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ISSUE 10 March/April 2015 BRISBANE
TAKING A STAND Battle of the bystander
Reclaiming the lost years of girlhood
Tackling teen truancy
10 Contents ISSUE
March/April 2015
Jakobi, 4yrs 4
FROM THE EDITOR
6
THE SOCIAL GATHERING
8
WHAT’S NEWS
10 FEATURE: Taking a stand
Elah, 3yrs
14 CHECK THIS OUT: Let’s party! 16 PARENTS TALK: Children’s party food 18 CALENDAR OF EVENTS: Find out what’s happening in Brisbane during March & April 20 EDUCATION: Being smarter with feelings 24 THE P FILES: The lost years of girlhood 30 TEENS: Teenage truancy and school refusal 32 GOOD HEALTH: Oral health for children 33 CONVERSATION: Meet Jackie Hall 34 REVIEWS
Costumes created by the fabulous Ligre from www.facebook.com/storksnestdesigns
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EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS: DANIELLE COLLEY, MAXINE ARTHUR, BELINDA HOPPER, LARA CAIN GRAY, ALICE LEE, NATASHA HIGGINS COVER PHOTOGRAPHY: SPROUT PHOTOGRAPHY. SUPERHERO PHOTOGRAPHY: VERVE PORTRAITS Printed with vegetable/soy based inks on paper supplied using pulp sourced from sustainable forests and manufactured to environmentally accredited systems. WE ENCOURAGE RECYCLING. Please keep this issue for future reference, pass onto your friends and family, use for craft projects or place into the recycling bin. www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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WELCOME
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kids on the coast | in th
MEDIA PUBLISHED BY Mother Goose Media PTY LTD PO Box 491, Eumundi QLD 4562 PHONE: 1300 430 320 FAX: 07 5442 7253 ABN: 86 473 357 391 WEB: www.mothergoosemedia.com.au www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au www.kidsonthecoast.com.au
What a busy couple of months it’s been! For all of you with kids at school, I hope they have settled in beautifully and are heading off each day with a big smile on their faces. For those with younger kids and bubs, well, I hope you’re enjoying lots of magical moments with them each and every day.
EDITORIAL / PRODUCTION
As summer has come to an end, we’ve seen some serious weather in Queensland and we are now turning our attention to some pretty serious issues.
PRINT EDITOR: Natasha Higgins
This edition we’re taking a stand on bullying with our feature article focusing on the battle that bystanders face. As my daughters are getting older this is an issue I’m keen to learn more about. Even when helping in my daughter’s Year 2/3 class the other day I could see how easy it would be for some innocent teasing to escalate into so much more.
SOCIAL MEDIA: Eva Lewis
If you’d like to know more about this very pertinent issue then make a note in your diary to hop onto our Facebook page on Tuesday March 10 at 8:30pm when we will be joined by an expert on bullying and the bystander effect for our first ever live Facebook chat. We’d love you to join us on this exciting occasion!
DESIGN: Michelle Craik & Phoebe Browning
We have a great party focus in Check This Out with lots of gift and party inspiration. Party food is the topic of the day on our all-new Parents Talk page in which some of South East Queensland's best-loved bloggers discuss the topics we all face every day. Their funny and honest responses will make you smile.
- on the coast
- in the city
kids
Also keep an eye out for two exciting eGuides we have coming out soon. To mark the occasion of our 11th birthday in March, we are celebrating with a comprehensive party eGuide just for you – a guide full of fabulous ideas for party venues, themes, decorations, food, costumes and, of course, the allimportant birthday gift! Then just in time for Easter we will be sharing our Easter Holiday eGuide full of Easter fun as well as details on heaps of activities and events taking place over the school holidays. We would love to hear what you think. All of our articles are online and we invite you to comment and discuss the topics on our website and Facebook page. We add topical news stories daily as well as blogs, new articles and reviews on products, books, movies and more. Do you have something that you want to share? Please feel free to contact our team via Facebook.com/kidsinthecitymagazine, our website or email. Don’t forget to sign up for our What’s On eNews that comes out weekly at www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au.
AVAILABLE
MARCH 13
Natasha Higgins, Editor
RCH 2015 *
* MA
BEHIND THE SCENES … at our cover shoot
PUBLISHER: Toni Eggleston EDITOR IN CHIEF/DIGITAL EDITOR: Carolyn Tate ADMIN: admin@mothergoosemedia.com.au PRODUCTION DEPARTMENT: Phoebe Browning production@mothergoosemedia.com.au PRINTING: Print Works, 07 3865 4433 All editorial and advertising in Kids on the Coast and Kids in the City publications are published in good faith based on material, verbal or written, provided by contributors and advertisers. No responsibility is taken for errors or omissions and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All material in Kids on the Coast is subject to copyright provisions. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Feedback/ comments/suggestions? Send to: editorial@ mothergoosemedia.com.au. We aim to reply to all correspondence but don’t guarantee to do so. Letters to the editor may be edited for length or clarity.
DISTRIBUTION Distributed directly to parenting hotspots across South East Queensland. Kids in the City (Brisbane edition) is a free publication circulating over 20,000 copies from North Lakes to Springwood and covering all suburbs to Jindalee. Separate editions cover the Sunshine & Gold Coasts. Kids on the Coast (Sunshine Coast edition) is a free publication circulating over 20,000 copies from Caloundra to Noosa, including hinterland. Kids on the Coast (Gold Coast edition) is a free publication circulating over 18,000 copies from Tweed Heads to Coomera, including hinterland. For distribution enquiries phone: 1300 430 320 or email: admin@mothergoosemedia.com.au
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
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Every Wednesday we feature a panel of inspirational bloggers on our website as part of our Parents Talk series. Parents Talk is just that…where bloggers share their thoughts and experiences on various parenting topics in an open forum. In this issue we introduce our first Blogger Fast 5. It’s our way of sharing blogs we love to read and in the case of our first blogger Lauren, a blog with some amazing recipes! Introducing Lauren from Create Bake Make www.createbakemake.com Describe your blog in 25 words or less… A place where you can indulge your sweet tooth and have fun looking through my favourite recipes and ramblings about life. I can’t start the day without… Coffee, coffee and more coffee! My favourite easy weeknight meal is… If it’s been a hectic day our go-to weeknight meal is without a doubt something that involves pasta. Both of my boys are huge carb fans and no matter how many veggies I put in their bowls, if there is pasta in there too, they will eat it. I relax by… As cliché as it sounds, whenever I get the chance I like to slip away for a run (okay, maybe more of a walk) by myself. I particularly like to go in the morning and find it calms and centres me and leaves me better prepared to tackle the chaos of the day. My next challenge is to… Find the answer to everlasting happiness?!? In all seriousness, I’ve learnt for me it’s easier to set small achievable goals on either a daily, weekly or monthly basis. This month my challenge is to go live with our new website and make a dent in the writing of our next recipe eBook.
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Whatsnews DID Stay up to date with your local community news. If you have any unique news that you’d like to share, please contact our editor at editorial@kidsonthecoast.com.au
Visit our website for more news, www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au/news
STARS BRING HOPE FOR ISLA AND JUDE
A star-studded line up of music artists have united bringing Hope for Isla and Jude (Donnell), young Australian siblings suffering from the rare and fatal disease Sanfilippo Syndrome. The music collaboration will raise much-needed funds for a life-saving clinical trial and treatment for Isla and Jude. All funds raised by the sale of This Woman’s Work will go to the Sanfilippo Children’s Foundation. Once, children born with Sanfilippo faced a certain future – slow and progressive brain damage. Life expectancy for a child with Sanfilippo was between 12–20 years and the children’s quality of life was devastating. Today, for the first time, there is hope. In the past two years there has been significant scientific progress in the pioneering field of gene therapy. Results from this therapy are showing great promise and as it moves in to clinical trials, an effective treatment is now finally within reach. See hopeforislaandjude.com for more details.
MISTER MAKER COMES TO BRISBANE
Mister Maker’s first ever national Australian tour will bring a touch of crafty sparkle to the Queensland Performing Arts Centre’s (QPAC’s) Concert Hall on 7 and 8 July 2015. The Mister Maker live theatre experience is sure to thrill and delight, bringing together exciting live entertainment coupled with inspirational ideas for Mini Makers to be creative. Appealing to parents and mini makers alike (suitable for children aged 3+), the show will be packed full of fantastic makes, and a vast array of songs and dances with Mister Maker and his sidekicks ‘The Shapes!’ Since his debut in 2007, Mister Maker has gained international success with his unique ability to encourage children to use their imaginations in fun and creative ways. Star, Phil Gallagher, is so popular he has developed cult status amongst kids and has been nominated for a BAFTA Children’s Award for Best Presenter. With tickets selling fast, don’t miss out on taking your mini makers to this year’s hit children’s show at QPAC, on sale now via qpac.com.au or call 136 246. 8
Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
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Each year on 2 April, World Autism Awareness Day, iconic buildings across Australia and the world turn their lights blue to promote autism awareness. In support of this global initiative, Autism Queensland asks people to Go Blue for the month of April to help raise awareness and funds to help them support Queenslanders of all ages living with ASD and their families. For details on local community events in April, visit www.goblueforautism.com.au
SCHOOL DISCIPLINE AUDITS By the end of 2015, every Queensland state school will have undertaken a school discipline audit. The audits provide school leaders with an opportunity to acknowledge positive approaches to school discipline and opportunities for improvement. Principals will share information from the audit with their school communities and include recommendations from the report in the school’s planning around strengthening discipline in their school.
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MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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FEATURE
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
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FEATURE
Taking a
STAND The battle of the bystander by Danielle Colley In 2009, in Richmond, California, a group of young men sexually assaulted an intoxicated 15-year-old female student in the courtyard of the school grounds at a homecoming dance. The girl was found unconscious under a bench before being airlifted to hospital in a critical condition. She was released a few days later. Six males aged between 15 and 21 years old were charged with the assault, which lasted more than 2½ hours. The incident made headlines across the world, not only because of the act itself, but because it is believed up to 20 witnesses saw or heard the attack, but no one notified the police for two hours. The bystander effect refers to the phenomenon of people watching something that they know is inappropriate or wrong but they fail to do anything about it. It can happen in any community, any age group and any culture. Research suggests the more bystanders present, the more likely we are to do nothing as we take our lead from those around us, however it often only takes one person to act to snap everyone else out of it and help. When Sean Binsley*, 10, started at a new school in Canberra, his first friend was an older boy in his class who had repeated a year. Sean, his new friend and a group of older boys were playing a game, but when a disagreement broke out over the rules, Sean received a blow to the face that knocked him to the ground. “The boy started kicking into him and kicking him in the head. The other boys stood around and watched, about four or five of them, and it wasn’t until the teacher on duty realised something was going on and intervened that it stopped,” recounts Sean’s mother, Melinda*.
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Those few seconds were enough time for the ten-year-old to sustain considerable injuries. “He had two black eyes, both his top and lower lips were split, and one of his baby teeth was knocked out. He also had multiple bruises all over his body,” recalls Melinda. “Sean wasn’t fighting back at all, just lying on the ground trying to protect himself. He’s never been much of a fighter.” Sean was taken to the infirmary, and the attacker was suspended for three days, but the boys who stood back and watched just went back to class. The coming weeks saw Sean’s physical wounds heal but the psychological damage from the assault became apparent. “The anxiety caused by the assault was great. We got to the point where we were faced with having to either physically force him to go to school or let him stay at home. Eventually, we decided it couldn’t go on and we had to shift schools again,” tells Melinda. “Now, if we try to talk about it, he clams up and gets defensive and cranky. He’s okay as long as it doesn’t come up. We tried to get him counselling, but he’s a very stubborn kid.” There is no way to know if there will be permanent psychological effects for Sean, but if just one of the bystanders had intervened, this assault may have been nipped in the bud. “I think we should be all trying to teach our kids to stand up for other people, and that’s something I’ve tried to teach my kids, especially since this assault happened,” says Melinda. “If you see something that makes you uncomfortable, don’t ignore it. If you’re not comfortable intervening, go and get an adult.”
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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FEATURE
Bullying. No Way!
Is your school taking part? The fifth National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence will be held on Friday, March 20, 2015. This annual day provides a focus for all schools to say Bullying. No Way! and to strengthen their existing everyday message that bullying and violence at school are not okay at any time. For more information visit www.bullyingnoway.gov.au
Teaching kids to work together against bullying, giving them the tools to feel confident in intervening, and together vigilantly saying that we do not accept bullying may hold the key to stopping bullies in their tracks. Parents must also be involved and present. There is a level of guilt involved with being a bystander, according to Youth Command school liaison officer Senior Constable Denis Goodwin, but standing by does not make you a bad person. “I think a lot of it is self-preservation,” says Snr Constable Goodwin. “It is a very human thing to cut and run.” One of the subjects covered by Youth Command, alongside cyber safety and bullying in schools, is what to do as a bystander. One of the biggest fears bystanders have is that by intervening they may draw unwanted attention to themselves and become the next victim.
RESOURCES
Australian Psychological Society www.psychology.org.au Parentline counselling and support helpline www.parentline.com.au Bullying. No Way! www.bullyingnoway.gov.au
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“Not getting involved is one of the things police talk about. If you feel safe enough to intervene and tell someone to stop it, just speak up. They might think if I intervene here on this other kid’s behalf, am I going to cop it myself?” Goodwin continues. “Realistically, some of the bystanders will be supportive of the bully; even if they are not great friends with the bully they may dislike the victim. Other bystanders will be ambivalent. That does not necessarily make them morally weak; they are just ambivalent about the bully and the victim. Then, of course, there will be bystanders that are appalled. We even see it in adults and workplace bullying.” In 2013, over 20,000 Australian students aged between 8 and 14 years of age were surveyed about bullying. The results published in the Australian Covert Bullying Prevalence Study (ACBPS) showed that 27% of students in Years 4 to 9 were bullied every few weeks or more during a school term. The most common form of bullying was hurtful teasing, followed closely by hurtful lies spread throughout their peers.
Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
Bullying requires a bully and a victim, however for a bully to get true satisfaction and the feeling of desired power, a third party needs to be privy to the act. The bystander. Professor of Psychiatry Stuart Twemlow, MD has been studying the bully–victim–bystander triangle for 25 years and his research supports the theory that there are three types of bystanders: bully bystanders, victim bystanders and ambivalent bystanders. The bully bystander will follow the bully’s lead, perhaps also targeting the victim in a show of solidarity with the bully. “This bully bystander may be identifying with an aggressor to compensate for deep fear, past trauma or insecurity,” says Twemlow. “The bully will quickly notice this bystander’s support and offer some social status or the illusion of protection and friendship as a way to keep his or her ‘fan base’ committed to sustaining targeted humiliation.” Conversely, the victim bystander is someone who identifies with the victim. Although they do not like the behaviour, fear of retribution keeps them silent although it comes at a price. “Like a deer in the headlights, he or she is frozen in fear, quietly experiencing the anxiety and shame of the victim,” explains Twemlow. “There is clear empathy for the victim, yet the victim bystander threatened with victimhood himself is likely to turn his own hostility toward the victim rather than become victimised himself.” The third type of bystander – the ambivalent bystander – makes up the vast majority of bystanders. They do not side with the bully and want to help the victim but often lack the confidence or the skills to step in and disarm the situation. Although this bystander doesn’t feel strongly about either the bully or the victim, they feel genuinely upset by what they are witnessing but feel powerless to help. “There is some vicarious benefit experienced by standing by and watching; it is safe and there is little doubt that, given the choice, they would prefer that the bullying stop and that everybody gets along,” says Twemlow. For bullying to be effective there must be witnesses. Could these ambivalent bystanders potentially provide a link that can put an end to bullying if they are given the tools to confidently intervene? Twemlow thinks they can. “All this needs are natural leaders and major teacher–child collaboration. Children work together against bullies very easily and inexpensively.” When local mum Karen Cooper Adams’ happy and healthy 13-year-old son William began to restrict his food intake, the family just assumed he was getting ready for the upcoming football season.
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FEATURE
A successful rugby forward described as a solid lad, William was targeted by a group of boys about his weight. Although it was a small group initially, when they chanted songs about William’s weight, the entire class would chime in.
“The issue is we need to intervene and say this is not acceptable and it’s not nice. How would you feel if this happened to you? That’s what we need to teach kids. Report it, video it, and just say to the bully this is not acceptable and we’re off.”
Multiple counsellors failed to get through to the young man who dropped a dramatic 20 kilos in 6 months, until a psychiatric nurse broke through William’s armour and he confessed to the underlying issue.
Children need to understand that bullying can have long-term effects. Anxiety, depression, eating disorders and self-harming can all result from prolonged bullying. The bystander is in a position of power to break the cycle.
“He told me it was endless,” says Karen. “I asked him how did the teachers not know anything about this, and he said they saw it and told the kids to shut up but they didn’t do anything about it. The boys would come up behind him and pull up his shirt and wiggle his tummy in front of other kids. There was lots of social media bullying; he couldn’t get away from it.” When Karen approached the school counsellor, she was told that they couldn’t help William. No one knew how to contain the external mounting bullying or his internal struggle. By the time they got William into rehabilitation, the family was told that his heart was failing and there was nothing they could do. But William was a fighter and after 12 months of intensive therapy and medication, he is improving. Although he is far from well, Karen can see her child slowly regaining his light. A high school teacher herself, Karen thought she knew the signs to look out for. “It would never happen in my classroom,” says Karen. “If I see a child being picked on, I stop the whole lesson and talk to the kids about the consequences their words can have. I think a lot of the issue is the self-talk. The bully has self-talk that he needs to be more powerful, the victim has self-talk that he is worthless because no one is helping, and the bystander has self-talk that he knew that person was doing something wrong and should have helped but didn’t. I talk about it with them all the time.” Being a bystander can be more damaging than just feeling guilty because they should have helped, according to psychologist Evelyn Field, who was awarded an Order of Australia for her work with bullying. “There is fear of retribution and fear of standing out and not being part of the tribe – that the tribe will isolate you. One of the worst things for any of us is to be isolated or excluded by our tribe. It causes a form of brain damage,” says Evelyn.
One teacher’s desire to take affirmative action against the cultural acceptance towards bullying that she feels is endemic in this country saw the creation of Stymie in January 2014. Stymie.com.au is a website that allows bystanders and victims to make anonymous notifications about bullying, including submitting screenshots of cyber bullying, which funnels the information back to their schools for them to take appropriate action. “It is amazing. It is working,” says company director Rachel. “I have principals ringing me saying cases of bullying that have been going on for years have been thwarted and kids have taken snapshots of other kids who have shared their plans to commit suicide and they’ve been able to intervene. In terms of bystander behaviour, kids are using it if their friend is the bully but they don’t have the courage to stand up to them, or to help their friends who are self-harming due to bullying.”
LIVE CHAT Join us on our Facebook page for our first ever live Facebook chat on Tuesday March 10 at 8:30pm where our guest expert Rachel Downie from stymie.com.au will be available to answer your questions about bullying and how you can teach and empower your children to stand up for themselves and their peers.
Teaching kids to work together against bullying, giving them the tools to feel confident in intervening, and together vigilantly saying that we do not accept bullying may hold the key to stopping bullies in their tracks. Parents must also be involved and present. “Parents need to model appropriate behaviour for their kids,” says Rachel. “Life is about relationships, and doing these things for your kids is about forming positive relationships with your school, not a blaming one, and being open to discussing what is going on with everybody. Kids with bully behaviours are often miserable and sad too. You are not born a bully; bullying behaviours are learned.” People of all ages can become involved in watching others being bullied, or worse. The way in which bystanders respond to a bullying situation could actually be the solution and teaching it early is imperative to saving lives.
*Some names have been changed in this article to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
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CHECK THIS OUT LET'S PARTY!
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TEEPEE RRP $99.95
Tessi creative magnets allow your child to create whatever comes to mind, from a crazy shape to a cute creature or anything else their imagination can dream up! Each 60-piece pack contains enough magnets to create a multitude of patterns, characters and designs. Your child’s creation can evolve as their ideas do! Read more at www.tessicreative.com
Kids of all ages will have hours of fun in this awesome teepee from Mocka. Designed with windows to catch the breeze and tie down doors for easy entry, your children will love imagining and discovering new worlds inside their teepee. With nine wonderful styles to choose from – from cowboys to floral girly girl to the new black stripe and black cross designs – your little ones will love the colourful and playful prints. Available online at www.mocka.com.au
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
CHECK THIS OUT LET'S PARTY!
ARTS THEATRE BIRTHDAY PARTIES $16 per person, $13 per person if 10+ people Spend your child’s birthday in a magical land filled with princesses and heroes. Hear your favourite songs and see your favourite books come to life on the stage. The cast sing Happy Birthday for your child on their special day and get photos with them. Fully stocked Kiosk available or bring your own food. www.artstheatre.com.au or (07) 3369 2344
SMILE, LAUGH, PLAY... IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!
LASER COMMANDO $25 per person
Outdoor laser skirmish for events and party hire for all ages - Brisbane. Specialising in birthday parties, corporate events, team building and more. There are 3 options to choose from for your party. Option 1: You come to Laser Commando and enjoy a game at the Scout camp in the bush North of Brisbane. Option 2: Laser Commando come to you and play at your home or a park close to your home. Option 3: Rent equipment from Laser Commando and run a 24 hour party. www.lasercommando.com.au or 0468 488 TAG (824)
Want more? Download and read our eGuide.
SUPERHERO SOCKS RRP $9.00 Holy fancy feet, Batman! These cotton batman-themed black socks will make you feel like a superhero. Plenty of animal magic can be found in other Neat Feet sock designs including flamingo, llama, owl, racoon and squirrel – perfect for little animal lovers! Find them online at www.squirrelpop.com
- on the coast
- in the city
kids
ROCK STAR PLATE, BOWL & CUP RRP $12.95 Peas, carrots and rock 'n' roll! Inspire your future drummer to eat their vegies and drink their milk with these rock star-worthy plates, cups and bowls from French Bull. Bright designs feature four unique rockers with even brighter hair rocking their favourite instruments. Made from 100% melamine, all pieces are bpa-free, shatter resistant and dishwasher safe. Buy online at http://shop.until.com.au
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* MARCH 20
MARCH 13
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
15
PARENTS TALK
TALK
Some of the best-loved parenting bloggers in South East Queensland join Kids on the Coast and Kids in the City to discuss the topics that matter to you.
Parents
Do you think children's party food should be kept to healthy options, or is that the fun police going too far? LARA CAIN GRAY This Charming Mum Children’s birthday party food ain’t what it used to be. Where once stood a proud chocolate crackle, one now finds a fancy fruit platter, but I think this is more a case of moving with the times than being bullied by the fun police. Parents and kids alike are so much more aware now of the negative impact of artificial colours and excessive sugar intake, it’s only natural that this interest in healthy eating might spill over into the party zone. When I tell my kids I used to eat jelly ponds, honey jumbles and fairy bread, it sounds like something from an Enid Blyton novel! But this is not to say that healthy food can’t be fun food. In fact, I’m more intimidated by the kind of ‘fun police’ who might arrest you for not turning your grapes into rocket kebabs or cutting teddy bear shapes out of a watermelon or recreating Elsa out of salad vegetables and cheese. A plate of chocolate crackles is but a minor misdemeanour in a world where Pinterest makes children’s party planning a competitive sport! And the funniest thing of all? The kids rarely even notice what’s on offer. If they have friends, a few games, a playground or a princess room, they’re golden. So go forth and make your quinoa crackles! There’s still plenty of fun to be had.
GILLIAN MOODY Champagne Cartel Not sure if it's just me, but GOD I get SO fed up with everyone banging on about what we should or shouldn't be eating. Whaddyareckon? Do you think we obsess waaaayy too much about our nosh? "Today for dessert we're having a gluten free, sugar free, wheat free, meat free, vegan torte of quinoa, filled with a raw super-food mousse using Guadeloupean coconut water blended with dehydrated kumera and a powder made from the petrified poo of an organic lemur reared on incan corn-free cactus hearts. I threw it together in the Thermomix. So easy." But (and I'm about to hugely contradict myself now) I do believe we need to consider the topic of kids party food. We need to remember there's a bunch of kids parties every year and if we all served up loads of junk food then you've got a heap of kids having weekly sugar comas. Less than ideal. Sure, it is little Tallulah-Honey-Lark-Song's special day and everyone wants her to have a good time, but a bit of community mindedness wouldn't hurt. One thing I'd like to throw out there is: why do we seem to associate having a fun time with craptacular food? Perhaps it's not the best message to send to kids that parties must involve hardcore overindulgence and a whole lot of stuffing of faces with processed rubbish. I dunno. In my experience most kids just want to play games and run around at a party, and generally the food plays second fiddle anyway. We're the ones who are pushing the whole party food issue. What's awesome about kids is that when they are taught about moderation and 'sometimes food' and when they are allowed to make their own food choices sometimes (within reason), most of them make great choices. I've seen them at parties, grabbing a cracker and cheese or some watermelon off the table as they hoon past at great pace with their mates. So I say yeah, go for it, include a bit of fairy bread or chocolate biscuits or iced cupcakes. And maybe a popper (YES I do know juice in a tetra pack is the devil incarnate). But maybe just a bit more homemade food with identifiable ingredients. And plenty of healthy options. There's lots of great ways to make exciting kids party food that is relatively wholesome. Last year I did a parfait bar that included big tubs of yoghurt and whipped cream that people could layer up with a berry coulis, fresh fruit and sprinkle with nuts and choc bits. Not diet food, but not that bad. It was very popular. I threw it together in my Thermomix. So easy.
ADAM CLEMENTS Cook and Kid
SARAH AND ROBYNA The Mummy and the Minx Did you have a Kate in your childhood? Kate was brought up to believe the epitome of a treat was a dried apricot every other Sunday. Bless Kate’s parents. Remember watching Kate at a birthday party? She would methodically inhale all of the lollies into her pie hole. It always ended in a sick tummy and tears for poor Kate. These days, it’s not just Kate parents have to worry about. Tom has a potentially fatal nut allergy. Richard has a gluten intolerance and Harry can’t eat eggs. It’s no issue to cater for Tom, Richard and Harry (and their parents) but do we have to throw the jelly babies out with the red cordial? A party spread with a good variety of healthy and not-so healthy options still seems sensible. Have you ever tried to fill a piñata with healthy options? We both like to think that we have a very healthy approach to food. Food isn’t bad or good, it’s just food. Everything in moderation, for example, cake. Cake is oh so delicious right? And cake in moderation is fine. Cake on your birthday is a must! But cake everyday, perhaps not so great. You picking up what we’re putting down? Birthdays don’t happen everyday so it makes sense that it is one of those days in the year where party food can be celebrated and enjoyed. We agree that no matter the setting, be it birthdays, Easter, Christmas etc, healthy options should be available. Nothing goes down faster than a plate of watermelon at a kid’s birthday party – children will choose a balance when given a choice. When choice is taken away, they do a Kate. We think birthdays happen once a year and no one should be made to feel bad for eating yummy cake on their birthday.
A lot of kids get to a lot of these parties over the years at school. Particularly primary school. They are young and impressionable. What message are you trying to send your child in regards to food? If celebrating means over-eating on a bunch of sugar and salt and additives from a packet, then we need to re-assess how and what we are celebrating. I want to vomit when I see those party rooms at fast food joints and the like. Plenty of fun and tasty food comes from simple fresh ingredients garnished with a little fun. The best ones I did were at my daughters 4th birthday. Watermelon, strawberry and marshmallow skewers. Tasty and fun. I'm far more concerned about the numbers on the chip packet than the sugar in the fruit, and the marshmallows were there for a touch of fun, without being the star of the show. It's probably a good idea to list the style of food on the invite also so people know what to expect. You can also get the kids involved and make food an activity (for example, DIY pizza or tacos). If you're game. Or focus less on food and more on activities and togetherness. What's it, 2-3 hours at these things? No-one's going to starve! Make it unique in your own family style and be proud of it. If you're from a different culture, show off some of that. I don't want to be the fun police, but I don't want to clean up after the kid who overloaded on corn chips and cordial and threw up on the carpet either. There is food and there is non-food. A little non-food is fine as long as it's not replacing a meal of actual food. Keep it fresh and home-made as much as possible and leave a the surprises for the cake and the goody bags.
Join the conversation...
Look for Parents Talk topics at www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au/articles 16
Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
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MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
17
ART INSPIRED BY YOU
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY
Where: Mayes Cottage Museum, Mawarra St, Kingston When: 10am – 2pm Step back in time and experience what life was like for the early settlers of Logan. Watch damper making demonstrations with a twist at 10:30am, 12pm and 1pm. Details: Free. www.visitbrisbane.com.au
THE TIME BEFORE FESTIVAL
MARCH 4
TAIGUM TOTS DANCE AND STORY TIME
MARCH 11 & 25 / APRIL 8 & 22
Where: Little Stanley Street Lawns, South Bank When: 9am – 1pm Head along to make your very own wizard wand, fairy wand or friendship band. Details: Free. www.visitbrisbane.com.au
WIZARD AND FAIRY CRAFT PARTY
MARCH 8
Where: Logan East Community Centre, Cinderella Dr, Slacks Creek When: 1pm and 2:30pm Run away and join the circus! Children with additional or special needs can benefit from some extra help with physical activities. This program is designed to meet individual needs. Details: Free. Bookings essential. www.flipsidecircus.org.au
CIRCUS SKILLS – RETHINK WHAT’S POSSIBLE
ADVENTURE KIDS
Where: Perth Street Park, Camp Hill When: 3:30pm – 4:30pm Keep the kids active after school with lots of action in the outdoors. Activities include putting up tents, orienteering, parachute games and treasure hunts. Details: Free. Suitable for 6 – 12 years. www.brisbane.qld.gov.au
MARCH 8
MARCH 2
8
CLEAN UP AUSTRALIA DAY
1
MARCH
MARCH
Where: Tivoli Drive-In Theatre Details: $10 per car. www.tivolidrivein.com.au
FAMILY DRIVE-IN
MARCH 21 & 22
Activities for all ages at more than 50 local parks. Check out what is on near you! www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/whats-on/eventslisted-type/sports-recreation-programs/activeparks-events
EVERY WEEKEND
MARCH 29
NATIONAL DAY OF ACTION AGAINST BULLYING AND VIOLENCE
Where: Oriel Park, Reeve St, Ascot When: 10am – 12pm
EASTER EXTRAVAGANZA
Where: The Courier-Mail Piazza, South Bank When: 9:30am and 11am Enjoy a fun-packed musical romp with the Queensland Symphony Orchestra. Details: $16 per ticket. www.qso.com.au/family
Where: Mt Ommaney Centre, Dandenong Rd, Mount Ommaney When: 9am – 5pm Come and have fun in the Mister Maker inspired craft village, with shows at 9:30am and 12:30pm. Details: Free. www.mtommaneycentre.com.au MARCH 20
Where: Chinatown Mall and Brunswick Street Mall, Brunswick St, Fortitude Valley When: 8am – 4pm Showcasing various stalls selling vintage items, fashion, bric-a-brac, natural organic produce and an eclectic range of arts and crafts. Details: Free
SHAKE, RATTLE AND BLOW!
MISTER MAKER CRAFT VILLAGE
Where: South Bank Plaza, Stanley Street, South Brisbane When: Saturdays 10am – 9pm, Sundays 9am – 4pm
THE COLLECTIVE MARKETS
VALLEY MARKETS
EVERY WEEKEND MARCH 25 TO 28
MARCH 18
Where: Hamilton Wharf, Northshore, Brisbane When: 4pm – 10pm Eat Street is a wonderment of the senses. From aromatic international cuisines and vibrant textiles to the enchanting sights and sounds of live performers. Details: www.eatstreetmarkets.com
EAT STREET MARKETS
EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY Where: Event Cinemas All your favourite Pixar Films back on the big screen! Receive a special activity book with each ticket plus every week there will be a new collector card for each film as well as prizes for the best dressed person! Details: $8 each. www.eventcinemas.com.au
PIXAR FILM FESTIVAL – UP!
Where: Hockey Qld, Lytton Rd, and Morningside When: 9am – 1pm A boutique family market providing quality, unique products and services, which are not mass-produced or easily found in shops. Details: www.themummytreemarkets.com.au
THE MUMMY TREE MARKETS
APRIL 26
Where: Everton Park Hotel, Flockton St, and Everton Park When: 9am – 1pm A boutique family market providing quality, unique products and services, which are not mass-produced or easily found in shops. Details: www.themummytreemarkets.com.au
THE MUMMY TREE MARKETS
MARCH 28
Where: The Ipswich Turf Club, Brisbane Road, Bundamba When: 8am – 2pm Excellence in Making-Baking-Growing. Up to 70 stallholders - why not jump on the Swanbank steam train after some lunch and a spot of handmade shopping. Details: Free entry. Free parking. www.thehandmadeexpo.com.au
THE HANDMADE EXPO MARKET - IPSWICH
MARCH 21 & APRIL 18
Where: St Laurences College, Stephen’s Rd, South Brisbane Get your mind creating and your body active while having fun mastering an obstacle challenge. You need to make it, race it and swim it…to win it! Details: $10. www.aeiou.org.au
FAST FIVE FOR KIDS
MARCH 15
Where: Event Cinemas When: 10am Looking for something to do with the family? Why not take them to the movies and catch a cheap flick? Details: $6 a ticket. www.eventcinemas.com.au
Where: Event Cinemas Relax and catch a movie at the Bring Your Baby sessions. Details: www.eventcinemas.com.au
BRISBANE CITY COUNCIL’S ACTIVE PARKS PROGRAM
MARCH
$6 WEEKEND FAMILY FLICKS
BRING YOUR BABY SESSIONS
EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT
SATURDAYS & SUNDAYS
MONDAY, WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY
Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda, Shrek Madagascar, © 2015 Kung DreamWorks Fu Panda,Animation Shrek © Studios 2015 DreamWorks L.L.C. Animation Studios L.L.C.
Where: Sacred Heart Primary School, Brighton Rd, Sandgate When: 2pm – 6pm Retro chic and vintage hip. Billycart Markets is a unique boutique market shopping experience. Details: www.billycartmarkets.com
BILLYCART MARKETS
MARCH 7
MARKETS
- CALENDAR -
REGULAR EVENTS
ne a b Bris
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
Where: Event Cinemas All your favourite Pixar Films back on the big screen! Receive a special activity book with each ticket plus every week there will be a new collector card for each film as well as prizes for the best dressed person! Details: $8 each. www.eventcinemas.com.au
PIXAR FILM FESTIVAL – CARS
MARCH 14 & 15
Where: Taigum Square Shopping Centre, Beams Rd Taigum When: 9:30am Join in for a free morning of dance, interactive story time and fun crafts for babies, toddlers and parents. Plus parents receive a free coffee each morning. Details: Free. www.taigumsquare.com.au Where: Brisbane Powerhouse Arts, Lamington St, New Farm When: 11am and 2pm Join two of Australia’s funniest comedians for a fun-o-riffic adventure for kids (and pirates) of all ages. Details: $18. www.brisbanepowerhouse.org
CAPTAIN FUN PANTS AND THE MYSTERY OF THE FUN-O-MATIC FUN
MARCH 21
Bullying. No Way! This annual day provides a focus for all school to strengthen their existing messages that bullying and violence at school are not okay at any time. Details: www.bullyingnoway.gov.au Where: Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown, Cnr Calam and Compton Rd, Sunnybank Hills When: 10am – 1pm Bring your family down to meet the Easter Bunny with free bunny ears and chocolate giveaways. You can even have your photo taken for free! Details: Free. www.sbhshoppingtown.com.au
MEET THE EASTER BUNNY
MARCH 30 TO APRIL 4
Bounce into your local park for Easter fun and games these school holidays. Details: Free. Bookings essential. www.bazilgrumble.com.au
TIMBER TOWER CHALLENGE Where: Calamvale Central Shopping Centre, Compton Rd, Calamvale When: 11am – 2pm Create a timber masterpiece for free! There’s a fantastic daily prize to be won by the child that builds the highest tower! Details: Free. www.calamvalecentral.com.au APRIL 7 TO 12
FREE BEN & HOLLY LIVE STAGE SHOW Where: Redbank Plaza, Collingwood Dr, Redbank When: 11am and 1pm / meet & greet at 12pm Join the adventures of Holly, a young fairy princess, and her best friend Ben the elf, LIVE in centre! Details: Free. www.redbankplaza.com.au
Where: Stafford City Shopping When: 11am, 12pm, 1pm & 2pm Enjoy the exciting, educational and explosive FUN at the Bubble Muffin Cooking Club! Kids are taught about healthy eating and cooking with lifestyle lessons for today and the future! Details: Free. www.staffordcity.com.au
APRIL 7 TO 10
HOLIDAY TREASURE HUNT
Where: Logan Central Plaza, Wembley Rd, Logan Central When: 10am – 1pm Help find all of the hidden clues and you can receive a prize. Details: Free. www.logancentralplaza.com.au
Where: Sunnybank Plaza – Hoyts Cinema Foyer When: See website for details The Great LEGO Building Challenge is on again these school holidays at Sunnybank Plaza! Contestants are challenged to create LEGO masterpieces of their own design from a selection of LEGO valued at over $2500. Details: Free. www.sunnybankplaza.com.au
THE GREAT LEGO BUILDING CHALLENGE
APRIL 13 TO 18
Where: Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown, Cnr Calam and Compton Rd, Sunnybank Hills When: 10am and 1pm Dig for dinosaurs with your very own mini excavation kit, uncover bones and fossils. Details: Free. Bookings essential. www.sbhshoppingtown.com.au
DINOSAUR DISCOVER WORKSHOPS
APRIL 13 TO 17
Where: Dreamworld, Pacific Highway, Coomera Details: See website for details. www.dreamworld.com.au
- in the city
KEEP THE KIDS BUSY THIS EASTER HOLIDAY!
April 2015
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
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- on the coast
Holiday Guide
“
Easter “ Things to do, places to go!
Where: Little Stanley Street Lawns, South Bank When: 9am – 1pm Bring your babe along for an early-learning music program with a therapy focus! Details: Free. www.visitbrisbane.com.au
BOPPIN’ BABIES MUSIC CLASSES
APRIL 30
SCREAMWORLD EASTER
APRIL 10
Where: 7th Brigade Park, Murphy Rd, Chermside When: 10am – 12pm Join a team or get your friends together and create your own survivor team. Battle through exciting challenges and activities like the giant earth ball relay race or target shooting. Details: Free. For ages 8+. www.brisbane.qld.gov.au
SURVIVOR CHALLENGE
APRIL 17
Where: Kangaroo Point Cliffs Park, Kangaroo Point When: 3pm – 4:30pm Experience the thrill of climbing the 20m high cliff walls at Kangaroo Point with qualified instructors. Details: 8+. Bookings essential. Contact: Riverlife Adventure Centre 3891 5766 www.brisbane.qld.gov.au
GROUP ROCK CLIMBING
APRIL 9
ANZAC DAY
25
APRIL
Sign up at www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au for our weekly What’s On guide. We also have a special comprehensive activity and event eGuide every school holidays, covering all of South East Queensland. You can sign up online to be notified when the guide is launched and to receive the link to download your personal copy.
Don’t miss out on any events!
APRIL 7 TO 11
BUBBLE MUFFIN KIDS COOKING CLUB
Where: Brookside Shopping Centre, Osborne Rd, Mitchelton When: 11am & 1pm Join Curious George and the Man with the Yellow Hat as they take you on a musical journey to the zoo. Details: Free. www.brookside.com.au
CURIOUS GEORGE STAGE SHOW
APRIL 7 TO 11
Where: Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown, Cnr Calam and Compton Rd, Sunnybank Hills When: 9am – 5pm / shows at 11am & 1pm Check out Australia’s most amazing and intriguing reptiles, birds and mammals with Cool Companions daily display and interactive shows. Details: Free. www.sbhshoppingtown.com.au
COOL COMPANIONS REPTILE DISPLAY AND SHOW
APRIL 7 TO 11
APRIL 6 TO 11
Where: Peninsula Fair Shopping Centre, Anzac Ave, Kippa-Ring When: 10am – 2pm This Easter, stuff your very own Easter Bunny! Hurry, seats are limited and booking is essential. Don’t miss the Easter Bunny, who will be dishing out plenty of chocolate treats… PLUS FREE Easter-themed face painting! Details: Free. Bookings required. www.penfair.com.au
FREE EASTER BUNNY STUFFING WORKSHOP
APRIL 4
Where: Dreamworld, Pacific Highway, Coomera Details: See website for details. www.dreamworld.com.au
WILD WORLD AT DREAMWORLD
APRIL 3 TO 17
APRIL Autism Awareness month
Visit www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au for more events
Where: Vic Lucas Park, Coutts St, Bulimba When: 10am – 12pm Make butterfly, koala, frog and spider puppets. Details: $5. Bookings essential. www.bazilgrumble.com.au
PUPPETS AND PLAY
MARCH 7
Where: Dreamworld, Pacific Highway, Coomera When: 10:30am live performance, 11:30am meet and greet Have a wiggly good time at Dreamworld with a live performance and meet and greet by the Wiggles. Details: Free with Dreamworld entry. www.dreamworld.com.au/whats-on/wigglesappearance
THE WIGGLES LIVE AT DREAMWORLD
MARCH 6
- in the city
Concert Hall, QPAC, South Bank www.qpac.com.au
MISTER MAKER
JULY 7 & 8
Brisbane Entertainment Centre www.brisent.com.au
DISNEY ON ICE 2015
JUN 27 TO 29
See website for locations and dates www.kidspromotions.com.au
PLAY SCHOOL LIVE IN CONCERT – ONCE UPON A TIME
MAY 8 TO 19
Brisbane Arts Theatre www.artstheatre.com.au
THE LITTLE MERMAID
APRIL 4 TO MAY 30
Brisbane Entertainment Centre www.brisent.com.au
WALKING WITH DINOSAURS
APRIL 1 TO 5
Brisbane Arts Theatre www.artstheatre.com.au
THREE LITTLE PIGS
JANUARY 27 TO MARCH 28
* We publish information based on what is supplied to us - to the best of our knowlegde all details are correct at the time of printing, however we do recommend you check event details with the organisers
showtime
LIBRARY EVENTS
Libraries are a great place to find free events, classes, workshop and activities. Check them out here: www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/whatson/venue/library-events
The new Collective Markets includes arts and crafts, home wares, object design, photography, furniture, food, fashion, jewellery, vintage and pre-loved clothing, unique wares and accessories. Details: www.collectivemarkets.com.au
EDUCATION
20
Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
EDUCATION
BEING SMARTER WITH FEELINGS Academic intelligence versus emotional intelligence by Maxine Arthur IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE JUST A FAD OR CAN IT HELP US LEAD MORE BALANCED, HAPPY AND PURPOSEFUL LIVES? JUST AS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CAN LEAD TO POOR DECISION-MAKING, CAN HIGHER EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SKILLS HELP US TO FUNCTION MORE EFFECTIVELY AT SCHOOL, WORK AND HOME? A high intelligence quotient (IQ) has long been associated with academic success and a life of accomplishment and achievement. But since the 1990s, researchers have been learning about the role emotional awareness plays in our lives. The concept of emotional intelligence (EI) has had a strong influence on the business world, with research suggesting that high EI is necessary for success in business and management. Many schools and school systems are on board introducing social and emotional learning (SEL) programs to teach children these valuable skills.
WHAT DO PARENTS WANT FROM SCHOOLS? Should schools be concentrating purely on academics and better test results? Or could a focus on emotional and social skills learning actually improve academic learning? Plato said, “All learning has an emotional base.” It seems Australian parents agree. According to The Good Schools Guide, research has shown parents share a “significant level of agreement about what is essential” in schooling, and it appears all of these ideals depend on the emotional and social understanding and skills of students and staff. According to the guide, this includes: • a committed and effective teaching staff and a safe working environment – no bullying, drugs or harassment • individual attention given to students; parents want to feel confident that staff will notice and take action should any problems arise • an expectation that the democratic values of multicultural Australian society will be actively present at school • an expectation that schools will take positive steps to create a place in which staff and students treat each other with respect an environment in which their child can develop social competencies • – they want the young adult emerging from secondary school to be articulate, to be able to make and keep friends, and to know how to behave appropriately in different situations.
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“In essence,” the guide states, “parents want schools to foster a positive atmosphere that will encourage their child’s intellectual and emotional growth.”
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE? In 1983, Dr Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences broadened the notion of intelligence. He identified eight forms of intelligence including interpersonal (‘people smart’) and intrapersonal (‘self smart’). In the early 1990s, American psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey introduced the concept of emotional intelligence, which they defined as a person’s ability to perceive, control, evaluate and express emotions. The research was of interest to academics and educators but it took psychologist Daniel Goleman’s bestseller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ to popularise the concept. Goleman believes EI can help people make better decisions in business, in education and in their personal life.
CAN EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BE LEARNED? The originators of the concept differ on this. Mayer believes EI is shaped by genetic inheritance and early experiences. Although Salovey agrees that it is partially innate, he also states, “I’m optimistic that people can learn a richer emotional vocabulary and that they can self-regulate emotions better.” Theorists may argue over the extent to which IQ and EI (or EQ, emotional quotient) are innate or learned, but educators are finding that SEL programs are teaching children to understand and regulate their emotions better, resulting in both a happier and more productive school environment. Both teachers and parents know from experience that a happy child, confident in himself and his relationships with others, will learn more effectively than an anxious, agitated child.
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
21
EDUCATION
HOW DOES SEL PROMOTE ACADEMIC LEARNING? Educators now believe social and emotional learning facilitates academic learning. The most successful programs involve the whole school community and are driven by school leaders. Daniel Goleman cites a study by the Ministry of Education in the UK that found school principals who used a more emotionally intelligent leadership style inspired teachers to be more dedicated and motivated so they teach better – and therefore the students learn better. Goleman says: In the ideal learning environment, children are focused, fully attentive, motivated and engaged, and enjoy their work. Such a classroom climate can be one benefit of SEL. Similarly, caring relationships with teachers and other students increase students’ desire to learn. School-family partnerships help students to do better. And, students who are more confident in their abilities try harder.
SEL IN QUEENSLAND SCHOOLS A Queensland Department of Education spokesperson confirmed that social and emotional learning is now supported in Queensland state schools through various initiatives, including: • Australian Curriculum (www.australiancurriculum.edu.au) • Learning and Wellbeing Framework (http://deta.qld.gov.au/initiatives/learningandwellbeing) • Supporting Students' Mental Health and Wellbeing (http://ppr.det.qld.gov.au/education/learning) • Safe, supportive and disciplined schools (http://behaviour.education.qld.gov.au). The Australian Curriculum, now being implemented in all Queensland state schools, fosters social and emotional learning through the teaching of personal and social capability. Students learn about recognising and regulating emotions, developing empathy for others and understanding relationships, establishing and building positive relationships, making responsible decisions, working effectively in teams, handling challenging situations constructively and developing leadership skills.
DIFFERENT SCHOOLS, DIFFERENT APPROACHES Many schools have developed their own SEL approaches to suit the needs of their school using the various resources available to them. With funding from the Australian Government, the program KidsMatter is a mental health and wellbeing framework for primary schools that is proven to make a positive difference to the lives of Australian children. More than 2000 schools around Australia have joined the KidsMatter network with the program tailored to the local needs of each school. KidsMatter provides the proven methods, tools and support to help schools work with parents and carers, health services and the wider community to nurture happy, balanced kids. Schools may also choose from a variety of commercial options. The challenge for schools is to find the program that matches the needs of the school most closely and to embed the learning in all areas, reviewing and updating practices regularly.
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
You Can Do It! is one program that has proven successful in many Queensland schools: The program’s core purpose is the development of young people’s social and emotional capabilities, including: Confidence (academic, social), Persistence, Organisation, Getting Along and Emotional Resilience. Central to the development of these 5 foundations is instilling in young people 12 ‘Habits of the Mind’, including Accepting Myself, Taking Risks, Setting Goals, Planning My Time, Being Tolerant of Others, Thinking First, Playing by the Rules and Social Responsibility (including the values of respect, responsibility, caring, fairness and honesty). When principal of Upper Mt Gravatt State School Derek Brady came to the school nine years ago he wanted to develop a strong school culture through a whole-of-school-community approach including children, parents and staff. After an extensive consultation process and research into the best vehicle to achieve a positive, happy and successful school environment, the school decided the You Can Do It! program was right for them. Success came early with children, parents and staff learning strategies for developing positive, caring relationships and a common language for discussing problems. Now, Derek says, “Social and emotional learning underpins everything we do.” There is a constant focus on EI, with new learning being incorporated into practice. Early intervention is embedded in the school culture. Behaviour is better and academic results have improved substantially because of a sense of wellbeing and a positive mindset. The school’s focus is clearly apparent on its website: At Upper Mount Gravatt State School we enrol the whole family to create an environment where children can thrive… As an emotional intelligence school, we foster happy students, happy parents and happy teachers. This strategic approach has delivered significant gains in community satisfaction and academic success. Elanora State School also aims to develop the social, emotional, behavioural and academic skills of students. Student welfare teacher Karen Greenwood describes the school’s approach: Childhood is a time for growing healthy minds, and for the past several years, enhancing the social and emotional wellbeing of students has been a high priority at Elanora. Our student welfare teachers and school chaplain work closely with students and families to support their individual needs. All students participate in the You Can Do It! program, which helps them learn how to set attainable goals and be happier and more successful in their school and general life. The program teaches children that to change their feelings or behaviours, they need to change their thoughts. It teaches students how to replace confidence-destroying thoughts with confidence building thoughts, which helps them develop a growth mindset rather than a fixed one.
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EDUCATION
In addition, our Responsible Behaviour Plan, which was developed through extensive staff and community consultation, guides our children to make good behaviour choices and meet their school’s high expectations. Approaches such as these contribute to promoting positive social behaviours and peer relationships, fewer conduct problems and less emotional distress. Elanora State School parent Paige Burrage says, “I believe that this program is highly supportive of students, develops their social skills, raises their awareness of the importance of giving back to the community and contributes to Elanora State School being a safe and supportive environment for students and their families.” Another Elanora parent Tracey Fletcher agrees, “The You Can Do It! program provided my child with skills and ideas to use at school and in real life. I saw growth in resilience and persistence and this led to a big improvement in self-confidence. The program equips students with easy strategies and tools they can use and apply to bring themselves success and happiness.” Play Is The Way (PITW) is another program now in use in 20 schools in South-East Queensland. Founder Wilson McCaskill has developed a program of physically interactive games designed to promote positive social behaviour. McCaskill says, “Learning is an emotional experience and PITW helps children to master their emotions so they fully engage with the challenges and demands of learning. An inability to regulate his or her emotions often underpins a child’s disruptive or disengaged behaviour in class.” The PITW program is used throughout primary school, with classes playing the games three to four times a week. The concepts and self-reflective language learned in the games guide the teacher’s interactions with students and the student’s interactions with each other.
Behaviour is better and academic results have improved substantially because of a sense of wellbeing and a positive mindset.
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A strong focus of SEL programs is on behaviour education. McCaskill explains an important and positive difference between such behaviour education programs, based on guidance and selfdetermination, in comparison to behaviour management programs, which are based on control and compliance. Behaviour education develops a child’s self-awareness so they see and understand the reasons for their behaviour and empowers them with the knowledge and skills to regulate that behaviour. Behaviour education does not seek to manage and control the child but develop the skills for the child to control and manage themselves. Behaviour management uses the principles of operant conditioning. It concerns itself with how an action may be controlled by a stimulus that comes after it rather than before. ‘Do this and you will get that’ will lead to an organism to do this again. Hence, behaviour management uses rewards and punishments (bribery and threats) to condition and control behaviour. Schools that have implemented successful SEL programs are safe, happy, purposeful and cohesive environments where children can engage with learning. Violence and conflict are reduced, and children are confident, trusting and motivated to achieve their best. They are also much better prepared to succeed in later life – at work and in their social and personal lives – because they are emotionally mature. FOR MORE INFORMATION ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE •C ASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning): www.casel.org • Six Seconds – The Emotional Intelligence Network: www.6seconds.org •P arent4Success: www.parent4success.com/14-tips-for-helping-children-withemotional-intelligence
SEL PROGRAMS IN SCHOOL & AT HOME • KidsMatter: www.kidsmatter.edu.au • You Can Do It! (in education): www.youcandoiteducation.com.au • You Can Do It! (for parents): https://youcandoitparents.com.au • Play is the Way: www.playistheway.com.au • Tuning in to Kids: www.tuningintokids.org.au
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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THE P FILES
The lost years of girlhood by Belinda Hopper FOR THIS GENERATION OF GIRLS, FOURTEEN IS THE NEW EIGHTEEN AND TEN IS THE NEW FOURTEEN, ACCORDING TO RENOWNED FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST STEVE BIDDULPH. AT AN AGE WHEN GIRLS ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO THEY ARE AND WHO THEY WANT TO BE, THEY ARE OFTEN LEFT TO NAVIGATE THESE ISSUES LARGELY ON THEIR OWN, APART FROM INVOLVEMENT BY THEIR PARENTS. WHERE GIRLS IN PREVIOUS GENERATIONS WOULD HAVE SPENT A LOT OF THEIR TIME AROUND OLDER WOMEN – MOTHERS, AUNTS, GRANDMOTHERS – GLEANING WISDOM FROM THEM, THEY NOW SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME RELATING TO PEERS BOTH IN PERSON AND ONLINE.
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In 1994, Dr Mary Pipher sounded the clarion call for “saving the selves of adolescent girls” with her #1 New York Times bestseller Reviving Ophelia. An anthropologist and psychologist, Pipher says adolescence “is a time of marked internal development and massive cultural indoctrination,” compounded for girls because they stop being the subjects of their own lives and become the objects of other people’s lives – becoming self-conscious about how they appear to others and being accepted, instead of being carefree and free-spirited as in their younger years.
of Australian experts challenging the premature sexualisation of girls by the media, popular culture and society, thinks not. Expert after expert draws a direct link between corporate exploitation of pre-teen girls and the rise of their existential crisis.
Let’s consider for a moment the “massive cultural indoctrination” Pipher refers to. Is it a coincidence that just as marketers discovered the pre-teen girl market was the most vulnerable demographic and began to focus their advertising on exploiting the inherent insecurities of their age and gender in the interest of profit, that there was a corresponding rise in angst amongst girls of that age bracket? Getting Real (2009), a book written by a number
Steve Biddulph also expresses concern in noting a marked increase in mental health problems in recent years, resulting in depression, eating disorders and self-harming for girls between the ages of ten to fourteen.
Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
Pipher’s concern was that cultural pressures force girls today to grow up faster than they did in previous generations, though they are not yet equipped emotionally to deal with such pressures. Rather, age ten to fourteen is now a time when girls need particular nurturing as they undergo a complete personal development overhaul.
It’s important, therefore, to consider the many factors that conspire to rob our girls of a few more carefree years of girlhood and discover how we can support and nurture them through this stage.
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THE P FILES
Introducing strong women role models into their daughter’s life is one of the best things parents can do to help their daughters sift through the noise and expectations of culture and peers.
THEIR physical SELVES During this stage, girls’ bodies change in size, shape and hormonal structure. They suddenly become aware of, and possibly discontent with, their physical appearance. Due to an increased availability of regular, good nutrition and environmental factors, puberty is hitting earlier than in previous generations and some girls even face a ‘false’ puberty – where they develop breast buds, but not periods – as young as eight. Girls therefore look, and are sometimes treated, older than their actual maturity level and may start to attract attention from the opposite sex that they don’t know how to deal with.
THEIR emotional SELVES The hormone changes during this phase render adolescent emotions intense, extreme and changeable, and the instability of their feelings leads to unpredictable behaviour and responses. Biddulph says the emotional volatility girls go through during these years sees them revisit the unruly emotional time of the toddler years. A good rule of thumb, he says, is to subtract twelve years from their age, to give a fair indication of their emotional responses. For instance, a thirteen-year-old revisits the overwhelming emotions of a one-year-old, and a fourteen-year-old revisits the tantrums and rebellion of a two-year-old.
THEIR thinking SELVES Most early adolescents are unable to think abstractly. They see the world in black and white, leading them to be stark in their assessments of life and people. Biddulph says we shouldn’t believe on face value what teenagers say about any given incident because not only are they prone to overgeneralise and overemphasise events and feelings, they also have a lot of masks they continually try on in an effort to work out the kind of person they want to be. Open communication should be encouraged between adolescents and parents; although adolescents may be articulate and skilled in the art of debating (particularly against set boundaries), they may not be reasonable or rational in their arguments.
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THEIR academic SELVES Research shows that academically gifted girls particularly struggle with adolescence, as there is a trend for girls to hide their accomplishments during this time in favour of social acceptance, which usually comes from being pretty rather than smart and popular rather than assertive. But the good news is there is a current push from celebrities such as Emma Watson encouraging girls to pursue careers traditionally seen as male-oriented. A new wave of toys such as Goldiblox aim to steer girls away from traditional girl toys like Bratz dolls – which are focused on fashion, make-up and hair dye – to build problem-solving skills needed for jobs like engineering. The aim is to help girls see themselves as capable instead of decorative. But not all celebrities are positive role models for young girls, even those who were once pegged directly at their age group, so we need to give our girls the tools to critique culture so they don’t develop a blind loyalty to celebrity. For instance, at the age of 10, girls might watch Miley Cyrus play wholesome Hannah Montana and dream of her life, only to be shocked at 14 to discover that Miley’s real life is not quite so wholesome. Or they may feel it’s okay to follow the antics of celebrities their own age, like Willow Smith, who at 14 is already embroiled in adult issues, such as her recent photograph on a bed with a man, and being photographed wearing full make-up, in a shirt with a picture of bare breasts on it, in support of the #freethenipple campaign. We can help our girls navigate the influence of celebrity by bringing confident women of strong character into their lives, so they have role models grounded in the real world that they can look up to.
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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P FILES
THEIR social SELVES
FINDING THEIR spark
Pipher says adolescence is scripted in a way that builds conflict between teenagers and their parents, particularly when adolescent girls seek to be independent in ways that parents deem unsafe. Increasingly, when there is conflict at home, girls turn to their peers for support. But just as there is increased conflict at home, girl politics often rears its head in the playground at this age, as girls transition from running around playing to hanging out talking, often about boys or other girls.
Dr Peter Benson pioneered research into helping adolescents discover their ‘spark’, an “interest, enthusiasm, talent or concern – which, if supported, gives them incredible joy, motivation and direction”. Benson says we find their spark by asking, “What activity gives you the most joy, makes you feel most alive, gives you a sense of purpose and excitement?” By helping adolescent girls find their spark, we get to really know them and listen to them, and learn in which ways they need our encouragement to become the woman they dream of becoming. Knowing their spark helps adolescent girls stand against the pressures to conform and please others and gives them a sense that their life is to be lived for their own enjoyment and fulfilment, and not to please or impress others.
This is where Biddulph suggests that aunties and surrogate aunties can step in and bring love, guidance and wisdom to the lives of girls. Introducing strong women role models into their daughter’s life is one of the best things parents can do to help their daughters sift through the noise and expectations of culture and peers. They need someone who will model healthy body image and speak up if they see signs of eating disorders or warn against the dangers of drugs and alcohol – conversations girls of that age may engage in more readily with someone other than their parents. Diane, a Sunshine Coast mother of two daughters aged 11 and 14 years, says social media compounds cultural and social issues and brings them into the home, making it harder for girls to have any downtime away from peer pressures. “When I was that age, no matter what happened at school, you could walk in the front door and switch off and have a break from friends. But my girls are connected to their friends on social media and seem to always be comparing their lives to the lives of their friends.” Sheree, a Sunshine Coast mother of two girls aged 12 and 14 years, says kids’ access to internet devices also makes it harder to parent. “It’s a world parents are often not a part of, where kids can make split-second decisions to share information or make comments that have social ramifications they can’t foresee.” The age limits for joining sites such as Instagram and Facebook are 12 and 13 years; smack in the middle of the adolescent years when girls already suffer what psychologists call ‘imaginary audience syndrome’ – where they think they are being watched by others who are preoccupied with the smallest details of their lives. So what happens when they are actually being watched by others on social media and they feel pressure to divulge the minutiae of their lives to their ‘friends’ or ‘followers’? How does this complicate the feelings of living for an audience instead of living for themselves – or as Pipher says, living “as objects of other people’s lives, instead of subjects of their own lives”?
THE GIRL’S GOT soul Adolescence is a time for us to invite a girl into her soul. Biddulph says, “All that you have is your soul” in terms of knowing yourself. He is referring to a girl’s inner self where, “if you break your own rules, nobody else will know, but you won’t feel good until you put things right.” Here he is talking about developing their inner moral compass. There are also activities that build soul, and others which are the enemies of the soul. Biddulph suggests that creative and active pursuits build soul, while passive, mindless pursuits like too much time spent in front of the TV or on computer games, destroy it. Biddulph says that we should not abandon girls to each other to shape and inform their moral compass. They need guidance from older women inside and outside of the family – another reason to find the right people to bring into their lives, particularly other women whom you admire because of their own soul and strength of character. But the responsibility isn’t solely on the women in a girl’s life. Biddulph says we cannot underestimate the importance of a strong father–daughter bond at this age. Research shows that fathers have a big job to play. Dads who treat their daughters with respect and spend a lot of time with them help to elevate their sense of worth around boys. Studies repeatedly show that girls with an involved father delay their first sexual experience by about two years. And that’s good news considering latest research shows that in the last six years, the average age of a girl’s first sexual experience has dropped to as young as 14 years of age. So take heart; there’s a lot we can do as parents to support our girls through their early adolescence, to nurture their soul and help them find their spark. As Biddulph says, “girls from ten to fourteen need more, not less, of our time, interest and availability” so we can encourage them towards becoming capable, kind, mature young women.
Adolescence is a time for us to invite a girl into her soul.
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
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limits in both areas, which help them to stay fit, positive of mind and on the right path the reaching their full potential in life.
Infinity Martial Arts offers a range of fun and interactive classes for 2–15 year olds that have been designed to make sure every child is challenged and given the chance to reach their full potential.
3. Respect: the instructors at Infinity work one-on-one with the students and strive to ensure all children learn the art of respect - teaching them to behave appropriately and hold a high regard for teachers, parents and other mentors that are present during their life.
With classes starting for children as young as 2, it allows kids to get a head start on learning vital skills such as paying attention, listening and showing self-control. The classes focus on hand and eye coordination, which is extremely important in early learning development.
4. Honour: all children will have the opportunity to progress through the coloured belt rank system. This provides the building blocks for learning how to set and achieve goals. The honour brings a positive social standing and more importantly improves their overall self-esteem.
Their programs not only teach children healthy and active habits from a young age, but also endeavour to give every student valuable lessons for life. All instructors at Infinity are full-time professionals that take pride in teaching quality, child-friendly martial arts that will help tackle selfconfidence, bullying and socialisation issues.
5. Personal Safety: students are trained to defend themselves against bullies in and out of the schoolyard. infinity teach non-violent ways to deal with the bully as well as providing valuable tools to make sure children don’t become a bully themselves.
1. Self-Discipline: research shows that children who train in martial arts develop a high level of discipline that flows through to how they focus and behave on a daily basis, in the classroom or at home.
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2. Strength: physical and mental strength can be one of the most valuable components to carry through life. Children are encouraged to push their
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TEENS
TEENAGE TRUANCY AND SCHOOL REFUSAL WHY SKIPPING SCHOOL MATTERS For some teenagers, the school years are anything but the ‘best years of your life’. The combined pressures of peer interactions, parental expectations and academic load can make school feel like something to endure and survive, rather than a place in which to learn, create and thrive. Consequently, many teens experiment with truancy. This may be a one-off bout of rebellion or a long-term pattern of absence. In the extreme, students may simply refuse to attend, leaving parents at a loss as to how to give their teenagers the best education and opportunities for later in life. So, why is it so important for teens to stay at school? And, as a parent, what can you do to help?
WHY SCHOOL ABSENCE MATTERS Queensland law states that children must attend school until they are 16 years old and be in some form of approved training or education program until they are 17. Legally, it’s the parents’ responsibility to keep children in school. Yet research into absenteeism conducted for Education Queensland’s Every Day Counts initiative (2013) showed that the overall attendance rate in Queensland schools was around 92%. Attendance rates generally start to decline from Year 7 at the start of the teenage years, hitting their lowest level in Year 10, then gaining some ground by Year 12 as students prepare for what comes next. Some of these absences are due to legitimate causes, like illness, but the others are classified in the research as ‘unexplained’ or ‘unauthorised’ and reflect the fact that for some teenagers, secondary school is a place they simply would rather not be. Research for the Every Day Counts initiative shows that a low level of school attendance is directly associated with poor academic achievement. This may then lead to leaving school early, fewer employment prospects and a lower quality of life down the track. Absenteeism in the early years of education has strong links with lower reading levels, whilst frequent absences in later years are more closely associated with numeracy deficiencies. Education is not just about academic achievement; school attendance also provides children with skills in areas like self-discipline,
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
by Lara Cain Gray
time management and socialisation. In some ways, attending school also keeps kids safe. Children who are trying to avoid school may put themselves at risk by trying to hide from authority figures or entertain themselves outside the home during the day.
WHY DO TEENS WANT TO SKIP SCHOOL? Despite messages about the importance of education, schools are still faced with regular absenteeism from some students in the secondary years. Unfortunately, there is no simple ‘cause and effect’ model we can apply to teen truancy or school refusal. Let’s face it: not much about life with teenagers is simple. The same heightened emotions and passionate beliefs that can make our teenagers vibrant, energetic contributors to the community can equally leave them vulnerable to peer pressure, anxiety and a lack of direction. Whilst every case of school refusal is individual, there are a few common root causes, including: • bullying at school • bullying at home or online • being a low achiever • not meeting parental expectations • boredom • lack of career goals or inspiration • not ‘fitting in’ • clinical depression or anxiety • developmental or learning disorders • family factors, such as illness or financial constraints. Children may experience one or more of these challenges at the same time, and each of these causes can be further broken down into a complex set of reasons and possible impacts. For example, a feeling of not fitting in can be a transient emotional state, associated with changing schools or changes in a friendship circle, or it might be part of a long-term struggle with anxiety that leaves the child in a constant state of uneasiness in social situations.
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TEENS Brisbane psychologist Raymond Inkpen, who works regularly with children and adolescents, says there are endless possible scenarios that lead teens to skip school. From simple boredom to the extremes of mental or physical health challenges, Raymond says that it’s important to look at each case on an individual basis and deal with our kids compassionately. “Know your children,” says Raymond, “and respond to any changes in their behaviour sensitively and in a timely manner. Don’t simply wait for things to get better, but don’t overreact either.” Communication, it seems, is the key. But parents can find talking to their teens is the biggest challenge of all. Brisbane mum of two Tina says she finds it “hard to tell the difference between illness, anxiety and just plain cheeky”. Teenagers can be masterful at feigning illness, but can also quite genuinely suffer from complaints like stress headaches, period pains or muscle aches associated with growth and development. It can be tempting to cover for your child if they need a one-off day of rest, but if any of these symptoms become habitual, it’s time for a trip to see your GP or school counsellor. While some problems may be significant signs of illness or anxiety, in other cases truancy is just a sign of teenage rebellion. Jack, 13, says that the main reason his peers avoid classes is because the classes themselves are not engaging enough. He adds that school counsellors are of no help if it’s the classroom environment a student is reacting against. A feeling of boredom is a strong motivator for not wanting to be at school, from the lowest achiever, who may feel intimidated or embarrassed, to the highest achiever, who may not feel challenged enough. Local mother of four Tracey also suggests that children stay away from school to avoid exams or on days when there is an event on they have no interest in such as sports days or visits from guest speakers. Schools, teachers and educational researchers are working hard to innovate in this area and find new ways to keep kids engaged in the school environment.
WHAT ARE SCHOOLS DOING ABOUT TRUANCY AND SCHOOL REFUSAL? It’s getting a lot harder for kids to skip school without their parents knowing. Most Queensland secondary schools have checking mechanisms whereby parents are notified by text message if a child is not at school. According to most local mums and teens spoken to, the most common form of disciplinary action for truancy is detention. Another popular approach is to link attendance records to important privileges, like the school formal or annual camp. But for children who may be experiencing more significant problems, like mental health issues, bullying or family dysfunction, such punishments may only force the child towards further absence. It’s a huge challenge for schools to find the best approaches to manage individual truancy cases. Schools may also provide guidance officers, counsellors or school chaplaincy programs, but these are highly variable in their effectiveness and approachability. Claire, 16, reports that seeing the school counsellor at her school is like a red flag to bullies. Kids who are seen to visit the counsellor may be singled out as kids with ‘problems’ and suffer the torment of peers as a result. On the other hand, Brisbane mum Tracey reports a positive experience with her school’s chaplaincy program which offers a relaxed ‘chill out’ space where teens can drop in for a chat without the formality of a counselling session. The Every Day Counts initiative highlights the importance of high quality teaching and good student/teacher relationships as significant
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determinants of a positive relationship with school. Bullying at school is flagged as one of the most important issues facing parents and teachers right now. The National Safe Schools Framework was rolled out in 2010, providing resources to schools, children and parents in an effort to combat aggression and encourage a culture and philosophy of respect in our schools, but its implementation is an ongoing process for school management teams. Psychologist Raymond Inkpen also works with children who attend flexible learning centres and says these can be effective for kids who continually struggle to engage with the conventional education system. Distance education or vocationally focused programs run by organisations like the YMCA offer a supportive learning environment for small groups of students, run by teachers who specialise in social and academic teen challenges. Raymond points out, however, that while these options are a useful alternative, they will not always be a solution. Underlying concerns for the child, especially in areas like developmental disorders or mental health issues, will still require effective diagnosis and professional guidance.
WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? Knowing the risks of regular absenteeism, most parents do their best to support their teens to stay at school. Although different families will need to work with their own personal circumstances, the following suggestions are a useful guide on ways to help keep your kids keen on education. • Keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk compassionately with your child about their reluctance to go to school, rather than relying on disciplinary measures alone. • Take an interest in their schoolwork. Help with homework, ask about their latest experiences or assignments and help them find links between schoolwork and long-term benefits. • Provide positive role modelling. Parents who have had negative experiences of schooling themselves may inadvertently give negative messages about education. Likewise, covering for your child might be a way of supporting them on the odd occasion, but if this becomes a habit, you may actually be reinforcing their negative relationship with school. • Work with the school where possible. Attend parent/teacher meeting opportunities and monitor how the school is handling student issues. Don’t be afraid to ask your school about their policies on bullying or the support services that may be available to your child. • Encourage your child to do their personal best, but remember that not everyone is a maths whizz or spelling champ. Help your teen seek out their unique gifts and talents. • Help teens see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ by discussing career options and future possibilities that lie beyond the school gates. In older years, look for work experience or volunteering possibilities that might help teens make links between education and professional life. Effective parenting strategies can work wonders for children displaying generally defiant or oppositional behaviours according to Raymond Inkpen. He supports the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program developed at the University of Queensland, which can be accessed via trained psychologists or through flexible delivery options across the state if you need further tips in this area. The Every Day Counts initiative and the Safe Schools Hub also offer online parent resources with helpful suggestions about combating barriers to education.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION VISIT: Every Day Counts: education.qld.gov.au/ www.everydaycounts Safe Schools Hub: www.safeschoolshub.edu.au Triple P – Positive Parenting Program: www.triplep.net
To find a psychologist in your local area who specialises in children and adolescents, visit the Australian Psychological Society website www.psychology.org.au
MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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HEALTH
ORAL HEALTH FOR CHILDREN ORAL HEALTH THERAPIST ALICE LEE FROM AVENUE DENTAL KAWANA JOINS US FOR A Q&A ON CHILDREN’S ORAL HEALTH. When is the best time to take my child to the dentist? An early introduction allows children to get used to the dental environment. The first visit may simply involve a ride in the chair and seeing the instruments the dentist uses so that they feel confident with visiting the dentist. This should first occur about the time the child’s first baby tooth erupts. An anxious child can even have their early examinations while sitting on their parent’s lap. After the first visit, regular examinations and cleans are recommended every six to twelve months in order to maintain healthy gums and to catch any small areas of concern early on that could potentially cause problems later. Regular visits to the dentist or oral hygienist will help parents gain a better understanding of their individual child’s needs to ensure they develop healthy habits and keep their teeth for life. How do I maintain good oral health, especially when my child refuses to have her teeth brushed?
Children up to the age of eight often require parental help.
Dental professionals recommend that children brush their teeth twice daily, morning and night. Do not hesitate to help your child brush to make sure there is no soft plaque left behind. Children up to the age of eight often require parental help. The simplest way to ensure that all surfaces are covered is to follow a three-step brushing method. 1. Brush the ‘outsides’, including all the sides facing the cheeks and lips. 2. Brush the ‘insides’, the surfaces closest to the tongue and roof of the mouth. 3. Brush the top surfaces of the teeth, making sure to brush as far back as possible to the last tooth visible in the mouth. Always use a circular motion when brushing and angle the toothbrush so that both the sides of the tooth and the gums are brushed.
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If you are unsure whether your child’s tooth cleaning efforts are effective, ask your dentist for some disclosing tablets. These tablets show areas of missed plaque, by staining any germs left on the teeth red. This is a great tool for both parents and children to learn the correct and most effective brushing technique. What problems can children have with their teeth? Tooth decay is the most common preventable disease that may present itself in the form of discolouration (brownish, black or yellow) or an open hole, and this will often cause pain and discomfort when well progressed. Look for signs of a pimple-like lesion, also known as an abscess, as this may indicate that the nerve of the adjacent tooth is dying which requires urgent treatment from a dentist. Your child’s dentist may take x-rays to check for decay during regular check-ups. What is the best toothbrush and toothpaste to use for my children? With so many options available, it can be overwhelming for parents to select the right products and tools to effectively maintain their child’s oral health. When choosing a suitable toothbrush for your child, look out for specially designed children’s toothbrushes, which have a small head and a larger handle for a better grip. There are many electric toothbrushes on the market that are designed to make brushing fun. Use a children’s toothpaste suitable for your child’s age as these have reduced fluoride content. When the teeth no longer have significant spacing between them they will require more than just brushing alone to effectively clean them. Interdental brushes can be introduced as an addition to the daily brushing routine. These are tools used to clean between the teeth such as floss or various types of picks designed to squeeze between the teeth and clean areas the toothbrush cannot reach. There are many types of interdental products on the market that work well for children, and trialling a few to get the right one could prevent the need for a filling later on.
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CONVERSATION by Natasha Higgins
Meet Jackie Hall
FOUNDER OF THE PARENTAL STRESS CENTRE OF AUSTRALIA One life-changing day when her son Cody was just 22-months-old – and acting up as toddlers often do – Sunshine Coast mum Jackie Hall was so angry that she slammed a knife down on the bench so hard that it bounced off and narrowly missed Cody’s head. She ran to her bedroom screaming how much she hated her life, all the while with 6-month-old baby son Ryan clinging to her hip. It was in that moment Jackie realised it was not just life that had to change, but she had to change, and learn how to mentally handle the difficult times of parenting. She began her own learning and healing journey to understand, absorb and finally teach the principles of change that she found were necessary to overcome her parental stress, depression and anxiety. Today, eight years later, Jackie lives in the Sunshine Coast hinterland with her husband Steve and sons Cody (now 10) and Ryan (now 8), and is the founder and director of The Parental Stress Centre of Australia (PSC). Through her work, Jackie has helped thousands of parents and their families find peace and self-worth. The Parental Stress Centre (parentalstress.com.au) is an online resource that provides programs, books and information on how to understand the thinking that lies behind parental stress, child behaviour and relationship conflict. They provide online and offline training programs that assist parents to identify the key thinking lying behind their stress, and how they can change that thinking to feel calmer and happier in their family relationships.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO START THE PARENTAL STRESS CENTRE? My own depression and anxiety when my children were young was a huge catalyst. My life had become a repetitive cycle of loving motherhood, hating motherhood and stuck in a cycle of anger, guilt and self-hatred. It was in the moment immediately after ‘the knife incident’, when Cody and Ryan were still babies, I realised I had to change. The reality was that my kids were going to whinge, fight, have their moments, go through their developmental stages, and I needed to learn how to mentally handle that. I couldn’t find anything out there that would help me with my mindset, right now, in the thick of raising children and experiencing the enormous challenges that come with that, so I decided that I would train myself to change and wrote about it as I went. I formed Self Help for Mums, which later turned into www.kidsinthecitymagazine.com.au
The Parental Stress Centre, after appearing on Sunrise with our signature program ‘28 Day Tame your Temper Parenting Challenge’ and having a lot of dads emailing me to ask for help too. More research, more application to my own life and more working with clients led to more programs and the outcome of what you see now on The Parental Stress Centre.
much, because it’s not someone who’s trying to be better than them, judge them as being wrong or trying to be a guru. It’s a parent, just like them, who is going on this journey with them. It’s real and not some warm and fuzzy unrealistic expectation of parenting that’s never going to be met. Real support. Real solutions. No judgement. That’s our mantra.
HOW CAN STRESSED PARENTS GET HELP FROM YOU?
WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST REWARDING PART OF YOUR WORK?
We have something for everyone and all financial situations. All of our programs are affordable and come with payment plan options to help those who may need it. Our signature program, the 28 Day Tame your Temper Parenting Challenge has helped over 10,000 parents, plus we’ve had over 5000 more parents come to us to do various programs or purchase books. We have self-paced programs that help you deal with depression, anxiety, anger, guilt, lost identity, time management, relationship issues and more. We also run all of these programs live online over four weeks so parents can participate in learning the information and getting an enormous amount of support. I am the author of five books – The 28 Day Tame your Temper Parenting Challenge, The Happy Mum Handbook, What’s In It For Me?, A Parent’s Guide to Balance and Getting More YOU Time and A Parent’s Guide to Finding Your Lost Identity. We also run live full-day workshops twice a year in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Brisbane. In August this year, we’ll be running a three-day workshop right here on the Sunshine Coast.
Knowing, and even seeing, the results of parents taking on our information and how it’s affecting kids. It’s so heart-warming to hear how kids are feeling heard and understood, how their behaviours have made huge turnarounds, how parents are enjoying their kids more and how relationships are reconnecting and walls are breaking down. I love knowing that the effect of families making these core changes to their mindset and approaches to life are really going to ripple out to multiple generations. It’s a real joy to be a part of.
HAS YOUR OWN PARENTING STYLE CHANGED SINCE STARTING THE PARENTAL STRESS CENTRE? Of course. I have completely changed my whole mental approach to parenting over the last eight years. The benefit of doing this as a job is that I repeat this information over and over again, and it is solidified through my own experience of parenting. There are times that I’m saying something to someone and that little voice in my head says, “Hey, you know that applies to you to at the moment, don’t you?” So I also get to learn as I teach. I make it very clear to my clients that there is nothing that I teach at the PSC that I don’t have to apply to my very own life. This material was definitely not written, nor presented, from a pedestal of perfection, but I think that’s why parents resonate with it so
TELL US ABOUT WINNING THE 2014 AUSMUMPRENEUR RISING STAR AWARD. HAS THIS HAD ANY IMPACT ON YOUR BUSINESS? I think as well as the on-flow of more people knowing about the Parental Stress Centre, the award was more about what I personally got from it. I didn’t realise how many people the PSC had really affected until that weekend, and I think in my mind that’s when it really went from hobby/passion to the drive to get this information out to every parent on the planet! It motivates me to take it to the next level because when we can teach parents to understand stress, how to deal with emotion and how to handle life’s ups and downs without depression and anxiety, we will literally change generations. Children will grow up with this knowledge by default and the world will move closer to the harmony we are all seeking. I think that weekend is what brought me to the fuller realisation of why the PSC needs to grow to ‘Tony Robbins level’.
WHAT LIFE MESSAGE DO YOU MOST WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO LEARN? No matter what they do, who they are or what mistakes they make, they are always 100% worthy. Who they are is always enough! To read more about Jackie and her valuable work, visit www.kidsonthecoast.com.au MARCH / APRIL 2015 – Kids in the City
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BOOKS, MOVIES, APPS, GAMES
REVIEWS BOOKS MAGPIE LEARNS A LESSON Sally Morgan & Ezekiel Kwaymullina, Omnibus Books, RRP $24.99
MOVIES HOME In cinemas March 19. Rating: TBC When Earth is taken over by the overly-confident Boov, an alien race in search of a new place to call home, all humans are promptly relocated while all Boov get busy reorganising the planet. But when one resourceful girl, Tip, manages to avoid capture, she finds herself the accidental accomplice of a banished Boov named Oh. The two fugitives realise there’s a lot more at stake than intergalactic relations as they embark on the road trip of a lifetime.
THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER In cinemas April 2. Rating: TBC SpongeBob SquarePants, the world’s favourite sea dwelling invertebrate, comes ashore to our world for his most super-heroic adventure yet. Life is dandy in Bikini Bottom for SpongeBob Squarepants and his friends, but when a diabolical pirate steals the secret Krabby Patty recipe, they must travel to the surface in order to get it back.
TINKER BELL AND THE LEGEND OF THE NEVERBEAST In cinemas April 2. Rating: TBC Return to Pixie Hollow for a heart warming adventure which explores an ancient myth of a fabled creature whose distant roar sparks the curiosity of Tinker Bell’s good friend Fawn, an animal fairy who’s not afraid to break the rules to help an animal in need. But this animal – massive and strange with glowing green eyes – is not really welcome in Pixie Hollow, and the scout fairies are determined to capture the mysterious beast before it destroys their home. Fawn, who sees a tender heart beneath his gruff exterior, must convince Tink and the girls to risk everything to rescue the NeverBeast before time runs out.
APPS LEMON TREE – INTERACTIVE BOOKS FOR CHILDREN (iPad, iPad Mini) $2.49 Perth author and mother Tracey Regan has developed an iPad app that contains a mini library of eight Lemon Tree Book Company personalised stories, written with 3 to 7 year olds in mind. After entering their own name and their friends’ names to be the main characters in the stories, young readers can travel with a secret agent teddy bear, be a daring dinosaur or solve mysteries as a private detective. The books appeal to children’s active imaginations and encourage the joy of reading.
CLEAN & GREEN KIDS
(iPhone, iPad) $3.79 Released by two young Gold Coast mums Yolanda and Renee, the Clean & Green Kids app has 90+ simple and delicious homemade recipes that make eating fruit and vegetables fun. The app is a great resource for families with specific dietary requirements with each recipe clearly marked where appropriate as nut free, dairy free, gluten free, meat free, seafood free and egg free. Users can filter recipes using personalised settings and search for recipes by ingredients already available in the fridge or pantry.
Best-selling Australian author Sally Morgan and Ezekiel Kwaymullina have penned a story with a theme that is much too common in young friendships today. The story is about two Aussie animal characters, Magpie and Brown Falcon, and has a subtle underlying theme about how jealousy can make trouble between good friends. Magpie often admires her friend the Brown Falcon and his ability to soar to great heights, the way he drops from the sky like a stone and his ability to see for miles. But Magpie was jealous that she couldn’t do these things and didn’t realise that Brown Falcon loved listening to her sing every evening. Magpie’s jealousy moved her to doing mean things to Brown Falcon to make him look silly and her antics eventually drove him away into a different woodland. One day, Magpie got into some real trouble and Brown Falcon, a loyal friend, came to her aid. Once free, Magpie realised how much friends really do need each other. With beautiful pictures that bring the two characters to life, this book is cleverly written in a way that relays an important message to young readers about the effects of teasing and bullying and the importance of friendship. Review by Eva Lewis
RAISING COMPETENT TEENAGERS Dr Linda Friedland, Rockpool Publishing, RRP $27.99 Tackling the tricky teenage years is challenging for most parents. In the age of sexting, cyber bullying and drug experimentation, it’s tougher than ever to keep an active dialogue with your teen. So how do you remain a strong and compassionate parent and keep communication open as they face these challenges? Bestselling author Dr Linda Friedland, a Perth-based mother of five, distils the wisdom of prominent parenting educators and draws upon her own knowledge as a medical doctor to provide a practical guide for parents. Dr Friedland provides practical solutions for over 100 issues such as dealing with brain and body changes, parent–teen conflict, implementing rules and family values, how to say no, teen narcissism and entitlement, and helicopter and tiger parenting.
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Kids in the City – MARCH / APRIL 2015
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