THOSE BRITS HAVE A WAY WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE…

The city of Marathon’s Sombrero Beach has a new art installation that comes with an important message about sea level rise and climate change. The rolling waves, sculpted out of granite by local artist Craig Gray, are inscribed with projected sea levels in the year 2090 for that very spot of the Middle Keys’ most popular beach.

Gray has created more than 100 public art pieces in 26 states; some big, some small. As a Monroe County resident of more than a decade, Gray said he particularly appreciates the see-hear-touch nature of the piece.

“The art depicts the flow of water, but if you listen closely you can also hear the small waves crashing on the beach and you can touch this installation, so there’s the tactile element too,” Gray said. “This piece not only depicts the threat of hurricane storms but also the reality of the daily action of waves on our shores.”

The purpose of this public art is to educate the community and visitors regarding flooding and sea level rise that is outside the standard scope of dry charts and blackand-white graphs.

“This is a magnificent way to combine art with science with a beautiful sculpture that also emphasizes the realities of sea level rise,” said Marathon Mayor Luis Gonzalez.

Vice Mayor Robyn Still recognized the group effort. “This project is an amazing effort on the part of the Florida Keys Council of the

Arts to depict — through art — the importance of climate change to the Keys,” she said.

The city will install signs to explain the three demarcations of projected sea level rise for 2090, as forecast by National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). The three scenarios describe the projected intermediate high sea level, the high level and the extreme high level.

• The concrete base of the sculpture represents the projected intermediate high sea level in 67 years at 4.35 feet above current sea level.

• The top of the smaller wave depicts the projected high level in 67 years at 6.32 feet above current sea level.

• The top of the larger wave depicts the projected extreme high in 67 years at 7.8 feet above current sea level.

The city’s “Beautiful Benchmarks” project was funded with a grant from the Florida Keys Council of the Arts. The installation was handled by the artist and city staff including Jared Weaver and Blaine Connell of the utilities department and Yuniel “Junior” Diaz from parks and recreation. The grant was authored by the city’s planning director Brian Shea and grants coordinator Maria Covelli.

BONUS: The art installation has already been added to Google maps and nominated as a Pokéstop, making it easier for visitors to find.

— Contributed

’ve always been partial to good British humor (humour?). I’m especially fond of the Monty Python stuff, particularly Monty Python and the Holy Grail (“Is that an African or a European swallow?”) Even when people aren’t trying to be funny in Great Britain, they are oftentimes very amusing. My late friend Wayne “Mac” McCormick from the U.K. would frequently send me emails with actual complaints from proper Brits, many of which I’ll repeat here..

Tenants in housing often have issues and complaints for their landlords. What makes the British complaints different from the American complaints is how they’re worded. For example, in America, if the toilet doesn’t work, we call the landlord and say, “The (expletive) toilet doesn’t work!” Across the pond, one might handle the same complaint in a much different fashion: “Sometime before I shuffle off this mortal coil, if it’s not too much trouble, I’d fancy a crap in my own working loo.” Without further ado, here are some actual U.K. tenant complaints. Please imagine these spoken in a fine British accent.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it any more.

3. It’s the dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. Their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

6. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

7. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

8. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

I9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

11. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

14. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC 2.

It’s not just tenant-landlord complaints that Mac sent me. Here are some actual newspaper story excerpts that found their way to the U.K. press:

- Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” (The Daily Telegraph)

- Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

- At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguardsman and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

- Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. “He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out ‘Heil Hitler.’” (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

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