ION Arizona January 2013

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JANUARY 23 US AIRWAYS CENTER TICkETS AlSo AvAIlAblE AT ThE box offICE, All TICkETmASTER loCATIoNS oR ChARgE bY phoNE AT 1-800-745-3000. brouGHt to you by:

All dates, acts and ticket prices are subject to change without notice.

Ticket prices subject to applicable fees.

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foR ComplETE ToUR INfoRmATIoN vISIT: WWW.lADYgAgA.Com AND WWW.lIvENATIoN.Com 2

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The Best is Yet to Come

H appy New Year! Now that the election is over, we can get back to

working together to grow our economy and fight for equal rights.

Last month, our community lost yet another great person and a very talented writer when Neil Cohen passed away suddenly.

Neil was part of the local performing arts scene and was also the Movie and Theatre critic for Echo Magazine. He was always a friend of ION and he will be missed by all of us.

This month we explore the lighter and darker side of our community.

This issue celebrates our vast differences. From the dark, sexual, leather community to the sounds of show tunes performed by the many fabulous entertainers; we have you covered.

We invite you to explore your community’s diversity this month. Get out of your comfort zone and explore other exciting places and events in Arizona. Try something new. You just might be in for a good time. Use ION as your guide for adventure and excitement this month!

Enjoy life, your friends and family and have some fun!

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Jack M. Tesorero Publisher

www.IONAZ.com January 2013

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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ........................................ kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ....................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR Austin Head PRODUCTION ASSISTANTs Chance Gullon Chris Phillips PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero ............................................... (602) 750-1164 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ............ (520) 429-5905 ionazsales@me.com ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner Danny Catt Devin Mitchell Cover photo by Fernando Hernandez Art by Kevin Bushaw National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Robert Hoffman Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2013: 18 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2013 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation.

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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www.IONAZ.com January 2013

NYE CLUB 54

CLUB CONGRESS

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Desperado LGBT Film Fest Get in the mood for the Oscars when the 4th annual Desperado LGBT Film Festival presents some of the best, most intriguing LGBT films today. This year it’s expanded for your viewing pleasure. It all happens at Paradise Valley Community College, Saturday, January 19 and the following weekend, January 2527. PVCC is at 18401 N. 32nd St., off of Union Hills Rd. For more information visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com or call 602787-7738 See ad p.42

Lambda Car Club Lambda Car Club International-Central Arizona Region rolls out the rainbow-colored carpet as they host their annual invitational. “Phoenix Rising: Rear View, Forward Look.” Join our boys in the pit crew as they make the weekend special.

Love old cars? You aren’t alone as a Gay car aficionado.

The public is invited to their car show on Saturday, January 19, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Hilton Garden Inn, 4000 N. Central Ave. Check out AZgayCar.com for more details.

Men of Strut 2nd Anniversary Wow! For two years now, Dallas, Ish and Geo have been struttin’ their stuff, entertaining audiences all over town and beyond with their dancing. Come to their 2nd Anniversary party on Sunday, January 20 at icepics video bar, 3108 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix.

Out in the Desert Check out the queer side of Tinseltown at Tucson’s Int’l LGBT Film Festival. This five-day film fest happens January 23-27 at the Fluxx Sudio & Gallery on 414 E. 9th St. in Tucson. For more info visit OutInTheDesertFF.org See ad p. 71 12

www.IONAZ.com January 2013

SW Leather Conference Leather. It’s not just for wallets, purses and car interiors. Explore the erotic and sensuous world of leather at the Southwest Leather Conference, January 25-27 at the Crown Plaza Phoenix Hotel on 1-17 & Peoria. For more information, schedule and tickets visit SouthwestLeather.org See ad p. 56

Roscoe’s Super Bowl Party Come and see the best commercials ever! Maybe a halftime show featuring a nip-slip! Or an aging pop star struggling to stay relevant! Oh ... and the New York Giants and the New England Patriots are playing a big football game, too, by the way. See all the action on Sunday, February 3rd —where else?—at Roscoe’s on 7th! 4531 N. 7th St. in Phoenix. Phone: 602-285-0833 RoscoesOn7th.com See ad p. 6

JANUARY 2013 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT Mon. Retro-Lution Thurs.

Opti Club 10 Taboo 11 Alternative 80s 12-22 Tucson Jewish Film Fest 18 Dance to the Divas 18 Bearracuda 18-19 Stripper Pole Olympics 19, 25-27 Desperado LGBT Film Fest 20 Men of Strut 2nd Anniversary 23 Lady Gaga After Party 23-27 Tucson Int’l. LGBT Film Fest 25 Greaser Night 25-27 Southwest Leather Conference 26 Retro Game Show Night 31 Mr. Miller 64 Contest FEBRUARY 3 Super Bowl Party 3 Hellraiser’s Super Bowl Party 9 Blush & Bashful

LOCATION Club Congress Club Congress The Rock Apollo’s Jewish Comm. Ctr. Apollo’s The Rock Dick’s Cabaret PVCC icepics Karamba FLUXX Studio Apollo’s Crown Plaza Hotel Club Congress Karamba

CITY Tucson Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix

Roscoe’s Charlie’s Ritz Carlton

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

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• LOCAL LADIES OF THE STAGE •

h

Savaenvnenas St

Photography - Fernando Hernandez Art - Kevin Bushaw Production assistants Chance Gullon & Chris phillips

Mild mannered barista by day, glamorous superstar by night. Savannah has been involved as a female impersonator for the past 12 years and continues to create this illusion as an extension of her theatrical background. Savannah is a former Miss Arizona Entertainer of the Year and the reigning Miss Gay Queen of the Desert, America. Savannah hopes to become Miss Arizona, America in the up-coming year and plans to continue performing for many years to come.

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.

AimeJeuVstice T

he Mouth & the Mirth of Aimee V. Justice made her the new Miss Rock. She co-hosts “It’s Bingo, Bitches!” at the Rock every Monday and she’s a judge for “Stars of Tomorrow” at B.S. West on Tuesdays.

She’s also a legacy as part of the V. Drag Family: Saellah, Khloe, Kimberly and Gogo.

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DRAG SHOWS • MEN OF STRUT • GOGO BOYS UNDERWEAR NIGHT • SHOW TUNES • KARAOKE

Always something going on...

For the latest Events, Show Times, and Drink Specials visit

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Tyrarie Ma

The “Tequila Latin Queen” has been

entertaining for over seven years.

She is a former Miss Gay Phoenix and Miss Gay Copper City. ¿Donde esta la señorita Tyra Marie? This hot tamale performs across the valley and hosts events at her home bar, Apollo’s Lounge.

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Missony Eb

The venerable and glamor-

ous Miss Ebony is a proud veteran of the U.S. military and is a retired nurse. She’s been performing in drag for 32 years. She’s also a former Miss Chicago and won the Queen of the Rodeo for the very first Gay National Rodeo (now known as IGRA). She is Gay Phoenix’s very own “Auntie.” She can be found most often at Charlie’s for Pussy LeHoot & Friends on Sundays.

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ee L a e nay i t Ca Love & DesireeM or D i

T

he mesmerizing Catia Lee Love has been part of the female impersonation industry for 19 years. She’s been crowned Miss Gay America 2000 and Miss Gay USofA Classic 2011. Catia spreads some “Love” around with multicrown winner, the beauty of old New Orleans, Miss Desirée De Mornay, a performer of 25 years. They are the newest members of the B.S. West “Elements” cast.

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Kiki ws & Andre aellah V. S

What can we say about Kiki? She’s deter-

mined. Persistent. An entertainer. The woman who steals the show, one outfit at a time.

And she’s got a new Monday night show at BS West.- “Have it Your Way” with Miss Gay

Arizona USofA 2012 and Elements Cast Member Saellah V.-- come for the drag queens, stay for the hot boys! Blaine and Geovanni keep it hot on the box. Shake it, baby!

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Miss Gay AZ USofA Pageant This blockbuster features three eye-popping pageants in one! Miss Gay AZ USofA, AZ USofA Classic and the AZ USofA Newcomer Pageant. One night loaded with talent, glamorous gowns, and the best of the best in the art of Female Illusion. This night of magic and fierce competition happens on Sunday, January 27 at the Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. in Tempe. Doors open at 5 p.m.

JANUARY 2013 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Fri 4 & 11 10:00pm The Rock Dirty Disney with Pandora DeStrange Sun 13 10:30pm Karamba Jenni Rivera Tribute Show with Diamond Tues 15 10:30pm Karamba Savannah Moussier’s 2nd Anniversary Thurs 17 10:30pm Karamba One n Ten Fundraiser with Ruby Sun 20 10:30pm Karamba Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday Show with Diamond Thurs 24 10:30pm Karamba Tina Turner Tribute Show with Ruby Fri 25 10:00pm The Rock Trailer Trash Revue with Lady Christian WEEKLY SHOWS Mondays 9:00pm The Rock It’s Bingo, Bitches! with Kendra & Aimee Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers!

Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo Mondays 9:00pm The Rock “It’s Bingo, Bitches!” with Kendra Katoure & Aimee V. Justice Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La Diva with Janee Star Wednesdays 9:00pm The Rock Open Wide Wednesdays Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Girls of Karamba - Adrian Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste Montiel Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Fridays 10:00pm Woody’s T.D.I.F. (Thank DiVa It’s Friday!)

Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins Fridays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Miss Dottie Pepper Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Dottie Pepper Sundays 8:3:0pm Apollo’s Monthly Drag Shows (A Different Show Every Week!)

Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Diamond’s Show January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 25

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Jane Austen’s “Emma” Don’t expect a prissy, British Regency-style production of this quirky classic. This funny rom-com features the not entirely guileless Emma who dabbles in matchmaking. This whirlwind of comedic complications is a fabulous musical performed by the Arizona Theatre Company through January 20 at the Herberger Theatre. 400 E. Van Buren. Tickets: ArizonaTheatre.org or call 602-256-6995. Spoiler alert: True love wins!

Shatner’s World ... we just live in it. You simply have to read the pompous, bombastic press release this windbag uses to promote his “larger than life performance” featuring humor, anecdotes, musical selections, jokes (which is humor) and even “poignant moments.” For a $150 you get to meet Capt. Kirk and his toupée. Sunday, January 20. Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. Tix: MesaArtsCenter.com or 480-644-6500

Carol Burnett “I’m so glad we had this time together!” There was a time when America was glued to their TV sets on Saturday nights for 11 years to see the brilliant, zany, comedy and entertainment of that wacky red-head Carol Burnett & company.

Don’t miss this evening of hilarious banter of Q&A with this true show biz great. Saturday, January 26. UofA Centennial Hall. 1020 E. University, Tucson. For tix & info visit UApresents.org or call 520-621-3364

JANUARY 2013 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 8-13 Peter Pan ASU Gammage - Tempe 10-23 Winterfest!

SW Shakespeare Co., Mesa 11-12 Bob Sagat StandUp Live - Phx 11-20 Forever Plaid Mesa Arts Center 12-2/2 Equus The Little Theatre at Phx Theatre 12 Gallegher Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 19 Ira Glass Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 19 Prairie Home Companion ASU Gammage 19-2/9 Freud’s Last Session Temple of Music & Art - Tucson thru 20 Jane Austen’s Emma ATC at Herberger - Phx 20 Shatner’s World Mesa Arts Center 25-26 Richard Lewis StandUp Live CityScape - Phx 25-2/3 Next to Normal Mesa Arts Center 26 Don Rickles Wild Horse Pass Casino 26 Carol Burnett Centennial Hall Tucson

PHONE 480-965-3434 480-644-6500 480-719-6100 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 602-267-1600 480-499-TKTS 480-965-3434 520-622-2823 602-254-7399 480-644-6500 480-719-8400 480-644-6500 877-840-0457 520-621-3364

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EQUUS The battle between psychiatry & religion – and the young man torn between them.

Photo by Laura Durant

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10 years ago a little

upstart company called Nearly Naked Theatre presented a rare production of Peter Shaffer’s Tony Award-winning play Equus. Suddenly a little company nobody really knew about was the

talk of the town.

Even the Mayor attended.

Every newspaper in the Valley raved. It was a critical turning point for the young company that we have all come to know as the Valley’s leading alternative theatre.

“It really changed our whole profile,” says Damon Dering, the founder and artistic director of Nearly Naked. “It was the first production that sold out its entire run. Every paper was calling me ‘best director’ and the show ‘best production of the year.’ Since then, everyone asked when we’ll bring it back. That production was so special, I didn’t think it would ever happen.”

They tried three years ago. When the company was celebrating its 10th Anniversary season. But the play was on Broadway with Daniel Radcliffe and

was restricted from performances not in New York City. “Well that’s it,” Dering thought, “We’ll never do Equus again.”

After the successful remount of Shakespeare’s R&J last season after its first performance eight years earlier, “Equus 2013” was conceived. Valley Favorite David Weiss plays the brooding psychiatrist Martin Dysart. The gifted Devon Nickel, a young actor who has caught the eye of Nearly Naked audiences most recently playing a Gay teenager in the regional premiere of Spring Awakening, plays the disturbed young Alan.

The plot is complicated—and wonderfully so. A young man commits the horrific act of blinding six horses.

The length of the play is spent with his psychiatrist, determining why.

We’ll give you a hint: the reasons are still as valid today as they were when Equus was written 40 years ago.

And of course there’s the nudity. The play is as famous for the 20 minutes of nudity as it is for the incredible writing.

It’s no wonder that Nearly Naked made such a scene with it 10 years ago in Phoenix. If you missed it then, you do not want to miss it this time.

Equus opens January 12 with a preview on January 11 and runs for only 14 performances, until Febuary 2. Tickets are available at NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call the Phoenix Theatre box office at 602-254-2151. Recommended for mature audiences only.

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APRIL 6 & 7, 2013

APRIL 6, 2013

Noon - 9PM Steele Indian School Park

Step Off 10AM 3rd Street & Thomas

www.phoenixpride.org 30

www.IONAZ.com January 2013

NEIL COHEN 1964-2012

ION Arizona remembers the brilliance, the talent, the creativity and the charming, gentle spirit of Neil Cohen, the Theatre and Movie critic for ECHO magazine. Neil was a keen champion and part of our local theatre scene, as well as a loyal friend. His wit, talent, humor, warmth and his enormous capacity for kindness will never be replaced. We will miss you.Â

I am a friend, a Latino, and a peer educator.

And I am living with HIV.

TM

JosĂŠ (center) has lived with HIV since 2001.

Get the facts. Get tested. Get involved. Visit ArizonaHIVAware.com.

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161-4A_BTCD_ION.indd 1

12/26/12 4:09 PM

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END OF DAYS CABARET

More

CRESCENT BALLROOM

PHOTOS at www.IONAZ.com

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Lady Gaga Saran wrap. The iPad. Sham-Wow! And Lady Gaga. These are some of the best products ever invented. Well, here’s your chance to experience the gal in a meatdress who was “Born This Way.” She’ll be at the U.S. Airways Center at 201 E. Jefferson in Phoenix on Wednesday, January 23. Boy, you be blowin’ up the phone for tix at 800-7453000 or visit TicketMaster.com

Matisyahu Nobody does alt-rock/reggae like bad boy Reconstructionist Jew, Matisyahu. Throw in a little beat-boxing and rap and—oi vey!—you’ve got a spiritualist one-man band! This truly talented artist will be at the Rialto Theatre at 318 E. Congress St. in Tucson on Wednesday, January 30. For tickets go to TicketForce.com or the Rialto 520-740-1000

Mandy Patinkin Star of Broadway’s Sunday in the Park with George and Evita, Patinkin was also brave enough to work with La Streisand in Yentl. This talented tenor will make the rafters ring on Saturday, February 2 at Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts, 7380 E. 2nd St. in Scottsdale. For tix go to ScottsdalePerformingArts.org or call 480-499-TKTS

JANUARY 2013 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION 8 Gregg Allman Talking Stick Resort 17 Clint Black Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts 18 José Feliciano Musical Instrument Museum 20 Kris Kristofferson Yavapai College - Prescott 22 Social Distortion Marquee Theatre - Tempe 23 Lady Gaga US Airways Center - Phoenix 26 George Benson Mesa Arts Center 30 Matisyahu Rialto Theatre Tucson 31 Dierks Bentley Bird’s Nest/TPC - Scottsdale FEBRUARY 2 Mandy Patinkin Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 6 The Who Jobing.com Arena

PHONE 800-745-3000 480-499-TKTS 480-478-6000 928-776-2000 480-829-0707 800-745-3000 480-644-6500 520-740-1000 800-745-3000 480-499-TKTS 800-745-3000

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www.IONAZ.com January 2013

by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Sarah Brightman

Dreamchaser The world’s most famous soprano in “popera” is back to bring you an album that is a 90 degree turn to the left. As expected, it’s infiltrated with pop-classical reinventions of unfamiliar covers, but also signifies a turn to the pop effort as heard on the album Dive. Single “Angel” is light, pretty and safe while second single (and Elbow cover) “One Day Like This” is what the listener is about to encounter.

Accompanied by a full world tour which ends in Phoenix in March, Sarah’s first offering in five years is a bit tepid but sprinkled with shades of beauty.

GRADE: B-

Soundtrack

Les Miserables Though the movie comes off as less believable on the big screen, the audio component captures the real magic.

Director Tom Hooper’s conceit of having the actors sing live is a stroke of genius (the first in movie making) which allows the cast to lose themselves without a fear of missing a cue or lip movement.

With little post-production needed, this way of recording music captures real emotion and grit. Ann Hathaway, Hugh Jackman and Colm Wilkinson (the original Valjean) sound best while Russell Crowe takes some getting used to. Also included is the newly penned track “Suddenly.” Though quite bland, it’ll surely garner an Oscar nod for Best Song. GRADE: B+

Sam Sparro

Return to Paradise This Aussie’s sophomore release after many delays and label complications couldn’t have come at a better time.

Part garage, part funk and a whole lot of disco, Paradise jams with a certain nostalgic, chic yet cool swagger that is late 70s early 80s re-imagined. Sparro’s vocals are smooth, soulful, effortless and resoundingly perfect. Arguably, “Hearts Like Us” is this sets anthem all while the cowbells of “Happiness” and the groove of “Closer” give great support. Though not as anthemic as his masterpiece “Black & Gold” or as innovative as his debut, this album still sounds great. GRADE: B In tradition, my top singles of 2012 #1 – Set Fire to the Rain – Adele #2 – My Blood – Ellie Goulding #3 – Sovereign Light Café – Keane #4 – Somebody that I Used to Know – Gotye/Kimbra #5 – Fall – The Presets #6 – Madness – Muse #7 – Somewhere – Scissor Sisters #8 – Gold on the Ceiling – The Black Keys #9 – Girl Gone Wild – Madonna #10 – Dancing in the Dark – Schiller Start off the New Year listening to new stuff from Darius Rucker, Teena Marie, Tegan & Sara, Adam Ant and New Order!

January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 39

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

Shameless, Season 2 Starring: William H. Macy, Emmy Rossum, Justin Chatwin, Jeremy Allen White This Showtime dramedy follows the Chicago-based adventures of the Gallagher clan—a dysfunctional family with six kids sired by alcoholic narcissist, Frank (Macy, Fargo) and his bipolar ex-wife, Monica (Chloe Webb.) Since Frank isn’t worth the booze that fuels him, and Monica’s largely out of the picture, their daughter, Fiona (Rossum, Phantom of the Opera), runs the household.

Season 2 picks up with everyone (save for Frank) working to save money for their “squirrel fund” in preparation for the lean times. Fiona works at a chic nightclub while her near-genius, but irresponsible brother, Lip, sells beer and pot out of an ice cream truck. Sexy, closeted, Gay brother Ian continues working at Kash and Grab while prepping for West Point. Debbie and Carl run a daycare out of the Gallagher home.

Naturally, a wrench (or, more accurately, an entire tool chest) is thrown into the works with the return of Fiona’s ex, Steve, accompanied by his new Brazilian wife and the Gallegher’s estranged mother who is hell-bent on making promises her mood disorder prevents her from keeping. Joan Cusack delivers a spectacular performance as Frank’s nutty, agoraphobic main squeeze.

Expect a smart script, stellar performances and steamy sex. Straight

sex. Gay sex. Muslim Gay sex.

Outdoor sex. Sex addict sex. And more sex.

Ultimately, the clan will survive because they’re Gallaghers and that’s what they do—even if being a Gallagher also means being the very problem you’re surviving.

Gayby Starring: Matthew Wilkas, Jenn Harris, Jonathan Lisecki When life fails to yield best friends, Matt (Wilkas) and Jenn (Harris), the milestones they had hoped to hit by the time they reached their 30s, they decide to honor a pact they made in college to have a baby together. There’s just one minor problem: Matt is Gay and Jenn wants to do it the old-fashioned way.

Though the physical process of making a baby together is challenge enough (outside of the extremely awkward bedroom moments, there’s a sidesplitting scene when Jenn teaches a hot yoga class under the influence of horny goat weed prescribed by her naturopath), their biggest hurdles on the road to parenthood are yet to come as they evaluate their careers, romantic relationships and self-worth. Not to worry, though—it’s a rom-com so you know it has a happy ending. Written and directed by Jonathan Lisecki (who also co-stars as Matt’s friend, Nelson, aka “NellyBear8”), Gayby is a heartwarming, hilarious picture that’s a definite must-see for anyone who ever believed that family is a concept each and every one of us has the opportunity to define on our own terms.

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Desperado 4th Annual

Film Festival JANUARY 19 and 25 - 27, 2013

BOX OFFICE 602.787.7738 ONLINE paradisevalley.edu/cpa Tickets per film $10.00 Students, Seniors, Faculty $8.00 18401 North 32nd Street Phoenix, AZ 85032

Paradise Valley Community College Center for the Performing Arts

For Tickets and Info: desperadofilmfestival.com

Desperado LGBT Film Festival is hosted by the PVCC P.R.I.D.E. Student Organization, the PVCC Center for the Performing Arts, the PVCC Office of Student Life, and the PVCC Center for International Studies.

Generously Supported By

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The Center for the Performing Arts | Paradise Valley Community College 18401 North 32nd Street | Phoenix, AZ 85032 | Box Office 602.787.7738 | www.desperadofilmfestival.com

www.IONAZ.com January 2013

by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

The Impossible Starring: Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor, Tom Holland Based on the true story of a Spanish family’s experience during the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami (an undersea megathrust earthquake that led to the deaths of 230,000 people in 14 different countries), The Impossible stars Naomi Watts (Mulholland Drive) and Ewan McGregor (I Love You, Phillip Morris) as Maria and Henry, a couple vacationing at a tropical resort in Thailand with their three children during the Christmas Holiday, when they’re confronted by a tidal wave of black water on the morning of December 26.

Separated by the disaster, they struggle to survive and reunite with one another.

Screenwriter Sergio Sanchez and director J. A. Bayona, the team behind the brilliant Spanish horror film, The Orphanage (2008), reunite to bring you this incredible true tale of unwavering strength and humanity in the wake of a natural disaster. Release Date: 01/04/2013

Zero Dark Thirty Starring: Joel Edgerton, Jessica Chastain, Edgar Ramirez, Kyle Chandler, Mark Strong In another reunion, director Kathryn

Bigelow and screenwriter Mark Boal, the duo behind Best Picture Oscar winner The Hurt Locker team up to bring us Zero Dark Thirty, an action picture based on the decadelong hunt for—and assassination—of Al Qaeda’s notorious leader and September 11th mastermind, Osama bin Laden. Jessica Chastain (The Help) stars as Maya, a young CIA analyst, who must overcome outdated Cold War-era logic regarding international relations in an all-consuming quest to find Osama bin Laden that culminates in a meticulous recreation of Seal Team 6’s infiltration of bin Laden’s compound. Joel Edgerton, Edgar Ramirez, Kyle Chandler and Mark Strong co-star. Release Date: 01/11/2013

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen Meanwhile, Hurt Locker star Jeremy Renner returns to the screen in another type of hunt in Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It’s a gritty reboot of a classic (albeit terrifying) children’s tale along the lines of Snow White and the Huntsman. After nearly being cooked to death by a bloodthirsty witch as children, Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have become vigilantes in their adulthood, hellbent on getting retribution.

Unfortunately, the tide has turned and they’re now the hunted ones. Not only must they overcome the evil facing them, they must also overcome their own scarred pasts. Release Date: 01/25/2013 January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 43

by Albert Rivas arivas3@gmail.com

Do you hear the engines revving?

RuPaul’s Drag Race is out of the garage for Season 5 starting January 28 on LOGO. 14 desperate queens will be vying for the title of “America’s Next Drag Superstar” and the $100,000 cash prize doesn’t hurt, either. This show has always been a wild-card, though one thing we can look forward to is Michelle Visage’s tah-tahs that we’ve all missed. This season’s guest judges are a bit lackluster to say the least, although lawyer Gloria Allred in the mix is surely a “WTF?” moment waiting to happen.

Lets not forget about Untucked. Nothing says “comedy” to me quite like drag queens crying and hearing their manly voices come out bawling they’re, “not here to make friends.” In the words of (the eternally youthful) RuPaul, “Gentlemen, start your engines! And may the best woman win!”

The race is over for one beloved sitcom.

With a heavy heart we bid farewell to one of the most critically acclaimed, yet audience-challenged comedy series out there, 30 Rock. They can do no wrong.

Tina Fey is Liz Lemon, who was summed up by GOP boss Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) as a “New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-andpretending-to-be-happy-about-it, overscheduled, undersexed”—not to mention 44

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her undying love for food. Like ham, Liz is obsessed with anything Oprah and even though Liz is socially inept, she’s the head writer for TGS with Tracy Jordan.

After seven seasons Liz finally finds love in Criss (the adorable James Marsden). The cherry on top for the nuptials was Liz showing up in a Princess Leia costume, complete with hair buns as her wedding dress saying, “I’m a princess!”

Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski) can only be described as a raging alcoholic with multiple personalities and a dash of attention-whore. Only she would marry a drag queen impersonator that won a Jenna Maroney Look-a-Like Contest.

“That’s a deal breaker, ladies.”

Who can forget the gullible and almost in-bred Kenneth Parcell (Jack McBrayer) who was once NBC’s page-turnedjanitor? His off-the-wall advice always seems like he’s one corn cob short of a wheat field.

Inspired by Tina’s SNL roots (and classic TV shows) the 30 Rock live episodes are definitely a “must-see” and showcase what great writing and acting are about.

There have been so many guest stars in this small season alone and a few more surprises are coming up ‘til the last hourlong finale on January 31. All that comes to mind is, “Blerg!”

Have a favorite TV show? Shoot me an e-mail. I have no life and I don’t mind trying anything once and if I hate it I’ll let you know.

January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 45

Monkey Business E verybody remembers the adventures of Curious George, the

funny little monkey who lived in New York City with the Man in the Yellow Hat.

by Deon Brown

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www.IONAZ.com January 2013

Now, over 70 years later, the story has been updated with Bi-Curious.

Some things have changed. But not much. George still likes to touch things that don’t belong to him. And how!

ION Arizona talked to author Andrew Simonian about everybody’s favorite naughty little monkey in the 21st century.

ION: What inspired you to create a sexual parody of everybody’s favorite little chimp?

Andrew Simonian: The title is a fairly “obvious” joke to get. My goal was always just to write a funny book that would make people laugh. A book in which all my readers, Gay or Straight, would be able to see a bit of themselves—and laugh at themselves as well.

There’s really no political agenda or forced “message” to it.

Sometimes people just need to have an open mind and laugh more.

without unintentionally crossing over into being offensive. If anything, my Gay friends like it even more than my Straight friends, which is really what I was going for, so I guess we ended up doing something right.

ION: Any issues from the author H.A. Rey estate?

AS: I have a lot of love and respect for H. A. Rey’s Curious George, so I wanted to approach my book the right way from both, a legal and emotional standpoint. We consulted an attorney to make sure we addressed any copyright and trademark issues as intelligently as possible. Though the style of the text and illustrations in my book echo the style of the original Curious George books in the ways a parody should, the details of the story and the design of my book and characters are totally different.

Among other things, our monkey has a tail, a different face, a faux-hawk, a different color belly, and a belly button.

ION: You’re a Straight, White male.

ION: How have readers responded to the book?

AS: I wanted to be sure that the humor of the book pushed boundaries, while still staying smart and funny January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 47

He is responsible for the creation, development, acquisition, sale, and production of scripted and unscripted television, film and new media projects. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and two children.

Bi-

Your Gay friends must love you!

AS: Ha. Working in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles, I’ve been fortunate to meet and befriend a number of amazing Gay men and women. I think my Gay friends all really like that I’m the one who wrote the book; it has a different feel and perspective to it because it was written by a Straight guy.

ION: What’s your next project? Horton Hires a ‘Ho? Alexander McQueen and the No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Gay? AS: Future books would likely touch on other current, buzz-worthy, potentially “taboo” subjects as well; like race, religion, politics, and everything else you’re not supposed to bring up at dinner parties.

Andrew Simonian is the Founder and President of Standard Media Company.

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Curious George: An Unauthorized Parody is published by Cider Mill Press $14.95. Available on Amazon.com

January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 49

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Imy’msharp, a confirmed carnivore. I admire pointy canine teeth designed for ripping flesh off of a bone. I have an deep, abiding love for pastrami, ham and steak.

Heck, I even like bologna and hot dogs—the worst of the worst.

But if there ever was a reason to “go vegetarian,” it’s in Central Phoenix at Green, who tout their cuisine as “New American Vegetarian.” This means it isn’t all ooky cubes of bland tofu thrown into some stir fry or thin Mung Bean Soup.

It is, however, 100% vegan with gluten free options.

How Green Was My Valley? over fresh greens, carrots tossed in miso vinaigrette and tortilla strips. ($6 sm/$9 lg). Very appealing.

The Kung Pao Mock Chicken Bowl offers spicy ginger and garlic tamari sauce with crushed peanuts. Eight different bowls are on the menu with lots of veggies (of course) plus your choice of chicken, beef (mock), house or fresh tofu. Choose from either pan fried noodles or organic brown rice.

Take your pick from nine different poboys, sandwiches and burgers. The “No Harm Parm” po-boy features a breaded mock-chicken cutlet with tasty Mum’s

Although Chef Damon Brasch, the mastermind behind Green, promotes his menu as “comfort” food, that may be a bit of a stretch. There’s absolutely no substitute for, say, Shepherd’s Pie, bacon or a roast beef dinner. Sorry.

However, Green does have an attractive array of dining options that are very, very tasty, flavorful and filling.

The Spicy Peanut Chicken Salad presents spicy peanut mock chicken January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 51

tomato sauce and a dazzling mozzarella cheese. But the bread ... you have to try their bread.

Phenomenal. All these are between $8.50-$9 and come with your choice of thyme fries, fresh fruit, or an incredible dolphin-safe Tahini Coleslaw which will knock your free-range socks off.

Green’s cooler has a vast and delightful range of ice teas, sodas, mineral waters

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and flavored Kombucha that’s a pleasure for any diner’s palate.

You’ll never see Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald or Long John Silver in here—but during our visit we saw Hollywood’s handsome Kal Penn of stoner flick Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. (He must’ve had the munchies, dude.)

He didn’t find the legendary 100% beef hamburgers there, but he was in the right place for one fine veggie burger.

2022 N. 7th St. Phone: 602-258-1870 GreenVegetarian.com

January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 53

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SLAP IT.

SHINE IT. LOVE IT.

LIVE LICK IT. IT. Get to know your Arizona Leather CommunityThe SW Leather Conference is January 25-27th

Photographed by Fernando Hernandez Art & Direction by Kevin Bushaw

SW Community Bootblack 2012 Moltenwhisper, SW LeatherSIR 2012 George Saltzman, & International Leatherboy boy Bam Bam January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 55

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Mr. Phoenix Leather 2012 & Founder of Mr. Friendly Project, Loki.

Visit MrFriendlyAZ.com for more info.

January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 57

Pictured Right to Left: SW Community Bootblack 2012 Moltenwhisper, SW LeatherSIR 2012 George Saltzman, International Leatherboy boy Bam Bam, SW Leather Daddy Bear 2012 Robert Schenberg (visit ArizonaLeatherBearsandCubs.org for more info on the Leather Bear Community), and Mr. Phoenix Leather 2010 Kyle McDonel.

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January 2013

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Vol. 6, Issue 8

JANUARY 2013

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Helium Shortage Looms.

Balloon Animals Face OUTRAGEOUS! Extinction!

AMARILLO, Tex.— Carnivals, circuses, birthday parties and Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Parlors are facing a crisis. Helium, the second most abundant element in the universe, is in short supply. Helium, a naturally occurring element is a by product of natural gas production.

The United States produces more than 75% of the world’s helium, mostly in the panhandle of Texas.

“This is terrible!” said Yo-Yo Hopskotch, Professor Emeritus at the Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus’s Clown College in Sarasota, Florida. “We’re desperately trying to maintain our own zoo of balloon animals—giraffes, mice, bunnies, weiner dogs and poodles. But as they deflate or pop, we’re finding it harder to replace them,” he reported. Dimples O’Rainbow, one of the best balloon animal twisters in the country, is homeless, living in a VW Beetle with 174 other out of work clowns, largely populating city parks peeling imaginary bananas, or trying to exit an imaginary box.

OUTRAGEOUS!

The American reserve is in danger; formerly heliumrich RESEMBLANCE fields are facing a ANY TO drought! The once lush meadows practically floating with helium are now parched and dry as prices skyrocket! Soon, the world’s menagerie of cherished balloon animals made with helium may only be found in picture books.

THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Every birthday party for any kid over seven-years-old will be canceled until helium harvests improve. Until then, balloon animals will only be for the very rich and powerful.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2012 www.IONAZ.com 63

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OUTRAGEOUS! Earth Survives December 21 Apocalypse. Mayan Calendars on Sale!

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

MEXICO “Well, this CITY— certainly puts The highly a new wrinkle publicized in the calendar and much business,” said feared End one anonymous of the World calendar as We Know executive. “We’ve It didn’t end got stockpiles of withRESEMBLANCE a bang Mayan calendars ANY TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL on December left over. January, 21, 2012.

February, Not even a March—every whimper. single month is North blank. Sunday America held through Saturday. its breath as Nothing but dawn broke empty squares. in Australia.

No dates.

And nothing Nothing,” he happened. explained.

Then it was “We’ve got stacks December of purchase and ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 22.

Then receiving orders ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL December 23. 24. Everywhere. No for these things around the world.” civilizations fell. No mountains crumbled. No oceans boiled. Nada. Zip. The hand carved long count granite calendars weigh in at several hundred pounds and are Meanwhile, sales for 2013 calendars are doing enormous. The remainders will be trucked brisk business. Cat calendars. One Direction to 99¢ Only and Dollar Tree stores for quick calendars. Swimsuit calendars. Paula Deen sale. calendars. Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier Calendars. All calendars. Except for the Experts say you just have to take the calendar defunct Mayan Calendar. business one day at a time.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 65

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SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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Purchase Tickets online at www.saafmoda.org or by calling (520) 628-SAAF (7223).

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by Addison DeWitt

S orry, folks.

The world didn’t

end last month.

So if you made it this far through this issue and hit this roadblock, well, tough luck. We’re still here. But more importantly, I’m still here. And isn’t that all that really matters? Isn’t it?

A

Before I discovered that I still had a deadline to meet, I decided to say, “Goodbye, cruel world—and to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse you rode in on!” at Austin Head’s “End of Days Cabaret” at The Crescent Ballroom.

Audience members like Fenix Rivers (A) was entertained by the aptly named sex bomb, Pyrrha Sutra and her combustible cancans, the gonzo fire-eating Dr. Rev. D.F. Strange from The Strange Family circus.

The inimitable Pandora de Strange belted out some Rolling Stones rock ‘n’ roll accompanied on bass guitar by sexy Frenchman Monsieur Ooh là là Olivier Zahm (B). Who said you can’t get no satisfaction? What a show!

C

Still, the dawn came up like thunder the next day, with bills to pay, work to do, and pancakes to eat. Except for poor, sweet, little Austin Head; he’s been

banned from International House of Pancakes for apparently being a little too Rooty-Tooty, Fresh ‘n’ Fruity™ for the restaurant. I can’t wait to hear the details! Call the Mayor! This would never happen at Durant’s! (Or would it?)

So the Mayans were el wrong-o.

The world didn’t end on December 21. I have a heartwarming story that I like to call, “Miracle on Santa Monica Boulevard.” It’s the tale of a stalker—we’ll call him Clayton McKee—who traveled on December 22 all the way to West Hollywood to meet a Latino underwear model young enough to be his son—let’s say his name is Jason Medina (C). Clayton’s Apocalypse Wish came true in the Andrew Christian store. Why? Because Clayton believed, ladies and gentleman. Clayton believed.

That’s the true story of the Power of Clean Underwear.

This is a story that will be retold every year to inspire people with a psychotic obsession everywhere. God bless our boxer briefs, every one.

B

D

Sometimes Santa comes down the chimney.

Sometimes Santa comes when he’s horny. So you can only imagine how happy I was to sit on Sexy Santa’s lap at TU Collection. Unfortunately, I was cockblocked by this comely youth who looks suspiciously like Emilio Minto’s sexy, yummy, real-life boyfriend, Justin (D).

He got his stocking stuffed on Christmas January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 77

by Sean Kapera SeanKaperaPhotography.com

Cristian Gomez Model, Actor, Personal Trainer - New York City

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morning, I bet. Lucky.

E

G

Everybody put aside worries about the Fiscal Cliff to celebrate the arrival of 2013 with Celia Putty and her fave gal pal, the fabulous Barbra Seville (E). Maryanne Marttini’s spirits were bubbling over along with her lovely bride, Berry (F). Celia’s fans, the renowned, preeminent Art Historian, R.J. Merrill and Mark Hakamaa (pictured with Celia) joined in on the New Year’s hijinx with a joie de vivre I haven’t seen since the Mayan Apocalypse.

F

It all comes around full circle, doesn’t it?

Happy New Year!

Make Addison DeWitt part of your New Year’s Resolutions! Send him naked pictures of yourself or candid photos of you and your friends being thrown out of popular restaurants.

You can reach him personally at RumorHound@aol.com January 2013 www.IONAZ.com 79

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

H

appy New Year! If you’re reading this, that means that the Mayans were wrong.

History is littered with the “Oops! Factor.”

The New Moon on the 11th positions our Moon directly between the Sun and Earth where it won’t be visible. It’s there, but it’s not there. See? Look for the “not there” in Life this month.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

The new year brings an end to an old feud.

Your Ram-like nature means you can sort of forgive, but you can’t forget. Sort of. Who can blame you? That bitch just has to stir it up, over and over. You will be celebrated for your cunning.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

You’re full of resolutions. Some are possible.

Some are not. Most are just downright ridiculous. Face it: you’re not going clean out your sock drawer ‘til sometime in June.

Go out on a limb and make a new friend.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You’ll turn over a new leaf in 2013. Several times, because that’s just the way you Geminis are. The “bright ‘n’ shiny” object that catches your eye this month might be a diamond, but probably a rhinestone. Which one is really worth more?

Cancer June 22 - July 22

2013 starts out with a gangbang! Just remember, two’s company—three is $50.

You’ll be spreading yourself (and your legs) a little thin during the early weeks of January. You’re the talk of the town. That’s so like you.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

You’ll be shocked when you receive some kind of Spiritual Enlightenment late in the month. Everyone else will be shocked, too.

Really shocked. Your hedonistic ways reemerge by Groundhog Day, however. That’s a relief!

Make one resolution for the New Year and repeat it ten times. You’ll feel an enormous sense of accomplishment. That’s not a bad thing. Make sure others know about it. You always do. Over and over.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

You just might be kissing someone at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. This warm, fuzzy moment may continue well into the month. Watch your wallet! this experience might be expensive.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Your bad habits are more endearing to others than your good ones this year.

Everybody loves your rascally ways.

Temper these madcap antics with a tad of restraint or face the consequences.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

The New Year is all about budgeting. Your time, your money and how much fast food you eat. You’re more shrewd about things like lunch, Facebook friends and using your Macy’s charge card. Be frivolous after the 18th. Just for fun!

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Face it: you’re naturally contrary and obstinate. Well, somebody had to tell you!

Your non-conformity makes you a human magnet. If it’s your birthday you’ll surprise others and yourself by doing something out of character. It’ll be shocking!

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You’re smart, clever, and knowledgeable, but your indecision is maddening. Still, your charm and humor attracts others.

Especially dogs and old people. Your birthday will expose your quirky Zooey Deschanel-like qualities.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Your commitment to rules, detail and precision is admirable. People mistake you for a German because of it. Try to loosen up for the New Year. Even if it’s just your top button.

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