6 minute read
ProfessionofBr.Timothy
there is no place like home
by Clare Kolars
A short drive from Home, Kan., where he grew up, Br. Timothy McMillan is prepared to profess solemn vows at St. Benedict’s Abbey. With his profession, Br. Timothy will bind himself for life to the abbey, professing stability in Atchison until death.
There is no place like home, and Br. Timothy will promise that this place, this community of men seeking Christ, will be his earthly home forever.
Although he was raised Catholic, he, like many students at Benedictine College, encountered monastic life for the first time when he arrived at BC. “I had never met any male religious before [aside from priests,]” Br. Timothy said. “My first exposure was reading the Rule of St. Benedict in Intro to Theology.
“As I began college, I was growing in my understanding of the Catholic faith, in prayer, and in my relationship with God,” he said.
“I remember reading the Rule and being struck by St. Benedict’s wisdom. St. Benedict seemed to have the Christian life figured out – to be centered on Christ in this specific monastic way,” he said.
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from there,
a strong attraction developed and Br. Timothy knew he would continue to return to the Rule as a help in his spiritual life, but the desire to truly pursue the religious life had not yet surfaced. “I had no intention of discerning the monastic life,” Br. Timothy said. “It was a gradual transition where I appreciated Benedictine monasticism, but I was still focused on finishing college, dating, getting married and having a family. “I thought it was great, but not for me,” Br. Timothy laughed. However, the Holy Spirit had different ideas for the young man, who began to open up his heart. Among the many busy and loud activities surrounding the young man in college, there began to be a mysterious and gentle tug in his heart. It was at the end of his junior year in college that this tug peaked into an interest, and Br. Timothy began to pay attention to the mystery unfolding before him. “I knew I wanted to do God’s will and no matter what it was it would require discernment and detachment,” he said.
Over spring break during his junior year of college Br. Timothy went with 11 other Benedictine students to visit a variety of religious communities.
“It was around this time that I started to let go of my ideas of what I thought my life would or should look like,” he said. “I began to take seriously the possibility of a religious vocation.” “I visited the community here and other places, but decided that if God was calling me it would be as a Benedictine,” he said. “I figured as long as I’m a student at Benedictine, I should discern with the monks on campus.”
After multiple visits, Br. Timothy started to feel connected to the community and in his final semester, felt confident that he was being called, joining the monastic community in August following his graduation. “I have had doubts and struggles since joining; there have been a lot of times when another life looks more attractive, and I am tempted to give up the whole thing,” Br. Timothy said. “But this life demands that we deny ourselves and put others before ourselves.” On October 22, 2016, Br. Timothy professed solemn vows at St. Benedict’s Abbey with a ceremony designed to reflect Good Friday and Easter Sunday. “St. Benedict says in the Rule to remind yourself daily that you’re going to die, and to live in that state of preparedness,” Br. Timothy said. “In the ceremony, during the prayer of consecration, I’ll be lying prostrate on the floor and covered with a funeral pall (above) as a reminder that it’s a point of death.
“The ceremony brings our attention to the fact we are called to die with Christ in His suffering, but that it’s not for its own end.
“There is a balance to where we die to ourselves so that we can have life in Christ through His Resurrection.” In preparation for this solemn day, Br Timothy meditated on the significance of one of the most beautiful parts of the ceremony – the singing of the Suscipe. “I sing the verse ‘Receive me O Lord as you have promised and I shall live, do not disappoint me in my hope’ three times, standing before the altar with my arms outstretched,” Br. Timothy explained. “This is similar to what the priest does on Good Friday with the relic of the True Cross as well as with the Easter Candle at the Easter Vigil.” He said this duality signifies dying to sin and a rebirth in Christ, which is constantly reflected within the Church. “This profession of vows is a consecration and commitment to serving God wholeheartedly and unreservedly,” he said.
death to self
joys and challenges
As humans, we were made for a life of community and the shared experience. As a major part of the Benedictine charism, Br. Timothy explains what a strength (and challenge) it is. “I wouldn’t be able to do this life on my own at all, or even the Christian life on my own,” he said. “The community is essential, but it can also be a great struggle. “Take any group of people and there will be struggles that are good because they’re opportunities for growth,” he explained. “As you interact with others more and more, you realize this life is about a death to self,” he said.
“I can’t be focused on ‘me’ – I have to be willing to love my brothers and that often means setting aside my own interests and saying I will focus on the good of the other, even when it’s painful.”
This has provided him with the most growth and experience of God’s love through other people giving and receiving that love.
the shared experience
“We’re all called to this vocation of being a monk and we all struggle to some degree with balance of the desire for a contemplative life and the demands of the real world,” Br. Timothy said. “We’re all in the shared struggle and I’ve gained a lot of wisdom from what my brothers have already figured out. “With poverty and chastity as daily struggles for anyone, being able to have people of all ages at your side to relate and help you along the road is one of the most beautiful aspects of the monastic community,” he continued.
living the journey
Br. Timothy’s roles within the monastic community include sacristan of the Abbey, kitchen master and community shopper. God willing, Br. Timothy hopes to pursue seminary studies within the next four years. “The Christian life is a pilgrimage to our home with the Father in Heaven. I feel blessed to live this journey here with my brothers in Christ.”
