CELEBRATING A MEANINGFUL LIFE OF A MOTHER

IN MEMORIAM

JEANNE MARIE SETIATI (THE HONG SIAN)

25 DEC 1928 – 17 JUN 2021

My mother was born in a small village Grabag in Central Java, Indonesia, on December 25, 1928, during the Dutch colonial period, a historic year of the awakening for an independent nation among young Indonesians. She is the youngest child, the ninth, among four brothers and four sisters.

Picture 1 – The Kong Liang family photo in Grabag (1941)

On the earliest photo of her that I have, she sat at the left end of the middle row. Her father and mother (The Kong Liang and Theng Gwat Nio) sat at the center table. The photo was taken in September 1941 at her family house in Grabag, just before the Japanese occupation (1942-1945). 1

1 I wrote the story about her father and grandfather (The Hwan Poo) in “The Life of the First and Second Generation of a Chinese Immigrant Family in Central Java, Indonesia (Mid-19th Century to Mid-20th Century), published in the special issue “Social History of Colonial Cities in the Netherlands Indies: Europeans, Eurasians, and Boemipoetera” of the journal of the Southeast Asian Studies, Vol. 35, No 1, June 1997, pp 55-76. The pdf copy is accessible here: https://www.academia.edu/28215623/The_Life_of_the_First_and_Second_Generations_of_a_Chinese_Immigrant _Family_in_Central_Java_Indonesia_Mid_19th_Century_to_Mid_20th_Century_

The period between the end of the Pacific War in 1945 until 1949 was a difficult one. She and her family were forced to abandon the village on the battlefront between the Dutch army and Indonesian guerillas, escaped to a smaller village up on Merbabu mountain then moved around to different villages. They were looted and attacked by the bandits. She lost her brother, an uncle, and a nephew massacred together with all the Chinese male refugees by the Indonesian guerillas during this chaotic period. She was almost died due to severe typhoid on the mountain. From 1949 till 2003, she lived in the new family house with her parents and sisters in Ambarawa, Central Java.

Picture 2 – Five sisters in Ambarawa, Central Java (1950s)

He married my father, Tan Khik Djiang (alias Djojosoetiknjo), in April 26, 1955 in this house and left the Ambarawa home, moving to Kediri in East Java following her husband. Her father, who loved her very much, visited her in Kediri, and sent traditional medicines for her health. Her father passed away peacefully at the age of 73 on March 28 1959, in Ambarawa.

Picture 3 – Engagement in Ambarawa (1955), and

Picture 4 – A letter from her father (1958), letting her know that they were in good health and busy making yeast at home, and he had sent a package of traditional medicines for her.

My elder brother Tan Kok Khoen (Roy Gunawan) was born on September 9, 1958. Still, immediately after that, she had to give up her firstborn to the childless brother-in-law by order of her authoritarian mother-in-law (or my father’s stepmother). In her sadness, she gave birth to me, her second son, on January 7, 1960.

Picture 5 – With her husband (my father) and her newly born second son (me) in Kediri (1960)

Her happiness was cut short when my father suddenly passed away due to a heart attack on February 19, 1962, only seven years after their marriage. She returned to her parent’s home in Ambarawa, lived together with her aging mother, with his little son.

Life was hard as a single mother and a young widow to support the family. For several months she went with her naughty little boy to Yogyakarta, a four-hour ride on a bus, to take a sewing course twice a week. She learned how to make traditional cakes and dishes. She collected hundreds of recipes by making notes. She made clothes for herself and her son. She juggled learning and working every day with no time left for playing or even thinking of remarrying.

She was quiet, persistent, and stubborn, very hardworking and very good in saving the hard-earned money, not for herself, but her son, for people she supported, and for charity. Once a month, she cooked and provided foods for the parish priests of St Joseph Church Ambarawa. My grandmother passed away at the age of 79 in September 1971, left everything in her hand. Single-handedly she managed the dress-making and cakemaking business (famous for the Ambarawa’s “Putu Mayang” cake).

I left Ambarawa for Semarang for my high school study in 1974, but I still returned to Ambarawa every weekend until 1977. In 1978 I moved to Bandung to continue my university study, and I came home less often. She had been fully supporting me for 17 years, from 1960 to 1977, before I gradually became more independent. She lived practically alone in Ambarawa house, with one helper who stayed overnight. She has 3-4 assistants who helped her in the tailoring and 1-2 helpers for the cakemaking business during weekdays.

All assistants and helpers remained loyal to her, even after she closed the business in 2003 and retired in Surabaya. She told me that she had to retire because she could not insert the threat into the needle hole anymore, or otherwise, she wanted to continue. Before she left, she gave away and divided all of her sewing machines and equipment equally, including the leftover sugar, flour, glutinous rice, rice stocks, and cakemaking utensils. She wanted them to be independent and able to sustain their families economically with those gifts. She only carried one sewing machine and one overlock machine to Surabaya because she wanted to use them for making and mending clothes until she died.

Picture 6 – With four sewing assistant and one helper in Ambarawa (1980s)

In December 2000, I moved to Singapore, and I could only visit her once a year for her birthday on Christmas Day until the COVID-19 pandemic in 2019 prevented me from traveling until now. In November 2002, my brother’s wife passed away after a long struggle against cancer, left two young boys under their father's care. It was another strong reason she decided to move to Surabaya to help take care of them.

We celebrated her birthday Christmas Day every year, mainly in Surabaya, or sometimes in Singapore, Bali, or elsewhere. In December 2017, she asked me to bring her back to Ambarawa for the last “grand-tour” on her 89th birthday; perhaps she felt that that would be her last ability to travel. She wanted to meet once again with her former assistants and helpers. I planned a big round trip Surabaya – Yogyakarta – Ambarawa – Semarang – Surabaya by train and rented car. It was one of the happiest moments of her life, full of energy and laughter.

Picture 7 – Last meeting with her former assistants and helpers in Ambarawa (2017)

She was self-sufficient and independent; everything should be well planned to the details, including her saving for retirement, her white funeral dress, and her photograph for the funeral. All were perfectly ready years before it happened. We celebrated her 90th birthday in 2018 with a large number of family members gathering in Surabaya. It turned out to be the last birthday party when she was still conscious. She fell in the bathroom on September 10, 2019, one day after my brother’s birthday, and she fell into comatose and has never regained consciousness since then.

Picture 8 – 90th Birthday Celebration in Surabaya (2018).

After taking care of me for 17 years (1960-1977), she took care of my brother, her firstborn son, for precisely 17 years (2002-2019). For her, life has come into a full circle, no debt, no excess, precise and efficient. She returned to God on June 17, 2021, at 15:50 West Indonesia Time in Surabaya.

She has met her beloved husband again in heaven after being separated for 59 years. Her remains were cremated in Eka Praya, Surabaya, Indonesia, on June 18 2021. She has rested in God’s peace at the good age of 93.

Picture 9 – Doll on her 90th Birthday Cake (2018)

Requiem æternam dona ei, Domine Et lux perpetua luceat ei: Requiescat in pace. Amen.

Singapore 18 June 2021 Johannes Widodo