Hamili

The memories from our past are woven into the fabric of our present like threads. They build us, lead us, and help us become the individuals we are. The threads are not always as delicate for other people, though—they leave wounds that heal slowly, are cruel, and are pointy. And as I sit here, mired in memories of my early years, I can feel the sting of those threads, each of which serves as a reminder of the hardships and disappointments that have characterized my life.

I let out a whimper while a sense of betrayal rocked my mind to the very core as my beloved grandmother left me at age 4. My grandfather, who sang the Mona Lisa to me as I slept, passed away right after I turned 7. My parents, younger brother, and I moved five times to different places since my aunt’s shouting, yelling, ranting, screaming, and criticizing were enough to tell us that she wanted us out of the family house, whereas we had nowhere to go. In 3rd grade, a need

Jewelyn Liberato

to hide or flee superseded all else within me, for some of my classmates started rumors and muttered unkind things because of their bitterness as I entered a high rank in our class. In 5th grade, five anesthetics and three stitches struck my arms as I underwent outpatient surgery. For a long enough time that I had to lead a good life, I was criticized for having a face that is bounded by acne—I was mocked, ridiculed, and condemned. I've been plagued by the weight of these occurrences in a way that I can't seem to get rid of. It gives the impression that there is a gloomy cloud above me, casting a shadow over everything I do. Yet, I've learned to persevere despite everything. I've discovered that life is not always fair and that we occasionally get dealt a bad hand; however, it is up to us to choose how to play that hand.

For me, life was extremely challenging. I started to have a good one but felt that maybe I had become unlucky. Howbeit, those challenges didn’t stop me from flying as high as I could and if I could. Even though I always have tears streaming down my face as I sleep, I wiped them and smiled as I woke up, remembering how my grandparents told me that I am beautiful. As we moved through different destinations, I considered those moments to be memorable, believing that every time we moved, it represented a new journey and a new beginning. My parents do not have work because, after they worked, they spent their lives in charge of the family house, looking out for my cousin with poliomyelitis and my grandparents. When my parents were able to have a home of our own, even if I saw them holding back a scream or crying because cents were the only thing left in their bank accounts, I started looking out for our sari-sari store and started loading business to be of help to my parents. school’s student government, became an officer inside our classroom, and participated in different kinds of extracurricular endeavors. My life had also revolved around my studies— seeking academic validation— but eventually, I fell in love with it. I became a curious girl who wanted to become an empowered woman and to know more about life. I made my parents proud of me for being an active citizen of the country, even though I was and am still a student.

As some were busy worrying and criticizing me for what I am, I was busy thinking about what could I do for our little family when even my younger brother is already as naughty as he is. I was stressed trying to find a little purpose to ignite within me. I was devastated because I felt that I could not afford to dream even just about the little things.

I was lonely because I started losing my confidence to shine brighter like glimmering stars that I wished to hold on to. Truth be told, I was ashamed, for there were times that I thought about how unlucky I am to think about earning a penny, about the reason that I was not able to have a dream as it requires financial capacity, and about giving up as I do not know if I could still be tolerant enough as a young girl who just wants to enjoy life like others do instead of living and worrying like an adult.

Despite the many immense challenges that life had thrown my way, I had a fire inside of me that could not be put out. I had a deep-seated hope that motivated me to keep moving forward in spite of everything. I didn't want to let my circumstances define who I am or what I can be. Instead, I saw each setback as a chance to improve myself, learn new things, and be stronger. Even though it was difficult and there were times when I wanted to give up, I overcame my discouragement. Instead, I clung tenaciously to the hope that things would turn around, that I would discover my place in the world, and that my difficulties would eventually and finally make sense.

I ran into a lot of roadblocks as I carried on with my ambitions. There were times when I wanted to give up, but I forced myself to remember the obstacles I already surmounted. I discovered that failure is just a stepping stone on the road to success, not the end. I learned to appreciate the growth and development process as I realized it takes time and work to become phenomenal.

Learning new things, getting to know new people, and seeing other ways of life were all exciting to me. My experiences have taught me that life is full of surprises, and it is my responsibility to take action on them at all times. On top of that, those who continued to believe in me, even those who discouraged me, were my biggest motivation and inspiration. And as long as there is one person who is proud of who and what I am, I will continue to improve my gifts and serve as a beacon of hope. And so, I keep challenging myself to become a better version of me, stepping out of my comfort zone, and encouraging others to do the same.

As I went on my journey, I realized that life is about creating new possibilities. I began to perceive things differently and saw that there are many opportunities in the world. I started to assess new possibilities, took my chances, and overcame my worries, for I was aware that only by this could I experience true growth. I grew more self-assured and confident with each new experience. I came to understand that the secret to living a happy life is to enjoy every moment, no matter where it can lead us. And when I reflected on my history, I saw that despite my flaws, my family had given me the fortitude and resiliency to deal with whatever comes in my way. The most crucial lesson they taught me was to constantly keep going forward, no matter what, and to never give up on yourself. And I will always be grateful for that.

In some ways, one's family is the one who forgets. But sometimes I think about how understanding is a great tool. In the end, what will help us overcome the trials of life is not only the brain but also the people who will hold our hands and never let us go. The people who will never leave us and will face any trial by our side through all the pain and joy; furthermore, I muse that decisions, not life conditions, determine people's destinies—it is not what happens now or what happened in the past that determines who a person really is. Instead, decisions about what to focus on, and what to do with these things wil predetermine your destiny.

In light of this, I am reminded of the transience of existence as the sun sets on another day. Everything in this world is ephemeral, so we should value each and every second we have. I inhale deeply, allowing the cool evening air to fill my lungs. These are the times when I feel at peace when all appears to slow down and I can fully enjoy the beauty around me.

I'm appreciative of the people in my life and the experiences that have helped me become the person I am today. I feel at ease and content as I observe the way the sky's hues meld together. It serves as a constant reminder to enjoy the small things in life and to slow down in to appreciate the our living paradise.

Hence, these things I learned gave me strength to help me move forward and overcome whatever happens next. I realized that it is indeed important to help oneself for if I don't stand up on my own, then how will I lead others to become agents of change? I became an embodiment of strength, versatility, and compassion—I became a living testimony that even as waves pulled ashore, I crawled out of the waters against them. I came to a realization that it might provide a sense of emancipation, especially for those who wish to breathe deeply. Having someone by our side— family, friend, life partner, or even anyone—who will continue to affirm everything is possible, is just a bonus.

Ergo, we can find the courage to move forward, to forge our own pathways, and to leave our own imprint with hamili—the capacity to embrace and accept both the boons and banes in life. Let's welcome life with wide arms and never lose sight of how priceless each moment is.