river barefeetonthebalustrade

i waited for you for months i looked at your form and fell enamoured i pointed my fat toes delicately/to slip through the lips of the window; my lids slammed on grit when i realized the frame had closed, plastic sills sliding past my skinned cartilage // next time, i hummed. next time // i twirled in my dress made from patches of grass made of patches of passed, endless fluttering and bloating and rippling and turning and smiling and tiptoes, raised arms, elbows fall and sparkly things discordant jingle and slammed stopped into an airless wind; i see you again. sliding open. ~ I peek close, my thumbs stroking the glass to find it faked moss, I don’t recognize you at all. ~ i lift my bare calf to climb in anyway then ‘member we’re supposed to dress for the occasion. ~ i press my face my thumbs against the double panes and scan the closet. what boring clothes are this? why was i excited for your shopping racks to spin round again? i can’t wear my prom dress, these torn boots, this starched long stocking braids to marble krystal camouflage tessellation. | if i try to step through this window will i trip on the tasteful attire and what's the use of blood in everyones’ steps? but when i lean my head dejectedly against the turf | i see a sequin peak ‘round the jackets, with feathers and beads and plastic cat ears tucked feral, springs twitching. ~ this, i remember. this is the dance i came for. ~ beaded my mothers brooch the christmas book on the shelf the passage in the world encyclopedia wooden strands tucked behind my ear the bears we slid down the stairs evening curtain drawers, I swirl my skirt my fathers watch the tiller in the yard the strains of buddy holly in the night fishing line filling out my hair the trees I couldn’t climb wee hour folders, I practice my tie bushes trimmed till roots will die for rocking chairs and counters flowers plucked for potpourri deserts dry stems to sliced paper roots and leaves make wicker baskets time and you make me showers come, we reappear you and time make me