COMPANION WORKBOOK · SAMPLE
SA CoParents: Align Before Agreement Workbook Guided exercises for stronger communication, childfocused plans, and healthier co-parenting. This sample includes Chapters 1 and 2 and the workbook index.
Matt Sossi, JD
SA CoParents Legal · SA CoParents Mediation
Joy Curbow, MS
SA CoParents Therapy
Albert W. Smith, PhD, LMFT SA CoParents Therapy
ABOUT THIS SAMPLE
The full workbook has twelve chapters, a conclusion, a glossary, and an index. Index references are chapter:page in the separate chapter PDFs; references to chapters not included here appear in gray. This workbook is educational material. It is not legal, medical, or mental-health advice and does not replace a judge, attorney, therapist, or other professional.
Table of Contents INTRODUCTION
Forthcoming
CHAPTER 1
A Different Starting Point
Included
CHAPTER 2
Why Alignment Comes Before Agreement
Included
CHAPTER 3
From Positions to Needs
Full workbook
CHAPTER 4
We Meet Parents Where They Are
Full workbook
CHAPTER 5
Understanding Needs, Concerns and Interests of Children
Full workbook
CHAPTER 6
From Reflection to a Foundation
Full workbook
CHAPTER 7
Never Bring Only One Solution to a Disagreement
Full workbook
CHAPTER 8
Preparation Changes the Mediation
Full workbook
CHAPTER 9
From Mediation to a Workable Agreement
Full workbook
CHAPTER 10
Every Child Has a Different Path
Full workbook
CHAPTER 11
Safety Comes Before Co-Parenting
Full workbook
CHAPTER 12
Move From Information to Direction
Full workbook
CONCLUSION
Keep the Child at the Center
Full workbook
GLOSSARY
Workbook terms and abbreviations
Full workbook
INDEX
Topics and workbook tools
CHAPTER 1
A Different Starting Point Nobody hands you a co-parenting manual when a relationship ends. One day, decisions about your child may have happened under one roof. Now there may be two homes, a parenting schedule, court orders, school events, doctor appointments, text messages, and a co-parent you may not always agree with. SA CoParents begins with a simple idea: before trying to win the next disagreement, slow the moment down and ask a better question: What does our child need from us right now? Some decisions will be easy. Others may bring old disagreements back to h f h d l h S C
Included
the surface. Those everyday moments are exactly where SA CoParents can be useful. If homework is not getting done between two homes, the first instinct may be to blame the other parent. A more useful question may be, 'What routine would help our child succeed in both homes?' That shift does not erase responsibility. It simply keeps the conversation connected to a problem that can actually be solved. Children change as they grow. A plan that worked when your child was six may need a very different approach when your child is thirteen. SA CoParents encourages you to build a process you can return to as new issues arise. Sometimes the thing parents are arguing about is only the surface of the real problem. Two parents may disagree about an activity, a school issue, or a schedule change while both are actually worried about the same child-related concern. Imagine that one parent wants a child to stay on a competitive sports team and the other wants the child to take a break. One parent may be thinking, 'Our child loves this team and needs consistency.' The other may be thinking, 'Our child is exhausted and needs more rest and school time.' Those parents disagree about the solution, but both may care deeply about the child's well-being, confidence, school performance, and happiness. The app can help you look underneath the argument. What need are you trying to protect? What concern are you trying to address? What outcome are you hoping for? When those deeper concerns become clear, parents may discover that they have more common ground than they realized. This is not about trying to pretend the disagreement is unimportant. The goal is to understand it well enough to create more than one possible way forward. That is why SA CoParents focuses on needs, concerns, goals, and options instead of only positions. Agreement means both parents decide to do the same thing. Alignment means both parents understand what they are trying to accomplish for their child, even if they are not yet sure how to get there. Parents may disagree about whether tutoring is necessary. One may want tutoring right away. The other may want to meet with the teacher first. They do not yet agree on the next step. But they may both agree that their child needs stronger academic support. That shared understanding is alignment. Once parents can identify the goal they share, the conversation becomes less about winning and more about finding a way to meet the child's need. Alignment does not require you to give up your
point of view. It does not mean pretending a serious disagreement does not exist. It simply gives the conversation a better starting point. SA CoParents uses that idea throughout the app because parents often make better decisions when they first become clear about the problem they are trying to solve. Parents often enter conflict wanting someone to confirm that they are right. That feeling is understandable, especially when you believe you have been trying hard and the other parent is not listening. SA CoParents is not designed to decide which parent is the better parent or whose version of every past event is correct. Instead, it helps you organize the information that matters for the next decision. What is happening now? What does your child need? What is getting in the way? What would help? This does not mean the past is ignored. History can be very important, especially when there are concerns about safety, reliability, family violence, substance use, or repeated communication problems. But the purpose of looking at the past is to understand the present and make safer, more thoughtful choices about the future. The app also does not replace a judge, lawyer, therapist, doctor, or other professional. What SA CoParents can do is help you arrive at those conversations better prepared. You can bring a clearer picture of your concerns, your goals, and the questions you need help answering. PAUSE BEFORE YOU RESPOND
Before you answer a difficult message, ask: What happened? What am I worried about? What does my child need? What do I want my response to accomplish? Co-parenting conflict can make everything feel urgent. A difficult text arrives, a schedule changes, or your child tells you something upsetting, and your first instinct may be to respond immediately. Sometimes an immediate response is necessary. But many times, a short pause can help you decide what response is actually useful. SA CoParents encourages that pause. Before answering, ask yourself what happened, what you are worried about, and what you want the next conversation to accomplish. It can also help to separate what you know from what you are assuming. A late pickup may feel disrespectful. Before the conversation turns into a l ti k h th thi i ti t t f tt
larger accusation, ask whether this is a one-time event, part of a pattern, or a problem that needs a new plan. The point is not to minimize your frustration. It is to make sure your response moves the situation toward something useful. A pause can also help you decide whether the issue belongs in a direct conversation, a written message, mediation, or a discussion with a professional. When emotions are high, slowing the process down can sometimes be the most practical step you can take. During a difficult separation, adult conflict can take up all the space. Parents may become focused on fairness, parenting time, rights, past hurts, or whether the other parent is being reasonable. Those concerns can be real. But children still need their parents to notice what life feels like from the child's point of view. A child may need predictable routines, a calm exchange between homes, consistent medical care, help at school, emotional reassurance, or permission to love both parents without feeling caught in the middle. SA CoParents repeatedly brings the conversation back to the child because that is often where parents can find their strongest common ground. The question is not only, 'What do I want to happen?' It is also, 'What will this decision feel like for my child?' That question can be especially helpful when both parents have reasonable but different ideas. A child-focused approach does not mean parents must always agree. It means the child's needs remain visible while adults work through the disagreement. A need is something your child requires to be safe, healthy, supported, or able to thrive. A concern is something you believe may be getting in the way. A goal is the outcome you hope to reach. This simple structure can make a big difference in how you describe a problem. Saying, 'The other parent is always late,' may be true from your point of view, but it is likely to make the conversation defensive. A more useful way to organize the issue might be: 'Our child needs predictable exchanges. I am concerned that frequent delays are making evenings stressful. My goal is to create an exchange plan that is more consistent.' The concern has not disappeared. But it has been connected to the child and to a solution. This is not about making everything sound nicer. It is about making the problem easier to understand and easier to work on. When parents can name the need, concern, and goal separately, they are often better prepared to discuss actual options. Blame is a natural reaction when something goes wrong. If homework is not done, an appointment is missed, or a child is upset after an exchange, it can be tempting to begin with what the other parent did wrong.
tempting to begin with what the other parent did wrong. The problem is that blame often leads to another round of blame. One parent accuses, the other defends, and the original problem gets lost. The app can help you reframe the issue as something that needs to be solved. Instead of, 'You never make sure the homework gets done,' the issue can become, 'Our child needs a more consistent homework routine between homes.' Now parents can discuss practical choices. Should homework expectations be written down? Should both parents use the same school portal? Would tutoring help? WORKSHEET · YOUR TURN
Think about one current disagreement. Write one sentence for each: My child needs… / I am concerned that… / My goal is…
My child needs… I am concerned that… My goal is…
Problem solving does not mean no one is accountable. It means the conversation has somewhere useful to go. When a concern is stated in a way that points toward a solution, the chances of a productive response usually improve. That is the kind of shift SA CoParents is designed to support. When parents are in conflict, disagreement can feel like the whole relationship. It can seem as though every decision becomes another fight. But many parents agree on much more than they realize when it comes to their children. You may both want your child to feel loved, do well in school, receive good medical care, stay safe, enjoy meaningful activities, and grow into a confident adult. The disagreement is often about how to reach those goals, not whether the goals matter. SA CoParents helps bring those shared priorities back into view. Instead of beginning with five things you disagree about, you may be able to begin with ten things you both want f hild
for your child. That does not magically solve the remaining issues. But it reminds both parents that the disagreement exists inside a larger area of shared responsibility. Common ground is not the end of the conversation. It is a stronger place to begin it. Children can behave differently in different homes. One parent may see anxiety while the other sees independence. One may see a child who needs more structure while the other sees a child who needs more freedom. Those differences do not automatically mean one parent is dishonest or does not understand the child. Parents may simply have different information. They may see different behaviors, receive different comments from teachers, or notice different reactions during transitions. SA CoParents encourages you to treat those differences as information that may need to be explored. Ask, 'What am I seeing?' and 'What is the other parent seeing?' Then ask what information might help both of you understand the difference. Sometimes the answer will come from a teacher, pediatrician, counselor, coach, or another professional who has a broader view. You do not have to solve every disagreement based only on two competing opinions. A healthy process can include getting better information before deciding what to do next. Conflict often makes people believe there are only two choices: my way or your way. A useful next step is to slow down and look for additional options. Suppose one parent wants a child to begin counseling and the other parent is unsure. At first, the disagreement may sound like a simple choice between therapy and no therapy. But there may be several steps in between. Parents might speak with the pediatrician, consult the school counselor, schedule an initial evaluation, learn about providers, or agree to revisit the issue after gathering more information. None of those choices guarantees that the parents will ultimately agree. But they create more room for thoughtful decision-making. Options are especially helpful when both parents have a legitimate concern that needs to be respected. The question changes from, 'Which parent gets their way?' to, 'Which option best addresses what our child needs?' That is a much more useful conversation when the first two positions have led to a dead end.
Co-parenting can involve legal, emotional, educational, medical, and practical questions. No parent should be expected to have expertise in every one of those areas. SA CoParents can help you recognize when a problem may need support from someone outside the family. That support might come from a mediator, attorney, therapist, pediatrician, school counselor, tutor, parenting professional, or another qualified resource. Asking for help is not a sign that co-parenting has failed. In many situations, it is exactly what responsible parenting looks like. Parents may disagree about whether a child needs educational testing. Rather than continuing the same argument, they may decide to speak with the school and learn what the child's teachers are seeing. The same idea applies to medical or emotional concerns. Sometimes the most productive next step is not another debate between parents. It is gathering information from someone with relevant expertise. The app helps parents organize the questions they want to ask and the concerns they want a professional to understand. Not every co-parenting relationship is safe, and not every family should be encouraged to communicate in the same way. If there is family violence, coercive control, stalking, threats, intimidation, fear, or a serious power imbalance, ordinary co-parenting advice may not be appropriate. In those situations, the first question should not be, 'How can we communicate more?' The first question may need to be, 'What structure will help keep this process safe?' That might mean more limited communication, written communication, professional involvement, separate mediation settings, safer exchanges, or a parallel-parenting structure. KEEP THIS ONE
Child-focused does not mean conflict-free. It means the child stays visible while the adults work through the conflict.
Some situations may require legal protection or court involvement. SA CoParents is not a substitute for those protections. A child-focused approach should never pressure a parent to ignore danger in the name of cooperation. Healthy co-parenting looks different in different families. For some, it means frequent teamwork. For others, it means clear
boundaries and very limited contact. SA CoParents is designed around the idea that safety must be considered before deciding what kind of coparenting process is appropriate. People often assume that good co-parenting means talking often. For some families, that works very well. For others, frequent contact creates more conflict than it solves. The better question is not, 'How much should we communicate?' It is, 'What communication is actually necessary and helpful for our child?' Cooperative parents may be comfortable with quick calls or informal messages. Parents with more conflict may do better with written communication that is brief and focused on the child. High-conflict families may benefit from limiting communication to necessary topics. Families with safety concerns may need even more structure. A useful next step is to think about communication as a tool. The tool should fit the situation. What information needs to be shared? How quickly? Which decisions require discussion? Which issues can each parent handle independently? The goal is not constant contact. The goal is enough clear, appropriate communication to meet the child's needs. Sometimes reducing unnecessary communication can make the communication that remains more effective. Many co-parenting conversations go badly because both parents enter them already frustrated. Each person is ready to defend a position before the real issue has even been clearly defined. The app can help you prepare before that conversation starts. You can identify what your child needs, what you are concerned about, what outcome you hope for, and what information might be useful. You can also think about where you already agree and what options might deserve consideration. That preparation can help whether you are talking directly with the other parent, meeting with a mediator, speaking with an attorney, or consulting a therapist or school professional. Being prepared does not mean you have to be emotionless. You can still care deeply about the issue. It simply means you can explain why the issue matters and what you hope will improve. A better-prepared parent is often in a stronger position to stay focused on the child, even when the conversation becomes difficult. CHAPTER 2
Why Alignment Comes Before Agreement
Before Agreement Agreement is helpful, but it is not always the best place to start. When parents begin by demanding the same answer, they can become stuck before they have even identified the problem they are trying to solve. Alignment comes first. It means identifying the child-focused destination, even when you still disagree about the route. You first need to understand the issue. Then you need to understand what your child may need, what concerns each parent has, and what information may be missing. Only after those pieces are clearer does it make sense to compare possible solutions. Trying to agree too early can actually make conflict worse. If each parent arrives with a fixed answer, the conversation can quickly turn into a debate about whose plan is better. Alignment slows that process down just enough to ask a more useful question: "What problem are we trying to solve together?" Imagine that your child is having trouble getting to school on time after transitions. One parent may want an earlier exchange. The other may want the child to stay overnight instead. Those are different solutions. The shared concern may be much simpler: the child needs a calm, predictable school morning. Once that is clear, both parents can look at more than one way to create it. This does not guarantee that you will agree. It does help separate the goal from the first solution that came to mind. That separation can create flexibility. When people are less attached to one answer, they can become more open to ideas that still protect what matters most to them. Alignment does not require parents to think alike. In fact, two caring parents can look at the same situation and reach very different conclusions. One parent may believe a child needs more independence. The other may believe the child needs more structure. One may see a busy activity schedule as exciting, while the other sees the same schedule as exhausting. Those differences do not automatically mean that one parent cares more or understands the child better. Each parent may be noticing a different part of the child's experience. The useful question is whether there is a shared goal underneath those different views. Perhaps both parents want the child to become confident and responsible.
Perhaps both want the child to have enough rest while still enjoying meaningful activities. When the shared goal is visible, the parents can discuss the differences without making the differences the entire story. SA CoParents encourages you to describe what you are seeing, why it concerns you, and what you hope will improve. That gives the other parent more information than a simple yes-orno position. You might say, "I am worried that she is too tired after practice to finish homework," instead of, "She needs to quit the team." The first statement explains the concern. The second jumps straight to a solution. Staying with the concern a little longer can create more room for both parents to participate in solving it. Parent takeaway: Different opinions can still grow from the same love, concern, and hopes for your child. A position is the answer a parent wants. A child-focused need explains why that answer feels important. Positions often sound like, "I want Friday nights," "I want this school," or "I do not want counseling." Those statements are clear, but they do not tell the other parent what concern is underneath them. A more helpful conversation asks what the position is trying to protect. A parent asking for Friday night may be worried about missing activities or family time. A parent wanting a particular school may be focused on stability, special services, or transportation. Once those reasons are understood, the conversation can become more flexible. The original request may still be the best option, but it is no longer the only idea that can address the concern. This is one reason SA CoParents asks parents to identify needs, concerns, and goals before working on agreements. The process is not asking you to hide what you want. It is asking you to explain what matters about it. That explanation helps everyone stay connected to the child. It also gives a mediator, attorney, therapist, or other professional a clearer picture of what the disagreement is really about. When the conversation starts with the child rather than the position, parents often discover that they have more room to solve the problem than they first thought. A disagreement about bedtime may be connected to a shared goal of helping the child feel rested. A disagreement about tutoring may be connected to a shared goal of helping the child succeed at school. A disagreement about counseling may come from two parents who both want the child to feel emotionally healthy. When conflict is
high, it can be hard to see that shared goal. The argument becomes so loud that the common concern disappears underneath it. KEEP THIS ONE
Alignment does not mean agreement. It means you can name the child-focused goal you are both trying to reach.
SA CoParents helps bring the goal back into view. It invites each parent to describe what they hope will be better for the child if their concern is addressed. That question can be surprisingly useful: "If this problem were improved, what would be different for our child?" The answer may reveal the real target. Maybe the child would feel less anxious. Maybe mornings would be calmer. Maybe schoolwork would be more consistent. Maybe the child would stop feeling caught between the parents. Once that outcome is named, both parents can ask whether their proposed solution actually moves the child toward it. Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes a different option becomes possible. Either way, the discussion becomes more purposeful. Conflict often becomes personal very quickly. A disagreement about a schedule can turn into a discussion about who is more responsible. A school concern can become a criticism of the other parent's entire parenting style. One way to lower the temperature is to name what both parents want for the child before discussing what they disagree about. You might begin with, "I think we both want him to feel settled at school," or, "I know we both want her to have a good relationship with both sides of the family." That does not erase the disagreement. It creates a reminder that the other parent is not simply an opponent. Both of you are connected to the same child's life. When a shared goal is stated clearly, it can also help keep the conversation from wandering into unrelated complaints. If the discussion starts returning to old arguments, the parents can come back to the question: "What will help our child with the issue we are discussing today?" This kind of focus may feel unfamiliar at first, especially when there has been a long history of conflict. It does not require trust to be perfect. It
simply requires a willingness to keep returning to the child-focused purpose. Even small moments of alignment can make a conversation more manageable. They show that disagreement is only one part of the relationship, not the whole picture. Some parents hear the word alignment and worry that it means giving up, compromising too soon, or pretending that serious concerns do not exist. That is not what alignment means in SA CoParents. You can be aligned around a child's need and still strongly disagree about the best response. You can also maintain firm boundaries while recognizing a shared goal. For example, a parent may believe communication needs to be limited because conversations repeatedly become hostile. The other parent may want more communication. Both may still be aligned around the goal of exchanging necessary information about the child. The question then becomes how that information can be shared in a way that is useful and safe. Written communication, a parenting platform, clearer topics, or professional support may be options. Alignment does not require you to accept behavior that feels unsafe, unhealthy, or inappropriate. Safety and boundaries remain important. It also does not require you to agree simply to keep the peace. A meaningful agreement should be reached because the solution makes sense for the child and the family, not because one parent felt pressured to surrender. Think of alignment as agreeing on the destination while still having a real discussion about the route. School issues are a common place to see the difference between alignment and agreement. WORKSHEET · TRY THIS
If you are stuck on two competing solutions, stop comparing the solutions for a moment. List the child needs each parent is trying to protect. Then compare options against that list.
Child needs I am trying to protect Child needs the other parent may be trying to protect How the options compare against that list
Suppose one parent wants the child to remain at the current school while the other wants to transfer. If the discussion begins with the two school names, the parents may immediately become stuck. A better first step is to identify what each parent is trying to protect. One may value stability, friendships, and familiar teachers. The other may be concerned about academic support, distance, or services available at another school. Now the parents can look for alignment. They may both want strong academics, reasonable transportation, supportive teachers, and as little disruption as possible. Those shared goals create a list of questions that can be answered with information instead of argument. What services does each school offer? How is the child doing now? What does the teacher recommend? How would transportation work? Would a transfer interrupt special services or activities? The parents may still disagree after gathering the facts. But the disagreement is now more focused and easier for a mediator or court to understand if professional help becomes necessary. Alignment does not decide which school wins. It helps parents compare options using the child's needs rather than only their own preferences. One parent may love the opportunities that sports, dance, music, clubs, or other activities provide. The other parent may worry about cost, travel, homework, rest, or how the activity affects parenting time. If the discussion begins with, "Can she play or not?" the parents may feel forced into opposite sides. Alignment asks a broader question: "What do we want activities to add to our child's life?" Parents may agree that activities should support friendships, confidence, health, enjoyment, or skill development without creating too much stress. Once those goals are clear, the parents can look at practical limits. How many activities are manageable? Who handles transportation? How much does it cost? How late are practices? Is the child still getting enough sleep and homework time? The child may also have a voice appropriate to age and maturity. Listening to the child does not mean placing the decision on the child. It means understanding the child's experience as one piece of the picture. The goal is to move beyond a yes-or-no fight and build a schedule that reflects both opportunity and balance. Medical decisions
can feel especially emotional because parents want to protect their child's health and may have different levels of comfort with treatment. One parent may want to move quickly. The other may want a second opinion. One may feel confident in a provider while the other has questions. Alignment can help parents separate the shared purpose from the disagreement about treatment. Both parents may agree that the child should be healthy, comfortable, safe, and treated based on good information. That shared purpose can guide the next steps. Instead of arguing only about whether to say yes or no, parents can identify questions for the doctor. What are the benefits? What are the risks? Are there alternatives? How urgent is the decision? What happens if treatment is delayed? When possible, reliable professional information can reduce assumptions and give both parents a common source to consider. Some decisions may still require legal guidance if parents cannot agree or if decision-making authority is disputed. Alignment does not replace legal rights or professional medical advice. It does, however, help parents approach the medical issue with a shared understanding that the child's health is the center of the discussion. Children often experience different routines in two homes. Bedtimes, meals, homework, chores, screen time, and household expectations may not look exactly the same. Parents sometimes believe successful coparenting requires both homes to operate identically. For many families, that is neither realistic nor necessary. Alignment allows parents to focus on the important purpose behind a routine rather than insisting that every detail match. For example, one home may have an 8:30 bedtime and the other a 9:00 bedtime. The bigger question may be whether the child is getting enough sleep and arriving at school rested. Homework may happen immediately after school in one home and after dinner in the other. The shared goal may simply be that assignments are completed and the child receives support when needed. APP CONNECTION
Use SA CoParents to organize the shared goal, each parent’s concerns, missing information, and possible next steps before another difficult conversation. There will be situations where greater consistency is important
There will be situations where greater consistency is important, especially for younger children or children with particular medical, educational, behavioral, or developmental needs. The point is not that differences never matter. It is that parents can decide which differences truly affect the child and which are simply different ways of reaching the same healthy goal. This approach can reduce unnecessary arguments and allow each household to function in a way that fits its own circumstances. Parents often argue about communication itself. One parent may feel there is too little. The other may feel there is too much. Messages may be long, delayed, emotional, or focused on issues that do not need a response. Before deciding how often to communicate, it helps to align around why communication is needed. The purpose is usually to exchange important information about the child, coordinate necessary decisions, and help the child move between homes with fewer avoidable problems. Once the purpose is clear, parents can choose a communication structure that fits their situation. Cooperative parents may communicate informally. Parents with more conflict may do better with short written messages, a co-parenting platform, scheduled check-ins, or clearer boundaries about what topics require discussion. In families involving safety concerns, direct communication may need additional safeguards or professional guidance. This is not about trying to communicate for the sake of communicating. It is to make sure the information that matters reaches the people who need it in a way that does not create unnecessary conflict. Alignment helps parents evaluate communication by whether it serves the child rather than by whether it matches one parent's preferred style.
When You Think the Other Parent Is Wrong Alignment can feel hardest when you are convinced the other parent is making a poor decision. You may believe your facts are stronger, your concern is more urgent, or the other parent is overlooking something important. Those feelings can be real and still leave room for a more useful first step. Instead of beginning with, "You are wrong," try identifying what you are worried will happen to your child if the issue is not addressed. That does not weaken your position. It makes the reason behind your
position easier to understand. For example, "I am worried he will fall further behind in reading if we wait another semester" gives the other parent something specific to respond to. "You never take school seriously" invites a fight about character. You can then ask what the other parent is concerned about. Perhaps they are worried about overloading the child, labeling the child too quickly, or adding another expense. Now both concerns can be compared against the child's needs and available information. There will still be times when parents cannot resolve the issue themselves. Alignment is not a guarantee. It is a way to make the disagreement clearer and more useful before deciding what help is needed. Sometimes parents try to identify a shared goal and still feel far apart. That can happen, especially when conflict has been going on for a long time. You do not need to force an artificial statement of agreement. Alignment should be genuine, not something parents say only because they think they are supposed to. If common ground is hard to find, start smaller. Can both parents agree that the child deserves accurate information to guide the decision? Can they agree that the child should not be placed in the middle? Can they agree that safety, school attendance, or medical care matters? Even a very basic shared principle can create a starting point. If that is still not possible, the next step may be to identify the disagreement clearly rather than continue arguing in circles. SA CoParents can help organize each parent's concern, the child's needs, the missing information, and the options that have already been considered. That information can make mediation, legal consultation, therapy, parenting coordination, or another professional process more productive. Not every family will reach alignment on every issue. The value is in making the problem more understandable and choosing the next step thoughtfully. If common ground is hard to find, start with the smallest child-focused principle you can honestly share. INDEX
Topics and Workbook Tools References are chapter:page in the separate chapter PDFs (5:7 means Chapter 5, page 7). Highlighted references link to the chapters in this sample; gray references point to chapters in the full workbook.
0-9 504 plans
9:4
A Activities and extracurricular commitments
3:6
5:5
ADHD and attention concerns Agreements, practical terms
10:5 9:2
9:7
Agreements, review before signing
2:1
9:7
11:2
6:5
12:2
ARD and IEP decisions Attribution and information sources
12:6 9:8
Agreements, safety and voluntary participation Alignment and agreement
9:4
10:3 11:5
12:1
12:2
7:3
11:3
8:4
11:3
B BIFF communication Boundaries
4:5
C Child Needs Snapshot
5:9
Child Needs Snapshot, worksheet
5:10
Child-focused goals
5:8
Children as messengers or investigators
6:3
9:1
4:5
8:5
Child’s Needs Road Map
10:7
Child’s voice and adult responsibility
5:6
10:8
CLEAR path
7:3
7:4
11:1
11:2
Coercive control and fear Communication, amount and structure
4:4
7:3
9:3
C
33
57
63
t ti
ith t bl
Concerns, stating without blame
3:3
5:7
Conclusion
6:3 Concl.
Confidentiality and information access
11:6
12:4
Consistency across homes
5:3
10:7
9:4
10:4
Continuity of care
5:4
Cooperative co-parenting
4:3
Counseling and emotional support
5:5
Court use and legal limits of reports
10:5 12:7
D Development and changing needs
5:3
9:7
Differences between parent perspectives
4:6
6:5
12:3
Disagreement, when it remains unresolved
3:10
10:8
12:6
9:7
11:2
9:3
10:3
3:9
8:5
Documentation and records
E Education and school information
5:4
Emotional reactions and triggers Emotional security Exchanges and transitions
5:2 5:5
9:3
Expenses and reimbursement
11:4 9:4
F Facts, observations and interpretations Family violence and safety
5:7
8:3
10:2
4:7
11:1
Final reflection worksheet
Concl.
Flexibility
7:2
9:5
Foundation Statement
6:1
8:1
Foundation Statement, writing tool
6:7
Future disagreements, process for
3:12
9:6
4:4
7:2
9:9
12:7
6:4
10:7
9:8
12:7
8:1
8:2
H High conflict and structure
I Implementation and follow-through
8:7
Individual reflection
L Legal advice
8:6
M Mediation, agenda and preparation Mediation, partial agreement
8:6
Mediation, safety adaptations
8:6
11:5
7:4
10:4
Medication coordination
10:4
10:6
Missing information
6:5
12:3
5:1
8:4
11:7
12:8
7:7
7:8
7:6
12:5
Medical needs and professional guidance
3:7
N Needs and preferences Next step, choosing and recording
3:2 4:8
10:9
O Option Menu Options, generating and comparing
P
3:11
7:1
Parallel parenting
4:4
1:2
Pausing before responding Positions and underlying needs
7:6
3:1
3:4
7:1
Power imbalances
11:3
Preparation for professional conversations
1:6
Priorities
5:8
6:3
8:2
Professional roles and limits
7:5
9:6
12:4
10:6
11:5
Professional selection Professional statement
12:7
R Reports, comparing parent responses Reports, limits and sources
11:5
10:8
12:2
12:1
12:2
Review dates and plan updates
6:8
7:6
9:7
Routines and schedules
3:5
5:3
9:2
S SA CoParents Align approach
11:6
SA CoParents, purpose and limits
1:2
Safety screening and process selection
9:7
Separate participation Strengths and sources of joy
11:5
12:5
11:7
12:4
5:2
6:2
T Technology safety and monitoring
11:4
Three voices in a report
12:2
Trial periods Tutoring and school support
7:5
7:6
9:6 10:4
SA CoParents Companion Workbook · Sample: Chapters 1–2 and Index · Matt Sossi, JD; Joy Curbow, MS; Albert W. Smith, PhD, LMFT