ION Arizona #161

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RAINBOWS FESTIVAL

HERITAGE SQUARE

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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero, .......................................................... (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ......................... (520) 429-5905

ionazsales@me.com

Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Danny Catt Sean Kapera

Paul Tibbles Scotty Kirby Franklin Diaz

National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2014: 19 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2014 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Sign up now for Auditions!

PhoenixMensChorus.org/auditions or call 602-228-5587

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Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

RE-AWAKENING

BS WEST

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DAY OF THE DEAD PARTY

E L E M E N T: 14

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EVOLUTION

HARD ROCK CAFE

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You Made It. Now Make It!

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f you’re reading this and still live in Arizona, congratulations! You survived another summer.

After every summer, lots of people decide to leave this wonderful place to find greener pastures (literally and figuratively). Some find it, some don’t; some go back home and some come back home.

There’s lots of great cities and states in the Union. Some have better weather, some have more culture, some have more to do and see, some have better jobs and some might have a “better” LGBT community. But I’d bet my life savings that we’re not comparing apples to apples. Most states are over 200 years old. Arizona is barely 100 years old and it only started growing in the last 50 years. That’s less than one lifetime.

But ask yourself this: Is their LGBT community growing? Arizona’s is. Do they have beautiful lakes, mountains, snow, palm trees and 300 plus days of sunshine? Arizona does. Is their traffic light, roads smooth and laid out intuitively?

Arizona’s are. Are they a short drive to two awesome ocean beaches, downhill skiing, Palm Springs and Las Vegas? Arizona is.

Are their property taxes low? Arizonans’ are. Is the cost of living affordable?

Arizona’s is. Do they have an awesome LGBT publication? Arizona does!

My point is, yes, the grass might be 14

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greener on the other side. But it’s pretty damn green here (metaphorically speaking, of course.) As my friends in Seattle say, to have the green city you need a lot of money and a lot of rain.

I’ll stick with the sunniest, most affordable, fast growing state, thank you.

There’s so much going on now.

This issue of ION has an interview with sexy internet sensation Jimmy Fowlie, the “weblebrity” from the viral web comedy series, “GoGo Boy, Interrupted.”

This issue is our 6th annual “Pets and the City.”

We feature animal friends including a pig, a chicken and, of course, dogs. It was a crazy and fun photoshoot. Check it out!

My partner Kevin Bushaw, my dog Rocky and I had some fun (pictured above)! Over the course of Rainbows Festival Weekend, and all through our Pets photo shoot, we took donations for Arizona Animal Welfare League. We raised $850 dollars for the organization. Check them out at AAWL.org Arizona is a great place to live but we still have a lot of growing up to do. After all, we’re just a baby. And with every baby, it needs a lot of nurturing and you have to be patient. Are you up to the challenge?

Let’s make it great, together!

Jack Tesorero

https://aawl.org

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Charlie’s 30th Anniversary Party Yee-haw! For three decades that “lil’ bitty ol’ pissant country place” in the big city has been serving the best sarsaparilla ‘n’ suds in Phoenix. They’re celebrating their birthday on Saturday, November 8 with 1¢ drinks from 7-9 p.m. (hey, leave a decent tip!), fireworks and an extended patio party! 727 W. Camelback Rd. Ph: 602-265-0224 See ad p. 28

Get Stuffed Bash at Dick’s Cabaret It’s a beefcake buffet! Come to the pecker potluck for the best tubesteak, swingin’ sirloins, porksicles and salami schlongs in town! The boys at Dick’s Cabaret have a sausage smorgasbord ready for you at their Get Stuffed Bash on Friday & Saturday, November 14 & 15. No “To Go” orders or doggy bags, sorry. 3432 E. Illini St. Phoenix. Ph: 602-274-DICK See ad 80.

Military Ball at Karamba If you’re in the Army, Navy, Air Force or Marines or just want to pretend like it, break out your uniform and spit-polish those boots, because it’s time for the Military Ball at Karamba! Diamond Dallas and Miss Ruby host with prizes for best attire. Saturday, November 15 at Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Phoenix.

Ph: 602-254-0231 See ad p. 7

Thanksgiving Potluck at OZ Celebrate and give thanks with your extended family at OZ with a fabulous feast! OZ brings the turkey and the ham, everyone else pitches in with the mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, yams ... the whole works! There’s always room for one more on Monday, November 24 at 2 p.m. Sign up & bring a dish now at OZ, 1804 E. Bethany Home Rd. Ph: 602-242-5114 18

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Black(out) Party at IBT’s Get ready for Turkey Day starting the night before. It’s a Black(out) Party! Celebrate with Viva la Diva, All fierce divas, all night! Dance in the Dark and later give thanks—to the god of whiskey, that is, with Whiskey Breath drink specials and $2 well, $3 call & $4 select premium. And it’s about time ... At IBT’s, that is! 616 N. 4th Ave. in Tucson.

Ph: 520-882-3053 See ad on p. 99

NOVEMBER 2014 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

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EVENT

Charlie’s 30th Anniversary Party Ana Paula Deejay Comedy Club Connection Bearracuda Musicalisimo Paws for Patriots w/ Imperial Court Get Stuffed Bash Alexander DJ: Producter: Remixer Paws for Patriots w/ Imperial Court Military Ball Paws for Patriots w/ Imperial Court Comedy Night DJ Alex Funk Bike Run Party Thanksgiving Potluck Black(out) Wednesday Party Carnaval Latino Blow Party Pre-Turkey Day Dance Naked Pilgrim Party Wayne G

LOCATION

Charlie’s Element:14 The Rock The Rock Karamba Bunkhouse Dick’s Cabaret Element:14 Rainbow Cactus Karamba Nu Towne Saloon Karamba Element:14 Roscoe’s OZ IBT’s Karamba The Rock Dick’s Cabaret Element:14

CITY

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

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GO-GO BOY INTERRUPTED Danny Carter’s Struggle is Real

by Deon Brown photos by Devin Begley

with

Jimmy Fowlie Creator & Star

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D

anny Carter is facing a crisis. The adorable, misguided, vacuous go-go boy and party monster at West Hollywood’s fictional Club PantherWarmth is turning 30-yearsold. The date is a watershed as he realizes that he just spent the past 12 years of his life doing body rolls, drunk, high and blacked out on a boy box. Things aren’t looking bright for a hot tenderoni with a short shelf life as WeHo eye candy and no real observable talent nor skills.

Well, besides twerking, of course.

In Danny’s booty poppin’ world, you never grow up. Notice there’s no such thing as a Go-Go Man? And in a town where “Go-Go Boy Appreciation Day” is an actual sanctioned holiday, it’s easy to lose your way (and your new, Andrew Christian assless see-thru underwear with the built-in cock ring) when you’ve got the world—or at least a dance floor of gyrating bodies—at your feet. Literally.

Actor & writer Jimmy Fowlie (a recovering go-go boy himself) has a new, seven-part web series examining the hilarious trials and tribulations of the narcissistic Danny Carter who’s trying to make his way in the world as best he can with a little help from a rogue’s gallery of friends. And maybe a bump or two along the way.

Jimmy based dippy Danny’s adventures on his own when he was a dancer at WeHo’s Club TigerHeat. He paints a wild picture suggesting an endless parade of boozefilled nights, cocaine fueled orgies, finger bangs, vomiting and blackouts.

“I think it’s pretty accurate,” Jimmy remembers. “You’re in an environment that’s so lax about what’s ‘okay.’ I was working

in a club during the summer when I was going to college; I was only 19-years-old and used to get shitfaced. They would give me these— quote/unquote—‘verbal warnings’—which were really nothing. The crazier you are the more they’re okay with it,” was the M.O. What was it like revisiting those boy box memories while shooting the series?

“It’s funny,” Jimmy ponders, “when we shot an episode at the actual club where I worked, interacting with all the go-go boys, I thought, ‘Oh my god, they’re so much bigger and more ridiculous than I even wrote them. I should’ve gone even crazier with it.’ It was very sexualized, they were having a lot of fun, but also really, really out there. I felt really bad, like, ‘Am I just perpetuating this negative stereotype?’ but then I went back to the club and it was, ‘Oh no. This is full on. It’s happening.’ Even more so,” he laughs.

“They’re harmless and they’re fun. But I thought that I was more important than I really was. At one point I even referred to the crowd as ‘the audience.’ My friend said, ‘Dude, it’s not “an audience.” They’re not there to see you. They’re at a club and you’re, like, on a box.’ Like, reality check.

Right?”

Danny finds out that his sexploits and shenanigans are tattled online to WeHoConfidential.com, a real, scathing, tabloid blog spreading gossip, rumors (well, and some down and dirty truths) about the city’s club kids and nightlife celebs. It’s so vicious that it makes Perez Hilton look like a very old, tired pussycat.

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Readers sound off with opinion and commentary of their own. In the series even Danny Carter ends up in the crosshairs as a victim of salacious scuttlebutt on the blog, complete with raunchy gifs.

True to fashion, Life imitates Art. Jimmy’s wacky web series caught the eye of the caustic chronicle of characters and crises.

Confidential took notice.

“It’s so funny.

It’s so meta.”

Jimmy philosphizes.

“There I am, talking about a site that bashes people, then my show is featured on it, and—BOOM!—the negative comments start coming. I just love it because it drives the

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point home in terms of our community that even though we’re on the precipice of all these incredible social advancements with our civil rights that instead of being there for each other we can be so unkind. It’s a very interesting world.”

Who is the real life “Danny Carter”?

“He’s just a a slightly dumber version of myself. We’re very similar. He’s a combination of people, of go-go boys, I met. I had a lot of experiences like him.

I don’t drink anymore, but I used to drink a lot. I was full on into the party life. I ended up having a lot of typical experiences—waking up in a stranger’s bed in Sherman Oaks and being really scared. I took them all and turned them into various episodes.

“I think the biggest challenge for me was that he’s such an unlikeable character. He’s selfish, he doesn’t think about others. He’s not a bad person, he’s just a superficial, self-absorbed personality. It was based on me and my experiences, but I really love the movie Clueless. I love the character Cher because she’s so friggin’ dumb, but you love her, so I wanted to make Danny likable.”

Go-go boys are people, too. The unkindest cut of all? “‘You don’t have a very good body.’” Jimmy reveals the ultimate slam. “You’re so selfconscious and vulnerable. There’s all these insecurities, even for people who are in great shape. I have kind of a concave chest—it kinda goes in—it’s no big deal, but if I ever heard that from someone it’d be devastating. So I have to make fun of myself.”

Still, even Danny Carter has to face the future. Well, someday. Maybe.

“In every episode we allude that he might have a breakthrough and realize that he has a drinking problem, but he kinda never does. It’s a misdirect. I don’t know if he’s ready to make a change.”

Jimmy made that change in his life.

“No one cared about me. I used to be really into the ‘scene.’”

Jimmy remembers. “I kind of ran away from West Hollywood, took acting classes and started doing Groundlings Theatre. I love being part of the gay community and seeing our stories played out. Sometimes we’re represented as a ‘sidekick’ and we don’t get to grow into a three-dimensional thing. Although this is campy and I definitely don’t think I’m telling the “gay community story” at the same time it’s fun to get my point of view out there. It’s been awesome!”

Jimmy Fowlie has a BFA in Acting from University of Southern California. He’s currently an improv acting instructor with The Groundlings Theatre Company in Los Angeles. Catch up on the madcap adventures of Danny Carter at GoGoBoyInterrupted.com every Tuesday. Look for him in the upcoming HBO series return of “The Comeback” with Lisa Kudrow. Besides that, Jimmy still looks bangin’ in a pair of booty shorts dancing on a boy box.

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Ajia’s Gospel Brunch at IBT’s Righteousness, not rachetness! Hallelujah, brothers and sisters! All you Heavenbound, holy rollin’, tongue-talkin’, snakehandlin’ sinners bring your blessings but not your burdens to IBT’s every second Sunday of the month at 11 a.m. for Ajia’s Gospel Brunch! You’ll get fed for only $5. The divine Drag Service & Show starts at 12 noon when Ajia’s joined by her sisters in sin, Diva, Janee Starr and China Collins. If you’re lucky she’ll even turn water into wine. Or gin.

Or vodka. 616 N. 4th St. in Tucson.

Ph: 520-882-3053

NOVEMBER 2014 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Fri. 28

3:00pm

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Charlies

Pussy LeHoot’s Black Friday Show Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men

Mondays

10:00pm Apollo’s

Naughty or Nice Bingo

Tuesday

10:00pm Karamba

Savannah Moussier’s Show

Wednesdays 9:00pm

IBT’s

Viva La DIVA

Wednesdays 9:00pm

Kobalt

Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Girls of Karamba - Adriana Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s

Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos

Thursdays

10:30pm Crescent Ballroom Olivia Gardens hosts Truth, Drag or Dare

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds

Fridays

10:30

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

The Rock

Fridays

7:00pm

OZ

Ruby Reynolds with the Boys of OZ

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

IBT’s

Fridays

9:00pm

Fridays

10:00pm Cruisin’ 7th

Fridays

9:00pm

1st Saturday 9:30pm

Absolutely Flawless with China Collins The Barbra Seville Show

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Kobalt

Taylor Made with TC Taylor & Special Guests

Saturdays

8:00pm

OZ

Saturday Night Showgirlz with Ruby

Saturdays

9:00pm

IBT’s

Starrletts with Janee Star

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy’s Patio Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Zorf’s

BeDazzled

Sundays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

Sundays

10:30pm Karamba

Pussy LeHoot & Friends Ruby’s Sunday Follies

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s l e i n a D a r i K An evening with

by Kevin Bushaw

I D A D V E R T I S ENovember M E N T 2014 30PAwww.IONAZ.com

Miss Gay USofA Newcomer 2014

T

his past August in Dallas, Texas, local drag favorite Kira “Tic Toc” Daniels competed with 39 other contestants to win the title of Miss Gay USofA Newcomer 2014. If you haven’t seen a Kira Daniels performance, you’re missing out. This year she’ll be the featured performer at the newest pageant in the Southwest, and Newcomer preliminary pageant, Diamond of the Desert.

We spoke with Kira Daniels and promoter James Carden to get the details.

Kira, you won the national title, Miss Gay USofA Newcomer 2014. Congratulations!

Besides winning, what was the most exciting thing to happen to you at the pageant?

Kira: Getting to meet the “big names” in the drag community, such as Coco Montrese, Sasha Colby and Angelica Sanchez just to name a few.

For people who don’t know you, what’s Kira Daniels’ signature? What can people expect to see when they watch you perform?

Kira: I’m not the typical national title holder, standing, waving, wearing my crown. There are nights I can’t wait to take that crown off so I can dance the house down. I love it when my audience jumps to their feet in excitement when I show them my flexibility, acrobatic tricks and professional dance moves. Not only can you expect to see high energy performances but also soulful glamour and celebrity illusions such as Celine Deon and Cher.

Who inspires you?

Kira: Londenn Raine, she’s my drag mother and was the only one willing to help me get started in my drag career.

James, can you briefly tell us about the Diamond of the Desert Pageant?

James Carden: This isn’t my first pageant.

After a successful run with Mike Fornelli, Bill Travis and the Boom Boom [Larue’s] boys with Miss Gay Arizona USofA I feel I’m ready to have success on my own. This is a regional preliminary in the USofA Newcomer system. Any qualifying contestant in the country is welcome to compete. I wanted to be competitive right out of the gate, so I started my first year with the largest prize package in the system. $3,000 cash and a stunning jewelry set from Nova Star, also a photoshoot with ION Arizona magazine for the winner. Pretty sweet, huh?

The pageant takes place in Tucson.

What’s your favorite part about the city?

JC: I’ve had a lot of good times over the past two years with friends like Diva in Tucson. I love the feel of the bars, shops, and restaurants on 4th Avenue.

The people are so chill and accepting of differences in people.

What do you hope to see in the first ever “Diamond of the Desert USofA Newcomer?”

JC: I hope to get a winner and runner-up who are as excited as I am about nationals in Dallas, Texas. We have nine months to learn to be a team and grow together.

I hope these girls are ready to fight for the crown. I want to build a legacy of professionalism in the system. Hope you guys come out to Tucson to see Kira “Tic Toc” Daniels do her thing and see her crown the first ever Diamond of the Desert USofA Newcomer!

The Diamond of the Desert Pageant will be held Sunday, November 16 at the Sagebrush Cantina, 915 W. Prince Rd., Tucson, AZ. Tickets are available at the door for only $8.

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OUT ON r STREET

RENAISSANCE HOTEL

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Valhalla Achtung! Bring on the Valkyrie, y’all! The lives of Bavaria’s mad King Ludwig II and Texan James Avery dovetail in Paul Rudnick’s (Addams Family Values, Jeffrey) hilarious and thoughtful play where each man travels a separate path to discover the true nature of beauty. Don’t miss this Nearly Naked Theatre classic reprise.

November 8-29. 100 E. McDowell Rd. Tickets: NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151

Nick Swardson This funny guy starred as the lovable, tweaked-out, rollerskating hustler Terry Bernadino in the comedy series, “Reno, 911!” and he’s been seen in “Portlandia” and comedy features like “30 Minutes or Less.” He’ll be slayin’ ‘em Saturday, November 15 at the Talking Stick Resort, 9800 E. Indian Bend Rd. Scottsdale.

Call 800-745-3000 for your tickets.

Don Rickles “Who picks out your clothes? Stevie Wonder?” The original insult comic legend is still offending people and making them laugh. C’mon, you hockey pucks! Catch the outrageous “Mr. Warmth” Monday, November 24 at the Wild Horse Pass Casino Ovations Showroom. 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. Chandler. For tix call: 800-WIN-GILA x 7370

NOVEMBER 2014 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 7-23 Oliver!

Mesa Encore Theatre 7-1/11 Harvey Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre thru 8 Wait Until Dark - Tucson AZ Theatre Co. 8-29 Valhalla Nearly Naked Theatre thru 9 Seminar Actors Theatre thru 9 The Producers AZ B’way Theatre 13 The Walls SMoCA Lounge 13-30 Wait Until Dark - Phx AZ Theatre Co. 14-16 Josh Wolf Tempe Improv 14-29 Love Disorder iTheatre Collaborative 15 Nick Swardson Talking Stick Resort 21-12/21 A Tuna Christmas Mesa Encore Theatre thru 23 Shear Madness Phoenix Theatre 24 Don Rickles Wild Horse Pass Casino 26-12/14 Tommy J & Sally Black Theatre Troupe 28-12/28 White Christmas AZ B’way Theatre 28 Laff Out Loud: Mike Epps Comerica Theatre 29-12/20 Murder for Two - Tucson AZ Theatre Co.

PHONE 480-644-6500 480-483-1664 520-622-2823 602-254-2151 602-253-6701 623-776-8400 480-874-4666 602-256-6995 480-921-9877 602-256-6995 800-745-3000 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 800-WIN-GILA x 7370 602-253-6980 623-776-8400 800-745-3000 602-256-6995

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The Black Keys Part of the avant-garde New York music scene, this garage rock band duo made it to the big time with songs like their newest hit, “Fever.” Catch ‘em on Monday, November 10 at US Airways Center, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. TicketMaster.com 800-745-3000

KC & The Sunshine Band Shake, shake, shake! Shake your booty! KC ruled the Golden Age of Disco with songs like “I’m Your Boogie Man” and “Get Down Tonight” and “That’s The Way (I Like It).”

So put on your boogie shoes on Sunday, November 16 and groove at the Talking Stick Resort, 9800 E. Indian Bend Rd. in Scottsdale. Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000 for your tix!

The 1975 This English indie-pop band with their first selftitled album was a hit at the Coachella Music Festival with songs like “Sex,” “Girls,” “Chocolate” and “The City.” They bring their evocative, sexy, stripped-down style to Phoenix with CRUISR on Monday, November 10 to the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. Get your tix now at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

NOVEMBER 2014 ION Concert Calendar DATE 2 3 7 7 8 9 10 11 16 19 21 22 22 26 30

ARTIST LOCATION PHONE Gloria Trevi Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 Yelle Crescent Ballroom - Phx 602-716-2222 Diana Krall Orpheum Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Merle Haggard Wild Horse Pass Casino - Chandler 800--WIN-GILA x 7370 Psychedelic Furs & Lemonhead Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 Nick Carter & Jordan Knight Orpheum Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Black Keys US Airways Ctr - Phx 800-745-3000 Vince Gill Mesa Arts Ctr. 480-644-6500 KC & the Sunshine Band Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 Primus Orpheum Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Enigma Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Bone Thugs N Harmony Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 The 1975 & CRUISR Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Chrissie Hynde Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Christmas Attic Gila River Arena 800-745-3000 November 2014 www.IONAZ.com 37

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by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Aural Fixation

Hozier Hozier Not too long ago, 24-year-old Andrew Hozier Byrne was a little known Irish singer songwriter, but the powerful video for the Blues hit “Take Me to Church” condemning the brutality of the Russian government’s criminalization of homosexuality has garnished him a wave of insta-hype and an SNL performance that’s left everyone wanting more from the soulful provocateur.

Hozier was raised on a canon of blues and soul music: Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Etta James and Nina Simone.

These tastes were balanced with the experimental rock of Pink Floyd and Tom Waits. These influences accumulate to a debut album that brings real instruments, pure vocals and opinionated lyrics back to contemporary music. When he’s not howling protests he’s sweet. In “Someone New” he says, “I fall in love, just a little ol’ bit, every day with someone new everyday.” “Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene” is pure revival —a word that encapsulates this entire album.

Available Now

Kiesza Sound of a Woman If you were of age in 1992, then Kiesza’s debut album will play like a time capsule built by CeCe Penistion, La Bouche and Robin S. Released earlier this year, Kiesza’s premier single “Hideaway” instantly became a hit, melding modern EDM production with the sounds of early 90s Diva House. Instead of simply creating

an album with 12 different versions of this hit song, Canadian singer Kiesza pulls on multiple influences from the 90’s to create this album.

For an instant 90s dance fever dream play “Giant in my Heart,” “The Love” and “No Enemiez.” The bass lines are enough to cue flashbacks of light shows and frosted tips.

“Losin’ My Mind” has a tinge of “Baby One More Time.” “Vietnam” is made for a roller rink birthday party. Kiesza cites Erykah Badu, Aaliyah and Sade as influences and borrows from these songstresses with the sensual “Piano” and “So Deep” where she duets with herself, her voice electronically lowered an octave with the hook “taking my love, baby I’m so deep now.”

At the heart of the album is a cover of Haddaway’s “What Is Love?” Here it seems like a lament for when times were better a time when people danced and there was no distracting social networks or dating apps. Despite being made twenty years too late, Sound of a Woman is better late than never.

Available Now Kiesza

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST SONG Kiesza “So Deep” Hozier “Angel of Small Death

and The Codeine Scene” CAZZETTE “Blind Heart” 2 Bears “Not This Time” Caribou “Silver” You + Me “You and Me” Perfume Genius “Queen” Mary J Blige “Whole Damn Year” Foxygen “How Can You Really” Jessie J “Burnin’ Up” June 2014 www.IONAZ.com 39 November 2014 www.IONAZ.com 39

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ionazeditor@me.com

Life After Beth (2014)

Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Dane DeHaan, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Cheryl Hines, Paul Reiser Vampires. Out. Werewolves. Out. Zombies are the new black.

And if you’re looking for a black comedy, look no further. This is as black as they come.

Perky Beth Slocum (Plaza, Parks and Recreation’s deadpan dud receptionist April Ludgate) dies from a snakebite. Her morose boyfriend, Zachery (DeHaan, Kill Your Darlings) is devastated. Soon he discovers Beth has clawed her way out of the grave and is back to living a happy, normal, teenage girl’s life back at home with her parents (Boogie Nights Reilly and SNL alum Shannon).

Unaware that she’s dead, she’s kept in the dark about her new reality and zombie life.

Intent on resurrecting their puppy love life, Zach discovers Beth isn’t the same girl he buried. (“I wanna eat your face!” she squeals during a make out session. Except she’s not kidding.)

Some details are muddy, like long dead townfolks’ new zombified appearances and Zach’s frantic search mid-film for the Slocum’s housekeeper just because she’s Haitian (“That’s offensive!” her son tells him.) feel like confused editing happened.

All in all, a weird, delightful, sinister romp with an all-star cast that’ll make you feel guilty for laughing at zombies. Almost.

Available now.

★★★★☆

Mayhem and Magic

Houdini (2014) Starring: Adrian Brody, Kristen Connolly Oscar winning Brody (The Pianist) stars as the legendary illusionist whose talent as an escape artist Harry Houdini still resonates with people across the world nearly a century later.

Made for TV as a four-hour miniseries for the History Channel, the story traces Houdini’s rags-to-riches story as a young Jewish immigrant, learning the tricks of the trade in traveling sideshows and testing his limits. Along the way he rubs elbows with a Who’s Who of the early 20th century with notables such as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Tsar Nicholas II and is recruited to spy on Germany’s Kaiser Wilhelm I for the U.K.’s MI5—like our own CIA. The mini-series looks as if it were meant for the big screen. Almost. However, the script reads television. The romantic bits between Houdini with his wife (and his mistress) flesh out the action and drama with a little bit of schmaltz making for altogether enjoyable viewing. Filmed in Houdini’s native Budapest, Hungary, the scenery and much of the cinematography is worthy of a theatre.

Brody, 41, is built and hot, hot, hot and sexy in a dorky way, playing cards using his bare feet and even performing Houdini’s Chinese Water Torture stunt himself.

Debunking phony séances, occultists and mystics of the day, Houdini’s true story is as captivating as anything Hollywood could ever make up.

Available now on Blu-ray with extended version

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ionazeditor@me.com

Big Hero 6

Voiced by Ryan Potter, Damon Wayans, Jr., Maya Rudolph Disney’s latest animated musical juggernaut from the creators of Frozen promises to satisfy audiences as it celebrates the somewhat uncomfortable 2009 marriage between the Disney and Marvel Comics.

Set in the fictional, hybrid metropolis of San Fransokyo, Miro Mamada, a young robotics prodigy, and his huggable, vinyl robot Baymax uncover a criminal plot and pull together a team of inexperienced crime-fighters to solve the mystery.

Expect more mind-blowing animated tricks than ever before with always evolving software. Expect even more merchandising, action figures, plushies, dolls and Happy Meal toys than you ever thought were possible.

Opens November 6

The Imitation Game

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightley Star of TV, radio, stage and screen, “Mr. Everywhere!” Cumberbatch (Sherlock, 12 Years a Slave) can do no wrong. In this action-packed biopic thriller he edged out Leonardo DiCaprio, starring as Alan Turing, the British genius cryptologist and computer scientist who cracked the nasty Nazi’s baffling Enigma Code, thus foiling their evil plot to take over the world. What a

Heroes & Hillbillies hero! Wait ... there’s a twist.

Once the Crown discovers that Turing practices “gross indecency” (that means he’s gay), he’s criminally prosecuted and vilified. Sadly, this is all true. Some thanks, right?

This screenplay topped the annual “Black List” for Best Unproduced Films in 2011.

In a massive bidding war against five other studios it was purchased by The Weinstein Company for $7 million, the highest ever paid for US distribution rights. Cumberbatch is a vocal LGBT Straight Ally.

Expect several nominations and elite awards.

Opens November 21

The Homesman Hilary Swank, Tommy Lee Jones, Meryl Streep

Hollywood pulls out its best of the best for this absorbing, epic tale about three women toughing it out on the Nebraska prairies who are driven mad by the rigors of pioneer life in the wild, wild West.

Enter the independent Mary Lee Cuddy (Swank, Boys Don’t Cry) and lowlife drifter George Briggs (Jones, JFK). The motley wagonload head east to Iowa where a preacher and his wife (yep, la Streep in yet what promises to be another staggering performance) offer to take the suffering women in.

Expect sweeping cinematography, an exemplary script and showstopping acting that’ll knock your socks off. Oscars are right around the corner!

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by Guest Writers ionazeditor@me.com

M

ore and more stuff is produced and pitched to America everyday. ION has a fleet of intrepid consumer advocates who are bringing you the best—and worst—of stuff and finding out ... is it Hot or Not? so you don’t have to.

Catty Corner Litter Box

by Clayton McKee

I’m a busy man doing busy man things. The Catty Corner enclosed litter box helps me save time with its built in grate with handles, in one easy lift I can sift away prizes left by my kitties, Maggie and Marty. Simply put the grate in the TOP that you removed (and is now the BOTTOM) and refill with the cleaned litter. *In this case TOPS and BOTTOMS are identical, interchangeable and you don’t have to buy them dinner or sneak them into the country. No frills, and it gets the job done! Cost: $41.95 + s&h • Where: Amazon.com • Hot or Not: Hot.

The PooTrap

by Peter Culbertson A harness attached to your dog’s backside holds a bag placed directly over the pooch’s butt. Idea is so that you don’t have to pick up poop. How embarrassing for your dog! And talk about getting way too close to your dog’s business end! Testimonials on their website said that dogs wouldn’t use it. Cost: $38-$78 depending on the size of your dog. • Where: PooTrap.com • Hot or Not: A Potty Not!

Double Donut Pet Bed

by Buddy Early

Bowsers Pet Products’ best-selling Double Donut has an elegant sofa-look with a removable orthopedic foam insert and top tufted cushion that provide the ultimate support for older or arthritic canines. There are an astounding 51 different designs, including Purple Rain, St. Tropez and Vogue. I mean, wouldn’t we all like to have a donut to sit on when our tush needs a little cush?

Cost: $169 + s&h Where: bowsers.com Hot or Not: Hot Dawg!

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I ♥ Pet Head

by Helena Grayson

White Party Brightening Shampoo with #ArganOil. Orangelicious!

When my little white Chihuahua best friend Elliott gets dingy, he gets a nickname: Smelliott. I grabbed some I ♥ Pet Head (from the Bed Head family of haircare products) to try. We chose “White Party” because when I saw it I could hear the circuit party “thumpa-thumpa” music in my head and he was convinced he’s heard of argan oil in commercials. It’s got a subtle orange scent and he was noticeably softer and brighter after.

Cost: $9.99 Where: pet-related retail stores or online Hot or Not: HOT for light-colored dogs and their human companions

Clayton McKee is just about everywhere you look and a Host for All Seasons.

Charlie’s is his stomping ground.

Listen to “The Show” on QTalk America

Peter

Culbertson

Buddy Early

Helena Grayson

is a dog’s best friend. He’s a Veterinary Technician at Altered Tails Barnhart Clinic in Mesa.

is just as comfortable at Zipp’s Sports Bar as he is in the company of manly men and girly boys at a gay bar.

is one-of-a-kind at 1n10 and occasionally behind the bar at The Rock. Helena loves her pets, and we love her!

THANK YOU! Thanks to Drs. Howard Barnes, Emily Marcus and staff for helping my Lola’s fight with Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia.

-- Meghan Tokarik Del Lago Veterinary 7349 N Via Paseo Del Sur Suite 550 Scottsdale, AZ. 480-951-9523

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AIDS WALK PHOENIX

SEE MORE PHOTOS AT IONAZ.COM

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DOWNTOWN PHX

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Check out these great realtors, mortgage brokers, insurance agents, apartments, condos and houses. With ION Home, we make it easy to find, finance and insure your new home.

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Sit. Stay.

Short Leash Hot Dogs T

his place has gone to the dogs.

And that’s a good thing. For our annual “Pets and the City” issue we decided to sniff around for something a little different.

We scampered over to Roosevelt Street and found ourselves howling, “How much is that doggy in the window?” when we decided to skip the kibble and chow down on Short Leash Hot Dogs.

And we’re barking mad about ‘em!

Brad and Kat Moore’s fabled food truck found a brick and mortar home a few years ago and brought their treats downtown.

An inventive and varied menu will have you begging for a little bit of everything. We adore the zippy Fried Pickles for $6. You’ll get a large raft of these crispy, zesty, sliced pickles, battered and deep fried. The secret to their unique taste? Mrs. Klein’s Dill Pickles are marinated in a secret solution of sugar water and jalapeño peppers for a week. You’ll beg for their Scotch Eggs; each one is hardboiled in a sausage with a panko batter, deep fried and served with sweet & spicy mustard for $8. Funnel Cakes, Pimento Cheese Dip and Corn Dog Bites round out the appetizer menu.

They fetched us the Fried Green Tomato Stack, with an actual stack of breaded, deep-fried ‘maters, plus a spoonful of roasted corn, avocado, bacon and housemade bleu cheese dressing. The generous stack is a real skyscraper. We wished for

a deep-fried batter that was a tad crispier and spicier with a tomato sliced a bit thinner to really make this Southern specialty yip a little more. $8.

Now for Best of Show!

Hot dogs are the top dogs here! Brad and Kat have seven varieties of their gourmet sausages with toothsome toppings named after some of their own family fur friends—like Moki, Oliver and Igby. It’s time to pick your wiener! All gourmet sausages come from the legendary Schreiner’s Sausages, a locally owned and independent family sausage specialist for nearly 60 years. Choose from Regular, Bratwurst, All Beef, Spicy Beer Hot, Polish or—yes—even Vegetarian dogs. Only the finest ingredients are used. No fillers, byproducts or cereals.

You can groom your dog creating a hybrid “mutt” with 30 different, imaginative, fresh toppings. Mango chutney, peanut butter, Gouda cheese, Sriracha, sauerkraut and 1000 Island are just a few of the toppings that had our stomachs growling. You can also take yours as a “purebred” with only a stripe of traditional yellow mustard. These dogs are only $8.50 and served on warm, Naan bread with your choice of housemade chips or mixed green salad.

You might want to splurge for a grand champion with a Premium Dog for $9.50. The Bratwurst Stuffed Pretzel (pictured) is a brat slow-cooked in Four Peaks Kiltlifter beer with sauerkraut, onions and bacon topped with Swiss cheese and sweet Bavarian mustard in a housemade pretzel roll. You’ll sit pretty for this one.

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Short Leash’s Leader of the Pack is their popular “Dog of the Week.”

52 times a year the Moores choose from photographs submitted of their faithful fans’ canine friends (and an occasional kitty) and create a specialty hotdog with in his or her honor with some unique toppings—like jicama slaw, or other surprising taste treats.

If you’re a posh pooch, join all the studs and bitches at Short Leash for Brunch every Saturday and Sunday for Chicken & Waffles or Breakfast Corn Dogs and other delicacies for around $8.

Wet your whistle with one (or two, or ...) of almost 40 canned craft bears, plus a seasonal “visiting” beer, or one of their four fab draft beers, or how about some keg wine? You’ll have lots of pale ales, ambers, lagers, porters, IPAs and stouts to choose from, too.

Every dog has his day. So start out your day with their brand new “Rollover Doughnuts” at 10 W. Vernon on Central.

These eye-opening pastries. Each snack is made from scratch, using brioche dough as the base for all the doughnut creations, with local, natural ingredients for only $2.50 each. Selections change with some standards. We’re nuts about the Orange Glaze with Pistachios (pictured below), and our favorite is the Coconut Spicy Thai, with a custard-filled center with a bit of heat that sneaks up on you. Fetch yourself a delicious cuppa cappuccino to wash ‘em down.

They say, “Money can buy you a fine dog.

But only love can make him wag his tail.”

You can buy that fine “dog” at Short Leash Hotdogs and Rollover Doughnuts. Brad and Kat’s love will have you wagging your tail.

Short Leash Hot Dogs 110 E. Roosevelt St. - Phoenix Tues-Fri: 11 a.m.- 10 p.m.

Sat: 10 a.m.-10 p.m.

Sun: 10 a.m.- 3 p.m.

Monday: CLOSED | 602-795-2193 ShortLeashHotDogs.com Rollover Doughnuts 10 W. Vernon St. & Central Ave. - Phoenix Mon-Sat: 7a.m.- 5 p.m.

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Bells Are Ringing!

Oscar De las salas & Gary Jackson Share Their Story and Wedding Tips

Photo by Franklin Diaz.

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W

hen Oscar De las salas and partner Gary Jackson were wed on San Diego’s posh Coronado Island this past August, their dream of a beautiful event was shattered.

wedding and the many others that are coming.”

“Go home, homos!” shouted a nearby heckler. The special day was spoiled. Oscar and Gary’s story went viral, making national and international news.

Public outcry was such that a San Diego attorney was moved, staging a “do over” (pictured right) for the couple helping them have a “happily ever after” ending since they first met in 2007.

Oscar and Gary learned a lot about planning a wedding and all the overwhelming details that go into making it a day to remember.

They share them here:

“There were so many moments which took our breath away, including reading our personal vows to each other. This was the first time we had heard each other’s and our hearts were filled to overflowing. One of our favorite moments was driving in a classic convertible and coming over the crest of the street to the reception to see all of our guests standing and waving to greet the new grooms. It was exhilarating and emotional all at once,” they remembered.

The sudden ruling allowing for Marriage Equality in Arizona came as a surprise to Oscar and Gary.

“We both think that the ruling of same sex is a step forward for what soon will become the norm in society, where statements of inequality and hatred are a thing of the past,” said Oscar. “By telling our story we moved on, helping make sure that similar situations never happen again, and for our society and future generations to feel confident that this is in the past.”

Is an Arizona wedding in the works? “We wanted to have a large ceremony and a party here in Arizona. I think we will do the party here soon. It’s time to celebrate—our

Congratulations, gentlemen!

Oscar & Gary’s Wedding Tips A) Give yourself time to plan. Use your friends as a sounding board.

B) Understand that nothing will be perfect.

The perfection of the day lies in your connection and love from your friends, your family and the personal moments.

C) If you are getting wed in a public venue, hire security.

D) Invest in a fantastic photographer.

The event goes by so fast you will not remember the individual moments—but good photos will revive those memories in your heart to relive. When you choose your flowers, outfits, etc.,—remember that the photos and images are forever.

Trends and fashions may come and go, but your photos will always be there. Last thing you want is to have some current fashion trend that will disappear and leave you with a look that will make you and your family cringe each time you see the photos.

E) Have someone you trust, whether that is a coordinator or a friend, doublecheck on the ceremony and reception set-up prior to walking in. As we noted, nothing goes as planned, but don’t leave your requirements for your wedding in the hands of the people who manage the space.

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PHOENIX’S FIRST SAME SEX MARRIAGES

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PHOENIX CITY HALL

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Photography by Franklin Diaz Direction by Kevin Bushaw Text by Deon Brown

Oscar De la salas & Gary Jackson After seven years together the debonair Oscar and Gary tied their bow ties in a knot this summer in San Diego in a wedding that made the news. (See page 54.)

Their fashionable Pug, Hugo Boss is always “in.”

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Scot Roberts & Daniel Fisher Jimmy, 9, and Zane, 7, are both very lucky! They found their “forever home” through Aussie Friends Rescue.

They’re best friends and can’t resist tummy rubs or a nice, long walk.

Dan and Scot have been partners for nine years.

Cati Valles & Meghan Reed It’s busier than Ol’ McDonald’s farm here! Ee-i-ee-i-oh my, oh my! Catalina and Megan have lots of love to spare for Daisy the Bunny. And no clucking around with these chicks’ Bearded Silkie chicks.

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Kurtis Scholz with Zorro Zorro is a 2-year-old Australian Shepherd. His hobbies are sleeping, being adorable and stealing everyone’s heart. He loves to chase some tail at the dog park and take road trips to the beach.

Funny, that sounds a lot like Kurtis, too.

Anthony Mirabel with Clyde The dashing and debonair Clyde, a 4-year-old ShihTzu/Poodle mix enjoys a rousing perambulation through Steele Indian School Park. A quiet evening at home relaxing on the couch with Anthony is also tops on his list.

Brad Shellenberger & Aaron Michael Taryn and Hadyn, 8, are Shih TzuChihuahuas. Aaron and Brad adopted them at the Humane Society.

Riley is a young Doberman; she was malnourished when she was rescued from an abusive home.

They all love car rides and hiking.

Taryn, the smallest brown one, runs the house. She and Riley play tug-of-war and Riley always lets Taryn win. Taryn acts like the old lady of the house, getting grouchy with Riley. (But when she doesn’t know we’re watching, we catch them playing.)

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Fenix Rivers & Oliver Everyone’s familiar with Fenix’s sexy dance moves. But he says it’s Oliver, the dandy Boston Terrier who really turns heads. “He’s very well behaved,” says Fenix. His favorite snack? Stuffed animals.

Kevin Ryan & Lucy Lu The favored breed and named after King Charles II of England, the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is every inch an aristocrat—like little Lucy Lu! Kevin is the father of two and has two grandkids. His hobbies are hiking, photography and stained glass. And he’s single!

Melicio Serna with Ryder Although she’s a miniature Australian Cattle Dog, young little Ryder hasn’t found any cattle to herd in Phoenix ... yet! But she’s not even 2-years-old. “Bad Girl RiRi” loves to hike with handsome Melicio, a pharmacy tech who also works part time at The Rock. He likes to point out, “She’s a girl, everyone. Not a boy!”

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Matthew Porter & Dr. Thomas Durisek It’s raining cats and dogs ... and men!

Cache and Pearl are a Corgi/Australian Shepherd mix. Cache competed in the National Agility Championship. Matthew is a Certified Vet Tech and a dog trainer. Baby Jesus and Felicia like to groom Thom’s beard. He keeps Phoenix smiling at Open Wide Dental.

Anthony Incardona & Rocky Allen Iggy the Piggy is a twomonth old piglet. She’s so smart that she was potty trained in one day. (We hear that took Anthony and Rocky much longer to learn!)

Iggy has three doggy siblings. Oink, oink! Bow wow wow!

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Jacob Atkins & Faline Faline was born on the Fourth of July.

Jacob assisted in her birth and now they’re inseparable. They live with 13 other dogs that Jacob & Peter raise together. She’s hoping to pursue a career in modeling and grateful for this opportunity to debut in ION Arizona.

Jason Chaney & Bowser Smythe Born with a love of adventure, food and gossip, young Bowser Smythe loves visiting Lake Pleasant, exploring with long walks, snacking on chicken and he’s extremely nosy about other people’s business.

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Katie Dembs & Blue Put ‘em up! Blue the Boxer is 5-years old. Look out Michael Phelps! Blue is a champion swimmer! Wanna cha-cha? He can dance! He’s got lots of tricks up his sleeve! He can “talk” and even “sing.” Got any requests? Katie is the G.M. of Switch Restaurant & Wine Bar.

Jason Benjamin & Spazzy Jason saved sweet Spazzy eight years ago when a guy in front of a QT held the pup by her tail up in the air asking, “Anybody want a dog?” Jason couldn’t resist. Spazzy is a tenderhearted little mixed breed, and very loved.

Bobby Gordon with Tigger and Lucky The wonderful thing about Tigger, is Tiggers are wonderful things! This brave Terrier mix survived a heart murmur and Valley Fever, and is still bouncy, flouncy, pouncy fun, fun, fun!

Lucky, is a Terrier-Min-Pin is an abused rescue who loves to cuddle and sleep. Bobby is a Board member of the Gay Chamber of Commerce and an “eligible bachelor,” he adds.

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Mimi Refuerzo, Marianna Herricht with Pogi, Maggie & William Olivie Sisters Mimi and Marianna take care of Pogi the English Bulldog, who loves to dog paddle in the pool in his life jacket. Ooh la la!

Maggie, a French Bulldog, is the spoiled baby of the family. ยกArriba! Even though the little Chihuahua William only has one eye, he always sees the best in people.

John Roelle & Bryan Scannel with Samba & Diesel These purebred German Boxers are talented.

Samba can balance anything on her head. Diesel is really good at staring. A lot. John and Bryan recently celebrated eight years together.

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Bobby Gaiti & Dave Merkel with Moose Moose was living in a Pug Rescue home when Bobby and Dave gave him a new lease on life.

He’s partially blind and halitosis is a problem. “His breath is awful but we love him all the same,” said Bobby & Dave.

Jimmy Thomason with Buddy the Mutt & Fred the Pug Love is blind. And so is Fred the Pug, and he’s awfully loving. He loves Buddy the Mutt and Jimmy, who teaches financial literacy to LGBT Youth and volunteers at events all year long.

Joe Gesullo & Buddy Buddy is one lucky pup! Once a lonely orphan dog, now he’s livin’ the high life with Joe Gesullo, chairman for the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

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Q High & their Tank “Fish are friends, not food.” Ashley Archibald works with the LGBT youth of Phoenix at Q High to develop into fine, young people we can be proud of.

They’re also learning responsibility with their fish, Beyoncé, Spot, Charcoal, Kyle and Mr. Big. *photo by Fernando Hernandez

Ricky Sadd & Kolby The lovable, cuddly, GoldenDoodle/Cocker Spaniel Kolby got a new lease on life when Ricky rescued him. Kolby loves people and he says, “I like to smile!”

Ricky is a fabulous chef and he says, “I like alcohol!”

Brandon Ochoa & Jack Medina These rascally, adorable “ChiWeenies” (Chihuahua/”Weiner Dog”) are sisters, just about four-months old. Willis belongs to SWITCH manager Jack Medina and Mary Helen let’s Brandon Ochoa know who’s boss.

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Cynthia, Taz, Alex, Zach with Lucy, Huck & Izumi

Life is a Cabaret, old chum! At Dick’s Cabaret, that is!

Cynthia runs the biz while the boys Alex, Zach, Taz & more put on the shows. We love Lucy and Huckleberry Finn, their English Bulldogs. Izumi was a stray cat who adopted everybody at the club. *photo by Kevin Bushaw

Russ Haan, Mike Oleskow & Chloë Russ and Mike saved Chloë, a rescue, from a dubious fate. Now she’s a star and a former “poster dog” and fundraiser for AIDS Walk Phoenix “Paws for the Cause.” She’s an elegant Pitt Bull mix. Don’t like Pitts? Then call her an American Bulldog.

Or call her “sweetheart.”

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It’s a true gay love story: Stephen and Kyle met at Gold’s Gym three years ago. They went on a date and fell in love over bruschetta. Their Yorkshire Terrier Bubba’s birthday is October 3, National Mean Girls’ Day, but he’s a sweetie.

Kyle is a talented hair stylist at Salon Repose at CityScape. Stephen loves to sing and perform on stage and he also sells cars online with Carvana.com. Kyle and Stephen are engaged to be married. Lucky!

Stephen Pare & Kyle Tuttle with Bubba

2014

November

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Flowers provided by Lena’s Flowers & Catering.

480-813-2544 (See ad on page 58) Tuxedos provided by Rose Tuxedo.

480-831-5255 (See ad on page 59)

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AIDSWALK TUCSON

DOWNTOWN TUCSON

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SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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ibts drag race

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TUCSON PRIDE PARADE

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TUCSON

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Vol. 8, Issue 8

November 2014

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Rivalry Continues. Apple CEO Tim Cook, “I’m Gay.” Microsoft’s Gates: “I’m Gayer!”

OUTRAGEOUS!

CUPERTINO, Calif.‑ The tech world and LGBT watchdogs were astounded when Apple CEO Tim Cook came out of the closet, revealing his sexual orientation.

mega-company to come out. His revelation only intensified the competition between the enthusiasts of Mac and the PC.

OUTRAGEOUS!

“It doesn’t end,” said one insider at Microsoft.

“Apple makes a faster computer, smart phone, tablet, and then Microsoft is scrambling to catch up. Cook’s a cocksucker. Gates has to be a better one.”

In a fit of rage and fury, the competitive ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL retired Microsoft founder and now technical The computer world is waiting to see how advisor Bill Gates issued a statement from his Seattle home saying, “I’d like to be even Gates will attempt to “best” Cook. more clear that I might be even gayer. And “This is all a huge, huge surprise to me,” prouder.” said Melinda Gates, Bill’s wife since 1994.

“I didn’t see this one coming. This puts an In a day and age when major players like CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Bravo TV’s Andy entirely different spin on things.”

Cohen and Rosie O’Donnell (right, like that was a surprise) are coming out, Cook How will Gates ever explain that awful stands alone as the only major CEO of a haircut, though?

“Let me be clear. I’m proud to be gay,” he announced in a press conference.

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS! Arizona’s First Same Sex Wedding Chapel to Open

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

PHOENIX ‑ “I now pronounce you, Top seen, darling!” Nothing will capture the same and Bottom.” Or “Lipstick and Butch.” After splendor and grandeur of the greatest gay weddings staged here,” he exclaimed. a quick finale to the lengthy, controversial and hotly debated topic of Same Sex or “Imagine your nuptials staged with panache “gay” marriage, last month a federal judge ruledRESEMBLANCE Arizona’s law banningTO gay THE marriage andIS flair!

Antiques everywhere!

Marble floors!

ANY TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Groomsmen and bridesmaids in haute couture! was unconstitutional.

And best all, we’ll even have a real Liberace ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS ofTRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Same sex marriage opens a whole new world impersonator available to make your vows of eternal love extra fabulous,” he said. A low for wedding planners. The Reverend Mr. carb, gluten free catering menu is available for Bruce’s Wedding Chapel of Love, Cocktail Lounge & Bistro is slated to open soon near finicky gay men. Hamburgers and hot dogs are ready for the lesbians.

Phoenix’s posh Biltmore neighborhood.

OUTRAGEOUS! “Oh, my dears, my dears!” enthused Rev. Bruce. “Believe me, these gay boy weddings I’m doing will be like nothing you’ve ever

Conveniently located next door is the Elizabeth Taylor Divorce Court and Bar.

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It’s that time of year when most of us sit around the holiday table and indulge in a few extra calories and triple portions of mashed potatoes. While others run to grandmommy’s bathroom, doublefinger purge and sashay back for second helpings of her famous apple pie. As we bow our heads (well, some of us) and recite the things we’re most thankful for, there’s one blessing that everybody should be grateful for ... and that’s a BIG DICK! Whether they’re sporting one, handling a few, or wishing for one while downing bottles of Horny Goat Weed. Oh, and I didn’t forget about you lesbians either.

I know y’all bitches have at least one magnum-size dong in your dildo collection.

In honor of Thanksgiving, this month’s #FavoriteBitch is all about big motha fuckin’ dick ... those who have it, can’t take all of it or simply can’t get enough of it.

Dear Miss Tiger, My girlfriend’s strap-on is too big for me.

I think it’s too big for her too because it keeps falling off. Please give me some good advice.

— Tara Dear Write Me When That Shit Actually Stays On, And on that note ... NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, My husband and I work out at the same gym. I can’t ever get him to wear underwear under his sweatpants. I was totally embarrassed when I overheard a group of women talking about his big bulge. HELP!

Dear Save Your Cries For “HELP” For When You’re Taking His Big, Hateful Cock, If he has bitches sweating over his dick instead of over a treadmill, then you definitely have a problem on your hands!

Hopefully, your husband leaves the gym with just his gym bag and not a slut who’d rather lift his cock than the medicine ball. NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I’m a new bottom. Whenever a guy wants to bang me, he starts by telling me the size of his dick. How do I know what size feels best?

— Rusty Dear Dorothy In “The Wizard Of Oz,” Rusty darling, dicks are like shoes. They may be pretty, but if they’re too small, you’ll end up wishing you’d never brought them home. And if they’re too big, you’ll end up closing your eyes, clicking your heels and saying, “There’s no place like home!”

Happy Thanksgiving, Hunties!

Wanna talk to me LIVE about this kind of bullshit and more? Then join me November 17th on Derek and Romaine • SiriusXM OutQ 106 at 7pm MT! Visit my website for more info about my columns and radio appearances.

Miss Tiger Advice columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter @MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com

— Susan November 2014 www.IONAZ.com 93

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www.IONAZ.com November 2014

Edwin Dominguez, Model & Actor Phoenix, AZ & New York, NY

FOLLOW on instagram @SynergisticStudios

by Sean Kapera @ Synergistic Studios SynergisticStudios.com

November 2014 www.IONAZ.com 95

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by Addison DeWitt

M

y fellow Americans!

A By the time you read this it’ll be all over ‘cept the shoutin’. I’m talking about the election. I’m hoping to get some head with Fred. Wait. That came out all wrong. Remember, you can’t complain if you don’t vote. So complain first and then vote. That’s Democracy at work! Well, that and complaining. It’s the American way: voting and complaining. And television. And hamburgers.

I always like to begin my November column with the traditional snapshot of the scrumptious Joel Anderson’s skimpy Halloween costume. (A) I know you like it, too.

C

RuPaul’s Drag Race bad ladyboy Willam (C) was the celebrity hostess for the annual BS West Halloween extravaganza. Here’s where it gets juicy. And I mean really juicy, Lucy. Is it true that Willam “felt up” The Rock’s sex-o-licious “Man o’ the Minute” Melicio Serna (D)? Oh yes. Yes, she did. Willam must be European, because she’s got “Roman” hands and “Russian” fingers, if you catch my drift. She invited Willam to come to B Los Angeles and stay with her anytime. She’s stalking Melicio on Instagram where she commented “I won’t even make you wear a rubber.” There’s dirty and there’s Christina Aguilera dirrty, but she’s dirrrrrrty!

On the philanthropic front, (that means “good deed doing,” if you don’t have your thesaurus handy. And I bet you don’t.) Richard Stevens (E) corralled her friends and fans for the annual AIDS Walk Phoenix to walk with Barbra Seville’s D Wonderful 100, raising over $32K, more than any other team.

Thanks to Kobalt for the early morning “Happy Breakfast” at 7 a.m. to get E everyone’s engine running. After all, “Vodka is the most important meal of the day,” isn’t that what they say?

West Hollywood’s hottest go-go dancer (and former Andrew Christian underwear hottie) Johna Meyers (B) has been sexing it up on the Boy Box at new Club Element 14 (formerly briefly known as EDM, before it was labeled The Bar On Central for one year, and previously as Amsterdam.) On Johna’s oh-so-sexy “f hole” tattoos, honey, I could play him like a violin. Let’s hope Johna becomes a regular “hot thing in a g-string” in Phoenix.

I’ll end this column much as I began it.

With Joel Anderson.

(F)

But wait! There’s more celebrity hijinx. Oh yes. Yes. And it gets better. Much, much better.

F

The End. You’re welcome.

November 2014 www.IONAZ.com 97

A

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Taa daaa! You are Jell-O Mold Salad! Like the gelatin dessert with little bits of fruit n early Full Moon on November 6 cocktail suspended in it, you have a wealth is called the “Hunter Moon” by Native of surprises in store for others this month.

American cultures; so you’ll be on the prowl. Everybody loves the little cherry bits. Think They also called this a “Beaver Moon.” That about it. means it’s a lesbian bonanza! Your NovemLibra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 ber horoscope is a spiritual banquet. What will you bring to the feast? Your astrological You are Pumpkin Pie. Traditional.

Something you can count on. It would sign offers a correlation that you are what be sad if you weren’t there. You’re a hit you eat. Mind your manners. at any table but Mincemeat Pie is worthy Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 competition for “favorite.”

You are classic Parker House Rolls.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 You’re light and fluffy and frankly, your You’re Green Bean Casserole! Fast, easy sweet, buttery goodness makes you and everybody wants more. Hey, it’s not irresistible. Like the fabled bread, you soak like nobody’s had a helping or two already, up everything around you, making ever right? If it’s your birthday you’ll find out experience one to remember. someone wants to sample your own secret Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 family recipe.

You are Gravy. You’re so good that you’re Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 liberally ladled on just about everything, You are Stuffing. No menu is complete making it better. You are a favorite; others without you. A blend of herbs and spices are begging for more. Keep it smooth and keeps everyone guessing why you’re so velvety—or else you’ll be thick and lumpy. darn good! You’ll be crammed inside a body Gemini May 21 - June 21 cavity when you celebrate your birthday.

Your dual personality makes you as perfect Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 as Peas and Carrots. Your friendship is the perfect blendship. You’ll make a partnership You are Potatoes: a guilty pleasure and with someone mid-month. Maybe a sidekick, people just can’t get enough of you. But pal, business connection or something more some count carbs, so they can only handle you in tiny portions. Don’t get smashed, romantic. roasted, baked or fried this season.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 You’re the Turkey! And not the loser kind, Your unique and zany zip makes you but the true star of the show. Tender, and Cranberry Sauce. Not the nasty, jellied kind oh, so succulent. You know everybody out of a can—nobody likes that—but the wants a drumstick, and you have real deal with the genuine berry. You can be something special to share, too. Question: a bit tart and bitter so pour on the sugar. who gets the wishbone?

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

You’re Candied Yams. Very polarizing.

Some people love ‘em. Some ... well, not so much. Still, the table would be bare without them and any occasion would be lackluster without you. You’re a staple. Like it or not.

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www.IONAZ.com November 2014

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Your delightful variety makes you Squash.

Are you a Sweet Dumpling? Delicata? Or a little Buttercup? You’re not only decorative, you’re also packed with nutritional value and everyone wants to eat you up.