Oct2017edition

howe caverns

askAthe RWO SECRET doctor

ELIZABETH WENDE BREAST CENTER & THE QUATELA CENTER

cooking with F. OLIVERS

Women Who Inspire Sam Shultz Maria Gonzales Michele Julian Jaime Beligotti

SUMMER RW festival fun SURVIVORS

Kaitlyn Lucila Grace Kyrstal

Jessica Lahr

think

wanting to have it Fun In The Sun ALL! with RWO Making Rochester “GLOW”

PINK & PURPLE

Leaders in breast cancer detection Services at ALL offices: Latest 3D mammography with C-View screening breast ultrasound & same day mammogram results BRIGHTON & VICTOR offices include diagnostic services

ewbc.com (585) 442-2190

october 2

{ TABLE OF CONTENTS }

64

REGULARS 6

PUBLISHERS LETTER

8

TEAM LIST

52

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Michele Julian Samantha Schultz Jaime Beligotti Maria Gonzales Catherine Cerulli

28 53

70 RESOLVE 76

FOR A GOOD CAUSE Willow

80

12 100

NO EXCUSES

104

MASTERMIND LOUNGE Steve Christie

108

LAW FORUM WITH BRENNA BOYCE

110

HER EDGE Jazzlyn Ingram

118 UNRAVELED PARTNERS ON THE JOURNEY

IN HER OWN WORDS Laurie Prizel

126

ABOVE THE LINE

88

SOMETHING FOR WOMEN The Athena Cup

130

READS & WRITES Natasha

92

THEN AND NOW Donna Metelsky

142

WOMEN ENTREPRENERS

160

DIVA’S REPORT Golden Aura

52

96 TRILOGY

120

20

REGULARS

2017

{ TABLE OF CONTENTS } COVER STORY 12 I AM NOT MY SCAR!

Pam Breedlove !

REGULARS 174

THINK OPPOSITE

REGULARS

FASHION & BEAUTY

176

226

230

ASK THE ANGELS

140

ALL ABOUT M.E.

WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR Lattifany Anderson

CITY SENSE

164

HOT FASHION TRENDS

180

A LITTLE INSITE ON A LIFE

232

YOU DON’T KNOW MY STORY

168

HAIR HYPE

184

LOLLYPOPS CORNER

234

GET HYPNOTIZED

198

DRESSING FOR SUCCESS

186

YOU CAN BE...

238

YOUNG WOMEN’S COLLEGE PREP

194

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS The Blow Out Studio

240

UP AND COMING

FOOD

242

SURVIVING AND THRIVING

244

FLOWER CITY BITTIES CALENDAR OF EVENTS

196

ALL WOMEN ROCK Natalie Louis

204

SPEAKING SOCIAL MEDIA

246

206

IT’S AN RW SECRET

220

ROCHESTER MINIMALISTS

HEALTH & WELLNESS

222

MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN

12

46

ASK THE DOCTOR Elizabeth Wende Breast Care Quatela Center

138

IN HER DEFENSE

158

HEALTHY WOMAN

170

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

114

ROC N KITCHEN

192

ROCHESTER WOMAN FOODIE

200

ROCHESTER DRINKS

46

210 FITNESS 212

THE BEST YOU

216

KAREN’S COACHING CORNER

218

NOURISH ROCHESTER

224

EVERYDAY PUSH

SPECIAL FEATURES 20

ANNIE’S STORY

28

RW SURVIVORS Kaitlyn Grace Flores Lucila Matos Krystal Noriega

84

EMBRACE YOUR SISTERS

132

HOPE LODGE HOSPITALITY HOUSE

202

BIVONA CENTER’S JILL KNITTEL

70

{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“Supporting the fighter, admiring the survivors, honoring the taken, and never, ever giving up hope.”

I

n honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we’ve put together breast cancer quotes to inspire, give hope and push forward those battling the disease. Approximately 1 in 8 women in the U.S. will develop invasive breast cancer during their lifetime, according to www.breastcancer.org. This is a staggering number, and one that affects all of us in one way or another. Myself, with both my mother and grandmother.

Cover woman Pam Breedlove took matters in to her own hands at the young age of 15 years old and had preventative surgery because of pain and tumors she was experiencing. That is a true survivor!

Read her story on page [12].

Sharing this month is also Domestic Violence awareness. Did you know that Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) evolved from the “Day of Unity” held in October 1981 and conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children.

T T

ON OUR COVER

Survivor Pam Breedlove is photographed bearing her scars

by Christopher “GoodKnews” Cardwell.

We have so many incredible stories of survivors that I honestly do not know where to event begin this month. Every page is filled with inspiring and empowering women, local resources for breast cancer and domestic violence and amazing supporters. Our youngest suvivor, Kaitlyn was just 4 years old when domestic violence struck her family with her father murdering her mother. Now seven and living with her grandmother, you can read her incredible story starting on page [28].

Rochester Woman has been working with great organizations such as RESOLVE of Greater Rochester, Willow, and Elizabeth Wende Breast Care Centers for years. We are very proud to be able to help support these local organizations that help area men and women in need. Please be sure to read each of their articles this month. They need all our support.

We hope you enjoy this edition, although you might want to have some kleenex handy because some of the articles are definately tear jerkers. Thank you for all of your support Rochester Women!

Kelly 6

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit Kelly Breuer Michael Crisifulli Sandy Arena Brandon Vick Christopher “GoodKnews” Cardwell Daniel Delucenay Julia Antenucci Cheryl Kates-Benman Alana Cahoon Alison Donaghey Mary Therese Friel Phyllis Haberer Paul Iatomasi Sarah Itkin Rebecca Jaffarian David Jenkins Sheila Kennedy Cassondra Kubit Tamara MacDuff Julie M. May Debbie McQ Maja Milicevic Klugh Stephanie Nitya Armstrong Mary Elizabeth Nesser Jason Pierce Lauren Harrison Doug Jones Debbie Santillo Allison Omalley Lauren Frankfurter Beth Mandyck Sharee Turpin Kathy Mcclare Jamie Betteridge Christine Buff Sami Sheehan Dani Polidor Toya Cornelius

Frank Randall Amy Cavalier Karen Dietz Chloe Corcoran Denisse Dirlam Emma Cooksey Karen Messina Robert Hatch Samantha Gina Young Sam Shultz Jazzlyn Ingram Kelly Stedge

Kelly Breuer Cassondra Kubit Brandon DeWind

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com.

The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

NOW OPEN

CLOTHING | ACCESSORIES | BEAUTY | HOME DÉCOR

EASTVIEW MALL 802 Eastview Mall Victor, NY 14564 SoftSurroundings.com

Rochester’s Premiere Comedy Club Some Of Our Upcoming A-List Shows!

John VALBY

Bobby Slayton November 2nd - 4th

Brad Williams December 7th - 9th

Preacher Lawson November 16th - 18th

www.carlsoncomedy.com 50 Carlson Road • Rochester, New York 14610

Follow Us On Social Media

Steve Byrne November 9th - 11th

{ COVERSTORY }

BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER “GOODKNEWS” CARDWELL

12

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

D

D { COVER STORY }

BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER “GOODKNEWS” CARDWELL

I AM NOTMY SCAR! Pam Breedlove was

just 15 when her breasts started giving her problems.

She was supposed to be worried about grades… her friends… make up.

Maybe even obsessing over a first crush.

Yet there she was obsessing over a painful lump in her breast.

She went to a doctor. She showed him the lump and told him about the pain.

He told her not to worry. He said the lump was just from ‘drinking coffee and eating too much chocolate.’ The doctor told her she was ‘too young’ to be worried about breast health.

“Go home,” her doctor said. “Stay away from caffeine and chocolate.”

She left confused. She didn’t think she really had a lot of caffeine and chocolate in her diet. But she trusted the doctor.

The lump got bigger. The pain got worse.

At the tender age of 16, she would have to take it upon herself to challenge her doctors to take her concerns seriously.

Finally a nurse practitioner listened to her, and sent her to get an ultrasound.

It was a tumor. Benign, thank God, but still, a tumor that had to be removed.

She says now about the experience, “I implore you to pay attention to your body and do not be afraid to challenge people that are supposed to know best.

By no means am I downgrading or minimizing modern medicine. But we are all unique and nobody knows your body like you do. ”

That wasn’t the end of Pam’s journey.

Within two years, she had had two more surgeries to remove tumors that for some reason repeatedly grew in her breast.

At 18 she got the worst news possible.

The tumors were growing again around on her nipple. It was extremely painful.

This time the doctor said her nipple and a large portion of her troubled breast had to be removed. She was supposed to be worried about prom.

Pam said “I felt like my womanhood was being taken from me. How would I ever date and explain that I didn’t have a normal breast? For a long time I felt like, and acted like less than a woman.” She said she felt alone with her depression.

She is so close to her family, but until recently, she never let on about the pain she was suffering.

“I didn’t talk to anyone about it,” Pam says. “I was the youngest kid in a family of five. I just wanted to put on a happy face for everyone. I never told anyone about my sense of loss. I really isolated my pain because I didn’t want it to be a burden to anyone else. No one knew the pain I felt because I hid it so well.”

Fast forward to today.

Pam has the biggest smile as she talks to ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

13

{ COVERSTORY }

“I felt like my womanhood was being taken from me. How would I ever date and explain that I didn’t have a normal breast?”

14

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ COVERSTORY }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

15

{ COVERSTORY } “We are unique and no one knows your body better than you do. All routine exams, especially monthly self exams are critical to our survival. Be sure to go to your annual gynecological appointments, get your mammograms and physicals.”

me. She is now 28. Her breast surgeries are 10 years behind her. I meet her and she is in her pink T-shirt from marching in a cancer walk. A walk she proudly did in the rain. She wants to reach out to breast cancer survivors, especially young ones.

Even though her breast tumors weren’t cancerous, she feels a kinship with women who go through her experience of breast removal with a far more terrifying diagnosis.

Pam is a single mother of a four year old named Amir.

Their bond is so close she says “he is more like my husband.”

“I breast fed him for a year,” Pam said. “You just would not believe the commitment that took when I had another breast producing milk, and no nipple to get it out.”

Pam says motherhood had changed her for good.

“It was not until the birth of my son that the real healing started,” she says.

“I felt comfortable enough to get pictures taken with my breast exposed. I am not my scar.”

“His eyes, my love for him, the responsibility of being a mother started a revolution to a new better womanhood. I learned even when life gets hard my son is full of life and gives me reasons to push harder.”

Her pastor touched her 16

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

deeply when he told her “living in the past won’t help you in your present unless you use it as motivation for your future.”

Pam lives right around the corner from her mom and dad, and credits her family for her strength. She is the youngest of five children. For the past two years she has worked for Alleson Athletics where she assists customers design custom uniforms from T-ball to professional sports.

She says the best part of her job is “seeing pictures of the kids in uniforms that I helped process and also to see teams play on tv with uniforms we created.”

Her message now is, “I am by no means downgrading or minimizing modern medicine. Many people are breast cancer survivors. But there is a big gap of understanding that this is not an old lady disease. You can get it in your teens. I want to give hope to the youngest victims of this disease.“ Her experience does make her uniquely qualified to help teens with body issues.

Pam’s advice is, “we are unique and no one knows your body better than you do. All routine exams, especially monthly self exams are critical to our survival.

Be sure to go to your annual gynecological appointments, get your mammograms and physicals.”

“I want to be the person for there for the next teenager who has to go through this. I want to show them it’s not the end of the world. I can look back now and see that it’s really been the beginning of a rewarding journey for me.”

Pam gives a warm genuine smile and says “If I can reach just one teen who feels alone, then I am happy.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

17

BRIGHTON 2241 MONROE AVENUE

I PARK AVENUE 7

THINK PINK October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month And Glow Sunless Tanning Wants To Show Our Support!

If you are a breast cancer survivor we would like to offer you a complimentary Glow Sunless Tan! Use the code SURVIVOR when booking at glowsunlesstanning.com anytime throughout the month.

We Don’t Know How Strong We Are Until Being Strong Is The Only Choice Breast Cancer Bracelets Available At All Glow Sunless Tanning Locations All Proceeds Go To The National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Call Today at (585) 621-4569!

71 PARK AVENUE I GREECE 1343 LONG POND ROAD

A 20

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

A

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

ANNIE’S STORY

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ.

Gone But Never Forgotten: The Annie Terpstra Story What were you planning at age 29? I was preparing for the birth of my first child. I just finished buying a house. I was planning my wedding. I just graduated from college (Bachelor’s Degree). I was finishing off my first year in law school. Basically, life was good. I was finally getting things together and I was getting a grip on what being an adult meant.

Annie Terpstra, was basically planning her death at age 29. Can you imagine? Writing your own obituary or a letter saying goodbye to your son? Struggling to finish a manuscript when fighting for the few remaining days of your life, this is what Annie Terpstra did.

Rochester Woman is given the privilege to publish Annie’s story, to share with our readers the courageous woman she was. To celebrate Annie Terpstra is an honor . She is a true survivor. The disease may have defeated her but her words live on to inspire others, they embraced her son and now our readers.

Sometimes there’s more to being a survivor, then just surviving. When you can’t physically survive, there’s way to be a survivor and I think the life of Annie Terpstra does just that.

She learned at age 29, she was suffering from breast cancer. It metastasized to her brain and by age 31, she was dead (1). Two years, is a short period of time. How does one accomplish everything they need to do in two years? Annie started her diary which she wanted to publish sharing her thoughts and feelings and documenting the last days of her life. Ruth Ann Terpstra (Annie) was lucky enough to find love and get married and have a son during her young years (1).

She was divorced after two years of marriage (1). She found love again and she felt secure (1). She was engaged to be married (1). Annie and her son Shawn moved in with her fiancé David and life was good (1). Who could ask for anything more?

One day everything changed….

“Today, I found out I have cancer. I sat there speechless, the tears filled my eyes. I felt numb. I tried to be strong but I failed for the moment, which is understandable. The next few moments I couldn’t really grasp what the doctor was saying to me.—except that he wanted to perform a node sampling one week from today.Actually, I felt I didn’t

want to grasp anything anymore, period. I was angry, bitter, upset. Here I am- 29-years-old and I have breast cancer.

After I had a glass of water, I managed to ask Dr. Penn how this could happen. He honestly didn’t know. It just happens…Crazy thoughts running through my head. What if? What if it has spread? How much has spread? Will I get to see my son, my beautiful son, grow up to be a young man and get married? Now hearing news such as I had just heard about my cancer, I automatically thought the worst.

In plain English, my mind was absolutely wacko, bonkers. I felt I was losing it, my mind that is” (1, 2).

“I have been used to living an energetic, fastpace life, baseball league for two summers, going out with the girls, dancing, waterskiing, roller skating. Now I have no desire or energy to do these things. Depression is slowly setting in. I believe. Sometimes I felt like it was all a bad dream. My age having breast cancer” (1,2).

“Shawn knows I’m sick but he doesn’t quite understand…in time he will. How does a mother tell her child she’s sick, so sick she can hardly play with him longer?” (1, 2) “The morning came quickly as they were prepping me for surgery. The nurse came, the IV’s were started…I remember waking in the recovery room and then being taken back to my room. Seemed as though I had slept for two days before waking. The pain was very intense. My left side felt as if a Mack truck had run over it…Dr. Penn came to see me. He told me I would know the results in four days” (1,2) Annie learned her cancer spread in May of 1981 (1). She began treatment including chemotherapy and radiation (1). On January 7, 1982, Annie had a mastectomy (1). On July 20, 1982, after experiencing headaches, Annie was taken to the ER and it was discovered there was cancer in her brain (1). In October, 1982 Annie was told she had 6 months-to-live (1).

Her son was 5 (1). February 6, 1983, in her mother’s home, she passed away peacefully at age 31(3).

In October 1982, Annie wrote a letter to her son Shawn.

“I want you to stand up for what you believe in.

Believe also in God-please Shawn and

{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “Today, I found out I have cancer. I sat there speechless, the tears filled my eyes. I felt numb. I tried to be strong but I failed for the moment, which is understandable. The next few moments I couldn’t really grasp what the doctor was saying to me.—”

I’ll see you in heaven someday. We will be together, if you believe in God, I promise. Do good in life honey, do good in school, make mommy proud of you. I love you Shawn. I will love you forever always remember this. Keep this letter close to your heart, my sweet and if you find comfort in this letter, read it often and remember I love you forever ” (4).

Also in October, Annie wrote these words to read at her funeral: “Be strong my friends, live each day to the fullest. If you have your health, you have your life. To each of you, I am not dead, but part of me lives in each of you. You have memories and laughter. Do not mourn or grieve for me, for I am fine I am with my Daddy, whom I have missed for many years.

We will all meet again someday” (5).

ANNIE’S STORY

Diagnosis “I decided to write about my experience with cancer, so that people would have some insight of how a 29-year-old mother feels and copes. There have been many articles and books about older people and children but not by any young adult., so I felt the need to put my thoughts down on paper. The most important thing to remember is live each day to its fullest, have no concerns for yesterday, and do not worry about tomorrow.

My morning started off as any other day, I was allowing myself the great luxury of soaking in a wonderful, hot “bubble bath” and as 22

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

I started to wash I suddenly felt an unfamiliar lump, hard lump on my left side, just above my breast. I felt it four or five times, thinking no it can’t be anything serious, but the more I felt it the more I realized it could be. I felt a sickness in the pit of my stomach. I called my Mom to come right over and then I called my gynecologist and I made an appointment for three days from now.

Right away, I thought of the ugly word cancer and what if—just what if—of course I was worried, nervous and had to control my emotions a bit, as I have a three-year-old son in my life to think about…I had gone through a divorce a year ago and was raising my son alone…Then, I would think about the wonderful man that has come into my

life and how we were making plans for a life together. He loves Shawn and is such a good person. As the day grew closer for my exam, I kept feeling the lump hoping it would go away or dissolve. It was the size of a quarter and hard as a rock…As I kept checking the lump, I kept thinking the worst, that maybe I’d only have a year or two to live-what would I do? …

The doctor proceeded to explain, the next step was to perform a biopsy. Working in this medical profession in radiology as long as I did, I knew a “biopsy” was the removal and examination of tissue, cells or fluid from one’s body, which means they have to cut into my breast to see what is going on…I may be strong on the outside, but inside I’m like a scared child, almost as if I was afraid of the dark all over again, my Mom can vouch for that…In reality, it is the unknown that bothered me…The hospital scheduled the biopsy for one week from today.

The waiting period between now and then was going to be hard…

Today is biopsy d a y. I f e l t nauseous, I wasn’t allowed to eat anything…I was numb, seemed like everything was calm….My heart started to pound as I undressed and put on one of their cotton ,dotted, hospital gowns, you know the kind that opened in the back and you’re afraid someone will see your fanny hanging out, while

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

23

you struggle to keep it closed. As I entered the waiting room and climbed into the bed, I remember how cold I was and asked for extra blankets…” (2).

Onset Treatment

“Today I found out I have cancer. I sat there speechless, the tears filled my eyes. I felt numb.

I tried to be strong, but I failed for the moment, which is understandable. The Dr. told me wiping away my tears…

It is mentally rough to adjust to cancer. I’ve had to repeat it over and over. I feel cheated. Why couldn’t this have happened forty years from now? Or better yet why at all?... The doctor told me to stop trying to be strong and let my 24

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

emotions out. “Cry Annie”…Dr. Penn came and asked how I was doing and checked the drainage bag. He told me surgery went well and I would know the results in about four days”. (Annie continued to document this story through her mother after this point. She was awaiting the results of her node sampling).

“We went in and sat down in Dr. Penn’s office to talk and hear the results. He removed 16 nodes and 4 were malignant so he was starting her on radiation. Annie asked him if they got all the cancer, but this is a question that can’t be answered, they hope they did, but if so much as one cell should break lose, they never know that is why the radiation…

In January of 82, I got a frantic phone call, “Mom come right over I found another lump”.

I couldn’t believe what she said, but I knew how distraught she was so I had to forget my fears and keep her calm until we could see the doctor. Again, we are headed for Dr. Penn’s office and we knew this time there is only one choice left and that is a mastectomy.

Annie felt as if her whole body had been invaded, this was a very emotional upsetting thing to happen to a young girl’s body, but we tried to tell her if this would be the answer to the whole problem then it would be a small price to pay for her health. Her fiancée kept telling her he didn’t love her for her body, but what

{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “Why does it have to be Mom? I hurt so. I wish the Lord would take me but I don’t want to die. I want to see Shawn grow up?”…

was inside…The mastectomy surgery went well with Dr. Penn officiating. She had shed her tears, but she was also relieved it could be the end of all her problems…”

any of her clothes and she had such a moon face she did not look like herself. Plus, she started to lose her hair. This was so frustrating for her…

“The second week in July she started with congestion in her head and the doctor put her on antibiotics for a sinus infection, but as the days went by she was beginning to have such pressure headaches that she finally could not stand it anymore and we took her into emergency and they immediately did a CAT scan and found a brain tumor, it was inoperable, she was devastated as were all of us.

She wanted to see Shawn right away because she was afraid she would die before seeing him…

The next few days they did many tests and bone scans to see if any more of the tumors showed up, there was a small one in the lung. They immediately began radiation to take the swelling down so the pain would subside.

She would say: “Why does it have to be Mom? I hurt so. I wish the Lord would take me but I don’t want to die. I want to see Shawn grow up?”…

They told her that it was inoperable but with treatment they could make her comfortable and keep it under control and possibly shrink it so now we began the daily trek to the hospital every day and it had reached the point that she was getting weaker and needed to be transported in a wheelchair to make it easier for her.

They put her on Dilantin which was a steroid to keep the swelling down , but that had many side effects.

It gave her a tremendous appetite for food and caused much swelling in her body as that she went from 90 pounds to almost 120. She could not wear

She began finding nodes on different parts of her body under the skin. They looked like a small pea and then would gradually get a little bigger and be tender. In October, Dr. Penn took a small one off under local… “Annie it will be

six months or less”. That is all that could be said. The tears come and the Dr. put his arms around her and said he was sorry he had not been able to help her and he turned away. I knew he felt bad as he wasn’t that much older than her. So, I dried her tears and we headed home with heavy hearts.

Finally, one night the pain was too much, she was on so many pills, plus the shots. We took her into emergency…Two days later she had two seizures…that we had to rush her back to the hospital. In the morning, they did another CAT scan and found another brain tumor…

Well, I was given a week and the reason they would not keep her there was there was nothing more they could do for her. So, it was either come home or see about a nursing facility …

COMING HOME ONE LAST TIME

We made arrangements and Shawn’s Daddy moved him to his house. He changed schools and began a new life with his Daddy. He made the adjustment very well and so we brought Annie home…The last week of Annie’s life she jaundiced and all the nodes on her little body looked like marbles had been placed under her skin. I am thankful the Lord gave me the strength to care for her…

The day before she died, she smiled at me and said she saw such beautiful colors, I knew it was coming to an end.

And as I held her hand, the morning of February 6, one little tear trickled down her cheek when she crossed over to be with the Lord. I had let my one and only daughter go back from whence she came but I had had her and been blessed with 31 years…

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

25

{{ SPECIAL SHIFT+CONTROL FEATURE }} “Be strong my friends, live each day to the fullest. If you have your health, you have your life. To each of you, I am not dead, but part of me lives in each of you. You have memories and laughter. Do not mourn or grieve for me, for I am fine I am with my Daddy, whom I have missed for many years. We will all meet again someday.”

In closing, I must tell you about Shawn on the day that she died. He called me late in the day. He said: “Gowie, did Mommie go to heaven today?” I said: “She did”. He said: “Did you watch her go?” I said: “Yes, I sure did.” I held her hand.

THE END OF THE STORY

Annie wrote the end of the story: “Yes, I have felt pain in my life. I have been deeply hurt, but somehow, some way, through strength, through love and support, and faith in God, I got back up again. I lived. I laughed. I cried.

Oh, how I did struggle to survive. Life is too precious a gift. You have to want to survive and try to live each day to the fullest. I know there are thousands and thousands of people in this world, not only with cancer, but other incurable diseases and my hope for all of you is to fight be strong!” And that is Annie’s story.

Resources

(1) Morello, C. Annie’s Story, September 10, 1983, Rochester Times Union.

(2) Terpstra, Annie (1982/83) Unpublished manuscript (3) Hansen, L., Her Book Unfinished, “Annie” Terpstra Dies.

February 7, 1983, Rochester Times Union (4) Terpstra, Annie (1982). Letter to Shawn.

(5) Terpstra, Annie (1982). Letter to Friends

26

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

r e d l bou a o r e e coff o c . r e st

(585

)

m

40 1 7 454

E NG U LO 0 D N 462 A 1 É Y CAF ester, N R E h ULD St., Roc O B der n a x Ale 100

ign

Des oto

+ Ph

yhko

ill W

s (B

tudio

ve S

e Oli

f Blu

sy o

urte

n co

tratio

Illus

op) Ima ge c ourt

esy of

Taylo r

McL au

ghllin

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

The Ugly Head of Domestic Violence

Little Girl Lost

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY MICHAEL CRISAFULLI

1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. It is lso the thirst leading cause of homesless in families.

Each year, 2 million injuries and 1,300 injuries and 1,300 deaths are caused as a result of domestic violence. Three women are murdered every day by an intimate partner. Every nine seconds a women is a victim of domestic abuse in the United States. These statistics are staggering.

As you may know, October is domestic violence awareness month across the country. There are walks, events, purple ribbons all across cities throughout the nation. Every day, news headlines report the latest incident of a loss of life from the hand of a loved one.

Women, children, and even men are being abused at an alarming rate. No one is free from this epidemic. It can happen to you whether it is mentl, or physical.

Many women who experience domestic violence suffer in silence, carrying a “badge of shame.”

No one knows they too were a victim. Many women use what happened to become strong and to empower others.

On Saturday, Rochester Woman participated in the annual “Walk a Mile in My Shoes” 5k sponsored

by Willow. It is an annual 28

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

event held at Charlotte Beach. There is even a contest for the best shoes. But, this isn’t any old shoe contest. They invite men to wear women’s shoes. The higher, the crazier, the better.

The VIP club that was brought up on

stage was made up of law enforcement chiefs, legislators, county officials and even Miss New York.

It was amazing to see the comradery amongst the participants. Everyone was comforting to one another. It was uplifting to see women sharing their stories, although in some cases, heartwrneching.

One of our youngest survivors who walked a mile in her own shoes was Kaitlyn. She wore a t-shirt with her mother’s picture on it and on the back was a hand-written statementsaying “I miss my Mommy”.

Rochester Woman Online teamed up with Mrs. American Dream 2017, Christy Dunster and “Tiaras of Hope”.

Tiaras was featured in the September edition.

This charity “crowns” survivors. They were present at the RWO monthly expo held October 15, 2017.

Our youngest survivor Kaitlyn was crowned.

In 2012, David Lopez killed his wife Sara. He is now serving (62-toLife). Sara was a military wife. The couple was stationed in Anchorage, Alaska. Sara, originally from the Rochester area,

{ RW FASHION FEATURE }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

29

{ RWO SURVIVORS } 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. It is lso the thirst leading cause of homesless in families. Each year, 2 million injuries and 1,300 injuries and 1,300 deaths are caused as a result of domestic violence. Three women are murdered every day by an intimate partner.

Every nine seconds a women is a victim of domestic abuse in the United States. These statistics are staggering

30

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

31

{ RWO SURVIVORS } “The death of my daughter crushed me as she was my only child. I was hurt, angry and didn’t even want to live. I pushed everyone away from me. I secluded myself. All I wanted was my daughter back.”

was alienated from friends and family living in Alaska. Like any typical day, Sara’s 2- year-old daughter Kaitlyn, stayed home with her father when she went to the store. When Sara returned from running errands, her daughter was bruised. When she took her daughter to the hospital, officials believed the bruise was from her being struck with the butt of a gun. CPS was immediately involved.

The turn of events is horrific. CPS took Kaitlyn into custody. When Sara returned home, her husband was enraged. He made a call to state officials threatening to kill them all. Sara tried to leave and was basically executed by her husband.

She was shot in the head. There were no shelters. The couple’s daughter, Kaitlyn is now left behind to grow up without her parents.

Kaitlyn’s grandmother gained custody after almost two years and moved her granddaughter Kaitlyn back to the Rochester area. How does a family recover after such a tragedy?

Pam Knoeferl tells Rochester Woman: “The death of my daughter crushed me as she was my only child. I was hurt, angry and didn’t even want to live. I pushed everyone away from me. I secluded myself. All I wanted was my daughter back. My husband felt the same way. We were crushed beyond words. Sara was our life. We were not the same after her death.

Sara died December 12, 2012. My husband died December 11, 2014 of cancer but I truly believe he died of a broken heart. It’s very hard to move on without my daughter.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t here.

But I go on because of Kaitlyn. She needs me and I need her.

32

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

When this all happened, Kaitlyn was in 2 different foster homes in Alaska. Kaitlyn suffers from nightmares, bed-wetting, crying for her mom and anger. She started pulling her hair out. She wanted her mom and acted out because she is gone. She suffers from abandonment issues and is afraid. She is also afraid her father will get out of prison and kill her too. It took Pam 3 years to get the adoption finalized.

If your daughter is a victim, seek help and get them shelter. My daughter did not have that chance. There were no shelters in Alaska and she had no friends or family there to protect her.

There were some signs that something

was wrong. Sara was depressed and sad.

I asked her to come home. She said it would be okay. She didn’t want to talk about it. She was afraid of him.

All I can do now is focus on Kaitlyn. I help my granddaughter by understanding her feelings and letting her express them. I let her know her mother loved her. We talk about what happened to her mother”.

Pam and Kaitlyn are lucky they have close friends Sabrina and Athena Mastrella to assist them. Sabrina and Athena help Pam by driving them to appointments and or spending time with Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn feels at home now with her family and friends. Interestingly, the women sell Tupperware. Kaitlyn enjoys being involved and helping with food demonstrations. At 7, she asks for Tupperware for Christmas!

Domestic violence is an issue which affects our society. It affects communities and it affects families.

This is an epidemic. It happens in our backyard. It happens to anyone.

It has no face or targeted victim.

Anyone can be a victim. We need to work on people being survivors.

It will not get better. The person will not change. You must be the change. Get out of the situation. Find the strength. Kaitlyn is a survivor!

Rochester Woman salutes her and her family for surviving what they went through. No family should have to go through this. It happens every day. Rise from the ashes. That’s all there is left to do. Over the next few months, Rochester Woman will be sponsoring a drive for this family for Christmas. We will be publishing Kaitlyn’s wish list along with a list of drop off zones.

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

33

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

SIMPLY GRACE: A SURVIVOR’S STORY

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN

Grace Flores, a mother, a poet, a writer, a producer, an activist, a survivor. Grace keeps it simple. She believes her greatest accomplishment is her daughter, staying alive and remaining positive. Her greatest gift is seeing people smile. Her smile lights up the room. How she continues to smile, I often wonder, as I have never seen someone go through as much as Grace Flores has and is still standing. She is a survivor.

Grace lived through experiencing traumatic, childhood rape. She suffered as a Type One diabetic growing up with childhood onset.

She is now dependent on dialysis. She survived experiencing domestic violence. As a young woman, she underwent a bilateral mastectomy. She suffered a stroke. She endured broken bones. Her sister and brother were victims of murder. She now suffers from degenerative eye disease and is currently losing her vision. One thing is for sure, no matter what happens, Grace gets back up.

She doesn’t let her medical issues or things she herself has endured defeat her.

Grace’s motto is: “Live every moment as if you have two minutes to live. Love hard, work hard, cry hard and dance hard. In the hopes God grants you a soft-landing place, in the hereafter. Dance through the rain” , justgraceflores.

When asked about being a survivor she says, “I refuse to give up. I don’t think that I have gone through anything more than anyone else. This pushes me because if others can do it, I can do it too. Maybe everyone hasn’t gone through as much as me, but I am sure I am not the only one”.

Grace is the director and producer of several plays including “Details 34

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

in the Water”, Adam From Home”, “The Waiting Room” and “RAPIER Productions”, “Open” and “Done-Now and Then”. In 2016, Grace received “The All Women Rock” Award, President Obama’s “Volunteer Award” and a special Mayoral Recognition. She supports the arts and her father, is a recognized artist in the Rochester area. Grace often displays his work, as she did in the “Flores Visual and Literary Art Exposition” (2010). In 2010, she was awarded the “Queen of Roc” Award.

left out. Grace grew up participating in marches with her parents and standing up for the rights of all people. Therefore, she finds it natural to stand up for people and speak out against what she sees as unjust, especially when it involves people who cannot or will not speak up for themselves. Grace loves volunteering with activists, standing up against racism including the new Black Panther Party, NAACP and many other organizations in Rochester.

Her current play “Details in the Water” Grace says, “Describes some of the tragedies which occur, when adults do not pay attention.

Getting wrapped up in ourselves, sometimes prevents us from being good parents. When this happens, sometimes our children suffer the consequences, where they get lost or taken advantage of in such ways they can’t fully recover 100 % forcing them to become survivors. Some of the issues included are mental illness and child rape”.

Grace says, “I don’t really consider myself an activist. I just get involved in what I believe in.

Grace Flores, began learning from her parents at a young age, how to be an activist.

She was educated thoroughly regarding her history (Black, Latino and European).

The injustices and the truth, nothing was

People recover from bad things. Some heal better than others. Grace, survives. No matter what. There is no other option. He poem “Yesterday” says it all.

“Whenever there is a yesterday, that means there is a tomorrow. It’s never over until you say it is over. Or until the spirits decide it’s over. However, every individual is a great spirit within itself. It is up to us to decide to endure. Yesterday, could never take that from us, but we can try to give it away. It is true others will try, however, the ultimate control is our own. And we must continue to fight for that”.

Grace believes her fourth-grade teacher, Mr. Fogerty was the most influential person in her life. He is the person who taught Grace poetry. She didn’t pick up her pen seriously, while in the fourth grade.

That didn’t happen for thirty years. Grace feels writing has given her a freedom of expression she never knew before.

She also believes her paternal grandmother was influential.

Grace remembers: “She always had a way

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

35

{ RWO SURVIVORS } “I let people know I have been through way, way, way more than they could ever possibly imagine. Every day is a struggle. However, I’m here. They will get through it too”.

of saying things that scared the hell out of me so I listened and obeyed!”

Grace finds satisfaction out of helping others. She enjoys cooking and sharing her culinary skills by rearing exotic meals, which she shares with the community. “Talking to people, and listening is a great skill to have”.

By doing this, Grace feels she can help.

Grace shared, “I let people know I have been through way, way, way more than they could ever possibly imagine. Every day is a struggle. However, I’m here. They will get through it too”.

Grace loves to perform. She frequents open mics. She attends mics where the entry age is 18 and up.

“Its important people learn to express themselves and have a chance to express themselves. It’s going to take a creative

36

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

world to heal this destructive land. If we don’t let people create and we don’t give them the space to create we are causing our own demise”.

Grace does this. Between creating venues to display talent, Grace allows others to share their craft. She loves to do shows with a variety of talent…comedians, rappers, poets and singers. Art shows too! Grace loves to show people they have it in them to create.

She often serves as a motivational speaker and is known to take people under her wing and develops their talent to create.

Grace also dabbles in the music industry.

She laughs saying, “The girls in my family don’t have any musical talent, but my father and brothers were extremely talented. They sing and play musical instruments like guitars and drums. I have the ear. I know what is good and what’s not, so I surround myself

with singers and musicians. It just feels good.

It does the soul good. I offer them the same platform, as I do other creative people in plays, open mics and I refer them to others, I know doing things.

I find the strength to go on, because I know where I come from and I was at one point a very insecure, debilitating, shy person. It took 40 years for me to develop into the person I am today. I had to turn what I go through into something positive. At 52, I feel like I have only begun to really live. I can’t stop now. I’ve only gotten started. So, in spite of all these health challenges, I say to myself every day, I refuse to let anything stop me no matter what. I believe the spirt lives forever and I am just a spirit I will never die”.

For Too Many When Bound in Love YESTERDAY

I saw her yesterday and as usual she seemed different I mean the hat she wore was similar to the ones she wore before but this time it was slightly broken down on the left side covering her eye that was already hidden behind stylish round shades that seemed to say “I am ok” the way her lips whispered behind thick make-up and cherry red lipstick “I am ok” the last time I heard her speak “I am ok” I mean we used to be friends, heck I remember when she first met him and she would tell me how

much he cared by the way he always wanted to know where she was going who else would be there and when she’d be home and again who else was going and who again would be there

She said it was because he cared and all I could say quietly was, “beware” and she’d say “I am ok” She loved his touch so much but eventually we didn’t talk as much,

except the occasional inquiry answered, “I am ok” with too much blush, shades, cherry lipstick and a wish maybe tomorrow still I saw her yesterday with her hat broke down on the left side covering her eye that used to let out so much hope and so much of “it’s alright” still I swore I heard her whisper yesterday when I saw her “I am ok” “I am alright” just before they closed her casket from all light #justgraceflores ...justgraceflores Too many women/people are dying for love. Model Lalibela Zeal my daughter’s sister

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

FINDING THE WAY BACK HOME

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN

As women, home is the center of our universe, the place where you lay your head, your sanctuary, the place where you raise your family. We all know the saying “Home is where your heart is”.

As victims of domestic violence, home is where your nightmare begins. The place you are beaten, humiliated, called a stupid bitch and further verbally abused. The kitchen right there by the refrigerator was the place she stood rubbing her jaw wondering what she possibly did to turn this man into a monster, a beast who raised his fist and followed through punching her in the face. The bedroom is where he threw her down and took what he wanted even after she said no.

The corner of the living room is where she slid down her back against the wall, lowering herself to the floor and crying begging God why me? For some, home is where she lost her life, beaten until her body could take no more, gasping for air as his hands closed around her neck. For those who are lucky enough to get out how do you change your prison back into a home?

Is it possible to erase the memories haunting your every waking moment? Will you ever feel safe again? Lucila Matos, author of “My Life Was Guarded For Christ, Can’ t Stay Quiet About The Love Of God “ makes it a part of her life to educate and assist women to do just that find their way back home. She was a mentor to Krystal when she exited her 38

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

situation. She found her purpose helping others.

“My life has a purpose. My story is important. My dreams count. My voice matters . I’m born to make an impact” Lucila lives by these tenements daily.

Founder of a domestic violence walk in Rochester, Lucila Matos finds purpose in her own life by helping reach back to others giving them the final pull they need to leave from their own domestic violence situation. Lucila suffered as a victim of domestic violence herself for many years.

In Lucila’s story it differed from Krystal ‘s where Lucila and her significant other also had substance abuse issues. Leaving for any victim is a big step, but staying away is the challenge. The monster becomes Prince Charming to reel the person back in and often it works.

“As days went by I asked myself what was going on with him ? You might not believe this but, I was missing him already.

I didn’t know how to tell my friend how

I was feeling. She used to tell me, you would be crazy if you go back with that monster. I told her that I would never go back, but inside of me , I missed him so much. I can’t explain what it was that I was missing. I cried day and night. It was a love that I couldn’t explain.

One day while my friend was at work, I called his mom and she said: “ Lucila , my daughter , where are you? My son is going crazy, he is suffering a lot. He doesn’t eat or sleep, he looks like a bum.

Please, daughter come back. Tell me where you are and I will go pick you up right now. Please, my son needs you come back Lucy”. Those were the words I needed to hear…”Please forgive me.

Don’t ever leave me again…Everything was happiness for that day and on the second day hell came back”, Lucila recalls.

Lucila did finally find the strength to leave. She is now happily married. Lucila inspires women daily when they read her story. She also runs a support group for women who were victims of domestic violence. Out of her darkness, Lucila inspired her mother, Sonia Rodriguez to also become involved in changing people’s lives. Sonia created a program to assist people suffering from drug abuse (Over Comers Outreach) and Out of the Darkness Ministry. Out of the Darkness Ministry provides shelter to victims leaving domestic violence situations and provides housing for women returning

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

lucila

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

39

{ RWO SURVIVORS } “This reinforced my belief, the visual was very important to bring awareness about what domestic violence actually is and it includes a lot more than physical abuse.”

to the community from prison.

PART THREE SHARING THE VOICE Lucila Matos held a fundraiser April 1, 2017, to begin raising funds for the Domestic Violence Walk she holds annually. This year is the 6th walk and it will be held August 12, 2017, at 9:00am at the Maplewood Rose Garden Park.

Information about the walk can be found at Facebook/Walkagainstdomesticviolenceroc.

The aim of the events are that “ Together we can break the silence of domestic violence”.

Lucila produced a theatrical performance entitled “No More Domestic Violence”.

The plays were based on real life stories of the actors performing. Additionally, at this event there was a silent auction of paintings and jewelry made by survivors.

The performances, dances and artwork were very moving and touched you deeply

40

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

to the soul. The performances especially were thought provoking and intense.

“I believe many times people need to identify themselves with visual situations so they can react, understand and believe. Yesterday at my event, a woman approached me afterwards and honestly stated she did not know some of the circumstances presented were actually instances of domestic violence.

This reinforced my belief, the visual was very important to bring awareness about what domestic violence actually is and it includes a lot more than physical abuse” Lucila indicated.

The plan is to expand the theatrical performances from small skits to a play coming soon in November, 2017. Lucila leaves us telling others, “Trust the Lord at all times. If the abuser doesn’t treat his or her parents well they aren’t going

to treat you well. Get to know people better. Give yourself time to get to know the person. Don’t tell them what you are missing from a relationship because an abuser will do everything you need to make you fall in love. Remember it’s not your fault. Your safety is your number one priority”.

I find the strength to go on, because I know where I come from and I was at one point a very insecure, debilitating, shy person. It took 40 years for me to develop into the person I am today. I had to turn what I go through into something positive. At 52, I feel like I have only begun to really live. I can’t stop now. I’ve only gotten started. So, in spite of all these health challenges, I say to myself every day, I refuse to let anything stop me no matter what. I believe the spirt lives forever and I am just a spirit I will never die”.

THE AUTO STOP Complete Automotive Repair (since 1977) One of Rochester’s Only Woman Owned Repair Facilities We can handle all of your vehicle needs!

Corner of Bay & Goodman I 553 Bay Street I Rochester, NY (585) 288-7610

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

FINDING YOUR VOICE TO GO ON

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN

During the course of covering “An Island in the Desert” at the Memorial Art Gallery earlier in the year, Krystal Noriega-Santiago shared insight about how singing became her voice after battling to become free of a marriage plagued with domestic violence. When watching the rehearsal and performance, it was clear Krystal found her voice to go on. The beating of the drums, the swish of the colorful costumes, watching the culture of the Caribbean was definitely a treat, but it was the sound of a songbird who belted out a melody penetrating overall. This is when I smiled. I smiled because I knew it was through the arts and singing Krystal was free.

Many people judge a woman who remains in a domestic violence relationship. The common thought becomes “If he hits you why don’t you just leave?”. The women who are affected by this social epidemic are not undesirables. They are beautiful, intelligent, talented women who simply loved the wrong man. No one wakes up in the morning and says “I want to be a victim”. It’s much deeper than this. It’s more like “If I make his favorite food maybe today will be a good day”.

“If I do my hair just right I’ll be okay today”.

Krystal shared her journal entries to help us understand what it is like on a day-to-day basis to wake up in a domestic violence relationship and whether this day could be your last…

“In the beginning when my exhusband and I first met, everything was about demonstrating loving behavior with gifts and by doing 42

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

special things for me. At the time, I did not realize these were all tactics to set me up mentally and emotionally. As we were still getting through the beginnings of this honeymoon phase, he made an extraordinary attempt to keep me interested in him by getting my mother involved to accept his marriage proposal.

Even during the supposed romantic trip to Jersey City and neighboring towns we took, he started acting out with his

verbal abuse returning from disappearing to visit bad influences.

As soon as I put my foot down and returned the engagement ring, he quickly started begging me to change my mind and stay with him. He promised to change his ways and be the suitable “Prince Charming” I deserved. I look back now and realize how gullible I was for trusting him, hoping for a real change…

One day I remember getting out of the shower and he was on a mission to prevent me from going to work. He blockaded the doorway as he started carrying on how I was messing around with everyone at my job even my own family members. Ridiculous!

So I continued making my way through the room to grab my undergarments and work uniform.

Then he stared snatching every piece of wardrobe I attempted to put on. I reminded him that he didn’t pay my bills and I needed to go to work.

Immediately, he started throwing things about in my bedroom. He flipped the mattress and forced me between the mattress and the box spring. I couldn’t breathe and began to suffocate I was terrified.

I was pregnant and he didn’t care. He proceeded to beat me when I was trapped…I thought maybe this could be fixed by going to counseling and being a positive support system. I kept excusing his behavior because of his upbringing, intellectual inadequacies, lack of a religious background and even mental health. It wasn’t until the abuse

{ RWO SURVIVORS }

lucila

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

43

{ RWO SURVIVORS } “You can be strong enough to leave with a little help from God. I know from experience the repetitive cycle trap and the urgent feelings to continually try to fix the abuser or change the atmosphere to better support, peace and family unity…I soon found a domestic violence support group and became a survivor along with my daughters.”

carried over to my children that I drew the line”. (From Krystal’s Journal).

How does a mother find the strength to leave? When does the need to survive kick in over fear? The abuse is a process to destroy. There is no happiness. There is no peace. Life becomes a nightmare trapped in hell.

“You can be strong enough to leave with a little help from God. I know from

44

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

experience the repetitive cycle trap and the urgent feelings to continually try to fix the abuser or change the atmosphere to better support, peace and family unity…I soon found a domestic violence support group and became a survivor along with my daughters.

I suggest of you or anyone you know, young or old are in any kind of domestic violence situation, make a choice to get out. It’s your time to connect to the

resources available to you with God’s help be free from this kind of oppression” Krystal stated finding her strength based in her religion and wanted all women to know.

{ RW EDUCATION }

46

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

B

B

Elizabeth Wende Breast Care

{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

Mammograms Save Lives. Period.

BY STAMATIA DESTOUNIS, MD, FACR, FSB

As October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, now is a great time to clear up questions and misconceptions that many women, including my patients over the years, have had when considering a mammogram. Hopefully by sharing the facts I can offer you a level of comfort and understanding of the mammography experience.

Elizabeth Wende Breast Care (EWBC), where I am an attending radiologist, recommends that average-risk women begin screening mammograms at age 40 and every year thereafter for as long as they are reasonably healthy. Also, we have found that women with a strong family history of breast cancer benefit from earlier screenings and should consult their physician about when to start mammography and if additional imaging, such as an MRI, is required.

In addition, we believe women need to perform monthly breast exams and continue yearly check-ups and clinical breast exams by their health care providers.

Some breast cancers, especially in women with dense breast tissue, may be found by breast exam in-between the time interval for screening mammography. It is important that breast exams continue to be performed. We disagree with

the recent American Cancer Society recommendations to discontinue breast examinations.

Our recommendations are consistent with the American College of Radiology and Society of Breast Imaging, and are based on and supported by several long-term studies. Forty years of our own patient data also supports annual screening as a considerable number of the breast cancers that we diagnose through screening mammography is in our young patients ages 40-50. We believe early detection leads to lifesaving outcomes.

THE FACTS:

• The most important benefit of screening mammography is to find breast cancer EARLY, when the cancer is most treatable and survivable.

• Breast cancer is the number one cause of death in women ages 35-54.

• Mammography has been proven to reduce deaths due to breast cancer in women screened beginning at age 40.

• 25% of all years of life lost to breast cancer occur in women diagnosed before the age of 45.

• Women at “high risk” for breast cancer due to known or suspected disease-causing ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

47

Mammograms Save Lives. Period. mutation (such as BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes, along with several other genes more recently identified) should begin screening as early as 25 and include MRI. • About 10 percent of women having a screening mammogram will be called back (recalled) for extra testing or views.

THIS IS NORMAL. Among women called back, 95 percent do not have cancer. Several studies surveying women after a call back (which turned out to be a false alarm) reveal that these women would and do come back yearly for mammography. In addition, the survey 48

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

found the risks and side effects of a call back are exaggerated in both the media and some reports stating false alarms as a reason to skip mammography screening.

• New technologies, such as 3D mammography (also called digital breast tomosynthesis), are better able to identify cancer and can reduce call backs.

Screening mammography is the only proven method to reduce deaths due to breast cancer. In the end, providers and patients need to be allowed to make an educated decision based on real science regarding the multiple benefits and the highly advertised limitations of screening

mammography. It shouldn’t be a debate or rocket science, just common sense.

Screening Guideline comparison chart: http://densebreast-info.org/ screeningguidelines.aspx

Five Things to Consider When Selecting a Breast Care Center ExpEriEncE mattErs

A team of breast imaging specialists LatEst tEchnoLogy with LEss radiation

3D (tomo) with synthetic 2D for every patient – reducing overall radiation dose doubLE rEading of your mammogram

Two expert opinions to give you peace of mind intEgratEd gEnEtics program

Cancer Risk Assessment for every patient to determine lifetime risk of breast cancer a staff that goEs thE Extra miLE

Professional & supportive staff to guide you through your visit

ewbc.com (585) 442-2190 Batavia

Brighton

geneseo

greece

victor

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

50

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Q

Q

{ ASK THE DOCTOR } I managed to live without my hair because I knew it would grow back. But I couldn’t cling to the same kind of hope after my double mastectomy.

Unlike hair, breasts weren’t going to grow back.

I thought it was going to be fine. They were only breasts; just because they were gone didn’t mean I was any less of a woman. My husband was supportive, telling me I was beautiful with or without breasts. But as time went on, I knew that it didn’t matter what anyone else said to me. What mattered was that for me, living without breasts and not doing anything about it was a form of defeat, like giving in to what cancer dictated my life to be. So I decided to turn to Dr. Kalnoki for plastic surgery. Cancer took so much from me, but the surgery made me feel that I took it all back.

--Breast cancer survivor and patient of Dr. Emese Kalnoki

She’s Your New Breast Friend: Surgeon

for Breast Reconstruction at the Quatela Center

A woman’s fight against breast cancer can be one of the most difficult times in her life as well as the lives of her loved ones. Many times, she will require a mastectomy to beat breast cancer, but the surgery may leave her feeling damaged, with a constant reminder of her fight. Survivors may not feel in the mindset to declare victory until they’ve reclaimed their feminine shape, or recovered the missing “piece” of their bodies.

For breast cancer survivors and others seeking breast augmentation, the Quatela Center for Plastic Surgery is proud to have welcomed Dr. Emese Kalnoki, a highly-trained plastic surgeon specializing in aesthetic and reconstructive breast surgery, body contouring procedures, and labiaplasty. Dr. Kalnoki has seven years of private practice experience to help women of all “ages and stages” find their beautiful and fuel their confidence.

Female-focused in her approach, Dr. Kalnoki has performed approximately 400 breast reconstruction procedures and another 350 breast reconstruction revision surgeries. Her technique is one that seeks to minimize scarring and achieve beautiful, natural-looking results.

She previously resided in Phoenix, Arizona, where she owned and operated a successful plastic surgery practice, dedicated to breast reconstruction after cancer and body contouring surgery to address the effects of weight loss or pregnancy.

Besides her expertise as a surgeon, Dr. Kalnoki is an accomplished artist who has featured her work in galleries. The precision, attention to detail, and vision for the finished work required for painting is reflected in her surgical results.

It’s Dr. Kalnoki’s philosophy that plastic surgery should provide patients with a restored sense

of self-confidence and well-being. Below, she answers the key questions about breast reconstruction that patients often have:

How soon after my tissue removal should I consider reconstruction?

Having your breasts reconstructed is a personal choice. Nobody else can make it for you, and you need to decide whether you’re ready for it or not. Many women need time to cope with their loss before moving forward; others want to undergo the procedure right away. Nobody can make this decision other than you, so think it over carefully to determine whether you are ready for it.

Does breast reconstruction involve implants?

Breast reconstruction is generally broken down into two different kinds. The first is an implantbased reconstruction, where an implant made from saline or silicone is designed in the shape and size of your breast, then inserted under the skin and chest muscle. The other option is autologous tissue reconstruction, also known as flap reconstruction surgery. With this form of surgery, your plastic surgeon utilizes tissue from one part of your body to recreate the shape of the breast mound.

Will I need more than one surgery?

In most instances, breast reconstruction consists of two to three surgeries over a period of nine to 12 months. You need to consider whether you want to have several surgeries in order to have the new breasts. Each case is different; and only your doctor can determine whether you’ll need multiple surgeries to reconstruct your breasts.

Will having breast surgery affect my job?

Breast reconstruction surgery affects some of the muscles and tissue around your chest. You have to ask yourself if you need these muscles during your daily work? If so, consider how surgery may affect your performance and if it’s right for you. ** Reconstructive breast surgery can help restore the size, shape, and appearance of your breasts that were altered due to a mastectomy or breast cancer procedure. Breast reconstruction with Dr. Kalnoki can be both a physically and emotionally rewarding procedure for a breast cancer survivor—because it symbolizes her victory over the disease that she battled.

The final step in your battle against breast cancer starts at the Quatela Center. Call us at 585.244.1000 or visit Quatela.com to learn more.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

51

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE { SHIFT+CONTROL } }

52

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

C

C

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

BY REBECCA JAFFARIAN I PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK

Beating Breast Cancer with A Little Lipstick…

Michele Julian Trinchini

Last April when Michele Julian Trinchini was attending the Annual Induction ceremony of the Rochester Music Hall of Fame as a guest of Gary Lewis and the Playboys, (her husband is the one of the Playboys) little did she know her life was about to take a totally different direction only days later.

Right before turning 55, the nail technician of thirty years, wife, and mother, obtained a new physician. The physician promptly sent her for a mammogram. Despite having a maternal grandmother who had metastatic breast cancer, Michele admits she had not had a mammogram in six years. Not wanting her new doctor to think she was a bad patient. Michele accepted the referral.

The mammogram detected a small spot with some calcium attached. Microcalcifications are small calcium deposits that look like white specks on a mammogram.

Microcalcifications are usually not a result of cancer. But if they appear in certain patterns and are clustered together, they may be a sign of precancerous cells or early breast cancer. Michele went on to have an ultra sound and a biopsy. Her doctor called the next day with the results, Stage 1 Level 2 breast cancer. She was now one of those eight women diagnosed with the disease. She shared with us her journey and treatment process.

My husband and I sat there in disbelief. I

cried and then I cleaned my base boards while Dom took calls from all our friends and family. I needed to stay busy. After that came an MRI. After the MRI they told me I was lucky it didn’t look as if it had spread to my lymph nodes and “as cancer goes this is a good one (not that any are good) to have. This cancer is invasive but lazy and hormone fed.” All good things.

I had surgery on June 22nd.

I gave myself the recommended 10 days to recover, then went back to work full steam.

When I went for my post op surgery Dr Yellin told me it had spread to one lymph node and that made chemo a possibility.

After a 3-4 week wait for a test called an oncotype I met with a medical oncologist.

He told me his opinion was that I could skip chemo but would need radiation and to be on the hormone blocker Tamoxifen for 10 years. After the second opinion (also no chemo) I started 5 weeks of radiation Monday thru Friday. I currently have 2 full weeks left, 10 more visits. So far my skin is just starting to burn. They told me I could get very tired, and I’m ok to date.

My support system has been amazing. My husband, son, step mom, best friend and really close girl friends, family and clients (all considered friends) have been there with a never ending stream of kindnesses and love. Prayers, food, kind words, laughs, gifts, tears, over 50 really great t shirts “A little lipstick always helps” printed by my ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

53

nephew for some of to wear and have fun with...... My clients at Salon Enza have had so much patience with my constant doctor appointments. I cannot thank everyone enough. I have been beyond blessed by every person I know.

She considers her mom her biggest inspiration.

My mom is always there for us. She went to every appointment with me, sometimes my husband couldn’t go. She is always positive and moving forward. She listens and has good advice. She is a calm in all storms including this one. I am so lucky.

Are there any assumptions or misconceptions about breast cancer that you would like to shed light on?

I don’t know about assumptions or 54

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

misconceptions. I have met so many women since my diagnosis its mind boggling. Every time I talk to someone they are the person or know someone that was just diagnosed.

Each path has been so different. God has me on the easy bus for this and I am so grateful. PLEASE DON’T SKIP YOUR MAMMOGRAM. I know I will never skip mine again. We have great health care in Rochester. We are in good hands if something comes up.

Michele Julian is married to Dominic Trinchini, a bass player for Gary Lewis and The Playboys. They have a 19 year old son, Julian and a 28 year old stepson, Brandon a barber. Julian is in his second year of college. She is a Webster resident and has been a nail tech for almost 30 years. She loves cooking or baking, eating, entertaining, reading, warm weather, sun

and shopping! She’s also a bit of a clean freak as mentioned above. What’s on this lipstick diva’s bucket list?

My bucket list? Hmmmm I’m pretty blessed, I love to travel. So more travel and my dream trip is Italy. Maybe a small convertible Mercedes to buzz around in during the summer?

CALL US TODAY FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTARY CONSULTATION

11 STATE STREET IN THE VILLAGE OF PITTSFORD(INSIDE THE ESL CREDIT UNION BUILDING UPSTAIRS) SUITE 205 PITTSFORD, NY 14534 I 585-737-7466.

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

56

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

S

S

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

BY SAMANTHA SHULTZ I PHOTOS BY DANIEL DELUCENAY

My Name Is Samantha Schultz

My name is Samantha Schultz, I was 29 years old when my life would be changed forever. I went in for an exploratory surgery because there was evidence that something wasn’t right.

I remember the morning leading up to my surgery even the smells in the air. I was finally put under when they were shocked to find I had bilateral ovarian cancer.

The cancer was “so clean” they said it could have been so easily missed. I was already a stage 3c upon diagnosis and the cancer spread into the lymph nodes and a dusting on top of my liver. Upon waking up my first words were “where is my mom and am I going to die?”

The doctor who was with me when I woke up happened to be someone I know very well; as I have worked for her for 6 years.

She had a tear in her eye and said, “you are not going to die, you are going to fight now.” How could I fight I thought as I lay here in my hospital bed put into straight menopause at 29 years old.

The person I was before I woke up from this 9 hour surgery wasn’t the same person anymore and I lost my hope and faith in God and wondered “why me?” I have two little boys who need me, they can’t lose their

mother they would be forever changed. I fell into a deep deep dark depression and was angry at the world.

It took me time to realize I need to stay strong for those around me, and to know God would not give me anything I couldn’t handle. I knew I had to be strong and have faith to beat this invasive cancer. I felt it was okay to be angry and it’s okay to not be okay, as long as I didn’t stay that way.

I said good bye to the old Samantha and hello to the new one, the one who was going to show the world, my strength, energy, and willpower. I had to make sure women could use me through my pictures, my honesty and let them in my life as I began to start my battle.

I was going to be dealing with very aggressive chemo, as I was warned they would not be going easy on me due to my age. So I started my chemo treatments beginning on September 2016, and I would be losing my long hair within 14 days. I had a tough time with that, but I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and it wasn’t.

I finished my last chemo January 2017 and had my port removed, then started oral chemo, but unfortunately that wasn’t working alone. I could not go back and do ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

57

aggressive treatments as it had left me with neuropathy, memory loss and currently have grand mal seizures.

are going down. I am aware that can change, but I hold hope it doesn’t. I trust my doctor and love him deadly.

I began infusions, less invasive and I would not lose my hair “yay!” Yet it is still chemo and being in the wing with people twice my age made me sad. I was going through a living he’ll, not knowing if my levels were going down.

The important thing to me is showing others no matter what you are faced with you can handle it, to have to keep going and can’t let anyone or anything bring you down. I have been told by many I inspire them through my pictures, honesty and positivity it truly keeps me going.

I get CA125 checked monthly along with CT scans, and it’s incredibly terrifying. I kept modeling, walking, cooking, living and stopped worrying about what I could not control.

Finally 3 CT scans later, and my numbers 58

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

When I want to give up, I am here and have a purpose and I intend to keeping my life open to others to let them know they are not alone, we fight together and proud. We wear our scars and embrace the wraps we put around our heads because we

are warriors. My entire being has changed since my diagnosis and that I am grateful for. I see beauty in things, I’m loyal, I am thankful, and I am still here to write this.

Because if it helps at least one person that I have accomplished what I needed to. I love my sister’s and brothers, I know to your fear, pain and weaknesses. Everyone you feel weak think of me because I am right behind you whispering in your ear you can do this and you will. “this too shall pass.”

F A L L I N LOV E W I T H

Wisteria

Floral Arrangements, Home Furnishings and Unique Gifts

3 6 0 Cu l ve r Ro a d

R o c h e s t e r, N e w Yo r k 1 4 6 0 7

(585) 271-0610

w w w.w i s t e r i a fl o w e r s a n d g i f t s . co m

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { WOMEN WHO INSPIRE

60

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

J

J

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

BY MAJA MILLICEVIC-KLUGH I PHOTOS BY MICHAEL CRISAFULLI

JAMIE BELIGOTTI

The Cycle of Abuse

The medical literature defines domestic violence in different ways. Domestic violence refers to the victimization of a person with whom the abuser has or has had an intimate, romantic, or spousal relationship.

Domestic violence encompasses violence against both men and women and includes violence in gay and lesbian relationships.

Domestic violence consists of a pattern of coercive behaviors used by a competent adult or adolescent to establish and maintain power and control over another competent adult or adolescent. These behaviors can occur alone or in combination, sporadically or continually. These include physical violence, psychological abuse, stalking, and nonconsensual sexual behavior. Each incident builds upon previous episodes, thus setting the stage for future violence.

Forms of physical violence include assault with weapons, pushing, shoving, slapping, punching, choking, kicking, holding, and binding. Two forms of physical violence have been posited: occasional outbursts of bidirectional violence (ie, mutual combat) and frank terrorism, of which the “patriarchal” form has been the most researched.

Psychological abuse includes threats of physical harm to the victim or others, intimidation, coercion, degradation and humiliation, false accusations, and ridicule. Intimate partner stalking may occur during a relationship or after a relationship has ended. Of women who are stalked by an intimate partner are also physically assaulted. A new development is psychological abuse (generally threats) expressed through the Internet, so-called cyberstalking. Sexual abuse may include nonconsensual or painful sexual acts

(often unprotected against pregnancy or disease).

Domestic violence may be associated with physical or social isolation (eg, denying communication with friends or relatives, or making it so difficult that the victim stops attempting communication). Also Deprivation (eg, abandonment in dangerous places, refusing help when sick or injured, prohibiting access to money or other basic necessities). Domestic violence is not a new epidemic—it spans history and cultures. The Common Law of England permitted a man to beat his wife, provided the diameter of the stick so used was not wider than the diameter of his thumb, hence, the term “Rule of Thumb.”

Jaime Beligotti lived many years with domestic violence. Jaime’s story is no different than any others but she is willing to share it in effort to help and reach many wounded hearts.

Jaime grew up in Watkins Glen, NY and has two brothers. Graduated at the age of 17, moved to NC to live with her fiancée in the Marine Corps when she was 19. Got married a week after her 20 birthday and became a mom to a beautiful baby boy Dylan at the age of 21. They all moved from NC to Rochester, NY when Dylan was three weeks old. Dylan was developing differently from other children, and at 3 years old he was diagnosed with autism.

She spent a great deal of time researching information, implementing a special diet, and advocating for Dylan. In the midst of doing that, and working part time while caring for him, she earned her Bachelor’s degree. In 2008, Jaime’s husband left and they eventually divorced. She felt ashamed and did not want a failed marriage.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

61

Emotional Outcomes for Child Witnesses to Domestic Violence. The psychological ramifications for children who witness domestic violence in the home can be damaging and lasting. They may experience social or academic problems, anxiety, depression, behavioral issues, or somatic symptoms, such as stomachaches.

“NORMAL” BEHAVIOR –

and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

ABUSE – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you “who is boss.”

FANTASY AND PLANNING – Your abuser begins to fantasize about

Jaime focused her energy into getting Master’s degree because that was one of her dreams and something that no one can take it from her. She was accepted in to an accelerated program at Roberts Wesleyan College, and received her MS degree in Strategic Leadership in 2013. What Jaime enjoys/interests: Organizing, autism research, hiking, minimalism, independent films and many documentaries, and am recently interested in aerial yoga; I love vegetables. Future goals: To inspire others via motivational speaking and writing, to help Dylan with a career in music, grow a professional organizing business/consult.

GUILT – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he’s done.

He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his or her abusive behavior.

EXCUSES – Your abuser rationalizes

what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.

62

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm.

This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.

abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he’ll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.

SET-UP – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time,

Jaime’s passion is to inspire people to find their individual strengths and to know being without a partner is ok. To set goals (hers was education) and go for them. She is the most passionate about being the best mom can be.

{ RW EDUCATION }

64

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

M

M

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ.

MARIA GONZALES:

To Be Beautiful Again

Cancer, the word is terrifying. This disease is sweeping the country, taking loved ones at an alarming rate. The healthcare industry is developing massive ways to exercise preventative care to increase earlydetection so people have a fighting chance to survive. Maria Gonzalez is one of the survivors! Maria describes her journey with breast cancer as “painful and definitely over-whelming, but at the same time, it was a time for reflection and a time to become strong”.

Maria believes the strong family support, she received from her husband and sister Kathy, as the largest factor in her ability to survive this ordeal. When going through treatment, she felt incomplete and ugly.

She was afraid of rejection, from mostly her husband, but also the little ones in the family who were unable to understand what was going on. Losing her hair was the most difficult time she experienced.

Marie lost her hair, her eyebrows and lashes. Her self-image suffered and she was forced to regain confidence in herself. She regained confidence by wearing colorful head wraps, scarfs and hats. She relays she became obsessed with make-up and found alternate ways to enhance her beauty so she could feel good again. Basically, Marie took care of her appearance on issues she could control and stopped focusing on the negative, what she could not control. She stopped feeling bad for herself and made the changes. To feel better, came from within and this is something only the individual experiencing these changes can fix.

Maria was scared but…

“My sister Kathy was a rock. She held my hand throughout my whole treatment, never leaving my side. She wiped away the tears and gave me strength to continue my treatments, every day. It was also the prayer warriors at my church. They got ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

65

on their knees, day-and-night for me. I never felt so loved by all my friends and family. My family and I became closer. I am blessed.

The fear of never seeing my kids and granddaughter grow and become adults, motivated me, but also terrified me. This fear was a big obstacle. I had to rebuild my strength to give it a good fight and beat cancer!

During treatment, I developed anemia. My 66

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

immune system was very low. The moment I heard I would need blood transfusions, I panicked. I learned if I followed doctor’s instructions, took medications as prescribed and remined calm, this would play a large part of my recovery. It is very important to trust the doctors.

So, to everyone going through this now, I offer these words of encouragement. Wipe your tears! Get up and get angry! Fight like a warrior! Build up your strength and look forward to the end of your treatment.

Embrace your loved ones. Never lose trust in yourself. You can do it. Never lose faith.

Faith is the key!”

The problem with cancer is many people suffer this journey. Just when they think they have won the battle, the cancer returns. Fear never leaves the back of Maria’s mind. There is always the chance. one day the cancer can return. Marie lives her life seeking out the positive and lives life one-day-at-a-time.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: SEPTEMBER 2017

67

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

68

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

C

C

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE }

BY REBECCA JAFFARIAN

I first met Dr. Catherine Cerulli when I myself was just beginning the journey from domestic violence victim to survivor back in 2010. Dr. Cerulli “Kate” spoke at a SAFER meeting at which she was gathering data for a research project related to intimate partner violence and stalking.

Little did I know that the soft spoken, petite, mild mannered power house of a woman had done more for domestic violence survivors, and she was more than a domestic violence advocate.

Catherine Cerulli is an academic and legal leader with more than two decades of commitment to battling domestic violence and victimization. She is the Director of the Susan B. Anthony Center for Women’s Leadership and the Laboratory of Interpersonal Violence and Victimization (LIVV), Associated Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Rochester, and co-director of HEAL Program.

Catherine Cerulli, JD, PhD… Healing Survivors of Domestic Violence

While working as an Assistant District Attorney in Monroe County in the 1990’s, she formed a special misdemeanor domestic violence unit, SAFE, Stopping Abuse in the Family Environment..

A native of Stamford, CT, Dr. Cerulli found her passion while working at a summer camp for inner-city youth in the Albany area. Many of the children had been abused or neglected at home, where their mothers were involved with violent partners. Later, she volunteered for a domestic violence hotline. As a student at SUNY at Buffalo’s School of Law, she coordinated the Haven House domestic violence shelter law clinic. She also cofounded the Clinic for Women, Children and Social Justice, which trains lawyers to effectively try cases related to domestic violence.

In 1991 while in law school, she received a Community Action Grant from the American Association of University Women(AAUW) to study the local government’s response to cases of domestic violence in Buffalo, NY. She credits the grant with providing her the opportunity to learn about research, which greatly influenced her subsequent work incorporating scientific research into law. She earned her J.D. from the University ofSUNY at Buffalo Law School of Law and her PHD in Criminal Justice at the State University of New York at Albany.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the statistics are alarming—1 in 4 women experience it in their lifetimes. Yet, Dr. Cerulli firmly believes the problem is fixable and she is a pioneer in combining law and science to combat reduce domestic violence. She describes her work as “translating research into practice.”

Dr. Cerulli is the director of two institutions at the University of Rochester. The Laboratory of Interpersonal Violence and Victimization uses evidence-based research to provide resources to

community partners to end domestic violence.

And as the Director of the Susan B. Anthony Center for Women’s Leadership, Dr. Cerulli is pursuing a plan to identify the gaps in basic needs and services for women and those marginalized in society.

Victims of interpersonal violence (IPV) now have a new resource that for the very first time provides them access to social, emotional and legal services all in one place. Overseen by the University of Rochester Medical Center’s Department of Psychiatry, and based at the Strong Memorial Hospital campus. Healing through Education, Advocacy and Law (HEAL), the HEAL Program is a collective endeavor of URMC and several partnering social service agencies. Collaborators include Willow Domestic Violence Center (formerly Alternatives for Battered Women), the Rochester Police Department, RESOLVE, the Legal Aid Society of Rochester, Lifespan and Monroe County Family Court, and others who have been helpful..

HEAL clients receive services including safety planning and linkages to emergency shelter, social work consultation and a comprehensive needs assessment, short-term mental health support, assistance in filing petitions for temporary orders of protection and other legal matters, as well as referrals to community resources.

“The positive relationships we share, and the support we’ve received from our community partners, have enabled us to offer a long-overdue, holistic approach to caring for local IPV victims”, said program co-director Catherine (Kate) Cerulli, JD, PhD. “It’s a critical step to improving the safety , health, and well-being of violenceinvolved people.”

Dr. Cerulli credits her projectHEAL’s team and URMC administration for recognizing the need for the program, which was developed d as part of Strong’s improvement plan. It and came to fruition after several years of coordination.

Previously, IPV victims had to navigate the complex systems on their own to find shelter and legal advice. , identified patients can now be referred directly to HEAL by URMC Emergency physicians, nurses, and social workers can now refer primary care, mental health, and OB-GYN providersidentified patients directly to HEAL. The program not only does the navigating in partnership with the patientm, but HEAL it also provides the mental health support many IPV victims need as a result of the trauma and abuse they have endured.

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship, call 911, local hotline (585) 222-SAFE (7233) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

69

{ RESOLVE }

MAKING A FRESH START:

Forgiveness is the Gift We Give Ourselves BY: ALLI O’MALLEY, CEO

Rebuilding after domestic violence is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. Too many people believe that domestic violence ends instantly once the couple separates and all goes back to normal. I think this is one of the main reasons why people looking in from the outside so often ask the question, “Why doesn’t she/he just leave?”

Domestic violence is complicated. No relationship begins without promise and it’s hard to let go of what we once believed we were creating together. It is difficult to explain to people who have only known healthy relationships what domestic violence is really like. A colleague of mine once described domestic violence perpetrators as domestic terrorists. Not the kind we hear about in the news that make bombs and target people they don’t know; but the kind who use their hands, their words, and their actions as weapons to terrorize their partner and their children… often under the guise of love.

Perpetrators are not constantly abusive or violent either, which is why it can be so confusing for victims. In the moments when the perpetrator is feeling secure, they can be loving and endearing, charismatic and charming; and for the victim, those moments offer hope that things are getting better. Perpetrators will also expose their vulnerability to their partners and in these tender moments, the victim is often pulled in and rewarded for extending empathy and compassion. This mixture of good and bad leaves the victim off balance and causes them to constantly question themselves. It is truly crazy making.

Relationships with abusive or violent partners, particularly when the abusive behavior is only beginning to surface, tend 70

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

to feature amazing highs, contrasted by devastating lows. The time that transpires between the highs and lows is often the key to the victim deciding to make a change.

As the bad times begin to outweigh the

good -- as they ultimately will -- many victims will begin to respond. They may start to think about leaving. They may not understand what’s happening yet, but begin to feel anxious or depressed, which may lead to seeking medical help

{ RESOLVE } Relationships with abusive or violent partners, particularly when the abusive behavior is only beginning to surface, tend to feature amazing highs, contrasted by devastating lows.

or to self-medicating behaviors, like over eating, not eating, drinking or recreational drug use. Sometimes the stress victims are living with results in persistent health problems, like migranes, back or neck pain, insomnia, recurring infections or other forms of illness. Sometimes victims

even become suicidal and believe that death may be their only way out. This is also when concerns about making a life without their partner, financially and practically, will manifest and can be truly immobilizing.

Finding your way out or through domestic violence is never simple. Aside from the practical considerations, there is the emotional fall out. It is impossible to simply walk out of an abusive or violent relationship without feelings. While every person’s experience is unique to some degree, virtually every victim will experience some combination of fear, rage, betrayal, anger, regret, grief and sadness that are inter-mixed with moments of relief, hope, and even joy.

One of my favorite self help authors, Robert Holden, says that “feelings just want to be felt”. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

Why then do so many of us go to great lengths to avoid feelings; particularly the negative ones? I don’t have a clinical answer, but I have a hypothesis. I think that we avoid these feelings for fear that we will be devoured by them and because deep down we know that we will emerge from the experience different, forcing us to contend with a new normal. If my hypothesis is correct, it makes our resistance more understandable, doesn’t it?

I have often heard people engaged in a process of personal alchemy, like rebuilding after domestic violence, describe it like an onion. Think about the onion for a moment… a root vegetable, a bulb in fact, that is pungent, adds rich flavor to our food through its layers and layers of flesh and at its base are roots that sustain it. When preparing an onion for use, it has the ability to bring even the most stoic among us to tears. Tears, particularly women’s tears, are cleansing. As we shed them, alone or in the presence of others, we begin peel back the layers that we’ve erected around our broken hearts creating the possibility for something new.

Which brings me to forgiveness, often ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

71

{ RESOLVE RESOLVE } How do you forgive the unforgiveable? Why should the victim forgive their abuser? Doesn’t that let them off the hook? Isn’t it the abuser that needs to repent and beg for forgiveness?

considered a dirty word in domestic violence work. How do you forgive the unforgiveable? Why should the victim forgive their abuser? Doesn’t that let them off the hook? Isn’t it the abuser that needs to repent and beg for forgiveness?

In truth, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is a choice. It does not absolve your abuser of anything; instead it offers you a path to living in peace and an opportunity to thrive, free from the chains forged by hate, anger, and regret.

72

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

For some, forgiveness is about releasing the guilt and shame we felt about things that we did or didn’t do during the abusive relationship. For some, forgiveness is a choice that allows us to release lingering feelings about our partner that prevent us from moving forward. For others, forgiveness is an acknowledgement of our abuser’s brokenness that was the real cause of their violent or abusive behavior.

For some, it’s a combination of all these things and more.

Forgiveness is a necessary ingredient in personal alchemy and any fears that arise around it are justified. Choosing to forgive the unforgiveable will undoubtedly change you and how you stand in the world. It will force you to contend with a new normal; and like the caterpillar that enters the chrysalis only to emerge as a butterfly, forgiveness can reward you with wings to fly.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

73

{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

FOR A GOOD CAUSE…

Meet Meaghan de Chateauvieux

BY REBECCA JAFFARIAN

Each year, Willow Domestic Violence Center provides a comprehensive Report to the Community in partnership with the Rochester/ Monroe County Domestic Violence Consortium.

The Community Report includes data from law enforcement, Monroe County 911 calls, the District Attorney’s Office, and Willow Center.

The Community Report is released in early October each year to launch Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The facts are startling.

Highlights from this year’s report include: • 4,789 reports of domestic violence were made in 2016 in Monroe County • Monroe County reports of domestic violence are above state rates, with the rates in the City of Rochester 2.8 times the statewide rate • Domestic violence impacts all zip codes with 52% of domestic violence reports coming from the city and 48% from suburban communities • In 2016, 48,970 calls to the Monroe County 911 dispatch service were classified as domestic incidents • Willow Center’s 24/7 Hotline received over 5,110 calls last year and Willow Center’s emergency shelter provided housing for 384 survivors in 2016-2017 • Willow Center’s Court Advocacy Program served 2,301 clients seeking an order of protection in 2016-2017 Rochester Woman Online sat down with Meaghan de Chateauvieux, MA, CFRE, Director of Development and Marketing at Willow to talk about her role there.

1. Tell us about your role at

Willow?

I see my role as raising awareness of domestic violence in our community, and connecting people with our mission in ways that are meaningful to them on a personal level, and impactful for the families we serve.

I’m an ambassador for our mission – inspiring people to get involved and showing people the many ways 76

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

they can support survivors – from donating towels for our shelter to funding field trips for our children’s program to participating in an event, there are so many ways to help.

I spend most of my time saying thank you!

And finding ways to express gratitude for the incredible generosity, creativity, and passion in our community. People have huge hearts.

What exactly do you do?

coming from a for-profit sector into the nonprofit sector? What unique challenges and rewards come from working in the nonprofit sector?

I’m an Xennial – the upper end of the millennial generation, just behind the Gen X. So I look for immediate gratification. At Willow, I know that every dollar we raise can potentially save a life. Every dollar makes a difference. I also know that failure is not an option when lives are at stake. In this community, Willow plays a critical role. On top of that, the nonprofit sector has to demonstrate good stewardship of donor funds and community trust – we are frugal and responsible. All this to say that we do life-saving work with limited resources and high stakes. And it’s an honor.

2. Describe a typical week of work for you.

I am incredibly grateful to work alongside talented and committed co-workers – the Willow team is dedicated, hard-working and passionate about our mission. Our focus is always on how best to support survivors. For me, with my fundraising hat on, that means how best to support the life-changing programs and services Willow provides for survivors. I spend time learning about what our clients – survivors of abuse - need, and then find ways to mobilize our community to meet those needs.

A typical week might include planning an event, engaging with donors and volunteers, writing fundraising appeals and writing grants.

3. What do you see are the pros and cons of

4. What traits are needed to be a successful in development in the nonprofit sector?

Nimble. Collaborative. Fearless.

Humble. Authentic. Grateful.

5. Who are some of your influences today? Why?

My Willow team influences me everyday. I am fortunate to have my boss as my mentor – Jaime Saunders – she is an incredible role model who leads with integrity, courage, kindness and moxie. My colleague and friend Amber Lingenfelter is a Jedi unicorn – those in the nonprofit sector will know what I mean, and those who aren’t should google that – it’s great fun. She’s amazing. There are so many others at Willow who influence me in profound ways – they know who they are and they don’t like the spotlight so I’ll just say thank you to all. I am grateful to be on this journey with this team.

My kids are a huge inspiration.

They tell their friends that I protect good people from danger and keep

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

77

{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE } “I also feel that we’ve made great strides in shifting our community’s perception of domestic violence – that it happens in every zip code, it is more than physical abuse, and reducing victim-blaming.”

people safe when their home is not safe. I work hard to live up to what they think of me. They also keep me grounded and remind me what really matters.

6. Growing up, who were some of your role models?

When I was a teenager, my mom ran a food pantry at the church. One day, a woman drove up in a shiny new Lexus, stepped out of the car in her stilettos and designer bag, and walked into the pantry. She asked for food. The volunteers gasped and whispered about her, and said she obviously didn’t need the food, look at her purse! My mom gave her six bags of food, along with anything else she might need. No questions asked. Mom gave her dignity and respect too.

“Who are we to judge?” My mom taught me that you never know what is going on in someone’s life, behind closed doors. Everyone has their own struggles. Maybe she just lost her job and had been paycheck to paycheck and the cabinets were now empty. Maybe her husband controlled their money and she was finding a way – any way – to feed her kids.

It takes a lot to ask for help. When someone asks, we do everything we can.

7.

Why is the nonprofit sector important to you? Why is community service important to you? What are your three (3) biggest accomplishments?

Well, we just completed the Safe Place Campaign, raising $8.4 million in 3 years.

It’s not just a new building, it’s a complete transformation of the way our community responds to domestic violence. The video on our website shows the inside view of our confidentially located new home.

I also feel that we’ve made great strides in shifting our community’s perception of domestic violence – that it happens in every zip code, it is more than physical abuse, and reducing victim-blaming.

8. Explain the rationale behind each of your career moves.

I fell into fundraising just after college. I feel compelled to speak up against injustice and to 78

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

motivate people to come together in support of justice. I fell in love with fundraising after I saw what philanthropy can accomplish and how many lives it impacts. My career has taken me through many aspects of the field – from grantwriting to events to major gifts and more - allowing me opportunities to learn from gifted professionals in each area.

I am absolutely loving my role at Willow, and am grateful to those who took the time to show me the way. I am paying it forward as much as I can.

9. What’s on your bucket list? Personally and Professionally.

My bucket list includes being a 46er – climbing the high peaks of the Adirondacks. I’ve only climbed a few but would love to do this with my kids. I’d also like to run a Full marathon before I turn 40. Only a few years left! Professionally, I am evolving as a leader

and seeking opportunities to learn and grow.

I would like to find that elusive work-life balance, or at least find grace and peace in the unbalance.

10.

What would you like the readers of Rochester Woman Online Magazine to know about Willow?

Everything. We are here for you. You are not alone. We will do everything we can to support you and remove barriers to services. If you are in a place where you can make a difference, change a life, know that your involvement can have an impact – an immediate impact – on real people’s lives, right here.

ABUSE IS ABUSE. Let’s talk about it.

(585)

222 – SAFE 7233

24/ 7 Crisis & Support Hotline All services free & confidential

En Español WillowCenterNY.org

{ IN HER OWN WORDS }

Coming Out of the Closet...

AGAIN

BY LAURIE PRIZEL I PHOTOS BY DANIEL DELUCENAY

I am a lesbian, to help the reader understand my story, I will state I am a “butch” lesbian, the visually masculine partner in the relationship.

I have spent years fighting the typical gender biases of what a woman is to be based on my physical appearance. Our society’s ignorance of my appearance enhanced the prejudices of our system that deals with domestic violence.

Once I had managed to “come out” little did I know I would “come out of the closet again” only this time to deal with the stigma of being victim of a same-sex domestically violent relationship. How could that be you might ask? Women don’t abuse other women, right? Women are supposed to be caring and nurturing. They don’t behave violently in relationships, and that since they may be of relatively equal size and strength, there should be no way that one woman can truly dominate and abuse another woman. I will show you through my story domestic violence sees no gender!

To this day, there isn’t much discussion or education (even the gay and lesbian communities) about domestic violence in samesex relationships. Therefore, the voices and stories of gay men and lesbians who have experienced it are rarely heard. I share my story today as a lesbian, who continues to make strides in the recovery of same-sex domestic violence. It can be done. It is often a silent battle, many refuse to bring to the surface.

I am here to relay my battles, not only within my relationship, within the LGBTQ community and in the unaware judicial system.

I was in my 30’s and thought I found my dream relationship.

A partner, a career and a home.

As I think back even today, I suspect there were numerous signs indicating the cycle of abuse was there. I never acknowledged this 80

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

then. I remember a friend, once remarked, after witnessing a disagreement between us, she wasn’t comfortable with what was said. I was defensive and brushed off her comments, pushing away someone who now I know was trying to help. Then the intensity increased of what was happening, thrown objects, demands increased, freedoms lessened and then physical contact began.

I remember the first day she struck me. I stood there astonished. However, I adopted the “never raise my fist to a woman” model and endured what came in the name of love.

One day not unlike any other, it got worse.

I vaguely remember how quickly it escalated from and argument to an altercation. This time clothes were torn, a shove went to a push, to a fall, to a welt, to a bruise. I got up, she came again this time with a fury I never saw. Rage filled the eyes I once saw love in. I remember screaming asking her to “Stop!” My memory of that moment became a blur, until I fell down the porch stairs and out onto the lawn. I saw the police pull up and I sighed with relief, thinking to myself “this will end.” Wow, was I ever mistaking, as this nightmare just began.

Butch women are at a grave disadvantage, when they attempt to leave an abusive relationship. Abusers are not naïve to stereotypes, and a feminine-presenting lesbian can use them to control their partner. She stood there, with law enforcement looking pretty put together, crying.

I stood there disheveled, torn clothes, facial contusions, and blood on my shirt. Within seconds, she had convinced the officers she was the victim. I fit the image of the masculine partner, so I had to be the abuser! Within minutes, I was handcuffed, charged and taken downtown. The victim became the abuser based on nothing but a perception.

After jail, an order of protection was given to her and I was now homeless. I was not allowed in our home, my clothing, my belongings, were all held hostage. I remember sitting there debating whom I should call. Which of OUR friends might have the sympathetic ear?

Who might understand it was not ME who did the damage.

After several calls, some didn’t want involvement, some couldn’t believe I was the victim, some just didn’t believe women did this and these were all lesbians! Shame overtook me, feelings of inadequacy invaded, in pain both physically

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

81

{ IN HER OWN WORDS } “To my gay brother and lesbian sisters…hell to anyone experiencing violence… don’t blame yourself, this is part of the cycle of abuse and control. I want others to know you’re not alone, regardless of your circumstance!”

and emotionally, I was devastated and lost.

If it couldn’t get any worse, then court proceedings began. Resources are scarce for women in same-sex relationships who have experienced abuse or who have been abusive. Lesbians who attempt to get help from institutions are often met with homophobia, disbelief and blame. Attitudes are oppressive: misogynist, homophobic, racist, etc. I can’t begin to explain the feelings as I sat in that court room and watched her conversate with the victim’s assistance representative. She got whatever she wanted. She accused me of having an affair and demanded an HIV/ AIDS test? I felt triply victimized: initially by my partner, by the system that was supposed to be there to help ME and by the lack of positive response in my lesbian community.

It was clear no one would believe me. At that time, it wasn’t even labeled as “domestic

82

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

violence” and heard in family court because we were lesbians, it was considered a criminal act. Months of court dates passed and I just felt “it’s my fault for being so stupid, so pathetic and not being able to stand up for myself.” Finally, with police escort, I entered our home to gather my life in but a few minutes as police stood by to “protect her.” She had thrown out many of my belongings and the police encouraged me to file a small claims suit for compensation.

I suspect in some ways those unsophisticated politics are still around today. Whether it be another lesbian or perhaps a man in a heterosexual relationship. A victim is a victim. I will never be the same and some twenty years later, it effects my life. This experience taught me to be hypervigilant for signs of manipulation and abuse in any relationship. “Trust” is a concept I don’t

easily adhere to any longer. It has made me fiercely independent and overly sensitive to language from a potential partner. It also made me aware that we need a culture which supports the growth of women, with a strong sense of self, and much needed self-respect.

We need legal systems, health services and other personnel who are well-equipped to deal with same-sex domestic violence issues.

To my gay brother and lesbian sisters…hell to anyone experiencing violence… don’t blame yourself, this is part of the cycle of abuse and control. I want others to know you’re not alone, regardless of your circumstance! Talk to someone, be it family or friends, just talk to someone, they will listen and you must listen to them. You may wonder what they will say, or even if they will believe you, but trust in them, I know trusting is hard right now, but you must try. Your life is worth living…

84

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ SPECIAL SHIFT+CONTROL FEATURE }

HERE TO HELP: EMBRACE YOUR SISTERS

BY JULIE M. MAY

Many women diagnosed with breast cancer are unable to work during their illness or treatment, adding a huge financial toll to an already difficult mental, emotional and physical struggle. From surgeries to chemotherapy appointments, some women find it exhausting just to get out of bed, let alone try to hold a job.

Yet no diagnosis will stop the bills from coming in. Rent and mortgages need to be paid. The electric bills continue. Kids need to be fed.

Co-pays mount. Often companies in our area offer nothing more than unpaid leave or disability payments that amount to a fraction of a person’s regular wages.

But the diagnosis does not have to be financially devastating. There is help.

Embrace Your Sisters (EYS) is a volunteer-run charity that fills a unique niche in breast cancer services by providing short-term emergency financial assistance to people receiving treatment for breast cancer. They serve residents of Monroe, Livingston, Ontario, Seneca, Steuben, Wayne and Yates counties in New York.

A grant from EYS can help individuals dealing with mounting co-pays and medical expenses.

This emergency funding can also help with rent/ mortgages, utilities, and other necessary expenses in order to improve the quality of their lives. They want people diagnosed with breast cancer to focus on recovery, not financial stress.

EYS was originally conceived of in 2006 by five local women: Alisha Cessna, Chrisann Philipson, Lisa Cessna, Daisie Stanley, and Judy Philipson-Raffard.

Chrisann found herself diagnosed with breast cancer a second time and knew her expenses were going to be enormous while fighting another battle. Her family and friends wanted to help.

It was while planning a BBQ chicken fundraiser for Chrisann, they realized if they worked on more fund-raising, they could help other women going through the same thing and EYS was born. Sadly, Chrisann lost her battle with breast cancer April 29, 2016, but her legacy lives on as the inspiration for the founding of Embrace Your Sisters.

The letters from recipients are poignant and touching: “I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015.

About two months after I was diagnosed, the bills started coming in and I was very worried about money while fighting to survive. I learned about Embrace Your Sisters, pulled up their website and filled out an application. Within a few weeks, I had a check to help pay my mortgage for the month. If it was not for Embrace Your Sisters, I am not sure what I would have done. They came into my life at a time I really needed it and will be forever grateful.”

“Thank you so much for working with me to receive financial aid. It was a life-saver and couldn’t have come at a better time. I have been overwhelmed by the niceness of strangers. See, something good came with a difficult situation.”

“I am a single mom and was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. At the time of my diagnosis I was scared not only for my life but also for preserving my daughters quality of life, as I went through surgeries and treatments that prevented me from working. Embrace Your Sisters provided me with the support to help pay my rent during my time off from work. This organization allowed me to get my treatment and keep my little girl in our house! I was able to focus on my recovery with less worry because of EYS” “Thank you from my heart for all the kindness you have shown me. I have lost so much hearing due to chemotherapy that a hearing aid is imperative to my quality of life. Thank you again for your generosity.”

“I am a 2 time Breast Cancer Survivor. My first time around, I remember being very scared, not knowing what was going to happen and how was I going to manage things. When it came back, there was no question the treatment included major surgeries, many co-pays, and a lot more worry. A friend of mine who knew of EYS, suggested I call you…They helped and I will always be forever grateful. Whenever I can, I try to help, volunteering at events, anything I can do, to help them to help others. We need these people in our lives, especially now, in these days and times of today.

Help support a wonderful local organization, it’s the least we can do....pay it forward.”

Bridget Viens has been involved with EYS since 2007, and has been on the board for 9 years. She lives in Palmyra with her husband and three daughters. She is a Speech Pathologist working with children and also owns a Christmas Tree Farm in Palmyra.

She says, “This June I was honored to be elected to the position of President for this wonderful organization.

This position has given me a new prospective and appreciation of the individuals on the board, members, and volunteers.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

85

{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “It is the efforts of so many incredible people that allow Embrace Your Sisters to be successful and touch so many people. There are 11 board positions comprised of all local individuals who volunteer their time and efforts to help others.”

“It is the efforts of so many incredible people that allow Embrace Your Sisters to be successful and touch so many people. There are 11 board positions comprised of all local individuals who volunteer their time and efforts to help others.”

Bridget has known many people with breast cancer at different points in her life.

and friends along with tea, snacks, key-note speakers, and silent auction,” Bridget said “Save the date May 6, 2018 for our next Tea at Two. Tickets go on sale on our website and the event sells out quickly. We always need donations for our silent auction so we encourage all local businesses to contact us to donate.”

“It hit closest to home when one of my best friends was diagnosed. I went to every doctor appointment and treatment with her. I witnessed her financial struggle as enormous medical bills were delivered. I watched as this disease and it’s treatments effected her body, but at the same time I saw her develop an incredible strength and determination to beat this disease. Today she is 10 years cancer free!” she exclaims proudly.

She also says EYS relies heavily on donations from the community in order to be successful.

They hold two major annual fundraising events to raise money and many individuals and organizations hold fundraisers for EYS throughout the year.

On the last Sunday of September is the ‘Positively Pink in Pittsford Breast Cancer Walk.’ Walkers can walk as individuals or form teams as they walk 1.8 miles through Historic Pittsford and along the Erie Canal. Walkers get pledges from their friends, co-workers and neighbors. EYS gives out t-shirts, hats and hoodies to recognize different levels of fundraising.

“On the first Sunday in May is our annual Tea at Two Fashion Show. Guests enjoy fashions from local merchants, modeled by survivors

86

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

“EYS has never had to turn an applicant away due to lack of funds,” Bridget says proudly. “We have money available to assist those who qualify We also have a 28-page booklet published on our website so that women can learn about the many resources in the area to assist people with breast cancer, from information on treatment centers to free food cupboards.”

“We strive to be responsible with the EYS budget,” she says. “Our operating expenses are minimal

since we are a volunteer organization. Roughly 80% of the money raised is designated for financial assistance to people with breast cancer.

The rest covers operational and fundraising expenses.

EYS is always looking for people who would like to become a member or volunteer. For just $20 you can become a member where you will be invited to member meetings, have the option to serve on a committee or provided the opportunity to help those faced with a diagnosis of breast cancer.

Donations can be made directly on their website (www.EmbraceYourSisters.com) and checks can be mailed in to P.O. Box 322, Canandaigua, NY, 14424. You can also like them on FaceBook.

“Whether you need assistance, know someone who does, or you want to volunteer your time or give us a financial donation, please contact us,” Bridget says. “The individuals that we help are our neighbors, friends, the people within our community. We are one big team.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

87

{ SOMETHING FOR WOMEN }

THE ATHENA’S CUP

Athena’s Battle Against Breast Cancer 200,000 BRAS linked together for 1 cause—the Fight Against Breast Cancer.

Help us set a World Record and find a cure!!

Across the country and in our own back yard. Athena’s Cup is collecting bras (ANY KIND ANY CONDITION) to make a difference in people’s lives. Celebrities you know and love like George Takei, Elvira, and Rod Stewart and the rock band Cold Play have helped us spread the word that together we can fight back. We are collecting Bras and talking about what we all can do to ensure early detection and one day find a cure.

What is it? The Athena’s Cup was started in October of 2009 by She-E-OHHH and Mother Goddess Jennifer Jolicour of Athena’s Home Novelties and Heavenly Goddess. When she announced a unique

88

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

and aggressive way to fight Breast Cancer and called it the Athena’s Cup! Not sure what Athena’s is? That is ok I am more than happy to share! Athena’s Home Novelties is a Romance Direct Sales Company where EVERY ONE is included. Athena’s was founded in 1998 with a mission to leave adults feeling happier, smarter, and healthier with their attitudes about sex. With our carefully selected line of quality adult toys and a to die for hair and skin care line as well as spa and massage you will leave our private in home edutaining parties EMPOWERED. sit back and relax I will do all the work while you earn FREE PRODUCTS The Mission: To raise awareness by breaking the World Record for The Most Bras Hooked Together while simultaneously collecting donations to

Help Find a Cure for this deadly disease.

The Athena’s Cup has united over 1200 Goddesses and Adoni nationwide as we rally around this cause for our fallen sisters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, daughters, and friends. The brave women currently fighting for their lives and for future generations. If You are a Woman or Love a Woman, I ask for your support.

At our last count in Sept of 2017 we are currently at 177.404 bras. We were hoping to have completed this task this October but we have found an island the Island of Cypress who originally held the record was throwing its hat back in the race and going for 200,000. Our original record for this year was 169,000 which we completed!!! Of course, with this new information our new goal is for 200,000 by next October 2018.

Leaving us with about 22,596 bras to

{ SOMETHING FOR WOMEN }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

89

{ SOMETHING FOR WOMEN } 200,000 BRAS linked together for 1 cause—the Fight Against Breast Cancer. Help us set a World Record and find a cure!!

I am often asked why this cause is so near and dear to my heart and my answer is very simple: about the sametime I had first heard of Athena’s Home Novelties about 9 years ago. Yes,it took me four years to join (silly me) my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thank Goddess for early detection she did not suffer long and is a 9 year survivor today!! When I finally did join Athena’s and found out about their Largest Fundraiser to Date how could I not help!! My mission is to collect as many as I personally can and boy do I have an incentive for you!!

I am personally holding a raffle that at this time is currently at $300 in FREE ATHENA”S PRODUCTS!! This Raffle will be held on FACEBOOK LIVE ON Sat September 8, 2018 at 12pm EST. This will be live from the Athena’s National Sales Meeting!!

You can follow me at www.facebook. com/gina6116 or www.facebook.com/ ginasgadgets or www. facebook.com/braraffle Raffle value may increase depending on how many bras received. Below you will find how to get entered into my BRA Raffle as well as the information needed to send bras to Athena’s Cup directly!!

WE NEED YOUR HELP! As a veteran Goddess for the company for 5 years this cause is very near and dear to my heart 90

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

and one of the very reasons I joined this amazing company that has become my family. Not only has Athena’s become my family, my business and Athena’s has brought me confidence, the ability to afford my lifestyle my way, I am also traveling the world with Athena’s. I love empowering women and men to get in touch with themselves the happier you are as an individual the more happiness you create around you. It just grows and grows from there (pun intended) and the world could definitely use a little more love today! More importantly than all of these AMAZING GIFTS, ATHENA’S has given me the ability to give back!!!

So here is how I plan to help!

Gather as many bras as you can with a mere $5 donation as you can move us

closer to our 200,000 bras and $500,000.

Host an Athena’s Party or Heavenly Goddess Spa Party, tell your friends to grab their ANY CONDITION BRAS and I will hold a bra raffle at the party as well as put them in my $300 FREE PRODUCT RAFFLE on Sept 8, 2018.

Please feel free to write loved ones names on your bras You can also be entered into this raffle by sending me your bras I will reimburse your shipping in products with proof of receipt to Gina’s Gadgets by Athena’s at 49 Smith Bridge Rd Saratoga Springs, NY 12866 email pic of receipt with date and tracking number and address to ginasgadgets@yahoo. com for reimbursement. I will mail you your raffle tickets or message them to you on facebook. EVERY BRA IS WORTH 1 RAFFLE TICKET make sure if sending in a group all names and numbers are bras are together so I can make note!

You can mail to Athena’s Home Novelties at 640 Winter St Woonsocket, RI 02895 PLEASE MAKE ALL CHECKS NO MATTER WHERE YOU MAIL THEM TO PAYABLE TO: ATHENA’S CUP!!

So CLEAN out YOUR BRA DRAWERS and get in TOUCH with ME Goddess Bless Gina Young The Gadget Goddess 6116 check out the Latest Holiday Line at www. athenashn,com/6116 MUST BE 18+

CLASSY NEVER TRASHY HOME NOVELTIES #OnlyFromTheGadgetGoddessGina6116 Any questions email ginasgadgets@yahoo.com www.athenashn.com/6116 www.facebook.com/braraffle n

{ THEN AND NOW }

THEN AND NOW: Donna Metelsky

BY JULIE M. MAY I PHOTO BY SANDY ARENA

Donna Metelsky remembers the exact day she was told “you have cancer.”

It was June of 2010. She was walking out of Home Depot when her cell phone rang. It was a her doctor from the Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic.

Her reaction was a multitude of emotions at the same time.

“I felt sick to my stomach and my legs felt weak. The doctor went on to request that I get an MRI of both of my breasts. Looking back, I vaguely remember the instructions she gave me. It was so surreal, like I was in a dream, only it was very, very real,” Donna said.

The process had all started three days earlier.

She had gone to the clinic for a routine mammogram.

“After initial films were obtained, a young woman volunteering approached me.

She shared with me that she was a breast cancer survivor. She asked me if I would be willing to participate in a study using a new mammography machine. She added this new machine gave a more detailed view of the breast tissue. Being considered ‘high risk’ due to maternal breast cancer history, I agreed.

“I signed the needed consent forms. Then four more mammography images were obtained.

I was escorted back to the treatment waiting area to await my results. About a half hour passed and my name was called.”

Donna followed a nurse into a dimly lit private waiting area. “It reminded me of a patient-family lounge. Politely she requested I have a seat and welcomed me to a beverage or a snack. I recall eating cheese crackers with peanut butter sandwiched in between them and had some apple juice.”

Time passed. Her anxiety grew.

“I began to sense that something was terribly wrong because I was never asked to wait in this room up until now,” Donna recalls.

“Finally a doctor came in and explained to me that films taken from this new mammography machine had shown a visible suspicious area 92

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

in my right breast. She recommended an ultrasound and needle biopsy.

She was assured that the irregular cells might not be cancer, that they could be benign. Two needle biopsies would rule out any question.

Nick was more than willing to assist me by helping me take care of my dog. He’d let him out when he got home from work and take my dog to play dates with his two dogs.

Many times, Nick even brought dinner up to me thinking I probably would be too tired to cook. At the time, we were both at the coming out of the loss of a relationship, but we became close friends. We were each other’s confidante and knew that each of us had each other’s back.

“After needle biopsies were done on my right breast, I was bandaged up and given two ice packs to place inside my bra. When I checked out, I was notified that I receive a call on Monday with my biopsy results. So I went onto to work my 8-hour evening shift as scheduled at the nursing facility where I was employed at the time.”

“So this brings me to one of my life long dreams, it was to own a home. I had been looking for four almost five years, and then there it was, my dream house. I couldn’t wait to take Nick over and show it to him. I realized for sure he was the one when he offered to help me purchase this house. I mean, who would do that for you? That’s real love.”

Monday the call came. It was not good news.

Donna has an adult son, Gary who turned 36 this past May. She raised him as a single parent. He owns his own business, The Stanley Jordan Salon on South Goodman Street. Recently, he and his partner Joe closed on their own house in East Irondequoit.

“While the ultrasound was being done, I was able to watch the screen, and the doctor pointed out the area of “irregularity” as she referred to it.”

“I was diagnosed with Stage ll, Intermediate Grade II Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, also known as DCIS. DCIS is proliferating cancer still contained within the breast duct and proliferating means to increase rapidly in numbers.”

The following day, Donna called and made the MRI appointment. She felt lucky that she could get in right away.

“However, after arriving home after the appointment, there was a big yellow envelope from Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic in my mailbox. The contents were several pamphlets and brochures about coping with breast cancer,” she said.

“This is when it really hit me, the realization that not only did I have breast cancer but I have something that could invariably kill me if left untreated.”

Today, Donna lives in Greece with her fiancé Nick. They will be married in August of 2018. They met when they resided in the same apartment building.

“I used to work 12-13 hour nursing shifts.

In her free time, she enjoys writing, reading, gardening, spending time with family and friends, along with her Chihuahua puppy Rio. Now that her own cancer treatment is behind her, she volunteers for The Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester as a PAL. The Coalition welcomes survivors from those newly diagnosed, to those who have many years behind them since they first heard those words… you have breast cancer. They strive to educate and support all women facing breast cancer.

“My role in being a PAL is peer support to another woman who has either begun their cancer journey or who needs support while trying to plan their care, pre-surgery, postsurgery and everything in between. It’s my way of giving back to those who helped me during my journey.”

“This is when it really hit me, the realization that not only did I have breast cancer but I have something that could invariably kill me if left untreated.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

93

BRANDON VICK BRANDONVICKPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

{ TRILOGY }

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW...

BY JOAN E. LINCOLN I PHOTO BELOW BY BRANDON VICK

Let me begin by saying “Hello again”. I haven’t written for RWO for a while, only because my three stores and family have kept me extremely busy. I am grateful to be invited back for this issue. When Kelly, the Owner of RWO asked me to write for the October issue, I knew it was going to be a struggle for a couple reasons.

October is a busy fashion month with 5 local fashion shows scheduled for my two clothing boutiques and a rebranding move for one of my stores. The other struggle for me writing for the Breast Cancer Awareness month issue is how this evil cancer has affected not only my family but so many friends and clients.

Now I’m usually not one to procrastinate. I like to do my research, write a draft, proofread what I submit and deliver one day before deadline.

However, as I prepare this article I am at staring deadline morning in the face! With a full day of work ahead of me and a fashion show to close the evening, it is crunch time!!! I have asked myself all week what are you going to write, how are you going to have time to write and then I get a phone call at me store in the late afternoon on Friday (yesterday) that takes my breathe away!

Playing Dress-up at Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment for the past 7 years and Trilogy Fashion Foundry for one year never disappoints in delivering an opportunity to meet and connect with new customers everyday, some becoming clients and many becoming dear dear friends. I most enjoy meeting women who have found their own style or those seeking guidance in how to customize their style whether through lifestyle change, career changes and often times through health challenges. I have also been involved in too numerous to count situations where I have been invited into homes to help liquidate clients wardrobe collections due to illness or a too sudden death.

96

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

I never imaged that this would be part of my weekly experiences to owning a Consignment Business. It can be an emotional roller coaster that my Team and I accept and endure as part of our daily business duties.

Often times, more like weekly, a member of the Panache or Trilogy Team will say, “you know who we haven’t seen... lately?” and name a customer, client or friend. It’s amazing that by just saying that persons name they either miraculously appear at one of the stores or call.

It confirms to me every time this happens, that there is a higher being listening and watching from above (Thank You Dad and brother Mark).

So let’s get back to my Friday phone call. My Manager Ashley Knight had just said to me a week ago, “gosh we haven’t seen Linda in a while, have you heard from her?” Now Linda was one of our first customers 7 years ago who walked

in to Panache and confirmed she had her own style locked down solid. Her crystal blue eyes and perfect makeup and salt & pepper hair was always perfect. More Artist than Fashionista, Linda was always happy and radiant when she made her visit. Never in a rush and grateful for any one-on-one time we could afford her. She traveled from her home in Finger Lakes and enjoyed her get-away to her “Panache Haven” she once called it. So Linda became more of a client as we celebrated her career change and then she became a friend as we walked with her through her health challenges for the past 4 years. We haven’t seen Linda since early Spring, assuming that summer took her traveling and the Fall took her back to the classroom to teach again. Then Ashley asked that question and then the phone rang yesterday: Linda had found a quiet moment without her family around to make a phone call that she was looking forward to making. Time had run out she said! Treatments weren’t working any longer she explained...the cancer had spread and she was in Hospice and wanted to call me to say how having “us” her Panache Family in her life the last few years was so important to her.

She expressed how she had decided in her final days to reach out to those who empowered her, embraced her, gave an attentive ear and a hug when necessary.

We talked for a bit, cried together, and ended our call with “I Love You”. My friend, with style & flair, we will miss your crystal blue eyes. You just never know...

Every time that door opens to one of my stores I get excited to meet a new customer, to hear their story. Playing Dress-Up while learning their story has its advantages for a rich fulfilling life. May your life be full of meaningful moments.

You just never know...

Panache Vintage & Finer Consignment, Inc. I Trilogy Fashion Foundry 1855 Monroe Avenue ~ Brighton Commons Rochester, NY 14618 www.panacheconsignboutique.com

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

97

{ NO EXCUSES }

NO EXCUSES GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM

BY JULIE M. MAY

My mother died of breast cancer.

She was originally diagnosed at age 38, when she found a lump in her breast during a routine self-exam. She had a mastectomy, back before reconstruction surgery was a routine part of the procedure.

Then at age 62, she found out the cancer had come back. It had metastasized in her liver and her rib cage. She fought hard for two years before she finally passed away quietly in hospice, with her9 husband and her best friend holding hands at her bedside.

You would think after this, I would be extremely vigilant about my breast health.

And for years I was. All though my 30’s I got a mammogram once a year. Most women in their 30’s can go ej9very two years, but I was considered ‘high risk.’

Then in my 40’s I stopped going. At first I told myself it was because I just didn’t have time. I was the working, singlemother of a busy teen. She had braces, ski club, Girl Scouts, band and athletics.

I was already missing too much work just managing being a mom.

After skipping three or four years in a row, I then began to fear they would find something. Statistics say one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. I became convinced I would be one of them.

I was afraid of the surgery.

I was afraid of the hideous 100

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

scar my mother had. I was afraid I would lose my hair to chemotherapy. I was afraid of dying. My absurd solution was to avoid the very procedure which would end up saving my life.

And I wasn’t alone. Up to fifty percent of women over age 40 skip getting an annual mammogram. Thirty-seven percent of women over 40 haven’t gone in the last two years.

Statistically that means 1 in every 20 women over age 40 are walking around with breast cancer that could have been detected and treated at an early stage, and yet they don’t know they have it.

Sure it’s devastating and scary to find out

you have breast cancer. But you need it to be found in a curable stage. Advances in medicine are so great now you will be able to have treatment long before you ever feel a lump during a self-exam. It is not a death sentence… unless they find it too late.

Many women fear getting a mammogram as it may lead to bad news. While this anxiety is normal, there are a few things to consider before you give in to these worries.

To start, not all abnormalities found during a mammogram are breast cancer. In fact, 4 in 5 breast lumps are not cancerous. In most cases, further testing such as a biopsy is done and the tissue is found to be normal.

The odds of getting relief for your anxiety and knowing you are cancer free are actually very, very good.

And if you are diagnosed with cancer, knowing, and knowing as early as possible will save your life.

So why do we avoid something that could save us?

1. I can’t afford a mammogram.

Insurance has to pay for your mammogram by law. While not having insurance is a real concern for some women, free m a m m o g r a m s a re commonly offered through community based programs. In Rochester, call Elizabeth Wende Breast Care Clinic at (585) 442-2190 for information about Saturday screening clinics that are free for those who qualify.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } I was afraid of the surgery. I was afraid of the hideous scar my mother had. I was afraid I would lose my hair to chemotherapy. I was afraid of dying. My absurd solution was to avoid the very procedure which would end up saving my life.

2. The radiation from the mammogram can cause cancer.

Digital mammography uses a low, safe dose of radiation. In addition, digital mammography provides radiologists with sharper, clearer images of the breasts. Not having one is statistically far more dangerous than getting one.

3. I don’t have the time to get a mammogram.

This is probably the worst excuse possible.

The entire screening procedure only takes about 15 9minutes. Clinics now offer appointments evenings and weekends to make them more accessible for working women. You can wait for the results if you want or if you need to run out the door they will give you results over the phone later. Remember, yes a lot of women get breast cancer, but 7 in 8 will walk out of the appointment knowing they are cancer free. Those are good odds.

4. Mammograms are painful.

With the transition to digital mammography, the level of discomfort you experience during the screening should be minimal.

Newly designed paddles flex with your body, applying pressure only when necessary.

Uncomfortable, possibly. Painful, no.

5. Mammograms are only for older women.

The American Cancer Society recommends annual mammography beginning at age 40.

However, women with a family history of cancer or other high-risk factors should start screenings at an earlier age, going in their 20’s or 30’s. Self exams need to be done monthly starting in your teens.

What finally got me to schedule a mammogram was my daughter. I felt like I owed it to her to set a good example.

I hadn’t gone in 7 years. That’s not the kind of behavior I wanted her to look up to. The whole procedure took less than 15 minutes, and I was out the door and on with my day.

The clinic called two days later. An oncologist looked at my screening. Having access to my history they were concerned that part of the image showed a small pre-cancerous cluster.

And so began my journey with breast cancer.

I would go on to have two lumpectomies.

Both tests came back with pre-cancerous cells, but they didn’t feel they removed it all even after they tried twice. My doctor explained to me my options. I could have 8 weeks of radiation treatment and be vigilant about follow-up appointments every six months. Or I could have a mastectomy.

No chemo, no radiation, just completely cut away all of the breast tissue and be done with treatment.

I chose and was approved by insurance to have a double mastectomy. It was an incredibly personal decision that made sense to me. First, with the advances in reconstructive surgery, I could have two matching breasts. For some reason that was ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

101

{ NO EXCUSES } “Many women fear getting a mammogram as it may lead to bad news. While this anxiety is normal, there are a few things to consider before you give in to these worries.

To start, not all abnormalities found during a mammogram are breast cancer.”

that was comforting to me. And I would eliminate any future chance of getting cancer in my healthy breast and know for sure I wasn’t going through the whole nightmare all over again in the future.

Three years later, I am cancer free. Early detection not only saved my life, it also gave me multiple treatment options to choose from. If you are worried about knowing like I was, take a friend.

Trust me, not knowing is worse.

102

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

In those 7 years I skipped going I could have been progressing to a Stage 4 diagnosis. I got lucky. Not everyone who skips their mammogram will.

If you are due and haven’t been, pick up the phone now and schedule your mammogram.

Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for the loving support of all the people in my life through this journey, and all the amazing doctors who helped me through literally a year of treatments and reconstruction surgeries.

Caught early, the treatment options will save your life. It saved mine. Please don’t be in the fifty percent of women who skip their mammogram this year. Make the appointment today.

No excuses.

{ MASTERMIND LOUNGE }

104

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

S

S

{ MASTERMIND LOUNGE }

AN INTERVIEW WITH #2:

STEVE CHRISTIE

BY ROBERT BRENNA, JR.

1. Tell us about how studying art and playing soccer evolved into your football career?

Art and athletics may not appear to have a natural link or bond, but the discipline and concentration involved to either complete a painting or a piece of a painting is similar to completing an athletic endeavor, like kicking a field goal or taking a penalty shot is similar. These tasks require training, coaching, education and a mental edge focusing on the successful completion of each task or goal.

My coaching for soccer and the disciplines required for painting combined to create a collegiate level kicker and punter at William and Mary, where these skills were continually revised and perfected in the art studio and on the football field.

2. What else are you passionate about these days?

I am still involved with soccer as a Glasgow Celtic fan and I still follow both men’s and women’s soccer at William and Mary. I am also committed to help the children, families and staff at Camp Good Days and Special Times, a cancer camp for children and families

on Keuka Lake, NY. I was very fortunate to meet Bob Brenna at a Camp function many years ago and have been friends ever since.

3. You are well-known for your charitable work, and your newest campaign is called “Christie’s Kickers.” What are your goals and hopes for that venture? How did this idea come to you?

Christie’s Kickers was a sausage product that I had out in the mid nineties, and decided with my business partner, David Halligan, to bring it back with new recipes and have it produced by Wardynski’s in Buffalo. This was also a way for us to continually support Camp, either by bulk product donations, or eventually working in a full time percentage donation as our business grows. Christie’s Kickers are available in three flavors, Garlic Parm, Buffalo Wing Style and Breakfast Maple. They have 40% less fat than USDA precooked pork data and are gluten, trans fat and MSG free, a healthy sausage!

4. How did you become Executive Director

of Sports at MasterMind Lounge, and how do you see this evolving in the future?

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

105

Bob Brenna approached me awhile ago with a concept that he had for an online mentoring website for musicians. Somewhere in our conversation, athletic mentoring was added to the site. I am intrigued by the global scope of online coaching and the vast potential to help athletes in various sports and levels that the Mastermind Lounge platform will provide.

5. What can you tell us about the role of heroes and mentors in your life?

106

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Heroes and mentors are in a great position to help those who are interested and committed to improving themselves. As a young athlete, it was extremely important for me to see my favorite athletes compete, or to go to an art gallery to see some of my favorite artists.

If you want to succeed in an arena, why wouldn’t you refer to the best in the game or in a gallery. The direct communication with a mentor in any field is an invaluable opportunity to learn and improve, above and beyond watching and studying from afar.

6. What advice can you give to those

hoping to learn more about getting ahead in art, sports, and life in general?

The best advice that I can give to someone who is committed to their craft, whatever that might be, is to be disciplined, diligent and prepared. The other note for kickers, goalies etc. is to have a very short memory when things don’t go your way. Resilience is an extremely important quality to have as we make mistakes and things are rarely ever totally perfect.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

107

{ LAW FORUM WITH BRENNA & BOYCE }

THE CARE AND FEEDING OF YOUR ATTORNEY

BY ROBERT L. BRENNA, JR.

This column is the first in a series of “How To” manuals that you should keep in a safe and dry place to ensure you have the best relationship possible with your attorney.

Hopefully it will serve as a guide to those of you who are unaware that the care and feeding of an attorney is very similar to that of other humans.

Also, if at least a million of the readers of this column would be kind enough to send me $10 each, I could take more time off to write my upcoming book, which denounces greed and materialism. This would allow me greater leeway to meet the deadlines required by this column, in the midst of what has become a rather hectic time of my life. All kidding aside, the greatest Joy I derive from my practice is the ability to change someone’s life for the better.

someone in their office, goes exceptionally well.

You might think that we are too busy to bother listen to your feelings about the last phone call or meeting we had, but I assure you that my experience demands the opposite conclusion.

At the Law firm of Brenna Boyce, somewhere between the hectic exhilaration of being on trial, or negotiating a settlement, and the joy of seeing the peace of mind on the face of someone who just completed their estate planning, nothing gives me more energy than hearing; “Thank you for listening to my story,” “for asking about my children,” or “for explaining my complicated case in a way I understood.” My personal favorite is, “you’re easy to talk to, I didn’t

This past 4th of July I had the pleasure of celebrating the anniversary of our call in radio program, the “Brenna Boyce Law Forum,” which has kept me busy on WHAM every Sunday morning for the last 21 years. When it started, my kids were too young to care where I was at 8 a.m. Sunday, so I didn’t feel as though I was abandoning my duties as a father. When they got older, I found out they didn’t care where I was at any time, so I felt better about the fact that I had been unavailable Sunday mornings for such a long time.

Anyway, on the topic of caring for your attorney: For those of you who need to begin with the absolute basics, attorneys are, for the most part, members of the species known as Homo Sapiens. They should be fed on a regular basis, unless they are on trial, in which case all bets are off.

Contrary to rumor, attorneys do not require constant attention (although my wife takes great exception to that assertion). We come in different sizes, colors, shapes, levels of intellect, varying degrees of ability to perceive humor, and general attitude toward clients. Try a little positive reinforcement. Your attorney probably wants to make you happy, but just as there are many kinds of lawyers, there are many kinds of clients. You won’t be able to explain your entire life story to your attorney at your first encounter, or give a complete list of your likes and dislikes.

Also, you can probably understand that a little praise when interacting with your attorney, or 108

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

expect that.” My least favorite is saying that I’m much shorter than I sound on the radio. Far from gumming up the works, the comments I get from clients help me know what kinds of behaviors to repeat. I tell these stories when I mentor younger lawyers as well, which means your positive reinforcement can help the client experience for the next generation as well.

It was a somewhat hectic month, leaving little time to contemplate what I would write for this column. I was considering just having a blank spot with no text, to see if any of my readers noticed the difference, but it seemed that would not live up to my responsibilities.

I decided, instead, just to put my head down and get the project done.

You should not be afraid of walking too close to your attorney. If you feel you are in danger, you can always start out with a friendly greeting: “Hello. How are you today?” which provides a general overview of how your attorney may react to an ordinary conversation with a fellow human. If your attorney reacts by grumbling, growling, or pulling out a handgun, it’s probably a good idea to walk away, slowly, and proceed directly to the receptionist to reschedule your appointment. It’s most likely the case that you caught him or her at the wrong moment.

Generally, perhaps surprisingly, attorneys need to be loved — fake it if you have to. If you can’t quite muster enough emotion to rise to the level of “love,” you may find it easier to at least make him or her feel as though he or she is “liked.” Remember at all times that yours is a purely platonic relationship, and although most attorneys generally do not bite, it is a good idea not to touch your lawyer.

(Once again, if your attorney is on trial, all bets are off.)

Well, there I go, managing to have squeezed enough words on this page to qualify as this month’s column. I should add, however, that I really would appreciate some feedback, be it about this column, the radio show or anything in between. Feel free to call Our firm at (585) 454-2000, call WHAM 1180 to participate on the show or e-mail questions, comments, disparaging remarks and/or, as I mentioned before, fund transfers directly into my account. If you call the show on Sunday between 8 and 9 a.m., we can talk about anything you like, or e-mail us at info@brennalaw.com. It’s not a mutually exclusive approach. You can do either, call the firm, the radio show, or both. And I must let you know my incredible Partner Sheldon Boyce I appreciate all of the kind words from our clients, our listeners, and those of you who are gracious enough to spend a few moments reading this column.

Robert Brenna Jr. is Past President of the New York State Academy of Trial Lawyers Has been Named To Super Lawyers for the Past Decade, Best Lawyers, National Trial Lawyers Top 100, and LCA’s top 1%. He does not typically growl at clients

The B r enna B oyc e Team pr oudl y s uppor ts the Roc hes ter Mus ic Hal l of Fame!

PERSONAL INJURY I BUSINESS & ESTATE LITIGATION I MEDICAID PLANNING PROBATE I PROTECTING OUR BILL OF RIGHTS & MILITARY LAW I WILLS & TRUSTS

Law Forum Radio Show Sundays 8 - 9AM

2016

Experienced, Effective, and Smart.

Personal Injury | Business and Estate Litigation | Medicaid Planning Probate | Military and Security Clearances | Second Amendment Law

Brenna Boyce PLLC

{ HER EDGE }

MY TRULY UNIQUE LIFE!

BY JAZZLYN INGRAM

Hey Y’all! My name is Jazzlyn Unique, owner of ExpressionZ by Jazz and Truly Unique Productionz. I am originally from Rochester. I grew up very culturally diverse; going to the public market, attending all of the amazing festivals, and watching cooking shows, my Gma, mom and aunts’ bake and cook over the years.

ExpressionZ by Jazz began in 2005 while I was attending Our Lady of Mercy High school. I Joined the D.E.C.A. club and began learning more about business and entrepreneurship. I started small by selling cookies and cookie cakes. I took my business very seriously. My Gma let me use the computer to make a menu and the

110

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

name came almost instantly. At the time getting good grades to be able to get into college to fund my dreams was my only focus. It takes money to make money!

I graduated in the summer of 2007 and went onto St John Fisher College. I majored in psychology to be able to go into a career in mental health counseling. Growing up in a home with my uncle who became paralyzed at 15 in a diving accident always made me appreciate life, and put my all into everything I do. I have always had a passion for patient care. Life seemed to be going as planned. I had a job already in my degree path and interviews lined up at a few group homes and hospitals.

Unfortunately life had other plans.

On December 1, 2007 I was drugged and raped while attending a party at another college. I went forward to the authorities, but learned very quickly why many survivors don’t. I dropped out of school a semester later, but I continued to work in the mental health field. I was also blessed with the opportunity to work in the Wegmans Bakery during this time.

I started putting more energy into my modeling and entertaining career. This was something I had done and loved since I was a child, so it was therapy in a way. I also went to the amazing therapist at the Rape Crisis Center of Rochester.

{ HER EDGE }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

111

{ HER EDGE } “On December 1, 2007 I was drugged and raped while attending a party at another college. I went forward to the authorities, but learned very quickly why many survivors don’t.”

Personal health conditions caused me to battle with my weight throughout adolescence into adulthood, however I embraced my size and was well received as a plus size model. I did my best to cope with all that had happened in my life to this point, but ended up attempting to commit suicide in 2010. God brought me through that as well and that was the moment I knew something had to give.

I had to take a look at what was I doing wrong and learn how to fix it; then figure out how to work with the universe to make my dreams come true.

I decided to relocate to Florida in 2012. I enrolled in film and graphic design school to learn how to properly market myself. That is where I met my now husband Richie.

He is an Army Veteran who came to the school to learn how to properly run his music company H.O.O.D. F.A.M.M. ENT (Having Our Own Dreams Fulfilled Around Making Music) we joined forces and have been teamed up since!

We moved Back Up North in 2014. That is where we got married and learned about the amazing programs for business owners available. We began going to workshops and doing as much research as we could.

Before we knew it both of us had our LLC’s, and were in online schooling programs to help better our businesses and get closer to our dreams. My goal now is to help as many

people as I can to do the same. Lead by example and sharing my experiences along the way. I had to learn Life is not to be raced through. Take your time and really gather what you need because there is nothing new under the sun. The resources are available either within you or tangible goods. You just have to search deep for what you really need.

The things that have happened to me made me realize how strong I truly am. I

choose to get tattoos as a way of keeping small reminders. My favorite is on my back with characters reading love, hope, then the word RESPECT. Respecting yourself first and then demanding it of anyone you come in contact with is my motto. The Logo for Truly Unique Productionz came from my first tattoo, which I got a few weeks before being assaulted. One of the attackers pointed it out. So instead of being ashamed, I chose to make it my brand.

I share my story so others know they are not alone. They are not wrong and should never give up. I will be releasing my first novel later this year. I am honored to be home, be apart of the Rochester Women Online Magazine and events, and able to bring my products and services to the city that help raised me.

At ExpressionZ by Jazz we offer amazing baked goods and catering. All of the recipes are my own or customizable and made from scratch. We also offer resume and creative writing assistance. If you are starting a business and need a logo, business card, or want to design your custom event flyer or invitation we offer in house graphic design. Our signature Life is Lit With a Week in Wick sets are seven hand poured soy candles. Custom scented for everyday of the week.

We are here for all of your special event needs. You think of the theme and we will come up with everything else inbetween! Thank you in advance for trusting ExpressionZ by Jazz and Truly Unique Productionz to be apart of your special day!

Currently Catering in NY, CT, NJ, PA, MD, VA, & NC!

Baby Showers, Gender Reveals, Weddings, Graduations, Adult Parties, and more! We can bring any theme to Life! Or Checkout our Etsy Shop for shippable candles and more!

We are here for ALL of your special event needs!!

Contact us

Company Site: www.trulyuniqueproduct.wix.com/events Etsy Shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ExpressionZByJazz Email: ExpressionZbyJazz@Gmail.com

{ ROC N KITCHEN }

BY JULIE M. MAY | PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK PHOTOGRAPHY

THESE TWO KNOW FOOD What do you get when you combine the energy and personalities of two of Rochester’s most popular local female food bloggers?

You get a website and video series called Roc’n Kitchen, a new show focused on chefs from Rochester and the Finger Lakes region. Each episode Julia Antenucci and Stephanie Hanna host a local chef and film in Stephanie’s kitchen in Penfield. The selected chefs share and create a favorite dish and show viewers how to make it at home. Don’t worry about taking furious notes. The exact recipes are posted on the Roc’n Kitchen website along with other fresh content and interviews with the chefs.

Julia grew up on Long Island. She graduated from SUNY Geneseo and says “the area just stuck with me.” She started writing her blog, Follow Your Fork because “ever since I can remember, I’ve been making sense of my world through food. Whether it’s a family gathering, sharing a meal with friends, finding peace with my mind and body or falling in love, food has always been my north star. “ Stephanie went to school in Spencerport.

She is the creator of the blog SipandSavour

Rochester! She says she grew up with a “passion for food, inspired by my family, who were mostly born in Greece and Macedonia and came to the U.S. We often gathered around the table with big meals cooked by my grandmothers.”

The two first met over Instagram, both supporting each other for promotion and “giving shout outs as we admired each other’s work,” Julia says. “So we met at Cure in Rochester back in February of this year. We talked about our love of food, love of Rochester and how our life growing up impacted us. We both come from larger families and food played an important role in both our lives, just in different ways.”

Even though the created Roc’n Kitchen together, they also both continue to write their own food blogs. Find Julia’s blog at www. followyourfork.com. Stephanie’s blog is at www.sipandsavourrochester.com.

“We are active as local influencers and are ecstatic that we can combine our love of food to create something new,” according to Stephanie. “We also strongly feel that we want to showcase not only the restaurants but the chefs behind the scenes that do not always get seen by customers. We have so many talented and

116

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

creative chefs and we want to be able to share and tell their story. We also want to show people that they can cook simple recipes at home that our local chefs also cook at home.”

The first three episodes are available now on YouTube. They feature Chef Pasquale Sorrentino from Amore; Anna Brinkman, Chef de Cuisine at Atlas Eats and Nicole Heroux, director of business development at Simply Crepes.

The video quality is exceptional. “Mark DiStefano is our videographer and co-producer of the episodes and he is absolutely amazing! He is both creative and determined during the filming process. We laugh because Mark will have us shoot the same section several times from multiple angles,” Julia says. “We have learned how beneficial this is as it allows him to have varying angles and verbiage from us to fuse together to create what you see on our episodes.”

For now, a new episode comes out every other month. The upcoming November episode will feature Chef Brud Holland from Fox Run Vineyards, which will close out season 1. The episode is scheduled to premier Thursday, November 9. Season two will begin in March or April of next year.

In addition to their blogs and video series, both women hold full time jobs.

Stephanie is a Special Education teacher

in the Hilton School District. Julia is a content marketing manager at a local digital agency and a freelance writer, who is also working on a book. “When you love what you do, it somehow never feels like too much,” she says.

Indeed, they have huge plans for the month of October including behind-the-scenes access to many local places.

“This month we are featuring our #FallinLoveWithROC series. The first weekend we went behind the scenes at Schutts and saw how they make their own Apple Cider and fry cakes. The second weekend of this month, we go behind the scenes with NYS Beef Council. The third week we will be featuring Jenny at Misfit Doughnuts. We love her and her tasty vegan treats! And we are doing a feature on pumpkin cannolis and beer brats to round out the month,“ Julia says.

“We also have additional things that we do beyond the episodes, according to Stephanie. “ We feature weekly market visits finding locally sourced foods and have other content surprises planned.”

to find that in each other and start our dream of Roc’n Kitchen so quickly. It was one of those things where we took a risk and we just knew that this was something we would love doing together and hope that people in Rochester, the Finger Lakes Region and beyond, will love it just the same!”

What do they see for their future?

“We want to see people continue to embrace Roc’n Kitchen and feel a bond with both of us as well as the amazing chefs and restaurants we feature,” Stephanie says.

“We want to continue to tell the untold story of those chefs and the amazing restaurants here locally.”

To contact Julia and Stephanie visit www.rocnkitchen.com or email them at rocnkitchen@gmail.com.

They say the best part about teaming up is that they complement each other well and we are constantly challenging each other and learning from each other.

“It’s important to have that in a working relationship as well as in a friendship,” Julia says.

“We are really lucky to have been able ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

117

{ UNRAVELED }

118

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

R

R

{ UNRAVELED }

BY SHEILA KENNEDY

To those looking from the outside in, it seems simple. Perpetrator abuses victim.

Victim should leave. Easy enough, right?

If only it looked that easy from within the relationship.

Relationships can be messy. Abuse does not typically begin when a couple is just getting to know each other. Trust is formed. A bond is made. Needs get met in new relationships.

It is easy to believe that the person standing next to you wants the best for you. The emotional investment grows daily. It would be hard to imagine that someone who cares about you would want to hurt you. Abuse does not always mean physical violence. There are many ways to abuse another person that you are in a relationship with.

THE LAYERS AND LAYERS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Domestic abuse is not linear. I dare say it defies logic. There are layers and layers of a domestic relationship that most people do not see.

The shift to loving relationship and abusive relationship is subtle. “Why do you make me crazy?” “You know I don’t like it when you do that?” “If you didn’t say that, I wouldn’t get angry.” All examples of how the shift between feeling like it is you and the abuser against the world, to you and the world against the abuser. Sometimes the abuser becomes the victim and the victim is perceived as being the perpetrator. How could that even make sense? It doesn’t really, but it is one of the many subtle shifts in some abusive relationships.

Violence rarely begins before verbal or psychological abuse does. Perpetrators break down your self-esteem. They create a dependence on them through isolation and fear. They begin to control the environment in their favor. The abuser’s needs become paramount to their partner’s. This happens at different rates. I think it depends more on the victim than the abuser at this point.

If the victim is strong willed, this stage may take longer to break down the resistance.

Another idea not to be discounted is that partners are intimate. They share moments of vulnerability, whether it is in the bedroom or in conversation. That vulnerability can catch a victim off guard. If an abuser was a monster or evil, then they wouldn’t show moments of tenderness or being vulnerable.

This layer of relationship can be incredibly confusing. Being naked with another person – and I am not just talking about physically naked – can be bonding. It is hard to believe that someone you are bonded to would hurt you. It must be something you are doing to cause the pain. Right?

T he natural escalation of abuse can become violent. At that point though, the victim often believes they caused the violence. They can’t imagine leaving, because they did or said

something that they believe brought it on.

Although mired in fear, there is also a level of, “I deserved it.” After all, time, energy and love has been invested in this other human being. There also don’t have to be any violent acts committed against the victim – just the threat of violence can be enough to scare a victim into submission. That can be verbal threats, but also guns, knives or other weapons present on a daily basis.

There are more layers than just the relationship between the abuser and the victim. There are the relationships with family, friends, community members, people at work and faith communities. What would they think?

Why would they believe you? You have a perfect life; no one knows what it is like inside your house. How could you ever tell someone how awful it has become? There is loneliness and isolation. Friendships become more and more superficial. The distance between others knowing you and who you really are, becomes a huge gap. It has to.

That is the only way you think you can survive. In your isolation, you can question your sanity without anyone pointing fingers at the abuser. It quickly escalates to your fault and you cling to that. Why? Because the notion of someone purposely trying to hurt you, hurts more. There can be so many layers to untangle.

Financial concerns also exist. Maybe the victim earns money and has some stocked away, but rarely does that happen. Money is often combined and managed by one party. That is another way of creating dependence. Remember I said earlier that a victim’s needs are met. That includes financially. You have shelter, food, clothes, possibly money to spend. As a victim, it may not always be clear about how to create a living on your own. Leaving sounds easy to those on the outside of the relationship, but think about all of the dynamics described.

It is not easy and it is certainly not black and white. There are layers upon layers of betrayal, loss, confusion, hurt, fear and anger to unravel.

No two abusive situations are the same. What I described above might fit some scenarios and not others. Here is the thing about abuse victims. Please stop judging. Keep loving them. Believe them. The fear of your judgment adds another layer to untangle in their lives. If you find yourself tangled in the mess of abuse, please share your story.

Someone you trust can help you unravel the layers of abuse in your life. You don’t have to be alone in your pursuit of a healthy life free from fear and abuse.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

119

{ PARTNERS ON THE JOURNEY }

Honoring the Caregivers

BY TERESA A. GALBIER, CHAPTER EXECUTIVE

First and foremost, thank you to Kelly Breuer and Rochester Woman Online for the opportunity to reach out to our community in this monthly column to spread awareness of Alzheimer’s disease and provide information and support to all those who are living with the disease, their caregivers, and those who are concerned about the future.

Currently, in the United States, more than 5 million people are living with Alzheimer’s and over 15 million individuals are serving as their unpaid caregivers.

As the prevalence of Alzheimer’s continues to grow, the cost of care is escalating into the hundreds of billions, and it’s destroying our families, our finances and our future. This disease is relentless — but so are we.

Alzheimer’s has disrupted our lives, and now it’s time to fight back.

The Alzheimer’s Association is the leading voluntary health organization in Alzheimer’s care, support and research. Its mission is to eliminate Alzheimer’s disease through the advancement of research; to provide and enhance care and support for all affected; and to reduce the risk of dementia through the promotion of brain health. As Chapter Executive of the Alzheimer’s Association, Rochester and Finger Lakes Region, I share in the vision of a world without Alzheimer’s disease.

Our local chapter is one of 81 across the 120

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

country providing services to our local community and we serve 10 counties in Upstate New York. We provide a 24-Hour Helpline offering reliable information and support to people with memory loss, as well as caregivers, health care professionals and the public. Our professional staff helps families navigate the journey with Alzheimer’s disease through care consultations. We offer free community education courses, support

groups and social activities for those with the disease and their loved ones. We even coordinate respite services so that caregivers can take a temporary break from caregiving duties to attend church, grocery shop or take a little time to relax while their loved one is in a safe and supportive environment.

This is the busiest time of the year for our chapter as October marks the month when we host three major events in our region.

The Walk to End Alzheimer’s is the nation’s largest event to raise awareness and funds

for local Alzheimer’s care, support and research. We host events in Canandaigua, Elmira and Rochester. Funds raised locally from this Walk will help make care and support services available to more than 30,000 residents and their caregivers in our service area currently living with Alzheimer’s disease, while also contributing to advance critically-needed research.

This is more than a Walk. Participants can learn about A l z h e i m e r ’s disease and how to get involved with this critical cause – from advocacy opportunities to support programs and services.

In addition to the exercise, participants will enjoy entertainment and a special tribute ceremony representing their promise to remember, honor, care and fight for those living with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers.

The Rochester Walk to End Alzheimer’s is on October 21 at Frontier Field. It is presented by Wegmans and will be hosted by WBEE’s Steve Hausmann.

Join us by starting a team, registering to participate or simply making a donation.

You can do that online at alz.org/walk.

Things don’t slow down next month, as November is National Family Caregivers Month and National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month. We are hosting several special programs for caregivers.

{ PARTNERS ON THE JOURNEY } Currently, in the United States, more than 5 million people are living with Alzheimer’s and over 15 million individuals are serving as their unpaid caregivers.

On Saturday, November 4, in Livingston County, we are partnering with Noyes Health for a Caregiver Retreat at the Celebrate Family Church in Leicester.

Popular international author and speaker Elaine W. Miller will serve as keynote speaker offering encouragement with her talk “Sink or Swim (SOS): Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Life and Ten Things You Can. On Thursday, November 9 in Chemung County, we will join the Horseheads Elks Lodge in hosting the 5th Annual Southern Tier Caregiver Retreat in Horseheads.

122

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Vicky Ruppert and Ann Henderberg will speak about their journey with husbands who battled the disease and how they supported each other through it.

and will feature a complimentary lunch, but space is limited. To get more information or to register, please visit alz.org/rochesterny or call us at 800.272.3900.

Then in Monroe County on Tuesday, November 14, we will partner with the VA, St. Ann’s Community, Blue Star Mothers and Lifetime Care to host Caregiver Appreciation Day Retreat and Conference.

Along with wellness education, the day will offer yoga relaxation techniques, massage therapy and some pampering.

The message I want to leave you with is that you are not alone in this journey. We are here to support you on your journey.

I look forward to the upcoming weeks in bringing you some interesting information on research in the field, tips for navigating the holidays with Alzheimer’s disease and other information on our path to the first survivor.

Each of these events are free for caregivers

JOIN US FOR THE WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S More than 5 million people have had their lives disrupted by Alzheimer’s—but no one should walk alone. It’s time to fight back.

Call 1-800-272-3900 or visit alz.org/RochesterNY/walk to register.

OCTOBER 7 Granger Homestead, Canandaigua OCTOBER 21 Frontier Field, Rochester

{ LIVING ABOVE THE LINE }

MY HUSBANDS TURN WITH CANCER?

BY DEBBIE MCCUE

8 years, 6 months and 14 days ago marks the anniversary of my first and only surgery for my osteosarcoma or bone cancer. Since then my husband and I have been so focused on the healthy of our whole family. We enjoy life to the fullest, feeling blessed we are together to experiences all the good bad and ugly that comes our way - certainly savoring the good for sure. We have laughed, cried and been so goofy together, sometimes we know our kids must think we are crazy.

So, imagine on what was neither a good, bad or ugly day, I saw something that scared the heck out of me. It was a Sunday afternoon and my husband Mark came down and started making his coffee. We were chatting and I noticed he had a sore on his right temple. It looked like an angry spot of eczema (which he doesn’t have by the way). I didn’t really make too much of it other than asked if he bumped or scratched his head. He didn’t recall and gave it a little rub to feel it. As I gazed closer I noticed it had a weird color to it, a darker brownish tone and a weird shape that had broken skin on it.

What was it? I thought for sure maybe an age spot that he scratched.

He doesn’t really have the most even tone skin so it was not so unique to see color variation, but the broken skin and odd shape immediately made me think it was a skin concern.

We talked about it and I asked if we could put some frankincense on it.

This oil is widely know to support wellness but also a support to various health concerns. In 126

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

fact, I use it topically daily on my face to help w/tone, evenness, wrinkles and more.

So over the course of next week, we applied the frankincense along with lavender in the evenings to help heal the broken skin.

Dramatically we saw the color fade, the skin heal and the area clear. It was such a relief.

He continued to use the oils to keep his skin healthy and moved on - but I didn’t.

asked again if he knew about it - NOPE! I vividly remember him reaching to feel it, like he did with the one on his temple, only this time his eyes went so wide open and just said “what is that?” We chatted and knew this one had to get oils for sure but also get checked out. I remember it was new year’s eve so we knew we had to wait until at least Jan 2nd to call any doctors office.

Over the next weeks and months I peaked when I could at his skin to see if I found any other areas that appeared similar. For the most part - I never noticed anything, but I must say it was fun peaking :-). Then one day - I saw something. He was bending down emptying the dishwasher and his shirt raised off his pant line and holy cow - there it was. A much larger, raised, darker, odd shaped spot.

Those 2 days seemed to take FOREVER! But alas, the 2nd came and we must have called at least 4 Dermatologist offices trying to get an appointment. Even after explaining the situation, some offered appointments 2 to 3 months out.

NO WAY - we were not waiting that long. Then he called one that a friend referred and got an appointment in just a couple days.

Totally different than the one he had on his temple. I never saw it before I am positive, but it looked like it had been there for so long. I casually told him what I saw and

He wanted to go alone so I went to work that day and waited. He called around 11AM with the news. The first thing he said was: “I never expected it to go that way”. He explained that the doctor was great but so thorough. She looked first at the spot on his temple and was not too concerned. In fact - couldn’t really even see what he was explaining but was happy that we used the oils.

But the one on his back, she was not so happy with.

On the spot, she took the growth, as I call it, off and sent it for a biopsy.

She did a little freezing thing, gave him a local shot to numb the area and zipped it off.

She gave him a cream to apply after it dried up a bit and explained she would call to explain the results of the biopsy regardless of the results.

Then, she suggested a full body scan. Now if you know my husband, that is not cool. No way was he comfortable with the idea of a body check or scan but went along. Fortunately she found only a couple spots to keep an eye on but none other to remove. He and I were so relieved, that was a family celebration nite for sure!!!!

So over the next week, we applied oils (frankincense and lavender again) each morning and night and it began healing so nicely (we never did use the cream she gave him). About 8 days later he received a call that it was a benign melanoma and that as long as the spot was healing he should be fine. He went in for a checkup and she was thrilled with the healing and suggesting - always use those oils!!! YEAH - we

know that a given! And yes, this was another huge family celebration nite!!!

I say to you this, as we honor all those that have conquered or lost their battle with any cancer, and this month especially breast cancer, BE AWARE. Look, feel, see changes to your body and those you love. Whether it is self breast exams or simply noticing changes in his skin.

We are all in this together, NEVER NEVER underestimate how much our bodies talk to us.

Be open to seeing changes and understanding why your body is changing.

I always remark “If I knew then what I know now” during my cancer diagnosis and treatment I would handle it differently. Well, this was it and we did. Mark and I both pulled so much from this experience. We are closer as we now share that feeling of “I have cancer?

What if……” but lucky we do not share the

experience of going thru a full treatment plan.

We frequently take peeks, and have fun while doing it, to make sure if anything does pop up we see it and take care of it quickly. And, yes, oils are part of our daily regime for our skin. So let’s hope we don’t see anything but just keep having fun peeking.

Be well my friends, and feel free to reach out to me for more about this experience or any I have shared. And, if you are interested in hearing about how essential can benefit the health of you and your families bodies - let’s chat soon!

My personal cell: 716-870-0234 My personal website and blog: http://lyoilsroc. marketingscents.com

One of the most influential platforms of female power in our country could be considered that of F.L.O.T.U.S. (First Lady of the United States).

However, within the pages of this book, the real First Lady is… YOU! Unveil the extraordinary woman in the Oval Office of your own life. Be inspired to wear colorful hats of community service, shed the heavy unwanted baggage of your past and then walk boldly into your future with your finest stilettos on!

Program your GPS for a destination of greatness as we journey toward self-love and personal development, fit exclusively for the First LADY in YOU.

Natasha Marie, of Rochester, NY, is a contributing author for a collaborative book entitled W.O.M.B. Sister Chronicles. She believes that divine purpose is often birthed through pain and that true success is not in the final destination but in what we learn from the challenges of life’s journey. www.firstladyredefined.com

{ {RW SHIFT+CONTROL READS & WRITES} }

FIRST LADY REDEFINED

BY NATASHA MARIE

First La·dy - \fərst ˈlādē\ noun Merriam-Webster 1 : the wife or hostess of the chief executive of a country or jurisdiction 2 : the leading woman of an art or profession

First La·dy - \fərst ˈlādē\ – re·de·fined

1: the wife or hostess of the chief executive of a country or jurisdiction 2: the leading woman of an art or profession 3: an unofficial title used for the wife or hostess of the head of state 4: YOU…when you FIRST L.ove A.nd D.evelop Y.ourself This newfound theory is a will and testament to the fact that when we have our priorities in order as women, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish. Although this concept will be thoroughly explained in the pages that follow, let’s establish a general working definition…

“First L.A.D.Y.” is the fresh new perspective of a familiar term, originally intended to identify the President’s wife. As an acronym, First Lady stands for – First L.ove A.nd D.evelop Y.ourself.

It is the culture for all women who take life by the horns and choose to press forward in spite of difficult circumstances and failures.

First Lady is not a role or position and it’s certainly not just a marital status - it’s a verb.

It is a posture of leadership and the way an influential woman not only despises selfishness but takes action, becomes involved, evokes change and helps others in need. Because she realizes her true value and worth, she loves herself unconditionally, with all of her flaws and even insecurities. She forgives herself for past mistakes and poor choices.

A First Lady is clear about the fact that she is on Earth to complete a mission. Because she is never slothful or sluggish, she is innately a Builder of Strategic Success (BOSS). She completely understands that her life has purpose and that no one else will ensure that her unique purpose is fulfilled. She takes a stand for the wounded, the homeless, the disenfranchised and mentally unstable. She refuses to stand idly by and allow injustice to run rampant in her community and makes strides toward positive change.

130

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

A First Lady is the type of woman who values herself and others. She enjoys serving her community so much that her contributions blaze a trail, causing great exploits to be accomplished first. She is a pioneer. She is captivating and beautiful. She is graceful but in control. She exhibits strength and power but she knows when to yield to the proper authoritative figures.

She is a motivator who embodies the essence of true leadership.

E…liminate drama; Entertain no amount of

She shapes culture and breaks every mold.

Her focus is to do away with self-sabotaging habits and instead love herself in the way she deserves to be loved. She maintains a daily routine that supports the development of her inner-self, enhances her identity and ultimately forms her profession, her career or her business.

This means emptying the baggage of her past in order to operate at maximum capacity in her present while positively declaring the greatness of her future.

Here are a few examples of ways we can excel in the area of self-development: • Read books to help your mental sharpness and to gain knowledge.

LOVE YOURSELF L…ook yourself in the mirror and tell yourself

• Surround yourself with people who are well-versed in areas that you’re not. If you’re the smartest person in your circle, you need a new circle.

O…pen up your spirit to receive from others

• Revisit the vision board you were excited about in January. Revamp and recommit.

“I Love You” every day.

who want to give to you. (Whether a gift, a compliment, a kind gesture, or encouragement... be willing to receive!)

V…enture out into new territory that you’ve

never before experienced; Dare to do something you’ve never before accomplished.

E…xpect only the best for yourself and your family because you deserve it.

Y…ield to God in your prayer life.

O…perate in dream mode and dare to believe the impossible is possible if you believe.

U…nderstand that you are unique.

List 5 things about yourself that are completely different and embrace all of them. Celebrate the YOU that only you can be!

R…eplenish, relax, refresh, renew.

(Commit to a schedule of consistent “me” time.)

S…pa day! Spend time grooming yourself to maintain a sense of cleanliness. Find new perfumes or soaps that agree with your body chemistry; new facial treatments; massage therapy.

negativity; Evade discouragement; Escape depression.

L…isten to your own heart and trust the voice of God internally guiding you.

F…orgive yourself for past mistakes.

Forget the person you were yesterday. Fail Forward in spite of flops.

DEVELOP YOURSELF

• Spend time in meditation and prayer daily.

Don’t always be the only one speaking. Listen...

• Find a Toast Masters group that will help you fine tune your public speaking skills.

• Take a class that covers a topic you know nothing about. Stretch yourself.

• Set goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time specific.

• Challenge yourself to operate outside of your comfort zone. Great accomplishments and new milestones are never accomplished within the confines of comfort.

• Focus in on your dreams often. Intentionally pick a day and time (maybe after meditation and prayer), that you think of doing the impossible.

Dare to believe bigger... If your dreams & goals don’t scare you, they’re not big enough!

• Do everything in your power to die empty; don’t take untapped potential with you to the grave.

Reject complacency and slothfulness. Identify a worthwhile cause to which you can contribute your time and attention. Community service actually provides a great sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Excerpts from the book First Lady Redefined by Author Natasha Marie Website - www.firstladyredefined.com Email – laydeehouse@gmail.com / Firstladyredefined@

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

131

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

HOPE LODGE HOSPITALITY HOUSE

BY SHAREE TURPIN

There are so many fans of medical dramas that watch every week like clockwork. They give us an opportunity to quickly peak in the window of what goes on in a hospital and even behind the scenes in politics and everyday meetings with doctors you never knew existed. However, if you stopped and thought about what happens when visiting hours are over or another patient is scheduled for continuous radiation, the entertainment aspect is immediately gone.

For some families, they are stepping into a world of the unknown and rely on those with a tender heart and factual information. It’s places like Hope Lodge where they get all of this and more.

Hope Lodge is a program of the American Cancer Society which started in the 1970’s.

Ann Savastano, Manager of our lodge in Rochester called the B. Thomas Golisano Hope Lodge Hospitality House, gave us an inside look on what they do and how families in need can turn to them. “[We] provide free lodging for cancer patients and caregivers and low cost housing for non-cancer guests in a supportive environment.”

With many patients, traveling to receive cancer treatment becomes expensive and stressful. Here, they can be accommodated with housing and other resources without the hassle of extra expenses.

Located on the campus of the Colgate Rochester Divinity School, our lodge is one of 132

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

32 in the country and has been there since 2010 after moving from their past location on Winton Rd. in 1980.

For someone in a position such as Ann Savastano, she gets to see firsthand just what a difference this place can make. “I have had so many memorable interactions with patients and family members it’s hard

to single one out,” she says. “Staying for dinner and sitting with our guests enjoying the moment,” sticks out to her the most.

But one memory just recently reminded her why she has such passion for this place.

After speaking at a Relay for Life event this past June, Ann was able to reunite with a few patients that the facility has helped. “I was so thrilled to walk that Survivor Lap with two wonderful Hope Lodge friends and survivors and then continue on with the Caregiver Lap with their spouses.” The funds from that same event helped fund a gas grill for the facility but clearly the satisfaction of seeing familiar faces Hope Lodge helped was the true incentive.

Dedication, generosity and supportiveness are all needed to help make this place what it is. Although, Friends of Hope Lodge, and the American Cancer Society (ACS) help cover costs and needed funds, it’s the donors, the community and individuals that can help in more ways than one. For instance, Whirlpool donates appliances, and local galas spread awareness. According to Ann, one can even host an event for Hope Lodge donating the proceeds or even purchase items from their wish list. “We also need individuals or groups to host a ‘Cooking up Hope’ dinner for our guests. Volunteers prepare a warm, healthy meal for our guests saving them the cost and trouble of making dinner after a day of treatment.

“Opportunities to help never

“[We] provide free lodging for cancer patients and caregivers and low cost housing for non-cancer guests in a supportive environment.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

133

{ SPECIAL FEATURE } Dedication, generosity and supportiveness are all needed to help make this place what it is. Although, Friends of Hope Lodge, and the American Cancer Society (ACS) help cover costs and needed funds, it’s the donors, the community and individuals that can help in more ways than one.

For many working at Hope Lodge, there are ups and downs. For Ann the most rewarding thing is meeting so many wonderful people.

“We have kind, brave and courageous cancer patients and caregivers who stay with us,” she said. “We love having them stay with us and get excited for them when they can go home after finishing their course of treatment.” And then there are times as anyone can imagine, being surrounded by such brave people include the times they are weak or fragile. “The most challenging thing for me is watching some of our patients physically struggle with a difficult cancer treatment. Most do really well but some treatments require a bit more stamina and can be hard, “Ann states.

The future for Hope Lodge will remain the same since the beginning; providing cancer patients and their families a place to

134

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

call home during their time of treatment.

Right now, for Rochester’s lodge, no plan of expansion yet but increasing awareness of Hope Lodge is definitely a priority. As more people see k out treatment at the very fine cancer treatment centers in Rochester, I hope they decide to stay at Hope lodge and not travel back and forth to their home,” Ann says. “They can focus on getting well here at Hope lodge and meet wonderful folks going through the same thing.” She goes on to say that many hear free housing and don’t expect the best and are surprised at how nice Hope Lodge truly is, further saying guests tell them they were a port in a storm for them.

Since opening at this newest location, the B. Thomas Golisano Hope Lodge Hospitality House has provided more than 44,720 night of free or low cost lodging and has

estimated saving their guests more than 5.15 million dollars in lodging costs alone.

The staff, volunteers and social workers all play a role in making this a haven and as much as they are there to secure a place to stay, they are also there to spend time with the very people they do it for. “We enjoy learning about our patients and their families.

Everyone has a special story; their story.”

Coming up on November 16th, they have a guest bartending event at a local brewery and in December they will be holding their seventh annual Angels and Candles of Hope event that focusses on honoring and remembering loved ones during the holiday time. If you’re interested in learning more about Hope Lodge, their events, or how you can help, contact Ann Savastano, Director of Hope Lodge at 585224-4902 or e-mail her at ann.savastano@ cancer.org.

{ IN HER DEFENSE }

BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ARTICLE

BY DAVID JENKINS

This recurring column by David S Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you!

Questions or suggestions are welcome!

One short note about October: It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My Sister is a Breast Cancer Survivor and I know only part of the fight she when through to get where she is now. She’s one tough kid and I give her a lot of credit for winning this battle. I’ve had some pretty good fights in my lifetime, a couple of those were even life threatening, but those were over in mere second or even minutes. Hers lasted years. What am I telling you? Ladies, get checked. Guys support her and make sure she gets the help she needs. Also, don’t just buy some pink colored trinket, short, hat or other pink thing either. That money rarely makes it to the important people.

Take that cash and donate it right to the source for research, treatment, and help for those that really need it. That pink hat or wristband isn’t going to help as much as cold, hard cash will.

Back to our regularly scheduled article!

Recent events have brought a wide range of concerns to the surface regarding our personal safety, especially when in crowds or at events. In watching video footage from Las Vegas and other places where a man made or natural incident was created, you could tell who was prepared and who was not. Those that were prepared were

reacting sooner, helping others, and getting themselves to safety. Those that were not prepared panicked, and were lost and unable to function.

One immediate answer is to avoid them whenever possible. I know, it’s easy for me to say but also easy for me to do. It’s rare that I attend a concert, outdoor festival, or even a large gathering of people. Why? Because personally, I have identified many risks with such activity and I avoid it as much as I can. But, I understand that there are times you MUST attend, so let’s look at some ideas to minimize your risk and still be able to enjoy yourself:

THE BASICS:

What: What is the event you’re attending? A

street festival? An outdoor concert? A parade?

Large city celebration? Each different event may require different personal security awareness

rules. Doing your homework in advance is the key.

When: What time of day is the event? A

daytime event versus a night-time event will require a different level of awareness. How long will it last? The longer an event goes, the more fatigue on the staff, the attendees, and the more risk involved.

Where: It’s like they say in real estate: location,

location, location. If the area you’re headed is not safe, then your security risk is higher due to numerous factors: area crime, the overall people present, and the infrastructure in that spot.

Imagine going to a beautiful festival, located in an open lot that a city is using to draw crowds. But, the area surrounding that open lot is rundown and has a higher risk of criminal activity. The people attending will be walking to their cars, making them easy targets for predators. Your cars will be targeted as well. Vehicle break ins are easier when they know you’ll be gone for a long period of time. Thieves will be in the crowd as well, pocketing anything you leave unsecured, or are just not paying attention to. Purses, wallets, phones, etc will all just disappear before you realize it.

Why? What is the

purpose of the event and why do you need to attend? Is that street festival something you always go to because you can meet people you know or is it a protest or show of support for some cause or a rally for a person? Be aware that there will people of differing views than yours, and the probability of a confrontation can rise.

BY DAVE JENKINS

How? How are you getting to the location?

Bus? Taxi? Rideshare? Walk? Plan your routes according to criminal activity. Maintain your safety, and be aware of your surroundings at all times. Know an alternate route and know the area well enough to avoid getting lost if you have to leave in a hurry.

Those are the basics. Let’s get into some specific tips and tasks you can use almost anywhere.

Other places could be a movie theater, mall, soccer or baseball game, vacation spot, etc.

The crowd can tell you a lot of things. Look, listen, and FEEL. Look to see what everyone is doing. Are they acting normal for the event?

Relaxed body language? Look at their eyes too. Are they looking around as anyone would normally, or are they focused on one area, person, or thing? Are their eyes darting around in a quite panic? Listening to the noise, discussions, and other ambient sounds can be very beneficial as well. You’ll hear chatter and a change in the noise level if something start happening. Did you know you can feel the energy of a crowd also? If there is a sudden shift in what you are feeling, that is your survival instinct telling you to act. Don’t override it, start doing something.

If you notice people moving towards or away

from something or somewhere suddenly, it’s time to plan your exit. If you see someone all alone that seems disengaged or just not right, get some distance from them and notify the police or security.

If an incident occurs, stay calm. Find cover (something big, heavy, solid, and safe) to hide behind or inside of. If you use your phone to call out, make it count. More than likely, the cell system may become overloaded or the signals may be jammed to avoid creating other issues.

Have a meet up plan with your people on the inside and on the outside. You will probably get separated during an incident. Have a plan to link up and account for everyone in your party at a location either inside the area, or better yet, outside the area. Have a way to communicate with other people you know that weren’t at the event to help you with transportation or supplies if need be.

Stay to the edges of the crowd. This will help you avoid getting forced into a direction you don’t wish to go. Being on the edges will help you find exits, protection, and will allow you to see an incident develop sooner.

Some other good, common sense ideas may be to wear good footwear, dress for the weather to help you avoid heat or cold related issues should you have to evacuate, stay hydrated, and carry water and a scarf, bandanna, or other clothing to cover your mouth and nose should any crown control methods become a factor. (Spray or gas).

Realistically, this all comes down to the idea that you should not put your personal safety in the hands of others whenever possible. You are the one that is responsible for your own safety. Do some research, plan your actions, and plan your response to an incident. Those that have plans will have a better outcome than those that do not.

Also, take a First Aid/AED/CPR course and even a basic trauma care course. Be one of those that helped others survive those incidents.

Learn how to save someone’s life.

David S Jenkins is the Founder and Primary Instructor for Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, based here in Rochester. Contact him through www.safeinrochester.com or at 585-406-6758 to see what programs he offers and how you can get involved

C 140

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

C

{ ALL ABOUT M.E. }

BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER

I’m asked on a regular basis how I went from being an elementary teacher to a woman who waxes vaginas for a living. It’s a valid question.

What’s funny is that my answer often depends on my mood since I like to add humor as much as possible to my conversations with others.

Twenty-five years ago I embarked on the most bizarre career change imaginable. I left a conventional career to take a risk on a profession that I barely knew existed. In the early 1990’s, not many beauticians were waxing the Full Monty, especially in Rochester. But, for some reason, I was drawn to doing just that. I like to tell people that I used to teach first grade and now I make women look like first graders all day long. I think that explanation is pretty witty, but the pride and joy I feel about my career change is as monumental as any decision I’ve made in my life.

IS YOUR CAREER KILLING YOU?

~Advice from a ballsy chick who had the nerve to make a radical change in her professional life~

I think I was a very good teacher. I was educated, enthusiastic and extremely organized. My first grade classroom ran like a well-oiled machine.

Believe me, twenty-seven first graders with no aides was no easy feat, but I approached it with confidence and positivity. I tried to be as productive and fun in the classroom as possible. Surprisingly, it was more work than I could have ever imagined and it was more stressful than I ever bargained for.

I quickly learned that I was incapable of separating the personal problems of my students from their academic one’s. Their private struggles consumed me. There were countless things I wanted to do to improve their lives, which had nothing to do with their education. I wanted to bathe, feed and comfort these children. They were plagued with so many issues. Unfortunately, there is a limit to how much you can do to help a child in a classroom setting, and I hated being told what I could and could not do.

I witnessed abuse and neglect. I found the lack of attention and empathy by some of the parents unconscionable and completely deplorable. There was very little I could do to improve their lives; it was a hopeless and frustrating feeling.

It was impossible not to bring my angst home.

My concern over the welfare of my students affected me in many ways. For one, my marriage suffered. My husband would often tell me that I needed to leave my problems at work, because there was only so much I could do. I just couldn’t do that. I wanted to save each and every student in need and I knew that it was impossible. The stress that I felt on a daily basis was debilitating. I had a tremendous amount of inexplicable aches and pains. It wasn’t until a few years later that I was diagnosed with

fibromyalgia. Stress is so unhealthy, and it was infiltrating every part of my life. I knew that something had to change. No matter how positive I tried to be, I was worried and stressed out a lot of the time.

One day I finally got the nerve to quit teaching and join my husband at the salon. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. Teaching caused me a lot of anxiety. I’m a headstrong woman who always advocated for the child, which didn’t always go over well in the academic setting.

Furthermore, I was incapable of separating the emotion from the job. That was the part that was really hurting me. No matter how positively I affected their academic success, I felt unfulfilled and frustrated. I don’t regret that time of my life, because I learned a lot about myself. I realized I needed to find a career that made me, as well as others, happy.

Hot wax and a Popsicle stick were just the right tools to make that change happen. Even though I cause some clients a little discomfort throughout my workday, I provide a service that ultimately makes them very happy. In addition, I’ve come to build relationships with countless men and women over the years that have made my life extremely fulfilling. There is a definite correlation between professional and personal happiness.

I am happier in my personal life because my career has been so rewarding.

Yea, waxing pubic hair for a living may sound like the most bizarre career choice, but it has brought me so much joy. If you could spend ten minutes laughing and sharing a moment with another human being that resulted in that person feeling cleaner, sexier, and more confident, wouldn’t you consider it?

My husband was interviewed for an article a few years ago and the reporter asked him how he felt about his wife waxing for a living.

He said I was perfect for the job. That answer always made me laugh. What makes a person perfect for ripping out pubic hair for a living? I guess it’s due to the fact that I am not shy about the naked body, I would do anything to help a woman feel sexier, and I don’t judge. I don’t care about what size, shape or color anyone is. I just want to make people feel good. And the bonus is that I laugh more in one workday than most people do in a week.

Moral of the story: Are you fulfilled and happy with your job or is it hurting you and the people around you? Don’t let your career dictate your happiness. Strive to be the beautiful and happy person that lives within you. For me, it was a Popsicle stick and a hairy puss that changed my life. What is going to change yours?

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

141

The Mark & M.E. Gentleman

1775 Mt Hope Ave I Rochester, NY 14620 I (585) 473-7360 I www.marknme.com/

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

Gloria’s giant flower love

HANDMADE FLOWERS FOR ALL OCCASIONS I WEBSTER, NY 585.472.0528 I WOODGLORIA@ROCKETMAIL.COM

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

At Salon Bella Vita

we have specialized care for FallHair, FallSkin, FallNails and FallToes!

32 SOUTH MAIN STREET I PITTSFORD NY 14534 I 585.383.8482 SALONBELLAVITAPITTSFORD.COM

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

Mario’s Hair Studio

THE 3RD BOOK IN THIS INCREDIBLE SERIES BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER IS NOW AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE MAKE YOUR ON AMAZON TODAY! HOLIDAY PARTY SPECIAL

CALL FOR YOUR FREE CONSULTATION TODAY! 1474 MONROE AVE I ROCHESTER, NY 14618 (585)473-8593 I WWW.MARIOSHAIR.COM 148

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

WITH AN ORIGINAL CUSTOM UP-DO DESIGNED JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR ENSEMBLE.

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

149

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

150

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

How Can this Kitty Sell More Chevys than the Big Fat Cats?

PRICE

Busy becoming the largest Chevrolet dealer in the Rochester area.

1338 Pittsford-Palmyra Road, Macedon, NY | 585-22-CHEVY | www.vanbortelchevrolet.net ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

151

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

THIS WEEKEND THIS WEEKEND

THIS THE WEEKEND SAVE DATE

ANAA1N51T5 H TH 6 N 1 n 5th TH AU nA U NN NuLUAL

alA

Psychic Festival && Psychic Festival Psychic Festival & Holistic Healing Expo Holistic Healing Expo Holistic Healing Expo

L

Come and enjoy aaunique weekend Come and enjoy aunique weekend Come and enjoy aunique unique weekend Come and enjoy weekend for Your Mind, Body &&Spirit! for Your Mind, Body Spirit! for Your Mind, Body && Spirit! for Your Mind, Body Spirit!

October 15 & 16, 2016 October 15 && 16, 2016 October 15 & 16, 2016 October 21 22, 2017

DAMASCUS SHRINE CENTER DAMASCUS SHRINE CENTER DAMASCUS SHRINE CENTER DAMASCUS SHRINE CENTER 979 Bay Rd., Webster, NY | Sat 10a - 7p • Sun 10a - 6p

979 Bay Rd., Webster, NYNY | Sat 10a10a - 7p •7p, Sun 10a10a - 6p 979 Bay Rd., Webster, | | Sat - -7p • Sun Sun 10a -- 6p 970 Bay Rd., Webster, NY Sat 10a 6p

Psychic Readers • Holistic Healers • Crystals • Jewelry Books/CDs • Vendors • Oils • Free Lectures • Door Prizes Tickets: $7.00; $10.00 for a two-day pass, $5.00 students and seniors

Benefits Shrine Children’s Hospitals Psychic Readers • Holistic Healers • Crystals • Jewelry Psychic Readers Holistic Healers Crystals Jewelry Psychic Readers •• Holistic Healers •• Crystals •• Jewelry Books/CDs • Vendors • Oils • Free Lectures • Door Prizes Books/CDs Vendors Oils Free Lectures Door Prizes Books/CDs ••Vendors ••Oils ••Free Lectures ••Door Prizes www.NewMoonForYou.com

Sponsored by

Tickets: $7.00; $10.00 for for a two-day pass, $5.00 students andand seniors Tickets: $7.00; $10.00 two-day pass, $5.00 students seniors Tickets: $7.00; $10.00 for aatwo-day pass, $5.00 students and seniors New Moon Expo Benefits Shrine Children’s Hospitals $ Benefits Shrine Children’s Hospitals Benefits Shrine Children’s Hospitals

2

OFF www.NewMoonForYou.com Weby by www.NewMoonForYou.com Barbara Konish, Executive Producer Sponsored www.NewMoonForYou.com Sponsored New Moon Expo New Moon Expo Support New Moon Expo $ $$ %&#((((!$'!'"

222

OFF OFF

OFF

%&#((((!$'!'" %&#((((!$'!'"

152

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Breast Cancer Barbara Konish, Executive Producer Barbara Konish, Executive Producer Awareness

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

It’s thyme for your dream kitchen AWARD

WINNING

“ D E S I G N S PA C E , T H AT R E F L E C T S Y O U R S T Y L E ”

www.kitchenthymedesignstudio.com

BUSHNELL’S BASIN | 672 KREAG RD. | PITTSFORD, NY 14534

Call for your appointment today! 585-385-9149

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

Fresh, farm t table.

Just good foo Only at the The Red Bird

Café • Bakery • Gifts

25 Main St., Brockport • 637-3340 Lunch Served Daily 11-2; Mon.-Sat. 10-5:30

www.redbirdcafeandgiftshop.com

Like us on

Hours for lunch as follows 11-2

Espresso, Cappuccin

Intimate Brida and Baby Show Catering

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

to

od.

Red Bird

2; Café open til 5

no, Latte.

al wers

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

COME RE

HEALING MASSAGE RETREAT I BLDG C, 550 LATONA RD #305 I ROCHE 156

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{WOMEN OWNED BUSINESS }

ELAX WITH US PURCHASE YOUR GIFT CARDS TODAY FOR THE HOLIDAYS, BIRTHDAYS, OR ANY SPECIAL OCCASSONS!

ESTER, NY 14626 I (585) 227-6816 I HEALINGMASSAGERETREAT.COM ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

157

{ HEALTHY WOMAN }

WHAT KIND OF MASSAGE DO I WANT?

BY CASSONDRA KUBIT

The world of massage is an ever-growing field with so many different styles of massage being offered and being created every day. As a licensed massage therapist whenever I answer the phone I am asked what is the difference between Swedish and Deep Tissue? What are Hot Stones? Clients call not knowing what they want or what they need other then they would like a massage for one reason or another.

I own Healing Massage Retreat an Integrated Wellness Center and we are one of those clinics that offer a wide range of services, especially different types massages, so I am going to go down our list of services and help explain each one and hopefully help you decide what kind would be best for you.

Let’s start off with the most basic and well known of massage services, the Swedish Massage, this massage is meant to be a full body relaxation massage. When you are coming in for a Swedish Massage the pressure the therapist will use is light to firm depending on what you are asking for. You will get minimal treatment work since this massage is meant to help relieve stress, increase blood circulation, help with sleep, and overall wellbeing.

The next level of massage and the most asked for is Deep Tissue Massage. This massage is deep pressure where the therapist uses their forearms, elbows and fists to apply the deep pressure. This massage can be full body or can be more specific, like the back, neck and shoulders.

This massage is more therapeutic with specific treatment work.

Next let’s talk about Stone Massage. Stone 158

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

massage can be hot stones, cold stones or combination of both (which is the one I prefer).

Hot stones use basalt stones that are heated up to 140 degrees and are applied to the body as a massage tool. The therapist holds the stones in their hands and massages with them instead of their hands. This applies a deep penatrating heat that loosens up the muscles without having to apply a lot of pressure. There are styles where the stones stay stationary on the body, but they must have layers of towels as a barrier as to not burn you. I personally do not like to leave the hot stones resting stationary on a client’s back.

Cold stones are marble stones that have been frozen for at least an hour or more and are used the same way as hot stones, but with cold stones they help with bring inflammation down. So if there was an acute injury this would be a perfect massage or if you really love the cold. Now we also offer a Cold Stone/Hot Stone Massage which is an awesome combination where you first bring in heat then cold and then heat once again. This confuses the muscles and will make the muscles give up and relax when the second

round of heat is applied. I describe this as the “muscles fall off the bones”.

Those are the most basic of massages that all massage therapists have knowledge of and perform, except cold stones that’s a little more of a specialty. But now let’s look at some of the more specific types of massage that LMT’s can become specialized in by taking certification classes.

Manual Lymph Drainage (MLD) is one of my favorites and I have written about a few times in the RWO’s October issues for Breast Cancer Month. To be performing MLD your therapist should be a Certified Lymphedema Therapist, especially if you are having this service as a treatment and not a detoxifying massage. I use MLD on breast cancer patients who have unfortunately been diagnosed with lymphedema because of their breast cancer surgeries and I also use this with many clients who have had elective plastic surgery because this is part of their treatment plans that their doctor has given them.

MLD is a light massage that works with the lymphatic system to help eliminate the swelling that the surgeries have created.

The lymphatic system has specific pathways that the therapist needs to know about as to not back up the system. There are patterns to the massage and changes that have to be made depending on the specific surgery. MLD can also be used as a full body detoxifying massage also as your therapist understands the system. So, knowing the therapists background and

training is very important. There are multiple schools for becoming a Certified Lymphedema Therapist and there are DVD’s and Youtube (there is a difference).

Another awesome massage is Trigger Point Therapy. This session I don’t consider truly to be massage because there is no effleurage, petrissage or any nice fluffy massage moves.

This treatment is all about holding specific points that have been injured, mostly overuse injuries, and getting the contraction to relax.

Trigger points can develop all over the body and cause referred pain. They usually start with one spot and more and more will be created over time. With having the Trigger Points worked out the referred pain shuts off and ROM will start to return to normal. This work takes time but is very effective.

Myofascial Release can be done on its own or in conjunction with Trigger Point Work.

Myofascial Release is working with the fascial tissues that encase our entire body. They are long stretching holds that can be either light or very deep depending on layer the therapist is working with. I tend to mix Trigger Point and Myofascial Release together and have a much better result.

Another big technique that people talk about is Craniosacral Therapy. This therapy is very interesting. It works with adjusting the cranial bones, yes, they move in very small ways. Some people consider this to be energy work, but either way it does have its many benefits. In a session, the therapist will place their hand or fingers in specific ways on the sacrum, spine, or cranial bones with very light pressure and rest

for an extended period of time while moving the cranial bones to where they need to be.

That is the best way of describing it. You have to be open to this kind of work or it is a waste of your time.

These massages that I have talked briefly about are just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many different kinds of massage that I could probably write a book about. If you want to know more you can check out our website www.healingmassageretreat.com and see what else we offer. We offer Detoxifying Cellulite Massage, Ashiatsu, Reflexology, Shiatsu, Reiki and more. We also have Acupuncture, Facials, Body Treatments, and Waxing.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

159

D { DIVA’S REPORT }

A DETOXING MUD WRAP AND FACIAL THAT WILL LEAVE YOU GLOWING!

Mud wraps are known for increasing circulation and removing toxins from the skin. I had the pleasure of receiving not only a wrap, but a facial with Yaslin, owner of Golden Aura.

160

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Detox wraps use a variety of products such as algae, seaweed, mud, clay or gel to help rid the body of toxins. When the product is applied to the body, it’s called a body mask. Then you are wrapped in plastic and covered with a blanket for about 20 minutes, which is the body wrap.

The mud causes sweating, and proponents claim that mud baths can slim and tone the body, hydrate or firm the skin, or relax and soothe the muscles.

So why are people talking about Body Wraps? I wanted to know exactly that, so I decided to check out Golden Aura with Yaslin, inside the walls of Healing Massage Retreat...and boy was I not disappointed!

Most spas use a few core adjectives to describe their body wrap treatments: slimming, detoxifying, relaxing and hydrating are favourites.

Depending on the wrap you choose, you might notice a temporary inch loss, softer, firmer, hydrated or cleansed skin, relaxed muscles. It just all depends on what you want to achieve. For me, it was detoxifying and relaxing. So, we decided on the mud wrap and mud facial.

I started by stripping down to my bra and undies, and hopped up onto the massage

table that was lined with what looked like tinfoil...little did I know she was going to wrap me up in it like a cacoon after she exfoliated, and applied the all natural mud mask with a brush all over my body.

The layer of soothing mud is applied to the skin to detoxify, cleanse and firm. The mud is thought to ease water retention and cleanse the pores by drawing out impurities.

A mud wrap might help with arthritis, rheumatism and minor skin irritations.

I fell asleep while this was on. The lighting was dim, the music was mellow and I was so snug. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed when she came back through the door, I didn’t want to end. It was so nice not having to check my emails every 5 minutes or take a million calls, or sit in traffic on the way from meeting to meeting… awh so refreshing doing nothing.

Boy, did I enjoy that! The heat of the wrap will relax your muscles, open your pores and encourage sweating.

When Yaslin returned, I received a wonderful hot towel foot treatment, and then massage.

She then began with the facial...TRUE HEAVEN! Products were applied one by one, as

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

161

“I couldnt have enjoyed my wrap more. So relaxing, and my skin was so soft afterward. I would honestly say I was glowing!”

she worked her magical fingers in circles around my entire face. AHHHHH....

This felt amazing. She got rid of an skin imperfections as well while looking under a magnifying glass.

When she was finished with this step, she unwrapped me from my burrito, wiped all the mud off me, and ended with a bottle of water. You need to keep very hydrated in order for this to work.

162

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

I couldn’t believe how soft my skin was… it was smooth as a baby’s bum :) When Yaslin returned to the room, she applied a rich and creamy body cream all over my skin. I felt so refreshed and super clean – I loved this treatment and I will probably aim to have one every month to get one, or try aother one that she offers.

Lots of salons out there do this type of treatments, but for me it is all about the

service and attention to detail and that is what sets Yaslin apart from the rest. She was truly amazing!

I can’t wait to go again and try something else. Who would like to join me? You can contact her by calling Healing Massage retreat at 585.227.6816 to book your appointment now.

GOLDEN AURA

WAXING I FACIAL I MASSAGE I BODY TREATMENTS I LASH PERMING & CURLING

HEALING MASSAGE RETREAT I BLDG C, 550 LATONA RD #305 I ROCHESTER, NY 14626 (585) 227-6816 I HEALINGMASSAGERETREAT.COM

{ HOT FASHION TRENDS }

YOUR CHECKLIST TO FALL 2017

BY DENISSE DIRLAM

Boots, Scarves, & Sweaters….

We Are So Ready!

Who is ready to start changing their wardrobe to include boots, scarves, and cozy sweaters?

I love Fall when it comes to fashion. Coming from Miami where we only had one season…

HOT…I love Rochester for the 4 seasons we get to experience. And by far Fall is one of my favorites. The arrival of colder months doesn’t mean you can’t show off your flair for fashion. So what is on trend this season? I will break it down to the top 10 trends so you can start fine tuning your closet and be on point!

TREND1:

This Fall, you better be jamming to Lady in Red, as the color should become a staple in your closet. If it’s a red knit dress, or a red silk blouse for work, it’s a powerful and bold color that does match a variety of things. If you are not a red person, it is an easy color to accent with.

TREND 2:

Plaid is back! I had a feeling this was going to happen, being that gingham was in spring. Plaid is being modernized by size, color and location. What is on trend….to wear plaid on different plaid pattern that is!

TREND 3:

Some people hate them, some people love them; 164

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

but floral is here to stay. A trend that has carried over from spring and summer but turned a little darker. You will see floral prints and embellishments on jackets, dresses, to shoes. My recommendation- pick one item as your staple piece and go off of that. I am currently obsessed with this jacket from W

by Worth (http://www.wbyworth.com/ floral-jacquard-bomber-jacket/). Or go with a floral pattern short bootie to accent a black dress.

TREND 4:

Don’t be scared of prints because the animal kingdom has come into play. There is strength in spots as a must have this season. Leopard prints are one of Fall’s most powerful trends, from dresses to accessories and coats, spots are the way to go to add some fierceness into your wardrobe. This empowered sorority of spotty sisters could always use more members!

TREND 5:

So if you want to stay cozy but still in fashion and tr`es chic leisure suits are the way to go, also as many refer to as the track suit –adjacent but elevated with style. I found one I love from W

by Worth (http://www. wbyworth.com/174-wbwlook-18/). Want to dress it up and convince yourself its ok to wear sweats outside the house, then wear them with a pair of some awesome stilettos `a la Rihanna.

TREND 6:

If you think that this summer’s crop tops were too short, just wait until you see what is coming for Fall because short hem lines are on their way. And with those short hem lines, designers are pairing them with some over the knee and thigh high boots. If you think it is too daring, pair them with some tights and still be in fashion.

As for tights the trend has switched from annoying to holding some of the strongest looks together.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

165

{ HOT FASHION TRENDS } I love Fall when it comes to fashion. Coming from Miami where we only had one season…HOT…I love Rochester for the 4 seasons we get to experience.

TREND 7:

While every woman’s denim collection should consist of the classics like simple skinny jeans, a great pair of flares, and your go-to comfy jeans, it never hurts to add a trend-driven style to your rotation each season. This Fall the pair you need to have is the cropped and frayed hem look. These bad boys are an instant classic, with a flattering cropped-flare shape and a raw-edge hem. And with fans like Emma Roberts, they’re already cool-girlapproved.

TREND 8:

If you have seen me on the weekend – you know I LOVE slogan tees! And I am so happy that it is still a trend this Fall! Pair it with a cute bomber jacket and cropped jeans and your set to go! Depending your office, you can pull one off with a pencil skirt or under your trendy suit.

There really is not right or wrong way to wear these, so just wear the one that best fits your mood.

TREND 9:

Find your inner edge because leather jackets are shown this Fall as an essential to any outfit.

The leather jacket is the most versatile outerwear garment known in the fashion world lately. Of course, everyone is sick and tired of seeing black 166

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

leather jackets around town. That’s why lots of brands and designers offering its clientèle colored versions, starting from muted shades to bright hues which I love.

TREND 10:

Now if you want to focus on what color trends for Fall you should have in your closet… go with cool neutrals, muted oranges and greens, and deep wine shades that we all know and look forward to every year. They’re gorgeous and we can’t wait to wear them.

Now lets get you all set for Fall 2017 in style.

With these top 10 trends you won’t skip a beat.

If you are looking for some styling advice or a personal shopping experience you can contact me, as I am a personal stylist for W by Worth Collection based out of New York City.

I also offer services to help with your wardrobe needs. Please reach out and lets chat! despalter@wbyworth.com http://www.wbyworth. com/denisse-espalter

{ HAIR HYPE }

HAIR CARE FOR FALL: Keeping it Breezy Baby!

BY MARY BUSHEY

Being beautiful is more than just your physical beauty. It is a state of mind! We as women, carry far too many responsibilities juggling work, home and family and we often forget about that me time. Me time is necessary to unwind, regroup or just spend time with our favorite girlfriend.

Kids require most of our attention and it can get overwhelming, especially if there are other issues like multiple activities, or a child with special needs. Going to the salon for hair care or getting a pedicure is great way to sit back, relax and enjoy.

It doesn’t take a great amount of time, but it is just enough to rejuvenate and to feel beautiful. So, get out of those sweat pants and make an appointment!

The holidays are approaching so this is the time we need some extra pampering before we try to battle the crowds on Black Friday! Its October but Christmas is coming. Jingle Bell Rock!

We are always torn with summer being over. Goodbye to the beach and endless summer days.

Goodbye to all the wonderful festivals our area offers. Think of the bright side, goodbye kids, school is back in session.

We loved the extra time during summer vacation, but let’s be real when its September 1st, it is time for the kids to go. Along with the joys of summer, our body often takes a beating.

Hair is damaged by sun and salt water. Skin can be dry and damaged from sun burn. As the seasons change, the leaves are pretty, but our hair can take a beating. The air is dry.

Sometimes even more so, when we have to start turning on the heat to stay warm.

168

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

To try to beat the heat, we must think moisturizer! There are many products on the market to assist. My salon uses the Milk Shake Line. Using a moisture mask or gloss can achieve softening results! This will also prevent split ends and frizz. A special trick we often use when applying these products is to rinse the hair with warm water before applying the product.

This will open the hair cuticle. Also, when using the mask, wear a shower cap. There are lines of shampoos and conditions that have natural oils such as Moroccan oil. This will help moisturize your hair whenever you shampoo in between moisturizing treatments.

Dry scalp is often a problem in the fall. Dry scalp leads to flaking and dandruff. The scalp has sebaceous glands which is where our natural moisture in hair is produced. There are many home remedies including cider vinegar and water treatments (ph levels), tea tree oils and coconut oil(moisture) and

even mayonnaise. Products with sulphates can also contribute to the problem.

There are also natural ways to help produce healthy hair through dietary choices.

Omega 3 is found in the scalp area.

This can be found in foods such as fish, dark leafy vegetables and supplements.

Vitamin A is something in diets which will exacerbate the problem so that could be partially the cause if you have a large intake of this.

Preventing dry skin is also an issue in the fall months. It also comes with age unfortunately. When looking to start a daily skin-care regime think natural and pure. Alcohol or fragrances in some manufactured products can cause irritation and do more harm than good. Some things we do such as washing our face, strips the skin of the natural oil produced to provide moisture. We must supplement our routine to retain moisture. Try soaking in warm bath water adding a couple drops of oil such as coconut or olive oil. Another idea is to create a facial scrub ( ½ cup of sugar, add a couple tablespoons of oil (any kind) and a few drops of a scented essential oil for fragrance).

Incorporating some of these ideas into your daily routine, can help prevent dry hair and skin. It is photo season with the holidays rapidly approaching.

We all have that one friend who posts the worst picture ever all over social media. Prevent that from happening! Make sure your hair is bouncing and beautiful! Your skin glowing and radiant! It’s the only thing we can do.

{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

FIRE ISLAND, BREAST CANCER, AND HOPE

BY ALANA CAHOON

I will never forget my holiday weekend in Fire Island last summer. I was expecting to relax by the water, stroll along in the sand, and listen to meditative music, maybe get a tan. Ha! Was I wrong.

Within 2 hours of our arrival, we discovered that the host of our house where we were staying was diagnosed with breast cancer. In fact, her two doctors, both friends told her right there and then. They had learned the results of her tests earlier that day and knew that they would be on the island that evening.

uncover and identify the unconscious forces that caused the tumor to form. It was an intense spiritual, psychic, and emotional experience.”

As we worked together that morning, Vera

One year later, her vision has become a reality. “Bare Breasted Against Breast Cancer, Inc.” has just become a not for profit venture whose motto is “We are getting breast cancer off our chests.” I spoke with Vera the other day and got an update.

“I barely took any time off from my job as a personal trainer over the past year and was back in the studio less than 2 months after the mastectomy. My clients were supportive. I tried to exercise throughout, and am excited to get back into a more intense workout regime. I have a clean bill of health! The 5 year mark is the bench mark for any strain to return in general, but I’m optimistic.”

How did our host handle this news? With a party.

For real.

All in. I joined the festivities with cooking and drinking. I was new to this group and was not about to set a different tone. There are pictures of us being quite silly, dancing with who knows what on our heads.

But when the morning came, things looked and felt a bit different.

That’s when I approached Vera and offered her an integrative healing treatment. She accepted.

Energy therapy was new to her but she was open and willing to try this holistic medicine. She wrote a blog post about her experience.

During the healing session, Alana helped me find the connection between my psyche and my breast cancer - helped me begin to 170

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

She decided to take steps toward creating a forum for women who were experiencing breast cancer; where women could communicate with others, get answers to questions, understand what to expect, and not feel so alone and afraid, like she was right now.

was inspired to create something good out of something apparently bad. And being diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer at the age of 51 was not good. She had lost her mother to this disease 25 years prior. And she had a son and a husband to think of.

She trains clients at NYC’s Uplift Studios where she says women’s fitness is moving into the direction of wellness.

“We’ve started a monthly forum there called Strong Women Uplift Each Other.

It’s an opportunity for women to share their stories and inspire each other.”

In regards to her new venture she says, “Our Mission is to create engaging and deeply

BY ALANA CAHOON

{ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT } “I barely took any time off from my job as a personal trainer over the past year and was back in the studio less than 2 months after the mastectomy. My clients were supportive. I tried to exercise throughout, and am excited to get back into a more intense workout regime. I have a clean bill of health!”

personal video interviews of breast cancer survivors, patients, and caregivers. Users can gain insight and find the strength and hope to navigate their diagnosis, treatment, and recovery.”

A soft launch of Vera Trifunovich’s website will be on October 18th at www.barebreastedabc. org. Thank you, Vera, for taking the leap and inspiring others. Ladies, take a look and send your support and your stories!

So how does alternative medicine work?

Why would you consider using it? Will it cure breast cancer?!

of the earth, but are found today right here in our own backyard. There are healing elements in just about every weed, bush and flower. For instance, stinging nettle is filled with healing properties from relieving arthritis and hay fever to lowering high blood pressure. Aloe is used to disinfect and heal open wounds.

You’ve probably used fresh lemon mixed with natural honey to treat coughs and sore throats. Antioxidants that have been studied to prevent or treat cancer include

Alternative or holistic medicine focuses on the entire person, treating the body, mind and spirit. It is generally used as a preventative medicine.

By bringing overall balance, you are less likely to get sick.

Herbs and supplements like Echinacea and Vitamin C are fairly common now even in the west to assist in building up and restoring our natural auto immune defenses. This type of holistic medicine is considered Naturopathy and Homeopathy.

The practice of using herbs to either treat the whole being or the symptom is dated back not only in time and in the far reaches

Another holistic therapy is Acupuncture, a traditional Chinese medicine that uses slim needles to open up the meridians within your body allowing your life energy force or Chi to move freely.

Reiki is a Japanese healing of the hands therapy. This, too opens the blocks within your body, mind & spirit’s natural flow.

Meditation allows the mind to quiet and the body to follow suit. This, when done regularly can offer miraculous results, boosting y o u r b o d y ’s immune system.

Stress is often the trigger of illness. When this is managed or removed, and life is easier, there is little room for illness to attack.

These are only a few holistic health remedies.

Bringing multiple alternative medicines into your cabinet will keep disease at bay, and bring joy and fulfillment

vitamins C and E and co-enzyme Q10.

within reach.

But remember, herbs are very much like taking a prescription drug. It is how the pharmaceutical industry began hardly more than100 years ago. Therefore, always consult with your doctor before taking an herbal supplement especially if you are being treated with prescription drugs, chemo or radiation therapy. One may interfere with the other.

Alana Cahoon, Creative Coach with a Holistic Approach is the Founder of Grow 2 B U, providing guidance and healing to professionals in transition, leadership & entrepreneurship. Visit her at www. alanacahoon.com.

{ THINK OPPOSITE }

Does Your Coloured Ribbon Make a Difference?

BY ALISON DONAGHEY

It’s pink and purple month and to be perfectly honest I had to look up what that meant.

Breast cancer and domestic violence.

And then I had to look up what that meant.

For sure, thoughts come up but do I really know what the campaign does and the meat of the issues?

I am left with more questions than answers.

Pink and Purple. Breast cancer and domestic violence.

I wonder what that means to other people. To those immersed in it, to those watching it, to those yet to be affected by it.

I wonder what that means to me.

In the nature of full transparency, I have an aversion to these sorts of things. Of wearing the ribbons and attributing colours to causes.

I fear that appearing aware is being treated the same as being aware and that being aware is confused with being the solution. Lip service is a dangerous thing. I don’t support people changing their facebook post to have pink and purple yet have no idea what that means... but it sure looks like they are being useful citizens.

I mean, the concept of bringing awareness is good, research is good, cures are good, shelters are good. But, I wonder about how much these awareness movements actually help build awareness. How many facts are internalized?

How much change is realized? How much of it is placating our need to feel like we are making a difference without really having to get our hands dirty. Without really having to hold the hair back of someone throwing up from chemo, or sitting in emergency with someone while they get their arm set in a cast from an assult from their spouse. Isn’t that where ground zero is?

Do people just put on a pink ribbon and a purple shirt and feel good about their support for the cause or do people actually take the time to learn about the cause, take a meal to someone’s family who is going through the pain of losing a breast or visiting a man in prison to understand why he beat his wife to death? Does the act of wearing the colours act as a substitution for actually creating understanding, support and care?

174

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

I talk to people all the time who say “I am wearing _________ to support __________.” And I ask “What does that mean to you?” or “How does that help the people in ___________?” or “Can you share some more information with me about ___________ so I can better understand their situation?” and I am consistently met with blank stares. Like there is somehow something wrong with me for asking those questions; for probing further.

People can’t really tell me what they are supporting.

THEY CAN’T TELL ME THINGS LIKE

• 5 – 10 % of breast cancers can be linked to a specific inherited gene mutation [and what is being done to find these identifiers?] and that Ashkenazi Jewish women are at higher risk of having some of these mutations.

• that 1 in 1,000 men are diagnosed annually [do we talk about men with breast cancer? Do they get treated differently?]

• 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer • in the USA women over the age of 65 accounted for more than 99,000 cases last year [did you know that many doctors stop checking after menopause?]

• Black women are at great risk than nonhispanic white women of dying from breast cancer [is that genetics or poverty or…?]

• Women diagnosed before 40 are 4.5 times more likely to develop another breast cancer They can’t tell me what they have actually done themselves for breast cancer.

AND FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

• It’s the leading cause of injury in the USA for women between the ages of 15 -44 • There are 1500 shelters for battered women in the USA and 3,00 animal shelters • One in 4 women will experience domestic violence • 15% of all domestic violence have male victims

• over 70% of women injured in domestic violence cases are injured after separation.

• 40-60% of police calls involve domestic violence and are faster to respond if the assailant is a stranger • nearly 7.8 millions women in the USA have been raped by an intimate partner at some point in their life.

• 30-60% of those who abuse their spouse abuse their children They can’t tell me what they have actually done themselves for domestic violence.

Does any of this information actually connect us to the those experiencing the problem? Or does it actually disconnect us from the meat of the matter? Does us wearing pink or purple actually help the person and their family survive their situation? Do people report more support during the month of October from their friends and family. Is there an improvement in the stats? Are we helping in the way we want to be? Can we measure that?

Does the wearing of pink and purple reduce the numbers of incidents of breast cancer and victims of domestic abuse? Are laws changing?

Is attitude changing? Are lifestyles changing?

While I definitely think it’s great to talk about these things I wonder if we are creating the illusion of making change rather than actually making the change in the lives of these women (and men) who are suffering.

If the answer is no, then how can we do better?

How can we actually illicit change? How can we give the people what they actually need?

How do we become that change? It starts with us and how we view our involvement with the thoughts we have and the action we take to begin to understand the impact we have.

To learn more about THINK OPPOSITE or to hire Alison to speak visit www.dominothinking. com for a free audio version of Think Opposite: Using the Domino Effect to Change Your Business, Change the World – available in bookstores everywhere in September 2017 or email info@ dominothinking.com

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

175

{ WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR }

KEEPING IT KURVIE

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN

Latiffany Anderson is no stranger to Rochester Woman Online. Many of you, as I, have fallen in love with the beautiful fashions offered to all, but includes plussize women which are stylish, classy and fresh available at Latiffany’s “Kurvie Kulture Boutique” located at “Made on State” at 510 State Street, Door A, Suite 9E, Rochester, NY. Diva 1 (myself ) dons these fashions on a regular and they are most definitely wavy baby. As someone who is considered “plussized”, I can attest to the frustration there once was in trying to find stylish, sexy clothes.

Nobody feels good in granny panties! Just because there’s, more of us, it doesn’t mean we don’t want to be sexy too or to feel confident we look good in the clothes we buy. Just FYI! Barbie does not reflect the American society any longer and many women are in the category of plus-size (size 12 and above).

Latiffany is an icon, in that she has actual made the concept of “Keeping it Kurvie” a life-style and or safe place for women of all sizes. It’s ok to be me and it’s ok to be you. Who would have thought, this all began as a blog (2012).

Latiffany shared, “I wanted a way to express myself and communicate with other women. From that, I began to really see there were women just like me, who 176

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: AUGUST 2017

liked fashion, but didn’t have many places to shop. Later that year, I began posting items on Instagram. In December 2012, Kurvie Kulture Boutique opened online.

When I began to love myself, from the inside out, I began to desire to dress differently. I’ve always had the desire to enter the fashion world, but never had

the confidence to do so. Starting Kurvie Kulture was my way to begin to assist women in finding the self-love that I did. Being a personal stylist and image consultant allows me to use fashion not only as a way to exude personal style, but also a way to aide women in boosting their confidence.

The most influential person in my life was my mother. I know most people say they have the best mother but I truly do.

My mother has taught me to be selfless, that is one of the greatest gifts she has given me. Seeing her give her all to my sisters and I, as well as others, guided me into living to help others. Whether I have an activity for Ms. Kurvie, Kurvie Kulture or a community service project, my mother makes sure she is there. I am beyond blessed to have her.

If you are battling with self-esteem or need encouragement please feel free to reach out to me latiffanyanderson@ hotmail.com ”.

Latiffany also heads u p t h e Ku r v i e Kulture National Pageant, limited to size 12 and up.

This year the Pageant in Rochester, NY, includes Rochester Woman Online’s editor (myself ) as one of the judges, along with RWO model Stephanie Viriyakul. The event (Ms. Kurvie, NY Pageant) will be held October 15th at 6:00 pm at the Stardust Ballroom, 41 Backus Street, Rochester, NY (Tickets available at the boutique).

Latiffany Anderson places high expectations for a Ms. Kurvie Kueen…

{ WOMAN ENTREPRENEUR } “I wanted a way to express myself and communicate with other women. From that, I began to really see there were women just like me, who liked fashion, but didn’t have many places to shop.”

“To be Ms. Kurvie, you must be ready to work in the community. Each kueen participates in projects during the year.

The reigning kueen, is expected to carry herself in a positive, regal demeanor. Ms. Kurvie has become an image of power and hope to plus-size women. I hope that each kueen inspires another plus-size woman to love herself.

The most rewarding thing I do has to be any community service I participate in.

I’ve been able to get to know so many

178

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

people just by lending a helping hand. I am blessed to say I am able to participate in and facilitate several projects every year.

In the next six months, expect to see new Ms. Kurvie Pageants in different locations.

Kurvie culture will be expanding its services.

I plan to officially launch “Reclaiming our Krowns” my mentorship program in the planning stages for a couple of years now. I also will continue to serve our community in any way I can”.

Latiffany Anderson must be recognized as

a woman of substance. She is a Rochester Woman who must be saluted in creating a place for plus-sized women to feel appreciated and to recognize their worth as being beautiful! RWO salutes you and your mission. We must always as women...

“ Keep it Kurvie!”

{ THE “O” TALK }

180

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

C

C

{ A LITTLE INSITE ON A LIFE }

BY CHLOE CORCORAN

In the September issue, readers learned of my early prayers for my true life, a denial of self, and a desperate choice. Nine months. I made the decision to give myself nine months, at the end of which I would transition. To display my inward self for the world to see.

To become myself. A female.

NINE MONTHS.

270 SOME ODD DAYS.

February is often dark and cold. I don’t know that I had ever felt darker, colder, or more desperate for help in my entire life. I wanted so badly to succeed in the world as a male. I wanted to persevere as I hoped to excel professionally in a challenging career, be a good sibling, a reliable friend…and keep what I imagined my life appeared to be on the outside. But on the inside I was shriveling into nothing. That feeling of nothingness was allencompassing. I had no feelings of self-worth, no feeling of value to anyone, I took no small joy in anything, and I felt like a burden to all who may have wandered into the hurricane of my misery. I was very depressed.

Those are the things I didn’t have. What did I have? Fear. I knew, and know, how many members of society treat transgender women. I knew the outrageous statistics of murder, assault, and various brutalities against this community.

I also knew the suicide rate. That suicide rate scared me more than anything. I was afraid that I was going to be a statistic. And while I felt, at the time, that people might prefer me to be dead than to be transgender, I was also afraid of going to hell. My views on religion have since evolved with every denigration of my identity by the Pope, but at the time this was very real. I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and I was terrified of going to hell. I only had one choice. Transition.

Nine months. 270 some odd days isn’t a very long time. But new life is born during that expectant wait.

There is no one way to transition. There is no proven process. Every person I’ve ever talked to has done it on their own time, in their own way, with their own stories of falling down just to get back up…repeatedly. While I was searching for a blueprint that didn’t exist, I instead found multiple stories of perseverance.

Stories of fortitude. Stories of strength. Stories of a million qualities I had assured myself that I didn’t have in the realm of transitioning. To me, these stories were like reading a preview of my own Battle of Thermopylae. While these transgender women overcame the overwhelming odds of a successful transition (however that

is defined), I thought I would make a valiant last stand that would likely end in me being overwhelmed by the forces of a society that would rather I not exist.

With the following November inching closer, I began to prepare for my transition in earnest.

But how does one prepare for what they perceive to be unwinnable circumstances? I confided in more people about why I was struggling so badly, attacked therapy with the resolve of a penitent in their last days, made a plan for work, sat with my hopelessness, and yet somehow still hoped. This hope was strange for me, in that I didn’t know exactly what I was hoping for. Maybe all I was hoping for was an end to the misery that I struggled to put words to. No matter what, my transition would change in my life in substantial ways.

Maybe, just maybe, it could be bearable. See, I was never shooting for happy. I was never aiming for content. I was hoping for bearable.

Winter eased into Spring, which quickly progressed to Summer, and I continued my work. I tried to get healthier, I tried to compartmentalize, and I started to practice in earnest. I had socialized myself so well into acting the part of a male that I had a lot of habits to break. There was a new way to do the most basic of things. Social cues were a bit foreign to me. I always knew how I wanted to act, but I didn’t know how I could act. I was attempting a new way of walking, talking, and interacting with others, all while still holding onto a male façade.

Importantly, I started to go outside in Rochester as my true self. With trepidation. I remember the first time I walked out of my apartment to a friend’s car. After I picked my heart up off the curb that it had leapt out of my chest to, we went to a friendly bar. Another day, I went outside…during the day! I drove myself and was positive that every person in every other car was staring at me. They weren’t, I’m sure, but I certainly felt that they were. These small steps felt monumental. I even was given the gift of make-up lessons by a long-time friend. They were all leading up to very big, public steps.

Finally, November and a peak in my anxiety came. I sat in a local coffee shop writing my coming out e-mails to family members and friends I had not yet told I am transgender.

I wrote, and deleted, and I wrote more, just to delete them again. I didn’t want to lose anyone, but the experience of other transgender women let me know that I would. I hit send.

I was ready.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

181

{ AN IDEAL EDUCATION }

184

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

S

S

{ THE LOLLYPOP CORNER }

A New Generation of Pit Bull Owners

BY LOLLYPOP FARM

There has been a lot of debate in the news and on social media regarding pit bulls. Some are nervous about the dogs having heard stories suggesting pit bulls to be aggressive and possibly dangerous. But a new voice has begun to change the conversation and paint a new picture for a category of dogs now growing in popularity.

“We’ve begun to see a new generation of pit bull owners,” say Rebecca Lohnes, Behavior and Training Manager at Lollypop Farm, the Humane Society of Greater Rochester.

“Negative generalizations, about a category of dogs with many positive traits, have fostered new groups advocating to give these dogs a second chance.”

Lohnes, who is also the only Certified Dog Behavior Consultant in Rochester, NY through the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants explains that the pit bull category refers to several terrier or retriever breed mixes and includes a variety of dogs with a muscular build and square face. Lohnes says, “Adopters are beginning to see past the generalizations of the pit bull to let the individual personalities of each dog are shine through.”

Many Pit Bulls are wiggly, people-friendly dogs who have been surrendered to Lollypop Farm through no fault of their own. Their owners may simply not have been able to care for them due to personal or financial reasons.

Lohnes explains that all adoptable dogs

at Lollypop Farm are given thorough physical and behavioral evaluations. This helps provide potential adopters with the information they need to know if the individual dog is a good fit for their home. Because each dog’s temperament is evaluated individually regardless of breed or mix, adopting a pit bull is no different than adopting any other dog at the shelter.

Sunflower, a five year-old pit bull mix was recently found as a stray and brought to Lollypop Farm. “Sunflower was a great example of a pit bull with glowing personality,” says Lohnes. “Despite being a stray with some medical issues we were treating, she was super sweet. Sunflower loved every person she met and was excited to meet all the other dogs staying at the shelter.”

“By looking past generalizations, potential adopters are able to find the pet that best fits their home, family and lifestyle,” says Lohnes. “Whether that means a dog that loves snuggling up on the couch or another that prefers long runs.” Negative generalizations leave pit bull waiting for a new home longer than other breeds and mixes. Opening adopters’ minds to see each dog as an individual personality can not only provide them with a better fit for their home, it can save lives. n honor of Adopt-a-Dog Month, Lollypop Farm is offering 50% off all dog adoption fees and free senior dog adoptions through the end of October.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

185

{ YOU CAN BE...! }

MODEL BEHAVIOR

BY MARY THERESE FRIEL

This month’s column focuses on how to be picture-perfect. Regardless of your age, or your goals, being able to look and feel natural in front of the camera is a valuable skill. For a model, it’s crucial.

For most of my life I have been involved in the modeling industry. I began modeling at age 11 and worked my way to the very top of the industry. At age 19, I won the coveted title of Miss USA and went on to model for the prestigious Ford Agency.

My career spans both sides of the business, both in front of the camera and behind it. I am the founder and CEO of The Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency, a company that is 30 years old. My role today, is as an agent and a coach, working with aspiring models and actors, as well as clients looking to improve their overall image.

PRINT MODELING

Print modeling is stationary posing. A model poses for a photographer who captures the image. This column will help you to learn how to work with a photographer, how to stand, pose, and turn (pivot). You will also learn about the importance of using a variety of expressions to enhance each pose. Modeling is essentially “acting without words.” A print model has to communicate with the camera using just poses and expressions.

MODELS STANCE

The first thing a model should learn is their model’s stance. The stance is a neutral position that creates a flattering image for most camera angles. It accentuates good posture and gives you a starting point that allows for ease of movement from pose to pose. A suggestion: If you are right handed stand in your stance with your right foot in front and if you are left handed stand in your stance with your left foot in front. Place your other foot in back as your “anchor.”

Ladies: Stand with both feet together, flat on the floor. Now, point one foot straight in front of you. Your big toe should be directed at the subject of your attention. This could be a person or a camera. Move your other foot behind (at a 45% angle). Your feet should be close enough that the heel of your front foot nearly touches the arch of your back foot.

Shift your weight so that it is on the back foot. Now, “Roll it, Suck it and Tuck it.” Roll your shoulders up, back and down, suck your stomach in and tuck your but underneath you.

Then relax, but keep your posture.

CHANGING YOUR STANCE

To change your stance, do this. Start by getting into your stance with your right foot in front.

Take a tiny step forward with your right foot, about 1 inch. Then step forward with your left

foot and place it next to (and slightly ahead of) your right foot, so that your left arch is next to your right toe. Next, place your right foot at a 45° angle behind your left foot, shifting your weight to your back foot.

You are now in your new stance!

PIVOT

A pivot is simply a way to turn around. It takes three steps to make a pivot. Practice this often until you achieve a smooth and effortless looking turn.

1. From your stance (right foot in front) take a tiny step forward with your right foot. Place your weight on that foot.

2. Move your left foot in front at a 90° angle to your right foot. Your feet should form a “T” position with your right foot pointing at the arch of your left foot.

3. Place your weight on your left foot. Then, slightly lift the heel of your right foot while keeping the ball of your right foot planted.

Twist that heel around and turn your body until you are facing the opposite direction.

Place the heel back down in front of the arch of your left foot. You will find yourself back in your original stance. * Repeat the exact same procedure (1,2,3) to make a full pivot (360°) turn.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

187

{ YOU CAN BE... } For most of my life I have been involved in the modeling industry. I began modeling at age 11 and worked my way to the very top of the industry. At age 19, I won the coveted title of Miss USA and went on to model for the prestigious Ford Agency.

WALK-AROUND

Another turn that is used in modeling is the “walk around.” It is most often used when modeling elegant eveningwear, clothing with trains or very full bottoms. To perform the walk around, begin in your stance. Once again we will use a right foot example. Start with your right foot stepping in the direction that your left foot is pointing. Walk in a circle ending where you began, step into the circle and resume your stance.

POSES

A pose is a position assumed for effect. It can be used to present oneself, convey a thought or reflect an attitude, show off clothing, or even used to help act out a part. Your body has the ability to move in many directions and create an endless number of poses. Every time you change your position, it can be considered a new pose. For instance, let’s say you are standing in your stance. Now you tip your head and fold your arms.

That’s a new pose. Now you straighten your head, put your hands in your pockets and cross one leg over the other. Now that’s a totally different pose.

When you change from one pose to another, do it smoothly and make it look effortless. If you are looking for a more obvious change, add a more dramatic touch.

Always maintain good posture when posing.

Posing should be done at your own pace, not too fast and not too slow, but always held long enough for a photographer to take a picture or an audience to take notice. You can change your stance or use pivots or a walk-around to enhance your performance.

EXPRESSIONS

Expressions make your poses come alive!

Expressions convey feelings, attitudes and

thoughts. When a model puts an appropriate expression with a suitable pose, a whole look is created and a message is conveyed.

THE MODEL’S SECRET

Use the models secret whenever you need inspiration: Think of someone or something that evokes an emotion. Let that emotion come into your eyes and onto your lips. Modeling starts on the inside.

AN EXERCISE IN POSING

Try the “clock” exercise to practice your posing.

out, never jamming your whole hand(s) in), and let your left arm hang free. You have just posed yet again! Return to your stance. Cross your right leg over your left pointing to 9:00.

Cross your arms over your chest, but be sure you can see all 10 fingers (and one or both hands is not buried down inside the elbow, out of sight). You have just successfully completed four poses! Return to your stance.

Try this exercise again, now with your own poses and expressions. Good sources for posing ideas today, are fashion and beauty magazines, retail catalogs, or sites on-line.

Photos of models in advertisements and fashion layouts, provide posing ideas, to get you started. Practice and memorize poses that you like and that work for you. You can even put together a “pose book”, which is a collection of favorite poses or drawings, put into a binder or folder.

As you progress you will develop your own ideas as well as your own style.

Do practice often.

It will make a big difference!

WORKING WITH

Stand in your stance. For purposes of this exercise, lets have your right foot in front.

Take a small step forward with your right foot pointing to 12:00 and clasp your hands behind your back. You have just posed! Return to your stance. Next, step with your right foot to your right placing it toward 3:00. Put your hands on your hips (breaking down at the wrists). You have just posed again! Return to your stance. Step now with your left foot backward to 6:00. Put your right hand in your pocket (always remember, thumbs in and fingers out, or fingers in and thumbs

As a model you will have opportunities to pose for many industry professionals, such as: photographers, producers, directors, designers, merchants, vendors and more. Each professional that you work, with will have a style all their own. Some like to provide plenty of direction, while others prefer to be inspired, by a model’s choices of poses, expressions, actions and ideas, of their choosing. In any event, always be prepared!

Successful models know hundreds of poses and have lots of good ideas. They give 100% and act professionally at all times. They also have lots of fun!

“The World is but a canvas to the imagination.”

Henry David Thor

32 SOUTH MAIN STREET I PITTSFORD NY 14534 I 5

Home of the most unique, extrodinary stylists.

-aWedding HairDesigns - Facials - Full Service Nails -Massage Packages Our ONSITE TEAM is available for you!

Call us for a FREE quote and consultation.

585.383.8482 I SALONBELLAVITAPITTSFORD.COM

{ RW FOODIE }

HARVEST TIME

BY DEBBIE SANTILLO I PHOTO BY SANDY ARENA

Right about now, many of you are thinking, Summer, what summer”? For sure, Upstate New York has experienced a brief summer season, given lack of sun, and overabundance of rain. That said, I managed to have success with most of what I planted. I applied years of experience and wisdom.

Surveying the summer we were up against, I quickly adjusted.

How about you? Did you have success with your flowers, fruits, herbs and vegetables this season? I hope so, and if you did, you’ve been hard at work like me, because it’s Harvest Time!

If freezing some of your picked vegetables, wash them, remove seeds, julienne or cube, and set on a tray in your freezer. Once frozen, gather and store. Some vegetables I like to partially steam before freezing. Others such as tomatoes, I fully steam and use proper canning methods. Canning methods can easily be found on the internet. If freezing, transfer to tight sealed containers or freezer bags. Label and date everything. Use up frozen veggies in about a three-to-fourmonth period to ensure freshness.

Work included watering evenly, feeding and staking plants, protecting them from harsh passing storms. Weeding garden areas is important to reaping the best harvest.

I hope you’ve taken control over all those pests that I spoke of in my August article, and allowed good bugs to do their thing.

Did you think ahead in the middle of July and plant any fall and frost hardy vegetables?

Beets, a variety of beans, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cauliflower are just some of the great candidates. They need 100 days until hard frost. If you planted any of those, your vegetable garden was extended.

By now, you know if you made good decisions as to where you planted everything. Did they get wind protection and plenty of sun? Did you make sure you cleaned up rotting leaves and stems so that your plant would not become infected, and attract unwanted bugs? Make notes of mistakes you made this year, so next season, you’ll not repeat them.

Let’s not say goodbye quite yet. If you protect your gardens once the temperatures start to drop, you may be able to extend your harvest for just a while longer. I take out tarps, blanquettes, or plastic sheeting out and cover my plants, during a freeze warning if still bearing food. Greenhouse, then no worries!

Every day I stroll through my gardens, tending to their needs. If you do that, the garden’s problems will not over grow! Tending daily encourages a good, full harvest. I dance with joy with each vegetable or fruit that I pick, for daily menus.

If you have an abundance, don’t just give it all away, although your neighbors, friends and family might love a few vegetables.

Prepare some to can or freeze for the cold dark days of winter. What a joy to take from your freezer, on a winter day, some butternut squash that you cooked and bagged or mashed and put into containers as you gathered an abundance during your 192

harvest. You can truly enjoy your gardening labor for months, if you plan well.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Unfortunately, eventually, the decision will need to be made, to retire gardens for the season. Yep, more work! I sob as I deal with these plants. I spent many hours with my gardens. Once they were established I found great joy watching them grow, then flower. Oh, how I felt each time I would see an actual vegetable start to grow, then come to maturity! I love feeding my family and friends with my harvest along the way! As I gathered in my crop, I have had nothing but joy. I hope you got to experience that also!

What do we do now? Once it is apparent that each plant has labored in love, long enough, it is time to pull it. You can add

it to your ongoing compost pile, or you can work it right into your garden soil.

This may happen in stages with various plants in different areas. Just because one pepper plant or butternut squash plant is exhausted, it does not mean they all are.

You’ll have to give each plant its opportunity to give all. After your gardens, one by one become cleared of your vegetables, and or flowers, it once again is time to give it a boost, for next year.

You know that ongoing compost pile you have? It is a great idea to add it to your barren garden at that time, ensuring good soil for spring gardening. Take some of those falling leaves, shred them up by running them over with your lawn mower, then, work them right in. Got a roto tiller? Use it!

Once you handle all that, and your gardens are all cleaned up, why not plant some garlic bulbs? You can nestle each clove about three inches down and then cover up with grass cuttings, mulch, or hay. Garlic will shoot up in the Spring, welcoming you to a new planting season! How exciting!

At the end of your season, why don’t you do yourself and next year’s gardens a favor by cleaning up your garden tools. Wash and sharpen blades, tighten handles, scrub rust off implements, and store them away in a dry area where you will easily be able to get them out and start using them next year.

I love to take photos of my gardens throughout the season. Harvest time is no exception. This year, butternut squash and eggplants did exceptionally well. There will be a photo shoot of my final harvest of these beauties, mingled with my flowers: my final tribute to the harvest.

My happiest wish for you, is that you now get to enjoy your harvest! No harvest this year? Perhaps my sharing this will contribute to your harvest time next year!

{ LOCAL { SHIFT+CONTROL BUSINESS MATTERS } }

OMG.. I LOVE YOUR HAIR!

BY DENISSE DIRLAM

What girl doesn’t love when they are complimented on their hair, right! Having a good hair day or leaving a salon makes you always feel amazing.

What about if you could do this on a weekly basis? If you have not heard about the Blowout Studio Blow Dry Bar in Pittsford, you are missing out on something incredible. How would you feel if you could get your hair washed, blow dried, styled and have it last for 3 to 5 days! I would say YES… sign me up!

What is a blowout you first may ask? According to owner, Jessica Rotoli; a blowout is a styling technique that consists of blow drying your hair, while styling it. This is after a nice relaxing shampoo that gets your hair clean, healthy, and ready for styling. A blowout is the best & healthiest way to achieve any look you desire.

I had to go experience it myself and I become clearly OBSESSED! My hair was full, and with an awesome wave and lasted me 4 days! Plus not to mention the products used were outstanding.

When you first walk into the studio it is bright and light and smells incredible.

You feel so welcomed and upbeat and excited to sit in one of those chairs to get spoiled. You feel like a new you the minute you leave. I wanted to get to know Jessica a bit more, who is the nicest person ever! She not only has gorgeous hair but has this girl boss attitude and an amazing gift to make you feel right at home when you sit in her chair. So I sat down in her magical chair and did a Q and A session while I was getting an incredible blow out!

Question 1: Tell me bit about yourself?

I’m a Rochester native that has recently returned after traveling, and living in different parts of the country for the past 6 years. I perfected my craft while working in Manhattan at high end salons. I styled hair for NYC fashion week, red carpet events and behind the scene at photo shoots. I’m excited to be back in Rochester and 194

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

to have opened the first true blowout bar in the Rochester area.

Question 2: How did you get into the business?

While working and living in Seattle I started a hair styling blog to give women true, honest advice about how to care for their hair and style it at home. After 12 years in the industry I decided it was time for me to open my own salon. Since I focused the majority of my career on styling (not cutting or coloring) I knew a blowout bar was a perfect business that highlighted my skills and experience. After me and my partner Jason decided to move back to Rochester we knew we were going to open up a blowout bar.

When I first moved back to Rochester I was in a local competition called race for the space.

The competition was a chance to win a spot to open up your dream business. I got second place but that didn’t stop us from opening our blowout bar. We found our perfect location in the village of Pittsford.

Question 3: What do you love about being located in the Village of Pittsford?

My favorite part of being in the Village Of Pittsford is the pride everyone has in the community and the strong small business presence. The community is very supportive and kind.

Question 4: What is your favorite part about being in this industry?

I love being in the industry because it opens up my creative side while feeding my love of science. I get to show women how fabulous their hair can look, while using science to styling hair with heat, hair products and hair tools.

When used together they create a chemical reaction to achieve a perfect hairstyle. I also love teaching stylist the proper techniques and giving them my knowledge of the industry so they can build a strong foundation of success for their career.

Question 5: What are the new trends in the hair business?

Some of the biggest trends I’m seeing right now in the hair world is braids and ponytails. It’s what I like to call hair architecture. Hair is our medium and every women is our muse.

Question 6: Who is your biggest influence?

My biggest professional influence in my career has been my first boss in Manhattan Alan Tosler. Alan pushed me every day to be my best.

If something wasn’t good enough he made me doing it again and again until it was right. He taught me a strong foundation of not only being a skilled hair stylist, but how to run a successful salon. My biggest personal

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } When you first walk into the studio it is bright and light and smells incredible. You feel so welcomed and upbeat and excited to sit in one of those chairs to get spoiled.

influence in my life is of course my parents.

They have taught me to never back down and get what I want. They have supported me in everything I have wanted to do in my life and have showed me how to stay strong no matter what is thrown at you.

Question 7: What makes a great entrepreneur?

Following the beat of our own drum. To be a great entrepreneur you need to always keep learning. You don’t know everything and you never will. All you can do is not be afraid to fail, learn from you failures and to do it better the next time.

Question 8: What advice do you give to anyone who wants to start their own business?

My advice about starting your own business is that it’s not going to be easy and you are going to feel defeated at times. People will tell you it won’t work, but you know it will. There will always be things you don’t know so keep learning. Just keeping moving forward and you will succeed.

Question 9: What do you consider is your biggest strength and weakness?

I would say one of my strengths is learning from my mistakes. Mistakes will happen and if you don’t learn from them you will fail. A big weakness of mine is procrastination. Even though I will get it done I may wait till the last minute.

Something I love about Rochester in all the fun and different festivals. Also the food scene. I love trying new food and restaurants and Rochester is perfect for that.

If you find yourself in need of a blowout, a quick due for an event, you better program their number on your phone, and you can book online. Honestly the best experience I have had and enjoyed.

Located at 20 S. Main St, Pittsford, NY 14534 585-433-0123 https://blowoutstudio.com

Question 10: What do you love about Rochester?

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

195

{ ALL WOMEN ROCK }

RELEASE THE QUEEN

BY NATALIE LOUIS

The name of my business is Release the Queen in You Enterprises, LLC. I help women pick up their crowns and reign over their thrones!

I encourage, empower and equip women to release the queen within by helping them go from breakup to breakthrough. My business was birthed from my first book Release the Queen in You where I share my story of ups and downs, but through it all I realized that I was a queen all along. I wanted to empower women to be the best version of themselves and that their past does not define them. I believe every woman is a queen, but some haven’t found that part of themselves yet.

I help them bring out the queen within.

me is when you honor God with your life.

I don’t look at anyone as competition because I am my own competition. There is thousands of life coaching business but I do what works best for my clients and provide them with results.

I like to get personal with my clients and

One word to describe me is determined.

The biggest challenge I had to face was fear. Fear used to cripple me making me feel like I wasn’t gifted enough to carry this dream out but when I made the choice to put my all into it.

God started putting people, opportunities and providing what was needed for me to continue this journey.

Another challenge I faced was lack of support but once I stop caring about who didn’t support me and started to focus on who did, it helped me shift my focus and maximize the opportunities I had.

I am an author, international speaker and a life coach.

My services include books, one on one coaching, and group coaching. The Throne Room offers three different membership levels that include online classes, monthly webinars, a book club, journals, worksheets and discounts on live events and other products like T-shirts, coffee mugs and more.

Winning is in a queens DNA. It is a part of who we are. A mindset of royalty is a mindset that always wins.

For me, success doesn’t equal a bunch of stuff or money. A successful mindset is a person who is free to be who God created them to be and embraces the journey they are on. A successful mindset is the mind of royalty and the mind of royalty is the mind of Christ. Success to

God created them to be and to wear their crowns unapologetically. I would like to have empowerment centers opened for women to get the help that they need but also an outlet for women to come to for fun as well. I want to be able to give back to the community as well.

all in their business. I’m their personal cheerleader on the sideline as the do their work. My clients become more like family after coaching with me.

In the future I see myself traveling all over the world empowering women to be who

This year I spoke in the Bahamas and that has been one of the highlights of my business. Challenges come and go but you have to keep moving forward no matter what. The most important element my clients leave with after working with me is confidence. A bad breakup can make you feel insecure and unsure of yourself I help my clients bounce back and gain their confidence back.

I live by Proverbs 3:6 In everything you do, put God first and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

197

{ DRESSING FOR SUCCESS }

WALKING THE WALK

BY KELLY STEDGE

I am so glad pantyhose are no longer a requirement in the work place….. Seriously!

Can I get an Amen? Those binding, sweaty, itchy former dresser-drawer clogging things are finally a thing of the past. Or are they?

Looking around the 2017 workplace, I must confess I almost (I said almost) wish they’d be part of a standard dress code again.

We have become so lax in the way we dress in professional settings, it makes me long for days past. Don’t get me wrong. I love a good denim jacket, long maxi dress and flip-flops like anyone else, BUT…and I repeat BUT, there is truly a time and place and I’m not so sure the office is that place. As a career woman myself, I have worked very hard to get to where I am today. With all the sexism in the corporate world, women really shouldn’t be making it harder for themselves to get ahead.

Sometimes the cards are stacked against us before our feet cross over the threshold.

As a professional, I want my colleagues to pay attention to my attributes, my WORK attributes. When I walk into a meeting, everything about me should announce that I am there to do business. I don’t want people being blinded by neon green frogs on my leggings or unable to look me in the eye because I tried to channel Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.

Don’t even get me started on the seethrough, skin-tight body con frocks.

Whether you’re a size zero or a size 26, ladies…do yourself a favor and leave something to the imagination.

It’s called self-respect. I’m a chubby girl myself, but my philosophy is just because I have lumps and bumps, doesn’t mean YOU should not know about my lumps and bumps. They are mine….all mine.

Obviously, every office setting is different. If your dress code states, “business casual” this should mean slacks (not black denim), non-sheer 198

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

blouses, sweaters, blazers, knee length or longer skirts, and dresses that follow the blouse/ skirt combination rules. And before you ask, gladiator sandals are not acceptable business footwear. In my opinion, when you come to work dressed like you took zero consideration into how you appear to others, it shows. If I were a customer and entered an office to be encountered by anything less than head-to-toe dressed-for-success, it would really make me question the quality of services I could expect from this partnership. If you don’t care enough about yourself, why would you care about me and my business?

Before you grab your calculator and start the process of wallet stress, dressing nice also

doesn’t have to mean breaking the bank. Start small and make a budget. It is not shameful to check out your local thift shop if your funds are really limited. You’d be amazed at how many brand-new (with tags) items are donated by your local upper class. Get a few basic pieces and build from there. A core foundation should always include a pair of black slacks, a black pencil skirt, and a white button-down blouse.

Traditional and timeless. These will NEVER go out of style. From there, invest in a black blazer. Sound boring? Maybe, but it’s a suit that all business women should have in their closet. If you don’t like black, go a little crazy and substitute with gray or navy. You have my permission. Once you have your staple pieces, start adding a piece here and there. Add some blouses with color and introduce some subtle patterns, gradually building that power wardrobe. The ideal closet should include pieces that you can mix and match easily, thus changing your look daily. Each item should complement the rest of your outfit effortlessly. Don’t fall into the trendy trap either. Cold-shoulder tops are splurge purchases and are meant for date night.

Another tip is to lay your clothes out the night before. Trust me when I tell you, getting dressed in a rush can be mistaken for getting dressed in a closet with no lights. Been there, done that.

Now let’s put a finishing touch on it, and you are ready to go to work. This one is absolutely free too….a positive attitude. Girls, I cannot stress enough how important it is to remember to smile. A frown will train-wreck that runway look you just spent your morning perfecting.

I don’t care if you dumped coffee on the floor board of your car, drove off from the gas pump with the nozzle still attached to your gas tank, or any other normal daily catastrophe, when you get to the office, you walk in like you just won the lottery.

A good or bad attitude is contagious. Be the woman every other woman in the office (and customers too) strives to be.

{ ROCHESTER DRINKS }

COCKTAILING At Home

BY JASON PIERCE

While many of us use cookbooks or the internet to look up recipes for dinner, most of us do not own a cocktail book and have never researched recipes to mix proper cocktails to pair with out favorite dishes or to serve visiting friends and family. We enjoy expertly crafted cocktails at our favorite restaurants and bars, but we neglect to learn the basics of mixing great cocktails at home. Fortunately, some of the world’s best drinks rely on just a few quality ingredients mixed in perfect proportions. Rochester Drinks and RWO know that you care enough to serve amazing beverages from distillers who take great pride in creating luxury spirits. It would be a shame to mask the flavors of your favorite liquor in an inferior cocktail. This selection of recipes that use no more than three quality ingredients is an easy reference guide to classic cocktails that almost anyone can recreate easily and consistently. Start with just one. Buy the best ingredients available. Make it often.

Master it. Then move onto the next.

Have fun building up a fully stocked bar arsenal and the knowledge of how to use your assembled ingredients to amaze guests this holiday season.

Depending on your confidence level and your personal taste you may want to keep it simple to start: • Vodka Soda. 1.5oz Ketel One Vodka, topped with club soda, over ice in a rocks glass, garnished with a lime wedge.

• Cuba Libra. 1.5oz Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, topped with cola, over ice in a rocks glass, with a lime wedge.

• 7&7. 1.5oz Seagram’s 7 Crown Whiskey, topped with and lemon lime soda, over ice in a rocks glass.

• Whiskey Sour. 1.5oz George Dickel Tennessee Whisky, 0.75oz fresh lemon juice, and 0.75oz simple syrup, shaken and strained over ice in a collins glass, garnished with a cherry.

• Sm o k e d C i d e r. 1 . 5 o z Glenmorangie Single Malt Scotch and 3oz Apple Cider with a squeeze 200

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

of lemon, in a Collins glass, garnished with a slice of apple.

• Bailey’s Coffee. 1.5oz (or more) Bailey’s Irish Cream added to your coffee.

Or you may want to jump right into the classics: • Bourbon. Old Fashioned. 2oz Bulleit Bourbon, 4 dashes Fee Bros. bitters, 1/4oz water, 1 tsp sugar. Muddle the bitters, sugar, and water in a rocks glass. Add Bourbon and fill glass with ice. Garnish with an orange wheel.

• Rye. Manhattan. 2oz Bulleit Rye, 1oz sweet vermouth, and 2 dashes Fee Bros. bitters stirred in a mixing glass with ice and strained chilled and up in a cocktail glass with a cherry.

• Scotch. Presbyterian. 1.5oz Johnnie Walker Red, topped with equal parts ginger ale and club soda, over ice in a Collins glass.

• Vodka. Moscow Mule. 1.5oz Smirnoff Vodka, topped with ginger beer, and a squeeze of fresh lime, in a copper mug or a Collins glass, garnered with a lime wedge.

• Gin. Negroni. Tanqueray London Dry Gin, Campari, and sweet vermouth in equal parts mixed, stirred, and strained over ice, in a rocks glass with an orange peel.

• Rum. Classic Daiquiri. 2oz Naked Turtle Rum, 1oz fresh squeezed lime juice, and 1oz simple syrup, in a mixing glass, shaken with ice, and strained chilled and up in a cocktail or coupe glass, garnished with a lime wheel.

• Tequila. Margarita. 1.5oz Don Julio Silver Tequila, 0.75oz fresh squeezed lime juice, and 1oz triple sec orange liqueur, in a mixing glass shaken with ice, and strained either on the rocks or chilled and up in a cocktail glass, rimmed with course salt and garnished with a lime.

Sweeten with 0.5oz simple syrup or agave nectar if you want.

• Cognac. Sidecar. 1.5oz Hennessy VSOP, 0.75oz Cointreau orange liqueur, and 0.75oz fresh squeezed lemon juice, in a mixing glass, shake with ice, and strained into a cocktail glass rimmed with sugar, garnished with an orange peel.

If your guests insist on shots try this: • Crownberry Apple. Crown Royal Apple Whisky and Cranberry juice mixed in equal parts, chilled and served in 1oz portions.

Finally, if you have a bunch a beer drinkers over offer them an old school boilermaker. Pair each type of beer to be served with a different spirit from your liquor cabinet. For example: • Lager with George Dickel • IPA with Bulleit Bourbon • Stout with Johnnie Walker • Cider with Ron Zacapa aged rum

{ ROCHESTER DRINKS } While many of us use cookbooks or the internet to look up recipes for dinner, most of us do not own a cocktail book and have never researched recipes to mix proper cocktails to pair with out favorite dishes or to serve visiting friends and family.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

201

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

Honoring Jill Knittel Rochester, N.Y. (Oct. 3, 2017)—Jill Knittel, president of JK Executive Strategies, was recently awarded the Bivona Child Advocacy Center’s Diane Larter Champion for Children Award.

The Diane Larter Champion for Children Award, established in 2005, is given to a community member in honor of his or her selfless dedication to Bivona Child Advocacy Center’s mission and vision through community support and volunteerism.

Knittel, who has served on the Bivona board of directors for seven years, chaired a capital campaign that resulted in the opening of their facility at the Skalny Building in Rochester. This facility has brought Bivona’s vision to light—a unified team of professionals dedicated to child abuse response, healing and prevention, under one roof. By centralizing response and care in a calming environment, Bivona works to remove the further trauma to children that can be caused by repeating their story of abuse in emergency rooms and police stations.

202

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

One in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday, and many adult survivors remain silent due to the stigma. Knittel has worked to raise awareness of the prevalence of child abuse and to increase the visibility of Bivona’s mission. Through her leadership, and the work of the board, donors, volunteers and staff of Bivona, over 17,000 children have received support and treatment in the Rochester area.

“Jill Knittel’s selfless dedication to Bivona Child Advocacy, her commitment to our mission, and her advocacy efforts to promote healing for all children are inspirational and a testament to why she is a true Champion for Children,” said Bivona Executive Director Deb Rosen.

Knittel has built her home, family and business in Rochester since graduating from St. John Fisher College. Knittel is also a member of the board of trustees at St. John Fisher College and a member of the board of governors at Hillside Children’s Center. After a career placing some of the top leaders in Rochester,

Knittel recently launched JK Executive Strategies, providing executive search, consulting and onboarding programs to companies in search of their next leader.

About Bivona Child Advocacy Center Bivona Child Advocacy Center opened its doors on Aug. 1, 2004. Since then, their team of experts has helped over 17,000 children on the path to healing.

In their first decade, the agency tripled the number of children evaluated, tripled its partnerships, tripled the operating budget, and went through three facility upgrades. When there was no more room to meet the growing needs of this community, Bivona launched a $4.5 million Building Hope Campaign to purchase and renovate the Old Stone Warehouse—the oldest commercial building in Rochester. Today, thanks to a generous community of donors and a lead gift from the Skalny family, Bivona has a permanent footprint in Monroe County, the Skalny Building at One Mount Hope Avenue. To learn more, visit http://www.bivonacac.org.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

203

{ SPEAKING SOCIAL MEDIA WITH TAMARA }

WHO ARE WE TALKING TO?

BY TAMARA MACDUFF

Did you know that one of the most overlooked tasks a business owner has is the task to know their customers? It’s true.

Ask any business owner who their ideal client is and usually you will get an answer like “Everyone” or “Everyone has skin”, “Everyone has a spine”, “Everyone eats.”

While those answers are technically true the better answer is more specific. Yes, everyone has skin, but what expertise do you, the business owner, have that would make anyone want to buy your product or use your services? Are you an expert on fair skin that easily burns? Are you an expert on skin with olive undertones?

Why Are You Talking to Them?

We just answered the question of Who and any good business owner knows that you must also answer What, Why and Where to round out your social media strategy.

Here is where you need to dig deep and remember to think conversation within your social media strategy. Why are you talking to them?

Are you educating? Are you helping? Are you showcasing your knowledge? Don’t just ask why are you talking to them, ask why should they listen?

These are answers you need to find and define in your business plan and social strategy.

100 Billion and Counting

Creating a persona is the best tactic I’ve found to help business owners cut through to the heart of their customer’s pain and to define the solution they provide them. It really helps you to create content that will cut through the noise that is the internet and social media.

204

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Think about this, Google processes over 100 Billion, with a B, search queries per month.

That is an approximate average of 40,000 search queries PER SECOND. How many of those are brand new questions asked EACH DAY? 15%. Yes, FIFTEEN PERCENT. Every. Day. That’s a lot of content. It’s a lot of noise. How DO you stand out in that kind of a crowd?

After all, there are probably 500 different competitors doing what you do or a variation of that across the country. By the way, that data is just for the United States.

In addition to all that content that is published, a 2011 Nielsen study showed that there are 27 Million pieces of content that are shared every day. Is your content among the 27 MILLION pieces of content that is shared daily? If it’s not, the value of your content is zero. This means your customers are not listening to you or following you. This does not count any comments you get or likes or follows. It goes beyond that; your content must MOVE.

Who Is Your Customer? Create A Persona

A persona is a made-up character that symbolizes your ideal client. The persona answers all the who, what, where, when and why questions.

As a business owner and expert in your field, you may think you know what your prospects want to talk about or want to see from you.

I can tell you from my own experience and research for clients, it’s not what you think.

Personas are usually associated with bigger brands and advertising agencies. That is no longer true. I create personas for clients so that every conversation that is shared or started in their social sphere speaks directly to their prospect at the right time and contains the information those prospects want to see, comment and share.

When creating a persona for your brand make sure you are including what pain you are healing for your prospect or what problem are you solving? Why would your prospect find value in your expertise, your product or your service?

Use What You Have

Now that you have created your persona, you better understand your customer’s pain points and how your solution fits into their needs look for content you already have, to re-purpose. Repurposing content is a great way to get more mileage and not add any more to the noise then you need to. Especially if that piece of content is resonating with your customers and prospects.

How do you re-purpose?

Easy. Do you have a blog post that has gotten a lot of shares and comments? Great! Now create a video or Facebook Live video and post it. Talk about the takeaways in that blog post and direct visitors/viewers back to it. Talk about what gave that post so much energy or how you believe it resonated with people.

Do you have a tagline or can you come up with 3 words that describe your business?

Do you have social media channels begging for quality content? Great – do you realize from those 3 words you now have enough to create up to 50+ pieces of content and you can do it all in a matter of hours? You do.

I’ve done it for clients so I know if they have it already at their disposal that you do too.

Your Take 3 Action Plan

Here is your action plan you can use today in your business and create quality content your customers are going to share and talk about both online and offline. My best

successes as a social media strategist is when my client’s customers come into their stores or into contact with them, they mention their Facebook page and the posts we’ve made. That’s the kind of success I want you to have and doing this will help you get there.

strategy and your business. You are the expert, now go out there into the social sphere and show the world why you are the go-to in your industry.

• Define your solution. What sets your solution apart from your competitors? I’ll give you a hint. It’s YOU.

Tamara MacDuff, business owner at NOW Digital Marketing. She drives sales for business owners through social media & content strategies.

When she isn’t being strategic with her social media, she teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information reach out on Twitter (@TamaraLMacDuff), Facebook (fb. com/hellotamaramacduff) or LinkedIn (linkedin. com/in/tamaramacduff) She loves great coffee, conversation & rock and roll.

• Know your customer. Create a persona that address their key problems & questions then tie those into the solution you provide.

• Create & Ignite your content. Find out what your customers are talking about. Use keyword research tools and content creation tools like search bars on Google, Amazon, Facebook to find what people are talking about in your industry and your city or town.

You can do this. You have everything you need to be successful in your social media

See you in the Social Sphere!

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

205

{ IT’S A RW SECRET }

THE BLUE BARN

BY CASSONDRA KUBIT

Fall has finally come to Rochester and it is one of my favorite times of the year. The leaves are change color. The weather is getting chillier at night. And it is Grape & Apple picking season. This also means that Hard Cider Season is here!

In celebration of Fall, Mike and I decided to scrap one of our rules for date night, going to a bar. Mike and I are a disagreement about cider houses being bars, but either way we tossed that rule out because we enjoy hard cider and Rochester has two great Hard Cider Houses.

On October 7, a brand-new cider house opened and we of course had to go. The Blue Barn Cidery is a Big Blue Barn that is beautifully put together. When you walk in, you walk into a medium sized room that is their store front where you are greeted kindly. As you walk past the checkout desk you walk through a large door and you walk into a very large room that surprised me. They have a very large bar and many tables spread throughout the room. They also have a very nice outside sitting area that is overlooking their apple farm. Their grand opening was packed and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves thoroughly.

When we went up to the bar to order two flights there was a wide range of Ciders, a few beers, and nonalcoholic drinks to choose from. Their flights are $6 for 4-3oz glasses. They sell the ciders by the glass, half growlers and full growlers as well. They do not have their own ciders, but they 206

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

still have a nice wide range to choose from.

They do not sell food at this time, but I am guessing they will in the future. Mike and I enjoyed ourselves and would like to check them out once again, maybe when it isn’t so packed. The Blue Barn Cidery is located at 928 Manitou Road, Hilton, NY. You can also go apple picking at their farm, which is a nice touch for a fall outing!

Since we talked about the newest cider house in the area we definitely had to make a visit

to a place that not too many people know about but is probably one of the best cider houses you can come across. It is located right on University Ave: Mullers Cider House.

Mullers Cider House is a world unto is own.

You walk in expecting a bar like scene and instead you feel like you are in a busy coffee shop. There is a guy on an acoustic guitar and a woman painting right at the front door. There are people sitting at every table and it feels warm and cozy. When you walk up to the bar they are very friendly and polite. If you have questions they are more than willing to answer and they know about every single cider on the list.

When you pick up their menu it is a bit overwhelming. They have at least 70 different ciders to choose from, from all around the world. They have apple cider, pear cider, grape cider, ice cider, and so on. When you order off the menu you are ordering a bottle which ranges from a beer bottle side to a wine bottle size, so make sure you are reading the size. You can either have them open it for you there or you can also take it home unopen. I like this option myself.

If you are new to the cider world and want to try different ciders they have cider on the tap and you can either buy a flight for $14 for 4- about 5oz glasses. This is what I suggest when you are new to the cider world. They also service you awesome kettle corn. We had their Chai Latte kettle corn. It was very good. They also service what I call bar food for a decent price. Mike and

really enjoyed the atmosphere, even if it was a bar according to Mike. It is a place to visit and a place we will go to again. There was an Ice Cider and a Whisky Cider from Scotland I’d like to try.

To finish off the night we went to our favorite hangout place when its cold out and they too service hard cider. We ended up at Diamond Billiards Bar and Grill. It is a great pool hall where you pay $10 a person for the night for a table. You can choose from a bar size pool table or a regulation sized table. We like the challenge of a regulation sized table, so that is what we get every time. When you enter the 208

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

pool hall the owner is always there and greets you with a smile. He knows us and knows what we want every time we walk in there.

We ended up getting two hard ciders and their garlic parmesan chicken wings. These are the best chicken wings you will find in Rochester, NY or even farther out. You wouldn’t think that a pool hall that is in the basement of a building on West Ridge Road would serve great food, but they definitely do. It is truly enjoyable place to play pool and eat. You don’t have to worry about your table being stolen, like in an actual bar, or people bothering you when you want more of an

intimate type of night. It is a great place to hang out with one person or multiple.

All three of the places we visited this time around each have their charms, but they all remind me that Fall is here and soon we will be blanketed in snow. Please check out all three of these locations you will not be disappointed.

{ RW FITNESS }

BALANCE...

BY KATHY MCCLARE

BALANCE

Noun 1. an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. synonyms: stability, equilibrium, steadiness, footing 2. a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. synonyms: fairness, justice, impartiality, evenhandedness, egalitarianism, equal opportunity Verb 1. keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall. synonyms: steady, stabilize, poise, level 2. offset or compare the value of (one thing) with another.

The word can be a noun and a verb. Physical balance requires action in some way. Physical balance can be assessed, measured and monitored to show progress and/or setbacks.

Do you need to achieve physical balance for a sport? Are you dealing with an illness that has reduced physical balance?

Exercising with balance-challenging equipment such as the BOSU, the TRX system, stability balls are a few examples of how you can improve physical balance. Sitting on a stability ball with both feet off the floor is a simple, eye-opening assessment of physical bal-ance or lack thereof. Over time, we do not engage in balance activities as we did in our youth.

Jumping rope, cycling, swinging from a rope or vine, climbing trees or rollerskating are unlikely activities in which you engage as an adult on a regular basis.

Without frequent balance related action, your proprioceptors become dull. Luckily, this can be improved with certain exercises.

If your sport requires extreme balance, be mindful to engage in balance exercises for 210

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

your smaller muscle groups as well. Seek a Professional Fitness or Personal Trainer if you are unsure the best methods or route to take.

Esoterically, balance can also be a feeling, a sense. We tend to feel imbalanced during times of stress, crisis or extreme demands of time. Are you on a “mission” to find balance?

Is it your goal to have a balanced life? Do articles and videos on how to declutter your home/office get your adrenaline pumping?

Do you feel you must have balance in order for ‘things’ to go smoothly? Do you believe that once you achieve balance, “things” will be manageable? Do you fret or feel concern when unable to maintain balance? Do you feel you let yourself down when unable to keep all those plates in the air? What does Balance mean to YOU? My words may resonate with a small number of you, yet the concept of balance as a feeling pervades much of what we do every day.

Envisioning a day comprised of any number of responsibilities, activities or possible unpleasantries, (challenging family matters, work demands, travel mishaps, illness, pet needs, abrupt changes of plans, fill in the rest….). With a strong desire to attain balance, these situations can produce feelings of being more imbalanced.

It can intensify your perception that your life is out of balance despite your efforts to the contrary. The words come to mind “as if the universe is conspiring against you.” I suggest that how you perceive and acknowledge balance could be the cause of some angst.

‘Balance” is not something you can schedule any given day, such as at “10:00am, Nov 15, 2017: Balance.” Are you anticipating a conclusive moment that Balance has been achieved, when what went unawares was a series of moments addressing your stress levels? To some, such moments are completely unnoticed during extreme hardships. It is completely understandable.

How do you bring awareness of the subtle ways our universe shows you that (your) life is

in balance? At any given time, every moment is in a flowing balance with moments to come or ones occurring alongside hardships and downfalls? Rays of sunshine beaming through the trees; a pedestrian extending a smile to you; the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees; a bird soaring overhead; a friend bringing dinner; someone paying for your cup of coffee; your garden in full bloom. Snippets seemingly so minute are ways the universe reminds us we are loved and connected to everyone and everything.

The list can go on and on. These moments won’t get your report finished.

They won’t drive your son to band practice.

They won’t even conduct your meeting.

What they can do is reconnect you with the ever moving, always giving universe.

Speaking from countless experiences, I can attest that balance exists even when curve balls were hurling in from all directions.

When nights were sleepless and days were exhaustive. Bal-ance is inherent.

We can write a lengthy list of all the incidents, globally or to a single household, of seemingly grandiose imbalances. For each one, noting some situations can last for years, there are equal if not greater gifts from our universe, our loved ones, from passersby, that when you become attuned to them, will affirm balance is apparent.

As there are Fitness Professionals who are highly capable to help you improve physical balance, there are Wellness Professionals who are highly capable to help you improve the more esoteric, life-balance. Consider meeting with a Reiki Master, an Acupuncturist, a Naturopathic, a Personal Trainer, a Life Coach.

Consider doing Yoga or meditation. If you cannot spare time to leave home, hundreds of apps exist that promote wellness. Gently enhance your sense and awareness that life is in balance. I’ve often heard the statement, “Out of chaos, comes balance.” May I suggest that during chaos, balance is just as apparent. Both exist because both exist!

{ THE BEST YOU }

Put A Light On It

BY CHRISTINE BUFF, LE, CPLC

As a Licensed Esthetician and Professional Life Coach I find it a necessity that all living creatures on Earth subject themselves to at least 6-8 hours of light or more. Light aids in healing, growth, happiness and positivity. It stimulates everything good that is necessary for us to sustain a healthy life. It enhances our overall well-being and it the results we obtain from it can heal us in ways we cannot imagine. I want to take advantage to talk about a certain group of lights that I love to teach others about and use in my treatment room at The Best You Spa in Webster, NY. I have had many, many people including myself undergo LED treatments as a great way to enhance and upgrade their treatment for a facial, or stand-alone service.

I love these lights so much for all the reasons listed above. Each color that I will talk about has its own special job to perform on our skin and I am excited to teach you about.

Light Emitting Diode (LED) light therapy

212

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

which is originally developed by NASA, is a painless, relaxing, non-invasive skin care treatment which individuals have been seeking for many years and can find them at many spas including mine. LED comes in many different color light treatments which aids your skin in many different ways. Each light is used to a client’s individual needs. A client can find LED to purchase in a store, but I must caution you that it’s not as strong as you will find in a spa and in return will only produce minimal results and not the results that you are seeking. A series of LED treatments alone or as an add on will be the most beneficial way to go. Let’s take a look at the advantage of what each color does and how it will be helpful to a client seeking to find their skin wellness.

Red light LED stimulates cellular activity including fibroblasts that produce collagen, which gives skin its plump look. It also helps minimize fine lines and wrinkles, treat skin

damage and stretch marks, and is able to reduce redness after aggressive IPL or laser treatments.

Results will not be as dramatic as plastic surgery, but it’s a gentler, more natural , less expensive way to go. It’s another way to lesson tension of tight muscles and sore joints.

Blue light LED works by killing the Propionibacterium acnes, the bacteria that lives below the surface of the skin and which is responsible for acne. It also aids in the treatment of blackheads and whiteheads. It shrinks enlarges pores and tightens the skin.

Green light Led is used to best treat hyperpigmentation, age spots, dark spots, freckles and any discoloration caused by the sun resulting in sun damage.

Infrared light LED is invisible to the human eye but radiates heat to communicate that it’s still working. It utilizes cut off lenses to block

RWO and Rochester Drinks want to encourage you to look beyond lawnmower beer, summer ales, and malt beverages to expertly crafted cocktails and tiki inspire concoctions. Summer is a time for rum, gin, and of course vodka.

the visible light, while enabling only specific wavelengths to pass through the filter lend.

LED infrared light is more efficient because all of the light energy from the LEDs is utilized.

Recommended LED lights are highly effective and protocol is best when part of a series, usually six to eight treatments one to two weeks apart, followed by maintenance treatments every month or two. LED treatments lasts ten to twenty minutes, and can be a stand- alone treatment or part of a facial given by an Esthetician and usually cost between $75-$125 a treatment.

Your eyes cannot be hurt by LED therapy so they do not have to be covered. Unlike IPL or laser treatments, LED treatments carry no risk of burning. LED lights can be very soothing unlike IPL or lasers which can be uncomfortable or painful.

While LED is beneficial for others, there are those that may not qualify for a treatment. Those who are pregnant or nursing should have a Drs. Release form before starting treatments. A Drs. release is also needed is for those suffering from epilepsy. Anyone taking medications making them photosensitive would not be able to use light therapy. Anyone undergoing treatment for cancer would also not be a good candidate for light therapy. If you are wondering if light therapy is right for you, please contact The Best You Spa at 585-298-6618 for your consultation.

A client may see results immediately after a treatment, however, light therapy is best when done in a series of treatments. Can’t wait to try it? Schedule an appointment with us and 214

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

from now until November 30th, you can get a series of treatment for only $20 per treatment.

Purchase a series of 5 facials for only $325 and receive an LED treatment as an add on to each facial for only $10. Great offer not to pass up.

The Best You Spa located at 847 Ridge Rd in Webster is here for all your skin care wellness treatments. Contact us at 585-298-6618 to schedule your appointments. We at The Best You Spa want you to always be The Best of You!!

Controls your body temperature from getting too warm or too cold.

Stores your fat which gives these pads to your muscle and bones and protects them from bumps and falls.

During a facial and after the double cleanse, the Esthetician will exfoliate your face or body.

This is done to get rid of any dead skin cells in order for new ones to be made. Cell turnover is different for us all. It’s faster the younger we are and slower as we get older. It’s a natural process that takes two weeks for babies, three to four weeks for teens. Once past your teens your skin renews itself once a month, about every 30-40 days. But takes even longer after 50 renewing itself at only 45-90 days. So it’s very important to incorporate the exfoliation of your skin at least 3 times a week with a minimum of 1 day a week depending on your skin type. A professional Esthetician can educate you with your skin type if you do not know it.

The benefits of exfoliation can help skin that

has rough appearance or texture, acne or other breakouts, discoloration, uneven skin tone or texture, sun or age spots, dullness, or dry, flaky or irritated skin, reduces the appearance of lines and wrinkles. It’s a very important part of a facial as it also aids in product absorption which the skin will most benefit from.

There are different types of exfoliates which include and not limited to products, microdermabrasion (mechanical exfoliation), micro needling, and chemical peels. Make sure your Esthetician is properly trained in these methods or it can result in damaging your skin. At home methods can be a nice way to continue your home regimen in between skin care visits at the spa. Please make sure to consult with your Esthetician to see which ones are best for you and your skin.

It’s very important to always wear sunscreen year round (with a minimum of SPF 30) after any type of exfoliation to protect your skin as it can become photosensitive and cause irritation and hyperpigmentation.

At The Best You Spa in Webster, we are always striving to continue to bring you the best skincare through research and continuing education.

We care for you and your skin’s wellness. In addition to relaxation and pampering, we will educate you on your skin type and product use for the best benefit of your skin. Our purpose for all that walk in our treatment room with wanting help with their skin will walk out with the knowledge they need to help them feel ‘The Best You’ they can be!

The Best You...Believe it, Achieve it!

Enjoy A 10% OFF A FACIAL at the Best You Spa!

847 Ridge Road I Webster, NY 14580 I 585- 298-6618 I www.cmbthebestyou.com

{ KAREN’S COACHING CORNER }

ARE YOU A SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC ABUSE?

BY KAREN DIETZ

Do you feel like being a survivor defines you?

So, you made it through your abusive relationship, which by the way can be verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Now you want to start your new life but you feel like you are wearing the scarlet letter on your chest indicating that you are damaged goods. You feel less than worthy of ever having good relationships with anyone. Your self-esteem is low or nonexistent.

If you have been following my blogs, you know that I am a firm believer that what you think about, you bring about. The best news is that you are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions to get the results you want to have. If you are a survivor, you will understand the power of being in control of your OWN thoughts and feelings. Being with a partner that has had complete power and control over your every move, thought and action is exhausting and terrifying to be honest.

Now finally you can break free (if you haven’t already) from controlling thoughts and actions and be in control of your own life. How do we do it? Let’s start with what really defines you.

Think back to when you had dreams and ideas of how you wanted your future to play out.

Remember when you would delight in happy thoughts of a wonderful relationship, a beautiful 216

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

home, a fulfilling career? That is what defines you, not your current circumstance.

This is where a life coaching model comes into play.

You look for low paying jobs to suit how you feel about yourself. You are not looking for a home because that is an unattainable dream for you.

Your circumstance is: C= the abusive relationship

Your result will be: R= An unhappy, unfulfilled outlook on life.

You won’t be satisfied with your relationships or your life choices.

Your thought about that is:

T= I am damaged goods. I am not worthy.

I can’t do any better than this.

Your feelings are: F= Sadness, defeat, bewildered.

Your actions are:

A= You take no action because you don’t

feel as though anyone will take you seriously.

The good news is that you have the power to turn it all around.

Let’s think a new thought. Now, your circumstance is the same, “the abusive relationship” ….but your thought about it can change to something like this:

T= I am stronger because

of what I had to endure.

I will never go back to that kind of lifestyle.

I can see the red flags that will prevent me from choosing that same kind of relationship and truly find the kind of person I want to share my life with.

F= I feel empowered

now that I have made it through the worst time of my life. I am stronger now. I can be of service to other survivors that may need my help. I have no chains stopping me now from making progress.

A= I will now start looking for jobs that will give me the kind of income I deserve. I will share my knowledge with others and possibly find a job that will encompass what I know. I will look

Stand up for yourself and your rights as a human being. You are strong. You are beautiful. And there is more to life then walking on eggshells. for a partner that will be sensitive to my current situation and not one that will use my past against me.

R= My results will reflect my new outlook on life and I will be happier, stronger and able to achieve my goals.

We need to remember that being a strong, independent woman is what will give us joy and make us feel stronger about everything we do. You have the power to make all that happen. When you look, feel and think strong and have positive thoughts about yourself, you will attract those things into

your life. Pushing down all of the negative thoughts and emotions and burying them deep within you is not the answer. Those negative feelings will come out at, most likely, the worst possible time, sabotaging all of your progress. Learning to live with and really own your past negative feelings is how we break free from them.

Your past also cannot define you because the past is over, right? It is gone and done.

The only place your past lives…… is in your mind. You are the only one keeping your past alive and well in your thoughts.

You have the power to think new and

different thoughts. We need to get out of the spin cycle of negative thinking. We tend to repurpose our past which doesn’t allow us to move forward. Keep in mind that your thoughts from your past create results from your past.

New thoughts create a new future and isn’t that a refreshing thought?

Does this sound like you? Contact me for your free mini session at: http://kmessinalifecoach. wix.com/mysite

{ NOURISH ROCHESTER }

HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS

BY JESSICA PETTENSKI

Are you constantly tired and can’t explain why? Do you feel overwhelmed by stressful situations? Do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning even after a long night’s sleep?

If you answered yes to any of these questions it is more than likely you are experiencing an imbalance within your body. It’s not because you have kids, although being super mom can be exhausting, it’s not because you are aging and feeling this way is to be anticipated and it’s not because your work or home life have been crazy lately. Yes, all these things do play a factor into putting stress on your body.

antibiotics found in meat, synthetic additives, preservatives, produce grown in soil that has been robbed of its nutrients and harmful chemicals/ metals. If any of these are involved in the creation or processing of your food, then what you are eating is most likely insufficient in nutritional value, it may also contain toxins which work against your body and your health.

Although seemingly new holistic healing traditions can be traced back for several decades and throughout many different cultures. In 240 BC the yellow emperor warned against the

However, our bodies should be able to compensate while still allowing us to feel invigorated, full of energy and hit the ground running in the morning.

Sound too good to be true? I assure it’s not. I once too believed the reasons for the unbearable fatigue plaguing my life were out of my control. With my health deteriorating finding holistic health solutions, more specifically nutrition response testing, gave me hope as well as helped give me control to heal my body.

Holistic health has been an approach to life that has very literally saved mine.

Holistic health primarily focuses on the whole individual and how they interact with their environment. It aims to identify the root cause(s) of imbalance along with distinguish why there is an imbalance in an individual in the first place. With holistic health the main goal is to achieve optimum well-being, where everything is functioning to the very best that is possible. Everyday choices are used for people to take charge of their own health with that they are accepting responsibility for their level of well-being. In order to achieve maximum results a person must be willing to be an active participant in their own healing.

Nourishment from the environment establishes the way a person’s body functions, which until recently the environment did not include heavy metals, toxic chemicals, and pesticides. Current food conditions make it nearly impossible to get all the nutritional components your body requires to heal or maintain resiliency. Some factors that influence the quality of our food include microwaving, food coloring, genetic engineering, flash freezing, hormones and 218

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

Holistic health practices include various healing modalities. These modalities include but are not limited to Chiropractic, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Qi Gong, Nutrition, Yoga, Nutrition Response Testing and Meditation Practice.

The specific holistic health modality I am trained in is called Nutrition Response Testing.

A Nutrition Response Testing Practitioner can non-invasively assess the body for non-optimal functioning. Once an underlying weakness is found in the body the practitioner is then able to identify any stressors or barriers to healing that are present, what nutritional deficiencies a person might have, what organs need to be supported and what whole food remedy will bring the body out of its current imbalanced state. Whole food is food that has undergone very little processing and has been grown or produced without the use of synthetic pesticides or fertilizers.

Whole food supplements are entirely acquired from specific whole foods, organically grown and precisely prepared in such a way that preserves their vital enzymes and vitamins; making them the optimum vitaminmineral products. This allows for your body to receive nutrition in incredibly concentrated form and restore the nutrition on which your body is founded.

result of an imbalanced life and non-holistic lifestyle. “These days, people have changed their way of life. They drink wine as though it were water, indulge excessively in destructive activities, drain their jing - the body’s essence that is stored in the Kidneys - and deplete their qi. They do not know the secret of conserving their energy and vitality. Seeking emotional excitement and momentary pleasures, people disregard the natural rhythm of the universe.

They fail to regulate their lifestyle and diet, and sleep improperly. So it is not surprising that they look old at fifty and die soon after.”

Although there are several great modalities being practiced all over the world, the concept between all of them remains focused on getting to the root cause of imbalances opposed to focusing on one symptom or one part of the body. Within holistic health there is a huge emphasis on mind, body and spirit and on restoring the foundation which has been lost. Exploring a holistic health lifestyle is a great way to supplement an already healthy individual’s life as well as empowering those who are struggling with non-optimal health. I would encourage everyone to explore this type of lifestyle, to not settle for the aches, pains, symptoms and fatigue because something can be done for you to feel well, and only you have the power to control that.

{ ROCHESTER MINIMALISTS }

JUST SAY YES TO MINIMALISM

BY AMY CAVALIER

Learning to say no to things can help you save time, money and the environment!

There’s a saying, when things stop adding up, start subtracting. It seems the demands on our time keep piling up with no end in sight. I recently discovered one powerful word which has helped save me money, time, stress and energy. Minimalism. By learning how to say no - to acquiring more things, to unnecessary purchases, to time suckers - I’ve been able to say yes to more important things.

Americans, they’ve become a place to store things.

On average, the American household contains over 300,000 items, according to the LA Times.

Yet still, one out of every 10 Americans rents offsite storage according to New York Times Magazine. Owning fewer things means less time spent cleaning, organizing, looking for lost belongings, finding room for your stuff, and inevitably selling it on Craig’s list or a garage sale for a fraction of what it was originally worth

According to “The Minimalists” Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn, “minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom.

Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm.

Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.”

Our homes should be our havens, yet for many 220

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

THE

According to the Environmental Protection Agency’s Office of Solid Waste, Americans throw away more than 68 pounds of clothing and textiles per person per year. Keeping up with the quickly changing styles creates waste and costs consumers money. Instead of trying to keep up with the latest trends, consider asking your friends to get together for a clothing swap!

“The things that add value to one man’s life may not add value to yours,” they write in their blog piece The Irony of Minimalism. “So hold onto that hair straightener, those colorful socks, that collection of angel statuettes - but only if they are appropriate for your life. Only if they serve a purpose or bring you joy.”

DO IT FOR YOUR HOME

Food waste is another area that can drain your wallet. According to the National Resources Defense Council, the average American wastes over $1,500 in food each year. Consider a pantry purge... make it a game to see how many food items you already have in your cupboard that you can use up before running to the store for more.

DO IT FOR ENVIRONMENT

The good news is, there is no magic number of belongings or books on your shelf that make you a minimalist.

It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of lifestyle.

ersonally, minimalism helped me reduce unnecessary purchases and food waste. It’s caused me to take a closer look at how I spend my time and who I spend it with. And it’s allowed me more time to give back to my community, which has provided me with way more fulfillment than shopping ever did. As I’ve learned, minimalism is much deeper than clean shelves and fewer belongings.

The average American spent over $900 for Christmas in 2016 according to the American Research Institute. Reigning in your holiday budget not only takes the pressure off you, but it also saves the receiver the guilt of keeping something they may not need or want. Instead of things, give others the rare gift of your time and undivided attention this year.

DO IT FOR YOUR WALLET

Americans are more in debt than ever - holding more than $1.02 trillion dollars of credit-card debt according to the Federal Reserve. Reducing unnecessary purchases and finding creative ways to borrow, barter or even get things for free can free up money to pay down student, house and car loans, or even save for that dream vacation you’ve always wanted to take.

The average drill gets used as little as 30 minutes in its lifetime. Think about how many other infrequently used items are just sitting around your house taking space. As an alternative to buying new, check out the free section on Craig’s list, ask your friends and family if you can borrow something you might only use once, or look on Facebook to see if there’s a Buy Nothing community in your neighborhood. These hyper-local, adult only, gift-based economies are a great place to ask for, give away or share something, all for free!

DO IT FOR THE KIDS

Setting an example, raising the next generation of citizens rather than consumers is one of the biggest reasons for encouraging minimalism in your family. As parents, what better lesson to impart on your children than helping them

gain an appreciation for what they already have rather the brand name jeans that cost an arm and a leg. Perhaps helping them pare down to the most important things would allow you to spend more quality time together rather than spending time lecturing them to clean their bedroom.

And if you’re holding onto those “keepsakes” and “antiques” for your children and grandchildren, think again. Contact an appraiser and see how much your treasures are truly worth. It might not be worth taking up space after all.

DO IT FOR QUALITY OF LIFE

The average American wastes 55 minutes a day (roughly 12 days a year) looking for things they own but can’t find according to Newsweek. Even more frustrating, do you know that feeling of standing before your closet and dressers filled with clothes and thinking you’ve got nothing to wear? By paring down your clothing to items that you feel confident wearing, getting dressed

is much easier. All you need to do is match!

Another benefit to minimalism is recognizing how much of your attachment to items is based on emotions. Gifts, hand-me downs and things passed down over generations can conjure up memories of the past. Conversely, holding onto things for emotional reasons can actually hold you back from making new memories. Making space in your life can create room for new experiences and people to come into your life.

HOW TO DO IT

Set attainable goals. Try playing the “30 Day Minimalism Game” which involves getting rid of one thing on the first of the month, two on the second, three on the third, subsequently until you’ve shed over 450 items over the course of one month.

Set a budget for commonly used items in your household. For example, many people keep more coffee mugs in their cabinets than they could ever use in one sitting. Determine

how many of certain items you actually need in the house and then don’t allow yourself to accumulate more than that.

Set some simple rules. In with the old, out with the new...whenever you buy one new thing, try to find two things you can get rid of. If you haven’t worn it in a year or haven’t used it in six months, get rid of it. The Minimalists take 20/20 approach to “just in case” items...if the item can be replaced for $20 within 20 miles of where you live, don’t keep it around.

It’s taken us a long time to accumulate all these things; it’ll take a long time to get rid of them.

Minimalism doesn’t happen overnight. It’s like building a muscle...it takes work before it gets easier.

Amy Cavalier is leader of the Rochester Minimalists and co-administrator of the Beechwood/Homestead Heights/Culver-Winton Buy Nothing Facebook community.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

221

{ A FEW MORTGAGE TIPS }

HOME FINANCING TRIVIA:

What’s Your Mortgage IQ?

BY PHYLLIS HABERER

Each month, I meet with dozens of homebuyers interested in financing, and I am quite impressed with what some borrowers know about mortgages. I’m even more surprised by what some consumers don’t know! Being knowledgeable about home financing will definitely give you an advantage when shopping for a mortgage!

How do you measure up? Take my short quiz to find out where you fall in the Mortgage IQ Spectrum!

a) Total Debt b) Length of Credit History c) On-Time Payment d) Variety of Past Credit Handled Well 4. How often can a homeowner refinance their current home? a) Once per year b) There is no limit c) Once per 6 months d) Once per 3 years

MORTGAGE QUIZ

5. If a buyer makes just one extra mortgage payment per year (on a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage), by how much will it shorten the term if their loan? a) 1 year b) 2 years c) 5 years d) 10 years

2. Which county below is ineligible for a USDA Rural Housing financing? a) Livingston b) Monroe c) Wayne d) None of the Above

6. Home Ownership has many benefits, including tax deductions. Which items below are tax deductible for home owners? (select all that apply) a) Property Taxes b) Mortgage Insurance c) Interest from Property Taxes d) Monthly mortgage payment

1. Which mortgage program below is not insured by the federal government? a) VA Home Loan b) USDA c) Conventional d) FHA

3. Which contributing factor to a consumer’s FICO credit score has the most impact?

7. True or False: FHA Mortgages are available from any bank or mortgage lender. a) True b) False

Let’s calculate your score!

Answer Key: 1. c, 2. d, 3. c, 4. b, 5. d, 6. b and c, 7. b 0-2 Questions Correct: MORTGAGE PUPIL – It looks like you could use some help. That’s OK! I am always here to answer your questions and give you the best guidance I can. Give me a call today!

3-4 Questions Correct: MORTGAGE STUDENT – Not bad! You did pretty well, but youa could use a little assistance. Be sure to contact me if you are in the market for a home!

5-7 Questions Correct: MORTGAGE SCHOLAR – Well done! I think you may be ready to buy a house. Call me today for a FREE Pre-Approval!

When you’re ready to learn more about securing a mortgage plan, call Phyllis Haberer at Premium Mortgage Corporation: 1 (585) 314-8511. You can also email her: phyllis@premiummortgage.com

Home is where your story begins...

Let us help you write the First Chapter The Local Expert in Home Financing

Phyllis Haberer

2016

Senior Loan Officer | NMLS# 58078

585.314.8511 CALL OR TEXT!

585.363.7087 585.241.0000 x104

(cell)

(direct) (office)

Phyllis@PremiumMortgage.com

Call me today for a FREE, no-obligation Pre-Approval!

shop local! Phyllis Haberer is a Rochester native and Fairport H.S. Grad TEMPS ARE GETTING HOTTER, AND SO IS THE HOUSING MARKET!

Contact Phyllis Haberer today! 585.314.8511

Many Financing Programs Available!

CONVENTIONAL · FHA · USDA · 203K · VA · PORTFOLIO

www.PremiumMortgage.com

PrmMtg

PrmMtg

PrmMtg

2541 Monroe Avenue, Rochester, NY 14618 | (585) 241-0000 | Equal Housing Lender | NMLS# 3254 | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS

{ EVERYDAY PUSH }

HOW DOES YOUR BUTT SHAPE UP?

BY KIT TERESI

We’ve either heard it, or have said it ourselves: my butt is too big, my butt is flat, my butt is saggy, among many other butt complaints. For me, the best question to ask is how can I make my butt better? With that said, let’s get to work! First thing we need to realize is that butts come in many shapes and sizes. Finding out where we are on the butt chart can help us get the butt we want, or get as close to it as possible.

Although there are many butt shapes, they have been narrowed down to about four main shapes.

1. Square 2. Round 3. Heart 4. Inverted To begin, let’s point out two very important facts:

First: Our pelvis skeletal structure determines the frame for our buttocks.

Second: How our fat and muscle are stored on top

of our frame (aka pelvis) determines how our buttocks are shaped. Since not too many people engage in physical fitness, fat will be another contributing factor that determines the shape of our butt.

Choosing one of the four shapes mentioned above might not be your exact shape, but by choosing one closest to your shape will give you a general idea of what steps you can take to enhance your buttocks!

ENHANCING YOUR BUTT! THE SQUARE-SHAPED BUTT: A Square

shaped butt has either higher/more prominent hip bones, and/or tends to hold more volume on the top area of our buttocks. Therefore, we are more likely to develop a muffin top. This is what gives us the Square-shaped butt. Exercises for the Square shaped butt should include some rotational movements.

These types of movements, while engaging the butt, will also engage your abs to rid you of the muffin top, which are also known as love handles.

CHECK OUT A FEW EXERCISES!

Standing Resistance Band Crossover: Standing with one hand on the wall or a bar, attach your resistance band to the lower part bar by the floor and to your ankle closest to the bar. In the standing position, begin pulsing your leg with the band past your outer leg. Complete reps on both sides.

Forward Lunge with a twist: Using a plate or dumbbell, lunge forward holding your weight in 224

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

front of you, and twist over your bent knee.

Complete reps on both sides Curtsy Lunge: Lunge your right leg behind your left leg at about a 45 degree angle. Complete reps on both sides.

Squat with a side kick: Standing with toes straight forward, complete one lunge to a side kick. Complete reps on both sides.

THE ROUND-SHAPED BUTT: The Round

shaped butt has a plump appearance. It holds volume around the upper and lower portion of the butt cheeks; this gives us the rounded effect.

The Round shaped buttocks sits high, and from the side, it is usually looks perky and full. This shape seems to be one of the more desired butt shapes. The suggested exercises are to maintain and enhance the current shape.

CHECK OUT A FEW EXERCISES!

Around the World Lunges: Standing with your legs shoulder width apart, step into a forward lunge with your right foot, bring that same foot back and then step into a lateral lunge, followed by a back lunge. Keep your left leg stationary. Complete reps on both sides.

Straight Leg pulsing Kickbacks: Standing with one hand on your right hip, raise your opposite leg and pulse your leg straight back. Complete reps on both sides Plie Squats: Standing with your legs shoulder width apart and your toes slightly pointed outwards.

When you perform your Plie Squat be sure to keep your back straight, and your knees aligned with your toes. During your Plie Squats, each time your return to the standing position, tighten your butt. Complete reps on both sides.

THE HEART-SHAPED BUTT: Also known as the Pear, or A-shaped butt.

The Heart-shaped butt is thought to be the more feminine looking of butt shapes. It lacks volume in the upper buttocks area, and the volume settles around the lower portion of the butt and thighs, giving a more tapered look that starts from our waist and increases to the bottom of our butt. Our goal is to perk up and lift the Heart shaped butt by targeting the back of our upper legs where they meet our buttocks.

CHECK OUT A FEW EXERCISES!

Lateral Bear Crawl: Position yourself on your hands and feet (arms and legs extended). Walk sideways crossing hands over hands, and feet over feet and you extend and close your stride sideways. Continue walking in one direction, and repeat the exercise walking in the opposite direction.

Single Leg Squats: Holding onto the back of a chair to support yourself, face sideways and lift up your knee that is farthest from the chair. Squat deep on the foot closest to the chair while engaging your core muscles and keeping your back straight. Complete reps on both sides.

Hip Thrust: This exercise can be performed by lying on the floor. It can be done with or without weights. Lay on the floor with your arms a few inches away along the sides of your body. Bring your feet close to your butt with your knees bent.

Start your exercise by thrusting your hips upwards.

Continue the exercise while keeping your butt off of the floor in between thrusts.

And last but not least,

THE INVERTED-SHAPED BUTT: The

Inverted-shape butt has the appearance of where the base of the butt is less full than the top of the butt. Unfortunately, this butt shape is also prone to sagging. We require exercises that add volume to the lower part of our butt.

CHECK OUT A FEW EXERCISES!

Squat Arabesque: With feet shoulder width apart, and your weight on your heels, perform a squat (keeping your knees behind your toes). As you return to the standing position, you will raise both arms forward and up as you raise your right leg straight back simultaneously.

Squat again, and this time raise both arms again, and raise your left leg straight back simultaneously.

Continue this exercise working both legs.

Donkey Lateral Raises: Start off in the quadruped position, hands directly under shoulders and knees directly under hips. With both knees bent, lift one knee up to the side to bring your leg level with your hips. With control, lower it down again without setting your knee back on the ground. Be careful not to bring your knee past your hip level.

Complete reps on both sides.

No excuses! Get the butt you want naturally! For additional information on your fitness and nutrition, contact me! From the House of KitFit5pt0…..

S

S KAREN ASKS

{ ASK THE ANGELS }

BY SARAH ITKIN, LCSW

Dear Sarah, I want to switch gears in my professional career and

I have a strong intuition that I need to find a business partner. How do I know if that’s truly my intuition/nudge from the angels, or if I’m just doubting in my ability to conduct my business alone?

I’m not typically someone who likes to work alone. If I find that working with someone is in my best interest, I would like to find that person right away. How can I use the wisdom of the angels to find the right person?

Sarah answers: This is a wonderful time embark on a new journey by utilizing your creativity to develop the perfect career. You have so many wonderful ideas brewing in regards to how you can use your gifts to serve the community.

My sense is that you’re very confident in your abilities and you’re aware of your talents and short comings. You thrive off of learning and growing with colleagues who have the same drive and vision, but offer a different lens than your own.

Karen, you have intuitive gifts that have been serving you your entire life. I’m hearing from the angels that you have always been able to access deep knowledge

and self-awareness since childhood. The pivotal decisions you’ve made as an adult have been based on your intuition and the outcome of your decisions have been positive.

Ha! An angel appeared on the screen after I wrote that sentence as a way to confirm that the information I’m channeling is correct.

This leads me to my next point. You can ask the angels for signs of confirmation to determine whether or not you’re accessing intuition. Often when I’m writing this column or giving an intuitive reading and a feeling of doubt creeps up, an angel will appear in a flash right before me on the computer screen or beside my client.

I also receive other visual or auditory signs of confirmation. Your intuition is clairsentient in nature (psychic knowing through feelings). Signs from the angels that you are following your truth are feelings of joy, giddiness, and excitement when you consider your idea. You may also feel chills throughout your body and at the top of your head. Angel guidance will also come through in your dreams if they haven’t already. If you are basing your decision on off of self-doubt, you would feel tightness in your heart and stomach areas, heaviness as though someone placed an anvil on your shoulders, and/or feeling a sense of sadness.

The angels are showing me a vision where you are sitting in a quiet place and holding a journal. Your eyes are closed, and you’re dropping into your breath. After settling into a deep sense of calm, ask yourself why you would like to find a business partner, and free write your response. Your answer will likely reveal insecurities, such as “I’m afraid to embark on this journey alone”, or “I’m not confident that I’ll always make the best business decisions”, because it’s normal to have some insecurities when starting something new. If all or most of your answers are along those lines, then that’s a good sign that self-doubt is clouding your judgement. Yet I see most of your answers coming from a place of excitement, such as “I love the idea of combining my gifts with a colleague”, or “My ideal partner and I will create something beautiful together”.

If you decide to find a business partner, the angels are telling me a number of things.

First you have to consider what you want 228

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

in a partner before you recruit someone.

Draw a silhouette on a piece of paper. In the space where the face would be, write a description of how you would like the person to think. For example, they are able to brainstorm new ideas, make decisions quickly, they’re open minded, etc…Then write descriptions of ways in which you would like your partner to operate from his/her heart: They are passionate about being of service, they value people of all cultures/socioeconomic backgrounds, etc…

Consider ways in which your partner can complement your skills and visualize working with your partner. Ask the angels to bring you a person who embodies everything you’ve envisioned in the ideal partner and more. Call upon Archangel Chamuel to assist you, as he helps with career related issues. Then you’ll be ready to go about finding that person using concrete methods such as networking, putting a message out on Facebook, and attending meetup groups. If you’re

able to trust that the right person will be presented to you at the right time, you will find her easily.

I trust that everything will unfold beautifully for you. The work you’ll be doing will help alleviate suffering and enrich the community.

I’m looking forward to hearing from more of you! Please email your question to asktheangels777@yahoo.com. Type Ask the Angels in the subject line and indicate how I should address you (using your real name, just initials, etc…) in my response.

Feel free to visit my website if you’d like to learn more about my work at www. sarahitkin.com or find me on Facebook at @sarahitkinintuitivehealer.

DISCLAIMER: Despite confirmed psychic ability, intuitive visions and messages are not always 100% accurate. Therefore, Sarah Itkin and any sponsors must disclaim any and all liability to all persons and parties who act or rely upon her intuition. This column is for entertainment purposes only.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL { CITY SENSE } }

MOVE OR IMPROVE

BY DANI PALIDOR

Best Practices for adding value to your home for less!

You may have heard that the market is hot for entry level and mid-range homes that are priced right and are in tip-top shape.

Have you thought about what of would take for you to get top dollar so that you can try to get into a different home that is more aligned with your current lifestyle needs?

Maybe the thought of getting you home ready to sell has you retreating to the backyard bit you too can realize the benefits of low inventory and buyers who are willing to fight for the home they love.

Some people have a knack for living the “HGTV Effect”. They see the show, go on Houzz, Pinterest, Zillow and read blogs.

Before you know it they are posting their “weekend warrior” projects on Social Media.

Houselogic.com is a great site that taps in to the knowledge of Realtors, Designers and builders to offer you sound advice on what yields a good return on your investment. Here’s a link to an article that I contributed to https:// www.houselogic.com/ by-room/kitchen/kitchenmaterials/.

Things that are no cost or low cost are a great way to start. Remove anything that is not absolutely necessary from rooms to make them feel and look bigger.

Some other things to consider that require basic cleaning and elbow grease are: 230

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

CURB APPEAL:

After your potential buyer has exhausted the websites that feature all the beautiful pictures of your beautifully staged home then they will probably do a drive by to check out things like noise, neighbors, activity and upkeep. Is your home’s exterior impeccable? No peeling paint, broken shutters or windows, clean gutters and pruned bushes and moved lawns are a must! Some financing does not allow for exteriors that are in disrepair. Pressure washing the siding and decks, removing leaves, keeping things watered and adding some seasonal décor are effective in setting your home apart from the competition.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS MATTER:

When you open the door to your home does it sparkle and shine or does your pet come charging at you and have the kids gear and

mail drop turned the entry into a cluttered mess? Providing a nice spot for people to take their shoes off and hang their coats shows off the ample storage and logical flow that homes of all sizes can have. Closets and storage solutions are great selling features.

Does your house smell good, look pristine, neutral and spacious? Avoid overwhelming people with your personal quirky tastes in Art and Decor. You want to leave them talking about how they want to live there not about the unique objects within.

KITCHENS

The heart of the home is where future memories are created. Give a buyer the chance to picture themselves creating heirloom recipes there on the gleaming counters and polished appliances. No clutter should interfere with the beautiful expansive counters. Let the kitchen show itself off by how clean it is not forgetting to wipe out the inside of the cabinets and hardware too.

BATHS:

Potential buyers are in favor of spa like oasis where clean is paramount. Make sure that the grout is mold and mildew free. Replace caulk and deep clean. Even a dated color scheme is livable with some new fun accessories and a fresh new shower curtain.

Fresh flowers, odor neutralizing air fresheners and opening window treatments to show off freshly washed windows to highlight your magnificent location and property will get you to the closing table and house hunting sooner rather than later.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

231

H

H

{ YOU DON’T KNOW MY STORY }

BY EMMA COOKSEY

A VERY VISIBLE ISSUE...

HOMELESS IN ROCHESTER

Homelessness in Rochester has become a very visible issue but what about the homeless population and issues that aren’t as visible?

Seeing things like this is what motivates me to tell their story. How many times have you pass someone in need? Do you have spare change?

Or I will work for food signs. Many of you only see the outer picture. My mission is to draw you in a little closer to really show you every little bit helps , but much more is needed . . .

You don’t know my story’s is devoted to the development, rehabilitation and overall progression of the homeless. I strive to contribute to the daily wellness and awareness of such individuals. One day I was at Dunking Donuts when I seen a homeless man and I was curious to find out his story. When I came over to see how he was living I saw . A piles of clothes structured to look and act like a bed. He wore brown baggy clothes and staggered as he walked .

I see so many tents and piles of clothes and faces of those who don’t know where there next meal is coming. Each day I am blessed to be able to give care packages and distribute things to those I call survivors because they are not homeless.

I want to show love and compassion to build up what was broken. Now seeing that the winter is coming, my mission is to try to provide as many socks, coats, hats and blankets as possible.

I’m not trying to save the world but I am trying to help as many as I can. If there is more people who will help the world would be a better place .Just a smile can go a long way.

This type of thing is what prompt me to become the mouth of the homeless.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

233

{GET HYPNOTIZED WITH RW }

IS IT MEDITATION OR HYPNOSIS?

BY HOWIE JONES

After attending one of my hypnosis shows at the Rochester Fringe Festival, I was interviewed by a local college reporter. In the article, the reporter mentioned that the show started with a “meditation” exercise. Meditation and hypnosis are similar states of mind and the experience can feel the same while you are doing it, however the intention and end results are totally different..

To put it simply, meditation is a practice used to clear your mind and bring about a state of relaxation. Hypnosis also puts you in a relaxed state of mind, however while you are in that state, a hypnosis professional helps you to program your mind to do something differently or reach a certain goal, such as stop smoking, drink more water, or eat more vegetables.

A person cannot induce meditation onto another person. Meditation is a self-skill that must be practiced in your own head. Hypnosis can also

be a self-skill, but most often is facilitated by a professional hypnotist or hypnotherapist in individual or group sessions. These hypnosis sessions are guided by someone who knows the craft and are typically used to help people accomplish a goal or overcome a fear.

During a group hypnosis session, let’s say on stress management, the hypnotist will guide the group into a hypnotic state of mind. He will suggest feelings of calmness, relaxation and may even take the group on an imaginary journey to the beach or the mountains. At a certain point, the mind becomes more open to suggestions about how to reduce stress or change certain triggers or behaviors during stressful situations. Each person in the group session has the choice to follow the suggestions of the hypnotist while they are in that relaxed state of mind or slightly change those suggestions to line up with their personal goals.

Hypnosis happens naturally throughout your

day and is known by many other names, including day dreaming, guided imagery or mindfulness. So often, we think of physical wellness and overlook the benefits of mental wellness. Any form of allowing your brain to take a break – meditation, hypnosis or micro-breaks - is a great way to increase the health and inner-workings of the organ that works the hardest for you throughout the day…your brain!

About the Author H. Douglas Jones is the owner of Jones Hypnosis and the Howie Hypnotize Comedy Hypnosis Show.

He is a Board Certified Hypnotist (BCH) and instructor with the National Guild of Hypnotists. hdouglasjones.com Howie Hypnotize Fast and fun Entertainment M.Ed., Board Certified Hypnotist and Instructor Howiehypnotize.com 585-406-1164

.,

,

{ YOUNG WOMEN’S COLLEGE PREP }

YWCP Keeping it Real

BY LAURI BONNELL

If you could go back in time and tell your high-school self what college is really like, what would you say? That’s the opportunity three University of Rochester students had recently when they visited with seniors at Young Women’s College Prep Charter School to share the “real deal” about college.

The panel was organized by the Young Women’s College Prep Foundation to help the students, many of whom will be the first in their family to go to college, make a successful transition from high school to college.

238

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

“It’s finally their senior year and college is becoming a reality for our students,” said Lauri Bonnell, director of development for the YWCP Foundation. “We want to make sure the students are ready in every way – not just academically, but socially and emotionally, too.”

questions ranging from “What’s the food like?” to “How did you choose your major?” They also inquired about how to find a campus job, and got personal with questions about dealing with homesickness and maintaining friendships with people from home.

So they connected with three University of Rochester students - Sophomore Nia Tucker, Senior Stephanie Camacho, and Sophomore Domeiry Gonzalez - to host an intimate and honest discussion about their college experience, especially as young women of color. Right away the seniors began raising their hands with

Stephanie shared her struggles of adapting to the realities of college. “I struggled with learning how to get grades below a B. I was always a straight-A student…but I’ve since found out that there will be people smarter than you,” she said. “At college you come into contact with people who were also the head of their classes,

and it will make you start to doubt yourself. But honestly if you need help, there are all sorts of resources like free tutoring, and the professors have office hours, which I highly recommend!”

The conversation was often personal, such as when a YWCP student asked “Do you ever feel discouraged?” at which the panelists replied in unison: “YES!” Domeiry then responded,“ That’s why you need someone to motivate you. There will be days that you don’t feel like going to class, and you may need to talk to someone about it – a friend, your counselors, a teacher.” Stephanie chimed in, “Self-care is always number one. You get discouraged every day from so many types of stresses but you have to look out for yourself.”

The students also inquired about what the panelists’ senior year of high school entailed.

Nia answered, ”I took easier classes to focus more on college applications, and I got involved into more after school activities.” Domeiry had the opposite experience. “I took AP classes, and although I hated it, it was worth it,” she said. “I got a five on AP Spanish and I had 12 college credits.”

Fortunately, despite the obstacles, Stephanie has continued to be in great spirits about her college experience. “However,” she added, “if I didn’t go to college, I don’t know what I’d be doing right now. You learn a lot in college - how to deal with people, how to cook, how to be someone’s boss…”

One of the most touching topics was how to deal with ignorance at college. Stephanie spoke of the culture shock she experienced when she came to college. “Being raised in Brooklyn… you are used to multiple races of people and different accents. It’s a melting pot. And then when I went to college and I started to be in places where often times I was the only one that looked like me…it was a lot to take in,” she said. “People started judging me for how I spoke, or when they found out that I was an immigrant, but sadly you get used to it.”

The Real Deal College Panel certainly lived up to its name. As the panel ended, the girls of YWCP left with some important insight and perhaps a new perspective. They even got a critical survival tip for college freshman.

“Rule #1,” said Domiery, “Never ever wear your lanyard around your neck. That’s the first sign that you’re a freshman!”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

239

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

240

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

{ ON THE WAY UP }

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ.

Check the Mike Y’all: DJ Jeron Hansen

Rochester Woman Online was first introduced to DJ Jeron Hansen aka DJ C-Melz when he “Rocked the Runway” at the Artistix fashion show this summer. Hansen is the CEO of ISC Productionz, a local event-planning/DJ organization which focuses on providing “the life of the party”. Originally, Jeron formed this organization while, he and the COO Keyshawn King, aka DJ Aye attended RIT for college. The pair worked through the student organization at the college providing their services. The group prided itself in sharing culture and music with the inner RIT community. Gradually, ISC grew into an entertainment company offering DJ services and promoting events in Rochester.

Early in high school, Jeron noticed music would be the way to go. He was involved in the jazz ensemble directed by Georgia Francis.

Jeron, a trumpet player, also dabbled with the steel drums early on. He loved educating Americans about his culture through his love for music. He continued on, as he entered college in 2008, relocating from NYC to Rochester. It was here he began as a DJ and event planner through work in the CSA office at RIT for the college students as mentioned above. He presented already having a background in photography. Beginning as a college DJ, presented its challenges for Jeron in that his fan base was mostly college students. Here, there was a rapid turn-over with students graduating and leaving the area and or leaving the college scene and entering the world of employment.

When Jeron decided to pursue being a DJ and or promoter as a career choice as he broke

into the Rochester club scene, he was forced to rebrand. His business ISC Productionz as stated originated at RIT with himself and group of like-minded students from the Caribbean culture. Originally tagged as “Island Sound Crew” the guys were mindful they wanted an island theme but wanted to include everybody when coming up with a name.

Jeron educates us that a sound crew in the Caribbean is a group made up of two or more individuals who join together to create a big DJ group. Since 2009, the group changed their name to ISC Productionz. The group recognizes the intense role their experiences with the CSA group at RIT played in their success. It is important to always remember where you come from. Jeron originally was from St, Thomas, a US Virgin Island. He is also of St. Kittean descent. He moved originally to the Bronx with his family. In the future, Jeron indicates it is his hope to expand ISC with additional shows in Miami and NYC. He also has a vision of starting a DJ school.

When thinking about where he gets his inspiration, Jeron knows explicitly, “My Mom”. He recalls growing up as her being a “go getter’. She instilled in him “When there is a will there is a way”. Jeron applies this concept today, in each and every day of his life.

He aspires to be great. Jeron loves music and this also inspires him to keep going, despite challenges he faces. He recently became the house DJ at Bar Louie’s in Henrietta.

When thinking about his role with Rochester Woman Online, at the Aristix fashion show Jeron was thankful for the experience.

He shares with us, “It was amazing! Andy Hilfiger was so easy to work with. The red carpet! The people! The networking! It was great meeting everyone and being a part of the experience. I can’t wait for the next one!”

Jeron shares with RWO some upcoming events for ISC Productionz are at Bar Louie’s in Henrietta. Check him out! Save the dates; October 20th, 28th! Jeron indicates you will be seeing a lot more from ISC Productionz so keep your eyes peeled. For more information link up on Instagram at DJ CMELZ or ISCPROD. Also look for them on You Tube or Facebook.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

241

{ SURVIVING & THRIVING }

PRACTICING INCLUSIVENESS IN THE WORKPLACE

BY JAMIE BETTERIDGE

Often the concept if diversity versus inclusiveness are mistaken as one in the same. While they are certainly intertwined, the difference between diversity and inclusiveness is simple. Diversity is the idea that a group of people consist of different types of backgrounds, races, gender, etc. Inclusiveness is the intentional pursuit of a diverse work environment with the understanding that diversity actually helps the work environment by providing new ideas and perspectives. Inclusiveness encourages engagement with diverse groups of people and encourages those groups to be a part of decision making processes. It also encourages team building. Inclusiveness needs to be actively pursued by organizations. It needs to be reflected in strategic planning, action planning and goals, and purposeful decisions that put diverse groups of people together in a meaningful and positive way.

One of the most basic ways to help an agency become more inclusive and engaging is to have policies that encourage it. Diversity is one of the major stepping stones to an inclusive work force. Over the years, legislation in the United States has adapted and evolved to be more diverse and inclusive. Much of the legislation that was passed was during the 1960’s which was also known as the Civil Rights Movement.

During this time, and beyond, laws were passed to prevent discrimination based on race, gender, age, sexual orientation, and disabilities.

All of these laws moved the United States to a budding era of not only tolerance in the work place, but purposeful inclusiveness. Some of the laws that laid the groundwork to work place diversity and inclusiveness are the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Age Discrimination Act, the American with Disabilities Act, the Equal Pay Act, the Family Medical Leave Act, and many, many more.

Local companies and agencies can embrace diversity by making it a vital part of their strategic plan. Diversity refers to human differences not limited to race, color, gender, age, disability, religion, citizenship, national origin, veteran status or sexual preferences. All of these facts are provided to employees upon hire and are readily available to employees 242

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

via the employee handbook. Having these policies readily accessible and enforced helps establish a diverse work force which then leads to inclusiveness.

Inclusiveness Through Legislation and Policy In addition to ensuring that anti-discrimination laws are followed, your company can practice inclusiveness throughout their recruitment and hiring processes. One way your company can ensure a diverse workforce is by recruiting in a variety of settings. For example, your

Human Resoaurces team attends job fairs in various community locations as well as at a wide variety of colleges and universities in the area. This helps to ensure they are accessing a diverse pool of candidates. Companies that continue to expand the places we recruit and post jobs continue to access a wider range of potential hires.

Inclusiveness and Organizational Culture Organizational culture is also vital to sustaining an inclusive workforce. The culture of the

Diversity and inclusiveness is an essential part to employee engagement and overall positive organizational culture and growth. Non-Profits and Public Sector companies alike can encourage inclusiveness by implementing and enforcing policies that help protected classes and employees preserve their rights

company, enhanced and encouraged by its leaders drives the mission of the agency and also the fact that they value diversity, inclusiveness, and employee engagement. As leaders, we should strive to live by inclusiveness by such things as participating in community efforts and matters that are important to employees. Seeing a CEO actively participate in employee engagement activities sends a wordless message of support and respect for a diverse workforce. CEO’s and senior leadership that participate in community activities, too, promote inclusiveness. Overall,

the opinions that the staff of CEO’s that play an active role in diversity, inclusiveness, and active employee engagement have been positive.

One of the employees at a local nonprofit explained that, “This program has a lot of correspondence with senior leadership due to the high liability and their investment in the program has always been appreciated by me. They seek our input and I feel valued as an employee as a result. They also invest time in the clients, so they aren’t some high in the clouds entity. They have visited terminally ill

clients in the hospital and I really respect that.”

Inclusiveness in the Public Sector While many non-profits make inclusiveness a daily practice, the structure of the public sector may not be able to encourage inclusiveness and diversity as well as non-governmental entity. One major factor is the use of civil service exams.

Managers are usually limited to choosing the top three candidates who scored the highest on the exam. The manager might prefer a larger range of candidates that may have different skills or experiences that would be valuable to the team. Civil service exams do not look into skills that may be benefited by inclusiveness of different backgrounds. It does not take into account one’s life experiences, inventiveness, and initiative. The concept of civil services exams in general is not inclusive; employees are based off of grades, not their value as a skilled person.

The public sector culture also plays a large part as a hindrance in encouraging employee engagement and inclusiveness. The public sector tends to work from the top down, meaning what is implemented by the ‘powers that be’ are then brought down to the lower staff. Typically, in this situation, management does not seek feedback from their employees. This may not always be the wish of management, but as a result of politics and policies. On the other hand, the non-profit realm makes inclusiveness, typically, a part of the mission of the agency or at the very least, a prominent value.

Diversity and inclusiveness is an essential part to employee engagement and overall positive organizational culture and growth. NonProfits and Public Sector companies alike can encourage inclusiveness by implementing and enforcing policies that help protected classes and employees preserve their rights. Additionally, the organizational culture perpetuated by the actions of Human Resources through their hiring process and the actions of the leaders creates an environment that promotes inclusiveness. Overall, the various sectors may face their challenges when it comes to encouraging inclusiveness, but the end result are organizations that have employees who feel valued and are devoted to their work.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

243

{ FLOWER CITY BITTIES DIY }

CRAFTING

from a teacher’s perspective

BY LAUREN HARRISON

aIn brainstorming for the perfect topic for this months Think Pink edition, my husband suggested I focus on wine glass painting within this theme. At first, the pessimist in me came leaping out and I immediately responded with “I have no designs that fit that theme, at all!”

Of course I wanted to fit this theme perfectly, but just wasn’t sure what I could create and share with my creative crafters that would be appropriate.

2) Put a dime sized dot of dark and light pink paint on a palette (I use paper plates, paper napkins, OR dip straight into the paint container)

Lucky for me, my husband is persistent and insisted Pinterest would have some inspiration for me. And that, it did! Once I found my mojo and my search-game was strong, I found more than enough ideas.

5) Once you have the basic outline of the ribbon complete, add dots around it until it is ‘full’

Naturally, I have oodles of wine glasses and paints on hand at all times so this seemed like the ‘breast’ match for me!

No matter the glass style you go with (stemmed or stemless) or design, HERE is what you’ll need: - Wine glasses - Enamel or Multi-Surface Paint in two shades of pink (light and dark) - Rubbing Alcohol - Cotton Balls - Cotton Swabs - Small Paintbrushes - Paint Pens (optional, for script) The first glass I made is a stemless wine glass. But never fear, this design can be done on a stemmed glass as well!

Here is your exclusive on “How To” make a Confetti Dot Pink Ribbon glass: 1) Soak a cotton ball in rubbing alcohol and wipe the entire glass clean 244

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

3) Coat one end of a cotton swab in the darkest pink color 4) Begin making dots with the end of the cotton swab, starting with the lefthand side “ribbon-end”and work your way up to create the “ribbon-loop”

6) Take another cotton swab and dip it in your lighter color pink paint. You will be adding a light pink outline to the ribbon using very LIGHT dots of paint; start on one side of your ribbon

(as pictured) and continue your way around the entire ribbon 7) Then add light pink dots to the base of your glass and let those dry completely 8) When the light pink dots have dried, paint the base of your glass using the dark pink paint (you will need multiple coats) 9) If you are feeling brave, take a white paint pen and write ‘HOPE’ wherever you feel there is space on your glass (I used Google images to help pick the font and style for my “HOPE”) Here is your exclusive on “How To” make a Pink Ribbon glass: 1) Soak a cotton ball in rubbing alcohol and wipe the entire glass clean 2) Put a dime sized dot of dark and light pink paint on a palette (I use paper plates, paper napkins, OR dip straight into the paint container) 4) Using a fine point paint brush start at the bottom of your stemmed glass and slowly spin your glass as you paint the ribbon (depending on your paint, you may need a few coats to make the ribbon dense and dark) 5) Work your way up the stem of the glass and around the actual ‘cup’ as well 6) When your ribbon is in the lower 1/3rd of the ‘cup’ begin shaping your Pink Ribbon outline (again, you’ll need multiple coats of paint)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

7) After you have ‘tweaked’ your ribbon to be dark enough, use a paint pen to write “HOPE” wherever you think it will look nice (I wrote mine at the base) You now have TWO adorable Think Pink wine glasses that you handmade, GO YOU!

it in upside down). Turn the oven on and set it to 350 degrees and set a timer for 30 minutes.

When the timer goes off, turn off your oven and leave the glasses in the oven until the oven is completely cool. This process ensures your glasses are dishwasher safe

To set the paint: Place your glass(es) in the oven cold (if you painted the base of your glass, put ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: OCTOBER 2017

245

october

{ CALENDAR OF EVENTS }

POP UP SIP AND SUN HAPPY HOUR

LOCATION: FAIRPORT BREWERY 99 S. MAIN ST., FAIRPORT, NEW YORK TIME: 5:30-6:30PM

MOSSA DANCE PRESENTS “OBSTACLES” AT ROCHESTER FRINGE FESTIVAL

LOCATION: SCHOOL OF THE ARTS 45 PRINCE ST, ROCHESTER, NEW YORK 14607 TIME: 5:30-6:30PM

THE NAPLES GRAPE FESTIVAL LOCATION: 137 N MAIN ST, NAPLES, NY TIME: 10AM-5PM MORE INFO: WWW.NAPLESGRAPEFEST. ORG

MORE INFO: HTTP://ROCHESTERFRINGE. COM/TICKETS-AND-SHOWS/ OBSTACLES

20

21

23

THE PURPL LADY® 7TH FEST

LOCA 845 YELLOW PALMYRA

TIME: 9

MORE WWW.THEPURPL FESTIVA

23

LE PAINTED H ANNUAL TIVAL

ATION: W MILLS ROAD A NY 14522

9AM-5PM

E INFO: LEPAINTEDLADY AL.COM/

3

november

{ CALENDAR OF EVENTS }

BARKTOBER FEST WALK FOR THE ANIMALS

MONNALISA BOUDOIR MARATHON

RMSC AFTER DARK: CARNIVAL OF CURIOSITY

LOCATION: 99 VICTOR RD, FAIRPORT, NEW YORK 14450

LOCATION: ROCHESTER, NY

LOCATION: 657 EAST AVE, ROCHESTER, NEW YORK 14607

TIME: 10AM-4PM MORE INFO: INFO@LOLLYPOP.ORG

30

TIME: 11AM-2PM MORE INFO: HTTP://GSCOLLO. WIXSITE.COM/ MONNALISABOUDOIR

8

TIME: 7-11PM MORE INFO: HTTPS://11302.

BLACKBAUDHOSTING.COM/

13

online

MEDIA KIT