and how to get off

from Keep Social Media Social: Summer 2021

Let's talk vanity metrics.

A Harris poll conducted in spring of 2020 found that more than half of all adults in the US were spending more time on social media than they did before the pandemic. Duh, right? As we’ve reduced our physical interactions, it makes sense that we’ve turned to the digital world to connect with our communities.

It might be time to disconnect to reconnect if:

Your digital worlds and communities become places you no longer enjoy

People, brands, or accounts that used to resonate with you, just don’t anymore

You find you rself d isconnected f rom others in your digital world, focused on how frustrated you are with “them”

You find you rself triggered or hu rt by people that you usually love

You find you rself swim m ing in jealousy, when that is not a normal feeling for you

You find you rself su rrou nd ed by social media drama and cancel culture on a frequent basis

You find you rself ju d ging others, including people you used to, or normally, like

A trau m atic event happened in your physical community and you are broken hearted u ’ve created an online persona of yourself that you don’t recognize anymore

You have beenu sing you r phone and social media as a weapon to hurt others with your words

You havef allen intoa sham e or comparison cycle

You d on’t like you rself online….or off Social m ed ia has a prof ou nd eff ect on individual and collective mental health, and we cannot heal when we spend all of ou r tim e online.

If any of the above points hit home for you, it may be time to consider getting the eff offline.

A nd if any of the f ollowing red flags describe your digital behavior, it may indicate an even deeper media addiction or an unhealthy relationship with r phone.

Mind lessly passing tim e ona regular basis by staring at your phone

Losing track of time when on your phone

You want to be less involved with your phone

You spend more time on your phone than talking to people in person e tim e you spend on you r phone has been increasing

When you eat meals, your phone is on the table where you eat

You feel reluctant to be away from your phone

Adapted from questions from David Greenfield, PhD’s Smartphone Compulsion Test to determine the extent of our smartphone dependency from “The Phone Addiction Workbook” written by Hilda Burke, Integrative Psychotherapist.

A s Hild a Bu rke writes, “A ccord ing to Greenfield , if you respond positively to 5 or more of the test’s questions then it’s likely you have a problematic sm artphone-u se pattern.”

Ram Dass says “There’s a sickness that is com ing f rom the id entification of separateness, the ind ivid u al. If you becom e id entified with you r ind ivid uality, then your world is populated by

‘them ’.”

Social media is a tool that is inherently neutral, but it’s also a double-edged sword . On one hand , we can u se social media to connect with other amazing people in the world, and deepen our connections with the people in our physical com m u nities.

On the other hand social m ed ia can drive separation, and force us to focus on our individual selves to feed the ego. The ego keeps u s separated f rom others, and separation and loneliness has an extremely negative impact on m ental health.

Right now, many of us are using social m ed ia as a weapon, and are find ing ourselves on the front lines every day to fight a war we d on’t even know we’re in.

When the time we spend online is hurting our energy and mental health, we alone have the choice and power to set boundaries and get offline.

There are 3 steps we can take to get back to a healthy relationship with social media, technology, and our online world:

GTFO! Get offline for 3-48 hours

2. Reconnect IRL with yourself, and then others.

3. GTFBO! (Get the Eff Back Online!) with intentional energy

We’ll explore the first two steps in this article, and will dive deeper into the third in our August issue.

1. GTFO! for 3-48 Hours

When was the last time you took 48 hours without your phone, computer or TV? Years ago? Maybe never? You ’re not alone!

Getting offline f or two d ays is a great way to reset and reflect, and d ata shows that getting offline rou tinely is absolutely critical for your long term m ental and physical health.

If 48 hours seems impossible or feels like too m u ch, start with 3. You CA N find 3 hou rs on a Satu r or Sunday to take this time away from a screen for yourself, and you and your mental health d eserve it.

To get offline: Plan ahead

How d o you ad ju st you r sched u le responsibilities, and communication habits to get offline? Who can su pport you and how do you set these boundaries for yourself and others?

Put up boundaries with technology

Whether you tu rn you r phone off hid e it, or lock it in a closet, what physical boundaries will you put up to protect yourself from the craving when it kicks in? (I have a phone box where I hide m y phone. Ou t of sight ou t of m ind !)

Slow down

Get ready to take some intentional rest tim e.

Get

excited

What offline activities or hobbies d o you want to do to reconnect with the physical world ? A rt? Bike? Read ? No matter what you do with your time offline as long as you com plete it you will have su cceed ed

Expect cravings

Your brain is used to a certain level of dopamine, seratonin, and oxytocin hits from your interaction with your phone, and chances are when you get offline you r brain will crave a hit. Make an affirm ation to repeat f or when they hit. For exam ple:

Hold yourself accountable Only you can choose to hold you r bou nd ary or break it. It is u p to you to hold you rself accou ntable.

Intentional Rest

The am ou nt of content we consu m e from podcasts, music, social media, TV, and all corners of the Internet is insane, and in order to reconnect with ou rselves we need to tu rn it all off f or a bit.

I also encourage avoiding alcohol, weed, or other drugs when intentionally resting, to ensure you maintain a clear connection to your consciou sness.

Check in with yourself and consider you r energy. Do you need active or passive rest?

Active Rest no music, no phone

• Rollerblading outside

• A m ind f u l walk ou tsid

• Jumping on a trampoline

• Riding your bike

• Drawing or painting

• etc.

Passive Rest no music, no phone

• Sitting on your porch, patio or in a park and just breathing and observing what’s around you

• Laying down with your eyes open, looking at the ceiling or clouds

• Sitting in a chair, focusing on your breath

• Med itating in a ham m ock

2. Reconnect IRL with yourself, and then others. With yourself

A f ter you ’ve engaged in abou t an hour of intentional rest, check in with you rself . Find a m irror and say hello to you rself . Give you rself a com plim ent. Tell you rself you ’re glad to see you . A sk you rself how you are and if you have som ething to tell you rsel Listen to what com es u p.

Then, it’s tim e to start you r

hard self audit.

The concept of the hard self au d it was taught to me by my teacher, friend, and m entor Chris Hartl with A nagen 11 Salons in Wisconsin. I call it a “hard ” self audit not only because of the questions you ask yourself, but also because some of your answers might be u ncom f ortable or challenging.

It’s important to give ourselves space and grace to confront some of the feelings, including guilt and shame, that may come from answering these qu estions.

For best resu lts, cond u ct you r hard self audit while sober from any controlled su bstances.

Go somewhere you can be alone and feel comfortable being vulnerable: perhaps your bedroom, your study, or a park nearby you r hou se. Sit qu ietly f or 2-3 m inu tes, and take a f ew d eep breaths. Grab a pen and paper, and journal your way through the questions below. Take 1-3 m inu tes per qu estion, bu t no longer.

Let these questions connect with your emotions, and feel your way through this exercise.

These questions are not an exhaustive list, and you may want to continue to answer any additional questions that come up for you through this process.

• What activities in life am I taking part in that I am proud of right now?

• What habits in my life am I proud of right now?

• What habits have I developed that are not serving me, or I am not proud of?

• What are some of my core values as a person?

• What in my life is in sync right now?

• What in my life is not in sync right now?

• What are my ethical boundaries for my actions and behavior, online and off?

• How have I been showing up online? Is that consistent with my core values?

• What are my behavior standards for interacting with people online?

• What are my standards for where I spend my time online? Have I accidentally lowered my standards?

• How do I want to be treated by people offline?

• How do I want to be treated by people online?

• How do I want to treat people offline?

• How do I want to treat people online?

• If I could fast forward 3 years, what advice would I give myself today?

With the earth

This one is simple. Go outside with no phone and no music, and enjoy the beauty of the physical world. Look for details to appreciate, like flowers, street art, and colorful doors. Practice looking, seeing, and feeling.

With others

After you have connected yourself and the earth, it’s time to start connecting with other people. Start by intentionally making eye contact with people you see while out and about, and smile even if you’re wearing a mask. Ask your barista at the coffee shop how they are, and really listen to their answer. You could also call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while and ask to Facetime or get together.

This might sound like normal life, if you tend to spend a lot of time around people; however, I think you’ll notice a difference in how you connect with others after you’ve spent time offline and intentionally reconnected with yourself and the physical world. Pay close attention to how you feel when connecting with others.

3. GTFBO! (Get the Eff Back Online!) with intentional energy

This step deserves its own full article, which will be coming in our August issue!

I don’t personally advocate for a life spent 100% offline. I love social media and how it connects me with others, and believe that, though breaks are important, it’s also important to mindfully return to the digital world at some point.

I do, however, advocate for building a new habit pattern in which you recognize when you need to get offline, disconnect from the digital world for 3-48 hours, reconnect with the physical world, and then Get the Eff Back Online with intentional energy!

As Emily Drake, Owner & CEO of The Collective Academy and Founder of the Justice Marathon, says:

“The most rewarding way to engage is to do so from a place of intention - it takes us out of instinct and into intuition, and slowing down our activity if we’re wired/anxious or taking any action if we’re wired/depressed are both actions that make an investment toward moving through the stress cycle. Considering how you interact with social media, what you are giving and what you are getting, can be a powerful first step.” p.s. if you feel like you have a healthy relationship with social media, we encourage you to pass this message along to anyone in your life who might need to hear it!

GTFO! with us all month long!

If you’re feeling pretty burnt out on social media by this point in 2021, you’re not alone. Join the Keep Social Media Social™️ community for a digital workshop led by Amanda McLernon, CEO and Founder of McLernon & Co. and Keep Social Media Social™️, about why we all need to get offline - NOW.

Getting offline and safely reconnecting in our physical communities is absolutely critical for our mental health, our family’s mental health, our team members’ mental health, and the collective mental health of our country!

In this motivational talk, we will learn actionable steps to consciously step away from our digital worlds to reconnect with ourselves, our community, and our world IRL. (And we’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries that let us continue our work, school and social lives!)