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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... Editor Deon Brown ................................................... COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS Advertising Sales Karrington Valenzuela ............................................... (480) 760-3073 Shane Martos ............................................................ (206) 769-3845 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ......................... (520) 429-5905

ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ................................................................. (602) 301-8457


Fernando Hernandez Danny Catt Sean Kapera

Paul Reitz Scotty Kirby Franklin Diaz

National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863


Always something going on...

For the latest Events, Show Times, and Drink Specials visit


4:00-8:00pm EVERY DAY on almost EVERYTHING!




3108 E. McDowell Rd. @ 31st St. 10 April 2014


Wes Bergman Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Ted Kirby Albert Rivas Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2014: 19 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2014 JMT Designs, Inc.



All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Welcome to Phoenix Pride B

efore I started ION, I was marketing corporate aviation. We had an annual convention where leaders, businesses, competitors and supporters shared stories and ideas to further the industry. Phoenix Pride is our community’s convention; it’s where we all share stories and ideas. It’s where we learn about the businesses, organizations and people who support our community. We learn from each other. We celebrate our freedom together. It’s also a time to let loose and have fun! I can’t imagine a better convention! We were given the opportunity to start the weekend with the official Phoenix Pride Kick-Off Party and we wanted to do it ION style, so we’re hosting the Helix Studios Splash Bash on Friday, April 4. I hope you all come out and celebrate. Afterward, take a Discount Cab to Stacy’s @ Melrose for Unity, the official Splash Bash After Party. Get ready for the biggest Phoenix Pride ever! Make sure you all “wave” at ION’s “Far Out” float with all the sexy boys and girls from the 18 April 2014

Phoenix Sunfish and Arizona Gay Volleyball. Enjoy the festival with all the great food, performances, dancing, vendors and beverages. You might want to take Monday off to recuperate. I know I am. This is one of our biggest, best issues of the year. It’s packed with events, as well as an interview with the sexy and talented international DJ Avicii. This month we honor people that have gone above and beyond in our annual “ION Prismatic Pride Awards.”  I can’t tell you how proud I am of our community, our supporters and how far we’ve come. I’m even more excited about the future. There’s work to be done but as they say, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” so go out and play! 

Jack M. Tesorero Publisher

BARS | CLUBS | CELEBS | EVENTS April 2014 19

20 April 2014

Ciroc & Don Julio present

AfterPride Party SAT APRIL 5th • 9PM NO COVER

Official After Hours l Music Past 2am Largest Dance Floor & Patio in PHX GoGos l DJ Mixx of Pop Dance & EDM $6 Ciroc & Don Julio All Night

718 N Central Avenue | Phoenix, AZ | 85004 l 3 MIN WALK from Roosevelt Light Rail Station 602.258.6122 | |

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April 2014 31

A Whole New LE7EL


Get a Good Feeling with

by Deon Brown 32 April 2014

Tim Bergling


J Mag called him the #3 DJ in the world for 2011, 2012 and 2013. Now, at 24-years-old, Tim Bergling, the eye and ear-opening talent known as Avicii, may just be Sweden’s greatest claim to fame since IKEA. TV commercials and radio airwaves were bombarded in 2011 when Avicii sampled Etta James’ mystical gospel for “LE7ELS” when she sang, “I get a good feeling” from her 1962 single, “Something’s Go a Hold on Me.” Avicii’s “Wake Me Up!” was the fastestselling single of 2013. He’s also had two Grammy nominations. Bergling’s wardrobe staples are generally plaid shirts, jeans, hoodies and, of course, baseball hats. Usually from Ralph Lauren’s Denim & Supply line, for whom he modeled. Just like Lauren’s clean cut ideals embodied in his style, Bergling hasn’t dabbled in the rave culture’s MDMA. His music is his drug of choice. Fiercely devoted to his enthusiastic fans, Avicii’s has one famous pet peeve: “douchieness.” We talked to Bergling about life as Avicii, his music, a little bit about ABBA, Madonna and his appeal to his gay fans. ION: Your music is contagious, so uniquely you. “LE7ELS” was the song of 2011. It was everywhere! How did the success of

that particular song affect you? TB: It really changed everything for me. That song put me on the map, and for that I’m eternally grateful! But some people thought it was the only track I’d done! So when I’d been releasing tracks for years, and was constantly making new stuff, it was getting kind of annoying. I just didn’t want that song to define me anymore, so with my debut album, True, I wanted to do something different and fresh. ION: You produced the world’s first “crowd sourced” song, “X you,” in 2013 where you invited fans to send you basslines, melodies, vocals, effects and more from your own music to incorporate. Was this a novel experience? What was your favorite part about the process? TB: Yes, it was really refreshing. I love my fans so much and to have them involved in that process was really rewarding. My favorite part was going through everything and seeing what each individual had to contribute. It was time consuming, but so worth it in the end. ION: Let’s talk about music festivals: Lollapalooza, iTunes Festival, Future Music Festival, Ultra Music Festival in Miami. September 2012 you were the first DJ ever to headline at Radio City Music April 2014 33

Hall. What gigs or events stick out as among your favorites? What makes a great event? TB: I can find something that I love about each event. One that sticks out in recent years is my 2013 performance at Ultra, bringing live musicians on stage—Dan Tyminski, Aloe Blacc, Mike Einziger from Incubus and the legendary Mac Davis [“Baby Don’t Get Hooked On Me,” 1972]. That’s something that I’ll never forget. I think a great crowd makes for a great event. A crowd that’s receptive and positive. I love to see people dancing, going crazy, and just completely enjoying themselves! ION: You’re straight, but you have a large gay following and recently worked with Adam Lambert. Your gay fans really respond to you and your music. TB: Yeah, it’s great and Adam is amazing. I feel that the gay community has been at the forefront of the dance music phenomenon. They’ve been fans since the beginning and they’re one of the audiences that kind brought it into the mainstream. Gay rights are an important issue for me, so I’ve made some music videos, like “Silhouettes” and “Addicted to You” to show my support and to let them know how grateful I am for their support. 34 April 2014

ION: What’s the “douchiest” thing a DJ can do? TB: Missing a show without good reason. ION: What would surprise people to know about you? TB: That I hate public speaking, I’ll do it but I’m always super nervous! ION: What music did you grow up loving before your involvement with EDM? TB: All kinds of music. The first music I liked as a kid was probably like KISS. My dad listened to more blues type records like Ray Charles, so I grew up with it and learned to love it. I’ve always listened to everything. I’ve never been a hardcore rocker or into a single genre. ION: What was it like working with your kinsmen and ABBA alumae Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Anderson composing the anthem for the Eurovision Song Contest 2013?  TB: It was pretty surreal. They’re Swedish superstars so it was kind of crazy. It was a lot of fun to work with them and I really learned a lot. ION: The future of EDM and Avicii? What inspires you about your music?

TB: It’s tough to say where EDM will be in the next few years. In recent years it’s completely blown up and it’s really on top of its game right now. I think it’s important for it to keep changing, or people will get bored. The possibilities of electronic music are virtually endless. Well, my fans inspire me. Seeing them go crazy over a song, or tweeting that they love a new track is all of the motivation that I need. They remind me how much I love what I’m doing, and keep me motivated to work non-stop. ION: You’re collaborating with Madonna. Can you tell us anything about it? Who else would you like to work with? TB: You’re going to have to ask Madonna about that! I’ve worked with some of the most talented musicians out there, and I’m so grateful for that. Recently, I got the chance to work with Chris Martin, that was a dream come true. Two people still on my list: Stevie Wonder and Adele.

liberating to be able to shut off the Avicii part of me. ION: Tell us about your charity organization House for Hunger. How does this work gratify you? TB: House for Hunger is something my manager, Ash, and I started in 2011. Basically, we raise funds for projects tackling global hunger. We’ll always try to include it in our work. During Ultra Music Week in Miami last year we had the ‘Avicii Hotel’

ION: You release a lot of your new music during concerts and festivals. Will you introduce something new while in Phoenix? TB: Maybe. I always like to do something special for big shows. I haven’t really decided what I’m going to do for my Phoenix show yet; it’s still in the works. ION: You work about 250 nights a year. When you’re not making/ mixing/playing music, what’s a night off like? TB: A night off is at home, relaxing, watching my favorite TV shows or movies. It’s April 2014 35

where all the money from merchandise went to charity. We raised $1 million in 2013, and $1 million in 2012. It just feels right to do something positive with my success. Now that I’m in the position where I’m able to give back to the community, it’s a nobrainer. ION: If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? Would music affect your superpower? TB: It would be teleportation or the ability to freeze time. I know those are both so generic but they’re obviously the best superpowers. With teleportation I’d be able to travel all over the world without the traveling part; I could be at a show or on vacation with the snap of my fingers. If I could freeze time, I’d invite all of my friends and fans along and create my own little frozen time colony. Experience the genius of Avicii on Thursday, May 8 at the Ak-Chin Pavilion (Formerly Desert Sky Pavilion) 2121 N. 83rd Ave. For tickets visit or call 800-745-3000.

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Buy Tickets at

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Splash Bash & UNITY After Party Spend a day of fun in the sun with ION at Helix Studios’ Splash Bash with DJ Pornstar spinning! Take a disco nap, because Friday night DJ JST headlines the UNITY After Splash Bash party at Stacy’s @ Melrose. Come back on Saturday night for DJ Manny Lehman. Both nights feature After Hours ‘til 4 a.m. 4343 N. 7th Ave. Get tix at Visit StacysAtMelrose. com 602-264-1700 (See ad p. 6-7)

Pride at The Bar on Central Enjoy more Pride! Party fun all weekend long at The Bar on Central with no cover charge! There’s a Top 40 Pride Dance Party on Friday, April 4, more dancing and fun on Saturday, April 5 and a T-Dance on Sunday, April 6 with DJ Urban! Drink specials all weekend long and After Hours! 718 N. Central Ave. Ph: 602-258-6122 (See ads pp. 20-21)

Going for Baroque Coronation IX Experience the majesty, glory and splendor of the Imperial Sovereign Empire of Arizona as they present a majestic soirée with a Coronation Ball May 2-4 at the Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown, 3600 N. 2nd Ave. Visit (See ad on p. 78)

27th Annual Jell-O Wrestling Get ready for the 27th Annual Reno Gannon Memorial Jell-o Wrestling Extravaganza and Benefit Auction. Join the $1 raffle to win two tickets to see Britney Spears live in Vegas with two nights at Planet Hollywood, plus a $100 Visa gift card. Saturday, May 3 at The Slaughterhouse, 1102 W. Grant Rd. in Tucson. Proceeds benefit SAAF. For tix and info visit Phone: 520-628-7223. (See ad p. 111) 40 April 2014

Central Phoenix Free Poker! Calling all card sharps! Play poker, win cash, prizes and make friends at the Alternative Poker Tour! Every day and night of the week, Monday through Friday, you can play at different bars all across the Valley. No cheating! Sponsored in part by Discount Cab. Visit (See ad on p. 90)

“Mr. Turk” at HUB Hey guys! Time to get your new summer wardrobe ready! HUB is having a chic party and Mr. Turk Trunk show at their new haberdashery on Saturday, May 3, 1-6 p.m. Enjoy cocktails and music while you shop for some hot, new threads. 5213 N. Central Ave. Ph: 602-277-4822 (See ad on p. 58)


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Pride Parties The Bar on Central UNITY Party Stacy’s Unofficial Pride Party Dick’s Cabaret Pride with your Pets Zorfs Pride Party Karamba’s Black n Blue Ball: Uncut Bunkhouse/Palazzo/Anvil Black Out Party The Rock Customer Appreciation Karamba’s She Lounge Girl Party Stacy’s Saguaro Cup Closing Party Charlie’s Tax Relief Party Dick’s Cabaret Pet Rescue Event Furry Smiles Rescue Hunky Jesus Party Kobalt High Hats & High Heels Party Apollo’s Dining Out for Life Valleywide Restaurants Superhero Party BS West Generations Concert/PMMC Phoenix College Jell-O Wrestling Auction The Slaughterhouse Mr. Turk Trunk Show HUB Cinco de Mayo Weekend Karamba’s Cinco de Mayo Bar1 Imperial Ct. Coronation Ball Wyndham Garden Hotel


Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale

Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

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Olivia Gardens is a former Miss Phoenix Gay Pride. Her suit is her own. April 2014 47

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Ruby’s Sunday Funday Follies It’s time to party down Karamba style! And that’s with Miss Ruby’s Sunday Funday Follies! There’s lots to do with a Wheel of Prizes, birthday celebrations and those sexy Boyz in Motion who’ll keep you hot and bothered with their sexy moves! Every Sunday (of course!) 6:30-8:30 p.m. 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Phone: 602-254-0231 (See ad on p. 15)

APRIL 2014 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Thurs 24 10:30pm Karamba Nicki Minaj Tribute Show Fri 25 10:00pm The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Mri 5/2 9:00pm The Rock The Flaming Queens with The Pubes Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers! Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo with Lezbein & Eryka D. Knowles Tuesday 10:00pm Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La DIVA Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Girls of Karamba - Adriana Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste Wednesdays 9:00pm Kobalt 2 Girls 1 Cup with Celia Putty & Guest Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Thursdays 9:30pm The Bar Showtime at the Bar with Ian and Barbra Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Thursdays AQUA Maniqiues with Tyra Marie & Sasha Bratz Fridays 10:30 The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Fridays 7:00pm OZ Ruby Reynolds with the Boys of OZ Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins Fridays 10:00pm Cruisin’ 7th The Barbra Seville Show Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers 1st Saturday 9:30pm Kobalt Taylor Made with TC Taylor & Special Guests Saturdays 8:00pm OZ Saturday Night Showgirlz with Ruby Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Saturdays 9:30pm Zorf’s BeDazzled 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Celia Putty Sundays AQUA Siluetas with Susana Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Ruby’s Sunday Follies April 2014 49

A musical and theatrical tribute to the history of our LGBTQ Community

May 2, 8pm


May 3, 7pm


May 4, 2pm

$28 (adult) | $23 (senior) | $18 (children) John Paul Theatre, Phoenix College 1202 W Thomas Rd Phoenix, AZ 85013

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The Pornozombies The undead ... and porn! These depraved monsters want to eat your ... what?! Our hero, right-wing Detective Karla Lumpkins, must stop Dr. Hadfield, the mad scientist, to save America from moral decay! But does the USA want to be saved? Brought to you by those degenerates at Nearly Naked Theatre in Skin-a-Rama! April 19-May 10, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For info, tickets, brains and more visit or call 602-254-2451

Les Misérables Nobody can suffer quite like the French. It’s Victor Hugo’s seminal novel about Jean Valjean and his quest for redemption, the morally tortured policeman Javert, poor Cosette and a host of others set against the backdrop of revolutionary Paris in the 1800s with music! Don’t miss the stunning Caleb Reese in the Phoenix Theatre production, April 23-May 25. or call 602-254-6151 for tix.

The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity Macedonia “Mace” Guerra is the fall guy for THE Wrestling League, losing again and again to charismatic champ Chad Deity. Soon, a Brooklyn kid’s charm rivals Chad’s. Watch out! The boss has plans of his own! A Pulitzer Prize Drama finalist Presented by Stray Cat Theatre, Tempe Performing Arts Ctr. 132 E. 6th St. in Tempe April 25May 11. For info & tix to to or call 480-227-1766

APRIL 2014 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION PHONE 4-19 Big River Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 5-26 Venus in Fur AZ Theatre Co. - TUCSON 520-622-2823 10-5/18 Avenue Q Phoenix Theatre 602-254-6151 11-5/11 The Secret Garden AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 11-5/4 Bye Bye Birdie Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre 480-483-1664 12-13 Don Pasquale AZ Opera - TUCSON 520-293-4336 thru 13 Around the World in 80 Days AZ Theatre Co. 602-256-6995 19-5/10 The Pornozombies nearly Naked Theatre 602-254-2151 23-5/25 Les Misérables Phoenix Theatre 602-254-6151 24-28 ABT Takes Manhattan AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 25-27 Don Pasquale AZ Opera - Phx 602-276-7464 25-5/10 Heyre Be Dragons Space55 Theatre 25-5/11 Good People Actors Theatre 602-888-0368 25-5/17 Entrance of Chad Deity Stray Cat Theatre 480-227-1766 29-5/4 Once ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 April 2014 53

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Ellie Goulding This little English songbird’s first album, “Lights” was one of the longest climbing albums on the Billboard 100, taking over 1.5 years to peak at #2. Ellie also sang at the wedding reception of Prince William to Kate Middleton, so there. See her perform on Wednesday, April 9 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in Tempe. Tix 480-839-0707 or visit

Lana Del Rey The gloomy, melancholic, downright funereal and oh-so-bored-with-life Lana Del Rey brings her heavyhearted, woebegone song stylings to sunny Phoenix. Eerily captivating, and ethereal, we can’t wait for her to bring her S-s-s-summertime Sadness to the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. on Tuesday, April 15. Visit or call 800-745-3000 for tickets. Let’s hope she hits the right notes.

Pet Shop Boys Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe (the cute, little, quiet one who doesn’t seem to do much) have been rockin’ the music scene as The Pet Shop Boys since the early 80s. Well, the boys are getting up there in years now, but they’re still partying with “West End Girls” and now they’re coming to the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. on Friday, April 18. Visit or call 800-745-3000 for tickets.

APRIL 2014 ION Concert Calendar DATE 4 4 8 9 10 10-13 12 15 16 17 18 18 24 27 30 MAY 2 8

ARTIST LOCATION John Legend Mesa Arts Center The Doobie Bros. Desert Diamond Casino, Sahuarita Diana Krall Mesa Arts Center - Mesa Ellie Goulding Marquee Theatre - Tempe Rob Thomas Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale Country Thunder USA Florence Rob Thomas Desert Diamond Casino, Sahuarita Lana Del Rey Comerica Theatre, Phoenix Foster the People Rialto Theatre, Tucson Lorde Comerica Theatre, Phoenix Pet Shop Boys Comerica Theatre, Phoenix Wilson Phillips Wild Horse Pass Casino, Chandler Loretta Lynn Wild Horse Pass Casino, Chandler Heart Celebrity Theatre, Phoenix Gavin DeGraw Celebrity Theatre, Phoenix

PHONE 480-644-6500 520-294-7777 480-644-6500 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 866-802-6418 520-294-7777 1-800-745-3000 520-740-1000 1-800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800--WIN-GILA x 7370 800--WIN-GILA x 7370 602-267-1600 602-267-1600

The Wanted Avicii


Comerica Theatre, Phoenix Ak-Chin Pavilion, Phoenix

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56 April 2014


Nick has trunks from Buffalo Exchange EmmJay is wearing Polo Ralph Lauren Trunks from Macy’s April 2014 57

by Jackson David Kelly

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Shakira – Shakira This is Shakira’s first English album in five years. This project started over three years ago, transitioned over two labels and a slew of producers including Tiesto, RedOne and Max Martin. Folk, rock, reggae and dance are prevalent as the album tries to push boundaries. The first track featuring Rihanna entitled, “Can’t Remember to Forget You” is like the 80s Romantics song amplified on a Caribbean island and proves catchy. “Empire” is this set’s ode to rock while “Dare” tries to get you to dance but ends up sounding forced and too carnival-like. It’s a valiant effort, but overall it ends up sounding rushed and empty. Grade: BSohn – Sohn This English songwriter, producer and musician debuts an album enriched with a beautifully crafted juxtaposition of vocals and music. He takes the electronica movement to a new level by weaving his ethereal sound in and around his words; think Weeknd’s transformation of hip hop. However, don’t expect Avicii style EDM, for this is stripped, creative and emotional. Lead single “Artifice” showcases the wrapping of soulful vocals in to the pauses of his phrasing while “Lessons” and “Bloodflows” continue the ingenuity of this awesome debut. Grade: A-

George Michael

– Symphonica Crooners unite! After a near death experience, George is back, better than ever and demonstrates why his voice is one of the best. Taken from his successful worldwide tour, this live album captures the intimacy of his original works including “Prayer for Time,” “A Different Corner” and my personal fave, “Cowboys and Angels.” It’s also sprinkled with covers of “The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face” and “Feeling Good” all done in an orchestrated style. Available as a standard and deluxe edition, this album is perfect for your next dinner party. Grade: A Look for other new music from: Christina Perri, Thievery Corporation, Martina McBride, Armin Van Buuren, Neon Trees (lead singer Tyler Glenn, pictured below), Kelis, Nas and an Avicii penned remix of “True.” Speaking of Avicii, Madonna is in the studio with the “Viking” himself. Madonna hinted about her new album and secret collaborators, but spies have indicated it could be with this legendary DJ. Though it cannot be confirmed if the tracks are for her or his project, it has been reported that multiple tracks have been started. Till next month …

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by Kimberly M. Ruff

Dom Hemingway Starring: Jude Law, Richard E. Grant, Demian Bichir, Emilia Clarke Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes) is like you’ve never seen him before in the new black comedy written and directed by Richard Shepard. After serving a 12-year stint in prison for safecracking, Hemingway (Law) is back on the streets and looking to cash in for not ratting out his boss, Mr. Fontaine (Bichir.) Teaming up with his best friend, Dickie (Grant, The Iron Lady), the boozy brawler realizes that he should use his newfound freedom to reconnect with his now adult daughter, Evelyn (Clarke, Game of Thrones). Release Date: 4/02

Frankie & Alice Starring: Halle Berry, Stellan Skarsgard, Phylicia Rashad, Chandra Wilson Filmed in 2008 and given a limited release in 2010, Director Geoffrey Sax’s true story about a woman’s struggle with mental illness will be available in theaters nationwide. Halle Berry is Frankie, the go-go dancer/stripper, struggling with Disassociative Identity Disorder, working with a psychiatrist to regain mental health. Stellan Skarsgard (Melancholia) and Phylicia Rashad (The Cosby Show) costar. Release Date: 4/04

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Starring: Steve Coogan, Felicity Montagu, Simon Greenall, Colm Meaney

Like fellow British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) before him, Steve Coogan brings to the screen one of his popular comic characters: Alan Partridge. Part sports commentator and part chat show presenter, Partridge is an insecure, superficial narcissist obsessed with style over substance. Coogan’s alter ego has been a fixture on British TV for over 20 years. If you’re unfamiliar with the comedy of Steve Coogan who recently made a turn in the 2013 drama Philomena alongside Dame Judi Dench, this is an excellent opportunity to discover another talent from across The Pond. Release Date: 4/04

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Starring: Chris Evans, Emily VanCamp, Scarlett Johansson Living quietly in our nation’s capital, hunky Steve Rogers, a.k.a. “Captain America” (Evans, The Avengers) is adjusting to society. Eventually, villainous assassins’ web of intrigue puts the world at risk. The Captain joins forces with the Black Widow (Johansson, Hitchock) and new ally, the Falcon (Anthony Mackie, The Hurt Locker.) as they fight an old commie Soviet bad guy, the Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan, Captain America). Hopefully lots of scenes with a shirtless Evans. 4/04

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6:00 pm Cocktails & Silent Auction 7:15 pm Dinner & Special Performances AFTER PARTY

PERFORMING CeCe Peniston Live! “Finally!” The 90’s pop queen will bring you to your feet & get you moving as she performs at this year’s Night for Life gala and After Party. PERFORMING Phoenix Theatre Special Broadway performances that will amaze and inspire you.


years 1990-2015


RESERVE YOUR TABLE NOW: Go to or call 602.595.8129 for more information 62 April 2014

by Wes Bergman

The Book Thief Starring: Sophie Nelisse, Ben Schnetzer, Geoffrey Rush, Emily Watson, Nico Liersch Based on the novel by Austrian writer, Markus Zusak, this tale is narrated by Death (voiced by Roger Allam) who takes an unusual interest in young Liesel Meminger (Nelisse) after he claims the life of her brother during a cross-country train journey to live with their adopted parents: the ill-tempered Rosa (Watson, War Horse) and her kind-hearted husband, Hans (Rush, The King’s Speech.) Initially illiterate, Liesel fosters a love of reading with a book pinched from an undertaker and with the encouragement of Hans and Max, a Jewish family friend seeking refuge in their basement. This love serves to forge friendships in the most unlikely of places and carry her through the life-changing difficulties that lie ahead, though it doesn’t shield her from the harsh realities of life. Set in the oft-explored world of WWIIera Europe, this tale of innocence lost is worth a watch; it’s certainly a reminder that not nearly everyone—even those you’d expect—went stark raving mad in Nazi Germany. Available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

Date and Switch Starring: Nicholas Braun, Hunter Cope, Dakota Johnson, Zach Cregger I’ll admit, I was skeptical. In my ten years as a film reviewer for ION I’ve learned that comedy is more difficult to write than drama. It’s relatively easy to coax a few tears out of your audience (see previous review), but it’s much more difficult to elicit a gut-busting laugh. Here’s an example: Date and Switch is not only one of the funniest movies I’ve reviewed, it’s also one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. Michael (Braun, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) and Matty (Cope) have been best friends since Third Grade. As high school nears to a close, the two virgins pledge they’ll remedy the situation no later than prom—until Matty comes out as a gay and Michael develops feelings for Matty’s ex-girlfriend, Em (Johnson, Ben and Kate). Zach Cregger (The Whitest Kids You Know) co-stars as Greg, Matty’s love interest. More than the fantastic performances turned in by the leads, the parade of comedic greats in supporting roles (Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally, Gary Cole, Aziz Ansari), the tight pacing, flawless editing and strong direction—all of which are superb – is the writing by Alan Yang, whose comedic talents are currently part of the hilarious NBC sitcom, Parks and Recreations. This movie has some of the wittiest dialogue I’ve ever heard and never misses a beat. Available now on DVD and Blu-ray. April 2014 63

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by Albert Rivas

MTV’s Muffs & Tuffs Faking It Yet another high school teen series from MTV revolving around two besties, Karma (Katie Stevens, American Idol) and Amy (Rita Volk), who have gone from social rejects to being outed as lesbians—by mistake. Shane (Michael Willett, GBF) is Mr. Popular whose own gaydar goes off when he meets the gal pals, devising a plan to have them elected Homecoming Queens. The show’s eye candy is Liam (Gregg Sulkin, Pretty Little Liars), Shane’s best friend and straight. Woomp woomp! Liam develops a little crush over Karma. The trailer says it all: “Straight guys love lesbians. Just watch any porno.” That may be true. Someone not enjoying the Lesbian Love Feast is Lauren (Bailey Buntain), Amy’s half-sister. Nothing says, “Welcome to the family! I’m a big dyke!” quite like this Sapphic introduction. Calling it now, one girl will turn out to be a 100% real, genuine lesbian and love the other without physical reciprocation. You’re welcome for Season 2. There’s no tarnishing MTV, especially considering how well they’ve crafted Teen Wolf. Now some have stated distaste having girls pretend to be lesbians in order to gain popularity. In their defense, this is a new era where being gay is common in our schools and even socially embraced. Eight episodes have been requested and I have a feeling this show will stick around. Premiers April 22.

The Challenge Beginning April 10 on MTV we will have the 25th season of The Challenge, formerly known as The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. This show is my guilty pleasure because you have some major train wrecks competing for more than $350,000 in prizes. You have 28 MTV alumni living in one house. Expect drunken fights, hook-ups and vomiting galore. You don’t have to be caught up on the current Real World season—those are usually the first ones to go when veterans bring in bad blood from previous Challenge’s. These bitches hold grudges from over 10 years ago. For comedic relief you have competitors who are afraid of heights or can’t swim and cry and cry. And cry. Do your damn research! You know you are coming into a competition where you know well over half the challenges involve both of these things. Do these people expect lip-syncs and/or walk offs to crown a winner? Veterans (don’t these people ever get real jobs post Real World? Some have gotta be close to 50-years-old now) include Frank (who is nothing short of the “c-word”), C.T. (The Bully), and Jasmine (tiny, but Homegirl has a mouth on her!) Alliances will be made and broken just as quickly but you have them competing in swimwear the majority of the time. Hot. April 2014 65

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Where Will You Dine?

THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 2014 Dining Out for Life International is a one-day event created to bring the community together in the fight against HIV and AIDS where local restaurants donate a portion of the proceeds. DOFLinPHX





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Nick is wearing shorts from Buffalo Exchange, and has a Board from Ski Pro


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“ will gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Or, frankly, anything on the menu from The Gladly, one of the top “Hot New Restaurants” to open in Phoenix within the last year. Formerly the matronly Ruth’s Chris Steak House, The Gladly overhauled the old fashioned, frumpy, overpriced steakhouse and enlisted the talents of Chef Bernie Kantak, fun-loving, champion mixologist Richie Moe from sister restaurant Citizen Public House in downtown Scottsdale (near BS West) and a solid, conscientious team. We happily stopped in The Gladly for lunch to sample their fare. An outstanding appetizer choice is the Pistachio Chicken Liver Pâté ($9) served in a petite Mason jar with crostini, sage mustard, pickled onions and capers. The pâté is rich and creamy, without the iron-like taste of most livers. If you’re not up for the challenge (it is liver, after all), you’ll definitely be a fan of the Roasted Brussels Sprouts with creamy sweet corn grits ($10) accented with shaved Pecorino-Romano cheese and truffle oil. Outrageously, madly fabulous, it’s bound to be a staple on The Gladly’s seasonally changing menu.

The Gladly It’s gluten free, but big deal. Who cares? Counting carbs? The Blue Cheese Steak Salad ($16) is one of four salads. This salad has generous pieces of tender, juicy, charred Port marinated tenderloin that almost falls apart when you look at it. This all rests on a bed of baby kale, field greens, Point Reyes bleu cheese dressing (ask for extra. Trust me.), and bourbon soaked cherries with sweet potato chips. The B.B.L.T. sandwich—one of five—is stuffed with thick-cut Buckboard Bacon, baby lettuce, tomato, aioli (which seems to be everywhere. Sometimes I just want old fashioned mayonnaise.) on a pretzel roll for $10. Hint: This bacon is thick, giving it a different texture, also imparting a slightly stronger taste than what you’re used to. It’s not your traditional BLT. Not quite. Word is The Pigstrami ($14) with smoked pork butt, Swiss cheese, Brussels sprout

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sauerkraut, Dijon mustard on rye is a dream. The Chimichurri Chicken Breast ($14 - half/$24 - full) gives you buttermilk Smart Chicken (that means it’s organic and humanely handled) perched on top of a tasty fingerling potato casserole in a mild, creamy chili sauce. A half order is filling. Some of these dishes appear on the dinner menu. Don’t miss out on the “brunch” dishes that you can order every day. We hear the Chilaquiles Rojos ($10) are a showstopper. If you’re on a liquid absolutely in

diet, you’re the right place. Perch yourself at their bar and let the knowledgeable (and dare I say super hot!) Brian Goodwin, the Bar Manager, introduce you to their vast repertoire of

speciality cocktails that will stun and amaze you. No kidding. The classics are all there, sure, but try something unique—that’s their specialty. The Thai Margarita is Patrón Silver tequila, galangal (ginger) and kaffir lime simple syrup, tamarind reduction, basil and lime with Thai chili sea salt on the rim on the rocks giving an Asian spin to this Mexican kicker. The Gladly features 220 different whiskeys. Play “Mr. (or Ms.) Big Shot” and order the “Isabella:” Glenlivet Nadurra 16-year Scotch, Martel VSOP Cognac, sweet vermouth, B&B with Peychaud’s and Angostura bitters. The crowning touch is when they make a perfect, clear tennis ball sphere of ice out of sushi grade ice before your very eyes (no kidding, it’s quite the feat! Especially if Brian makes it. Gun show!) Exquisitely crafted and a Cocktail Bucket List “Must.” Worth the $15 splurge. Select Gladly fab-ly cocktails are featured during their happy hour, seven days a week, 3-6 p.m. along with $5 select wines and half-off appetizers & draft beers. Once a month Chef Bernie creates a sixcourse dinner, paired with six cocktails for only $75. Get a gaggle of friends and take advantage of this special event. Maybe Brian will make those cocktails, too. Call for details. About the dinner, that is. You’ll be a gadfly at The Gladly. Guaranteed. Go! 2201 E. Camelback Rd. 602-759-8132 Open late with a surprise menu from Chef Bernie

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Emm Jay is wearing Ralph Lauren Trunks from Macy’s Fashion Square. April 2014 79


here’s no better time to recognize those who make our community shine than during Phoenix Pride. Their dedication, time, dreams, ideals, hard work (and sometimes money) help us all grow and become the kind of people we all can all be proud of. ION Arizona’s 7th Annual Prismatic Pride focuses on the diversity of the LGBTQ community (and our important Straight Allies) who make us proud and unite our community’s spirit. Photos by Scotty Kirby

Grant Miller *THE RISING STAR*

Teach for America and community cutie Grant Miller is becoming the Valley’s most outspoken activist and advocate for all. His active involvement in the SB1062 protests and his organizing of the Arizona Moral March Call to Action prove that this young man is headed for amazing things. Keep an eye out on Grant as he shines his way to the top!

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Busy, busy, busy! Mario is a founding member of the Arizona Chapter of QUIP (Queer Undocumented Immigrant Project), a support group building bridges between the undocumented and LGBT community. There’s more. “When I was self-defined as homeless I was turned down by Central Arizona Shelter Services. Fate brought me back to them as an assistant in the dental clinic for the homeless. One of the most rewarding things I do is to help others with everyday things, like eating properly and regaining confidence with a new smile.” Mario makes us smile.

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The founder and director of the 2,500 member strong Local First Arizona, a nonprofit network of local, independently owned Arizona businesses and supporters, Kimber has always been on the pulse of the arts and local business scene in the Valley. Kimber’s passionate and courageous advocacy has set her apart from the rest and is a true trailblazer for the community. Find out more at


*MOST VALUABLE VOLUNTEER* Kevin seems to be everywhere these days, volunteering his time with agencies such as one•n•ten, Aunt Rita’s Foundation and serving on the Board of Directors for Phoenix Pride. Kevin goes above and beyond the call of duty by volunteering and supporting the community however and whenever he can.

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Holy cow, our prayers have been answered by the amazing work of The Grand Canyon Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence! We can count on them, spreading the gospel of community outreach and raising funds for many deserving charities in the Valley. Pictured here are Sister Odora Flatulotta D’Pew, Sister Benda Dick and Sister Navi Ho.

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THE QU Scholarship FOUNDERS *Fantastic fundraisers*

The “QU Founding Five,” Shel-don Legarreta, Kevin Axx, Joey Thybo, Stacey Jay Cavaliere and Mike Gorman (not pictured) took a pipe dream and turned it into one of the most influential and fastest-growing charitable endeavors in Arizona. The QU Scholarship offers a $10,000 scholarship for an LGBTQ youth participant of one•n•ten to pursue higher education opportunities. 84 April 2014


Sisters Helena, Jen and Connie Grayson are constants in the community—volunteering, organizing and dedicating their time to worthy organizations and events. These fabulous friends of the community have a vibrant and energetic presence and are true heroes in the hearts of everybody who knows them (and even those who don’t, but should!)

Scott koehler *STRAIGHT ALLY*

Beyond his role as a Straight Ally for the LGBT community, Scott is an ally for everybody, really. But when SB 1062 threatened equal rights in Arizona, he donated his time and money creating nearly 1,000 “Open for Business to Everyone” signs. You can thank Fast Signs on Central and owner, Scott, for his help convincing Gov. Brewer for her veto.

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*MISS & MISTER PHX GAY PRIDE* The vivacious talents and sparkling personalities of Barbra and Eddie make them the faces of Phoenix Pride where they’ll promote pride in our community as role models raising awareness of Phoenix Pride Grants and Scholarships programs. “Barbra Seville’s Wonderful 100” team raises thousands of dollars every year at the Phoenix AIDS Walk. Eddie is transitioning; off stage you can call him “Elijah.” He volunteers at GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) and he’s also responsible for monitoring the one●n●ten Trans Group. We’re proud to have them representing Phoenix Pride 2014.


Mr. Phoenix Leather is the sexy Robert, who won the title based on his on-stage presence, interviews, speech, skin-wear, formalwear, on-stage question, overall attitude and interactions during Phoenix Leather Weekend this past January. Robert will proudly represent Phoenix in Chicago when he competes for International Mr. Leather in May. Thank you, sir! And good luck!

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Welcome to the 2014 Phoenix Pride Festival and Parade! I couldn’t be happier to welcome all of our attendees from around the Valley of the Sun and from across the country to Phoenix Pride! We are very excited to have you here for the 34th Annual Phoenix Pride Festival! This year, we have an exciting weekend of activities planned for everyone. We have partnered with the Phoenix Frontrunners to bring the Pride 10K to Pride weekend, just before our Parade. Following the run, we have our fabulous Parade filled with over 2,000 members of our vibrant LGBTQ community and then we go into our sensational weekend of festival activities. Please check out our amazing entertainment lineup and all of our great exhibitors and food options! With 5 different stages, you are bound to find something to do all weekend! As well, this year marks an exciting milestone for the Phoenix Pride Community Foundation. 2014 celebrates funding over $500,000 in Grants and Scholarships since our Foundation was formed 7 short years ago. This is only possible because of you‌the phenomenal community members that come out and support our events! Once again, welcome to Phoenix Pride and I hope you the time of your life!!!

Justin Owen

Justin Owen Executive Director, Phoenix Pride


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Steele Indian School Park 3rd Street & Indian School Rd.


2 Entrances Single Day $20 at GATE Alcohol Tickets: $6

FESTIVAL HOURS Saturday Noon- 9pm Sunday Noon- 9pm

No Pets Allowed at Festival Umbrellas and Chairs ARE Permitted 1 Unopened Bottle of Water Allowed (any size) A full updated list of festival information can be found at April 2014 95

brittney griner

Bold. Strong. Authentic. These are just a few of the words that define Brittney Griner, a woman who is redefining her sport and opening the eyes of marketers with her unique sense of style. She is that rare kind of athlete, one who transcends the game and connects with fans on a deeper level. On the court, the Phoenix Mercury star is fierce and relentless, showcasing a blend of size and skill not seen before in women¹s basketball. Off the court, she is committed to helping create a more inclusive society, expanding the opportunities for young people to reach their full potential. BG was so dominant during her college career — she led Baylor to the national championship as a junior — it¹s hard to believe she didn’t start playing hoops until the ninth grade. As she continues to refine her skills, taking her game to an even higher level, she is also using her voice to represent a new generation of athletes, those who know that to be the best, they must also be true to themselves. With her 6’8″ frame, 88-inch wingspan and adventure-loving spirit, Brittney Griner doesn’t just break the mold — she shatters it. And her ethos is easy to embrace.

“Be You.” 96 April 2014

lloyd mays

Lloyd Mays began his tenure at the parade in 2005 working as a volunteer staging vehicles. In 2006, he became the parade director. After 8 sucessful years, Lloyd retired as parade director. Phoenix Pride appreciates his hard work and dedication throughout the years. He and his partner of over 20 years have a long history of volunteering for the community, including Habitat for Humanity, and helping fundraising efforts for various community organizations (Aunt Rita’s, HRC and the like).

Central Avenue

Highland Avenue

Seventh Street

Clayton McKee, Katy June, Jonathan Brier and Aimee V. Justice

Indian School Road

Fairmount Avenue

Announcer’s Stage

Clarendon Avenue

PARKING $5 4041 N. Central Ave. (behind Phoenix School of Law)

Judge’s Stage

Third Street

Osborn Road

Step Off at 10am


Indian School Rd.

Thomas Road

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Presented by:

PRIDE...with Benefits April 5th and 6th

Phoenix Pride Festival Weekend Pass Unlimited VIP Tent Access (with air conditioning) Admission for one of your Friends to daily Plus One Parties Bud Light Main Stage Viewing Lounge Premium Bar Special Guest Bartenders & Cocktail Service Product Sampling & Giveaways All of the Above Benefits PLUS 11AM Sunday Brunch in the VIP Tent VIP Festival Parking for (1) Vehicle

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“Room with a View” Art Competition

Noon Sat. April 5 - until 9pm Noon Sun. April 6 - until 8pm Festival Participants will Judge Contest by Voting for their favorite room. First Prize is $500 Celebrity Judge Terri Bowersock will present winner Sponsored by: Dawn Bowman Design, Office Resale Solutions and Terri’s Silent Art Auction of All Objects in Room with a Vew Area throughout the 2-day festival Saturday and Sunday OTHER FEATURES: 10 Arts Expo Artisans Youth Art Exhibition

(Must be 18 yrs or older with ID)

Saturday APRIL 5TH 12-1PM Comedy Spot 1-2PM Boot Black Demo 2-3PM Demo 3-4PM Puppy play Demo 4-5PM Rope Demo 5-6PM Romantasy Cabaret 6-7PM Exotic Dancers Sunday APRIL 6TH 12-1PM Comedy Spot 1-2PM Waxing Demo 2-3PM Knife Demo 3-4PM Flogging Demo 5-6PM Romantasy Cabaret 6-7PM Exotic Dancers April 2014 99




12:00PM DJ Shorty 1:00PM Pride Welcome with Brittney Griner 2:00PM Pride Royalty 2:30PM Phoenix Phollies 3:30PM Connor Fischelis 4:00PM DJ Shorty ft. Leztourage 5:00PM YAYMEE K 5:40PM Heather Turman 6:00PM Jessica Sutta 7:00PM Neon Hitch 8:00PM A Great Big World

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SUNDAY APRIL 6th 12:00PM DJ Danny Tellez 4:00PM Random Gingers 5:00PM Roar 6:00PM Beverly McClellan 7:00PM David and Devine 8:00PM Michelle Branch

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7PM: To Be Announced

6PM: MARY GODFREY 7PM: Kathleen Haskard

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BEER & WINE TASTING GARDEN Saturday APRIL 5th 12 - 2pM DJ Cullen Daniel 2- 4PM DJ Nube 4 - 6:PM DJ Aris 6 - 9PM Musa Mind Sunday APRIL 6th 12 - 2PM ASTONY 2 - 4PM DJ CrashAttack 4 - 6PM Austin Head 6- 9PM QUBIC

Dance Pavilion featuring Kalliope

Saturday APRIL 5Th 12 - 2PM DJ Urban’s mix show 2 - 4PM DJ Sweat 4 - 6PM DJ Kela 6- 9PM Mic Mixxers vs. Tsunami DJ Battle Sunday APRIL 6th 12- 2PM DJ Tega 2 - 4PM DJ Drew 4 - 6PM Wonder Twins 6 - 9PM Matt Fox

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PHOTO CREDITS Photos by Scotty Kirby Direction by Kevin Bushaw Models are Olivia Gardens, Jeff, Nick, Matt, & EmmJay. Hairstyling by Andrew Sauers. Apparel provided by Buffalo Exchange & Macy’s Fashion Square. Sports equipment provided by Ski Pro. Special thanks to Sean Kapera, Steven Rogers, and Michael Meehan from Ski Pro.

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Title Sponsor

th 27 Anniversary

Reno Gannon Memorial

Benefit Auction and Extravaganza

Saturday May 3, 2014

$1 Raffle

The Slaughterhouse 1102 West Grant Road Tucson, AZ Tickets:

$20/Advance $25/Door

Gates Open at 5:00pm Wrestling Starts at 6:00pm Photography by Scott Griessel/Creatista

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Live in Las Vegas! Includes: Two Premium Concert Seats for August 19, 2014; Two Night Stay at Planet Hollywood; $100 Visa gift card!

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Matt is wearing trunks from Buffalo Exchange

OUTRAGEOUS | COMIC April 2014 113

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Vol. 8, Issue 3

April 2014

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.


Angry God Triggers California OUTRAGEOUS! Earthquakes.

LOS ANGELES — While millions of Southern Californians are struggling with their therapists and yoga masters while making the recent tremblers and aftershocks all about “them,” experts determined the real reason. It’s not the problematic San Andreas Fault. It’s an angry God.

of the divorce between devotée Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, who have donated thousands of dollars to the Church, although not members.

Thousands of Los Angeles residents argued their 5.9 earthquakes were way better than those felt in San Diego. San Franciscans sniffed their earthquakes are even bigger and more powerful than any felt in the southern part of the state.


“It’s simple,” said Rabbi Saul Gud at Temple Beth el Segundo. “Our G_d is a wrathful and ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL vengeful You-Know-Who. It says so in the Residents of Venice Beach claim it’s Old Testament. Freeway rush hour traffic on Voldemort. the 405 displeases Him Who Shall Not Be Named.” As the mighty earth shook as a show of the strength of God Almighty, creator of Heaven The Hollywood community fears God is and Earth, thousands of Californians updated particularly perturbed about the recently their Facebook status and YouTubing their announced breakup between Chris Martin cats’ reactions from the safety of beneath their and Gwyneth Paltrow. The Church of coffee tables. Scientology reckons that L. Ron Hubbard, the Church’s founder, is displeased because Most everyone blames the Republicans.



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OUTRAGEOUS! Dalai Lama’s New Notions on Gays & More.


TIBET — In a my soul for a recent interview wish; pennies with Larry King and dimes for a this past March, kiss ...’ Clearly His Holiness everything is the 14th Dalai nothing and Lama, born nothing is Jetsun Jamphel everything to this Ngawang enlightened Carly Lobsang Yeshe Rae Jepsen.” Tenzin Gyatzo— ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL or “J.J.” for short “This Judge and to his really, Judy woman really close is really in no Lama friends and position to judge Richard Gere—stunned the public with his others. Judgement is an ambiguous process reversal of opinion concerning gay marriage. of evaluating the multifaceted circumstances Previously he opposed to same-sex unions. one has no way of truly understanding. But Judge Judy makes more money than anybody The Dalai Lama weighed in on a number of else on television,” he pontificated. “That’s other controversial subjects affecting the world a bonus.” today. He discussed these off-camera to King. “The Backstreet Boys were much more ANY RESEMBLANCE TOthan THE IS TRAGICALLY “I believe that dogs are better cats. TRUTH They talented than ‘N Sync,”ACCIDENTAL he lamented, are much funnier,” he confirmed. although he does have a soft spot for Justin ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Timberlake. “Crossword puzzles are a waste of time. They don’t make you any smarter. I don’t do them, “The eternal question, ‘What would you do and look at me: I’m the Dalai Lama.” for a Klondike Bar?’ is unanswerable. It is better to ask, ‘What wouldn’t you do for a “‘Call Me Maybe’ will eventually be revered Klondike Bar?’” he mused. as one of the purest songs of existential thought in the future. ‘I threw a wish in a Finally, “Lorna Luft doesn’t have half the well; don’t ask me, I’ll never tell. I’d trade talent that her sister Liza Minnelli has. She might as well throw in the towel.”



Dr. Warren L. Moody, III A faithful friend, a supporter, and a kind, supportive and gentle soul. Hailing from Texas, Warren called Phoenix, Arizona his home. He practiced medicine in the Valley since 2003. Together with Dustin Marshall, they founded Community Medical Clinic in 2012. Patients often became friends; Warren treated everybody with compassion, respect and kindness. Warren’s passions included hiking and annually biking in the AIDS/LifeCycle Ride to End AIDS in California. Warren passed away suddenly last month, leaving scores of friends and admirers who will celebrate and remember a life well-lived, cut far too short. Always inspirational, he will be missed. “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” — John Quincy Adams

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Polo Ralph Lauren Shorts from Macy’s Fashion Square. Stripe Shorts from Buffalo Exchange.



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I have a monthly radio segment of FavoriteBitch on The Derek and Romaine Show on SiriusXM OutQ. We’ve chatted about everything from furry fandom fuckers to jack-off clubs to love dolls to cuckolds to waxed asses and straight boy muscle worship. Nothing is off limits when I’m in the studio, hunty! Join me this month when we discuss Polyamory Gone Wrong! Now, back to this installment of people with problems. I sifted through my mailbag and found lovers in peril, involving thieves of the heart and everything else in-between. Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend broke up with me during dinner at Red Lobster. He stole my heart when we met and I can’t believe he threw it all away. I was humiliated because so many people at the restaurant witnessed it! What should I do to get over it? — Shane Dear I Hope You At Least Had A Chance To Finish The Cheddar Bay Biscuits, Boo, what you really should’ve been humiliated by was the fact that the cheap son-of-a-bitch took your ass to a raggedy Red Lobster ... NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, My girlfriend stole my key to her apartment. This went down about three weeks ago. She hasn’t returned my calls and we haven’t hung out or had sex. Is it over or do you think she just needs some space? — Jasmine

Dear It Looks Like You Ain’t Got The Key To Heart Either, The apartment and the pussy are on lock down. Bitch, what part of “This shit is OVAH!” don’t you understand? NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I borrowed $150 from my boyfriend without asking. I needed to pay my bartender for a tab I owed. When he found out, he was angry but told me to take my time paying him back. We’ve since broken up. It’s only been six months since I took the money but now he’s acting like a loan shark, demanding that I pay him back immediately! Any advice? — Todd Dear Hot Messes Like You Ruin It For The Next Boyfriend, Maybe if you’d lay off that goddamn booze you’d have the money and the clarity to know that “take your time” doesn’t mean in light years, bitch! So yeah, I have some advice: Drink at home, ration out your Crown Royal whisky and pay that motha fuckah his goddamn coins! Wanna talk to me live about this kind of bullshit and more? Then join me April 21 on Derek and Romaine • SiriusXM OutQ 109 at 7 p.m. MT! For more info about my radio appearances, stop by Miss Tiger Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website Facebook/Twitter MissTiger Advice April 2014 123




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by Sean Kapera

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by Addison DeWitt

and this is not the Dave Christiano who produces GGG-rated Christian films. Big difference. Really big, from what I could tell, judging by this one’s skimpy underwear.) worked their moneymakers on stage much to the audience’s never ending delight! (C)


he disappearing Malaysian Airlines Boeing A 777 Flight 370. California earthquakes. The Ukraine loses Crimea to Russia. UofA basketball game riot ... blah, blah, blah. All this doom and gloom! Frankly, I find it, well, a little depressing, poppets. When life gives you lemons what do you do? Make limoncello, bambinos! That darling Travis Edwards (A) from Kobalt recently scoured Phoenix and denuded a number of lemon trees of their fruit and learned how to make that fabled Italian liqueur made in part with that 190-proof rectified spirit, Everclear! Oh, Travis! My favorite little bootlegger! (Note to the Arizona Liquor C Board: Travis is not selling spirituous distilled beverage for profit, in case you’re reading this. This is strictly for medicinal purposes ... I’m pretty sure.) Break out the Fleshjacks! Miss Mandi Boom Boom is back in town! She was spotted at BS West’s Pornopalooza with Queen of the Blue Movies Chi Chi LaRue in the DJ booth along with that delectable Matt (B). It was better than Christmas! Well, a very porn-y Christmas. Mandi tossed out free naughty DVDs like Santa Claus throws out candy at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Welcome back, darling! XXX-rated stars Trenton Ducati and David Christiano. Note, I Googled Christiano,

Start spreadin’ your legs! The legendary and Sexy Prince of Porn Michael Lucas B (D) himself left the Big Apple and brought his big, thick, Russian Iron Curtain with him while he had a cattle call, auditioning local swains for a career on their backs. And on their knees. Remember, there are no small parts, only small actors. Wait ... I’ve seen some actors with teeny, tiny parts. I can’t wait to see who we’ll see cumming on an iPad screen near you!



In other gay news: Madge’s fans were rocked off their trolleys when the Pop Rock Goddess Madonna’s hairy armpit (E) popped up on the internet. It looks like she had implants done at an Bosley Armpit Hair Restoration Center. And if you can’t trust the internet, who can you trust? Besides me, of course. April 2014 127

128 April 2014

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April 2014 129


e find Mars at opposition on April 8 with its closest approach to Earth. We’ll find out why the angry red planet is so angry. This brings out the Warrior in us. You may win the battle, but lose the war. Rally the troops! Know when to retreat.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Everything you say depends on the delivery and timing. That technique needs a little polishing, frankly. Your birthday calls for an assessment of what’s really valuable. That requires some deep thinking. Unusual, but you can do it. I think.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

You’re headstrong and forthright when it comes to dealing with issues. Sometimes you step on a few toes. Okay, a lot. If it’s your birthday, you’ll mend a fence with a long lost friend. You’ll see why they got lost in the first place.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Your dual nature (that’s a nice way of saying, “schizophrenic”) has your yin and your yang all knotted up. Now you’ve got your tit in a wringer. This isn’t the first time, buddy. Your charm will help you get it out.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You’re unusually satisfied with everything around you. Family, friends, job, home life. Except for that one goddam sonofabitch who always seems to screw up your order at Starbucks. Practice diplomacy.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Your madcap, freewheeling spirit leaves others in a state of shock, saying, “God, I hope she comes back soon.”

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both, and there you have the Facts of Life. The Facts of Life. Okay, maybe you can’t boil everything down to a TV sitcom theme song, but this one works for you. Think about it.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Your analytical, incisive ability to cut to the meat of the matter serves you well. Nobody can get through bullshit quite like you do. It’s good to have a Scorpio on your side. And on top of you. Or the bottom. They’re versatile that way.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Get ready. A revelation that may shock you happens late in the month. It might be a family secret. It won’t be a secret for long, however. You with that big mouth and all. Just sayin’.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Making a spur of the moment decision has never been your strong suit. Strike while the iron is hot! Follow your gut instincts and you’ll be glad you did. It might involve a blonde. Or a brunette. Or both.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

These broad, sweeping pronouncements and statements you make have a way of irritating others. A lot. However, you’re usually right. So that’s in your favor. Just don’t rub others’ noses in it. Not too much, anyway.

You know what you’re good at? Dealing with confrontation. Once you get the taste of Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 blood in your mouth there’s no stopping you. Your “Take no prisoners!” attitude leaves friends and coworkers startled—at first. The wildcat in you loves a good fight. Tear Then they learn that you’re serious. You ‘em apart! Make sure you’re right, first. don’t mess around when you’re dealing Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 with asshats this month. And there’s a lot of You’re an enigma. A mystery. You’re still a asshats out there. rollicking good time for those who know you. 130 April 2014

ION Arizona #154  

The weather’s hot but we’re playin’ it cool! ION Arizona has fun in the sun with new beach fashion. We interview international musician AVIC...