Kentucky Kernel: April 28, 2020

Tuesday, April 28, 2020 est. 1892 | Independent since 1971 www.kykernel.com @kykernel @kentuckykernel

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GOLDEN FORKS

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

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Tuesday, April 28, 2020

LETTERS FROM THE EDITORS Like so many on the Kernel staff, my time in college revolved around the newspaper.

Never-ending deadlines dictated much of my time, and I sought to give the rest of it to those unforgettable friendships forged in old Grehan and McVey— while poor school work had to wait till the last minute.

After so much time in the Kernel offices, writing my good-bye letter feels bizarre.

Has-been editor writes goodbye -Rick Childress, outgoing editor-in-chief Writing this letter at home, in the midst of a global pandemic, feels even more bizarre.

We had our final meeting last week.

New Editor-in-Chief Natalie Parks presided as the Kernel staff— both outgoing and incoming—said their goodbyes, congrats and good lucks all via

Zoom.

(And a very tender thank you to Dean Jennifer Greer for ordering pizza to everyone’s respective houses.)

The tears and strained voices were still heart-wrenching and -warming; even coming from a small screen. I look forward to the day when we

can say our farewells with hugs, handshakes and a few friendly drinks on the couches at Charlie Brown’s.

I’m so proud of our staff, the memories we’ve made and the work we’ve done. I also want to especially thank our advisers.

Without them, this newsroom wouldn’t be the home that it is.

To the Kernel’s seniors—and all those not returning to college next semester—I wish all the luck and blessings necessary for what will undoubtedly be a challenging new normal.

To those still on staff, I hope you can begin to make sense of the pain and change bound for this campus.

And I hope you’ll still have time to be college students in between.

kentuckykernel

CONTACT Editor-in-chief Natalie Parks editor@kykernel.com Managing editor Michael Clubb editor@kykernel.com News/features editor Lauren Campbell news@kykernel.com Asst. news editors Haley Blackburn Emily Girard

The weekend before Kentucky’s first case of COVID-19, I spent all of Saturday in the Kernel office.

I was working on a story that has now been swamped under the deluge of coronavirus news, but that at the time had been the source of weeks of writer’s block.

I had the office to myself, and in a lastditch effort to bring form to my story, I printed out all of my interviews – pages and pages of quotes and data – and spread them out on the floor.

I cut up all those pages line by line and then spread the pieces on the floor, too.

Sitting in the middle of the piles, I tried to make sense of these random snippets of information, shuffling them around and reordering them as if they would magically arrange themselves into something coherent and meaningful.

They must have

The road ahead -Natalie Parks, incoming editor-in-chief eventually, because I got my story written, although lots of tape and more cutting was involved.

Nearly two months later, the Kernel office sits empty and I sit at home, having left campus when the semester went online.

Our world often seems unrecognizable – in movies and on television, characters who normally represent us now look incredibly out of touch, gathering in crowded places and kissing strangers as they do.

And yet in the midst of previously unthinkable change, I sometimes feel like I’m still sitting in that Kernel office. Information is coming in from every angle; press conferences from doctors, the latest order from the governor, phone calls from lonely and

scared relatives, stories of hope and stories of grief unfolding on our timelines, newspapers the world over putting forth seemingly endless streams of updates – updates that are necessary and vital, but still frightening. Contradictory advice is thrown about everywhere, all the more concerning as scientists and doctors learn more about this still-unknown disease.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Like so many slips of paper on the floor, our lives now are fragmented, disconnected, interrupted. Nothing much makes sense, and a path forward is hard to find.

As Editor-in-Chief of the Kentucky Kernel, my job in the year ahead is to take those fragments and create a whole. My staff and

I will make order out of chaos – not with scissors and tape, but with our minds, hearts and likely many long nights ahead.

As journalists, we will endeavor (as always) to tell our readers what they need to know when they need to know it.

Many, many years in the future, this time will be written about in history books; people around me keep saying this, as though it’s supposed to make up for the pain and suffering people are experiencing. We at the Kernel want you to know that your stories are important now – and that, online school or no, we will continue to tell your stories, through writing, photography and multimedia.

Now more than ever, we know that

journalism is essential (a word not to be used lightly). We know that the truth matters. We know that reporting on COVID-19 is a necessity, but more than that, reporting on our communities is a way to heal.

No one knows what the next year will look like. But I can promise that whatever happens, the Kernel will be there, working alongside you as we navigate this new normal.

There is still unimaginable grief ahead. But one day, things will be normal. Five o’clock will mean quitting time and not Andy Time.

Stock in Zoom will go back down. People will forget that we ever used to shake hands.

The world won’t look the way it used to. It might be a pasted-up, misshapen, and generally ugly-looking world, but it will be there. So have hope, and be kind.

Sports editor Braden Ramsey sports@kykernel.com Opinions editor Sarah Michels opinions@kykernel.com Asst. Opinions editor Gillian Stawiszynski Photo editor Tori Rodgers Designers Mya LaCLair Ryder Noah From Social media manager Sarah Simon-Patches KENTUCKY KERNEL OFFICES 340 McVey Hall University of Kentucky

Lexington, KY 40506

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Tuesday, April 28, 2020

G O L D E N F O R K S

D I A M O N D SEC KING AND QUEEN (Nick Richards and Leah Edmond)

If this year was a prom, Nick and Leah would be wearing the crowns. Both members of Kentucky’s power couple put up huge numbers while helping their respective teams to a 2019-2020 regular season title. And off the court? The dynamic duo is, well, dynamic. From Leah’s guest role in the “Pick Nick” campaign to Nick’s dedicated feather duster, these two are the definition of couple goals. But if we had to pick one to reign, we’d pick Leah. She has a longer tenure in blue and white, more awards on her shelf and a savage social media game.

That said, we don’t want to separate this duo. The obvious care and affection they maintain for one another has created a soft spot in the heart of BBN - that is, if they haven’t stolen it completely.

DAD OF THE BLUEGRASS (Andy Beshear)

Forget about the Founding Fathers—there’s a new dad in town. This year’s Dad of the Bluegrass award belongs to none other than Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear, who in an extraordinary global pandemic twist, has become the subject of various memes praising him as the competent and calm father figure the commonwealth needs during this crisis. A reincarnated FDR of sorts, Beshear’s nightly speeches to Kentuckians have gone viral in the form of wholesome— and sometimes slightly concerning—memes on Twitter and Facebook. Whether cosplaying as Kermit the Frog, Captain America or even a hotter version of Mr. Rogers (the Internet said it, not us), all the memes share one common sentiment: Beshear will get us through this together.

George Washington and those regretful sideburns never stood a chance.

F O R K

FRONTLIN

It’s easy to make jokes during a time o easy, too, to write this from the relativ ing tirelessly to provide support in tim Kentucky Kernel is awarding our first e protect the rest of us by working on the of our community hospitals or behind c Across the country, essential workers a and peace of mind during these chaotic being. They are the heroes of any narrat First responders, healthcare employees Thank you.

Years ago, an embittered Kernel editor came back to the office upset, hurt and insulted. A prominent campus figure had unfairly harangued the young reporter for an offense that he did not commit.

It was at that moment, in the heat and sweat of tension, that the young editor vowed revenge. From those feelings of injustice, the Golden Forks were born.

As a testament to that reporter, the Kernel has since taken it upon ourselves to strike back at those who have wronged the fourth estate with an annual edition of the awards.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2020

BEST SOCIAL DISTANCER (Eli Capilouto)

Social distancing is not a game, but if it was, President Eli Capilouto would be winning. No one has seen the man in weeks - he hasn’t been seen at press conferences, taking a stroll about campus, or even caught at the grocery store with a cart full of toilet paper. Automated emails sent en masse are our only contact with the man steering us through this crisis. We have to wonder what is keeping the big man from even being seen. Maybe he’s a secret Doomsday prepper and has isolated himself in a bunker under Kroger Field. Perhaps he’s wary of college students, germ incubators that we are. And by postponing commencement, he’s saved himself from having to shake the hands of thousands of graduates. As students, we’re a little worried about him.

But as fellow pandemic dwellers, we have to give him mad props for his social distancing skills.

HOT NEW ADDICTION (Tik Tok)

Tik Tok - the app everyone hates to love. Copying the format of its esteemed predecessor, Vine (RIP), Tik

NE WORKERS

of crisis – you could call it a coping mechanism. It’s ve comfort of quarantine. What’s not easy is workmes of crisis. In honor of our frontline workers, the ever Diamond Fork - a genuine tribute to those who front lines, whether it’s behind the sacrosanct doors cash registers, pharmacy counters or cleaning carts. and healthcare employees have provided sustenance c times, almost always at personal risk to their welltive we could possibly spin of these past few months. s, essential workers: You are essential human beings. . Thank you. Thank you.

Tok exploded into popularity this school year and became the app of choice for all-nighters - not for finishing assignments, but for scrolling through one. more. video. And Tik Tok became the perfect quarantine companion, with an endless number of complicated dance routines (yes, Renegade, we’re looking at you) to conquer and endless duet trends to follow. Some say it’s their most shameful download; others say it’s their biggest time suck. Mastering the dance of the week and constantly being aware of what’s going on in the Hype House aren’t skills that come lightly. But when you’re stuck in your house seeking an escape from online classes, Tik Tok is there to fill the void. So for everyone stuck in a loop of refreshing the #foryou page, we see you. We hear you.

We are you.

GREEN THUMB AWARD (University of Kentucky)

In their efforts to preserve as many trees as possible during the demolition of the Kirwan-Blanding Towers, UK cut down 231 of the 242 trees surrounding the buildings. In a heroic effort, they were able to preserve 11 trees surrounding the towers. Students are so thankful that the university took every possible step to help the trees, including chopping them up quickly and without warning so that they didn’t suffer. Students hosted a tree funeral to mourn the lost trees, which had occupied the area longer than some students have been alive. In true Lorax fashion, UK hopes to turn the area into a new green space, which must be environmentally friendly because they used the word “green.”

Editor’s Note: Or so the legend goes. Regardless of the origins, the Golden Forks are now tradition, a celebration of satire and a chance to poke fun at the year in review. Usually, the Golden Forks would be the final print edition of the Kernel before the semester ends. But this year, almost everyone left campus weeks ago, and students now sit at home finishing out their classes online. We hope that these awards can bring a little levity to the darkness. But if not - if we’ve truly taken it too far this time - please send a letter to the editor. And try not to let our sarcasm ruin your summer; we’ll still be here in the fall, so enjoy your socially-distanced break, and we’ll see you when we see you.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2020

BIGGEST GLOW-UP (Zoom) Six months ago, who had ever heard of Zoom? The video conferencing app existed in relative obscurity until the beginning of social distancing; now, it’s a fixture in our everyday routines. Zoom is a place, a verb, a lifestyle. Like LeBron James carrying the Cavaliers to a championship, Zoom has emerged as the MVP of distance learning and virtual happy hour. Students across the country attend Zoom University; grandparents everywhere struggle with the mute function; companies race to release branded backgrounds. In the midst of a global recession, Zoom stocks shot through the roof. The only downside for the rising company? Some pesky privacy issues that have plagued the app and given competitors a toehold in the market. We’d like to give a Golden Fork to the professor most likely to forget to share their screen, and one to that student that’s always eating in class, and one for the person most likely to not be wearing pants - but we know that the eccentricities of Zoom extend far beyond those categories. Divided we isolate, but united we Zoom.

LEAST LIKELY TO READ THE KERNEL (UK SGA) They say that journalism is the lifeblood of democracy. If that’s true, then the Student Government Association at UK must be running on something else, because they don’t quite seem to understand what a newspaper is. We’re not upset that SGA members don’t read the Kernel although we will happily sign you up for our newsletter! But as the voice of the people, we were hoping that our duly elected officials might want to know what the people are saying. But hey, at the end of the day, we understand that electoral debates are the place for candidates to make a splash. If a few watchdog journalists have to get thrown under the bus for that to happen, well, we forgive you. But don’t call us publicists again.

LEAST WELCOME GUEST (McVey mold) This semester, the Kernel onboarded an unexpected staffer – the mold in our coffee pot. Due to the oddly optimal growing conditions for life on the 3rd floor of McVey Hall (the coffee pot mold is perhaps the only extroverted member of a large family living inside the walls), by the time we noticed it smiling furrily up at us it had grown to blanket the entire pot. Apathy sprinkled with rightful fear meant that there it remained for most of the semester. Soon, divisions over the fate of the mold became evident – was he friend or foe?

Valued staffer or manipulative superbug in the making? Barely a month after his elaborate naming ceremony, we came into the office and Ricc (the mold, not our editor-in-chief, Rick) was gone. To what regions he fled, we do not know - though there is a good chance that by the time we return to campus, the mold has taken over the whole office, and we become the invaders.

MOST LIKELY TO BACK YOU UP (City of Lexington) In February, Lexington began a project years in the making - updating the sewer lines around campus, which were 75 years old, “broken and inaccessible.” The resulting construction has had streets clogged and traffic backed since it began. Some key streets around UK are now one-way and constricting traffic flow. Miralax isn’t going to cut it for this holdup; Lexington predicts the project will take at least a couple of years. Drivers and pedestrians can’t wait for things to be running a bit more regularly.

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What could have been

By Braden Ramsey sports@kykernel.com

Matchups come from ESPN’s Joe Lunardi’s final 2020 NCAA Tournament field projection.

Folks across BBN and America were devastated when the NCAA Tournament was canceled. Not only would the nation’s premier basketball event be lost, but the country lost one of its most effective ways of uniting people.

Sports have always stood as a beacon of hope in times of trouble, for better days just around the corner. That light has been out for six weeks (or four years, depending on who you ask. I’m leaning toward the latter).

As ESPN reports that the NBA is allowing teams to reopen practice facilities in states with eased restrictions, we are one step closer to having sports – a sport, anyway – to distract us once again.

That beacon isn’t back yet, but can be seen. For now, we live with what could have been.

Behold: the 20192020 Kentucky Wildcats NCAA Tournament run.

Round of 64: 15 North Dakota State The Cats worried many folks throughout the regular season with poor outings against subpar teams. The most notable of these were

the first halves of each Vanderbilt contest, that one “FuLking” game and the “Loss-That-ShallNot-Be-Named” which, for 14 days, stood as the largest upset – in terms of spread – since the second game in the tenure of the “Coach-Who-Shall-NotBe-Named” (those darn Blue Devils topped both achievements exactly two weeks later.)

Fresh off their SEC Tournament Championship, the Cats showed that they learned from those regular season lapses and took care of business. The Summit League Champion Bison were unable to keep up with Kentucky’s dynamic guard trio. Immanuel Quickley continued his torrid stretch by going six-of-eight from downtown in a 79-64 victory. Ashton Hagans poured in 12 points and four steals, while Nate Sestina recorded 13 points and six rebounds.

Round of 32: 10 Arizona State Can one be both a Blue Devil and a Sun Devil? Arizona State coach Bobby Hurley who suited up in white for that 1992 game – is trying his best to be. After leading his team past a streaking Providence squad, he aimed to crush the soul of BBN once again.

The best way to do that? Bringing back old memories. Hurley led the Sun Devils out of the

tunnel in his old Duke uniform. John Calipari caught wind of Hurley’s attempted mind trick and repped the blue and gold of his alma mater Clarion as the Cats came to the court. Calipari then went through pregame warmups, mean-mugging Hurley as he hit shot after

scoring affair, 54-41.

Sweet Sixteen: 1 Kansas Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski saw what the Cats did to his former point guard, and realized they were set to play in Indianapolis. He called NCAA Men’s Basketball Officiating Coordinator

Kentucky junior forward Nick Richards and freshman guard Tyrese Maxey chest bump during the game against Mississippi State on Tuesday, Feb. 4, 2020, at Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky. PHOTO BY JORDAN PRATHER | STAFF

shot.

The performance didn’t intimidate Hurley, but it shook his players to the core. Nick Richards dominated the maroonand-gold on the interior, putting up 28 points, 17 rebounds and 11 blocks to carry Kentucky in a low

J.D. Collins and demanded that someone else play Kentucky. The official gave Krzyewski what he wanted and announced a new rule the day before the scheduled game: if the team you’re supposed to play wins its previous game by exactly 13

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

points, you can pick your next opponent.

Because Kentucky won 54-41, Duke chose 12 seed Liberty as their opponent.

Kansas, who was supposed to play the Flames, was outraged and filed an appeal, which was rejected. In response, the Jayhawks shockingly fired long-time coach Bill Self and hired LSU’s Will Wade, who made Collins a “strong a** offer” to change the ruling. Coach K sensed Collins wavering and asked Zion Williamson to make sure the official’s rules stayed in Duke’s favor. ESPN aired SportsCenter from Zion’s house as he met with Collins, who agreed to stick to his new rule.

On a mission for its ninth banner, Kentucky didn’t care that it then had to play the overall number one seed. Having to learn a brand-new system in two days, the Jayhawks struggled in all facets, but a late charge brought them within three. The Cats fouled big man Udoka Azubuike with one second remaining. He missed both free throws, and EJ Montgomery grabbed the rebound to seal a 65-62 win.

Elite Eight: 3 Duke The Blue Devils and Cats were the final two teams in the region and had to play each other.

Coach K brought back Zion giving Duke a big

advantage. Calipari was again prepared for the challenge, bringing his son Brad back to the roster. Brad was given Captain America’s super soldier serum, and grew to 7-foot-3, 250 pounds of pure muscle. He scored 32 points and grabbed 20 rebounds, while Quickley iced the game at the line.

The Cats defeated Duke 69 - 64 and advanced to Atlanta.

Final Four: 1 Dayton Dayton was college basketball’s Cinderella.

Led by Wooden Award winner Obi Toppin, the Flyers racked up the most wins in school history on their way to its first ever one seed.

This battle of new blood versus blue blood was back-and-forth throughout, with neither team leading by more than four. The whistles were frequent, with a combined 70 fouls in the final minute. Both teams had only six players remaining.

Toppin was fouled by Johnny Juzang with ten seconds remaining. Juzang exited, replaced by Riley Welch. The Dayton star made just one of two free throws. The Cats called timeout, setting up a final play.

See NCAA on page 8 spring 2020 | 7

C.O.A.T C.O.A.T

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

(Greatest) Cats of All Time

Adolph Rupp Paul “Bear” Bryant

Jared Lorenzen Tim Couch

John Calipari

Eric Quigley

Cawood Ledford

Colin Cowgill

Dan Issel

Jenny Hanson

Jack “Goose” Givens

Lisa Breiding Duerr

Tayshaun Prince

Valerie Still

Anthony Davis

NCAA

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 7

On the inbound, the ball was smacked away from Sestina and rolled to Welch. He looked up, saw

Leah Edmond Keion Brooks Jr. wide open, and fired him the ball. Brooks laid it off the glass and the buzzer sounded. The scoreboard flashed, 75-74, for Kentucky. The players mobbed Brooks in cele-

bration and set off for the title game.

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Kentucky led 34-24 at halftime, but the Spartans climbed back after intermission. Both teams shot under forty percent.

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after scoring 27 points.

Kentucky finally got its elusive ninth championship 71-64 over Michigan State, capping a one-of-akind season.