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RoaneReader FREE
Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back!
Established 1993
February 2015
Distributed
VOLUME 22
NUMBER 4
7,500
Roane Sports ............................ 20 Local Sports information
Precious Memories ................. 2 By Kay Christopher
Penny Pinchers ......................... 13 Money saving hints and tips
Bible Beat .............................. 8 & 9 Quizzes, puzzles, facts
Seen and Heard .......................... 2 By our readers
Entertainment ............................ 4 Trivia, facts, movie mistakes
Writer's Page ............................ 18 Our readers submitted writings
February 18th
Aunt Hattie ............................... 12 Hurry-up recipes
According to the Almanac ......... 4 When to do what
Never Loose Money .................. 14 By Bob Tonachio
Obituaries ................................... 7 Monthly
Fun & Facts for Kids only ....... 26 And Adults
Business Directory .................... 31 Contact info for local businesses
Can You Find Me多 ................... 22
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By The Phantom
Rockwood Memories ................ 23 By Ray Collet
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2 The Roane Reader
That’s a Fact, Jack
SEEN & HEARD IN ROANE COUNTY
February 2015
Precious Memories By: Kay Christopher
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. Irish Wolfhound dogs have a short lifespan and live about 7-8 years. Growing up in Emory Gap provided so many good memories for When Queen Elizabeth I of England died she owned over 3,000 me. I remember Ms. Van De Griff’s third grade class at Fairmont gowns. and how she and us students celebrated Valentine’s Day at school. Female alligators lay about 40 eggs that hatch in 60 - 70 days. If you’re not an old Emory Gapper, Fairmont School is located on The nickname for a Japanese businessmen is "Salarymen." the hill behind Clayton Homes in Harriman. Emus cannot walk backwards. Now back then, Valentines meant something. You went through The external tank on space shuttles is not painted. It is the only part all your cards and picked out just the right one for all your friends of the shuttle that is lost after launch, so it is not necessary to (and loves). worry about metal corrosion. I remember sitting at the kitchen table the night before the big The most popular Twizzler candy flavor is strawberry. occasion and reading everyone of the cards. I had to decide who Thirty percent of all bingo players are under the age of 35. would get the perfect card from me. I signed each one, and put the Infants spend more time dreaming than adults do. person’s name on the envelope. It was exciting to get to hand each The famous Casanova (Giacomo Casanova) was a librarian for one out to everyone, and watch them open and read them. many years before he died. That morning, Ms. Van De Griff announced we would pick a The only species of turtle that lives in the open ocean is the sea Valentine’s Day Queen. I don’t remember us voting on it, so she turtle. must have chosen one herself. Toronto was the first city in the world with a computerized traffic No I wasn’t picked as the queen, but I also didn’t expect to be. She signal system. announced that Teresa Cansler (Johnson) would be the Valentine’s Incas used to create pots in the shape of peanuts that were highly Day Queen. prized. I was so excited and proud for her. She was my best friend, and she The most dangerous job in the United States is that of a fisherman, got to be queen! followed by logging and then an airline pilot. Ms. Van De Griff pinned big Valentines all over her dress. (Yes, The skeleton of a spider is located on the outside of the body. The she used straight pins, and no one got hurt). name for this is exoskeleton. Our “Room Mothers” brought cupcakes to make the day even more exciting. Teresa got to wear the Valentines on her dress all day. She was the best person that could have been chosen. She was pretty, friendly and always wore such pretty dresses! Kids nowadays take a stack of Valentine’s to their class and place them into boxes decorated by the other kids. They don’t even read them, or decide who gets them, and they don’t even address them. They are so deprived of making wonderful memories, whether it’s due to political correctness, educators, or the educational system just not caring anymore, it’s a shame.
Valentine’s Day
By O.I. Seenya • A four year old, after hearing a nearby neighbor’s dog bark continuously saying, “That dog sure does have a good voice.”
• Many people expecting a big refund on their income tax, realizing how much Obamacare is costing them, due to the government keeping hundreds of dollars as a penalty for not being able to afford insurance coverage in the last year. • “How can that office be operated after he has fired all but two of his original staff? Is the problem with the employees, or is it with him?” • Blue porch lights on many houses in the county supporting our police/deputies by acknowledging that police lives matter!
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The Roane Reader 501 Evergreen St. Harriman, TN 37748
www.roanereader.com/subscriptions The Roane Reader is a monthly publication and a privately owned partnership. Our address is 501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748. We welcome letters to the editor. The letters should be signed with address and phone number (for verification only.) We reserve the right to edit for grammar and clarity.
Want to know what its like to have kids? 1. Gather everything you own. 2. Throw it all on the floor 3. Pick it up 4. Repeat for infinity
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February 2015
Entertainment
It was 20 years ago...
'Toy Story' On November 22, 1995, Disney and Pixar's "Toy Story" became the first computer-generated feature film when it debuted to resounding critical acclaim and financial success. Featuring the voices of Tom Hanks (Woody) and Tim Allen (Buzz Lightyear), "Toy Story" set the pace for the animated film genre for the next 20 years. 'The Drew Carey Show' One of the most popular, yet off-beat, sitcoms of the late '90s debuted on September 13, 1995. The series starred comedian Drew Carey as a fictionalized version of himself, and depicted him working in a department store office alongside a quirky cast of characters. 'Apollo 13' Tom Hanks continued his dominance over '90s cinema with his stunning performance in the true-life space drama "Apollo 13," which debuted on June 30, 1995. The critically acclaimed film earned nine Oscar nominations and more than $355 million at the box office. Windows 95 It's safe to say that everything we know about navigating computers today is thanks to the August 24, 1995 debut of Microsoft's Windows 95 operating system. This wildly popular version of the software introduced features we take for granted now, such as the task bar and the "start" button. How did people find their solitaire game in 1994? 'Star Trek: Voyager' "Star Trek: Voyager" began its seven-season run on January 16, 1995, and went on to become the second-longest-running series of the now-defunct UPN network. "Voyager" was the fifth TV series for the "Star Trek" franchise and starred Kate Mulgrew as Kathryn Janeway, the captain of Intrepid-class USS Voyager circa 2371. 'Macarena' by Los Del Rio It was the one-hit wonder that inspired a dance craze. Spanish pop duo Los Del Rio released the song "Macarena" on August 15, 1995, and although it didn't become a smash-hit until the Bayside Boys remixed the song in mid-'96, the insufferable tune was officially born 20 years ago this year. The O.J. Simpson Trial If you remember only one thing from the 1990s, it's likely where you were the moment O.J. Simpson was declared "not guilty" of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman on October 3, 1995. The "Trial of the Century" captured the nation's attention for more than eight months and featured several now-famous incidents, including Simpson's struggle to pull on a pair of gloves allegedly worn by the killer. The DVD The digital video disc, or DVD, debuted in Japan in 1995. Featuring a storage capacity higher than the clunky VHS cassette, the DVD offered better sound and picture quality for Hollywood's increasingly complex movies. Alas, the DVD has already been replaced by Blu-ray discs and digital downloads. 'Braveheart' Long before Mel Gibson was a Hollywood outcast, he was, believe or not, a Hollywood A-lister. And on May 24, 1995, Gibson stepped into the role of Scottish warrior William Wallace for the Oscar-winning epic "Braveheart." Gibson, who also directed the movie, took home the Academy Awards for both Best Director and Best Picture.
Fast Facts Dipsomania refers to an insatiable craving for alcoholic beverages Pitcher Darold Knowles once pitched all seven games of one World Series In a day, kids in the U.S. that are between the ages of 2 - 8 spend 28 minutes of their time coloring The Ancient Greek women made a type of cheek blush by painting their cheeks with herbal pastes which was made out of crushed berries and seeds Herbert Hoover, who was the 31st president of the United Stated, turned over all the Federal salary checks he received to charity during the 47 years he was in government Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells because it takes 300 pounds per square inch of pressure to break the shell.
3 The Roane Reader
Sleeping alone Ever notice how a 4 year olds voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karen, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said O.K. After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good news?" "The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake...
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Help Desk Trouble
This is a true story from the Word Perfect helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee: Client: "Well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect." Tech: "What sort of trouble?" Client: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Client: "Nothing, it's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Tech: "Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" Client: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Tech: "Look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" Client: "Yes, I think so." Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." Client: ".......Yes, it is." Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" Client: "No." Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Client: "....... Okay, here it is." Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your Computer." Client: "I can't reach." Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" Client: "No." Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" Client: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Tech: "Dark?" Client: "Yes...the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then." Client: "I can't." Tech: "No? Why not?" Client: "Because there's a power outage." Tech: "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" Client: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Client: "Really? Is it that bad?" Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Client: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" Tech: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"
February 2015
according to the almanac February 2015
Temperature 46° (1 below avg.) Precipitation 4" (1" below avg.)
Feb 1-6: Rain/snow, then sunny, cold; Feb 7-14: Rain, then sunny, cold; Feb 15-19: Showers, then sunny, cold; Feb 20-25: Rainy periods, mild; Feb 26-28: Sunny, seasonable.
Best Days To....
Wean animals or children.............................6,7 Start projects.............................................19,20 Slaughter livestock....................................10,11 Set posts or pour concrete.........................15,16 Quit smoking.................................................6,7 Prune to encourage growth.....................2,21,22 Prune to discourage growth..................12,13,14 Plant belowground crops.............................10,11 Plant aboveground crops .......................1,19,20 Have dental care...........................................5,6 Harvest belowground crops..........................5,6 Harvest aboveground crops.........................23,24 Destroy pests and weeds............................21,22 Cut Hay......................................................21,22 Cut hair to encourage growth.................2,23,24 Cut hair to discourage growth....................7,8,9 Castrate animals........................................17,18 Breed animals............................................10,11 Begin diet to lose weight.............................6,11 Begin diet to gain weight.............................19,23
CONGRATULATIONS
Here’s some ideas!
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for once again topping the list of professions with the highest ethical standards in Gallup’s 2014 survey on honesty and ethics!
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February 2015
***Mom's Dictionary*** AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas. TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: able to whine in words WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...
Think About it.....
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If Women Ruled the World... • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
• • • • • • • • • • •
• Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
• •
• How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
•
Feb. 9th
Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month. Garbage would take itself out. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle." Tanks would be far easier to rent. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!" When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you." At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. Form
•
Ted & Fred TEDDER
Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking. Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. Men would get reputations for sleeping around. Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets. Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity. "Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models. Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit. Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks." Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas. Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures. Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments. Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car. All toilet seats would be nailed down. During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19-year-olds. Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly. For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
If Men Truly Ran The World...
• Shopping tip: You can get shoes for about a buck at the bowling alley.
Happy Birthday
5 The Roane Reader
1040
2014
(99)
Department of the Treasury—Internal Revenue Service
U.S. Individual Income Tax Return
For the year Jan. 1–Dec. 31, 2013, or other tax year beginning
OMB No. 1545-0074
, 2013, ending
IRS Use Only—Do not write or staple in this space.
See separate instructions.
, 20
Your first name and initial
Last name
Your social security number
If a joint return, spouse’s first name and initial
Last name
Spouse’s social security number Apt. no.
Home address (number and street). If you have a P.O. box, see instructions.
Make sure the SSN(s) above and on line 6c are correct.
City, town or post office, state, and ZIP code. If you have a foreign address, also complete spaces below (see instructions). Foreign country name
Filing Status
Happy Birthday
Angelia Mayo
Check only one box.
Exemptions
1 2 3 6a b
4
Single Married filing jointly (even if only one had income)
Head of household (with qualifying person). (See instructions.) If the qualifying person is a child but not your dependent, enter this child’s name here.
Married filing separately. Enter spouse’s SSN above and full name here.
111 South 3rd }Street 5
Qualifying widow(er) with dependent child
Yourself. If someone can claim you as a dependent, do not check box 6a . Spouse . Dependents:
(1) First name
If more than four
NOW LOCATED IN
Foreign province/state/county
c
Feb. 16th
Presidential Election Campaign Check here if you, or your spouse if filing jointly, want $3 to go to this fund. Checking Foreign postal code a box below will not change your tax or refund. You Spouse
.
Last name
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(4) if child under age 17 qualifying for child tax credit (see instructions)
Boxes checked on 6a and 6b No. of children on 6c who: • lived with you
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(2) Dependent’s social security number
(3) Dependent’s relationship to you
• did not live with you due to divorce or separation (see instructions)
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February 2015
Tribute: Submit your Memorials, Dedications or just lift up those you love - FREE
Punography
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I tried to catch some Fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. PMS jokes aren't funny. Period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it! What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless.
Lordy, Lordy! Kristi's 40! Happy Birthday to my daughter!
Happy Birthday Feb. 5th
Micheal Goins missed by many
Happy Birthdays
Happy 2nd Anniversary
HJ & Tiffany Gaylon Feb. 1st
Feb. 7th - Charles Hall, 83yrs Feb. 11th - Rosemary Tedder Feb. 25th - Dorothy Miller Feb. 26th - Donna Devaney Feb. 27th - Loyce Kubas
We want to pray for you!
If you have a need please contact us anytime, we are here to encourage you and will put you on a pray list, pray over you or try to help with your needs anyway we can. We want to show you the love of Christ - Roane Reader (865) 882-9340
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February 2015
Obituaries
Dec. 21st Jan 10th Mary E. Brooks, 74, Kingston Shirley Helton, 81, Rockwood Dec. 26th Betty F. East, 82, Rockwood Wanda Walden, 62 Ten Mile Mamie Puckett, 93, Kingston Dec. 27th Jan. 12th Betty McGuire, 68, Rockwood Allene Roberts, 74, Rockwood Dec. 28th John M. Qualls, 58, Rockwood Velma Rucker, 78 Kingston Frances Snow, 65, Harriman Jack Lindsay, Rockwood Phillip Hancock, 44, Harriman Dec. 29th Jan. 13th Marlvin H. Bolton, Harriman Faye Cooley, 89, Harriman Alvin Palmer, 67, Kingston Charles Adkisson, 93, Harriman Evione Wright, 71, Harriman Emma Mitchell, 81, Oliver Spgs Dec. 31st “Bill” Freer, 65, Harriman Alma C. Weste, Rockwood
"Granny" Wheeler, 89, Oliver Spgs
Betty A. Thomas, 82, Rockwood Jan. 1st Clara D. Hovis, 93, Kingston Mary Alexander, 85, Harriman Frankie L. Seiber, 71, Coalfield Esther L. Griffin, 81, Rockwood Jan. 2nd Jerry Fry, 60, Ten Mile Sharon Carroll, 64, Oliver Spgs Jan. 3rd John D. Weekley, 92, Rockwood Jan. 4th Elizabeth Tackett, 93, Harriman Jan. 5th Terry L. Kirby, 70, Rockwood Bonnie Bowman, 88, Rockwood Jan. 6th Henry K. Agee, 72, Kingston Jan. 7th Rebecca Newport, 59, Midtown Cheryl Lofton, 55, Kingston Jan. 8th Ann M. Henning, 81, Kingston Mattie Pendergrass, Harriman Rebecca Phillips, 62, Oliver Spgs
Please help with funeral expenses
Lee Roy Presswood (an old Emory Gapper) lost his life in a tragic accident. He lived alone, and had no insurance. The total bill for burial is $4600.00. The family needs to raise $2300.00 to help pay for the burial expense. Would you please pray about it, and consider making a donation? No amount is too small, or too large, and every penny will be used as intended. Blanche Moore, 99, Crab Orchard You may donate directly to Jan. 15th Kyker's in Harriman. James M. Nelson, 80, Harriman Thank you. Evelyn M. Palmer, 89, Kingston Jan. 16th Benjamin Bryant, 84, Rockwood Jan. 17th
"Geri" Ellis, 76, Oliver spgs Enek Breeden, 94, Oliver Spgs Sydney W. Qualls, 52, Harriman Gene Johnson, 71, Oliver Spgs Jan. 18th
Ronald Barger, 70, Harriman Grace Plemons, 88, Oliver Spgs Harold L. Hennessey, 89, Westal Daryl Tremblay, 56, Rockwood Jan 19th
Mary E. Eskridge, 59, Harriman Van Alan Carden, 51, Harriman Georgia A. Griffin, Oliver Spgs Perry L. Hall, 83, Rockwood Ralph Jenkins, 74, Rockwood Jan 20th
Marvin Alice Kirk, Kingston John Palmer, 64, Kingston
Alma Wester, 66, Rockwood Jan 21st Jan. 9th Donald Whalen, 82, Harriman Lee Roy Presswood, 68, Harriman Mildred Harvey, 92, Harriman Virgie Honeycutt, 86, Harriman Clyde Harmon, 86, Harriman “Ray” Branson, 72, Emory Heights Jan. 24th “Toby” Myers, 72, Harriman Betty Powers, Rockwood Anita Waldrop, 32, Rockwood
Happy Birthday, Anniversary & Valentines Day 8th, 9th, & 14th to my wife
Timmy Douglas
7 The Roane Reader
The Elephant Rope As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were. Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.
Everyone has a Story in Life
A 24 year old boy seeing out from the trains window shouted… “Dad, look the trees are going behind!” Dad smiled and a young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old’s childish behavior with pity, suddenly he again exclaimed… “Dad, look the clouds are running with us!” The couple couldn’t resist and said to the old man… “Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?” The old man smiled and said… “I did and we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today. Every single person on the planet has a story. Don’t judge people before you truly know them. The truth might surprise you.
Love Bill
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8 The Roane Reader
Bible Quest
What did God rain down on the Amorite army as they passed through Beth-Horon, killing more of them than the Israelite army did? While John was baptizing, what did he call the Pharisees and Sadducees? Whose son did Elijah raise from the dead? Which group of people stood and watched Jesus as he ascended into heaven? What object did Elisha cause to float? By what name was the disciple Tabitha also known? From which land did Isaac tell Jacob not to take a wife? How does Paul describe marriage in Hebrews? To whom was Jesus referring when he said, “Go tell that fox, behold I cast out devils?” How old was Joseph when he began serving Pharaoh?
10 Largest Denominations
(From the 2012 Yearbook of American and Canadian Churches)
Total church membership is approximately 145,691,446 members, down 1.15 percent. 1. The Catholic Church 68,202,492, down 0.44 percent. 2. Southern Baptist Convention 16,136,044, down 0.15 percent. 3. The United Methodist Church 7,679,850, down 1.22 percent. 4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 6,157,238, up 1.62 percent. 5. The Church of God in Christ 5,499,875, no update reported. 6. National Baptist Convention , U.S.A. , Inc. 5,197,512, up 3.95 percent. 7. Evangelical Lutheran Church in America 4,274,855, down 5.90 percent. 8. National Baptist Convention of America , Inc. 3,500,000, no update reported. 9. Assemblies of God 3,030,944, up 3.99 percent. 10. Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) 2,675,873, down 3.42 percent.
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Bible Beat
February 2015
You can play this online @
www.joanyedwards.com/crossword/B49LoveGodaboveAll.html
Love God above All, Mark 12:28-34
Always show that you love God. If your actions show that you love someone or something more than God, stop, drop to your knees, and pray. Ask Jesus to send the Holy Spirit. He will give you the gift of right judgment. He will show you the awesome power and mercy of God. You will find the path to heaven again.
Across 2. by oneself 5. listened 8. not sick 9. more important 11. gives up 13. blood pump 15. brain 17. male pronoun 18. some 21. asks 24. part of Palestine 27. referring to you 29. by what means 31. power 32. at a great distance 33. our maker 34. instructor 35. one living near 37. not here 38. Son of God Down 1. witnessed 2. entire 3. different 4. opposite of those 6. not left 7. ruined from fire
10. This is better ___ that. 11. spirit 12. order 14. larger amount 16. challenged
19. attended 20. person in charge 22. coming after first 23. disagreeing 25. affection
Church Facts
26. sacrifices 28. king's country 30. value 31. writer 32. starter 36. used to have
Fact: Three strengths are positive predictors of growth — Caring for Children and Youth, Welcoming New People, and Participating in the Congregation. Fact: One-third of worshipers are new in the last five years; in fast-growing churches one-half are new. Fact: Most new people attending their congregation for five years or less have changed congregations within the same denomination (transfers: 57%). Only 7% are first-timers who are new to the faith. A few (18%) are returnees who used to attend worship but recently have not been involved, and 18% are switchers who changed denominations.
The minister’s in trouble
(Josh 10:11) (Matt 3:7) (1 Ki 17:22) (Acts 1:11) (2 Ki 6:5-6) (Acts 9:36) And the minister says, "Just water." (Gen 28:1) The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" (Heb 13:4) And the minister looks down at the bottle and (Luke 13:31-32) (Gen 41:46) says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!" A minister is driving down the road and he's stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
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Bible Quest Answers
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February 2015
You can play this online @
www.joanyedwards.com/wordsearch/B49LoveGodaboveAll.html
Love God above All, Mark 12:28-34 Love God above all. Hear his heavenly call. Love your neighbor as yourself. Leave selfishness on the shelf.
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Bible Trivia What did Naboth refuse to sell? Which living creatures in the water were deemed unclean? What must a Christian do to “earn their own bread to eat�? What was the name of the father of Caleb the spy? Which apostle baptized the Ethiopian eunuch? Who promised the “gift of power to tread on serpents and scorpions�? Which king was saved from death by Abraham’s prayer? What did Abram do when he heard that Lot was made a prisoner of war? Who sang, “My soul doth magnify the Lord�? At what place did the Israelites arrive only to find the water was too bitter to drink, whereupon God caused it to become sweet?
Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What’s yours? A clear conscience makes a soft pillow Christians: keep the faith . . . but not from others! Give the devil an inch and he’ll be your ruler Read the Bible, it’ll scare the hell out of you If you’re living like there is no God you’d better be right To be almost saved is to be Trivia Answers totally lost Vineyard Jesus Kindness is difficult to give away because it keeps coming Those without fins and scales Abimelech back Work quietly Fought to rescue him Don’t say ‘Our Father’ on Jephunneh Mary Sundays and spend the rest of Philip Marah the week acting like an orphan God doesn’t believe in atheists; Ramses II, a pharaoh of Egypt died in 1225 B.C. At the time of his death, he had fathered 96 sons and 60 daughters therefore atheists do not exist
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Income Tax Woes
Trying to curb inflation by raising taxes is like giving a drunk another drink to sober him up. If you think you can keep everything to yourself, . . . the IRS doesn't. If the IRS gave green stamps, thousands of Americans would look forward to paying their income tax. Behind every successful man stands a woman and the IRS. One takes the credit, and the other takes the cash. A lot of people still have the first dollar they ever made - Uncle Sam has all the others. A harp is a piano after taxes. We need to change our National Anthem to "Deep in the Heart of Taxes." A good name is to be chosen over great riches. It's tax free! . . . so far. No respectable person is in favor of nudity, but after paying taxes, some of us may not have any other choice. What this country needs most is a SPCTT - The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Taxpayers. Patriotism will probably never develop to the point of parading in honor of the "unknown taxpayer." A dyed~in-the-wool patriot is one who says he's sorry he has only one income to give to his country. The real patriot is a person who saves enough of his salary each week to pay his income tax. A politician is a man who never met a tax he didn't try to hike. Wouldn't it be grand if politicians would fight poverty with something besides taxes? After all is said and done, the politicians say it and the taxpayers do it. It is reported that the politicians in Washington are thinking of abolishing the income tax and taking the income. Regardless of who wins the election they have to raise taxes to pay for the damage. If our President wants to abolish poverty, he can do it by abolishing the IRS. Poverty is what you experience the day after you pay your income tax. One of the biggest advantages of being poor is that you'll never have to undergo the trauma of a tax audit.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Hard Of Hearing A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we`ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness". Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what`s for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what`s for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
Happy Birthday
Delilah Lemons Crabtree Feb. 25th
February 2015
Actual Answers Given By Contestants On The Game Show Family Feud: •Name something a blind person might use - A sword •Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon •Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell •Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar •Name a dangerous race - The Arabs •Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse •Name something that floats in the bath - Water •Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair •Name something Red - My cardigan •Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers •A number you have to memorize - 7 •Something you do before going to bed - Sleep •Something you put on walls - Roofs •Something in the garden that's green - Shed •Something you might be allergic to - Skiing •Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters •Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate •Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog •A sign of the zodiac - April •Something slippery - A con-man •A food that can be brown or white - Potato •Something with a hole in it - Window •A non living object with legs - Plant •A domestic animal - Leopard •A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
More Blonde Jokes... What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
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What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned during spring training! How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
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Celebrate Recovery!
Every Tuesday Celebrate Recovery meets at 6 pm at Kingston First Baptist Church. It's a faith based program for anyone with a hurt, habit, or a hang-up. Everyone is welcome!
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February 2015
Amazing Facts
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Cooking eggs
A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the with white earlobes will produce white eggs. kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too Not all polar bears hibernate; only pregnant female polar bears do. many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said There is a restaurant in Stockholm that only offers all-garlic be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you products. They even have a garlic cheesecake. CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' Serving ice cream on cherry pie was once illegal in Kansas. The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a Superman The Escape rollercoaster, located in California at Six couple of eggs?' Flags Magic Mountain, goes from 0 to 100 miles per hour in only 7 The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' seconds. Five thousandths of a millimeter is the tolerance of accuracy at the LEGO mold factories.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
2.5 cans of Spam are consumed every second in the United States. In 1836, Mexican General Santa Anna held an elaborate state funeral for his amputated leg. A meteor has only destroyed one satellite, which was the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993. The Koala bear is not really a bear, but is really related to the kangaroo and the wombat. One gallon of pure maple syrup weighs 11 pounds. Instead of a Birthday Cake, many Russian children are given a Birthday Pie. The largest employer in the world is the Indian railway system in India, employing over 1.6 million people.
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Aunt Hattie's "Hurry-Up" Recipes
Household Hints Unclog your iron. Pour straight white vinegar through the iron. Make sure to rinse it out when the vinegar has done its magic. Avoid breaking light bulbs in your hand. Light bulbs can be hard to remove. Put a light coat of petroleum jelly on the threads of the new bulb. Remove furniture glue. After taking apart any piece of furniture for re-gluing, here's how to get rid of the old glue stuck in the joints: spray or brush vinegar into the joint. It usually works in minutes. It won't harm a finish and it leaves a white film that simply wipes off after it dries. Dissolve soap residue in your washing machine. Periodically pour a cup of vinegar in the machine and let it run through a regular cycle without clothes in the machine.
February 2015
HATTIE SHILLINGS
Here’s some dandy, red Valentine recipes you can make for that special person.
Red Fruit Salad
Three 6-oz. containers fresh 2 cups Bing cherries, chopped raspberries, rinsed 1 1/2 Tbsp fresh basil, chopped Two 16-oz. containers fresh 2 tablespoons granulated sugar strawberries, chopped Juice from 1 lemon 1.In a large bowl, combine the raspberries, strawberries and cherries. In a small bowl, combine the basil, sugar and lemon juice. Mix well and drizzle over fruit. Gently incorporate the liquid with a large spoon, being careful not to break the raspberries, until the fruit is thoroughly coated. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Red Velvet Cheesecake
28 finely crushed chocolate wafer cookies 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 5 TBSP unsalted butter, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Clean burnt food from pots and pans. Add baking soda and water 1/3 cup sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour to the pan, heat it to boiling and then let it sit about 15 minutes. Pinch of salt 4 large eggs Clean non-washable wallpaper. Make a fist size wad of rye bread For the filling: 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder and rub across discoloration's and dirt. 4 8 oz packages cream cheese, softened 1 teaspoon red food coloring Clean washable wallpaper. Lift grease stains with a paste of 1 1/4 cups sugar cornstarch and water or rub dry borax over stains. Make the crust: Preheat the oven to 350. Mix the cookie crumbs, melted butter, sugar and salt in a Clean lint out of the back of hair dryer. Take a cotton swab and dip bowl. Press into the bottom and 1 inch up the sides of a 9-inch springform pan. Put the pan on a baking sheet and bake until set, about 10 minutes. Cool completely. Make the filling: Reduce the oven it in rubbing alcohol. When you use the swab on the lint it will temperature to 325. Beat cream cheese, sugar, lemon juice and vanilla in a stand mixer fitted with the come right off. paddle attachment until smooth, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the flour; beat in the eggs one at a time. Transfer Remove gum from carpets. Use an ice cube to freeze the gooey 2 cups batter to a bowl; stir in the cocoa powder and food coloring. Pour the red batter into the crust; glob then remove as much as possible with a dull knife moving pour the white batter on top. Using a spoon, pull some of the red batter up from the bottom of the cake from the outside in. If there's still gum residue, use some and swirl. Bake until the edges are set but the center is still wobbly, about 1 hour, 20 minutes. Turn off dry-cleaning fluid available at drug and hardware stores. the oven but keep the cake inside to cool, 20 minutes. Run a knife around the edge of the pan (don't Wall cleaner. Mix ¼ cup washing soda, ¼ cup white vinegar, and remove the springform side), then transfer to a rack to cool. Refrigerate at least 4 hours before slicing. ½ cup ammonia in a gallon of warm water Red Velvet Cake Box German chocolate cake mix 1 bottle (1 oz) red food color Remove crayon from leather sofa. Put baking soda on a damp 1 cup buttermilk or water 2 tablespoons unsweetened cloth and rub lightly. 1/2 cup vegetable oil baking cocoa 3 eggs
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Heat oven to 350°F. Grease bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan or two 9-inch round cake pans and lightly flour, or spray with baking spray with flour. In large bowl, beat cake ingredients with electric mixer on low speed 30 seconds, then on medium speed 2 minutes, scraping bowl occasionally. Pour into pan(s). Bake as directed on box. Cool rounds 10 minutes; remove from pans. Cool completely. In chilled large bowl, mix cream cheese and milk until smooth. Beat in whipping cream and powered sugar with electric mixer on high speed, scraping bowl occasionally, until soft peaks form. Frost top of 13x9-inch cake or fill and frost cake layers. Store loosely covered in refrigerator. NOTE: Devil's food cake mix can also be used for a dark red velvet cake; omit cocoa. You will need the whole 1-ounce bottle of red food color to achieve the intense red color that is characteristic of this special cake.
Stress Management
Sometimes I lie awake at night, & I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than 1 night." -
Happy Birthday
Wendell Edmonds Feb. 15th
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called the world. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
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February 2015
Ten Commandments of the Grocery Store
1. Thou shall not leave your cart in an empty parking spot. There are two kinds of people in this world: (1) Those who return carts to the cart corral and (2) Thoughtless people who don’t. Leaving a cart to find its own way home often results in the cart camping out in a parking spot that someone will inevitably pull halfway into before realizing the cart is there and angrily backing out, peeving off people behind them. The carts have a home. Help them find their home.
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Penny Pinchers Is your bathroom sink clogged? Cover the overflow hole with a rag when plunging a bathroom sink so the plunger has maximum effect.
Remove stubborn wallpaper. Mix some hot water with a bit of fabric softener in a paint tray and apply several coats to the wallpaper. Let 2. Thou shall not walk down the center aisle of the parking lot. You do not have super-human pedestri- it soak in then scrape off the paper with a putty knife. an powers that override people in their cars trying to get past or around you. Pick a side—any Make a liquid to clean glass. Mix two cups water, two tablespoons side—and no one gets hurt. liquid dishwashing detergent, and two cups isopropyl rubbing 3. Thou shall travel up and down the aisle like a civilized person. Up one side, down the other. If you’re barreling down the middle or the wrong side like a linebacker and clip my cart, I am not above throwing a shoulder. Also, try to refrain from doing a 180 halfway down a jam-packed aisle only to amble along as if you’re taking in the sights of the Louvre. It’s soup. Not the Sistine Chapel.
alcohol (70 percent). Stir thoroughly then pour into clean pump spray bottle.
Repair carpet dents. Fill a spray bottle with water and spritz it over the dents (or put an ice cube in each indentation and let the cubes 4. Thou shall obey the express line rules. The sign says 15 items or less. It does not say, “Everything slowly melt). Then use a blow dryer and blow hot air over the you can stick in the small-ass cart you chose instead of regular cart.” That does not refer to the number moistened areas. The heat helps wool and nylon carpet rebound. of item types, but the actual item count. For example, those 75 cans of soup that took you 15 minutes Fluff up the fibers with your fingers and the dents will be gone. to pick out does not count as a single item. You are not a special snowflake. If everybody ignored this Remove rust on utensils. Rub with cork dipped in olive oil. Rusty rule, it would just be a regular line. metal - rub with raw onion. 5. Thou shalt not decide against the frozen pizza you picked up in the frozen foods section and then Streak-free, lint-free windows. Just use crumpled up pages of the place it on the shelf next to the shampoo. Really? Come on now, people. newspaper to wipe off your window cleaner. 6. Thou shall respect the invisible checkout line bubble of personal space. Regardless of how close you "Wax" a floor. Add two tablespoons furniture polish and ½ cup creep up or how many items you throw on the belt, you will be next—after me. If you continue to creep vinegar to a bucket of warm water. up, I will pretend to go through my coupon keeper for an extraordinary amount of time and chit chat Ceramic tile cleaner. ¼ cup baking soda, ½ cup white vinegar, and with the cashier…unless you would like to pay for my produce. In that case, you have a deal. one cup household ammonia in bucket. Add one gallon warm water. 7. Thou shall treat the cashier with respect. This means not chatting on your phone while she’s ringing Stir until baking soda dissolves. Wear rubber gloves and apply with up your groceries or getting ticked when she won’t accept the four expired coupons you thought she’d scrub brush or sponge. Rinse. ignore. If you get caught trying to sneak in an expired coupon, just let it go. It’s 35-cents off of dish Sharpen scissors. Slice several pieces of sandpaper, or emery paper. soap. You’ll survive. 8. Thou shall not stop at the exit to go over your receipt. Once given your receipt and all 300 extra Roof shingles. Do roof repairs on a warm day when shingles are soft pieces of paper that get pumped out of the printer with it, do not stop and read the receipt like it’s a and pliable. You'll be less likely to crack the shingles as you walk on treasure map. There is nothing on that paper that is so important that you need to throw on the brakes them or fold them back and the roofing cement will stick better. and cause a backup. Move it along. Remove ground-in dirt and stains from concrete walks and 9. Thou shall reconsider the self-checkout. Know your limits. Can you find a bar code on a product? driveways. Pour household bleach over the stain and let it sit for Match the picture of bananas on the screen to the bananas in your cart? Flatten paper money to insert ten minutes then rinse. into a slot? If you answered “no” to any of those questions, don’t be a hero. Go through the normal Increase lifespan of candles. Freeze them a few hours before use. checkout.
How to obtain inner peace 10. Thou shall not stalk for a parking spot. Finally, do not slowly drive behind me at 5 mph impatiently waiting for my parking spot that is often only two down from another available spot. Unless you’re My therapist told me that the best way to achieve true inner going to get out and help me unload my groceries into the back, your insistence on sitting there, impa- peace is to finish what I start. tiently revving the engine on your minivan, will force me to do a full vehicle check—interior and So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips, a chocolate exterior—before getting back in and leaving 5 minutes later Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
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Happy Birthday
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Feb. 8th
Granny and Grandpa Freida and Keith Williford Proud Mommy and Daddy Scott Reed and Jackie Sandifer Reed
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February 2015
What is the deal on Wall Street?
If you have money, you will come to realize one thing about the financial industry. Its interests are the opposite of yours.
The advisor or stockbroker, for example, wants to encourage you to buy and sell – when that is precisely what you shouldn't do. He gets paid from commissions, after all. The fund manager, the dealmaker and the structured products guys – they all make their money by encouraging you to gamble yours... often on overly complex things that make little sense. Bob Tonachio Wall Street sells dreams... hopes... and pie in the sky. Usually, its labor force tends to dress well. They often go to the best schools. They are smart. They are presentable. They are good story tellers. But get close enough, and you will see they struggle to mask the ethical strain of pushing hopeless investments to people who they believe were "born yesterday." Wall Types are not bad people. They are not dumb people. Neither saints nor sinners, they are just like the rest of us. But their industry encourages a huge fraud: that they are there to help you make money. They are not. They are there to help themselves make money. How? By acquiring it from YOU and your family. The financial industry is very large and very lucrative. The service it pretends to provide is helping to match meaningful investment projects with the capital they need. The service it actually provides is separating chumps from their money. But the financial industry isn't uniformly bad to all comers. It reserves a special zeal for the "fools." Every big Wall Street brokerage firm has a "suckers list." Evidently, there are two types of people on the "suckers list." First, there are the guys who hit it big, but not because of any financial skills or investing experience. For example, the inventor of the breakthrough medical device. He is worth $80 million. And, "He'll put $5 million into anything." The other group on brokers' "suckers lists" is made up of widows and children who were left sizable estates without the ability to competently manage that wealth. This is the list that brokers hit with their new deals and products. A few elephants on this list can mean big profits for a brokerage firm. Even if your advisor or broker isn't ripping you off straightforwardly... there are the commissions, transfer costs and hidden fees. That's why spinning, leveraging, churning and frenetic trading are the hallmarks of the financial industry. The more you trade, the more it earns in commission and fees. Most people don't give it too much thought. But if you have managed to accumulate substantial wealth, you will understand that all this "payola" in the system is one of the biggest wealth destroyers. You just don't notice because it's a death by a thousand cuts... each one is small enough to make you bleed only a little. Of course, what I call "Old Money" – family money that has been around for an extraordinarily long time – has ways to avoid the bloodsuckers on Wall Street... and still come out on top. At Robert James & Associates – the small family advisory firm I set up to help modern-day families learn how to protect what they've earned using "Old Money" techniques – we focus on super low-cost programs we call "private retirement plans." These may be simple... and low cost. But they are also powerful, guaranteed wealth builders. In fact, using "guaranteed plans," conservative investors could have multiplied their money many times over the last 40 years by making only two or three trades without commission expense. What can Wall Street offer you? Well, in 2011 the average fund fell about -9%. But hedge fund investors who only lost 9% were the lucky ones. If you asked hedge fund superstar John Paulson to look after your money for you, in 2011 you would have been down -46% through November. Of course, not before he charged you the typical "2 and 20" skim off the top. If this system doesn’t seem foolish to you, I don't know what is... Bob Tonachio is CEO of Robert James & Associates, Inc. Our firm offers free reviews and guaranteed private pension plans. Available at the current time is one offering a guaranteed 17.5% First year compounding growth rate. With a Lifetime guaranteed income payout schedule… For a free review and personal, confidential plan… Call us at 1-800-530-5700 or Email: rjaadmin@bellsouth.net...
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return plans for • Bypass Banks and Wall Street altogether! life-time income. • Wall Street lost more than 49% of the typical investor’s money Compare your existing – TWICE –since the year 2000. It could easily happen again! low paying bank CD’s or • The only guarantee Wall Street gives you is that they get paid Money Market whether you win or lose! • Bank interest on savings is too low to keep up with rising costs. Accounts or Risky Stock Brokerage Accounts to Caution: Only a handful of Advisors know about or know how to set our new plan. up these special, guaranteed tax-advantaged, lifetime income plans! Kimberly Ezell, VP
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February 2015
Real Signs
15 The Roane Reader
Medical Museum
• IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
Neosporin: When going on airplanes, buses, and trains, to avoid getting sick (from the germs of others at close quarters), dab Neosporin in your nostrils; right at the edge, not all the way up in the head.
• IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
Ulcer Cure. Black walnut hull extract and colodial silver water.
• IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
Kill Parasites. Parasites cause almost all diseases. Black Walnut Hulls (which comes in pill-bottle form in a health food store) is the best natural defense. Pumpkin seeds, garlic, and apple cider vinegar (2 teaspoons in water) are also excellent to take.
• IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Dandruff can often be controlled. Shampoo in cool water. Hot water strips the skin of natural oils that help control flaking, and so do alcohol-based styling products like mousse or gel.
• ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
Chapped lips. Use a tea bag. The tannic acid in tea helps retain moisture and tighten the skin on your lips. Just remove any lipstick or lip balm, then take a tea bag, put it under warm water, and press it lightly over your lips.
• OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Heartburn. The best remedy is your own water supply. Saliva is rich in natural chemicals that coat and protect. Get those juices flowing with some sugarless gum! Stay away from gum with sugar, it can actually increase acid output.
• NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Disinfect wounds. Listerine works as an astringent when poured on a laceration or abrasion. You can also use honey. Honey kills bacteria and putting it on a cut or scrape can help prevent infection and speed healing. First wash the area, then smooth on some honey and cover with a bandage.
• IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness. • SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car!
Dress wounds with honey. Honey is hyreoscopic and absorbs water, creating an environment in which disease producing microorganisms, deprived of their moisture, cannot live.
Get rid of warts. White iodine will make them disappear in a few days. You may also try vitamin A and • SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has E. Inside of banana skins. Milk from cut end of dandelion two or three times a day. Warm castor oil on children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor. gauze three times a day for half an hour. Cod liver oil. Duct tape gets rid of warts fast. • MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will Relieve a mild sore throat. Gargle several times daily with warm salt water. tell you how to get lessons. Cure for headaches. Camamile oil is great for migraines; just rub it into your temples. Another alterna• ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please tive is to take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work) Stuffed up nose. Both red and black pepper dilate blood vessels in the nose and they stimulate secre• SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: tions which help drain sinuses. Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. Remove dark circles from under your eyes. Try raw potato slices; they contain potassium that appar• SPOTTED ON A SIGN IN SCOTLAND: Eat here and you'll ently will remove dark circles. Another one you might try is warm tea bags; the tannic acid is supposed never live to regret it. to do the same thing. • POSTED AT A TOTAL BODY FITNESS SHOP: Satisfaction What Time Is It? guaranteed in 30 days...or your old body refunded! Time is measured by the revolution of the Earth and its path as it orbits the Sun. Ancient astronomers built rock circles, towers and Useless, Yet Interesting Facts other structures to follow the Sun's seasonal path and the march of In 1985, a pregnant women was falsely accused of shoplifting a Clock & Watch Repair the constellations in the night sky. Stonehenge in England is basketball. thought to be an astronomical structure that tells the seasons as the Specializing in In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. mechanical restoration Sun lines up with huge rocks set in a circle. The adult electric eel can produce a five hundred volt shock, which and repair of antique Medieval inventors built mechanical clocks to keep track of time. is enough to stun a horse. clocks and Electronic digital clocks that measure time by the vibrations of
Your Time
When they are in danger, kangaroos will beat the ground loudly with their hind feet. Honeybees use the sun as a compass which helps them navigate. In gangster slang, a boxing match that is fixed is called a "Barney."
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pocket watches
quartz crystals are accurate to a few seconds a year. As our instruments improve scientists are able to more accurately measure time. We can now calculate time down to billionths of a second!
In home service available for grandfather and other tall case clocks
The US Naval Observatory is charged with keeping standard time. They also calculate astronomical events like moon phases, eclipses, tides and orbits of the planets.
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16 The Roane Reader
What Day is it?
February 2015
Men and Women in Church
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is." The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories. "Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a [1] On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates than men in America’s churches. was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. [2] This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. will worship without their husbands. "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more [3] Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female particiwonderful Groundhog Day in my life! pants. [4] The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male). [5] Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return. [6] More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only one out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church. [7] Churches overseas report gender gaps of up to 9 women for every adult man in attendance. [8] Christian universities are becoming convents. The typical Christian college in the U.S. enrolls almost 2 women for every 1 man. [9] Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry. [10] Church is good for men: Churchgoers are more likely to be married and express a higher level of satisfaction with life. Church involvement is the most important predictor of marital stability and happiness. [11] Church involvement moves people out of poverty. Its also correlated with less depression, more self-esteem and greater family and marital happiness. [12] Religious participation leads men to become more engaged husbands and fathers. [13] Teens with religious fathers are more likely to say they enjoy spending time with dad and that they admire him.
Fun Facts Seniors who drink a cup of coffee before a memory test score higher than those who drink a cup of decaffeinated coffee Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise Some octopuses have been known to eat their arms off when they are exposed to stressful situations On average, 749 pounds of paper products is used by an American individual annually. In Belgium, there is a museum just for strawberries
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February 2015
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18 The Roane Reader
February 2015
The Roane Reader proudly presents God’s Unconditional Love
THE WRITER'S PAGE
by: Nina Powers
God loves us so very much! He knows just what we need! Even when we try to deny Him, He won’t let go of us until we are on the path that leads us to Him! He will be our anchor through every situation, our worries, our pain and even when we don’t put our trust in Him. He will not forsake us for He promises to never leave us. His love for us remains the same. His love is eternal.
Valentines Day is a very special day. We must cherish it, in our own special way. It is a time for us to embrace, to each other, face to face. It is a time, to show love, from God Above It is a time, for us, to draw closer together. Where that we can be there for one another. Knowing that the, time is drawing nearer. And that Heaven is so much clearer.
TWENTY FIFTEEN Jeremiah 17:7 - Rev. 3:20, 22
Words of Wisdom
by: Katie Bailey Randolph It's only normal for us to wonder what we'll face in the New Year Many heart's are filled with wonder, many more are filled with fear. When we see the world around us filled with hatred and despair Makes us wonder, is God watching? Does our Father even care? He's promised each of us who know Him He'll never leave us nor forsake He will keep us to the rapture, not one promise will He break. Just be sure that you are ready, In God's Son you've placed your faith For this world won't last forever, Neither will the age of grace. He left us a written invitation, "Behold I stand at the door and knock" Have you opened to the Savior or kept the door to your heart locked? You can have a happy New Year if you'll only let Him in Then you'll never have to worry about this world that's filled with sin. For God is in full control of all that happens every day He will safely see us through it and will keep us in the way. Let's band together and tell others of this Great God we've come to trust Till we meet Him in the rapture for the redemption of His church. There He'll take us to His Heaven where He sits upon the throne, He will smile and say "Welcome, children, this is your eternal home".
Dear friends, As you travel on your way to Heaven, be really careful not to take the detours for they can surely be the ones that Satan has put out for God's people.
Remembering Valentines Day by: Donna Kay Reynolds
Valentines Day is here once again as we became closer friends The kiss of love is in the air with a present of roses whose alone are fair while dinner is served soft music plays with friends talking of planned things on the way Cupids arrow is ready to strike as a rainbow of colors flash in the night Have plenty of laughter, love and cheer as diamonds sparkle the kiss of love is here
N
EW
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Growing Old
Happy Birthday
Kayla Greer Feb. 28th
You say that you are growing old I've heard you say it, times untold In language plain, and loud and bold That frail old shell, in which you dwell Is growing old,...I know too well But you are not the shell What if your hair is turning grey? Grey hairs are honorable, they say What if your eyesight's growing dim? You still can see to follow Him Why should you care if times old plow Has left it's furrow on your brow? Another house, not made with hands Awaits you in glory land! What thought you falter, when you walk What thought your tongue refuse to talk You still can tread the narrow way You still can watch, praise, and pray Your hearing may not be as keen As in the past it may have been But you can hear the Savior say In whisper soft, " This is the way" The outward man, Do what you can To lengthen out His life's short span Must perish and return to dust As everything in nature must But the inward man, the scriptures say Will just grow stronger, every day So how can you be growing old? You're safe, within the Savior's fold Someday your soul will fly away And leave that tenement of clay You'll drop that robe of flesh and rise To seize the everlasting prize Then I'll meet you On streets of Gold And prove that You're not growing old!
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February 2015
Things to say in an interview
“I’m flexible.” Whether it’s about possible job duties, a potential start date or simply timing for the second interview, stressing your flexibility makes you easy to get along with. Hiring managers don’t like complications, and having to coordinate complicated schedules or haggle over a job description eventually just makes you look difficult. While you certainly don’t want to be a pushover--and “flexible” shouldn’t define your salary negotiation--show your potential employer that you’re interested in results that work for everyone. The Company’s Own Words Before your interview, become familiar with the company’s website and literature. Pay attention to the words used--what’s important to the organization? In your interview, hit key words that appeared on the company website or brochure. These key words might include team, leadership, simplistic, culture or growth.” Mixing these keywords into your answers can provide a subtle hint that you are plugged in to what the organization is looking for. “That’s a Good Question.” Use this phrase instead of blurting out “I don’t know” if the interviewer stumps you with a surprise question. It can give you a few moments to come up with an answer and, in the meantime, strokes the interviewer's ego a little bit too. Avoid the “I don’t know” answer when possible, but of course don’t lie about your experience or training. Reasons You Want the Job. Knowing a job prospect’s motivations is important for managers who are hiring. During your interview, talk about how this position fits into your future plans and the ideas you have about your career, how it fits with your values, and what you would like to learn from it. Talk about how you see yourself in relation to the company and what you believe you can bring to the position. These kinds of thoughts show who you are as a person, and go a long way toward giving the hiring manager an idea about how you might fit in the company’s culture and values.
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Useless Facts
The word "comet" comes from the Greek word "kometes" meaning long hair and referring to the tail
Tennessee wants children, teens, and young adults to be healthy. That's why a new program called TENNderCare was started. It is a full program of check The TENNderCare program wants children, teens, and ups and health care services for children who have TennCare. These services young under teens 21 to healthy. TENNderCare make sureadults babies, children, andbe young adults receive the health care is athey full program ofbegins checkups services for need. Good health at birth, and so it'shealth importantcare to Check In, Check Up and Check Backhave with your doctor. Your child's up will include: children who TennCare. Thesecheck services make sure
babies, children, teens • Complete Physical Examand young adults • Labreceive Tests the health care theyScreening need. Good health begins at birth, so • Vision/Hearing • Immunizations it’s important to&Check In,Screening Check Up •and Check • Developmental Behavioral Health HistoryBack • Advice on How To Keep Your Child Healthy with your doctor.
Patience in a Virtue
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, The hydra, which is related to "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through. the jellyfish, can grow its body Don't be upset. It won't be long now." back in a couple of days if it is Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout cut in half for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The Native Indians have been known mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to paint their doors blue. They to go and then we'll be checking out." believe keeps bad spirits out When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately Before air conditioning was began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon invented, white cotton slipcov- discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, ers were put on furniture to keep "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and the air cool. then you can go home and have a nice nap." It would take about fourteen and The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the half million notes of currency to woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient build a mile high stack you were with little Monica," he began. The mother replied, "I'm Chinese Crested dogs get acne Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy." It costs about 3 cents to make a $1 bill in the United States Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
Teeing Off
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the The cross bow was invented by clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." the Chinese and records of its "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!" usage goes back to as far as the Three Kingdom Period (220 a.d.-280 a.d.). One-third pound stalk of broccoli contains more vitamin C than 204 apples The Flintstones cartoon was the first thirty-minute cartoon to be aired during prime time
To make an appointment, contact your child’s doctor or health department. For transportation or other information, call the Family Assistance Service Center at: 1-866-311-4287 En Espanol: 1-866-311-4290
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February 2015
St. Valentine's Story
Cold & Flu
Little Johnny
Most Unsettling Facts Out There
Top 10 items for your pharmacy shopping list Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Stocking up on supplies to get you through cold and flu season? Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings. Here are the top 10 items to buy: Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not 1. Pain and fever reliever want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, On the label, look for acetaminophen, ibuprofen, or acetylsalinot many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He cylic acid (do not give acetylsalicylic acid, also called ASA or thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not Aspirin®, to children 18 and under). to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposter- 2. Congestion or sinus pain reliever ous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law! On the label, look for pseudoephedrine, ephedrine, or phenylDid I mention that I was a priest? One of my favorite activities was to marry couples. Even after ephrine (for tablets and liquid) or phenylephrine, naphazoline, Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It oxymetazoline, or xylometazoline (for nasal sprays). was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. 3. Chest congestion reliever/mucus control We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers. On the label, look for guaifenesin. One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in 4. Relief for runny nose, sneezing or itchy watery eyes time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told On the label, look for diphenhydramine, chlorpheniramine, that my punishment was death. brompheniramine, dexbrompheniramine, diphenylpyraline, I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people doxylamine, or pheniramine. came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know 5. Dry cough reliever that they, too, believed in love. On the label, look for dextromethorphan or codeine. One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She 6. Sore throat relievers (lozenges or sprays) agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the label, look for cetylpyridinium chloride, dequalinium On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed chloride, domiphen bromide, benzocaine, phenol, hexylresorciit, "Love from your Valentine." nol, or menthol. I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written 7. Hand sanitizer on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most 8. Tissues importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't 9. Thermometer 10. Heating pad (for muscle aches) be beaten! Discovering one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Levine stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if I The Romans, the great inventors of the human race, were the ones who came up with teeth whitening—but instead of Listerine, they made ugly faces I would stay like that." used urine. Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned!" All bugs are edible, and they contain a crazy amount of protein. Hungry for steak? You'll get more protein from these guys!
Happy Birthday Thomas “Bubba” Christopher
The outside of jelly beans are made from Shellac. Shellac, in layman's terms, is bug poo. There's 32 million bacteria crawling around every inch of a human being's body. Your heart has a 30-foot reach when squiring blood. Oh, and your whole system of veins, arteries, the like, that can wrap around the world more than twice, if everything were stretched to its maximum length.
Feb. 21st
When you take a deep breath while inside of a metro or subway station, 15% of that breathe is actually just human skin.
MOTORS LLC
Call 882 1165
1007 Ruritan Rd
Birds eat snails, and we assume that's the end of it. But around 15% of these little guys are still alive when the birds poop them out... There's a little bit of cocaine in 80% of US dollar bills...so when you're sniffing your money, exercise caution.
JESUS SAVES
Located 300 feet north of the red light at the intersection of Pine Ridge Rd & Ruritan Rd in So. Harriman
Sport Utilities Cars Trucks Equipment Carports Tractors Vans “Where Customers Send Their Friends”
3,000 cows had to die in order to provide the NFL with the leather for all of those footballs each year.
With the rate two rats multiply, within 18 months, those rats could have upwards of a million offspring. The original material used for the manufacturing of bagpipes was the whole skin of a sheep.
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February 2015
I-40 Motorcross sold
High School Basketball 2014-2015 Schedule
Roane County High School Tue Nov. 11 Fri Nov. 14 (Hall of Fame) Tue Nov. 18 Tue Nov. 25 Tue Dec. 2 Fri Dec. 5 Mon Dec. 8 Tue Dec. 9 Tue Dec. 16 Thu Dec. 18 Mon Jan. 5 Fri Jan. 9 Fri Jan. 16 Tue Jan. 20 Fri Jan. 23 Tue Feb. 3 Fri Feb. 6 Mon Feb. 9
7:30 PM Anderson County 7:30 PM Meigs County 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 8:00 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 8:00 PM 8:00 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM 7:30 PM
Sweetwater at Sequoyah at Sweetwater at Loudon Rockwood Midway at Rockwood Alcoa D Loudon Knoxville Catholic D Harriman at Knoxville Catholic D at Harriman at Alcoa D at Midway Sequoyah
Harriman High School
Tue Nov. 11 7:30 PM at King's Academy (Hall of Fame) Thu Nov. 13 7:30 PM Concord Christian (Hall of Fame) Tue Nov. 18 8:00 PM Oliver Springs Fri Nov. 21 8:00 PM at Wartburg Mon Nov. 24 8:00 PM Oneida N (Oliver Springs Thanksgiving Classic) Fri Dec. 5 8:00 PM Rockwood D Sat Dec. 6 8:00 PM Tellico Plains D Tue Dec. 9 8:00 PM at Greenback D Thu Dec. 11 7:30 PM King's Academy Fri Dec. 12 8:00 PM at Oliver Springs Tue Dec. 16 8:00 PM Midway D Fri Dec. 19 8:00 PM at Rockwood D Tue Jan. 6 8:00 PM Greenback D Fri Jan. 9 7:30 PM at Midway D Tue Jan. 13 8:00 PM Wartburg Fri Jan. 16 7:30 PM at Kingston Tue Jan. 20 8:00 PM Grace Christian D Fri Jan. 23 8:00 PM Kingston Tue Jan. 27 8:00 PM at Grace Christian D Fri Jan. 30 8:00 PM Meigs County D Tue Feb. 3 7:30 PM at Meigs County D Fri Feb. 6 7:30 PM at Tellico Plains D
Rockwood High School
Fri Nov. 21 8:00 PM at Sunbright Tue Nov. 25 8:00 PM Sunbright Tue Dec. 2 7:30 PM at Meigs County D Fri Dec. 5 8:00 PM at Harriman D Mon Dec. 8 7:30 PM at Kingston Tue Dec. 9 7:30 PM at Sweetwater Fri Dec. 12 8:00 PM Meigs County D Tue Dec. 16 8:00 PM Kingston Fri Dec. 19 8:00 PM Harriman D Mon Dec. 29 2:30 PM Unaka N (Harriman Christmas Tournament) Tue Dec. 30 8:30 PM Oneida N (Harriman Christmas Tournament) Wed Dec. 31 8:30 PM Lenoir City N (Harriman Christmas Tournament) Fri Jan. 2 8:00 PM Cosby Tue Jan. 6 8:00 PM at Cosby Fri Jan. 9 7:30 PM at Tellico Plains D Tue Jan. 13 8:00 PM Tellico Plains D Fri Jan. 16 8:00 PM at Grace Christian D Tue Jan. 20 8:00 PM Greenback D Fri Jan. 23 8:00 PM Grace Christian D Mon Jan. 26 8:00 PM Sweetwater Tue Jan. 27 8:00 PM at Wartburg Fri Jan. 30 7:30 PM at Midway D Tue Feb. 3 8:00 PM at Greenback D Fri Feb. 6 8:00 PM Wartburg Mon Feb. 9 8:00 PM Midway D
Midway Green Waves Tue Nov. 11 7:30 PM (Hall of Fame) Mon Nov. 17 7:30 PM Tue Nov. 18 7:30 PM Fri Nov. 21 7:30 PM Mon Nov. 24 7:30 PM Tue Nov. 25 7:30 PM Fri Nov. 28 7:30 PM Tue Dec. 2 8:00 PM Fri Dec. 5 7:30 PM Tue Dec. 9 7:30 PM Thu Dec. 11 7:30 PM Tue Dec. 16 8:00 PM Fri Dec. 19 7:30 PM Sat Dec. 27 8:30 PM (Midway Holiday Classic) Mon Jan. 5 8:00 PM Tue Jan. 6 7:30 PM Fri Jan. 9 7:30 PM Tue Jan. 13 8:00 PM Fri Jan. 16 8:00 PM Tue Jan. 20 7:30 PM Fri Jan. 23 7:30 PM Tue Jan. 27 8:00 PM Fri Jan. 30 7:30 PM Fri Feb. 6 7:30 PM Mon Feb. 9 8:00 PM
21 The Roane Reader
Mt. Pisgah Christian Coalfield at Monterey Oakdale Sunbright Loudon Tellico Plains D at Oakdale Greenback D at Kingston Grace Christian D at Harriman D Meigs County D Bledsoe County at Sunbright at Tellico Plains D Harriman D at Grace Christian D at Greenback D at Loudon at Meigs County D at Coalfield Rockwood D Kingston at Rockwood D
Oliver Springs High School
Thu Nov. 13 7:30 PM at Tellico Plains (Hall of Fame) Sat Nov. 15 1:30 PM at William Blount (Hall of Fame) Sat Nov. 15 4:30 PM Knoxville Webb N (Hall of Fame at William Blount) Tue Nov. 18 8:00 PM at Harriman Thu Nov. 20 8:30 PM at Jackson County Fri Nov. 21 8:00 PM Cosby Tue Nov. 25 6:00 PM Meigs County (Oliver Springs Thanksgiving Classic) Fri Nov. 28 6:00 PM Grace Christian (Oliver Springs Thanksgiving Classic) Sat Nov. 29 6:30 PM Berean Christian (Oliver Springs Thanksgiving Classic) Tue Dec. 2 8:00 PM at Sequoyah Fri Dec. 5 8:00 PM Coalfield D Tue Dec. 9 8:00 PM at Oakdale D Thu Dec. 11 7:30 PM Jackson County Fri Dec. 12 8:00 PM Harriman Tue Dec. 16 8:00 PM at Jellico D Sat Dec. 20 5:30 PM Greenville (SC) N (Seahawk Christmas Classic at Hilton Head) Tue Jan. 6 8:00 PM at Wartburg D Fri Jan. 9 8:00 PM at Coalfield D Tue Jan. 13 8:00 PM Oneida D Fri Jan. 16 8:00 PM Jellico D Tue Jan. 20 8:00 PM at Sunbright D Thu Jan. 22 7:30 PM Sequoyah Sat Jan. 24 7:30 PM William Blount Tue Jan. 27 8:00 PM Oakdale D Fri Jan. 30 8:00 PM Wartburg D Tue Feb. 3 8:00 PM Sunbright D Fri Feb. 6 8:00 PM at Oneida D
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JOHN GRIFFIN It has been announced that Doug Sophia has sold the I-40 Motorcross to Chris & Leslie Corum of Knoxville. Chris will still be running the motorcross and also the dirt track. Chris is the son of 1992 Hall of Famer Little Bill Corum of Knoxville. Bill and Chris helped with the Atomic Speedway Reunion held in December. Congratulations Chris & Leslie, and we know you will do good.
Super Bowl Facts The Super Bowl is the most watched show in the U.S. The days when Super Bowl games are played rank second when it comes to the highest American food consumption. The number one day when Americans eat is Thanksgiving. Approximately 80% of Super Bowl tickets go to corporate sponsors. A cow has only a 1 in 17,420,000 chance of becoming an NFL football that is used in the Super Bowl. More pizza is sold on Super Bowl Sunday than on any other day of the year.
In Memory of Irene Griffin
On January 29th, it was two years since our mother passed away. Irene Griffin, who lived in Kingston, left behind to cherish her memories daughters Shirlene Freels of Sunbright, Diana Cash and husband Martin,and son John Griffin all of Kingston. Also left to cherish her memories are granddaughter Ashley Ward and Billy, Andy & Tonya Freels, and Aaron Freels all of sunbright. Also Stephanie and Michael Puckett, great-great granddaughters Jordain Puckett all of Kingston, and Andy Leann Freels of Sunbright. We all miss you, but we know you are with God in a better place. We all love you forever. John Griffin
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22 The Roane Reader
New Diet Rules
1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do. 4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Example: milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. 8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter. 9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon 10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.
Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory - Dr Seuss
A message from Justin Stout & Kay Christopher - Co-Owners of
Makes sense to me
February 2015
THE PHANTOM (Can You Find MeÂż)
Find this place and WIN a years subscription to The Roane Reader "I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me ALL CORRECT ENTREES WILL BE ENTERED was, 'You'll never find anyone INTO A SECOND CHANCE DRAWING. like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I Go to www.roanereader.com/thephantom should hope not! PLEASE PROVIDE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, EMAIL(optional) and PHONE NUMBER. "A woman broke up with me ANSWERS MUST BE VERY SPECIFIC!! and sent me pictures of her and Entries that fail to provide all this information will not qualify! her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad! "I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." --Ellen DeGeneres "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." --Conan O'Brien "If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology." --Jay Leno
Happy Birthday
Barbara Hammock Feb. 20th
Winner in January: Carol Farmer
Answer Given: The old Highway Patrol building on the left side of Gateway Ave going south in Rockwood. Sits between Gateway and Kingston ave.
The Roane Reader
The Fisherman’s Quartet
Our only goal is to publish a paper that everyone wants to read and everyone enjoys. We have never increased our overall advertising rates in the 21 years of our existence, and we have no plans to in the near future. The ads you see in The Roane Reader pays for our overhead, which includes the printing costs, software, supplies and other necessary expenses. So, if you enjoy receiving The Roane Reader, please patronize our sponsors, and tell them you saw their ad in our paper.
Thank you all very much.
BILLY GRIGSBY, OWNER 354-9957 354-9290
DAMAGE FREE HAULING
1348 GATEWAY - ROCKWOOD
Please come and visit Victorian Square at 241 S. Chamberlain Ave. to hear the gospel singing group The Fisherman's Quartet.
February 14th at 1:30pm
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February 2015
Rockwood Memories
When I was Young
23 The Roane Reader
Air Force Squawks
***Actual Air Force Maintenance Complaints***
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. By: Ray Collet This is from a few pages of my book, "Rockwood Memories Vol. I... "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for Among my emails recently was one from Spurgeon Willett. Spurgeon maintenance crews. was a classmate of mine for many years graduating in 1957. Here is Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." what Spurgeon had to say. Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire." "Here are a few of my recollections. Let me thank you for giving me the incentive to start something I've been putting off for some time, that is putting together some memories for my kids and grandkids. Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough." The problem is, I have no idea where the end will be. I am writing this for two reasons. First, so my Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft." grandkids can see that survival is possible without camera cell phones, IPods, X-Boxes or HD wide Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." screen TVs. Secondly to give Ray Collett some filler in case he gets really hard up for copy. I first heard of Rockwood in the spring of 1950. My dad, "Red" Willett, had gotten a new job in Oak Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." Ridge. About a month before school was out, Dad, my sister Catherine, my brother Lawrence and I Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." moved from Memphis into one of the little houses on South Kingston Avenue. Solution: "Evidence removed." I was in the fifth grade and went into the class taught by Mrs. Edna Evans. When it came time for the English lesson, on the blackboard were these drawings of trees lying on their side, with words Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." written over them. I'd never seen a sentence diagrammed before, I'd never heard the terms "subject' Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." and " predicate" in my English classes. However with her gracious kindness and patience, and extra time and tutelage, Mrs. Evans helped me catch up with the rest of the class. When my wife Norma, Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." and I were in Rockwood just a few years ago, I had the opportunity to tell Mrs. Evans what a special Solution: "Live bugs on order." memory that was to me. She was a prime example of the character and class of people to be found in Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." Rockwood. Solution: "That's what they're there for." I thought then that this was a neat place to live. Black Creek, where one of the local boys showed Lawrence and me how to spear turtles with a sharp nail in the end of a broomstick was just out back. Problem: "Number three engine missing." Gateway later displaced it along this spot. The rail yard just beyond the creek was busy then with real Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search." steam engines, no less. Busy US 27-70 was right out front. We often sat on the porch watching military conveys go by, probably carrying soldiers headed for Korea. Once, as they went by, a soldier Problem: "Cockpit filthy...not fit for pigs" stood up on the far side of the truck bed and threw two candy bars which landed right at our feet. I Solution: "Cockpit now fit for pigs" wonder if he made it back home. Fun Things To Do At The Office One hot sunny day that summer, my brother and I decided we would like to go swimming. We also decided that in the spirit of the season, we should go barefooted. You can already see problems here Photocopy things around the office, such as lamps, potted plants, for a couple of city boys from Memphis. We learned several things that day. Among them, that two staplers, etc. If someone asks about it, just say "You never can be and a half miles on feet which are accustomed to being shod is not the thing to do. That is especially too careful." true when part of that distance is on blistering , hot black-top and the rest is on crushed limestone. We Turn your radio up full blast and sing along loudly with the song. did get some relief along the way though. The clear cold water from the springs along Pumphouse Invite others to join you. Road was welcome relief to our dry throats and our poor sore feet. We did go back to the lake on other Pretend to be hypnotized by someone's screen saver. days, but we never walked it barefooted again. Go into someone's office, grab a book from their shelves, and begin When I say "lake' in the little story above, I'm hedging a bit. It sees I remember going to the Rock- reading it aloud to them. If they interrupt, give them an evil look. wood Beach, but I'm not real sure. I don't know if the "Beach" as we knew it later had even been Give a secretary a copy of Hamlet and ask them to proofread it. constructed by the summer of 1950. I'm sure a lot of you know the answer to that. We didn't live in Rockwood very long. Dad had remarried. My new stepmother had been Virginia Harris from Harri- Bring a TV remote control to the office and try to change the man. She had three daughters at home, Barbara "Bobbi" Jean, (later RHS Class of 1956) Jeanette channel on people's computers. When it doesn't work, mumble "Jenny" and Crystal. We needed more room, so Dad rented the Hembree place in New Hope.. With something about "cheap Japanese junk". Pull a chair up to your window and pretend to be working at a the lake at our front door, it was several years before I went back to the Beach at Rockwood." drive-through. Thanks Spurgeon, I hope we will hear more from you later. This story is from 1950.." A man too stingy to subscribe to the local newspaper, sent his son to Stand at the washroom door carrying a baseball bat and ask everyborrow a paper from his neighbor. In his haste, the little boy ran over a stand of bees and in ten minutes one in a low voice if they washed their hands. looked like Wart Summer Squash. His father ran to his assistance and failing to notice the barbed wire United States Coast Guard Auxiliary fence, tore and ruined a nine dollar pair of pants. The old cow took advantage of the gap in the fence and got into the field and killed herself eating green corn. Hearing the commotion, the farmer's wife WATTS BAR GROUP, KINGSTON ran out upsetting a four gallon churn of cream into a basket of little chickens drowning the entire batch. When you join the Auxiliary you could: The baby, being left alone, crawled thru the cream into the parlor ruining a brand new fifty dollar rug. » Find yourself saving lives During the excitement, the oldest daughter eloped with the hired hand, dog broke up eleven sitting » Become an instructor and teach boating hens and four calves got loose and chewed the tails off of four shirts on the clothes line. safety classes » Train for patrols on the water So please don't borrow your neighbors newspaper. It is much cheaper to subscribe. » Enjoy fellowship with others Until next month....Ray » AND MUCH MORE! My email address is RCOL110479@aol.com if anyone has a story to share or if anyone is interested FIND OUT WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU! in my book, ROCKWOOD MEMORIES Vol. 2..Sorry Vol. 1 has long been sold out. Call:865.376.4822 or Email:whitebill1220@yahoo.com They are ten bucks and can be mailed to you if you include $2 for shipping.
24 The Roane Reader
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A Letter From Camp
February 2015
Dear Mom, Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mom and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. Mr. Webb tells us the best stories. Last night, out by the fire, he told us about the man who was killed by a bear just about a mile from here. It was really scary. I think I heard him roar last night...but he sounded far away. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down. That's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken, he said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad that he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Cole
Car theft
An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad. The woman, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, to no avail. And then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant, to whom she told the story, nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
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February 2015
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25 The Roane Reader
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26 The Roane Reader
What on Earth? Earth is the third planet from the Sun and is the largest of the terrestrial planets. The Earth is the only planet in our solar system not to be named after a Greek or Roman deity. The Earth was formed approximately 4.54 billion years ago and is the only known planet to support life.
Complete these quotes As you shall make your bed so shall you ... Better to be safe than ... It is always darkest before ...
A rolling stone ... The world's largest desert (outside of the polar regions) is the A bird in the hand is ... Sahara, it covers about one third of Africa! Stretching out to an impressive length of 4160 miles long, the Nile You have nothing to fear but ... River is the longest river on earth.
If you can't stand the heat ...
The volcanic rock known as pumice is the only rock that can float The squeaking wheel gets ... in water. To err is human ... Mt Everest is the highest mountain on earth, its peak reaches 29,029 Early to bed and early to rise ... feet above sea level. A journey of a thousand miles
On average the Atlantic Ocean is the saltiest of Earth’s major begins with a ... oceans. The grass is always greener ... Earthquakes that occur out at sea can cause huge tsunamis capable Don't count your chickens ...: of reaching land and endangering people. Don't bite the hand that ... The Earth isn't perfectly round, it is slightly flattened at the north No news is ... and south poles. A penny saved is ... Scared of the Bermuda Triangle? Despite its reputation it is actually Children should be seen and not part of a commonly sailed shipping route. If at first you don't succeed ... Scientists have dated the Earth as being between 4 and 5 billion Laugh and the whole world years old! laughs with you, cry and ... The Amazon rainforest is the largest tropical rainforest on Earth. The Great Barrier Reef in Australia is the largest living structure in ANSWERS: Lie there; Sorry; The dawn; Gathers no moss; the world. Worth two in the bush; Fear The Niagara Falls are located on the border of USA and Canada. itself; Get out of the kitchen; Rock found at the bottom of the Grand Canyon is around 2 billion Gets the grease; To forgive, years old. divine; Makes a man healthy, Although earthquakes can be deadly, most are very small and not wealthy, and wise; Single step; On the other side of the fence; even felt by humans. Before they are hatched; That feeds you; Good news; A penny Try not to take things personally; what people earned; Heard; Try, try again; say about you is a reflection of them, not you. You cry alone.
Mid-East Community Action Agency
Roane and Loudon Counties Early Head Start/Head Start/PreK Mid-East Head Start is taking Childrens' Applications for the 2013/2014 Program Year Head Start is an early childhood federal program that promotes the school readiness of children ages birth to five from income eligible families by enhancing their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We also serve pregnant women and their families
To complete an application or to get information please call the Fairmont Center in Harriman at 865-882-8737 Monday-Wednesday Site Admin Office Rolling Acres Fairmont
Phone 865-376-2308 865-882-0808 865-882-8737
P.O. Box 790 Mid-East Kingston, TN 37763 Community Action Agency www.mecaa.net
Mid-East Community Action Agency does not discriminate on the basis of national origin, sex, disability or age in its programs, activities or employment.
February 2015
Brain Quiz Count the number of times the letter F is in the following sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first? A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? ANSWERS: Six; All of them; If he’s living in the US, he’s not dead; The match; 9; Noah had the ark; A dozen; Lettuce; Strawberry.
Hey Kids! Do you have a favorite poem or short story you’ve written? Send it to us at 197 Shady Dr. Harriman, TN 37748, and we’ll print it!
Public Stargazing Feb. 7th & 21st - 7 pm
Tamke-Allan Observatory, Harriman
Every 1st & 3rd Saturday all year long. Public is welcome! The Tamke-Allan Observatory is located on Caney Creek Road - turn left onto Keller Road (near the TWRA boat launch area) and the road to the observatory is on the left. Amateur astronomers come to Tamke-Allan Observatory the 1st & 3rd Saturday of each month all year long, inviting the public to join them to observe the stars.
Gates open at 7 pm
For more info: www.roanestate.edu/obs or contact David Fields at 865-927-5155 or fieldsde@roanestate.edu for details.
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February 2015
SMILE • Hangover: The wrath of grapes. • Income Tax: Capital punishment. • A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.
Computer Crazies True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
• A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, Caller: "Hello, is this Tech and the police didn't have anything to go on. Support ?" • Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help on hard tines? you?" • Archaeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins. Caller: "The cup holder on my • Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself. PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go • Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby about getting that fixed?" boa? Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say • Once I got angry at an Italian restaurant, so I gave them a pizza my a cup holder?" mind. Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the • A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides front of my computer." up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot Tech: "Please excuse me if I my paw." seem a bit stumped, it's because • For as long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.... I am. Did you receive this as part • Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the of a promotional, at a trade show?" meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. =================================
“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” Dr. Dale Turner
NOTICE ROANE COUNTY TAXPAYERS
2013 TAXES ARE DUE BY MARCH 15TH For your convenience, The Trustee’s Office will be open Saturday, Feb. 28th for 1/2 day. How and where to pay your taxes this year:
Trustee’s Office - Roane Co. Courthouse
(Monday - Friday 8:30 to 4:30) United Community Bank in Kingston (With your tax notice) US Bank in Rockwood (With your tax notice) Credit Card payments www.TennesseeTrustee.com -- Select Roane (A fee will be charged for credit/debit card transactions) Call 1-877-768-5048 for phone payments (You will need your receipt number.) (A fee is charged for this transaction.) Mail payments with check to: Roane County Trustee P.O. Box 296 Kingston, TN 37763 (Please include receipt number on check.)
27 The Roane Reader
Actual Medical Records The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. The patient refused an autopsy. The patient has no past history of suicides. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her about a promotional. It just has original complaints. '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Outreach Program
Walnut Hill Church's mission is reaching the lost and helping people in need.
The Outreach program needs items donated to make them available to needy people in our area. Clothing - all sizes Shoes Socks Shampoo Soap
Tooth brushes Toothpaste Underclothes ĂďLJ ŝĂƉĞƌƐ and other items
Stamps & Cards School Supplies Back Packs Clothes Hangers ĂƐŚ ĚŽŶĂƟŽŶ
The people who get the items will be screened and records will be kept to assure the program is used in the right way.
Please pray for the Outreach program. /Ĩ LJŽƵΖĚ ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ǀŽůƵŶƚĞĞƌ͕ ƉůĞĂƐĞ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ ƚŚĞ KƵƚƌĞĂĐŚ ůĞĂĚĞƌ͘ tĞ ŶĞĞĚ ƚŽ ŚĂǀĞ Ă ƉŽƐŝƟǀĞ ĂƫƚƵĚĞ ĂďŽƵƚ ƚŚĞ ƉƌŽŐƌĂŵ ĨŽƌ ŝƚ ƚŽ ǁŽƌŬ͘ Let God lead us in everything we do.
Now forming classes for abused women dŽ ĚŽŶĂƚĞ Žƌ ĨŽƌ ŵŽƌĞ ŝŶĨŽƌŵĂƟŽŶ͕ ĐŽŶƚĂĐƚ &ĂLJĞ ĂŶŝĞůƐ͕ Outreach Leader at 865-590-7192 or 865-308-9283.
28 The Roane Reader
SENIOR CITIZENS of CUMBERLAND COUNTY are taking a trip to beautiful Alaska and your invited! The Happy Heart Travelers of the 127 South Senior Center in Crossville, Tn. Have a trip planned to Alaska & The Yukon July 8th thru July 19th, 2015. This is a fully escorted motor coach tour open to anyone regardless of age. We will be flying from Knoxville to Anchorage, Alaska. We will be sightseeing in Anchorage, Dawson City, Fairbanks, Whitehorse, Tok, Valdez Seward and Denali National park. Some of the scenic highlights will be Columbia Glacier in Prince William Sound, Wrangell-St. Elias National Park & Preserve, Denali National Park, Matanuska Valley, scenic Tahneta wildlife refuge Kluane National Park, Trail of 1898, Five Finger Rapids, and Top of the World Highway. We will also take a day cruise on Prince William Sound, travel by train from Fairbanks to Denali National Park, staying 2 nights in Denali. We will visit the Trans-Alaska pipeline, take a stern wheeler riverboat for a leisurely cruise on the Chena and Tanana rivers. In addition we will visit the Alaska sea life center in Seward, the Iditarod Visitor Center. Breakfast is included every day. The cost of the trip is $3483. Which includes the trip, airfare, all admissions and hotels. This is a wonderful trip which I'm sure you will thoroughly enjoy. For further information or reservation call Jan Neitzke at (931) 788-3667.
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February 2015
Don’t We All
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times." "I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought. He didn't. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty car," he said. He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard kept more than his face warm. I said, "thanks," and continued wiping off my car. He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true to the inner voice. "Do you need any help?" I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me. "Don't we all?" he said. I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun. Don't we all? I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for the bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you thought a torn world can see. Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves. Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, that said, "go minister to that man cleaning the car, That man needs help." "Don 't we all?"
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WED. BIBLE STUDY 7:00 PM
SUNDAY SCHOOL 10:00 AM
SUNDAY SERVICE 11:00 AM
1607 Webster Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748
February 2015
9 Adorable Dog Breeds That No Longer Exist
1. Bullenbeisser This German bulldog was eventually bred into the Boxer. 2. Cordoba Fighting Dog Maybe these fighting dogs were bred to perfection? When it came time to mating, the males and females were more concerned with fighting each other than procreating. 3. Coton De Reunions Legend has it this breed survived a shipwreck in the Indian Ocean and swam to Madagascar, where they mated with the local dogs to create the Coton de Tulear breed 4. Braque Du Puy This French hunting dog was bred in the 18th century and is no longer in existence, although it does have many relatives in existence today. 5. Kuri This breed was brought to New Zealand from Polynesia in the 14th century. When the French explored the island in the 18th century, they wrote about how ugly and stubborn they were. Not surprisingly, the French felt no need to preserve them. 6. Paisley Terrier This breed was created to compete in dog shows. But when demand for them declined, the breed slowly vanished. 7. St. John's Water Dog Moderns retrievers descend from this breed, which slowly died out in the 20th century. 8. Talbot This breed was the precursor to the beagle, but died out in the 16th century. The breed was so beloved, it was featured on many family crests in the Middle Ages. 9. Russian Tracker This breed was used to guard livestock in the Caucasus Mountains. In the 1800s, the breed was introduced to Great Britain, and the golden retriever eventually descended from it.
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Pet’s Page
Why Cats Are Better Than Men
• A CAT always hits the litter box. • Better chance of training a CAT. • No matter what your CAT drags into your house, you don't have to pretend you like it. • You never have to spend time with your cat's mother. • If you ask enough times, a CAT may actually listen to you. • A CAT purrs when you serve him dinner. • You can de-claw a CAT...try to get a guy to clip his toe nails. • You don't have to worry about your CAT turning into a pig when you host a party. • A CAT knows you're the key to his happiness...a man thinks he is. If a CAT jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy him. ====================== "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's Cat in a Tree one other thing that separates us One night my cat escaped outside. When it failed to return the from animals. We aren't afraid of following morning, I found it clinging to a branch about 30 feet up vacuum cleaners." --Jeff Stilson in a big tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. “We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I Happy Birthday persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.” Feb. 27th “How do you know that?” I asked. “Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.
Kay Edmonds
29 The Roane Reader
Spend Valentine’s Day With Your Dog As Valentine’s Day approaches you could be thinking a couple of things. Maybe you’re contentedly daydreaming about perforated paper bunny cards, too-hot cinnamon hearts and the various secret admirers you are sure to have doting on you this year. Or perhaps you are thinking, “Ugh.” You’re not alone. So here are the top ten reasons why a dog makes a better date this Valentine’s Day: 1.Dogs don’t talk. I could elaborate, but I think we can all agree this is a good thing. 2.If you worry your dog will destroy your lovely home four seconds after you step out the door, you can put him in a crate. The authorities frown upon this when it comes to dates. 3.Dog slobber is cute. Date slobber is very not cute. Ever. 4.You don’t have to share your dessert with a dog (and probably shouldn’t). This is great because dessert is the best part about Valentine’s Day and all that stuff conveniently makes dogs sick. So you get your tempting torte all to yourself. Perfect! 5.For the not-so-romantic folks out there, a dog won’t look hopefully, then desperately, and finally disdainfully into your eyes when the evening doesn’t end in a helicopter ride to Paris and a romantic marriage proposal. Won’t happen. Prolonged eye contact totally freaks dogs out. 6.When a dog follows you around it’s cute. Am I right? Pretty much nothing is better than being adored by a dog. If a date follows you around … we call that little phenomenon stalking. 7.Dogs don’t care if you are “presentable” or not. You don’t have to buy expensive shoes to hang out with your dog. You don’t even have to shower. Just head out on a couple of hikes, toss a ball around, dole out a healthy belly rub and you’re golden! No makeup, no ironing, no Spanx required. Amen. 8.You will never have to dream up a way to gently/firmly/sneakily “get rid” of a dog. Because you’d never want to get rid of a dog! Dogs are fun, and funny, and goofy, and handily clean food right off the kitchen floor for you when you drop it. Dates seem to think that kind of thing is below them. Lame. 9.Pup snuggles are the best. Okay, snuggles from a human can be pretty darn good too, but when Fido nuzzles into the nape of your neck and huffs a grumbly sigh, you’ll stay in that exact same position for ages so you don’t disrupt the little mutt’s comfort. 10.Did I mention dogs don’t talk?
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February 2015
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February 2015
Business Directory
www.roanereader.com/businesslistings Name A & C Cleaners Anytime Fitness Attic Fanatics Marketplace
Address 1000 Ladd Landing Kingston, Tn 37763 1226 S Roane St, Harriman, Tennessee 37748 103 First St. Kingston, Tn 37763
B & M Wrecker Service
1348 Gateway Rockwood, Tn 37854
Big Emory Church Benchmark Church Bobs Burgers Carriage Hill Insurance Christmas Lumber Co. Clayton Homes (Athens) Cochran's Tax and Bookkeeping Coldwell Banker Glenda Johnson Credit Central Eagle Mart Eddies Body Shop Ellis Surplus & Salvage Fraker Funeral Home Grasscutters
1607 Webster Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748 961 E. Tri-County Blvd. Oliver Springs, Tn 37840 3209 Roane St. Highway Harriman, Tn 37748 101 Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 2104 S. Congress Parkway 230 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 410 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, Tn 37763 705 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 909 Georgia St Harriman, Tn 37748 514 Emory St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1238 S. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1445 Kingston Hwy, Kingston, Tn 37763 160 Country Club Dr. Rockwood, TN, 37854
Guinnbilt Portable Buildings
Harriman Area
Harriman Home Center Harriman Jewelry Hester's Body Shop Hugh Russell Motors, LLC Huxford Automotive Hwy 29-A Motors Inc Jamestowne Assisted Living Jerrys Used Furniture Joes Mowing Johnny Appleseed Junior's Restaurant KARM Stores Kims Laundry Service Kingston Express Lube Kingston Parks & Recreation Kittrell's Kitchen KTB Taxes Logs to Lumber Machine Quilting Mary Kay - Sherry Tipton Memory Lane Antiquates Mid-East Community Action Agency Midtown Florist & Gifts Mostoller, Stulberg, Whitfield & Allen Law Firm (Social Security Disability) Patti Savage Designs Princess Theatre Radio 580-AM Realty Executives Brenda Chapman Renos Sporting Goods Roane County Trustee Roane Reader Roane Skating Center
707 Old Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 509 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 210 Franklin St. Kingston, Tn 37763 1007 Ruritan Rd. Harriman, Tn 37763 211 N Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1403 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748 851 Lawnville Rd Kingston, Tn 37763 2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748 3081 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748 214 W. Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 1496 N. Gateway Ave Rockwood, Tn 37854 Harriman Area 306 Kentucky St., Kingston, Tn 37763 www.kingstonparks.com 1190 Gallaher Rd. Kingston, Tn 37763 111 South 3rd St. Kingston, Tn 37763 150 Columbus Dr. Lenoir City, Tn 37771 Kingston Area
(865) 354-2802
136 S. Illinois Ave., Suite 104 Oak Ridge, Tn 37830
(865) 482-4466
715 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, TN 37763 421 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 319 West Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854
(865) 882-4633 (865) 250-6718
3232 Tazewell Pike Knoxville, Tn 37918
(865) 688-3232
430 N. Roane St Harriman, Tn 37748 P.O. Box 296 Kingston, Tn 37763 501 Evergreen St. Harriman, Tn 37748 1230 N. Gateway Ave. Rockwood, Tn 37854
(865) 882-2450
615 River Road Kingston, Tn 37763 601 S. Chamberlain Ave. Rockwood, Tn 37854 103 First St. Kingston, Tn 37763 521 N. Front St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 Harriman Area
Seal Coat Specialist
Harriman Area
Senator Ken Yager Sextons Automotive Group Shelton Financial Protection Shepherd Plumbing Southeast Auto Sales Spotted Spaniel Tellico Propane The Original Chimney Sweep Co. Traughber Insurance & Financial Svcs, Inc. U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary Victorian Square Assisted Living
6 Legislative Plaza Nashville,Tn 37243 269 S. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 166 Marney Cove Rd. Kingston,Tn 37763 Roane County Area 104 Thomas Dr. Harriman, Tn 37748 235 Jackson Square Oak Ridge, Tn 37830 1375 Monterey Road Loudon, TN 37774
Your Time Clock & Watch Repair
(865) 882-5300 (865) 285-1390 (865) 882-2362 (423) 745-4752 (865) 882-8556 (865) 376-2121 (ext.102) (865) 591-6900 (865) 882-1324 (865) 882-6265 (865) 882-6474 (865) 387-3572 (865) 717-7727 (865) 250-3656 (865) 882-5309 (865) 804-4400 (865) 882-3931 (865) 882-4000 (865) 376-1949 (865) 882-1165 (865) 882-3007 (865) 882-6462 (865) 376-3030 (865) 882-3603 (865) 223-3090
507 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 P.O. Box 790 Kingston, Tn 37763 2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748
Rockwood Village Apartments Rosemary's Florist S.L. Bowman & Sons Scott McCluen Attorney at Law
Walnut Hill Outreach Program
www.princessharriman.org
Phone (865) 376-4589 (865) 590-7429 (865) 376-4484 (865) 354-9957 (865) 354-9290
(865) 809-8993 (865) 717-8288 (865) 376-1356 (865) 376-3060 (865) 376-0122 (865) 986-4264 (865) 882-9070 (865) 622-1213 (865) 230-9944 (865) 376-2308 (865) 882-3603
Robert James & Associates
31 The Roane Reader
(865) 882-9340 (865) 354-2107 (865) 376-4925 (800) 530-5700 (865) 354-3945 (865) 376-4484 (865) 354-0600 (865) 388-0017 (864) 640-1654 (865) 223-3976 (615) 741-1449 (865) 882-2416 (865) 376-0321 (865) 354-8518 (865) 882-0110 (865) 483-0961 (865) 408-9050 (865) 203-8184
420 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748
(865) 882-1900
1220 Bowman Bend Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748 241 S. Chamberlain Avenue Rockwood, Tn 37854
(865) 376-4822 (865) 354-1133 (865) 590-7192 (865) 308-9283 (865) 466-5805
Upcoming Events February 2nd, 2015 - 7:30pm FREE ADMISSION
SHADES OF BLUE
The Princess Theatre Foundation and RSCC’s Arts and Lecture Committee present
The U.S. Air Force Band of Mid-America
Shades of Blue Jazz Ensemble
Tickets must be obtained in order to assure seating. Tickets are available at Rocky Top General Store and Harriman Jewelry. Tickets at box office prior to event depending on availability.
February 7th, 2015 - 7:00pm Tickets: $75
Benefiting CASA of the ninth Judicial District (Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children)
CASA Winter Blast w/ The Sock Hops
--- Grand Prize All Expense Paid Vacation ----- Food Served 5:00pm - 6:30pm ---
(Roaming Feast Catered by Ruby Tuesday & Roane Street Grill)
Call 865-717-4186 or Email info@casaninth.org for Tickets and Information Want to have your event at the gorgeous, historical Princess Theatre? For booking, please contact: Megan Anderson Phone: 865-882-4633 Email: Andersonmm1@roanestate.edu
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