Welcome to parenthood

If you thought there was a manual before having children, you know by now, there is not. Raising little people is a personal experience and cannot really be compared with anything else. The love you have for your child, combined with the enormous sense of responsibility of raising a real live human, can certainly bring you to your knees – especially when you’re tired, sleep deprived and short on emotional resources.

First, know this. You are doing a truly noble and amazing thing by raising babies and toddlers, who will one day go out into the big wide world and make their mark, loaded up with all the wonderful things you taught them along the way.

Each child in your family will teach you something new and call upon skills you may already have, or will develop over time. If you have more than one child, you may find that each child needs something different altogether. Respond to the child you have, not the one you read about in a parenting book. Trust yourself to think for yourself, to get to know your baby and toddler, and to learn and grow with them.

Here are some tips for those early years of parenting, from someone who has been there, done that and knows how many mixed emotions those early days can bring.

1. Be okay with not knowing all the answers. Feeling confident with parenting comes in time and varies according to what season of parenting you are in. Those early days of parenting come with so much information, at a time when you are barely getting enough sleep and everything can feel like a blur. Each stage of a baby and toddler’s life comes with new questions and expectations. Just when you feel like you’re on top of wrong. In those moments, the joy of this precious privilege of raising a family can be lost. Allow yourself plenty of time to feel confident. Your confidence will grow, with your experience. of doing this is knowing your values and passing them down to your children. This is best done by example, where they learn from you being a living example of how to be in this world. everything, your little person might reach a new milestone or face a new challenge and it feels like you’re back at square one! Be okay with following your gut too as a lot of parenting advice can be conflicting, or goes against your personal values. Social media, which is largely a social comparison platform, makes everyone else’s highlight reel feel like proof that you’re getting it

2. Keep it real. Forget Instagram parenting. These snapshots fail to show the messy moments and EVERY parent has those. You are way better off taking a snooze, going for a walk, listening to music, watching some Netflix or hanging out with a friend or partner than getting lost in the comparison scroll. There are plenty of studies emerging that show the more time we spend on social media, the more anxious and overwhelmed we can become. Your baby and toddler needs you to be okay. Don’t let comparison rob you of that confidence.

3. Mindset. Be kind to your mind. Our thoughts come with such automaticity, filling our heads with so many messages, many of them negative. Notice what you think about your parenting and your baby and toddler. Are you focusing on what you’re doing right enough, or is your mind always on what you wish you had done differently? Are you thinking about what you love about your baby and toddler, or are you drifting back to that long list of things that are genuinely hard about raising a toddler?

Trust yourself to think for yourself, to get to know your baby and toddler, and to learn and grow with them.

When the self critical thoughts come, acknowledge them, accept their presence and then try to think of something that opposes that. This helps create more balanced thoughts, which can be tricky to achieve in those early years of parenting.

6. Understand temperament and personality. Children are born with unique temperaments, personality and genetic compositions. Knowing what to do when your first born has an emotional meltdown, does not necessarily mean you will find it so easy with a second born and vice versa. Do not expect too much from yourself.

7. Accept help. No one can do this gig alone, without risking burn out. Babies and toddlers are so reliant on their parents –for everything! You are one person, there is no weakness in seeking help.

8. Learn how to cope with challenging emotions. You have heard it before, I know, but emotions really are contagious. You catch them from your children and they catch them from you, too. It’s only natural to feel emotional when you have an emotional child in front of you. During baby and toddlerhood, the upsets are often more frequent so parents can feel burnt out, making it even harder to use coping skills and stay calm. Just keep learning and trying. Babies and toddlers are much happier when the adults in their life know how to stay calm in the storm.

4. Let go of unrealistic expectations. I think a lot of the time it is not the parenting itself that’s exhausting, it’s the constant juggle of competing demands. Try to let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself. There is something to be said about JOMO (the joy of missing out). Learn to say ‘no’ if you’re tired of saying ‘yes,’ and cut yourself some serious slack. Parenting is a full-time job that consumes most of your mental load. You need your rest.

5. Parent according to your values. There are many valid ways to raise a family. One of the most important parts

9. Boundaries. Last, but by no means least, set limits and boundaries with your toddler and older children. Toddlers and children need our leadership about what is and isn’t acceptable at home and out in the community. They need to know there are social rules to keep the social thread cohesive. Children need to develop accountability through our kind but firm boundaries. They will naturally make plenty of mistakes along the way when their emotions and ego are big. It is our job to show compassion for this developmental phase, empathise with them about their feelings and then, set the limit.

Love,

Madhavi

As always, thank you for reading. Have a beautiful day. positivemindsaustralia.com.au

@positivemindsaustralia

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