ION Arizona Magazine - March 2011

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SNATCH

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PHOENIX

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homorodeo.com

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BAR 1

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Spring into Spring with ION Welcome to another exciting edi-

tion of ION Arizona. This community never rests and neither do we. As the weather warms up some of our best events and fundraisers bloom in the warm sunshine.

March has historically been the calm before the proverbial Phoenix Pride storm. But this March is different.

Way different.

Sexiest Bartender

Last month we posted all of this year’s Sexiest Bartenders contestants on the ION Arizona Facebook fan page to see who would make it on the cover of this issue. The response was tremendous. Thanks to everyone who voted. It was really exciting to watch the race until the final vote was cast. Congratulations to Anthony Clarke from Lush Lounge who just edged out Shane Bullock from Ticoz/ReBAR. Good luck to all the participants and don’t miss the Sexiest Bartender Contest at Apollo’s on March13th starting at 2 p.m.

Devoured

One of ION Arizona’s missions is to bridge the gap between the GLBT and straight communities. Sponsoring events like we did last month at Sam Fox’s newest restaurant 14

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in CityScape called The Arrogant Butcher is a way to achieve our goal.

This month, we help promote the Devoured Culinary Classic. Here you can sample many of the great local restaurants, wineries and breweries all for one admission fee. It is worth every penny. See our feature on page 61.

Community Events

Our community’s non-profits are also providing us with great entertainment and fund-raisers this month: • Southwest Center’s “Tour for Life” • Miss and Mister Phoenix Gay Pride • Compete & ION’s “Coyotes Night” • HRCs Annual Gala Dinner • PFLAGs Phoenix Sun’s Pride Night • Aunt Rita’s “Savorlife” • 1 Voice Bowl-A-Thon Come out and enjoy these great functions as well as all the events in and out of the restaurants, bars and clubs found in ION. Use ION as your guide to everything fun and exciting in your community.

Sincerely,

Jack M. Tesorero@me.com Publisher

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3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ................. jacktesorero@me.com

ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop .................................................... (602) 301-8457 CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero Ext 2 - ionazsales@me.com Photographers:

Daniel Cavanaugh Michael Fragale Fernando Hernandez

Miguel Munguia Jerry O’Conner Don Thompson

Cover Photo by Jerry O’Conner National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2011: 16 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2011 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

oscar party SWAY

CHERRY BAR

sugar pop saturdays

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INFERNO THURSDAYS

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Martinis & Manicures Having trouble with your cuticles? Got a hangnail?

Relax! It’s Palmolive! You’re soaking in it! Martinis & Manicures comes to Bar1 for all you metrosexuals. Enjoy chic martinis and a professional manicure for only $5 each while you gossip with your bestie and read ION Arizona for all the local tea. Starting March 7 we’ll see you there every Monday. 3702 N. 16th St. Phone: 602-266-9001 bar1bar.com See ad on p. 10

Bar with Benefits Weekend Apollo’s gives a back to everybody, including our pet friends on March 12-13 with an Adopt-a-Pet show hosted by Barbra Seville, an employee turnabout show and the eagerly awaited “Sexiest Bartender Contest” on Sunday at 4 p.m. Benefiting Faith’s Animal Rescue. 5749 N. 7th St. Phone: 602-336-0126 See ads pp. 28-29

Britney Spears CD Release Party It’s Britney, bitch! Mrs. K Fed-Ex will prove to everybody why she’s still a Mousketeer to be reckoned with when her new CD Femme Fatale is released. Come for the official Arizona release part at Bliss-ReBAR on Monday, March 28 at 8 p.m. with raffle prizes, giveaways and happy hour pricing all night! 901 N. 4th St. Phoen: 602795-1792 blissonfourth.com See ads on p. 42 & 63

Pornopalooza If you love The Sound of Music, this is definitely not the party for you. But if you like hot guys in XXX movies, this is exactly your cup of tea! The notorious and naughty Hostess with the Mostess, Mandi Boom-Boom, brings her own brand of fun to this festival at BS West April 1-3. You’ll be a fool not to attend! Porn stars, DVDs and giveaways all weekend long! 7125 E. 5th Ave. Phone: Phone: 480-945-9028 BSWest.com See ad on p. 8 26

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February 2011

Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball After Party This is the only “After Party” certified by Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball Tour. You won’t want to miss. Best of all, longtime Gaga collaborator and artist in her own right, Lady Starlight will be on hand spinning her own fab New York Street Revival & Trash Dance. It all happens at Bar Smith, 130 E. Washington on Saturday May 26th. Brought to you in part by AustinHead.com See Austin’s ad for Sugar Pop! on p. 21

MARCH 2011 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT & LOCATION CITY 2 2 5 5 6 7 8 12 12-13 12-13 12 16 16-20 17 19 19 19 20 26 27 28 31

Welfare Wednesdays - Cherry Bar Heel Party - Bar1 Hellraisers Softball Turnabout - Charlie’s Lucky Charm Volleyball Challenge - Encanto Park SW Center for HIV/AID Home Tour Martinis & Manicures - Bar1 Mardi Gras Parties Chili Cookoff - Roscoe’s Bar with Benefits Weekend - Apollo’s Devoured 1Voice Bowlathon - AMF Lanes Squaw Peak Lady Gaga Ticket Giveaway - Karamba Spring Break Week - B.S. West St. Patrick’s Day Miss & Mister Phoenix Gay Pride - Orpheum Theatre HRC Dinner - PHX Convention Center Fan Appreciation - Roscoe’s Mike & Pandora’s Birthday Bash - The Rock Lady Gaga Official After Party - Bar Smith Men of STRUT - icepics Britney Spears Party - Bliss ReBAR p 42 63 Foam Party - Vagabond Ballroom

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Everywhere!

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Art Museum Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Your Fave Bar Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale

Divas Las Vegas - Celebrity Theatre Pornopalooza - BS West Sugar & Champagne - Phx Art Museum White Party

Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Palm Springs, CA

April 1 1-3 8 8

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Sunday, March 13, 2011

5749 N. 7th Street

Cocktailing starts at 2pm Sexiest Bartender Competition at 4pm Come watch the Valley’s sexiest bartenders show off their talents and shake it up for charity For participation or more information call 602.277.SWAY

Benefiting

Faith’s Animal Rescue faithsanimalrescue.org

See all the sexy bartenders on page 69.

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superbowl party

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ROSCOE’S on 7th

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Arizona Renaissance Festival Remember Witch Trials, the Spanish Inquisition, Bubonic Plague and live executions of kings? Relive the good times and party like it’s 1599 at the fabulous Arizona Renaissance Festival! Take the US 60 East, just beyond the Gold Canyon Golf Resort. It’s open every Saturday and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. now through April 3. Visit www.RoyalFaires.com for more info or call 520-463-2700.

Great Arizona Beer Festival Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. If that’s true you’ll see nothing but perfect 10s by the end of the day at the Great Arizona Beer Festival on Saturday, March 5 from 2-6 p.m. at Tempe Beach Park, 54 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. There’ll be food, entertainment, and, of course, everybody’s favorite temporary solution: BEER! For tix visit AZbeer.com.

Devoured Culinary Classic Grab your knife and fork! It’s time for Devoured Phx Culinary Classic! This delicious event promotes Arizona producers and purveyors of fine food and drink to promote Phoenix’s fine restaurants, fostering lively food experiences at the Phoenix Art Museum. This is a “do not miss” event! March 12-13, 11 a.m-4 p.m.

Get your tix at phxart.org/devoured

MARCH 2011 ION around town listings DATE EVENT / LOCATION CITY

thru 4/3 3-7 4-6 4-6 5 5-6 9-10 11-13 11-13 12 18-20 26 26-28 27 27 31-4/3 32

Renaissance Festival Fiesta Cluster Dog Show at Westworld Carefree Fine Arts & Wine Fest Parada del Sol Rodeo - WestWorld Great Arizona Beer Festival Heard Museum Indian Fair Art Detour Devoured Culinary Festival at Phx Art Museum Ostrich Festival at Tumbleweed Park St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Festival WorldFEST at Heritage Square Great American BBQ & Beer Fest Tempe Festival of the Arts Bon Vivant Food & Drink Festival - Rawhide Encanto-Palmcroft Historic Home Tour Art & Flowers at Phx Art Museum

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Apache Junction Scottsdale Carefree Scottsdale Tempe Beach Park Phoenix Downtown Phx Phoenix Chandler Downtown Phx Downtown Phx Downtown Chandler Tempe Chandler Phoenix Phoenix

THE FABULOUS

Beekman Boys

The Farmers in the Dell

Photo courtesy of Ben Hoffman by Brown 34 Deon www.IONAZ.com

March 2011

How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, after they’ve been on TV? Last year America discovered and fell in love with Dr. Brent Ridge, a one-time minion of lifestyle matriarch Martha Stewart and a notorious OCD penchant for perfection, and his lovable partner of over ten years, the happygo-lucky former advertising exec Josh Kilmer-Purcell, a recovering drag queen whose goldfish-filled aquariums for breasts made him the toast of New York once upon a time. Now he’s a devotee of Oprah’s “Live Your Best Life” philosophy while Brent is firmly entrenched in Camp Martha.

After the economy crashed, Brent got lace-trimmed, handmade Victorian-style Pink Slip from Martha and Josh left the rat race on Madison Avenue. Together they bought the 200-year-old Beekman Estate in Sharon Springs, New York and became part of the landed gentry.

With help from the endearing, stalwart Farmer John, his herd of goats, and the foolhardy llama Polka Spot, in a beautiful but slightly haunted mansion humming with a swarm of unkillable “Zombie Flies,” they set up house and became one, big, happy family.

The Beekman is now a thriving, selfsustaining farm producing goat milk soap, heirloom garden seeds, fine comestibles and more available at Beekman1802.com, a clearinghouse for everything Beekman.

Josh Kilmer-Purcell covered everything from Agaphanthus to Zinnias as he recounted their failures and successes in his best-selling book, The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers (Harper Collins, 2010). Now, Beek Geeks everywhere are addicted.

And nobody rocks Harris tweed and muck boots like the Boys. ION Arizona visited with Josh and Brent about Beekmania and their successful lives as celebrity farmers.

ION: How different are your lives from what we see when the cameras quit rolling?

Josh: Not much different at all, actually. It’s pretty real. We’re still filming the next season; it’s premiering shortly and we don’t know how it’s going to end.

ION: The New York Times described your show as “sylvan burlesque” and a Gay Green Acres.

Josh: We get Gay Green Acres a lot.

But it’s not a farce. It actually is our lives and the lives of a lot of Americans.

There are plenty of people like us who lost their jobs in the Great Recession and they’re trying to figure out what Chapter Two is. We’re doing something that a lot of Americans are trying to do.

ION: Can we expect Polka Spot to write a

Beekman Boys Dearest tell-all about life at the estate?

Brent: It’s so funny, because she has been the break-out star and she’s such a diva. Henri Bendel, the department store on Fifth Avenue in the city carries our products, and they want to do a whole promotion with Polka Spot as a Bendel Girl for them where she does celebrity interviews, gives beauty tips and everything else. The sky’s the limit when it comes to Polka Spot.

Josh: She gets far more press than we do.

Brent: People will see in episode one [season two] when she gets her first ever haircut and she didn’t take too well to it. She knows full well that you have to suffer for beauty.

ION: Can you tell us one fabulous secret about life as the Fabulous Beekman Boys?

Brent: That’s tough! I don’t know if everyone would think this is as fabulous as we do, but right now we’re raising and growing about 80% of the food that we eat on the farm. So when people see us taking care of the animals or planting the garden it’s for our own consumption and that’s what we survive off of.

ION: You’ve conquered country life at The Beekman. How about a Gay Dude Ranch in Arizona now?

Brent: I think obviously at the rate our business is growing we’re going to have to get into the hospitality industry at some point. Surely we could open a Beekman 1802 Spa out there. It’ll be only slightly more expensive than Miraval [Spa, near Tucson].

Josh: That’ll be Polka Spot’s spinoff show. Polka Spot Opens a Spa in Arizona.

ION: Can you give our readers one Fabulous Beekman Boy piece of advice about fabulous living?

Josh: It sounds kind of trite, but you have to figure out what you’re good at in life. What you dream of in life. Try to figure out how to get those two things to marry.

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Josh: Living or dead? Well, I think you have to invite Jesus because everybody does. He gets a lot of invitations. I’m gonna say Jesus, Carol Channing and Michelle Obama. No! I’m gonna take that back! Laura Bush!

If I get her drunk enough she’s gonna tell some stories!

Brent: I would add to that don’t let someone else define for you what “fabulous” is.

People often think that being “fabulous” is nightlife, parties and glitterati.

That’s one of Brent: For me, the reasons I would say we named ... definitely the show The Martha because Fabulous everyone knows Beekman I have a crush on Boys because her. Alice Waters, it’s really kind and Tabatha Coffey. of a tongue-inShe could give us cheek reference some business advice. to the “fabulous” life.

Personally, we think ION: Hypothetical situation: life on the farm is fabulous.

Martha and Oprah get in a Define what “fabulous” is for you and don’t let someone else define it for you. barroom brawl. Who wins?

Brent: Oh, Martha! Totally Martha!

ION: What’s up with the Zombie Flies?

Josh: There’s no cure for cluster flies.

They’ve been there for 200 years. Now they’re part of the family.

ION: What’s the thermostat set on at The Beekman?

Brent: Actually, I increased it by four degrees. Now it’s 52 degrees. Before the TV show it was 40, then we moved it up to 48. If we do a third season I’ll go up to 60.

ION: Pick three fabulous guests to spend the weekend at The Beekman with you.

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Josh: No, I think Oprah. Gayle’s never far away from Oprah. It’d be two against one.

The Fabulous Beekman Boys is nominated as The Most Addictive Reality Show for LOGO TV’s NewNowNext Awards. Join in the rollicking reality TV adventures of Josh and Brent along with Farmer John and Polka Spot for Season Two of The Fabulous Beekman Boys, premiering Tuesday, March 22 on Planet Green, channel 764 on Cox Cable.

AGRA RODEO

RAWHIDE/ WILD HORSE PASS

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Clay Aiken C’mon, Claymates! The cute little dorky Gay boy from American Idol (well, one of the many, anyway) who’s now openly out-of-the-closet will perform for all the little old ladies and pudgy housewives who still swoon over him. This carrot-top cutie will be here on Thursday, March 10 be at the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. Phone: For tickets call 480-644-6500

Lady Gaga Maybe you’ve heard of her. Flaming piano. Meat dress. Might be a hermaphrodite. Yep. Her. Anyway, she’s back on tour again! Lady Gaga brings her wildly shocking show back to the US Airways Center on Saturday, March 26. 201 E. Jefferson. Tix: 800-745-3000 or visit ticketmaster.com. Baby, she was born this way.

Janet Jackson “Gimme a beat!” All you nasty boys don’t mean a thing, but now’s your chance to see this legend perform live. And in person, too.

Her first name ain’t “baby.” It’s “Janet. MIss Jackson, if you’re nasty.” She’ll be at the Comerica Theatre on April 8, 400 W. Washington. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888.

Who knows? There may even be a “wardrobe malfunction,” too.

MARCH 2011 ION Concert Calendar DATE 4 10 11 17 24 25 26 26 26 26 31

ARTIST LOCATION Jackson Browne Comerica Theatre Clay Aiken Mesa Arts Center Masters of Funk Tour Celebrity Theatre Flogging Molly Tempe Beach Park Dashboard Confessional Marquee Theatre Toad the Wet Sprocket Marquee Theatre Betty Buckley Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts Mitzi Gaynor Wild Horse Pass Casino Pink Floyd Experience Comerica Theatre Lady Gaga US Airways Center Manhattan Transfer Celebrity Theatre

PHONE 602-279-3888 480-644-6500 602-267-1600 480-829-0607 480-829-0607 480-829-0607 480-994-ARTS 877-840-0457 602-279-3888 800-745-3000 602-267-1600

APRIL 2 8

Pat Benatar Janet Jackson

602-267-1600 602-379-2888

Celebrity Theatre Comerica Theatre

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition, check out new albums from Sara Evans, Lupe Fiasco, Cut Copy, Green Day (live), The Strokes, Jennifer Hudson, Panic! at the Disco, Chris Brown, Duran Duran (expanded) and Miss Britney Spears.

Avril Lavigne

Goodbye Lullabye It’s been four years since her last release and in that time the music scene has evolved, especially the semi-punk pop world that Avril created. After some maturity and a realization for change to stay current, Avril ups her game and showcases a more vulnerable side.

Though lead single “What the Hell,” shows the brilliance of yesteryear while providing the perfect bridge to her new sound, it’s the rest of the album that will keep you intrigued.

Perhaps the nearly two years it took to complete this project was a blessing. Track of choice here is “Push” while “Wish You Were Here,” “Goodbye” and “Black Star” all give great support. GRADE: B

R.E.M

Collapse Into Now Who says old guys can’t ROCK? This band, known for its “Orange Crush” and “Stand,” has created a masterpiece that is current, thrilling and anthemic.

While their last effort Accelerate was all rock, Collapse takes some of that brilliance but adds touches of grace and variety. They get help from Peaches, Patti Smith and Eddie Vedder. Almost every track soars with its own ingenuity and truly creates their best work in almost two decades. “Me Marlon Brando” just oozes with sophistication while the title track just rocks with style. Arguably, “It Happened Today”

rings best, but also check out “Oh My Heart” and “Discover.” GRADE: A

Lucinda Williams Blessed

Time magazine called Lucinda one of the greatest living songwriters of our generation. Simply put, Williams takes her time with each release to always give her best lyrically, spiritually and with a grit that can only be described as the male Bob Dylan with a dash of Emmylou Harris. She’s definitely not vocally melodic, but her grit, twang and raw tone compiled with her emotional complexity make her a Grammy fave. On her new release, Lucinda dazzles the listener with some of her best work in years. Shoutout to “Kiss Like Our Kiss” as featured in True Blood as well as the painful “Soldier’s Song” and “Seeing Black.”

GRADE: B+

Alexis Jordan Self Titled

Seems everyone is trying to make the grade after getting booted off these reality talent shows and this girl is no different.

Signed by JAY-Z, Alexis was on track for greatness after she captured the world’s attention with her club smash “Happiness.” Unfortunately, her debut is watered down and full of midtempo, wanna-be Rihanna-like tunes.

Thankfully, her gifted voice soars in a Leona Lewis like fashion and does offer some fun.

No doubt we will hope for great remixers to satisfy our craving for who should have had the next “When Love Takes Over.” Check out “Love Mist” as well as “Good Girl” and “Hush Hush.” GRADE: C+

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The Blue Room Two actors portray ten different couples in ten different sexual liaisons, circling from the lowest members of society to the highest, and then around again to connect them all with the characters’ sexual lives becoming a daisy chain. Presented by Nearly Naked Theatre, March 5-26 at the Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell. For tickets call 602-254-2151

Grey Gardens: the Musical “Do you think it would look sexier with the bra underneath? I think it would.” Now’s your big chance to see the wacky story of Jackie Kennedy’s kooky cousins in East Hampton set to music! Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy, Tempe. For tix call 480-350-8388 or visit tempelittletheatre.org

Fiddler on the Roof Picture this: Russia. 1905. Tevya, a poor milkman, is distressed to learn that three of his five daughters want to marry against his wishes. Each marriage challenges him to reconsider the traditions by which he lives. Add a couple of pogroms, and you’ve got a warhorse of a musical at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. March 29-April 3. For tix visit ASUGammage.com or call 480-965-3434. Oi vey!

MARCH 2011 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION PHONE 1-20 Girls Night Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6050 3-19 Importance of Being Earnest Mesa Arts Ctr 480-644-6500 4 Jeffrey Tambor Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-944-ARTS 4-20 Andy Warhol: Good for the Jews? Herberger 602-253-6701 4-26 The Blue Room Nearly Naked Theatre 602-254-2151 thru 6 Ten Chimneys Herberger 602-253-6701 thru 20 Avenue Q Phx. Theatre 602-254-2151 11-26 (TBA) Herberger 602-253-6701 18-4/3 Grey Gardens: the Musical Tempe Ctr for the Arts 480-350-8388 24-4/10 Lost in Yonkers Herberger 602-253-6701 25-4/9 Octopus Stray Cat Theatre 480-820-8022 26 Betty Buckley Scotts Ctr. for the Arts 480-944-ARTS 29-4/3 Fiddler on the Roof ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 thru 4/9 Sound of Music B’way Palms Dinner Theatre 480-325-6700 January 2011 www.IONAZ.com 45

FRESH

SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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1N10 BENEFIT

by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews Apparently, March is the month where Hollywood gives old allegories a gritty reboot as this month’s previews are re-envisionings of Beauty and the Beast and Little Red Riding Hood.

What contributing to this sudden influx of modernized fables? Twilight, folks.

What’s been said before still holds true – children are our future. The future of our cinema. Thanks a lot, tweens!

Beastly

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Neil Patrick Harris, Vanessa Hudgens and Mary Kate Olsen In this modern day adaptation of the classic, Beauty and the Beast, Kyle (Pettyfer) is your stereotypical jock – handsome, intelligent, but incredibly cruel. He gleans delight from torturing his less attractive classmates. After offending the sensibilities of Kendra, (the hideous Olsen) a class Goth, she casts a spell on him that transforms him physically into everything he despises. The spell, as you can guess, can only be lifted if he’s able to find someone who will truly love him, despite his “beastly” exterior. Kyle moves to Brooklyn and lives in relative isolation, save for his sympathetic housekeeper and a blind tutor (Patrick Harris).

Chancing upon a drug addict

killing a menacing dealer, Kyle offers protection to the drug addict’s daughter (Hudgens) if she comes to live with him in his Brooklyn. And so begins Kyle’s journey towards true love. Release Date: 03/04/2011.

Red Riding Hood

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Julie Christie and Billy Burke In this dark retelling of the classic tale, Little Red Riding Hood, a werewolf has been terrorizing a small medieval township, but Valerie (Seyfried), ignores the warnings in favor of exploring her fledgling love affair with a woodcutter that she puts herself at risk. Meanwhile, the townspeople hire a werewolf hunter, Father Solomon (Gary Oldman), to stop the beast before it kills again. It’s a pretty thin plot, but with the sudden influx of hormones and hyper-sexualized imagery (flowing red cape, anyone?), it captivates. Also, Julie Christie (the blonde-haired goddess of Doctor Zhivago) plays Red’s Grandmother, so … there’s that. Release Date: 03/11/2011.

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review Vampire Boys (2011)

Starring: Christian Ferrer, Jason Lockhart, Dylan Vox, Ryan Adames So anyone who has followed my column to any degree knows what a kick I get out of vampire films, and Vampire Boys, the new film written by Jeremiah Campbell and David S. Sterling and directed by Charlie Vaughn is no exception. All-state swimming champ, the somewhat nelly Caleb (Ferrer), moves from Ohio to L.A. for a fresh start. Rooming with Paul (Adames), a good-natured, musical sort who allows him to stay with him for free, he has a dream with an absurdly handsome, bleached-blonde badass who makes a cameo. The next day, he meets his mystery man, Jasin (Lockhart), who takes him out on the town as a “one man welcome wagon.” It goes well, but Jasin has ulterior motives. See, his hundredth birthday (did I forget to mention he’s a vampire?) is coming up and he needs to find “the one,” his immortal beloved to ensure he and his entourage of vampire homies, don’t die. So Caleb, who moved to L.A. three days earlier, has to jump straight from first date to “until death do us part” (and by “death” I of course mean a decapitation on par with Highlander).

It’s a tough row to hoe for our little hero. Is he up for the challenge?

Like most indie flicks, some (ok, most) of the acting leaves a lot to be desired. In older films “scenery chewing” was the oft-uttered phrase. In newer films, “stilted,” “antiseptic,” and “under-stated to the point of catatonic” seem to be par for the course. One scene left me practically howling with ill-placed glee as I

watched Paul and Caleb have a big blowout that had all the bang of a Quaalude-induced make-out session. “Somebody break a lamp for Heaven’s sake!” Oh, well. The story’s interesting and Jasin’s a fox, so … I’ll get all “Facts of Life” on it and take the good with the bad.

Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story

(2009) It embarrasses me to some extent that we have never covered this documentary. Directed by Sarah Townsend, Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story chronicles Izzard’s meteoric rise to fame and notoriety as the premiere “Executive Transvestite” Comedian of our time. Born in Yemen, Izzard briefly lived in Ireland before moving to England, where the untimely passing of his mother prompted his father to enroll him and his brother into boarding school. From there, he briefly flirted with a military career and an accountancy degree before finding his true calling as a performer. An adept writer, he honed his craft throughout the 80s, before gaining recognition with his now-trademark stream of consciousness style of storytelling. Called “The Lost Python” by John Cleese, Izzard is a force unto himself – a truly remarkable, dedicated individual who has overcome his mother’s death, dyslexia, and the public response to his transvestitism.

This is his tale and one well worth hearing.

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volley del sol

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byby Deon Brown Deon Brown

“Can We Tawk?” with Frank Marino

J

oan Rivers said, “The one thing a woman doesn’t want to find in her stockings on Christmas morning is her husband.” And even though he may not be married to Joan, for over 25 years famed female impersonator Frank Marino has been wearing her stockings, telling jokes to audiences all over the world as Joan Rivers.

ION: What’s the best thing about being Frank Marino?

Frank Marino: I’m one of a handful of people in the world who can say that they really enjoy doing what they do for a living. Many people go to work and enjoy their job; I actually look forward to it on a daily basis.

For that I’m very grateful.

ION: Are there days where you don’t want to put on the wig, heels and dress?

FM: When I was younger, like anybody else, I’d have a bad day and think, ‘I really don’t want to go to work

tonight.’ But after 9/11 — and I remember that specifically — seeing so many people lose their jobs and having to change careers, I made a conscious effort to say, ‘I will never complain about going to work no matter how tired I am or bad my day is.’ Since then I’ve never complained about going to work.

In my autobiography, His Majesty the Queen, I talk about being a comedian, being a clown. It’s very difficult. If you’re going through personal issues you still have to go to work and make people happy. It’s a very tough thing to do, but it’s really great therapy. When you go onstage and tell jokes it actually lifts you up as well. It took a long time; I had to work through it to get here.

ION: You’ve been doing Joan Rivers almost as long as Joan has been doing Joan Rivers.

FM: I am the longest running headliner!

But I want to add not the oldest! I’m exactly 30 years younger than Joan Rivers. My relationship has gone 360 with Joan Rivers.

It started off fabulously when I was a kid impersonating her in nightclubs.

When I moved to Vegas we had a little

bit of a problem and she sued me in 1986. It was the first time a celebrity sued someone for impersonating them. Whereas it was troubling, it also brought me national attention and put me on the map.

It’s since come full circle. I recently celebrated my 25th anniversary and she was really sweet and did a big promo video congratulating me. The best news is that we’re on great terms right now.

ION: What’s your secret to entertaining audiences for over 25 years?

FM: I guess I’m stealing from Madonna.

Reinventing and keeping it fresh. My new show is much more MTV, where the old show, “La Cage,” was more cabaret. That show closed after 25 years because of the economy. That was a show that went through four presidents, two wars and the turn of the century and just couldn’t make it.

That being said, I’m very lucky to have opened my own show, “Divas Las Vegas,” and have such a runaway hit.

People choose to see us when there are so many choices out there. Since I opened my show two years ago, there’ve been 36 shows open and close in Las Vegas. I’m one of two shows that survived. You have to keep up with the times. By doing so, my crowds are getting younger and younger.

ION: What does Frank Marino do when he’s not performing?

FM: Believe it or not, in 25 years Frank Marino only missed one day of work.

I very rarely have down time. But I always have two weeks off at Christmastime and I go to Disneyworld. That’s my favorite thing to do outside of work.

ION: What would you be doing if you weren’t entertaining?

FM: I love Las Vegas!

I would rather be a mailman in Vegas than live somewhere else permanently and

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entertain. Now that I own my own show I’m enjoying traveling and doing one-nighters. That makes it the best of both worlds, because I get to travel and I get to perform.

ION: You’ve seen a lot of changes in Las Vegas.

FM: I came in at the end of the Mafia era and lived through the corporate era that it is now. Looking back, at such a young age — 17-yearsold — to be able to say that I knew Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Liberace ... It didn’t seem so important then. Looking back I can’t believe that was a piece of history that I was part

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 55

of. I miss the old Vegas very much. It was a smaller town. It was different. Now it’s so big; it’s easy to get lost in the mix.

ION: What can Phoenix expect from a “Divas Las Vegas Show”?

FM: It’s gonna be a party night! The party’s gonna be not only the audience having a great time, but the cast having a great time as well. I’m gonna bring you every superstar from modern day Lady Gaga and Rhianna, to the staples: Cher, Diana Ross and Tina Turner.

I’ve got six of the hottest male dancers

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that Vegas has ever had. Afterwards we’re looking forward to going into the community and meeting some of the people. Yes, baby! We’re gonna frequent as many places as we can afterwards! I’ll go out as Frank Marino. I never go out in drag, unless it’s for a function. It’s a lot of work. I give women a lot of credit to be like that all day long. It’s not the most comfortable.

ION: Your job is physically demanding. How do you stay in shape?

FM: I have my plastic surgeon on speed dial. I’ve had more work done on myself than they did on Mount Rushmore!

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 57

masquerade ball T EMPE CEN T ER F OR T HE A RT S

Miss G ay A rizona USofA & A rizona USofA Classic 2011

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Mister & Miss Gay Pride Kiki Vermont Who will be the Drag King and Queen who’ll represent the Valley of the Sun for Phoenix Gay Pride this year?

Famed Mistresses of Ceremonies from RuPaul’s Drag Race, season 2, the fabulous JuJuBee and Jessica Wild are the special celebrity guest stars who’ll have a VIP meet ‘n’ greet after. Saturday, March 19, 7 o’clock p.m. at the Orpheum Theatre. For tix call Ticketmaster at 800-745-3000 or go to pride-pageant.org to purchase online.

Savannah Moussier ¡Arriba, queridos! This sizzling and sultry siren is a welcome addition to the footlights at Karamba Nightclub every Tuesday night at at 10:30 for a fiesta of fiery fun. ¡Hasta pronto! 1724 E. McDowell Road. 602-254-0231 or visit Karambanightclub.com

MARCH 2011 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Sun. 6 Sun 6 Wed. 9 Sun. 12 Sun 13 Sun. 20 Sun 27

7:00pm 7:00pm 9:00pm 8:00pm 7:00pm 8:00pm 5:00pm

Select Fridays 10:00pm Mondays 9:00pm Tuesdays 8:00pm Tuesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Thursdays 10:30pm Third Thursdays 10:00 1st & 3rd Fri. 2nd & 4th Fri Fridays 10:30pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30p Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 10:30pm Select Sundays 7:00pm

The Rock Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s The Rock Apollo’s Apollo’s

Showgirlz!

Afeelya Bunz & Claudia B. Mr./Miss Pride Contestant Show Kings for the Road - Mr. Arizona M.I. Apollo’s Annual Turnabout Show Snatch: An Act of Drag Terrorism The Cougar Cabaret Barbra Sevile’s That Time of the Month Show

Cherry Bar Apollo’s BS West Karamba Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba Vagabond The Rock The Rock Cruisin’ 7th BS West Cruisin’ 7th The Rock icepics Charlie’s Charlie’s Karamba The Rock

Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party w/ Eryka and Lesbian Stars of Tomorrow Show with Kendra St. James Savannah Moussier Steppin’ Out with Judy & TC Claudia B. & Company Ruby Reynolds Inferno with Ruby Reynolds Scandaleyez with Savannah Stevens Genderfuct with Pandora DeStrange Devina’s TGIF Elements - followed by Mandy BoomBoom’s Boys!

Host Mia Adams The Barbra Seville Show The Chane Jordan Show Pussy’s Patio Show Pussy LeHoot & Friends Diamond’s Show Showgirlz

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser February 2011 www.IONAZ.com 59

Devoured PHX CULINARY CLASSIC Fabulous Feasting Frenzy In a city full of McDonald’s, Domino’s, Applebee’s, Chili’s, Filiberto’s, Roliberto’s, Julioberto’s, Losberto’s, Umberto’s and all the other endless, interelated Berto’s, it’s easy to feel like nobody really cares about your tastebuds in this cold, cruel, processed, carbohydrate filled world. With lots of MSG. But it ain’t necessarily so. Look around.

There’s a growing movement and increasing awareness about looking around and discovering what’s in your own back yard. Or your front yard.

Even your neighbor’s yard. That’s because folks are reaching a greater understanding about supporting and sustaining independent merchants and restaurateurs. And these people are your neighbors.

C-note stays in the state. You may have heard, the state’s broke. If everybody did this, just think what a difference it would make to the budget.

This philosophy paved the way for the creation of Devoured Phx Culinary Classic. This gastronomical gala is sponsored by Local First Arizona, The Arizona Republic, and the Phoenix Art Museum. It’s open to purveyors who support the Arizona food, chefs, restaurants and wine industries.

This independently edible awardwinning culinary event is making its second appearance at the Phoenix Art Museum. You’ve got the entire weekend of March 12 & 13 to eat, drink and be merry, Mary, while

That’s what spurred the creation of Local First in 2003 by Kimber Lanning. Local First is a nonprofit organization representing a coalition of locally owned business which form the backbone of the Arizona economy.

Now for a little lesson in economics and free enterprise for you. Did you know that for every $100 you spend, say, at Denny’s (and it’s not that far-fetched) that only $13 remains in Arizona? Take that $100 and take it to Switch, Maizie’s, Bliss, or FEZ. $45 of that March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 61

discovering some of the best casual and fine dining options and vintners available to you right here in the Valley of the Sun. This event fosters lively food experiences and presents innovative culinary demonstrations along with showcasing local artisans, farms, food producers and more. Note that the emphasis is on local. You won’t find any chain McRestaurants admitted here. You’ll find everything from hip, chic Mom ‘n’ Pop cafés (well, not exactly my mom ‘n’ pop. But you get the idea) to all the swell ‘n’ swanky places to see and be seen.

Devoured is a perfect way to graze, sampling some of the greatest gourmet delights from

restaurants, cafés and diners around town that you’ve always wanted to try.

This is the perfect opportunity to do just that. Spend time strolling through the seductively landscaped and designed sculpture garden of the Phoenix Art Museum while you sample snacks and quaff some wine. Many of the participating restaurants provide printed menus as well as a carefully selected recipe from their cookbooks for you to try at home. You’ll also receive a piece of commemorative stemware so that you can sample some delectable wines from local vintners and wineries. You’ll also have the chance to see captivating demonstrations from noted chefs performed.

Tickets are available by visiting Protix. com, calling 866-977-6849 or in person at the Phoenix Art Museum. Daily tickets are $59 beginning March 1, and $69 at the door. A two-day pass is $90 in advance through March 11 or $118 at the door. Spring for the two-day pass, people; some restaurants may not be present for both days, so you’re sure to bound to get a heapin’ helpin’ of their hospitality all weekend long.

For more information about making a difference starting here in your hometown, check out localfirstaz.com.

For more information about Devoured Phx Culinary Classic visit phxart.org/ devoured and devourphoenix.com

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ION/GPGLCC COCKTAIL PARTY C I T Y S C A P E

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Photography by Jerry O’Conner Additional Photography by Fernando Hernandez Art Direction by Deon Brown & Kevin Bushaw Production Assitance by Craig Rubin & Tom King Styling and Makeup provided by Par Exsalonce CityScape Salon & Spa 11 W. Washington St., Suite 240 Phoenix, AZ 85003

602.340.0332

Alfonso Gonzales, Owner / Editorial Stylist Michael Parra, Hair Stylist Ash Yomontaño, Hair Stylist Caroline Winkler, Make-up Artist March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 69

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<< TRUETTFUENTES

of Cherry Bar

< EMILIOMINTO

of Anvil (formerly Velocity) > CARLOSMALDONADO

of OZ

TCTAYLOR/ TOBYCRAVER

of The Rock

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 73

74

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<< DREWAKERSON

of Kobalt

< KELACALKINS

of Kobalt

> KATCARLSON

of Cash Inn Country

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 75

76

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PUSSYLeHOOT

of Charlie’s

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 77

78

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<< MAXPIPER

of BS West < SHANEBULLOCK

of Ticoz & ReBar

> ANTHONYCLARKE

of Lush Lounge

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 79

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Vol. 4, Issue 10

MARCH 2011

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Cuddly Pillow Pets an Endangered Species OUTRAGEOUS! WASHINGTON, D.C. — In accordance to the Endangered Species Act of 1978, Congress has ruled that the lovable “Pillow Pets” are threatened. You can find these cuddly creatures by the dozens in variety stores such as Walgreen’s and CVS as well as in kiosks malls across the nation.

it’s all over. They’re defenseless when they’re taken out of their natural habitat in the wild,” said one expert about Pillow Pets.

Last year more than 563 million Pillow Pets were brutally abducted from their nesting and foraging areas across the world, mostly centering in China and Taiwan.

Pillow Pet hunters The senseless routinely go out slaughter of these expeditions, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLYinACCIDENTAL beautiful, majestic tearing small, baby creatures may cause Pillow Pets away them to be extinct from their mothers, by as soon as 2015, some experts say. frequently while still nursing and clubbing their parents to death for their pelt.

“Parents buy these for their kids. Sure, they look cute. Children go to sleep with them Soon, Pillow Pets may no longer be found in their beds, play with them in front of in the wild, or in retail five and dime stores, the TV. Before long they’re shabby, losing but only in garage sales. stuffing. If the family dog gets hold of them,

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS!

Salad Bar Veggies

Mostly Fake OUTRAGEOUS!

MONTGOMERY, soy lecithin, Ala. — After autolyzed yeast suing Taco Bell extract, sodium for foisting off a phosphate, suspicious “taco potassium lactate, meat filling” hair, lint, grease, containing only fur, and, of 36% real beef to course, MSG. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL an ignorant and unsuspecting “I was shocked, public, the same shocked, I tell Alabama law you, to discover firm is now suing that my favorite Sweet Tomatoes, salad bar’s green Souper! Salad! and staples were Souplantation and not 100% pure taking salad bars vegetables,” across America to said Marjorie task for serving Chittenden, of bogus vegetables Independence, with up to 64% filler, which is mostly beef.

Missouri. “I thought that they were Nature’s bounty! Not just some by-products of a ANY RESEMBLANCE TOTO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY RESEMBLANCE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL “Sure, it looks like pure lettuce, spinach, manufacturing plant! Next thing you know broccoli, bean and alfalfa sprouts,” said they’re going to tell me that American one anonymous Sweet Tomatoes salad bar cheese isn’t really real cheese!” stocker. “But you’d be surprised. There’s hardly any vegetables at all in our salad bar. National salad bar supplier, Nature’s Bounty, They’re mostly fake.” is being investigated concerning the origin of their semi-pseudo-quasi vegetables.

“Fake” meaning salt, maltodextrin (a polysaccharide that is absorbed as glucose),

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 87

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OUTRAGEOUS! Newly Released Twain Autobio

Reveals Sexy Lifestyle

HANNIBAL, Mo. – Released one hundred years after his death, Mark Twain’s eagerly anticipated unexpurgated autobiography reveals a shocking side of the acclaimed American ANY RESEMBLANCE author, whose classics like Tom Sawyer have been mainstays of American literature.

soutache trim a white modesty bodice of Brussels lace to hide my hairy chest. My gloves were kid leather, and I had on the most darling little purple bonnet I bought in New Orleans. I played Faro in a saloon near the docks where I fleeced three stevedores out of $15. After I boarded TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL the ‘Cotton Blossom’ I had changed into a blue serge dress with just a hint of my petticoat showing beneath. Later that night I had my way with the pilot, pleasuring him whilst he suspected not that I was a man, although he said my mustache tickled his nether regions considerably.”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! TO THE TRUTH IS

“This is the autobiography the way Twain wanted it published,” said one literary expert. “We’ve been presented with Twain as the wise ANY RESEMBLANCE TO TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY TOTHE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL sage ofRESEMBLANCE the American South, adventurer, Historians, librarians and Republicans opportunity seeker, oracle. This is Twain as everywhere have expressed outrage at he saw himself: a rollicking, hard drinking, Twain’s heretofore secret life. gambling transvestite who whored himself up and down the mighty Mississipp’ in drag “We can’t let the whole world know that on paddlewheelers.

Twain was a Nancy Boy,” said Rush Limbaugh. “That kind of thing might be One paragraph of Twain’s own life story okay for the Italians or the French, but not reads, “I remember taking a stagecoach here in the good ol’ USA! That book must be to Vicksburg in 1856. I was dressed in a banned! Just like Huckleberry Finn!” fetching grey organdy day dress with blue

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 89

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IONPHOENIX 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718N.N.Central Central Ave. Phoenix 718 Ave.--Downtown Downtown PHX

(602)258-6122 258-6122 (602)

2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373 (602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

4.

Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

5.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6.

Bunkhouse Charlie’s

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154 (602) 265-0224

7.

Cash Inn Cherry Bar

2140 Rd.Rd.- -Phoenix 1028E.E.McDowell Indian School Phoenix

(602) (602)244-9943 277-7729

8.

Cherry Lounge Charlie’s

Every starting 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe 727 W. Thursday Camelback Rd.January - Phoenix (602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club Cherry Bar

1440E. E Indian Rd.Rd. - Phoenix (602)277-7729 234-1654 1028 IndianSchool School - Phoenix (602)

Clarendon Hotel

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

Bar 1

BS West

Bunkhouse Cash Inn

10. Club Sutra Club Vibe

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix 7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

(602) 266-9001 (480) 945-9028

(602) 200-9154 (602) 244-9943

(602) CLARENDON

(602) 682-5088 (602) 224-9977

11. Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th

Cabaret 12. Dick’s

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

videobar 14. icepics Forbidden

3108 Rd. - Phoenix 6820E. E.McDowell 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(602) 267-8707 forbiddenaz.com

15. Karamba Homme

1724 E. Camelback McDowellRd. Rd. - Phoenix 138 W. - Phoenix

(602) (602)254-0231 266-0875

icepics videobar 16. Kobalt

3108N. E. Central McDowell Rd. -- Phoenix Phoenix 3110 Ave.

(602)264-5307 267-8707 (602)

Incognito Lounge 17. Lush

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix 2050 N. Alma School - Chandler

(602) 955-9805 (480) 857-9444

Dick’s Cabaret The Door

Karamba

18. Nu Towne Kobalt

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

Closed temporarily

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888 (602) 212-9888

(602) 274-DICK

(480) 967-DOOR

(602) 254-0231

(602) 267-9959 (602) 264-5307

19. OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

20. Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

II 21. Pumphouse Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509 (602) 275-3509

22. Rainbow Retro Bar Cactus

15615 Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix 3114 N. E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) (602)971-1086 493-0355

The Rock Rock 23. The

Roscoe’s 24. Roscoe’s

4129N. N. 7th 7th Ave. 4129 Ave.- Phoenix - Phoenix

(602)248-8559 248-8559 (602)

4531N. N.7th 7th St. 4531 St.- -Phoenix Phoenix

(602)285-0833 285-0833 (602)

OZ

Plazma

Rainbow Cactus

25. Vagabond Nightclub Velocity

26. Velocity Wild Card

27. Z Girl Club Z Girl Club

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix 1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix 801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114 (602) 266-0477

(602) 867-2463

(480) 994-5176 (602) 956-2885

(602) 956-2885 (480) 857-3088

(602) 265-3233 (602) 265-3233

February 2010 www.IONAZ.com 91

IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Apollo’s

Frat Dance Night 10pm 2-4-1 well/dom 50¢ draft refills

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Karaoke 9pm

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$2 Brown Bagged Beer 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Happier Hour 3-6:30p 2-4-1well $5 martinis-$3 all beer & h wine

Brunch 10am-2pm $4 Bloody $3 glass or $10 mimosas pitch

Sunday Chill 2-7pm 2-4-1 alcohol / $10 bucket beer

BS West

ELEMENTS Illusion Show Mandi & the Boom Boom Boys

2-4-1 everything all night Go-go dancers - A new tradition

Karaoke 9pm $1 Miller Lite drafts

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Cherry Bar

Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm

Kenny Tames LIVE 5-8 pm Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm

Brunch 10a-2p 80s Flashback videos 9pm

Cruisn’ 7th

TGIF - Devina 10:30 pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 4:3 New Show Hostess Mia Adams

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Sun $3 Svedka cocktails 7p-close

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shot Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

The Chane Jordan Show! $4 SKYY cocktails 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 drinks

R Bliss / ReBAR

R FEZ icepics

Roscoe’s 10:00p- 1:00a

The Leathermen

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p

Fridays Karaoke @ 9pm

Saturdays - Live DJ Starting at 10pm

Sunday Karaoke & Triva Night @ 8:30

Fridays $4 Pitchers

Saturdays $4 Pitchers

Sundays with Diamond $3 pitchers

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 3-6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day Closes at 4pm

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

R Roscoe’s*

The Leathermen!

Great Happy Hour

Happy Hour 10am-7pm Free Darts All afternoon

Make your Bloody Mary Bar $8 Lg Isnd Pitch. $3 Beer Pitch.

R Switch

Fri: $3 House Margaritas Open from 11am-Midnight

Sat: $3 House Cosmo Martini Open from 10am-Midnight

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade $3 Breakfast Carafes Open @ 10

R Ticoz

Fridays 1/2 off Coronas all day Happy Hour 3-6:30pm

Saturday 1/2 off well vodka Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30p

Sundays 1/2 off Sangria Pitch Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30

Fridays Live Comedy 7pm & 9pm

Saturdays Live Comedy 7pm & 9pm

R Lush Lounge Karamba

The Rock

Vagabond Nightclub

R

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FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com March 2011

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Drag Race Viewing / Bingo 9pm 2 for 1 U Call-It

Tuesday $2 OFF any martini ALL DAY

Happy Hour All day / All night

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday $1 Bud Lt. Drft 4-cl.

10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Student Salvation Mondays $20 Plate of apps + bottle wine

Twofer Tuesdays $20 2 burgers/fries/2 dom beer

2-4-1 Wednesdays 9pm-close 2-4-1 on ALL drinks

Thirstday Thursdays $4 AMF, Lng Islnd/ Skinny drink

W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry $2 dom $3 well $4 bombers

Stars of Tomorrow Show with Kendra St. James $4 Skyy

2-4-1 All Day and All Night A valley tradion!

Alternative Night w/Shane Ecks $2 drafts

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Pinnacle

2-4-1 All Day! Cocktails and beer

Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm Karaoke 9pm - close

Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm

Welfare Wednesdays $2 dom / $2 well

Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm Shirts & Skins Go Go Boys 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out TC Taylor hosts 10:30 pm - $2 domestic

AZ Leathermen Strippers 10:30 pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

Wacky Wednesdays $5 Cover and almost everything else

Stripper Karaoke

$3 Burgers $ Margaritas Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$20 Any Bottle of Wine Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 G Spots Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

Martini Night $4 SKYY Martinis

GLEE starting at 7pm 2-4-1 drinks during the show

Karaoke starting at 9pm $3 well/$2.50 dom./$4 martinis

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

The Leathermen perform at Roscoe’s, Cruisin’ 7th and Plazma!

Cruisin’ 7th 10:30p - 12:30p

Tuesdays 2-4-1

Wednesday $3 U-Call-It SHOTS

Thursdays Game & Trivai Night @ 9pm

Tuesdays with Savannah $2 Drinks All Night

Wednesdays with Barbra Seville $2 Drinks All Night

Thursdays with Ruby $2 drinks all night

$4 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

Pizza/Wine Special Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

BBQ Short Ribs Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

$3 Mexican Beers Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.00 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Monday Pool Tournament 2-4-1 beer & well 7pm-close

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday All Day Happy Hour

Thursdays 2-4-1 7pm

Mon: $3 House Chard and Cab Open from 11am-Midnight

Tue: $3 Drunken Italian Sodas Open from 11am-Midnight

Wed: $3 Sangrias Open from 11am-Midnight

Thur: $3 Caipirinhas Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays 1/2 off Mojitos HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Tuesdays 1/2 off Sangrias Wednesdays 1/2 off Margaritas HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Mondays $3 U-Call-It

Wednesdays Cheap Ass $1 Drinks

Thursdays 1/2 off draft beer HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid INFERNO THURSDAYS 18+ The hottest dance club

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by Addison DeWitt

It’s no secret that the economy stinks. But I want you to know that my journalistic integrity for spreading gossip remains intact.

However, in the age of product placement, I want you to know that sponsorships for my column are now available. Contact me for rates, availability and sexual favors.

My hearty, foam rubber padded congratulations go out to Miss Naomi St. James, winner of the Miss Gay Arizona USofA pageant staged at the Tempe Center for the Arts. The competition was stiff. After an intense, 128-hour long spectacle featuring over 1,584 performances with drag queens and a few kings from here to Timbuktu, an exhausted Naomi nabbed the rhinestone-studded crown in the wee hours of the morning to the enthusiastic cheers of a sleep-deprived audience as emcees Taj Mahal and Barbra Seville wept like little boy/girls. Girly boys.

But I think it might’ve been because they stood in heels until they lost all feeling in their toes. Thanks go out to pageant promoters Mike Fornelli and Corey Ham for their hard work! Let’s all pitch in and buy them a watch!

And I mean that in a loving, caring way. You know me!

So close and yet ... so far. Why do the gods mock me so? Word on the street is that Kevin is (and I quote) “seeing someone.”

(And now I unquote.) Is this true, or is it merely a red herring to throw me off the scent? I’m crushed.

Crushed, I tell you. Crushed!

The above paragraph was sponsored in part by Axe Body Spray. Oh. And the American Association of Endodontists.

My bitter tears, however, were somewhat assuaged when that handsome devil Nick Ray, the Executive Director of 1n10 gave me a little quiche on the lips.

(Seriously. We had quiche. Don’t get any funny ideas. Nick has a boyfriend.) And how could I possibly miss Micheal Weakly who was with co-worker and pal Stacey Jay Cavaliere. Ah, dear, sweet, handsome, delightful Stacey Jay. Such a nice boy. Who would’ve imagined that less than a week later I’d see Stacey at Bar1 engaged in a heavy duty act of wild, osculatory abandon with a rather good looking, very hunky man!

I don’t know what kind of an example you’re setting for the GLBT Tween set, but I was definitely impressed, Stacey Jay! And a little shocked, yes, but mostly impressed. And more than a little jealous. You naughty, sexy, little beastie, Stacey Jay! Grrrr!

The above paragraph was sponsored in part thanks to fabulous jewelry courtesy of madeforaqueen.com. That’s madeforaqueen. com Fresh, the Annual 1n10 Brunch held at the super swanky Sheraton downtown raised over $64,000 — in real American money! Do you realize how much Axe Body Spray for those little, junior Gaybies in training that will buy? A lot! Speaking of Axe, I was seated at a table right next to the divine endodontist Kevin Axx. Right. Next. To. Him. So close.

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 95

by Addison DeWitt

The above paragraph was sponsored in part by Motel 6.

“We’ll leave the light on for you, Stacey Jay.” Other guests included state Sen. Jack Jackson and partner David Bailey, and another Jackson: Bliss-ReBAR’s Jackson David Kelly with his handsome beau Kevin Kelly, along with Rocco Meneguale and Mark Howard.

LOGO TV’s late The Big Gay Sketch Show’s faboo super-talent and everybody’s favorite Gay Pimp, Jonny McGovern, was spotted rubbing elbows with Ted Kirby and Lady Christian at Cherry Bar one Friday night not so long ago. If you haven’t seen Jonny’s classic, boner-inducing music videos “Soccer Practice” I suggest you hop on the YouTube and take a gander.

The above paragraph was not sponsored

by LOGO because they’re too friggin’ cheap, as evidenced by their lousy programming. Buffy the Vampire Slayer over and over again and again. Really?

Downtown Phoenix’s monstro-monolithicmegalopolis, CityScape, inaugurated the grand opening of The

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Arrogant Butcher restaurant & bar. A Who’s Who attended, like Gary Guerin, Helena Grayson and Stephen Serna (who actually makes my stomach do funny little backflips, if you want to know the truth), all of SWAY Events, and a panoply of others, like Aaron Carter and Mike Mosier. And who should I see behind the bar? None other than Jason Carlton! Now that’s worth the price of admission right there, folks!

The above paragraph is not currently being sponsored by anybody, but I’m sure that we can work something out.

I’m excited about St. Patrick’s Day. I’d love to kiss someone. Right on the Blarney Stone.

Sponsor Addison’s paragraphs or let him show you the luck of the Irish. Write to him at RumorHound@aol.com

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Life is full of decisions. Some are complicated and involve relationships, career, and money.

Relax! This month your only decisions involve things like clothes, hair and what to watch on TV. Here’s an answer to one crucial decision: order dessert. You deserve it.

You worry about making mistakes too much.

This month it’s almost impossible. You’re perfect! Almost. Pay heed to warning signals from a wary Libra who says, “Steer clear.”

Wear your seat belt, then floor it. You’ll be glad you did.

You are a pioneer and a trailblazer in the Wilderness of Life. Others look to you for guidance. Trouble is, with your poor sense of direction you might goof and take a wrong turn. Look at a Roadmap for Living this once.

Pay no attention to that Capricorn.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Your ability to cut to the meat of the matter is your strong suit. Problem is that you’re dealing with a spiritual vegetarian this month.

You’re presented with a mental Boca Burger and you keep asking, “Where’s the beef?” A Taurus says you have nice buns.

“Home, home on the range ...” This is a good month to stay put away the saddle and keep an eye on the OK Corral just to make sure there’s no fox in the henhouse. Keep a sixshooter handy in case a Leo snoops around too much.

You’ve been caught with your hand in plenty of cookie jars and your fingers in lots of pies lately. That’s the word on the street. Show a little restraint and you’ll be on your way to sainthood. At least that’s what a Pisces thinks.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

You’re quick on your feet. But this month they seem to be two left feet. If you stumble there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Don’t ask an Aries or a Libra. For some reason they’re not listening to you. So screw ‘em!

You’re feeling particularly rebellious this month. Your brash, impulsive behavior can act in your favor, if you pay attention. Otherwise you’re likely to get a punch in the snoot.

Surprisingly a Libra finds you oddly appealing despite your antics.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Someone reveals a secret to you that leaves you shocked and amazed. Will you use this information for Good or Evil? It feels like the Fate of the World hangs in the balance.

It doesn’t, really. Ultimately it’s not that interesting. But don’t tell a Gemini, just to be safe. You know how Geminis are.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You’re sparkling wit and natural curiosity draws people close to you. Just as important, make sure you include them in your sphere of “wonderfulness.” Word gets around and your mini-“Fan Club” grows bigger and bigger. Can we have your autograph?

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February 2011

Your capricious nature cannot be ignored.

You’re vivacious and people like the way you toss your head back when you laugh. Toss a few drinks back, while you’re at it. Heck, have a toss with a Sagittarius. And a Pisces. At the same time, if you want.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Oh, you kid! You’ve done something to redeem yourself to someone special and it’s high time, frankly. Who can resist your high spirits and ability to entertain others? If it’s your birthday, don’t think twice about saying, “Yes” to Libra, but “Maybe” to a Cancer.

March 2011 www.IONAZ.com 99