Sensei Kersey

from Live Your Best Life Magazine - June 2023

Sensei Kersey

and all of that initial excitement she was exhibiting earlier as decamped her interest now.

Step Out of the Comfort Zone

We all have social anxiety. It’s not easy to step out of our comfort zone. Just imagine attending a party where you don’t know anyone. How about public speaking; the clammy sweat, the nervous twitch, relying on a jittery laugh or clumsy joke to carry you through the awkward moment.

It’s important to remember that our children are no different. Maybe this has already happened to you before: your daughter is scheduled for her first dance lesson, karate class or soccer game. You get her to the rehearsal, class or field and she suddenly freezes. She just doesn’t want to partake

Have you ever had your son so hyped over his first little league baseball game before the Saturday it’s to be played, only to have him refuse to even put on his baseball uniform at the moment of truth?

In my over 35 years as a martial arts instructor, I have witnessed my fair share of children who seem to become disinterested at the moment of truth. Don’t worry, and don’t be mad at your child.

There’s a psychological principle called systematic de-sensitization, which simply means: the more you make yourself do what you are sensitive or fearful of, the less sensitive and fearful you will be.

Unfortunately, social anxiety is a relatively involuntary response brought on by the very thought of stepping out of our comfort zones. A child’s imagination is a wondrous thing, but it can also straitjacket that child when the mental picture in their heads does not match up to what they see in the reality set before them. It’s the mental misrepresentation of seeing themselves as uncomfortable in public that creates this social anxiety.

The sooner you help a child step away from that mental image and make positive reinforcements about what is, rather than what that hoped it might be, the sooner a child will learn how to cope with anxiety in a positive and enlightened way.

So, if your child experiences social anxiety, the last thing you should be doing is stressing over it. Just like social fears, social skills are learned. The ability to control our fear becomes essential to inhabiting our world with greater confidence. The sooner your child begins to develop these skills, the better.