriminatory. This viewpoint suggests that the LGBT+ community cannot engage in sexual activity or have ‘sex’. Many suggest (including Google) that sexual intercourse means penetrative sex, however sex can be defined as anything with the intent of pleasure.

Another way that some people define virginity is by whether or not the female’s hymen broke. This was also a prevalent response we got in the survey. One of the respondents said: “Not everyone bleeds/ loses their hymen when they first have sex, and it can happen without having sex.” This is why it is so important to be

educated correctly on sex and what the experience may be like the first time you ever have sex. We cover this in our article on sex education in this edition.

Rape and sexual assault are both very important issues when it comes to discussing virginity especially. When I was 16 years old, I was raped. The experience was extremely traumatising and is technically how I lost my virginity. I really struggled with this, and it really negatively impacted my wellbeing. However, this further helped me understand that virginity was just a social construct. I had come to this understanding because I had realised that I still wanted to identify as a virgin despite the fact that biologically I had already had sex. I still viewed myself as a virgin because it wasn’t consensual. One of the survey respondents had a similar experience. They said, “As a

17.

I STILL CONSIDER MYSELF A VIRGIN BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD CONSENSUAL SEX victim of SA, I still consider myself to be a virgin because I have never had consensual sex. Others would disagree and that’s okay. Some people view all kinds of sexual contact as losing your virginity, others only see it to be boy/ girl penetrative sex.” I think this further can make us understand how important it is to understand that virginity is and always will be just a social construct.

Virginity can also be defined as a social construct due to the pressures we face as a society. Most teenagers will try and lose their virginity as fast as they can because they are brought up to believe that losing their virginity is a way to fit into society. Due to the stigma around

18.

virginity, and arguably a lack of education in schools, teenagers feel like they must lose their virginity to feel “normal”.

Teenagers in schools often view losing virginity as something to brag and boast about. This can then encourage others to feel like they have too. It can also be described as finally becoming an adult.

Many standby the viewpoint that once you lose your virginity, you become an ‘adult’ and are no longer immature. Maturity is appealing to teenagers due to the fact that it makes them appear more attractive.

The only time that I think virginity matters and counts for anything is when religion plays a factor. In 2006,

Michel Euler wrote that, “In Islam, virginity is linked to bridal purity and family honor, said Dalil Boubakeur, head of the Paris Mosque.” Islamic people believe that virginity is a large part of being faithful to your partner and is a method of purity, which can be respected as that is their personal beliefs. It is relevant to mention that this belief stems from men dominating control and power over women and their bodies.

People are so much more than whether or not they have engaged in sexual activity of any kind. It is the least interesting thing about a person and is purely irrelevant.

Virginity can be an extremely personal and invasive subject to some people. It should never be publicised and talked about. It shouldn’t be a topic of discussion ever.

Virginity is and always will be a social construct.

19.

1. What type of lube reduces friction and the chance of a condom breaking/falling off?

A. Water based B. Oil based C. Silicone based 2. How often should you get tested for STD’s/STI’s?

A. Every 4-6 months B. Once a year C. Every 1-3 months 3. What is the appropriate age to lose your virginity?

A. 18 B. 16 C. Whenever you are ready 4. True or False? The purpose of sex is only to get pregnant.

5. True or False? You can only get STD’s/STI’s if you have penetrative sex.

6. If your partner is unsure/doesn’t want to engage in any sexual activity, what should you do?

A. Continue on and promise it will feel good B. Stop immediately and comfort them accordingly C. Stop and try again in 5 minutes 7. True or False? You can only lose your virginity if you have penetrative sex.

8. When sharing a sex toy during sexual activity, what should you do when it comes to cleanliness?

A. Wipe it down before each use and different partner B. Wash before and after C. Nothing, it can’t transfer STI’s/STD’s 9. What should you do if your partner says their safe word during sexual activity?

A. Stop immediately B. Continue on and assure them that it’ll be ok C. Get angry because they made you stop 10. True or False? Condoms are the only effective form of birth control.

(Answers on the bottom right of next page) 20.

YOUNG INEXPERIENCED LOSER NOT HAD SEX RELIGIOUS UNCOMMON WEIRD MEDIA INNOCENT FUNNY INSULT LAME CONSERVATIVE PRUDE UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN NERD

NUN PURE TRADITIONAL UNWANTED VULNERABLE GREASY INTROVERT SHY SAVING THEMSELVES OFFENSIVE PATRIARCHAL CONSTRUCT CHASISTY INNOCENT CHRISTIAN GODLY FRIGID

1. A 2. C 3. C 4. False 5. False 6. B 7. False 8. A 9. A 10. False

21.

How exactly does it feel to be a queer man living in a predominantly heterosexual world? A few words come to mind, but the societal pressures put onto queer men by their own gender may leave you wondering why this topic is hardly ever addressed. Of course, we know that LGBTQ+ folks have been gaining a lot more representation in the media in recent years, but in the experience of gay and bisexual men specifically are they represented properly?

You would think so with the range of media and films they are now included

22.

in, most of which follow the stereotypical teenage first love storyline which only happens for most gay and bi men well after their teenage years. The affects of unrealistic body standards and the need for all men to exude masculinity can turn out to be severely damaging to queer men. In turn, putting them at a higher risk of battling with mental health issues compared to straight men.

In recent years, it has been a lot easier for people to express their sexuality and for men to show comfortability their feminine sides. However, for

most queer men it becomes hard to unlearn all the techniques used in suppressing who they are.

“Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship?” A micro-aggression that most Gay relationships have been confronted with by straight people. This targets queer men who are comfortable with their femininity and creates further insecurity within those men who believe they aren’t masculine enough.

Toxic masculinity is a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society. Something many closeted queer men can become accustomed too by forcing themselves to act a certain way and treat people (especially women and other gay men) badly. “So, I take it you’re the bottom?” A much more socially acceptable question used frequently towards gay relationships by queer people. However, this question holds the same weight as the one prior and within the community being ‘the bottom’ has the same degrading meaning that being ‘the woman’ is supposed to have. These statements are used as a tool to indirectly stereotype women and bottoms as the smaller, weaker, and more feminine (which shouldn’t be an issue to begin with) ones compared to men and

tops. Not only can these questions come across as homophobic they can also come across as sexist.

When it comes to body image there are many ways that queer men are impacted by the idealisation of certain body types within the community. Being muscular, masculine, and having a strong physique are deemed the most attractive while being skinny and slim is seen as admirable. Any other body shape or size is on the most part deemed unattractive and unlikeable. On Grindr (the main gay dating app) people put “NO FATS, NO FEMMES” in their bios and appear to not care about the consequences of their words. Marc Lawrence, a 25-year-old gay man from Stirling says “It really can affect you especially when apps like these don’t really have the best age recognition, I downloaded when I was 17 even when the app is for 18 and overs and the affects it had on me were more than I’d like to admit.” Admitting to have struggled with his own body image and self-worth Marc goes on to say how he feels most of the gay beauty standards are set by people within the community, “It’s hard to come to terms with what your body looks like when you’re faced with profiles upon profiles degrading you based on your body and the worst part is, if you do meet the standards you’re only seen

23.

as an item for sex and nothing more.”

Gay men’s magazine Attitude conducted a body survey in 2017, 84% of people said they felt under “intense pressure” to have a so-called “good body.” For Marc and a lot of other gay and bisexual men they feel as if they cannot win, they are either unattractive and unwanted or just an object to be used in satisfying someone else.

It can be said that LGBTQ+ issues and rights have improved immensely in recent years, but it can be argued that a lot of the issues come from within the community. Pressures from all over can lead to several problems for these men such as internalised homophobia and feelings of guilt and shame. Internalized homophobia refers to negative stereotypes, beliefs, stigma, and prejudice about homosexuality and LGBTQ+ people that a person with same-sex attraction turns inward on themselves, whether or not they identify as LGBTQ+. Anxiety is a leading symptom of those who experience internalised homophobia by constantly thinking about what position they’re sat in, how they walk, how they talk. “I sometimes catch myself even to this day obsessing over how feminine I come across when I know it’s not a problem and I should embrace it but once you start having those thoughts its hard to turn them back around” Marc states. By making people aware of these issues, it can help

24.

create a space comfortable for queer men to speak about the problems that they face.

The pressures queer men face when having sex can also be seen as a direct cause of the standards the gay community have put in place. If they’re not rough and aggressive then they have small chance of meeting someone who wants to have sex with them. A lot of gay sex culture is focused around being completely dominant or completely submissive with your partner. Often it can be found that there is a lack of fluidity and freeness as queer men are placed in boxes through a number of labels. Many gay and bisexual man have said that they feel ashamed if they like being a bottom due to the negative connotations that can follow. This also stems from heterosexual men being afraid of the male G-spot due to feeling less masculine at the thought, but why are they afraid of their own pleasure?

Yes, it may be due to it genuinely not being for them, but toxic masculinity also has a part to play. By uncovering these standards and stripping back labels that are placed on queer men having sex a more fluid and free approach can be adopted which would help fight anxiety and pressure over being sexually active.

When it comes to bisexuality and pansexuality in men, the pressures

faced can come across a lot differently and from a bigger group of people.

Not only do they face pressure from other men in the community, but they also face pressure from gay men and straight women when it comes to dating and sex. Lee Muir, a pansexual 19-year-old from Aberdeen said, “Gay men sometimes don’t like the fact that you like women and women sometimes feel the same when you tell them you like men.” These thoughts add to bisexual and pan pressure and can lead to many of them feeling like they need to side with one to be fully accepted.

“It got to the point when I was 17, I used to just tell people I was straight because I hated the comments I would get after telling people I was Pan, I had a friend once tell me her mum thought people like me were greedy” Lee said. Although not everyone views bi and pan people like this, LGBTQ+ people should never have to pretend to be something else for the comfort of others.

A massive misunderstanding that queer men face is that once they come out, they’re expected to know who they are entirely when this is not the case for some. Including Marc who said, “I came out at 18 and now I’m 25 and although I may be happy with who I am and where I’m going, I’ve realised it’s going to take a lot longer than 7 years to get over 18 years of turning myself into someone I was never meant to be.” The issues and standards that gay, bisexual and any other queer men face can be hard to deal with. Though this has addressed only a small number of issues these men face, starting the conversation is a good way to spread the word. By helping people become more educated on these issues they can become more understanding of what it really can be like to be a part of the gay community and count towards making the world a better and safer place for all LGBTQ+ people.

25.

PHOTOGRAPHY: @ayleighphotography on Instagram