ION Arizona Magazine December 2011

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Celebrate the Holidays

Holiday Gatherings, Happy Hours.

Office Luncheons. Gift Certificates.

New Years Eve Blowout Celebration

Lunch. Dinner.

Late Night.

Weekend Brunch.

Chef’s Dinner & Drink Specials!

Details Online

Reservations 602.795.1792 or

blissonfourth.com/reservations

New Year’s Day Hangover Brunch Noon - 8pm Sunday, Jan 1 Brunch & drink specials all day

901 north 4th street phoenix, arizona 85004 602.795.1792 blissonfourth.com blissrebar

@blissrebar

Bliss/ReBar Cares Toy Drive Nov 23 – Dec 16

Christmas

Owners bartending for charity 6-11pm

Christmas Eve Open until 7pm

Double Down @ Bliss ReBAR

Lunch. Dinner.

Late Night.

Weekend Brunch.

Mondays. Tuesdays. Wednesdays. $5 Monday Fiesta

$5 margaritas $5 two tacos w/chips & salsa $5 cheese nachos

$10 Tuesdays

$10 any sandwich, side salad or slaw, draft beer or house wine 901 north 4th street phoenix, arizona 85004 602.795.1792 blissonfourth.com blissrebar

@blissrebar

20% Off Wednesdays 20% off entire bill until 9pm 2-4-1 all drinks 9pm – close

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More

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

More

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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KIKI VERMONT ROAST

More

AMSTERDAM

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

The 12 Gays of ION This holiday season, we give thanks to the many people, businesses and organizations that support ION Arizona and our community: “On the 12th day of the holidays, my true-love gave to me: 12 Restaurants Serving 11 Dentists Cleaning 10 Contributors Working 9 Non-profits Growing 8 Neighborhood Bars 7 Upscale Restaurants 6 Leather Men 5 - BIG - DANCE - BARS! 4 Stores Selling 3 Dating Lines 2 Cabarets And a great growing community!�

Thank you for supporting ION and our contributors over the years.

Happy Holidays from all of us at ION Arizona Magazine and we wish you a prosperous New Year!

Sincerely,

Jack M. Tesorero Publisher 14

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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ........................................ kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ....................................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Tom King ............................................ ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero ............................................... (602) 750-1164 ionazsales@me.com ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner Devin Mitchell Deon Brown Cover Photo by Jerry O’Conner National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Robert Hofmann Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2011: 16 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2011 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Footlongs at the FLEX Well, if you’re lucky you’ll get a footlong—you know what we mean! If you need “filled up” try one of their freshly made sandwiches in the new Sub Shop. Warm up with a bowl of soup, at least!

“Lettuce alone! We’re dressing!” They’ve also got salads! Open every Friday-Tuesday from 11 a.m - 6 p.m. DJ Bryan spins every Friday from 11 p.m.3.a.m. 1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy. Ph: 602-271-9011 FLEXbaths.com

Celia’s MeatGrinder Who knows? “Friends” might become “Lovers!” Join in the matchmaking fun when Celia Putty helps the lovelorn find their “Mystery Date” when she puts eligible bachelors through her everlovin’ Meatgrinder every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. at Friends.

1028 E. Indian School Rd.

17 Days of Christmas Charlie’s celebrates the season for almost three weeks with a special event every day! Turnabout shows, Bears, Sports Teams, Joshua Tree, Line Dancing, the Community Church of Hope, and good ol’ Pussy Lehoot, Claudia B & more! 727 W. Camelback Rd. Ph: 602-265-0224. See ad on p. 20

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GLBTQ Day at Castles & Coasters Join H.E.R.O. and Castles ‘N Coasters for an GLBTQ family fun day! $20 will get you an all day pass and, remember, a portion of the proceeds will go to H.E.R.O. to support GLBTQ Equality! We’ll see you on Saturday, December 17 from 2-11 p.m at Castles ‘n’ Coasters at 9445 Metro Pkwy East!

Deck the Halls!

Your favorite bars and clubs are having parties and events all month long to wish you the merriest Holiday season! Look for their ads here in ION and find the best celebrations in town! Ring in the New Year with all of your friends. Everybody, keep safe! Select a designated driver, or call PRIDERIDE at 623-336-9266.

DECEMBER 2011 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT LOCATION CITY Tuesdays Meatgrinder w/ Celia Putty Friends Phoenix Wednesdays Amigos Friends Phoenix 9 Party Foul the Reunion Apollo’s Phoenix 10 Festival of the Trees Wyndham Hotel Phoenix 11 Christmas Bar Golf Crawl BS West Scottsdale 12 Customer Appreciation Party BS West Scottsdale 16 - 18 Phx Men’s Chorus Xmas Show Phx College Phoenix 16 + 17 Santa’s Naughty Elves Party Alpha Boys Cabaret Phoenix 16 Stripper Olympics Preview Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 17 Stripper Olympics Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 17 Holiday Party Amsterdam Phoenix 18 Santa’s Workshop BS West Scottsdale 18 Men of STRUT icepics Phoenix 20 Mustache Ride icepics Phoenix 20 Posada Navidena Karamba Phoenix 23 Pandemonium’s Holidaze Show The Rock Phoenix 24 Hula’s Christmas Eve Party Hula’s Modern Tiki Phoenix 30 - Jan 1 Desert Maneuvers Riviera Hotel Palm Springs

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ls 9pm r Fina 0pm a e Y e w1 f th Man o Chorus Sho s ’ e i l r s Cha Men’ iation - Mr. Metro odeo AssoSchow 8pm x he 9th i t n y e a ho Frid Gay PRarty and th - P ona m z the 10 i r y a as A d r ams u . t Sat 11th Chris a Sports Te udia B y the a l C Sunda h n t rizo s wi th - A ristma h the 12 C y a y d t l n tmas a Mo a Roy xican Chris mas n o z i r A - Me hrist 13th e 14th y the sus” C rt r U day th s “ e Tuesda n y e d We Ver he Des w/ Carl t th - A 5 f 1 o e s h ay t oice mas Thursd th - V Christ stmas Show e the 16 c y n a a i id Fr Line D Friends Chr nd 8-10pm A h t 7 u 1 ay the Hoot & ers Turnaro S e L Saturd y s d Pus LIE’ pm rten 18th use Ba S AT CHASRhow at 9 w y the o h k n Sunda o W t Bu 19th IT SNO rnabou Christmas Sh y the 20th - oyee Tu e h y t Monda y Empl . & Compan istmas Tuesda r B audia hua Tree Ch ope Night l C t s sday the 21 - Jos ht of H 22nd hurch ht CandleSlitgout C y the Wedne a y d t s i r n u g k u Th Comm s Eve MidRneiv. Patric f of 23rd e a h h t t taf i m t y S Frida hris ny w m thFeriends 8pm o th - C Ceremo r 4 f 2 s e h a ay t ot & istm Saturd ry ChPrussy LeHo Drag Show r e M nday the 25thpen 6pm agne ifting s Re-G Free Chamnpight O ’ Su y s s s ’ u e Charli ay the 26th - P Years Evevors at Mid Noon Mond New y Fa r! Open atts at 4pm 31st - & Part e h t y star Yea a Saturd y Netwertainment p p a H En 1st y the All Star

Sunda

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27th ANNIVERSArY

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MEN OF HOMORODEO.COM PARTY

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Las Noches de las Luminarias Enjoy a quiet, romantic stroll through paths lit with luminarias through the truly spectacular Desert Botanical Gardens most evenings from December 1-30. This event is something truly unique and perfect for the season. 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. Visit DBG.org for more info and details.

Phoenix Tequila Fest Tequila for connoisseurs with the discriminating palate! Come to the Phoenix Tequila Fest and sample the world’s finest reposados, añejos, and blancos along with delicious comestibles from the Valley’s premier Mexican restaurants! There’s Margarita Challenge, mariachis, music and much more!

December 10 & 11 at the US Airways Center, 201 E. Jefferson. For tix & info visit PhoenixTequilaFest.com

Gingerbread Houses Picture Barbie’s Dream House, except made entirely out of gingerbread. And then eating it! Motor over to the hoitytoity Arizona Biltmore Hotel and check out the spectacular gingerbread houses in the lobby now through December 19.

Each one is designed and made by a local architect and pastry chef, many in the style of Frank Lloyd Wright. If you really love one, you can bid on it, with proceeds benefiting the Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

2400 E. Missouri Ave.

DECEMBER 2011 ION around town listings DATE EVENT / LOCATION CITY

1-30 2-3 2-4 10 10 10-11 10-11 thru 19 26-31 31 31 thru 1/9

Luminarias - Desert Botanical Gardens Phx Urban Expo - Phx Convention Ctr. Tempe Festival of the Arts - Mill Ave. Cat Show - Phx Convention Ctr. Holiday Boat Parade - Town Lake Phoenix Tequila Festival - US Airways Ctr. Indian Market - Pueblo Grande Museum Gingerbread Houses - AZ Biltmore Lobby Holidays at the Heard Museum Fiesta Bowl Parade - N. Central Ave. Fiesta Bowl Block Party - Mill Ave. ZooLights - Phoenix Zoo

Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Phoenix Tempe Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Phoenix

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Men vs.

Boys

by Robert Hofmann 28

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You’ve reached that age. You know

the one: the one between discovering you’re gay and buying a cemetery plot. You’ve been playing with the under-30 set for years. Seducing, dating, bedding the 18 to 29-year-olds at least two, and sometimes seven nights a week. (But if you are slutting around seven nights a week, do yourself a favor and take a break once in awhile, or you’ll end up with bags under your eyes that you’ll have to check-in the next time you’re at the airport.)

Then there was the older guy who kept hounding you for a date. Eventually you relented after several birthdays had passed and you were finding it harder and harder to get the 21-year-olds to even look at you. What you got was a nice guy, with a softer body, more body hair and less head hair. But what you also got was a ride in his dazzling Hummer, dinner at the swankiest restaurant in town, a tour of his gorgeously appointed mini-manse with a view of the city, a romp in a bed with those supersoft sheets, and a man who gave you all the attention in bed you ever wanted. So what do you do now? You pine for those tightabbed, rippling muscled, fun-to-be-with party boys. But you adore the fine wine, expensive gifts and promise of an all-expensepaid, 14-day excursion to the South Pacific. Do you take the boys? Or the men?

Like there’s any question. Take the man. He’s got the better toys. Not just the Porsche, but the custom sling, too. The private massage therapist, the personal trainer, the live-in chef—you’ll have access to them all. The indoor/ outdoor swimming pool, the twenty-seat home movie theater, the fine china, the caviar: all at your fingertips. You’ll be the envy of your friends when you meet them for dinner in a limo driven by the guy who drove Pink to the Grammy’s, wearing your new D&G athletic-fit shirt and your sparkling diamond pinky ring. “Oh, this old thing? Just a small token of love from my man!” Your friends will be gagging. Just like you’ll be gagging on your man in two hours.

Which, of course, is a good thing. It will still be early and right afterwards your man will be snoring away in the fourposter bed you share. You can play Wii all night, text your friends, find a hookup on Grindr, sneak out, meet him for a quickie and get back home in time for a few hours sleep next to your man.

Just make sure he doesn’t catch you. You see, the whole idea is for you to stay with him for as long as possible, saving your money every possible way. Let him spring for dinner, theater tickets, plane fare. You need to save up so you can get that tight-abbed, rippling muscled, fun-to-be-with party boy into your bed when you’re his age. _

Robert Hofmann is the author of three books, Surrounded by Insanity, An Ordinary Madness, and his latest, One Brain Cell Away from Retarded. He lives in Wilton Manors, Florida, with his partner of 16 years and welcomes email from readers at robshof@aol.com.

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American Icons Live Can’t make it to Vegas or Hollywood? Catch dead ringers of the greatest entertainers alive—or dead—at the Wild Horse Pass Casino! Lady Gaga, J-Lo, Janet & Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Usher and others take the stage in an amazing show that’s intricately choreographed and enormously entertaining. It’s all at the Wild Horse Pass Hotel & Casino December 3 at 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. in Chandler. Visit WinGilaRiver.com for details.

Make the Holiday Bright & Gay There’s no better way to ring in the season with the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus! This year you can “Make the Holiday Bright & Gay” with the boys at the John Paul Theatre at Phoenix College on Dec. 16 at 8 p.m., Dec. 17 at 7 p.m., or Dec. 18 at 2 p.m. For tickets and details visit PhoenixMetropolitanMensChorus.org

Trans-Siberian Orchestra Mix up classical music with symphonic, rock ‘n’ roll with a dose of heavy metal and you’ve got the holiday blockbuster Trans-Siberian Orchestra serving up some of the most energized Christmas carols ever! There never played ‘em like this on the church organ! They’ll be at the Jobing.com Arena on December 30. 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. For details or tix visit JobingArena.com or call 800-745-3000

DECEMBER 2011 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION

2 Selena Gomez US Airways Ctr. 2 B. B. King Wild Horse Pass Casino 3 American Icons Live Wild Horse Pass Casino 4 Irish Tenors Celebrity Theatre 7 Bush Celebrity Theatre 9 311 Comerica Theatre 14 Dave Koz & Friends Mesa Arts Center 16-18 Phx Men’s Chorus Xmas Phx College 17 Alice Cooper’s Xmas Pudding Comerica Theatre 17 Holiday Doo Wop Show Mesa Arts Center 23 Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band US Airways Ctr. 30 Trans-Siberian Orchestra Jobing.com Arena 30 New Edition Celebrity Theatre 31 Jerry Riopelle Orpheum Theatre

PHONE

800-745-3000 877-840-0457 877-840-0457 602-267-1600 602-267-1600 602-379-2888 480-644-6500 (above) 602-379-2888 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000

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White Christmas “May all your Christmases be white.” No, it’s not about the KKK. It’s Irving Berlin’s beloved musical about two army buddies looking for love at a ski resort in Vermont when they meet a couple of madcap sisters. Next thing you know, they start singing, dancing and it starts snowing! A Holiday “must” at ASU Gammage Dec. 6-11. 1200 S. Forest Ave. Get tix at ASUGammage.com or call 480-965-3434

MilkMilkLemonade In a nutty nutshell, this play is about Gay children, a parasitic twin, an antagonistic grandmother, a depressed chicken and our growing bodies.

You’ll laugh until the MilkMilkLemonade comes out your nose! Bring the kids!

Brought to you from those funny folks at the Stray Cat Theatre Dec. 2-17.

Catch at the original Tempe Performing Arts Center, 132 E. 6th St. For info & tix visit StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-634-6365

Michael Jackson: the Immortal Explore the creative mind of Michael Jackson through his music and dance told by the genius performers at Cirque du Soleil. This electrifying production will leave you wanting more. All without Bubbles the Chimp or Macauley Culkin. December 30-31. A great way to end the year! US Airways Center, 201 E. Jefferson. Visit CirqueDuSoleil.com for more info or call Ticketmaster at 800-745-3000 for tix.

DECEMBER 2011 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 1-4 Bryan Callen Standup Live - CityScape 1-11 Black Nativity Black Theatre Troupe 2-17 MilkMilkLemonade Stray Cat Theatre thru 10 The Naked Eye Nearly Naked Theatre 6-11 White Christmas ASU Gammage- Tempe 9-10 Josh Blue Tempe Improv 9-11 Lavell Crawford Standup Live - CityScape 15-17 Sklar Brothers Standup Live - CityScape 16-17 Nutcracker Ballet Herberger 16-18 The Santa Class Mesa Arts Center thru 17 A Christmas Carol SW Shakespeare Co. thru 18 A Christmas Story Phoenix Theatre 16-23 Yuletide Soul Invictus 16-30 A Christmas Story Mesa Arts Center thru 23 Sister Christmas Catechism Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts thru 25 A Christmas Carol B’way Palm Dinner Theatre 28-31 Stomp ASU Gammage 29 Chris Titus Standup Live - CityScape 29-1/7 Zoppe Circus Chandler Ctr. for Arts 29-1/15 Daddy Long Legs AZ Theatre Co. 30-31 Michael Jackson: the Immortal US Airways Center 31-1/15 Hunter Gatherers Actors Theatre

PHONE 480-719-6100 602-258-8128 480-634-6365 602-254-2151 480-965-3434 480-921-9877 480-719-6100 480-719-6100 602-254-7399 480-644-6500 480-641-7039 602-254-2151 602-214-4344 480-644-6500 480-994-ARTS 480-325-6700 480-965-3434 480-719-6100 480-782-2680 602-256-6995 800-745-3000 602-253-6701

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Happy Holidays to you all! For this month, check out new material from Adele (CD/ DVD concert), Korn, Glee, Chevelle, Dia Frampton (The Voice contestant) and Robin Thicke as well as great new stuff from…

Amy Winehouse

The Lioness Unlike most labels that choose to dishonor artists that have passed, they got it right with this beauty. With the blessing of her family as well as long time collaborators Mark Ronson and Salaam Remi, this set contains new tracks as well as covers and re-works of her hits from the past decade, including her first recorded track at 18-years-old, “The Girl From Ipanema.” Arguably, the demo version of “Valerie” is this sets standout track with its soulful heart, while “Song for You,” “Tomorrow” and her last recording with Bennett “Body and Soul” are solid. In all, this set showcases her musical genius, vulnerability, strength and courage as an artist. GRADE: A-

Rihanna

Talk That Talk She’s racked up eleven #1 singles (third of females) and is the fastest to collect 20 Top 10 hits in music history.

RiRi releases her sixth album in six years (unheard of in the music biz) with every one being great (Rated R still being my fave). Available as a regular or deluxe edition, Rihanna once again gets help from Jay-Z and hopes to recreate some Umbrella magic with this cut’s mid-tempo,

hard drum, dirty synth production. Though lead single “Drunk on Love” is weak, it’s the sizzle of second track “We Found Love” and the assumed third track “You Da One” and the dancy, “Where Have You Been” and title track that really shine.

GRADE: B

The Weeknd

House of Balloons/ Thursday For something hip, check out internet sensation The Weeknd.

Though not available through commercial means (i.e. Itunes, CD), these releases have gotten the attention of the music world. Both are a broken mix of styles that fit together perfectly. The sounds are lush and downtempo. Though they are lyrically challenged, these sets invoke a sense of moodiness that is incredibly brilliant The gritty “High For This” showcases a dark and haunting aura and is one of his bests while “Wicked Games” grooves with unique sound. He also gets great support from “House of Balloons” “Birds Pt 2” and “Rolling Stone.” GRADE: AIn tradition, my top albums of 2011.

Stay tuned for January’s issue and my top 10 singles of 2011! #1 – Adele – 21 #2 – Above & Beyond – Group Therapy #3 – Weeknd – House of Balloons #4 – Kimbra – Vows #5 – Sia – We Are Born #6 – Florence & The Machines – Ceremonials #7 – Amy Winehouse – Lioness #8 – Lady Gaga – Born This Way #9 – R.E.M. – Collapse Into Now #10 – Cut Copy – Zonoscope December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 35

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Muppets, Moet & Mystery The Muppets Starring: Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Chris Cooper, Rashida Jones The Muppets are back! On vacation in Los Angeles, Muppets fans, Walter, Gary (Segel, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and Mary (Adams, Enchanted) learn that the beloved Muppet theater is going to be destroyed by an oilman, Tex Richman (Cooper, The Company Men), who intends to drill the oil recently discovered there. In order to save the theater, the group teams up with Kermit to raise $10 million before it’s too late. The plan? Only to stage the Greatest Muppet Telethon ever. But first, reunite all the original Muppets, who have since gone their separate ways—including Miss Piggy, who is a plus-size fashion editor at Vogue Paris, and Animal, who is at a Santa Barbara clinic for anger management.

For anyone who grew up watching The Muppet Show (my personal favorites were the hecklers, Waldorf and Statler), or regaled in the big screen adventures of Jim Henson’s felted motley crew, The Muppets is a welcome return to a beloved franchise for nostalgics and neophytes, alike. Release Date: November 23, 2011.

New Year’s Eve Starring: Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Ashton Kutcher On the heels of his ensemble romantic comedy, Valentine’s Day, director Garry Marshall returns to the screen with New Year’s Eve. Like its predecessor, its focal

point is a specific holiday, in this case, New Year’s Eve as the title indicates— and builds a series of vignettes about romantic relationships in various stages using a starstudded cast. Whether they’re lonesome executives trying to fulfill unresolved New Year’s resolutions, married couples expecting their first child, or friends blossoming into something more, it all centers on the universal theme of love. If you enjoyed Love, Actually or Valentine’s Day, this is definitely your cup of tea. Alyssa Milano, Sienna Miller, Hilary Swank, and Zac Efron also star.

Release Date: December 9, 2011.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Starring: Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, John Hurt Set in 1973 during the height of the Cold War, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy is a spythriller about Circus, Britain’s Secret Intelligence Service (SIS), as they attempt to keep England secure during a time of tenuous international relations. Gary Oldman (Harry Potter series) stars as George Smiley, one of Circus’ top lieutenants who is ousted when another operative’s mission into Hungary goes awry. Aligning with the British Undersecretary, Smiley turns his attention to investigating the potential threat of a doubleagent working with Circus itself. He quickly learns that his previous boss at Circus narrowed the list of potential mole suspects down to five men, knowing respectively as Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Poor Man and Smiley, himself. A sure-fire, edge-of-the-seat political thriller, this is a definite must-see if you relish the genre’s mind-blowing twists and turns.

Release Date: December 9, 2011.

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

Gangs & Gospel West Side Story: 50th Anniversary Edition Starring: Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Russ Tamblyn, Rita Moreno, George Chakiris “Maria! I just met a girl named Maria!” In 1961, Director Robert Wise brought Steven Sondheim’s gorgeous, iconic musical, West Side Story, to the silver screen. A reimagining of Shakespeare’s classic tale of “star-crossed lovers” Romeo and Juliet, the warring families of the Capulets and Montagues are replaced by 1950s New York rival gangs, the Sharks and the Jets. When Jets member, Tony (Richard Beymer, The Longest Day) falls hopelessly in love with Maria (Natalie Wood, The Searchers), the sister of the Sharks’ gang leader, tensions mount between the two gangs and erupt in a violent outbreak and ultimately heartbreaking tragedy. A powerful, timeless narrative, the film’s debut wowed critics and audiences alike, garnering an unprecedented ten Academy Award wins, including Best Picture. Fifty years later, a limited Anniversary Edition on Blu-Ray is now available to film and musical theater connoisseurs, featuring hundreds of hours of restoration, 7.1 digital audio and a collection of bonus features, including discussions about its famous dance sequences, a discussion of the film’s impact and legacy, and commentary by Steven Sondheim himself on the lyrics that we know and love. Just in time for the holidays, the 50th Anniversary Edition of West Side Story is the perfect gift for film and musical theater buffs!

Mangus!

Starring: Ryan Nelson Boggus, Heather Matarazzo, Jennifer Coolidge, Deborah Theaker Mangus Spedgewick (Boggus) has just one goal in life: to fulfill a family tradition by playing the title role in his high school’s annual production of Jesus Christ Spectacular (the poor man’s version of the award-winning Broadway musical, Jesus Christ Superstar.) When a freak accident puts him in a wheelchair, the school board caves to public pressure and replaces the crippled Christ with an able-bodied understudy. A drug-induced vision at a strip club of the foulmouthed, pencil-thin mustachioed Messiah (played beautifully by cult filmmaker, John Waters) thankfully snaps Mangus out of his depressive funk and he teams up with his half-sister, Jessica Simpson (Matarazzo, Welcome to the Dollhouse), to reclaim what is rightfully his.

Mangus! is a classic underdog tale dressed up in brightly colored furs, dipped in sewage and spanked—and I mean that in the best possible way. Writer/Director, Ash Christian, deliberately set about penning a film just as outrageously absurd and endearingly campy as the work of Pink Flamingo’s auteur, John Waters, and Napoleon Dynamite’s Jared and Jerusha Hess. Boggus is brilliant as Mangus, a kid whose passion for playing Christ is so charmingly earnest, it renders all his other ridiculous, morally questionable behavior not just forgivable, but completely permissible. In fact, the same thing could be said about the film itself; it wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable if it wasn’t so beautifully obscene.

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Stars of Tomorrow Who will be crowned “Queen” in Kendra Kouture’s contest at BS West? Come every Tuesday night at 8:30 and find out who’s got the glamour, glitter and girdle to call herself a “Star!”

Elimination rounds are December 6, 13, 20 and the grand finale will be on the 27th. Remember, there are no losers. But there’s a lot of girls who won’t win. BS West 7125 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. PH: 480-945-9028

DECEMBER 2011 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Fri 2, 9, 16 10:00pm Sat 3 10:00pm Sun 4 8:00pm Sun 4 & 11 Sun 11 8:00pm Fri 16 10:00pm Sun 18 8:00pm Tues 20 9:00pm Tues 20 10:30pm Fri 23 10:00pm Sun 25 10:30pm Mon 26 Wed 28 10:00pm Fri 30 10:00pm Sat 31 10:00pm Sat 31 8:00pm

The Rock The Rock Apollo’s icepics Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s Charlie’s Karamba The Rock Karamba Charlie’s Karamba The Rock Apollo’s The Rock

Pandemonium The Barbra Seville Show with Catia Lee Love Afeelya’s Last Bunz House Show Dianna K Shane Tequila Nights with Tyra & Grecia YELP Fundraiser Cougar Cabaret Employee Turnabout Show 3rd Annual Karamba Posada Navidena with Savannah Moussier Pandemonium Holidaze Show Diamond’s Christmas Show Pussy’s ReGifting Drag Show Barbra Seville’s Drag Race Finale Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue N.Y.E. Party with Ajia, Nevaeh, & Afeelya Barbra’s Rockin’ New Year

Mondays Mondays Tuesdays Tuesdays Tuesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays Fridays Fridays Fridays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays 1st & 3rd Sun. Sundays Sundays

Apollo’s BS West BS West Cruisin’ 7th Karamba Roscoe’s Karamba The Rock Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba The Rock Friends Cruisin’ 7th BS West Cruisin’ 7th The Rock icepics Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba

Naughty or Nice Drag Bingo with Eryka Knowles & Clayton Bloodbath with Coco St. James and Kira Daniels Stars of Tomorrow with Kendra Koutur----e The Stage is Yours with Mia Inez Adams (sign up by 7:30) Salsa Tuesdays with Savannah Moussier The End Zone with Carlita Jackson Barbra Seville Open Wide Wednesdays w/ Victoria, Felicia, & Celia Steppin’ Out with TC Claudia B. & Company Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Pandemonium feat. the AZ Gender Outlaws Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty Mia Inez Adam’s Friday Night Follies Elements 7 Deadly Sins - followed by Mandi BoomBoom Mia Inez Adam’s Saturday Night Madness The Barbra Seville Show The Chane Jordan Show Pussy’s Patio Show Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Dottie Pepper Pussy LeHoot & Friends Diamond’s Show

9:30pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 8:00pm 10:30pm 9:00pm 10:30pm 9:00pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 9:00pm 10:30pm 9:00pm 10:30p 10:00pm 10:00pm 9:30pm 12:30pm 8:30pm 10:30pm

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 43

hula s

christmas eve

party

Santa knows you’ve been naughty

N’T CARE! AND HE DOES HULASMODERNTIKI.COM

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Timo Sets the Tempo

We’re always looking for that gastronomical Holy Grail. That culinary Emerald City.

The Shangri La of cuisine. In short, the “Next Big Thing.” Before anybody else finds out about it. Somewhere you can gloat about to your friends: “I just found a place ... it’s so hot that nobody knows about it.” Yet. Timo is “that place.” The former site of Bombero and barely open a month, Timo carefully crafted a stellar and creative menu without any pretense or fussiness, and big on imagination.

Not since the sad departure of Lola Tapas from the café scene has anybody adequately filled the delightful speciality of Spanish tapas.

Timo offers ten tempting tapas— all under $10. Feeling adventurous? Try the Escargots Barcelona. A hefty group of these succulent gastropods are firm, juicy and nestled in a skillet of olive oil, swaddled in spinach, with tomatoes, garlic, under a light, golden crust of parmesan cheese.

A “must” on the menu is the Normandy Brie Soup with Black Truffle Oil for $8. The cheese soup is unbelievably rich, creamy and smooth accompanied by a perfectly accented hint of that sensuous, deepforest taste of the elusive truffle. The generously sized bowl is big enough to share with a date.

Don’t miss out on one of the three wood-fired sandwiches; the Chicken, Pesto, BLT & Buratta Cheese is a standout for $10.75. The Lemon/ Oregano Wood-fired Chicken gives you 1/4 of a hen that’s tender, juicy and crispy; it comes served with a spate of the tastiest potato wedges ever.

Timo also offers thre remarkable Napoletana Flatbreads—a pizza, if you will—all around the $10 mark. The Margherita with tomato, mozzarella, and fresh basil is even better with the

Consider the duo of moist corn cakes with smoked salmon and fresh dill for $6.50. Or choose three of the five bruschetta the offer for $10.75. The fresh fig, apple, and triple cream brie is nearly dessert-like and heavenly.

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 45

(continued)

addition of sausage.

Timo’s hallmark is their fabulous wood-fired oven using pecan wood, and their excellent wine list. As a matter of fact, all the bread is made right on the premises. An absolute “must” is the remarkable brick oven Timo Bread, served with whipped butter with a bit of lemon zest and pesto for $4. Nearly everything is obtained locally when possible.

On Mondays from 5:30-9:30 p.m. $19 will get you one of their flatbreads and your choice of one of seven different bottles of wine.

Another delicious option for lunch is the soup and salad and sandwich combo.

Sit in the intimate, classy black & white dining room and watch the world go by through the massive open window/door, or opt for the

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dreamy patio in back with a giant gas firepit and shaded with mesquite trees.

Every Friday night the evening lights up when Timo’s knowledgeable and perfect waiter, Andrés, takes over the turntable and alternately soothes and energizes patrons.

Stay tuned for their Euro-style marketplace every Sunday morning beginning in January.

Timo. The next “Big Thing.” You heard about it here first. You can thank us later.

8801 N. Central, south of Dunlap 602-354-3846 M-F 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

Sat 8 a.m.-11 p.m.

Sun 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

Brunch: Sat & Sun 8 a.m.- 3 p.m.

TimoCentral.com

Holiday FEZtivities like no other.

Holiday Events.

Gift Certificates.

Party Platters.

New Year’s Eve Chef & Drink Specials Details Online.

Reservations 602.287.8700 fezoncentral.com/reservations

fezoncentral.com • 3815 N. Central Avenue

A Central Phoenix Original

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 47

Seth and the

City

Historian Seth Anderson Sifts Through Phoenix’ Ashes

by Deon Brown photos

by Jerry O’Conner 48 www.IONAZ.com December 2011

L

ocal gadabout, nabob, man-abouttown, socialite and writer Seth Anderson is in love: with Phoenix. Well, he also loves whiskey, but his heart belongs to the always evolving—for better or worse—Valley of the Sun. “I love the desert, my favorite time of year is summer because you can be naked a lot and drink tequila and swim.”

Anderson co-wrote Downtown Phoenix under the exhaustive and comprehensive Arcadia Publishing’s “Images of America” imprint, chronicling the history of cities, towns and neighborhoods across the nation.

“I started blogging in 2008 about Phoenix, history, LGBT issues, Mormon issues, and anything else that tickles my fancy,” Seth explains. He also writes for the Downtown Phoenix Journal.

“My co-authors Jim McPherson, Suad Mahmuljin and I focused on the original townsite and traced the growth of the city from territorial days, through the early 20th century, to the post World War II boom, to the rapid decline of downtown up to the present day. We have over 200 historical photographs, many of which have never been seen before,” Seth reported.

“So many people think that there is no history here; that attitude is borderline offensive to me. We have ancient history, 19th century history, mid-century history.

I’m disappointed that so many

people treat Phoenix as a place to live until you can go somewhere better. People treat Phoenix as a second rate city instead of recognizing the opportunity to make a difference. If you want to be an activist, if you want to effect change, Phoenix is the place to be on the front lines and have a big impact. You have to be tough to live in Phoenix, it’s not a place for the complacent.”

It seems like Seth is everywhere: FilmBar, Lola Coffee, or maybe performing with Pandora DeStrange and the Gender Outlaws at The Rock, or his favorite watering hole: Hanny’s on 1st Street and Adams.

“I could live at Hanny’s.

It was built in 1947 by the local architecture firm Lescher and Mahoney as a men’s clothing store that incorporated fashion marketing trends with the latest architectural designs.

Miraculously this piece of fine-grain urban fabric survived the wrecking ball.

Today it’s one of the best examples of adaptive reuse and shows why new ideas require old buildings,” Seth said.

It’s important to save Phoenix’s heritage.

“A city that doesn’t know where it was, doesn’t know where it’s going. This is why Phoenix struggles so much to find its identity because so much of what made it ‘Phoenix,’ from Victorian houses and neighborhoods, to the commercial buildings that created unique spaces and character have been razed. No one goes to a city to marvel at the ample parking or Wal-Marts. As a desert city, Phoenix has so much to offer in terms of creativity and sustainability, but so far we’ve done a December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 49

terrible job. I will chain myself to buildings downtown if any developer comes in to knock them down.

I’ll be the crazy guy with the megaphone you’ll see being hauled off to the 4th Avenue jail,” he predicts.

With so little of our architectural history still existing, what will be our legacy in 50 years?

“It certainly won’t be anything at CityScape!” Seth jabbed. “So far there isn’t any new building that will stand the test of time—yet. I hope Hanny’s will still be around in 50 years; they make the best Manhattans in town and it’s the only place I can find a decent mint julep.”

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Downtown Phoenix will be officially released on January 2, 2012. Advance copies will be sold at the Phoenix Phoestivus at the Downtown Public Market at 14 E. Pierce St. on Central Ave. on December 14 & 21. It will also be available at Barnes & Noble, Walgreens. Order your copy at JSethAnderson.com or ArcadiaPublishing.com and “like” it on Facebook.

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 51

Pam Ann Flies the Friendly Skies

by Deon Brown 52

www.IONAZ.com December 2011

F

“ lying is a moving experience; a mix of technology and emotion. Add that to the thrill that we could all possibly die and it gets very exciting. At Pam Ann Airlines we don’t make the same mistake more than three times.

Maybe four.”

Any Gay boy who has sailed the ocean blue on an Atlantis Cruise has no doubt been entertained by the on-stage antics of the zany “air hostess” of the mythical Pam Ann Airlines. The lovable, devilmay-care “trolley dolly” is a staple on the seven seas and on YouTube, where she pokes fun at everybody working in the airline industry or traveling by air.

In a recent chat with Caroline Reid, the comedienne behind Pam Ann, she paused during a layover in London to chat with ION Arizona about keeping the friendly skies so—well—friendly.

Pam Ann claims 1975 founded the Mile High Club with Bob Marley on a flight to Jamaica. Everyone wants to know the best way to pick up a flight attendant.

“It’s harder on American Airlines because they’re older, Pam Ann observed. “But it’s a service that’s provided on Pam Ann Airlines. It comes with the job! ‘Coffee, tea or ... vodka,’” she purred.

Airplane food usually leaves something to be desired. Pam Ann’s favorite inflight meal?

“Champagne!”

International fliers are tempted with expensive perfumes, fine wines or jewelry available for purchase Duty Free onboard an aircraft? Forget about ‘em. Pam Ann has only one recommendation: “Xanax.”

Now you can fly in style—the Pam Ann way—just like the glamorous days of yesteryear, when flying through the wild blue yonder was the only way to travel. Now you can pack up your James Tudor and Aussie Bum underwear or new shoes from the ES Collection in a fashionable weekend-trolley, gym bag or carry-all. These popular bags are all available—along with the underwear and shoes—as part of the TU Collection at Tan United, 4700 N. Central Ave. Phone: 602-247-TANU or visit TanUnited.com and “like” them on Facebook.

Pam Ann provided in-flight entertainment service on charter flights for Elton John and David Furnish as well as Victoria and David Beckham and Dannii Minogue, Kylie’s little sister. She also accompanied Cher on her Farewell Tour. “It doesn’t get any Gayer than that!” she quipped.

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 53

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ROCKY HORROR PARTY

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 55

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Photos by Jerry O’Conner | Art Direction by Deon Brown & Kevin Bushaw Text by Deon Brown | Outfits and Underwear provided by TU Collection at Tan United Models (in order of appearance) are Frank from Friends, Banks & Aldo Vasquez December 2011 Carter www.IONAZ.com 59

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Gay pop icon Kylie Minogue’s spectacular Aphrodite: Les Folies two-hour long concert comes alive with a fantastic CD/ DVD 2D-3/D BluRay combo pack. Part Vegas, part Ben Hur, all truly a “must see.” About $31 on Amazon.com. Astounding!

Kylie Minogue Les Folies

A gift you’ll want to keep for yourself! The award winning Los Olivos has great coupon books for a variety of car washes starting at just $50 for 10 exterior washes. Upgrade to The Super Wash for $89.90, The Works for $149.90 or get The Complete Works for $209.90. Trucks extra.

Tell Coletta & Jovelle ION sent you. 232 E. McDowell Rd. 602-252-2822 LosOlivosCarWash.com

Car Washes from Los Olivos Hand Car Wash

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The Art of Shaving Kit This is the Cadillac of shaving essentials. The full-size kit for a perfect shave includes pre-shave oil, shaving cream, after-shave balm and a badger bristle brush.

You’ll actually look forward to shaving! For normal to dry skin. $100. Starter, travel, and carry-on kits starting at $25. Order at ArtofShaving.com or visit the store at Scottsdale Fashion Square December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 63

Apple TV Now there’s always something good on TV. Apple TV gives you access to everything you want to see and hear—movies, TV shows, your music and photos, news & sports— right on your TV set. Your content is stored in iCloud for easy access. Just $99.

Apple.com, BestBuy and Amazon.

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Corksicle

Experience wine at the perfect temperature every time with the Corkcicle!

Keep your reds from getting too warm, and your whites cool. Freeze gel fills these BPA-free plastic icicles that you can pop right in a bottle so your vino will be perfect every time! About $30 each. Visit Corkcicle.com. Need some wine? Drop by Maizie’s Bistro and pick out a bottle—or two—of their exclusive wines to go!

Mr. Magoo “Oh, Magoo! You’ve done it again!” Everybody’s favorite nearsighted old fart comes to you in this complete, massive 11-disc box set in these fab retro cartoons from 1960-77. Watching Magoo drive is just like being in Scottsdale during the winter! $59.99 + S&H from ShoutFactory.com

AudioBot Speaker Connect this little Pillsbury Doughboy-like spawn sporting a beanie with a built-in speaker can connect to an iPod, MP3 or smart phone has a built-in amp with 2000 milliwatts of output gives you enough juice for four hours of playtime. $20 ICON - 414 S. Mill Ave. next to Brand X Shirts. 480-420-6055

Custom Dog Collars & Leashes Get your pooch in style with accessories from Tierisch Exclusiv. Choose from over 500 fabulous collars, leashes and harnesses in a wide variety of colors & styles. Each piece is handcrafted in Germany out of luxurious Italian leathers. Customize yours with your own color combinations, add Swarovski crystal facets or medallions for some bling. Only the best for your fur friend! Visit DogCollars.net or call 707-566-7357

Dinner from Il Tocco Don’t make reservations. Let the talented Chef Gabriele Bertaccini prepare a memorable dinner for you with fresh, organic ingredients created to your specific tastes, complete with wine pairings. All this in the comfort of your own home, or any other location.

You’ll want Chef Gabe to cook for you every night. A very special dining experience can be yours for as little as $100 per person. Start planning at IlToccoFood.com December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 65

October 2011 www.IONAZ.com 67 December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 67

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OUTRAGEOUS! TV Holiday Special, “A Very Zsa Zsa Christmas, Dahlink!” to Air

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL HOLLYWOOD—Television execs are proud to announce a Christmas Holiday Spectacular with Hollywood legend Zsa Zsa Gabor to air this later this month.

Szivvel Orvendjunk’ that everyone knows and loves, dahlink!” purred the star.

Martha Stewart will prepare a very special holiday Hungarian Goulash with Gabor and decorate her impeccably maintained Bel Air mansion for the Holidays.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

“Zsa Zsa Gabor is a legend,” said one studio insider. “She’s been married, like, a hundred times, she’s really old, and she’s “I’m a marvelous housekeeper, dahlink. missing a leg. She’s keeps pulling out of Every time a leave a man, I keep the house!” everything alive. She’s indestructible! Not ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Gabor IS said. only that, she’s got a Hungarian accent, so TRUTH there’s that.”

The end of the holiday special will be when Gabor joins the famous Radio City Gabor, 94, has survived nine marriages, Music Hall Rockettes in a the chorus line an automobile crash, lawsuits, strokes, Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme, and the kick during a musical tribute to her nine husbands and missing leg. amputation of her right leg.

OUTRAGEOUS! “I can’t vait! I’ll have a Hungarian Christmas carol sink-a-long vith songs like ‘Szuletett Uj Kiraly Nekunk’ and ‘Teljes

“Please tune in! As they say in show business, ‘Break a leg,’ dahlink!” Gabor quipped.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

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December 2011

OUTRAGEOUS! Holiday Bells Provoke Pepper Spray Rampage

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

POSSUM KINGDOM, Tex.— Hour after hour, day after day, week after week of ringing an irritating, annoying handbell finally pushed Salvation Army Bell Ringer Sally K. Hunsaker, 58, aRESEMBLANCE retired clerk ANY for the U.S. Postal Service, to the edge ... the edge of insanity!

owns the Blonde Dye Bleach Hair Care Salon-Tanning Emporium & Grill on south Topeka Street. “I’m tellin’ her mom about this. Damn fool.”

is not TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLYThis ACCIDENTAL

Hunsaker’s first behavioral incident. She threw a ham at volunteer coordinator Horace Hunsaker, who has Pratt last year in a history of “nerve the St. Vincent problems” and de Paul Society collects firearms Dining Room at as a hobby, finally Easter. Hunsaker went ‘round the also confiscated bend while ringing 37 buckets of the trademark handbell in front of a red Halloween candy from neighborhood trick or cauldron collecting funds inTO frontTHE theTRUTH treaters this past October. ACCIDENTAL ANY RESEMBLANCE IS IS TRAGICALLY ANY RESEMBLANCE TOofTHE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL WalMart on east Main Street. Hunsaker chased Penny Pat Zollinger around the “I ain’t sorry I pepper sprayed Penny Pat,” parking lot firing a can of pepper spray said Hunsaker. “She messed up my hair real ($14.95 for an 6 oz. can, on aisle 7, right good at the shop. And this damn bell just set across from the ammo and raccoon traps) me off so when I saw her I just lit out after in her face while she was shopping on her and sprayed her down good.”

Black Friday.

Hunsaker is currently seeking seasonal “Oh my gosh,” cried Penny Pat, “Sally’s employment. just full-blown-bat-shit crazy.” Zollinger

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

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December 2011

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IONPHOENIX 1.

Alpha Boys Cabaret

1702 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

2.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown PHX (602) 258-6122

3.

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

4.

Anvil

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

5.

Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

6.

Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

7.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

8.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

9.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

10. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

11. Club 24

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 682-5088

12. Cruisin’ 7th

13. Dick’s Cabaret

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

15. Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729

16. icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

18. Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

19. Lush Lounge

2050 N. Alma School - Chandler

(480) 857-9444

20. OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

21. Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22. Rainbow Cactus

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 971-1086

23. The Rock

24. Roscoe’s

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

26. Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

Recommended

(480) 374-3222

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 75

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

NEW! Alpha Boys

Dollar Dances Specials all night

Dollar Dances Specials all night

2-4-1 VIP Dances

Amsterdam

Signature Night

One Woman Show Kiki Vermont $3 Smirnoff Cocktails

Karaoke 1/2 OFF for Arts & Industry

Apollo’s

2-4-1 well & dom. 4pm-Close

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Karaoke 9pm

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

$2 Brown Bagged Beer 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Happier Hour 3-6:30p 2-4-1well $5 martinis-$3 all beer & h wine

Brunch 10am-2pm $4 Bloody $3 glass or $10 mimosas pitch

Sunday Chill 2-7pm 2-4-1 alcohol / $10 bucket beer

BS West

The Elements Show 10pm Dance Party $5 u-call-it Drinks

2-4-1 everything all night Go-go Boyz / Extended Patio

FUN Raiser 7pm Karaoke 9:30pm $2 Draft / $3 Marys & Screws

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Cruisn’ 7th

TGIF - Devina 10:30 pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 4:3 New Show Hostess Mia Adams

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Sun $3 Svedka cocktails 7p-close

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shot Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

R Bliss / ReBAR

R FEZ

Sunday Brunch $10 10am-2pm

Friends

H.H. 3-8pm FREE Buffet 5-7pm Freeky Friday w/Celia Putty

icepics

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

The Chane Jordan Show! $4 SKYY cocktails 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 drinks

Karamba

Vaquero Fridays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitcher Beer Bust

Roscoe’s 10:00p- 1:00a

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p

The Leathermen

Apollo’s 4:00p- 6:00p

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 3-6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day Closes at 4pm

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

R Roscoe’s*

The Leathermen!

Great Happy Hour

Happy Hour 10am-7pm Free Darts All afternoon

Make your Bloody Mary Bar $8 Lg Isnd Pitch. $3 Beer Pitch.

R Switch

Fri: $3 House Margaritas Open from 11am-Midnight

Sat: $3 House Cosmo Martini Open from 10am-Midnight

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade $3 Breakfast Carafes Open @ 10

R Ticoz

Fridays 1/2 off Coronas all day Happy Hour 3-6:30pm

Saturday 1/2 off well vodka Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30p

Sundays 1/2 off Sangria Pitch Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30

The Rock

R

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FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com December 2011

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Closed Mondays

Closed Tuesdays

Amateur Show 9pm

2-4-1 VIP Dances

Martini Mondays $5 Martinis

Vintage Vinyl Tuesdays Retro Afeelya Bunz 1/2 Price Drinks

$1 Beer Wednesdays $1 Domestic Beer

Show Night: Kik Vermont $3 Smirnoff & $3 All Beers

Drag Bingo 9:30 2 for 1 u-call-it all day/night

Live Cabaret Show 8 pm $2 off any martini

Big Gay Game Challenge 7:30 Happy Hour All day / All night

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday $5 Martinis

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Student Salvation Mondays $20 Plate of apps + bottle wine

Twofer Tuesdays $20 2 burgers/fries/2 dom beer

2-4-1 Wednesdays 9pm-close 2-4-1 on ALL drinks

Thirstday Thursdays $4 AMF, Lng Islnd/ Skinny drink

Anything Goes Mondays 9pm $1 Draft / $3 Well / $4 Bomber

Stars of Tomorrow Show $1 Off Beer/$2 Off Call/$5 Well

2-4-1 All Day and All Night A valley tradion!

Amateur Strip Night w/ Mandi $1 Shots / $2 Draft / $3 Well

Underwear Party 8-cl 2-4-1 2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Smirnoff

2-4-1 All Day! Cocktails and beer

Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out TC Taylor hosts 10:30 pm - $2 domestic

AZ Leathermen Strippers 10:30 pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

Wacky Wednesdays $5 Cover and almost everything else

Stripper Karaoke

$3 Burgers $ Margaritas Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$20 Any Bottle of Wine Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 G Spots Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

Monday Night Karaoke 9p-1a $4 Pinnacle/Smirnoff 9p-close

NEW: Meatgrinder 9p Dating Game w/ cilia Putty

NEW: AMIGOS Go-go boys/DJ $5 Latin Inspired Drink

2-4-1 Thursday Well & Domestic ALL DAY

FREE Poker Tournament 7pm and 10pm

GLEE starting at 7pm 2-4-1 drinks during the show

Karaoke starting at 9pm $3 well/$2.50 dom./$4 martinis

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

Karaoke Mondays DJ Ramon $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Salsa Tuesday Savannah Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Top 40 Wed. Barbra Seville $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

TEJANO Ruby Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

The Leathermen appear at Apollo’s Roscoe’s, Cruisin’ 7th and Plazma!

Cruisin’ 7th 10:30p - 12:30p

$4 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

Pizza/Wine Special Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

BBQ Short Ribs Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

$3 Mexican Beers Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Monday Pool Tournament 2-4-1 beer & well 7pm-close

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday All Day Happy Hour

Thursdays 2-4-1 7pm

Mon: $3 House Chard and Cab Open from 11am-Midnight

Tue: $3 Drunken Italian Sodas Open from 11am-Midnight

Wed: $3 Sangrias Open from 11am-Midnight

Thur: $3 Caipirinhas Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays 1/2 off Mojitos HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Tuesdays 1/2 off Sangrias HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Wednesdays 1/2 off Margaritas HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Thursdays 1/2 off draft beer HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

ION ARIZONA

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 77

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by Addison DeWitt

M

any faithful readers noted the printers’ devils who redacted and censored so much of the column last month with those big, pesky black boxes.

What a firestorm of controversy I endured all because of a few snarky little bon mots, chickens.

Why, Freedom of the Press is in the old fashioned rag called ‘The Constitution’ you may have heard about in high school. No? So let’s try this again! I’m proud to present my second annual Gab Fab List™ recognizing my favorite little captivating characters—and a few perfidious personalities, too. The sword cuts both ways.

I wish I could gold plate Richard Sourant, Wilson Jones and Ray Harbin! Happy Hour at BS West wouldn’t be the same without them. But I’d sell _________ _________ for scrap metal along with my old retainer and virginity if I could anything for either one of ‘em.

I’d love to put sexy Ray Solis (pictured second from top) on a Ritz Cracker and eat him up. But ____ _________ and _______ _______ need to be put down the garbage disposal.

Bootylicious Robert Siler and Josh Tinoco (aka “Eva Love”) (pictured center) are both au très chic in my book, but ______ ______ is downright démodée, dearie. Oopsies!

I’m absolutely looney for the luscious Anthony Luna who could Fox Trot me to the nearest ballroom anytime. Anytime at all. Really. Maybe he could even teach me the Hokey Pokey. Emphasis on “Pokey.”

I’m just wild about that sexy little “tripod” Stiletto Shank for oh-so-many reasons. And one very big reason— besides his talent. Wink, wink. However, I’m certainly not a fan _________ ________, who’s a pest, frankly.

I’m hoping Brian Linger will make my wedding gown; it might come in handy because I’ve been crushing over Jeremy Stevens for a while now.

I’m sure that Ladyman Lothario Edward Castro (pictured second from bottom) would love to see me in a wedding dress, too. Did I mention how swell James Quinn is? Well, he is. Really!

Hey! Did you hear an explosion?

Maybe it’s the fabulous firework Mandi Boom Boom (pictured bottom)!

She always lights up the night. Mandi’s da bomb, but _________ _______ fizzles. And my list wouldn’t be complete without my darling Kevin Axx on it again, now would it?

The Party Penguin of the Year is (good god not ______ ____ ) Afeelya Bunz (pictured top)! After 10 years in drag and countless fundraisers and charity events, she’s retiring and returning to the hum-drum “real world” full-time as Rich Zavala. A big “Thank You,” for your dedication and enriching our world of “make-believe.”

Farewell, Afeelya! Hello, Rich!

December 2011 www.IONAZ.com 79

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December 2011

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Hey, Aries! If your round little belly shakes when you laugh like a bowlful of jelly, it’s time to hit the Jenny Craig, doll. I’m not calling you fat, but ... a certain Libra thinks you’ve got a little more to love. And not “down there,” boys. Girdle up for a Leo, girls!

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

It came upon a midnight clear ... all over your face. You’ll find yourself caught in a wild love affair that’s like a “shooting” star—brief but magnificent. It’ll end before Christmas so you won’t have to buy a gift.

That’s a plus. Look for a Scorpio to woo you.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Your Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum will delight many this season and be the talk of the town. Just be sure to trim your bush before your Open House and a Capricorn will sing, “Du kannst mir sehr gefallen!” Look it up.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Go tell it on the mountain! Over the hills and everywhere! Well, not everywhere. Your big mouth gets you in some hot water late this month, but a sexy Taurus stuffs something in your pie-hole that keeps you occupied.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Deck the halls! You may want to deck an Aquarian who doesn’t know when to shut up, either. Keep your cards close to your ugly holiday sweatervest and prepare to ring in the new year with a Libra and a Taurus.

Maybe at the same time!

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Do you hear what I hear? No? Well, turn up your Miracle Ears, Virgo! A sexy Sagittarius is whispering sweet nothings in your ear

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December 2011

and you’d better pay attention! Watch out for a Taurus who deserves a lump of coal in their stocking.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

A romance re-kindled with a Leo has you singing, “Joy to the World” mid-month. Before you roast any chestnuts on an open fire make sure you give a Pisces a chance to stuff your goose. Get it?

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

You’ll create a ruckus on a Silent Night that has the neighbors calling the cops. A Little Drummer Boy (or girl) Virgo has your jingle bells jangling during the Holidays. You might want to do it Away in a Manger. Or a Motel 6.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Your holiday fruitcake drives a special Gemini nutty. Well, nuttier than they are already. Your birthday makes the season extra festive. You’ll be the life of the party mid-month with your eggnog and a dash of sex appeal.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

You’ll be doing plenty of kissing under the mistletoe this season. Save a special smooch early in the month for a Libra. Your birthday proves a risky decision you made in the summer pays off. Count yourself lucky!

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

“Mele Kalikimaka” is the thing to say ... to a sexy Cancer. Heck, say it to anybody and you’ll get a special Holiday “lei” you won’t forget. A special gift awaits from a lovestruck Taurus. I hope you reciprocate with something better than a scented candle.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Visions of sugarplums dance in your head this month because a kooky Capricorn has seduced you. A promise someone made to you proves honest mid-month. Now hold up your end of the bargain. It’s worth it!

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