ION Arizona July 2012

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Barbra’s SAlsa Challenge

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KARAMBA

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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SATURDAY NIGHTS

THE NEW ZOAN

We’re On A Roll!

Every ION

anniversary issue brings excitement and nostalgia to my heart. Eleven years ago, people said it couldn’t be done.

Don’t try. I did. I started with a great group of people that did the impossible.

You know who you are. Thank you.

Since our humble beginnings, we have accumulated a diverse group of contributors, advertisers, non-profits and readers. I thank everyone who has helped us get here: Thank: Contributors I couldn’t be prouder about how our content has grown and matured over the years.

Thanks to our hardworking, talented staff and contributors: Deon Brown’s editorial excellence, Kevin Bushaw’s creative artistic talent, Kim Ruff’s satirical Movies Reviews, Jackson Kelly’s rockin’ Music Reviews, Addison DeWitt’s controversial Slings and Arrows on down to our strangely accurate Horoscopes. For the best photography, you have to have the best photographers: Fernando Hernandez, Jerry O’Conner, Devin Mitchell and, of course, Don Thompson. To all the other great contributors—too many to list here—who made and continue make ION Arizona what it is: Thank you!

Thank: Advertisers!

While you’ve enjoyed ION for 11 years for free, it’s thanks to our loyal advertisers who’ve footed the bill. It’s because of them that ION free for you, so please patronize our advertisers. Thank you!

Thank: Non-Profits!

Helping non-profits is the backbone of ION. It started with events like the AGRA Rodeo, Phoenix, Flagstaff and Tucson Prides and later Rainbows Festival.

Today we have great relationships with TERROS, Southwest Center, Phoenix Hellraisers, Phoenix Sunfish, Project Hard Hat, SAAF, Metropolitan Men’s Choir, Voices of the Desert, Joshua Tree and 1 Voice Community Center.

Thank you!

Thank: You! Of course, we wouldn’t be here today with you! Picking up a copy every month, reading ION online, saving past issues, sharing your copy of ION and supporting our advertisers.

Thank you!

Thank: Detroit! (Yes, Detroit!)

Coming from the Motor City and owning 13 cars in my lifetime, I find it fitting that we celebrate my passion for automobiles.

This issue features some great classic cars courtesy of the Lambda Car Club and terrific guys with their hot cars in “Valet of the Dolls” photo-feature. Thank you!

As we celebrate our 11th year of creating ION Arizona, I just want to say, “Thank you,” from the bottom of my heart to everyone. Enjoy our 11th Anniversary Issue!

Jack Tesorero, Publisher

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 15

3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ........................................ kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ....................................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Tom King ............................................ ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero ............................................... (602) 750-1164 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ............ (520) 429-5905 ionazsales@me.com ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner Don Thompson Danny Catt Cover photo by Fernando Hernandez National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Joey Sarandos Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2012: 17 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2012 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation.

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 17

icepics videobar Anniversary Join icepics for an anniversary celebration you won’t forget! Go Go boys! Drag Queens!

The Men of Strut! Poker! Karaoke! Beer Bust! And, of course, the world famous party, Mustache Ride! This non-stop-fun party is July 12-17, so don’t miss this jubilee celebration! 3108 E. McDowell Rd. Phoenix.

Ph: 602-267-8707 See ad p.6 & 7

Ritual: A Black Party Black is the new black. Experience it like never before at Ritual: A Black Party. From the exotic to the erotic, you won’t want to miss this event featuring performance artists, male dancers and more with DJ Doom at the turntable. Be creative and wear your best black attire.

Experience Ritual on Saturday night, July 14 at Club 24, at 2424 E. Thomas Rd. See ad on p. 10

Dancing with the Bars It takes two to tango. And waltz. And samba. And cha-cha. You get the general idea. Some of our community’s favorite guys ‘n’ gals—along with a sprinkling of drag queens—take to the dance floor to raise money for the Joshua Tree Feeding Program!

Catch ION Arizona’s very own Kevin Bushaw when he cuts a rug on Sunday, July 22 at Renaissance Phoenix Downtown Hotel, 50 E. Adams St. Doors open at 5.p. Tix available at SWAYevents.com See ad on p. 30

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Hellraisers Jocks in Drag Nothing says “Lady Boy” quite like seeing a a musclebound athlete squeezed into a big sparkly dress with his feet crammed into a pair of Jimmy Choos wearing a schmear of red lipstick and a wig while lip-synching to a Katy Perry song. Now’s your chance! This fundraiser for Phoenix Hellraisers happens on 9 p.m. on Saturday, July 28 at Charlie’s! 727 W. Camelback Rd. See ad p. 38

Lime-a-Rita Pool Party Put on your sexiest swimsuit, a funky fedora, your Ray Ban Wayfarers and head over to hang out with the hipsters at the chic OH Pool at the fashionable hotspot, the Hotel Valley Ho from 1-6 p.m. on Sunday, July 29. Why? It’s the Bud Light Lime-a-Rita Pool Party! This is a presented by SWAY Events, so the “fun” is guaranteed! Check out SWAY’s Facebook page for discount tickets. Cabanas & discounted rooms available! See ad on p.36

JUly 2012 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT

LOCATION CITY

Thursdays Fridays Fridays Saturdays 11 12 12 12-17 13 14 14 14-15 15 17 19 20 21 22 24 27 27 28 28 28 29

IBT’s OZ Bar 6th Avenue Gallery Friends Club 24 The Rock Boom Boom LaRue’s icepics Amsterdam Club 24 Roscoe’s BS West Charlie’s icepics Karamba!

Apollo’s Charlie’s Renaissance Hotel Club 24 Amsterdam Karamba!

Karamba!

Charlie’s BS West Valley Ho Hotel

Therapy New Go-Go Boys Some Like It Haute Shows & Sales Eye Candy-a-Go Go Wet ‘n’ Wild Underwear Night Xtreme Male In’tl Strip Show Titty Party Anniversary Celebration Foam Party Ritual: A Black Party XXX Family Feud Drag Wars Weekend Artie Party Mustache Ride Amy Winehouse Tribute 90s Dance Party Trojans Cornhole Tournament Dancing with the Bars Hypnosis w/ Big Booty Judy Dirty Disco Fuzzion Zero White Party with Venus D’Lite Hellraisers Jocks in Drag Xmas in July SWAY’s Lime-a-Rita Pool Party

Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Scottsdale

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JELL-O WRESTLING

More

CHARLIE’S

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Come see what we’re all about with ONE MONTH OF FREE SWIMMING! Visit us online for swim locations, swim times and to find out more about the Sunfish.

www.phxsunfish.org 22

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Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll This summer they’re hauling all of moldy oldies out of mothballs and planting them onstage to rock out! If you wanna relive some of the best tunes of the 70s, 80s and 90s and all the music you listened to in your mom’s minivan, you’ll love hearing Joan Jett, Huey Lewis, Beach Boys, Pat Benatar, The Jacksons and even Yanni! Check ‘em out at terrific venues in Phoenix and Tucson.

American Idol Live!

Those budding TV songbird hopefuls who survived Simon Cowell’s bitchiness come to the Jobing.com Arena at 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale on Friday, July 27 to entertain you. Well, and to make lots of money, too. The first American Idol, Kelly Clarkson, will be at the US Airways Center at 201 E. Jefferson on Wednesday, August 1. For more info & tix for both shows call 800-745-3000 or visit TicketMaster.com

Nicki Minaj You never know what you’re gonna get from rapper/hip-hopper Onika Tanya Maraj—that’s Nicki Minaj. Get yourself a funky wig and you think you’re another Lady Gaga. And you’ve seen the size of her butt? She bring her big bootie Pink Friday World Tour to the Comerica Theatre on Tuesday, August 7. 400 W. Washington. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888

JULY 2012 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION PHONE 6 Foster the People, Kimbra Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 6 Joan Jett Talking Stick Resort 800-745-3000 6 Rockstar Energy Mayhem Ashley Furniture Pavilion 7 Beach Boys Grand Canyon U. Arena 866-459-2035 12 Il Divo Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 15 Yanni Comerica Theatre, Phx 602-379-2888 15 Huey Lewis & the News/Joe Cocker Casino del Sol Tucson 520-838-6400 17 Pat Benatar Talking Stick Resort 800-745-3000 18 The Jacksons Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 22 Willy Nelson & Family Celebrity Theatre 602-267-1600 25 Last Summer on Earth Tour Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 27 All Star Weekend Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 27 American Idol Live!

Jobing.com Arena 800-745-3000 AUGUST 1 Kelly Clarkson &The Fray US Airways Center 800-745-3000 3 Macy Gray & Seal Casino del Sol Tucson 520-838-6400 5 Weird Al Yankovic Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 7 Nicki Minaj Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 25

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FLAGSTAFF PRIDE

WHEELER PARK

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New?

I

n addition to these, check out new stuff from The Offspring, R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Russell Watson, NAS, Zac Brown Band, Passion Pit and Deadmau5.

Maroon 5

Overexposed

On their fourth album, Adam and company release their most commercial music to date; one that is packed with electro-pop ala Ryan Tedder and Max Martin. It’s a huge improvement from their last release, Hands, and will surely be the album of the summer.

Lead single “Payphone” rings best with the smart collaboration with Wiz, while “Lucky Strike” proves to be this album’s “Moves Like Jagger” part 2. However, it’s the sheer perfection of “Love Somebody” and its hand-clapping hook that screams “Amazeballs!” Also, look for great support from the mid tempo “Daylight” and the funkified “Tickets.” GRADE: B+

Flo Rida

Wild Ones

If the formula works, why change? Well, for one, it gets stale.

In this nine track EP which Flo Rida is calling an album, the listener is subjected to a collection of songs that almost sounds like one long track. As expected, there are heavy influences of samples and songs from yesteryear. Hit singles “Wild Ones” and “Good Feeling” showcase that and are included as well as the newer single “Whistle,” but little ingenuity extends beyond these offerings. Sure there’s a collaboration with J-LO as well as half of LMFAO, but in short, Flo will soon need

to look deeper into his bag of tricks to stay current and relevant. GRADE: C

Marina & the Diamonds

The Family Jewels

With the Olympics about to take flight, how appropriate we feature an artist that deserves your attention. Part Scissor Sisters, Regina Spektor and Santigold and—alright—a lot of Katy Perry; but a smarter and a more rebellious Katy. Marina is all about having fun. Sure, it’s campy and a bit over the top at times, but it’s lyrically smart and grabs your attention without being labeled. Initial song “Hollywood” glimmers with pizzazz while the polka-infused gems of “Mowgi’s Road” and “Girls” will be your tracks of choice here. It’s no wonder why so many critics are awarding their debut with four stars. GRADE: B+

Morten Harket Out of my Hands

Who says you can’t teach old dogs new tricks? Lead singer of A-ha breaks away to release his second solo effort and gives an album that is his best in nearly 15 years. Though not known my most, this artist is one that has influenced the likes of Keane and Coldplay. Most known for his “Take on Me,” Morten grows with the times and delivers an album with electro-pop indie jams. Lead single “Scared of Heights” just soars with its insatiable hook while “Keep the Sun Away” and “Burn Money Burn” sound like tracks from a James Bond flick. And then there’s the somber “Out of my Hands”—just plain brilliant. Grade: AJuly 2012 www.IONAZ.com 29

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

The Amazing Spiderman

Starring: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary I first heard the word “reboot” used to describe Hollywood’s decision to overhaul a narrative a few years ago; since then I seem incapable of escaping the concept.

Earlier this year, we saw gritty reboots of ages-old fairy tales (some released so close together, audiences could play a game of “compare whimsical Snow White to its macabre version”) with a few reboots of TV shows in between (21 Jump Street or Dark Shadows, anyone?) Now we’re back with another reboot—this time it’s the Spiderman franchise, less than five years after the release of Sam Raimi’s Spiderman-3.

After several attempts to write the fourth installation in the series, Columbia Pictures and Marvel Studios decided to go back to the drawing board, ditching the original cast, crew and storyline in favor of something fresh. Fresh, in this case, is Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) taking on Tobey Maguire’s role with Emma Stone (The Help) playing his love interest as he searches for the truth about his father. Rhys Ifans and Denis Leary co-star. Release Date: 07/03/2012.

The Dark Knight Rises

Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Anne Hathaway Meanwhile, in Gotham City, Warner Brothers sticks with its winning formula of director Christopher Nolan (Inception) and lead actor Christian Bale (The Fighter) in the third installation in the Batman franchise,

Reboots Abound!

The Dark Knight Rises.

The film picks up eight years after The Dark Knight ends. After Batman (Bale) assumes responsibility for the crimes of deceased District Attorney, Harvey Dent. To protect Dent’s reputation, he leaves Gotham City. When he returns eight years later, he encounters Selina Kyle (Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs) and Bane (Tom Hardy, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy), both of whom he’s convinced intend to destroy the city. Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman reprise their roles. Release Date: 07/20/2012.

Neighborhood Watch

Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade, Will Forte Not everyone has the mental will necessary to make themselves a superhero or the luxury of a destiny-determining runin with a radioactive arachnid. Sometimes you’re just a bunch of Average Joes (some sloppier than others) who decide to band together and do what’s right for their neighborhood. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill star as 3/4ths of the neighborhood watch alongside newcomer to American cinema, Richard Ayoade (The IT Crowd, Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place) in the new film written by Seth Rogen and Pineapple Express writing partner, Evan Goldberg. Initially, this group of misfits band together for their own selfish reasons, but when a half-hearted patrols turns up a plot for an alien invasion, they must find a way to confront it. Rosemarie DeWitt, Billy Crudup, and Will Forte co-star. Release Date: 07/27/2012.

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

A

British Invasion

ssuming you’ve been keeping up on world events, you’re well aware that the 2012 Summer Olympics starting at the end of this month in London, England.

As such, ION will be doffing our hat, as it were, to our British brethren and sistren with two DVDs that pay homage to England’s rich culture and history.

penned by a master storyteller and made its themes—love, passion, defiance, betrayal, sorrow and regret—tangible by putting it against an identifiable backdrop.

Coupling this artistic decision with the film’s incredibly gifted cast, I finally understood—both in my head and my heart—what was being said. Isn’t that the hallmark of a good story? Order by calling 1-800-GET-WOLFE or visit WolfeVideo.

Private Romeo com (2011)

Starring: Seth Treasure HousNumrich, Matt Doyle, es of Britain Hale Appleman, (2012) Chris Bresky, Sean Not keen about Hudock a love story from When eight cadets at the Bard of Avon? a military academy Well, then Treasure are left behind Houses of Britain during a week-long might just be your training exercise, Romeo and Juliet, cup of tea, loveys.

Shakespeare’s classic play of starIf you love HGTV and Million Dollar crossed lovers, transcends the classroom Listing, this DVD series features some of and infuses their lives. Directed by Alan the most expensive real estate you could Brown (Book of Love), Private Romeo buy back in the day by the “superstars” stars Seth Numrich (Gravity) and Matt of the era. Hosted by Doyle (Gossip Girl) as cadets Singleton and Mangan, the same sex, intraEnglish news journalist Selina Scott, institutional equivalent of the infamous Treasure Houses tours five of the most underage lovers of antiquity. sumptuous, decadent and culturally

When I first read the synopsis, I was skeptical. I’m not exactly the biggest fan of Shakespeare’s obsolete vernacular (largely because few actors can make his heroic couplets mean something), and the idea of making the leads Gay men and setting it a military academy just sounded too titillating to be meaningful. Yet, it was meaningful, because Brown took a play that is so often thrust upon us in school as a sterling example of an original narrative

rich estates of Jolly Olde England. It’s difficult not to be impressed. Factor in the faithful preservation of the grounds and buildings, the vast collections of art and artifacts from around the world and the long, storied histories of some of the residents, and you’ll never watch an episode of MTV’s Cribs the same.

Available through Acorn Media. www.acornmedia.com

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Sunday, July 29th 1PM - 6PM

10 per person

$

swayevents.com/lime-tickets

Overnight Guests & Groups Special Room Rate

99

$

+tax based on availability

to reserve call 480.248.2000 or 866.882.4484 & use the code “SWAY�

Cabanas starting at

175

$

includes entry for 4 people to reserve call 602-277-7929 or info@swayevents.com

Post Party @

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6850 E. Main Street Scottsdale, AZ 85251

www.IONAZ.com July 2012

Halle-LOO’sin it!

“Say, whaaat?!” It’s time to loosen up your girdles and giggle, girls! RuPaul’s Drag Race’s own Susan Lucci, Shangela, comes to town with her own pimp-ho’ comedy! She’ll be sharing the stage (and maybe her Spanx) with our own Lady Christian, Celia Putty and Olivia Gardens at StandUp Scottsdale (the old Forbidden) at 6820 E. 5th Ave. on Sunday, July 8 at 8 p.m Brought to by ArizonaDrag.com and Solo Entertainment. For more info visit ArizonaDrag.com

Wit & Wisdom of Red Green If you like sitcoms, do-it-yourself shows and fishing or just wanna laugh, you’ll love this! Handyman Red Green, who trusts everything to duct tape, believes “If women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy” has been a favorite on PBS and Comedy Central for years. The cuckoo Canuck be at the Celebrity Theatre 440 N. 32nd St. on Friday, July 13. For info & tix check out CelebrityTheatre.com or call 602-267-1600

Suzanne Westenhoefer This comedy cut-up has the distinction of being the first openly Gay comedian ever to appear on TV. Now she’s touring with a brand new show called “Jilted Gypsy ... for Sale or Rent” and she’s coming to StandUp Live Phoenix on Sunday, July 22 to bring audiences her own unique comedy, and lots and lots of laffs! You don’t have to be a Lesbian to laugh at Suzanne! at CityScape, 50 W. Jefferson. 480-719-8400

JULY 2012 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 5-8 Mike Epps StandUp Live - CityScape 8 Halleloo’sin it with Shangela StandUp Scottsdale 10-11 NBC Stand-Up for Diversity StandUp Live - CityScape 13 Wit & Wisdom of Red Green Celebrity Theatre 13-8/11 Rent Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre 14 Bully Mammoth Tempe Center for the Arts thru 17 Cirque du Soleil Kooza Univ. of Phx. Stadium 22 Suzanne Westenhoefer StandUp Live - CityScape 22 Grease AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria 26-29 Flip Orley StandUp Live 27 Paul Rodriguez Talking Stick Resort thru 29 The Odd Couple Scotts. Desert Stages

PHONE 480-719-8400 ArizonaDrag.com 480-719-6100 602-267-1600 480-483-1664 480-850-2829 800-450-1480 480-719-6100 623-776-8400 480-719-8400 800-745-3000 480-783-1664

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THE PHOENIX HELLRAISERS & CHARLIE始S PHOENIX PRESENT:

JOCKS IN DRAG! Only at

Phoenix With the one & only

Pussy Lehoot

Saturday, July 28th @ 9pm 36

www.phoenixflagfootball.com

www.IONAZ.com July 2012

ArizonaDrag.com Events

Roll out the red carpet and break open a bottle of champagne! It’s time for ArizonaDrag.com’s annual Diamond Crystal Awards, celebrating the best “men” and “women” of drag from Phoenix & Tucson! Come to The Rock on Friday, July 20 at 7:30 for this amazing show featuring Mr. Kenneth Blake. Come to the Phoenix Place Hotel Ballroom on Saturday, July 21 and catch the spook-a-delic Sharon Needles from RuPaul’s Drag Race performing two shows, 7:30 and 11 p.m. We hear a secret special guest is coming, too! For details and tickets visit ArizonaDrag.com, the best “dragthority” in the state!

JULY 2012 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) NOW! ---- Club Zarape Welcome back Susana!

Thurs 5 9:00pm The Rock The Follies with Wendy Ho Fri 6 10:00pm The Rock AZ Gender Outlaws Sun 8 8:30pm Apollo’s Tequila Nights with Tyra Marie & Grecia Montes D’Occa Fri 13 10:00pm The Rock Juke Joint with Pandora, Lady Christian & Co. Sat 14 10:00pm The Rock Willam of RuPaul’s Drag Race at the Barbra Seville Show Sat 14 2pm-Close BS West Drag Wars Sun 15 2pm-Close BS West Drag Wars Sun 15 8:30pm icepics Divas After Dark / FAGTV with Dianna K. Shane Sun 15 8:30pm Apollo’s The Cougar Cabaret Sun 15 Cruisin’ 7th HYPNOSIS by Big Booty Judy Sun 15 7:00pm The Rock The Jackie & Olive Show Thurs 19 10:00pm Karamba Tribute to Amy Winehouse with Miss Ruby Fri 20 10:00pm The Rock Scandaleyez with Savannah Stevens Sun 22 8:30pm Apollo’s Miss Gay Arizona America Contestant Show Tues 24 9:00pm Club 24 HYPNOSIS by Big Booty Judy Wed 25 10:00pm Karamba Catia Lee Love’s Welcome Home Party / Barbra Seville Fri 27 10:00pm The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Sat 28 10:00pm Karamba White Party w/ Venus D’Lite as Madonna Sun 29 7:00pm OZ Bar The Miss Gina Show Sun 29 8:30pm Apollo’s Nevaeh loves Coco St. James Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers!

Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo Tuesdays 8 & 10pm Amsterdam Dinner’s a Drag with Kiki Vermont, Kira Daniels & Sasha Bratz Tuesdays 8:00pm BS West Kendra’s Big Top Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La Diva with Janee Star Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Barbra Seville Wednesdays 9:00pm The Rock Open Wide Wednesdays Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Fridays 10:30pm Amsterdam Kiki’s Dance Party Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins Fridays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Miss Dottie Pepper Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements 7 Deadly Sins - followed by Mandi BoomBoom Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Dottie Pepper Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Diamond’s Show July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 37

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I

Get Your Kicks at Kitchen 56

f you can’t stand the heat, get into the kitchen, I always say. Well, actually I never say that. But I do now, because the kitchen I’m talking about is the jewel-like Kitchen 56 nestled in the Arcadia, right on the Indian School Road at 56th Street, lovingly converted into a chic, friendly, neighborhood diner from a vintage filling station of the previous century by local owners Andy and Ann Dee Miller, who take pride in their improved “filling station.”

Kitchen 56 features two inspired menus—one for lunch, one for dinner. Their fine comestibles are creative spins on good ol’ stick-to-your-ribs comfort food, but expect the unexpected! And there’s something to suit everybody.

Seems like Edamame is on every trendy menu.

Introducing Kitchen 56‘s soy beans gone wild! This giant bowl has them prepared with shallots, oyster and soy sauce for only $6. Don’t miss out!

Another “plus” is the Griddled Corn Cakes topped with Pulled Pork— picture two light, fluffy pancakes with tender, roasted bbq shredded bit o’ pig on top, with just a dollop of jalapeño cream sauce.

A genteel, tasty nod to “Down South”-kinda cookin’ with a twist for $8. All meat is smoked right on the premises.

The Cornmeal Crusted Calamari is destined for a Culinary Hall of Fame.

Take a crispy, crunchy Asian Slaw,

tossed with a sweetly spicy Thai Peanut & Miso dressing from the mystic orient.

The calamari is sweet, tender, perfectly prepared and not chewy, a common calamari calamity. Not here!

The Steak Salad is one of six Kitchen 56 presents. Besides the mixed greens, delicately sliced cucumber, red onion, roasted peppers, you’ll get the zing of pickled ginger topped with a miso ginger vinaigrette dressing. Generous slices of tender flank steak give you something to chew on in this large salad for $16. Above treats are available for, both, lunch and dinner.

The dinner menu features five wood-fired pizzas plus one calzone. The Arcadia Pie is a fave, and not your ordinary ‘za.

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 39

The sweet, buttery crust is topped with goat cheese, leeks, scallions, garlic and lots of applewood smoked bacon—no red sauce, it’s closer to a “white” pizza. And who doesn’t love bacon? A personal preference is bacon that’s just a tad crispier.

This gourmet pie is $13 and Kitchen 56’s ovens use pecan and oak wood.

Dinner entrées are mouthwatering, making a choice difficult, especially with affordable pricing ranging from $15 to $25.

You’re guaranteed to fall in love with the succulent Cabernet Braised Short Ribs over Celery Root Purée with Spinach, for $19. Nothing short of divine, actually. These rich, meaty short ribs fall apart at the touch of your fork. Just like the kind Mom used to make. But much, much better!

You’ll also find a variety of creative pasta dishes including Mac ‘n’ Cheese, Spaghetti and handmade Pappardelle and more, as well as entrées like Mongolian Pork Chop, Smoked Baby Back Ribs, Tempura Battered Tofu, several burgers and much more. Ingredients are locally purveyed where possible, and the menu was created

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by General Manager Brittany West. You’ll spot that handsome chef, Lorenzo Lopez, who cut his cooking chops at the popular Roaring Fork, hard at work in the open kitchen.

Kitchen 56 looks northward, through the spectacularly large windows, toward our majestic Camelback Mountain, a sight that’s never tiresome and changes throughout the day and night. Kitchen 56 seats 70 people and also provides a fab patio, open to the full-service bar.

And speaking of that bar, be sure you try one of their seven amazing Adult Lemonades.

Perfect for summer! Their exquisite martinis and specialty cocktails can’t be missed, either. Happy Hour is 3-6 daily, so stop in for your own kind of “grown-up tune up” in the old garage!

Pull in and fill ‘er up! Get your kicks at Kitchen 56!

3433 N. 56th St. Phone: 480-994-5656 Kitchen56.com Lunch: 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Dinner: 3 p.m.-close

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SuMmer 2012

FeZtAcUlar

Cruise On Into FEZ. A summer-packed celebration of specials, events, giveaways and more!

simply good

Details at fezoncentral.com/summerfeztacular

drinks Lunch. Dinner. Late Night. Weekend Brunch. fezoncentral.com • 3815 N. Central Avenue fezoncentral

@fezoncentral

foursquare.com/fezoncentral

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pizza

salads

daily 5pm to midnight open late weekends 718 N Central Ave

602-258-6122

by Joey Sarandos & the Robot

T

he Fiat 500 is a Euro throwback that has finally surfaced in the States. It’s been across the Pond for a few years, but it’s fresh meat to us—unlike Madonna. Upon first glance at this petite machine you think “Aww! Isn’t that cute?” While nobody wants to hear that, it really is. It’s larger than the Smart Car, although not nearly as large as the Mini Cooper. It easily fits two 6 foot-plus men with comfort. This tiny Italian qualifies as a four-seater, but it’s really just for show—or your miniature poodles. It can easily accommodate a trip the market, a couple of weekend bags or binge shopping at Fashion Square with a quick fold of the back seats.

Let’s face it: size doesn’t always matter and this little car proves it. This petite car oozes personality and comes loaded with options.

Like so many retro inspired cars, it looks friendly with its round, hipster-headlamps and the grill’s cartoonish “smile,” but the rest of the its “ooph” and options depend on the model.

Basic transportation is the 500 Pop model, starting just under $14. Choose the five-speed manual or six-speed automatic, each with keyless entry, power everything, Bluetooth/ MP3/iPod compatible stereo, steering wheel controls, A/C, and the list goes on for standard features. If you prefer to pamper yourself you can opt for Sport, Lounge, and buyers who are a bit more Milan than Mesa can get the Gucci edition with the designer-trimmed seats plus matching iPad and phone covers. A convertible is available if you aren’t afraid to mess up your hair.

Now that we know just how we can have our very own personalized cute mode of transit,

Fiat 500 why would you ever want a Fiat 500? If the compact style isn’t enough, there’s always the excellent fuel economy. Not enough?

Feast your hungry eyes on the Fiat 500 Abarth—that’s Italian for “goes fast.” Much like AMG is German for “street legal race car.” This little guy looks a bit like the other Fiats, but with a squat stance.

The Abarth includes a bevy of performance goodies like a stiff suspension, better brakes, Abarth badging, dual exhaust, and most importantly a turbo is mated to the little engine. That’s where the magic comes in, because you know that everything is better once it gets blown! This turns the car into a competent little performer.

Now you get all the lux items inside and get to fly low down the road at at a much faster speed, reaching 60 mph from a stop in just under seven seconds. Impressive stats. At $22K nobody can complain. This performance is only available with the fivespeed manual transmission.

So while the entire family of 500s are adorable and oddly classic, the Abarth is the faster, stronger, sexier brother. Between the sound, performance, and knowledge that you’re in full control of this hot little Italian you can’t help but smile. From the office to the club, the Fiat 500 Abarth carves up the curviest of roads and garners attention without being pretentious. With a wide array of color and trim combinations it can scream, “Girl!” or “Girl, can you direct me to the gym?” Makes you wonder, with its Italian heritage and charming personality, is it Gay or just European?

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 43

Bob Service & his

1955 Desoto Coronado Photos by Jerry O’Connor 44

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What do you drive? A

Toyota Tercel? A Honda Civic? Your mom’s mini-van? Or maybe you’ve got a pink Cadillac, a little red Corvette, a low rider or a really bitchin’ Camaro.

You might have three-on-the-tree or four-on-the-floor.

Whatever you drive, if you love cars, you should be part of Lambda Car Club International. Since 1981 Lambda Car Club has been part of the landscape coast-tocoast, boasting around 2,200 dues paying members.

“Lambda Car Club provides a social club for people who happen to love everything about the automobile, whether or not they own one,” commented Steve Poessnecker, Arizona Chapter President.

Don’t think that the Lambda Car Club is just for the Little old lady from Pasadena. Local chapter members have vehicles from the early 1900s to cars just off the showroom floor.

“Lots of people think that you have to

have an old car to be a member, but the reality is that you don’t even have to own a vehicle. You just share the love of these mechanical machines that have captured our imaginations and fancy,” encourages Poessnecker.

Still, most of the cars you’ll discover here have long outlasted the payments.

Car enthusiasts at Lambda Car Club talk about a lot more than automatic transmission chain-drive systems, reciprocating engine differentials and oil changes.

Lambda Car Club Social helps keeps members “on track” with events and outings all year long, weekly get-togethers.

Sure, members get help, info and support on just about any car-related topic. But it’s more than that.

“We serve as another type of ‘family’ for our members; that’s another reason that people stay with the group,” Poessnecker points out.

“Sure, it’s great to see someone’s new ‘baby,’ but it’s also about the camaraderie,” he continued. “We embody our national purpose, which ‘is the enjoyment and exchange of information on old and special interest motor vehicles, combined with social fellowship by Gay and Lesbian people interested in such vehicles.’” If you love cars, want to make friends who are July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 45

John Hill & his

1956 Nash Metropolitain Coupe

Donovan Wood & his

1967 Ford F-100 46

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interested in cars, too, this is the club for you.

Paul B. Ward & his

Vroom! Vroom! Find out more! You can see the vehicles of Lambda Car Club members and meet their owners in a variety of places throughout the Valley on a weekly basis. Every Sunday, there is a group that shows up for brunch at the Good Egg at Park Central

1966 AMC Ambassador

Mall on Central Avenue, between Thomas and Osborn Roads, and they also have our regular social get-togethers on Friday nights at the 5 & Diner on 16th Street and Colter in Central Phoenix.

For full details and dates, make sure that you check out the Lambda Car Club website at www.AZgayCar.com and click on one of the calendars at the top of the page.

Find out how long a car can last, and how fast they go. Whether you’re motoring around town in your merry Oldsmobile or cruisin’ in a hot rod Lincoln, you can be part of the Lambda Car Club. Join today!

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Steve Poessnecker & his

1982 Chevrolet Corvette 48

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Photos by Jerry O’Connor & Fernando Hernandez | Art by Tom King | Shot at CityScape Phoenix & Bill Luke Fiat | Models are Jake Rafus & Trevor Grant | Direction by Kevin Bushaw & Deon Brown | Special thanks to United Parking Systems & Red Development

The temperature hit 110 the day of this photoshoot. Exotic. Rare. Expensive. The Valets handle them all. You have to live in Arizona to reach the Valet of the Dolls.

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 51

“It’s bigger than it looks.”

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Eric Luke & the

2012 Fiat 500 “Let your Italian out!” www.BillLukeFiat.com

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Socialite Rudy Dostal started the Phoenix Social Club, and is extraordinarily passionate about autos. You can learn more about the Phoenix Social Club at www.phoenixsocialclub.com

2009 Aston Martin Vantage Roadster

Rudy Dostal & his

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“Just the tip.”

“What do I owe you?”

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Nestor is the owner of United Parking Systems, as well as a partner with Dirty Boy Productions who threw the UNITY Party this Spring. United Parking Systems’ Valets are available for private parties & events. wwwUnitedParkingSystems.com

2011 Mustang Shelby GT

Nestor Padilla & his

“Take it ‘round back!”

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“The winner ain’t the one with the fastest car, it’s the one who refuses to lose.”

Robert does Cars, Jake Woods does clothes. www.jwcollection.com

2009 Nissan GTR Skyline

Jake & Robert & their

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JULY 2012

Vol. 6, Issue 2

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Queen Liz Vows: “Win Olympics or Lose Your Head!”

OUTRAGEOUS!

LONDON — A threat from Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II has the United Kingdom’s Olympic hopefuls quaking in their Wellies.

Buckingham Palace announced to all athletes competing in the 2012 Summer Olympics in London that if they fail to bring home the gold that they can expect their favorite heads to be separated from the rest of their bodies.

“And we always win Cricket.

Nobody understand the rules but us, anyway. But Gymastics?

Wrestling?

BMX Racing?

I mean, really!” he fretted. Yes, he actually fretted.

The Olympic Committee has yet to approve uniquely English sports like Royal Shrovetide Football, Toe Wrestling, Cheese Rolling, Black Pudding Throwing, Shin Kicking, Pea Shooting and Extreme Pooh Sticks, a game played by the “Her Majesty expects a jolly good Winnie the Pooh where two players toss sticks showing from her royal athletes,” stated an over the upstream side of the bridge. The first anonymous palace secretary.

“China, stick on the downstream side wins.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THEtheTRUTH ISappearing TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL United States and Russia dominated the last “Hey! We use really, really big sticks,” said two Olympiads with Great Britain coming in one Pooh Stick competitor. tenth place both times. Ma’am is fed up and expects first place this time in every event.

The Tower of London is preparing for a She’s got bloody bloodlust.” plethora of executions after each event. Yes, a plethora. Tickets for Olympic Executions And not just the sissy sports, either. “Oh, it’s bought separately. all jolly good and well that Her Majesty and the rest of the world expects the Limeys to win events like Badminton and Equestrian Dressage,” said Sir Percy Caldwell-Wexler.

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2012 www.IONAZ.com 65

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OUTRAGEOUS! St. Vincent de RuPaul Society Helps Poor Drag Queens MARYLAND She continued, HTS., Mo.— “We’ll even National have a ‘Disguise headquarters for Your Size’ the respected Department charity St. providing Vincent de Paul corsets for the is teaming up fatties trying to with America’s masquerade as Original Drag skinny minnies.

Superstar, We’ll also have the RESEMBLANCE venerable TicANY TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLYhealthy ACCIDENTAL RuPaul, who Tacs for them to has selflessly eat while they worked to help watch reruns of and elevate the disenfranchised, the RuPaul’s Drag Race and RuPaul’s Drag fat, the homely, the untalented, the U, while they listen to my new album, especially the tacky drag queens of Glamazon, all available on iTunes,” she America. She’s also fattenening up her shamelessly plugged. Again. And again. own purse in the process.

Sister Mary Margaret Catherine O’Brian, Together, the supermerger will be Chief Administer of St. Vincent de Paul known as “St. Vincent de RuPaul.” said, “We’re delighted to help the needy, Thrift shops are scheduled to open has-been and awful drag queens across ANY RESEMBLANCE TONew THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY in FortRESEMBLANCE Lauderdale, Florida,TO America get on their heels. ACCIDENTAL “This will York City, San Francisco and West provide a way for these poor queens. We Hollywood, California. like to say, ‘Teach a queen to sing, who cares? Teach a queen to lip synch for her “We want to help the less fortunate life, and she’ll pretend to sing forever.’” drag queens of our country,” said RuPaul. “We want to want to provide RuPaul concluded, “Do unto drag them with a depository of gowns, queens, as you would have them do unto wigs, heels, and foam rubber boobs,” you—or they’ll cut a bitch.”

RuPaul said.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 67

Gay Party

Tips

by Robert Hoffman 68 Deon www.IONAZ.com July 2012 by Brown

W e’ve all had bad times at parties, whether they be as a guest or

host. Here, then, are a few tips to all you partygoers that every Gay boy needs to know, yet, somehow, most of you don’t.

First, do not show up early for the party.

I am not ready for you. If I wanted you there at 8:15, I would have invited you for 7 o’clock. So, if the invitation reads 8:30, do not show up before then. Do not show up at 8:28. I’ve still got to put my pants on, fix my hair, fill the ice bucket, start the music, put out the hors d’oeuvres, check the food in the oven, make myself a drink, and look in the mirror eighteen times.

And, yes, I can do all that in two minutes.

Do not show up empty handed. I’m throwing a party for you to enjoy yourself for untold hours. You will eat, drink, have some fun, and maybe even be treated to a show, all free of charge. You couldn’t even bring a bottle of wine for me, or a tray of cookies to put out for dessert?

I have several friends who’ve come to dozens of parties over the years. In all those visits, not once have they brought one single thing to contribute to the party or as a gift for the host. You know who you are, you inconsiderate pricks.

Feel free to kiss me on the mouth when you arrive, if—and only if—you are absolutely stunning and you have just sucked on an Altoid. Do not kiss me on the mouth when you are leaving—even if you are stunning, especially if you have beer breath, garlic breath, or— worse yet—cock breath.

That brings me to my next rule: Do not, under any circumstances, hook up at my party. Do not have sex in my bedroom. Do not have sex in my spare bedroom. Do not have sex in my house.

Unless, of course, I am part of that hook up. If you meet someone you want to sleep with at my party, go to a dark alley or throw your heels through your car’s sunroof if you must, but do not hook up in my home. Not even in my bathroom. People need to pee and your BFF has to puke, so take it outside, ‘ho.

While I’m on the subject, do not vomit.

Only Karen Carpenter is exempt from this rule, and she’s dead. If you need to throw up, get your sloppy ass outside or into a bathroom before you spew. If, somehow, you vomit on something in my house, clean it up, you jackass, and pay to clean whatever it is you ruined. I’d rather you puke on my patio than on my divan. And remember this simple rule: if you can’t control your drinking—no matter how much I drink, and no matter how much my other guests drink—none of us will ever forget that you puked at my party.

Continued next month ... _ Robert Hofmann is the author of three books, Surrounded by Insanity, An Ordinary Madness, and his latest, One Brain Cell Away from Retarded. He lives in Wilton Manors, Florida, with his partner of 16 years and welcomes email from readers at robshof@aol.com.

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www.IONAZ.comJuly July 2012 7272 www.IONAZ.com 2012

IONPHX METRO 1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown PHX (602) 258-6122

2.

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

3.

Anvil

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

4.

Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

5.

Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

6.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

7.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

8.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

9.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

10. Club 24

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 334-1462

11. Club Zarape

1730 E. McDowell Rd - Phoenix

12. Cruisin’ 7th

13. Dick’s Cabaret

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

15. Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729

16. icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

18. Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 East Van Buren St. - Phoenix

(602) 267-9959

20. OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

21. Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22. Rainbow Cactus

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 971-1086

23. The Rock

24. Roscoe’s

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

25. ZOAN (formerly Z Girl)

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

26. IBT’S See map on pg 76

616 N. 4th Ave. - Tucson

(520) 882-3053

27. Woody’s See map on pg 76 3710 N. Oracle Rd. - Tucson

Recommended

(520) 292-3702

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com July 2012 www.IONAZ.com73 73

HANKIE PARTY

SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

74 74www.IONAZ.com www.IONAZ.com JulyJuly 2012 2012

IBT’s

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 75

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY Karaoke 1/2 OFF for Arts & Industry

Amsterdam|Miami

Happy Hour $3 Smirnoff/$2 Beer Food served until 2apm

Kiki Vermont $3 Smirnoff Food served until 2apm

Apollo’s

2-4-1 well & domestic 10am-10pm

2-4-1 well & dom.10am-8pm Karaoke 9pm

2-4-1 well & dom.10am-8pm Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft HH 4-7 $2.50 well, bottle & draft

10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft $2 dom bottle 6-9p

Shirtless Sundays! $1.25 Bud Light draft w/ shirt off

$3 “Porn” Pei’s HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

$3 “Raz” Putin’s HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

$10 Bottles of Bubbly until 3pm Half price drinks from 2-7pm

BS West

Elements Show 10pm $3 u-call it beer & $5 cocktails

2-4-1 All Day and All Night Go-go boys, extended patios

Karaoke with Brock @ 9:30p Drink Specials

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Drafts 9:30-11:30/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $3 Bacardi flavors 9p-12a

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Club 24

Open 3pm-2am

Open 3pm-2am

Open 3pm-2am MALE STRiPPERS! 8:30pm

Cruisn’ 7th

Dotty Fridays 10:30 pm $2.25 well & domestic 6-9pm

Leathermen 4:30 pm Fabulous Mia Saturdays 10:30

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Sun $3 Svedka cocktails 7p-close

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shot Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

R Bliss / ReBAR

R FEZ Friends

Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm $12.50 Mimosa & Bloody Mary Specials

H.H. FREE Appetizers 5-7pm Freeky Friday w/Celia Putty

icepics

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

Great Drag Shows $4 SKYY cocktails 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 drinks

Karamba

Vaquero Fridays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitcher Beer Bust

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 2 -6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day Closes at 4pm

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

OZ Bar

Karaoke w/Miss Gina 9pm-1am 2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm

2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm Texas Hold’em 8 &10pm

L.A.D.S Bingo 1pm & 3pm $1 draft Bud, BL, Amberbock all day

The Rock

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

R Roscoe’s*

Fiesta Friday $3 Cervezas Roscoe’s Dancers @ 10:30pm

Happy Hour 10am-7pm Free Darts All afternoon

Make your Bloody Mary Bar $8 Lg Isnd Pitch. $3 Beer Pitch.

R Switch

Fri: $3 House Margaritas Open from 11am-Midnight

Sat: $3 House Cosmo Martini Open from 10am-Midnight

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade $3 Breakfast Open @ 10

R Ticoz

Fridays 1/2 off Coronas all day Happy Hour 3-6:30pm

Saturday 1/2 off well vodka Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30p

Sundays 1/2 off Sangria Pitch Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30

Happy Hour 5-9pm DJ Spin 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 1 5-9pm DJ Spin 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 5-9pm $5 Heel Lifter w/ John Breem 9p-cl

IBT’s

Flawless Fridays China Colins Karaoke 5-8pm

Saturday Starlets w/Janee Starr

Cheap Ass Sundays Karaoke 4-close

Woody’s

Happy Hour w/ Susan Artemis Second Sunday Special Brunch

Happy Hour 11am-8pm

Happy Hour 11am-8pm Karaoke 4pm-2am

Zoan

TUCSON

R

76

FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com July 2012

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Martini Mondays $5 Martinis & $5 Pizza

Margherita Pizza & 2 Margaritas only $15

Dinner for 2 Salad, Pizza and Btl Wine $15

Show Night: Kik Vermont $3 Smirnoff & $3 All Beers

Drag Bingo 10pm 2 for 1 u-call-it all day

2-4-1 well & dom.10am-8pm Underwear Party 10pm

2-4-1 well & dom.10am-8pm

2-4-1 well & dom.10am-8pm Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday Beer Bust $1 Bud Light draft 4p-close

KAROKE @9pm $2.50 well, dom bottle & drafts

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $2 well/ Bud Lt draft

$5 Mondays All Day & Night $5 Patty Melt / $3 Well Wine

$10 Tuesdays Any sandwich, side & beer $10

2-4-1 U Call It 4pm- close

20% OFF Everything Open-9pm 2-4-1 9pm-Close

$4 Long Island & Skinny Drinks HH 3-6:30p $3 well, beer & wine

I Love My Wii - Games all night Stars of Tomorrow 8:30p $2 domestic beer / $3 well $1 Off Beer / $2 Off Call

2-4-1 All Day and All Night Go-go boys, extended patios

Amateur Strip Night w/ Mandi $3 u-call it beer & $5 cocktails

Underwear Party 8-cl Half Off with your Pants Off!

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Smirnoff

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer!

Open 3pm-2am

Open 3pm-2am

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

$2.25 well & domestic 6-9pm $2 well & domestic 2-7pm

$2.25 well & domestic 6-9pm Karaoke 9pm

$2.25 well & domestic 6-9pm $2 well & domestic 2-7pm

Strippers 10:30 pm $2.25 well & domestic 6-9pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednesdays $5 Cover and almost everything else

Stripper Karaoke

$3 Burgers $ Margaritas Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$20 Any Bottle of Wine PLUS any small plate!

$3 G Spots Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

Monday Night Karaoke 9p-1a 2-4-1 8am-2pm (M-F)

NEW: Meatgrinder 9p Dating Game w/ Celia Putty

NEW: AMIGOS Go-go boys/DJ $5 Latin Inspired Drink

2-4-1 Thursday Well & Domestic ALL DAY

Karaoke Mondays

GLEE starting at 7pm 2-4-1 drinks during the show

Karaoke starting at 9pm $3 well/$2.50 dom./$4 martinis

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

Karaoke Mondays DJ Ramon $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Salsa Tuesday Savannah Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Top 40 Wed. Barbra Seville $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

TEJANO Ruby Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

$4 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

Pizza/Wine Special Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

BBQ Short Ribs Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

$3 Mexican Beers Happy Hour 2-6pm Everyday

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

2-4-1 ALL DRINKS, ALL DAY! In-House Dart League Tour. 8p

Dart League 7pm In-House Cash Pool Tour. 9pm

2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm Texas Hold’em 8 &10pm

2-4-1 Every Day 6am-2pm Texas Hold’em 8 &10pm

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

$3 Well/Dom All Day/Everyday! $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Monday Pool Tournament 2-4-1 beer & well 7pm-close

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday TRIVIA @ 9pm All Day Happy Hour

Gold Fish Races @ 9pm 2-4-1 7pm

Mon: $3 House Chard and Cab Open from 11am-Midnight

Tue: $3 Drunken Italian Sodas Open from 11am-Midnight

Wed: $3 Sangrias Open from 11am-Midnight

Thur: $3 Caipirinhas Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays 1/2 off Mojitos HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Tuesdays 1/2 off Sangrias HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Wednesdays 1/2 off Margaritas HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Thursdays 1/2 off draft beer HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Happy Hour 5-9pm S.I.N. 2-4-1 for service indstry

Happy Hour 5-9pm 2-4-1 9pm-Close

Happy Hour 5-9pm Karaoke @ 9pm

Happy Hour 5-9pm Beer Bust $2.75 Pitchers

Reverse Happy Hour

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Happy Hour 11am-8pm

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Margarita Day & Night $4.50 Margaritas

Craft Beer Night AZ Breweries $3 & FREE pool all day/night

ION ARIZONA

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 77

by Addison DeWitt

T

here’s so many things that make July special.

There’s the Fourth of July, when we celebrate American independence (just in case you didn’t know) and for the French there’s Bastille Day, when they celebrate ... uhmm ...

Bastille thingies. However, the best part about this July is the XXX Olympiad in London! I can’t wait to see the NBC broadcast of all the triple X-rated raunchy sexercises in hi-def! I didn’t know that fellatio, cunnilingus, gang bangs, rimming, fisting and bukkake sexathons with hot, sexy athletes from around the world qualified as “sports!” Now I wish I’d tried harder in PE class so I had a dream to work for and make my country proud! Like a jolly rogering from USA swimmer Ryan Lochte (above, top) So bring on the bangers and mash! If you know what I mean. Oy! I was as excited as an upside down exclamation point when creative cooks and gastronomes galore competed in Barbra Seville’s Salsa Challenge at Karamba with over a dozen chefs creating one mucho caliente condiment with Miss Trixie and Todd Wykoff from Charlie’s taking home the prize.

Kudos to the adorable muchacho Daniel Eckstrom whose humble Hominy Salsa put the Macarena in my mouth! ¡Ay! Papi chulo! ¡Mi gusta! ¡Que rico!

With the everescalating summer temps, we all know how ill-tempered, irritated and cranky we all get with prickly heat, rashes and other dermatological conditions.

That’s why they make Chafing Cream (pictured above, right).

[NOTE: Now, readers, please note the clever segue I make with this apparent non-sequitur ... wait for it ... It’s pretty amazing, if I say so myself.

But that’s just me. Here it comes ...]

Speaking of ill-tempered, irritated and downright cranky, I hear that handsome bartender Scott Stowe is dishing out plenty of his now world-famous abuse, hostility, spite and vitriol to eager, acrimony-loving customers at Apollo’s!

Again! Yes, it’s true! That good-lookin,’ charismatic curmudgeon that we all know and love (well, you know what I mean) is dishing out plenty of extra-heavy sarcasm along with his world famous in Phoenix cocktails that’ll leave you walking out of the bar on your knees. It’s so nice to have you back where you belong, Scotty!

Readers often/occasionally/never accuse me of writing about things that are vacuous, shallow, empty, inconsequential, and just plain stupid.

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 79

by Addison DeWitt

As an award winning journalist I object to that! Here I am, at the top of my game and lauded for my contribution to journalism. But, “Is that all there is?” I ask myself. “Is that all there is, my friend?”

At times like this, I turn to Facebook. And there before me, I find sage words of wisdom from the brilliant and oh-so-delectable Domenic Colangelo (pictured) who advises, “Why is Kylie Minogue always the answer? I think it has to do with the questions I’m asking.”

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www.IONAZ.com July 2012

Thus spake the Man with Blue Hair. And that’s why Dommie is the “Party Penguin of the Month!”

I should be so lucky.

Lucky, lucky, lucky.

I should be so lucky in love! Oh, Domenic!

For more answers to Life’s big questions, The Best of Kylie Minogue with CD & DVD is now available!

Shameless plug. All for Domenic.

Tell Addison your answers to Life’s questions, why you love Kylie, or naked pictures of Olympians to RumorHound@aol.com

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July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 81

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

It’s time to change your tune, buster! Not that the other tune was a bad one, but if you’ll just listen to Pandora or Spotify you’ll discover something new. This is a metaphor for life, you realize. An Aquarius shows you his playlist. Yet another metaphor! You get it.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

This month it’s all “Do, Re, Me, me, me” for you, you, you. Pull a tenor, bass, or soprano in the spotlight with you and discover the beautiful music you can make with others. Scorpios are divas, but Libras are tone deaf.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

debut performance. This applies to real life, you know. It’s always good to remember a Pisces who made you what you are today.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Everyone’s a critic these days. You can hit every note and still somebody’s got an opinion. And you know what opinions are like—and everybody’s got one. You’ll discover the “Diva Within” late in the month thanks to a Gemini.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Sing for your supper, Scorp! You’ll discover someone wants to buy you breakfast, too, after you give a command performance to a very special member of the audience. Your talents extend beyond the stage, obviously. A Cancer is a big fan!

You’ll discover that you can hit that elusive high note you’ve been practicing on for the past few months. It wasn’t that difficult after all, and your fans appreciate you all the more. Except for an Aries in the balcony. They’re never easy to please.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Your audition will guarantee you’re cast in a starring role early in the month. You’ll discover you have a little “fan club” but don’t let it go to your head or you’ll be sent back to the chorus.

Make a Pisces your understudy—just in case.

You never know.

You’ll be giving a recital that you’ve been rehearsing for. Stick to the stuff people like ... Kylie, anything Madonna.

Gaga’s out of your range. (Think about it.)

Someone special sings “Happy Birthday” to you for a change. An Aries has you on key.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

It’s time to face the music, so to speak.

You have talents and gifts that will be revealed and may surprise you. The clarinet is not one of them. We all have a “clarinet” in our life, trust me. If it’s your birthday you’ll whistle a happy tune with a Capricorn.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

Practice! You’ll discover practice makes perfect and your fans eagerly await your 82

www.IONAZ.com July 2012

You’re a little pitchy, dog, but you’ll be an “idol” for many by mid-month. Your talent is extraordinary and you’ll be in the Top Ten— but make sure a Taurus is judging and you’ll be a winner. You may even go on tour!

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Sing. Sing a song. Sing out loud. Sing out strong. Well, maybe not quite that strong.

A small, intimate cabaret-style performance is your strong suit this month. Think Liza Minnelli—back when she was good. A Leo begs for more. Well, just one more ...

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

A pretty girl is like a melody ... and a gorgeous guy is like an unforgettable tune. You’ll give the concert of a lifetime for one certain very lucky audience member who’ll want an encore performance. You can’t say no to a Sagittarius. Nobody can.

July 2012 www.IONAZ.com 83