ION Arizona #177

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AZ GAY RODEO

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CORONA RANCH

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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OSCAR PARTY

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KO BA LT

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8TH ANNIVERSARY

BAR 1

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com OFFICE MANAGER Dean Dill .......................................................... dean.dill@icloud.com

COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Fernando Hernandez Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby Sean Kapera Stephanie Anne Donoghue NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ANTRO NIGHTCLUB

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We Love Hard Bodies W

ho doesn’t like the sexy curves on a hard body? While some like it fast, others just like to look hot. But no matter how hard and fast you play, always make sure you have good rubber. It’s this kind of fun that drives me crazy!

Of course, I’m talking about cars.

What were you thinking? While we often cover RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants, this month we’re focusing on the people in our community who like to drag race. “Wheelcome” to our “Ignition Phoenix Auto Show” issue.

If you missed the last IGNITION PHOENIX in 2014, you owe it to yourself to check it out. This year it’s grown so big (that’s what he said) we had to move it outside to the Arizona State Fair Park, complete with grass, trees and a huge stage. Not only will we have 100-plus cars, DJ Urban spinning, more presentations and, for the first time, we are proud to have The Platinum Band performing live! The Lerner and Rowe IGNITION PHOENIX 2016 is Saturday, March 26 from 12 noon-6 p.m. Admission is FREE and all donations and raffle proceeds go to the

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QU Scholarship Fund, helping to send promising LGBT youths to college.

If you want to show off your vehicle, whether it’s classic, exotic, rare, unique, 4x4 or 2-wheel, we want you! Just enter the fairgrounds at the 17th Avenue and McDowell entrance between 6 a.m.-11 a.m. and we’ll guide you in. We only ask a minimal $10 donation for QU. If you want to be a sponsor or a vendor, call me directly at 602-750-1164.

For the second year in a row, ION was asked to host the Phoenix Pride VIP Experience. This year we’ll have a bigger air-conditioned tent, more executive restrooms, more entertainment, more free stuff, a full bar and did we mention front row seating for the 52s and the other Main Stage headliners? Get your tickets for the VIP Experience now at PhoenixPride.com ION is proud to bring you a great magazine, unique events and new experiences to support. Join us on our journey and we will keep spinning our wheels to make a better community.

Jack Tesorero

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FRESH BRUNCH

T H E B I LT M O R E R ESO R T

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Pot of Gold This two-day mega-music event is guaranteed to be an awesome blowout featuring a potluck of diverse musical artists taking the stage. See big name contemporary acts and veteran hitmakers in pop, punk, hip hop, indie rock and more! Thursday, March 17 and Saturday, March 19 at Rawhide, 5700 W. North Loop Rd. in Chandler. For a complete lineup of performers and tickets visit PotOfGoldAZ.com. Rock on! (See ad on p. 50)

Roscoe’s Chili Cook-off It’s a little “chili” out! It’s time to find the best chili in Phoenix at the legendary Roscoe’s Chili Cook-off benefiting Cactus Cities Softball League. A $5 tasting kit lets you sample tempting, secret, family chili recipes with awards for the best. Saturday, March 19 from 12 noon- 5 p.m. at Roscoe’s, 4531 N. 7th St. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 12)

Lerner & Rowe IGNITION PHOENIX Auto Show From bumper-to-bumper, don’t miss this show of classic, rare, exotic and new cars plus motorcycles and more! This event benefits the QU Scholarship Fund. Prizes! Music! Food! Fun! See you at the Arizona State Fairgrounds on Saturday, March 26 from 12 noon-6 p.m.

Don’t miss the official Ignition After Party at Stacy’s @ Melrose Saturday night.

(See ad on p. 23)

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Phoenix Pride

We’re unique! We’re gorgeous! And we’re fabulous, darlings! Celebrate Phoenix Pride and everything LGBTQ with thousands of your closest friends and supporters! Music, food, entertainment and more. ION Arizona hosts the VIP tent. Saturday and Sunday, April 2 & 3 at Steele Indian School Park. Get your tickets at PhoenixPride.org (See ad on p. 42-43)

Pop Goes the Zipper!

Ready for some XXX-rated fun? It’s the 8th Annual Porn Party and Pop Goes the Zipper! Don’t miss the hottest, sexiest gay male porn stars get crazy with Chi Chi LaRue. Win FleshJack and DVD giveaways. Limited VIP passes available. The sexy shenanigans happen on Saturday, April 2 at BS West, 7125 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. (See ad on p. 36)

MARCH 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS MARCH

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Noche Latinas Antro Nightclub Wonderland Nights Antro Nightclub Imperial Ct. Prince’s Ball Cruisin’ 7th Imperial Ct. Empress’s Ball The Rock Valley’s Got Talent!

RC Saloon Pot of Gold Music Festival Rawhide Spring White Out Party Dick’s Cabaret Masquerade Party Karamba Blackout Party Anvil Chili Cookoff Roscoe’s The Off-White Party BS West Ignition Auto Show AZ State Fairgrounds IGRA Benefit RC Saloon Arizona Renaissance Festival

Glendale Glendale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Gold Canyon

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Phoenix Pride Pride Sweet Phoenix Pop Goes the Zipper Porn Party Oasis Pool Party Bearracuda Pride Blowout Pride Party

Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

APRIL

Steele Park Stacy’s @ Melrose BS West FLEX Spa The Rock RC Saloon Stacy’s @ Melrose

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HEAVEN & HELL PARTY

BS WEST

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“Dance This Mess Around!”

The B-52s’

Fred

Schneider makes you feel a whole lot better.

by Deon Brown

Isomeone t’s hard to imagine a wild party where doesn’t put Rock Lobster or Planet Claire or anything by the iconic B-52s on the playlist. When kitschy, kooky New Wave band from Athens, Georgia, released their first album in 1979, disco was dying and their zany style shook up the music world. Rolling Stone ranks their first album as number 152 on the magazine’s list of “500 Greatest Albums of All Time.”

“We just did our own thing, which was a combination of rock ‘n ‘roll, funk, Fellini, game show host, corn and mysticism,” is how front man Fred Schneider described the band’s retro-hip, ultra-lounge sound.

Schneider’s vocals, often called Sprechgesang, is an expressionistic vocal technique between singing and speaking. An improv exercise called “Hey Fred Schneider! What are you doing?” was created based on his vocals and lyric style. If called upon, you respond, creating a non-sequitur answer à la B-52s.

The B-52s have always attracted the different and the weird, promoting diversity and attracting LGBT fans. Kate Pierson married her longtime girlfriend last year, fellow band member Keith Strickland came out publicly in 1992.

Guitarist Ricky Wilson passed away from complications of AIDS in 1985.

On Howard Stern’s radio broadcast on March 22, 2010, Schneider said that his mother always knew about his sexual orientation. And he said he came out of the closet while she was cleaning. His

mother replied with “Oh I know, Freddie” and continued vacuuming. Schneider’s reaction was: “It’s like, well, okay. I guess I’ll go back outside and smoke some pot.”

Nearly 40 years after The B-52s’ groundbreaking first album, Schneider, 64, lives in Long Island. He’s also a lifelong vegetarian discouraging people from eating lobster.

ION: You intended to study Forestry at the University of Georgia, Athens.

FS: Yes. (Laughs) I was very naïve.

I wanted to be a conservationist and for some reason I thought going into wildlife management would help. I switched to journalism.

ION: You’ve personally collaborated with Elvira, RuPaul, NKOTB Joey McIntyre, Foo Fighters & Jinkx Monsoon. Any favorites?

FS: They’re all so different. I love writing for Elvira. When I appeared with the Foo Fighters (“Times Like These,” 2002) they had set it up. I thought, “These kids aren’t gonna know who I am.” I’m glad to know that people want to collaborate; I go with it.

ION: John Lennon and Yoko Ono were fans of yours. (Kate’s shrieks and yips are said to be copied after Yoko’s own unique vocalizations.)

FS: When we found out we were in shock!

We always found Yoko very inspiring. We all love The Beatles. Yoko invites me to her birthday parties. She’s very generous.

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Wheels—no experience necessary, obviously.

The first time we played it was in New York at Max’s Kansas City in 1977. We didn’t even think to ask if they wanted us to come back. We were like nothing they’d ever seen, that’s for sure.

an album with multiple artists; Yoko Ono has a song; It sounds real good. I have a song on it called Truck. It’s good; I’ve gotta get off my butt and do the video by the summer.

We were thrown out of a lot of places. We were pretty bad, the way we danced, throwing each other around, dressing up in horrible drag.

Our friends would say, “Why are you doing this?”

We were horrible— well, I was horrible. I had some drunk throw a brick at me.

I was really bad.

ION: Your song Monster was banned from MTV. (“There’s a monster in my pants/and it does a nasty dance/when it moves in and out/everybody starts to shout, ‘Monster!

Oh!’”) FS: (Laughs) I thought they were assholes. They thought the hot dog with the hat looked like a penis.

ION: Was there a real “Love Shack”?

FS: I came up with idea for the song, I had in mind a place called the Hawaii Ha-Le Club some friends took me to. It doesn’t look like anything and when you open the door it’s just this wild party. It’s not even in Hawaii—It’s in Georgia.

ION: Comedian-actor Thomas Middleditch (from HBO’s Silicon Valley) introduced the improv game, “Hey Fred Schneider! What are you doin’?” on The Conan O’Brien Show.

ION: Did you ever imagine that The B52s would have this kind of longevity?

FS: Originally I thought I would fall back on washing dishes, waiting tables and coordinating Meals-on40

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FS: They do it at Second City, too. My friend is the general manager there. was watching and she said, “Do you

want to do some improv?” I had a couple of drinks in me and usually I’d be paralyzed with fear, but I said, “Sure, I’ll do it.” I knew they were gonna do that so I just popped in while they were doing it and said, “Oh, really?

What would Fred Schneider do? God only knows.” Or Goddess.

ION: What would people be surprised to know about you?

FS: I’m pretty shy—I’m friendly, but not a really very good “break the ice” kind of conversationalist.

ION: Do you have nick-names for each other?

FS: Cindy came up with “Star Crab” for me.

ION: What is your favorite B-52’s song?

FS: There’s so many different ones; it changes. I’m really, really proud of our last album, “Funplex” (2008). I listen to that more than our other ones. I also like “Good Stuff” (1992).

ION: Do you live in a collection of Mid-Century vintage furnishings, lava lamps and meteor chandeliers?

FS: No, no, no. Very minimal. All kinds of pottery. Some Mid-Century furniture.

It’s comfortable. You’d expect something wacky, but ...

ION: In September, 2013, the band announced they’d tour no more.

What changed your mind?

FS: Well, I guess you can’t believe anything I say. I keep wanting to retire but we keep getting back together. We like playing scattered shows, but not a tour. I like traveling to a city that I want to go to. I don’t want to play in B.F.E. for nothing!

We’re playing with the Utah Symphony this summer and at Tanglewood. We just did the National Symphony.

We’re a classy act!

ION: What can we expect for your performance at Phoenix Pride this year?

FS: I don’t think I’ll wear Daisy Dukes with a halter top like I did 20 years ago, but you never know!

ION: If you were a superhero, what would your super power be?

FS: I can’t rule the world and get rid of Republicans? Because I would turn all the Republicans into liberal Democrats.

Don’t be a Limburger! Do the Shu-ga-loo! Catch The B52s on the Main Stage at Phoenix Pride Festival on Saturday, April 2 at 8 p.m. What you say? I’m just askin’.

Go to PhoenixPride.org and get your tickets.

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PHOENIX PRIDE

Entertainment Preview T

he Phoenix Pride Festival Main Stage hosts some of the most exciting talent available. There’s something for everyone and this year’s current line-up will have you dancing the Saturday and Sunday night away.

You won’t want to miss out on the good times! Here’s a few of the headliners, but stay tuned ... Phoenix Pride has a few more surprises in store for us before the big weekend! The unstoppable Miss Barbra Seville will be your hostess.

The B-52s

Boys and bikinis! Girls and surfboards! Hey, Rock Lobsters: The greatest party band of the past forty years caps off the the first day of celebrating the Phoenix Pride Festival with a night of their unforgettable songs. Roam if you want to, but get out of your own Private Idaho and join in the fun! Get ready for a party out of bounds with the legendary, wild and wacky B-52s when Fred, Kate and Cindy Dance This Mess Around in their Love Shack on the Phoenix Pride Festival Main Stage. Join the Deadbeat Cub! (It’s a Cosmic Thing. You wouldn’t understand.)

Saturday April 2, 8-9 p.m.

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Los Horóscopos de Durango

The Latina beauties, sisters Vicky and Marisol Terrazas, currently form one of the longest running recording groups in the Regional Mexican genre performing the popular music style known as Duranguense banda. Their credits include winning several Billboard Music Awards and Latin Grammys.

Their rousing, energetic and celebratory music has a universal appeal. Their strong, percussive music style means they’ll have no problem standing out in the field. Fun Fact: Like Menudo and Pussycat Dolls, Los Horóscopos de Durango has been around long before the Terraza sisters were put in the front.

Saturday April 2, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Daya

This rising pop star is only 17-years-old, Daya is a singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist playing piano, guitar, ukulele, saxophone and flute. Her first self-titled platinum album released last autumn features the chart-climbing hit, Hide Away. Her stage name is the Hindi translation of her real name: Grace. Her positive music YouTube personality Tyler Oakley is a big fan. See Daya in her Phoenix Pride Festival performance. Next time you see Daya she’ll be performing in a giant stadium. Find out more about this up and coming artist at TheOfficialDaya.com Sunday April 3, 8-9 p.m.

Ricky Rebel

Get ready for a high-energy performance from one of the most creative, colorful and dynamic artists to hit the stage. There’s nobody like the showstopping Ricky Rebel with his band and backup dancers. Part David Bowie, part Freddy Mercury, a little bit of Gaga with a dash of Madonna all blended into one fabulous music personality you have to see. Fun Fact: Ricky is also a fashion commentator for US Weekly. Check out more about this electric performer on RickyRebelRocks.com Sunday April 3, 6:00-6:45 p.m.

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Cruisin’ 7th You can’t miss out on the glitz and glam at Cruisin’ 7th. Spend Wednesday nights with Kira Daniels and Saellah V for “WTF Wednesdays” at 10 p.m. with no cover! Nikki Knowles lights up the stage with “Nikki at Night” every Friday at 10:30 p.m. Top off your weekend with Big Booty Judy on the fourth Sunday of every month at 2 p.m. 3702 N. 7th St. 602-212-9888. Cruisin7th.com A Phoenix tradition!

photo by Scotty Kirby

MARCH 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Weds 9 10:30pm Friday 11 8:30pm Tuesday 22 10:00pm Thurs 24 10:30pm Sunday 27 2:00pm Thurs 31 10:30pm Friday 25 10:00pm Mondays 9:30pm Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Thursdays 10:30pm Fridays 10:30pn Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm 2nd Saturday 9:30pm 3rd Saturday Saturdays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 10:30pm 4th Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Karamba Drag Suicide Kobalt Koblt Cabaret with Payda Park Karamba Savannah’s 5th Anniversary Show Karamba Britney Spears Tribute with Ruby Reynolds The Rock Gayme Show Night with Afeelya Bunz Karamba Selena Tribute with Ruby Reynolds The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Kobalt Drag Bingo Charlie’s Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West Stars Choice Talent Showcase IBT’s Viva La DIVA Cruisin’ 7th Kira Daniels & Saellah V Kobalt Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Kobalt Celia Putty RC Saloon Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Cruisin’ 7th Nikki Knowles The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Karamba Diamond’s Show Cruisin’ 7th “Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 47

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Of Mice and Men

“Tell me about the rabbits, George.” You were probably forced to read John Steinbeck’s novella about two hobos, George and Lennie, and their unlikely friendship and sacrifices in this grim Depression era play staged by Arizona Theatre Company. ● TUCSON March 5-26, Temple of Art & Music, 330 S. Scott Ave. Tix: 520-622-2823 ● PHX March 31-April 17, Herberger Theatre Ctr. 222 E. Monroe St. Tix: 602-256-6995

Stupid Fucking Bird

This petulant, savvy blitz of Anton Checkhov’s The Seagull we find Dev, who suffers from unrequited love for Mash who loves Con, a playwright who loves Nina, who loves Trig ...

A hilarious meditation on love, art and life from Stray Cat Theatre, March 12-26 at the Helen K. Mason Performing Arts Center, 1333 E. Washington St. in Phoenix. For more info go to StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-227-1766

Whitney Cummings

A former model who graduated magna cum laude from University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communication, Whitney is one of the funniest voices in comedy today. See her Fri. March 18 & Sat. March 19 at StandUp Live at CityScape, 50 W. Jefferson St. in Phoenix.

For tickets call 480-719-6100

MARCH 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 4-5 thru 5 4-20 5-26 11 thru 12 12-26 13 15-20 18 18-19 31-4/17 APRIL 2-23 thru 4/2 5-10 thru 4/19

EVENT COMPANY Adult Puppet Slam Great AZ Puppet Theatre - Phx Titanic Space 55 Theatre - Phx Monty Python’s Spamalot Mesa Encore Theatre Of Mice & Men AZ Theatre Co. (Tucson) Family Feud Game Night Space 55 Theatre - Phx Wittenberg SW Shakespeare Co. - Mesa Stupid Fucking Bird Stray Cat Theatre - Phx Jeff Dunham Tucson Arena Gentleman’s Gd. to Love & Murder ASU Gammage Rita Rudner Chandler Ctr for the Arts Whitney Cummings StandUp Live - Phoenix Of Mice & Men AZ Theatre Co. (Phx)

PHONE 602-262-2050 Space55.org 480-644-6500 520-622-2823 Space55.org 480-644-6500 480-227-1766 800-745-3000 480-965-3434 480-782-2680 480-719-6100 602-256-6995

Wonderland Wives Anything Goes 42nd St. The Andrews Brothers

602-254-2151 480-497-1181 480-965-3434

Nearly Naked Theatre Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert ASU Gammage Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert

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Fall Out Boy

They’ve been generating their own special brand of poppy, punky, rock music since 2001. Bassist Pete Wentz became a tabloid fixture when he showed everyone his disappointingly small weenie. Pete and the other guys come to town on Friday, March 25 at Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Check out TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000 for your tix.

Santigold

The irrepressible Santigold is always evolving and eclectic, producing anthems like the bubbly, pop, newly released, Banshee. Her new album is called 99¢. That means she must be better than rapper 50 Cent. Wednesday, March 30 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in Tempe, AZ for tix call 480-839-0707 or visit LuckyManOnline.com

Justin Bieber

Someone with a more impressive weenie. Singing sensation. House Egger in Beverly Hills. Bratty. Yep. Him. He’ll be showing off his tattoos and gangstah moves on Wednesday, March 30 at the Gila River Casino, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. For tickets call TicketMaster at 800-745-3000 or visit Ticketmaster.com or go to GilaRiverArena.com

MARCH 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1 Rihanna 1 Nick Carter 2 Ace Frehley 5 Johnny Mathis 9 Loreena McKennitt 10 Peter Frampton 10 Yanni 11-13 McDowell Mtn. Music Fest com 11 Yanni 11 Dead Kennedys 17 A Great Big World 17-19 Pot of Gold Music Fest 18 Puscifer 25 Fall Out Boy 25 Alan Parsons Project 25 Vince Gill 26 Christ Botti 28 Santigold 30 Justin Bieber APRIL 1 Belinda Carlisle

LOCATION PHONE Talking Stick Resort Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-716-2222 Mesa Arts Center - Mesa 480-644-6500 Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 Hance Park - Phx FrontGateTickets.

ASU Gammage Auditorium 480-965-3434 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Crescent Ballroom - Phx 602-716-2222 Rawhide - Chandler PotofGoldAZ.com Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-267-1600 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Wild Horse Pass Showroom

877-840-0457

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Elton John

Wonderful Crazy Night On his 32nd album, Wonderful Crazy Night, Elton John reconnects with John and T-Bone Burnett, producers of his 2013 outing The Diving Board, for something overly optimistic yet less wonderful with a less crazy collection of songs than ever. The instrumentation of the Wonderful Crazy Night is glossy and distant, as if none of the musicians played together in the same room.

Queen Elton came in ... laid his track …. left … and the rest of the studio musicians had to fill in the cracks, leaving the album in a nuance-free limbo.

Wonderful Crazy Night has the typical Elton-isms: dramatic key changes, his unmistakable vocal delivery and lyrical content from his eternal collaborator Bernie Taupin. However, this go around Taupin’s lyrics go nowhere. We don’t ever get an explanation of what made that “Wonderful Crazy Night.” The jumpy ballad “Blue Wonderful” features shallow metaphors that hardly mean anything: “Addicted I am to the blues, the kind of blue like all the blues I need.”

Lead single “Looking Up,”—even with its rolling piano—can’t break the sheer boredom. Available Now

Rihanna –

ANTI

Rihanna had been teasing us about her eighth release for a couple years. Last year she released three lackluster singles.

A complete waste of collaborations with Paul McCartney and Kanye West, “FourFiveSeconds,” the forgettable “American Oxygen” and the drag queen ready “B*tch Betta Have My Money.”

Ironically, none of these appear on ANTI—all to Ri Ri’s benefit. Pretending 2015 never happened keeps ANTI fresh and interesting. Ranging in styles, oldschool soul, dancehall, funk and psychrock all find a home in a disorienting and somewhat self-serving album.

The album opens with the dancehall interlude “Consideration,” where Rihanna blatantly explains herself: “I’ve got to do things my own way, darling.” There are tender throwback ballads like “Love On The Brain” and “Higher,” where her vocals seem frayed, more crackly and lower than ever before giving her voice the intrigue it’s been missing all these years. Her delivery on the album’s lead single “Work” sounds instinctual but almost too boring for her now. There’s a great surprise on ANTI when she covers psych-rock prodigy Tame Impala with “Same Ol’ Mistakes,” a track not even six months old. Like her approach to fashion, ANTI is an eclectic mix of styles that only Rihanna can pull off.

Royksöpp Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - “SONG” Royksöpp – “Bounty Hunters” Beyoncé – “Formation” feat. Big Freedia Azealia Banks – “Big Big Beat” FKA Twigs – “Good To Love” Yeasayer – “I Am Chemistry” Paradis – “Toi et Moi” Missy Elliot – “Pep Rally” Gwen Stefani – “Make Me Like You” Santigold – “Banshee” Animal Collective – “Lying in the Grass” March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

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ionazeditor@me.com

Rough Sketches

The Peanuts Movie (2015)

Good ol’ Charlie Brown and his socially critical friends hit national newspapers in 1950. 17,897 strips were published by the time creator Charles Schulz quit drawing in 2000. In 1965 the gang was animated for the first time for television with A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Fast forward to 2015. The precocious kids are back on the big screen for the first time since 1980. Blue Sky Studios (who brought you Rio and Ice Age) took on the daunting task of bringing the beloved, wobbly, scratchy, line drawings of Schulz to a new (and old) audience with this 3D computer animated movie without losing the original pen and ink charm. It works, too.

Portrait of a Serial Monogamist (2015) Here’s one for the ladies! Or maybe not. I’m on the fence.

Middle-aged Elsie is “just a nice Jewish girl from Toronto.”

She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s done plenty of bedhopping and perfected the art of dumping girlfriends. After she gives girlfriend Robin the heave-ho, she pursues a younger woman with an oh-sopromising career as a barista and parttime DJ. Predictably, Elsie regrets what she lost.

Filmed in Toronto, the frequent Canadacentric references can be baffling. It’s nice seeing a movie confronting middleage and issues surrounding being a “grown up.” Playing up the “dyke with a cat” trope, the “Cat Funeral” scene is genuinely funny (even if you’re not a As usual, Charlie Brown’s kite flying skills lesbian.) need improvement (along with just about A largely unknown cast carries the film’s everything else). He still carries a torch well-written script adequately, but it feels for the Little Red Haired Girl. Judgmental like a 30-minute sitcom stretched out to Lucy is still self-righteous. Linus is still 84 minutes. philosophical. Snoopy still dreams of ★★★☆☆ defeating the Red Baron.

The story hasn’t strayed far off the mark or been reinvented, thankfully. Charlie’s insecurity issues get a makeover; the “loser” who’s bullied by his own friends (which always struck me as bizarre) is soft-pedaled. Curiously, there’s still only has one kid of color: Franklin.

Peanuts is a sweet bit of nostalgia you’ll enjoy. Happiness is still a warm puppy.

The Peanuts Movie Available March 8 on Blu-ray, DVD & other platforms $22.95 MSRP 2-discs with extras & HD disc Portrait of a Serial Monogamist Available now on DVD $24.95 MSRP from WolfeVideo.com

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Hello, My Name Is Doris

Starring: Sally Field, Max Greenfield, Tyne Daly Overlooked and ignored, New York office wonk Doris Miller (Field, Norma Rae) bumbles through life in an Ugly Bettylike, daffy wardrobe.

Doris, a 60-plus-yearold woman, is piecing together her life since her mother’s recent death.

After a motivational seminar by self-help guru (Peter Gallagher, Law & Order: SVU), Doris takes risks, pursuing new goals. Enter the gorgeous John Fremont (Greenfield, The New Girl).

Doris is smitten with the handsome intern, successfully maneuvering her way into his hipster life. Is she receiving mixed signals from the dashing, kindhearted, young man?

Don’t look for a Harold and Maude (1971) plot you might suspect about May/December relationships, the picture explores the very real feelings we all have as an inept, struggling “Doris”— especially when we fall in love with someonout of our league. Expect an exemplary performance (no surprise) from Fields in this touching dramedy.

Opens March 11

Pee-wee’s Big Holiday Starring: Paul Reubens, Joe Manganiello

Finally! Part Ferris Bueller, part “Little Rascal,” everybody’s favorite, ageless man-child Pee-wee Herman (Reubens), the “sweetest boy in Fairville,” has a date with destiny when he meets a hunky biker (Manganiello, True Blood and the oh-so-regrettable Magic Mike XXL) who encourages him to leave his gadget-heavy home and his idyllic hometown for a vacation. Pee-wee travels by land, sea, balloon while he learns a lesson about Friendship.

Despite being produced by Judd Apatow, there’s a surprising lack of slackers and 30-something douchebags complaining about not getting laid.

Don’t look for this feature on the big screen—unless you have a 60-inch flatscreen.

It streams exclusively on (surprise!) Netflix.

Streams March 18

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Starring: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Jeremy Irons In the works since 2013, these two badass superheroes duke it out. But wait! Evil Lex Luthor (The Social Network star Eisenberg, who for once isn’t playing an annoying, neurotic wimp) plans to roll out Doomsday and destroy Metropolis.

Look for an all-star cast and other superheroes to appear in this 3D, special effects blockbuster.

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Los Diablos

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Weekend Brunch

here’s a lost passage in the Bible from the Book of Ezekiel few scholars are aware of: “And the Devil was cast out of the Holy Kingdom of Heaven, wherein he tumbled to the Earth wherein he created Weekend Brunch to tempt all men. And women, too.”

Okay. Maybe my Old Testament theology is a little off.

Supposing this was true, the Devil and his minions must’ve settled in at the year-old Los Diablos where they opened up their delicious, steamy kitchen with just the right amount of Hellfire and Brimstone added to a wickedly delicious menu for dinner.

They just added a corrupting brunch, too.

We can’t resist brunch.

Los Diablos has taken this salacious repast in a new direction and it’s, well, sinfully delicious. We refuse to regret any transgression. Our spirit is willing, but our flesh is weak.

top) for just $12. This spin on Sunday Pot Roast delivers braised spicy short ribs served with three eggs any style. The generous hunk of flavor-packed meat is forktender and filling.

It’s easy to be lured into Lucifer’s web of cookery and tricks with the Biscuits and Gravy (pictured below) for $10. Don’t expect an ordinary biscuit; these mountains of moist quick bread are made with real buttermilk. For added naughtiness they added mozzarella cheese, bacon and smothered the biscuits in country style gravy with Shreiner’s sausage. Old Scratch makes everything from scratch at Los Diablos.

Diablos cast a spell on Eggs Benedict with their unique Diablo’s Benedict Huevos (pictured center), giving you some hellishly spicy chorizo or

With sixteen tempting choices which is the greatest evil?

We broke all Ten Commandments for Chef Michael’s Braisen Eggs (pictured March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

French to lure you into a culinary pit of everlasting deliciousness and depravity. Sous-chef Michael Warren and Rudy Basaco in prep set the sinful snares from which there is no escape.

Canadian bacon with poached eggs served on a toasted English muffin and topped with creamy hollandaise sauce for $12.

It’s easy to be seduced when Beelzebub offers you Banana Caramel French Toast (pictured top). You get thick-sliced brioche topped with caramelized bananas, almonds and whipped cream. It’s worth repenting for and only $9.

You may have to atone for your sins with the tantalizing “Over Easy” Chop Chop Salad (pictured below) for $13.

Crisp romaine and iceberg lettuce, roma tomatoes, carrots, roasted corn, black beans, diced cucumbers, applewood smoked bacon, tortilla strips, bleu cheese crumbles and grilled chicken are tempesttossed in a creamy chipotle dressing and topped with an over-easy egg. It’s devilishly delicious with a great balance between hot and cool.

The delightful overlords at Los Diablos are Matthew Harty and business partner Andy Willett who created the menu with the help of the brilliant Chef Michael Harvey, who’s classically trained at the French Culinary Institute in New York City. Leave it to the 60

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The road to brunch at Los Diablos is paved with good intentions. If you’re looking to relax a bit, the angels suggest you come early.

After 12 noon on Sundays the bar (and brunch) is the domain of the Weekend Warriors from the very rowdy kickball and other sports leagues and the atmosphere is boisterous, to say the least.

Are you willing to sell your soul to the Devil? For the price of Chicken and a Belgian Waffle ($13) or a Fresh Vegetable Fritatta at $10 we’re willing to act as the Devil’s handmaidens—and even wash the dishes—at Los Diablos for a bite of brunch.

We know you can resist anything but temptation. Come to the Brunch Side.

LOS DIABLOS 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix Phone: 602-795-7881 Mon-Fri: Dinner 5-9 p.m.

Wed-Fri: Late Night 9 p.m.-12 midnight Sat.-Sun: Brunch 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Dinner 3-9 p.m.

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SATURDAY MARCH 26 Photos by Scotty Kirby Direction by Kevin Bushaw Models are Coco St. James, Ken and Erik Special thanks to James Philips & Bob duPuis

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Lerner & Rowe Ignition Auto Show From bumper-to-bumper, don’t miss this show of classic, rare, exotic and new cars plus motorcycles and more! This event benefits the QU Scholarship Fund. Prizes! Music! Food! Fun! See you at the Arizona State Fairgrounds on Saturday, March 26 from 12 noon-6 p.m. (See ad p. 23) Don’t miss the official Ignition After Party at Stacy’s @ Melrose Saturday night. (See ad on p. 24)

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Coco St. James with a 2015 Chevrolet Camaro RS March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

Platinum Band to Headline Ignition!

The Platinum Band Groove to the fantastic mix of the best music from the 70s, 80s, disco, alternative, classic and pop at Ignition Phoenix. Their energy, pride and quality performances make them a hit wherever they perform.

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Erik with his 2009 Infiniti G37 S Coupe March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73

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Ken with a 2015 Chevrolet Camaro RS March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

Coco and Ken with a 1968 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce

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IONTUCSON

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March 26th, Noon-6pm Arizona State Fairgrounds FREE TO LISTEN AND REPLY TO ADS Free Code: IONAZ

FIND REAL GAY MEN NEAR YOU Phoenix:

(602) 993-4567

Tucson:

(520) 791-2345 www.megamates.com 18+

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Vol. 9, Issue 11

March 2016

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Trump Wants White Sale, Not OUTRAGEOUS! Supremacists

OUTRAGEOUS! New York City - U.S. President Republican

White Sales,” Trump said in a later excuse.

the blunder he made when he stalled when asked if he’d disavow the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacist groups supporting his campaign.

minimum, long-staple 100% cotton sheets.

Percale is good, too. America needs more smart, wealthy, well-educated White people–I mean sheets–that will assimilate into our culture. I mean, linen closets. We need muslin, not Muslims,” Trump stressed.

nominee hopeful Donald Trump “WeISneed good, decent 420-thread count ANY RESEMBLANCE TO can’t THEbleach TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Eager to distance himself from former Grand Wizard David Duke, Trump later quickly attempted to whitewash the erupting scandal.

In the final spin, pundits and political analysts predict that the Tide has turned and Trump is in hot water and the incident puts a permanent stain on the campaign.

OUTRAGEOUS! “I didn’t understand. I know nothing about this. What I meant to say is that I endorse

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OUTRAGEOUS!

Cafeteria to Serve Tacos for OUTRAGEOUS! Super Tuesday

OUTRAGEOUS!

Beth Cottle, who Tempe, ARIZ. is in charge of rolls – After a highly and sides. “I said it debated meeting in before and I’ll say Tempe Elementary ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLYitACCIDENTAL again: Salisbury School District Steak is the answer.

No. 3 at Connolly Tacos just give Middle School with these kids the nutritionists and wrong idea about skilled veteran food the democratic service workers, process. Besides, a.k.a. “cafeteria we have a surplus ladies,” it was of peas we gotta get determined that rid of.”

March 22 would be Build-Your-OwnANY RESEMBLANCE THE TRUTHThe IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL cafeteria’s Meal Planning Committee Tacos day at the school’sTO cafeteria. remain divided about the contentious issue. a big upset,” said one ANY RESEMBLANCE TOtheTHE IS“It’s TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL The decision revolved around menuTRUTH anonymous cafeteria lady. “I say chicken for the state’s Democratic and Republican nuggets are the answer. They’re nonpresidential election primaries, designated partisan and give the right idea about as “Super Tuesday,” creating a firestorm using sound judgment and how we of controversy. nominate a candidate in this country.

Today, it’s tacos. Next election, it’ll be “I said it just wasn’t right, offering kids falafel. It’s just plain crazy.” a taco bar on Super Tuesday,” said Mary

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

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his month’s Favorite Bitch® is another case of folks who would’ve been better off with tried-and-true cucumbers ... but instead, they’ve found themselves aggrivated by the eggplant.

Next time you plant your garden, don’t just focus on the size of the crop - think about the trouble you’ll be harversting as well!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend has an anaconda and use to TOP me for hours. He’s gotten so lazy lately, that he finishes in 10 minutes. I know he’s older but maybe he just needs his battery recharged. What would you do?

— Christian Dear What Would Lil’ Kim Do, Seeing that his anaconda hasn’t “strangled” you lately, it looks as if the only battery that needs charged is the one in your dildo.

Hunty, do yourself a favor and GET A YOUNGER EGGPLANT! Dear Miss Tiger, I ran into my ex- recently. I miss the sex. I miss his eggplant! Should I give him a call?

— Manny Dear Straight to Voicemail, If he was interested in a booty call — you’d be calling out his name ... instead of calling a phone number he’s probably blocked.

GET OVER THE EGGPLANT! Dear Miss Tiger, My man spends Sunday mornings clipping coupons. It’s a shame he’s wasting his eggplant. Help!

— Jamal Dear Paper Cut, GET NEW EGGPLANT! And make sure it’s pinching your prostate instead of pinching those pennies!

Dear Miss Tiger, My husband confessed he’s gay. I refuse to believe him because he’s good in bed.

I’m also not giving him up because he’s hung and I know he’s straight! My best friend is gay so I should know, right?

-Natalie Dear Thinking Of ‘Nuts’ While Bustin’ A Nut In You, And with that said ... ANY EGGPLANT WILL DO! But darling, next time ... try not to pick it up at the local gay bar.

Dear Miss Tiger, My fuckbuddy is my college professor. I thought I was the only one because he lives so far from the campus. He also told me most guys can’t take all of his penis. I found out that he’s also been sleeping with my dorm roommate! What the hell?

— Nick Dear What The Hell Kind Of School Is This Where Students Get Passed Around Like Butter At Thanksgiving Dinner?, You should’ve written to me sooner, Boo. I could’ve told you the troll wasn’t worth schlepping all over the Light Rail for ... nor was he worth the recent increase on your unlimited monthly pass.

GET LOCAL EGGPLANT! Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook me and get the answers you’ve been looking for, Hunty!

MISS TIGER Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com March 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

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by Addison DeWitt

STOP THE PRESSES! Every gay man’s Facebook page spontaneously combusted on Saturday, March 26 when it was posted that former Abercrombie & Fitch model and ex-MTV Teen Wolf star Colton Haynes (A) was in Phoenix. The hunk was seen hiking in the Papago Mountains, (B) horsing around the Montelucia Resort (C) and he nearly caused a riot later that night at BS West.

sleep with him. Unfortunately.

Oscar is gay, but I didn’t sleep with him, either. Unfortunately.

A B

Haynes, a farmer’s E son from Kansas, may or may not be gay. But we’re just guessing from the oftleaked photos of him kissing a boy–with tongue (D)–that G he probably is a homosexual. Just a wild guess. But I didn’t sleep with him.

In other celebrity news, the spooky, abandoned, neo-Victorian heap known as the Chateaux on Central got a Hollywood-style makeover! Bravo TV’s I Million Dollar Listing star Luis Ortiz (F) was on hand and rubbing elbows with our own fabulous Oscar De Las Salas (E). For the record, Ortiz is not gay and I did not

D

C

F

STOP THE PRESSES! Again!

A big shake-up in the current production of Evita at Phoenix Theatre rocked show business! The handsome Lucas Coatney (G) was promoted from the role of a lowly “descamisado” to that of lothario “Agustín Magaldi,” with a solo and in a duet! Lucas also once played “Millard Fillmore” (H) in a musical production about the American presidents. A plumb role, indeed!

You can root around rummage at the Salvation Army hoping for a shitty old Mr. Coffee that still works.

I prefer to go to hoity-toity “estate sales” at glamorous high rises where wealthy people live. Case in point: The Regency House sold lots of rich folks’ cast offs, like grapefruit spoons, polo mallets, badminton racquets and more. Here we have Austin Head H and Mich Lyon hawking a vintage Nagel print and a poster for a gay bar in Seattle (I). And STOP THE PRESSES one last time: I saw former Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon there wearing baggy sweatpants rooting through box of back issues of Town and Country magazines when I overheard one shocked resident say, “Does he live here?” #Richpeopleproblems

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Don’t take on somebody else’s problem.

Buy new. (This is an analogy.)

our spark plugs are transferring a lot of heat from the combustion chamber to the engine head. Your crankshaft has an increased torque capability by pulsating and providing a passage for proper flow of lubrication. This is a metaphor for your love life.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 You’re full of surprises, just like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. You’re called on to save the world from the King of Vulgaria. Well, not really. But you’ll turn everybody’s head today!

Nova, Galaxy, Equinox, Orion, Comet, Eclipse, Mercury, Saturn. Cars are often named after planets or celestial bodies, just like astrology. Notice there isn’t one named “Uranus”? If you love hot cars, plus hot men and women, you’ll want to see the heavenly bodies (automotive and human) at the Ignition Phoenix 2016 Auto Show on March 26 at the Coliseum. Vroom, vroom!

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 You’re no crash test dummy but you need to check out exactly where your “crumple zones” are. You’ve been in a fender-bender that’s left you with excess wear-and-tear.

Relax. Your drive train mounts are in great shape.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You’ve been sitting on the showroom window and you’ve got a bumper-to-bumper warranty. You’re way above Blue Book value. If it’s your birthday, plan on a lube job you won’t forget.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 Your battery needs recharged and your engine won’t turn over. You’ve had some hard miles put on you lately. You don’t need an overhaul, but take some time for a complete detail and you’ll look brand new.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Guys: Dudes love your hot rod. Gals: the ladies love your sassy chassis. You’re waxed & polished and everyone wants the ride of their life. Some drivers like both of you. They are called “bisexuals.”

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Expect a date or important meeting this month. You gotta look your best, so better Simoniz everything so you’ll be sparkling like new. With a little Bondo, makeup and a white lie you can cover up anything.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 ¿Wassup, ese? Low.Ri.Der ... ride a little slower. You’re feelin’ the streets, homie.

Sometimes you just got to get down, and enjoy livin’ la vida loca. This is one of those months.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 We’re concerned about your drag coefficient. And we’re not talking about the air resistance your car faces. Have you been dabbling in the world of entertaining as Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 an “illusionist”? Maybe you should.

Feel like you’ve been taken on a beat Cancer June 22 - July 22 run? You’re not a jalopy, but a tune-up That pesky “Check Engine” light clicked on. will do wonders if you’re a “hardtop” or a What does this mean? Who really knows? “convertible.” Really now. When have you Let a professional analyze a situation ever been mistake for a “top”? that needs addressed. It probably means Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 nothing. Or maybe it means something ...

Your emission hose and tubes are firm and Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 tight. A forced induction from a turbocharger You’re dealing with someone and not sure has you revved up. Celebrating a birthday? all of their cylinders are firing. Things have Someone’s interested in your “lease to own” been known to backfire with them before. option and willing to pay full sticker price.

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