Book Review: Howard Stern Comes Again (2019)

Anthony F. Tasso, PhD Chair, Department of Psychology & Counseling Fairleigh Dickinson

University

Long-time radio disc jockey and self-proclaimed “King of All Media,” Howard Stern, released his third book in May 2019. The book, Howard Stern Comes Again, published by Simon and Schuster, is a collection of what Stern believes are his most intimate and impressive on-air interviews, all of which occurred during the latter half of his four-decade career.

These sit-downs with well-known actors, comedians, musicians, and TV personalities are nothing short of profound. The immensely interesting interviews offer insight into these public figures’ variety of talents, allowing the audience to learn details about them not known prior to their Stern Show appearance. These conversations are even better than advertised and absolutely make the book worth the price of admission. The depth and breadth with which Stern is able to assay the inner experiences of his interviewees undergird his reputation as an interviewer par excellence.

While fascinating, one might ask, “Why is Howard Stern’s book being reviewed here, in a professional psychology journal?” After all, this is the radio guy (in)famous for instigating an incalculable number of celebrity feuds; for cajoling women to strip naked on his radio program; for creating a radio environment riddled with flatus, silliness, and sophomoric humor. Wasn’t it Howard who soared above the crowd at an MTV awards show as “Fartman,” complete with his buttocks on full display? In other words, is the NJ Psychologist an appropriate venue for the man who is the very definition of “shock jock?”

A fair question, and one certainly expected to be asked by any socially conscious psychologist. My unequivocal opinion is yes, Howard Stern Comes Again most deservingly warrants a review here. While the interviews are deeply profound and akin to material that regularly emerges in

New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

our consulting rooms, this is not the most salient reason to discuss the book in a psychology journal. Instead, I contend Howard’s personal revelations that he peppers throughout the book, show exactly why psychologists should give it a read. Stern imbues the pages of Comes Again with descriptions of his developmental experiences and emotional struggles, delicately delving into how they fomented a simmering hostility that compromised his ability to connect with others. He pinpoints how his inner turmoil accounts for a considerable amount of his early personal and professional life. Crucially, Stern informs the reader that he no longer operates in this fashion. Splattered across the 500-plus pages is evidence of how Howard developed insight into this antipathetic means of relating to others and how he worked to make amends to those who suffered thanks to his acerbic tongue.

How did he accomplish this? Psychoanalysis. Yes, wild-man Howard Stern found psychoanalysis and intensive psychotherapy as the vehicle to facilitate his authentic personal and professional change.

At the start of Comes Again, Howard reports on a relatively recent cancer scare. He describes how this confrontation with mortality, an incident that resoundingly debunked his belief in his own omnipotence, functioned as a significant impetus for writing this book. Comes Again, Howard writes, serves as atonement for his more contentious, and (in his opinion) unflattering early interviews. Stern hopes the book will function as a solid springboard to rewriting his legacy. Oh, and he thought this writing project would be an easy way to make a fast dollar. While Howard realized early on that writing this book was quite difficult, the public’s reaction to Comes Again seems to indicate he is succeeding in revamping his image.

Although Stern has hundreds of worthy interviews at his disposal, I believe the ones he selected are significant based on his interest in his subjects’ confrontation of existential topics. In his pre-transcript comments, Howard weaves in themes of loss, trauma, empathy, admiration, and contrition; this commentary functions like a psychoanalytic dialogue by honing in on his hopes, regrets, feelings, fantasies, and associations vis-à-vis the life stories of his interviewees. For example, Stern identifies with Madonna’s iconoclastic past and empathizes with her early traumatic family loss, and notes how the impact of death on Stephen Colbert, Rosie O’Donnell, and Anderson Cooper evokes associations of his own mother’s experience of death and the subsequent effects it had on her mothering of Howard. He professes admiration for, and inspiration from, a broad range of talents (e.g., Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Bill Murray, Jay-Z, Steve Martin, Lady Gaga, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman), describes how he relates to Jerry Seinfeld’s preoccupation with producing comedic material, and explains how he identifies with Vincent Gallo’s rage. Stern exhibits a sincere admiration for Joan Rivers’ unapologetic demeanor and an overall respect for Tracy Morgan.

Perhaps one of his most prominent themes is that of regret and remorse. Howard expresses contrition for his prior hostility toward Rosie O’Donnell (with whom he now has a close friendship) as well as for his mockery of many others, even those he holds in high regard (e.g., Jon Stewart, David Letterman). Howard even reveals his posthumous guilt for his treatment of Robin Williams, whom he believes he unfairly attacked during his one and only interview with the actor and comedian a couple decades ago. Stern delves into his interviews with Ellen DeGeneres (which he considers his most emotional) and Conan O’Brien (which he believes may be his best ever).

Setting aside the commentary Stern provides, the transcripts highlight his brilliance as an interviewer. However, in Comes Again Howard says he was not a good interviewer prior to his experience at the other end of the metaphorical micro- phone: his encounter as a psychoanalytic patient. Respectfully, I view this statement as categorically false and likely hyperbolic (nothing unfamiliar to Stern). My perspective is based on nothing less than three decades of painstaking Howard Stern Show research, my investigative methodology consists of listening to his radio program dating back to my adolescence in the late 1980s (all in anticipation of this book review, of course). Yet, my assertion is supported by more objective empirical data Howard himself offers in this book, such as when he reveals that ABC offered him a Barbara Walters-like interview show in the early 2000s. Since the nascent years of his radio career, Stern, when not on the attack, has exhibited an uncanny ability to create a holding environment of sorts, where subjects are relaxed and, emblematic of the psychotherapy hour, often reveal more about themselves than anticipated.

Howard has a history of demonstrating a sincere, nonjudgmental appreciation of the complexity of the human experience. His keen ability to explore both the lighter and darker sides of others without an air of moral superiority has always been, in my opinion, his greatest professional virtue. This capacity to illuminate the broad range of his interview subjects, whether an exalted celebrity, an everyday person on the street, the proverbial dregs of society, or one of the social misfits who regularly visits his show (aka “The Wack Pack”), is always far more entertaining than his hostile rants or the cascade of naked women that once populated his radio program. This aptitude only accelerated after he began psychotherapy. It appears that it took the experience of truly being heard, in an analytic fashion, for him to be able to hear and subsequently empathize with his subjects. In other words, he needed a relationship with an intimate “audience” of one (his therapist) to truly connect with his interviewees in concert with his audience of millions (his listeners).

Today, his perspicacity that was once weaponized to exploit others is now a tool brandished to support, elucidate, and empathize, all predicated on his capacity for vulnerability, that he utilizes to provide a space for his subjects to disclose more than they thought they would. Put differently, Howard’s interviews shifted from “gotcha” to “help-ya.” Where this exemplary ability to appreciate the broad range of people’s psychologies stems from is unclear, but what is evident is that while he has always been comfortable exploring the disquieting aspects of others, today he seems more at ease with his own.

I believe Howard Stern’s stellar interview style is grounded partially in the fact that he has always been the embodiment of contradiction. For example, despite a history of misogynic antics, he consistently demonstrates a willingness to advocate on behalf of women (as discussed in his 2016 profile in the New York Times); he is considered unsuitable for children, yet he morphed into a beloved family entertainer while on America’s Got Talent. At one time, Howard was deemed too raunchy for regular radio that contributed to his move to satellite radio. Now unencumbered by the constraints of governmental parameters (i.e., the Federal Communications Commission rules) or other parochial entities, Stern paradoxically converted his show into a more socially acceptable, PGrated program. I contend these contradictions help account for Stern’s enduring appeal, whereas most other so-called shock jocks are limited to an evanescent public relevance.

The Stern machine has been rolling for decades, seemingly gaining momentum, despite the many predictions of a hastier fade into oblivion as a function of his age (65 years old) and his move to satellite radio (that requires a subscription plan) more than a decade ago. His omnipresence during his promotion of Comes Again on TV, radio, and in print appears to confirm his reign as the King of All Media. Reports by media experts prognosticating his professional irrelevance were greatly exaggerated.

In fairness, the Howard Stern phenomenon has always been difficult to comprehend. During the rapid early ascendency of the Stern Show, “experts” struggled to understand the copious amount of time his fans spent tuned in to the program. Upon investigation, they found the most frequent reason his followers did so was “because they wanted to hear what he would say next.” The truly vexing finding, at least to stuffy radio executives, emerged when polling nonfans and even those harboring disdain for Howard. When queried about why the disinterested listeners and self-proclaimed Stern haters remained engaged with his show even longer than fans, the primary reason given was “because they wanted to hear what he would say next.”

Perhaps Howard Stern Comes Again represents a repetition compulsion, similar to when fans and nonfans alike remain glued to hear what he’ll say next. For the ardent fan, the book provides an even deeper window into the development of Stern the person and Stern the radio personality, proffering keen perspectives into the mutually interactive evolution of each. The casual listener will, if nothing else, appreciate the reflective stance of one of the best interviewers on the planet. Surprisingly, the vociferous Stern hater may enjoy Comes Again the most, as this reader will realize the man they always considered a mere shock jock (or worse), who ostensibly appears simplistic and shallow, is clearly appreciative of the complexities within himself and others.

The commentary and transcripts in Comes Again pull the curtain back on the man whose early career was fueled by unneturalized rage, sex and aggression, “pure id,” as Howard himself confesses. Today, he has converted his approach from primitivity to rationality, from self-absorption to self-actualization. All readers bear witness to the transformational power of intensive, insight-orientated psychotherapy. They will hear a man in his sixties repeatedly state how psychoanalytic work changed his life: how it helped empower him to become closer to others; to no longer deem others a threat but instead work to foster closeness; to find the courage to apologize to those he viciously targeted; to lean on his ongoing psychotherapy experience to develop an authentic interest in others, even while countering his own narcissistic desires; and to deeply appreciate his wife, daughters, and parents.

Comes Again is uniquely packaged as part memoir, part career cherry picking, and part declaration of contrition. Stern’s willingness to allow his audience a glimpse of several of his long-standing struggles has been a slow, steady progression, from his early days of radio in that he portrayed himself as infallible (a defense belied by his anxiety-riddled squeaky intonation), to his mid-career period (circa his Miss America book) when he divulged his struggles with obsessive-compulsivity and psychosomatic-based back pain, to the present day when (born out of his psycho- therapeutic experience) he allows others access to his psychological vulnerabilities. Today, Stern demonstrates a healthy balance between revealing enough to connect with his guests and audience and protecting his loved ones’ privacy.

Something that struck me when reading Comes Again and listening to Stern during his book tour is how his intrapsychic and interpersonal processes pre-therapy to now seem to parallel the Kleinian process of proactively moving from the paranoid-schizoid to the depressive position. Anchored in a fear of annihilation, Howard’s early withdrawal from intimacy gave him the illusion of being capable of warding off anxieties. This was apparent in his near-myopic professional aim to obliterate those seen as a threat. The psychic tax of such a position was insufferable; it ultimately resulted in distress, dysphoria, and mind-body breakdowns along with any number of personal and professional relationships fractured or forgotten. Howard now demonstrates the more complex and psychologically healthy characteristics of the depressive position capable of apprehending that others are whole objects (rather than disparate good and bad parts). This is evident in his jettisoning of his fears of persecution and annihilation and the subsequent need to destroythat is replaced with the realization of the power of his own aggression and how he might use it to help rather than harm.

During the book’s promotion, there was not a single interview in which Howard failed to extol the virtues of his ongoing psychoanalytic experience. In fact, he went so far to state that he believes meaningful, lasting change is not possible without the aid of intensive psychotherapy, and that he hopes his words will serve as a public service announcement for those, primarily men, prone to diminish the necessity of mental health treatment. Howard Stern, the man who brought us Butt Bongo Fiesta, Crucified by the FCC, and New Year’s Rotten Eve, is now an ambassador for psychotherapy. From Fartman to analysand? Wow…Howard continues to shock.

A quote from Comes Again encapsulates the power of psychotherapy. When reflecting on his early aggressiveness compared to his current more open and empathic stance, Howard comments:

“The hard-ass pose I’ve tried to main- tain just doesn’t work for me anymore. That posture was useful when I was young. It provided an almost impenetrable shell that protected me from feeling need.

If I denied my own humanity, I would not go hungry for human kindness, touch, and most important love. It was a safe world but a lonely one, a kind of prison. So finally, after many years, I began to tear down some very well-constructed walls. I needed to do that if I was going to have a successful marriage…as well as a deeper and more loving relationship with my fantastic daughters. I once needed solitary confinement, but I was now willing to leave the safety of my incarceration and take a step outside.” (pg. 19)

Although this book is ripe with data that reflects Stern’s personal growth and how it has transformed his professional work, please don’t think for one minute that the adolescent humor that once defined him is confined to the Stern Show archives. One needs to look no further than the title of this book to realize that his juvenile humor persists. Remnants of the id remain alive and well.

Despite Howard’s notable personal progressions, he openly acknowledges there is more psychotherapeutic work to be done. This is an impressive admission to make. While I am well aware that a therapist’s desires should never impinge upon a patient’s subjective goals, I have an admittedly narcissistic fantasy regarding Stern’s continued treatment. Much of Comes Again touches on how he has made amends with those he once targeted. This is laudable. However, I hope another group beleaguered by Howard will receive an apology: psychologists. Anyone who has listened to Stern pontificate about the merits of psychotherapy during his on-air stream of consciousness knows he repeatedly anoints psychiatrists as the “right” psychotherapists; psychologists are the lesser of the two. Perhaps his continual growth, augmented by his daughter’s pursuit of a doctorate in clinical psychology, will bring about a mea culpa to our profession. This is my none-too subtle prompt; given that in Comes Again Howard admits to being highly suggestible, perhaps we can hope to receive our apology soon. Time will tell.

Stern is on record as harboring a level of embarrassment regarding his first two books (Private Parts and Miss America) and intimates that they should be shelved permanently. At the risk of sounding unempathic to Howard’s feelings, I feel there is value in reading (or rereading) both books, not only for their raw humor but also to more fully understand Howard the professional and Howard the person. I contend that reading those two books prior to picking up Howard Stern Comes Again will highlight the evolution of the shock jock who revolutionized radio. Or rather, his continued evolution, as his professional and personal journey is far from complete. ❖

References:

Stern, H. (1993). Private Parts. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

Stern, H. (1995). Miss America. New York, NY: ReganBooks.

About the Reviewer: Anthony F. Tasso, Ph.D., ABPP is Professor of Psychology and Chair of the Department of Psychology and Counseling at Fairleigh Dickinson University in Madison, NJ. He also maintains a private practice in Whippany (Hanover Township), Morris County, NJ.

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