Metra Issue 984 - DEC 2024

Issue # 984

December 2024 inside:

1979

A round Town Out Flashing & Much MORE !

2024 2024 LGBTQ

Michigan Northern Ohio's NightLife Entertainment Resource

WEEKLY EVENTS

Join us for our daily happy hour from open ‘til 9PM! WWW.THEHALODETROIT.COM 8070 GREENFIELD RD, DETROIT, MI 2 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

3 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

4 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

Issue #984 December 2024 Published by Metra Magazine LLC 122 E Nine Mile Road Ferndale, MI 48220 O: (248)543-3500 E: Info@Metramagazine.com Published monthly (est. 1979) Co-Owner & Chief Editor: Frankie Wingle Co-Owner & Story Editor: Charlie Frontera

Operations Manager: Justin Bettcher Contributing Writers: Davey Shadow Dr. Joe Kort Keegan Michelson Tiki Coach Art Layout/Design: Frankie Wingle Additional Photography: RaeD8 Photography Frankie Wingle Josh Mandujano Derek Queen Midwest/Local Sales: Jay Davis 248-543-3500 Sales@Metramagazine.com National Advertising: Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 Distributors: UPS

Cover & Content Photos by: Tony Lowe

Models: Golden O’Hara - Polo Jezebel Lucas Edwards special thanks to 215 West/SOHO for hosting this cover shoot.

Make sure your like, follow & interact with the talent's social media above (Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/OnlyFans)

What's Inside?

The METRAverse Hook Up Story Out Flashing & More!!

Publication of the name of photograph of any person or organization in articles in METRA Magazine is not to be construed as an indication of the sexual organization of such person or organization. All copy text, display photos and illustrations in advertising are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper consents (written, verbal, e-mail, etc..) forthe use of names, pictures or testimonials of any living person(s) and METRA Magazine may lawfully publish and cause such publication to be made and advertiser automatically agrees to by submitting said ad and to indemnify and save blameless the publisher from any and all liability loss and expense of any nature of such publication. Nothing appearing in METRA Magazine may be reprinted either wholly or in part without written permission/e-mail from the publishers. Writings in Publication do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and opinions of leadership of the publication.

6 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

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Your Workout Glute Activation - We all want a nice round ass right, but getting a nice round butt isn't always easy. One of the ways to grow those gorgeous glutes of yours is learning how to activate them or physically turn them on while you're working. Next time you are doing a banging booty growing glute workout, imagine you are trying to crack a walnut between your cheeks. Yea, pause for a moment and squeeze those cheeks like

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the rent is due. That type of immediate tension wil help activate your major glute muscles and you wil be able to recruit all those muscles which wil help them grow nice and strong. So next time your gym crush is turning you on, make sure you turn on those glutes ,when you are doing those glute thrusters in the corner, and get your jingle bells rocked this holiday season.

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12 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

ur For non-heteronormati Your Your v e orkout Workout Workout

Glute Activation - We all want a nice round ass right, but getting a nice round butt isn't always easy. One of the ways to grow those gorgeous glutes of yours is learning how to activate them or physically turn them on while you're working. Next time you are doing a banging booty growing glute workout, d Glute Glute ass Activation Activation right, - -We Weall allwant wantaabut nice niceround roundass assright, right,but but imagine you are trying to crack a walnut between your One getting gettingaanice niceof round roundbutt the buttisn't isn'talways always ways easy. easy.One Oneofofthe the to ways waystoto cheeks.

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Next ng time time you glute you are are doing doing a a banging banging workout, booty booty growing growing glute glute workout, workout, activate your major glute muscles and you will be able to etween imagine imagine you are are trying trying your totocrack crack aawalnut walnut between between yourand recruit allyou those muscles which will help them grow your nice ze cheeks. cheeks. those Yea, Yea, pause pause for for acheeks amoment moment and and squeeze those those like cheeks cheeks like like strong.

So next time your gym crush issqueeze turning you on, make ion the therent rentiswill isdue. due.That Thattype type help ofofimmediate immediatetension tensionwill willhelp help sure you your turn on those glutes ,whenand youyou arewill doing glute will activate activate your be major major able glute glute muscles muscles and to you will be bethose able ableto to thrusters in the corner, and get your jingle bells rocked this m recruit recruit grow all allthose thosemuscles musclesnice which whichwill willhelp help and them themgrow grownice niceand and ng strong. strong.So you So next nexttime timeyour your on, gym gymcrush crush make isisturning turningyou youon, on,make make holiday season. doing sure sureyou youturn turnon onthose those those glutes glutes,when ,when you glute are aredoing doingthose thoseglute glute -Coachyou

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#1#1 PRESCRIBED PRESCRIBED

HIVHIV TREATMENT* TREATMENT* *Source: *Source: IQVIA IQVIA NPANPA Weekly Weekly, Weekly Weekly, , 04/19/2019 , 04/19/2019 through through 05/19/2023.

05/19/2023.

People People featured featured taketake BIKTARVY BIKTARVY andand are are compensated compensated

by Gilead.

by Gilead.

THERE THEREIS IS

MORE MORETO TOLOVE LOVE. .

BIKTARVY® is is approved forfor more people BIKTARVY® approved more people than ever before. than ever before.

Ask Ask your your healthcare healthcare provider provider if BIKTARVY if BIKTARVY is right is right forfor you. you.

BIKTARVY is aiscomplete, 1-pill, once-a-day BIKTARVY a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to to treat HIV-1 in in prescription medicine used treat HIV-1 certain adults.

BIKTARVY does not cure certain adults.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or or AIDS. HIV-1 AIDS.

*This *This information information is anisestimate an estimate derived derived from from the the useuse of information of information under under license license from from the the following following IQVIA IQVIA information information service: service: IQVIA IQVIA NPANPA Weekly, Weekly, for for the the period period week week ending ending 04/19/2019 04/19/2019 through through week week ending ending 05/19/2023.

05/19/2023.

IQVIA IQVIA expressly expressly reserves reserves all all rights, rights, including including rights rights of copying, of copying, distribution, distribution, andand republication. republication.

20 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

Scan Scan to to learn learn more more about about BIKTARVY. BIKTARVY.

IMPORTANT IMPORTANT FACTS FACTS FOR FOR BIKTARVY® BIKTARVY®

This This is only is only a brief a brief summary summary of important of important information information about about BIKTARVY® BIKTARVY® andand does does notnot replace replace talking talking to your to your healthcare healthcare provider provider about about your your condition condition andand your your treatment. treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee) (bik-TAR-vee)

` Changes ` Changes in your in your immune immune system. system.

Your Your immune immune system system may may getget stronger stronger and and begin begin to to fight fight infections infections that that may may BIKTARVY BIKTARVY may may cause cause serious serious side side have have been been hidden hidden in your in your body. body.

TellTell effects, effects, including: including: your your healthcare healthcare provider provider if you if you have have anyany new new symptoms symptoms after after you you start start ` Worsening ` Worsening of hepatitis of hepatitis B (HBV) B (HBV) taking BIKTARVY. BIKTARVY. infection. infection.

Your Your healthcare healthcare provider provider willwill taking test test you you forfor HBV. HBV. If you If you have have both both HIV-1 HIV-1 ` Kidney ` Kidney problems, problems, including including kidney kidney and and HBV, HBV, your your HBV HBV may may suddenly suddenly getget failure. failure.

Your Your healthcare healthcare provider provider worse worse if you if you stop stop taking taking BIKTARVY. BIKTARVY. should should dodo blood blood and and urine urine tests tests to to DoDo notnot stop stop taking taking BIKTARVY BIKTARVY without without check check your your kidneys. kidneys.

If you If you develop develop new new first first talking talking to your to your healthcare healthcare provider, provider, or or worse worse kidney kidney problems, problems, they they may may as as they they willwill need need to check to check your your health health telltell you you to to stop stop taking taking BIKTARVY. BIKTARVY. regularly regularly forfor several several months, months, and and may may ` Too ` Too much much lactic lactic acid acid in your in your blood blood give give you you HBV HBV medicine. medicine. (lactic (lactic acidosis), acidosis), which which is aisserious a serious butbut rare rare medical medical emergency emergency that that cancan lead lead ABOUT ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY to death. to death.

TellTell your your healthcare healthcare provider provider right right away away if you if you getget these these symptoms: symptoms: BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is aiscomplete, a complete, 1-pill, 1-pill, weakness weakness or being or being more more tired tired than than usual, usual, once-a-day once-a-day prescription prescription medicine medicine unusual unusual muscle muscle pain, pain, being being short short of of used used to to treat treat HIV-1 HIV-1 in adults in adults and and children children breath breath or fast or fast breathing, breathing, stomach stomach pain pain who who weigh weigh at least at least 5555 pounds. pounds.

It can It can with with nausea nausea and and vomiting, vomiting, cold cold or blue or blue either either bebe used used in people in people who who have have never never hands hands and and feet, feet, feelfeel dizzy dizzy or lightheaded, or lightheaded, taken taken HIV-1 HIV-1 medicines medicines before, before, or or people people or a orfast a fast or abnormal or abnormal heartbeat. heartbeat. who who areare replacing replacing their their current current HIV-1 HIV-1 ` Severe ` Severe liver liver problems, problems, which which in rare in rare medicines medicines and and whose whose healthcare healthcare cases cases cancan lead lead to death. to death.

TellTell your your provider provider determines determines they they meet meet healthcare healthcare provider provider right right away away if you if you certain certain requirements. requirements. getget these these symptoms: symptoms: skin skin or or thethe white white BIKTARVY BIKTARVY does does notnot cure cure HIV-1 HIV-1 or or AIDS. AIDS. part part of your of your eyes eyes turns turns yellow, yellow, dark dark HIV-1 HIV-1 is the is the virus virus that that causes causes AIDS. AIDS. “tea-colored” “tea-colored” urine, urine, light-colored light-colored stools, loss loss of appetite of appetite forfor several several days days DoDo NOT NOT take take BIKTARVY BIKTARVY if you if you also also take take a a stools, or or longer, longer, nausea, nausea, or or stomach-area stomach-area pain. pain. medicine medicine that that contains: contains: ` The ` The most most common common side side effects effects of of ` dofetilide ` dofetilide BIKTARVY BIKTARVY in clinical in clinical studies studies were were ` rifampin ` rifampin diarrhea diarrhea (6%), (6%), nausea nausea (6%), (6%), and and headache headache (5%).

(5%). ` any ` any other other medicines medicines to treat to treat HIV-1 HIV-1 MOST MOST IMPORTANT IMPORTANT INFORMATION INFORMATION ABOUT ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE POSSIBLE SIDE SIDE EFFECTS EFFECTS OFOF BIKTARVY BIKTARVY BIKTARVY BIKTARVY may may cause cause serious serious side side effects, effects, including: including:

These These areare notnot all all thethe possible possible side side effects effects of BIKTARVY. of BIKTARVY. TellTell your your healthcare healthcare provider provider right right away away if you if you have have anyany new new symptoms symptoms while while taking taking BIKTARVY. BIKTARVY.

You You areare encouraged encouraged to report to report negative negative ` Those ` Those in the in the “Most “Most Important Important Information Information side side effects effects of prescription of prescription drugs drugs to the to the About About BIKTARVY” BIKTARVY” section. section.

FDA. FDA. Visit Visit www.FDA.gov/medwatch www.FDA.gov/medwatch or or callcall 1-800-FDA-1088.

1-800-FDA-1088.

Continued Continued on next on next page. page.

Continued Continued on next on next page. page.

Please Please seesee Important Important Facts Facts about about BIKTARVY, BIKTARVY, including including important important warnings, warnings, continued continued onon thethe next next page page and and at at BIKTARVY.com.

BIKTARVY.com.

21 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

People featured take BIKTARVY and are compensated by Gilead.

REAL STORIES R E A L VO I C E S

ELIAS

CHAD

NIKKI

D’EVA

THERON

DIMITRI

ZACH

HUGO

PHIL

Meet a few of the extraordinary people who take BIKTARVY.

Watch their stories at BIKTARVY.com

IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY® (cont’d) Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY. BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you: ` Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection. ` Have any other health problems. ` Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY. ` Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Talk to your healthcare provider about the risks of breastfeeding during treatment with BIKTARVY.

supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist. ` BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other. Ask your healthcare provider and pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all your other medicines.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

GET MORE INFORMATION ` This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:

` Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5.

` Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal

` If you need help paying for your medicine, visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

Please see Important Facts, including important warnings, above and at BIKTARVY.com.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, and KEEP BEING YOU are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. © 2024 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. US-BVYC-0517 06/24

22Metra Metra Magazine, Issue #980 22 Magazine, Issue #984

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Affirmations Spotlight

How long have you been with Affirmations?

I have been with Affirmations since August of this year, 2024.

What is Affirmations to you?

To me, Affirmations is a supportive community with a diversity of personalities and backgrounds, and a great place to connect with likeminded people in a clean and safe environment.

When you’re not working, what do you do for fun?

When I’m not working, I enjoy performing music at festivals, clubs and weddings. As the Music Director for the Detroit Retro Society, I have fun celebrating Michigan-made music with some of the finest players in Detroit.

Steven Kendzorski Health & Human Services Intern

What’s something you want everyone to know about Affirmations?

Affirmations offers a wide variety of services, such as Therapy (individual and group), Youth Programs, Care Coordination, and hosts many discussion and support groups weekly. Check out the website (goaffirmations.org) if you haven’t already!

In your opinion, what’s the funniest word in the English language?

Ubiquitous. It’s fun to say, and it seems to pop up everywhere.

27 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

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YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THE TERM “LIMERENCE” IN SOCIAL MEDIA OR FROM FRIENDS. LIKE MUCH OF THERAPEUTIC TERMINOLOGY, IT HAS SEEPED INTO REGULAR CONVERSATIONS AS POP PSYCHOLOGY, FREQUENTLY ALTERED IN ITS ORIGINAL MEANING, OR EVEN BEING PATHOLOGIZED AS IF IT IS SOMETHING WITH WHICH WE NEED TO BE CONCERNED. I, FOR ONE, AM NOT CONVINCED. I HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT BEING CAUTIOUS WITH LIMERENCE BECAUSE IT COULD ATTACH YOU TO THE WRONG PERSON, BUT THE WAY SOME ARE TALKING ABOUT IT ONLINE GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I’VE EVER LEARNED OR KNOWN ABOUT THIS. LIMERENCE, THE EXPERIENCE OF A VERY POWERFUL ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE, HAS A PURPOSE. IT IS THERE TO HELP US BOND WITH ANOTHER PERSON—TWO INCOMPATIBLE PEOPLE, TYPICALLY MAKING US SEE ONLY THE THINGS WE HAVE IN COMMON. THINK OF IT AS NATURE’S WAY TO FIND SOMEONE WITH WHOM WE CAN PAIR, WHETHER FOR THE PURPOSE OF CREATING CHILDREN OR BUILDING A LIFE TOGETHER. IT IS NOT YET WHAT WE WOULD CALL “LOVE,” BUT IS A NATURAL PRECURSOR TO LOVE. IT MIGHT BE CALLED NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY. IT FLOODS US WITH DOPAMINE AND OTHER FEEL-GOOD BODILY CHEMISTRY SUCH AS BETA-PHENYLETHYLAMINE AND OXYTOCIN. OF COURSE, BOOKS AND MOVIES HAVE FOREVER OVERVALUED LIMERENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS. FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE BEEN ON THE PLANET, WE HAVE SPOKEN OF “FALLING IN LOVE,” IMPLYING A LOSS OF CONTROL, AN ECSTATIC TUMBLE INTO LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THAT PERSON. WELL, IN REALITY IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. ONCE THE HIGH BEGINS TO FADE, WE ARE THEN FACED WITH THE REAL TASK OF SEEING ALL THE ASPECTS OF THE OTHER PERSON, NOT SIMPLY THE ROMANTIC IDEALIZATIONS WE HAVE FELT. ALSO, QUITE OFTEN, LIMERENCE CAN BE ONE-SIDED. THIS STEMS FROM OUR DESIRE TO BE DESIRED. FOR MOST PEOPLE, AS THE FEELING FADES WE ARE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE MAY HAVE OVERESTIMATED THE OTHER’S FEELINGS FOR US. THERE MAY BE AN ACCOMPANYING SADNESS AND HEARTBREAK, BUT THESE ARE NOT REASONS TO DEMONIZE OR PATHOLOGIZE LIMERENCE. IN FACT, THIS MAY PRECISELY BE WHAT WE NEED TO BEGIN TO EXAMINE OURSELVES MORE DEEPLY—WHAT IT IS ABOUT US, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT WE’RE TRYING TO RE-ENACT FROM OUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, OR WHAT WE FEEL IS LACKING IN OUR OWN PERSONALITY THAT WE’VE PROJECTED ONTO THE OTHER. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM OF LIMERENCE IF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS. MANAGING LIMERENCE VERY LIMITED RESEARCH HAS BEEN DONE ON THIS SUBJECT. IN TOO MANY CASES, I BELIEVE, LIMERENCE HAS BECOME CONFLATED, ESPECIALLY IN POP PSYCHOLOGY, WITH PATHOLOGICAL PHENOMENA SUCH AS OBSESSIVE/COMPULSIVE DISORDER. EVERYONE CAN BE A LITTLE OCD OR PRESENT SOME ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS, BUT THE EXPERIENCE OF LIMERENCE DOESN’T REQUIRE MEDICAL INTERVENTION, WHEREAS SERIOUS OCD AND ADDICTION OFTEN DO. AGAIN, LIMERENCE CAN BE A ONE-SIDED THING. IT CAN BOND YOU TO THE WRONG PERSON, BUT UNREQUITED LOVE, ESPECIALLY IF IT IS A RECURRING THING, SHOULD LEAD ONE TO WONDER WHY ONE IS DRAWN TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T LOVE YOU BACK. FOR INSTANCE, EARLY ON I FOUND ONE OF MY PATTERNS WAS TO BE ATTRACTED TO NARCISSISTS, WHICH NEVER ENDED WELL. THIS IS WHERE THERAPY TRULY HELPED ME TO DISCOVER THE UNDISCOVERED PARTS OF MYSELF, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH NARCISSISTS IN MY OWN FAMILY, AND EVENTUALLY LED ME TO A SOLID AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND OF 32 YEARS. IMPORTANTLY, THERAPY ALSO CAN DISCOURAGE YOU FROM MAKING BIG LIFE DECISIONS BEFORE THE LIMERENCE DIMINISHES. IN SUMMARY, I AGREE WITH A COLLEAGUE WHO WROTE THIS TO ME, “I BELIEVE THE KEY TO FREEING ONESELF FROM [THE TORMENT OF LIMERENCE] IS TO TURN TOWARDS GENUINE AND DEEP CONNECTION WITH A LOVING PARTNER WHO RECIPROCATES. IN MY OPINION, LIMERENCE CAN SERVE A PROTECTIVE PURPOSE IN THAT IT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING FULLY PRESENT TO AN ATTACHMENT OBJECT WHO MIGHT RECIPROCATE, WHICH INVOLVES INCREDIBLE VULNERABILITY WITH GREAT RISK OF LOSS. WITH LIMERENCE, THERE ARE HUGE DOPAMINE HITS, VERY LOW LOWS, BUT NOT THE KIND OF VULNERABILITY AND RISK INVOLVED IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP.” JOE KORT, PH.D., LMSW

YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THE TERM “LIMERENCE” IN SOCIAL MEDIA OR FROM FRIENDS. LIKE MUCH OF THERAPEUTIC TERMINOLOGY, IT HAS SEEPED INTO REGULAR CONVERSATIONS AS POP PSYCHOLOGY, FREQUENTLY ALTERED IN ITS ORIGINAL MEANING, OR EVEN BEING PATHOLOGIZED AS IF IT IS SOMETHING WITH WHICH WE NEED TO BE CONCERNED. I, FOR ONE, AM NOT CONVINCED. I HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT BEING CAUTIOUS WITH LIMERENCE BECAUSE IT COULD ATTACH YOU TO THE WRONG PERSON, BUT THE WAY SOME ARE TALKING ABOUT IT ONLINE GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I’VE EVER LEARNED OR KNOWN ABOUT THIS. LIMERENCE, THE EXPERIENCE OF A VERY POWERFUL ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE, HAS A PURPOSE. IT IS THERE TO HELP US BOND WITH ANOTHER PERSON—TWO INCOMPATIBLE PEOPLE, TYPICALLY MAKING US SEE ONLY THE THINGS WE HAVE IN COMMON. THINK OF IT AS NATURE’S WAY TO FIND SOMEONE WITH WHOM WE CAN PAIR, WHETHER FOR THE PURPOSE OF CREATING CHILDREN OR BUILDING A LIFE TOGETHER. IT IS NOT YET WHAT WE WOULD CALL “LOVE,” BUT IS A NATURAL PRECURSOR TO LOVE. IT MIGHT BE CALLED NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY. IT FLOODS US WITH DOPAMINE AND OTHER FEEL-GOOD BODILY CHEMISTRY SUCH AS BETA-PHENYLETHYLAMINE AND OXYTOCIN. OF COURSE, BOOKS AND MOVIES HAVE FOREVER OVERVALUED LIMERENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS. FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE BEEN ON THE PLANET, WE HAVE SPOKEN OF “FALLING IN LOVE,” IMPLYING A LOSS OF CONTROL, AN ECSTATIC TUMBLE INTO LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THAT PERSON. WELL, IN REALITY IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. ONCE THE HIGH BEGINS TO FADE, WE ARE THEN FACED WITH THE REAL TASK OF SEEING ALL THE ASPECTS OF THE OTHER PERSON, NOT SIMPLY THE ASSECT CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST & SUPERVISOR OF SEX THERAPY

29 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

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30 Magazine, Issue #984 14 Metra Metra Magazine, Issue #983

MOST PEOPLE, AS THE FEELING FADES WE ARE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE MAY HAVE OVERESTIMATED THE OTHER’S FEELINGS FOR US. THERE MAY BE AN ACCOMPANYING SADNESS AND HEARTBREAK, BUT THESE ARE NOT REASONS TO DEMONIZE OR PATHOLOGIZE LIMERENCE. IN FACT, THIS MAY PRECISELY BE WHAT WE NEED TO BEGIN TO EXAMINE OURSELVES MORE DEEPLY—WHAT IT IS ABOUT US, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT WE’RE TRYING TO RE-ENACT FROM OUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, OR WHAT WE FEEL IS LACKING IN OUR OWN PERSONALITY THAT WE’VE PROJECTED ONTO THE OTHER. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM OF LIMERENCE IF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS. MANAGING LIMERENCE YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THE TERM “LIMERENCE” IN SOCIAL MEDIA OR FROM FRIENDS. LIKE MUCH OF THERAPEUTIC TERMINOLOGY, IT HAS SEEPED IVERY NTO REGULAR CONVERSATIHASONSBEENAS DONE POP PSYCHOLOGY, FREQUENTLY ALTEREDCASES,IN ITISBELIORIEGVE,INALLIMMEANI G PATHOLOGIESPECI ZED ASALLYIF ITINIS LIMITED RESEARCH ON THIS SUBJECT. IN TOO MANY ERENCENG,HASOR EVEN BECOMEBEINCONFLATED, SOMETHI NG WITH WHIWITCH PATHOLOGI WE NEED TOCALBE PHENOMENA CONCERNED.SUCH I, FORASONE,OBSESSI AM NOTVE/COMPULSI CONVINCED.VE DISORDER. EVERYONE CAN BE A LITTLE OCD OR PRESENT POP PSYCHOLOGY, I HAVEADDISPOKENCTIVEABOUT WITHELINCEMERENCE BECAUSEDOESN’ IT COULDT REQUIATTACH WRONGON,PERSON, SOME BEHAVIBEIORS,NG BUTCAUTITHEOUSEXPERI OF LIMERENCE RE MEDIYOUCALTOINTHETERVENTI WHEREASBUTSERITHEOWAYUS OCDSOMEANDARE TALKICNTIGOABOUT ADDI N OFTENIT ONLI DO. NE GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I’VE EVER LEARNED OR KNOWN ABOUT THIS. LIMERENCE, THE EXPERIENCE OF A VERY POWERFUL ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE, HAS A PURPOSE. IT IS THERE TO HELP US BOND WITH ANOTHER PERSON—TWO INCOMPATI PEOPLE,DEDTYPITHICNALLYG. ITMAKICANNBOND G US SEEYOUONLYTO THETHEWRONG THINGSPERSON, WE HAVEBUTIN COMMON. NK OFESPECI IT AS NATURE’ AGAIN, LIMERENCE CAN BEBLEA ONE-SI UNREQUITEDTHILOVE, ALLY IF ISTWAYIS A TO FIND OF CREATI NG CHIWHOLDRENDON’ORTBUILOVELDINYOUG A BACK. LIFE TOGETHER. IT IS NOTEARLYYETONWHATI FOUNDWE SOMEONE G, SHOULDWE CANLEADPAIONER, WHETHER TO WONDERFORWHYTHE ONEPURPOSE IS DRAWN TO PEOPLE FOR INSTANCE, RECURRINGWITHITHNWHOM “LOVE,” BUTWASISTOA NATURAL PRECURSOR BE CALLED P ENERGY. ONEWOULDOF MYCALLPATTERNS BE ATTRACTED TO NARCITOSLOVE. SISTS,ITWHIMIGCHTH NEVER ENDEDNEWWELL.RELATITHIOS NSHI IS WHERE THERAPYIT FLOODS TRULY USHELPEDWITHMEDOPAMI TO NE OTHERTHEFEEL-GOOD BODILYPARTS CHEMIOFSTRYMYSELF, SUCH MYAS BETA-PHENYLETHYLAMI DIANDSCOVER UNDISCOVERED RELATIONSHIP WITH NARCINE ANDSSISOXYTOCI TS IN MY NOWN. FAMILY, AND EVENTUALLY LED ME TO A SOLID LONG ASYOUWE FROM HAVE BEEN FOREVEROFOVERVALUED MERENCE INTHERAPY RELATIOALSO NSHIPCANS. FORDISASCOURAGE ANDOF COURSE, FULFILLINBOOKS G MARRIANDAGEMOVIWITEHSMYHAVEHUSBAND 32 YEARS. IMLIPORTANTLY, MAKINONG BITHEG LIPLANET, FE WE HAVESSPOKEN OF “FALLITHE NLIGMIERENCE N LOVE,”DIIMPLYIINISHES.NG A LOSS OF CONTROL, AN ECSTATIC TUMBLE INTO LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THAT PERSON. DECI IONS BEFORE WELL, IN REALIITAGREE Y IT DOESN’ LIKE THAT.WHO WROTE THIS TO ME, “I BELIEVE THE KEY TO FREEING ONESELF FROM [THE TORMENT OF LIMERENCE] IN SUMMARY, WITHTAWORK COLLEAGUE GH BEGINGENUI S TO FADE, THEN FACEDONWIWITTHHTHEA LOVIREALNGTASKPARTNER OF SEEIWHONG RECIALL THEPROCATES. ASPECTSINOFMYTHEOPIOTHER PLY THEA IONCE S TO TURNTHE HITOWARDS NE ANDWEDEEPARE CONNECTI NION, LIPERSON, MERENCENOTCANSIMSERVE ROMANTICVEIDPURPOSE EALIZATIOINNSTHATWE HAVE MERENCETOCANANBEATTACHMENT ONE-SIDED. THIOBJECT S STEMSWHOFROMMIGHTOURRECIDESIPROCATE, RE TO BEWHIDESICRHED. FOR PROTECTI IT KEEPSFELT.YOUALSO,FROMQUIBEITENOFTEN, G FULLYLIPRESENT NG FADESLITY WEWITAREH GREAT ABLE RITOSKUNDERSTAND MAY HAVETHEREOVERESTI FOR US.BUTTHERENOT IMOST NVOLVESPEOPLE,INCREDIAS THEBLE FEELI VULNERABI OF LOSS. WITTHATH LIMWEERENCE, ARE HUGEMATEDDOPAMITHENOTHER’ E HITS, SVERYFEELILOWNGSLOWS, MAY BE AN ACCOMPANYING SADNESS AND HEARTBREAK, BUT THESE ARE NOT REASONS TO DEMONIZE OR PATHOLOGIZE LIMERENCE. IN FACT, THIS

31 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

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VERY LIMITED RESEARCH HAS BEEN DONE ON THIS SUBJECT. IN TOO MANY CASES, I BELIEVE, LIMERENCE HAS BECOME CONFLATED, ESPECIALLY IN POP PSYCHOLOGY, WITH PATHOLOGICAL PHENOMENA SUCH AS OBSESSIVE/COMPULSIVE DISORDER. EVERYONE CAN BE A LITTLE OCD OR PRESENT SOMEBe ADDIitCaTIVpark, E BEHAVIORS,restroom, BUT THE EXPERIENCEorOF LIMERENCE DOESN’T REQUIRE MEDICAL INTERVENTION, WHEREAS SERIOUS OCD AND bathhouse, you use eye contact to figure out ADDIand CTIONbody OFTENready DO.language who’s for some fun. You can cruise anywhere, anytime, but some locations have a reputation as cruising hot spots. Guys will

AGAIN, LIMERENCE CAN BE A ONE-SIDED THING. IT CAN BOND YOU TO THE WRONG PERSON, BUT UNREQUITED LOVE, ESPECIALLY IF IT IS A RECURRING THING, SHOULD LEAD ONE TO WONDER WHY ONE IS DRAWN TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T LOVE YOU BACK. FOR INSTANCE, EARLY ON I FOUND ONE OF MY PATTERNS WAS TO BE ATTRACTED TO NARCISSISTS, WHICH NEVER ENDED WELL. THIS IS WHERE THERAPY TRULY HELPED ME TO DISCOVER THE UNDISCOVERED PARTS OF MYSELF, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH NARCISSISTS IN MY OWN FAMILY, AND EVENTUALLY LED ME TO A SOLID AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND OF 32 YEARS. IMPORTANTLY, THERAPY ALSO CAN DISCOURAGE YOU FROM MAKING BIG LIFE DECISIONS BEFORE THE LIMERENCE DIMINISHES. IN SUMMARY, I AGREE WITH A COLLEAGUE WHO WROTE THIS TO ME, “I BELIEVE THE KEY TO FREEING ONESELF FROM [THE TORMENT OF LIMERENCE] IS TO TURN TOWARDS GENUINE AND DEEP CONNECTION WITH A LOVING PARTNER WHO RECIPROCATES. IN MY OPINION, LIMERENCE CAN SERVE A PROTECTIVE PURPOSE IN THAT IT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING FULLY PRESENT TO AN ATTACHMENT OBJECT WHO MIGHT RECIPROCATE, WHICH New Days INVOLVES INCREDIBLE VULNERABILITY WITH GREAT RISK OF LOSS.Guys WITH LIMERENCE,Get THERE ARE 14 HUGE DOPAMI NE HITS, VERYFREE LOW LOWS, BUT NOT with Code: METRA2024 THE KIND OF VULNERABILITY AND RISK INVOLVED IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP.” JOE KORT, PH.D., LMSW

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-up fro from ok-up Hook m hellll Ho

SeasonsGreetings Greetingsis iswhat what we we say say in in my my home. Each Seasons Each year year we we decorate decorateto tothe thefullest fullestand andare are suretotohang hangthe thestockings. stockings. Never Never do do we we leave cookies sure cookies out out or or milk, milk, I’m I’mlactose. lactose.I’m I’mnot notkidding kidding aboutbeing beinglactose lactoseintolerant, intolerant, but but we we do do leave our milk about milk and and cookies! cookies!

Everyyear yearfor forthe thelast lastfew few years years or or so so that that I can remember Every remember at at least, least, roughly roughly66years yearsI’ve I’vebeen been Around the the holidays holidays II get get hired to be anexotic exoticdancer. dancer.Around be a a “Naughty “Naughty Santa” Santa”for forprivate privateevents. events. an You’dbe besurprised surprisedhow how it’s it’s grown grown in in the the buffer cities, You’d cities, people people eat eat itit up upand andme! me!With Withthat thatbeing being saidI Ikeep keepititvery veryprofessional… professional… Most Most of of the time. said canname nameonly onlyone onetime time I’ve I’ve ever ever partaken partaken in anything I Ican anything scandalous scandalous during duringthe theevents, events,now nowmy my privatelife, life,well wellthat’s that’sprivate private *wink*. *wink*. private recentlyhad hadan anevent eventand and II usually usually don’t don’t expect to much much or or the the places placesto tobe bethe thegreatest greatest- -This This I Irecently lastHoliday HolidaySeason SeasonI Ifelt felt as as ifif II was was on on along along for the ride last ride on on Santa’s Santa’s Sleigh Sleighand andwhen whenI Itell tellyou youit it wasaaride, ride,I Imean meanit. it.I Iget get ready ready for for the the event event and do my was my normal normal pre pre show showritual. ritual.Things Thingsdon't don't seemtotogo goright rightwhen whenII don’t don’t do do things things a a specific way seem way the the day day of. of. Some Somemay maysay saysuperstition, superstition,I I sayhigh-ish high-ishmaintenance. maintenance. II did did the the things, things, got to the event event and and itit was was one oneof ofthe thenicest nicestI’d I’dbad bad say beenbooked bookedat. at. been

Thenight nightwas wasamazing amazingwith with so so many many new new memories made.

The made. II made made quite quiteaabit bitin intips, tips,one onewhite white galhad hadme memotorboat motorboather her for for aa $100 $100 bill bill and say “I can gal can make make coal coal stuff stuffyou” you”aka akaCole Coleher her spouse,so sowild. wild.They Theyhad had hired hired other other themed themed entertainers entertainers and spouse, and there there were wereaacouple coupleelves elvesand and oneof ofthem themkept keptmaking making small small talk talk and and let’s just say at hadus usdo doaagroup groupphoto photo one at the the end end they they had andthe theone oneElf Elfsat saton onmy my lap. lap. Unfortunately, Unfortunately, for for me and me II “pitched “pitched aa tent” tent” and andyou youcould couldsee seeititonce once hestood stoodup. up.I’m I’mpretty prettysure sure he he was was excited, excited, though though II was he was embarsssed. embarsssed.I Iwasn’t wasn’tsure sureand andam amstill still notsure surewhat whathappened, happened, but but II may may have have to to relieve relieve myself not myself next next heat heat before beforegoing. going.

But,hey heyI Igot gotadditional additionaltips tips because because of of it. it.

But,

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36 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

YOU MA H VE ARD THE RM “LI ER NC ” I SOC AL MEDI OR F M RIENDS. L KE MUCH OF T ERAP UTIC ERM NOL GY, IT HAS E P D INTO REGULA CONVERSATION S PO YCHOL GY, FREQU NTLY A ER D IN TS ORIG NAL ME ING, OR EV N B I G PATHOL GIZED AS F IT 37 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

38 Metra Magazine, Issue #984

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