ION Arizona #191

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HATERS ROAST

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HERBERGER THE ATRE

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby Alex Campos Randy’s Vision Photography Danny Catt NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2017: 22 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2017 JMT Designs, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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4SOME REVUE

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CLU B VO LT

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PHOENIX PRIDE PARADE

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3RD AVE

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Colby saw the world with naïveté and sweetness. His colors were one of that of a rainbow. He added colors and intense light to each and every soul he touched. He shared his pure, genuine meaning of love to everyone.

Colby was a beautiful soul who loved unicorns, rainbows, poetry, music and love. He called himself a “hippy child of love,” and that’s exactly who he was.

Tucson lost a bright light. The laughter, dancing behind the bar at IBT’s, the jokes, the huge smile will forever be remembered.

He is survived by his grandmother Nora. his Uncle Michael, his father, John, his mother, Noreen, and countless friends who loved him dearly.

“Early light, morning, Tuesday many, another clear sunny day ahead, moons past, one morning unlike any before, any future, but alas ... in this ... no future lie for them, alas lie an end of the line ... passes slow ... last innocent sunrise, then the sad eyes ... into a moment / what if? / a sunset / but you can’t ... you try not to think of it ... still there’s no goodbye ... so constant on your mind ...”

— Colby Olsen Remembrance submitted by Mama Nora and DiVa 24

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2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

LOS DIABLOS

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PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL

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STEELE INDIAN SCHOOL PARK

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Splash Bash and Sexiest Bartender Weekend

J

uly 2002 we launched the first Splash Bash. It was a non-sponsored anniversary party for ION Arizona and a celebration of our freedom. Today, Splash Bash has added a ton of great sponsors, including Tito’s Handmade Vodka, Bud Light, Coca Cola, Red Bull, Open Wide Dental, Secrets/Adult Shoppe, and Central Phoenix Gym to name a few.

Now in its 15th year, 19 parties later, we’re gearing up for the biggest, sexiest, weekend of the summer. We’re taking over the entire Hotel 502, with only 50 rooms available, plus the biggest pool we’ve ever had. Get your room now before they’re gone. Call 602-264-9290 and mention “SPLASH” and you’ll get two free tickets for every night you stay and a free VIP gift bag for only $79/ night. Plus, Charlie’s is hosting the official kick-off party on Friday, and Stacy’s @ Melrose is hosting the official after party on Saturday night.

For the first time ever, the Tito’s Handmade Vodka Sexiest Bartender ION Arizona cover contest went viral and global. People from all over the world have weighed in and cast their vote. We would like to thank all the bartenders and everyone who voted. It was nothing short of amazing to watch the results live. Our site had over a 100,000% 34

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increase in traffic. (I didn’t even know that was a thing!)

We would like to congratulate the winner, David Perre from the new Club Volt.

Also, congratulations to our runner ups, Joey Baker from FEZ and Aaron Tarango from OZ Bar. Thank you all for supporting this great benefit event.

Remember, 100% of all bartenders’ fundraising goes to Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS. No matter who you are, the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS has in some way benefited you, your friends, your family, and certainly your community. So please get out and support your favorite bartender. Support all of them!

For Saturday at Splash Bash, we’re bringing in RuPaul’s Drag Race favorite Pandora Boxx as our hostess. Pandora will also be our celebrity judge for the Sexiest Bartender Contest on Sunday.

Our hosts on Sunday are the dynamic duo Clayton McKee and Arizona’s own RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant and Tucson’s beloved Tempest DuJour.

There’s a lot going on in May throughout our community. Use ION as your guide.

Get out, have fun, get fit, get tan, buy your sexy, new swimsuit and get ready for the biggest Splash Bash and Sexiest Bartender Benefit Weekend ever!

Jack M Tesorero Sun Worshipper

Cinco de Miley-O!

Hey, muchachos y muchachas! Celebrate this beloved Mexican holiday commemorating something very important ... Señorita Miley Mitchell’s birthday! Wish her “¡Feliz Cumpleaños!” and celebrate with her at the 4Some Revue on Friday, May 5th at 10 p.m. at the new Club Volt, 3108 E. McDowell Rd. with fantastic drink specials all weekend long! (See ad p. 16)

Barbra Seville’s 6th Annual Salsa Challenge

Do you have a secret salsa recipe your abuela passed down to you? Think it’ll win? Join in the fun for a “Salsa Cook-Off” with free salsa dance lessons, too! You might even win a prize! Try ‘em all for only $5 per El Tasting Kit-o including los chip-o’s (and antacid-o.) Proceeds benefit Phoenix Pride Scholarship Fund. Sunday, May 7 at 3 p.m. at Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. For details search Facebook. ¡Arriba! (See ad on p. 19)

Night for Life: SPEAKEASY

“Pssst! What’s the password?” Everything’s strictly on the QT, but tell all your friends: it’s time for the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS annual Night for Life. 23 Skiddoo! This fab fundraiser has a 1920s vibe, so brush up on your Charleston. All that jazz happens Saturday, May 13 at The Parsons Center, 1101 N. Central Ave. in Phoenix. Get your tickets at NightForLife.org (See ad on p. 33)

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Mercury Home Opener

“We will be heard!” How could you miss ‘em? If you haven’t watched Women’s Basketball, you don’t know what you’re missing. Good news! A new season of the WNBA starts this month. The Phoenix Mercury ramps up the excitement and you won’t want to miss out.

The Home Opener is Sunday, May 14 at the Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. For official NBA tickets go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000. Find out more at PhoenixMercury.com (See ad on page 90)

MAY 2017 ION EVENTS DATE Weds.

Thurs.

Thurs.

Fri. Sats.

Sun. 3-6 5 6 7 7 11 12 13 13 14 18 19 20 20 20 20 23 26-29 27 28 29 JUNE 2-4 2

EVENT Frat Party Wednesdays + Karaoke Dollar Drink Truth or Dare Drag Bingo 4Some Revue Fridays High Voltage Saturdays Liquid Brunch/Pop Star Takeover Cinco De Mayo Fiesta Cinco de Miley-Ol Extremely Dirty 30 B’day Bash Barbra Seville’s Salsa Challenge Cinco de Mayo Neon Dance Party Anvil 3rd Anniversary Party Night for Life Men of Leather Party Phx Mercury Home Opener Club Volt Grand Opening La Operacíon Norteña Blurred Lines Fashion Show Toga Party AIDS LifeCycle Fundraiser Mr. Phx Leather Send-off Party Mardi Gras Karaoke Memorial Day Weekend Phx Boys of Leather Gear Night Carnaval Latino Memorial Day Buffet

LOCATION Club Volt Club Volt The Cash Club Volt Club Volt Club Volt Karamba Club Volt Stacy’s @ Melrose Karamba’s Charlie’s Charlie’s The Anvil The Parsons Ctr. The Anvil Talking Stick Arena Club Volt Karamba’s Bunkhouse Charlie’s Stacy’s @ Melrose The Anvil Bar1 Charlie’s The Anvil Karamba’s Bunkhouse

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

Splash Bash Weekend Bearracuda

Hotel 502 The Rock

Phoenix Phoenix

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PHX FIRE KICKBALL

Photos by Adam Ahrens

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ENCANTO PARK

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Broadway Boasts New Crown “There’s no way but Broadway.” Drag king and male impersonator Elijah Palles, the Valley stage personality known as “Eddie Broadway” captured the title of Mister USofA Male Impersonator 2017 during the nationally recognized competition held March 9-12 in Dayton, Ohio.

Broadway bested approximately 25 contestants in his bid for the crown. He also won the Talent category. He has performed as a drag king for six years and is the fifth Arizona resident to win a national title within the USofA system. He also holds honorary titles within the Phoenix Imperial Court and was Mister Phoenix Pride 2015.

“When you choose to finally live your life authentically, something changes in you.

You stand taller, smile more, and radiate love,” Palles posted on Instagram and Facebook. “I will always be visible.

I will always be proud. I will always help others find their voice.”

Palles works in the Team Lead of Utilization Management at Valley Hospital.

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Imperial Court Coronation

XII Planned

Polish up your crowns, tiaras, coronets and break out the royal jewels! The Imperial Sovereign Court of Arizona is preparing for the coronation of their newest monarchs.

Dukes, duchesses, barons, lords, ladies and even a few marquises from across the kingdom will kowtow at this annual event. The coronation theme is “Geeks Gone Glam: A Soirée at the Comic Book Store.”

Events will also include an out of town show, bus tour, and Victory Brunch.

The previous reign raised over $38,000 during the year. Benefits and funds target groups and organizations who provide services and work toward the betterment of the Arizona Community, including a generous scholarship fund for students pursuing higher education in the memory of Bryon Wiley.

The pageantry will take place May 5-7.

The coronation will be at the Hilton Phoenix Airport Hotel, 2435 S. 47th St. For more information about the Imperial Sovereign Empire of Arizona visit ImperialCourtAZ.org (Pictured above: Candidates for Empress & Emperor Akasha Knight Christian & Dave McQueen, Illustration

by Eric Thurnbeck of Sophia Sinclair and SeaJay Moser)

Real Boy: A Son’s Transition.

A Mom’s

Transformation.

“What is a boy? Is it your brain, or is it your body?” 19-year-old Bennett Wallace navigates early sobriety, late adolescence and the evolution of his gender identity in this thought-provoking documentary. Along the way, both, his resistant mother and Bennett find support, reminding us that families are not only given, but chosen.

“All I really want is to be loved by my family. It’s complicated for them,” Bennett says. Learn how people, their views and worlds are, both, reconciled and united.

This screening is presented by Arizona State University’s Project Humanities, bringing people together within the community, exploring human culture so we can better understand ourselves and create a better world for the future.

Real Boy will screen on Tuesday, May 23 at Changing Hands Bookstore, 300 W. Camelback Rd. (Phoenix location) For more information about the documentary go to RealBoyMovie.com May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

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HEEL PARTY

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BAR 1

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Scorpius Dance Theatre Goes Wild

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S corpius Dance Theatre presents a new production, ANIMAL, an original show created

by Scorpius’ Director, Lisa Starry, exploring the relationship we have with animals, their social interactions, physicality and movement.

Lighthearted and entertaining, Starry is also taking the opportunity to provide awareness and support for animals in our community and globally.

A portion of ticket sales will benefit local animal charity, Lost Our Home Pet Rescue.

ANIMAL features nine different dance works, comedic interludes, plus two short films. From the unusual mating ritual of the praying mantis, the slumbering ways of the sloth, the slinky movement of snakes, to the social interactions of dogs, Scorpius’ dancers will use their athleticism, grace, and acting abilities to emulate the motion and behaviors of various domestic animals and wild creatures.

One heartwarming short film features owners interacting with their pets and the special bonds they share. A more serious film, coupled with live dance, will bring to light the emotional distress of caged and confined animals. Attendees of ANIMAL will also be treated to a visual arts display in the lobby, featuring original animal paintings and drawings by students of Metropolitan Arts Institute located in Phoenix, Arizona.

Lost Our Home Pet Rescue will also be on hand to provide information about supporting the organization.

ANIMAL is May 18-20 at Phoenix Theatre’s Hormel Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. Tickets start at $25 (plus surcharge). One dollar from every ticket sold will benefit Lost Our Home Pet Rescue.

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CHAMBER RAINBOW OPEN

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ARIZONA GR AND

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Blokes & Spokes

Local cyclists join AIDS LifeCycle marathon Y ou might call Derek and Zach BryantWoodman, Justin Mickey (pictured) and Isaac

Jones “pedalfiles.” They’re openly bikesexual.

For the past year they’ve been living a life behind bars. Handlebars, that is. They’re training for the famous AIDS LifeCycle, the legendary 545-mile journey from San Francisco to Los Angeles, California happening June 4-10. This noteworthy event raises funds for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the Los Angeles LGBT Center. Both organizations work to generally improve the lives of those living with HIV/AIDS in California. They also help serodiscordant couples (one partner is HIV-positive, the other is negative), increase awareness about prevention and testing, and just as importantly, fight the stigma about HIV/ AIDS. These Phoenix men decided to put the fun between their legs in a different way—so to speak—and from June 4-10 they will be switching into high gear as they pedal down the ribbon of highway through the heart of the Golden State on this emotional, fulfilling journey.

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They named their Arizona team, “Twinks, Otters & Bears, oh my!”

It’s Derek Bryant-Woodman’s second time biking the Left Coast with the event.

“I did it five years ago with my mom. I was newly diagnosed as HIV-positive; mentally and emotionally it helped me fight the stigma. This year, I felt like it was time to support other people and continue the fight.”

Derek will have his husband, Zach BryantWoodman by his side.

Zach explained. “It’s doing two things: I’m accomplishing a major physical feat while raising money for a good cause, wrapped up with being able to do the ride with my husband.” The couple have been married for three of their six years together.

The team of cyclists look forward to learning more and meeting a lot of people. Close and lasting friendships are often built during the five day event.

“They call it ‘The Love Bubble.’

Everyone’s accepted. Everyone’s shooting for the same goal. It’s not a race,” Zach explained. “Everyone’s there to celebrate each other.”

Justin, a 35-year-old Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner is inspired to do

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the ride by his friends and loved ones.

“Until we had PrEP, we were living in fear for so long. That is so unnecessary now. That’s what motivates me and keeps me going.” No stranger to bike philanthropic marathons, Justin also rode in a 150-mile bicycle ride to support Multiple Sclerosis research.

The team has been training since November, riding 25-80 miles weekly to prepare for the five day event where the 108 miles is the longest stretch, and 60 miles is the shortest—but most difficult—earning it the nickname, “The Quadbuster.” One day of the event all cyclists put on a scarlet frock for “Red Dress Day” to remember those who’ve passed (and to have a little fun.)

The team’s expenses for bicycles and gear are $3,000 to $4,000.

Each cyclist is responsible for raising a minimum of $3,000 to be able to participate in the ride.

This is still important. “Just to get people to talk about HIV/AIDS and be open about

it. Prevention through knowledge,” said Derek.

Help “Twinks, Otters & Bears, oh my!” achieve their goals.

Meet them at these upcoming fundraising events before they pedal off into the sunset.

Saturday, May 13 from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Car Wash at Stacy’s @ Melrose during Saturday afternoon Bingo.

Saturday, May 20, 8 p.m. at Stacy’s @ Melrose. There will be a 50/50 raffle, silent auction, and Jell-O shots. The team will be bringing their bikes. Everybody wear RED! Find out more about the event at AIDSlifecycle.org. You can search the database and donate to Derek, Zach, Justin and Issac individually, or the team, collectively.

You can also donate via their team page at bit.ly/alcAZ17

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PGFFL CHAMPIONSHIP

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CORONADO PARK

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Club Volt Grand Opening with Shea Couleé “My name is Shea Coulée and I didn’t come to play, I came to slay!” Get ready, because this bad bitch from this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race will be entertaining you on Thursday, May 18 at the newest club in town, Club Volt. The doors open at 9 p.m. and the show will begin at 11 p.m. 3108 E. McDowell Rd. Purchase your tickets today at ClubVoltAZ.com For more information about reservations, meet ‘n’ greet and champagne table service check out the ad on page 17

MAY 2017 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Thurs 4 Fri 5 10:00pm Thurs 11 10:00pm Thurs 18 11:00pm Sat 20 9:00p, Fri 26 10:00pm Sunday 28 Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesday 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Thurs 9pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:00pm 2nd & 4th Fri 10:30pn Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st Sunday 2:00pm Sundays 11:00am Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 7:00pm 3rd Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Karamba Pre-Cinco Show with Ruby Club Volt Cinco de Miley-O Charlie’s Summer Splash Neon Dance Party with Eureka Club Volt Grand Opening with Shea Coulee Bunkhouse Blurred Lines Fashion SHow The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Karamba Kimora Blac Charlie’s Claudia B Hosts The Strip Factor Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West Stars Choice Season 18 - Kendra’s Farewell Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Cruisin’ 7th Camping Out with the Southern Belles Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Charlie’s Coco St. James’ Neon Party Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles Club Volt 4Some Revue with Miley, Gia, Piper & Luna Boycott Fresh Fish with Sonja Savage, Falaesha Savage, The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Cruisin’ 7th Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Cruisin’ 7th Excuse Our Beauty Revue Los Diablos Broadway Brunch with Olivia Gardens & Bobby Gordon Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends BS West The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show Cruisin’ 7th The Morning After with Trixxie Deluxxe May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

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Anjelah Johnson’s Bon Qui Qui

“Have it your way, but don’t get crazy.” King Burger’s homegirl weighs in on the current state of affairs in this hilarious ghetto-fabulous one-chica show. Friday, May 5 at Desert Diamond Casino, 1100 W. Pima Mine Rd. in Sahuarita. For tickets call 520-297-7777 or check out DDCAZ.com. “Sacurity! Sa-curity!”

David Sedaris

Join in the hilarity with America’s most brilliant humorist who reads from his newest collection of writing as well as fielding questions from the audience. Monday, May 8 at the Fox Theatre, 17 W. Congress St. in Tucson. For tickets call 520-547-3040 or visit FoxTucsonTheatre.org,

Hir

War vet Isaac returns to his family’s home to the suburbs to discover a household in revolt. His insurgent mom and transgender sister are out to dismantle the patriarchy in this subversive comedy through May 13. Stray Cat Theatre at Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. in Tempe. For tickets check out StrayCatTheatre.org. TicketForce.com or call 480-350-2TCA

MAY 2017 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE

EVENT

5 5 5-13 thru 6 6 8 10-6/4 11-14 11-28 12-14 thru 13 13 17-21 18-21 18-28 19-28 20 24-27 26 27-6/7 28-5/21

Bon Qui Qui - Anjelah Johnson Bianca Del Rio Short Play Festival Holmes & Watson Chris Rock David Sedaris Beehive Rachel Feinstein Holmes & Watson Playback Theatre Hir Kevin Smith Bret Ernst Felipe Esparza Book of Mormon Urinetown Gabriel Iglesias Asif Ali Cheech & Chong bare Oliver! AZ B’way Theatre

COMPANY

PHONE

D. D. Casino - Sahuarita 520-297-7777 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-829-0607 Phx Theatre 602-254-2151 AZ Theatre Co. (Tucson) 520-622-2823 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Fox Theatre - Tucson 520-547-3040 Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 AZ Theatre Co. (Phx) 602-256-6995 iCollaborative 602-258-9481 Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe 480-227-1766 StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 House of Comedy - Phx 480-420-3553 StandUp Live - Phoenix 480-921-9877 ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 House of Comedy - Phx 480-420-3553 Casino del Sol 520-838-6400 Nearly Naked Theatre 602-254-2151 Peoria 623-776-8400 May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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Paul van Dyk One of the first true superstar DJs, this Grammy Award winning spinmeister was the world’s first number one DJ in 2005 & 2006. Catch this wünderkind at the turntable of trance on Friday, May 5 at The Pressroom, 441 W. Madison St. in Phoenix. For tickets check out ThePressroomAZ.com

John Legend Is there anything this singer, songwriter, musician, actor can’t do? Heck! He even has an Oscar for Best Song! You won’t want to miss this beloved legend when he wows Phoenix on Wednesday, May 24 at the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.

Melissa Etheridge You don’t have to be a lesbian to love Melissa! This “cool mom” just announced she smokes weed with her kids. (They’re grown ups, don’t worry.) This fab rocker chick makes a pit stop in Phoenix on Thursday, May 25 at the Talking Stick Resort, 9800 E. Indian Bend Rd. in Scottsdale. For tix go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

MAY 2017 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE 3 4 5 5 13 16 16 17 19 24 25 26 26 JUNE 2 4

ARTIST LOCATION PHONE Todrick Hall Mesa Arts Arts Ctr. 480-644-6500 Todrick Hall Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 REO Speedwagon Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Paul van Dyk The Pressroom - Phx ThePressroomAZ.com Darius Rucker Casino del Sol - Tucson 800-344-9435 Train, Natasha Bedingfield Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale 800-745-3000 Conor Oberst Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Los Lonely Boys Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Brian Wilson UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 John Legend Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Melissa Etheridge Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 NKOTB, Paula Abdul, Boyz II Men Talking Stick Resort Arena 800-745-3000 Funk Fest Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Lady Antebellum Bush

Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale Marquee Theatre - Tempe

800-745-3000 480-839-0707

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Love, Sand & Scurvy Everything, Everything Starring: Amandla Stenberg, Nick Robinson This five-hanky weepy promises there won’t be a dry eye in the house.

Based on a tear-stained YA novel, this melodrama promises love and death when teenager Maddy (Stenberg, The Hunger Games), a “bubble baby,” can’t leave the house because of an immunodeficiency the makes her allergic to everything. Handsome, sensitive boy next door, Olly, (Robinson, was “Tyler” the teen son who mysteriously disappeared from the family in the Cox Communication commercials about buffering. Why? Why?) promises her a chance at life and love. And probably a Big Mac at McDonald’s.

If you thought The Fault In Our Stars was a tearjerker, wait’ll you see this.

Opens May 19

Baywatch Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Kelly Rohrbach and boobs, boobs, boobs.

Pubescent heterosexual boys (and probably a few budding lesbians) loved the beachy, sun-soaked syndicated TV series (1989-2001) for Pamela Anderson

and her sizable breasts. Gay boys loved it for the hot, male lifeguard fantasies they harbored.

Now, it’s an action-packed comedy. Mitch Buchannon (Johnson, San Andreas) and the dimwitted, washedup Olympic athlete Matt Brody (Efron, Neighbors franchise) uncover and thwart a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.

Bubbly C.J. Parker (Rohrbach in the Pam Anderson role) promises to do lots of legendary running in slowmo. Between her and Efron, there’s sure to be lots of boner-inducing moments for boys and girls of all ages and persuasions.

Opens May 25

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley Hoist the mizzenmast! The boozy, slightly bisexual Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp, nearly every Tim Burton picture) lurches through yet another epic tale of the high seas. This time Captain Salazar (Bardem, No Country for Old Men) is the evil foe in another exciting episode of the franchise none of the stars can seem to escape. Arrghh, matey!

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by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Little Dragon

Season High It may be Sweden’s exceptional socialism, it’s modestly priced furnishings, meatballs, Volvos, it’s sexy, Viking progeny male population, but if Sweden has anything to offer the world, it’s perfectionism in pop music. ABBA, Robyn, Röyksopp, Max Martin ... the list goes on and Little Dragon is an apt torch bearer in their Nordic tradition of songs that become obsessions.

Their six year old breakthrough album Ritual Unions brought them to the international stage with sophisticated beats and lead singer Yukimi Nagano’s distinct, jazz soaked delivery. Season High is a departure from the group’s seriousness and a step in to the sunnier side of life. “Celebrate” is straight out the 80s with its Janet Jackson-esque Jam and Lewis production. “Pop Life” is a call to the dance floor reminiscent of the band’s collaborations with SBTRKT and Kaytranada. “Sweet” harkens to the bouncy pop of early aughts Basement Jaxx or Kylie Minogue as Nagano’s vocals float above the exquisitely produced track. Season High is a sweet, summer-ready must-listen.

Available Now

Fleetwood Mac Tango In The Night: 30th Anniversary Reissue

The 80s were not kind to the rock legends who ruled the preceding two decades. Music

Aural Fixation

sounded different with synths, rap, power ballads; there was MTV, Michael, George, Whitney, Prince and Madonna.

To say Fleetwood Mac was in trouble is an understatement. Three members of the band (including heroine Stevie Nicks) were in the throes of alcohol and drug addiction, leaving its last two coherent members Christie McVie and Lindsey Buckingham left to create the often overlooked, pop and production masterpiece Tango In The Night.

This would be the last record the quintet would record together. The process would lead to new addictions and the exit of Lindsey Buckingham. Despite the turmoil, we’re just now hearing and appreciating the influences of an 80s Fleetwood Mac. “Seven Wonders” closed out American Horror Story: Coven. You can hear “Family Man” in the music of HAIM and The Weeknd.

McVie’s contributions “Little Lies” and “Everywhere” hold up as the band’s last shimmering pop hits. The 30th anniversary reissue shares with us unheard demos and extended dance floor ready remixes.

Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG PWR BTTM - “LOL” (pictured) POLIÇA - “Lipstick Stains” Kendrick Lamar - “Humble” Lady Gaga - “The Cure” Arca - “Desafio” Tei Shi - “Say You Do” Jacques Greene - “To Say” Lone - “Crush Mood” Yaegi - “Noonside” Perfume Genius - “Go Ahead” May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

Four Dreamers, One Deviant Paris 05:59 Théo and Hugo Starring: Geoffrey Couët, François Nambot

Don’t be afraid of foreign film. This feature is the perfect one to break gay men’s foreign film cherry for those who are virgins. And, boy, will it ever!

The first scene takes place in a raunchy sex club. Paris, after all, is the City of Love. We’re treated to a very graphic 20-minute orgy. (Yes, there are erections. Yes, there is penetration.

Lots of it. You’ll love it.) The pixielike Théo (Couët) spies the dashing Hugo (Nambot) across a roiling sea of humping men. One thing leads to another, dot, dot, dot The two infatuated youths exit the club, entering the dreamlike, sleeping Paris

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in the wee morning hours, reveling in their sexploits and afterglow when top Théo casually comments that he didn’t use a condom.

Bottom Hugo frantically reveals he is HIV-positive.

Will this doom their budding love?

Filmed in real time beginning at 4:27 a.m., concluding at 5:59 a.m., Théo and Hugo explore lust, responsibility, love, and their future together—or not—in that very existential, very French way.

Gay co-Director Jacques Martinot explains, “The start of love is about taking risks. Love is a risk.” Take a risk and watch this very sexual, tender, emotionally layered foreign film.

French with English with subtitles ★★★★☆ Available now $29.95 MSRP DVD, Blu-ray & VOD including Vimeo On Demand and WolfeOnDemand.com and Amazon.com

Serial Mom

La La Land

Starring: Kathleen Turner, Ricki Lake, Sam Waterston, Mink Stole

Starring: Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling What’s left to say about this 2016 musical box office megahit?

Sebastian (Gosling) yearns for his own jazz club. Mia (Stone) wants to see her name in lights. Again, we have two dreamers who fall in love. Do they refuse to stray from their vision in this “Boy Meets Girl” love story?

After two charming, make-believe hours of singing and dancing through this romantic valentine to Los Angeles, we find out. This might be destined to be the 21st century answer to the classic, Singing In The Rain, redefining the movie musical. ★★★★★ Available now, DVD & Blu-ray starting at $19.96 Visit LionsGateAtHome. com for retailers

“Listen to your filthy mouth, ya fuckin’ WHORE!” Writer-Director John Waters’ 1994 twisted tale about suburbia brought us housewife, Beverly Sutphin (Turner) who taught America about recycling, litterbuggers, plus the consequences of wearing white after Labor Day in this deliciously sick epic.

The insanity all comes back in this bloody Blu-ray Collector’s Edition classic plus conversations with Waters, Turner, Stole, plus commentaries and a “making of” featurette and much more.

“Lick Mommy’s feet!

Get ‘em all wet!” ★★★☆☆ Release Date: May 9 $34.95 SRP ShoutFactory.com

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Moo ‘n’ Brew Y

ou got cold beer. You got cheeseburgers. And you wanna open a restaurant. What do you name it? How about, let’s see ... “Cold Beer & Cheeseburgers”?

We’re not sure who the advertising genius is who came up with the name, (it wasn’t Mad Man Don Draper) but there’s not a lot of guess work what they specialize in at this rowdy, neighborhood-y, jock-inthe-box, fun-for-the-whole-family, all-American gasthaus. But unlike a traditional German bierhalle where happy peasants are singing lieder at an Oktoberfest, all eyes are glued to sports TV here.

Locally based, the folks behind Cold Beer & Cheeseburgers also engineered the popular Arcadia Tavern, Martini Ranch and other hot spots. Six other CB&CB locations operate in the Valley, plus one in San Diego, not to mention a local food truck. Their latest burgerrama opened up—surprise!—on grill glutted 7th Street where the long vacant Cornforth’s Appliances once stood, turning it into a dazzling diner and beer hall.

Sure, they’ve got cold beer. More than 40 draughts are on tap, plus nearly 60 bottles of brew, and 30 cans of

carbonated fun, both, locally and around the world, like lagers, ales, IPAs, shandies, pilsners, porters, stouts, ciders and more.

Twelve appetizers start off the games.

The gargantuan Original Tot Chos is a mountain of deep fried Tater Tots buried under a mound of beef chili, roasted pepper cheese sauce, sour cream and guacamole for only $10. Their spicy Buffalo Chicken Eggrolls give the Chinese snack an Upstate New York spin for $9. Hummus, mozzarella sticks are staples here, too.

Hamburger happiness is right around the corner: CB&CB has 22 burgers, using fresh, never frozen, ground chuck, half-pound patties, each with its own personality. We were super satisfied with Steakhouse Truffle, topped with Gruyere cheese, bacon, garlic aioli, white truffle oil, herb butter, baby greens, caramelized onion and thyme roasted tomato for $15.

More burger creations offer ham, pastrami, prime rib, peanut butter and jelly (it’s great, we hear) on artisan, wheat, pretzel or gluten free buns. For an extra five bucks you can make your burger into an entire pound of moo meat. Build your own burger for an up-charge per item, but on Wednesdays go crazy when extras are May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

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free, all for $10.

Fond of frankfurters?

You’ll flip for their five different Stadium Char Dogs each with a variety of toppings, right around $10 each.

Or pick from their 12 sandwiches. The Greyhawk Club gives you a choice of ham or turkey, plus bacon, jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, avocado, topped with mayo on sourdough or whole wheat toast. Frankly, this is a club we wouldn’t want to be a member of.

The nondescript, deli-thin sliced ham reminded us of pre-packaged Hillshire Farms from your grocer’s cooler. $13.

The lone Grilled Cheese or a Veggie Burger are the only sandwiches that won’t moo or cluck, or you can choose from three standard salads. A better bet would be one of their fantastic Mmmac & Cheese dishes using Torchio shaped pasta (just like their next door neighbors at Mora use, coincidentally). You can even Build Your Own Mmmac.

Looking for a romantic night out? It ain’t at CB&CB, as you might imagine. It’s big.

It’s really noisy—like a high school pep assembly meets the Breeders’ Cup. With over 30 HD flat screen TVs broadcasting nothing but sports, it’s porn for jocks, fulfilling their athletic wet dreams of competition mixed with gladiatorial bloodlust.

Your retinas will explode. They don’t broadcast RuPaul’s Drag Race here, unforch. Super straight. It’ll be a spectacular venue for Olympic fans when the big games return.

The friendly, all-female fleet of servers wearing Daisy Dukes give it a slightly Hooters-esque feel. (Our lesbian readers should love that!) Still, come with a gang of your pals for a few pints, have some deep-fried food and relax.

Here, you won’t have to worry how your hair looks or if anyone is checking out your butt. They aren’t. They’re watching TV. 5625 N. 7th St. | 602-354-8093 ColdBeers.com

Out & about with pride!

Grow the movement and join today at 850zip.com

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Photos by Franklin Diaz Shot on location at Hotel 502 502 W Camelback Road, Phoenix, AZ Alexander COBB Swimwear available at TUC Shops inside Central Phoenix Gym 4530 N. 7th St., Phoenix, AZ

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DJ Urban

Since 2008 DJ Vince Urban has been spinning the best music in the best clubs across Arizona. Aside from producing his own remixes, he’s been featured on 99.1 FM for their high energy dance show. For the past six years DJ Urban has been getting the party started at the Phoenix Pride Festival. He’s spun at most of the gay clubs around town with residencies at Bliss Rebar and Charlie’s Phoenix. He is best known for his unique mashups and Top 40 remixes.

Pandora Boxx

Comedian. Reality TV star. Playwright. And a dead ringer for Carol Channing. RuPaul’s Drag Race “Miss Congeniality,” the talented Pandora keeps her audiences in stitches at every appearance she makes. You won’t want to miss this blondie at her best as Splash Bash! hostess and our celebrity judge for “The Sexiest Bartender Contest.”

DJ Solo

Dj Solo aka Edward Michael has been a DJ for over 15 year’s starting out in the backyard of his grandparents house for family parties. Since then he has deejay Weddings, Graduations, Cooperate Events and Clubs. He may have had you on the dance floors as Clubs such as IBTS in Tucson, former bar Icepics and most recently Bs West in Scottsdale.

Clayton McKee

He’s everywhere at the same time! Spokesperson and host Clayton McKee’s fingerprints have been all over the best events, pageants, parades, festivals, galas, banquets and fundraisers in Phoenix for decades. His voice and personality lend credibility to everything ... even Splash Bash!

Tempest DuJour

Tucson’s finest was the sacrificial lamb for RuPaul’s Drag Race, season 7, when she was ousted in episode one. Shame on Ru! Her ribald wit and fierce repartee make her a giant in the world of drag. Well, she’s a giant anywhere she goes! Her “Retro Game Night” at Club Congress is SRO. It’s easy to see why!

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Photos by Scotty Kirby Get ready! It’s the time honored competition where your favorite local bartenders from LGBT and LGBT friendly bars, clubs and restaurants raise awareness and funds for important causes—and you can help! This year the best bartenders in town are raising money for the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS. Wait’ll you see what they’ve got! It’s exciting! It’s fun!

And it’s sexy, too!

Southwest Center is a medical and support center for people living with or at risk for contracting HIV/AIDS. Over 6,000 individuals at risk for HIV are provided free HIV and STI screenings each year at its Central Phoenix and other various locations citywide through its IGNITE Your Status outreach program.

The capacitor can’t filter out the energy spikes at Club Volt. They’re generating a lot of buzz with their electric 4Some Fridays and daily specials. David’s magnetic personality keeps your circuits

grounded and motors running every night.

Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS is the largest clinical, education, behavioral health, prevention and nutrition support center dedicated to fighting HIV and AIDS in the southwestern United States. Learn more about Southwest Center by visiting SWHIV.org

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The warm hospitality combined with their Mediterranean inspired menu, cool cocktails, music and more make FEZ a Phoenix favorite. Joey’s outgoing and engaging personality keeps fans coming back for more.

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“Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! And a couple of tra la-la’s! That’s how we pass the day away in the merry old Bar called OZ!” Everybody’s favorite neighborhood bar isn’t down the Yellow Brick Road ... it’s on Bethany Home Road. Aaron’s the Wizard on hand to grant your wishes.

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The best advice anybody ever got was, “Go West!” To BS West, that is. It’s been a Scottsdale staple for over 30 years. Their Halloween Block Party is legendary. Steve is everybody’s favorite star whenever he’s on hand slinging the drinks.

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The best Happy Hour in town? It all starts right here at Kobalt, in the heart of Central Phoenix. The New Year begins here on January 1 with their “Adventures in Hangovers” pajama party. Everyone would like to see Rich in his pajamas. Or out of ‘em.

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Solid as The Rock! It’s indestructible ... especially when you’re looking for a good time. Whether it’s Undie Monday, drag shows, or their crowd-pleasing monthly Bearracuda dance party, you don’t need to look any further. If you see Christopher behind the bar, you’re guaranteed to have as much fun as you can ... with your pants on.

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And here’s one for all you foxy ladies! Represent! The Cash is a little bit of country right here in the middle of Phoenix.

How’s your Cotton-Eyed Joe? Your Two-Step? Your Schottisch? You’ll definitely be able to swing your pardner and dosey-doe here all night long.

If you have trouble keeping up with the Kardashians, you’ll have to hustle to keep up with Caity ... she’s a big fan of the crazy clan. But she’ll always find time to fix you a boilermaker or give you a Sloe Screw Against the Wall if you need one. We’re talkin’ about the cocktail here, folks!

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This bar has a reputation ... it’s one of the friendliest bars in town. Pool, darts, a large patio, it’s home to many a bear, but relax! Everyone’s welcome here!

Great cocktails are on the menu, sure, but Mitchell’s smile is free.

And who could resist those baby blues?

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Hey, weekend warriors! Or any day of the week! If you’re looking for the best dugout in town to watch sports TV with your fellow jocks, it’s right here at Roscoe’s.

Duke makes sure to wet your whistle if you’re looking parched.

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It might look like a church, but feel free to do a little bit of sinning here. We won’t tell.

Why? You could say that everything’s “Jake” when you’re here at Stacy’s @ Melrose. C’mon?

Would this handsome face lead you astray? (Don’t answer that!)

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The devil’s in the details, they say. That’s a good thing when you’re here! Especially if that handsome devil Anthony’s behind the bar, you’ll be tempted to sell your soul. You won’t find any hellfire or brimstone here, but you will find incredible cocktails and a fine menu of incredible edibles.

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Karamba Seville’s Salsa Challenge

BS West Service Industry Night (W)

Bar 1 Beer Bust (W)

OZ BAR Poker (W)

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Hotel 502 Sexiest Bartender

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Afterhours

OZ BAR Poker (W)

Dick’s Cabaret Amateur Night (W)

Los Diablos Taco Tuesday (W)

Bar 1 Mardi Gras Karaoke

Dick’s Cabaret Amateur Night (W)

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Dick’s Cabaret Amateur Night (W)

OZ BAR Poker (W)

Los Diablos Taco Tuesday (W)

Hotel Congress - Tucson Geeks Who Drink Trivia (W)

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The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose SONGO Music Trivia (W)

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Hotel Congress - Tucson Geeks Who Drink Trivia (W)

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2

TUESDAY Bunkhouse Karaoke (W) The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

ION NIGHT at Nearly Naked Theatre’s ‘bare’ OZ BAR Karaoke (W)

The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

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The Cash Truth or Dare Bingo (W)

The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

The Cash Karaoke (W)

OZ BAR Karaoke (W)

The Cash Karaoke (W)

JUNE 1

OZ BAR Poker (W)

The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

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The Cash Truth or Dare Bingo (W)

25

The Bunkhouse Tito’s Handmade Vodka Promo

Club Volt Grand Opening with Shea Coulee

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Cruisin’ 7th Comedy Night (W)

Charlie’s RPDR’s Eureka

OZ BAR Karaoke (W)

Club Volt Dollar Drink Thursdays (W)

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THURSDAY

Los Diablos Wing It & Sing It Weds. (W)

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Karamba Savannah’s Face Off The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

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Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Club Volt Karaoke / FRAT Night 18+ (W)

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3

WEDNESDAY

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

4

The Bunkhouse Memorial Day Buffet

Karamba Carnaval Latino

29 Memorial Day

OZ BAR Poker (W)

FEZ Guest Bartender Event 2-4p

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Crusin’ 7th TS Dancers (W)

The Rock Rock’n Bodies Review (W)

22

Karamba Karaoke (W)

The Cash Karaoke with DJ Kat

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Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

15

Crusin’ 7th TS Dancers (W)

Bar 1 Beer Bust (W)

TSR Arena Mercury Home Opener

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8

BS West Service Industry Night (W)

Los Diablos Broadway Brunch (W)

Club Volt Liquid Brunch Pop Star Tkover (W)

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Hotel Congress - Tucson 90’s House Party (W)

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MONDAY

Stacy’s @ Melrose Pride After-party

SUNDAY

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2

The Cash Country Dancing (W)

Los Diablos Drag Race Friday (W)

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Club Volt 4some Revue (W)

The Rock Bearracuda

Charlie’s Splash Bash Kickoff Party

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Dick’s Cabaret Get Lei’d Bash

Stacy’s @ Melrose Drag Race Viewing (W)

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Los Diablos Tito’s Handmade Vodka Promo

The Anvil 3rd Anniversary Party

Club Volt Cinco de Miley-O

Karamba Cinco de Mayo Festival

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FRIDAY

Hotel 502 Splash Bash

Charlie’s Beach Party Weekend

The Cash DJ Delicious (W)

Los Diablos Happy Hour All Day (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Lady & the Tramps

Stacy’s @ Melrose Splash Dance After Party

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Stacy’s @ Melrose AIDS LifeCycle Fundraiser

The Bunkhouse Blurred Line Fashion Show

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ANVIL Men of Leather

The Parsons Center Night for Life

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Anvil Men of Leather Club Night (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Adult Film Star Kirk Cummings

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SATURDAY

hydrat D R I N K

&

E V E N T

G U I D E

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

Dance Party Opens at 5pm-2am

Saturday Opens at 5pm-2am

Totaly Awesome Sundays 80s Music $3 draft, well & Fireballs

HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys

$12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cocktails 2-7pm KARAOKE

Elements Show 10pm $5 U-Call-It Drinks & Shots

2-4-1 All Day/All Night Go-Go Boys, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 Miller - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Miller Products

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Bud Products

Happy Hour All Day JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7pm

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid

2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm $3 Absolut/Barcardi Flavors 10-Mid

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl

NEW Club Volt

4SOME REVUE 10pm $30 Champagne $4 4Some Cock.

HIGH VOLTAGE SATURDAYS Go-Go Boys $3 Cocktails

LIQUID BRUNCH SUNDAYS $2 Dom. Draft $5 Long Island

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Event Night 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7-9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Finally Friday HH 3pm-7pm Reverse HH 10p-Close

HH 12pm-Close $5 Dom Pitchers $7 LIT&AMF Pitchers

Oz Bar

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 2p-6p Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Beer Bust until 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch KARAOKE 8pm-Cl 2-4-1 $3 Shots

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

2-4-1 11am-7pm KARAOKE 9pm Barbra Seville Show10pm

$2 Miller & Bud Light All Day Wild Men of the West 10pm

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

Sunday Funday $3 Mimosas DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock & Well

NEW Boycott Bar Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ

Karamba Los Diablos

The Rock Stacy’s

Br

Brunch 10am-2pm KARAOKE 2pm-6pm $4.50 Mimosas, $7 LI / AMF / Marg Pitchers

Br

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY

H2O Hotel Congress

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a FIERCE A$$ Fridays

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a SLAYYY Saturdays

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Br

Br

SUNDAY HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 TUESDAY 8pm-close Well Vodka & Miller High Life

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

MONDAY BEER BUST $1 Bud Light Draft 7pm-close

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 HUGE Long Island Ice Tea

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

Wednesdays Opens at 5pm2am

Latin Night 5pm2am $4 small pticher / 2-4-1 well

HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

Service Industry DJ Tsunami $2 Drafts, $3 Well, $4 Bomb.

Stars Choice Show 9pm w/ Kendra Katoure $5 3 Olives

2-4-1 All Day / All Night Go-Go Boys - A Valley Tradition VIP

The Men of BS 10pm $3 Drafts/$4 Barcardi/$5 Skyy Infused

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 8am-2pm | $4.50 Fireball( All Day) KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm Underwear Night WMW $1 Off

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm Dance Lessons 7:30pm

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm KARAOKE 2-4-1 Well 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

2-4-1 Cocktail / Beer 8pm-Close

$3 Pitcher / $3 Absolut 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

FRAT BOY WEDNEDAY $5 32 ounce beers $3 Fireball

$1 DRINKS THURSDAYS Drafts and Cocktails

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl Half off with your Pants Off $3 J.D.

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Comedy Night 9pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

$5 Cover!

With coupon on our website

$5 Big Signature Margaritas

$5 All Classic Martinis

$2 OFF Glasses of Wine 50% OFF Bottles

$5 G-Spots, O-Spots, B-Spots & A-Spots

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Cumbia Night Savannah Show $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Salsa Nights $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays Ruby Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

HH 3pm -Close $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

Taco & Tequila Tuesdays $5 Patron & Margs $4 Dos Equis

HH 3pm-7pm KARAOKE 7pm-Cl All Drinks Buy 1 get 1 for $1 7-Cl

HH 3pm-7pm $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Close

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl Poker 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl Poker 7pm

$2.75 Well & Dom 6a-2p $3.75 2p-cl KARAOKE 8pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm 8pm-Close $3 Well & Domestic

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day

HH All Day SONGO 6-9pm $5 Martinis All Day

2-4-1 All Day Live DJ

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $1.50 Rolling Rock 4-mid / Well 8-mid

MONDAY

TUESDAY

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a $2 Twosdays

Br

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

Taco & Tequi

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Br

Br

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

HH Aquadec 2-4-1 6pm-2am 2-4-1 Blo fish Thursdays

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Br

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PHOENIX Address

1. Anvil

Phone

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd.

3. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

4. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

5. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

6. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

7. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

8. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-9943

9. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 267-8707

11. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

12. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

13. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

14. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

15. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

16. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central

(602) 264-5307

17. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881

18. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 267-9959

19. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

(602) 242-5114

20. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

21. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

22 Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St.

(602) 266-0477

x

23. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

24. Switch

2603 N. Central Ave.

25. Ticoz

(602) 253-0689

(602) 248-8559 (602) 285-0833 x

(602) 264-1700 (602) 264-2295

x

5114 N. 7th St.

(602) 200-0160

TUCSON Address

Phone

27. H2O

61 E. Congress St.

(520) 623-5400

28. Hotel Congress

311 E Congress St.

(520) 622-8848

x

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Vol. 11, Issue 2

May 2017

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Rupert Murdoch Buys OUTRAGEOUS, OUTRAGEOUS! Shuts It Down.

OUTRAGEOUS!

PHOENIX – ION Arizona magazine variety of Australian magazines that nobody shocked to learn that media kingpin Rupert reads anyway under the corporate umbrella Murdoch purchased the award-winning news News Corp. It was onlyACCIDENTAL natural that he would ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY feature OUTRAGEOUS! in a recent hostile want to add OUTRAGEOUS to his roster of takeover that rocked the journalism world. publication greats, like beloved American nature and science magazine National “It caught us off-guard,” said one Geographic. anonymous source in the OUTRAGEOUS newsroom. After eleven years of reporting the really hard-hitting fake news, the old coot snatched it right up from under our noses!‘ Australian business magnate, Murdoch, also owns The Wall Street Journal, The New York Post, Barron’s, and a

From his Syndney, Australia office, Murdoch announced his intention to close down the leader in fake news.

OUTRAGEOUS!

“We prefer the term, ‘artificially enhanced alternate facts’” corrected one unemployed OUTRAGEOUS reporter.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 107

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May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 109

SYPHILIS INCREASES THE RISK FOR HIV

CheckAfter

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Dylan Knight checks after!

L

adies, this installment of Favorite Bitch® is just for you!

For now, I’ve thrown queens back in the closet and I’m draggin’ you (and your skeletons) outta hiding. I hope you aren’t lookin’ for sugary advice & anecdotes like you find in Dear Abby.

Dear Miss Tiger, My femme girlfriend is a closet bisexual. Candy insists that she’s a lesbian but sneaks around on Tinder and hooks up with men. I searched through her phone and this shit has been going on during our entire relationship. Help!

— Jasmine Dear Mounds of Trouble And An Occasional Almond Joy, Like the slogan says, “Sometimes you feel like a nut ... and sometimes you don’t!”

I guess it’s up to you as to whether you continue being a diabetic or cut out candy altogether.

embarrassed, though, because I’m a very hygienic person. Is this normal?

— Heidi Dear NORMAL Would Be Writing Me And Complaining HE WON’T DO IT AT ALL, And on that note ... NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight years. All of the sudden he’s begging to titty-fuck me. I’ve asked him if this is really the way he wants to treat his future wife?

What do you think?

— Tina Dear Looks As If It’s The Way He’ll Be Treating His Future Mistress, I’m all for couples respecting each other’s boundaries. But maybe if you had let him give you a pearl necklace in the last eight years ... he would’ve given you a diamond engagement ring to go with it!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend asked to have a threesome.

I’m not into women! Any advice on what I should do?

— Darcy

Dear Miss Tiger, I’m thinking about undergoing vaginal rejuvenation. Do you know anything about it?

— Celeste

Dear Here We Go Again, Girl, buy a dildo, some anal lube and tell him to start practicing on himself for the threesome.

Dear ... I Do It Every Time I Tuck, Darling, other than duct tape, my knowledge on this topic is limited. But I know one thing for certain - no matter how fierce your ride is ... you can’t avoid having to invest in a new set of tires after too much mileage!

He’ll either throw his hands or his legs up in the air. And if it’s the latter, I’ll be here for your next email ...

Dear Miss Tiger, My husband loves performing cunnilingus on me. He did it during my period and I enjoyed it. I feel a little

Miss Tiger

Advice Columnist • Radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter/Instagram MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 111

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by Addison DeWitt

Y

have them clipped, whipped and snipped into shape when his browmistress said, “Let me get these stray hairs ... there!” When Tanner looked into the mirror, he was missing one-half of his left eyebrow! When you see Tanner, whatever you do, do not focus on his half-left eyebrow. It’ll grow back, honey.

A

ippee! May is National Masturbation Month! Every American needs to spank that monkey and flick that bean. Nobody in, say, Timbuktu, Luxembourg, Namibia or certainly not Chechnya is allowed to celebrate this great American holiday! This is your patriotic duty.

And do you wanna know who I think about when my hand goes south of my border? I thought so. Here’s a partial list:

B

Robert Weeks, Emm Jay, Patrick Brandt, Ty Brennan, David Hernandez, A.J. Smith, Bobby Garcia Veyna, Raul Longoria, Shem Miller, Joen Romero Martinez, Wyatt Lupton, Jimmy Thomason, Jonathan Gaudette, Piper M’Shay, Brian Lubbs, Amir Rivera, Reid Keller, Symon Benjamin, Morgan Pearce, Clarence Howard, Charles Goffnet, the hot, hairy guy who sells shots at B.S. West on Saturday nights, Brett Kennedy, Chi Kawamoto, Remy Todd, Cameron Fletcher, MK Underwood, David Mendoza. Oh ... and Ben Whitneybell, too, natch.

Now, don’t say anything, (I wouldn’t want you to embarrass him) but handsome Tanner Cordell (A) suffered Major Eyebrow Drama.

(See “before” and “after.”) He went to

It’s spring! Tim Kelly and Richard Feist (B) went to Coachella and came back with lovely FTD floral centerpieces growing out of their heads.

In April gay boys packed up their wigs and lipstick, taking off for RuPaul’s DragCon in Los Angeles.

Our favorite queerdo Vera Saucy was at the event selling “flavored butt wipes” with James Majesty.

(C) We haven’t heard what flavors. “Fudge with Spanish Peanuts” isn’t one of them.

(That was a joke, but I do know that Vera’s selling some sexy, sparkly harnesses!)

Everyone in Phoenix turned out for The Haters Roast: The Shady Tour at the Herberger Theatre. I’m not being critical, but I’d like to post an open letter to Latrice Royale: “Never wear this outfit again!” See why? (D) Excuse me. I have to go. I have some important ‘bating to do.

You should, too.

May 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 113

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n May 3 you can kiss Mercury retrograde goodbye, allowing you to make quick decisions in a “shoot first, ask questions later” manner. Saturn goes into retrograde on May 19. It’s a mixed bag, combining tradition with novelty, and stability with change. Negotiate and collaborate with opposites—like Pisces. On May 20 as the Sun enters Gemini you find yourself open to new experiences, possibly of a sexual nature, but more likely something careerwise—unless your career is hooking. Then you’ve got all your bases covered.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You’re surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful things. You radiate beautiful energy. This is a bit saccharine, but the planets are in a good mood. Shed old habits, share your karma.

Taurus April. 21 - May 20 Thinking quick on your feet helps in several projects. Express yourself with flair. Your birthday is extended and energized, thanks to Mercury, allowing you to see past issues with clarity.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 The Sun in your own sign brings praise and approval, which is something you crave.

This is a chance to tackle new projects, anything ranging from ventriloquism to something more practical, like soap making.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 You’re most comfortable out of the spotlight this month as the Sun enters Gemini. Work on long-term goals. Don’t be afraid to take a non-traditional approach to problem solving.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 You are following a new path: it may be with your career, at home, or spiritually.

The planets can’t figure everything out for you. Whatever it is, keep informed. No daydreaming. Focus, focus, focus!

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 As the Sun enters Gemini, Mercury helps you focus on the bright side of things, making it a good time to get something off your chest. Watch your language. A new experience enlightens you. Tell us all about it next month!

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 This whole year offers you tough tasks presented with challenges. Competition is rough, but it’s good for you, otherwise you’d be soft, wimpy and cry a lot. We hate that.

Take the initiative. Mercury helps out.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Expect a burst of energy, creativity and that “Go get ‘em!” spirit you’re so famous for after the New Moon on May 25. You’ll understand your inner Darth Vader-esque “Dark Side” better, too. (Heavy breathing.)

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 After May 17, you’ll be more efficient with your time. Repetitive tasks requiring attention keep you focused. Routine tasks become a joy. This may or not include masturbation and balancing your checkbook.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 With the Sun entering Gemini you’ll feel more productive, focusing on opportunities and not wasting as much time with the usual crap that fills your calendar. The Full Moon leaves you less emotional. That’s okay.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 With the end of Venus retrograde on April 15, you have better control of your love life and finances. Never equate money with love. That’s hard, we know, because you usually do. Expect compliments and gifts.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 There’s a sucker born every minute. You’re tempted to pull a fast one in a business transaction. C’mon! You’re better than that!

You can’t cheat an honest man. Or woman.

Don’t be sneaky. Take the high road, sport!