ION Arizona #163

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BLACK PARTY

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KARAMBA

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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero, .......................................................... (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ......................... (520) 429-5905

ionazsales@me.com

Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Danny Catt Scotty Kirby Sean Kapera Franklin Diaz National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2015: 20 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2015 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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MARCHING MISTLETOMOSEXUALS

CHARLIES | KOBALT | GYPSY | BLISS/REBAR | ELEMENT 14

20 Years & Going Strong!

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wenty years ago I quit my corporate job, took off my tie, and turned off my alarm clock. I started JMT Designs. Back then I had one client, one computer, one employee and $1000. We specialized in marketing business aviation. Today, we promote events for the Arizona LGBT community and beyond. We have over 100 clients, seven computers, about 20 employees/contributors and—thankfully— more than $1000.

I’m so proud of how far we’ve come in 20 years. We’ve got some of the best writers, artists, designers and photographers.

This is the company I envisioned when I started in 1995. I didn’t think it would take this long and require so much energy, money and sacrifice, but I love what I do, this community and the people who make it great. When people ask me if I would do anything different, I say “absolutely.” When they ask would you do it all over again, I say “absolutely!”

When I moved to Arizona I didn’t know anyone nor did I know where the gay community was. Today, I use ION as my guide to friendly businesses and for coming events. In these pages you’ll find my doctor, my dentist, my lawyer, my insurance agent, my healthcare provider, my realtor, my entertainment ... well, you get the idea. I hope you make them yours; support the people and organizations that support us. With your help, we’ll be here for another 20 years.

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You can say a lot about our community, but it’s not boring. The proof is inside this issue: Arizona’s own fabulous Tempest DeJour from Tucson (pictured on the cover with our sexy model and Dick’s Cabaret dancer, Atlas), is a contestant in the upcoming season seven of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

While she doesn’t tell who the finalists are, she shares some juicy gossip with us!

Do you remember Splash Bash 2 in 2003?

That year, ION brought national circuit DJ Brett Henrichsen to Phoenix for the first time. He’s back this month spinning and he’s sexier than ever. He’s the headliner for “Resurrection” at The Pressroom on January 10.

Car lovers will converge on Scottsdale for Lambda Car Club’s Heatwave Invitational, January 15-17. There are several activities and road trips culminating in a gala with a live performance by Motown great, Martha Reeves.

Finally, the Desperado Film Festival returns January 23-25 with a great film lineup including a documentary about the greatest Olympic diver ever, Greg Louganis.

Happy New Year! Enjoy this issue of ION Arizona and all your community has to offer!

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Resurrection The legendary DJ Brett Henrichsen spins for the first dance party of the year in Phoenix with “Resurrection.” Rise up, everybody, and put your hands in the air! This miraculous event happens on Saturday, January 10, 9 p.m.-4 a.m. at The Pressroom, 441 W. Madison St. in Phoenix. Discount tickets available now! See ad on p. 2

Lambda Car Club’s “Heatwave” America’s love affair with the car lives on at the Lambda Car Club’s “Heatwave Invitational.” You might see Ramblers, Oldsmobiles, Packards, Hudsons and maybe even an AMC Pacer. If you have a collector’s car or just love great cars, come join in the fun January 15-17 at the McCormick Resort, 7401 N. Scottsdale Rd. and around the Valley. Visit AZgayCar.com for more details.

Desperado Film Festival Every year some of the best in LGBTQ filmmaking is presented at the Desperado Film Festival with features, documentaries and short films.

Don’t miss legendary Olympic diver Greg Louganis appearing for the screening of his documentary, “Back On Board.” Paradise Valley Community College, Ctr. for the Performing Arts, 18401 N. 32nd St., Phoenix.

Visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com for tix or call 602-787-7738. See ad & feature about Louganis documentary pp. 26-27

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Super Bowl Parties It’s time for the Big Game! For added excitement, you’ll scream like a teenage girl for Katy Perry at the halftime show, not to mention all the great commercials. Check out your favorite watering holes for all the excitement at Stacy’s, OZ, The Rock, Kobalt, and Roscoe’s.

Celebrate (or weep) at Dick’s Cabaret for the After Party and check out the best “tight ends” in the city—if you know what we mean.

Willo Home Tour & Street Fair Way before Phoenix was a sea of white stucco houses with red tile roofs there were great neighborhoods full of Spanish Revival, Tudor and Craftsman style bungalows. These homes still exist!

Tour these architecturally significant homes right in the heart of the gayborhood at the 27th Annual Willo Historic Home Tour and Street Fair, featuring musicians, food, arts and crafts, too! Sunday, February 8. Buy tickets at WilloHistoricDistrict.com See ad p. 51

JANUARY 2015 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT

LOCATION

3, 4, 10, 11, 18 8-11 12 10 10 15-17 16 16-17 23-25 29

Playoff Games Mr. Phoenix Leather College Championship Resurrection Dance Party Equality & Justice Conference Lambda Car Club “Heatwave” Event Bearracuda Stripper Pole Olympics Desperado Film Festival Enrique Iglesias After Party

Roscoe’s MrPhoenixLeather.com Roscoe’s The Press Room Phx Pride Center McCormick Resort The Rock Dick’s Cabaret P.V. Comm. Coll.

Karamba

1 1 5 7 7-3/29 8

Juan Gabriel Tribute Super Bowl Parties Juan Gabriel After Party Blush & Bashful Renaissance Festival Willo Home Tour & Street Fair

Karamba Everywhere Karamba Ritz-Carlton past Gold Canyon, AZ Phoenix

FEB

CITY

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scotts.

Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

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Brett Henrichsen

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rett Henrichsen has always had a passion for dance music. Working by day as a Marketing Specialist for IBM, Brett spent nights in clubs and record stores watching and learning from top DJ’s and listening to his favorite style of music: high energy, vocal and progressive dance.

Frustrated to learn that the vast majority of music he was hearing in the clubs was not available for purchase by the general public, he started the CD compilation series MASTERbeat in an effort to make these tracks available to more than just the nightclub DJ. The series proved to be immensely popular and led Brett to leave the corporate world to start his own independent record label. Brett met his first artist, Erin Hamilton, through mutual friends and introduced her to the dance and gay community by producing their first single, “Dream Weaver.” His label continued to produce original dance hits including Erin Hamilton’s #1 Billboard single “The Flame” and debut album “One World,” along with singles from other artists including Lonnie Gordon and Sheryl Lee Ralph. The Masterbeat brand later evolved into an online music store and is now the largest producer of gay events in the USA. Always fascinated by the skills and talent of live DJs, it was the next logical step in Brett’s musical career to begin DJing

spins at Resurrection himself. He started DJing as hobby on the side to help promote the Masterbeat brand, but after receiving rave reviews from debut sets at The White Party in Palm Springs and Amsterdam, he quickly rose to international superstardom going on to headline major events and receive critical acclaim at events around the world including Sydney’s Mardi Gras (playing to over 20,000 guests in a special extended set), Carnival and XDemente in Rio, Magic Journeys at Orlando’s Gay Days, New York’s Pier Dance, San Diego Zoo Party, Miami’s Winter Party, White Party and many more. Brett is one of the few USA circuit DJs to crossover to the international mainstream and routinely plays abroad in Amsterdam, London, Asia, Madrid, Barcelona, Sydney, Sao Paulo and Rio. Chances are you’ll find Brett on a dance floor near you as he travels virtually every weekend playing at clubs and events around the world.

Brett attributes his enduring success as a DJ to having years of “on the job training” running a record label, producing his own events, and continuing to attend clubs and major events as a customer himself. This unique blend of experience contributes to Brett’s deep connection to each event and venue he plays and his passion to ensure every set is a musical journey for the guest.

Brett Henrichsen is headlning Resurrection, a dance party at The Pressroom on 441 W. Madison St. Phoenix. For more information visit DirtyBoyProductions.com January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 21

FESTIVE FREAKY FRIDAY

FOR MORE GREAT (INAPPROPRIATE) PICS VISIT IONAZ.COM

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PLAZMA

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SUNDAY February 1st 2015 Watch the Big Game professionally presented by club audio/video

$2 Well Drinks $2 Rolling Rock Pints and the Pizza’s on Stacy!

4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix facebook.com/stacysatmelrose

602-361-6560

602-264-1700

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Back on Board:

A

feature-length documentary is an intimate portrait about the life and legacy of Olympic champion diver Greg Louganis, telling the life story of this four-time Olympic Champion as he returns to diving after a long absence.

We follow Greg over the past three years as he struggles with financial security and reunites with the sport he once dominated but was not welcomed in. The threat of losing his house during the recent financial crisis forces Louganis to re-evaluate the choices, relationships, and missed opportunities of his career.

A pioneer as one of the first openly gay athletes, Greg demonstrated incredible courage and strength by competing while HIV-Positive in the 1988 Olympics.

Often remembered for the shocking moment when he struck his head on the springboard, Greg returned to the board shortly after and performed the best dive of the competition. The next day, he won the gold and secured his legacy.

“Back on Board” is the engrossing story of an American legend as Greg re-emerges on the world stage to combat prejudice, promote tolerance, and return to the diving world after a long period of absence to act as a mentor to the next generation of divers.

Greg Louganis Part biography, part social exploration, this film reveals Greg’s evolution from childhood diving prodigy to Olympic champion, and from pioneering openly gay athlete living with HIV to almost forgotten sports icon.

For more information visit LouganisDoc.com

Desperado LGBT Film Festival January 23-25

Friday, January 23 6-7:30 pm

Opening reception for sponsors, all access pass holders. Come and discuss film with our special guests Greg Louganis, Lisa Haas, and J.C. Calciano. “Back on Board: Greg Louganis” 7:30-9:30

Saturday, January 24

“Limited Partnership” “Cupcakes” Short Films “Foxy Merkins” “Crazy Bitches”

11 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

12:50-2:30 p.m.

2:45-4:30 p.m.

4:45-6:45 p.m.

7:15-9:30 p.m.

Sunday, January 25

“The Way He Looks” 12:15-2 p.m.

“BFFs”: 10-3:45 p.m.

“Boy Meets Girl” 4-5:30 p.m.

“The 10 Year Plan” 6-8:00 p.m.

Closing Party @ Rainbow Cactus

8-11:00 p.m.

Paradise Valley Community College Performing Arts Center 18401 N. 32nd St., Phoenix For more information and tickets visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 27

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Miss Krazzy Latinos 2015 Who will win the title of Miss Krazzy Latinos 2015? Join us for the pageant on January 18, 2015 at 6 p.m. at AQUA Nightclub, 1730 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix when we say “thank you” to Miss Krazzy Latinos 2014, Adriana Galliano. First Prize is $500. The Krazzy Latinos focus on fundraising for HIV/AIDS for organizations and awareness in the East Valley. Applications are available. Contact Krazzy Latinos or AQUA Nightclub for more information. ¿Quién va a ganar el título de Miss Krazzy Latinos 2015? Únase a nosotros para el desfile el 18 de Enero del 2015 a las 6:00 pm en AQUA Discoteca, 1730 E. McDowell Rd en Phoenix cuando decimos “gracias” a la Miss Krazzy Latinos 2014, Adriana Galliano. Primer premio es de $500. Los Krazzy Latinos se centran en la recaudación de fondos para el VIH/SIDA para las organizaciones y la conciencia en el Valle Este. Las solicitudes están disponibles. Póngase en contacto con Krazzy Latinos o AQUA Discoteca para más información.

JANUARY 2015 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Sun 4

6:00pm

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

The Rock

Miss Gay AZ United States Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men

Mondays

10:00pm Apollo’s

Naughty or Nice Bingo

Tuesday

10:00pm Karamba

Savannah Moussier’s Show

Wednesdays 9:00pm

IBT’s

Viva La DIVA

Wednesdays 9:00pm

Kobalt

Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s

Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos

Thursdays

10:30pm Crescent Ballroom Olivia Gardens hosts Truth, Drag or Dare

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds

Fridays

10:30

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

The Rock

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

IBT’s

Absolutely Flawless with China Collins

Fridays

9:00pm

1st Saturday 9:30pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Kobalt

Taylor Made with TC Taylor & Special Guests

Saturdays

8:00pm

OZ

Saturday Night Showgirlz with Ruby

Saturdays

9:00pm

IBT’s

Starrletts with Janee Star

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy’s Patio Show

Sundays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

10:30pm Karamba

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THE BOYS OF OZ

OZ BAR

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Lisa Lampanelli C’mon ya cornholers! You know you love it! Everybody’s favorite “equal opportunity insult queen” has some snappy, strictly below-the-belt slams, putdowns and hilarious cheap shots that are bound to offend just about everyone out there: Black, White, Hispanic, Gay, Lesbian, Asian—you name it, she’ll nail it. The Bitch is back with her “Leaner, Meaner Tour” January 9-11 at StandUp Live, 50 W. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. StandUpLive.com or call 480-749-6100

Debbie Does Dallas: the musical Based on the corny 1978 pornographic film, this zany musical centers on high schooler Debbie and her friends’ attempts to become Dallas Cheerleaders. Needless to say, to avoid a raid and being shut down, this naughty romp excises all of the actual S-E-X, but it’s surely bound to titillate! After all, it’s a Nearly Naked Theatre production. January 10-31, 100 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. For tix y’all go to NearlyNakedTheatre.org or call 602-254-2151

Lend Me A Tenor Henry and Max contract womanizing Italian tenor Tito Merelli to perform “Othello” in Cleveland. Tito’s skirt chasing infuriates his wife, who leaves him. After a dose of tranquilizers Tito appears to be dead, forcing Max to take his place. Mistaken identity and laffs abound January 31-Feb 14 at Hale Centre Theatre, 50 W. Page Ave. in Gilbert. HaleTheatreArizona. com or call 480-497-1181. Starring the amazing Stephen Serna! What else could you want?

JANUARY 2015 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION PHONE 2-4 Chris D’Elia Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 thru 4 Mary Poppins Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 9-25 the 39 Steps Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 9-2/15 The King & I AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 9-11 Lisa Lampanelli StandUp Live 480-719-6100 10-31 Debbie Does Dallas Nearly Naked Theatre 602-254-2151 10-31 Five Presidents AZ Theatre Co. (Tucson) 520-622-2823 13-18 Joseph & Technicolor Dreamcoat ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 thru 14 Tommy J & Sally Black Theatre Troupe 602-253-6980 16-18 Whitney Cummings Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 16-31 King Lear SW Shakespeare Co. (Mesa Arts Ctr) 480-644-6500 16-2/1 Annapurna Actors Theatre 602-253-6701 thru 18 Murder for Two Arizona Theatre Co. (Phx) 602-256-6995 22-23 David Spade StandUp Live 480-719-6100 31-2/14 Lend Me A Tenor Hale Center Theatre 480-497-1181 31-2/1 Eugene Onegin AZ Opera (Tucson) 520-293-4336 FEBRUARY 6-8 Eugen Onegin AZ Opera (Phx) 602-266-7464 January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 33

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HARDCORE A

Musical

Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical!

re You Sure They’re Talking About a Play?

deadpans and says “Debbie Does Dallas.” He usually gets the reaction he was hoping for: “Um … isn’t that a—porno?”

When you ask Nearly Naked Theatre’s artistic director Damon Dering what Indeed it is. In 2002 some off-Broadway his company is up to next roustabouts (rumored to have been inspired these days, he by a drunken night competing for bad musical ideas) turned the 1978 blue movie into a photos by Scotty Kirby

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musical. It originally played at the New York Fringe Festival and transferred to offBroadway the following year. It was a star-turn for then off-Broadway sensation Sherie Rene Scott, who starred as Debbie and proved she could headline a show.

And now Nearly Naked is having Debbie do Phoenix! Famous for starting the New Year off with a “bang” (ha ha) with very provocative January productions, this year’s turn with Debbie Does Dallas should be pretty … exciting.

“Essentially the play is exactly like the movie. The script is almost identical. But instead of hardcore sex, substitute a musical number!” says Dering.

“But the best part is that you have to take it seriously, so that it’s that much funnier. It’s not really campy, it’s more like Bat Boy. The actors play the scenes with the bad dialogue like that’s really how people talk. The stakes are really that high, and what comes out is so eff-ing funny!”

Wow. Did Damon Dering just censor himself? We asked him what everyone’s dying to know:“How sexy is it?” He deadpans again and says, “It’s Debbie Does Dallas. It’s pretty sexy, but it’s really, really funny.”

Let’s talk about the “plot.” Girl wants to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Girl gets accepted but can’t afford the trip to Dallas. Girl gets offered by several horny guys to sell her virginity in exchange for the money to get to Dallas. Girl does.

But along the way there’s a shower orgy, a library banana incident, a car wash gone wrong and a whole lot of locker rooms, before the whole thing devolves into a modern morality tale told as a comic musical of tragic proportions in the language of the x-rated-rodeo-football circus.

“Yeah, but … umm… isn’t it a porno?!?”

Debbie Does Dallas runs January 10 – 31 at The Hardes Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd in Phoenix. Thu-Sat at 8 p.m. & Sun at 6 p.m. or 2:30 p.m. (alternating). For tickets call 602-254-2151 or visit NearlyNakedTheatre.org 36

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Vanessa Williams In 1984 the lovely and talented Miss Williams was the first AfricanAmerican Miss America. She resigned in disgrace after those pesky “art photos” showed up in Penthouse. Oopsies! Surely the best thing that ever happened to her career. Besides starring as Wilhelmina Slater on “Ugly Betty,” Williams is an accomplished singer (“Colors of the Wind,” “Save the Best for Last”) who’ll be performing on Sunday, January 18 at Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts, 7380 E. 2nd St. in Scottsdale. Get tickets at scottsdaleperformingarts.org or call 480-499-8587

Burt Bacharach Six Grammys, three Academy Awards ... Burt Bacharach’s music is legend. “Close To You,” “Walk On By,” “What’s New, Pussycat?” “”Do You Know The Way to San Jose?” are just a few of his many hits. Burt also starred in all three Austin Powers movies. He’ll perform with an 11-piece orchestra on Wednesday, January 28 at the Fox Theatre, 17 W. Congress St. in Tucson. For tix go to FoxTucsonTheatre.org or call 520-547-3040. Not just for old people, hipsters dig him, too.

Enrique Iglesias & Pitbull Billboard Magazine’s King of Latin Pop and the son of Latin crooner Julio Iglesias is hotter than ever, especially since he had that icky mole by his nose removed in 2012. He’s joined by Pitbull for the “Sex Love” tour on Thursday, January 29 at the US Airways Center, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Need tickets? Go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.

They’ll probably be selling Enrique’s new cologne “Adrenaline” at the souvenir stands, too, we bet.

JANUARY 2015 ION Concert Calendar DATE 3 3 4 17 18 18 21 23 24 25 28 29

ARTIST LOCATION PHONE Willie Nelson Desert Diamond Casino Sahuarita The Beach Boys Tucson Arena Willie Nelson Celebrity Theatre Phoenix Styx Wild Horse Pass Casino Chandler Vanessa Williams Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts Dianne Reeves Fox Theatre Tucson George Benson Mesa Arts Ctr. Mesa Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons Celebrity Theatre Phoenix Eric Church US Airways Center Phoenix Travis Tritt Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Burt Bacharach Fox Theatre Tucson Enrique Iglesias & Pitbull US Airways Ctr. Phoenix

520-297-7777 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800--WIN-GILA x 7370 480-499-8587 520-547-3040 480-644-6500 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 480-782-2680 520-547-3040 800-745-3000

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Charli XCX

Sucker

You’re already a big Charli XCX fan, you just aren’t aware of it. Remember the 2013 anthem that was Icona Pop’s “I Love it” or this year’s “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea? These were all productions of the UK singer-songwriter, pop artisan that is Charlie XCX. Sucker isn’t XCX’s first attempt at global pop domination. Despite being filled with Paula Abdul and Stacey Q-esque pop bon bons like “You’re the One,” “Nuclear Seasons” and “You (Ha Ha Ha),” her 2013 debut album True Romance made more of a dent than a true impact.

If True Romance is the sugar refinery, her sophomore attempt Sucker is the candy shop. Every song is a carefully crafted pop confection. In this candy coated collection there are club anthems, “Break the Rules,” “Gold Coins” and “Boom Clap.” There are odes to 70s and 80s punk and pop rock in “London Queen,” “Body of my Own” and “Breaking Up.” Sucker is incredibly cohesive and listenable in its entirety, something failing her contemporaries.

“Die Tonight,” should be the last song of everyone’s 2015 party playlist.

Nicki Minaj

The Pinkprint

Gone are the technicolor wigs and outfits of Nicki Minaj’s ascension to the stratosphere of rap and pop music.

Along with the wardrobe comes a change in approach. The Pinkprint is a menagerie: part Roman Zolanski, Harajuku Barbie, Nicki Lewinsky—all the alter egos of the

star—but also Onika Maraj, the real person and artist we hadn’t met ‘til now.

Opening with “All Things Go,” Minaj’s vulnerable lyrics allude to the murder of her cousin and her own lament over a child that never was. “I Lied” is a tender and desolate break up ballad, tying up the loose ends of Minaj’s recent split from her long time boyfriend—the same one mentioned in her songs “Bed of Lies” and “Pills n’ Potions.”

From the songs that take on the topic of love and breakups, “Crying Game” shines in her collaboration with UK diva, Jessie Ware.

Despite Minaj showing a more opinionated, feminist and artistic side, there is still the expected. “Only,” a rap quartet with Drake, Lil’ Wayne and Chris Brown, only makes it more evident that Minaj has outgrown her male counterparts and should only take the company of other groundbreaking artists like she does on the sexy and empowering duet with Beyoncé in “Feelin’ Myself.” “Anaconda” is arguably 2014’s song of the summer, but Minaj has ammo to do the same in 2015 with “The Night is Still Young.”

Charli XCX

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST SONG Nicki Minaj Crying Game Ft. Jessie Ware Charli XCX Die Tonight Twin Shadow Turn Me Up Frank & Tony Bring the Sun feat. Gry Coucheron Honky Donk Feat. Reb Moe James Blake 200 Press D’angelo Sugah Daddy Madonna Living For Love Father John Misty Chateau Lobby #4 Lo-Fang You’re the One That I Want January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 45

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Spirit & Spunk

ionazeditor@me.com

PRIDE

Starring: Ben Schnetzer, Bill Nighy, Imelda Staunton Inspired by an inspiring true story, PRIDE is one of those movies that will make you, well, proud. Very proud.

The British Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, was in power during the summer of 1984 when the National Union of Mineworkers went on strike.

Coal mining was nationalized by the British government and no concessions were in sight from Iron Butterfly’s camp. Enter the grass roots support of Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners, a small gay awareness group of radicals in London decided to lend their voices supporting the struggling miners, knowing the effects of being bullied. (“It’s the coal that supplies the electricity for the clubs where you like to go dancing.”)

When their tainted “gay money” that they raised is refused by the Union, the activists “adopt” Onllwyn, a tiny mining village in Wales, and help support the families with desperately needed cash. Money may be a great equalizer, but not in this case.

They’re not greeted with the open arms they’d hoped for. With perseverance, commitment, willingness to help and some fierce disco music by Sylvester, the two factions discover that open hearts can help open minds.

“An enemy that’s so much bigger and so much stronger than you, that you find a friend you never knew existed,” is the lesson learned. It may sound corny here, but it plays beautifully when you see it.

Funny, tender, serious and very real.

Expect stellar performances from Nighy (Davy Jones in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End) and Staunton (Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix).

2 hours. Blu-ray $34.99 MSRP

★★★★★ Looking

Starring: Jonathan Groff, Frankie J. Alvarez, Murray Bartlett, Scott Bakula

HBO’s fresh look into the lives of American gay men in San Francisco with this intriguing series. This is more than a reboot of Showtime’s adaptation of Queer As Folk, 2000.

Wide-eyed boy-next-door Patrick (Broadway’s Groff transitioning with Glee, The Normal Heart) is navigating the dating world. He’s got scruples, but he’s also very horny. Very. Agustin (Alvarez, Smash) and his lover, Frank (O.T. Fagbenle) wrestle with monogamy vs. an open relationship.

The vain, dashing, Casanova, Dom (Bartlett), is facing a mid-life crisis as he turns 40 and still a restaurant server.

Usually a chicken hawk, he’s drawn to the successful Lynn (Bakula, Quantum Leap) who’s giving him mixed signals. Or is he?

Nit-picked by critics for the lack of women characters (with one lone fag hag tagging along, Doris, the fabulous Lauren Weedman), the show’s strength is the brilliantly executed script: it’s how people talk and act with each other—not just as gay men, either.

Blu-ray $39.98 MSRP Check out IONAZ.com and watch our Facebook page and find out how you can win “Looking, Season One” on DVD! Season 2 premieres on January 11.

★★★★★

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ionazeditor@me.com

Mortdecai

Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany Adapted from a novel by Kyril Bonfiglioli, this picture is a madcap, international “Whodunit?” The impossibly urbane, dashing, debonair and veddy, veddy British art dealer and ascot-wearing playboy Charles Mortdecai (Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean franchise) is commissioned by Inspector Martland (McGregor, Moulin Rouge) to track down the whereabouts of a masterpiece by Goya, which might also just hold the key to an account filled with—gasp!— Nazi gold! He is assisted by his bony wife (Paltrow, Iron Man franchise) in a series of sleuthing escapades.

The trailer looks like it may be an updated Austin Powers with a wee bit of Monty Python, a dash of James Bond (with Bettany—who also co-starred with Depp in the dismal The Tourist) as the manservant “Jock Strapp” and a little bit of the board game “Clue.” Can this comedy bolster Depp’s sagging career? Picture Depp as a fey, cleaned up, 20th century Captain Jack Sparrow. Again. This time wearing tweed.

Opens January 23

Spare Parts

George Lopez, Marisa Tomei, Jamie Lee Curtis, Carlos Peña A true story adapted into a screenplay, originally titled La Vida Robot.

In 2004 the NASA-sponsored competition of the Fifth Annual Underwater Robotics brought in heavily-funded competition from

Art, Parts & a Tart across the country. The underdog was a team of undocumented Mexican immigrants attending Carl Hayden High School in Phoenix, Arizona. Using PVC pipe, a milk jug and a suitcase, the team beat out prestigious reigning champs MIT, winning the competition.

The school’s new teacher, Fredi Cameron (Lopez, Lopez Tonight), earns the blessing of the principal (Curtis, Halloween, Freaky Friday). With artistic license, the team uses a measly $800 in used car parts to build their award winning robot.

Inspirational and particularly relevant because of Arizona’s issues with undocumented immigrants. Interestingly, only one of the seven students went on to complete a four-year college degree. Immigration obstacles prevented the others from pursuing a degree.

Albuquerque, New Mexico was the stuntdouble for Phoenix.

Opens January 16

The Boy Next Door

Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, John Corbett, Kristin Chenoweth Uh oh. The May-December romance between divorced cougar Claire Peterson (J-Lo, Maid in Manhattan) and the hunky (and barely legal) Noah Sandborn (Guzman, Pretty Little Liars) goes south when she spurns his affections after they already did it. But Noah has a dark secret.

Let’s see if we can forgive J-Lo for Gigli with this.

Best lines. Her: “I was feeling vulnerable!

I’m the adult! I wasn’t thinking clearly!”

Him: “I love your mother’s cookies!”

Opens January 23 January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 49

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The Market

by Jennifer’s W

hen was the last time you sat down and enjoyed, tasted, savored and relished your meal? I mean, okay. Sure. Maybe you had a decent spread somewhere you like okay.

Maybe you liked it. But when was the last time you really flipped out over something special?

Wanna flip out? I thought so. It’s time you made your way over to The Market by Jennifer’s.

In 1997 Jennifer Russo-Fitzgerald, a classically trained chef who cut her culinary chops at Vincent’s and Tarbell’s founded the successful Jennifer’s Catering. Jennifer’s gangbusters catering organically evolved into her own café and restaurant tucked in the back corner of the Gaslight Plaza at 36th Street and Indian School Road in January, 2014.

The thoughtfully prepared menu with a wide variety of breakfasts, entrées, sandwiches and fantastic “nosh boards” provide expertly prepared and exquisitely executed dishes which are outrageously delicious—without being fussy or overwrought. A difficult balancing act.

Ingredients are locally or regionally procured when possible. Best of all, it won’t bust the bank.

powerhouse of taste.

Added goat cheese, local greens, grilled seasonal fruit, plus citrus vinaigrette gives this extra punch.

Enough to share, it’s only $10.

Try the larrupin’ good Shrimp ‘n’ Grits, serving up a Southern inspired dish with plenty of butter poached shrimp perched in a bowl of Hayden Flour Mill grits with grilled corn, gremolata (a chopped herb condiment) and candied lemon zest, $10. These fat crustaceans paired up with the flavor-filled porridge of grits is a natural partnership that will have you tucking in for more, honey.

Bring your friends and family in and share Jennifer’s Nosh Boards. Meat eaters will adore the Charcuterie Board with tender prosciutto, sopprasata, bresola and Spanish chorizo. Dress it up with an unexpected violet mustard, shallots and garlic aioli. The Farmstead Cheese Board is a dairy-licious plank of cherished cheeses procured by local Cheese Monger, Lara Mulchay. Cheeses change seasonally. A Vegetable Board and Fondue Board are also favorites. These Boards average around $15.

We can’t pass up a plump Pork Chop.

One of the special Lunch Starters we adore is, “Local Grains.” A healthy portion of Farrow and White Sonoran Wheat Berries from Hayden Flour Mills with Ramona Farms Tepary Beans provide a great canvas for this nutty, chewy, whole grain, cold “salad” that packs a January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 53

Chili ‘n’ Waffle is off the hook.

In a hurry? The Market has a great selection “Grab ‘n’ Go” comestibles or entrées to warm up later at home. Thursdays they feature live music. Don’t forget Happy Hour from 3-6 p.m. daily or their Bottomless Mimosa Brunch

Jennifer’s Gold Canyon chop is a boutique pork product, which comes from small Iowa family farms, raised antibiotic free and more humanely, then cut to Jennifer’s specifications. Grilled, juicy and flavorful, this viand is thick. Making it even better is the heavenly creamed spinach plus poached shallots and a red wine reduction. $21.

Extremely “Honorable Mentions” go to the Yellow Fin Salad Niçoise ($14), a “must” that you need to try. Another hallmark is Jennifer’s showstopping Pasta Carbonara with the finishing touches done tableside. $15.

The menu at The Market by Jennifer’s changes about twice a year, or seasonally and it’s always evolving. Breakfast items are locally procured, with duck eggs available on Saturdays. We hear Jennifer’s

General Manager Rick Fiero explains The Market’s mission includes, “Food with a conscience.” Jennifer’s also provides fresh fruits & veggies for those less fortunate, inviting customers to pitch in for charities like Joshua Tree Feeding Program and residents at the Westward Ho with their fresh food drive. Be sure to ask Rick about the 15 different kinds of salt they use to complement their dishes.

Put your money where your mouth is.

The Market by Jennifer’s is better than Wall Street. You’ll want to make a flavorful investment here.

TheMarketByJennifers.com 3603 E. Indian School Rd. Suite A in Phoenix Tues-Sun: Hours vary.

602-626-5050

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CORNELIS HOLLANDER

It has to be a Cornelis Hollander...

www.CornelisHollander.com 4151 N. Marshall Way, Scottsdale AZ 85251 480-423-5000 800-677-6821 Custom Designs Available PROUDLY MADE IN THE U.S.A.

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Heatwave

Presented by the Central AZ Lambda Car Club

I

f you love cars, you won’t want to miss this annual event for automobile aficionados across the country: the 2015 Heatwave International, Thursday, January 15-Saturday, January 17 in Scottsdale, Arizona. Lambda Car Club International (LCCI), is the largest collector car club for LGBT and LGBT-friendly automobile enthusiasts in North America, and the Central Arizona Region (CAR) is Arizona’s premiere LGBT automobile club with members from all walks of life who are united in their fascination with all things automotive.

All vehicles of any age or condition are welcome at club events and our members run everything from brass era antiques to cutting edge technological marvels, Japanese micro-cars to huge American land yachts. While many of our members own fleets of collectible automobiles, still others own only one car—or even no cars. If you’re into cars whether it’s an acquisitive obsession or it’s just a interest you enjoy, everyone is welcome to participate.

Come see the talented Motown singing icon Martha Reeves at our Gala Awards Banquet. Along with the Vandellas, Ms. Reeves helped revolutionize an era in music with Motown mega-hits “Heat Wave,” “No Where to Run,” and “Dancing in the Street.” Her unique and entertaining show features her original recordings, videos and a lively Q &A session.

Martha Reeves

Heatwave 2015 Events January 15-17

Thursday, January 15

Road Rally & Dam Tour with Catered Luau Feast at Lake Pleasant Welcome Reception with Hors D’Oeuvres at the McCormick Scottsdale Resort.

Friday, January 16

Salvage Yard Tour & Catered Texas Style BBQ - or - Penske Racing Museum Tour with a Walking Tour of Luxury & Exotic Auto Dealerships Attend the National Auto Auctions like Barrett-Jackson Tour & Shop in Famous Old Town Scottsdale Al Fresco Dinner at the Stone Creek Gold Club

Saturday, January 17

Heatwave 2015 Car Show & Lunch at the McCormick Scottsdale Resort Social Hour and Gala Awards Banquet with an evening with Martha Reeves January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 61

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We’ve got

by Deon Brown photos by Scotty Kirby 64

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Arizona Queen Makes ‘Drag Race’ Debut

C

ity traffic movin’ way too slow ... Drop the pedal let’s go as we cruise on into this better than ever street! RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Seven took a surprise exit on the freeway and made a pit stop in Tucson, Arizona, putting the Grand Canyon State’s own Tempest DuJour behind the wheel.

Patrick Holt, 47, created the wickedly funny Tempest DuJour in 2007 as another outlet for his creativity. He’s currently Assistant Professor and head the costume design program in the School of Theatre, Film and Television at the University of Arizona in Tucson and works with the Arizona Repertory Theater, too. Holt is also married and a proud foster parent and father of two beautiful children.

Holt was raised in a conservative Mormon background, attending Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah and went on a mission. The roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd beckoned to Holt. He went on to get his MFA from North Carolina School of the Arts in 1987.

Holt remembered, “In 1983 my mother took me to see the original Broadway production of La Cage Aux Folles. At one point during the performance my mother leaned over and said ‘I want to see you play that part some day!’ Well, Mom got her wish. And now the 6’6” tall Tempest (and that’s not counting heels and hair) is coming to big screen TVs everywhere on LOGO. Tempest DuJour was hand picked

by RuPaul herself to compete in RuPaul’s Drag Race.

So look out for cops, baby. Buckle up!

Shit’s about to get real! Vroom, VROOM! ION: Tell us about your own drag inspirations?

Tempest DuJour: I’ve always been attracted to people who live on the edge.

As a teenager it was Pete Burns from Dead or Alive and Boy George—I’m a kid of the 80s. I’m a huge fan of Leigh Bowery, the performance artist. And of course, the Dolly Partons, Anna Nicole Smiths of the world. Larger than life. Sort of caricatures of people, in a way.

ION: You auditioned for RPDR four times, making into the Top 20 twice.

TD: I’m officially the oldest contestant ever to be on Drag Race. Ru likes to remind me of that as much as she can.

Bitch is older than me!

(Laughs) The process is so long and drawn out from the time you know that they’re interested in you. They drag you through a million interviews; there’s a psychological evaluation you have to do. You take this test—it’s about 600 questions. It’s the weirdest thing.

“Have you ever stolen anything” to “If you had a piece of chocolate and a marshmallow which one would you eat last?” The weirdest shit. Finally, they Skype you. I knew I was at the last stage. They sort of snuck it in, “Oh, by the way, you made it.”

ION: What can people expect from Tempest DuJour on RPDR? What do you bring to the table?

January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 65

were) and trying to present a heightened hyperreal version of themselves or some other character. I’m too TD: I know what I old and tired for that. They did a photoshoot brought ... what you see may giving me a mug that said, ‘Best Dad’ and I be something totally different. We know knew right away, ‘Oh, they’re gonna play me that the characters are all totally “made” being the ‘Old Mother Hen’ right away.” With in the editing room. They’ve done six editing they can make you into whatever they seasons. The whole cast—all of us—sort of want you to be. went in saying, “We’re gonna be ourselves ION: Did participating in RPDR change and do what we do; they’re gonna make your perception of the show? How “real” us into the characters is “reality TV”? they want us to be.”

I can’t say that TD: Yes, there is a there weren’t girls certain amount of who were playing “reality” and there’s for camera time a certain amount of (because there manipulation. By the

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show, the producers, by just being on TV. It’s surreal. The first day you walk into that workroom a lot of different emotions hit you. I can see why some people have intense, emotional experiences. You see us—what you’re not seeing is all the cameras, all the producers, all the staff and everybody around us running around. And I’d say sometimes, in some ways, manipulating the situations as well.

ION: How do you feel at the end of the day on RPDR? TD: You’ve been standing in heels for ten hours, you’re drained, you’ve been in a

on. I’ll just put it that way.

ION: Did you get a bestie?

TD: There’s three or four girls I felt really tight with. We talk or text almost every day. We’re in this weird experience where we can’t talk about ... sitting on a secret. ‘Til the premiere we still haven’t seen a moment of footage.

We’re all friends and sisters now, but if someone starts talking shit about me on camera I might feel differently in a couple of months.

ION: At any time did you think, “What did I get myself into?”

TD: There were a

challenge ... every minute has been scheduled.

There’s big chunks of the day when the TV cameras are on, that they call, ‘Being on ice,’ meaning no one talks. Silence on set, freezing the conversation. They would do that constantly throughout the day. They would scream at us if we talked.

They want everything on camera. It’s very frustrating. It’s a very unreal situation you’re in for ‘reality TV’ when someone’s controlling your every move.

couple of times ... but I never thought I wanted to quit or leave.

I’ve worked to hard to be in this place. It’s this weird emotional state. I didn’t know these girls, I couldn’t express myself, I didn’t trust them enough to open up. The pressure that you’re under is super intense. I have my kids, I have my pets, I have my job, I have my friends ...

I’m always scattered among those places in my day. In this situation it’s RuPaul’s Drag Race 24/7. You’re focused; there’s no escape from it.

ION: Do you have a nemesis on the show?

TD: We’re in a decent hotel. Once you leave the studio you’re “on ice.” You’re not supposed to talk to the girls. You’re put in

TD: I think that will come to light very early

ION: What’s it like after shooting?

January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 67

your room.

The doors are taped.

There’s no leaving the room.

There’s no communication with the other girls ‘til we get back on set the next day. When you arrive at the hotel they search your bags and you surrender all electronics. They give you an iPod that has all the Lip Synch for Your Life Songs— which occasionally may change.

Then you have a day—while you’re taping —to learn a new song you’ve never heard before. It’s unnerving. Who wants to stay up all night to learn a new song after you’ve been on the set for 12 hours?

my life being a sheep and too scared to be myself.

There was one day I was explaining to the girls on the show—mostly in their 20s—“You don’t know what it’s like when you sneak off from your apartment in Provo, Utah at Brigham Young University to go to the rest stop on the freeway to meet someone who might be gay because that’s your only option.

And if you get arrested, you get expelled and your life is over as you know it. It was scary.

“I’m officially the oldest contestant ever to be on Drag Race. Ru likes to remind me of that as much as she can.”

ION: Santino Rice: Divine or the Devil?

TD: That is something I’m not permitted to comment on right now. (Laughs) I don’t think Bianca Del Rio [RPDR season six winner] ever missed a chance to get a dig in about Santino. I’m not supposed to talk about the judges, but I will say that I fell in love with Michelle Visage. We’re the same age, I really connected with her. We both have kids. She’s a genuine, real, sweet person who does care.

ION: You were raised as a devout Mormon and served on a mission.

What would Tempest’s mission be?

TD: I would spread the Gospel of DuJour, for sure! For people to find a happier, healthier way of living—emotionally and mentally more than anything. Life’s too short for regrets. I always say, “Live your truth and love yourself.” Those are my life mottos. That’s the big lesson I learned from growing up as a very conservative Mormon boy. I feel like I wasted most of 68

www.IONAZ.com January 2015

ION: Retro Game Show is having it’s third anniversary.

TD: We’re turning people away at the door now! The energy in that room is phenomenal. Our audience is a real wide spectrum: college kids, people in their 80s, straight people, gay people ... They know they’re gonna have a good time. We put a lot of time, money and effort into the show.

ION: Beyond RPDR what are your aspirations?

TD: If I had some kind of weird, cosmic guarantee that I could do Tempest for a living, I would. I love it that much. I’m passionate about it and that’s when I’m most happy.

Forget your troubles, c’mon! Get happy!

You can see Tempest DuJour here in Arizona with her hit, “Retro Game Show Night,” the second Saturday of every month at Hotel Congress, 311 E. Congress St. in Tucson. Tickets at the front desk or at TicketFly.com RuPaul’s Drag Race, is on a fast idle.

Season 7 premiere is TBA.

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE! Photography by Scotty Kirby Direction by Kevin Bushaw | Models are Atlas from Dick’s, Nick, Thomas Hicks, Tempest DuJour & Raven Woessner. | Costumes provided by Play It Again Sports, Easley’s Fun Shop, Mardi Gras Costumes, Tan United & TUC Shop

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SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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a conversation with

Mr. Phoenix Leather robert schenberg

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eah, daddy! The Mr. Phoenix Leather Contest, now in it’s seventh year, is fast approaching. This contest continues to grow in popularity, featuring an event-filled weekend surrounding the actual contest, Mr. Phoenix Leather continues to draw the leather & fetish crowds of Arizona. ION Arizona spoke with Mr. Phoenix Leather 2014 Robert Schenberg about what the contest means, what the contestants can expect before the contest, at International Mr. Leather, and throughout the year.

Can you describe the Mr. Phoenix Leather contest for us?

The contest part you’re not competing against anyone individually, you’re competing against a score. I just happened to have had the highest score for my year but anyone from last years’ contestants could’ve easily been Mr. Phoenix Leather 2014. I’m sure I represented our community well. Being Mr. Phoenix Leather 2014 has been an amazing experience.

After winning Mr. Phoenix Leather, you competed in International Mr. Leather in Chicago. What was that like?

When you win Mr. Phoenix Leather you go on to compete at IML in Chicago during Memorial Day weekend, where you compete against 50 other contestants from around the world for the title of International Mr. Leather. International Mr. Leather is more than just a contest—it’s a celebration of unity and brotherhood throughout the leather community. The contest has been held for the last 36 years in Chicago; it’s the second largest event held in the metropolitan Chicago area.

People from all over the world invade Chicago during that weekend for this event. The The contest is spread out over four days and you do multiple competitive contest events, including Interview, On Stage Question, Pecs and Personality and a Community Speech.

There’s a large part of the contest where

you’re surrounded by your brothers who are competing that weekend where you build a camaraderie that continues even to this day.

I communicate almost daily to people on my Facebook Group page. It truly is an amazing experience that I will never forget.

What did you achieve as Mr. Phoenix Leather that you’re proud of?

I’m very, very proud to announce is that we had enough money this year with all the fundraising that we did that we were able to start a Mr. Phoenix Leather Leadership Scholarship Award. It will be awarded to someone within our Community. Another thing I’m proud of is that we were able to do a Bicycle Challenge for Logan’s Playground and we collected 49 bicycles.

What do you hope others can take away or learn from the Mr. Phoenix Leather Contest?

I would encourage anyone who is interested

Mr. Phoenix Leather Weekend January 8-11

Thursday January 8

Smoking Hot Undies Cigar Social 7:00pm Bunkhouse

Friday January 9

Meet and Greet 7:00pm Apollo’s Tim Starkey Memorial Bus Tour 9:00pm Apollo’s

Saturday January 10

Leather Happy Hour 2:00pm Plazma Mr. Phoenix Leather Contest 7:00pm Embassy Suites Phoenix Airport Parking Lot Party 10:00pm Anvil

Sunday January 11

Bacongate Brunch 11:00am The Rock Victory Party 2:00pm Nu Towne For More info visit MrPhoenixLeather.com For reservations at the Embassy Suites Phoenix Airport call 602.957.1910 and ask for the MPL Special Rate.

January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 83

to step up. You don’t have to be a titleholder; however, when you win the Mr. Phoenix Leather title you become a personality within our community and it opens doors where you can go out and help others in our community.

How would you like to see people perceive the Leather Community?

People have this stigma about the leather community. Not only do we have a kinky side, but we have our compassionate side that’s far outweighs anything imaginable.

The people who step up in this community are freaking amazing. I am proud to say that I am a Leatherman.

What’s something about you that would surprise our readers?

I also hold the title of Prince for The Imperial Court of Arizona.

Mr. Phoenix Leather 2015 contest starts Thursday, January 8. Check their ad on the following page for more details.

Check out MrPhoenixLeather.com for complete details.

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January 2015

Vol. 8, Issue 10

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

PBS Documentary About Ken Burns’ Haircut Slated

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

BOSTON—Public Broadcasting Service The 61-year-old Burns oddly coiffed Dutch Boy ‘do has been the subject of conversation since his affiliate WGBH is excited to announce a groundbreaking new 12-part documentary 1990 groundbreaking documentary, “The Civil War” introduced him to America’s TV sets. series about award winning filmmaker Ken Burns’ legendary haircut. This seminal ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL series will trace the historic precedent and “I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” said development of the director’s famous hairstyle.

Mrs. Henry Culpepper, PBS supporter of Tyson’s Corner, VA. “He looks like a funny, old boy. I “The boyish bangs of Burns have been a source expect to see him selling magazine subscriptions for his junior high school a telethon.” of speculation and wonder by the American public and supporters of PBS for years,” said The documentary about Ken Burns’ haircut one anonymous executive program director at WGBH. “His childlike locks haven’t changed called, “Ken Burns’ Haircut” was sponsored by since he attended grade school. It’s quite generous grants from the Arthur Vining Davis and astonishing.”

John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundations and the support of PBS viewers, like you.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2012 www.IONAZ.com 87

OPE

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OUTRAGEOUS! Ex-Arizona Governor to Marry Cuba’s Castro

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

HAVANA—As hardcore conservative President Obama is moving to normalize diplomatic relations with the Cuba. This union right wing Republican Gov. Jan vacates her of unholy matrimony will prevent that from ever executive office as governor of Arizona, political pundits were not particularly shocked happening. The Castro-Brewer marriage will ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL to hear the announcement that Brewer’s postsurely cement U.S. embargoes for generations gubernatorial plans are focused on marrying to come. As a wedding gift Castro will present ANY THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY BrewerIS with a 1955 OldsmobileACCIDENTAL Delta 88.

Cuba’sRESEMBLANCE Communist revolutionaryTO retired dictator Fidel Castro.

“We’ll keep these Cubans from illegally emigrating to America with our marriage,” said “We feel that this strong union will shore up Cuba’s image to the world as the most Brewer. powerful,” said one anonymous Cuban This news came as a complete surprise to diplomat. “Comrade Brewer and Premier Castro will set a perfect example of Marxist Brewer’s current husband, John Leon Brewer. philosophy and repression to capitalist pigs everywhere.”

OUTRAGEOUS!

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T

he New Year Baby symbolizes fresh new beginnings. Out with the old and in with the new. In honor of this bundle of joy, this month’s Favorite Bitch is all about baby momma & baby daddy drama! These fools should seriously add ‘use condoms’ to their New Year’s Resolutions. Speaking of the New Year ... hopefully they popped champagne instead of popping raw you-know-what!

Dear Miss Tiger, My ex got me pregnant with twins. I thought he had major bank when we were dating. Now I find out he’s broke and can’t even afford to pay me child support. I just don’t know what to do!

— Liz Dear Counting Pampers Instead of Counting Benjamins, I can’t tell your ass what to do about it either. But I can give you some advice about the next loser you decide to screw without a glove on his love: Before running your fingers through his hair, try running your fingers over his ATM receipts.

NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, Two different females are saying my man got them pregnant. Me and him already got three kids together! He’s not giving these bitches money and taking from what my babies need. How do I get these ho’s out of our lives?

— Trina Dear Try Gettin’ ‘Em Off Your Man’s Cock First, But in the meantime, keep this in mind:

Whether it’s your man or a state enforced wage garnishment, trust me when I say that if he is the father, these bitches are gonna get their coins!

P.S. - Instead of worrying about gettin’ these baby mommas outta your lives, I suggest you concentrate on getting the baby daddy up outta your life!

NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, The neighbor’s daughter has always been real close to our family. She spends a lot of time here playing video games with my 16-year-old son. We just found out that she’s pregnant and he’ll be a father in seven months. I’m in shock and need advice. Please help, Miss Tiger!

— Constance Dear Guess You Got Another Tax Deduction, Looks like she was playing with dick and not video games! Honey, you’re just gonna have to get the fuck over it and start picking out overpriced car seats. Every cloud has a silver lining though ... be glad it was your son who knocked her up and not your husband! Okaaayyy???

Check out MissTiger.com for my 2015 Favorite Bitch appearances on SiriusXM! Call me live during one of the shows and get the answers you’ve been looking for!

Happy New Year and wishing you the very best of everything in life ...

Love Ya, Hunties!

Miss Tiger Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook/Twitter MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 93

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by Addison DeWitt

A

A

s we bid a kinda/sorta/fond-ish farewell to punctuate the year that was, I’d like to offer my annual “Gab Fab List” as we say, “Gimme some aspirin!” to 2014, and “Gimme another cocktail!” to 2015 as I salute some of my favorites.

I wish polygamy were legal. Why? I’d pack up that beautiful Zach Reedy and Travis Shumake (A) and their jawlines and cheekbones and drag them to somewhere grim, like Utah, where we’d all wear calico dresses and gingham pinafores and braid each other’s hair.

And have lots of babies.

Lots and lots of babies.

And can peaches.

Of course, a big, big chunk of my heart (and, yes, I do have one) will always belong to Emm Jay (D), a Man for All Seasons, (and a Man for All Reasons, as far as I’m concerned. And I have a lot of reasons why.)

B

And for those who keep asking, no. My hair did not come out of the same bottle as the bubbly, blondacious Maryanne Marttini’s (E)—even though we’re rumored to be semiidentical twins. Her hair is Kanekalon© and mine is pure Clairol with a little bit of Elmer’s Glue and Ranch Dressing. But I’ll never tell! Only our hairdresser knows for sure. Shhhhh!

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to bribe that beautiful biceptual burlesque boy Alex DiGaudio (F) for the pleasure of his Platonic affections. How I adore him! And nobody else is allowed to touch him.

C

D

The proverbial icing on the cake is everybody’s confectionary crush, the cross-dressing cutie, Piper M’Shay (G)! I could just hug her & squeeze her until her tuck comes undone. Little Known Fact: He’s such a handsome boy, too.

E

F

Or perhaps I’d move to deepest, darkest Ravishmiboddy, India with Ryan Conley and Jake Jamison (B) where I can be their devoted concubine and make lots of curry and tikki and kissi-kissi.

G

Of course, maybe I could convince that captivating Wyatt Lupton (C) that it’s me, me, ME who should be his Love Slave? Or, then again, maybe not ... I can dream, can’t I?

But it appears that the hands-down “Boy of the Year” is none other than the smolderingly sexy (and sarcastic!) Melicio Serna (H) from The Rock. I’m gonna call him “Duncan Hines.” Why? He’s so moistfully good, you’ll always come back for more. Best of all, the sarcasm is free.

H

January 2015 www.IONAZ.com 97

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

T

he 2015 New Year brings a chance for every sign to make resolutions, commitments, rules and regulations. Some you’ll keep. Some you won’t. Create attainable goals. Look for the familiar Orion rising with the bright red star Betelgeuse at the top left.

Just don’t say the name three times. (Didn’t you see the movie?)

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Your enthusiasm for the new, the modern, the latest and greatest is obvious this year.

Make sure it isn’t a fad—we know you can be impulsive. Your optimism pays off by the summer. Don’t be so impatient!

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

You find it difficult to resist temptation. When it comes to choosing between two evils you always pick the one you never tried before.

The new year is like a smorgasbord for you as you sample tempting evils here and there.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

You decide to turn over a new leaf! You say that every year, but your dual nature pulls you in different directions by February.

Screw it. Your delightful, devil-may-care ways make 2015 an adventure like every year.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

The New Year presents you with new job opportunities. Don’t jump at the first one to come along. Your moody and bitchy, sure.

But you’re also very tenderhearted. Your highly evolved emotions will guide you.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

The beginning of the year provides a magnificent stage for your melodramatic personality to explode. Are we really ready for all of that? Seriously? Your ambition will win a part written just for you this year.

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The cards you’ve been dealt will fall precisely the way you need them. You’re fussy, we know. (Boy, do we know!) But you’re keen observation of a situation will trump every other hand at the table.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Your diplomatic skills shine in 2015. You’ll successfully mend fences between others.

Don’t let your idealism get in the way. You may need to be an ambassador of goodwill to an asshole in the family.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Your dynamic passion for a cause attracts a loyal following this year. But face it: you can be obsessive and unyielding. That can be annoying. Don’t worry! Dopy Aquarians instinctively eat up everything you dish out.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

This year was made for you: excitement, adventure and change is something you crave. You’re gonna get all of that—and more. You’re a modern day explorer, but don’t forget to check the roadmap for directions.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Try steering some of that natural ambition you’re so famous for into something that will pay off. A Cappy birthday means your uninhibited side comes out. You’ll end up naked somewhere—with pictures you should regret. You won’t, but you should.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Your clever wit can be mistaken for sarcasm, your natural defense against stupidity. Only you can get away with it. If it’s your birthday you can look forward to a year full of stupid just begging for sarcasm.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

2015 has a lot in store for you. Your natural adaptability comes in handy when you get a couple of surprises in the spring and summer. Not like a naked lady who jumps out of a cake and yells, “Surprise!”

Something bigger. Much bigger.