Page 1

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1


2

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 3


2

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 3


4

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 5


4

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 5


6

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 7


6

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 7


8

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 9


8

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 9


Just Jack Summer is finally coming to an end. But you wouldn’t know it by the weather. Where I come from, September meant cooler temperatures and cold nights. It meant trees changing colors and dropping all of their beautiful leaves. It meant winter was coming.

You know those really annoying emails you get telling you what is going on? Well, now we’re sending them, too. ION Party Spam is back! We promise to let you know about only major events that are happening in one easy-to-read e-mail. Go to www. ionaz.com to sign up.

In Arizona, fall means warm weather, not the oven we’ve become accustomed to. By now, however, many of us are ready to break in our winter outfits we purchased on sale at Express last spring. It means eating dinner or just hanging at an outdoor patio at our favorite restaurant in comfort. It means, “This is why I’m live in Arizona!”

This issue of ION brings you the hottest, most popular mechanics I’ve ever seen. You see, now that my Jeep has over 100,000 miles, I’ve spent a lot of time at our auto service center, Community Tire. The Jeep is running great thanks to these guys. Well, maybe not these guys specifically. Community Tire has been a big supporter of our community. The owner is on the board of the GPGLCC, they’re a sponsor of Phoenix Pride, Rainbows Festival and Splash Bash. A special “thank you” to Howard Fleishman and Casey Hodges at Community Tire.

However, I like to get away and go to Las Vegas. I always stay at the Blue Moon Resort. It’s like nothing else you’ve experienced. They just received their liquour and gambling license so get ready for even wilder times. In Vegas, I fell in love. Not with a man, but with gambling. I’m addicted because I won! And what’s better than playing poker with your money? Playing with the casino’s! Now we all have a chance with the first ever FREE Gay and Lesbian Poker Tournament at Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino and Resort. Every Gay media outlet is helping to promote this great event. There’s going to be a ton of things to do even if you don’t want to win a $5,000 in cash prizes. Plus, they’re donating money to gay charities. The link to sign up is at www.ionaz.com.

10

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

After our deadline, Splash Bash weekend, and a hectic distribution schedule, I’m exhausted. I want a drink. Now, who has the best specials? I think I’ll look at the new ION Bar Specials chart on page 86 featuring restaurant drink specials, too. It’s sham-wow-tastic! Have a great September and get out and support your community. You’ll be glad you did. Jack Tesorero Publisher

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

10

11


Just Jack Summer is finally coming to an end. But you wouldn’t know it by the weather. Where I come from, September meant cooler temperatures and cold nights. It meant trees changing colors and dropping all of their beautiful leaves. It meant winter was coming.

You know those really annoying emails you get telling you what is going on? Well, now we’re sending them, too. ION Party Spam is back! We promise to let you know about only major events that are happening in one easy-to-read e-mail. Go to www. ionaz.com to sign up.

In Arizona, fall means warm weather, not the oven we’ve become accustomed to. By now, however, many of us are ready to break in our winter outfits we purchased on sale at Express last spring. It means eating dinner or just hanging at an outdoor patio at our favorite restaurant in comfort. It means, “This is why I’m live in Arizona!”

This issue of ION brings you the hottest, most popular mechanics I’ve ever seen. You see, now that my Jeep has over 100,000 miles, I’ve spent a lot of time at our auto service center, Community Tire. The Jeep is running great thanks to these guys. Well, maybe not these guys specifically. Community Tire has been a big supporter of our community. The owner is on the board of the GPGLCC, they’re a sponsor of Phoenix Pride, Rainbows Festival and Splash Bash. A special “thank you” to Howard Fleishman and Casey Hodges at Community Tire.

However, I like to get away and go to Las Vegas. I always stay at the Blue Moon Resort. It’s like nothing else you’ve experienced. They just received their liquour and gambling license so get ready for even wilder times. In Vegas, I fell in love. Not with a man, but with gambling. I’m addicted because I won! And what’s better than playing poker with your money? Playing with the casino’s! Now we all have a chance with the first ever FREE Gay and Lesbian Poker Tournament at Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino and Resort. Every Gay media outlet is helping to promote this great event. There’s going to be a ton of things to do even if you don’t want to win a $5,000 in cash prizes. Plus, they’re donating money to gay charities. The link to sign up is at www.ionaz.com.

10

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

After our deadline, Splash Bash weekend, and a hectic distribution schedule, I’m exhausted. I want a drink. Now, who has the best specials? I think I’ll look at the new ION Bar Specials chart on page 86 featuring restaurant drink specials, too. It’s sham-wow-tastic! Have a great September and get out and support your community. You’ll be glad you did. Jack Tesorero Publisher

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

10

11


12

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 13


12

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 13


ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Mike Chesworth

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Kevin Bushaw Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

14

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 15


ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Mike Chesworth

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Kevin Bushaw Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

14

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 15


ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 17


ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 17


SWAY Event’s Live and Local SWAY Events presents talented queer musical artists Lindsay Owen, Geoffrey Paris, Jeffrey Hattrick, Marc Pedraza, Kyle Shield who’ll perform for you, then followed by a special performance by NYC’s premier fag-rapper Cazwell! It happens on Sunday, September 28, 5 p.m. at Forbidden Nightclub at 6820 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176 or see www.swayevents.com for details.

Broke Straight Boys are Terrified See Kiki Vermont’s regular Friday show but enjoy the added bonus of having a few those notorious hotties from BrokeStraightBoys.com that she’ll goad into doing “things” for cash ... with each other. Sound pretty hot? It is! Check it out on Friday, September 12 at Forbidden at 6820 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176

The Maltese Falcon See Bogey at his best in The Maltese Falcon at the glamorous, historic Orpheum Theatre in downtown Phoenix and discover “the stuff dreams are made of.” It also helps kick off the city’s Big Read program. See the movie on the silver screen free on September 13, 7-9 p.m.

Glitter: The Official Rainbows Festival Kickoff

Celebrate all night long on Friday, October 3 with Kobalt in Park Central Mall’s courtyard at SWAY Event’s “Glitter” party. No, Mariah Carey will not be there. Start with hors d’oeuvres from Switch, join in Afeelya Bunz & SWAY’s Bottle Model search at 9 p.m. and a Rainbow toast at 11 with a sparkling surprise at midnight. A portion of the proceeds benefits AIDS Walk AZ.

AIDS Walk Arizona and Rainbows Festival

Join fellow philanthropists walking to find a cure for HIV & AIDS through downtown Phoenix on Sunday, October 5. Registration is at 7 a.m. and walking starts at 8:30 a.m. Go to www.aidswalk2008.org for details & sign up sheet. Afterwards, we’ll see you at Heritage Square for the ever-popular Rainbows Festival! Friendly dogs welcome!

Best of The Beach Pro Beach Volleyball Arizona Pro Beach Volleyball fans will have the opportunity to experience world-class beach volleyball in Glendale. Athletes who made Pro Beach Volleyball famous will be here! Thursday, September 25–Saturday, September 27 at Westgate City Center 6770 N. Sunrise Ctr. Call 800-9196272 for tickets

Rainbow Shuffle Poker Tournament Poker? I barely know her! There’s a free poker tournament for all you gamblers! You can win over $5,000 in cold, hard, cash prizes and no entry fee! All you have to do is show up and play! It all happens on Saturday, September 27 at Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino at 15406 Maricopa Rd. For your chance, sign-up in advance and reserve your spot at www.harrahsakchin.com.

H.O.W. New Orleans Mardi Gras Gala Luck be a lady tonight! Join us for hors d’oeuvres, drinks (non-alcoholic), casino fun and a fashion show benefiting H.O.W. Transgender Youth Halfway House from 7-11 p.m. on Saturday, September 27 at the Community Church of Hope at 4121 N. 7th St. in Phoenix.

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

SEPTEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS CALENDAR DATE EVENT & LOCATION 6 6 11-14 12 13 13 20 13 19 -21 21 19-21 25 26 -28 27 27 27 28 10/2 10/3 10/3 10/11 10/18

CITY

Rocky Horror & Hot Bodz Revue The Pumphouse II Phoenix Brazilian Independence Carnaval Hotel Congress Tucson Mojave County Fair Mojave Cty. Fairgrounds Kingman BrokeStraightBoys & Kiki Vermont Forbidden Nightclub Scottsdale Gong Karaoke Apollo’s Lounge Phoenix The Maltese Falcon Orpheum Theatre Phoenix Miss Gay Arizona-Scottsdale BS West Scottsdale Fiesta del Tlaquepaque Tlaquepaque Sedona Bartlett Bash (A Gay Campout) Bartlett Lake NE of Phx Bartlett Bash Survivor Party Apollo’s Lounge Phoenix El Zaribah Shrine Circus Westworld Scottsdale Best of the Beach Pro Volleyball Westgate City Center Glendale Maricopa Home & Landscape Show Arizona State Fairgrounds Phoenix Rainbow Shuffle Poker Tournament Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino Phoenix Mardi Gras Glamorous Gala Community Church of HopePhoenix Corks and Cactus Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix Live and Local Forbidden Nightclub Scottsdale Incognito Grand Re-Opening Incognito Nightclub Phoenix Glitter: Rainbows Festival Kickoff Kobalt/Park Central Mall Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008 & Rainbows Festival Heritage Square Phoenix National Coming Out Day Festival Commercial Center Las Vegas Tucson Pride & AIDS Walk Reid Park Tucson September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

19


SWAY Event’s Live and Local SWAY Events presents talented queer musical artists Lindsay Owen, Geoffrey Paris, Jeffrey Hattrick, Marc Pedraza, Kyle Shield who’ll perform for you, then followed by a special performance by NYC’s premier fag-rapper Cazwell! It happens on Sunday, September 28, 5 p.m. at Forbidden Nightclub at 6820 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176 or see www.swayevents.com for details.

Broke Straight Boys are Terrified See Kiki Vermont’s regular Friday show but enjoy the added bonus of having a few those notorious hotties from BrokeStraightBoys.com that she’ll goad into doing “things” for cash ... with each other. Sound pretty hot? It is! Check it out on Friday, September 12 at Forbidden at 6820 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176

The Maltese Falcon See Bogey at his best in The Maltese Falcon at the glamorous, historic Orpheum Theatre in downtown Phoenix and discover “the stuff dreams are made of.” It also helps kick off the city’s Big Read program. See the movie on the silver screen free on September 13, 7-9 p.m.

Glitter: The Official Rainbows Festival Kickoff

Celebrate all night long on Friday, October 3 with Kobalt in Park Central Mall’s courtyard at SWAY Event’s “Glitter” party. No, Mariah Carey will not be there. Start with hors d’oeuvres from Switch, join in Afeelya Bunz & SWAY’s Bottle Model search at 9 p.m. and a Rainbow toast at 11 with a sparkling surprise at midnight. A portion of the proceeds benefits AIDS Walk AZ.

AIDS Walk Arizona and Rainbows Festival

Join fellow philanthropists walking to find a cure for HIV & AIDS through downtown Phoenix on Sunday, October 5. Registration is at 7 a.m. and walking starts at 8:30 a.m. Go to www.aidswalk2008.org for details & sign up sheet. Afterwards, we’ll see you at Heritage Square for the ever-popular Rainbows Festival! Friendly dogs welcome!

Best of The Beach Pro Beach Volleyball Arizona Pro Beach Volleyball fans will have the opportunity to experience world-class beach volleyball in Glendale. Athletes who made Pro Beach Volleyball famous will be here! Thursday, September 25–Saturday, September 27 at Westgate City Center 6770 N. Sunrise Ctr. Call 800-9196272 for tickets

Rainbow Shuffle Poker Tournament Poker? I barely know her! There’s a free poker tournament for all you gamblers! You can win over $5,000 in cold, hard, cash prizes and no entry fee! All you have to do is show up and play! It all happens on Saturday, September 27 at Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino at 15406 Maricopa Rd. For your chance, sign-up in advance and reserve your spot at www.harrahsakchin.com.

H.O.W. New Orleans Mardi Gras Gala Luck be a lady tonight! Join us for hors d’oeuvres, drinks (non-alcoholic), casino fun and a fashion show benefiting H.O.W. Transgender Youth Halfway House from 7-11 p.m. on Saturday, September 27 at the Community Church of Hope at 4121 N. 7th St. in Phoenix.

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

SEPTEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS CALENDAR DATE EVENT & LOCATION 6 6 11-14 12 13 13 20 13 19 -21 21 19-21 25 26 -28 27 27 27 28 10/2 10/3 10/3 10/11 10/18

CITY

Rocky Horror & Hot Bodz Revue The Pumphouse II Phoenix Brazilian Independence Carnaval Hotel Congress Tucson Mojave County Fair Mojave Cty. Fairgrounds Kingman BrokeStraightBoys & Kiki Vermont Forbidden Nightclub Scottsdale Gong Karaoke Apollo’s Lounge Phoenix The Maltese Falcon Orpheum Theatre Phoenix Miss Gay Arizona-Scottsdale BS West Scottsdale Fiesta del Tlaquepaque Tlaquepaque Sedona Bartlett Bash (A Gay Campout) Bartlett Lake NE of Phx Bartlett Bash Survivor Party Apollo’s Lounge Phoenix El Zaribah Shrine Circus Westworld Scottsdale Best of the Beach Pro Volleyball Westgate City Center Glendale Maricopa Home & Landscape Show Arizona State Fairgrounds Phoenix Rainbow Shuffle Poker Tournament Harrah’s Ak-Chin Casino Phoenix Mardi Gras Glamorous Gala Community Church of HopePhoenix Corks and Cactus Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix Live and Local Forbidden Nightclub Scottsdale Incognito Grand Re-Opening Incognito Nightclub Phoenix Glitter: Rainbows Festival Kickoff Kobalt/Park Central Mall Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008 & Rainbows Festival Heritage Square Phoenix National Coming Out Day Festival Commercial Center Las Vegas Tucson Pride & AIDS Walk Reid Park Tucson September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

19


20

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 21


20

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 21


Pat Benatar

“You’re a real tough cookie with a long history …” Yes, sexy rock ‘n’ roll diva Pat Benatar brings her legendary 4.5 octave vocal range to the Desert Diamond Casino on I-19 & Pima Mine Road in Tucson on Saturday, September 7 at 7 p.m. Call 520-321-1000 or visit TicketMaster.com to hear Benatar’s promises in the dark.

Beck

Come see the popular, idiosyncratic singer/songwriter Scientologist and musical genius perform his zippy, quirky, kooky and wildly creative music from his new album Modern Guilt Friday, September 22 at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington St. For tix call 602-379-2800 or visit LiveNation.com

SEPTEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

22

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

3 6 6 6 7 7 10 11 12 18 19 20 21 22 23-28 25 27 28 30 30

Marquee Theatre US Airways Center Tempe Center for the Arts Phoenix Symphony Hall Celebrity Theatre Desert Diamond Casino Tucson Cricket Pavilion AVA Amphitheater Tucson Mesa Arts Center Theatres Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre Phoenix Symphony Hall Tucson Convention Center Dodge Theatre Sedona Cricket Pavilion Cricket Pavilion Dodge Theatre Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre

Ice Cube Hall & Oates Motown Spectacular Wagner Spectacular Show B.B. King Pat Benatar Maroon 5 & Counting Crows Alan Jackson Kronos Quartet Lindsey Buckingham Luis Miguel Celtic Fiddlin’ Foreigner Beck Jazz on the Rocks Festival Third Day & Switchfoot Santana Kid Rock David Byrne Earth, Wind & Fire

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

23


Pat Benatar

“You’re a real tough cookie with a long history …” Yes, sexy rock ‘n’ roll diva Pat Benatar brings her legendary 4.5 octave vocal range to the Desert Diamond Casino on I-19 & Pima Mine Road in Tucson on Saturday, September 7 at 7 p.m. Call 520-321-1000 or visit TicketMaster.com to hear Benatar’s promises in the dark.

Beck

Come see the popular, idiosyncratic singer/songwriter Scientologist and musical genius perform his zippy, quirky, kooky and wildly creative music from his new album Modern Guilt Friday, September 22 at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington St. For tix call 602-379-2800 or visit LiveNation.com

SEPTEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR

22

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

DATE EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

3 6 6 6 7 7 10 11 12 18 19 20 21 22 23-28 25 27 28 30 30

Marquee Theatre US Airways Center Tempe Center for the Arts Phoenix Symphony Hall Celebrity Theatre Desert Diamond Casino Tucson Cricket Pavilion AVA Amphitheater Tucson Mesa Arts Center Theatres Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre Phoenix Symphony Hall Tucson Convention Center Dodge Theatre Sedona Cricket Pavilion Cricket Pavilion Dodge Theatre Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre

Ice Cube Hall & Oates Motown Spectacular Wagner Spectacular Show B.B. King Pat Benatar Maroon 5 & Counting Crows Alan Jackson Kronos Quartet Lindsey Buckingham Luis Miguel Celtic Fiddlin’ Foreigner Beck Jazz on the Rocks Festival Third Day & Switchfoot Santana Kid Rock David Byrne Earth, Wind & Fire

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

23


24

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 25


24

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 25


Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition to these selections, look for new stuff from NKOTB, Ne-Yo, Tricky, Lisa Loeb, Nelly, Olivia Newton-John, All American Rejects, Buckcherry, Jennifer Hudson, Faith Hill and Pussycat Dolls this month!

Jem – Down To Earth

Miffed Dido fans (now slated for November) should take note of this Dido-esque Welsh songstress. Her debut album Finally Woken proved to be the awakening of an amazing talent. Now check out the dazzling follow-up. Lead track “It’s Amazing” is haunting, moody and electronic while “Crazy” gets wild with a funky banjo twang. And then there’s “You Will Make It” - a heartfelt ballad of loss and love. Except for the seemingly odd “Aciiid!” where she attempts Japanese, this disc deserves your love.

OceanLab – Sirens of the Sea

The vocalist behind Armin Van Buuren’s “Burned With Desire” and Chicane’s “Autumn Tactics” is back. Justine Suissa teams up with OceanLab and the incredible Above & Beyond to bring you an electronica album full of beauty and raw emotion with peaceful yet driving piano riffs. Opening song “Just Listen” sets the tone with a build-up very reminiscent of Robert Miles. The set then flexes its muscles with “Come Home” and “On a Good Day.” The real gem however is the flow mix of “Breaking Ties.” This truly is music at its best.

Enigma – Seven Lives Many Faces

Enigma a household commodity, Michael Cretu is back with his seventh album of Gregorian Chant/worldinfused sounds. This time, however, Cretu breaks his formula and offers a disc of different flare, one that is omni-cultural. First single “Seven Lives” proves to be most daring with its dramatic intro, infectious flute and a beat-driven bass line while “La Puerta Del Cielo” and “Encounters” resemble hints of Enigma’s roots. True fans will surely be pleased.

Jessica Simpson – Do You Know

The Dukes of Hazzard must really have done a number on Miss S; or perhaps it was the separation with uber hottie Nick Lachey. Whatever the case, Jess has gone country and hopes to capture country audiences, a la Carrie Underwood and Jewel style. Though many will have difficulties seeing past the persona, Jessica actually sounds great and finds a genre that truly suites her voice. Tracks of note include the smash “Come on Over” and the Dolly Parton duet title track, “Do You Know.” YeeHaw! In other music news, two of my favorite acts are now set for an October release. First, Keane decides to ditch their piano pop sound for the Stuart Price bandwagon on Perfect Symmetry. Lead track Spiraling is full of new sound and gives a taste of what is to come. Secondly, Pink hurries to give her a fans the perfect holiday present: a new album. Fresh off the success of Hand and Who Knew?, Pink teams up with the same producers to give you more!

Nearly twenty years after Sadness made 26

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27


Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition to these selections, look for new stuff from NKOTB, Ne-Yo, Tricky, Lisa Loeb, Nelly, Olivia Newton-John, All American Rejects, Buckcherry, Jennifer Hudson, Faith Hill and Pussycat Dolls this month!

Jem – Down To Earth

Miffed Dido fans (now slated for November) should take note of this Dido-esque Welsh songstress. Her debut album Finally Woken proved to be the awakening of an amazing talent. Now check out the dazzling follow-up. Lead track “It’s Amazing” is haunting, moody and electronic while “Crazy” gets wild with a funky banjo twang. And then there’s “You Will Make It” - a heartfelt ballad of loss and love. Except for the seemingly odd “Aciiid!” where she attempts Japanese, this disc deserves your love.

OceanLab – Sirens of the Sea

The vocalist behind Armin Van Buuren’s “Burned With Desire” and Chicane’s “Autumn Tactics” is back. Justine Suissa teams up with OceanLab and the incredible Above & Beyond to bring you an electronica album full of beauty and raw emotion with peaceful yet driving piano riffs. Opening song “Just Listen” sets the tone with a build-up very reminiscent of Robert Miles. The set then flexes its muscles with “Come Home” and “On a Good Day.” The real gem however is the flow mix of “Breaking Ties.” This truly is music at its best.

Enigma – Seven Lives Many Faces

Enigma a household commodity, Michael Cretu is back with his seventh album of Gregorian Chant/worldinfused sounds. This time, however, Cretu breaks his formula and offers a disc of different flare, one that is omni-cultural. First single “Seven Lives” proves to be most daring with its dramatic intro, infectious flute and a beat-driven bass line while “La Puerta Del Cielo” and “Encounters” resemble hints of Enigma’s roots. True fans will surely be pleased.

Jessica Simpson – Do You Know

The Dukes of Hazzard must really have done a number on Miss S; or perhaps it was the separation with uber hottie Nick Lachey. Whatever the case, Jess has gone country and hopes to capture country audiences, a la Carrie Underwood and Jewel style. Though many will have difficulties seeing past the persona, Jessica actually sounds great and finds a genre that truly suites her voice. Tracks of note include the smash “Come on Over” and the Dolly Parton duet title track, “Do You Know.” YeeHaw! In other music news, two of my favorite acts are now set for an October release. First, Keane decides to ditch their piano pop sound for the Stuart Price bandwagon on Perfect Symmetry. Lead track Spiraling is full of new sound and gives a taste of what is to come. Secondly, Pink hurries to give her a fans the perfect holiday present: a new album. Fresh off the success of Hand and Who Knew?, Pink teams up with the same producers to give you more!

Nearly twenty years after Sadness made 26

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27


by Kimberly M. Ruff

Burn After Reading

Starring: John Malkovich, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton Prolific, talented, fraternal filmmaking duo, Joel and Ethan Coen are riding the wave of last year’s Oscar-winning success of No Country for Old Men and bringing you something completely different with their off-beat comedy, Burn After Reading. CIA Agent, Osbourne Cox (Malkovich, Being John Malkovich), has big plans for his incendiary tell-all manuscript of life undercover until he foolishly misplaces the disc containing it in a locker at his gym. When two employees – Linda (McDormand, Fargo) and Chad (Pitt, Twelve Monkeys) – stumble upon it, they hatch a scheme to blackmail the author. Of course, nothing goes as planned and the situation quickly devolves into chaos. If you’re unfamiliar with the work of the Coen Brothers, they are remarkably versatile, adeptly crafting dark, brooding dramas – Fargo, Miller’s Crossing, Barton Fink – as well as whimsical, offbeat comedies – Raising Arizona, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Big Lebowski. Oviously, Burn After Reading takes its cue from the latter. George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, and JK Simmons co-star. Release Date: September 12, 2008.

Battle in Seattle

Starring: Charlize Theron, André Benjamin, Woody Harrelson, Ray Liotta In 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. Two years later, the death knell of Soviet Communism sounded as the USSR disbanded, effectively ending the Cold War that loomed over the US’s head for 45 years. With no major ideological 28

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

threat to democracy, the United States quickly assumed its new role as the only remaining Superpower, extending its global reach. But then a funny thing happened – in 1999, ideologically diverse groups such as Environmentalists and Labor Unions banded together to protest globalization, generally, and the World Trade Organizations meeting in Seattle, specifically. Resulting in five days of riots, the “Battle in Seattle”, courtesy of globalized media, was seen around the world. In this film directed by Stuart Townsend, Battle in Seattle dramatizes these events, exploring several hypothetical individuals involved. Stars Charlize Theron, André Benjamin, Woody Harrelson, and Ray Liotta. Release Date: September 19, 2008.

Choke

Starring: Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston, Kelly MacDonald Written by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club, Choke stars Sam Rockwell (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford) as Victor Mancini. Put into foster care as a child because his mother (Huston, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou) was unfit to care for him, Mancini has his fair share of problems. Dropping out of medical school to pay for his mother’s care at a nursing home, he cons “good Samaritans” into giving him money after they rescue him from “choking” on his meals in restaurants. Because of his bizarre relationship with his mother, he’s unable to maintain a relationship with any woman and satisfies his physical needs by picking up women at Sex Addict meetings. Like Fight Club, nothing is ever simple in Palahniuk’s stories, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun ride. Release Date: September 26, 2008. Questions? Comments? Reach the reviewer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29


by Kimberly M. Ruff

Burn After Reading

Starring: John Malkovich, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton Prolific, talented, fraternal filmmaking duo, Joel and Ethan Coen are riding the wave of last year’s Oscar-winning success of No Country for Old Men and bringing you something completely different with their off-beat comedy, Burn After Reading. CIA Agent, Osbourne Cox (Malkovich, Being John Malkovich), has big plans for his incendiary tell-all manuscript of life undercover until he foolishly misplaces the disc containing it in a locker at his gym. When two employees – Linda (McDormand, Fargo) and Chad (Pitt, Twelve Monkeys) – stumble upon it, they hatch a scheme to blackmail the author. Of course, nothing goes as planned and the situation quickly devolves into chaos. If you’re unfamiliar with the work of the Coen Brothers, they are remarkably versatile, adeptly crafting dark, brooding dramas – Fargo, Miller’s Crossing, Barton Fink – as well as whimsical, offbeat comedies – Raising Arizona, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Big Lebowski. Oviously, Burn After Reading takes its cue from the latter. George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, and JK Simmons co-star. Release Date: September 12, 2008.

Battle in Seattle

Starring: Charlize Theron, André Benjamin, Woody Harrelson, Ray Liotta In 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. Two years later, the death knell of Soviet Communism sounded as the USSR disbanded, effectively ending the Cold War that loomed over the US’s head for 45 years. With no major ideological 28

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

threat to democracy, the United States quickly assumed its new role as the only remaining Superpower, extending its global reach. But then a funny thing happened – in 1999, ideologically diverse groups such as Environmentalists and Labor Unions banded together to protest globalization, generally, and the World Trade Organizations meeting in Seattle, specifically. Resulting in five days of riots, the “Battle in Seattle”, courtesy of globalized media, was seen around the world. In this film directed by Stuart Townsend, Battle in Seattle dramatizes these events, exploring several hypothetical individuals involved. Stars Charlize Theron, André Benjamin, Woody Harrelson, and Ray Liotta. Release Date: September 19, 2008.

Choke

Starring: Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston, Kelly MacDonald Written by Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club, Choke stars Sam Rockwell (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford) as Victor Mancini. Put into foster care as a child because his mother (Huston, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou) was unfit to care for him, Mancini has his fair share of problems. Dropping out of medical school to pay for his mother’s care at a nursing home, he cons “good Samaritans” into giving him money after they rescue him from “choking” on his meals in restaurants. Because of his bizarre relationship with his mother, he’s unable to maintain a relationship with any woman and satisfies his physical needs by picking up women at Sex Addict meetings. Like Fight Club, nothing is ever simple in Palahniuk’s stories, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun ride. Release Date: September 26, 2008. Questions? Comments? Reach the reviewer at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29


ionmovies

SEPTEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE MOVIE

GENRE

RATING

5 5 5 5 12 12 12 12 12 12 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 26 26 26 26 26 26 26 26

Romantic Comedy Gay & Lesbian/ Drama Action Romantic Comedy Family Drama Drama Comedy/ Drama/ Ensemble Comedy/ Spy Horror Psychological Thriller Docudrama Monster/ Comedy/ Family Romantic Comedy Childhood Drama Romantic Drama/ Period Film Fantasy/ Comedy Thriller War Drama Religious Drama Sports Drama (Rugby!) Black Comedy Thriller Thriller Comedy Drama Drama

PG-13 NR R R PG-13 R PG-13 R NYR R R PG R R PG-13 PG-13 PG-13 R PG NYR R NYR PG-13 NYR PG-13

The Accidental Husband Save Me Bangkok Dangerous Everybody Wants to Be Italian The Family That Preys Greetings from the Shore The Women Burn After Reading Amusement Righteous Kill Battle in Seattle Igor My Best Friend’s Girl Hounddog The Duchess Ghost Town Lakeview Terrace Miracle at St. Anna Fireproof Forever Strong Choke Blindness Eagle Eye Smother August Evening

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

30

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31


ionmovies

SEPTEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

30

DATE MOVIE

GENRE

RATING

5 5 5 5 12 12 12 12 12 12 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 26 26 26 26 26 26 26 26

Romantic Comedy Gay & Lesbian/ Drama Action Romantic Comedy Family Drama Drama Comedy/ Drama/ Ensemble Comedy/ Spy Horror Psychological Thriller Docudrama Monster/ Comedy/ Family Romantic Comedy Childhood Drama Romantic Drama/ Period Film Fantasy/ Comedy Thriller War Drama Religious Drama Sports Drama (Rugby!) Black Comedy Thriller Thriller Comedy Drama Drama

PG-13 NR R R PG-13 R PG-13 R NYR R R PG R R PG-13 PG-13 PG-13 R PG NYR R NYR PG-13 NYR PG-13

The Accidental Husband Save Me Bangkok Dangerous Everybody Wants to Be Italian The Family That Preys Greetings from the Shore The Women Burn After Reading Amusement Righteous Kill Battle in Seattle Igor My Best Friend’s Girl Hounddog The Duchess Ghost Town Lakeview Terrace Miracle at St. Anna Fireproof Forever Strong Choke Blindness Eagle Eye Smother August Evening

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

30

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31


by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

With great love comes great sacrifice, but when is that sacrifice too much? Whether we’re running away from our family to find ourselves or running away from ourselves to honor our family, we’re still running away from the issue.

And, for my slightly more shallow readers, if that beautifully simple message fails to grab you, there are plenty of scenes of hot men in wet suits!

Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2007)

Starring: Shelley Conn, Laura Fraser Nina (Conn, Love Story), the prodigal daughter, returns to Glasgow the day of her father’s funeral; she has not been back to her family since she left her groom at the altar

Both the films this month explore this issue as the main characters try to find the delicate equilibrium that lay between sacrificing self and sacrificing others.

Shelter (2007)

Starring: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes Zach (Wright, George Lopez Show) is undeniably a good brother. When his sister Jeanne (Holmes, Six Feet Under), falls on hard times as a single mother, Zach shelves his dreams of art school to help. Working dead-end jobs and spending his free time painting or surfing, he is justifiably lost. That is, until he meets Shaun (Rowe, Tell Me You Love Me), the handsome, older brother of his best friend, Gabe. The two hit it off immediately and their friendship soon evolves into something more. Zach must find a way to not only come out to his sister, but also take this opportunity to figure out just who he is and what is necessary for his happiness. Subtle and tender, Shelter is much more than simply a “coming out” film; it is a powerfully honest portrait of our biggest challenge in life – figuring out who we are and what we want out of life, while weighing our needs against the needs of our loved ones. 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

years earlier. The oldest daughter of Indian immigrants, Nina inherits her father’s restaurant … and a sizable debt. Seizing on a plan where she will get the restaurant out from under debt by entering it into the West Curry Competition and, of course, winning, Nina must fine-tune her cooking skills with the help of her brother’s friend, Lisa (Fraser, A Knight’s Tale). When Nina finds that she falls her Lisa, she also finds that she must finally come to terms with something she’s refused to deal with since the day she left her groom, her family, and her life for London. With a pinch of Bollywood, a dash of whimsy, and a splash of charm, Nina’s Heavenly Delights shows that, with a little faith and a good family to back you up, you can overcome any obstacle and accomplish anything. Questions? Comments? You can reach the writer at wesobergman@yahoo. com. No spam, please. Thanks! September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33


by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

With great love comes great sacrifice, but when is that sacrifice too much? Whether we’re running away from our family to find ourselves or running away from ourselves to honor our family, we’re still running away from the issue.

And, for my slightly more shallow readers, if that beautifully simple message fails to grab you, there are plenty of scenes of hot men in wet suits!

Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2007)

Starring: Shelley Conn, Laura Fraser Nina (Conn, Love Story), the prodigal daughter, returns to Glasgow the day of her father’s funeral; she has not been back to her family since she left her groom at the altar

Both the films this month explore this issue as the main characters try to find the delicate equilibrium that lay between sacrificing self and sacrificing others.

Shelter (2007)

Starring: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes Zach (Wright, George Lopez Show) is undeniably a good brother. When his sister Jeanne (Holmes, Six Feet Under), falls on hard times as a single mother, Zach shelves his dreams of art school to help. Working dead-end jobs and spending his free time painting or surfing, he is justifiably lost. That is, until he meets Shaun (Rowe, Tell Me You Love Me), the handsome, older brother of his best friend, Gabe. The two hit it off immediately and their friendship soon evolves into something more. Zach must find a way to not only come out to his sister, but also take this opportunity to figure out just who he is and what is necessary for his happiness. Subtle and tender, Shelter is much more than simply a “coming out” film; it is a powerfully honest portrait of our biggest challenge in life – figuring out who we are and what we want out of life, while weighing our needs against the needs of our loved ones. 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

years earlier. The oldest daughter of Indian immigrants, Nina inherits her father’s restaurant … and a sizable debt. Seizing on a plan where she will get the restaurant out from under debt by entering it into the West Curry Competition and, of course, winning, Nina must fine-tune her cooking skills with the help of her brother’s friend, Lisa (Fraser, A Knight’s Tale). When Nina finds that she falls her Lisa, she also finds that she must finally come to terms with something she’s refused to deal with since the day she left her groom, her family, and her life for London. With a pinch of Bollywood, a dash of whimsy, and a splash of charm, Nina’s Heavenly Delights shows that, with a little faith and a good family to back you up, you can overcome any obstacle and accomplish anything. Questions? Comments? You can reach the writer at wesobergman@yahoo. com. No spam, please. Thanks! September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33


ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35


ION PARTY CAM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35


Cazwell is a 29-year-old gay, white rapper, DJ, party promoter and host in New York City and the hottest up-andcoming force of nature in the queer music scene today. His music is cunning, funny, edgy, a social commentary, naughty, controversial and unforgettable, just like Cazwell, who describes his song Is It All Over My Face? “... like one big, dirty cum shot.” As big fan of Bugs Bunny, the crazy, sexy Cazwell likes to bring a bit of the wascally wabbit’s snarkiness to the stage. We caught up with Cazwell before his appearance at “Live & Local” at Forbidden to see what makes him tick. ION: Eh, what’s up, Doc? You’re a big Bugs Bunny nut and like to incorporate his devil-may-care attitude into your performances. Tell us a little more about that. Cazwell: I’ve just always loved Bugs Bunny. I always knew he was gay and certainly the first drag queen I ever laid eyes on as a kid. He’s witty, smart and always ends up on top. No matter how much you try, you can’t catch him. That’s how I like to think of myself when I’m performin’. ION: Isn’t there any love for Daffy Duck? Cazwell: Sure, but its not the same.

LIVE FROM NY, IT’S...

CAZWELL by Deon Brown 36

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

ION: You’re clearly talented with language and love to play with it. What’s your personal favorite tonguetwister?

ION: Where’s your favorite place to do a little “free stylin’”? Cazwell: My favorite place to perform was always BoysRoom in New York City. Besides that, I really like the crowds in Seattle and San Francisco. ION: Boxers, briefs, or commando? Cazwell: Boxers always. I buy ‘em in a three-pack. ION: How did you conjure up such funny songs like, I Buy My Socks on Fourteenth Street and I Seen Beyoncé at Burger King? Cazwell: 14th Street is an anthem for the pedestrians of New York. 14th Street seems to be connected to everything when you’re a downtown New Yorker and everyday it seems there is always some errand I have to run there. Socks is one of them. Beyoncé at Burger King was the fastest song I ever wrote. I think I wrote it in the amount of time it took me to walk from my apartment to the corner store. It’s about how I met Beyoncé in my head. Like she would probably only approach me if she needed something from me so I thought about the BK scenario in which she needed ten dollars. The rest is all about how I asked for my money back and she just pretended she doesn’t know me. ION: Any word from Beyoncé? Cazwell: Not yet, but she seems like the type of girl to have a sense of humor about herself so I hope she likes it and we become bff’s.

Cazwell: “I’m doin’ all I can to try to make ya undastand the plan the man is tryin’ ta hand ya in this land of propaganda” comes to mind by Crasta Yo.

ION: If you wrote an autobiographical rap-musical for the stage, what would the title be? 37

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37


Cazwell is a 29-year-old gay, white rapper, DJ, party promoter and host in New York City and the hottest up-andcoming force of nature in the queer music scene today. His music is cunning, funny, edgy, a social commentary, naughty, controversial and unforgettable, just like Cazwell, who describes his song Is It All Over My Face? “... like one big, dirty cum shot.” As big fan of Bugs Bunny, the crazy, sexy Cazwell likes to bring a bit of the wascally wabbit’s snarkiness to the stage. We caught up with Cazwell before his appearance at “Live & Local” at Forbidden to see what makes him tick. ION: Eh, what’s up, Doc? You’re a big Bugs Bunny nut and like to incorporate his devil-may-care attitude into your performances. Tell us a little more about that. Cazwell: I’ve just always loved Bugs Bunny. I always knew he was gay and certainly the first drag queen I ever laid eyes on as a kid. He’s witty, smart and always ends up on top. No matter how much you try, you can’t catch him. That’s how I like to think of myself when I’m performin’. ION: Isn’t there any love for Daffy Duck? Cazwell: Sure, but its not the same.

LIVE FROM NY, IT’S...

CAZWELL by Deon Brown 36

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

ION: You’re clearly talented with language and love to play with it. What’s your personal favorite tonguetwister?

ION: Where’s your favorite place to do a little “free stylin’”? Cazwell: My favorite place to perform was always BoysRoom in New York City. Besides that, I really like the crowds in Seattle and San Francisco. ION: Boxers, briefs, or commando? Cazwell: Boxers always. I buy ‘em in a three-pack. ION: How did you conjure up such funny songs like, I Buy My Socks on Fourteenth Street and I Seen Beyoncé at Burger King? Cazwell: 14th Street is an anthem for the pedestrians of New York. 14th Street seems to be connected to everything when you’re a downtown New Yorker and everyday it seems there is always some errand I have to run there. Socks is one of them. Beyoncé at Burger King was the fastest song I ever wrote. I think I wrote it in the amount of time it took me to walk from my apartment to the corner store. It’s about how I met Beyoncé in my head. Like she would probably only approach me if she needed something from me so I thought about the BK scenario in which she needed ten dollars. The rest is all about how I asked for my money back and she just pretended she doesn’t know me. ION: Any word from Beyoncé? Cazwell: Not yet, but she seems like the type of girl to have a sense of humor about herself so I hope she likes it and we become bff’s.

Cazwell: “I’m doin’ all I can to try to make ya undastand the plan the man is tryin’ ta hand ya in this land of propaganda” comes to mind by Crasta Yo.

ION: If you wrote an autobiographical rap-musical for the stage, what would the title be? 37

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37


Cazwell: Probably, Faggot. ION: Do you believe in Public Displays of Affection? Cazwell: Only if its oral sex and fucking. Couples that hold hands are really hard to pass on the sidewalk. They take up too much room. Yaknowwhatimsayin??

head. I’m just Cazwell. Let me explain: If I say I’m hip-hop then I have to think about what hip-hop is, and as much I love hip-hop and listen to it – let’s be real – hip-hop does not welcome gay people. And I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s just fine with me. I have no interest in trying to make a culture or a community accept me. So like most gay

Cazwell: I’m gay. Ssshhhh ...

artists, when a community won’t accept them, they create their own community. I hope my music will eventually create a space where you can be as free as you wanna be in music.

Cazwell: Missy [Elliott] and Beck.

ION: In addition to being a friend and collaborator with the fab Amanda Lepore, you’ve rubbed elbows with Cyndi Lauper, porn stars François Sagat and Jenna Jameson, as well as Sir Elton John. Is there anybody out there on your “Gotta Meet” list?

ION: What was it like being an aspiring gay white rapper growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts? Cazwell: I don’t really know how to answer that since it’s all I know. I don’t really consider myself a rapper. I only started rappin’ ‘cuz I can’t sing. And I don’t think of myself as hiphop. I’m glad I came from Worcester ‘cuz it contributed to my trashy, brash personality. I always considered it to be the armpit stain of New England. Dennis Leary is from Worcester, too. P.S. it’s pronounced, ‘Wusta.’ ION: Your erotically charged song and video All Over Your Face was banned from the prudish gay broadcasting network, LOGO. Do you feel that was censorship? Cazwell: They’re actually gonna start playing it late night now, so I can’t complain. And with the exposure that comes from the Internet, it’s all good. Sure, it was censorship. The song is about blastin’ a load of cum on someone’s face. I can’t really blame them for thinkin’ it’s not suitable for all audiences. ION: Rap is frequently perceived as homophobic. How have you managed to “own it” so well as a gay white rapper? Cazwell: First let me start off by saying that I am not hip-hop. At least not in my 38

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

ION: What scares you more than anything? Cazwell: A zombie invasion. ION: Who’s your favorite porn star? Cazwell: I don’t know. I prefer the amateurs of X-tube. ION: What’s your favorite Ghetto Fabulous possession? Cazwell: Either the 40-ounce in the ‘fridgerator or my gold boom box. ION: Tell us a secret about yourself that you’ve never told anybody.

ION: You said, “Rhymes are like spells to me. You can shape your future with what you say.” What future rhymespells can we expect from Cazwell? Cazwell: I’ll throw some rhymes about makin’ a million dollars soon. I just mean everything you say is attracted to you, So I watch what I say and try to project the life I want to have. Rich, happy and no drama. Put Cazwell on your “Gotta Meet” list. Now’s your big chance to see the wildly creative, funny, edgy and thought-provoking Cazwell perform live at Forbidden Nightclub on Sunday, September 28th at 5:00pm at 6820 E. Fifth Ave. in super-fancy Scottsdale. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door.

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39


Cazwell: Probably, Faggot. ION: Do you believe in Public Displays of Affection? Cazwell: Only if its oral sex and fucking. Couples that hold hands are really hard to pass on the sidewalk. They take up too much room. Yaknowwhatimsayin??

head. I’m just Cazwell. Let me explain: If I say I’m hip-hop then I have to think about what hip-hop is, and as much I love hip-hop and listen to it – let’s be real – hip-hop does not welcome gay people. And I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s just fine with me. I have no interest in trying to make a culture or a community accept me. So like most gay

Cazwell: I’m gay. Ssshhhh ...

artists, when a community won’t accept them, they create their own community. I hope my music will eventually create a space where you can be as free as you wanna be in music.

Cazwell: Missy [Elliott] and Beck.

ION: In addition to being a friend and collaborator with the fab Amanda Lepore, you’ve rubbed elbows with Cyndi Lauper, porn stars François Sagat and Jenna Jameson, as well as Sir Elton John. Is there anybody out there on your “Gotta Meet” list?

ION: What was it like being an aspiring gay white rapper growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts? Cazwell: I don’t really know how to answer that since it’s all I know. I don’t really consider myself a rapper. I only started rappin’ ‘cuz I can’t sing. And I don’t think of myself as hiphop. I’m glad I came from Worcester ‘cuz it contributed to my trashy, brash personality. I always considered it to be the armpit stain of New England. Dennis Leary is from Worcester, too. P.S. it’s pronounced, ‘Wusta.’ ION: Your erotically charged song and video All Over Your Face was banned from the prudish gay broadcasting network, LOGO. Do you feel that was censorship? Cazwell: They’re actually gonna start playing it late night now, so I can’t complain. And with the exposure that comes from the Internet, it’s all good. Sure, it was censorship. The song is about blastin’ a load of cum on someone’s face. I can’t really blame them for thinkin’ it’s not suitable for all audiences. ION: Rap is frequently perceived as homophobic. How have you managed to “own it” so well as a gay white rapper? Cazwell: First let me start off by saying that I am not hip-hop. At least not in my 38

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

ION: What scares you more than anything? Cazwell: A zombie invasion. ION: Who’s your favorite porn star? Cazwell: I don’t know. I prefer the amateurs of X-tube. ION: What’s your favorite Ghetto Fabulous possession? Cazwell: Either the 40-ounce in the ‘fridgerator or my gold boom box. ION: Tell us a secret about yourself that you’ve never told anybody.

ION: You said, “Rhymes are like spells to me. You can shape your future with what you say.” What future rhymespells can we expect from Cazwell? Cazwell: I’ll throw some rhymes about makin’ a million dollars soon. I just mean everything you say is attracted to you, So I watch what I say and try to project the life I want to have. Rich, happy and no drama. Put Cazwell on your “Gotta Meet” list. Now’s your big chance to see the wildly creative, funny, edgy and thought-provoking Cazwell perform live at Forbidden Nightclub on Sunday, September 28th at 5:00pm at 6820 E. Fifth Ave. in super-fancy Scottsdale. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door.

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39


by Bobby Hess

Calling all gays, straights, and otherwise identified individuals to the coolest concert series this scorching summer has got to offer. SWAY Events is proud to present Live & Local, the latest platform for queer music in Arizona. (2)

The Live & Local concert series will launch on Sunday, September 7 and will highlight every music genre from jazz to reggae to electronica to pop. The series will climax with a special showcase of all five Live & Local artists headlined with an appearance by Cazwell on Sunday, September 28 at Forbidden.

Marc Pedraza (1)

(1)

Marc Pedraza is a modern day Gay version of Bob Marley. His music has a rich, soulful flare that resonates within the ears, hearts, and minds of his listeners. Marc’s music carries not only a tune, but a purpose and a message. His musical abilities to speak to his generation about the signs of the times.

(4)

(3) (5)

ARTIST HIGHLIGHTS

LIVE AND LOCAL 40

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Pedraza told us, “Bob Marley and Ani DiFranco are two of my biggest inspirations, both musically and politically. I also am deeply inspired by anyone who works non-violently to achieve unity, peace, respect and human rights for all people.” He’s not afraid to use his songs as a platform to discuss current issues and to speak out against the injustices he sees in the world. Marc performs on Sunday, September 7 at 11:30 a.m. during brunch at Apollo’s. Find out more about Marc and his music at www. myspace.com/marcpedraza

Kyle Shields (2)

You know those cute boys who stand behind those bars at your favorite watering holes and serve drinks every night to a bunch of drunken college

boys? Well, who knew one of them could sing?! Kyle Shields’ music is an orgy of electro-pop rock hip-hop goodness. Classically trained to sing as a child, Kyle decided to throw his potential future of having the lead in The Phantom of the Opera out the window when he was introduced to cigarettes and booze. Kyle keeps things funky and lets his mojo take its course when he’s creating music and producing all of his own tracks. The result is a fresh and blended sound of styles, tastes, and inspirations. ION asked Kyle if he could be any superhero who would it be and why. His reply was a little disturbing -- or erotic -depending on how you get down. “When I was younger, I used to pretend to be Cyclops from the XMen. I thought Storm’s powers were the coolest, but I always wanted to be Cyclops; probably because I wanted him to slap me around a little bit, if you know what I mean.” We couldn’t agree more! What gay boy doesn’t love a one-eyed monster? Kyle performs at icepics videobar on Friday, September 12 during “Bling Fridays” at 11:00 p.m. For more information about Kyle’s music visit: www.myspace.com/ musickyleshields

Lindsay Owen (3)

Lindsay Owen’s music is refreshing and beautiful. You won’t find much electronic or emo punk screaming around her stage. But you will find the soothing sounds of her angelic voice and acoustic guitar. Singing from the heart is what Lindsay does best and her music represents a heart full of love. Linsday’s music will remind you of the beautiful bliss and cheerful pep of being in love. Inspiration from Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge and Ani


by Bobby Hess

Calling all gays, straights, and otherwise identified individuals to the coolest concert series this scorching summer has got to offer. SWAY Events is proud to present Live & Local, the latest platform for queer music in Arizona. (2)

The Live & Local concert series will launch on Sunday, September 7 and will highlight every music genre from jazz to reggae to electronica to pop. The series will climax with a special showcase of all five Live & Local artists headlined with an appearance by Cazwell on Sunday, September 28 at Forbidden.

Marc Pedraza (1)

(1)

Marc Pedraza is a modern day Gay version of Bob Marley. His music has a rich, soulful flare that resonates within the ears, hearts, and minds of his listeners. Marc’s music carries not only a tune, but a purpose and a message. His musical abilities to speak to his generation about the signs of the times.

(4)

(3) (5)

ARTIST HIGHLIGHTS

LIVE AND LOCAL 40

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Pedraza told us, “Bob Marley and Ani DiFranco are two of my biggest inspirations, both musically and politically. I also am deeply inspired by anyone who works non-violently to achieve unity, peace, respect and human rights for all people.” He’s not afraid to use his songs as a platform to discuss current issues and to speak out against the injustices he sees in the world. Marc performs on Sunday, September 7 at 11:30 a.m. during brunch at Apollo’s. Find out more about Marc and his music at www. myspace.com/marcpedraza

Kyle Shields (2)

You know those cute boys who stand behind those bars at your favorite watering holes and serve drinks every night to a bunch of drunken college

boys? Well, who knew one of them could sing?! Kyle Shields’ music is an orgy of electro-pop rock hip-hop goodness. Classically trained to sing as a child, Kyle decided to throw his potential future of having the lead in The Phantom of the Opera out the window when he was introduced to cigarettes and booze. Kyle keeps things funky and lets his mojo take its course when he’s creating music and producing all of his own tracks. The result is a fresh and blended sound of styles, tastes, and inspirations. ION asked Kyle if he could be any superhero who would it be and why. His reply was a little disturbing -- or erotic -depending on how you get down. “When I was younger, I used to pretend to be Cyclops from the XMen. I thought Storm’s powers were the coolest, but I always wanted to be Cyclops; probably because I wanted him to slap me around a little bit, if you know what I mean.” We couldn’t agree more! What gay boy doesn’t love a one-eyed monster? Kyle performs at icepics videobar on Friday, September 12 during “Bling Fridays” at 11:00 p.m. For more information about Kyle’s music visit: www.myspace.com/ musickyleshields

Lindsay Owen (3)

Lindsay Owen’s music is refreshing and beautiful. You won’t find much electronic or emo punk screaming around her stage. But you will find the soothing sounds of her angelic voice and acoustic guitar. Singing from the heart is what Lindsay does best and her music represents a heart full of love. Linsday’s music will remind you of the beautiful bliss and cheerful pep of being in love. Inspiration from Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge and Ani


DiFranco is clearly heard in Lindsay’s music.

Pink and Missy Elliott. Now let’s get down to the dirty details:

Lindsay told us, “I love how music has the ability to bring people together. Music transcends everything in life and I think that is a pretty rare and an amazing gift. Also, as a songwriter, music helps me find the words that I often struggle to fit into everyday conversation. But when I’m able to put words to music, it seems to flow so much easier, and comes to me in a more natural way.”

ION asked “If you could be any super hero, who would it be and why?” and his response was nothing short of provocative (Parents cover your children’s ears -- this portion of ION‘s Live & Local exposé ain’t your typical bed-time story.)

When ION asked Lindsay, “If you could be any super hero who would you be?” she told us, “The Caffei’nator. I would seek out those poor decaffeinted saps that seem to have lost the spring in their step and give them a little jolt of liquid magic. Everyone needs a little pick me up, right?” Lindsay said her special powers would help her “to do stupid things faster and with more energy ... and help others do the same.” Her side kick? “Half n’ half-a-nator ... naturally.” Cool gadgets? “Flavored syrup belt. Variety is important.” Lindsay will be performing at Copper Star Coffee on Saturday, September 13, at 7 p.m. www.myspace.com/ lindseyowenmusic

Geoffrey Paris (4) Geoffrey produces and performs his own electronica. No one really knows how it is done, but it makes one hell of a show! Geoffrey told ION that “it was my first boyfriend that got me started. He helped me create my first track and after that I was hooked” (on the music, not the boyfriend, he didn’t make the cut). His inspirations are the ever-so-delectable 42

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

“I would be called ‘SUPER FAG,’ so I could turn any straight boy Gay. I would ban all the uglies from the planet, with one subtle touch I would make you cream your pants and make you feel like you’re rollin’. Obviously, I would be able to fly (no more sucking off Harry Potter for his Nimbus 2000) and I could make everyone believe it’s not butter.” That sounds like the next Marvel super hero movie -- or at the least the next Falcon Studios flick! Geoffrey performs at Forbidden on Friday, September 19. Doors open at 8 p.m. www.myspace.com/ krazyclubkid2000

Jeffrey Hattrick (5)

The cool sound of jazz penetrates the summer air with the revitalizing sound of Jeffrey Hattrick. Singing from the heart and following the footsteps of timeless classics like Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and Michael Bublé, Jeffrey’s music reverberates with the sounds of contemporary jazz, rhythm and soul. Singing since he was six-years-old, as Jeffrey continued to grow, so did his musical gift and talent. Jeffrey’s music is an extension of himself and when he writes, he’s showing himself and who he is. As a singer and songwriter, Jeffrey has perfected his ability to take a feeling or emotion, translate it into music. Any man, woman, boy, or girl (over the age of 21 ‘cause you’ve got to get into Kobalt to see

him perform with Live & Local) will fall in love with Jeffrey’s musical charm and passionate serenades. Jeffrey performs on Monday, September 22 at 9 p.m. at Kobalt. www.myspace. com/jeffreyhattrick Live & Local is a new concept that embraces this diversified group of queer musicians that SWAY chose after a threemonth long casting call. L & L gives these artists a platform to share their music with the community. SWAY Events’ Katy June tells ION, “We’re excited to stand behind this powerful, exemplary group of musicians. There’s lots of queer music and so many musicians hiding in the woodwork; we want to bring them to the forefront. Our Live & Local program is proud to showcase them and provide queer music with a stronger voice and more community sustainability.” During the month of September the SWAY Street Team will be handing out compilation CDs with a track from each of their local artist including a special Cazwell cut. SWAYevents.com will also be launching a brand new Live & Local tab on their website. This will be an interactive place where local musicians can promote themselves, their shows, and network with other like-minded folk. It’ll also be a really fun place where you can jam to some Phoenix based queer music. SWAY’s Helena Grayson enthusiastically told us, “We are working with some rad record labels and music promoters to really make the SWAY Live & Local site interactive, fun, and full of rockin’ energy.” The Live & Local program will be an ongoing effort. Following the bad-ass queer music showcase on Sunday, September 28 at 5 p.m., you’ll be able to keep up with Live & Local artists at Forbidden, where SWAY will be producing a weekly Wednesday where Gay AZ can get their music fix. Log on to www.swayevents.com September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43


DiFranco is clearly heard in Lindsay’s music.

Pink and Missy Elliott. Now let’s get down to the dirty details:

Lindsay told us, “I love how music has the ability to bring people together. Music transcends everything in life and I think that is a pretty rare and an amazing gift. Also, as a songwriter, music helps me find the words that I often struggle to fit into everyday conversation. But when I’m able to put words to music, it seems to flow so much easier, and comes to me in a more natural way.”

ION asked “If you could be any super hero, who would it be and why?” and his response was nothing short of provocative (Parents cover your children’s ears -- this portion of ION‘s Live & Local exposé ain’t your typical bed-time story.)

When ION asked Lindsay, “If you could be any super hero who would you be?” she told us, “The Caffei’nator. I would seek out those poor decaffeinted saps that seem to have lost the spring in their step and give them a little jolt of liquid magic. Everyone needs a little pick me up, right?” Lindsay said her special powers would help her “to do stupid things faster and with more energy ... and help others do the same.” Her side kick? “Half n’ half-a-nator ... naturally.” Cool gadgets? “Flavored syrup belt. Variety is important.” Lindsay will be performing at Copper Star Coffee on Saturday, September 13, at 7 p.m. www.myspace.com/ lindseyowenmusic

Geoffrey Paris (4) Geoffrey produces and performs his own electronica. No one really knows how it is done, but it makes one hell of a show! Geoffrey told ION that “it was my first boyfriend that got me started. He helped me create my first track and after that I was hooked” (on the music, not the boyfriend, he didn’t make the cut). His inspirations are the ever-so-delectable 42

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

“I would be called ‘SUPER FAG,’ so I could turn any straight boy Gay. I would ban all the uglies from the planet, with one subtle touch I would make you cream your pants and make you feel like you’re rollin’. Obviously, I would be able to fly (no more sucking off Harry Potter for his Nimbus 2000) and I could make everyone believe it’s not butter.” That sounds like the next Marvel super hero movie -- or at the least the next Falcon Studios flick! Geoffrey performs at Forbidden on Friday, September 19. Doors open at 8 p.m. www.myspace.com/ krazyclubkid2000

Jeffrey Hattrick (5)

The cool sound of jazz penetrates the summer air with the revitalizing sound of Jeffrey Hattrick. Singing from the heart and following the footsteps of timeless classics like Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and Michael Bublé, Jeffrey’s music reverberates with the sounds of contemporary jazz, rhythm and soul. Singing since he was six-years-old, as Jeffrey continued to grow, so did his musical gift and talent. Jeffrey’s music is an extension of himself and when he writes, he’s showing himself and who he is. As a singer and songwriter, Jeffrey has perfected his ability to take a feeling or emotion, translate it into music. Any man, woman, boy, or girl (over the age of 21 ‘cause you’ve got to get into Kobalt to see

him perform with Live & Local) will fall in love with Jeffrey’s musical charm and passionate serenades. Jeffrey performs on Monday, September 22 at 9 p.m. at Kobalt. www.myspace. com/jeffreyhattrick Live & Local is a new concept that embraces this diversified group of queer musicians that SWAY chose after a threemonth long casting call. L & L gives these artists a platform to share their music with the community. SWAY Events’ Katy June tells ION, “We’re excited to stand behind this powerful, exemplary group of musicians. There’s lots of queer music and so many musicians hiding in the woodwork; we want to bring them to the forefront. Our Live & Local program is proud to showcase them and provide queer music with a stronger voice and more community sustainability.” During the month of September the SWAY Street Team will be handing out compilation CDs with a track from each of their local artist including a special Cazwell cut. SWAYevents.com will also be launching a brand new Live & Local tab on their website. This will be an interactive place where local musicians can promote themselves, their shows, and network with other like-minded folk. It’ll also be a really fun place where you can jam to some Phoenix based queer music. SWAY’s Helena Grayson enthusiastically told us, “We are working with some rad record labels and music promoters to really make the SWAY Live & Local site interactive, fun, and full of rockin’ energy.” The Live & Local program will be an ongoing effort. Following the bad-ass queer music showcase on Sunday, September 28 at 5 p.m., you’ll be able to keep up with Live & Local artists at Forbidden, where SWAY will be producing a weekly Wednesday where Gay AZ can get their music fix. Log on to www.swayevents.com September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43


Ad donated by ION Arizona

44

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45


Ad donated by ION Arizona

44

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45


Blackbeard: The Musical

Aaargh, mateys! Don’t miss this exciting new musical about America’s most notorious pirate who pillaged and plundered his way into legend and lore with his brazen blockades. It premieres at the Herberger Theatre Center Stage at 222 E. Monroe in Phoenix from September 5-27. Call 602-252-8497 for tickets.

The Rocky Horror Show

Time warp over to the Phoenix Theater – it’s just a jump to the left – for The Nearly Naked Theatre’s crowd pleasing re-mount of this Science Fiction Double Feature crazy cult classic through September 13. There’s a light over at the Little Theatre of Phoenix Theatre at 100 E. McDowell Road. Call for tix at 602-274-2432. “Oh, Rocky!”

SEPTEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

9/4-10/11 4-21

Wait Until Dark All Night Strut

Hale Centre Theatre Playhouse in the Park

480-497-1181 602-254-2151

5-6 5-27 thru 9/7 5-14 12-21 12-28 12 13 thru 9/13 12-13 19-20 thru 9/21 24-10/19 9/25-10/11 9/25-10/11 thru 9/27 26-27 27 thru 10/5 thru 11/16

Rob Little Blackbeard: The Musical A Chorus Line Los Illegals Last of the Red Hot Lovers Doubt: A Parable Carlos Mencia Jim Gaffigan The Rocky Horror Show Vic Dunlop Gary Valentine Seussical, Jr. The Producers As You Like It Everything Will Be Different Honky Tonk Angels Kleo the Cat! Robert Wuhl Nunsense: A Men Not Now, Darling

The Comedy Spot Herberger Theatre Center ASU Gammage Teatro Bravo Tempe Center for the Arts Herberger Theatre Ctr. Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre Phoenix Theater The Comedy Spot The Comedy Spot Scottsdale Desert Stages Phoenix Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theaters Stray Cat Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre Kerr Cultural Center Mesa Arts Center Scottsdale Desert Stages Copperstate Dinner Theatre

480-945-4422 602-252-8497 480-965-3434 602-258-1800 480-350-2822 602-252-8497 623-772-3200 602-379-2888 602-274-2432 480-945-4422 480-945-4422 480-483-1664 602-254-2121 480-644-6560 480-820-8022 480-325-6700 480-596-2660 480-664-6560 480-483-1664 602-279-3129

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47


Blackbeard: The Musical

Aaargh, mateys! Don’t miss this exciting new musical about America’s most notorious pirate who pillaged and plundered his way into legend and lore with his brazen blockades. It premieres at the Herberger Theatre Center Stage at 222 E. Monroe in Phoenix from September 5-27. Call 602-252-8497 for tickets.

The Rocky Horror Show

Time warp over to the Phoenix Theater – it’s just a jump to the left – for The Nearly Naked Theatre’s crowd pleasing re-mount of this Science Fiction Double Feature crazy cult classic through September 13. There’s a light over at the Little Theatre of Phoenix Theatre at 100 E. McDowell Road. Call for tix at 602-274-2432. “Oh, Rocky!”

SEPTEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

9/4-10/11 4-21

Wait Until Dark All Night Strut

Hale Centre Theatre Playhouse in the Park

480-497-1181 602-254-2151

5-6 5-27 thru 9/7 5-14 12-21 12-28 12 13 thru 9/13 12-13 19-20 thru 9/21 24-10/19 9/25-10/11 9/25-10/11 thru 9/27 26-27 27 thru 10/5 thru 11/16

Rob Little Blackbeard: The Musical A Chorus Line Los Illegals Last of the Red Hot Lovers Doubt: A Parable Carlos Mencia Jim Gaffigan The Rocky Horror Show Vic Dunlop Gary Valentine Seussical, Jr. The Producers As You Like It Everything Will Be Different Honky Tonk Angels Kleo the Cat! Robert Wuhl Nunsense: A Men Not Now, Darling

The Comedy Spot Herberger Theatre Center ASU Gammage Teatro Bravo Tempe Center for the Arts Herberger Theatre Ctr. Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre Phoenix Theater The Comedy Spot The Comedy Spot Scottsdale Desert Stages Phoenix Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theaters Stray Cat Theatre B’way Palm Dinner Theatre Kerr Cultural Center Mesa Arts Center Scottsdale Desert Stages Copperstate Dinner Theatre

480-945-4422 602-252-8497 480-965-3434 602-258-1800 480-350-2822 602-252-8497 623-772-3200 602-379-2888 602-274-2432 480-945-4422 480-945-4422 480-483-1664 602-254-2121 480-644-6560 480-820-8022 480-325-6700 480-596-2660 480-664-6560 480-483-1664 602-279-3129

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47


Born to be Wild Thaiger C’mon babe … take a wok on the wild side. The promised culinary adventure at The Wild Thaiger definitely doesn’t disappoint. Everything they make is fresh and made to order. You like spicy? You can get any kind of spicy you want. So hot you may want to bring a change of clothes since you’ll sweat like a sinner on Judgement Day.

More Restaurants. More Choices. More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Nestled near the light rail tracks on Central Avenue, The Wild Thaiger has weathered the construction and survived by serving up some of the best Thai cuisine in town and become a much loved staple for lovers of the exotic cuisine of the mystic Orient for five years now. The restaurant is tastefully appointed and has a wonderful patio right on Central. Don’t miss out on their appetizers. With ten exciting starters to choose from, we settled on the toothsome Corn Fritters. You’ll get a plate with clusters of crunchy, battered corn niblets that have been kissed with a sweet glaze and mounted on top of a delightful bed of a marinade of diced cucumber, minced jalapenos

and red onion. Or try Thai treats like the Satay Sampler, Tofu Towers and Chicken Lettuce Wraps, to name a few. Prices range $5.95 to $9.95. Don’t miss the quartet of salads they offer or the flaming Hot Pots with fabulous names like Tom Yum Goong or Tom Ka Gai. I’m not even going to stoop so low to make that vulgar joke everybody makes twisting around phony words so it ends up sounding dirty. Shame on you! Don’t be rude! It’s food! The Wild Thaiger also has four lip smacking curry dishes. Carnivores will go for the Beef Panang with tender cutlets in a red curry with zesty kaffir lime. All are served with aromatic jasmine rice. Most curry dishes are $8.95-$9.95. These are available vegetarian style, too. Don’t forget the Thai classic Pad Thai. The Wild Thaiger serves up a generous bowl of rice noodles tossed with chicken, shrimp, fried tofu, bean sprouts and peanuts. Five more dishes round out the Rice and Noodle category including Phuket Fantasea with shrimp, scallops and Asian veggies in a savory broth with September 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM September WWW.IONAZ.COM 49


Born to be Wild Thaiger C’mon babe … take a wok on the wild side. The promised culinary adventure at The Wild Thaiger definitely doesn’t disappoint. Everything they make is fresh and made to order. You like spicy? You can get any kind of spicy you want. So hot you may want to bring a change of clothes since you’ll sweat like a sinner on Judgement Day.

More Restaurants. More Choices. More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Nestled near the light rail tracks on Central Avenue, The Wild Thaiger has weathered the construction and survived by serving up some of the best Thai cuisine in town and become a much loved staple for lovers of the exotic cuisine of the mystic Orient for five years now. The restaurant is tastefully appointed and has a wonderful patio right on Central. Don’t miss out on their appetizers. With ten exciting starters to choose from, we settled on the toothsome Corn Fritters. You’ll get a plate with clusters of crunchy, battered corn niblets that have been kissed with a sweet glaze and mounted on top of a delightful bed of a marinade of diced cucumber, minced jalapenos

and red onion. Or try Thai treats like the Satay Sampler, Tofu Towers and Chicken Lettuce Wraps, to name a few. Prices range $5.95 to $9.95. Don’t miss the quartet of salads they offer or the flaming Hot Pots with fabulous names like Tom Yum Goong or Tom Ka Gai. I’m not even going to stoop so low to make that vulgar joke everybody makes twisting around phony words so it ends up sounding dirty. Shame on you! Don’t be rude! It’s food! The Wild Thaiger also has four lip smacking curry dishes. Carnivores will go for the Beef Panang with tender cutlets in a red curry with zesty kaffir lime. All are served with aromatic jasmine rice. Most curry dishes are $8.95-$9.95. These are available vegetarian style, too. Don’t forget the Thai classic Pad Thai. The Wild Thaiger serves up a generous bowl of rice noodles tossed with chicken, shrimp, fried tofu, bean sprouts and peanuts. Five more dishes round out the Rice and Noodle category including Phuket Fantasea with shrimp, scallops and Asian veggies in a savory broth with September 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM September WWW.IONAZ.COM 49


blue cellophane noodles. Rice and Noodle dishes are strikingly affordable at $8.95-$16.95 Grrrr! The Wild Thaiger also features ferocious specialties like Jungle Love with wild boar, Pla Cuk Grapao with – meow! – catfish, and Thaiger Ribs. Prices range from $8.95-$16.95. Save room for dessert. The Fried Banana is a tasty, crispy, coconutcovered banana that’s been – yes – deep fried and served with homemade ice cream. How good can that be? You can’t miss with this one. So catch The Wild Thaiger by its toe! You’ll be glad you did. WILD THAIGER 2631 N. Central Ave. (602) 241-8995 Mon-Thurs 11 a.m. – 9 p.m. Fri & Sat 11 a.m. – 10 p.m. Sun 5-9 p.m. www.wildthaiger.com

50

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51


blue cellophane noodles. Rice and Noodle dishes are strikingly affordable at $8.95-$16.95 Grrrr! The Wild Thaiger also features ferocious specialties like Jungle Love with wild boar, Pla Cuk Grapao with – meow! – catfish, and Thaiger Ribs. Prices range from $8.95-$16.95. Save room for dessert. The Fried Banana is a tasty, crispy, coconutcovered banana that’s been – yes – deep fried and served with homemade ice cream. How good can that be? You can’t miss with this one. So catch The Wild Thaiger by its toe! You’ll be glad you did. WILD THAIGER 2631 N. Central Ave. (602) 241-8995 Mon-Thurs 11 a.m. – 9 p.m. Fri & Sat 11 a.m. – 10 p.m. Sun 5-9 p.m. www.wildthaiger.com

50

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51


52

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53


52

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53


54

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55


54

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55


56

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57


56

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57


58

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59


58

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59


60

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61


60

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61


62

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63


62

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63


64

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65


64

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65


66

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67


66

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67


68

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69


68

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69


70

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71


70

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71


What They’re Wearing: Nasty Pig Underwear available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 54, 63, 64, 67, Calendar) Colt Underwear available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 52, 57, 59) Colt Leather Gear available at Root Seller Gallery (Cover, Pg. 73) Steel Arm Band available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 52, Calendar) Root Seller Gallery is located at 4025 North 16th Street, Phoenix. (602) 265-ROOT Bico Chain available at The Off Chute Too (Cover) Bico Tribal Necklace available at The Off Chute Too (Calendar) The Off Chute Too is located at 4115 North 7th Avenue, Phoenix. (602) 274-1429 Other apparel includes Dickie’s Coveralls, American Apparel Tank, & Models’ & Stylists’ own Jeans and Boots.

Hot Wheels: Ferarri 355FI from Dream Carz of Arizona - thanks to George Sultzman & J.M. “Sully” Sullivan Prowler, Chevy Malibu, and Ford Bronco courtesy Community Tire

Photo Credits: Photography by Carl James Models are Claude from Dick’s Cabaret and Abram Clark Art Direction Kevin Bushaw and Casey Hodges Makeup by Anton Khatchaturian Production Assistant Blue Shot on location at Community Tire- thanks to Howard and Patty Fleischman. Thanks to Cynthia and Freakk from Dick’s Cabaret Special thanks to Casey Hodges and Zoë

72

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73


What They’re Wearing: Nasty Pig Underwear available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 54, 63, 64, 67, Calendar) Colt Underwear available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 52, 57, 59) Colt Leather Gear available at Root Seller Gallery (Cover, Pg. 73) Steel Arm Band available at Root Seller Gallery (Pg. 52, Calendar) Root Seller Gallery is located at 4025 North 16th Street, Phoenix. (602) 265-ROOT Bico Chain available at The Off Chute Too (Cover) Bico Tribal Necklace available at The Off Chute Too (Calendar) The Off Chute Too is located at 4115 North 7th Avenue, Phoenix. (602) 274-1429 Other apparel includes Dickie’s Coveralls, American Apparel Tank, & Models’ & Stylists’ own Jeans and Boots.

Hot Wheels: Ferarri 355FI from Dream Carz of Arizona - thanks to George Sultzman & J.M. “Sully” Sullivan Prowler, Chevy Malibu, and Ford Bronco courtesy Community Tire

Photo Credits: Photography by Carl James Models are Claude from Dick’s Cabaret and Abram Clark Art Direction Kevin Bushaw and Casey Hodges Makeup by Anton Khatchaturian Production Assistant Blue Shot on location at Community Tire- thanks to Howard and Patty Fleischman. Thanks to Cynthia and Freakk from Dick’s Cabaret Special thanks to Casey Hodges and Zoë

72

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73


74

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75


74

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75


ION PARTY CAMS

76

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

FOR ALL THE SPLASH BASH PICTURES, PICK UP THE OCTOBER ION ARIZONA

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77


ION PARTY CAMS

76

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

FOR ALL THE SPLASH BASH PICTURES, PICK UP THE OCTOBER ION ARIZONA

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77


Vol. 2, Issue 6

SEPTEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! ������������������������������������������������������

Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Olympics Interrupted When President Bush Wets Pants BEIJING – The Olympic opening ceremonies were temporarily interrupted when President George W. Bush lost control of his bladder and wet his pants on August 8.

�����������

big ol’ firecrackers he hollered and liked to jumped outta his seat and then the pee just ran right outta him.” The incident interrupted the spectacle of the History of the Ming Dynasty where 2,008 vases were created by Chinese artisans.

“I told him he’d better take care of his ‘big boy business’ – as we like to call it in Crawford – before he left the hotel, but oh no. He couldn’t be bothered. ‘I’m fine, Mama, I don’t need to go,’ he promised,” said his mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush.

The suave and debonair French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who wore an elegant worsted wool suit throughout the hot, humid, stifling event and barely broke a sweat snickered, “Look at zee silly Monsieur Bush. He wet zee panties like zee leetle baby. He The opening ceremonies of the 29th wear zee Members Only jacket, too. C’est Olympiad lasted for a bladder-bursting five ������������������������������������������������������ embarrassante!” hours. First Lady Laura Bush usually packs a pair of Depends Adult Diapers in her purse Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger for����������������������������������������������������� the President for just such occasions. “I who also attended the event said, “This tried telling Dubya, ‘Now listen, honey, there is more humiliating to me than anything ain’t no way, no how you can drink yourself Richard Nixon ever did in public. Bush peed a 44-ounce Cherry Coca-Cola, four of all over my shoes, damn fool!” those big glasses of some other funny green Chinese kind of Kool-Aid stuff, three bottles Bush later apologized saying, “Sorry I pissed of Yoo-Hoo! and a six-pack of beer – I mean all over your Olympics. But wait’ll you see lemonade – and not have to go winky-tink’ what I left you at the Great Wall.” but he swore up and down that he’d be fine. But sure as shootin’, soon as they lit off them

�����������

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� 78

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79


Vol. 2, Issue 6

SEPTEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! ������������������������������������������������������

Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Olympics Interrupted When President Bush Wets Pants BEIJING – The Olympic opening ceremonies were temporarily interrupted when President George W. Bush lost control of his bladder and wet his pants on August 8.

�����������

big ol’ firecrackers he hollered and liked to jumped outta his seat and then the pee just ran right outta him.” The incident interrupted the spectacle of the History of the Ming Dynasty where 2,008 vases were created by Chinese artisans.

“I told him he’d better take care of his ‘big boy business’ – as we like to call it in Crawford – before he left the hotel, but oh no. He couldn’t be bothered. ‘I’m fine, Mama, I don’t need to go,’ he promised,” said his mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush.

The suave and debonair French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who wore an elegant worsted wool suit throughout the hot, humid, stifling event and barely broke a sweat snickered, “Look at zee silly Monsieur Bush. He wet zee panties like zee leetle baby. He The opening ceremonies of the 29th wear zee Members Only jacket, too. C’est Olympiad lasted for a bladder-bursting five ������������������������������������������������������ embarrassante!” hours. First Lady Laura Bush usually packs a pair of Depends Adult Diapers in her purse Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger for����������������������������������������������������� the President for just such occasions. “I who also attended the event said, “This tried telling Dubya, ‘Now listen, honey, there is more humiliating to me than anything ain’t no way, no how you can drink yourself Richard Nixon ever did in public. Bush peed a 44-ounce Cherry Coca-Cola, four of all over my shoes, damn fool!” those big glasses of some other funny green Chinese kind of Kool-Aid stuff, three bottles Bush later apologized saying, “Sorry I pissed of Yoo-Hoo! and a six-pack of beer – I mean all over your Olympics. But wait’ll you see lemonade – and not have to go winky-tink’ what I left you at the Great Wall.” but he swore up and down that he’d be fine. But sure as shootin’, soon as they lit off them

�����������

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� 78

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79


�����������

LA Gangs Boycott Mamma Mia! ����������� �����������

The Wicked Ass COMPTON, Surenos gang California – The felt that the film entertainment would be greatly industry and street improved with gangs across the violence, drugs, country were and other illegal rocked when the ������������������������������������������������������ actions. “You gangs of east Los need someone Angeles publicly getting’ all declared a boycott ����������������������������������������������������� gangster and on Universal poppin’ a cap Pictures feature in some po-po’s film, Mamma Mia! ass, know what I’m sayin’, essey?” starring Academy Award winning actress, Meryl Streetp. Lil’ Juancito Pachuco, the “big boy” or boss of the Tiny Rascals Gang complained, United for the first time, the notorious “We drove all the way to Westwood in our Crips and Bloods joined forces with gangs bucket and laid out twelve dead presidents including the Big Time Locos, Los Crazy to see these locos goin’ off in other people’s Homeboyz, the 18th Street Gang and the property. Man, it was effed up!” sinister Mara Salvatrucha to denounce the ������������������������������������������������������ ������������������������������������������������������ fluffy, frothy musical. Hollywood executives have created a Board of Gang Related Motion Picture Interests “Those fools be short, know what I’m ����������������������������������������������������� ����������������������������������������������������� in an effort to create violent, drug-related sayin’?” said Ernesto “Macho Nacho” films that will carry a national appeal to gang Contreras, gang member. “Me and my members and their homeys. homeys thought it was gonna be about some bros, ‘hos and bitches, but it was stone cold! A nationwide coalition of gang leaders Some chola and her blancas bustin’ moves has also agreed that they will not go see and singing to some funky shizzle called Spamalot, either, should it be made into a ABBA.” Many gang music experts agreed, motion picture. “You need something old skool, like Tupac, or the Notorious B.I.G., if you gonna keep it real,” the said.

����������� �����������

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

80

��������������������������������� ������������������������������������������������������ �����������������������������������������������������

End of the World May Be Canceled Due to Disagreements

MEXICO CITY relatives or employees – Experts, historians, out from the activity. psychics, visionaries, astronomers, soothsayers, Nearly thirty oracles and religious prognostications fanatics have agreed describing the that the The End Of The������������������������������������������������������ TEOTWAWKI were World As We Know It – or made for the years TEOTWAWKI – is slated covering 2007 and 2010. ����������������������������������������������������� to happen on December March 21, 2008, saw 21, 2012 11:11 a.m. GMT Armageddon according according to inscriptions to British fringe religious on the famous, ancient group. Others predicted Mayan calendar. Carved around 3372, B.C., the Great Tribulation to begin on April 6, some historians say the ancient civilizations 2008. Another faction promised that the calendar points to a grand finale for planet Seventh Seal of Book of Revelations to Earth shortly after All My Children starts and take effect on April 17, 2008. Clearly the the end of a glorious 5,126 era according to TEOTWAWKI was moving toward a warmer the “long count” calendar of the Mayans. weather.

�����������

���������������������������������

It’s slated to happen on a Friday, but naysayers say are weary of failed predictions for TEOTWAWKI.

Pope Leo IX said TEOTWAWKI will happen in 2014. The Qur’an says 2280. Nostradamus guessed 3797 while some scientists claim we have until 1,000,000 A.D. when the Earth “Look, it didn’t happen when we hit the year will be destroyed by Gamma Rays. ������������������������������������������������������ 2000. My VCR kept working and the Y2K Bug never made my computer explode – and “I can’t keep living like this,” cried Abigail it ran Windows,” said Ryan Targill, 38, a civil Robotham of Burbank, California. “I’ve got ����������������������������������������������������� engineer. “Now I have a Mac, and frankly, to plan ahead. And if it happens on Friday it I’m not worried about the world ending totally ruin Happy Hour at The Smog Cutter anymore.” Lounge.

����������� According to one religious cult’s mystic, Eli Eshoh, on June 6, 1998, 603,729 people were taken up in the Rapture based on the numerology of 666. That means a lot of people didn’t show up for work on the next day. Ironically, nobody reported any missing

Lack of interest is so great that experts advise that it’s safe to plan on getting drunk at your office Holiday Party on Friday, December 21, 2012 and photocopy your ass on the Xerox machine.

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81


�����������

LA Gangs Boycott Mamma Mia! ����������� �����������

The Wicked Ass COMPTON, Surenos gang California – The felt that the film entertainment would be greatly industry and street improved with gangs across the violence, drugs, country were and other illegal rocked when the ������������������������������������������������������ actions. “You gangs of east Los need someone Angeles publicly getting’ all declared a boycott ����������������������������������������������������� gangster and on Universal poppin’ a cap Pictures feature in some po-po’s film, Mamma Mia! ass, know what I’m sayin’, essey?” starring Academy Award winning actress, Meryl Streetp. Lil’ Juancito Pachuco, the “big boy” or boss of the Tiny Rascals Gang complained, United for the first time, the notorious “We drove all the way to Westwood in our Crips and Bloods joined forces with gangs bucket and laid out twelve dead presidents including the Big Time Locos, Los Crazy to see these locos goin’ off in other people’s Homeboyz, the 18th Street Gang and the property. Man, it was effed up!” sinister Mara Salvatrucha to denounce the ������������������������������������������������������ ������������������������������������������������������ fluffy, frothy musical. Hollywood executives have created a Board of Gang Related Motion Picture Interests “Those fools be short, know what I’m ����������������������������������������������������� ����������������������������������������������������� in an effort to create violent, drug-related sayin’?” said Ernesto “Macho Nacho” films that will carry a national appeal to gang Contreras, gang member. “Me and my members and their homeys. homeys thought it was gonna be about some bros, ‘hos and bitches, but it was stone cold! A nationwide coalition of gang leaders Some chola and her blancas bustin’ moves has also agreed that they will not go see and singing to some funky shizzle called Spamalot, either, should it be made into a ABBA.” Many gang music experts agreed, motion picture. “You need something old skool, like Tupac, or the Notorious B.I.G., if you gonna keep it real,” the said.

����������� �����������

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

80

��������������������������������� ������������������������������������������������������ �����������������������������������������������������

End of the World May Be Canceled Due to Disagreements

MEXICO CITY relatives or employees – Experts, historians, out from the activity. psychics, visionaries, astronomers, soothsayers, Nearly thirty oracles and religious prognostications fanatics have agreed describing the that the The End Of The������������������������������������������������������ TEOTWAWKI were World As We Know It – or made for the years TEOTWAWKI – is slated covering 2007 and 2010. ����������������������������������������������������� to happen on December March 21, 2008, saw 21, 2012 11:11 a.m. GMT Armageddon according according to inscriptions to British fringe religious on the famous, ancient group. Others predicted Mayan calendar. Carved around 3372, B.C., the Great Tribulation to begin on April 6, some historians say the ancient civilizations 2008. Another faction promised that the calendar points to a grand finale for planet Seventh Seal of Book of Revelations to Earth shortly after All My Children starts and take effect on April 17, 2008. Clearly the the end of a glorious 5,126 era according to TEOTWAWKI was moving toward a warmer the “long count” calendar of the Mayans. weather.

�����������

���������������������������������

It’s slated to happen on a Friday, but naysayers say are weary of failed predictions for TEOTWAWKI.

Pope Leo IX said TEOTWAWKI will happen in 2014. The Qur’an says 2280. Nostradamus guessed 3797 while some scientists claim we have until 1,000,000 A.D. when the Earth “Look, it didn’t happen when we hit the year will be destroyed by Gamma Rays. ������������������������������������������������������ 2000. My VCR kept working and the Y2K Bug never made my computer explode – and “I can’t keep living like this,” cried Abigail it ran Windows,” said Ryan Targill, 38, a civil Robotham of Burbank, California. “I’ve got ����������������������������������������������������� engineer. “Now I have a Mac, and frankly, to plan ahead. And if it happens on Friday it I’m not worried about the world ending totally ruin Happy Hour at The Smog Cutter anymore.” Lounge.

����������� According to one religious cult’s mystic, Eli Eshoh, on June 6, 1998, 603,729 people were taken up in the Rapture based on the numerology of 666. That means a lot of people didn’t show up for work on the next day. Ironically, nobody reported any missing

Lack of interest is so great that experts advise that it’s safe to plan on getting drunk at your office Holiday Party on Friday, December 21, 2012 and photocopy your ass on the Xerox machine.

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

����������������������������������������������������� September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81


�����������

������������������������������������������������������

Sen. McCain’s Manhunt.net Sexy Profile “Exposed”

�����������������������������������������������������

in long, hot, BOSTON – In the rough sessions wake of his highly in my Oval publicized $2,300 Dungeon. donation to Sen. ������������������������������������������������������ Must be able John McCain’s to take it presidential long, hard and ����������������������������������������������������� campaign, Jonathan deep. I charge Crutchley, the $400,000 co-founder and per year plus chairman of hot and benefits. steamy homo hookLooking to up website Manhunt. (Republican) net revealed that Party and Play the silver-haired with tight-ass Republican White pussy nation House hopeful is a while my wife paid subscriber of watches. You the site. won’t be able to walk right for 4-8 years, guaranteed. Appointments taken starting “It’s true,” said one anonymous Tuesday, November 4, 2008 for playdates administrative assistant at Manhunt’s anytime after January 20, 2009. Lobbyists & headquarters in Boston. “He’s had a profile Big Business welcome! No war or deficit too online since he got the donation. His screen freaky. No fats, fems, twinkies, clown fuckers name is ‘AZ/DC (GO)Party ������������������������������������������������������ Maverick’” or Democrats, please. U B serious. Call me he revealed. “His profile is shocking. Even now at 202-224-2235 or hopefully 202-456for the lust-driven guys who regularly use ����������������������������������������������������� 1414 after 1/20/09. Leave message. P.S. Manhunt,” he added. “He’s available for – Beer provided.” escort work, too.”

����������� �����������

����������� Manhunt.net execs made the senator’s profile available in an exclusive to OUTrageous News: “GOP Male, 73, seeks 135,889,600 registered voters to assist me in gangbang of 301,139,947 Americans. Me: ex-military, power-top daddy seeking to get serviced by desperate American pig bottoms

The power-horny McCain was a regular on Craigslist until Crutchley made him the maximum tax-deductible offer allowed. The nation is still waiting to find out how big McCain’s presidential budget is and if it’s cut or uncut.

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

82

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

����������������������������������������������������� September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83


�����������

������������������������������������������������������

Sen. McCain’s Manhunt.net Sexy Profile “Exposed”

�����������������������������������������������������

in long, hot, BOSTON – In the rough sessions wake of his highly in my Oval publicized $2,300 Dungeon. donation to Sen. ������������������������������������������������������ Must be able John McCain’s to take it presidential long, hard and ����������������������������������������������������� campaign, Jonathan deep. I charge Crutchley, the $400,000 co-founder and per year plus chairman of hot and benefits. steamy homo hookLooking to up website Manhunt. (Republican) net revealed that Party and Play the silver-haired with tight-ass Republican White pussy nation House hopeful is a while my wife paid subscriber of watches. You the site. won’t be able to walk right for 4-8 years, guaranteed. Appointments taken starting “It’s true,” said one anonymous Tuesday, November 4, 2008 for playdates administrative assistant at Manhunt’s anytime after January 20, 2009. Lobbyists & headquarters in Boston. “He’s had a profile Big Business welcome! No war or deficit too online since he got the donation. His screen freaky. No fats, fems, twinkies, clown fuckers name is ‘AZ/DC (GO)Party ������������������������������������������������������ Maverick’” or Democrats, please. U B serious. Call me he revealed. “His profile is shocking. Even now at 202-224-2235 or hopefully 202-456for the lust-driven guys who regularly use ����������������������������������������������������� 1414 after 1/20/09. Leave message. P.S. Manhunt,” he added. “He’s available for – Beer provided.” escort work, too.”

����������� �����������

����������� Manhunt.net execs made the senator’s profile available in an exclusive to OUTrageous News: “GOP Male, 73, seeks 135,889,600 registered voters to assist me in gangbang of 301,139,947 Americans. Me: ex-military, power-top daddy seeking to get serviced by desperate American pig bottoms

The power-horny McCain was a regular on Craigslist until Crutchley made him the maximum tax-deductible offer allowed. The nation is still waiting to find out how big McCain’s presidential budget is and if it’s cut or uncut.

�����������

������������������������������������������������������

82

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

����������������������������������������������������� September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83


84

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

cellblock

Closed until further notice

(602) 266-5640

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

COMING IN OCT: New Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

21.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

23.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

25.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

26.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

27.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

28.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

29.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

30.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85


84

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

cellblock

Closed until further notice

(602) 266-5640

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

14.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

15.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

16.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17.

COMING IN OCT: New Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

18.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

19.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

20.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

21.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

23.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

25.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

26.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

27.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

28.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

29.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

30.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85


������������������� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

PHOENIX

��������

�������

��������������������������� ����������������

����������������� ��������������������������������

������������������������������ ����������������

�������������������� �����������

������������������������������ ����������������

������������� ��������������������������������

����������� �����������������������������

Apollo’s*

������������ �����������������������������

���������������������������� �����������

���������������������������� �����������������������������

����������������� ������������������������������

��������� ������������������������

���������������� �����������������������

������������ �����������������������������

Bar 1

���������������������������� ����������������

�������������������������� ����������������

���������������������������� ��������������������

����������������� ��������������������

�������������������������� ��������������������������

��������������� �������������������������������

�������������������������� ���������������������������

BS West

���������� ���������������������

�������������� �����������������������

�������������������� �������������������

�������������������� �����������

�������������������������� ��������������������������

������������������������ �����������������

������������������ ����������������������

Charlie’s

��������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� �������������������������������

����������������������� �����������������������������

������������������������������ ��������������������������

����������� ���������������������������

��������������������� ���������������������

Club Vibe

���������������������������� ������������

���������������� ���������������������������

������

������

������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ������������������������

Dick’s Cabaret

���������������� ������������

������������ ��������������������������

���������������������������� ��������������

��������������������������� ���������������

������������� ��������������

��������������������������� ��������������������

������������������������ ���������������������������

���������������������� �������������������������������

���������������������� �������������������������������

���������������� �����������������������

���������� ��������������������������

��������������� ������������������

������������������������� ������������������������� ��������������������������������� ���������������������������������

Forbidden

���������������������� ������������������������������

��������������������������� ��������������������������

��������������������� �������������������

������

������

������������������ ������������������������������

������������������������ ���������������������������

Homme

���������� ������������������������������

�������������� ��������������

���������������� ��������������������

������� ��������������

����������������������� �������������������������������

������������ ���������������������

���� ��������������

icepics

��������������������������� ����������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

����������������� �����������������

������������� �����������������������������

������������ ������������

������������������������� ���������������������������

���� ����������������������������

� Maizie’s

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

��������������������� �������������������������������

������������������������� ����������������������

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

� Mi Patio

������� �����������������������������

��������� �����������������������������

������� �����������������������������

������� �����������������������������

�������� �����������������������������

���������� �����������������������������

��������� �����������������������������

Karamba

������� ���������������

��������� ��������������������

�������������������� �����������

������

������

����������������������� �����������

���������������������� �����������

Kobalt*

����������������� �������������������

��������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

����������� �������������

�������� �������������������

Pumphouse II

������������������ ����������������

������������������� ������������������

������� ���������������

������� ��������������

�������� ���������������

���������� ���������������������

������������������� ������������������

Roscoe’s*

��������������������� �����������������

���������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� �����������������������

��������������������� �������������������

�������������� ��������������������

������������������� �����������������������������

��������� �������������������������

� Switch

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

������� �����������������������

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

���������� �����������������������

��������� �����������������������

� Ticoz

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

������� �������������������

������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

���������� �������������������

��������� �������������������

� Wild Card

������� �����������������

�������� �����������������������

������� ���������

������� �������������������

�������� ���������������

���������� ��������������������������

��������� ��������������������

� Wild Thaiger

������� ��������������������

��������� ��������������������

������� ��������������������

������� �������������������

�������� ��������������������

���������� ���������������������

��������� ��������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

� Miguel’s

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������� ������������������������������ ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������� ������������������������������ ������������������������������

� Woody’s

���������������� �������������������

�������������� �������������������

���������������������� �������������������

������� �������������������

���������������� �������������������

� Amsterdam

� FEZ

TUCSON

� 86

������

���������

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

���������������������������

������

�������

��������������� �������������������

���������

602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

��������

��������� �������������������

IF IT’S NOT IN������������, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87


������������������� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

PHOENIX

��������

�������

��������������������������� ����������������

����������������� ��������������������������������

������������������������������ ����������������

�������������������� �����������

������������������������������ ����������������

������������� ��������������������������������

����������� �����������������������������

Apollo’s*

������������ �����������������������������

���������������������������� �����������

���������������������������� �����������������������������

����������������� ������������������������������

��������� ������������������������

���������������� �����������������������

������������ �����������������������������

Bar 1

���������������������������� ����������������

�������������������������� ����������������

���������������������������� ��������������������

����������������� ��������������������

�������������������������� ��������������������������

��������������� �������������������������������

�������������������������� ���������������������������

BS West

���������� ���������������������

�������������� �����������������������

�������������������� �������������������

�������������������� �����������

�������������������������� ��������������������������

������������������������ �����������������

������������������ ����������������������

Charlie’s

��������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� �������������������������������

����������������������� �����������������������������

������������������������������ ��������������������������

����������� ���������������������������

��������������������� ���������������������

Club Vibe

���������������������������� ������������

���������������� ���������������������������

������

������

������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ������������������������

Dick’s Cabaret

���������������� ������������

������������ ��������������������������

���������������������������� ��������������

��������������������������� ���������������

������������� ��������������

��������������������������� ��������������������

������������������������ ���������������������������

���������������������� �������������������������������

���������������������� �������������������������������

���������������� �����������������������

���������� ��������������������������

��������������� ������������������

������������������������� ������������������������� ��������������������������������� ���������������������������������

Forbidden

���������������������� ������������������������������

��������������������������� ��������������������������

��������������������� �������������������

������

������

������������������ ������������������������������

������������������������ ���������������������������

Homme

���������� ������������������������������

�������������� ��������������

���������������� ��������������������

������� ��������������

����������������������� �������������������������������

������������ ���������������������

���� ��������������

icepics

��������������������������� ����������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

����������������� �����������������

������������� �����������������������������

������������ ������������

������������������������� ���������������������������

���� ����������������������������

� Maizie’s

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

��������������������� �������������������������������

������������������������� ����������������������

����������� ��������������

����������� ��������������

� Mi Patio

������� �����������������������������

��������� �����������������������������

������� �����������������������������

������� �����������������������������

�������� �����������������������������

���������� �����������������������������

��������� �����������������������������

Karamba

������� ���������������

��������� ��������������������

�������������������� �����������

������

������

����������������������� �����������

���������������������� �����������

Kobalt*

����������������� �������������������

��������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

����������� �������������

�������� �������������������

Pumphouse II

������������������ ����������������

������������������� ������������������

������� ���������������

������� ��������������

�������� ���������������

���������� ���������������������

������������������� ������������������

Roscoe’s*

��������������������� �����������������

���������������������������� ����������������������������

����������������������������� �����������������������

��������������������� �������������������

�������������� ��������������������

������������������� �����������������������������

��������� �������������������������

� Switch

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

������� �����������������������

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

���������� �����������������������

��������� �����������������������

� Ticoz

������� �����������������������

�������� �����������������������

������� �������������������

������� �������������������

�������� �������������������

���������� �������������������

��������� �������������������

� Wild Card

������� �����������������

�������� �����������������������

������� ���������

������� �������������������

�������� ���������������

���������� ��������������������������

��������� ��������������������

� Wild Thaiger

������� ��������������������

��������� ��������������������

������� ��������������������

������� �������������������

�������� ��������������������

���������� ���������������������

��������� ��������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

���������������� ���������������������������

� Miguel’s

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������� ������������������������������ ������������������������������

������������������� ������������������� ������������������������������ ������������������������������

� Woody’s

���������������� �������������������

�������������� �������������������

���������������������� �������������������

������� �������������������

���������������� �������������������

� Amsterdam

� FEZ

TUCSON

� 86

������

���������

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

���������������������������

������

�������

��������������� �������������������

���������

602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

��������

��������� �������������������

IF IT’S NOT IN������������, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87


TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Migue’ls Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89


TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Migue’ls Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89


ION PARTY CAM

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91


ION PARTY CAM

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91


92

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93


92

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93


by Addison DeWitt I just love stories with happy endings. Well, I also love stories that feature a big gangbang, too, but that’s not my topic this month. I mean a good, oldfashioned love story. The one where boy-gets-boy or girl-gets-girl. The kind of crap you see on th Lifetime Victim TV Channel, except with a gay twist to it. After all, Ellen DeGeneres just got hitched to the lovely Portia de Rossi in California. BS West’s lovely Joel Rattner tied the knot with Brett Barry in Canada. I always cry at weddings, you know. But still, my heart – and yes, I do have one – always goes out whenever I hear a good sob story, too. This one’s a three-handkerchief tearjerker, too. Or you can jerk whatever else you like. Read this and cry. I mean I wept like a little baby. Real tears. His name is Scott Stowe. He’s a bartender at Bar 1. Word on the mean streets of Phoenix is that the handsome and winsome Scott is once again single since his recent D-I-V-O-R-C-E is final from long time beau, the Delaware darlin’ Shawn Bailey, of Roscoe’s on 7th. “I need to get laid,” moaned Scott to me as he mixed my Pink Squirrel for me on a recent Saturday night at the watering hole where he works. “What?” I yelled. “I can’t hear you! The music’s too loud! Did you say that you’re afraid?” “No,” Scott shouted back. “I said that I need a piece of ass!” “Speak up, Scott!” I hollered back. “Did you say that you polished the brass?”

94

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Frustrated, Scott eventually managed to communicate through an elaborate and sexually charged pantomime and also by scribbling some highly erotic

notes on cocktail napkins that he has some very specific “needs” that need to be met down in “Man Country,” if you know what I mean, and I think you do. All this complicated communication would have been easily avoided if either the music weren’t so loud or if I had my Miracle Ears adjusted. So, consider this my own personal little Pubic Service Announcement. You read it here: Scott Stowe is looking for a little poontang, pumpkins. So if you think that you can pass muster with the simmering, sizzling sexpot Stowe, I highly encourage you to go to Bar 1 and apply. The involved application process and interview will probably involve Scott taking a picture of your privates in private, since he seems to be quite the shutterbug with his cell phone camera, so (un)dress accordingly. You can thank me later, Scott. Just remember, folks, I care. Underneath my shallow, superficial, phony exterior, you’ll find the real shallow, superficial, phony interior deep inside. Phoenix socialite non pareil George Abrams and his partner Michael Savedra opened up the doors of their gracious Encanto-Palmcroft home to bid adieu to their friend, the Phoenix Symphony’s sex-o-licious Greg Falkenstein who can stick his Stradivarius in my flügelhorn anytime. Greg leaves to study law at the University of Miami. Waving bon voyage from the tasteful living room were the eternally yummy Sam Meyers (who said he’d kill me if he ever saw his name in print. Sorry, darling, but I adore you too much to leave you out), Steve Hanusofsky and his boyfriend Lance and the unsinkable Kirk Baxter. One loyal and devoted reader wrote to me asking what happened to the Arizona Stonewall Democrats? September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95


by Addison DeWitt I just love stories with happy endings. Well, I also love stories that feature a big gangbang, too, but that’s not my topic this month. I mean a good, oldfashioned love story. The one where boy-gets-boy or girl-gets-girl. The kind of crap you see on th Lifetime Victim TV Channel, except with a gay twist to it. After all, Ellen DeGeneres just got hitched to the lovely Portia de Rossi in California. BS West’s lovely Joel Rattner tied the knot with Brett Barry in Canada. I always cry at weddings, you know. But still, my heart – and yes, I do have one – always goes out whenever I hear a good sob story, too. This one’s a three-handkerchief tearjerker, too. Or you can jerk whatever else you like. Read this and cry. I mean I wept like a little baby. Real tears. His name is Scott Stowe. He’s a bartender at Bar 1. Word on the mean streets of Phoenix is that the handsome and winsome Scott is once again single since his recent D-I-V-O-R-C-E is final from long time beau, the Delaware darlin’ Shawn Bailey, of Roscoe’s on 7th. “I need to get laid,” moaned Scott to me as he mixed my Pink Squirrel for me on a recent Saturday night at the watering hole where he works. “What?” I yelled. “I can’t hear you! The music’s too loud! Did you say that you’re afraid?” “No,” Scott shouted back. “I said that I need a piece of ass!” “Speak up, Scott!” I hollered back. “Did you say that you polished the brass?”

94

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Frustrated, Scott eventually managed to communicate through an elaborate and sexually charged pantomime and also by scribbling some highly erotic

notes on cocktail napkins that he has some very specific “needs” that need to be met down in “Man Country,” if you know what I mean, and I think you do. All this complicated communication would have been easily avoided if either the music weren’t so loud or if I had my Miracle Ears adjusted. So, consider this my own personal little Pubic Service Announcement. You read it here: Scott Stowe is looking for a little poontang, pumpkins. So if you think that you can pass muster with the simmering, sizzling sexpot Stowe, I highly encourage you to go to Bar 1 and apply. The involved application process and interview will probably involve Scott taking a picture of your privates in private, since he seems to be quite the shutterbug with his cell phone camera, so (un)dress accordingly. You can thank me later, Scott. Just remember, folks, I care. Underneath my shallow, superficial, phony exterior, you’ll find the real shallow, superficial, phony interior deep inside. Phoenix socialite non pareil George Abrams and his partner Michael Savedra opened up the doors of their gracious Encanto-Palmcroft home to bid adieu to their friend, the Phoenix Symphony’s sex-o-licious Greg Falkenstein who can stick his Stradivarius in my flügelhorn anytime. Greg leaves to study law at the University of Miami. Waving bon voyage from the tasteful living room were the eternally yummy Sam Meyers (who said he’d kill me if he ever saw his name in print. Sorry, darling, but I adore you too much to leave you out), Steve Hanusofsky and his boyfriend Lance and the unsinkable Kirk Baxter. One loyal and devoted reader wrote to me asking what happened to the Arizona Stonewall Democrats? September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95


(Continued) Apparently they imploded earlier this year and disbanded. Word on the street is that money is missing from the organization’s coffers. Quel horreur! And during an election year, too. Really, now! Is this true? Just what kind of a stunt is this? I might’ve expected some kind of skullduggery like this at the Watergate Hotel from the Republicans, but – oh, wait. Something kind of like that actually did happen one time. Oops! If anybody knows what happened to the Stonewall Dems and the missing moola, please let me – and the membership – know. We’ll all be looking forward to see how that frisky little kitten Pussy LeHoot celebrates her birthday of an undetermined age at Charlie’s on September 14. In case you didn’t know, Phoenix’s funniest fatty has a slim, svelte snatch thanks to counting calories and a Jenny Craig diet. That’s

96

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

funny, I didn’t think they had a diet that included whiskey. And rum. And vodka. And bourbon. And Jägermeister. You know, honey, I thought that diet was for real girls. But, heck, if it works for Queen Latifah, it’ll work for a drag queen, too, I suppose. Seriously, darling, you look fabulous for … well, for whatever age that you say you are. Funny, the Sphinx looks remarkably like you. But happy birthday, dearie! And I just can’t wait for the spanking, Pussy! Because you that I love a story that ends with a spanking almost as much as I love a story that ends with a gangbang. As long as there’s a happy ending. And who doesn’t love a happy ending? Wink, wink. Invite Addison to your party, but not to your gangbang. He’d be too embarrassed. Really. But he’d love to watch. Spankings, however, are negotiable. Contact him at RumorHound@aol.com

97

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97


(Continued) Apparently they imploded earlier this year and disbanded. Word on the street is that money is missing from the organization’s coffers. Quel horreur! And during an election year, too. Really, now! Is this true? Just what kind of a stunt is this? I might’ve expected some kind of skullduggery like this at the Watergate Hotel from the Republicans, but – oh, wait. Something kind of like that actually did happen one time. Oops! If anybody knows what happened to the Stonewall Dems and the missing moola, please let me – and the membership – know. We’ll all be looking forward to see how that frisky little kitten Pussy LeHoot celebrates her birthday of an undetermined age at Charlie’s on September 14. In case you didn’t know, Phoenix’s funniest fatty has a slim, svelte snatch thanks to counting calories and a Jenny Craig diet. That’s

96

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

funny, I didn’t think they had a diet that included whiskey. And rum. And vodka. And bourbon. And Jägermeister. You know, honey, I thought that diet was for real girls. But, heck, if it works for Queen Latifah, it’ll work for a drag queen, too, I suppose. Seriously, darling, you look fabulous for … well, for whatever age that you say you are. Funny, the Sphinx looks remarkably like you. But happy birthday, dearie! And I just can’t wait for the spanking, Pussy! Because you that I love a story that ends with a spanking almost as much as I love a story that ends with a gangbang. As long as there’s a happy ending. And who doesn’t love a happy ending? Wink, wink. Invite Addison to your party, but not to your gangbang. He’d be too embarrassed. Really. But he’d love to watch. Spankings, however, are negotiable. Contact him at RumorHound@aol.com

97

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97


Aries March 21 - April 20 Go team go ... if you’re gonna be a pansy, at least be an enthusiastic cheerleader on the side lines.

Taurus April 21 - May 20 You never know who you’ll run into-so look your best, damn it! Add a little extra hair product and don’t forget to suck it in.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 Don’t fear repossession. Repossession only means that more new meaningless possessions are on the way.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Sagittarius November 24 - Dec 23 Go postal. Don’t be afraid to lose your temper this September. Besides, sometimes a little freak out session is good for the soul. Capricorn Dec 24 - Jan 20 Coffee Shop stop. Get caffeinated and jolted up for an exciting experience that’s gonna require some extra energy this month.

Chill. Take a chill pill. And then take another. Just don’t end up in rehab. And if you do, try to collect celebrity autographs you can later sell to support your new habit du jour.

Aquarius January 21 - February 19

Leo July 23 - August 22

Don’t wear your sunglasses at night -- that went out in the 80s. Enough said.

Your flirty ways will lead you to many steamy encounters this month. Don’t be afraid to get down and dirty (but please, at least wash your hands afterwards).

Virgo August 23 - September 22 In September remember that crossing the finish line at all can mean just as much as being the winner.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Why pay for it when you can do it yourself? Save a buck and get crafty. Martha’s been doing it for years and that bitch is rich!!! 98

Scorpio October 23 - November 23 No cover lover. Bribery can get you further than you think. Keep your front of the line attitude in the forefront of your mind and let the velvet ropes open.

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Get outdoors and breathe. Have an affair with Mother Nature. I hear she’s a cyclone in the sack.

Pisces February 20 - March 20

ION Party Spam is Back!!! Admit it. You missed it. Those annoying e-mails you get before every weekend. Well, good news. They’re back! Check out the new ION Party Spam in your mailbox. If you aren’t signed up yet, what are you waiting for? Go to www.ionaz.com.

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99


Aries March 21 - April 20 Go team go ... if you’re gonna be a pansy, at least be an enthusiastic cheerleader on the side lines.

Taurus April 21 - May 20 You never know who you’ll run into-so look your best, damn it! Add a little extra hair product and don’t forget to suck it in.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 Don’t fear repossession. Repossession only means that more new meaningless possessions are on the way.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Sagittarius November 24 - Dec 23 Go postal. Don’t be afraid to lose your temper this September. Besides, sometimes a little freak out session is good for the soul. Capricorn Dec 24 - Jan 20 Coffee Shop stop. Get caffeinated and jolted up for an exciting experience that’s gonna require some extra energy this month.

Chill. Take a chill pill. And then take another. Just don’t end up in rehab. And if you do, try to collect celebrity autographs you can later sell to support your new habit du jour.

Aquarius January 21 - February 19

Leo July 23 - August 22

Don’t wear your sunglasses at night -- that went out in the 80s. Enough said.

Your flirty ways will lead you to many steamy encounters this month. Don’t be afraid to get down and dirty (but please, at least wash your hands afterwards).

Virgo August 23 - September 22 In September remember that crossing the finish line at all can mean just as much as being the winner.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Why pay for it when you can do it yourself? Save a buck and get crafty. Martha’s been doing it for years and that bitch is rich!!! 98

Scorpio October 23 - November 23 No cover lover. Bribery can get you further than you think. Keep your front of the line attitude in the forefront of your mind and let the velvet ropes open.

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

Get outdoors and breathe. Have an affair with Mother Nature. I hear she’s a cyclone in the sack.

Pisces February 20 - March 20

ION Party Spam is Back!!! Admit it. You missed it. Those annoying e-mails you get before every weekend. Well, good news. They’re back! Check out the new ION Party Spam in your mailbox. If you aren’t signed up yet, what are you waiting for? Go to www.ionaz.com.

September 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99


100

WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2008

ION Arizona September 2008  

ION Arizona Magazine. Arizona's Most Popular Gay Magazine. Fun. Sexy. Entertainment.

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you