NJPA 2021 Winter E-Newsletter

DECEMBER 2021 | ISSUE NO. 4

NJPA E-NEWSLETTER Official newsletter of The New Jersey Psychological Association

Welcome!

Dear Readers, Welcome to the December edition of the New Jersey Psychological Association (NJPA) E-Newsletter! The NJPA E-Newsletter is published on a quarterly basis to provide the public with information about psychology, the practice of psychology, and the importance of mental health in furtherance of our NJPA mission: The advancement of psychology as a science, as a profession, and as a means of promoting health and human welfare in an atmosphere that supports the diversity of its members and the society at large.

As we enter into the holiday season, I hope you can find the time to slow down and take some time for yourself. In this edition, you will find a selection of articles and videos on various topics and I hope they are of interest.

As we come to a close for 2021, and as this will be my last newsletter serving as Editor-in-Chief, I want to extend my thanks to all the volunteer editors, authors for submissions, and everyone behind the scenes at NJPA. I wish the next Editor-in-Chief the best of luck with the newsletters and hope you all have a restful and peaceful end to the year.

If you are in need of a psychologist, please make use of NJPA's referral service for licensed psychologists here.

Note: We are always open to new ideas and are already planning future editions of the e-newsletter. If there are specific topics our readers would like to potentially read about, please let us know here.

Nikki Lacherza-Drew, PsyD Editor

Editorial Board Members Marta Aizenman, PhD Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD Perry Bell, PsyD Marianne Dunn, PhD Janie Feldman, PsyD Resa Fogel, PhD Alison Johnson, PsyD Kenneth Langlieb, PhD Bill MacLaney, PsyD Judith Margolin, PsyD Samuel Menahem, PhD Tracy Menzie, PsyD Amy Mueller, PsyD Harry Pitsikalis, PsyD Deborah Riviere, EdD Teresa Taylor, PhD William Walsh, PhD Leah Watson Michael Zito, PhD

DECEMBER 2021 | ISSUE NO. 4

Holiday Social Anxiety: Practical Tips for Coping By, Sheila Josephs, PhD

The holidays can be a time of joy, but for many that joy is overshadowed by social anxiety. Do you worry that others are looking at you negatively? Do you wonder if you will meet social expectations or instead will be perceived as “boring” at holiday events? It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about meeting new people or attending parties. But, if you feel very self-conscious and dread everyday social situations, you may have a social anxiety disorder. If so, you are not alone. According to the Anxiety Disorder Association of America, 15 million people in the US suffer from significant social anxiety and have a disorder that interferes with their everyday social and emotional functioning.

The hallmark of this condition is a strong fear of others’ negative evaluations. Often people with this condition will avoid social interactions, particularly ones that involve taking the social risk of “performing” in public. Giving parties, attending parties, talking with someone new, attempting to appear “interesting” all can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

If you suffer from social anxiety during the holidays, here are some tips for minimizing your misery and maximizing your festivities: Avoid social isolation. Skipping dinner parties and social occasions while temporarily relieving your anxiety will, in the long-term, serve to worsen your fearfulness. Set small social goals for yourself. Then pat yourself on the back when you achieve them. Some realistic goals might be talking to someone new at a party or calling up a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.

Stop Comparing! Avoid comparisons between yourself and others at social events. You will tend to exaggerate negative

comparisons about yourself and minimize positive ones. People with social anxiety often severely attend to, and exaggerate, their social deficits. It may feel like you are doing a horrible job in conversation, when to others you have been a wonderful companion.

Coat-Check your perfectionism at the door! Try not to be too hard on yourself during the holidays. It is okay if you are not the life of the party. Pauses in conversations are normal and sometimes conversations are not always exciting. Events can even be dull! This is a normal part of social interaction.

Prepare in advance. Have a few easy ways to describe yourself at social events.

Discussing current events is always a good way to continue a conversation.

Be Curious! It is useful to focus on learning about the person you are talking with. This helps to remove your focus on yourself and your perceived inadequacies. Try coming to social events with several questions to ask others. For example, you can ask, “How are you spending the holidays?” “How are your children?” or “What type of work do you do?” Remember, questions do not need to be elaborate or interesting to be effective conversation starters.

DECEMBER 2021 | ISSUE NO. 4

Holiday Social Anxiety: Practical Tips for Coping (cont.)

Avoid using alcohol to mask your physical symptoms of anxiety. It can be dangerous to find “courage” in a bottle. Being “tipsy” may make you feel more at ease, but will impair your ability to interact with others.

Focus on others. The negative judge in your head is always turning the focus inward that you are not “clever-enough, exciting enough or good enough.” Turn the focus outward by doing positive acts such as volunteering, providing social support to a friend in need, or just being a good listener.

Be “mindful” to stay in the moment and enjoy festivities as much as possible.

Remember that when you let go and allow yourself to feel carefree and spontaneous, you can feel the true joy of the holidays and true joy in being yourself.

If you are experiencing significant symptoms of social anxiety, consider seeking help and support from a psychologist. A type of therapy known as “cognitive-behavioral therapy” has well-researched, effective treatments for social anxiety. This therapy will teach you how to change ingrained patterns of negative thinking, decrease avoidance of social situations and practice new social goals. With a therapist’s support, your New Year’s Resolution can be to behave in ways that are less socially anxious – a true new start to the New Year!

Sheila Josephs, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in cognitivebehavioral therapy for anxiety disorders in children, adolescents, and adults, and child/adolescent therapy. She has 20 years of experience and treats all types of anxiety problems from chronic worry to school anxiety, social anxiety, phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. For more information visit www.princetoncognitivetherapy.com.

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

Are You Ready?

By, Marianne Herzog, PhD

In short, the happy families, the religious traditions, and the holiday spirit shown in the media do not always match up to our personal experience. Also, it promotes the fantasy that getting the right gifts—the latest children’s toy or adult gadget—brings happiness and personal fulfillment.

“Are you ready for the holidays?” You may be asked this numerous times throughout the winter season—by friends, family members, co-workers, and—of course—by retailers hoping to get you to part with your money in order to be properly prepared for the coming celebrations.

Someone could also ask you if you are ready for other possible aspects of this time: the challenge of attempting to please your children with the expensive goodies they are primed to expect by television, radio, and Internet ads; the difficulty of memories of recent or past losses that can arise during holidays; the experience of feeling disconnected from all the joyous spirit others seem to feel; the strain of getting together with family members with whom you have unresolved conflicts; the struggle with depression that can occur with the relatively short daylight hours of winter; the loneliness of being separated from loved ones or not feeling you have someone with whom to celebrate; the sadness and/or frustration of not having your religious heritage and customs reflected in the songs, advertisements, and decorations on streets and in stores or of not being someone who celebrates religious or other holidays.

So—the question is, what kind of preparations do you have to do to feel ready to go through this season in a way that is comfortable for you and is in harmony with your needs and your values…and has the potential to provide more personal joy and peace?

MAKING THE HOLIDAYS YOUR OWN Try the following relaxation exercises to help you become calm and able to focus on your feelings and thoughts: Relaxation/Healing Breath To prepare: place your tongue so that the tip is resting on the ridge behind your top front teeth; take in a full diaphragmatic breath (one that results in your stomach/abdomen, not your chest, rising) through your nose and exhale completely through your mouth; then close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose, counting silently to 4 hold your breath** for the count of 7 exhale (blowing sound) through your mouth to the count of 8 Repeat this 4-7-8 sequence for 4 cycles. After two weeks of practice, you can increase to 8 cycles per session. ** do not hold the breath if you have high blood pressure that is not controlled by medication; simply perform the inhales and exhales Focused breathing (5 minutes) sit comfortably with eyes closed notice your breath, the cycle of inhaling, exhaling, the length of each, the pauses between when your mind wanders (as it will) simply refocus your attention on the breath (with gentleness).

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

What do you want from your holidays this year?

In the relaxed and calm state that follows the practice of the breathing techniques, try the following exercise: Sit with eyes closed and allow memories of past holidays to arise. Remember different activities in detail: how are you feeling as you think back?

What activities gave you particular pleasure, and would you like to increase in future holiday celebrations? What activities were not as pleasurable, maybe even caused you discomfort, and would you like to change or eliminate in your future celebrations? With whom did you/would you like to spend time? Return to focus on the breath as often as you need to, in order to maintain a state of calm consideration of what you want and need, and what you would like to discard, in order to bring about your “holiday spirit.”

Now, consider how can you bring the holiday celebrations more under your own control; make choices that allow you to get what you want out of the holidays; and have them not based on the expectations of others, including the media, advertising, and even family members and friends?

What will bring more pleasure to add; what can be let go? If you do not celebrate a “holiday” during this time of the year, consider ways to attend to your needs and desires in a manner that is right for you.

As you go about your holiday preparations, stop often to focus on the breath at the stomach area, and use the information that arises out of the calmness that ensues to make a decision in that moment that is right for you.

“Downsizing” (from the media’s “Supersizing of”) the holidays to the right fit for you/your family: Children’s basic needs during the holidays: to feel loved, cared for, listened to; to spend relaxed time and enjoy feeling connected with their loved ones; relaxed pace to the season; family traditions.

Parents’ needs during the holidays: the same!

Realistic expectations regarding gifts will reduce stress for parents and appropriately help children focus on other meaningful gains from the

celebrations of the season; think “outside the box” for gift-giving: make dinner or offer childcare for a friend; spend time with an elderly person, listening to stories of the past; give your child a home movie or board-game day with Mom and/or Dad; let your child have friends over to bake or make decorations together Activities that can help children focus on other ways to feel happy and emotionally connected with others: 1. Tell family, friends, anyone with whom you interact during the day (cashiers, bus drivers, teachers) what you appreciate about them; as a family, take turns expressing appreciation for each other 2. Start a new family tradition or revive one from past family traditions 3. Cook or bake together (“slice & bake” cookies from the store or homemade) 4. String popcorn or cranberries to decorate a tree; make wrapping paper 5. Write a letter or card to a relative or friend you will not see during the holiday 6. Write letters, decorate cards for those stationed away from home 7. Donate time to help others in need 8. Sing together 9. Put together a jigsaw puzzle 10. Take a walk together and talk about what you see 11. Read together; tell stories 12. Put pillows and blankets on the floor and watch a video together 13. Heat apple juice or cider, sprinkle with cinnamon (or buy “mulling spices”), make hot cocoa 14. Add nice scents to your house Spending some time contemplating what the holiday season means to you and making conscious choices about the ways you will celebrate it can make it easy to answer the question, “Are you ready?”

Marianne Herzog, PhD is a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. She provides mental health consultation with the children, families, and staff members of Early Head Start and Head Start programs in Philadelphia and Camden that includes writing informational articles and presenting workshops on a variety of psychologically-related topics.

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

How Mindful Living Can Alleviate Your Stress and Anxiety By, Milton Spett, PhD and Lynn Mollick, PhD

Do you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do?

Do you find yourself rushing from one thing to the next?

Are you constantly worrying about bad things that have happened or may happen?

Do you have aches and pains, rapid heartbeat, difficulty sleeping?

If you have too much to do, too much to think about, too much to plan, you are probably overstimulating your brain and creating stress and anxiety. Mindful Living reduces the stimulation entering your brain, slows down your breathing and heart rate, reduces your blood pressure, and helps you develop a sense of calmness and serenity.

What is Mindful Living?

Mindful living means focusing your attention on what is happening right now, without judging, without worrying about the past, and without planning for the future.

Mindful breathing means breathing naturally, not too deep or too shallow, and focusing your attention on your lungs as they expand and contract. When your mind wanders, and minds always wander, just bring your attention back to your breathing without judging.

Mindful eating means keeping your attention on the taste, the texture, and the temperature of the food in your mouth. Mindless eating means looking down at your empty plate and wondering how the food got from the plate into your stomach.

Mindful driving means paying attention to the cars in front of you, the homes, buildings, fields, the trees you pass by, and really hearing whatever music or talk radio you are listening to. Mindful driving means not thinking about whether you will arrive at your destination on time or what you will do when you get there.

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

How Mindful Living Can Alleviate Your Stress and Anxiety (cont.)

Mindful showering means thinking about the water as it falls on your head and flows over your body. Is it cool? Warm? Hot? Adjust the temperature until it is just the way you like it, and then enjoy it without thinking about what you will do after showering.

What You Can Do Right Now Making the transition from stressful living to Mindful Living takes time. You can begin by sitting in a chair for five minutes a day and practicing mindful breathing. Over the following weeks and months, you can slowly add more.

Mindful Living techniques: mindful dishwashing, mindful listening, mindful brushing your teeth, etc. In this way you can gradually make the transition from stressful living to Mindful Living.

Mindful Living reduces the stimulation entering your brain and can greatly reduce your stress and anxiety. But usually Mindful Living is not enough. Many psychologists can teach you Mindful Living techniques. But all psychologists can teach you many other change techniques, including Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, and other forms of therapy.

Combining Mindful Living with additional psychological change techniques can help you permanently alleviate your stress and anxiety and lead a happy, successful, fulfilling, and stress-free life.

Milton Spett, PhD, and Lynn Mollick, PhD, are the founders and leaders of the New Jersey Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists. They have given over 50 presentations on Cognitive Behavior Therapy for New Jersey mental health professionals and published numerous articles on CBT in professional journals, including nine articles in the New Jersey Psychologist. They maintain a private practice in Cranford, NJ. Their website is http://www.cbt-nj.com.

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

Raising a Psychologically Healthy Child By, Richard Formica, PhD

As a parent of three lovely adults and as a presumptive parenting expert, I am supposed to have a great answer to the question: what is the best advice you can give about raising children?

However, I must admit that nothing I have read or yet written satisfactorily answers that question.

Yes, I have written about keeping one’s mind on the ultimate goal of parenting — the development of a positive identity and healthy character in one’s children.

I have written about accepting one’s children as they are; setting and enforcing consistent rules, limits and routines; encouraging your children to become self-directing choice-makers. And I have suggested that all of this be done within an atmosphere of kindness and learning.

I have also frequently said to my patients that the most important attitude in raising children is simply to enjoy them.

I have urged parents to be emotionally regulated with their children. To never discipline their children when agitated or angry. Modeling emotional steadiness is critical in instilling the same emotional steadiness in their children.

And, I certainly never tire of repeating that parents may make all the errors in the encyclopedia of parenting mistakes as long as they correct those mistakes and acknowledge and apologize sincerely.

But all of the above admonitions and encouragements are not quite enough. There is still one key piece missing. Perhaps this missing piece is the most important piece. Perhaps it is the piece I never read about or ever put into writing. But, it is the piece I undoubtedly got from my own parents, even though they made many parenting mistakes with me.

The missing piece is this: never, ever, proceed in a way with your child that would be considered disrespectful if you proceeded in the same way with a friend. Just don’t.

You don’t always have to come up with the correct parenting method. You don’t always have to be patient, kind and loving. Most of the time, yes. But not always. But, always strive to be respectful of your child as a thinking, feeling human being, even if they are acting insanely.

By respect I mean always speak and act towards your child as if you have the utmost esteem for them. Period. This means being critical, shouting, blaming, whining, accusing, rejecting are all out of bounds for you. You may be truly and rightfully angry with your child, but it is HOW you address and approach the child with your anger that matters in the long run.

You may be called upon to set a limit, to not allow a certain behavior by your child, to speak to them firmly about unacceptable behaviors.

That is part of your job. But the way you speak to your child should be characterized by enormous sensitivity to their experience of you. It is tempting to focus on their bad behavior or on your upset. But blaming them for upsetting you will cause you to forget that they are listening to the tone of your attitudes towards them far more than to the words of correction you are giving them.

Your child must walk away with the conclusion: “I made the wrong choice,” rather than the conclusion “my parent is really mad at me” or “my parent doesn’t really like me,” or “I’m a bad boy or girl.” The former leads the child to learn how to choose more wisely, even if it takes a very long time. The latter leads to damaged selfesteem and resentful, oppositional, acting-out behavior, even if you get compliance in the short run.

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

Advocating for Mental Health in New Jersey

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What we do At The New Jersey Psychological Association (NJPA), we are committed to strengthening our political outreach and advocating for the interests of New Jersey psychologists and mental health issues that are important to the public. We are instrumental in maintaining standards of psychological practice in New Jersey, protecting patients’ rights, and supporting public policy. We monitor state rules and laws that regulate the profession, and maintain a liaison with the NJ Board of Psychological Examiners to stay informed about any changes that may affect our members: licensed psychologists, post-doctoral, and graduate students. As an affiliate of the American Psychological Association, we are also involved in federal advocacy initiatives and we regularly lobby for federal issues that affect the science and profession of psychology.

Legislation We Support Visit our Advocacy page to find current bills that we are actively supporting. We encourage you to read about the legislation we are actively following and encourage you to take action where indicated.

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Find tools to sign up for advocacy alerts, find legislation, and locate your state and federal legislators.

Learn more about state and federal advocacy initiatives related to psychology: NJPA State Legislative Victories of the Past NJPA Social Advocacy Our Engagement in Federal Advocacy/Practice Leadership Conference APA Calls to Action APA Washington Update

DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

Free Resources for the Public We are committed to providing educational resources for the public, professionals, and the media that illustrate the expertise psychologists possess that can help improve lives, families, workplaces, communities, and practices.

Stress and decision-making during the pandemic APA Stress in AmericaTM 2021 More than 18 months into the coronavirus pandemic, Americans remain in limbo between lives once lived and whatever the post-pandemic future holds. For many, the current reality encompasses a daily web of risk assessment, upended routines and endless news about the state of COVID-19 in the world, America and our individual communities. Read the full Stress in America 2021 Report here.

A sample of articles found on our resource page: About Psychology: What is a psychologist?

How Do Psychologists Differ From Other Mental Health Professionals?

How to Choose a Psychologist Training and Licensure Understanding Psychotherapy Understanding Treatment Approaches Glossary of Terms In addition to mental health care, what other services can psychologists provide?

So, You Feel Pretty Bad and You are Considering Seeking Therapy, but…

Psychology is Healthy Who Is Therapy For?

Our Latest Podcasts When your child has a chronic illness

Black Women's Experience of Childbirth Trauma

Find more articles on parenting, trauma, natural disasters, LGBTQ, and informational flyers here Disclaimer: Inclusion of an individual psychologist’s public resource content on the NJPA Mental Health Awareness Campaign website page or any NJPA Public Resources pages should not be interpreted as an endorsement by NJPA. In no event shall NJPA be liable for damages to any user of this public relations service for the voluntary selection of a psychologist, for the resources provided by any psychologist listed herein, or for any other damages associated with the NJPA public resources content.

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DECEMBER 2021| ISSUE NO. 4

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