Keeping Jewish - November 2023

Tradition, Inspiration and Celebration · November 2023 - Kislev 5784 · Published by Chabad Tucson

Welcome to town Richard Wagner’s life was shaped

by Judaism, Zionism and snakes

Hosting guests 10 tips for an enjoyable and comfortable dinner

Empowering others Fostering independence through acts of kindness

Hearty muffins A sweet addition and a winter favorite for all ages

LIFE

under attack A personal account of fortitude in Israel and the concern for loved ones in Tucson

Oh, Squanto! A brief and humorous history of Thanksgiving in the USA Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

OPINION The Jewish outreach and education network of Southern Arizona 2443 E 4th Street, Tucson, AZ 85719

Holding on for dear life

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

By Rabbi Yehuda Ceitlin

Rabbi Yossie Shemtov REBBETZIN

Chanie Shemtov OUTREACH DIRECTOR

Rabbi Yehuda Ceitlin PROGRAM DIRECTOR

Feigie Ceitlin Affiliates: Congregation Young Israel, Chabad at the University of Arizona, Chabad on River, Chabad of Oro Valley, Chabad of Sierra Vista, Chabad of Vail and Lamplighter Chabad Day School of Tucson

EDITOR

Rabbi Yehuda Ceitlin COPY EDITOR

Suzanne Cummins CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Zalman Abraham, Seymour Brody, Feigie Ceitlin, Mendel Kalmenson, Menachem Posner, Mordechai Schmutter, Benjamin Weiss PHOTOS

Jacqueline Soffer Studio SPECIAL THANKS

Chabad.org EDITORIAL INQUIRIES OR ADVERTISING

Phone: 520-881-7956 Email: info@ChabadTucson.com

Keeping Jewish is published in print periodically by Chabad Tucson and is distributed free in Tucson and around Southern Arizona.

Chabad Tucson does not endorse the people, establishments, products or services reported about or advertised in Keeping Jewish unless specifically noted. The acceptance of advertising in Keeping Jewish does not constitute a recommendation, approval, or other representation of the quality of products or services, or the credibility of any claims made by advertisers, including, but not limited to, the kashrus of advertised food products. The use of any products or services advertised in Keeping Jewish is solely at the user’s risk and Chabad Tucson accepts no responsibility or liability in connection therewith.

On the dark day of October 7, Itamar and Dorin Cohen first heard the whistling of rockets. Then they heard the threatening sounds of murderous shouts and gunfire as Hamas terrorists swarmed their Kibbutz of Kfar Aza in southern Israel.

Israeli tank fired shells into the house, the soldiers reasoning that “No one is there, and even if someone was there, they aren’t alive anymore.” But the Cohens survived the battle that ultimately eliminated the terrorists who had invaded their home.

As the voices and gunfire came closer, Dorin called the police, begging for help, and then called her father in nearby Ashkelon. “I told him we have terrorists at our kibbutz. He said: Tell Itamar that he shouldn’t let go of the door handle of the safe room; no matter what happens, he shouldn’t let go of the handle.”

The Cohen family survived because Itamar never let go of that door handle.

Every home in Israel, by law and due to the ongoing security concerns, is mandated to have a “mamad” room. It’s a designated safe room with thickened and hardened walls and ceilings, sealable windows, and doors for protection against chemical attacks. It is often stocked with provisions, flashlights, and a radio, much like American basements in Tornado Alley.

However, safe rooms do not lock to prevent a child or pet from inadvertently locking themselves into a space that would be very difficult to break into. They don’t have locks so that families can rush inside without having to find a key as sirens wail. They don’t have locks because no one dreamt that murderous terrorists would blast their way through the border and go house to house, hunting for Jews.

All that separated Itamar, Dorin, and their two little children from the horrific fate that befell 1,400 Jews on that dark day was the door handle. And Itamar held that door handle for his very life, the door Note: “G-d” and “L-rd” are written with a hyphen instead of an handle that was all that divided his family “o .”This is one way we accord reverence to the sacred divine between life and death. name. This also reminds us that, even as we seek G-d, He transcends any human effort to describe His reality.

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The Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, of righteous memory, often quoted the Chassidic aphorism that one should “hold on tight to the doorknob.” For his followers, the Chassidim, this meant hanging onto G-d’s commandments and Jewish teachings as taught by the Rebbe, maintaining the connection, come what may.

I must confess not fully understanding the term — until I learned about the story of the Cohens in Kfar Aza. We must hold onto the doorknob because that is what is keeping us alive as a nation.

From outside their room, they heard screams of horror and explosions. Around midnight, the terrorists broke into the Cohen home and tried forcing open the door of the safe room. Itamar held strong.

Then they piled furniture outside the room and lit it on fire. The metal handle quickly became searing hot, but still, Itamar held on.

Itamar held onto that door handle for more than 27 hours. He did not eat or drink. He did not sleep and didn’t sit. He did not so much as scratch his nose.

Finally, Israeli soldiers fought their way back into the kibbutz. The Cohen home turned into a terrorist stronghold, and an

Our faith in G-d, our sense of community, our connection to each other — that is the door handle of each and every one of us.

And on October 7, that door handle became a lifeline. Our faith was blasted; it came under fire. But ultimately, our grip did not waver.

We have found supernatural strength, strength that we may not have realized we possess, to complete that superhuman feat of holding the door handle, of keeping the faith and the connection.

Come what may, we will never let go.

- Rabbi Yehuda Ceitlin is the Outreach Director of Chabad Tucson, the Jewish network of Southern Arizona

NEWS

Tucson congregations to hold Israel Solidarity Shabbat In a display of unity and support, congregations across Tucson will each hold an Israel Solidarity Shabbat on December 1-2. The events aim to stand in support of the people of the land of Israel, who find themselves in the midst of a defensive struggle against their neighbors in the south and north.

The weekend’s programs, initiated by the Weintraub Israel Center, will encompass a range of activities, including special prayer services, dedicated sermons by rabbis, communal and private Shabbat meals, and insightful discussions exploring the profound biblical and historic Jewish

connection to the land.

The Torah portion for this special Shabbat will be Vayishlach, recounting the story of Jacob’s return to the Holy Land and his wrestle with an angel representing his vengeful brother Esau. This intense battle culminates with Jacob prevailing and earning the name Israel, signifying “he who prevails over the divine.”

Orthodox, Conservative and Reform congregations will all be joining in. Chabad participants will include Chabad Tucson and The Shul of Tucson, Chabad at the University of Arizona, Chabad on River,

A full crowd showed up for a Prayer For Israel event at Chabad Oro Valley, on October 16, 2023

Chabad of Oro Valley, Chabad of Vail, and Chabad of Sierra Vista. Each congregation will offer tailored programming to enrich the experience for attendees.

“We stand in unwavering solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Israel during this challenging period,” affirms Rabbi Yossie Shemtov, Executive Director of Chabad Tucson. “We are reminded that by spreading acts of goodness and kindness within our communities, we can have a meaningful impact on events across the globe.”

Solidarity Shabbat, Rabbi Shemtov encourages all to join in collective prayer, with men donning tefillin, women lighting Shabbat candles, and the tradition of affixing a mezuzah to doorposts. He also emphasizes the importance of charitable giving, performing acts of kindness, and dedicating time to the study of Torah.

For more information about the Israel Solidarity Shabbat, contact participating congregations and local Jewish organizations.

In addition to participating in the Israel

Rafi, 2, learns his number at the preschool class of Lamplighter Chabad Day School, on October 12, 2023

Yossi Lapko, MMA, Taekwondo & Tactical Trainer, presents a safety class at Chabad Tucson on October 28, 2023

Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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ISRAEL

Life, under fire Movies marathon, popcorn and a barrage of terror rockets

As soon as Shabbat ended, I dropped a text in our family WhatsApp. I knew that my parents, Dr. Ellis and Irene Friedman, in Tucson, Arizona, would be waking up soon. I wanted them to know that we were physically unharmed even before they heard the terrible news.

Sunday morning, my husband drove our daughter to the south for reserve army duty. All day long, we texted friends to check in.

We’re physically unharmed.

My husband was called up.

My cousin is missing.

My sister is dead.

My grandmother is missing.

All day long, red alerts lit up our screens.

In the quiet moments, we felt our fear and helplessness grow. And it was evening, and it was morning, day two of the war.

Monday, October 9.

“There has to be something we can do,” I said to Guy. “Okay, we’re too old for miluim, but what can we do?”

He came up with a simple, brilliant idea.

We have a home theatre in our basement.

With school canceled indefinitely and many of our neighbors suddenly single-parenting multiple young children, we could open our doors and screen movies for the neighborhood kids.

We started running three shows a day for different age group to give their parents a break. At times, we had 50 kids crammed in, happily munching popcorn while the war waged on.

By Abbi Perets On October 7, 2023, I was sound asleep in bed when my husband’s phone buzzed frantically. He was already at shul, so I leaned over to look at his screen.

It was full of red alerts — the notifications we get when terror rockets are fired at Israel — but what stopped my blood cold was a WhatsApp message from one of his friends at work.

They’re talking about tens, if not hundreds, of deaths. A massive intelligence failure.

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| November 2023 | Keeping Jewish

I leaped out of bed, threw on clothes, and raced down the stairs. I’m not sure what I thought I was going to do, but I knew I wanted to get to shul, to my husband, to our children.

I hadn’t made it all the way down when Guy, my husband, walked in the door. “It’s bad,” he said. “It’s really, really bad.”

By the end of the day, half the men in

our community were gone — called up to miluim (army reserves). Updates trickled in from the soldiers and security officers who had been sent to our neighborhood to patrol.

In every corner, the strange sight of our friends and neighbors talking on phones.

On Shabbat. On chag (the holiday). My oldest daughter had her phone on her — she had checked in with her reserve army unit and was waiting to hear when they’d need her.

The thing is, even when the world is falling apart around you, you still have to go to the store and get milk and eggs. You still have to brush your teeth. You still have to do all these incredibly mundane things that feel completely wrong and incomprehensible.

We fell into strange patterns of conversation. “Tel Aviv,” we say when the red alerts show that rockets are being fired on central Israel.

“Did someone check in with Lior? Where is Shir?” when rockets are fired in the areas where our daughters are for miluim or for work.

“Did you see —”

My intellectually disabled son turns 20, and we force ourselves to smile for a moment.

“Yes.” We note the names of the people who reach — when there is another horrible revelation out to us — and feel an emptiness when we of how our people were tortured, maimed, count up the ones who are silent. kidnapped, murdered, defiled.

We watch as Jewish students are hidden in I start the day thinking, “Today, I will work. the attic of a library at a college in America.

Today, I will be productive.” And then an As thousands of anti-Israel protestors fill alert pops up and I check the news, or a the streets in London, and many more friend asks if I can hold her newborn so around the world. As a plane from Israel is that she can take a quick shower, or a mobbed by Muslims in Russia who want to friend asks if I can help the municipality find and kill the Jews. raise funds for our Preparatory Unit — the first line of defense against the Palestinian We worry about you, our Jewish families villages surrounding us on all sides in outside of Israel, which makes you laugh the Samarian hills — and I suppose I am uneasily. “We’re fine,” you tell us, and we working. I am being productive. Just not on continue to worry. the things that bring money into my family.

Yes, Israel was caught by surprise. Yes, A few days went by, and I had to take my we suffered a massive failure of our son Amit to Petah Tikva for a hearing aid intelligence and made mistakes that led to appointment. We finished the appointment, the barbaric, murderous terrorist attacks and we were walking back to the car when of October 7. But at least we here in Israel sirens started up and alerts popped up on recognize what happened as barbaric, our phones. murderous terrorist attacks.

Amit — who is 14 — immediately grabbed my hand. “In here,” he said, decisively, pulling me towards a residential building.

We raced down the stairs to the marked safe area. We texted our family so that they knew we were safe. We heard the Iron Dome interception overhead and felt the boom reverberate through the building. We waited 10 minutes and then made our way back to the car.

On the drive home, Amit was alert, constantly noting where I could pull over and where we could take cover if the sirens started up again.

Abbi Perets (nee Friedman) during her military service at the Israel Defense Forces

We know that we must fight, root out Hamas in the south and Hezbollah in the north and ensure the safety and security of the Jewish people and the Jewish state.

We fear for you. I think about my parents in Tucson, my siblings on the East and West coasts, the Jews in Europe and around the world, living in countries where the government will, at best, tolerate you and perhaps say they are saddened to hear of your brutal murder.

Movie night at the Perets home for children whose parents were called up to the front-lines

It’s windy today. From my office I can see the Israeli flag on my front gate, along with all the flags on my street, proudly unfurled, defiant, against the sky. This war will be long and difficult, and we will win.

Week four of the war, and bodies are still being identified from the massacre.

Families are still waiting to hear about their loved ones. Words and images that are —Abbi Perets founded Successful Freelance so depraved and grisly that your brain tries Mom, helping women create profitable freelance to deny their existence. businesses that fit into their busy lives. Born in Pennsylvania, she made Aliya at the age of 18 and Week four of fractured sleep, of eyes swollen currently lives with her husband, Guy, and their from hours of crying, of constant anxiety, of five children in Etz Efrayim, Israel. shallow breaths.

To support their Preparatory Unit, donate I realize that my clients, kind and at https://shorturl.at/ptvDO compassionate as they are, cannot be expected to wait forever, so I try, again and again, to work.

Guy and Abbi Perets, their children and her parents Dr. Ellis and Irene Friedman of Tucson, AZ

Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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JUDAISM 101

Hosting Shabbat guests 10 tips for a comfortable and enjoyable dinner

By Rosally Saltsman Shabbat invitations are front-seat tickets for learning about traditional Jewish life. Newbies to Jewish observance dream of the day when they, too, will be able to host and inspire others. But it can be daunting to think of the abundance of dishes, the lavish table, and the deep Torah thoughts and Shabbat songs that one might be expected to share with their guests.

However, that needn’t be the case.

Shabbat has been welcomed and celebrated differently in different communities and cultures for more than 3,000 years, and you don’t have to be a Torah scholar or expert chef to host a Friday-night dinner or Saturday lunch.

Welcoming guests is a big mitzvah, and the fact that you’re doing so on Shabbat carries even greater weight.

Expect that not everything is going to be perfect - your attitude (being happy, grateful, flexible, and keeping your sense of humor) will make everyone comfortable, however things turn out.

Here are 10 tips to make having Shabbat guests easier.

The Shabbat table of Yasaleah Anderson in Tucson, AZ

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1. The Food Doesn’t Need to Be Extravagant While the Shabbat meal should be more lavish than the rest of the week, it doesn’t have to be a feast. Gefilte fish and chicken soup are staples but only optional; any food that gives you pleasure (and, of course, is kosher) is fine. The only requirement is to have wine or grape juice and two rolls or loaves of bread to recite the blessings.

The Shabbat table doesn’t have to be adorned with china and crystal, and

there are many creative ways to make it special without overtaxing yourself.

2. Meaningful Conversation Shabbat meals are meant to be accompanied by Torah thoughts and Shabbat songs to elevate Shabbat from the mundane and ensure that it’s of a more spiritual and positive nature.

3. No Distractions Explain to your guests in advance that one of the beauties of the Shabbat meal is that there are no distractions— no cell phones, no telephones, no tablets or other devices—just people spending quality time with each other. But because there are no distractions, make sure that everyone will be comfortable, physically and emotionally. The “No fire” on Shabbat rule also means no conflict or anger at the Shabbat table.

4. Be Flexible Don’t be so rigid that people have to sit in their seats for hours and feel that they can’t get up and stretch their legs or go sit on the couch, but do try to maintain some festive decorum so that the meal takes on a heightened importance. Take the median path.

Young children shouldn’t feel that they have to sit at the table throughout the meal, so you might want to set up some (non-electronic) games or toys nearby for them to play with.

5. Make Every Guest Feel Important Welcome and engage your guests in conversation, and ask them questions about their lives that they would feel comfortable sharing. Honoring others is a big mitzvah. People will remember more how you treated them than what food you served.

JUDAISM 101

‘Light For Israel’ campaign continues Women and girls post selfies with hashtag on Fridays

By Faygie Levy Holt

6. Dietary Requirements Before planning your menu, ask your guests if they have any special dietary requirements—if they are gluten- or lactose-intolerant, vegan, vegetarian or allergic to anything. Make sure to tell your guests in advance the main foods you’ll be serving.

7. Dress Up Dress like you are receiving a queen— the Shabbat queen—but also be comfortable so that you’re not itching for your guests to leave.

8. Explain the Basic Laws in Advance Make sure your guests know the basic laws and decorum in advance, especially in areas where they may slip up. Have light-switch guards so they don’t accidentally turn off the lights in the bathroom, and tell them that if they want to bring anything, to do so before the start of Shabbat (for example, flowers can’t be placed in water once Shabbat starts). Or that after washing hands, not to speak until eating a piece of challah.

9. Light Shabbat Candles If your guests are coming before Shabbat, invite women and girls to light Shabbat candles with you. You can print out the candle-lighting blessings beforehand to make it easier for them.

10. Have Booklets for Blessings and Songs Prepare enough booklets with the Birkat Hamazon, the “Grace After Meals,” with English translation or Hebrew transliteration.

Shabbat Shalom! Enjoy your company!

A global campaign is encouraging Jewish women and girls to light Shabbat candles in solidarity with Israel. Everyone who lights candles is encouraged to post a picture with #LightForIsrael and challenge and encourage friends to do so as well.

Among the thousands of women who are taking part in the campaign are celebrity actresses Gal Gadot in Israel and Debra Messing in California, who shared the hashtag campaign on their social media pages before the start of Shabbat.

“This is so so important!!!!,” Gadot shared on her Instagram stories along with the hashtag and a link for people to find the blessing to be said after lighting the candles.

The #LightForIsrael campaign is being driven largely through social media posts and word-of-mouth. As part of the campaign challenge, Chabad

centers have been distributing a free set of Shabbat candles to be lit 18 minutes before sunset. Check local times at Chabad.org/candlelighting One of those taking part in the campaign and helping to spread the word is social media influencer Ellie Zeiler, who has 10.7 million followers on TikTok and grew up going to a local Chabad House.

Zeiler said she’s supporting #LightForIsrael because “the most important thing I know about being Jewish I learned from growing up in the Chabad community. It is that our purpose is to put kindness and light into the world.”

“By lighting a candle in solidarity, we become closer to one another while continuing to share our light,” she continued.

Lunch is on us each month at

Shabbat Lunch & Learn

Join us for a delicious lunch, learn about a variety of topics related to aging, and take home a Shabbat dinner!

Monthly at Handmaker beginning at 11:30am Friday, November 10 - Engaging in the Arts at Every Age, with Marcia Berger Friday, December 8 - Dr. Allan Anderson, the Medical Director of the Toole Family Memory Center at Banner Alzheimer’s Institute in Tucson, will talk about Memory, Forgetfulness and Aging

There is no cost to attend, but reservations are required.

For more information, to RSVP, or for info on assistance with transportation, contact Nanci Levy at nlevy@handmaker.org or 520-322-3632.

This program was funded by a grant from the Jewish Community Foundation of Southern Arizona.

Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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LOCAL in buildings for religious activity. I liked Sukkot – the festival of the harvest - which took me outdoors and liberated my head to the sky.

Welcome to town:

Richard Wagner

Historical Jewish figure: Ze’ev Jabotinsky – created the modern fighting Jew without whom the State of Israel would not exist. And my hero, Ben Hecht, a Zionist and the greatest screenwriter in Hollywood.

Jewish app on phone: I am a Luddite – a detester of technology.

Is that now inconsistent with Halacha (Jewish law)?

Currently reading: The Hidden Freud: His Hassidic Roots by Joseph Berke.

Favorite three Yiddish words: Schlemiel and Schlimazel (a Schlemiel drops a bowl of soup on a Schlimazel). It’s fun explaining the difference to Goyim.

Comfort food: My grandma’s stuffed cabbage, and and New York Italian “grandma’s pizza.”

Kvell: My nephew and nieces know they are Jews.

And so will their kids.

Chabad: I lived in Vienna, Austria, where Chabad was my welcoming link to Judaism – inviting me to their Passover Seder every year. I was able to celebrate each time the Rabbi’s family welcomed a new child into the world (culminating in 10, or was it 11 spirited Jews).

Two males at Tel Aviv University Zoo

By Benjamin Weiss A little about yourself: I was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island, where I fell in love with nature at the age of two and grew up collecting toads and snakes.

After dropping out of college, I went to Israel, where I caught a viper bare-handedly and was consequently hired as Curator of Reptiles at the Haifa Zoo. I spent two formative years in Israel, picking 10,000 grapefruits at Kibbutz Ma’agan 8

Michael, researching birds called Arabian babblers in a field school near the Dead Sea, and became fluent in Hebrew.

I came back to America to get my BA in Ecology from the University of Arizona, followed by a year in Kenya researching birds and witnessing the circumcision of a 16-year-old Maasai boy. I then went to Yale for a Master’s, Oxford for a PhD, and then a Smithsonian fellowship. I tried to get a

| November 2023 | Keeping Jewish

professorship in Israel but was hired in Vienna. The Jews didn’t hire me for the same reason that the Austrians did: My name is Richard Wagner.

Moving to Tucson: I love the desert, east (Israel), and west. I have recently retired here, living within walking distance of Saguaro National Park. I swim in my pool every day, indulge in my cinephilia on my 75” Sony TV, birdwatch, BBQ, read, and

write poems.

Cherished Jewish memory: My grandfather was born in a Fiddler-on-the-roofesque shtetl in Poland in 1892. He took me as a small boy to his Shul in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and showed me his own wooden seat, which folded up to store his books and tallis.

Favorite Jewish holiday: As a boy naturalist, I felt stifled by formal clothes and trapped

Happiness: To struggle to fulfill our G-d-given gifts.

Looking forward to: Publishing a few of my hundreds of poems and haikus.

Claim to fame: I know more about cinema than any ornithologist and more about birds than any film critic.

Richard Wagner can be reached at: RichardWagner.H@outlook.com

KOSHER

Hearty carrot muffins

By Feigie Ceitlin Carrot cake muffins hold a special place at our Shabbat table, gracing it during the third course alongside meat or poultry.

Their warm and sweet flavor entices both young and old. It’s not uncommon for guests to mistake these delicious muffins for a dessert. Even my children, who can be finicky with their vegetables, eagerly reach for seconds of these muffins (a reaction I can’t always say I get with string beans!)

These hearty muffins have become a cherished tradition in our home and serve as a perfect for the winter season.

INGREDIENTS: Batter: - 2 cups sugar - 1 cup oil - 4 eggs - 1 tsp salt - 2 cups flour - 2 tsp baking powder - 1 tsp baking soda - 4 jars of carrot baby food/puree - 2 tsp cinnamon Crumb topping: - 1/4 cup oil - 1/2 cup flour - 3/4 cup brown sugar

DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. In a mixing bowl, combine sugar, oil, eggs, salt, flour, baking powder, baking soda, carrot baby food, and cinnamon. Beat the mixture until well combined.

3. In a separate bowl, prepare the crumb topping by mixing oil, flour, and brown sugar until it forms a crumbly texture.

4. Line a muffin tin with liners.

5. Spoon the batter into each muffin liner, filling them about 2/3 of the way.

6. Sprinkle a generous amount of the crumb topping on top of each muffin.

7. Bake in the preheated oven for approximately 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean. * The blessing: Mezonot Baruch atah A-donay, Elo-heinu Melech

Ha’Olam borei minei mezonot.

Blessed are you L-rd our G-d, King of the Universe, Who creates various kinds of sustenance.

— Rebbetzin Feigie Ceitlin is the program director of Chabad Tucson and head of school of Lamplighter Chabad Day School.

B’tayavon!

Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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HEBREW

The gift of independence Ligmol - providing

Photo: JW/Unsplash

Embedded within human nature is the inclination to help others in need. But what is the ultimate goal of such giving?

The urge to give can sometimes be selfserving, especially when it leaves the recipient with interminable dependence.

To give someone the gift of independence, however, is to set them free, allowing them to stand on their own two feet.

This subtle distinction is reflected in the

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By Mendel Kalmenson and Zalman Abraham Hebrew word for providing for others— ligmol, which is the same word used for weaning when a mother stops nursing a child. The Torah tells us that Abraham held a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. Judaism sees weaning not just as a significant change in a child’s diet, but as a crucial developmental milestone worthy of celebration.

In child-rearing, it is tempting for a parent to want to keep providing for their child as

much as possible, for as long as possible.

In the words of the Talmud, “More than the calf wishes to suck, the cow wants to suckle.”

However, this parental impulse to constantly tend to a child’s every whim and want is not in the best interests of the child. The job of the parent is not to focus on what they want to give to their child but on what their child truly needs to develop the necessary skills to succeed in life on

their own. After all, we won’t always be around to care for them.

A parent’s obligation to their child includes the following three criteria: A Jewish education, to help provide them with a value system and moral compass with which to navigate the complexities of life.

A trade, so they can earn a livelihood.

Basic survival skills—such as how to swim, for example.

In all of these parental obligations, the Sages are teaching us not only the criteria but the actual objectives of successful parenting—the raising of well-adjusted, independent human beings!

In Judaism, it is understood that the epitome of what we can do for another person is not just to give them what we have or what they currently need, but to help them be able to support themselves.

As the famous saying goes: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Maimonides famously lists eight ascending levels of being charitable, the highest of which is to help a person become selfreliant. In Maimonides’ words: “The loftiest degree, exceeded by none, is that of the person who assists someone by providing him with a loan or by accepting him into a business partnership or by helping him find employment in order to strengthen his hand so that he will not need to be dependent upon others.”

One might think that a gift is nobler than a loan; after all, a loan is returned, while a gift requires one to part with one’s money forever. This may be true from the perspective of the donor, but from the perspective of the receiver, a loan has a far greater impact because it keeps them on—rather than off—their feet in order to repay it.

Additionally, the greater benefit of a loan or a job, as opposed to a handout, is that it helps preserve the dignity and agency of the recipient as they work to achieve financial independence and stability.

Maimonides continues: “Regarding such aid, it is said, You shall strengthen him, whether he be a stranger or a settler (Leviticus 25:35), which means to strengthen him in such a manner that his falling into further want is prevented.”

time his hand slips. To what might this be compared? To a burden on a donkey. While it is still on the donkey, one person can hold it up and set it straight. But if it falls to the ground, even five people cannot put it back on.” Our responsibility to help others thus begins well before they are no longer able to help themselves.

Put differently: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” This is the socioeconomic version of “preventive medicine” rather than the “emergency room” approach practiced in many countries and communities.

Such an empowering approach to selfsufficiency also extends to education, another form of giving. In the Jewish understanding of education, the goal is not to convey information simply so that the student is able to repeat and regurgitate what they heard. Rather, the goal is to provide them with the critical skills that enable them to become independently proficient, empowering them to study and acquire knowledge on their own.

“Yehuda,” said the Rebbe, “look there, on the shelf. What do you see?”

“A candle,” he replied.

“No. It’s not a candle; it’s just a lump of wax with a string down the middle. When does this lump of wax become a candle?

When you bring a flame to the wick.”

An hour later, with the sun about to rise and the meeting drawing to a close, Avner asked, “So, has the Rebbe lit my candle?”

“No,” the Rebbe replied quietly. “I have given you the match. Only you can light your own candle.”

The big idea:

His voice rising, the Rebbe continued in a Talmudic singsong: “The wax is the body of the human being, the wick is the soul, and the flame is the fire of the Torah. When the soul is ignited by the flame of the Torah, that’s when the person becomes a candle, achieving the purpose for which he was created.

“This is what I try to do—to help every man and woman achieve the purpose for which they were created.”

Judaism’s idea of helping others is to put them on their feet, not on your shoulders.

—An excerpt from People of the Word, by Mendel Kalmenson and Zalman Abraham, exploring 50 key Hebrew words that have been mistranslated and misunderstood for centuries.

Photo: Jp Valery/Unsplash

This applies spiritually as well. Our Sages teach that Aaron the High Priest was instructed to kindle the menorah’s lights in the Holy Temple “until the flames ascended and stayed lit on their own.” Chasidut explains that the same holds true when kindling the spiritual flame in others. It is not enough for those we seek to inspire to merely retain what we give them, passively reflecting another’s luminescence; they need to be empowered to acquire and generate their own insight and inspiration to independently shine their unique light.

All of these insights underscore the same basic truth. Whether we are talking about someone’s financial, educational, or spiritual needs, the greatest gift one can give another is the resources and skills necessary for them to provide for themselves and take charge of their own destiny.

Story:

In his commentary on this same verse, Rashi gives a similar explanation and then quotes a parable from the Midrash: “Do not leave him alone so that he descends and falls, for it will be hard to raise him back up. Rather, support him from the

Late one night, two hours into an audience with the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Israeli diplomat Yehuda Avner asked, “Rebbe, what is it that you seek to accomplish?”

Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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VETERANS DAY

Transformed by empathy Meeting the Lubavitcher Rebbe as a disabled veteran

By Yanki Tauber IDF sponsored a tour of the United States for a large group of disabled veterans.

While we were in New York, a Chabad chossid came to our hotel and suggested that we meet with the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

Most of us did not know what to make of the invitation, but a few members of our group had heard about the Rebbe and convinced the rest of us to accept.

The Rebbe meeting with injured IDF veterans at 770 Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn, NY in 1976

When Joseph Cabiliv regained consciousness in the Rambam Hospital in Haifa, he remembered nothing of the circumstances that had brought him there. He felt an excruciating pain in his legs. The discovery that followed was far more horrendous: glancing under the sheet, he saw that both his legs had been amputated, the right leg at the knee, the left at mid-thigh.

The day before, Joseph, who was serving on reserve duty in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF), was patrolling the Golan Heights with several other soldiers when their jeep hit an old Syrian land mine. Two of his comrades were killed on the spot.

Another three suffered serious injuries.

Joseph’s legs were so severely crushed that the doctors had no choice but to amputate them.

Aside from the pain and disability, Joseph was confronted with society’s incapacity to deal with people with disabilities. “My friends would come to visit,” he recalls,

12 | November 2023 | Keeping Jewish

“sustain fifteen minutes of artificial cheer and depart without once meeting my eye.

My mother would come and cry, and it was I, who so desperately needed consolation, who had to do the consoling. My father would come and sit by my bedside in silence. I don’t know which was worse, my mother’s tears or my father’s silence.

“Returning to my civilian profession as a welder was, of course, impossible, and while people were quick to offer charity, no one had a job for a man without legs. When I ventured out in my wheelchair, people kept their distance so that a large empty space opened up around me on the busiest street corner.”

When Joseph met with other disabled veterans, he found that they all shared his experience: they had given their bodies in defense of the nation, but the nation lacked the spiritual strength to confront their sacrifice.

“In the summer of 1976,” Joseph says, “The

“As soon as they heard we were coming, the Chabadniks sprang into action, organizing the whole thing with the precision of a military campaign. Ten large commercial vans pulled up to our hotel to transport us and our wheelchairs to the Chabad-Lubavitch headquarters in Brooklyn. Soon, we found ourselves in the famous synagogue on the basement floor of 770 Eastern Parkway.

“Ten minutes later, a white-bearded man of about 70 years of age entered the room, followed by two assistants. As if by a common signal, absolute silence pervaded the room. There was no mistaking the authority he radiated. We had all stood in the presence of military commanders and prime ministers, but this was unlike anything we had ever encountered.

“He passed between us, resting his glance on each one of us, and in that glance, I encountered true empathy as the Rebbe conveyed that he was with us - utterly and exclusively.

“The Rebbe then began to speak about our ‘disability,’ saying that he objected to the use of the term. ‘If a person has been deprived of a limb or a faculty,’ he said, ‘this itself indicates that G-d has given him special powers to overcome the limitations this entails and to surpass the achievements of ordinary people. You are not “disabled” or “handicapped,” as you possess potentials that the rest of us do not. “’I therefore suggest,’ he continued, adding with a smile, ‘of course, it is none of my business, but Jews are famous for voicing opinions on matters that do not concern them - that you should no longer be called nechei Yisrael (“the disabled of Israel,” our designation in the IDF bureaucracy) but metzuyanei Yisrael (“the outstanding or special of Israel”).

“In parting, he gave each of us a dollar bill in order -he explained- that we give it to charity on his behalf, making us partners in fulfilling a mitzvah. He walked from wheelchair to wheelchair, shaking our hands, giving each a dollar, and adding a personal word or two. When my turn came, he said ‘Thank you’ with a slight nod of his head. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

“I later learned that he had said something different to each one of us. I carried the Rebbe’s ‘Thank you’ back to Israel, and I carry it with me to this very day.”

HISTORY

Leonard Bernstein American conductor, composer, and pianist

By Seymour Brody Leonard Bernstein had his aunt to thank for introducing him to music. When he was 10 years old, his aunt gave his family her piano. Bernstein was so fascinated with it that he began to play by ear and to compose simple pieces for it. Despite his father’s apprehensions about musicians, he soon began formal piano lessons.

Born in Lawrence, Massachusetts, on August 25, 1918, Bernstein was the son of Russian Jewish immigrants, Samuel Joseph Bernstein and Jennie (née Resnick). His father was in the hair goods and beauty supply business.

Bernstein attended Boston Latin School, where he received a well-rounded early education. He graduated from Harvard University in 1939 with a degree in music.

He continued his studies at the Curtis Institute of Music in Philadelphia, where there were many leading musicians on the staff.

When World War II broke out, Bernstein was beginning his career. His first work, the Clarinet Sonata, had been published, and he was busy producing operas for the Boston Institute of Modern Art. He received his first major opportunity in September 1942, when he was appointed assistant conductor at Tanglewood, Massachusetts.

This position gave him entree to many other opportunities. In the 1942-43 season, he conducted concerts in New York, and in 1943, he was appointed as the assistant conductor of the New York Philharmonic.

On November 13, 1943, Bernstein was asked to conduct the Philharmonic in place of Arthur Rodzinski, who had become ill.

His success was instantaneous. The New York Times praised his debut on its front page, and he received the praises of his colleagues.

Bernstein was very sensitive to the feelings of people. When he was a guest conductor with the Israel Philharmonic, he was asked by parents in the audience to write a work to honor their 19-yearold son, a flutist, who had fallen in the 1973 Yom Kippur War. Bernstein said, “I never knew Yadin Tannenbaum, but I knew his spirit.” He wrote “Halil,” which he dedicated to the flutist and his fallen brothers.

Illustration by Art Seiden

Bernstein wrote many pieces dealing with the world’s cruelty and injustices. His feelings were expressed in his works, the Jeremiah Symphony, The Age of Anxiety, Candide, Mass, and Kaddish.

Bernstein was also known for his popular music. He composed music for Fancy Free, Wonderful Town, West Side Story, and The Dybbuk. He also composed a one-act opera, Trouble in Tahiti, a piano piece, Touches, and a piece in memory of André Kostelanetz titled A Musical Toast.

Bernstein was a leader in introducing music to young people through his television program, the Young People’s Concerts. He displayed much enthusiasm and vigor in these concerts. Bernstein resigned as director of the New York Philharmonic in 1969 following the death of his wife, Felicia Montealegre Cohn, a Catholic who converted to Judaism. The New York Philharmonic honored him by giving him the title of conductor laureate.

Bernstein’s impact on music is immeasurable; he will forever stand as a towering figure in American musical history.

- Originally published in Jewish Heroes & Heroines of America: 150 True Stories of American Jewish Heroism (Frederick Fell Publishers, Inc.) Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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HUMOR

You don’t know Squanto A brief history of Thanksgiving

By Mordechai Schmutter Thanksgiving is a time when people all over the country get together to celebrate things like religious freedom and the fact that a group of long-gone Pilgrims stopped dying except at the normal rate. Because if not for those Pilgrims, we wouldn’t have a country, unless you count all the explorers who settled in more tropical regions, like Manhattan.

The basic story involves a group of people called the Pilgrims, who were looking to get out of England to have more religious freedom. Eventually, they were approached by the London Company, who told them that if they went, they could catch animals and trade furs.

For money. Not for other furs.

They set sail on two ships. One of those ships was called the Speedwell, but that ship began to leak almost immediately after they left the dock. So everyone went back to England, where they all squished onto their other boat – the Mayflower, which is a pretty name for a 200-foot boat that held 132 people plus goats, birds, and dogs for over two months. It did not smell like a Mayflower.

They finally left England in September 1620, and they landed at Cape Cod, Massachusetts, in November, which isn’t the prettiest time to go there.

But what do you want? There was no GPS. There were paper maps, but they lost those when the goats got loose.

Anyway, the Pilgrims landed in New England right before the winter with no food, supplies, or shelter. By the end of the first winter, there were 53 people left.

They had better luck during the summer, though.

14 | November 2023 | Keeping Jewish

Photo: Mikkel Bergmann/Unsplash

In March, they happened to luck into a Native American named “Squanto,” who happened to know English because he was once kidnapped and brought to England as a slave. He escaped and made his way back to America, only to find that his tribe had been wiped out by a plague brought over by the people who’d kidnapped him, so he had to join another tribe, which, as it turned out, was the very same tribe the settlers ran into!

So, in the fall of 1621, they started preparing a festival. Nobody remembers when they celebrated it, but they know it was on a Thursday. Nobody knows if it was an official Thanksgiving. It might have been just a fall harvest festival, which is something that people had been doing for thousands of years, which is when you bring all your crops in from the field, and then you try to eat them all at once before they go bad.

And boy did Squanto come in handy.

According to my research, he taught them: 1. How to plant corn. (Corn is hard. What part do you even plant?)

2. How to avoid poisonous plants. (“It’s not like they chase you,” he said.)

3. How to use alewives as fertilizer for their crops. (Note: alewives are a kind of herring, not a kind of wives.)

5. How to catch local animals such as turkeys, which are exactly like chickens, but terrifying.

The first actual “Thanksgiving” meal that they had was two years later, in 1623, after it didn’t rain for a while, and then it did.

They had a Thanksgiving Day feast, in the rain. People died. What people think is Thanksgiving is actually a composite of two events.

But despite everyone dying, the Pilgrims decided to celebrate because if history teaches us anything, it’s that you can’t live in the past.

In fact, on the first Thanksgiving or whatever, they weren’t even going to invite the Indians, because they had to draw the line on the guest list somewhere. But then the Indians heard gunfire, so they ran in with all their weapons, and the Pilgrims were like, “No, no, we’re getting ready for our feast. We’re hunting corn.”

So now they had to invite the Indians. And Squanto, so he could teach them how to cook.

The feast was forgotten until 1863, when Abraham Lincoln decided to institute the holiday on the last day in November to try to avoid the Civil War. It didn’t work.

Then, in 1939, Franklin Roosevelt decided to move the holiday to a randomly-moving day in November, so he could have a long weekend.

So, in summary, Thanksgiving was established in both 1863 and 1939 to commemorate an event that didn’t actually happen in 1621, but sort of happened in 1623 based on a misunderstanding.

As far as secular holidays go, it’s not the worst reason to have one. It’s better than celebrating groundhogs. Thanksgiving is to sit around a table and being thankful for the things you have, until about 6 PM, when you run out to the store to buy more things…

GAME

CRAFT

Take the Jewish Warriors Quiz

DIY Get Well card

By Menachem Posner

By Mushky Yiftach Each season brings its unique charms and challenges. We treasure Fall for its vibrant foliage and crisp air, while Winter’s chill, though bracing, can be less inviting.

Brighten the day of someone not feeling their best with this heartwarming pop-up tissue card. Remember, the mitzvah of bikur cholim teaches us that visiting the sick can bring great comfort and healing, often lightening their burden by half.

Photo: Jaime Spaniol/Unsplash

2. Whom did Moses command to lead the battle against Amalek?

A. Korach ben Yitzhar B. Joshua bin Nun C. Samson D. Shimon and Levi 3. Who, of humble station, led Israel against Ammon?

A. Eliezer (servant of Abraham) B. Joshua bin Nun C. Yiftach of Gilead D. Judah the Maccabee 4. Who felled a giant with just a slingshot and some stones?

A. King David B. Rabbi Akiva C. King Saul D. Yossel the Golem

5. Who used his last strength to topple a building full of Phillistines?

A. Samson B. Harry (“The Brooklyn Beater”) C. Barak D. Moshe Dayan

6. Who led a failed rebellion against the Romans after the destruction of the Second Temple?

A. Shimon ben Levi B. Shimon Moskowitz C. Shimon the Maccabee D. Shimon Bar Kochba

1. Fold 1 sheet of paper in half 2. Cut two slits in the paper approx. 2 inches long 3. Pop out the rectangle to form a pop up 4. Cover the rectangle with a different color paper

Supplies:

5. Cut a slit on the top of the rectangle

2 card-stock papers 1 decorative paper 1 tissue Scissor Glue Bandaid Markers Stickers - optional

6. Place a tissue inside the slit to resemble a tissue box 7. Place the bandaid on the paper and draw hands, legs, and a smile to cheer up your friends!

8. Write “Get Well” (or Refuah Shleima in Hebrew) and decorate!

7. Who hid a double-edged sword in the right side of his cloak?

A. Ehud Barak B. Barak C. Ehud D. Robin Hood 8. Who went to battle together with Deborah the Prophetess?

A. Barak B. Baruch C. Chayil D. Chayale 9. Who was said to proclaim, “Whoever is for G-d, follow me”?

A. Eli the High Priest B. Matityahu the High Priest C. Joshua the High Priest D. Elazar the High Priest 10. Who decapitated an enemy general after plying him with cheese and wine?

A. Jane B. Jill C. Judith D. Jerusalemina Answers: 1-A, 2-B, 3-C, 4-A, 5-A, 6-D, 7-C, 8-A, 9-B, 10-C.

1. Who went to war (and won) to rescue his nephew Lot? A. Abraham B. Isaac C. Jacob D. Joseph

Instructions:

For more creative activities, visit: onarollcrafts.com Keeping Jewish | November 2023 |

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BS”D

SHINE YOUR LIGHT E T A H T S N I A AG

CHANUKAH @ DOWNTOWN TUCSON THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7, 5:00 PM | November 2023 | Keeping Jewish