MOST INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT THE PGA & LIV (SAUDI) GOLF MERGER

10. Instead of golf carts, participants can now opt for a yellow or orange Lamborghini to traverse the 18 holes. (We know, pro golfers walk the course, but the idea of Rory Mcllroy getting out of a Lambo to hit his 8-iron is priceless.)

9. All tournaments are sponsored by the oil conglomerate Saudi Aramco. And if you don’t like it, they’ll chop off your putting hand.

8. The Masters Tournament winnings will now be $2.3 billion — and a Barbary falcon to everyone else who makes the cut.

7. Phil Mickelson will now only be referred to as Prince Lefty.

6. We’ll boycott Target and Bud Light over their inclusiveness, but celebrate a merger that includes two nations with the worst human rights records

(Saudi Arabia, China’s largest global oil supplier) by handing them the longeststanding sports tradition in the free world.

5. Now that Donald Trump will be an instrumental figure in a sports startup, we wonder if anyone recalls the fate of the New Jersey Generals?

4. Soooo, the statute of limitations on giving a shit about 9/11 ended yesterday?

3. Can we assume this merger will neither apply to, nor benefit, the LPGA, given the Saudis’ view of women, who weren’t allowed to drive until 2018?

2. Another 600 billion reasons to move to electric cars.

1. We now know that money can buy anything. Even one’s soul. RIP PGA Golf: 1929–2023.