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CURATED CONTENT FOR SELF HEALERS

Pumpkin Bread, Bath Salts, Breath and Body Work, Oh My! Are you clever as a fox?! Killing more than rodents... How to boost your creativity through tantra Life as a fireman in NYC 10 Ways to Heal Your Relationship with your Child Peaceful Parenting, Better Work Days, and more!

2 | winter 2023

content

page(s)

WINTER 2023

Pumpkin Bread

4-5

Healing with Oils

Breathwork with Rosanna

8-9

Opening to Life with Rosa

11-13

Animal Magic

14-17

Collective 3 Card Read

18-19

Animal Talk

20-23

Believing

24-25

Tantra

26-29

Life as a Fireman

30-35

Healing Relationships

36-41

Parenting

42-43

Multitasking at Work

44-45

Contributors

46-52

Self Healing Directory

“The days are short, The sun a spark Hung thin between The dark and dark.” — John Updike

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Hi! I love living in a beach town! I purchased an electric bike in mid-July and have nearly 1500 miles on it! I have made new biking friends, and we ride around like part of a gang. Sometimes, we meet, ride to the beach, walk along the ocean, kayak in the sound, and eat at a local restaurant before returning home. It is so much fun! I feel so blessed with many new and beautiful friendships! I am releasing this publication just before leaving on a trip to Nicaragua! When I put my house on the market in NY, I met a couple stranded in my town due to COVID. They live in Nicaragua and have invited me to stay with them. During their time in NY, Katie and I helped them to create a nonprofit for the 40-plus animals they rescued in Nicaragua. They currently have four horses among their rescues! I have a few different balls in the air and am excited to see where they land! Right now, I am busily selling nearly all I own (once again!) in preparation for my next season. This magazine is a work in progress. Please feel free to offer any feedback. It is intended to show gratitude for being on my email list. Instead of sending multiple emails, I wanted to combine information into something I could send less frequently. Every article won’t be for everyone, but I trust that there will be something in it for everyone! Sending everyone lots of love, Lori

4 | winter 2023

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Copycat Starbucks Pumpkin Bread Prep: 25 min. Bake: 1 hour + cooling YIELD: 2 loaves (16 slices each) INGREDIENTS: 1 can (15 ounces) solid-pack pumpkin 4 large eggs 3/4 cup canola oil 2/3 cup water 2 cups sugar 1 cup honey 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 3-1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking soda 1-1/2 teaspoons salt 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 1/2 cup salted pumpkin seeds or pepitas DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat oven to 350°. In a large bowl, beat pumpkin, eggs, oil, water, sugar, honey, and vanilla until well blended. In another bowl, whisk flour, baking soda, salt, and spices; gradually beat into pumpkin mixture. 2. Transfer to two greased 9x5-in. loaf pans. Sprinkle tops with pumpkin seeds. 3. Bake 60-70 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool.

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Healing with herbs SALT SCRUB RECIPE for Exfoliation 3 c sea salt 3 cups dead sea salt 1 ½ cup oil - coconut and jojoba 1 T peppermint Essential Oil 1 T sweet orange Essential Oil 1/2 t Vitamin E Oil Glass Jar(s) with Lids In a large bowl combine all ingredients. Blend. Spoon into glass jar(s). Seal and store for up to 1 year.

TO USE: Start with clean, dry skin. Apply a small amount of scrub to your skin and massage in circular motions. Rinse the scrub off with warm water. Moisturize your skin afterward. Use a salt scrub two to three times per week for the best results. *When using, it is recommended to use a spoon so that water does not get into the mixture. Water can cause bacteria inside the jar.

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Thawing Stuck Emotions with Breathwork by Rosanna As we begin to enter the Winter season, it’s a great time to go deep within and explore our feelings and emotions.

Many of us carry heavy baggage from our childhood, past trauma, old wounds, past relationships, loss, etc.

In Nature, this season is a time of death, hibernation, and rest.

As a result of holding onto unresolved feelings, many people experience depression, guilt, shame, melancholy, unworthiness, unhappiness, feeling unlovable and unfulfilled.

We have the opportunity to turn inward and self-reflect to discover what is no longer needed or is holding us back. Breathwork can help us. What is Breathwork? Breathwork is a healing technique practiced across various cultures for thousands of years. Often associated with yoga, meditation, and mindfulness techniques, Breathwork is also a key part of helping you become more aware of your inner world. This increased self-awareness associated with the practice of breathwork helps to release tension and trauma stored in the body's cells.

Some experience physical pain and discomfort in their bodies due to stuck and/or repressed emotions. It doesn’t have to be this way! Breathwork allows you to get in touch with and connect to your feelings, allowing them to melt away gently. When you practice breathwork, you will experience deep emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual healing on a deep level. Breathwork helps you release anxiety, pain, and stress stuck in your body, mind, and energy field.

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It also assists to tap into a state of deep relaxation and peace. Life is meant to be joyful! You are meant to be happy! Set yourself free - only you can! The beautiful part is that you don’t have to do it alone. I love seeing the transformation clients receive after their online or in-person Breathwork sessions with me. It changes their entire life for the better! This is what a recent client shared: “In my recent Breathwork session, I received a healing of my voice and thyroid. Rosanna is a great coach, healer, and Breath practitioner. Do book a session with her if you have an interest in this kind of transformational healing. I find that it is quick, easy, and very powerful.” ~Tricia C., Architect, Michigan

Sending you warm hugs! Namaste, Rosanna

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Opening to Life through the body “To Clench or Not to Clench” by Rosa Mari Nicolosi Embody A Mandala bodysoulintegration.com In all my experience since the 60’s, I have learned about what it really takes to create change and/or healing, and to “open to life.” The first step is not to clench. With all that is happening in our personal lives and the world, we are prone to holding or closing our bodies in a way that causes tension or tightness – clenching. This challenges our bodies energetically. I believe that pain and disease are caused by our patterns of “clenching.” For example, we may unconsciously lift our shoulders in a tense position. The major destructive effect of a tense body is that it causes us to hold our breath to a certain extent – not breathing fully into all parts of the lungs. This begins a ripple effect of our oxygenated energy falling short of fully infusing our cells.

As this blocked energy maneuvers to find an area to flow, the way water flows into empty spaces; it creates patterns that may be causing chronic pain, imbalance and disease. This way of “clenching” or holding the body tightly expresses a way of saying “no” to all the sadness and suffering in the world. But it is also saying “no” to life – saying “no” to all the goodness, too. I shall explain how this principle is used in healing work and how you can apply it to living a fuller life. I have been using this perspective in work to “re-pattern” the body, which includes the whole self. The way this works is that when I first put my hands on someone’s body I receive it all as being “whole and complete” just the way it is.

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This works because when I first put my hands on someone’s body, I receive it all as being “whole and complete,” just the way it is. Whatever symptoms you are experiencing are for a very good reason – pain and discomfort included, as difficult as this may be to accept. This receiving of you as a “whole” with total acceptance allows the body to relax and “let go”– letting in nourishment that you need on the cellular level. Imagine being still, allowing yourself to release on all levels in every cell – as though you are holding yourself as a newborn for the first time. This way of being and touch has assisted the alignment of my scoliosis (curvature of the spine). Allowing displaced vertebrae to first move out of balance and then to realign corrects the curvature. If we attempted to push vertebrae into alignment without respect for the body’s resistance, it would create a polarity, and the vertebrae would push right back. You may be able to force things into place, but this only creates a temporary spatial change.

The only way for lasting change to occur is to first be truly present with what is. You can focus this to emotional or physical pain, disease, or more as a deepening or expansion to a dimension or quality of your beingness. So when life brings you a painful situation, what would it be like for you to open your body to it, experience it, feel it, smell it, and visualize the colors of it? Let it happen to you. However you feel it, be in it. Allow your soul to have the experience wholeheartedly. For example, opening to the memory of a pain that is difficult to face, such as physical abuse, may seem unnatural or unacceptable at first. Yet, should these memories surface and you physically “clench” that can lock it into place. If you allow yourself to open, no matter to what extent you open, there then will be space for the Divine Creative Force to enter and healing to accelerate. Start by first letting go of the shoulders and breathing. Imagine that you inhale downward through the pelvis to the base of the spine,

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and exhale to a spiral upward through the spine to the top of your head. Be aware of not only gently inflating all parts of your lungs but also feeling or imagining that the entire body is transparent to the breath and that even the seeming boundary of your skin is no boundary whatsoever. As you do this, you release clenching. If you could not open and instead sustain your clench, you would still be healing. Open your mind to the idea of not clenching, soften the clench, accept it, and continue breathing. There is a difference between clenching and wholeheartedly opening your body and mind to your clench – opening to your “no” – allowing yourself to experience through all the senses and open to the clench with all your heart. What does it feel like, smell like, and look like? As you experience your clench to the fullest, you will notice an opening in a new direction of change and healing. Opening to what you think may be a problem is to look at the necessity of what

you may consider a problem and even the value as you open to allow your Soul to experience the feelings. It may seem challenging at first. It is often necessary to invite experienced professional assistance. Allowing help is often another way of opening to receiving what you need or releasing a clench. When opening to all life’s experiences, you will also learn to open to more pleasure, comfort, and joy. Through this process, each cell in your body will receive more nourishment. Isn’t this “opening to life” an opening to the light of Love? Imagine the ripple effect it will have on the world. I invite you to clench or not to clench, but to open to life through your body as it is. What if we all felt completely accepted? When we have this acceptance and compassion for ourselves and others, it allows us to drop our shoulders with relief. Gratitude, laughter, and smiling bring it all home.

“I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be one or the other.” -Napoleon Bonaparte

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FOX Spirit Animal The other morning, a beautiful red fox crossed my path. I watched in awe. It was the healthiest-looking fox I have ever seen this close in the wild. A thriving fox is a beautiful sight. I have studied the magic of foxes for many years. I find them so curious. Sadly, I have seen many that appeared sickly, and I knew because they came too close, stared too long, and lacked luster. This one, with its full and fluffy beautiful tail, glanced at me before bounding across the path and into the woods. What message does Fox have for me? Fox reminds me to be adaptable, discerning, and trusting of my innate wisdom. It reminds me of my ability to be clever, use wit, and navigate tricky situations quickly and gracefully. Fox reminds me to pay attention to people who may be deceiving, distracting, or tricking me. There have been so many of these people in my life. I have allowed others to lead me down paths that do not serve me. Setting boundaries that serve me is something I work on every day. This is a huge transitional period for me as I shift course to take a new path. As I use my discernment to align with persons, places, and things that serve me, I, too, can thrive like the fox that revealed itself to me.

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collective 3 card read Six of Wands, Death, and Six of Pentacles - another great combination. Six of Wands is a card of success and recognition. Next to the Death card, it implies the successful ending of a cycle or period in our lives. This ending is the result of our own actions. Perhaps we learned a lesson, changed some toxic behaviors or patterns in our lives, or just decided to move on from something no longer serving us. Either way, it is a card of celebration! In numerology, sixes represent caring, nurturing, and unconditional loving energy. Our actions came from a place of love!

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The Death card represents transformation. The death of old ways. This is a huge accomplishment worth celebrating. Like a snake sheds their skin, we, too, shed old versions of ourselves. When we do the work to self-heal, we birth brand new versions of ourselves, shedding the old ones. Six of Pentacles reveals that we have learned the art of equal give and take. This means that we are aware of balance in our lives. Were there times in your past when you gave more than you took or gave more than you received? You will know what this feels like if you are a people pleaser. This beautiful reading shows us that we can create a life that serves instead of sabotages us. With love and care, we can transform any parts of our lives that do not serve us. Balance matters in our lives. Become aware of where you have created balance in your life and celebrate it! Become aware of areas in your life where you give more than you receive or take more than you give and seek balance in those areas.

L A M I N A

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TALK with Kate

RETHINKING EXTERMINATION Facing the Inevitable Whether you live in a rural country area or a bustling city, at one point or another, you are likely to deal with a pesky little problem. That problem is rodents.

Adorable? Some of us may find these little critters quite adorable, while others may find them intolerable. Regardless, a rodent problem is not something anyone wants to deal with.

Diseases? These little critters may appear to be cute, but with them comes a slew of less desirable issues, such as the spreading of bacteria and diseases, the ruining of household items by their chewing and nesting, and, of course, the mess they leave behind by going to the excreting bodily fluids anywhere.

Does the End Justify the Means? No one wants to have their home invaded and potentially destroyed by the intrusion of rodents, so we all look for ways to get them out and keep them out. But in doing so, are we carefully considering the impact of our actions? Do we consider the effect our actions have not just on the rodents themselves but all animals?

The Impact of Our Actions I am an animal lover, so when it comes to rodent traps, I prefer the humane ones, as I do not want to see any of these little guys suffer. But this article will not get into the different types of traps or means to rid your home of rodents. Instead, we will discuss pest control's impact on wildlife and our pets in our home.

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I recently saw a story of a beautiful owl found sick and suffering on the side of the road by a good Samaritan. The woman who found him picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket, and took him to her local vet for assistance. The owl was in critical condition, and unfortunately, he succumbed to his illness. The owl had become deathly ill from eating a mouse that had ingested poison someone had put out for rodents.

A Common Occurrence Most of us are Unaware of This was the first time I had heard of this happening, although this certainly was not the first time a vet had seen this. It is a widespread occurrence, and not just with wildlife like owls, other large birds, or animals who snack on rodents as part of their diets, but also household pets like our cats and dogs.

Toxic Chemicals Kill more than Rodents When we use rodent poisoning in or outside our homes to help rid our space of mice, rats, squirrels, etc., we risk making many other animals sick or even killing them. Even if we are cautious about where we place these toxic chemicals, picking areas where we think only the rodents will be able to get to them, we are still risking the lives of other animals, including those we love.

Reality Check When a rodent eats the poison, it does not die immediately, which means it can still find a way inside our houses where our pets, like our cats or dogs, can ingest it. The rodents may also go outside, where they become a meal for a wild animal. Risk of Poisoning When our pets or wild animals eat these rodents that have ingested the poison, they are also poisoned. It is so important that we take these risks into consideration because aside from the obvious of not ever wanting to do anything to hurt our beloved pets, we also want to look out for the wildlife.

Animal Life Matters These wild animals that eat the rodents help in keeping the population under control- we do not want to kill them off when they help us keep rodents out of our homes as well just by their natural behavior. It is essential for us to educate ourselves so we can make the best choices for us and all the living things around us.

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Non Toxic Alternatives Now that you know the ramifications of using rodent poison as a pest preventative, I want to share a few natural and safe remedies that will deter rodents from your home without potentially killing our beloved pets and the wildlife around us.

Natural Remedies You can use plants around your home that are natural rodent repellents, such as lavender, elderberry, daffodils, and mint.

Essential Oils Repel Rodents There are also essential oil mixtures that help repel rodents. These include essential oils such as cedarwood. Always research oils before using them for your rodents, and ensure they are safe for your pets. You can make essential oil spray and use it in areas where you think rodents may be.

Increasing our Awareness While we may have made mistakes in the past with how we practiced pest control, we can all make a conscious effort to make better and safer choices in the future. The first step is educating ourselves, and just like the story of the owl educated me, this article can help educate someone else. Even if you choose not to use natural remedies, it may be most humane to employ the services of professionals. Professionals trained to treat and prevent rodents can often do so effectively and efficiently in ways that natural remedies may not be able to.

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BELIEVING Precious and brave baby of mine A child so pure and loving of mine Young woman nearly grown of mine Spirit I now embody as mine My teacher and my greatest superhero Showing me true love by being my mirror Teaching me the things I will never forget I honor you by releasing all regret I honor your beautiful face, and all your pure angelic grace With a brand of funniness, Kindness, love, and pure sweetness The day that was your demise brought me blessings in disguise As my life was led astray I see things in a whole new way They say you will never get over What can surely take your life over But that belief keeps us from seeing The power to stop self-deceiving

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I know now how my believing Changes how I am perceiving And changing my believing Changes my perceiving Thank you for helping me see The power that’s within me My ability to choose what I believe And align with what I wish to perceive You gave me gifts no other could Gifts that can’t be misunderstood Even though my pain runs deep I only feel love when I weep I look for you in the sky And, then, as if in reply I feel your hand on my hair Reminding me you’re right there It brings me comfort each day Connecting with you this way Your love and peace light my way I’m grateful for you every day Your spirit lives on in my heart We’re never ever far apart Now that we are one There’s work to be done!

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Boost Your Creativity By Practicing Tantra with Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver

What does creativity have to do with Tantra? Tantra is a practice that connects us with our inherent creative energy by bringing awareness to our energetic body. There is a current that runs through us all the time, and we can use it to fuel all facets of our life. Let’s look a little deeper into this concept. Ancient yogis used the term ‘Kundalini’ or ‘life force’ to describe the energy that flows through us.

This energy is with us from the moment we are conceived until the time we leave this planet. It is inherently creative in nature since it literally creates life! The very act of conceiving a baby is creative. None of us would be here on this planet, reading this article, without this life–giving energy. Sexual energy, therefore, is life force energy. And through tantric practice, we learn how to access our life force, sexual energy, the essence of life, to imbue every aspect of ourselves.

2023 TantraNovaCopyright Worldwide

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There are two dimensions to sexual life force energy: Dimension 1 The first dimension is the creative spark that fuels and sustains us through our entire life.

When sexual energy is repressed, it tends to come out “sideways” in an unhealthy way, such as through sexual abuse, assault, and harassment. From a young age, people are told, “Don’t go to your sexual energy. Don’t touch yourself.

Dimension 2 The second dimension is pleasure that is built into sexual energy.

Wait until you are married.” As if suddenly the sexual energy will become available to you then.

Stifling Creative Energy

Setting Your Creative Self Free

What happens when sexual energy is stifled or constricted?

The reality is that your sexual energy has always been available to you from the moment you were born.

We lose access to our creative Self. This is what has been happening over the millennia – the shaming, guilting, and making wrong of sexuality that results in being disconnected from a vital force within us. We are seeing the results of this suppression today through the breakdown of our relationships as it shows up in the Catholic Church, for example, or through the #MeToo movement.

We can feel very pleasurable as babies and children. The simple act of playing can be pleasurable, or even the gentle breeze blowing on your skin. All of this is considered in the range of sexual energy and sensing. But very few people have grown up in an environment that teaches sexual energy as a healthy, beautiful expression of self.

2023 TantraNovaCopyright Worldwide

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Most people do not know how to have a healthy relationship with their sexual life force energy, which is why all the breakdowns are occurring. I (Elsbeth speaking) remember that my dad called me a whore the first time I had intercourse at the age of 18. While I did not agree with him, I was left with a sense of shame and feeling diminished as a woman. It took lots of self-discovery and work to reconnect with my life force energy so that I could learn to imbue my whole life - my health, my well-being, my work - with that wonderful creative essence. Once I had access again to my creative energy I was able to get clear on what I wanted to dedicate my life to and what I had come for to do on this planet in the first place. Up until that point I had pursued a couple of different careers but not felt passion until I had done my own healing of my sexual wounding and had set myself free. Becoming a Tantra teacher was then the natural expression of my creative spark.

Once sexual life force energy is set free, we can use it to connect to and heal our body, heart, and spirit. Then, we can channel this lifegiving energy throughout our physical and energetic body into our life’s pursuits. If you would like to learn more about how to access and channel your creative life force energy, we have a gift for you - a video class called: Introduction to Sexual Meditation Learn distinctions and practices of Sexual Meditation to access and channel your creative spark: https://tantranova.lpages.co/introd uction-to-sexual-meditation/ To find out about Elsbeth’s and Freddy’s workshops and programs, go to: https://www.tantranova.com/ And here is the link to their book: Sexual Enlightenment is available in hard copy and audio on: https://www.amazon.com/dp/145258 5431

2023 TantraNovaCopyright Worldwide

“Tantra is primarily about uniting love, spirituality and sexuality with awareness.” Osho

Life as a FireMAN in NYC

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Two Kids and a Water Leak by James Krieger They were between seven and nine years old, siblings, black children, their faces a mix of fear and awe at the three white firemen standing in their small apartment, our heavy striped coats smelling slightly of smoke, axes, and pry bars in our hands. I had talked to them for a few minutes before they would open the door. I listened as they argued, the girl telling the boy that Mama had told them not to open the door for anyone and the boy, fortunately, ignoring her and unlocking the door. It was spring. I was a Lieutenant in Ladder 39 at the northern tip of the Bronx. We were dispatched for a water leak, a common call for us. Why call the Fire Department for a water leak? The simple answer: because we always show up and do something to help. Water leaks can cause electrical short-circuits and heavy plaster ceilings to collapse, so there's that, but mostly, it's just an annoyance.

Another curse of living in poorer neighborhoods. The procedure is to check every apartment in the vertical line. For some Karmic reason, almost every water I ever responded to was on the top or seventh floor. This apartment was on the sixth floor. The water had not gotten into this apartment. My forcible entry man, John, studying for promotion, pointed to the two children. "Loo,(Fire department slang for Lieutenant) you gotta call C.P.S. (child protective services); these kids are too young to be home alone.” John was correct. I was aware of the Fire Department and City regulations on children and what I was required to do. When you are the point of the spear for the government of the largest city in the United States, you must choose a course.

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You can choose to adhere to the The mother would have to enter the rules and regulations unswervingly. hellscape of bureaucracy, losing, among other things, pay and That is the safe course. No matter perhaps her job. She would be what happens, you rest yourself forced to defend her parenting against the rules and declare that choices before the uncaring 'you had no choice. minions of an uncaring state. I worked in disadvantaged "Just following the rules." But that neighborhoods for most of my time was what I was required to do. John in the Fire Department. If you repeated his demand. watch and if you engage, you learn. I walked around the flat. A oneYou learn what life is really like for bedroom, the kid's beds crowded in the people that live here. with moms. All three beds were neatly made up. The apartment was There are a lot of single mothers. spotless. The furniture, inexpensive and tired, was clean, the floors were Their life charts the course between swept and mopped. the Scylla and Charybdis of having to work to pay the bills and raise John was angry. "What are you children on their own. doing, Loo? I'm calling George." George was the chauffeur of the rig, Standing there in that flat, I had a and he maintained our contact with choice because I wanted to have a the dispatcher. choice. John called him and told him to I was never good at following the notify the dispatcher to send the rules. C.P.S. is part of a 'safety net' cops. George called me on the same erected by well-meaning but ill- radio. informed fans of bureaucracy. "You want me to call, Loo?" Calling them would cause these kids to be put in foster care. "Negative."

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John was in my face. Waving a John, of course, wouldn't let it go. finger at the children, he scolded me. "You're gonna get hooked up," (department charges) "lose your "Those kids die in a fire; it's on YOU! promotion, maybe your job, for a You can't leave them here; that ain't couple of kids. You're a fool." your choice to make.” He was absolutely right. That is I was still walking around the exactly what would happen, and it apartment. The kids were clean and wouldn't take long if something neatly dressed in clean clothes. went wrong. They were polite and got along with each other. That was around three O'clock. We returned to quarters, and the rest of The refrigerator, while not full of the day was uneventful. food, had containers marked with the kid's names that held good food, Around five-thirty, I stood in front not the starchy junk usually found of the open apparatus door, in these apartments. enjoying a cup of coffee and waiting for my relief. Our tour changes are I'd seen enough. I found a receipt at nine AM and six PM. and wrote a note on the back of the pink paper. That was around three O'clock. We returned to quarters, and the rest of "You have nice kids and a nice place. the day was uneventful. Good luck." Around five-thirty, I stood in front I put my rank, name, and company of the open apparatus door, number, and left it under a glass on enjoying a cup of coffee and waiting the counter. for my relief. Our tour changes are at nine AM and six PM. "We're taking up." (F.D. parlance for leaving, stemming from taking up A small, tired car pulled up, your hoses from the street). blocking the ramp. This was not good.

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In New York City, in the poorer neighborhoods, irrational behavior is the norm. You learn to assume the worst and prepare. This could be anything. I've had this happen, and they drag out some guy full of bullet holes, or a pregnant woman, or a nut, to put it bluntly. I saw John coming out of the kitchen, so I knew I'd have help. My cup of coffee, quickly dispatched in an assailant's face, would give us time to mount a defense.

As she took the three long steps between us, I saw the flash of pink in her left hand, my note. John was standing next to me by then, and the rest of the guys were walking out from the back. The woman hugged me tightly. Not an easy task; I'm over six feet tall and built like a football lineman, but she had me. I gently held her and let her cry a little. She let me go and looked up at me.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you A young woman got out of the front so much." She repeated. seat, leaving the door open. Dressed in light blue scrubs, not much over She let me go, and we talked for a five feet tall, and if she weighed a minute or so. I told her how good hundred and twenty, she was fat. her kids were and that they did the right thing. She paused and studied me. My light blue uniform shirt had my As she got into the car to leave, I name over the right pocket and turned and faced John, eye-to-eye. FDNY over the left. I watched her He looked down and walked away. hands. You always watch the hands. Women prefer knives and straight John will get promoted, and he will razors, the men like guns. Her left be a good boss. He will learn that hand was clenched, but her right, when you do this job, and you're a the dangerous one, was open. decision-maker, you can do the safe thing, or you can do the right thing. Then I noticed she was crying. Oh, hell. This was going to be some Fuck the rules. What do they know crisis that would keep me from about real life? going home on time.

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10 Ways to HEAL Your Relationship with Your Child when you have been separated by Eve Fan Can any mother imagine being separated from their child? The emotional torment is real when your child pierces your heart with “I thought you left because you hated me.” I desperately wanted to fix the relationship with my then 7-yearold son. I searched the internet, local communities, other single parents, etc., for resources before I realized there was little information on this.

1. Forgive yourself first It is important to forgive yourself. Just like the saying, “How do we fill a cup with an empty jug?” Set the intention to forgive yourself for any separation. Healing ourselves is a lifelong journey. Be patient with yourself and know that healing is a lifelong journey.

No matter the reason for the relationship being distant, it is more than possible to heal your relationship with your child(ren).

Practice forgiving yourself any time your feelings of guilt, remorse or regret show up. These feelings are here to prompt you to practice selfforgiveness. As a parent, you role model this important skill for your children.

Research has shown that a child’s brain is not fully developed until they are 25 years old. Many parents still have time.

Love, compassion, gentleness, and patience are the necessary tools to use when building a relationship with our child(ren).

The following tips are what I learned in my quest for answers. It is my intention to offer them as guidance and tools for any parent who has experienced separation from their child(ren).

Children understand more than they are sometimes able to communicate. able. Regulate your emotions so that your child feels safe to communicate with you.

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Be open and honest about your feelings. Take responsibility for the separation. Come from the position of humility and repentance. 2. Acknowledge emotions

your

child’s

During one of our calls, I recalled my son telling me he missed his grandparents. He was having separation anxiety. I remembered that I dismissed how he felt by laughing it off and saying he was being dramatic about it. I realized my mistake only the following day. Don’t dismiss your child’s emotions, especially when they are being vulnerable with you. Acknowledge their feelings. Be present and hold loving space for your child anytime they share their emotions with you. Assure them by saying, “I am here for you.” “You are safe to share with me how you feel.” “Your feelings are valid.”

3. Respond from a place of love When we act out of fear, desperation, and/or anxiety, children can feel it, and they will respond accordingly. Act from a place of love, patience, and compassion. Children yearn for love from their parents and, in this case, even more from an absent parent. They want to feel assured that you love them. Feeling loved helps our child(ren) have a healthy self-image. Don’t we all want that for our children? 4. Ask for forgiveness This might sound strange as most cultures perceive parents as the authority. Being vulnerable is an act of courage and strength. It shows children they can do the same with you, expediting the parent-child reconciliation process. Coming from a position of authority will cause more resistance from your child(ren). When our children

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see us as vulnerable; they learn to accept vulnerability instead of avoiding it. 5. Don’t take your child’s actions personally If your child treats you coldly by refusing to speak to you or saying things on purpose to upset you, take a deep breath and know that your child is suffering, too. Acknowledge the underlying reasons why your child is acting this way. It is important to be empathetic to your child as it is a traumatic experience to be separated from a parent. Avoid disciplining your child(ren) by telling them that their behavior is unacceptable. Or that they need to respect you. This method will only backfire or cause them to shut down further from expressing their feelings. Acknowledge them by saying, “You sound hurt. Are you upset with me?” Pause and wait for an answer. If your child is not ready to share, tell them it is ok. Tell your child, “It is safe for you to share your feelings. Let them know you will not be upset with them, and most importantly, MEAN THIS.

6. Ask for inner wisdom We are often dumbfounded and paralyzed by our own insecurities, anxieties, and fears. Follow your intuition. Ask for guidance from the inner voice within yourself that guides you. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. 7. Learn the love language of your child(ren) Dr. Gary Chapman shared how to improve relationships by understanding the five love languages. They are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. This is also applicable to your child. Don’t assume gifts would be the easiest way to your child’s heart. Take time to look at which love language will have the most impact on your child. It might be a combination of a few love languages. Do ask your child if you are unsure what his love language is. It can be like asking your child, “What helps you to feel loved?”

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8. Create meaningful memories Gently and lovingly, teach your child that life is filled with ups and downs, it isn’t always fair, and we don’t always get to have everything we want. Manage your own emotions and thoughts about the separation. After all, if you can’t regulate your emotions and thoughts as an adult, how will your child(ren) learn to? Consciously compensate for any separation by ensuring that the time you spend together is quality time. When we were apart, I sent messages of things that I knew my son would appreciate. He loves cats, so I shared it with him whenever I saw a cute cat. It created things for us to discuss even when we were not sharing the same space. Do intentionally spend time together to do things your child likes, whether playing games together, reading, painting, drawing, etc. Today, this can be done through video when you can’t be in person. Focus on quality time together and work with your own limitations.

Be fully present when spending time with your child(ren). And remember to celebrate the small things in life. 9. Respond to questions with humility and compassion These questions were constantly being bombarded to me by my son “Why did you leave?” “Did you hate me?” “Do you really love me?” “Why are mummy separated?”

and

daddy

“Why is mummy not staying in the same house as us?” Don’t ignore questions. It is normal for us as parents to feel overwhelmed by them. Dismissing them sends the message that your child’s feelings don’t matter. I used to just keep quiet or out of nervousness answer, “I am not sure whether you would be able to understand when I explain.”

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Remember to be present for your child(ren). Ground your own energy, and consciously regulate your own emotions. Recognize that your emotions are separate from those of your child. Acknowledge the question. If you cannot respond in the moment, say something like, “I am sorry; let me think through your questions before I respond.” Then, answer when you can do so without taking the questions personally or placing blame on others. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Trust is a very important currency in building a strong foundation with your child(ren). Our children depend on us to meet their needs, especially when they are little. It is imperative that we create an environment of trust by being trustworthy. Recognize when you are role modeling trust and when you are not. As parents, we are our children’s first teachers.

10. Tell your child(ren) that you love them as much as possible Love is unlimited. Consciously affirm to your child(ren) that you love them. It costs you nothing and means everything to them. Remember your child is already perfect. Don’t get caught in cultural expectations or standards. Remember what is really important - your love for your child(ren). Let them know that no matter what, you will always love your child(ren). Remember, love is unconditional. Be aware of when you are placing conditions on your child. Tell them, “I will always love you, and you do not need to do anything to earn my love for you. I love you forever… and ever and ever.” I wished that someone would have imparted these tips in the past. It took me many knocks to be where I am today. Cheering you on and sending you love on your parenting journey, Eve

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References: Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708.

Years

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Parents come to me when they struggle with their children, but also when they struggle with co-parenting. Like love languages, we each have different values that are important to us. Our core values make up the foundation of our parenting. What we believe in affects how we parent. Conflict may ensue when what we value does not match the values of a co-parent. I don’t believe that healthy parents consciously seek conflict. I created the following survey as a tool to examine the underlying cause of conflict. As parents, we can use this survey to understand what may be causing conflict in our co-parenting. Knowing what values drive us as a parent helps us to understand Even absent co-parents are demonstrating their values by their absence. Use this chart to assess what values are driving your parenting experience. If you are struggling with parenting, consider creating change by shifting the focus you place on your values.

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BETTER WORK DAYS Multi-Tasking in the Workplace

The Art of Managing Multiple Priorities

I can think of very few jobs that require only one job duty. Inevitably, all, if not most, employees have more than one responsibility. While many of us brag about our ability to multitask, research has proven that it is often not ideal. Instead, we are encouraged to manage multiple priorities. Here are some tips to handle multiple priorities: 1. Determine your most important tasks. 2. Delegate any tasks that you can. 3. Estimate how long tasks take. 4. Group similar tasks. 5. Schedule tasks by deadline and amount of work. 6. Plan your work day based on prioritized tasks. 7. Be aware of how you use your downtime. Make use of time between meetings or while waiting for a return phone call by doing tasks that are easy and take less time. 8. Schedule breaks. 9. Periodically reflect on if you are managing your workload. 10. Monitor your pace so that you are not exhausted from rushing or behind from too slow of a pace. 11. Minimize distractions by making personal calls on scheduled breaks. 12. Celebrate yourself when you meet deadlines. 13. Remember to breathe deeply throughout the day. 14. Ask for assistance when you need it. 15. Be transparent about your ability to meet deadlines in a timely manner. 16. Be patient with yourself.

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kate anthony Kate Anthony is a graduate of Albany Law School. She plans to use her education to advocate for the rights of animals, among other things! In addition to advocating for animals, Kate helped Lori to get 501(c)(3) status for MOM XOX. Together they will be working to bring educational and self development programs to schools, as well as workplaces.

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ROSANNA M. LO MEO Rosanna's intuition has led her down many paths over the years. From Transformational Coach, Breathwork Facilitator, Energy and Sound Healer, Licensed Massage Therapist, Angel Card Reader, Author and Master/Teacher of Integrated Energy Therapy (IET), and Usui Reiki, Rosanna has followed her intuition every step of the way. Even her B.A. in Psychology and Italian was divinely guided. New Beginnings with Rosanna was created to help divorced women heal their hearts and fearlessly move forward to their happily ever after. As an Atlantean High Priestess, “The Voice” Emissary of the 8th Dimensional planet Laos, Rosanna also teaches about the high vibrational frequencies of the 8th dimension. These loving and healing energies assist humanity in awakening, remembering, and reconnecting with our Galactic family.

newbeginningswithrosanna.com/

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eve fan Eve is a daughter of God and a mother serving the community with more than 20 years of experience in management, entrepreneurship, and negotiation. She wants to share how to turn around difficult situations through faith, strength, effective communication, and perspective-taking. Eve lives in Singapore. Follow Eve on https://medium.com/@evefan786.

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Rosa Mari Nicolosi, RN, CMBP Integrative Acupressure uses the Eastern approach of addressing points and meridians combined with working in the body's tissue. It differs from other forms of acupressure in that integrative acupressure tunes into the cellular vibration of all tissues, such as muscles, fascia, lymph, and bone, responding to the unique energy vibration of every area throughout the body. That inner listening through my hands connects the body with the Soul, your true essence. Body-Soul Integration has helped hundreds of people connect their body’s deep intelligence to their soul through their hearts. Rosa has more than 40 years of experience in the health field, including diverse experience as a Registered Nurse, work and advanced studies as a mental health counselor, many years as a Nurse Practitioner, and Adolescent Specialist and Wellness Counseling. Rosa combines the use of other healing modalities as well, including Body-Mind Centering, craniosacral balancing, Lymph clearing, and Visceral Manipulation. Using these modalities has enhanced my presence with the “whole person.” Embody A Mandala BodySoulIntegration.com

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JAMES S. Krieger Born in Poughkeepsie, NY, Jim comes from a historic family. His grandfather, Robert L. Smith was one of the last Smith Brothers of cough drop fame. Educated at Proctor Academy, The New Hampshire Vocational and Technical College, and Pace University Jim chose to pursue a career with the largest fire department in the United States and the second largest in the world. The New York City Fire Department. Jim served for 25 years and was twice promoted, retiring as a Captain. He worked in every borough of New York City, as he says, ‘meeting people for the first time on the worst day of their life.’ It is the best job in the world. While on the job Jim and his wife Susan lived in Cornwall, New York where they raised their two children, Jenny and Katie. Jim and Susan now reside in southeastern North Carolina and are frequently found on its numerous beaches. They enjoy traveling and have driven coast-to-coast twice, meeting interesting people and exploring our amazing country. Jim has written four novels, one of which is available on Amazon, with a second due out in July. The ideas and characters for his stories come from a lifetime of meeting people from every place on the social and economic scale across the U.S. and a dozen foreign countries.

Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver have assisted thousands of couples and singles in creating lasting intimacy and fulfillment in their life and relationships. They are featured on Showtime’s documentary series Sexual Healing and the Emmy Award-winning NBC show Starting Over, best-selling authors of Sexual Enlightenment endorsed by world-renowned Spiritual Pioneer Dr. Michael Beckwith and the co-founders of TantraNova Institute in Chicago. They have coached billionaires, innovators, and power couples all over the world, shared their intimacy secrets at a global YPO (Young Presidents Organization) conference in the city of love, Paris, and got nominated as Changemaker at the White House-sponsored 2016 United State of Women Summit in Washington, D.C. Elsbeth and Freddy Zental are beloveds, husband & and wife, and business partners residing in Chicago.

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Self-healing directory of Services New Beginnings with Rosanna Heal your Heart after Divorce, Loss, and Trauma. Heal your body, mind, and soul after your whole world has been destroyed. Emotional healing is essential for a happy life, your rebirth, and new beginning. www.newbeginningswithrosanna.com/

Keara Kisses Lori Cristine Explore life lessons, obstacles and purpose. Create a plan to close the gap between where you are where you want to be. Learn skills to align with your best self, overcome obstacles and thrive. kearakisses.com

Body Soul Integration with Rosa Nicolosi Learn more about Rosa and her services, including how to embody a mandala.

TantraNova Institute Retreats and Intimacy Programs for couples and singles to amplify joy, pleasure, and creativity in their lives and relationships.

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"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." -Anne Bradstreet