1134 Georgia St. Harriman, TN 37748
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RoaneReader FREE
Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back!
Established 1993
June 2016
Distributed
VOLUME 23
NUMBER 8
7,500
Little River - A Serial ............... 28 By Rachel Holbrook
Precious Memories ................. 2 By Kay Christopher
Penny Pinchers ......................... 13 Money saving hints and tips
Bible Beat .............................. 8 & 9 Quizzes, puzzles, facts
Seen and Heard .......................... 2 By our readers
Entertainment ............................ 4 Trivia, facts, movie mistakes
Writer's Page ............................ 18 Our readers submitted writings
Aunt Hattie ............................... 12 Hurry-up recipes
According to the Almanac ......... 5 When to do what
Never Loose Money .................. 14 By Bob Tonachio
Obituaries ................................... 7 Monthly
Fun & Facts for Kids only ....... 26 And Adults
Business Directory .................... 31 Contact info for local businesses
Can You Find Me多 ................... 22
FIND THE CLOSEST ROANE READER pg.31 and @
www.roanereader.com/findone Pick one up before they are all gone!
By The Phantom
Pets Page ................................... 23 Tips for your pets
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Phone: 865-882-9340
SEEN & HEARD IN ROANE COUNTY
By O.I. Seenya • Kittrell’s Kitchen on Gallaher Road, receiving a 100 on their health score for the 7th time straight. • A man in a car alone, driving, eating a large bowl of noodle soup.
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Getting attacked? Do This...
Poisonous snake: The best thing to do is to let it bleed and make your way back to help. Do not take a knife and make the hole bigger and suck the venom out, like you see in movies. You may push the venom in an artery with the end of the knife, and sucking the poison will cause your heart to beat rapidly, and will spread the venom very quickly throughout your body. Do not tie any material around the area you are bitten (to stop the venom from spreading) because it will cut off the oxygen to the wound. One other thing you can do if you are bitten by a poisonous snake is to take a stun gun and zap the area where you were bit. The electricity will turn the poison into a harmless protein. Dog attack. If vicous dogs are running towards you, stay where you are until they leave, but do not stare them in the eye. They will see that as a challenge to their territory and attack. Do not run away from the dogs, because they will attack. If they are actually attacking you, the best thing to do is to curl into a ball and cover your neck with your hands. They will lose interest if you don't fight back and leave. Shark Attack. If a shark is approaching, simply stare it down. Do not swim away, because sharks are attracted to erratic movements. When a man swims away from a shark, it looks to the shark like he is struggling, squirming, and panicking, and the shark will attack! Also, do not play dead. A shark has all the senses we have, plus more, and a shark will know that you are not dead, but will be confused why you are not acting like you should be. So, it will get curious and may start to knaw at you. If a shark is actually attacking you, gouge it in the eyes with your thumb (not with your fingers, because fingers have much less force than your thumb).
9:00am to 4:30pm Mon - Fri There are many events that occur during the year that can affect your tax situation. Preparation of your tax return involves summarizing transactions and events that occurred during the prior year. In most situations, treatment is firmly established at the time the transaction occurs. However, negative tax effects can be avoided by proper planning. Please contact us, COCHRANS TAX in advance if you have questions about the tax effects of a transaction or event, including the following: • Pension or IRA distributions
• Sale or purchase of a residence or other real estate
• Significant change in income or deductions • Retirement • Job change
• Notice from IRS or other revenue department
• Marriage
• Divorce or separation
• Attainment of age 59-1/2 or 70-1/2
• Self-employment
• Sale or purchase of a business
• Charitable contributions of property in excess of $5K
230 SOUTH ROANE ST. HARRIMAN - NEXT TO SEARS (865) 882-8556 email: cochranstax@mindspring.com
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June 2016
Precious Memories By: Kay Christopher
Our Dress Codes
Schools nowadays have to have a dress code because some students, teachers, and visitors to the school wants to show off more of their body than they should. Let me say right off, I am all for dress codes. In fact, I think the schools should demand uniforms that show few body parts. A nice shirt and long pants should be required...For everyone, not just boys. Growing up in the 50s in Emory Gap, I attended Fairmont School the first four years of my schooling. We were not told how to dress, but we were told how not to dress. First off, everyone was poor, so there was no competition as to who wore the name brands, or the latest fashions. No one had ever heard of Nike, or Calvin Klein. But we had something very few students have now, that was self-respect. We didn’t show off our bodies by showing our boobs, butts, bellies or backs. Heck, we couldn’t even show off our legs. Girls were allowed to wear pants, but you had to wear a dress or skirt over them. No one questioned this and we abided by that rule. Most of the clothes the girls wore were hand-me-downs, and all the boy’s jeans had patches. That was the way it was back then. No one judged you as long as you were clean and decent. There was no competition for popularity. If you were liked, you were popular. Dress codes should be something that is not needed, but with the morals of America being depleted, rules must be made. School should not be a place to make a fashion statement, and certainly not the place to unite to see who can wear the most vile and revealing clothes. It should be a place for learning, even if it means teaching people how not to dress.
Points to Ponder Barney, the famous dinosaur that entertains kids is from Dallas. Jupiter is the fastest rotating planet, which can complete one revolution in less than ten hours. A chicken loses its feathers when it becomes stressed. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. The first Tupperware item marketed was the seven-ounce bathroom cup in 1945. Sharks are immune to cancer. Manicuring the nails has been done by people for more than 4,000 years. Approximately 1 billion stamps are produced in Australia annually. The study of the iris of the eye is called iridology. Back in 1919, the Russian transplant pioneer Serge Voronoff made headlines by grafting monkey testicles onto human males. The word Cotton originates from the Arabic word "Qutun." In 1946, the New York Yankees became the first baseball team to travel by plane.
“Each time someone stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” Robert F. Kennedy
The Roane Reader is a monthly publication and a privately owned partnership. Our address is 1134 Georgia St. Harriman, TN 37748. We welcome letters to the editor. The letters should be signed with address and phone number (for verification only.) We reserve the right to edit for grammar and clarity.
Phone: 865-882-9340
June 2016
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26th Annual D,ennis Ferguson
3 The Roane Reader
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Fishing Rodeol
JULY 30~ 2016
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Registration 8:00 a.m.
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At Roane County Park
Jim Henr &Asso c iate s
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Turpin's Auto Repair Harriman, TN.
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Harriman Utility Board
State Senator Ken Yager Jerry's Bait. .Shop
Criminal Court Judge Jeff Wicks
H a r riman, TN. General .Sessions Judge ..
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Sponsors will he providing information on: How the Court System Works, State Government!I Energy
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4 The Roane Reader
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Entertainment
Top 20 country legends that won't go away
1. Hank Williams - His early death cemented his legacy, but it's because of songs like "Lovesick Blues," "Cold Cold Heart" and "Lost Highway" that he continues to captivate listeners. 2. Johnny Cash - After a string of hits and commercial success the 1950s and '60s, Johnny Cash gained a new following in the '90s with his American Recordings series. 3. Merle Haggard - Merle Haggard has one of the most distinct voices and is one of music's most gifted songwriters. His prolific songbook includes drinking tunes ("Tonight the Bottle Let Me Down"), political screeds ("Okie from Muskogee") and jailhouse lamentations ("Mama Tried"). 4. Jimmie Rodgers - Jimmie Rodgers was the first country music star, providing the blueprint for solo artists to come. His charismatic mix of folk, blues, and Tin Pan Alley songs were topped off with his signature "blue yodel." After Rogers died of tuberculosis at the age of 35, he became known as the Father of Country Music. 5. Waylon Jennings - Country singer Waylon Jennings brought a rock 'n' roll spirit to country music in the '70s. Originally a member of Buddy Holly's backing band The Crickets, Jennings was a central figure of the outlaw country movement that arose in opposition to the polished Nashville sound. 6. George Jones - Since his first hard-drinking hit in 1959 with "White Lightning," Jones's operatic voice has had a profound impact on listeners. Following a dark period in the '70s, he rose like a phoenix from the ashes in 1980 with the album I Am What I Am, which features his signature song "He Stopped Loving Her Today." 7. Dolly Parton - Dolly Parton's pin-up curves, angelic voice and affecting songwriting make her a triple threat. Her talent has endured over the decades thanks to her winning personality and, more importantly, classics like "Jolene," "I Will Always Love You" and "9 to 5." 8. Loretta Lynn - Born and raised in Kentucky coal country, Loretta Lynn put her hardscrabble history to use in her songs. In the 1970s, the flinty singer courted controversy with the songs "Rated X" and "The Pill." In 2004, she made a comeback with the Jack White-produced stunner Van Lear Rose. 9. Willie Nelson - Nelson's idiosyncratic phrasing and jazz-influenced fretwork set him apart from his contemporaries. His songs "On the Road Again" and "Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain" showed his singular style had commercial appeal. 10. Lefty Frizzell - Lefty's honky-tonk classics "Look What Thoughts Will Do," "I Love You a Thousand Ways" and "The Long Black Veil" rival those of his contemporary, Hank Williams. Frizzell's warbling singing voice left an imprint on all who followed. 11. Buck Owens - Buck Owens was the ambassador of the Bakersfield Sound. His amped-up honky-tonk sound gave Nashville a run for its money, electrifying the charts with the songs "Act Naturally" and "Tiger by the Tail." His clean-cut persona brought new fans to country music with the help of frontier classics like "Back in the Saddle Again" and "Tumbling Tumbleweeds." 13. Kitty Wells - Wells set the mold for female country singers in 1952. "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels" broke down barriers, proving female country singers were commercially viable and weren't to be trifled with. 14. Kris Kristofferson - His gem-cut lyrics earned him a reputation as a songwriter's songwriter -- country music's answer to Bob Dylan. Janis Joplin ("Me and Bobby McGee") and Johnny Cash ("Sunday Morning Coming Down") performed his songs before his gravelly voice proved itself a worthy instrument. 15. Gram Parsons - He pioneered country rock as a member of multiple bands, among them The Flying Burrito Brothers. After the group dissolved, he came into his own as a solo artist in the 1970s with a pair of classic albums. He died in 1973, cutting his career short. 16. Glen Campbell - In the 1960s, Glen Campbell brought a pop sheen to country music. His honey voice and orchestral arrangements yielded the No. 1 hits "Wichita Lineman," "Galveston" and "Rhinestone Cowboy." 17. Patsy Cline - She took country music into the pop charts with her full-throated vocals on "Crazy," "Walkin' After Midnight" and "I Fall to Pieces," before her life was cut short by a plane crash in 1963. 18. Porter Wagoner - He did more than help introduce Dolly Parton to the world ("I Will Always Love You" was dedicated to him). As host of his own TV show and singer of "Carroll County Accident," he was also one of country music's most singular figures. 19. Ernest Tubb - His folksy delivery and ubiquitous lead guitar put him in the lineage of Jimmie Rodgers. He was country music's next big star, whose lovelorn "Walkin' the Floor Over You" stomped all over the charts in 1941. 20. Tammy Wynette - Best known for "Stand by Your Man," Tammy Wynette was one of country's biggest female stars in the '60s and '70s. Her embattled marriage with George Jones made her life as much of a soap opera as her music.
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June 2016
Chuckles for Hillary and Obama
Q. Why did Obama hold a séance when he got in the White House? A. So that he could thank everybody who voted for him. Q. What will America's national bird be when Hillary takes office? A. Her middle finger. Q. Why does Obama ride in the back of a Presidential limousine? A. The Vatican wouldn't sell him a Pope-Mobile. Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny? A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water. Q. Why will Barack Obama vote for Hillary? A. Because he doesn't want to be the worst President in history. Q. Why will Jane Fonda vote for Hillary? A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead. Q. Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Hillary? A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead. Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself? A. Because it would be racist. Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states? A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan. Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.” Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.” Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!” Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!” Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common? A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon. Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack? A. He thought Barry sounded too American. Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? A: Barack Obama.
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June 2016
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according to the almanac June 2016
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2645 Harriman Hwy, Harriman, Tn
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History of Kingstons Raft Race Kingston’s Raft Race has a long history dating back to the 1970’s, but the most memorable race was the one in June of 1986 that was part of the Kingston’s Homecoming to celebrate Tennesse’s 200th Anniversary. The raft race kicked off the “River Festival” sponsored by Kingston’s Lions Club, that ran from June 28th to July 4th. Businesses and organizations from Roane County were encouraged to enter a raft in the race. The race had three different categories as to how the rafts were powered: wind power, people power and float class. Raft racers put their rafts in at Center’s Ferry and raced down a five-mile stretch to Kingston City Park in an effort to win the “Presidents Award”. There were also prizes for the “Most Beautiful Raft”. In June of ’86 there were twenty rafts that entered the race all with various themes and decorations. “Kingston Convenient Store’s” raft was fashioned to resemble an old paddle-wheel boat. Harriman Hospital’s raft was themed after the highly watched “Mash” T.V. show of the time, with a army-looking, camouflage tent that resembled a miniature mash unit. Michael Russell, currently welding instructor at Tennessee College of Applied Technology along with his two sons, Mike and Bret competed in the race. His raft was themed after Huckleberry Finn. He remembers it as “ a fun time and there were some interesting and clever rafts, unfortunately we didn’t make it very far. Our raft made out of plywood and styrofoam didn’t float real well, but the Mash raft did they won the race” Russell said. This tradition of raft racing has been carried on by Kingston’s Park and Recreation Department as part of their July 4th event, “Smokin’ The Water Festival”. It was brought back in 2009 when Debbie Russell, coordinator for the July 4th event was looking to add more fun activities to the venue. She said, “ I was not here in Kingston to experience the raft races of the past, but I had heard all the great stories, and how much fun it was, seen photos and I knew it would be a great thing to include in our July 4th event.” This year’s race will be the 7th annual for the Parks Department, and is almost identical to the raft races of previous years, with just a few changes. Participants now launch their rafts from Kingston City Park boat ramp, and only race to the T-Dock and back. The first raft to cross the finish line wins the prestigious “Golden Paddle” award. There is also the “JoAnn Knies Award” designated for an all female crew that crosses the finish line first. There are also prizes for the “Most Patriotic Raft” and “ The Best Youth Organization”. According to Parks & Recreation Director, Rick Ross, “if you have never participated in the Homemade Raft Race, then you are missing out on one more entertaining and unique experiences of the “Smokin’ the Water” Festival”. Kingston Parks Department invites businesses, civic organizations and other groups to compete in the raft race, and encourages challenges between co-workers, departments and businesses. For those interested in entering the raft race for more information, contact Kingston Parks & Recreation at 865-376-1356 or go to the website www.kingstonparks.com.
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Happy Father’s Day
to our Daddy Travis Cyrus Our little hands may not be able to hold yours. But we hold you close within our hearts and there you will stay. To walk with us throughout our life until we meet again. God has you in His arms. We have you in our hearts. Love your little girls, Jaidyn and Caylei On January 22, 1980 we were blessed with a gift from God. On April 16, 2016 Travis M. "Pooh" Cyrus was reunited with his Lord and welcomed into his Heavenly home. He is preceded in his passing by his nan, Bonnie Phillips Dishman; aunt, Joyce Dishman and uncle, Danny Dishman; great grandparents, and several great aunts and uncles. Travis is survived by his mother, Tina Cyrus; grandfather, Raymond Dishman; daughters, Kristin, Jaidyn and Caylei; brother, T.J. Cyrus; sister, Tracey Weddle-Helton and husband Randy; special nephews, Dallas Weddle and Ridge Helton; aunt, Cindy Dishman, Indianapolis, IN; uncles, Bryan, John, Frank and Lance Dishman; cousin, Marika, Brittany, Briana, Sara Dishman, Alysa, Austin, Franklin Dishman and Aaron Ross.
IN MEMORY
Wade H. Adams, age 92, of Knoxville, passed away 12:10 p.m. Friday, April 15, 2016 at Tennova Residential Hospice. He was a member and Deacon of lnskip Baptist Church, and a US Army veteran of World War II serving in Germany with the 86th Infantry Division. He was retired from Union Carbide in Oak Ridge, and was an avid hunter, fisherman, and gardener. He was preceded in death by his wife, Garnette Isbell Adams; parents, Luther and Ethel Adams; brother, Ray Adams, sister and brother-in-law, Blanche and Marion Morrow; brothers-in-law, Otto Derrick and Bobby Hopkins. Survivors: sons, Kenneth Adams (Vickie) of Dandridge, and Randall Adams of Andersonville; sister, Deane Derrick; sisters and brothers-inlaw, Alene and Jack Davis, Lennie and Lee Stansbury, Madge and Don Jackson; sister-in-law, Betty Adams.
In Remembrance of my Dad
Dear dad, it was five years ago, June 22nd, 2011, when you took your flight to be with the Lord. I miss you every day. I choose to remember the good times and fun things we all shared Dad, I loved riding on the dozer with you as a kid. I loved the football games we watched together. I loved to watch you shoot your gun on the fourth of July and New Year’s Eve. I loved going to church with you & mama and my little sister. But most of all Dad I love you! So dad, we will all be together again, when the good Lord sees fit. Until then we love you, oh and one more thing daddy, Happy Father’s Day.
In loving Memory of my Dad, Haerman (Barney) Lowe 12-28-1934 to 06-22-2011 Love Myrtle Mae
Phone: 865-882-9340
June 2016
Obituaries
April 23rd Ethel Ferguson, 91, Harriman April 25th Donna Jackson Pierce, 53, Kingston April 26th April Hill Armes, 42, Rockwood April 27th Madeline Hill Moates, 94, Kingston April 28th Marinelle Martin, Oliver Spgs Glen L. Kinser, 92, Harriman William Smith, III, 74, Rockwood Wayne Allen Cooper, 56, Rockood Lelia Clower Phillips, 91, Kingston April 29th Stephanie R. Gibson, 48, Harriman May 1st Ronnie W. Blank, 68, Oliver Spgs May 2nd Susie Davis Woods, 44, Harriman Brenda J. Brandon, 74, Rockwood May 3rd "Marjorie" Walls, 91, Oliver Spgs Gene Seiber, 66, Oliver Spgs Elmer Reed Jackson, 73, Kingston May 4th “Wanda” Reeves, 83, Harriman Valerie King Murphy, 56, Kingston Jamie Jeffers Thomas, 46, Harriman “Jean” Porter, 86, Rockwood May 6th Faye Human, 69, Harriman Christy Duncan, 37, Harriman Don Anthony Scruggs, 80, Kingston
May 8th Lucy Marie Robinson, 75, Harriman Cecile Jones Walls, 79, Kingston May 9th William Newport, Sr., 90, Harriman May 10th Steven Clark, 54, Kingston Peggy McConnell, 86, Kingston Daniel Wade Plemons, 27, Kingston May 11th Bradley Kyle Woody, 34, Harriman May 13th Charlene M. Wright, 74, Elverton Lula DuVall Howard, 76, Kingston Cynthia Lynne Tull, 53, Kingston Leigh Tomlinson, 70, Rockwood May 14th Gary Ray Hallcox, 69, Harriman May 15th Jeanette Brown, 74, Rockwood Eva Jean Smith, 94, Rockwood May 16th Thomas VanNorman, 20, Ten Mile May 18th Sharon Rose Kelly, 73, Harriman May 19th Andy” Edwards, 81, Rockwood May 20th Lucy Mae Kirkland, 93, Harriman Walter Bishop, 76, Sugar Grove Robbie Rose, 90 Harriman (Corky) Burdette, 74, Kingston May 21st Wendy A. Marlowe, 44, Harriman
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SPELLCHECK CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join. The outreach committee has enlisted twenty-five members to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
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Religious Funnies
The Christian barber had been thinking he should share his faith with his customers more, and one night in prayer he decided to witness to the first customer who walked in the next morning. Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, “I want a shave!” The barber said, “Certainly. I’ll be with you in a moment.” He went in the back of his shop and prayed: “Lord, I’m going to witness to this man, so help me to know just the right thing to say. Amen.” Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying “Good morning sir. I have a question for you … Are you ready to die?”
The third verse will be sung The TV is my Shepherd, I shall not want anything else. without musical accomplishIt maketh me to lie down on the sofa. ment. It leadeth me away from the Scripture. The agenda was adopted. The It destroyeth my soul. minutes were approved. The It leadeth me in the paths of sex and violence for the sponsors’ sake. financial secretary gave a grief Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will report. enjoy the evil, for blood and sex, they excite me. Pastor is on vacation. Massages It prepares a filthy commercial before me in the presence of my can be given to the church secre- children. It anoints my head with humanism. My coveting runneth over. tary. Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life, Ushers will eat latecomers. and I shall dwell in the house watching TV forever. Attend and you will hear and Jesus made a quick return to earth for a visit. He came upon a lame excellent speaker and heave a man, had compassion on him, and healed his leg. Further down the healthy lunch. road, Our Lord came upon a blind man, had compassion on him, and The spring retreat will be hell healed him. A little further down the road, Jesus came upon a man May 10th and 11th. sitting on the curb sobbing his heart out. Jesus asked him what was wrong. The man cried out in agony, “I’m a pastor!” Holding on to anger Jesus sat down beside him, put his arm around him… and cried too.
is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, “The Lord is my Shepherd and that’s all I need to know!”
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Which Psalm does Paul quote from in his exhortation at Antioch? The legs of the lame hanging limp” are like what in the mouth of fools? How does Peter say a husband should treat his wife? After being told by God to remain in Gerar, who told the men there when questioned that his wife was merely his sister? Why does David say “the daughters of Judah should be glad”? For how many shekels of silver did Abraham purchase the field of Machpelah? In Ezekiel’s prophecy, who is said to be the “mother of Jerusalem”? Who did Jesus say was “not far from the Kingdom of God”? Who succeeded Herod the Great after his death? On Paul’s journey to Rome, at what location did he meet brethren whom he thanked God for?
Bible Quest Answers Ps 48:11; 97:8 Gen 23:16 Eze 16:3 Mark 12:28-34
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Bible Beat
Bible Quest
Acts 13:33; Ps 2: Pro 26:7 1 Pe 3:7 Gen 26:1-7
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Matt 2:22 Acts 28:15
The Good Deed A man who died is refused entry into heaven. “There’s no record of you having done a good deed,” St. Peter explained. “Have you?” The man thinks and replies, “Well, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a group of thugs assaulting this poor girl. I stopped, grabbed my tire iron, walked up to the leader of the gang and yelled ‘Leave her alone, you sick, deranged animals!’ ” Impressed, St. Peter asks, “When did this happen?’ “About two minutes ago.”
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June 2016
You can play this online @
www.joanyedwards.com/crossword/C47KeepPrayingNightandDay.html
Keep Praying Night and Day, Luke 18:1-8
Keep praying for what you need. Keep praying for what you dream will happen to you. Never give up. Never stop asking for what you want. Ask for what you want from God the Father. Ask for it in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ. God will answer your prayers.
Across 1. trust 3. the reason why 5. figure out 6. valued 8. a short moral story 11. choice 12. kind of hall 13. tired 15. "___ luck?" 16. discovery 18. "I ___ return" 19. reply 24. brought into play 25. when 26. safe 27. took place 29. care 31. great distance 32. no way 33. need 34. things no one can take away
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Down 1. was afraid 2. fairness 3. changing into 4. not fast 6. provide 7. at some time 8. beg
9. on the other hand 10. forever 13. person whose husband dies 14. "___ rang?" 17. on behalf of
18. fast 20. pronoun for lady 21. person 22. existing 23. for fear that
25. show's partner 27. question word 28. Jesus Christ 30. partner with neither
Giving Mood
A minister was worried about asking the congregation for money for repairs, so he asked the organist if she could play some inspirational music to get the congregation in a giving mood. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll think of something.” During the service, the minister said, “We still need $6,000 more for the new roof. Would those who can pledge at least $100 please stand up.” Just then the organist began “The Star Spangled Banner.”
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June 2016
You can play this online @ www.joanyedwards.com/wordsearch/C47KeepPrayingNightandDay.html
Keep Praying Night and Day, Luke 18:1-8
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Bible Beat
Changing Lightbulbs
Q: How many independent Praying is talking with God. Talk with him in the morning when you Baptists does it take to change a first open your eyes. Talk with him when you are having trouble. Talk light bulb? with him when you are excited. Ask him to help those you know who A: Only one – any more than need healing, money, or encouragement. Praying to God from morning that and it might seem like an until night will help you know God better. He will give you the help ecumenical activity. you need because you show your love for him by praying for yourself Q: How many Presbyterians and others. W H O R D I S H O N E S T D N W H R Q Y does it take to change a light F P S T R I K E Y S U A R V O B E I N G bulb? D I A L O R D R U N O T G L E H F V B T A: It doesn’t matter, as long as E E N R V E A R T H E N S A T F U D E Y it’s done decently and in order. L S V D A S T H O U G H T I I I N O C D Q: How many missions I E W E R B N C R T Y N E C D N K N O D magazine editors does it take to V E I E N Y L T H A E N K W A A S E M N change a light bulb? E V V N A T K E R O Y L C I B L D T I Y A: Just one — they’re trained to R D R D D R U P G L S Q L D O L L A N W bring light to a dark world. A Z E A A E Y A I O G E H O T Y T A G B Q: How many atheists does it N E S W T U C D L N D A N W H R B T W S take to change a light bulb? J R P C H T E I I L R N E C E S S I T Y A: None – there’s no point, since Z E E J F E E L S E Y T N C R J U M J L atheists refuse to see the light. S B K E E P S
N C U P D T S R E E C W R D N O R U E U C H O D S Y T O adversary against always answer any attention becoming being bothering call certain chosen comes day decision deliver
A &
E I H A M I W
L N W I A S T G N R I I U N E C P M E D E S A P N S P N dishonest done earth eventually faith feared finally find God human judge justice keeps long Lord necessity
H O U O N A F
P E N R J O N Q R J U S N I I Y A A F B F neither night nor not parable pay pray render respected rights secure see she slow Son speedily
I N G T R L W
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Bible Trivia
Proverbs describes a “fair woman without discretion” as like a jewel of gold in what? What does the name Abram mean? How many begotten sons of David are named in the Bible? In Luke’s account of the Sermon on the Mount to who does Jesus say “God is kind”? How many cities did the Levites possess? The angel said to Mary that Jesus would “reign over the house” of which Old Testament character? How many books are there in the Bible? How many books are there in the Old Testament? How many books are there in the New Testament? Which is the shortest book in the Bible?
Trivia Answers
Jacob (Luke 1:33) A pig’s snout (Pro 11:22) High father / Father of heights Sixty Six (66) Thirty Nine (39) (Gen 17:5 / Strong’s H87) Twenty Seven (27) Nineteen (1 Chr 3:1-9) The unthankful and the evil 2nd Epistle of John (by number of verses: 13) 3rd Epistle of John (by (Luke 6:35) number of words) V S E U O Q: How many Quakers does it Forty-eight (Josh 21:41) T E O D N take to change a light bulb? Fishing on Sunday H D F G G A: Ten to sit around in a circle The village pastor was known for his weakness for trout. He loved I C E E U until one feels an inner light. trout and he loved to fish. “But not on Sunday!” he preached in the I G H T S Q: How many Lutherans does it sermon. W A Y S Z take to change a light bulb? The next day one of his members presented him with a fine string of H I L E B A: Thirteen – one to change the fish. “I guess I ought to tell you, parson, that those trout were caught strike bulb and 12 to sit around talking on Sunday.” about how much they miss the The minister hesitated, gazed appreciatively at the speckled trout. tell old bulb. thought And he accepted the gift. “The fish aren’t to blame for that,” he said piously. time Special Sunday Service town true unwilling used ƫƨƝƛơƙƤΎƟƭƝƫƬƫ˶ weary ƚƪƧ˷ΎƚơƤƤƱΎƥơƬƛƠƝƤƤ while who @ 10:50am & 6pm widow Please Join Us! you
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June 2016
JULY 4th 2016 INDEPENDENCE
DAY EVENT Schedule of Events July 4th Events 10:00 a.m. Gates open Car Show Registration 11:00 a.m. Vendors open Kid’s Zone opens Car Show Judging begins 2:00 p.m. Sand Volleyball Tournament 4:00 p.m. Homemade Raft Race Dusk Fireworks – soundtrack simulcast at 106.1 FM “The River”
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Favorite Church Hymns
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Well, I never!
-- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering. -Dentist's Hymn....................Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn............There Shall Be Showers of Blessings -- He had a photographic memory which was never developed. -Contractor's Hymn...............The Church's One Foundation -- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother The Tailor's Hymn...............Holy, Holy, Holy telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘ No change yet.’ -The Golfer's Hymn..............There's a Green Hill Far Away - What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). -The Politician's Hymn.........Standing on the Promises -- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. -Optometrist's Hymn............Open My Eyes That I Might See -- A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. -The IRS Agent's Hymn........I Surrender All -The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. -The Gossip's Hymn.............Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn.......Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn...........Sweet Bye and Bye The Realtor's Hymn.............I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop The Massagist Hymn..........He Touched Me The Doctor's Hymn............The Great Physician AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: 45mph.................................God Will Take Care of You 65mph.................................Nearer My God To Thee 85mph.................................This World Is Not My Home 95mph.................................Lord, I'm Coming Home 100mph...............................Precious Memories
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Registering Voters Like any experienced politician, Hillary went to the cemetary to register voters. One night she came across a grave so old and worn that she couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Hillary angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!"
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June 2016
Aunt Hattie's "Hurry-Up" Recipes
Household Hints Newer-model toilets with a shiny finish are easy to maintain by scrubbing with the toilet brush several times a week (for a minute) rather than only once a week. This will prevent a hard-water buildup. For regular cleaning, use a disinfecting cleaner, and don’t forget to clean under the seat, the lid and around the base.
HATTIE SHILLINGS
Cowboy Burgers
Put plastic shower curtain and liners into the washing machine to 2 tomatoes, sliced 2 tablespoons olive oil eliminate grime. Toss in a bath towel or two for scrubbing action, 3 onions, thinly sliced, separated in rings 8 hamburger buns, partially split along with the usual amount of detergent. Then place in the dryer for 8 hamburger patties (1/4 lb. each) 8 slices cheddar cheese a couple of minutes or hang to dry. Here’s hint from my mother: To 3 tablespoons A.1. Original Sauce stop mildew buildup, use pinking shears to cut off the bottom seam of a liner or a non-decorative plastic curtain, so the water drips off. Preheat grill to medium heat. Sterling silver and stainless steel can be washed by hand or in the Meanwhile, heat oil in large nonstick skillet on medium-high heat. dishwasher. If you put them in the dishwasher, don’t place the uten- Add onions; cook 5 minutes, stirring frequently. sils in the same basket with stainless steel because this could damage Cover with lid. Simmer 20 minute or until onions are golden brown, stirring frequently. the sterling. If you put sterling or silver-plate (no hollow-handled Meanwhile, grill patties 5 minute on each side or until medium doneness (160ºF). Stir steak sauce into knives) in the dishwasher, stop the machine before the drying cycle onion mixture. and take them out to hand dry. For regular care, a good quality silver Place 1 tomato slice and burger on bottom half of each bun; cover with 1 slice cheese, 3 tablespoons of the onion mixture and top of bun. cream or polish will have excellent results. HEADACHE REMEDY: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Devilishly Delicious Southwest Burger
1 lb ground buffalo meat 2 teaspoons taco seasoning 1⁄3 cup salsa 1⁄4 cup guacamole 1⁄4 cup sour cream 3 slices jalapeno jack cheese
canned green chili lettuce, shredded 1 tomatoes, diced French fried onion rings 3 buns
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw Mix together bison burger, taco seasoning and salsa. Shape into 3 burgers. potato on the stains and rinse with water. Grill on medium heat on foil for 6-8 minutes each side. To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area Meanwhile mix together sour cream and guacamole. and you will experience instant relief. Top burgers with cheese, grill an additional 2 minutes to melt cheese. Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross Place burger on bun, top with green chilies, diced tomatoes, french fried onions, and shredded lettuce. a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or Spread sour cream/guacamole mixture on top of bun and place on top of burger. wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself. Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
Home Cooked Meals
Breakfast
Lunch
Call in Orders Daily L
$
5.
79
Open 5:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.
ecials
ch un Sp
1190 Gallaher Rd. Kingston, TN (865) 376.3060
The Texas Squealer Burger
1 1⁄2 lbs 80% lean ground beef 12 slices bacon, uncooked 1 -1 1⁄2 tablespoon grill seasoning (I use McCormicks Mesquite)
1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 tablespoon minced dried onion 1⁄4 cup Worcestershire sauce salt and pepper
Begin by chopping the raw bacon finely with a sharp knife. I slice it in half, then in strips, then dice it. The key is to make it small. I do not recommend a food processor because it heats the bacon up too much and can become gummy. Gently mix all ingredients in a large bowl and add the bacon. Form into 6-8 patties and put in the freezer for 30 minutes before grilling. This is not a necessary step, but I think the meat holds together nicely when the patties go on cold. Grill patties approximately 5 minutes on each side. Allow them to rest 5 minutes before serving. Top with cheese if you wish and any of your favorite toppings.
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BAKING SODA (WHO KNEW)
·Remove scratches and crayon marks from vinyl floors and walls. ·Clean your shoes with it. ·Clean garbage cans with it. ·Use it to wash diapers. ·Clean the fridge with it. ·Soak brushes and combs in a baking soda solution. ·Mix it with water to wash food and drink containers. ·Put three tablespoons of baking soda to a quart of warm water, then use the mixture to wash marble-topped furniture. ·Absorb it with a damp sponge, then clean Formica counter tops with the sponge. ·Use it to get rid of stale odors from cooling containers and thermos bottles. ·Run your coffee maker with a baking soda solution, then rinse. ·Combine with hot water to clean baby bottles. ·Sprinkle it on barbecue grills, then rinse it off. ·Scatter it on your greasy garage floor, scrub the floor, and rinse. ·Remove burned-on food from a pan by soaking it in a baking soda solution for 10 minutes before washing. ·Clean your ashtrays with a baking soda solution. ·Keep your drains clean by putting four tablespoons of baking soda in them each week. Flush it down with hot water. ·Clean your shower curtains by soaking them in baking soda and water. ·Put it on a small brush to rub canvas handbags clean. ·Use it to remove melted plastic bread wrapper from a toaster. Sprinkle baking soda on a damp rug, then use the rug to clean the toaster. ·Use it to clean your retainers and dentures. ·Make a thick paste of baking soda and water, and used it to scrub enameled cast iron and stainless steel. ·Mix four tablespoons of baking soda with a quart of warm water, and use it to clean the inside part of an oven. ·Use it to unclog gas stoves. ·The most amazing thing about baking soda is that it’s very cheap. You can do all these things for a very small cost. Baking soda is truly a miracle product, whether it’s used for baking or not
Happy Birthday
Russ Fine June 4
I’m so tired of looking in my purse and not finding $100,000.
Shillings Reunion
Sunday, June 5th at 1:00 p.m. Riverfront Park in Harriman Bring a covered dish and be prepared to have plenty of Fun, Food and Family.
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Get Rid of Musty and Bad Odors
Penny Pinchers
Fill a knee high hose with some activated charcoal (the kind that goes in an aquarium), and hang it wherever thereis a musty smell.
Use a large garbage bag as strong as you can find. Cut out a place in the middle for your head and one place on each side for your arms to go through. Slip it on and you have a smock to paint in or work in without messing up your clothes. When your bar soap gets down to that last small piece, save it in a plastic heavy duty zip bag. When you get enough small pieces saved, microwave it for a couple minutes to make soap pliable. Mash it together inside the bag to form one bar of soap. When cool remove and use. Use your used dryer sheets to wipe soap scum off your shower doors. In a spray bottle put 2 cups water and 4 Tbsp. cornstarch. Shake to mix. Use this to starch any item of clothing you normally would put starch on. You can use more cornstarch in the recipe if you like a heavier starch or less if you like it less starchy. Iron clothes at once after they have been spray starched. Never pay those high prices again for spot cleaners when Barbasol regular shaving cream can be squirted on the area and cleaned with a brush or sponge. Let it dry completely, then vacuum up any residue or wipe off with a clean, damp sponge. Wobbly legs on furniture? On the uneven leg hot glue a button that blends in to the color to make it even. Hang your clothes up as soon as the dryer stops. If your clothes are wrinkled, spritz them with the fine mist of water and let them hang on a hanger until dry. Wrinkles usually fall out when dry. Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz white vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water. Wax cartons make good soap molds if you like to make your own soap. You can melt bar soap and add your own essential oil to create your own fragrances. Pour the hot soap in the wax cartons and let harden. Remove and use. Musty hampers will smell better if you sprinkle some baking soda over the bottom of the hamper to absorb the odors. Or you can keep an open box of baking soda setting in the bottom of the hamper. You can hang a knee high stocking full of mothballs underneath your house to keep it from smelling musty. It also keeps mice and bugs away. Mice hate the smell of peppermint, so you can use some cotton balls soaked in peppermint oil in the kneehigh if you hate the smell of mothballs. Use a sheet of Bounce fabric softener to clean the dust off your computer or television screens.
You can keep a low voltage light on if the smell is in a closet to dry out the dampness. Just make sure nothing is touching the light bulb. Toast a pan of regular long grain rice and put it inside a file cabinet or confined area that has any odor to remove odor. Musty suitcases can be freshened by balling up some newspapers and placing inside the suitcase for a few days or until you use it again. After you remove the newspaper, put some fabric softener sheets inside the suitcase to keep it smelling nice. One tsp. mustard will take any odors out of jars. Fill jar with water and add the mustard. Cap. Shake up. Let sit for 30 minutes. Rinse well. The smell should be gone. Toilets can get some nasty odors. Pour in some bleach and swish the bowl with your toilet brush to keep it odor free once or twice a week. Sprinkle baking soda on your carpet and let it stand overnight. Next day just vacuum it up and it will smell fresher. In stinky shoes like sneakers place in each shoe a fabric softener sheet that has baking soda in it to absorb the odors.
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Bob Tonachio
Phone: 865-882-9340
In NEAR FUTURE… you’ll have the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of the biggest and most profitable technological breakthroughs in recent history.
And even though one of our top analyst spent 35 years researching and recommending technology investments, He has never seen an opportunity as exciting as the one I going to let you in on right now. The company we are going to talk about says in a prospectus that it dominates the market for a device that lies at the very heart of a new technology called “Neural Imprinting.” Neural Imprinting is a technology that changes a user’s perception of reality by literally “imprinting” signals onto the synapses of the brain. “It is a kind of “virtual reality (VR).” But don’t let that terminology give you the wrong impression. We’re not talking about simple play things. Neural Imprinting goes far beyond the VR games you’ve read about. In fact, it’s being put to use in ways that stagger the imagination, and is creating an unparalleled investment, growth opportunity for retirement plans. For example, Neural Imprinting has demonstrated an almost miraculous ability to eliminate nearly all forms of extreme pain, be it from burns, invasive cancer treatments, lower back pain, fibromyalgia, or even routine dental procedures, to name just a few of a multitude of uses. The best news is, Neural Imprinting headsets are non-invasive, drug-free, and come with no dangerous side effects. They’re why analysts from Sophic Capital have called Neural Imprinting “a virtual goldmine for investors.” That is why… Neural Imprinting, as a field, is benefiting from a flood of venture capital and research-and-development investments. Just look at some of the names below… Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook Inc. (Nasdaq: FB), has invested $2.1 billion of his company’s money, while Larry Page and Sergey Brin of Alphabet Inc. (Nasdaq: GOOGL) have headed up a funding round worth $542 million. Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq: MSFT), often flaunts this technology’s “mind-blowing potential” – and his company has jumped in with $150 million. These visionary leaders and many others are eager to get in on this phenomenon because they believe Neural Imprinting is destined to change every facet of our lives. And they’re right. Because of its sheer versatility and power, Neural Imprinting is rapidly being adopted by nearly every major industry in the world. Fields as diverse as healthcare, industrial design, sports entertainment, video games, education, home cooking, gambling, movies, publishing, and retirement planning are all adopting Neural Imprinting in one form or another. As Neural Imprinting technology upends one multibillion-dollar market after another, sales of the devices that make it possible are going to explode, making a fortune for investors who get in and ride this wave in the early stages of its massive future growth. In a private meeting… I’ll review the various markets this technology is poised to take over and show you why, all told, more than $2.86 trillion in revenue is now available and could advance ones retirement accounts to the comfort zone of abundance. During this private meeting… I’ll introduce you to the company that stands to garner a significant share of that revenue, thanks to its first-in-class Neural Imprinting technology, its stellar leadership, and the more than 7,300 patents in its pipeline. Bob Tonachio is CEO of Robert James & Associates, Inc. a national financial services company. He served on the Board of Directors of Laidlaw & Co. Members of the New York Stock Exchange… He was in charge of Research, Estate Planning and Municipal Bond Trading. He was CEO & founder of 3 publicly traded companies. He may be contacted at the local Kingston Office at 376-4925 or 1-800-530-5700… Consultations and recommendations are always free of charge…
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“Virtual Reality promises to be even more transformative than the Web was – reaching into every segment of every market.” – Wired
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June 2016
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A New Medical Breakthrough is on the edge of changing mankind forever. It’s a new, revolutionary way to attack the 8 deadliest diseases that afflict people over 55. I’m talking about devastating killers like colon and pancreatic cancer. Lymphoma and even lung cancer. The world’s top scientists are calling it the “Holy Grail”… the dawn of an “Enlightened Age”… worthy of a “ticker-tape parade in New York City.” It has the potential to save nearly 600,000 lives in America… and more than 8 million people around the world – every year. You’re going to want to know about this because...
There’s a 50% certainty that someone in your family will fall victim to one of these eight dreaded diseases. But here’s the good news... The breakthrough I’m talking about puts us on the verge of a “Universal Treatment.” Meaning you may never have to fear any of the top killers that now most commonly hit people over 55. It involves one of the most precise, sensitive technologies ever created in medical history – 100 times more powerful than an MRI. It’s based on the results of a 13-year collaboration of the world’s top scientists from 20 of the most prestigious research institutions, including MIT, Baylor, and Stanford… And it’s already in use at some of the nation’s leading medical centers like Harvard’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital, the University of Michigan and Mayo Medical. Legendary oncologist Bert Vogelstein from Johns Hopkins – the man who actually discovered the origin of cancer – said what this miraculous new advance could do deserves its own “ticker-tape parade in New York City.”
FOR MORE DETAILED INFORMATION… CALL KIMBERLY AT ROBERT JAMES & ASSOCIATES, INC. KINGSTON OFFICE 376-4925 OR 1-800-530-5700
June 2016
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What happens if you die and don't have a will? Actually, you do have a will. Assuming you are a Tennessee resident, the state of Tennessee has written it for you. And it might not say what you want it to say. Apparently, iconic music artist Prince died without a will. As a result, the passing of his considerable assets will go through a series of hands and no telling how much legal expense to determine who will receive what. And all of this will be a public process through the court system. It certainly makes for tantalizing headlines, but I don't think that is what any of us really wants for our family and heirs. In Prince's estate, I am sure there will be lots of legal bills and angst among family members. His will could have directed who would control his business interests and that person or entity certainly doesn't have to be the same as the individuals and/or charities who would inherit his wealth. You have the opportunity in your will to leave a clear road map of your intentions. Every state has its own laws regarding intestacy, or dying without a will. So, if you don't have a will prepared, the state will have a plan for you — it will take control of your assets and distribute them for you. This is where having a will helps assure that your wishes are followed after your death. Many people believe that, if they are married and do not have a will, their assets automatically go to their surviving spouse. Sadly, this is a misconception. Regardless of the length of the marriage, the spouse will have to divide the assets with any surviving children. Should the children be minors, a guardian will be appointed for them by the court. Typically, the guardian will be the natural surviving parent, but there is still the cost and time involved in going to court. And my, oh my, how difficult it is when there are blended families and ex-spouses who want to take control of a minor child's assets. Not all assets are controlled by your will. Certain assets pass by operation of law. For example, if a checking account or brokerage account is in joint name with right of survivorship, then the will does not control, but rather the way the account was set up controls. Same thing for real estate, the way the property is titled controls, not a will. And then there are life insurance policies, retirement plan accounts, IRA accounts, 401(k) plans, annuity contracts and the like. These types of investments normally have beneficiary designation forms, and the beneficiary form controls who receives those assets. Often, closely held business interests have restrictions and/or buy-sell agreements with the other shareholders that control instead of the will. In a buy-sell agreement, the disposition of the wealth created from the sale of the stock would be controlled by the will, but the buy-sell might not allow the business interest itself to be inherited by someone else. And let me stress here again, even if a will says that a particular piece of property goes to a certain person, if the property isn't titled in just your name, then the title controls, not your will. Likewise, that old retirement plan beneficiary designation that you filled out 20 years ago will control your retirement distribution even if your will makes mention of the retirement account. Please periodically check your beneficiary designation forms to make sure they say what you want them to say. Preparing a will is a crucial step in assuring that your wishes are carried out after your death. You really can get the last word in.
Happy Birthday
Linda LaBarre June 21st
I HAVE A HERO I CALL HIM DAD
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What to do with canned biscuits Canned biscuits just became your new best friend in the kitchen. Skip making your own dough and use your favorite canned biscuit with these recipe hacks! If you're looking for a fun alternative to traditional garlic bread while not losing any of that delicious taste, try taking canned biscuit dough and balling it into a muffin pan. Add your favorite spices or cheese and bake as normal. Biscuits can easily become delectable danishes by putting cream cheese in the middle and adding fruit and sugar on top before baking. You'll never need to take a trip to the local bakery again! Next time you have a craving for a sweet treat, skip buying or making your own cake batter and use ordinary store-bought biscuits. All you have to do is put sugar on them before you bake them. After you take them out of the oven and let them cool, put strawberries and whipped cream in the middle and you've got a delicious strawberry shortcake. Making your own stuffed pocket/mini calzone is super easy with canned biscuit dough. Get the fillings of your choice and fold your biscuit around it. Then you just bake it and enjoy. It's just like a homemade Hot Pocket! Mini biscuit bowls are a fun and delicious way to serve chili, whether it's freshly made or lunch leftovers the next day. Bake the mini biscuit bowls using the canned dough and then scoop the chili directly into them. They make great appetizers! You probably weren't aware that you can hack a dessert like monkey bread using canned biscuits and a bundt pan. Using a knife, cut each biscuit into fourths and shake them in a bag mixed with cinnamon and sugar. Cover them with melted butter and brown sugar in a pan and they're ready to bake! Make a hole in the center and fry your canned biscuits. You've got yourself a tasty homemade donut. They're even better with powdered sugar or frosting, too. The donut holes can be fried and eaten as well. Forget bothering with homemade crusts and use canned biscuits as the crust on your favorite cobbler. You can use your fruit of choice to make an amazing biscuit cobbler. If you love using a waffle iron but get tired of making homemade batter, consider using canned biscuits for your waffles. Spray the iron with non-stick spray or melted butter and press the biscuits on the iron. It's a delicious homemade breakfast that's ready in minutes. Put a tablespoon of your favorite canned fruit in the center of a biscuit and fold it over to make a tasty little turnover that's perfect for both a snack and a dessert. Bake it in the oven and it's a perfect mini-pie for you to enjoy. For this hack, all you have to do is press a biscuit into a muffin pan and fill each with your favorite veggies and chicken soup. Fold the edges of the dough over the top of each and you have some delicious mini pot pies. You can actually make awesome pizza dough with canned biscuits. You can make a personal pan pizza by flattening out individual biscuits, or you can also smash multiple biscuits together and roll them out to make dough for a larger pizza crust. Be sure to brush your dough with butter, oil and your favorite herbs before you bake it. Replace the dough in your favorite coffee cake recipe with canned biscuits and you have an amazing take on a classic sweet treat. You can also experiment a lot with the ingredients that you put on top of the biscuits before you bake it.
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Think about it...
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. If electricity comes from electrons...does morality comes from morons? Without geometry, life is pointless. He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
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June 2016
A New Supreme Court? A lot of people have brought up the fact that they wont vote for Trump. I just want to put something in perspective. Justice Scalia's seat is vacant. Ginsberg Is 82 years old, Kennedy is 79, Breyer is 77, and Thomas is 67. Nowadays, the data shows that the average age of a Supreme Court retirement or death occurs after 75. These are 5 vacancies that will likely come up over the next 4-8 years. The next President will have the power to potentially create a 7:2 Supreme Court skewed In their Ideology. Think about that... 7:2. If the next President appoints 5 young justices, it will guarantee control of the Supreme Court for an entire generation. And 7:2 decisions will hold up much more over time than 5:4 decisions which are seemed to be lacking in mandate. Hillary has made it clear she will use the Supreme Court to go after the 2nd Amendment. She has literally said that the Supreme Court was wrong in its Heller decision stating that the Court should overturn and remove the individual right to keep and bear arms. Period. Everyone saying that they won't, vote for one candidate or the other if they are the GOP nominee, please realize this. If Hillary Clinton wins the general election and gets to make these appointments, you likely will never see another Conservative victory at the Supreme Court level for the rest of your life. Ever
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June 2016
Archaeologist finds remains of Egyptian Army in Sea Egypt’s Antiquities Ministry announced that a team of underwater archaeologists had discovered that remains of a large Egyptian army from the 14th century BC, at the bottom of the Gulf of Suez, 1.5 kilometers offshore from the modern city of Ras Gharib. The team was searching for the remains of ancient ships and artifacts related to Stone Age and Bronze Age trade in the Red Sea area, when they stumbled upon a gigantic mass of human bones darkened by age The scientists lead by Professor Abdel Muhammad Gader and associated with Cairo University’s Faculty of Archaeology, have already recovered a total of more than 400 different skeletons, as well as hundreds of weapons and pieces of armor, also the remains of two war chariots, scattered over an area of approximately 200 square meters. They estimate that more than 5000 other bodies could be dispersed over a wider area, suggesting that an army of large size who have perished on the site. Remains of Egyptian Army From the Biblical Exodus. A magnificent blade from an Egyptian khopesh was found and certainly the weapon of an important character. It was discovered near the remains of a richly decorated war chariot, suggesting it could have belonged to a prince or nobleman. Many clues on the site have brought the team to conclude that the bodies could be linked to the famous episode of the Exodus. First of all, the ancient soldiers seem to have died on dry ground, since no traces of boats or ships have been found in the area. The positions of the bodies and the fact that they were stuck in a vast quantity of clay and rock, implied that they could have died in a mud slide or a tidal wave. The shear number of bodies suggests that a large ancient army perished on the site and the dramatic way by which they were killed, both seem to corroborate the biblical version of the Red Sea Crossing, when the army of the Egyptian Pharaoh was destroyed by the returning waters that Moses had parted. This new find certainly proves that there was indeed an Egyptian army of large size that was destroyed by the waters of the Red Sea during the reign of King Akhenaten. For centuries, the famous biblical account of the “Red Sea Crossing” was dismissed by most scholars and historians as more symbolic than historical. This astounding discovery brings undeniable scientific proof that one the most famous episodes of the Old Testament was indeed, based on an historical event. It brings a brand new perspective on a story that many historians have been considering for years as a work of fiction, and suggesting that other themes like the “Plagues of Egypt” could indeed have an historical base. A lot more research and many more recovery operations are to be expected on the site over the next few years, as Professor Gader and his team have already announced their desire to retrieve the rest of the bodies and artifacts from what has turned out to be one of the richest archaeological underwater sites ever discovered ( via worldnewsdailyreport.com ).
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Spare Parts The keynote speaker was in such a hurry to get to the venue that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that had forgotten his dentures. Turning to the man next to him, he whispered, “I forgot my teeth!” The man said, “No problem.” With that he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a pair of dentures. “Try these,” he said. The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said. The man dug around in his briefcase again. “Here, try these.” The speaker tried them and responded. “Too tight.” The man didn’t seem taken aback at all. He dug around in his briefcase again. “Here. I have this pair. Give them a try.” The speaker smiled. “They fit perfectly.” He ate his meal and gave his speech without any further troubles. After the event concluded, the speaker went over to thank his benefactor and return the spare parts. “I want to thank you for coming to my rescue. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.” “Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replied. “I’m the local funeral director.”
Happy Birthday
John LaBarre June 25th
email: info@roanereader.com
17 The Roane Reader
The Non-Believer A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not. Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy. "Hey" asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle." The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across." The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation. "Wow!" Exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"
The Bell Ringer Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the pastor if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear, but then the boy died. The pastor ran to the congregation and asked, “Does anybody know this boy’s name? I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”
S.L. BOWMAN & SONS, INC. MAYO SEEDS CLEANING UP? WE HAVE DUMPSTER GARDEN SUPPLIES RENTALS AVAILABLE & EQUIPMENT WE HAVE
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The Roane Reader proudly presents
The Old Man’s Prayer
I saw him kneeling there in the autumn breeze Saying a prayer down on his knees I stood in the background so he could not see But I listen as he spoke his needs Oh Father God help me I pray Help me make it through another day The pain I carry is so great within I need you to send peace to me again The loss of my loved one is so great As you know she was my soul mate I know things are better for her now Just help me get through this sorrow some how Suddenly a light shown round about the man And it seemed he was reaching for an unseen hand I bowed my head in the midst of it all And on the Father began to call The man slowly stood up and went his way I will never forget the prayer he prayed Now with flowers I walk to his grave and place them on Father God came and carried my grandpa home
by: Judy M. Reid
Be strong! We are not here to play, to dream, to drift, We have hard work to do and loads to lift; Shun not the struggle-face it; Tis God’s gift. Be Strong! Say not, the days are evil, Who’s to blame? And fold the hands and acquiesce Oh, shame Stand up, speak out, and bravely, In God’s name Be strong! It matters not how deep untrenched the wrong How hard the battle goes, the day how long; Faint not- fight on! Tomorrow comes the song
II Corinthians 4:3-6 by: Katie Bailey Randolph
God sent us a Pastor to show us the Lamb, To preach to us Jesus, the Great I Am. Not only to lead, but to watch for our soul And invite the lost into the fold. Like a beacon of light shining bright on a hill His desire is to do the Father's will. He preaches the blood, death and resurrection, And has our trust and deepest affection. The charge of God he's faithful to keep That he might lead this flock of sheep. At the midnight hour down on his knees Praying there for you and me, That we would draw closer to our God And have our feet with the gospel shod. And putting on faith, a protective shield To stand and never to Satan yield. Let's all give thanks and praise the Lord For this man of faith that preaches the Word. He needs our prayers that he might stand And continue fast by the Savior's hand.
The Blue Milk Bottle by: Russell Fine
Happy Birthday
Spencer Forbes June 15th
Jerry’s Used Furniture Furniture - Appliances & Gift Items WE BUY GOOD USED FURNITURE ONE PIECE OR ENTIRE ROOMS
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Be Strong
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June 2016
A BEACON OF LIGHT
THE WRITER'S PAGE
by: Donna Kay Reynolds
IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR WRITINGS ON THIS PAGE EMAIL US: INFO@ROANEREADER.COM or write to: 1134 Georgia St. Harriman, Tn 37748
email: info@roanereader.com
Chapter 1 - The antique blue milk bottle sat on the dusty window sill in the otherwise empty house. The sunlight reflecting off the bottle cast unusual bright blue patterns of light on the walls and ceiling. The house was old, but nobody knew exactly when it was built because that happened before the local government began keeping records. The newest owners, Brad and Kate Miller, had saved for years to buy their first home. The house was small, only about 1200 square feet. It had two bedrooms, one bath, a big kitchen, large dining room, and an even larger living room. Brad and Kate had no children so it was perfect for them. They had looked at the house several times before offering to buy it, but now they owned it so they were going through it, room by room, deciding how to place their furniture. When they walked into the smaller bedroom the light from the reflections off the milk bottle surprised them. They both starred at it for a few moments and suddenly found themselves drawn to the bottle by some unseen force. “Was that there before?” Brad asked. “I don’t think so. I thought the house was completely empty.” Brad walked across the room and as he got closer to the bottle the desire to touch it became stronger. He moved his hand closer to the bottle and he felt an uncomfortable tingling sensation in his fingers. Despite the discomfort he was unable to stop himself. He touched the bottle. Suddenly he found himself engulfed in painfully bright blue light. He felt mild electric shocks coursing through his body. He closed his eyes in an effort to mitigate the pain caused by the light. Now he felt himself spinning and falling. As quickly as the light appeared it disappeared. Brad slowly opened his eyes. He was no longer in the bedroom of his home. He was in a forest, surrounded by unfamiliar plants and trees. He was sitting on the ground, dazed and confused. He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming, dead, or hallucinating. A wave of dizziness passed through him and afterwards he felt a little better. Brad got up and looked around. The trees around him were very tall and their leaves formed a canopy that was at least 75 feet above the ground. The ground was covered with a thick layer of fallen leaves but was devoid of plants except for a few bushes that had small bright green leaves and large dark blue flowers. He had never been in a rainforest, but he guessed that this is what one looked like. Except rainforests were hot and humid, and he was almost cold. The dark blue flowers reminded him of the mike bottle he touched. Did that really happen? He got up and remembered his cell phone was in his pocket. He took it out and checked the date and time. The date was correct and the time looked reasonable. Then he looked at the level of service; there was none. He turned the phone off and put it back in his pocket. He began to explore the area but everywhere he looked were the same tall trees and the bushes with the blue flowers. He stopped and listened to the sounds around him. All he heard was the rustle of leaves in the canopy above him. Rainforests were supposed to be full of all type of animals. But this one had no animals at all, there were no birds, no reptiles, no mammals, not even insects. He continued to walk, but it was the same everywhere he went. If this was real, what happened to Kate? Was she still in their house or was she now lost in the same forest?
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June 2016
Sugar is Sweet I went to my nearby pharmacy and asked to speak to the pharmacist on duty. As I waited, I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter. The pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?" Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along. He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around. Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing. When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?" The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HECK NO!!!" I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"
Easy coring for strawberries
– Use a straw to remove the white, flavorless cores from your strawberries. Press the straw into the bottom of the strawberry, straight up through the middle, and out the top. When the straw breaks through the stem-end of the berry, it should take the core with it every time.
JIM HENRY & ASSOCIATES
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Facts of Life A group of crows is called a murder Davao City, located at the Southern state of Philippines, is the largest city in the world in terms of area Certain female species of spiders such as the Australian crab spider, sacrifice their bodies as a food source for their offspring One grape vine produce can produce about 20 to 30 glasses of wine The TV show "Saturday Night Live" made its debut on October 11, 1975 In a pack of Skittles candy, there is an equal 20% distribution of each flavor The Central African raffia palm is known to have the longest leaves. The leaves can measure up to 82.5 feet long. Due to the shortages of lead and metals during World War II, toothpaste was packaged in plastic tubes and have been ever since In humans, the epidermal layer of skin, which consists of many layers of skin regenerates every 27 days The Hubble telescope is so powerful that it is like pointing a beam of light at a dime that is two hundred miles away. The word "umbrella" is derived from the Latin root word "umbra", which means shade or shadow An ear of corn consists of 80% water Leonardo Da Vinci never signed or dated his most famous painting, the Mona Lisa On average people fear spiders more than they do death Every day, over five billion gallons of water are flushed down toilets in the United States In one trip, a honey bee visits about 75 flowers
Happy Birthday
Dwain Alexander June 11th
email: info@roanereader.com
19 The Roane Reader
FEELING OLD?
-Guns N' Roses was formed 31 years ago -Scooby-Doo made his first appearance 47 years ago -The movie El was released 34 years ago -Cyndi Lauper will be 63 years old this year -The first Compact Discs were sold 34 years ago -The TV series Laverne & Shirley started 40 years ago -Elvis and Lynyrd Skynyrd died 39 years ago -Pac-Man was released 36 years ago -The first Walkmans were sold 37 years ago
Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
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Sandra L. Stout
Bloomquist 2nd win of season at Smoky Mountain by: John Griffin The World of Outlaw Sears Craftsman Series was at Smoky Mountain Speedway on Saturday evening May 7th. A field of 45 super late models made their way to the track. After qualifying it was Chris Madden of Gray county, South Carolina setting fast time with Scott Bloomquist 2nd. After heat races and a drawing to see who would start on the pole it was Casey Roberts out of Georgia securing the pole. At the start of the 50 lap feature, Roberts jumped out to the lead and led for the first 15 laps until Scott Bloomquist took the lead and led the rest of the way for his second win of the season at the track. After taking the lead Bloomquist was not challenged the rest of the race. In 2nd, was Chris Madden with Josh Richards 3rd, Mike Marlan 4th, Casey Roberts 5th, and Donald McIntosh 6th. Steve Caseboti out of Indiana finished 19th, with local ties to Roane County. The Sportsman Late Models were in action with Jed Emert taking the checkers with Andy Ogle 2nd, Michael Courtney 3rd, Heath Alvery 4th. The Street Stocks were also in action with Chris Rickett taking the checkers with Tony Horton 2nd, Ty Crisp 3rd, Chad McLemore 4th, and Jeff McLemore 5th. June 18th it will be the Big Daddy 500 with the Ultimate Super Late Models paying $5,000 win
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June 2016
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Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are? Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
dealer!
865-882-8249
You’re not advertising your business in The Roane Reader?
629 N Roane St Harriman, TN 37748
COME SEE GARY OR DANIEL!
21 The Roane Reader
WWW.CROSSVILLESPEEDWAY.COM
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Mar. 5th - Test & Tune Mar. 11th - 3rd Annual Tennessee Tip-off Classic Ray Cook's Spring Nationals Super Late Models - Hot Laps/Qualify Sportsman - $2000 to win Mar. 12th - 3rd Annual Tennessee Tip-off Classic Ray Cook's Spring Nationals Super Late Models - $15,000 to win Street Stocks $2,000 to win April 2nd - Ultimate Super Late Models Ultimate Super Late Models - $5,000 to win April 23rd - "Rockin' with the Stars" SAS Super Late Models - $5,000 to win USCS Sprint Cars USCS Midget Sprints May 7th - 4th annual Mountain Outlaw 50 World of Outlaws Late Models - $10,000 to win June 18th - Big Daddy 500 Ultimate Super Late Models - $5,000 to win July 9th - Mountain Moonshine Classic Lucas Oil Late Model Dirt Series - $12,000 to win July 29th - Ray Cook's Southern Nationals Super Late Models - $5,300 to win Aug. 27th - Southern Nationals Bonus Series Super Late Models - $5,000 to win Sept. 17th - King of the Mountain Fall Classic SAS Super Late Models - $5,000 to win Sept. 29th - Thursday Night Thunder Southern Nationals Bonus Series Super Late Models - $5,000 to win
GARY’S TIRE
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email: info@roanereader.com
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What part of “profit” don’t you understand? 865-882-9340 or www.roanereader.com
MOTORS LLC
Call 882 1165
1007 Ruritan Rd
JESUS SAVES
Located 300 feet north of the red light at the intersection of Pine Ridge Rd & Ruritan Rd in So. Harriman
Sport Utilities Cars Trucks Equipment Carports Tractors Vans “Where Customers Send Their Friends”
22 The Roane Reader
Phone: 865-882-9340
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The Fig Leaf
email: info@roanereader.com
June 2016
THE PHANTOM (Can You Find MeÂż)
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with Find this place and WIN a years subscription to The Roane Reader Go to www.roanereader.com/thephantom music and dancing, but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would PLEASE PROVIDE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, go out, the place would erupt into cheers. EMAIL(optional) and PHONE NUMBER. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, ANSWERS MUST BE VERY SPECIFIC!! and asked, "May I please use the restroom? Entries that fail to provide all this information will not qualify! The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should ..." "Why not?" the nun asked. "Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private parts are covered only by a fig leaf." "Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way." So, the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"
Daddy, I May Find My Prince But You Will Always Be My King 601 S. Chamberlain AYH 5RFNZRRG 71 Ć 3KRQH (865) 354-3945 (across from the Rockwood Sports Complex/ball field) TDD/TTY 7-1-1
NOW ACCEPTING APPLICANTS 55 YEARS OLD AND OLDER OR DISABLED Retirement living for individuals 55 years and older or disabled with all the benefits of affordability and no yard work or maintenance hassles. We offer large 1 bedroom homes with 2 walk in and 1 hallway closet. We provide water/sewer, trash, services coordination, safety monitoring, chapel, activities, and lobby coffee bar at no extra charge. Rent is based on your income and utility allowance is given. Small pets welcome with pet deposit. Retire at our quality affordable community.
Enjoy life to the fullest at Rockwood Village!
Winner in May Janice Henley
Former Abston garage, currently Oliver Springs Historical Society & Museum
Dry Bones
Emergency Shelter 229 Carter Ave Harriman, Tn M-14 Ministry/Courts of Praise Accommodations for 10 Adults When Temperature is below 32° 5PM - 9AM
Food, Snacks, Breakfast CONTACT DWAYNE LINGER (865) 882-5802
June 2016
Phone: 865-882-9340
Things Dogs Must Try To Remember...
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Renew/Reuse
email: info@roanereader.com
23 The Roane Reader
A Letter to the Dad who denied me
Before you discard plastic Dear you, I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the gloves, make large rubber bands I want you to know that writing this letter did not come easily for toilet. by cutting the top at 1/2 inch me. There were parts of my life that I wished you were there, but The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. then I finally understood that growing up without you was the best intervals. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the Make pot holders out of old thing for me. Our paths have crossed and then they divided again, and to be truthful, I like it much better that way. This isn't a letter coffee table. ironing board covers. expressing my bitterness, but rather my thanks to you for not being I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. Make kitchen towels or table there. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the runners out of soiled tablecloths I want to be mad at you. I want to throw something at you and tell house. and towels. you that you ruined my life, but that simply isn't the case. Growing I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. Make drapes out of tablecloths. up without a biological father was the best thing that could have I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in Cut off the unworn part of old ever happened to me. I want you to notice that I said biological. I had many people take your place. My mom, my grandparents, my the house when I am about to throw up. sheets to make pillowcases. siblings, my friends parents, the list goes on and on. You were simply I will not throw up in the car. Store sets of buttons on diaper not needed. Not having you in my life made me strong, powerful, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. pins, or keep organized in egg careful, and happy. I was able to experience things differently than cartons. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. my friends who had a two parent home. Use empty luggage to store I was able to experience an overwhelming amount of love and "Kitty box crunchies" are not food. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard blankets, seasonal clothes, or support from all different angles. I was able to have my mom go gift items purchased in advance on every school field trip and watch me learn. I built a relationship after processing. with my mother that is twice as strong as it would be if you were during sales. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. Use empty soda bottles to store around. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her water. Also use them to water For years, I watched my mom grow with me. At the time I didn't bottom end. house plants when you are away. know it, but I now I see that she struggled. She wanted only the best I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. Cut small holes in the bottom, for me and she did whatever she could so that I would have it. She I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my fill with water, and set inside the understood that early mornings and long nights would be tough in the moment, but help me in the long run. My mother played both people will think I am hemorrhaging. plant pots to slowly drip. roles and I couldn't be more proud of her. I hope that one day I'm at When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down Use the tabs on aluminum cans least half the women that she was and twice the parent you could when it's raining outside. to hang pictures. Just tack them ever be. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on to the back of the frame, or glue Most importantly though, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I on with a hot glue gun. TV. made it through high school and that I will be a college graduate I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back Use plastic bags for trash. Great come May and I did it without you. I'm proud of myself that I finally understand that my life is perfect without you in it, even though I for wet items. yard with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. Use colorful toy building blocks spent years trying to figure out why you weren't apart of my life. I as handles on children's dressers. have family who supports me, a boyfriend who loves me, and friends My head does not belong in the refrigerator. who are always around. I'm proud that I was finally able to realize I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's Use old shower curtains as drop that I did not need a biological father because I had many different cloths when you paint. license. father figures in all of the people around me. Blood does not always symbolize family and sometimes water is in fact thicker. I wish nothing but good things for you, but my life is better because Odd City Names you were not there. in Tennessee Sincerely, Me
Celebrate Recovery! Every Tuesday Celebrate Recovery meets at 6 pm at Kingston First Baptist Church. It's a faith based program for anyone with a hurt, habit, or a hang-up.
Everyone is welcome!
Ballplay Blue Goose Bugscuffle Bugtussle Bucksnort Deep Gap Defeated Difficult Disco
Ducktown Finger Life Nameless Only Paris Smartt Static Sweet Lips
Happy Birthday
Spice it up
Plant herbs like thyme, chives, mint, sage, and basil and mesclun greens in containers. Make sure to keep them inside in a spot facing west that gets ideally 6 hours of sunlight a day. Harvest when recipes call for fresh spices.
United States Coast Guard Auxiliary WATTS BAR LAKE FLOTILLA 12-08
NOW OFFERING BOATING SAFETY CLASSES FOR 2016 Course Being held at Clubhouse Meeting Room @ Grand Vista Bay 1405 New Hope Road, Rockwood 37854
Sonya Enix
DATE: May 21st** TIME: 9:30 AM TO 4:00 PM
June 18th
**SPACE IS LIMITED SO RESERVE YOUR SPOT BEFORE MAY 16TH!
Bill White (865) 376-4822 -- Email: whitebill1220@yahoo.com
24 The Roane Reader
www.roanereader.com
Phone: 865-882-9340
email: info@roanereader.com
June 2016
Prayers for Baby Kayden
--------------------------Kayden is beginning his 4th and possible final session of chemo. Please pray that the tumor will disappear.
Kayden Christopher is now 9 months old. He has an inoperable brain tumor, and is presently at St. Judes in Memphis undergoing chemo. Although doctors have said there is nothing that can be done to help Kayden, we know God can perform miracles. The tumor hasn't gotten smaller, but, it has not gotten any larger, either. Kayden is expected to be at St. Judes at least until August. A family member must be with him 24 hours a day to monitor his progress and any problems that may arise. Although his medical and lodging bills are paid by St. Judes, there are other expenses, such as food, formula, diapers, household supplies, development equipment and transportation to and from Memphis to enable family members to stay there with him. Kayden has an account at Enrichment Federal Credit Union (acct. # 29297907) for donations to help pay for the expenses. His new address is: Kayden Christopher 1811 Poplar Ave. Apt. 521 Memphis, TN 38104
We know God can heal Kayden, and with your prayers, maybe God will intervene and perform a miracle on Baby Kayden. The Dead Cat A businessman had arranged an important formal dinner party at his home where they were going to serve stuffed whole baked fish as the main course. While the guests were eating the appetizer, the cook came to the host and whispered "Please come urgently to the kitchen." The host went to the kitchen where the cook explained that while she was serving the starter, the cat ate a big chunk of the fish which they were going to serve. The host said, "Just fill the hole with stuffing and turn the other side up, nobody will notice." The fish was served and when they were nearly finished eating, the host was again called to the kitchen. The cook said, "The cat is dead!" The host rushed back to the dinner party and apologized, "Something was wrong with the fish and everyone must have their stomachs pumped out at the hospital." When they came back everything was still fine and the host went to ask the cook, "Where is the cat?" "Oh," said the chef, "The cat is still by the road where the truck ran it down!"
My Dad He never looked for praises He was never one to boast He just went on quietly working
Nationally Certified as a Consumer Bankruptcy Specialist
Check out our online version in full color with interactive links and media!! www.roanereader.com or www.facebook.com/roanereader
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For the ones he loved the most. His dreams were seldom spoken His wants were very few And most of the time his worries Went unspoken too. He was there.... A firm foundation Through all our storms of life A sturdy hand to hold on to In times of stress and strife. A true friend we could turn to When times were good or bad One of our greatest blessings The man that we called Dad.
June 2016
Phone: 865-882-9340
KEEP YOUR FORK
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in order,' she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly.. "What's that?" came the Pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, "Keep your fork." It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!" "So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork the best is yet to come." The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share. Being friends with someone is not an opportunity, but a sweet responsibility.
www.roanereader.com
The Devil’s Triangle 44 mile loop Oliver Springs
The Devils Triangle, just north of Oak Ridge (TN) in the mountains of the Cumberland Plateau, is made up of some of the most unusual two lane twisty roads in Tennessee. This 44 mile loop includes TN 62, TN 116 and TN 330. The interesting sections are on TN 116. The western most fun begins at Brushy Mountain Penitentiary (now closed) and continues northeasterly for 3.5 miles. The tight twisties are as good as the Tail of the Dragon but there are even more dangers here; deep rock strewn gullies just off the pavement, ragged steel guard rails, steep drop offs and rock cliffs leave no room for error. The next 14 miles are fairly tame with rural houses and driveways along the entire way. Watch out for kids on 4-wheelers. The next 5 miles on TN 116 you’ll find a little bit of everything; sweepers, tight twisties and three of the tightest/steepest switchbacks we have ever encountered. This is the main reason we advise riders to take the loop in a clockwise direction. These switchbacks are much easier to tackle in the downhill direction. And slow it down here!!! There is a lot of history in the area. It has seen boom and bust, dreadful mining disasters and some historical prisoners at Brushy Mountain. The adventure ranges from the bucolic rural Tennessee scenery to a view of Brushy Mountain State Prison; from gentle country road sweepers to gnarly steep switchbacks; from serene straights to Dragon like twisties with guard rails of death; from gentle pull-offs to three foot deep rock strewn gullies just inches from the pavement; from peaceful farmsteads to sections of rutted roadway right out of a horror movie. Yes, the Triangle will get your attention in a hurry. This is no place for the beginning rider.
email: info@roanereader.com
25 The Roane Reader
TOO Funny.... Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted. Organ donors put their heart into it. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep. I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall. Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.
TennCare Kids
is a free program of checkups and health care services for children from birth to age 21 who are TennCare eligible. These services make sure babies, children, teens, and young adults receive the health care they need.
What does TennCare Kids provide? • Free medical and dental checkups • Free medical and dental and services • Free behavioral health services
How Often Should Your Child Get A Checkup? Birth
9 Months
3-5 Days
12 Months
1 Month
15 Months
2 Months
18 Months
4 Months
24 Months
6 Months
30 Months
Every Year: Ages 3-20 Roane County Health Dept. 1362 North Gateway Ave Rockwood, Tn 37854 865-354-1220
Your child’s FREE medical checkup will include: • Health history • Complete physical exam • Lab tests (as needed) • Immunizations • Vision/hearing screening • Developmental/ behavioral screening (as needed) • Advice on how to keep your child healthy
Questions?
Contact your health plan or your local TennCare Kids staff.
We do not allow unfair treatment in TennCare. No one is treated in a different way because of race, color, birthplace, language, sex, age, religion or disability.
26 The Roane Reader
Yes there are!
Phone: 865-882-9340
Are Electric Eels Real?
www.roanereader.com
Funny Bones
Q: How do all the oceans say Although they are called eels, they are more closely related to the hello to each other? catfish than to the common eels. A. They wave! They live in shallow, muddy water and come to the surface every 10 Q: What did one wall say to the minutes because they breathe atmospheric air. other wall? Electric eels can reach 8 feet in length and weigh up to 44 pounds. A. I’ll meet you at the corner! Their long and cylindrical body can be white, black, blue, purple or Q: What do you call a bear with grey in color. no teeth? They are carnivores (meat-eaters) that eat other fish, amphibians, A gummy bear! birds and small mammals. Electric eels are solitary animals (live on their own). Group of eels Q: Where do cows go for entertainment? is called a swarm. A. To the moo-vies! Electricity-producing organ takes 80% of their body. It is used both for defense against predators and for stunning of the prey. Q: How do you know if there’s Electric eel has around 6000 cells (known as electrocyte) that an elephant under your bed? produce electricity. They can generate a power of 600 volts, which A. Your head hits the ceiling! is 5 time stronger than the electricity generated in the standard US Q: Why are elephants so wall socket. wrinkled? Electric eel can produce electric shock strong enough to knock down A. Because they take too long to a horse. iron! Man can die if an eel hits him with several electric shocks. Luckily, Q: How do you keep an elephant humans don't come in contact with eels often. from charging? 20 foot long eel can produce enough electricity to light 12 light A. Take away her credit card! bulbs. Q: Why did the elephant paint Since eels have poor eyesight, they generate low-level electric himself different colors? charge (up to 10 volts) that helps them see their surrounding and A. So he could hide in the crayon locate a prey. box! Mating is happening during dry season. Male uses saliva to make a nest for eggs. Female can lay up to 17000 eggs. Both parents take Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigcare of their young. erator? Newly hatched eels eat small invertebrates but they also search nests A. By the footprints in the butter! of other eels and steal their eggs. Electric eel lives around 15 years in the wild and up to 22 years in Q: What is the difference between elephants and grapes? captivity. A. Grapes are purple.
Mid-East Community Action Agency
Roane and Loudon Counties Early Head Start/Head Start/PreK Mid-East Head Start is taking Childrens' Applications for the 2015/2016 Program Year Head Start is an early childhood federal program that promotes the school readiness of children ages birth to five from income eligible families by enhancing their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We also serve pregnant women and their families
To complete an application or to get information please call the Head Start Admin Center in Kingston at 865-376-2308 ext 222 Monday -Thursday Site Admin Office Rolling Acres Fairmont
Phone 865-376-2308 865-882-0808 865-882-8737
P.O. Box 790 Mid-East Kingston, TN 37763 Community Action Agency www.mecaa.net
Mid-East Community Action Agency does not discriminate on the basis of national origin, sex, disability or age in its programs, activities or employment.
email: info@roanereader.com
June 2016
Do You Need More Space?
Our star The sun is actually a star. If you hollowed it out you could fit nearly one million earths inside it. Seeing into the past ‘When you see the stars you are looking into the past. Because light takes time to travel and stars are many light years away from us you could be seeing a star that doesn’t even exist anymore.’ - Saul Burton, stargazer and park manager The power of the moon All of the world’s oceans are controlled by the moon. The moon is the reason we have high and low tides. Only 12 people have ever set foot there, but because there is no wind if you visited the moon today you would still see their footprints. Closer than you might think Space is only around 60 miles from the surface of the earth. That means if you live in the middle of England you could be closer to space than you are to the sea. Think about it - what is 60 miles from where you live? Things to take on your family stargazing trip You don’t need a telescope, but there are a few bits and pieces that will make your stargazing adventure all the more enjoyable: something to lie on, food and drink, a guide to the stars. Seeing planets, shooting stars and satellites The night sky is constantly changing, depending on the time of year and the time of night. But that doesn't mean stargazing is only for the experts.
Happy Birthday
Jim Tripp June 16th
Don’t let the fear of tomorrow take away your joy today.
Hey Kids!
Do you have a poem or short story you’ve written?
Send it to us at 1134 Georgia St. Harriman, TN 37748 and we’ll print it!
Public Stargazing Tamke-Allan Observatory, Harriman
Every 1st & 3rd Saturday all year long. Public is welcome! The Tamke-Allan Observatory is located on Caney Creek Road - turn left onto Keller Road (near the TWRA boat launch area) and the road to the observatory is on the left. Amateur astronomers come to Tamke-Allan Observatory the 1st & 3rd Saturday of each month all year long, inviting the public to join them to observe the stars.
Gates open at 7 pm
For more info: www.roanestate.edu/obs or contact David Fields at 865-927-5155 or fieldsde@roanestate.edu for details.
June 2016
Phone: 865-882-9340
Picking the Perfect Plant For Me When my husband calmly announced that, after eleven years of marriage, he had filed for a divorce and was moving out, my first thought was for my children. My son was just five, and my daughter, four. Could I held us together and give them a sense of”family”? Could I, as a single parent, maintain our home and teach them the ethics and values I knew they would need in life? All I knew was that I had to try. So every Sunday, we attended church. During the week, I made time to review their homework with them, and we often discussed why it was important to do the right things. This took time and energy when I had little to spare, and worse, it was hard to tell if was really reaching them. One Mother’s Day, two years after the divorce, as we walked into church, I noticed carts of beautiful flowers in little pots on either side of the altar. During the service, the pastor told us that he thought motherhood was one of the toughest jobs in life, and deserved recognition and reward. He then asked every child to come forward to pick out a beautiful flower and present it to their mother as a symbol of how much they were loved and appreciated. My son and daughter, hand in hand, went up the aisle with the other children. Together they considered which plant to bring back to me. We had certainly survived some hard times, and this little bit of appreciation was just what I needed. I looked at the beautiful begonias, the golden marigolds and purple pansies, and started planning where I could plant whichever one they chose for me, for surely they would bring me a beautiful bloom to show their love. My children took their assignment seriously, and looked over every pot on all the carts. Long after the other children had returned to their seats, and presented the other mothers with a beautiful potted flower, my two were still making their selection. Finally, with a joyful exclamation, they made their selection from the back of one of the carts. With exuberant smiles lighting their faces, they proudly proceeded down the aisle to where I was seated and presented me with the plant they had chosen as their Mother’s Day gift of appreciation. I stared in amazement at the broken, bedraggled, sickly looking stick being held out to me by my son. Mortified, I accepted the pot from him. They had obviously chosen the smallest, sickest plant—it didn’t even have a bloom on it. Looking down at their smiling faces, I saw their pride in this choice, and knowing how long it took them to choose this particular plant, I smiled and accepted their gift. But then I had to ask—out of all those beautiful flowers— what had made them pick this particular plant to give to me? With great pride, my son said, “this one looked like it needed you, Mom,” As tears flowed down my face, I hugged both children close. They had just given me the greatest Mother’s Day gift I could ever have imagined. My hard work and sacrifices had not been in vain—they would grow up just fine.
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27 The Roane Reader
I’m Fine! A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie". Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?" "Now tell me, what the HECK would you say?"
Happy Father’s Day!
Happy Birthday
Wendy Downen June 25th
June 19th
Outreach Program Walnut Hill Church's mission is reaching the lost and helping people in need.
The Outreach program needs items donated to make them available to needy people in our area. Clothing - all sizes Shoes Socks Shampoo Soap
Tooth brushes Toothpaste Underclothes ĂďLJ ŝĂƉĞƌƐ and other items
Stamps & Cards School Supplies Back Packs Clothes Hangers ĂƐŚ ĚŽŶĂƟŽŶ
ƌŽƉ Kī dŝŵĞƐͲ tĞĚŶĞƐĚĂLJ͗ ϭϮ͗ϬϬĂŵ ƚŽ ϯ͗ϬϬƉŵ Θ dŚƵƌƐĚĂLJƐ Ͳ ϵ͗ϬϬĂŵ ƚŽ ϯ͗ϬϬƉŵ The people who get the items will be screened and records will be kept to assure the program is used in the right way.
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BILLY GRIGSBY, OWNER 354-9957 354-9290
DAMAGE FREE HAULING
1348 GATEWAY - ROCKWOOD
Please pray for the Outreach program. /Ĩ LJŽƵΖĚ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌ͕ ƉůĞĂƐĞ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ ƚŚĞ KƵƚƌĞĂĐŚ ůĞĂĚĞƌ͘ tĞ ŶĞĞĚ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ Ă ƉŽƐŝƟǀĞ ĂƫƚƵĚĞ ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĞ ƉƌŽŐƌĂŵ ĨŽƌ ŝƚ ƚŽ ǁŽƌŬ͘ Let God lead us in everything we do.
visit www.csstrong.org for more info
dŽ ĚŽŶĂƚĞ Žƌ ĨŽƌ ŵŽƌĞ ŝŶĨŽƌŵĂƟŽŶ͕ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ &ĂLJĞ ĂŶŝĞůƐ͕ Outreach Leader at 865-590-7192 or 865-308-9283.
28 The Roane Reader
Phone: 865-882-9340
“Little River” - Chapter 6 by: Rachel Holbrook
Caleb set his bag on the end of the bed in his uncle’s guest room. Titus’ house was small, and only had two bedrooms. They had agreed the boys would both keep their belongings in the guest room, but Travis would sleep in the bed and Caleb would sleep on the living room sofa. “You okay?” Titus had walked up behind Caleb without him knowing. Caleb turned to face his uncle. “Yeah.” “You sure?” Titus sat down on the foot of the bed, and motioned for Caleb to join him. “Yeah. I’m sure.” Caleb sat beside of his uncle, and offered him a hopeful grin. “You’re a better cook than Clay, anyway.” Titus chuckled. “It’s not hard to beat frozen pizza and peanut butter sandwiches.” “That’s all we ever eat,” Caleb said softly. “Mama quit cooking a long time ago.” Titus looked surprised. “She did?” “Yeah.” Caleb shrugged. “Clay buys easy stuff, and we just get what we want when we want it.” Titus looked troubled, but he only said, “Well, I promise to feed you at least a little bit better while you’re staying with me.” “Awesome,” Caleb grinned, and then said, “I have to go cut grass for Mr. Taylor.” “Okay.” Titus clapped his nephew on the shoulder as he stood up. “I’ll have dinner ready at six.” Caleb pedaled his bike quickly across town. While he was staying with his uncle, he would be a lot closer to everything. It only took him fifteen minutes to reach Mr. Taylor’s house. As usual, the old man was sitting on his front porch, wearing his daily uniform–a long sleeved button up shirt under bib overalls. He was whittling a stick with a pocketknife when Caleb climbed the porch steps to say hello. “How’s Caleb today?” Les Taylor asked. “I’m okay,” Caleb replied, sitting down on the top steps. “It’s awfully hot today.” “Yeah.” “When you get done mowing, I’ve got some lemonade in the kitchen for you before you head out.” “Okay.” Caleb stood to go get the mower from the shed, but his employer laughed and said, “Not so fast.” Caleb stopped and looked at the old man. “My great granddaughter is staying with me for the rest of the summer. She’s about your age. She’s out back trying to get herself a suntan.” Mr. Taylor chuckled a little to himself before saying, “You can just mow around her if she doesn’t get out of your way.” Caleb nodded quickly, and hurried down the steps. He usually mowed the backyard first, but decided to start in the front today. As he mowed, he couldn’t help thinking about Mr. Taylor’s great granddaughter. The idea of a girl sunning herself nearby distracted him so much he was actually surprised when he realized he was finished mowing the front yard. Caleb killed the motor, and quietly pushed it to the side of the house, where he unlatched the gate of the fenced-in backyard. As he pushed the mower through the gate and then latched it behind him, he scanned the backyard for the great-granddaughter. She was lying on a plastic lounger, holding a magazine, and wearing a lime green bikini with white polka dots. Her long blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail. As Caleb pushed the mower toward the other side of the yard where he normally began mowing, she lowered her magazine and watched him approach. “Hi.” Caleb wasn’t usually shy, but he had to force a reply out of his
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mouth. “Hi,” he said softly. “I’m Megan.” The girl sat up now, and let the magazine drop to the grass beside of her. “I’m Caleb. I mow for your grandpa.” “I know,” Megan smiled. “Papaw told me you were coming.” “He said you’re here for the summer?” Megan scowled. “Yeah. Unfortunately.” When Caleb didn’t respond, she added, “My mom and dad are getting divorced, probably. They sent me here for the summer while they try to ‘work on things’ or whatever.” “I’m sorry.” Caleb tried not to stare, but the sun glinted alluringly off her suntan oil. He looked away from her and said, “I have to stay with my uncle for a while. It sucks when you can’t be at your own house.” Megan was very interested now. “Why are you staying with your uncle?” “My mom’s in the hospital.” “What about your dad?” “He’s dead.” Megan looked surprised. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.” Caleb felt awkward, as he always did when he told someone about his dad. “It happened a long time ago.” “Is your mom sick?” “Sort of.” Caleb didn’t want to tell her his mom was crazy. Megan looked confused, but didn’t question him further. Instead, she asked, “How old are you?” “Fifteen.” “Me, too,” Megan smiled. “Tenth grade next year?” Caleb nodded. “It sucks being away from all my friends this summer.” Megan looked sulky. “Is there anything to do in this town?” “Not a lot,” Caleb answered. “Where are you from, anyway?” “Nashville.” Megan looked proud of her hometown. “It’s a thousand times better than here.” Caleb grinned. “Little River’s not a bad place. There’s not a lot to do, but it’s not that far to Knoxville.” “What do you do for fun?” “Hang out with my friend, Robbie. Ride my bike. Go swimming, or walking down by the tracks.” Megan looked disappointed. “I better finish mowing,” Caleb said. “Wait!” Megan stopped him. “Next time you do any of those things, can you take me with you? I don’t know anyone here besides Papaw.” “Sure.” Caleb’s heart beat increasingly hard against his chest. “I’m going to go swimming with Robbie tomorrow. You can go with us.” “Okay.” Megan pulled a pen from the inside of the magazine where she had been taking a quiz, and reached for Caleb’s hand. He let her take it, and barely breathed as she wrote her phone number on the back of his hand. “Just call me tomorrow.” “Little River” is an ongoing serial which debuted on 6-30-15. New installments will be published every month in The Roane Reader. If you enjoy this serial you can purchase “Little River” Vol. 1 from Amazon in paperback or as a Kindle book for easy reading on your e-reader devices. Rachel Holbrook writes from her home in East Tennessee, where she lives with her husband and six children. She is currently seeking representation for her first novel.
June 2016
Weird Things Only People From Tennessee Do Every state has its strange bits, the quirky parts that make it home. Tennessee is no different. Our twang is substantial and our hearts are bigger, plus we have a couple of character traits that may make you giggle. Take a look! 12. We pretty much never look while changing lanes. Dude, you shouldn't be over there! I gotta get over! 11. We hold college football on pretty much the same level as church. 10. We eat our meals with at least three sides. Otherwise it's just not a meal. 9. We know there’s only one kind of whiskey. Jack Daniel's. Done. 8. We assume the world appreciates a good ballad. In Tennessee this definitely is a thing, and we wouldn't want to live anywhere that doesn't love the banjo. 7. We’ll give up a right of way because we’re nice. Sure, it confuses the heck out of people - whatever! Karma. 6. We know it’s summer when we see the lightning bugs. Babies and lemonade and late nights are all summer as well. 5. We’re fairly sure there’s no such thing as unsweetened tea. Blasphemous. 4. “Y’all” is just way easier to say. Period. It's a contraction. And it's in the dictionary. 3. We know “Coke” is all-encompassing. We don't do "soda." 2. We utilize the front porch. Extensively. Before work, on lunch break, late at night - you name it! 1. We’ve accepted that humidity is a way of life. It's not a lot, but it's our life!
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June 2016
Phone: 865-882-9340
Pets and Lawn Care, Fertilizing and Pest Control * Pet paws are often irritated by lawn and garden chemicals, and pets can get very ill from inhaling or ingesting chemicals. Chemicals are often ingested when the pet licks his paws and fur after a walk outside. Poison hotlines receive countless calls about pets getting sick after exposure to chemically treated lawns. * Snail, slug and mouse baits can be deadly to pets. Ant and roach bait and traps are also hazardous. Metaldehyde, one of the poisonous ingredients in many baits, is often very appealing to dogs. Metaldehyde poisoning can cause increased heart rate, breathing complications and seizures, leading to liver complications and death. So keep dogs off treated lawns and wipe paws after each walk. * If you use any potentially toxic substances such as lawn chemicals, post signs so that other pet owners are aware. Fence off treated lawns. Do not use lawn chemicals, pesticides, etc. on breezy or windy days. * Keep pets away from treated areas until the treatments have dried completely. Watering the lawn after application of fertilizers and other lawn care products is necessary with many products. Watering before allowing pets or children on any treated lawn is typically a good idea because it can help break down the chemicals. * Store lawn and other potentially poisonous products in areas inaccessible to your pets. * Cocoa bean mulch is hazardous to pets. Its smell and taste is very appealing to them, yet it can be deadly because it contains theobromine. Avoid using it on lawns that pets can access.
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats
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Pet’s Page
Did you know?
Rachel Ray doesn't just spend time in the kitchen cooking food for her human friends, she's also behind a pet food brand! Nutrish was released in 2008 and has been a popular pet food brand ever since. She donates 100% of the proceeds to animal welfare charities and if that isn't dedication, she even has taste-tested the pet food herself!
Cool Treat for Canines:
8oz cup yogurt (not sugary type) 1 banana 1-2 tablespoons peanut butter 2 cups of cold water Mix all ingredients in blender, pour the mixture into 2 ice cube trays, then freeze. Feed your dog 5 or 6 cubes in his or her bowl.
Adopt a Pet!
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29 The Roane Reader
How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler: Make me. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ... Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ... Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
Roane County Animal Shelter 296 Manufacturers Rd Rockwood, Tennessee
(865) 354-7387
Happy Birthday
Judy Simms June 6th
ROANE COUNTY PAWS
Our mission is to improve the welfare of animals in Roane County We issue vouchers each month to Planned Pethood. We are working with Mark Neely at the Rockwood City Animal Shelter in his established pet food pantry. We educate others about the importance of spaying and neutering, vaccinating, caring for, and properly vetting pets. We are a 501c3 not for profit organization. We rely on the donations of our community members to fund our vouchers and assist with pet care needs. Each dollar donated goes directly toward the care of pets in our area.
Please consider making a donation to Roane County Paws Checks can be mailed to 119 Arrowood Lane, Harriman, TN 37748 or dropped off at First Bank of TN in South Harriman. For more information, contact Hope Gibson at 865-250-6966 or Cindy Hickey at 865-607-2865
30 The Roane Reader
Phone: 865-882-9340
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June 2016
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June 2016
Job Opening List yours free @ www.roanereader.com/job Would you like to make a difference in the lives of others? Victorian Square has the following positions available for caring and compassionate individuals. * Cook: Full-time * Servers: Part-time, * Housekeeper: Part-time / evenings – some lifting required If you are interested, please apply in person. Victorian Square is located at 241 S. Chamberlain Avenue in Rockwood.
Business Directory www.roanereader.com/businesslistings Name A & A Electric A & C Cleaners AllCare Anytime Fitness Attic Fanatics Marketplace
Address 1000 Ladd Landing Kingston, Tn 37763 413 Devonia St, Harriman, Tn 37748 1226 S Roane St, Harriman, Tn 37748 103 First St. Kingston, Tn 37763
B & M Wrecker Service
1348 Gateway Rockwood, Tn 37854
Big Emory Church Benchmark Church Carriage Hill Insurance CB Man
1607 Webster Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748 961 E. Tri-County Blvd. Oliver Springs, Tn 37840 2305 N. Gateway Ave., Ste. 8, Rockwood, Tn 37854 www.truckers-more-cb-radio-range.com 215 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, Tn 37763 - First Baptist 229 Carter Ave. Harriman, Tn 37748 - West Care 101 Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 2104 S. Congress Parkway 230 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748
Celebrate Recovery Christmas Lumber Co. Clayton Homes (Athens) Cochran's Tax and Bookkeeping Coldwell Banker Cheryl Laxton Coldwell Banker Glenda Johnson Coldwell Banker Sherry Tipton Credit Central Eagle Mart Eddies Body Shop Ellis Surplus & Salvage Fraker Funeral Home Gadget's Hobby Shop Gary's Pest Control Grants Tree Service Grasscutters G & S Construction Guinnbilt Portable Buildings
410 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, Tn 37763 410 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, Tn 37763 10815 Kingston Pike Knoxville, Tn 37934 705 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 909 Georgia St Harriman, Tn 37748 514 Emory St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1238 S. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1445 Kingston Hwy, Kingston, Tn 37763 204 Trenton St. Harriman, Tn 37748 P.O. Box 1026 Harriman, Tn 37748 160 Country Club Dr. Rockwood, TN, 37854 2641 Sugar Grove Valley Rd Harriman, TN 37748 Harriman Area
Happy Paws Harriman Home Center Health Markets Insurance Agency Matthew Libby Hugh Russell Motors, LLC Hwy 29-A Motors Inc Integrity Auto Sales Jamestowne Assisted Living Jerrys Used Furniture Jim Rummell Collectibles
707 Old Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748
J. Neal Jewelry
416 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748
Joes Mowing Junior's Restaurant KARM Stores Kingston Express Lube Kingston Parks & Recreation Kittrell's Kitchen KTB Taxes Logs to Lumber
214 W. Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 1496 N. Gateway Ave Rockwood, Tn 37854 306 Kentucky St., Kingston, Tn 37763 www.kingstonparks.com 1190 Gallaher Rd. Kingston, Tn 37763 111 South 3rd St. Kingston, Tn 37763 150 Columbus Dr. Lenoir City, Tn 37771
L & J Home Repair
148 Hensley Rd. Kingston, Tn 37763
Phone (865) 617-5998 (865) 376-4589 (865) 590-7453 (865) 590-7429 (865) 376-4484 (865) 354-9957 (865) 354-9290 (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (423) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865)
285-1390 384-3711 394-1356 394-1358 882-2362 745-4752 882-8556 376-2121 740-2440 376-2121 591-6900 966-1111 622-1213 882-1324 882-6265 882-6474 387-3572 717-7727 882-7528 882-5794 399-7247 250-3656 389-6913 882-5309 804-4400 310-4677 224-9640 882-3931
806 Gallaher Rd. Kingston, Tn 37763
(865) 414-8257
1007 Ruritan Rd. Harriman, Tn 37763 1403 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748 2645 Harriman Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748 851 Lawnville Rd Kingston, Tn 37763 2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748
(865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865)
882-1165 882-6462 285-9246 376-3030 882-3603 224-0431 234-7100 250-2710 223-3090 354-2802
(865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865)
717-8288 376-1356 376-3060 376-0122 986-4264 466-2735 223-3090 622-1213
Mary Kay - Sherry Tipton Mid-East Community Action Agency P.O. Box 790 Kingston, Tn 37763
(865) 376-2308
Midtown Florist & Gifts
(865) 882-3603
2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748
Mostoller, Stulberg, Whitfield & Allen 136 S. Illinois Ave., Sute 104 Oak Ridge, Tn 37830 Law Firm (Social Security Disability) Patti Savage Designs Princess Theatre Quality Home Health Radio 580-AM Realty Executives Brenda Chapman Renos Sporting Goods Roane County Paws
119 Arrowood Ln., Harriman, Tn 37748
Roane County Trustee Roane Reader
P.O. Box 296 Kingston, Tn 37763 501 Evergreen St. Harriman, Tn 37748
Robert James & Associates
615 River Road Kingston, Tn 37763
Rockwood Village Apartments Rosemary's Florist S.L. Bowman & Sons
601 S. Chamberlain Ave. Rockwood, Tn 37854 103 First St. Kingston, Tn 37763 521 N. Front St. Rockwood, Tn 37854
Seal Coat Specialist
Harriman Area
Senator Ken Yager Sextons Automotive Group Shelton Financial Protection Shepherd Plumbing Spotted Spaniel State Farm - Bill McFarland Taxes Done Right
6 Legislative Plaza Nashville,Tn 37243 269 S. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 166 Marney Cove Rd. Kingston,Tn 37763 Roane County Area 235 Jackson Square Oak Ridge, Tn 37830 119 North Gateway Avenue 1251 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748
Tellico Propane
1375 Monterey Road Loudon, TN 37774
Traughber Insurance & Financial Svcs, Inc. U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary Victorian Square Assisted Living Walnut Hill Outreach Program Your Time Clock & Watch Repair
715 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, TN 37763 421 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748
(865) 482-4466
319 West Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854
(865) (865) (423) (865)
3232 Tazewell Pike Knoxville, Tn 37918
(865) 688-3232
430 N. Roane St Harriman, Tn 37748
(865) 882-2450 (865) 250-6966 (865) 607-2865 (865) (865) (800) (865) (865) (865) (864) (865) (615) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (865) (888)
789-2706 882-4633 346-3302 250-6718
882-9340 376-4925 530-5700 354-3945 376-4484 354-0600 640-1654 223-3976 741-1449 882-2416 376-0321 354-8518 483-0961 354-9453 465-5575 408-9050 294-9234
email: info@roanereader.com
31 The Roane Reader
Find a Roane Reader www.roanereader.com/findone Name Anytime Fitness Big E Quick Mart Big Johns Bob's Hamburgers Cochran's Tax Service Coin Laundry (Harriman) Dollar General Market Eagles Food Mart Eddies Body Shop Food City (Harriman) Harriman Care & Rehab Center Harriman Jewelry Exchange Harriman Public Library Hugh Russell Motors Midtown Florist & Gifts Mossy Grove Food Mart Roane Medical Center Rocky Top Markets Rocky Top Markets (Scott's MKT) Rocky Top Markets Save-A-Lot (Harriman) Schilo Foodmart Sexton Automotive Group Traughber Insurance Oasis Food Mart Harriman Home Center Renos Sporting Goods Roane Street Grill Cost Saver Exxon Food City (Kingston) Jamestowne Assisted Living Roane County Court House Rock Top Markets Rocky Top Markets Rocky Top Markets Zoning Office Spotted Spaniel Anderson County Tobacco and Market Food City (Oliver Springs) Jones Grocery Marathon Fuel Center Coin Laundry (Oliver Springs) B & M wrecker Big E's Bridge At Rockwood Carriage Hill Insurance Hardees (Rockwood) Junior's Restaurant Rockwood Care & Rehab Center Rockwood Village Apartments Rocky Top Markets S.L. Bowman & Sons Inc Victorian Square Assisted Living Wal-mart Supercenter Darnell Food Market Hardees (Wartburg) Save-A-Lot (Wartburg) Sexton Ford
Address 1226 South Roane St. Harriman,TN 37748 2843 Roane State Highway Harriman,TN 37748 828 North Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 3209 Roane State Highway Harriman,TN 37748 230 South Roane St. Harriman,TN 37748 1301 S. Roane St. Harriman,TN 37748 201 Ruritan Rd Harriman,TN 37748 909 Georgia St Harriman,TN 37748 514 Emory Drive Harriman,TN 37748 1130 South Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 240 Hannah Road Harriman,TN 37748 509 Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 601 Walden Ave Harriman,TN 37748 1007 Ruritan Road Harriman,TN 37748 2744 Roane State Highway Harriman,TN 37748 1705 Morgan County Highway Harriman,TN 37748 8045 Roane Medical Center Drive Harriman,TN 37748 1811 South Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 2722 Roane State Highway Harriman,TN 37748 102 North Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 1225 South Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 1901 Harriman Highway Harriman,TN 37748 269 South Roane Street Harriman,TN 37748 420 Ruritan Road Harriman,TN 37748 635 Old Roane St Harriman,TN 37748 707 Old Roane St. Harriman,TN 37748 430 N. Roane St. Harriman,TN 37748 812 N Roane St Harriman,TN 37748 615 North Kentucky Street Kingston,TN 37763 1007 East Race Street Kingston,TN 37763 1000 Ladd Landing Boulevard Kingston,TN 37763 851 Lawnville Road Kingston,TN 37763 200 East Race Street Kingston,TN 37763 935 East Race Street Kingston,TN 37763 200 West Race St Kingston,TN 37763 104 Bluff Road Kingston,TN 37763 308 North 3rd Street Kingston,TN 37763 235 Jackson Square Oak Ridge,TN 37830 S1 705 Main Street Oliver Springs,TN 37840 508 East Tri-County Boulevard Oliver Springs,TN 37840 4306 Knoxville Highway Oliver Springs,TN 37840 704 Main Street Oliver Springs,TN 37840 903 E Tri-County Boulevard Oliver Springs,TN 37748 1348 North Gateway Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 320 North Gateway Ave Rockwood,TN 37854 5580 Roane State Highway Rockwood,TN 37854 2305 N. Gateway Ave., Ste. 8 Rockwood,Tn 37854 504 North Gateway Ave Rockwood,TN 37854 214 West Rockwood Street Rockwood,TN 37854 5580 Roane State Highway Rockwood,TN 37854 601 South Chamberlain Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 101 South Gateway Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 521 North Front Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 241 South Chamberlain Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 1102 North Gateway Avenue Rockwood,TN 37854 1014 Main Street Wartburg,TN 37887 1122 Knoxville Highway Wartburg,TN 37887 3910 Morgan County Highway Wartburg,TN 37887 1226 Knoxville Highway Wartburg,TN 37887
Phone Number (865) 590-7429 (865) 882-7888 (865) 882-2822 (865) 882-5300 (865) 882-8556 (865) 882-0880 (865) 882-6265 (865) 882-6474 (865) 882-0117 (865) 882-1613 (865) 882-4000 (865) 882-3195 (865) 882-1165 (865) 882-3603 (423) 346-5858 (865) 319-1000 (865) 882-7779 (865) 882-0075 (865) 882-0706 (865) 882-5446 (865) 882-7726 (800) 688-0833 (865) 882-1900 (865) 882-0602 (865) 882-3931 (865) 882-2450 (865) 285-6025 (865) 717-0038 (865) 376-4059 (865) 376-7534 (865) 376-3030 (865) 376-2487 (865) 376-1771 (865) 717-2832 (865) 717-4230 (865) 483-0961 (865) 435-2662 (865) 435-5353 (423) 324-4932 (865) 354-9957 (865) 354-3366 (865) 285-1390 (865) 354-4004 (865) 354-2802 (865) 354-3303 (865) 354-3945 (865) 354-2809 (865) 354-0600 (865) 354-1133 (865) 354-0863 (423) 346-3344 (423) 346-7666 (423) 346-6767 (866) 211-2642
Description Inside on wall at front window Inside on the "order here" counter Inside under counter Outside under the tabloid rack Inside on front desk Inside on top of Coin Machine Outside in our tabloid rack Outside in our tabloid rack Inside in the waiting room Outside in our tabloid rack Inside on front desk Inside on counter Inside in magazine rack Inside in the waiting room Inside on the cashier counter Inside in the magazine rack Inside in the waiting room Inside on the counter Inside to the left under the magazine racks Inside under the counter in the magazine rack Out front beside the Roane County News rack Inside in magazine rack Inside the show room Inside in the waiting room Inside on the counter Inside on the counter Inside on the counter Inside under the coat rack Inside the lobby Inside under the magazine racks Outside in our tabloid rack Inside on the front desk Inside the door Inside under the magazine racks Inside under the magazine racks Inside under the magazine racks Inside on the front desk Inside on the counter Inside on top of the lottery booth Outside in our tabloid rack Inside in the tabloid racks Inside under counter Inside on tables Inside on the counter Inside Inside on the front desk Inside on desk Inside on top of the dividers Inside the door to the left in the magazine rack Inside on the front desk Inside on the front desk Inside under the magazine racks Inside on the counter Inside on the front desk Inside our tabloid rack across from self checkout Outside in our tabloid rack Inside on the divider wall Inside under tabloid racks Inside the show room
*8,11%,/7 3257$%/( %8,/',1*6 .
Serving East Tn since 1975
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Barns Garages Additions Housing
Compare and Save! BARN TYPE
GABLE TYPE
8x8................$895............................$995 8x10................$995..........................$1095 8x12..............$1095..........................$1245 10x10..............$1195..........................$1245 10x12..............$1295..........................$1495
Custom Build Any Size, Any Style, Your Place Or Ours
10x16..............$1695..........................$1895
420 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748
(865) 882-1900
10x20..............$2195..........................$2395
1220 Bowman Bend Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748 241 S. Chamberlain Avenue Rockwood, Tn 37854
(865) (865) (865) (865)
865-882-5309 865-804-4400
376-4822 354-1133 590-7192 466-5805
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offering Roane and surrounding counties
Parts and Collision Repair
865-882-2416 Service Hours:
Mon. - Fri. 7:30 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. *Sat. 9:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. *(Express Lube only)
YOUR RENTAL PLACE FOR - 12-passenger vans