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Music and Lyrics by
Spencer Arias in collaboration with
Bryan Hayslett, Megan Ihnen,
Aaron Jay Myers, Amy Petrongelli, Chris Sies, Alan eisen,
Jocelyn Zelasko, and Ni Zoulek
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Oceans of Time a Collaborative Indie Pop Album
Music and Lyrics by
Spencer Arias
in collaboration with
Bryan Hayslett, Megan Ihnen, Aaron Jay Myers, Amy Petrongelli, Chris Sies, Alan eisen, Jocelyn Zelasko, and Ni Zoulek
I. Mazes………………………………………………………………………………………………..1
II. Oceans of Time…………………………………………………………………………………..9
III. Real Change Comes…………………………………………………………………………..15
IV. One I Need……………………………………………………………………………………….19
V. Kien Snuggles…………………………………………………………………………………35
VI. Changing Time………………………………………………………………………………….49
VII. Rising Tide……………………………………………………………………………………….55
VIII. I will keep you waiting………………………………………………………………………57
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IX. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting………………………………………………………79
X. Him/em………………………………………………………………………………………111
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About the Album
Oceans of Time is a 50' album at the intersection of a song cycle and an indie-pop album with ambient music spread throughout. Beyond the genre study of each track, including influences from classical, pop, jazz, funk, indie pop, avant-pop, metal, prog-rock, and ambient music, the project's goal was to bring together artists spread throughout the country to explore making music in a hyp er-collaborative format. At every stage of project development, including personnel, sourcing the text, notation, workshopping, and recording, performers were given a lot of agency. eir artistry was at the center of building the project. e project was also a personal exploration of artistic practices, including singing, making demos, and developing a notational style to make space for and support th e performer's agency.
Oceans of Time explores queer expression, love, and discovery. e development occurred during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, which altered the methods of collaboration. Much of the active composition process occurred during immense isolation due to the separation from my partner, who moved abroad. is album explores navigating uncharted waters of dealing with communicati on through digital and non-digital platforms.
Two essential questions this album asks are the following:
1.How different individuals experienced time during the past year and a half
2.How other individuals navigated time during the past year and a half
My goal was to find common ground with each person through a year-long pen pal relationship using postcards. ese postcards represent an analog representation of communication instead of the instant gratification of modern digital technology. is sense of latency (albeit days or weeks) is parallel to the .1 second latency of zoom and other digital communication methods.
e phrase "oceans of time" comes from experiences I went through during the past year and a half, when my partner moved to Gothenburg, Sweden, across an ocean and six time zones. All the tracks relate to this experience while still relating to the postcards each person sent me. What I found during the creation is that as alone as I sometimes felt, I felt a lile less alone by having eight people going through similar things. I see the final track as a compilation of the previous nine of what I learned about myself during the past year: that love is complex and can distort a sense of ti me; that relationships have many different formats; that my connection to the gender binary is less secure than I realized; that the way that I want to collaborate is in person, where we can have a back and forth and that the collaborative relationship is also complex. Ultimately, navigating these spaces is not easy, and it distorts reality and was taxing on my mental health.
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Statement on This Document
The following document is not a representation of a score but a representation of the process. Much of the contents are a shared common language. What you see on a specific piece might have been changed during the recording process or by the performer in a moment. These adaptations are not mistakes but represent how this collaborative process has worked. Throughout this document, you will see performance notes. I use one specific statement to express the agency I have provided my collaborators “overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation.” I use language such as “make this piece yours. Feel free to experiment with anything.”
In some cases, such as in the titular piece oceans of time, the score was the language I used to communicate, but the final score is not the written score but the audio recording provided. This document is not the music and is not the written score. The audio recordings provided are the primary representation of the music. Statements are unedited and are a snapshot of my communication style and would not be presented outside of this document or to these collaborators. Aside from tracks 4-6 and 8, these pieces are designed very specifically for the specific performer and would not necessarily be for anyone else.
Acknowledgments
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I wrote Oceans of Time during a monumental time in my life, and there are many people I must thank for their contributions to this project. To all of my collaborators, Amy Petrongelli, Megan Ihnen, Alan Theisen, Jocelyn Fekel Zelasko, Bryan Hayslett, Chris Sies, Nick Zoulek, and Aaron Jay Myers: this project would not be possible without your care and respect for my vision. This piece is as much yours as it is mine. Also, to the Khemia Ensemble, especially Eli Lara, Shane Jones, Chelsea Tinsler Jones, and particularly Annie Jeng, for stepping in to cover piano, for I Will Keep You Waiting on the recorded album. To Eric Dluzniewski, the attention to detail and advice on several recording techniques was beneficial beyond all of the background work you did. Thank you to Josh DeVries for making this score look as impressive as possible and for your friendship during the past few years. To the chair of my committee, David Biedenbender, thank you so very much for your mentorship, care, and respect and for being the best teacher I have ever had. You push me yet cheer me on; you challenge me yet accept me. I model my teaching after you and hope to have you in my life forever. Also, thank you to the rest of my committee, Alexis Bacon, Cara Stroud, and Marcie Ray; your mentorship over the last few years led me to believe that this project could have value. Without your cheerleading this project would not have happened. Thank you to Lyn Goeringer for being the person to be my real introduction to electronic music and convince me of my work as Queer; I am a much happier person because of you. Thank you to Timothy McAllister, Roshanne Etezady, and Jody Rockmaker for the impact you had on me during the earliest days of my composition career and for taking a chance on me even if there were better-qualified people. Thank you to Liz Ames and Dan Puccio for being the two people who got me through my undergraduate degree that made this dissertation possible. Thank you to Alex Shapiro, Jennifer Jolley, and Dennis Tobenski for being my professional musician confidants (and great friends). Thank you to Evan Snyder, Chris Kaminski, Brice Smith, and Evan Zegiel for being some of my closest friends and confidants over the past few years. To the ENTIRE music community, I do this because you have accepted me more than anyone did before I joined this community. Thank you, my parents, Merlin and Abbe Arias, for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you to Tim Joyce; ever since I met you, I have lived my life unapologetically queer and joyful for the happier things in life. Finally, thank you to Devon McAslan. After 12 years, you are my rock, my joy, and despite the past year changing the nature of things, you are my best friend, and I have a deep love for you. I want you part of my life forever, wherever the Oceans of Time take the two of us.
1. Mazes
for voice, alto saxophone, and electronics
for Megan Ihnen and Alan eisen
Lyrics by Spencer Arias
Background Info
Mazes is an avant-pop duo wrien for Megan Ihnen and Alan eisen. I wrote the words in response to a picture of a maze Alan sent me during the pandemic while we were exchanging postcards. is piece was my response to the anticipation of what would become an international long-distan ce relationship. Wrien over July-August 2021, when this big transition was happening, I wanted to express the dread I was feeling. We had done long-distance before, but this one felt like it could be forever. At the same time, we had had a nasty fight before this all happened as we were entering what we hoped would be a summer of love. Masks were allowed off and social distancing measures loosened. I ha d made new friends and wanted to spend time with them. at created a strain on our relationship, which was already hurting due to this impending distance. "My life without you" questions, will I be happy with you? Will I be happy without you? How will I navigate this maze of emotions? e oceans of time signify the literal oceans between us and the haze that time during the 2020-22 pandemic felt. Time did not go forward like a straight arrow but acted like an ocean that bobbed up and down le and right. It was not a circle but a mass. Musically I was thinking primarily of Björk, as well as some of Megan and Alan's other music, particularly their song Oil Island composed by Andrew M. Rodriguez.
Instructions for Megan and Alan
Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yo urs. While I do not use prescribed rhythmic notation, you should feel free to use my demo as a reference. Small noteheads are optional vocal riffs but are also suggestions from what I did in my demo. Feel free to experiment with them. Time markers are +/- 1-2 seconds and are mostly there as reference points. Alan's lines should follow Megan's as close as possible. In some places, boxes should indicate a delay effect. I will try using actual delay effects or you can imitate the delay effects. Aleatoric boxes do not necessarily mean repeat ad nauseam; instead, they oen imply improvisation. e pitches provided are a starting place, but feel free to adjust as desired and consult with me if you are unsure. Again, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Due to the electronics, I cannot transpose your part, but if for some reason something does not work with your voice, we can play with individual pitches! I will add the processing in post.
Lyrics
Time, is like a maze
Is a phase
Come through the haze
Is making me lazy And driving me crazy
Navigating time without you
e oceans of time
Are filled with life
My life without you
Is like a maze
Its’s just a phase
Help me through the haze
So I don’t go crazy
Navigating time
e oceans of time
My life without you
Mazes
It’s kind of mazy
A driving me crazy
Navigating time without you
e oceans of time
Are filled with life
My life without you
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cathartic and gentle in a pop voice with a sense of hesitancy
Megan Voice
Alan Alto Saxophone
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oscillate between pitches inserting ornaments repeating as necessary
trail off in wonder, add ornamentation
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2. Oceans of Time
for voice, alto saxophone, bass saxophone, and electronics
for Nick Zoulek
Background Info
Oceans of Time is a full texture ambient track wrien for Nick Zoulek’s multi-tracked voice, alto saxophone, bass saxophone, with electronics. For the titular track on the album, I wanted to contrast the opening track Mazes by being descriptive of what the Oceans of Time feels like to me. It’s messy, hazy, and even a lile lazy. If Mazes is a literary description through text and song, Oceans of Time is an aural description. It uses no words but is always present.
e score for this piece should act as a reference for various gestures and interactions. is was material given to Nick Zoulek as a starting point; through post-processing, it became a fixed media piece resulting in the sound world on the recording. is same approach could be used for future performances or a full improvis ation is warranted.
Instructions for Nick
Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yours. Feel free to experiment with anything. Time markers are +/- 1 second and are mostly there as reference points. Aleatoric boxes do not necessarily mean repeat ad nauseam, instead oen imply some type of improvisation, but that can include repeating things. e pitches provided are a sta rting place, but feel free to adjust as desired and consult with me if you are not sure. Again, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Due to the electronics, this cannot be transposed, but if for some reason something doesn’t work, we can play with your part to make it work! All effects will be added in post-production! Chords followed by feathered beams are meant to imply pitch material and r hythm. If no instructions are indicated (page 9), use the full register of the instrument. If a register is listed, use the wrien register (page 11).
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2. Oceans of Time
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3. Real Change Comes
for solo voice and electronics
for Amy Petrongelli
Background Info
Real Change Comes was wrien for Amy Petrongelli in response to the first postcard I received from the exchange of postcards. It comes from a Ruth Bader Ginsburg quote during her Senate Confirmation Hearing (Carmon and Knizhnik 2015). e music uses influences from eer singer and rapper Frank Ocean. His visual album Endless has this floating sense of things happening while a minimal, almost mundane sense of nothing is occurring on screen. It also uses influences from Bon Iver and S.Carey, specifically S.Carey's EP Hoyas. e music should reflect that while real change does eventually happen, it is rarely through bombastic pain but careful and thoughtful steps.
Instructions for Amy
Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yours. While I do not use prescribed rhythmic notation, you should feel free to use my demo as a reference. Feel free to experiment with this. Time markers are +/- 1-2 seconds and are mostly there as reference points. I will try using actual delay effects, or you can imitate the delay effects. e pitches provided are a starting place, but feel free to adjust as desired and consult with me if you are unsure. Again, the score is the beginning of a conversation. I will add the processing in post.
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Carmon, Irin, and Knizhnik, Shana. 2015. “Stereotypes of a Lady Misunderstood” in Notorius RBG, 60. HarperCollins Publishing
Lyrics
“Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg
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4. One I Need
for voice, alto saxophone, drum set, and electronics
for Megan Ihnen, Alan eisen, and Chris Sies
Lyrics by Spencer Arias
Background Info
One I Need was wrien for Megan Ihnen and Alan eisen, with the addition of Chris Sies on the drum set, as a contrast to the other track, Mazes. Where Mazes explores the haze of discovery, One I Need "knows" what it is, what it wants, and wants you to know it. In my long-distance relationship, there came a time when I just knew what was working and what was not. I missed him, but I knew that he was my best friend and I could not imagine my life without him. rough the guise of dance-pop, with some neo-disco and funk, I primarily listened to Lady Gaga, Dua Lipa, James Brown, ABBA (my partner is in Sweden aer all), as well as songs by Swedish songwrite r Max Martin such as "…Baby One More Time," "Teenage Dream" and "Blank Spaces."
Instructions for Megan and Alan
Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yours. Feel free to experiment with anything, including rhythms, pitches, and tempo. Alan, imagine yourself as the lead guitarist here. Megan, feel free to add any inflections desired, but where I see Mazes as your track, I see One I Need as Alans. Chris will be adding drums aer your recording, and he will be mostly improvising pop drum grooves throughout.
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Lyrics
Come together be my love
You are the one I need But you are not where I need But you are still who I need But you can’t be where I need
But you are still what I need You fill me with ecstasy But you are still what I need You fill me with ecstasy
I wish for your sweet release From hopeless commissary But when you are Here with me you make me your sweet release
but I know that you are my person it is our time come together be my lover
One I need
But you are still not with me But you are still what I need But you are still not with me You give me your
Sweet relief
You fill me with ecstasy I wish for your love Wait for me now
One I need
But you are not where I need But you are still here
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Sweet release From hopeless commissary But I know that you are my person
one who I I need need
one who I I need need but but you you
are can’t not be
Alan A. Sax.
Elec.
Chris Dr.
Chris Dr.
Megan
Elec. Chris
Elec.
Chris
A. Sax.
Elec.
Chris Dr.
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for Juxtatonal (Jocelyn Zelasko and Bryan Haysle)
Lyrics by Jocelyn Fekel Zelasko and Spencer Arias
Background Info
Kien Snuggles was wrien for Juxtatonal, comprised of Jocelyn Fekel Zelasko and Bryan Haysle. During the “year of postcards,” Jocelyn sent me one that included the line, "Why are the things that propel me out of bed the same things that put me back into bed." In the same postcard, she included the words "Kien Snuggles," "Cherry Pie," and "Nose in a Book." What I read was someone who was experiencing something very similar to me. During the first pandemic year, I literally could not get up and do things some days. I don't have a cat, but I do have a boyfriend. "Kien snuggles" are the excuses we use to hide our depression. I do this through falli ng into despair, partly through comedy, but also through intense, nearly operatic moments. is piece is the most "classical" track of the album, but I ask Jocelyn and Bryan not to take this so seriously. Yes, it is about depression, but also it is about cats and the need to be held by something that loves you. During the pandemic, we could not be near the things we love. It's the only track on here ab out the pandemic. It is a theme and variations that explains that sometimes we go through the same day, different shit.
Instructions for Jocelyn and Bryan
e score is the beginning of a conversation. If the text is under Bryan's part, he should sing. Sometimes it's sing and play, and other times it is not. is explores Jocelyn's entire range, and I imagine that the high E♭ you wrote in your range chart as possible might not always work as I am still learning how your voice works. I would love to workshop this if at all possible! I am open-minded on pitches throughout and even rhythms. is is also, for the most part, the most straightforward piece on the album, so if you also can knock it out of the park, great, but I did write it in a way that we can figure some stuff out together.
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Lyrics
Kien Snuggles
Firmly planting my nose in a book
Kien snuggles
Cherry pie with my nose in a book
Why is the thing that propels me out of bed in the morning are also the things that make me want to go back to bed
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Joyful = 68
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kittensnugleskittensnugglesbunnysnugglesall
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becausebecausekittensnugglesaremyfavoritetypeofsnuggles
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Lyrics by Spencer Arias
Background Info
Changing Time was wrien for Amy Petrongelli. While working with Amy, the common thread among all her postcards was the change of the seasons. is concept of time and separation is a common theme throughout the whole album, but in early November, something happened to me that made me reflect on what was happ ening to me while composing these pieces. Changing Time refers to the change from daylight savings time to Standard Time, which impacts places with different practices. For instance, I grew up in Arizona, not observing DST. Because of this, it can be challenging to keep track of what time it is to talk to my family. In early November, I discovered that Sweden, where my partner had moved in August, had a similar system, but it happened about a week earlier. We had already been struggling to maintain a daily talk schedule, but we were rarely able to talk for that week because of the changing time from 6-hours to 7, which made scheduling a nightmare. I was also really starting to feel anxious about our separation. is separation echoed some of the postcards Amy had sent me about her missing her family. When we experience time in different ways, it can be disorienting. is fractured time reminded me of renaissance polyphony and the reliance on antiphony in church pews. In this music, one part of a choir will sing. Natural reverb in churches then alters the time when it reaches the other half of the ensemble. is piece uses this concept with various tempi to emulate and even exaggerate, but with temp i that are not that far off.
Instructions for Amy
Changing Time is an imitative contrapuntal work. I want you to record four separate parts. Voice 1 should be recorded first, with Voice 2 entering halfway through m.14 and Voice 3 at the end of m.2 on Voice 2 (m.23 on score). Voice 4 should then start at the beginning of the recording (when voice 1 starts). You may choose to loop your recording or sing e ach repetition live. Any ornamentation can be added to each voice part but consider how adding impacts imitation. Voice 4 is a starting point for this type of singing and can be performed as wrien or entirely improvised. Use a click for the individual part to get precise tempos.
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e provided dynamics are just starting points. Feel free to shape to fit your desired shape so that the imitations are music al together. As entrances are not entirely specific, careful listening to each layered recording requires mindful listening. Shapes and swells can be coordinated or independent.
You may use any key that is comfortable and most natural for you. I may add processing such as Autotune and vocoders to create a specific sonic spectrum, but I will wait until I have your recording in hand to make that decisio n.
Alternate Version:
•Use the Opening page as a starting point.
•Pick 3+ different tempos.
•Make slight variations on each imitation.
You may have any number of voices and act as a soloist for the final voice.
Lyrics
Changing time
Something new for the first time I could be there with you And not alone Here alone And not where you are Times are changing
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Voice 1: repeat 6 times
Gentler, Molto Rubato = 58
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timetimechangingtimetimetimechang
7. Rising Tide for percussion and electronics
for Chris Sies
Background Info
Rising Tide was wrien in collaboration with Chris Sies. During our exchange of post-cards almost all of Chris’s words were one of positivity due to an exciting new change in his life of him heading back to school for a Doctorate in Percussion Performance. Chris is one of my most supportive friends and to see so much good news coming from his side of our exchanges brought me so much go od energy. I was listening to a ton of music, and when I first asked Chris to be on this project, I was expecting him to do something with Noise, as in February 2020 I had the fortune to see him perform live in Detroit, MI. During the pandemic year, Chris and our friend Jay Bee started a cool series called Cartridge Music where they would curate sound art, noise music, and other mostly electronic music while playing classic 8-16bit console video games. is was incredibly influential on my work and this piece. Much of my work explore improvisation, and while there are elements of that throughout the whole album, this is one where Chris is given full agency. Chris’d positivity and support in my life, had to be represented in this album. Friendship and good times are equally if not more important to celebrate as art about bad, frustrating, or harmful times. e electronics were influenced by Keith Fullerton Whitman’s 2002 album Playthroughs.
Instructions for Chris
We will meet in person and figure this out, but I’m legit thinking you improv, we pick timbres together with this backing track acting like the score?
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8. I Will Keep You Waiting for voice, cello, percussion, and piano for Amy Petrongelli, Bryan Haysle, and Chris Sies, with additional thanks to the Khemia Ensemble Lyrics by Spencer Arias and Amy Petrongelli
Background Info
I Will Keep You Waiting was wrien for Amy Petrongelli, with the addition of Bryan Haysle and Chris Sies plus Annie Jeng on Piano. Additional thanks to the Khemia Ensemble for workshopping the piece, which included Amy and Annie. Also, further thanks to Amy Petrongelli for writing multiple postcards to me in 2020 about missing Michigan weather at all times of the year. She missed going for walks in the woods and town during the summer as it was too hot in Texas to do so. She missed going for walks in the fall when the trees changed colors. She missed the snow and fantastic winte r weather. ese postcards paralleled my experience the following year when my partner of 12 years moved to Gothenburg, Sweden, in August 2021. Every month I would get a different text telling me about the weather and how much he was enjoying living in Gothenburg. I helped him move in August, and we spent three weeks walking through the beautiful city of Gothenburg, where during the summer, the average d ay lasts over 16 hours, as opposed to the winter, where the day lasts only 6 hours. During the following months, my partner seemed to thrive in Sweden.
In ways, that made me feel insecure because in the 12 years I have known him, he has never been one with many friends and had always been a homebody. I always equated it to his introversion, but in Sweden, it felt like he was out about two to three tim es a week with all of these people, sometimes even staying out till the wee hours of the morning. Fast forward to November 2021, and I will take my second trip to Gothenburg. My jetlag was bad. I never really shook it because I would be up until 4:00 and not wake up until 10:00 or 11:00. e sun would go down by 14:00. I tried waking up earlier, but it just never got easier. I met all these new friends who come from all over the world, and they were just beautiful people, and it made me think to myself – why is he thriving so much in this cold and dark city. As I sat there and wrote this, I thought, please live your life. Be happy. Don’t sit at home just because I am not there. Relationships can be tricky like that, so while there is a sense of insecurity here, it is filled with joy for the happines s of people you love, even when it hurts—also Taylor Swi.
Instructions for Amy
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Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yours. Feel free to experiment with anything, including rhythms, pitches, and tempo.
Note: Due to COVID-19, this track will be presented through the Khemia reading done in January 2022 for the initial submission. Excerpts of the new version will be included at the defense date (pending COVID). e most significant difference between this score and the recording is that the piece has been transposed down a minor third which happened aer close discussions with Amy. is transposition caused certain parts in the cello to be shied in different places where I was using open strings versus harmonics.
Lyrics
I know that I can’t see slow time And I’m watching waiting for you
Lets walk through the town together and wait for time to speed up and wait for me waiting for you
Take a walk somewhere prey Where the sky shines brightly I don’t want you waiting
Waiting here, For you, Waiting there for me Watching you Waiting for you
I don’t need you now,
Lets walk through the town together and wait for time to speed up and wait for me waiting for you
Take a walk somewhere prey Where the fall leaves change yellow I will keep you waiting
Lets walk through the town together and wait for time to speed up and wait for me waiting for you
Take a walk in the winter Where the snow covered trees are ours I am there waiting I am with you waiting
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for Amy Petrongelli, Bryan Haysle, and Chris Sies, with additional thanks to the Khemia Ensemble
8. I Will Keep You Waiting for voice, cello, percussion, and piano
Chris Dr.
Annie Piano
Chris Dr.
Annie Piano
Voice Bryan Vc. Chris Dr.
Piano
Chris
Annie Piano
Chris Dr.
Annie Piano
Chris Dr.
Annie Piano
Dr.
Annie Piano
Chris Dr. Annie Piano
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9. I'm So Sorry for Keeping You Waiting for voice, lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bass guitar, and drum set
for Aaron Jay Myers
Lyrics by Spencer Arias and Aaron Jay Myers
Background Info
I’m Sorry for Keeping you Waiting was wrien for Aaron Jay Myers playing guitars, bass, and vocals with additional help from Chris Sies on the drum set. I grew up primarily listening to pop-punk, skapunk, and '70s and 80's rock. roughout my 10 years of music school, this interest waned due to the expectation that these styles of music are not as refined as contemporary and classical music. For quite a while, I bought into that narrative. e initial goal of this album was to make music in many of the styles of music that I love, so when I first asked Aaron to join this project, I came in with a mission to explore aspects of this music that I wanted to reconnect with. My close friendship with tubist, guitarist, and bassist Evan Zegiel sparked this when he reminded me that we could b e classical musicians and rock musicians. Both statements have unnecessary qualifiers. We are all musicians, and these labels are divisive categorizers that do nothing but make us hate each other. Earlier in the project, I went through a brief obsession with Taylor Swi's work, and I started to think about how much negativity Taylor Swi gets from people. Some people are the biggest "Swiies," and othe rs sometimes seem to hate her work, saying it's too commercial, too poppy, not country enough, by a woman or too so. People have musical tastes, which is entirely acceptable, but I do not like people trash-talking artists, especially non-male artists.
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is conversation on gender brings me back to Aaron. During the post-card phase of collaboration, he used the phrase "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting" or "late" or anything that he could say to apologize for not returning post-cards so quickly. (He was WAY too hard on himself, it was a pandemic, and he did beer than most). Something seemed to click that this track and the previous one could be related. More so, there was this irony that of all the people on the project, Aaron was the most apologetic for existing even though he was playing the musi c that is oen most related to masculinity. at humility and deep care for people is seen by many as weak when related to masculinity. A man continuously apologizing for going through the shared Covid experience reminded me that while women and nonbinary people feel the unnecessary need to apologize for taking up space, there are still men who share this trait.
When I first approached Aaron, I had ex pected to move much more towards the punk side of the genre, as it was the music that I was closest to, but through discussions and listening list exchanges with him, I experienced a wide swath of music in many styles. e one group that genuinely made me excited was the band Exivious, a Jazz/Prog-metal band from Norway which I listened to at the recommendation of Aaron. Other recommendations included Man or Astro-Man?, a sci-fi surf rock band, which I had never heard of before, which made me think of how wide-reaching someone's tastes
Background Info (cont.)
band, which I had never heard of before, which made me think of how wide-reaching someone's tastes can be even within one genre. Finally, Aaron included many examples of his work, so I wanted to find a way to take his voice and fit within this larger context. is track aims to show that musical tastes, gender, sexuality, and the right to exist do not need to relate directly – that music has value, that all genders have value, that gay people deserve the right to live, and that straight white men (as I occasionally believe) are not the enemy. e enemy is intolerance and selfishness.
Instructions for Aaron
Overall, the score is the beginning of a conversation. Make this piece yours. Feel free to experiment with anything including rhythms, pitches, and tempo. If for some reason something doesn’t work fingering -wise, I am open to your suggestions, and I am less concerned with super-specific pitch material if it’s a quick fix. Screaming and indeterminant singing are wrien on single lines. I wanted to leave this open. I considered adding contour but decided I loved what you did with your voice on your album and wanted to play with that. Let’s chat about it! e other singing stays prey mild, but let me know if any of that is a problem. As far as guitar timbre and effects, I was thinking perhaps we could Zoom in about that as well. I was thinking closer to the timbre in the movement track on Exivious’s liminal album. e push and pull between the distorted versus the not. It could also be closer to what I did in my quick mock-up.
For Chris, the drums were designed in conversation. All drums are flexible in ad ding as desired. Feel free to also just fill as desired.
Lyrics
I’m Sorry that I kept you waiting But I can’t tell you why I’m sorry
Wait Please
Wait for me
I’m sorry you’re waiting at I kept you waiting for me
I’m Sorry for keeping you waiting
Stop Time
Why does time seem inconsistent to everyone important in my life
Why does time to everyone unimportant not seem so important We all have our shit too
But I can’t tell you why I’m sorry
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron Voice
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr
Chris Dr.
Aaron
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron B. Gtr
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr Chris Dr.
improvise, extremely noisy metal
improvise, extremely noisy metal
Aaron
Chris
improvise, extremely noisy metal
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron B. Gtr
improvise, extremely noisy metal
Chris Dr.
emerge out of previous section with this motive
Aaron Voice
Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr
Dr.
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr
Aaron Voice
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron B. Gtr
Chris Dr.
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr
Chris
Aaron Voice
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
Aaron B. Gtr
Chris Dr.
Aaron Voice
Aaron Lead Gtr.
Aaron Rhythm Gtr.
-because weallhaveourshit
PERUSALSCORE
Aaron B. Gtr
Chris Dr.
from a scream to sung unspecified pitch
PERUSALSCORE
for vocalist, improvised drum set, and electronics
Lyrics by Spencer Arias
Background Info
Him/em was the biggest surprise for me while writing this album. It was not part of the initial plan, nor was the text sourced from the postcard/pen-pal relationship. During my trip to Sweden in November/December 2021, I wrote I Will Keep You Waiting, and I'm Sorry For Keeping You Waiting. ese tracks served the purpose of helping me accept the struggle of my long-distance situation with my partner. During those three weeks, I started to question the nature of my relationship. We had been together almost 12 years and had done long distances for seven years. During that time, we had explored alternative relationship styles, but during those three weeks, I realized more than ever that what I was mis sing was my best friend – the person I have devoted more than a third of my life to at this point. I was navigating this long-distance situation an ocean and six time zones away.
e words "I want him here, I want them there, I need you now, and they'll show me how" were wrien on public transit coming from my partner's apartment on Möldalsvägen to head towards a karaoke bar called Sing Sing. I was ch aing with composer Mahew Rickes, trying to convince me to sing Britney Spears at said Karaoke Bar. e construction of the lyrics from these artists certainly got in my head somewhat, yet the original music I was hearing in my head, which I would compose entirely on this 45-minute train ride, I would sing as an Apple Voice Memo. e primary melodic material was maintained when I finally finished this s ong, yet I significantly altered the structure and melody. e primary difference was the style. I initially saw this as much closer to the Britney Spears I was listening to, but when I finished the whole album, I decided I wanted something to tie the entire album together.
PERUSALSCORE
What did I learn from this experience? What did I learn from all my collaborators and the people with whom I have created this intima te relationship? People I have trusted to see my vision. I reflected on what I learned from this trip to Sweden and in the previous 12 years with my partner. I knew the following: relationships come in all shapes and sizes, you can say what your needs and expectations are, but as soon as you include more people outside of just yourself, it gets more complex. is person is my best friend, whom I do not get to sleep next to most of the time. I learned that I crave closeness with another person and that my long-term partner cannot currently provide me with that need. is need led me to realize that I am a polyamorous person – that I have more love to offer and need to be loved, and that the heteronormative concept of monogamy does not fit me or my situation. e use of the plural they reflects this identi ty. At the same time, I started to question my relationship with the gender binary. is acceptance was hard. em refers to my now use of He/ey pronouns. I want to be with him, but I need to be here. ey refers to the two men back in the States who have become very close to me in the past two years. ese relationships remind me very much of my relationship with my partner - people who mean a lot to me . Perhaps this is friendship, but these friends are much closer than any friend I've ever had.
e use of eight collaborators signifies that I can have closeness with more than one person and that sometimes even when things get messy, I still care for my collaborators. I learned that I need to be with people in person, despite my habit of building relationships with people spread out all over the
Background Info (cont.)
people in person, despite my habit of building relationships with people spread out all over the country. I told myself that I wanted a close-connected collaboration when working on this album, and it happened, but not always in the way I anticipated.
My collaborators were essential contributors. eir personal needs and the distance made this much more challenging than anticipa ted. is track includes samples or lyrics/melody from every other piece to show that just because we could not be in the same space did not mean that we didn't build a bond that will be there forever. is track is a culmination of the entire project, what I learned, and what I hope to continue learning. It also features me singing, which is a big step for me. e physicality of this is inherently queer and represents my artistic coming out as non-binary.
Performance Instructions
I wrote this specifically for me. While I imagine this could be performed in the future by other singers, I would need to recreate aspects of the score to more closely reflect how I would want this performed. e music you see is a transcription of what I created and is not a score.
Lyrics
I want you here I want him there I need you now
you are the one I need, But he’ll show me how to navigate me through the oceans of time
And I’ll promise you I won’t keep you waiting I’m sorry I kept you waiting
I want to come together Cause I want him here and show you how it works And I need them there In the Oceans of time
In the oceans of time
I want him here And I need them there And I need you now And they’ll show me how And the oceans of time
But now you are alone And the oceans of time
And I want you there And I need him here And I want them there
Hey, names are mine e real change comes rough the mazes And the oceans of time
PERUSALSCORE
Cause you are the one I need To navigate me through the oceans of time And I promise you I wont keep you waiting I’m sorry I kept you waiting
Cause I want him here and I need them there