ION Arizona August 2009 Issue #97

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THE LEATHERMEN

Photos submitted by Brian Collins August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 9

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Marriage Children and Freedom As Gays and Lesbians, we cannot marry our partners (though some politicians fear that we want to marry goats). We cannot typically have children (no matter how hard we try).

We’re still considered social outcasts by many (try PDA on the West Side). Sounds pretty bleak doesn’t it? Quite the contrary.

We experience companionship, parenthood, and freedom like no heterosexual can. Our lives are more flexible, more fun and more free.

MARRIAGE

Fortunately, we don’t encounter society’s pressure to marry a same-sex partner. Of course, it would be nice to have the option but even when that day comes, we won’t feel the same pressure. Today, you can enter into — and out of — a committed relationship without the Church, the state, or lawyers’ involvement. Or not. It’s your choice.

CHILDREN While we can’t conceive children naturally, many of us choose to be parents to a more loyal, loving and caring family members — our pets. That’s why we are creating our first annual “Pets and the City” issue featuring members of our community and their “children” — their pets. These family members are treated like royalty and we are sometimes closer to them than our own family and friends. You can choose to have pets. Or not. It’s your choice.

FREEDOM Our first Splash Bash was in 2002. It started as our 1st Anniversary party. Who doesn’t like to celebrate your baby’s birthday? It was our first celebration and I learned a lot. In fact, there was a “straight” wedding at the hotel when Splash Bash ended. There were happy, wet party goers, some in small sexy bathing suits leaving as heterosexuals in tuxedos and suits entered the hotel. I can’t

think of a more awkward moment. Well, I can but that’s reserved for a future column.

It was then we decided to take over the entire hotel — all 100+ rooms. Since 2003 we have opened up a hotel to the entire GLBT community and their allies for a huge event like no other. We’ve moved Splash Bash back to its original home: the Radisson Phoenix City Center. Their staff and management have been very generous and supportive in our quest for a safe, fun and memorable experience without judgment from outsiders. Bring on the PDA! Or not. It’s your choice.

The Coors Light Splash Bash 9 this Labor Day weekend will be like no other.

Hosted by VH1’s Brooke Knows Best co-star Glenn Douglas Packard who’s bringing his partner, Daniel Miagany. Splash Bash will help benefit 1N10 Youth Group. Plus, we have a lot of surprises that I can’t mention yet but if you come, you’ll have a great time.

In order to get more people to experience the fun, we’re offering free tickets and discount room rates. The Adult Shoppe is giving away FREE tickets (while supplies last with a $20 purchase or more). Off Chute Too, Root Seller Gallery, Unique on Central and ionaz.com are all selling $10 discount tickets until Friday, September 4th. Low room reservations are now available at ionaz.com. We usually sell about 100 rooms so after the party ends, the fun continues.

There’s nothing like it in Arizona!

So be in a committed relationship as if you were married. Or not. Raise pets like they were your children. Or not. Come out and celebrate freedom at Splash Bash 9. Or not.

Wait, scratch that last one.

Enjoy your freedom. Celebrate with us!

Jack Tesorero Publisher August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 19

ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

PUBLISHER

Jack M. Tesorero ....................... jacktesorero@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & ARTWORK ionazproduction@me.com ADVERTISING SALES Jorge Suarez, Ext 1 ..................... ionazsales@me.com PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Jerry O’Conner

Don Thompson

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Corey Blanchette Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby David Alan Maxey Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2009 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN THE USA

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications.

All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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APOLLO’S

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Apollo’s Amateur Strip-Off

Go right around the corner from Mt. Olympus, on the left, to Apollo’s. Each Sunday, August 2, 9, 16 & 23 boys can compete for a cash prize, and compete in the Finale on August 30. So break out the ol’ banana hammock, put on some disco music and start stripping, boys! See you at 5749 N. 7th St. Phone: 602277-9373 or visit www.apollos.com See ad on page 24

Kenny Thames Benefit

Our community’s tireless entertainer, Kenny Thames, is facing a health crisis and needs some help. That’s why there’s a fundraiser with an evening of music, song, laughter and a whole lotta love at Kobalt Bar on Saturday, August 8.

Help out! Come to Park Central Mall at 3110 N. Central. Phone: 602-264-5307. www.kobaltbar.com

Roscoe’s Beach Party

What could be more fun than playing Beach Blanket with the gang at Roscoe’s? Celebrate their lucky 13th Anniversary August 14-16. They’ll have great drink specials all weekend, a Hawaiian buffet on Saturday, a sexy wet bathing suit contest, a trip to San Diego for two lucky beach bums, prizes, giveaways and more! 4531 N. 7th St. Phone: 602-285-0833. Visit www.roscoeson7.com for more! See the ad on pages 17 &18

Karamba’s 5th Anniversary

Join the fiesta at Karamba as they celebrate their 5th anniversary on Saturday, August 22. There’s a very special tribute to Michael Jackson with Carlo Riley and giveaways! You’ll see lots of other events and parties at Karamba listed on page 12. 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Phone: 602-254-0231

PornoPalooza

Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! See your favorite XXX Blue Movie stars in the — ahem — “flesh” for a hot, raw weekend! There’ll be drink specials, XXX movie giveaways, go go dancers, Chi Chi Larue and more! Sat. August 22 at Woody’s in Tucson, and Sun. August 23 at BS West. See the ad on page 8 for details.

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The Jungle Party

C’mon down for some bungle in the jungle! Celebrate the official end of summer at Amsterdam at the Jungle Party on Saturday, August 22. Enjoy $4 Bacardi Mojito cocktails and try your hand at Big Game Hunting! They’ll have giveaways, contests and prizes. See you there at 718 N. Central Ave. Phone: 602-258-6122. See ad on page 11

Club Papi Party

¡Que rico! Andale pronto over to Forbidden when Club Papi comes to town on Friday, August 4! Hosted by Lola, they’ll celebrate the Fey National Gay Club Tour. And don’t forget the world famous Club Papi dancers. Sign up for the VIP Meet & Greet Package at www.IwantTickets.com/clubpapi and we’ll see you at 6850 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. See the ad on page 3

Splash Bash 9

Put on the suntan oil and your sunglasses! Yes, it’s another Splash Bash at the Radisson City Center at 3600 N. Osborn Rd. There’s music with the top DJ Sister Sin, games, contests and best of all: our party host — the supersexy, talented, out & proud Glenn Douglas Packard from VH1’s hit show Brooke Knows Best. He might even bring his hot boyfriend, Daniel Miagany, too. See ad on pages 4 & 5

AUGUST 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

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bilatinmen.com Underwear Contest at Karamaba Nightclub Phoenix

CITY

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Kenny Thames benefit Musical Revue at Kobalt

Phoenix

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White Party Weekend - Dick’s II

Phoenix

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Roscoe’s Beach Party Weekend 13th Anniversary Party

Phoenix

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Scandalesque at Cherry Lounge

Tempe

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End of Summer Bash Weekend - Dick’s Cabaret

Tempe

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Jungle Party - Amsterdam

Phoenix

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Porno Palooza - Woody’s

Tucson

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Porno Palooza - BS West

Scottsdale

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Patio Grand Opening Party at Bar1

Phoenix

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DJ Chris Adams at Forbidden

Scottsdale

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Amateur Strip Show Finale at Apollo’s

Phoenix

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Club Papi Party at Forbidden

Scottsdale

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Red Hot Salvation - The Second Coming at Forbidden

Scottsdale

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Splash Bash at The Radisson City Center

Phoenix

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DRAG WARS

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Jonas Brothers Tween idols and pop music darlings, Disney Channel creations Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas will bring their shaggy hair and skinny little virgin butts to the Jobing.com Arena to the delight of teenyboppers and chicken hawks everywhere!

Catch their 3-dreamy concert experience on Tuesday, August 11. Have mom ‘n’ dad drive you to 9400 W. Maryland Ave. and use their credit card for tix at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Depeche Mode Probably the only synth-pop band to emerge unscathed from most of the beloved if long forgotten bands of the 80’s, Depeche Mode comes down the old Route 66 to the Dodge Theatre to prove that Everything Counts. After all, People are People! Sunday, August 23.

400 W. Washington. Tix: www.LiveNation.com or 602-379-2888

Incubus Fusing together hard rock, metal, funk and pop melodies, Incubus conquered the airwaves that won over both modern rock and mainstream audiences -- with no help from MTV. See them rock at at the Jobing.com Arena on Tuesday, August 25. 9400 W. Maryland Ave. Get your tix at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

AUGUST 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

ARTIST/EVENT

LOCATION

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Hippiefest Diana Krall Judas Priest En Vogue & Bell Biv Devoe Jonas Brothers Lil’ Wayne, Young Jeezy Heaven and Hell Lyle Lovett Toby Keith Daughtry The Cult Green Day Depeche Mode Incubus Def Leppard, Poison & Cheap Trick

Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Jobing.com Arena Cricket Wireless Pavilion Dodge Theatre Dodge Theatre Cricket Wireless Pavilion Marquee Theatre Celebrity Theatre US Airways Center US Airways Center Jobing.com Arena Cricket Wireless Pavilion August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

FEY Returns to the Mic

By Victor Barreiro 32

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fter a 4 year hiatus, Fey is back with not one, but two albums, which includes an album in English. This talented Mexicana is famous for hit tracks such as Muevelo and Azucar Amargo and those are just to name a few. Fey fanatics will soon get their chance to see her up close and personal as she’s slated to do a number of shows with Club Papi at the end of August. The sexy Latina set aside some time and chatted with us about her hit new album and what she really thinks about her gay fans.

Congratulations on the success of your current album. How does it feel?

Thanks, Victor. Imagine the emotion I feel, so spoiled, so loved and accepted by the ones that mean most to me, which are my heartfelt fans that have been with me for the past 15 years. I really hope they will enjoy and love the new material. It feels amazing to be supported by my fans once again.

I ask that all my fans come and wish me good luck with their presence when I team up with Club Papi at the end of August for a number of shows. I need their blessing! I’ll perform music from the new album, songs that we’ve sang and cried to and not to mention Muevelo and Azucar Amargo. My other tour begins later this year.

Tell me something about you that people would be surprised to find out.

Wow. Oh my, God. I sleep completely nude.

Laughs. No, actually I sleep with high heels that never come off. Laughs. We all have something about ourselves that can surprise people.

Of all the hit singles you have, is there one you really enjoy performing?

Azucar Amargo from the album Tierna la Noche is at the top of my list. Each time I sing it, I still feel the way I felt when I first heard the song. It really represents who I am as a person. I will never get tired of singing it.

You also have an album coming out in English. Tell me about it.

What would you like to say to your gay fans?

Sweet Temptation will be available through the internet at first, just like the album in Spanish, but you can get your hands on it very soon.

I am very fortunate that people with that level of passion, with so much appreciation and determination, love my work. They are very brave and have continued to be that way for so many years. I feel very blessed be a part of their lives. It truly is an honor for me to support them.

I recently saw you perform in front of thousands for gay pride in San Francisco on the Latino stage.

The experience has been another that will have a place in my heart forever. There are certain instances where I can look back and enjoy my performances as an artist. I feel this connection with the Latino gay community on so many levels. It is times like that you never forget and that is exactly what happens to me at gay pride events. I feel free when I am with them. It really was a beautiful experience.

Every year the crowds get bigger, which creates a lot of energy.

You’re getting ready for a tour with Club Papi as well as your own tour later this year. What can we expect?

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For a list of Fey’s performance dates, please log on to clubpapi.com

FEY will be performing LIVE at the

CLUB PAPI Party at

September 4th

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Written by Jackson David Kelly davekjackson@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Though album releases will be light in August, in addition to these great offerings, find new material from Third Eye Blind, Modest Mouse, Lil Wayne (tentative), Reba McEntire as well as Mariah Carey’s Memoirs on the 25th.

Imogen Heap

Ellipse (8/25) After spending a year in post production/writing, Imogen’s third album finally sees the light of day. Full of worldly sounds, eccentric instruments and Imogen’s classic, breathy vocals, Ellipse continues the feel of “Speak for Yourself.” Lead single “First Train Home” gives the perfect introduction with its commercial, catchy, bubbly sound while tracks “A-ha” and “Bad Body Double” take a sharp turn to the right with their harsher, off the wall feel. However, it’s “Little Bird’s” modern day lullaby and “Tidal’s” beautiful emotive resonance that bring this collection to full greatness.

Anjulie Anjulie (8/4)

MySpace phenomenon Anjulie is ready to prove why Rolling Stone calls her the one to watch in 2009. A three track EP was available last year to great applause and her first full length will continue that roar.

Part Nelly Furtado, MIA, Lily Allen and Winehouse, this artist soars with a 60s vibe.

Though lead single “Boom” is a bit trite (except for the remixes), the track “Heat” slithers with a Beyoncé-esque vibe while “Day Will Soon Come” gives good soul with a sound reminiscent of Mariah’s best. And then there’s “Love Songs;” a sleek, heart warming joyous ditty sure to please.

Mutemath

Armistice (8/18) On their second album, Mutemath takes a 180 degree turn. While their debut was more piano driven, this album rocks with amped up steroids and showcases a Muse/ U2 edge. Lead single “Spotlight” is one of the best rock singles to come out this year while “Nerve” is a drum infused track that sounds right out of the 70s. Other songs of note include “Clipping” and “Burden.” Less melodic, more classic with a darker raw edge is the best way to sum up this album.

Michael Jackson

Dangerous It’s been one month since his passing and a month that is still void (yes I teared with his passing).

So in honor, I offer my favorite MJ album and my 18th favorite record of all time. Not only does it contain the perfect pop tunes of “Black & White” and “Remember the Time” but it houses two of his most riveting ballads, “Heal the World” and “Will You Be There.” And what sets this release apart is the creativity he takes with “In the Closet,” “Why You Wanna Trip” and my album favorite “Who is it.” Music will never be the same without this pioneer, genius and entertainer.

In other music news, Madonna’s greatest hits and last album for WB is set for 09/25.

Though exact packaging and track listing cannot be revealed, it is confirmed that two new songs will be included; “Broken” and “Celebrate.” There have been rumors of additional Oakenfold, Mirwais and Lil’ Wayne (Revolver) tracks as well, but as this album will already be packed, expect those to be shelved. Until next month…

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WOODY’S - TUCSON

Photos submitted by Richard Bolinski

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WETT PARTY

See the new Men of Forbidden Review Friday nights starting

August 14th.

Special Advertising Section

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1 VOICE COMMUNITY CENTER

80S BOWLATHON

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews

Cold Souls

Starring: Paul Giamatti, David Straithairn, Emily Watson The first feature length film of writer/director, Sophie Barthes, Cold Souls is a tragicomic critique on American consumerism. Paul Giamatti (Sideways) plays – literally – himself: a middle-aged actor overwhelmed by his latest role that seeks to ease his suffering by off-loading his soul (again – literally). Seeing an ad in the paper, he makes an appointment with a soul storage firm. At first delighted by the “lightness,” he soon realizes how utterly empty, emotionless, and left-of-center he is now sans soul.

He wants it back, but it’s gone. Now he must follow his black market mule all the way to St. Petersburg to reclaim the better part of himself. While the film has the off-beat appeal that typifies hyper-analytical and über-artsy indie film, it smacks too much of a Michel Gondry/Charlie Kaufman partnership, most specifically: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Furthermore, without even having seen the movie, I already know precisely the point Barthes is trying to make: if you’re going to be indie, you need to avoid over-exposing your audience to the underlying meaning. That being said, I love Giamatti’s sad sackness so much, I will still see the film and you should, too. Release Date: 08/07/09.

Inglourious Basterds Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Nastassja Kinski

Quentin Tarantino is back doing his Tarantino-thing, which means a lot of action, violence, cursing – in short, using special effects to perfect what Sam Peckinpah (The Wild Bunch) started. His latest, Inglourious Basterds, is no exception. Brad Pitt stars as

Lt. Aldo Raine, the head of a group of JewishAmerican soldiers who scalp and murder Nazis in an effort to spread fear through the Nazi army. While no doubt the film is highly cathartic (I can’t imagine many souls would actively root for the Nazis), the violence is always overwhelming and often seems gratuitous. But, if you like Tarantino – and he is an acquired taste – you will most likely enjoy Inglourious Basterds. Release Date: 08/21/09

Funny People

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann The third film directed by wunderkind, Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, 40 Year-Old Virgin), Funny People stars Adam Sandler as the well-known comedian George Simmons, who learns he has a terminal illness and must make the necessary arrangements in preparation for his impending death. Along with him on this journey is the aspiringcomedian Ira (Rogen), who writes jokes for Simmons and eventually becomes his closest friend, as well as “the girl that got away,” Laura (Mann). Just when Simmons – and the audience – think they have it all figured out, fate takes a funny twist and gives him a second lease on life. Now it’s up to him to set right what hadn’t been for years and to truly seize the day.

Like Apatow’s two previous films, Funny People is delightfully witty and deliciously rich. Release Date: 07/31/09.

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Win a 17 Again DVD from ION Arizona!

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review Newcastle (2007)

Starring: Lachlan Buchanan, Reshad Strik, Xavier Samuel The feature-length directorial debut of Dan Castle, Newcastle, is a comingof-age tale focused on Jesse Hoff (Buchanan), the 17-year-old younger brother of a former surfing champion.

Living in the shadow of his brother, Victor’s (Strik), now lost glory, Jesse struggles to find his own potential.

Is he the second coming of Victor, or is he his own person? Can he transcend his bluecollar background and achieve fame, or is he destined for something humbler? Set over the course of a booze-soaked weekend on the beach, Jesse finds the answers to these questions and so much more.

The item of interest for you, as viewers, is less Jesse’s angst-ridden tale of coming to grips with his potential than it is his twin brother, Fergus’ (Samuel) angst-ridden tale of coming to grips with his sexuality. While Jesse frets over how he stacks up compared to his older brother, Fergus frets how he stacks up to, well, pretty much everyone.

Potentially the only Goth in Newcastle, he sticks out like sore thumb amongst his brothers and their friends, all the while unsure of himself. If you love sand, surf, gratuitous nudity (talk about oxymoron!), and periods of self-doubt, check it out!

Another first feature-length film this time directed by Chris Mason, The New Twenty, looks at a close-knit group of friends that have known each other since college and are now facing an existential crisis in the midst of turning thirty. Set in New York in 2006, the action kicks off with engagement announcement of the group’s token female, Julie (Bilderback), and alpha male, Andrew (Locke).

The joy doesn’t last long, however, when the group is infiltrated by the fast-talking, tricky dick, Louie (Serpicho), who offers a tempting business proposition to Andrew and leads him down the path to selfdestruction. In the midst of Andrew’s burgeoning turmoil, other issues come to light, including the covert-homosexuality of Ben (Colin Fickes), Tony’s (Andrew Wei Lin) laissez-faire attitude towards sex and drugs, and Felix’s (Thomas Sadoski) desire for something more stable. Will the friends grow into their thirties or is it really the “new twenty” with the same grasping for identity and answers?

The New Twenty (2009) Starring: Ryan Locke, Nicole Bilderback, Terry Serpicho

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AUGUST MOVIE OPENINGS DATE 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 21 21 21 21 21 21 28 28 28

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MOVIE

GENRE

G.I. Jose: The Rise of Cobra Julie & Julia A Perfect Getaway Shorts When in Rome Paper Heart (limited release) Beeswax Cold Souls (see review) Dramedy The Goods: Live Hard * Sell Hard Bandslam District 9 The Time Traveler’s Wife It Might Get Loud Ponyo I Sell the Dead Spread Post Grad Five Minutes of Heaven My One and Only X Games 3D: The Movie The Marc Pease Experiment Inglourious Basterds (see review) The Final Destination H2 (Halloween 2) Open Road

Action PG-13 Comedy PG-13 Action/Thriller R Fantasy/Comedy PG Comedy/Romance NYR Comedy PG-13 Dramedy NYR PG-13 Comedy R Dramedy NYR SciFi/Action R Drama/Romance PG-13 Documentary PG Animation G Comedy/Horror NYR Comedy NYR Comedy PG-13 Crime/Drama NYR Comedy PG-13 Sport/Documentary NYR Comedy PG-13 War/Drama R Horror/Thriller R Horror NYR Drama PG-13

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RATING

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CHARLIE’S

MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM

Photos submitted by Richard Bolinski

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drag shows The Follies Comedy Drag Show

If you think men in ladies’ clothing and lipstick are funny, just wait’ll you see icepics and Pandora Productions’ The Follies every Saturday night at 10 p.m. The high-heeled hilarity starts on August 8th. 3108 E. McDowell Rd. 602-267-8707 www.icepicsvideobar.com

Phoenix Gay Pride Bar Pageants

The competition heats up for the rhinestone-hungry drag queens and the salamipackin’ drag kings battle it out for bragging rights to represent their bar for The Big One. Look for your favorite bar’s preliminaries starting this month and lasting into October. Check the ION Arizona Drag Show Listing each month for dates and times.

OZ Cabaret Grand Opening

Come see the one, the only Miss Barbra Seville with her razor sharp wit in her new Saturday night show at the Grand Opening of OZ Cabaret at Forbidden starting on August 22. Come to Forbidden at 6820 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176. www.ForbiddenAZ.com/oz

AUGUST 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Wed. the 12 8:30pm Charlies Mister & Miss Charlie’s Fri. the 21 8:00pm BS West Miss BS West “Cheveux Fantasie” 1st & 3rd Tues.

10:00p BS West Tranny Shack Tuesday with Kiki Vermont & Saellah V. 2nd & 4th Tues.

10:00p BS West Mya & Naomi Tuesdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show 3rd Wednesday 10:30p Pumphouse II Amateur Drag Contest hosted by Savannah Wednesdays 10:00p Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Wednesdays 9:30p Wild Card Divas w/ Kiki Vermont & Friends Wednesdays 10:30p Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts...

3rd Thurs.

8:00p Forbidden Ruby ‘n’ Friends 2nd & 4th Thurs. 9:00p Wild Card Drag B-I-N-G-O w/ Angel Rogers First Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Savannah’s School of Scandal Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Thursdays 9:00p Incognito Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane Thursdays 9:30p Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont Thursdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show Last Thursday 10:00p Cherry Lounge Scandalous w/ Scandalesque Fridays 9:30p Forbidden Fuego Fridays with Miss Ruby Saturdays 10:00p icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show Saturdays 10:00p OZ Cabaret Barbra Seville (Beginning August 22nd) Saturdays 9:30p Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Saturdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah Saturdays 10:00p Wild Card Diamond Dolls w/ Kiki Vermont & Mya McKenzie Sundays 8:30p Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30p Karamba Galilea’s Show 1st Sunday 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Afeelya Bunz 2nd Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Dianne Daniels & Miss Dottie 3rd Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Chané Jordan Last Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Barbra Seville To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser 54

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January 2009

bare: a musical The story of students in a Catholic boarding school struggling to find their own voices in a modern world that both embraces and isolates them. These teens confront coming of age, coming out, and coming to terms with the often contradictory but always high expectations of parents, peers and the Church. Thru August 9 at Playhouse on the Park at the VIAD Center. 1850 N. Central. Tix: 602-254-2151

Lisa Lampanelli No cow is too sacred for Lisa Lampanelli to lampoon. If you’re at all politically correct or sensitive to any racial, religious or sexual orientation issues – stay home! But if you love to laugh and think skewering everyone – including yourself – because of their belief systems is funny, then head over to the Dodge Theatre on Saturday, August 15 to see Lisa Lampanelli. She’s @$#&% hilarious!

400 W. Washington. For tickets call 602-379-2888 or go to www.LiveNation.com

Rent The seminal rock musical of the 90s tells the story of a group of impoverished young artists and musicians struggling to survive in New York’s Lower East Side under the shadow of AIDS. Based on Puccini’s opera La Bohème, there’s bound to be death. A Nearly Naked Theatre production, there’s bound to be a penis. Staged August 15-September 12 at the Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. 602-254-2151

AUGUST 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE thru 2 3 6-9/29 7-8 7-9 7-9/20 7-9/20 7-10/11 thru 9 14-16 15 15-9/12 thru 16 27-30 28-9/13 thru 8/29

EVENT Circue du Soleil Dry Heat Comedy Mid-Life!

Greg Proops Cabaret Series Forever Plaid The Taffetas Fantasticks Jekyll & Hyde Chad Miller Lisa Lampanelli Rent Trust Me, I’m a Doctor Jake Johannsen Camelot Beauty & the Beast

LOCATION Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre B’way Palms Dinner Theatre The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale Theatre Works - Peoria AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale Dodge Theatre Nearly Naked Theatre - Phoenix Copperstate Dinner Theatre - Phx Tempe Improv Theatre Works - Peoria Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert

PHONE 623-772-3200 602-379-2888 480-325-6700 480-945-4422 623-815-1791 623-776-8400 623-776-8400 480-483-1664 480-483-1664 480-945-4422 602-379-2888 602-254-2151 602-279-3129 480-921-9877 623-815-1791 480-497-1181

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)

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Hanny’s 2.0

Updated Menu with Great Atmosphere Downtown’s hot new restaurant is here. In 1986 after the first incarnation of Hanny’s, a men’s clothing store, closed after 39 years it was sold to the City of Phoenix and repeatedly set ablaze for training exercises by the Phoenix Fire Department. After a quick trade Hanny’s ended up in the hands of it’s current owner, Karl Kopp of Scottsdale’s legendary hotspot AZ88. After a three-year restoration, cleaning, an installation by thought provoking artist Janis Leonard and one significant menu revamp Hanny’s is ready to catch fire once again.

Hanny’s pizza is thin crisp crust with perfectly proportioned toppings. All of their cheeses are imported from Italy. You can start with any of the varieties and add toppings as you like. A favorite is the Veggie Pizza with mushroom, bell pepper, black olives, onion, Italian three-cheese blend and tomato sauce.

All the veggies are chopped small and topped liberally. If you’re Vegetarian this is a great option and satisfying. If you’re the carnivorous type, try it with Italian sausage.

Price hovers around $12 with toppings at $2 each.

Since it’s rocky opening, the bar and eatery is improving, and where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Still! Service has gotten quicker, the menu broadened and the entertainment surprises us every time. If you haven’t been back because of a less-than-robust first impression, now’s the time to make a second venture. Edition Two of the menu added new varieties of every sort of offering on the menu: pizzas, appetizers, salads, sandwiches and proper entrée plates.

A new addition to the menu is the Porchetta Sandwich (pictured below). With roasted and grilled white marble pork loin served with fontina cheese, onions, black olives and sopressata on ciabatta bread, this a complex and delicious offering that you’re sure to light up with delight at first try.

The Beet Salad comes with red and gold beets, arugula, red onion, pistachios, lemon vinaigrette and choice of gorgonzola or goat cheese for $8. As long as you like the base ingredients, you’ll be a fan. It’s well constructed and tasty.

The Asparagus with Egg is one of the big surprises on the menu. The sunny-side-up egg over hot asparagus blends extraordinarily nicely with the shaved Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese. The French put fried eggs on practically everything. Now we know why. C’est magnifique!

Appetizers range from $5 – $12.

Another consistently satisfying and tasty sandwich is the Roast Beef with grilled prime rib, Nueske’s bacon, arugula and a fried egg on ciabatta bread.

Vanilla Ice Cream (pictured); it’s truly gorgeous with whipped cream concealed beneath a scoop of ice cream. The crunchy chocolate cake holds a rich, buttery flavor.

Sandwiches weigh in around the $9 mark, give or take.

New plates include the Pork Milanese and Tuscan Steak. For those who wish to be simultaneously more and less adventurous there’s the Pork Milanese. It’s a classic Italian dish with pounded-thin pork loin, breaded and deep-fried to a crisp, and topped with cucumber, radishes and radish sprouts. Both entrées are served with Hanny’s signature sides: deep fried onion strings, sliced cherry tomatoes and potato wedges. These dishes are $14 and $22, respectively.

Desserts are mostly clever twists on classic favorites. The best is the Symphony Chocolate Crisp Cake with Häagen-Dazs

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Cocktails, anyone? Regardless of what you try you’ll be impressed with the quality and precision of the mix. The St. Germain and Original Pimm’s Cup are faves. They may have a reason for their much discussed petite sizing, but frankly, we long for larger glasses.

The day’s of Hanny’s as a haberdashery are long gone, but you can still “tie” one on.

There are no more fires to quench, but we’re sure Hanny’s is destined to become a blazing success once more.

Hanny’s

40 N. First St., Phoenix, AZ 85004 (602) 252-2285 www. Hannys.net Mon-Fri: 11 a.m. to 1:30 a.m.

Sat-Sun: 5:00 pm to 1:30 am Kitchen cooks until 1a.m. everyday

Are you our friend?

1300+ Over 1300 friends and growing. Join the fun!

Go to www.ionaz.com for a link to our Facebook and MySpace!

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

VIP SAVINGS RESTAURANTS / BARS / EVENTS

FORBIDDEN BAR 1 ION ARIZONA MAGAZINE INCOGNITO WILD CARD Z PIZZA

$5 Forbidden Martini ANYTIME! Select Half Price Drinks on Sunday $10 OFF Splash Bash cover 2 for the price of 1 all drinks 15% OFF Food Purchase (excludes Happy Hour appetizers) 10% OFF

SERVICES BOXER’S MEN’S SALON FREE haircut by Adrian only (First time customers only) 20% OFF all services with Adrian ENCANTO FAMILY DENTISTRY 10% OFF any dental procedure (Excludes Zoom! teeth whitening) FAST SIGNS ON CENTRAL 20% OFF (in-store products) LOS OLIVOS HAND CAR WASH $2 OFF any car wash 15% OFF complete detail OPEN WIDE DENTAL $50 OFF new clients SEMONE ROCHLIN, D.O. $500 OFF ALL Surgical Procedures RETAIL DRAGONFLY BOUTIQUE 10% OFF GREEN WOODPECKER 10% OFF Flowers (excludes tax and delivery charges) 10% OFF Merchandise non-sale (excluding food, drinks and cards) ROOT SELLER 15% OFF Merchandise (excludes books, music, DVDs, supplements & consignment art) UNIQUE URBAN BOUTIQUE 10% OFF Merchandise (excludes books, music, DVDs) HOTELS BLUE MOON RESORT - VEGAS Buy two nights get 3 nights CLARENDON HOTEL 10% any room type booking DOUBLETREE HOTEL - TUCSON 10% any room type booking Must book directly with the hotel.

Certain black-out dates and some restrictions may apply.

Offer based upon availability.

ADULT* ADULT SHOPPE 20% OFF Merchandise FASCINATIONS 15% OFF merchandise DICK’S CABARET $5 OFF admission (mon-thurs) $5 OFF wristband (mon-sat) SECRETS 20% OFF Merchandise* *Must be 18 or older. Excludes rentals.

In-store purchases only

MORE TO COME!!!

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Some restrictions apply. See store for details.

Not valid with any other offer or sale items.

©2009 COORS BREWING COMPANY �������������������������������������������

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64 August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM

Photos - Don Thompson | Words - Deon Brown

Products available at Oliver & Annie

O ur pets never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself and keep up the appearance of actually being interested in the conversation. That’s why we love them. Their unconditional love provides us with a role model for being alive.

But don’t accept your pet’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you’re wonderful; it gives you something to strive for. This month ION spotlights members of our community and their special pet friends.

This month’s loveable “cover dog,” Roxy, an Australian Cattle Dog discovered Felipe and Casey in the town of Sonoita.

Now she lives in Tucson where she is endlessly entertained by her two human pets.

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Money will buy you a dog, but not the wag of his tail. But for collars, treats, and everything else, ask Chris. His quality pet supply store on Central Avenue is named for his pooches. (602) 264-8188

“My little dog. The heartbeat at my feet.� Deon is the editor for ION magazine. His goal in life is to be as wonderful as Mabel thinks he is. Wag more. Bark less.

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

“A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself.�

But triple threat model/make-up artist/ hair stylist Jessica Joseph and her partner, 68

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Courtney Penniman, Founder & CEO of the Stonewall Institute share even more of that love with their dog, Dylan.

¡Ay, ay, ay! This Chihuahua calls the shots around this house, that’s for sure. Adrian is a genius with a scissors and comb at Boxer’s Men’s Salon!

Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods. Tigger has never forgotten this. So Falcon model Tyler knows his purpose in life.

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...met when Logan (12) & Gordon (8) were just puppies. Logan was a pound puppy, and Gordon was adopted outside his namesake, Gordon Biersch, from a homeless man.

Thommy & Joey are the owners of Open Wide Dental and live in North Phoenix.

Mighty Pug, Sampson, believes he’s a Goliath. If you need personalized in-home pet care Virginia can help! Check out her Desert Dog Pet Care or visit www.MyDesertDog.com (602) 538-5486 August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

If Heaven went by favor only dogs would get in. Adam is a popular waiter at Maizie’s and Otto owns and operates a horse ranch. Lucky dogs!

And so are Nadia and Sydney!

If you start thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around. But Gary Guerin, the influential powerhouse behind SWAY Events’ and his hardworking and devoted team lend their talents to some of the best and brightest events they stage for the GLBT community’s fundraising efforts and everybody’s entertainment. Heck, Gary even entertains his Jack Russell Terrier, Sketch. Now how many people can claim that?

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Cat’s are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. Doug works at American Express and Robbie can be found at the University of Advancing Technology. After 13 years together, their sole function in life now is to admire and feed Disco and Blixx. At least that’s what the cats think. They may be right.

Dogs have more friends than people because they wag their tails, not their tongues. But Craig and Crouton both have more friends than you can count. If you don’t believe it, check Facebook.

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73

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PETS AND THE CITY - ADOPT YOUR PET There are many ways for you to adopt a pet friend.

You can help save our animal friends’ lives and make them happy when you open up your heart and home.

Mutts, purebreds, retired Greyhounds, rabbits and other critters are waiting for you and need you. Below is a list of just a few places you can search to find the perfect pet friend.

A great clearinghouse is Adopt-A-Pet. Visit www. adoptapet.com and you’ll find a wagging tail and a wet nose who’ll love you unconditionally.

METRO PHOENIX

Lost Our Home Pet Foundation

30 North 40th Place - Phoenix 602-273-6852 www.aawl.org

16211 N. Scottsdale Rd. A6A #276 www.lostourhome.org Arizona Rescue 480-598-9410 www.azrescue.org

Arizona Humane Society

TUCSON AREA

Arizona Animal Welfare League

1311 West Hatcher Road - Phoenix 602-997-7585

Arizona Humane Society

1521 West Dobbins Road - Phoenix 602-997-7585

HALO Animal Rescue

5231 North 35th Avenue - Phoenix 602-971-9222 www.halorescue.org

Animals Benefit Club of AZ 3111 St. John Rd. - Phoenix 602-867-2169 www.animalsbenefitclub.com

Center for Animal Rescue & Adoption 520-237-2331 www.savemoreanimals.com

Humane Society of So. AZ 3450 N. Kelvin Blvd.

520-327-6088 www.hssaz.org

Animal League of Green Valley 1600 W. Duval Mine Rd. 520-625-3170 www.talgv.org

Maricopa Cty. Animal Care & Control

2300 South 27th Avenue - Phoenix 602-506-7387 2630 West 8th Street - Mesa 602-506-7387 August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

Vol. 3, Issue 5

AUGUST 2009

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Jackson Death Faked!

Working In Detroit Diner ����������� DETROIT, Michigan – Legendary King of Pop Michael Jackson has been discovered alive and well, working in Hamtramack, a decaying community near Detroit, Michigan.

Rumors of his death this past July have been greatly exaggerated.

�����������

Other dead celebrities frequenting the seedy diner include 1950s angst-filled teen matinee idol, James Dean and sex kitten, blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe.

Both celebrities lives were reportedly cut tragically short, but were actually staged.

Filmdom’s gangster and diner nighthawk Humphrey Jackson is currently employed as a busboy Bogart, manager, whose death from cancer at the Dead Celebrity Kozy Kafé where in 1957 was falsified told reporters, “Of all he����������������������������������������������������� works with short order cook Elvis the gin joints in all the world, they had to Presley, the late King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, walk into mine. But Elvis makes a pretty whose death was also faked in August, good egg salad sandwich. We’ll see how the 1977, when he was discovered “dead” Jackson kid works out.” on the toilet. Since then Presley has been spotted working at Burger King and other Anna Nicole Smith, a hostess, said, fast food restaurants in the Michigan “Sometimes they report celebrities as being area. Jackson had a sham marriage with dead. But they just come to work here in Presley’s daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, Hamtramack. I’m not sure which is worse.” who recommended him for the job.

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����������� Pope Breaks Wrist; Still Able To Not Masturbate �����������

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VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict’s recent fall fracturing his old, brittle wrist has not prevented the 82-year-old pontiff from actively not masturbating.

The Vatican has long imposed a strict prohibition on auto-erotic self-manipulation.

The Vatican’s Chief Grand Inquisitor of Corporal Gratification, Cardinal Dontuccha da Pipi issued a statement. “We guarantee The Pope broke his right wrist when he that Il Papa has not pleasured himself by slipped in the bathroom while on vacation in touching his most holy naughty bits. Unable Alpine vacation chalet. to turn the pages of his Bible, he has been read scripture and the Gospel by many altar ����������������������������������������������������� “His Holiness is recovering nicely,” said boys, priests and Cardinals in the privacy of one anonymous representative speaking the Papal Bedroom late at night. But he has on behalf of the Holy See in Rome. “He is been actively not masturbating himself.” gaining more mobility in his wrist and will able to resume playing piano with proper Although the Pope’s wrist strengthens rehabilitation. The Vatican, however, would every day, the Vatican infirmary reports an like to confirm that after intense scrutiny and increased number of incidents of Carpal many attempts on the Holy Father’s part, he Tunnel Syndrome dislocated jaws and TMJ is not masturbating. He will probably be able being diagnosed. to not masturbate ever again. Not that he ever did. Popes don’t do that.”

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����������� Progressive Insurance No Help to Amish

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LANCASTER, Penn. — Deep in the heart I wrote Progressive a letter and gave it to of Pennsylvania Dutch Country, the big Ezekiel, who will take it to the postmaster, haired, heavy lipstick and eyeliner of the who will take it to this she-devil, Flo.” good-hearted Flo, TV spokesperson for Progressive Insurance Company holds no Executives in corporate headquarters in ����������������������������������������������������� place in the life of the Amish.

Mayfield, Ohio, are perplexed. “We insure automobiles, motorcycles, RVs, and so forth.

“We heard about this concept of ‘insurance’ But never before has anybody asked us to but so far it’s been of no help,” said insure their butter churn or mangle. What in Zebediah Armstrong, a wheelwright. “The the hell’s a mangle, anyway?” other day I was in my buggy down by the Old Mill Stream when my mare, Jezebel, Future Progressive Insurance commercials threw a shoe. I was instructed to call an 800 will feature Flo at an egg incubator with number. Is that the mark of The Beast? Is silhouettes of Amish, since photography it like 666? Insurance is Satan’s work! But steals their spirit.

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dating check list

M

outhwash?

Check! Directions? Check! Sense of humor? Check! Good things to remember, but let’s review a different checklist.

The mental checklist. The one you prepare when interviewing someone for a job or a potential relationship. The questions and answers you’ll want to consider when determining if your date might lead to something more. You don’t need all the answers on your first date, but it’s good to have some idea of what you’re looking at going in.

Why? There’s a time in every relationship where you reach a crossroad. It’s that time where you’re faced with the inevitable something that bugs you about the person you’re with. And that’s when you ask the questions. What do I like? What can I tolerate? And what is a deal breaker?

Everyone has a different checklist. Some of the questions are universal. Some are specific to your likes, dislikes, wants and needs. To get you started here are a few questions you might want to add to your checklist.

IS THERE CHEMISTRY? Not necessarily in the sack, but a steady, flirtatious vibe between the two of you.

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER? Do you look forward to spending time with your date?

DO YOU WANT THE SAME THINGS OUT OF LIFE? Career direction, cities you want to live in, children, and pets come to mind.

DO YOU GET ALONG IN EACH OTHER’S SOCIAL CIRCLE?

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You don’t have to like all their friends, but the ability to socialize without throwing their friends off of a bridge is a good test.

Someone who starts with little white lies (age, education, where they grew up) is usually hiding bigger lies down the road.

IS EDUCATION IMPORTANT? High school drop out, trade school graduate, or doctorate from Harvard?

DO THEY GET YOU? Can they tell what makes you sad, what makes you happy, what makes you laugh – or are they clueless about who you are?

WHAT ARE THEIR FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS LIKE? You can tell a lot about what a person will be like as a partner by watching how they interact with their family. Pay attention.

DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT? Sometimes opposites attract, but sometimes an introverted person who likes to stay home with the Tivo and an extroverted person who’s the life of the party, do not make a match in heaven.

IS AGE IMPORTANT? To some it’s just a number. To others it matters. Decide on this one early.

Someone who’s too old for you now is only going to get older. And if you have trouble keeping up with the young one’s now, what’s going to happen as you get older?

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON? You don’t have to do everything together.

But doing what you enjoy alone gets boring fast.

IS RELIGION IMPORTANT? Religion can be a big issue. If you’re Christian and your date is an Atheist it could be a major deal breaker. It’s best to be honest early before you fall in love and it becomes a big issue later.

DO THEY MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? A partner should compliment you and lift you up, not get you down.

ARE THEY HONEST AND TRUSTWORTHY? Honesty is a huge issue for most people.

ARE YOU SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE? Once you make it into the bedroom, it’s essential that you have some compatibility.

Don’t think that things will get better with time. They usually don’t. One of the main causes of relationship breakups is sexual incompatibility.

ARE THEY SERIOUS ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP? If you meet online, check out their profile.

Are they looking for “the one to spend the rest of their lives with” or “a one night stand with no strings.” Don’t try to mold someone into wanting what you want. It won’t work.

Some of these checklist questions may be essential others may not. As a basis to start from, this is a good beginning.

Post your online or voicemail profile for FREE on Megamates and Gaymates.

Our phone dating line and online dating website offer singles a fun, interactive place to call, chat, and connect. It’s free to setup and maintain a mailbox or online account, free to record a public message and free to browse other caller’s profiles and messages. Call 1-888MEGAMATES, use FREE code 7286 or visit us online at www.megamates.com. © 2008 Progressive Computing LLC August August2009 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM WWW.IONAZ.COM 85 85

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IONPHOENIX 1.

1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

3.

Bar Bar1 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

4.

4.

BSBSWest West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

5.

5.

Bunkhouse Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

6.

6.

Cash CashInn Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

7.

7.

Charlie’s Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

8.

8.

Cherry CherryBar Bar

E. Indian IndianSchool SchoolRd. Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix 1028 E.

(602) 277-7729

9.

9.

Cherry CherryLounge Lounge

starting January 11th Mill Ave. in Tempe Every Thursday at 9pm on Mill Ave. in -Tempe

10.

10.

The TheChute ChuteMen’s Men’sClub Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C 11.

Clarendon Club Vibe Hotel

401 W. Ave.Rd. - Phoenix 3031 E. Clarendon Indian School - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON 224-9977

11.

12.

Club Vibe 7th Cruisin’

3031 N. E. Indian Rd. - Phoenix 3702 7th St. School - Phoenix

224-9977 (602) 212-9888

12.

13.

Cruisin’ Dick’s 7th Cabaret

3702 E. N. Illini 7th St. - Phoenix 3432 Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK 212-9888 (602)

13.

14.

Dick’s Dick’sCabaret II

3432 E. McDowell Illini Rd. - -Phoenix 2438 Phoenix

274-DICK (602) 437-DICK

14.

15.

The Door Flex Private Men’s Club

1126 S N.Black Scottsdale Rd.Hwy - Tempe 1517 Canyon - Phoenix

(480) (602) 967-DOOR 271-9011

15.

16.

Forbidden Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

16.

17.

Homme Homme

Camelback Rd. 138 W. Camelback Rd.--Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0875 266-0875 (602)

17.

18.

icepics icepicsvideobar videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

18.

19.

Incognito Incognito

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

19.

20.

Karamba Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

20.

21.

Kobalt Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

21.

22.

OZ OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

22.

23.

Plazma Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 266-0477 266-0477 (602)

23.

24.

Pumphouse PumphouseII II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

24.

Retro Bar Phoenix City Center 3600 3114 N. E. 2nd Cactus Rd. - Phoenix Radisson Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 604-4900 493-0355 (602)

25.

25.

The Rock Cactus Rainbow

4129 N.N.7th Ave. - Phoenix 15615 Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

248-8559 (602) 867-2463

26.

26.

Roscoe’s The Rock

4531 N. 7th 7th Ave. St. - -Phoenix 4129 Phoenix

(602) 285-0833 248-8559

27.

27.

Rainbow Cactus Roscoe’s

15615N.N.7th Cave Rd. - Phoenix 4531 St.Creek - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833 867-2463 (602)

28.

28.

Velocity Velocity

2303 E. Indian Indian School School Rd. Rd. --Phoenix Phoenix

(602) 956-2885 956-2885 (602)

29.

29.

Wild WildCard Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

30.

30.

Z ZGirl GirlClub Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

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IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93

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MEAT FRIDAYS

Photos submitted by Brian Collins August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

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by Addison DeWitt

We move into the dog days of summer hoping for some brief respite from the heat and the bad new in the obituaries.

This summer flies have been dropping like celebrities.

It’s a sad day for bachelors in Phoenix.

Word on the street is that sexpot of the century David Kitchen is taking his hot little “cucina” is off the market, pumpkins.

Again! Frankly, dearies, my heart is broken. Cutie-pie Kitchen is slated to be “committed” this upcoming Valentine’s Day, 2010, in Sedona, probably in one a spiritual vortex by a shaman or some kind of New Age witch doctor. Well, he needs to be committed all right!

So make sure your chakras, aura and biorhythms are all in alignment, honey. If you need me to act as Oracle and wave any smudge sticks around and burn some incense to bless your union, just let me know.

I’m also happy to spend time with you in a sweat lodge for a little bit of “Ass”tral Plane Travel before the happy day, FYI. Check out the increasingly glamorous new patio at Bar1, featuring pass through bar service. Designed by noted world famous architect Frank Gehry, it’s appealing and it’s so nice to be able to step outside and have a breath of nice, clean, fresh air while you’re firing up a healthy cigarette. [Noted world famous architect Frank Gehry did not design the patio. But it sure sounds good! — Ed.] Rumor had it that Bar1tender Scott Stowe had a new boyfriend named Eric. Yes,

that’s two hads. Had had. And that’s how Scott introduced him to me one Saturday night. He said — and I quote, “This is my new boyfriend, Eric.” End quote. But apparently after a long-term relationship of one week it was over because Scott informed me that he was single and looking and that he’ll move in any boyfriend faster than a Lesbian with a UHaul should Mr. Right (Now) come along.

Applications now being accepted.

On the Political Front — and I know that’s why you read this column — is it true that former ASU Sigma Nu fraternity “House Mom” Neil Giuliano is tossing his Bendel bonnet into the ring for Arizona’s next governor? And as a Democrat — finally?

Looks like the former Man from GLAAD will be duking it out with Attorney General Terry “The Doofus” Goddard for the nomination. I think a Pillsbury Bake-Off might be a good test.

Stay tuned for details.

Tough times call for tough measures. Councilman/Vice Mayor Tom Simplot was pounding the pavement and cadging for campaign contributions in the horrible, awful, dreary city of San Francisco and suffering through unbearably dull cocktail parties to help fund his campaign for re-election. Seems that a number of Phoenix ex-pats like that obscure object of my desire, Christopher Vasquez, and an assortment of louche “remittance men” [that means their family paid them to leave for some scandalous reason. — Ed.] who love their hometown so much they apparently can’t stand to live here anymore banded together in Sodom by the Bay and broke out the Rice-a-Roni [“The San Francsico Treat!” — Ed.] and August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

the best muscatel quarters can buy to help keep the Honorable Tom in office. Look for Tom, coming to a city near you! Today, ‘Frisco Frisco — tomorrow, Schenectady!

If you’d care to make a contribution to a campaign of another sort, I highly recommend a visit to the leaders of tomorrow at the new McDowell Road location of Dick’s Cabaret II— the #1 male revue in the WORLD! In case you don’tt believe me, it says so, right on the sign outside. And, my dears, my dears!

If those boys were

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politicians they could take their polls and stick ‘em in my ballot box anytime. Tell Freakk the doorman I sent you.

Our Party Penguin of the Month is that wild and untamed James Silva. This uninhibited, unabashed, unrestrained and un-just about everything rogueabout-town has set the bar for screwball, anything-goes, rascally, Oh-My-God-I-Can’t-Believe-He’sOh-My-God-I-Can Doing-That-(Again!) antics. And that’s why we love him. We do love him, don don’t we? Well, don’t we? [We do. — Ed.] You can report on your own louche hijinx and get even with your friends by reporting everything to Addison DeWitt at RumorHound@aol.com

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Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

We can’t put our finger on what makes you so bewitching and beguiling. But there’s a Capricorn out there that would love to put his or her finger somewhere! Just make sure you put a ring on it, first. We have a hunch this one might be the Real McCoy.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

When you smile it’s breathtaking. And not just because of the Crest Whitestrips® either. You can use your power for good – or evil – this month. That’s just how much mojo you have. Go for good. The guy in the white hat always wins.

Besides that, Aries and Capricorns totally dig ‘em. Did you ever see the Lone Ranger lose?

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Why buy the cow when the milk’s free? Listen, little heifer, time to quite being so free and sleazy.

Assign a dollar value to everything you do.

Everything. You’ll be surprised that just being you commands top dollar. And I do mean “top.” Ask any Gemini..

Your scorpion-tough exoskeleton protects you from the gritty things in Life bombarding you this month. But under that armor-like carapace beats a soft, mushy, heart of gold. Just like any other arthropod. Check out red star Antares, the Heart of the Scorpion in low southern skies this summer. Extra sexy!

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23

You’re creating a heat wave all on your own.

Your animal magnetism is has everybody’s pheromones at the boiling point. Why? Just because you’re you. You’re not nearly as effective when you’re trying to be Madonna. Now heat up the Easy Bake Oven and invite a Pisces over for a fish fry.

You’re blindly optimistic, and that doesn’t help when you carry a bow and arrow, horseydude.

Take a minute and exercise some tact you’re known to lack and your honest, good nature will come through. Then shoot if you still want to. But avoid hitting a Libra. And don’t get caught.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You’re one of the reigning sex symbols this month. And you smell pretty good, too, all wrapped up in with an big, star-spangled, astrological bow of charisma. Say “Yes” to everyone who wants to be your friend on Facebook. You’ll be glad you did when a Leo asks.

Mom was right. Eat your vegetables. Take your vitamins. Get plenty of rest. So stop burning your candle at both ends this month and you won’t be so “crabby.” Relax. Put your feet up. Have a slumber party with a sexy Aries, Scorpio and Aquarius. You’ll be surprised what happens when you play Spin-The-Bottle.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

What’s new, pussycat? August is your month to prove who’s king – or queen – of the jungle. Well, savannah, if you want to get technical. You might say that you’re the “mane” attraction. So take “pride” in what you do, puss. Eat your Friskies and roar for a special Gemini.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Take some time to admire God’s handiwork. Or Buddha’s. Or Allah’s. Or some Higher Power’s, for crying out loud. It didn’t just get there by itself.

Take some time to stop and smell the roses. You just might find a Taurus that has a few questions about the Universe you can answer.

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August 2009

Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

This month is a good one to give up at least one of your vices. We’ll let you choose which one.

But consider giving up cigarettes, shoes, oriental rugs or talking smack about your friends. Keep the porn, however. Complimenting a Cancer and a Leo is in your favor.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Pinch yourself! You must be dreaming! No, everything really is just that good. You’ve got some kind of planetary kismet on your side.

Throw caution to the wind! Take a risk – it’ll pay off. Unexpectedly kiss someone on the lips. An Aquarius kisses you back. Twice.

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