ION Arizona #196

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Franklin Diaz Alex Campos Fernando Hernandez

Scotty Kirby Tiffany Photography

Danny Catt

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2017: 22 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2017 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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TRIXIE MATTEL

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CLU B VO LT

SEE MORE GREAT PARTY CAMS AT IONAZ.COM

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MR. PRIME BEEF CONTEST

BUNKHOUSE

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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Feel Better. Look better. Be better.

Do you consider yourself a happy person? Before I created ION, I wasn’t.

But I wanted to be and in the process I wanted to help other people. So I moved to Arizona and started ION to help you navigate our growing community, help you feel good about yourself, improve your life and be happy. Not any easy task but I think we are still doing a great job.

They say you can lead a horse to water but you can‘t make them drink. I get that but I‘ll never end trying to get you to drink the water. ION is the water. You are the horse in this metaphor.

Personally, I found my dentist in ION. I have high testosterone because of ION. I have lost 30lbs because of ION. I found my physician, my realtor, my auto mechanic, my car wash, my eye doctor, my pharmacist, my naturopathic doctor and more inside ION. For fun, I found great events, fundraisers, sports leagues and fun social groups and clubs. I‘ve never felt better, looked better and I‘m the happiest I‘ve ever been.

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Inside every issue are fun events like Sausage Fest, Rainbows Festival, AIDS Walks in Phoenix and Tucson, BS West’s annual Halloween extravaganza “Silver - Dancing through the Decades” and the businesses and organizations that share my vision will be there supporting us. I invite you to check all these out and have the time of your life.

My point is, we live in unique times. We are aging. Our government is not stable.

Now more than ever, we need each other, we need you, we need a strong community and we need businesses and organizations that support us. Please take care of yourself and support our partners.

It‘s a win win.

I hope to meet you at Sausage Fest. It will be something you‘ve never experienced before. A great event for a great cause.

Jack Tesorero Happy Jack

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PGFFL DRAG BINGO

LOS DIABLOS

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TATIANA FROM RPDR

CHARLIE’S

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uten Tag! It’s finally autumn! It’s Oktober so we decided to throw a party to make it special. That means it’s time for the first annual Open Wide Dental Sausage Fest! We’ll have a giant beer garden, carnival style games, a hot dog eating contest, volleyball, swimming, a live DJ, and there might even be a little bit of Alpine yodeling!

Chow down on delicious frankfurters from Schreiner’s Sausages!

Those lovely maidens Olivia Gardens and Aimee V. Justice will be hosting the Feierlichkeiten (that means “festivities” ... we’re just trying to get you in the mood!)

We’ve also got some schnitzelicious entertainment for you. Jonny McGovern,

the hilarious host of the gayest online talk show of all time, “HEY, QWEEN!” will be making an appearance, plus award-winning adult film star, the handsome Wesley Woods and super-hot XXX vixen Sylvia Saige will bring their hilarious stand-up comedy to the stage, too. We’ll cap off the evening with a high energy performance by the one and only Ricky Rebel. Find out more about them with our interviews on the following pages.

Saturday, October 14, 12 noon to 8 p.m.

Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown 3200 N. 2nd Ave. north of Osborn Rd. Benefitting in part IGNITE and SW Center for HIV/AIDS October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

defies convention around the world.

And at Sausage Fest, too.

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ome kids want to grow up and be an astronaut, cowboy, or airplane pilot.

Maybe a fairy princess, like some of us.

But ever since he was a child, a little boy from California’s Inland Empire knew one thing: he told everyone, “I’m gonna be a star.”

He was groomed for the Olympics as a gymnast. He acted in commercials. He was even in a boy band.

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Not content to take a backseat, he pushed on and “Ricky Rebel” was born. He’s performed all over the world (including the mainstage at Phoenix Pride 2015) entertaining audiences with his high energy glam-pop show.

Ricky headlines the Open Wide Dental Sausage Fest. Find out why Ricky likes the “Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys ... and sometimes girls” on October 14.

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ION: How would you describe a Ricky Rebel performance?

Ricky Rebel: Three words to describe my show: Sexual, Dynamic, and Dramatic.

ION: You’ve performed all over the world. What was it like performing at the Cannes Film Festival this year?

RR: It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I loved the food, the people, the scenery. Pure paradise! My performance was welcomed with open arms. Akon was in the audience and told me that he absolutely loved my show and that Lady Gaga and I would get along so well. He was, like, “She would love you!”

ION: You’re one of the busiest performers in the business. When you’re not performing, you’re rehearsing, or on a photoshoot …

What’s a “day off” for Ricky Rebel?

RR: I don’t think that I have full days off. I am constantly preparing posts, editing, creating flyers, choreographing, training my voice, working out, et cetera. I get restless if I just sit around and do nothing. I love working on my passion.

ION: What message would you like to convey to your audiences and fans?

RR: My message is that it’s cool to be an independent thinker. It’s cool to stand out. It’s cool to be different. It’s cool to be yourself.

ION: You’re a fashion contributor for US Weekly. Who’s the most fashionable (and least!) personality out there these days?

now— believe it or not—is Celine Dion. That bitch really stepped it up. In US Weekly’s “Fashion Cop” section that I write for, Zandaya keeps showing up. She gets a lot of things right when it comes to fashion and when she misses she misses in a big way. But I like that about her. She’s a risk taker.

ION: Can you share your secrets to give our readers about “How To Be A Rebel”?

RR: How To Be A Rebel: 1. Have your own mind and point of view.

2. Do not concern yourself too much with what people think.

3. Reconcile your need to be loved versus your need to be understood.

4. Art is not a competition.

5. Learn to be okay with silence.

Ricky Rebel’s new album, “The New Alpha,” drops October 31. Find out where Ricky Rebel is performing and check out his show schedule at RickyRebelRocks.com

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Hey Sausage Qween!

Jonny McGovern

gets faggoty wid it when he appears at Sausage Fest on October 14

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staple on Logo TV’s Big Gay Sketch Show (2008-2010), Jonny McGovern garnered more success with his raunchy, musical alter ego, The Gay Pimp and on his popular web TV talk show, Hey Qween! He gives ION readers a little rough and tough love here in an exclusive interview.

protect myself and my Homo homies hand-tohand, if I have to.

ION: What inspires you?

ION: What’s the biggest threat facing the LGBT community today?

Jonny McGovern: I’m inspired by “the faggotry” and by that I mean the creativity and unbreakable spirit of specifically LGBTQ people. The things that people have tried to suppress or make fun of us for that we can own and love about ourselves. Whether that is expressed in nightlife, fashion, drag, comedy, sexy behavior or just someone being 100% queer as they wanna be in an everyday situation.

That’s the spirit we celebrate with “Hey Qween!” and it inspires me in my own life and work.

ION: What’s the key to keepin’ it Super Gay? JMcG: A dick a day keeps you super gay. Ok that’s not actually what keeps you super gay, but it rhymes.

ION: Is the Gay Pimp still around?

JMcG: Thanks to the internet you can always find The Gay Pimp, turning straight boys gay, and dancing around while wearing Swarovski crystal studded jeans.

ION: Any advice to your Arizona peeps about keepin’ it 100?

JMcG: We’re in a scary time politically so we need to have each other’s back.

Look out and stand up for each other wherever people are trying to fuck with one of our own. I’m ready to start a gay vigilante group called The Pink Panthers if I have to. I started taking Krav Maga after the election so I could

JMcG: In-fighting and tearing each other down distracts us from fighting the people who are really trying to take away our rights and erase us from the conversation. We need to make our voices heard in the most important way we can: by voting and being politically aware so that we can get these idiots out of power.

ION: What’s in your future?

JMcG: I just finished two months as the host of Dita Von Teese’s (pictured above) “The Art of the Teese” tour with Violet Chachki and the best burlesque stars in the world. I’ll be performing with Dita on New Years Eve in LA, heading to Australia in February. Running and producing the “Hey Qween!” channel keeps me super busy. We have a “Hey Qween!”

Halloween special with Sharon Needles this month and start shooting Season 6 of Hey Qween! this fall, premiering in 2018. A new season of “HOT T” will be out this fall and I’m working in a stand up special for next year. She’s busy!

Jonny is the host & executive producer of “Hey Qween!” and the HeyQween.tv channel, where you can see current and past episodes.

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Wesley Woods (and we would, too!)

by Deon Brown

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ward-winning adult entertainer talks about the “ins & outs” of XXX movies and comedy. Wesley brings his own celebrated hot dog and buns to Sausage Fest to perform. Stand-up comedy, that is.

ION: Did you get your porn name from the Christian youth camp in Tennessee?

Wesley Woods: Yes! “Camp Wesley Woods!” I did a Google search just to see if there was a porn star by that name ... turned out it was a church camp and I figured that was a sign from God! (And a star was born!) I’d love to do a Google search and find an image of me at work—in a circle jerk, and next to my image one of the church camp in a prayer circle. Goals.

ION: Is gay porn funny and is stand-up sexy?

WW: Yes. And, thus is life. Once I threw-up on a man’s cock on set while filming—neither the crew nor the guy knew. I swallowed, because I’m professional—The Grabby’s 2017 “Performer of the Year” kind of professional. My parents are proud— dad always wanted my brothers and me to be the best—I’ve gotten good at things involving a penis/butthole combo.

ION: What makes you more nervous: being filmed performing in a gang-bang or going on stage doing stand-up?

WW: I had plenty of gang-bangs before porn; having it filmed allowed me to call it a job. Work is work—you have a daily work routine, same for me. Some days I put mouthwash on a baby wipe and wipe my asshole for a minty taste, (Y’all are welcome, coworkers) and some days can be pretty

shitty ... if you don’t don’t get that joke, you’ve never done anal.

But I always know there’s a dick involved. In stand-up we sometimes call that a “heckler.” At the office, maybe her name is Debbie, Deb or Debra. Learn to roll with the donkey punches that life throws at you.

ION: What’s your favorite part about doing stand-up?

WW: Stand-up allows me to feel as though I’m truly occupying space.

I’m able to get up, say what I want.

It’s freeing to go in there with a room of people. Laughing is contagious.

Sharing laughter is satisfying for everyone.

ION: What can everyone at Sausage Fest expect when you take the stage?

WW: I talk porn, sex, drugs, jail and my early life. Sluts are encouraged to attend! I say wear it like a badge of honor! Keep it classy!

Wesley brings plenty of wood to Sausage Fest on October 14th along with XXX queen and comedian Sylvia Saige.

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Glenn Douglas Packard introduces a new kind of horror film with

Pitchfork

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ou probably remember Glenn Douglas Packard costarring in the VH1 reality show, Brooke Knows Best (2008-09) as Brooke Hogan’s fun-loving, gay best friend.

He’s also an Emmy Award nominated choreographer and was one of ION Arizona’s favorite hosts for Splash Bash 2009.

Halloween means scary movies. As a horror movie maven, Glenn made Pitchfork, a slasher film released earlier this year, but it has a twist: the hero is gay. We spoke with Glenn about gay, gory movie making.

“Pitchfork is an indie film I shot with just one camera, a small budget, and a group of talented friends,” Glenn said. “Horror has always been a passion of mine, I made this film to show that you should pursue your passions no matter how big or small— or in this case, no matter how scary!”

Glenn incorporated part of his own story and created a gay lead, a first in horror films.

“The beginning is based on my coming out story. The main character, ‘Hunter,’ is based on me, and his group of friends are all like friends I had.” Glenn remembers, “When I came out to my parents, I brought a group of friends home with me to make everything more comfortable. Coming out of the closet can be scary—so why not give it a horror twist?”

Inspiration can come from unlikely places.

“I came up with the idea for my monster from Oprah Winfrey!”

Glenn laughs. “I was watching an episode about a young man who was abused as child by his parents. He went on to recover, write a book, and inspire people who’d gone through child abuse. I thought to myself, ‘What would have happened if he cracked and went to a dark place?’

The result is a complicated creation, like most twisted freaks in the movies.

“He’s a lost, little boy trapped inside a monster. The real monsters are his parents, Ma and Pa Holister,” Glenn reveals.

“Being a child of the 80’s growing up with Jason, Michael, and Freddy along with my X-Men comic books, I came up with the look of my slasher as a cross between Wolverine and Freddy.” A new monster was born.

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Does Glenn ever have nightmares?

that audiences can expect more terror from Pitchfork.

“Pitchfork is an introduction to the character and tapping into the relationships between kids and their parents. There will be a Pitchfork 2, and it will be bigger and bloodier,” Glenn promises.

“In Part 2 he knows who he is now, and becomes all feral.”

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“Oh, I have nightmares, but I turn them into big dreams— that’s the only way to live!” he laughs.

Pitchfork is available at Red Box, Family Video, Walmart and VOD at Amazon, iTunes, & OnDemand. Purchase the special director’s cut DVD on Amazon, it’s loaded with hours of extras like Behind the Scenes, Making of the Monster, Bloopers, Deleted Scenes, Actors Audition Tapes and more.

PitchforkFilm.com

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Shades & Specters The Woman In Black

Terrifies Audiences at the Playhouse on the Park this Halloween Season

Photos: Reg Madison Photography

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G reet All Hallow’s Eve with a bit of delicious and disturbing theatrical

terror. October 31 through November 5, Davisson Entertainment presents The Woman in Black at the Playhouse on the Park in Phoenix. An eerie, Victorian spine-tingler, The Woman in Black is a brilliant exercise in atmosphere and controlled horror and proof that a neglected genre, the ghost story, isn’t dead after all.

A thrilling adaptation of Susan Hill’s horror novella, the play is set on a lonely English moor, near an isolated marsh cut off from the mainland at high tide. A traumatized man recruits an actor to help him exorcise the ghost of the Woman in Black. The two men perform the story about an upand-coming young solicitor, Arthur Kipps, who attends the funeral of Mrs. Alice Drablow where he sees a young woman with a wasted face, dressed all in black, standing in the churchyard.

Obsessed with a curse that the specter has cast over him and his family, Kipps moves in to settle the estate of the departed Mrs. Drablow at the spooky Eel Marsh House. As he sorts through her papers, he finds a box of letters, ultimately discovering the dreadful secret

of the Woman in Black. As routine formalities give way to a tumble of events and secrets more sinister and terrifying than any nightmare, it’s at Kipps’ own terrible cost. The suspense builds until the ghost’s macabre secret is finally revealed as Kipps reaches into his darkest memories, caught up in a world of horror.

The Woman in Black is adapted for the stage by Stephen Mallatratt.

It is directed by Elaine “E.E.” Moe and produced by Davisson Entertainment. The show stars Valley favorites David Dickinson and Greg Lutz.

The Woman in Black opens on Halloween night, October 31 and runs through November 5.

Evening performances are October 31-November 4 at 8 p.m., and matinee performances are November 4 & 5 at 3 p.m. General admission tickets are $19 for youth ages 17 and under and $29 for adults. VIP reserved seating tickets are $39 for youth and $49 for adults and include special perks (call for details). Group ticket prices and senior rates are available through the box office. To purchase tickets, call the box office at 602-734-5734 or visit DavissonEntertainment.com.

The show is recommended for ages 13 and over.

The Playhouse on the Park is located inside the BMO Building at 1850 N. Central Ave. in Phoenix.

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Fall Sports at Los Diablo’s Hey, sports fans! Get off your couch!

Join your friends at Los Diablos for the pro baseball and NCAA playoffs and championships, plus NFL football! on nine televisions! Don’t miss out on their Tailgate Parties every Sunday with patio specials.

Grand Opening of Stacy’s @ Palm Springs Palm Springs! Playground to the Stars! Motor on over to the resort town in Coachella Valley and whet your whistle at Stacy Louis’s new watering hole! Don’t miss the Grand Opening on October 6-8. 220 E. Arenas Rd. StacysPS. com or see ad on p. 9

The Crypt It’s Fright Night! Visit three haunts, one location The Asylum, the Chaos Maze and The Crypt in the old Fiesta Mall Parking lot at US 60 and Alma School Rd and Southern Ave. in creepy Mesa, Arizona! Now through October 31. Visit HauntedAZ.com if you dare! Get your coupon with the ad p. 53

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AIDS Walks & Rainbows Festival Get your good deed on, and celebrate, too!

Rainbows Festival: October 21 & 22 at Heritage Square, 7th St. & Monroe St. in Phoenix. For a full list of events check out the ad on pp. 56-57 AIDS Walk Phoenix: AIDS Walk Phoenix: Sunday, October 22 kicks off at 3rd Ave. & Washington 7 a.m. See ad on p. 84 AIDS Walk Tucson: Sunday, October 15 stepping off at the Valdez Main Library. Go to AIDSWalkTucson.SAAF.org

Rocky Horror Party Give yourself over to absolute pleasure! Let your inner sweet transvestite out and brush up on your “Time Warp” skills, because you’ll need ‘em for this wild party celebrating RHPS. This isn’t the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad!

Wednesday, October 25 at 10:15 p.m. and hosted by Nevaeh at Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. See ad. p. 35

OCTOBER 2017 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT Daily $6 Top Call & Shelf Sun. Tailgate Parties Weds. Bear-E-Oke Thurs Beautiful Losers Comedy Show Thurs.

Underwear Night 13 Witch’s Ball 13 Leather Blackout 14 Sausage Fest 14 Sausage Fest After Party 14 AZ Mr. Leather Club Night 15 AIDS Walk Tucson 20-21 Unofficial After Rainbows Bash 21 Blackout Party 21 The Fire Ball Demon Party 21-22 Bear Weekend 25 Rocky Horror Picture Show Party 26 Comedy Triage 26-11/2 Fright Nights 27 Movie Night w/ IGNITE 28 Silver Halloween Block Party 28 Halloween Costume Contest 28 Halloweenie Costume Contest 28-31 Halloween Weekend 29 Halloween Party 31 Scaryoke 31 ExorSIS NOVEMBER 4 Open-Minded Wedding Expo

LOCATION OZ Bar Los Diablos Bunkhouse Plazma Bunkhouse The Rock Charlie’s Wyndham Midtown Stacy’s @ Melrose The Anvil Valdez Main Library Dick’s Cabaret The Anvil Charlie’s FlexSpas Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Karamba Parsons Center BS West The Cash Dick’s Cabaret Charlie’s The Anvil Bar1 BS West Hilton Garden Inn

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix

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Kennedy Davenport “New York ... LaGuardia ... Kennedy.” RuPaul’s Drag Race season 7 featured this formidable queen who finished in the Number 4 slot. Famous for her dance and lip-synch skills, this is a show you won’t want to miss, squirrelfriends! No cover! Meet & Greet and photo opp available for a small fee. Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. See ad on p. 35

OCTOBER 2017 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Thurs 5 Thurs 12 10:00pm Fri 13 10:00pm Fri 13 10:00pm Thurs 19 10:00pm Fri 20 10:00pm Weds 25 Thurs 26 10:00pm Thurs 26 Fri 27 10:00pm Sat 28 9:00pm Sun 29 6:00pm Tues 31 11:00pm Tues 31 Thurs Nov 2 Nov 10-12 Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesdays 11:00pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Thurs 9pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Fri 10:30pm 2nd & 4th Fri 10:30pn Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st Sunday 2:00pm 2nd & 4th Sun 2:00pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 7:00pm 3rd Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Karamba Adriana’s Hollywood Show Club Volt FACE Savannah Finale Competition Club Volt Nightmare at 4SomeRevue The Rock Witches Ball Charlie’s Kennedy Davenport Club Volt Guess Who Show: 4 Some Queens Impersonate Each Other Karamba Adriana’s Halloween Ball Club Volt Scream Queens: Raven and India Ferrah Karamba Ruby’s Spook Show The Rock Lady Christians Trailer Trash Revue Halloween Show BS West “Silver” Halloween Block Party Club Volt Employee Turnabout Show followed by Flesh Club Volt Dia de los Muertos Show BS West ExorSISt Turning Evil Into Good Karamba Ruby’s Night of the Dead Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 40th Anniversary Weekend Charlie’s Claudia B & Coco St. James - The Strip Factor Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show Club Volt Valentina’s Cantina with Valentina Knowles Club Volt T Party hosted by Gia DeMilo Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Cruisin’ 7th Camping Out with the Southern Belles Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Charlie’s Coco St. James’ Neon Party Cruisin’ 7th Olivia’s Garden Party Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles Los Diablos Friday Mass with Aimee V Justice Club Volt 4Some Revue with Miley, Gia, Piper & Luna The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Club Vlt Volt Vixxxens with Naomi St. James & Mia Adams Cruisin’ 7th Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Cruisin’ 7th Excuse Our Beauty Revue Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ for a Cause Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends BS West The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show Cruisin’ 7th The Morning After with Trixxie Deluxxe October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA), Mr. Prime Beef, AZ Men & Phoenix Boys of Leather, PRIT (bowling tournament), Sausage Fest and many other events and programs are sponsored by FlexSpas Phoenix.

Keep It Clean with FlexSpas Phoenix Imagine a clean, friendly, safe facility where you can swim in a sparkling saltwater pool, take a sauna or steam bath, relax in a jacuzzi, work out, rest, and—well, sure—a little hanky-panky might happen, too, if you’re in the mood.

Think you know everything about FlexSpas Phoenix? If you’ve never been, or if it’s been a while, you’d be surprised.

Over the past year FlexSpas Phoenix has been involved in the community like never before. FlexSpas is big supporter of the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS, donating several thousand dollars annually. The IGNITE team comes to FlexSpas every Monday for free HIV testing while Native Health tests members and guests every Sunday.

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Jesse Balthazar, Regional Manager, works hard keeping the discreet gentlemen’s private gym and spa respectable. And it is. “I’m a firm believer in giving back to the community. It’s important, and it’s the right thing to do,” he said. “This is your facility.”

The crew works hard keeping FlexSpas Phoenix ship-shape. “My staff is the best in the business. They go beyond what is asked of them. Having their support is the greatest,” Balthazar pointed out.

FlexSpas Phoenix provides free condoms for guests. A supply of refreshments and erotic pleasure products are available for purchase.

Special events, like the Leather Run Weekend, their Sunday Barbecue and appearances by gay adult film stars keep patrons coming back for more.

“We have rules and standards,” Balthazar pointed out. “As long as our guests abide by them, they have the best time!”

Check out FlexSpas.com for more information.

Phoenix Pride is Looking for Artists

Pets in the City Model Call

Calling all artists! Would you like your artwork to be featured on all of Phoenix Pride’s marketing next year?

This is your chance to be an ION Arizona model! November is our annual “Pets in the City” feature. Have your portrait taken with your dog, cat, snake, parakeet, hamster, lizard or any creature who makes your life special.

The first place winner will have their theme and banner used for all main events in 2018 hosted by Phoenix Pride for the entire year, including all publications, advertisements and other marketing uses. If you win, your artwork and designs will be showcased in the Phoenix Pride Festival 2018, the Phoenix Pride Parade, Rainbows Festival and the Community Spirit Awards Ceremony.

All artwork will be stamped with the artist’s name, plus you’ll also get VIP tickets to Phoenix Pride and a complimentary booth in the Arts Expo at Phoenix Pride.

Readers who’ve never been part of this feature before will be selected in a random drawing. If you’re picked, we request a donation of $25 we’ll donate to the Joshua Tree Pet Feeding Program.

Send a snapshot of you and your pet friend along with your names and contact information to IONArizona@me.com. No Tyrannosaurus rex, please. They bite.

Are you an artist? Do you have the creative touch? Visit ArtistsCall.org for information and details.

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ONE N TEN RIBBON CUTTING

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PARSONS CENTER

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Meet Me At the Fair!

W

here else can you eat all kinds of food on a stick, play WhackA-Mole, ride the Zipper and play with baby goats? The Arizona State Fair! Not only that, you’ll see some of the best music performed in the Veterans Memorial Coliseum. Another bonus: fair admission is included with your ticket! All shows start at 7 p.m. except for Forever In Your Mind for the Tween set.

Not only that, mark your calendars, because for the first time ever, Friday, October 27 is Gay Day at the fair, sponsored by One Community, Lyft and I Heart Radio.

Here’s a schedule of concerts highlighting some of our favorites ...

DNCE Not only did they win “Best New Artist” at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards, we love ‘em because they performed with Bonnie Tyler singing, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” during the solar eclipse this past August and tore it up with veteran rocker Rod Stewart with a recording of “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.”

(We do.) Well, all that and hairy Joe Jonas makes us wet our pants. We’ll be there squealing on Sunday, October 8. There’s more at DNCE.com

Marilyn Manson You don’t have to be one of the beautiful people to like this Antichrist Superstar. Hey, he might be the person your mother warned you about, but he was married to Dita Von Teese. Can you say that? The Dope Show happens Thursday, October 26.

2017 ION STATE FAIR CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST GENRE 6 Gary Allan Country 7 CAKE Alternative Rock 8 DNCE American Dance/Pop 11 Billy Currington Country 12 Halestorm Hard Rock 13 Fiesta Friday - Two decades of hits with

Baby Bash, Brown Boy, MC Magic, Lil Rob 14 The Gin Blossoms 90s Alt Pop 15 Jake Miller Country

19 Randy Houser Country 20 Café Tacvba Mexican Alt-Rock 21 Snoop Dogg Rap 22 Forever in Your Mind Disney Boy Band 25 Our Lady Peace Rock 26 Marilyn Manson Rock 27 Rick Springfield 80s Rock Legend 28 Old School Jam Brenda K. Starr, Club Nouveau, Dazz Band, Sugar Hill Gang, Midnight Star

It all happens at the Arizona State Fairgrounds, 1826 W. McDowell Rd. at 19th Ave. in Phoenix.

Visit AZStateFair.com for information about Deal Days, unlimited ride wristbands and more.

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Harry Styles with MUNA The mop-topped pop bad boy from One Direction (and one of Taylor Swift’s many exes—yep. She wrote a song about him, too.) is out on his own! Catch him with the queer allgirl electronic pop band, MUNA, on Saturday, October 14 at Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

The Lost Lake Festival If a giant, outdoor, three-day concert packed with bands and thousands of screaming people are your thing, you’ll love this! See over 40 bands, like Haim, Pixies, Chance the Rapper, Ludacris, The Killers, & even 80s throwback Huey Lewis & the News, October 20-22 at Steele Indian School Park, on Central Ave & Indian School Rd. in Phoenix. Get your tix at LostLakeFestival.com or call 800-840-9227

Bruno Mars The solid gold Bruno is globetrotting with the 24K Magic World Tour. So get ready to “Versace on the Floor” with him on Sunday, November 5 at the Talking Stick Resort Arena on 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Get your golden ticket at TicketMaster. com or call 800-745-3000. Call us and let us know exactly what “Versace on the Floor” means. We have no idea.

OCTOBER 2017 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 3 The Shins 4 Father John Misty 7 Old School Block Party 8 Scorpions & Megadeth 13 KC & Sunshine Band 14 Harry Styles & MUNA 14 Macklemore 16 Of Mice & Men 17 Evanescence 18 Red Hot Chili Peppers 20-22 Lost Lake Festival 20 Regina Spektor 20 The English Beat 24 Azealia Banks 25 Regina Spektor 28 Kid Cudi 29 Toby Keith NOVEMBER 5 Bruno Mars

LOCATION PHONE The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 The Orpheum - Phx 800-745-3000 Rawhide - Chandler 800-840-9227 Talking Stick Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 UA Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Steele Ind. School Park - Phx 800-840-9227 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Musical Instrument Museum - Phx 480-478-6000 The Van Buren - Phx 800-745-3000 Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Mesa Amphitheater 480-644-2560 Casino del Sol - Tucson 800-344-9435 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

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VINCE & FRANKLIN’S

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

CRUISE WEDDING

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A Vampire Tale

Witness this erotic, sexy drama performed annually with all the trimmings you expect from Scorpius Dance Theatre. Watch the story of a young woman drawn into the sinister web of the bloodthirsty Vampire King and his minions. A Phoenix Halloween tradition. October 6-24 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For more info visit ScorpiusDance.com and call 602-254-2151 for tickets.

Frankenstein Has No Legs!

Sew together a few felt corpses, get a plastic brain, add lightning, stick your hand inside and there’s gonna be trouble. Mary Shelley’s Gothic monster comes to life in this tale of Victorian morals, ethics and puppets. Don’t miss this fantastical and funny show October 6-28 from All Puppet Players at Playhouse on the Park at 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Lane in Phoenix. For tix call 602-254-2151. AllPuppetPlayers.com

The Edwards Twins

Leave it to these two twintastic performers to bring Elton John, Cher, Lady Gaga, The Divine Miss M. and even la Streisand herself to the stage—all in one star-spangled night! Wednesday, October 18 at the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. in beautiful downtown Mesa. For tickets visit MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500

OCTOBER 2017 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE

EVENT

COMPANY

4-8 Beautiful: Carole King UofA Centennial Hall - Tcsn 5-22 Chapter Two AZ Theatre Co. (PHX) 6-7 Howie Mandel StandUp Live - Phx 6-22 The Woman in Black Mesa Encore Theatre 6-24 Scorpius Dance: A Vampire Tale Phoenix Theatre 6-28 Frankenstein Has No Legs All Puppet Players 12 Whitney Cummings Marquee Theatre - Tempe 12-11/25 Meet Me in St. Louis Hale Ctr. Theatre 13 Chris Tucker Celebrity Theater - Phoenix 13-11/11 Man of La Mancha AZ B’way Theatre 13-28 Three Musketeers SW Shakespeare Theatre 18 The Edwards Twins Mesa Arts Ctr. 20-11/4 Building the Wall iTheatre Collaberative 20-21 David Spade StandUp Live - Phx 21--11/11 The River Bride AZ Theatre Co. (TUC) 27-11/12 Seven Guitars Black Theatre Troupe 31-11/5 Something Rotten!

ASU Gammage 31-11/5 The Woman in Black Playhouse in the Park

PHONE

520-621-3341 602-256-6995 480-719-6100 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 480-829-0607 480-497-1181 602-267-1600 623-776-8400 480-644-6500 480-644-6500 602-258-9481 480-719-6100 520-622-2823 602-258-8129 480-965-3434 602-734-5734

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Future & Past Blade Runner 2049

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Jared Leto The iconic, original Blade Runner (1982) was a stunning blend of science fiction and slick bit of futuristic neo-film noir directed

by Ridley Scott (Alien, 1979). A critical and box office bust at the time, it went on to become hugely influential within the sci-fi film genre. In futuristic (if not wildly inaccurate) 2019 Los Angeles, retired LAPD detective Rick Deckard (Ford, Star Wars franchise) is the “blade runner,” hired to kill rogue replicants, dangerous humanlike androids used in off-world colonization.

Flash forward to 2049: Officer K (Gosling, La La Land) is the new blade runner in futuristic, grim and desolate Los Angeles (which doesn’t remotely resemble the star’s dreamy La La Land of the 2016 musical.) He discovers a long-buried secret that has the potential to plunge the remains of a postapocalyptic Mad Max-like society into chaos. Only one person can help: Rick Deckard, and he hasn’t been seen in 30 years.

IMAX and 3D screenings should wow audiences with the art direction and special effects.

BladeRunnerMovie.com Release date: October 6

Professor Marston and The Wonder Women

Starring: Luke Evans, Rebecca Hall, Bella Heathcote

Behind every successful man you’ll find a woman.

Sometimes two.

The name of Harvard professor William Moulton Marston might not be familiar to superhero aficionados.

But as “Charles Moulton” he’s revered as the creator of heroine “Wonder Woman” who debuted in 1941.The controversial comic book was denounced for its violence, torture and sadomasochism.

Martson (Evans, Beauty and the Beast) had two muses: his wife, Elizabeth (Hall, Iron Man 3) and mistress, Olive Byrne (Heathcote, Fifty Shades), who inspired the creation of astonishing Diana Prince.

Together with these two empowered women, Marston formed a polyamorous relationship. Bisexuality. Lesbianism.

This 20th century Freudian Greek drama is a fascinating, true and emotional story.

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by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Fergie

Double Dutchess

Watching HBO’s Defiant Ones, you discover that it was music impresario Jimmy Iovene’s idea that the somewhat established hip-hop group The Black Eyed Peas add a female element, namely, Stacey Ann Ferguson of the failed girl group Wild Orchid. His intuitive suggestion became reality; the rest is pop music history. Renamed “Fergie,” songs “My Humps,” “Shut Up” and “Don’t Lie” were all teasers leading up to her solo debut, The Dutchess. It was also Iovine’s idea at the time that No Doubt’s Gwen Stefani go solo and Nelly Furtado work with Timbaland. All three moves culminated in the Soundtrack of 2006.

Initially panned, The Dutchess became a sleeper hit with its five hit singles leaving her fans waiting for its follow-up.

Double Dutchess picks up where its predecessor left off, opening with the trap style “Hungry,” featuring Rick Ross.

The beats and lyrics are heavier and more aggressive, most likely because of the absence of former band mate and producer Will.I.Am. “Like It Ain’t Nothin’” precedes the Nicki Minaj collaboration “You Already Know.” The pairing is perfect, topping it with Lyn Collins 1972 hit (much sampled in hip-hop), “Think About It.” Personal songs like “Just Like You,” “A Little Work” and “Save it Till Morning” seem to bring relatability to an artist who was sold as kind of caricature.

“Enchanté” and “Tension” take on experimental house music—a sound that’s surprisingly good for Fergie.

Double Dutchess isn’t double the pleasure or the double the fun, but it was worth the wait. Available Now

Aural Fixation Shania Twain NOW

So you’re the best selling female country artist of all time … as impressive as that is the odds had been stacked against Shania Twain. The breakdown of her longtime marriage with her writing partner plus a battle with Lyme disease left her almost unable to sing.

Shania returns not only as singer, but as sole songwriter and producer on her first album since 2002. This return has her embracing new sounds, mixing electronic music with country. “Poor Me” addresses her ex’s adultery, with Shania sounding as just as comfortable as we’d expect from her cultural progeny, Taylor Swift. There isn’t a moment on NOW that rocks like previous blockbusters “I Feel Like a Woman” or “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” but it’s worth a listen.

Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Björk – “The Gate” St. Vincent – “Los Ageless” The XX – “On Hold” (Jamie XX Remix) Yaeji – “Last Breath” MachineDrum – “1 2 B Needed” feat. R.Gabor” Jessie Ware – “Selfish Love” Ibeyi – “Me Voy” cupkakKe – “Exit” Wavves – “The Lung” Frank Ocean – “Provider October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

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One Sinks.

One Swims.

Gaga: Five Foot Two Baywatch Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra An actiondrama series about bad-ass LA County lifeguards who take their jobs very seriously, and women with large breasts who run in slow motion debuted on NBC in 1989.

It was canceled after one season, then resuscitated for syndication until 2001, becoming one of the most watched TV shows in the world.

Thanks to Baywatch, David Hasselhoff is a huge star in Germany.

This mind-numbing action-comedy reboot of the sun-soaked series gives us a new incarnation of the tan gang.

Lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Johnson, The Fate of the Furies) leads the charge when a drug cartel headed by Victoria Leeds (Chopra, Quantico) threatens to take over the beach.

The flimsy plot doesn’t matter in this water-logged stinker. The talented Efron seems doomed to make one lousy picture after another. (See Neighbors, Dirty Grandpa, Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates if you don’t believe me.)

Worst of all, he rarely ever even takes his shirt off in this disaster at sea.

The meat dress. The magic egg.

Costumes that spurt blood.

Take all of that away. Think you know Lady Gaga? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Stephanie Germanotta strips away the wild fashion and wipes off the makeup in this feature length “selfie.”

Rockumentaries are nothing new since the posthumously produced This is Elvis (1981). Watch Katy Perry: Part of Me, (2012) and Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never (2011) to see them preen for their fans. Amy (2015) is one of the most honest and fascinating.

Gaga is no different, but delivers an honest, matterof-fact maturity they don’t in this “must” for fans.

But “I’m alone every night. And all these people will leave ... and then I’ll be alone.

I go from everyone touching me all day, and talking at me all day, to total silence.” she sobs. Late singer/actor (and gay icon) Judy Garland also suffered from monophobia—the fear of being alone— and kept radios blaring throughout the house. It must come with the territory.

Unlike Madonna’s more raw, groundbreaking Truth or Dare (1991), there are few transitional scenes, no voice over, little explanation or “confessionals,” interviews, nor narrative, leaving viewers with more questions about the enigmatic Gaga.

No wonder Baywatch was a box office bomb. It’s better off in Davy Jones’ locker.

“I can always bring my past with me,” she says. “But I can never go back. You better leave yourself behind.”

Available now.

Available now on Netflix

★☆☆☆☆

★★★☆☆

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I

t’s great to have a variety of different menus and cuisine when you’re dining out. Japanese, Italian, Mediterranean, Chinese—even Bélizean—and, of course, lots of Mexican. (Surprisingly very little French.) But lots of times you find yourself wanting something familiar that’s not too fussy, but with a little twist to it.

The newly opened bistro 2601 On Central fired up their ovens and threw open their doors in the space formerly occupied by Corduroy at— coincidentally—2601 North Central Avenue (Pretty clever, huh?) and Virginia.

The menu? “Down home food—done really well—no matter where your home is,” says manager Jenny Moreland.

She should know: she’s worked in restaurants since she was 12-years-old, the dining cars of the Grand Canyon Railroad, and she attended Culinary School where she specialized in pastry.

(You probably recognize Jenny as the friendly bar manager at The Cash, under the same ownership. She also competed in “Dancing for one•n•ten” this year.

No, she’s not busy at all.)

“We have a cross-country menu, a little bit of New York City, the South, the Southwest, West Coast and Midwest,” Jen points out. Chef Mariel

2601: Bistro Fabuloso!

Ocegueda is the kitchen’s mastermind.

A few tantalizing dishes crossed over from south of the border here and there.

(They also have Street Tacos! Shhh!

Don’t tell The Donald!) We started with the Dip Trio with House Guacamole served with housemade blue corn tortilla chips, plus a fantastic Sour Cream Dip punched up with green onion and bacon served with kettle potato chips, and garlicky Hummus with fried pita bread. $14.

Get a taste from the “Land of Enchantment” with the Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich. You’ll get a tender, grilled breast topped with thick cut bacon, pepper jack cheese, sliced, fresh avocado, lettuce, tomato, onion and housemade garlic aioli on a ciabatta bun for $11.50.

One of America’s favorite salads came from Hollywood’s famous Brown Derby restaurant in the 1930s. It gets a spicy kick in the pants here as the Southwest Cobb Salad, a mix of romaine, kale and mixed

greens topped with thick-cut crumbled bacon, hard boiled eggs, mozzarella, roasted corn, diced tomato,fresh jalapeño pepper all tossed with creamy, housemade ranch dressing. $10. Feel free to add steak, chicken or salmon for a small upcharge.

I’m not sure what kind of macaroni and cheese you had growing up, but I’m willing to bet that it can’t hold a candle to this. They’re not kidding when they promise that this is Not Yo Mama’s Mac & Cheese. You’ll get a generous bed of cavatappi pasta (a hollow corkscrew shape) tossed in “the cheesiest of sauces” with sharp white Cheddar, American and pepper jack. It’s even richer thanks to a bit of heavy cream and a touch of truffle oil. Finally, it gets a little extra “oomph” thanks roasted

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poblano peppers to finish the body of the dish. But wait!

There’s more!

It’s topped with parmesan, bacon and parsley, then baked until golden and delicious for only $14. Add chicken, steak or salmon filet for an additional fee.

More house specialties include: a Meat Loaf that would make your mom jealous, Spaghetti & Meatballs, a Roasted HalfChicken, and a New York Strip Steak.

What could be more All-American than Jen’s Juicy Stuffed Bacon Cheeseburger? But wait ... the patty is a special house blend of ground beef with chorizo giving it a little extra “Olé!” to perk it up. It’s stuffed with chopped bacon plus a mix of shredded yellow and sharp white Cheddar cheese and topped a slice of aged Swiss. It’s nestled between a buttery, soft brioche bun with garlic aioli and all the traditional fixins.

Sautéed mushrooms with onions or avocado make it pop for just a couple dollars more.

More sandwiches, like a BLT, Meatloaf,

Vegetarian and the venerable Philly Cheesesteak make choosing a challenge. You can’t go wrong with any of them.

A variety of sides, like roasted Brussels Sprouts with truffle oil are sure welcome, but we’re really excited about the Elotes, roasted corn on the cob served Mexican style, with mayonnaise, cotija cheese and chili seasoning.

Don’t forget dessert! Jen whips up a magical Boston Cream Pie that’s enough to make the folks in Beantown jealous. Can’t decide? Sharing? Get a Cross Country Flight for $13: Southern Peach Cobbler, a mini-apple pie and New York Cheescake.

Celebrate a special occasion—like, say, a Monday—with your friends at 2601 On Central with their unique craft cocktails. Don’t miss out on the Mimosas. Sparkling wine is served with

their house made infused syrups: Ginger Peach, Cranberry Almond, BlackberryHuckleberry. $12 for a flight.

Don’t miss Weekend Brunch. (Here’s a hot tip: we hear they make Brioche French Toast ... using cake batter. We’re dying to try it! Huevos Rancheros, Eggs Benedict, Loaded Breakfast ‘Taters and lots more breakfasty goodness!)

Check out 2601 On Central. You’ll find them right on ... well, you know where they are.

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For decades America has been devoted

to celebrities and pop culture. The stars of the stage at BS West drew inspiration from some of the great legends of the silver screen, TV and music in this tribute.

“Pop!” goes the world -- on display at the BS West Halloween Show “Silver” Block Party on Saturday, October 28th!

Photos by Scotty Kirby Text by Deon Brown

The 2000’s

Naomi St. James & Coco St. James “The Simple Life” What happens when society girls and party princesses are forced to live like common folk and do chores? Ask Naomi and Coco on a Tuesday night when they co-host “Stars Choice” at 9 p.m. That’s hot!

The 2000’s

Aimee V. Justice -“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” “Pretty comes in all different sizes. My size is ‘cute.’” Aimee is that adorable toddler in a tiara cohosting Drag Queen Bingo every Monday at 9:30 p.m. and wrangling the Wild Men of the West every Thursday night at 10 p.m.

No ‘sketti dinner. Sorry.

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The 2000’s

Mya & Lezbein McKenzie -“The Devil Wears Prada “I said to myself, ‘Go ahead. Take a chance.

Hire the smart, fat girl.’”

Miranda Priestly saw a great deal of herself in her lovely assistant, Andrea. Catch the groundbreaking Mya with her costars and DJ Lezbein at “Elements” every Friday at 10:30 p.m.

“Everybody wants to be us.”

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The 1990’s

Kendra Kouture, Adriana Galliano, Eva Angelica Stratton, Naomi St. James, -- “Sex and the City” Put on a pair of Manolo Blahniks, grab a Magnolia cupcake, and gossip! Who’s the Miranda, who’s the Charlotte, who’s the Samantha, and who’s the Carrie? While you’re deciding who you are, come see these girls perform at BS West.

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The 1990’s

Adriana Galliano, Eva Angelica Stratton & Saellah V. -- “Clueless” Everything is a popularity contest for Cher, Dionne and Tai. You’ll find Saellah, Adrianna and Eva at BS West every Friday night at 10:30 pm for “Elements” (when they’re not at the mall.)

Wild Men of the West “Boy Band Fever” The endless harmonies of boy bands packed the airwaves *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, O-Town, New Kids On The Block, Boyz 2 Men ... We said, “Bye, Bye, Bye” to a lot of them, but there will always be a boy band to crush on. Everyone’s crazy about the Wild Men of the West, grinding on stage every Thursday night with Aimee Justice as the hostess.

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The 1990’s

Coco St. James in Madonnna’s ‘Vogue’ The Material Girl shocked and astonished the world with one of the best performances ever on the MTV Video Awards as Marie Antoinette in 1990. Coco St. James shocks and astonishes her audiences, too, every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. for Stars Choice. Come see for yourselves.

The 1990’s

Savannah Stevens as Reba

“Here’s your one chance, Fancy, don’t let me down.” One thing’s for sure, when Savannah brings Reba to BS West, she’ll never let you down.

Savannah proudly served as Miss Gay Arizona America 2016 and is also Miss Arizona Entertainer of the Year, 2009. She brings a zest, warmth and sparkle to the stage that leaves her audiences wanting more.

Savannah has tirelessly given her time performing at variety of fundraisers and Pride events all over the state. A performance by Savannah Stevens is one you won’t forget!

Don’t miss her at BS West.

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The 1980’s

Kendra Kouture as Dolly Parton What a way to make a livin’! Not just from nine-to-five, either. Kendra “busts” out every Monday for Drag Queen Bingo at 9:30 pm with Aimee V. Justice at BS West.

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The 1980’s

Naomi St. James , Mya McKenzie, Mike Fornelli “Dynasty” “Take this junk, and your blonde tramp, and get out of my home!” Naomi and Mya bust up their wigs, put on their shoulder pads and get ready to duke it out as only Alexis and Krystle can while kingpin Mike plays referee as “Blake Carrington.”

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The 1980’s

Mya and Lezbein McKenzie “Mommie Dearest” “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the dirt!”

Joan Crawford knew how to show a little bit of motherly love for daughter, Christina. One wire hanger at a time.

Mya and Lezbein put on a show every Friday night at “Elements” at 10:30 p.m.

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The 1970’s

Kiki Andrews as Foxy Brown She’s a whole lotta woman!

Blaxploitation film vigilante Foxy Brown is brown sugar and spice, but if you don’t treat her nice, she’ll put you on ice! “You handle justice, and I’ll handle the revenge myself!”

Kiki keeps it real every Wednesday and Saturday night with 2-4-1 drinks.

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The 1970’s

(80’s 90’s, 00’s 10’s &?)

Savannah Stevens as Cher She’s not a gypsy, tramp or thief ... she’s Savannah Stevens! There’s never a “Farewell Performance” for her at “Elements,” every Friday at 10:30 p.m.

Find out about “Life on Mars.”

“Saturday Night’s Alright for Fightin’” in some places, but not at BS West. “Can’t You Feel the Love Tonight?” with Saturday night DJ Harley Noir and co-owner Rob Salvato mingling with guests?

Eva, Adriana, Saellah V.

“Charlie’s Angels” “Hello, Angels. Time to work.”

Kelly, Jill and Sabrina get ready to fight crime. They pull double-duty as showgirls at BS West every Friday night for “Elements.”

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Harley Noir & Rob Salvato as David Bowie & Elton John

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The 1960’s

Coco St. James as Tippi Hedren in “The Birds “I keep telling you, this isn’t ‘a few birds!’”

Coco channels the sophisticated Tippi Hedren as “Melanie Daniels” from the 1963 Hitchcock ornithological thriller.

Don’t run to a phone booth. Catch her every Tuesday night when she co-hosts “Stars Choice” at 9 p.m.

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The 1960’s

Sizzel Lamour as

Holly Golightly

“A girl doesn’t read this sort of thing without her lipstick.”

Sizzel Lamour always reads ION Arizona while she nibbles on a croissant and sips a cup of coffee every morning while admiring jewels during Breakfast at Tiffany’s. You can admire Sizzel on Tuesday nights when she coaches aspiring queens for “Stars Choice” at 9 p.m.

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Aimee V Justice & the Wild Men of the West “Hairspray”

“Good morning, Baltimore!”

Or Scottsdale. Aimee is Tracy Turnblad, a “bad, bad girl who needs to be punished!” She gets crazy with the Wild Men of the West for “Xposed” every Thursday night at 10 p.m. “People who are different, their time is coming!”

The 1960’s

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Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Anvil Halloween Party

Los Diablos Taco Tuesday (W)

Dick’s Cabaret Amateur Night (W)

Charlie’s Skary-Oke (W)

OZ BAR Poker (W)

BS West ExorSISt

Los Diablos Horror Trivia

31 Halloween

24

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Club Volt Valentina’s Cantina (W)

17

BS WEST Stars Choice (W)

The Cash Dance Lessons with Chandelle (W)

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3

TUESDAY

Charlie’s Rocky Horror Party

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Bar 1 2-4-1 Everything (W)

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

AZ State Fair Marilyn Manson

Club Volt India Ferrah & Raven

OZ Bar Karaoke (W)

2

Charlie’s Kennedy Davenport BS WEST X-Posed with WMW (W)

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The Cash Truth or Dare Drag Bingo (W)

Club Volt FACE Savannah Finale

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Bar 1 2-4-1 Everything (W)

Plazma Beautiful Losers Comedy Show

5

THURSDAY

Karamba Dia de los Muertos

NOV 1

Karamba Adriana’s Halloween Ball

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The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

The Cash Karaoke with Devin (W)

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Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Wild Men of the West (W)

Club Volt T Party with Gia DeMilo (W)

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WEDNESDAY

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Karamba Karaoke Calavera Night

30

Bunkhouse Halloween Contest

OZ BAR Poker (W)

Club Volt FLESH (W)

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BS WEST Drag Queen Bingo

Plazma NFL Sunday Funday /Free Pool (W)

23

The Rock Karaoke with Jae (W)

The Rock The Men of Filmore (W)

22 Rainbows Festival

Bar 1 Beer Bust (W)

Los Diablos Sunday Ticket Tailgate Parties (W)

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OZ Bar Poker (W)

AZ State Fair DNCE

15

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Plazma NFL Sunday Funday /Free Pool (W)

9

The Rock Karaoke with Jae (W)

Club Volt FLESH (W)

8

BS WEST Drag Queen Bingo

2

MONDAY

Los Diablos Sunday Ticket Tailgate Parties (W)

1

SUNDAY

The Rock Bearracuda

3 BS WEST ELEMENTS Drag Show (W)

The Cash Sistahs Too

Parsons Center Drama Rama

The Rock Lady Christian’s Costume Contest

27

Dick’s Cabaret unOfficial Rainbows Bash

20

Club Volt Nightmare at 4Some

Charlie’s Leather Blackout

Los Diablos Friday Mass (W)

Stacy’s Palm Springs Grand Opening Weekend

13

6

FRIDAY

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

Hilton Garden Inn Open Minded Wedding Expo

4

BS West Halloween Block Party The Cash Halloween Contest & Band

28

The Rock Karaoke with Tunsa (W)

The Flex BEAR WEEKEND

21 Rainbows Festival

Stacy’s @ Merlose Sausage Fest After Party

Wyndham Garden Sausage Fest

Club Volt Volt Vixxxens (W)

Anvil Leather Rummage Sale

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DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys

$12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cocktails 2-7pm KARAOKE

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 ABSOLUT All Night

2-4-1 All Day/All Night Go-Go Boys, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 Miller - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Miller Products

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Bud Products

Happy Hour All Day JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7pm

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid

2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm $3 Absolut/Barcardi Flavors 10-Mid

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl

NEW Club Volt

4SOME REVUE 10pm $30 Champagne $4 4Some Cock.

VOLT VIXXXENS 10pm HH 4-8pm $1 Dom. $2 Well

WMW’s FLESH 10pm HH Two for One 12-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Olivia & Nikki 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7-9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Finally Friday HH 3pm-7pm Reverse HH 10p-Close

HH 12pm-Close $5 Dom Pitchers $7 LIT&AMF Pitchers

Oz Bar

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 2p-6p Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Beer Bust until 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch KARAOKE 8pm-Cl 2-4-1 $3 Shots

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

2-4-1 11am-7pm KARAOKE 9pm Barbra Seville Show10pm

$2 Miller & Bud Light All Day Wild Men of the West 10pm

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

Sunday Funday $3 Mimosas DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock & Well

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ

Karamba Los Diablos

The Rock Stacy’s

Br

W

Brunch 10am-2pm KARAOKE 2pm-6pm $4.50 Mimosas, $7 LI / AMF / Marg Pitchers

Br

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 TUESDAY 8pm-close Well Vodka & Miller High Life

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

MONDAY BEER BUST $1 Bud Light Draft 7pm-close

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 HUGE Long Island Ice Tea

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

Drag Bingo with Kendra & Aimee 1/2 Price Drinks

Stars Choice Show 9:30pm $3 Coors Light / $5 3 Olives Vodka

2-4-1 All Day / All Night Go-Go Boys - A Valley Tradition VIP

WMW X-Posed 10pm with Aimee $3 Miller Lite / $6 Titos

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 8am-2pm | $4.50 Fireball( All Day) KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm Underwear Night WMW $1 Off

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm Dance Lessons 7:30pm

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm KARAOKE 2-4-1 Well 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl Half off with your Pants Off $3 J.D.

2-4-1 Cocktail / Beer 8pm-Close

$3 Pitcher / $3 Absolut 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

CLOSED MONDAY HH Tues-Sat$1 Dom. $2 Well

VALENTINA’S CANTINA 2-4-1 Well / $4 Mex Imports

T-Party Trans Go-Go Dancers HH 4-8pm $1 Dom. $2 Well 4-8p

$1 DRINKS THURSDAYS Drafts and Cocktails

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Comedy Night 9pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

$5 Cover!

With coupon on our website

$5 Big Signature Margaritas

$5 All Classic Martinis

$2 OFF Glasses of Wine 50% OFF Bottles

$5 G-Spots, O-Spots, B-Spots & A-Spots

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Cumbia Night Savannah Show $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Salsa Nights $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays Ruby Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

HH 3pm -Close $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

Taco & Tequila Tuesdays $5 Patron & Margs $4 Dos Equis

HH 3pm-7pm KARAOKE 7pm-Cl All Drinks Buy 1 get 1 for $1 7-Cl

HH 3pm-7pm $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Close

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl Poker 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl Poker 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm 8pm-Close $3 Well & Domestic

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day

HH All Day SONGO 6-9pm $5 Martinis All Day

2-4-1 All Day Live DJ

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock 4-mid / Well 8-mid

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Br

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Taco & Tequi

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

Br

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Br

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2017

PHOENIX Address

1. 2601 on Central

Phone

2601 N. Central Ave.

Coming Soon!

2. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

3. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

4. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

5. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

6. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

7. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

8. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

9. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-9943

10. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

11. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

12. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

13. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

14. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

15. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

16. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

17. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

18. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 267-9959

20. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

(602) 242-5114

x

21. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

22. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

23. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

25. Hotel Congress 26. IBTs

Phone

311 E Congress St., Tucson x

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(602) 264-1700

x

(520) 622-8848 (520) 882-3053

October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 117

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STD’S ARE ON THE RISE. Adult Film Star Dylan Knight

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Problems come in all shapes and sizes. They also come in various forms in the animal kingdom. Hunties, this installment of Favorite Bitch® has gone to the dogs ... so to speak. These folks should’ve called a veterinarian and left my ass outta this bullshit!

Dear Miss Tiger, Our Yorkies lay on the bed and watch us have sex. Is it messed up that our dogs are voyeurs or that we’re too lazy to throw them off the bed?

— Gay Couple Problems Dear Try Getting A Goldfish, Of course the dogs are gonna gather ‘round the bed … y’all are actin’ like canines your own damn selves: hiking legs, licking balls and moaning like wounded Basset Hounds.

P.S. Your mattress is not a kennel. Throw those mutts a Milk Bone and close your damn door!

Dear Miss Tiger, I’m tricking with this older dude who’s obsessed with eating me out. He sticks his tongue in and out so damn fast that it reminds me of a frog and I start laughing. He yells about being disrespected and says maybe I should go back to being a lesbian. What do you think?

— Tanisha Dear Guess Those Greasy Bottles Of Spanish Fly Really Do Work!

Girl, I got women writing me about how their man won’t go down on them.

They’d be more than happy to pull a Miss Piggy and let Kermit do his thang. NEXT!

Dear Miss Tiger, My brother Calvin is only 18. He’s been having sex with a cow next door in her late 60s. Should I tell our parents?

— Anitra Dear At Least A Pimple Faced Teenager Ain’t Sittin’ On Your Porch Talkin’ About How Calvin Didn’t Use A Rubber And Now She’s Knocked Up, Looks like your parents forgot to mention something when they taught Calvin about the birds and the bees—they didn’t warn him about the dirty old buzzards!

Dear Miss Tiger, My friend wears stretch denim so tight that she ends up with camel toe. She’s big boned so it’s very noticeable. What I should tell her?

— Vicky Dear Fuck The Camel Toe ... She’s Serving Baby Calf Realness, Tell her the only acceptable PDP is at a gynecologist office. And by the sounds of her wardrobe, she may wanna make an appointment ASAP. Need advice? Write, Tweet or Instagram me and get the answers you’ve been looking for! Favorite Bitch® serves up an extra helping of good ol’ fashioned advice for an ultra modern world!

Miss Tiger

Advice Columnist • Radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter/Instagram MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com October 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 125

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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2017

by Addison DeWitt

Okay, darlings.

I’m giving you all a chance. (And there’s a pretty good chance you’ll win!) It’s “National Boyfriend Day” on October 3.

But I’m giving you ‘til the end of the month to make me your boyfriend! Even for a few hours. I’ll spring for breakfast. Wait. No, you will.

A

Some of you have boyfriends. Like that scandalously delish Devon Norris. (A) He went to the annual scandal-fest known as the Folsom Street Fair in Sodom-by-the-Bay (that’s San Francisco, in case you didn’t know). He looks a little risqué showing plenty of skin.

No wonder he has a boyfriend.

ION’s sexy, slinky, inky cover model for August, Jayyvon Monroe, (B) isn’t my boyfriend (but I secretly wish he was!) Or even my girlfriend.

As “Dahli” (C) Jayyvon will compete for valuable cash prizes (hopefully!) when the Boulet

B C

D

E

Brothers present Dragula: Search for the World’s Next Drag Supermonster season 2. Let’s just say that if you love RuPaul’s Drag Race, well, you’ll crap your pantyhose when you see what these queens dish out.

You can catch the competition on the “World of Wonder” channel on YouTube every Tuesday night starting on October 31.

But wait!

There’s more!

Jayyvon (who really isn’t my boyfriend, remember.

Dammit.) is releasing a fabulous music EP this month called, “Notorious P.I.G.” (D) available at Jayyvon. myshopify.com and, no. I didn’t get a date with him for this endorsement.

Guess who else is on the short list to be my boyfriend? Shem Eul. (E) I stalk him on Instagram because he posts titillating selfies wearing nothing but a long-staple Egyptian cotton towel (which is extra-fancy!) And, yes. That turns me on, baby. Shem, that is. Well, and the fancy towel. (continued...)

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(continued)

We said, “Fare thee well!” to our pal Todd Wykoff (F) who spent his last night in Phoenix wearing women’s clothing with his friend Tina Tonkin (G) who, curiously, was wearing men’s clothing.

Todd moved back to his native Michigan, where, he promises, he will wear ladies’ fashions full-time because people here can be so judge-y.

F

G

The magical, mystical and wonderful Gina Florio (H) was cosmically transported in a puff of patchouli-scented smoke from her fabled Phoenix front porch to become a Citizen of the World. Well, actually, she’s in sunny Mérida, Mexico. And she has a boyfriend. Lucky!

Send all interested inquiries for National Boyfriend Day (or night) to me in care of this magazine.

Nekkie pix will be moved to the front.

H

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

he Sun is sinking low into the southern sky. As we approach Halloween, the stars, planets spin and the spirit world comes to life.

October 18 signals Mercury’s conjunction with Jupiter. It’s a good time to sign a contract—but don’t make a deal with the Devil. Neptune is in retrograde all month, making it difficult to put on a mask and hide who you really are.

You complete a task bigger than yourself this month, earning tricks and treats. It might be killing a vampire, werewolf or shedding a curse. Or maybe cleaning out a closet. Or your own crypt. Things go “bump” in the night this month! Check our your Horrorscope!

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

A crystal ball reveals which relationships work for you, and which don’t. Practice diplomacy.

It might help when angry villagers threaten to burn down the castle’s laboratory.

Taurus April. 21 - May 20

Everything points to starting a relationship.

It’s time to connect with vibrant, healthy, living mortals, although you’re sensitive to criticism (and light), craving the cool comfort of your dark, comfy coffin. Push yourself!

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Look forward to a month of pleasure. This ranges from reanimating corpses to raiding a mummy’s tomb, metaphorically speaking, of course. You notice a physical transformation— in a good way. Like you had a drink of warm blood. Have fun while you can, because it’s back to grave digging next month.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Business is good. Beware, because the Full Moon on October 5 makes you a little greedy.

That’s okay. There’s plenty of blood to suck out of those virgins’ necks, but make sure the pictures don’t end up on Tumblr.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Busy, busy, busy! You’re involved in everything in your community from grave robbing to exorcising demons. Sociability is keen, because after October 22 you prefer a nice, quiet funeral parlor.

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You’re too attached to material things lately.

Feel like shopping? Don’t. Remember, a shroud has no pockets. Rattling your chains just to show off isn’t helpful. You attract attention with positive energy.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Mars enters Libra on October 22. You’re adept at predicting problems, but be more decisive.

Have a séance to communicate with the Other Side. You’ll learn something about yourself.

Birthday Libras are at their creative peak. Your Halloween costume will rock!

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

As the Sun enters Scorpio, prestige and authority mean everything to you. You’re pushy, but not afraid of getting dirty in the cemetery.

Your birthday reveals a transformation that’s a real “Thriller.”

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Sometimes you want to drive a stake into a few evil hearts. You’ve grown weary of the same ol’ Monster Mash. It’s like a scene from “Mean Ghouls.” (“It’s October 3rd!”) Spend some quiet time in your tomb and recharge.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

“It’s alive! It’s alive!” Reflect on recent career achievements. It’s time to spend some more time in the lab and tighten up those neck bolts to make your monster–I mean, your “Creation”–more well, lifelike. Add some lightning and you’re all set.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You’re friends with a diverse range of creatures: goblins, banshees, specters, ghosts and even the chupacabras all adore you. Step back and take a critical eye to see the total Picture of Dorian Gray you keep in the attic.

Know what I mean? Are you surprised?

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You come face-to-face as you purge old demons rising from the Underworld who plague you. You do much better in the “Undieworld,” if you know what I mean. You scoop up a “fallen angel” for a brief fling. But beware! Don’t let this one linger around too long.