ION Arizona #189

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SHE LOUNGE

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STACY’S @ MELROSE

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Tajji Sharp Scotty Kirby Stephanie Zahra Jiha Randy’s Vision Photography

Franklin Diaz Alex Campos Richard Bolinski Danny Catt

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby Peter Lora

Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger Frederick Hill

Published monthly by

1995-2017: 22 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2017 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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SEX N CANDY PARTY

photos by Stephanie Zahra Jiha & Danny Catt

H20 - TUCSON

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AZ GAY RODEO

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CORONA RANCH

photos by Richard Bolinski of Digiphoto

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Take Pride In Your Ride T

his issue is dedicated to all the people who take pride in their ride. The ones that love anything with a motor and wheels. While many see a vehicle as just a way to get from point A to point B, others see the journey from point A to B as entertaining, exhilarating and incredibly fun. If you like classic, exotic, just great looking cool cars, motorcycles, or 4x4s, this issue of ION is for you. Check out the newest LGBTQ car club called “Fenders and Friends” as well as some other great motoring clubs around the state beginning on page 81.

Experience Phx Pride

Phoenix Pride is fast approaching!

The entire LGBTQ community comes together for an epic weekend with something for everyone. So are you ready for a crazy month of fun? The official Ten Days of Pride kicks off with the Ignition Circuit Party at Charlie’s on Saturday, March 18. Check out all the info on page 81. Another terrific experience is Gay Skate’s annual “Pride Skate” on Wednesday, March 29. For six years now, ION’s own Ted Kirby helps brings our community a blast from the past with this all-ages fun, retro rollerskating pastime. See feature on page 44. To learn more about this year’s Phoenix Pride events, festival and parade go to PhoenixPride.org

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Experience VIP Pride

For the third year in a row, ION Arizona was chosen to host the Phoenix Pride VIP Experience. For one price, you get two-day admission, a VIP quick-entry line pass, air conditioned lounge and show club, pop-up entertainment, DJ, full bar and with cocktail service, free photo booth pictures from CrazyShots, a free massage, beverage samples, gift bag, front-row view of the main stage and for the first time, complimentary food throughout the weekend. If you have never been, you owe it to yourself to enjoy Pride like never before. For more info and tickets go to IONAZ.com

Experience More!

You won’t want to miss the First Annual Arizona International Celtic Music Microbrew Festival at the Arizona State Fairgrounds on March 11-12. A portion of the ticket price benefits Aunt Rita’s Foundation and the Phoenix Children’s Hospital. See ad on page 42-43. Also, don’t miss the annual Pot o’ Gold Festival, Melrose Street Fair and all the other great events this month.

I hope you enjoy this ION. We’re proud of it. Your job, if you chose to accept it, is to support these events, business partners and get out and experience our growing community. Do you accept the challenge?

Jack Tesorero

Proud Car Guy

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A Great Headline Goes in the Space

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Phoenix Pride Preview Saturday, April 1 Besties Barbra Seville and Channel 12 News reporter Bryan West keep the ball rolling all day long on the Main Stage! Barbra loves telling the heartwarming story about how they first met at her Saturday night show. Just ask her!

Virr This San Diego singer/songwriter’s musical influences range from John Legend to Disclosure. Virr specializes in experimenting with genres and creating genderbenders.

His powerful music is created to inspire people to follow their dreams and live with a sense of fearlessness.

Ninel She’s a powerhouse! Grammy nominated Ninel is a Mexican singer, actress and a beloved star of telenovelas. Ninel also appeared on Big Brother VIP and Ugly Betty. She promises to bring Latin fire to the Pride Main Stage.

Los Chicos del 512 You won’t want to miss this mind-blowing experience! It’s the closest you’ll come to a live Selena concert! The classic music of the beloved Tejano, Cumbia and Pop music star will have Pride fans dancing their Bidi-Bidi-Bom-Boms off! For more about them, check out SelenaTheTribute.com

Sunday, April 2 Today the one and only Blonde One, Miss Barbra Seville, joins forces with the unstoppable Mia Adams for a day of fun on stage Ebony and Ivory style as they welcome Pride entertainment.

Superstars of House! feat. Barbara Tucker

Start dancing! Barbra Tucker’s music and voice influenced dance music across the USA and Europe. She’s had six #1 hits on the US Hot Dance Club Songs. Tonight she joins forces with Superstars of House! who’ll share their love on the Main Stage

KORR-A This Ukranian actress, DJ, model, singer and movie producer burst on the music scene in 2013 with her hiphop, pop and dance music with hits like “Fiyacracka” and “Swipe Right.” When she sings, “Touch Me Like You Mean It,” you know she’s serious.

Belinda Carlisle Oooh, Heaven is a place on Earth! We can’t wait for the original lead singer of the 80s girl band The GoGo’s to make some magic on stage as the singing star when she draws a Circle in the Sand for old and new fans. We’re mad about her!

And more to be announced soon!

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FRESH BRUNCH

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B I LT M O R E R ESO R T

photos by Randy’s Vision Photography

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M7 Street Fair

Enjoy the Arizona sun and be part of the fun of the 15th Annual Melrose on 7th Avenue Street Fair. Celebrate with over 200 booths featuring local artists, indie crafts, food trucks and more! The Phoenix Men’s Chorus, and Charlie’s Heatwave Line Dancers will perform, too. You can always wet your whistle at Bunkhouse, Stacy’s @ Melrose or The Rock. It all happens 11 a.m.-4 p.m. on Saturday, March 4. Check out M7StreetFair.com for more details.

Celtic Music & Microbrew Fest If yon bonnie banks and braes of Loch Lomond are too far, relax; Scotland is coming to Phoenix! There’s live music, bagpipes, dancing and more! So put on your kilt and get all Braveheart on Saturday and Sunday, March 11 & 12 at the Arizona State Fairgrounds, 1826 W. McDowell Rd. at 17th Ave. in Phoenix! For more info check out ArizonaCelticMusicAndMicrobrewFestival.com (See ads on p. 42 - 43)

SAAF Moda Provocateur

This spectacular 14th annual fashion show features local boutiques and models in a celebration style, fashion and compassion while raising funds for the care services, prevention programs and LGBTQ initiatives of the Southern Arizona AIDS Foundation. Sunday, March 19 at Tucson Convention Center Grand Ballroom, 260 S. Church Ave. For more info and tickets visit SAAFmoda.saaf.org

Totally 80s Weekend with Tiffany

Celebrate those madcap days of the 1980s when the Reagans were in the White House, Madonna was a youngster, and we started playing Pac-Man. Like, get ready! It’s a Totally 80s Weekend at Charlie’s! Don’t miss special guest star Tiffany singing “I Think We’re Alone Now” and other hits on Sunday! And you get to join in the fun with her! March 24-26 at Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 19)

Henry Rollins at SMoCA

Punk rock star, actor, activist, podcaster, Renaissance man. Henry mixes commentary about politics, and his own life experiences. Angry, witty, funny, this is a “must see.” Part of the “Ten Days of Pride.” Thursday, March 30 at Scottsdale Ctr. for the Performing Arts, 7380 N. 2nd St. in Scottsdale. Find out more at HenryRollins.com.

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Johnny V at FLEX Spa

This hunky, versatile strawberry-blonde made his mark in XXX flicks like Stiff Sentence II and Naughty Pines II. (Don’t worry. You don’t have to see the first movie to understand the sequel.) Johnny V will be at the FLEX Spa booth at Phoenix Pride, plus making a special appearance Saturday night, April 1 and on Sunday, April 2 for the After Pride Barbeque. Who likes weenies? We do! FLEX Spa Phoenix, 1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy. FLEXspas.com.

602-271--9011 (See ad on p. 112)

MARCH 2017 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT Sundays Broadway Brunch Thurs.

Underwear & Gear Party 1-4 Mardi Gras Weekend 4 Growlr Roughhouse 4 Melrose Street Fair 4 Masquerade Ball 10 Make It Rain Beer Bust 11 Brides of March 11 SW Leather Beer Bust & Show 11 AZ Men of Leather Night 11-12 Celtic Music & Microbrew Fest.

15 IGNITE Monthly Mixer 16 St. Patrick’s Day Party 17 Conjunto Poder 17 Irish/Italian Buffet 17-18 Spring White Out Party 18 Ignition Circuit Auto Show Party 18 Studio 54 Party 18 High Heels & Harnesses 19 SAAF Moda Provocateur 22 9 Year Anniversary Party 24 Red is the Night - Aunt Rita’s Event 24-26 Totally 80s Weekend w/ Tiffany 25 Pop Goes the Zipper 25 AZ Boys of Leather Gear Night 25 IGRA Beer Bust & Show 26 True Colors!

27 Blush Brunch 29 Gay Skate 30 Henry Rollins, OUT at SMoCA 31 Pride Weekend Kick-Off Party 31 Bearracuda 31 Pride Kick-Off Party w/ Barbra Seville APRIL 1-2 Phoenix Pride Festival and Parade 1-2 Pride PHX Weekend w/ Johnny V. 7 Royal Black Sheep Fashion Show 14 Chamber Rainbow Classic Golf Tourney Coming Soon - Heel Party MAY 5-8 Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party

LOCATION Los Diablos Bunkhouse Karamba’s Stacy’s @ Melrose 7th Ave. Phoenix Karamba’s Bunkhouse Charlie’s Bunkhouse The Anvil AZ State Fairgrounds Bliss Rebar Karamba’s Karamba’s Bunkhouse Dick’s Cabaret Charlie’s BS West The Anvil Convention Center Bar 1 Bentley Projects Charlie’s BS West The Anvil Bunkhouse Glendale C.C. Bliss Rebar at Great Skate SMoCA Charlie’s The Rock The Cash

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Glendale Phoenix Glendale Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

3rd St./Ind. School Park Phoenix FLEX Spas Phoenix FOUND:RE Phoenix Arizona Grand Resort Phoenix Bar 1 Phoenix

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This Is How We Roll.

Ted Kirby and DJ Tsunami’s

Gay Skate

Goes ‘round in Circles.

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ne night in 2010 friends Ted Kirby and Jeff Allan (a.k.a. DJ Tsunami) decided it was time to take action in offering an activity for the Phoenix LGBT Community. Six months later Gay Skate AZ rolled on to the scene.

Since April 2011, Gay Skate AZ has been hosting all-ages roller skating events four times a year at Great Skate in Glendale.

With the net profits of each event, Gay Skate AZ monetarily contributes to various local Phoenix LGBT organizations. A Facebook event page is always created for each event and people of all ages are invited.

The most popular is the Spring Pride Skate and one of Phoenix Pride’s sponsored events celebrating “10 Days of Pride.” Net proceeds collected at this Gay Skate event benefit the Phoenix Pride Scholarship Fund. Pride Skate is usually the largest event with over 300 skaters.

“Jeff and I have a terrific partnership,” enthused Ted. “We had been talking about doing this for years—we just needed to make it happen. We really wanted to see an entertainment alternative to the bars happen—at least for four nights out of the year.”

Roller skating was always one of Ted’s favorite activities when he was a child.

“Growing up roller skating makes Gay

Skate events very nostalgic for me. Jeff plays a lot of great old school rollerskating music by people like Debbie Deb, bringing back a lot of cool memories.” Ted says. “Plus, it’s a fantastic feeling that we can facilitate and promote Gay Skate to bring together people of all ages in a safe environment.”

Being able to give back means a lot for Ted and Jeff, too. “The ultimate intangible for us is the opportunity to give back to local LGBT organizations; not only does the event promote fun but it also helps our community. Some of our favorite foundations we’ve supported are Joshua Tree Feeding Program, Phoenix Pride, and GLSEN.” Music makes Gay Skate. As DJ Tsunami’s tasty tracks keeps the roller rink rockin’. “My favorite music is the more modern rhythmic tracks that March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

Left to Right: Alex Barraza, Omar Adres Aragon, and Zoilabella Calo.

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get skaters moving as well as the classics like ‘Xanadu’ and ‘Lookout Weekend.’ My favorite part of Gay Skate is seeing everyone smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves as a community. Without the community and their friends we wouldn’t be able to provide LGBT organizations with money from Gay Skate.”

Jeff added, “Ted and I are a great team. Where I’m more front of the house, Ted handles everything behind the scenes and together our synergy creates the entire event.”

Ted and Jeff are grateful to their host roller rink and everybody who supports Gay Skate. “To Great Skate, we most definitely need to give a shout out to them for hosting our events for six years now—they’ve been amazing! Lastly, we love our Gay Skate attendees—they are loyal and we see them at every event—we couldn’t do this event without their continued support.”

The 2017 Pride Skate is Wednesday, March 29, from 8 p.m.-11 p.m.

Great Skate Glendale Towne Center 10054 N. 43rd Ave. near Peoria Ave. in Glendale Entry is only $10 which includes three hours of skating, skate rental and wrist guards. This is an all-ages event.

Gay Skate AZ can be found on two social group pages on Facebook; search for “Gay Skate AZ” and “Gay Skate Arizona” for more details about upcoming events.

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L.A.’s Legendary Restaurants Celebrating the Famous Places Where Hollywood Ate, Drank and Played

by Deon Brown 50 WWW.IONAZ.COM 2017Ball pictured: Desi Arnaz withMarch Lucille

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t’s awards season! Looking to throw a party? Or do you just want to entertain like a Hollywood star?

Then we’ve got the book for you!

L.A.’s Legendary Restaurants: Celebrating the Famous Places Where Hollywood Ate, Drank and Played gives you a loving history of L.A.‘s greatest restaurants, diners and bars, (some are still going strong!) including over 100 recipes enjoyed by Hollywood Royalty and ordinary fans alike in this fascinating book.

Long before the Kardashians and the Real Housewives invaded the City of Angels, stars of the silver screen rubbed elbows and partied down at some of the best watering holes and dining rooms Los Angeles had to offer.

Now gone, legendary restaurants and nightclubs like Chasen’s, The Brown Derby, Ciro’s, Romanoff’s, Cyrano’s, and the Hollywood Palladium were the places to see and be seen for decades.

From 1982-2001 Wofgang Puck’s Spago was a coveted venue for stars to celebrate after the Oscar’s (and eat fancy, gourmet pizza.)

From 1952-1996 hungover gay boys in WeHo recovered from the night before when they tucked into the royal “French Toast Princess Anne” on weekend mornings at Ben Frank’s coffee shop. (Not only was it fun to say when you ordered, it was absolutely divine, Mary.) Their coveted breakfast recipe is included.

Or you get all Mommie Dearest for your dinner guests and channel Joan Crawford, screaming, “Perino’s is my restaurant, dammit!” over their renowned Spaghetti Bolognese or Pumpernickel Toasts.

Venerable places like The Pig ‘n Whistle along with Musso and Frank Grill (since 1919) still survive on Hollywood Blvd.

Hipsters adore The Formosa Café on Santa Monica Blvd., coincidentally John Wayne’s favorite hangout. A star in its own right from movies like LA Confidential, and Swingers still slings a mean Mai Tai. (You can get their recipe.) Everything old is new again. We’re still rediscovering the classics. The fabled Moscow Mule originated at the Cock ‘n Bull on Sunset Boulevard.

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1. In a large bowl,

Ciro’s, 8433 Sunset Boulevard (currently The Comedy Store) From 1940-1957 this was a classy, high-end French restaurant and dance venue in West Hollywood. Stars like Peggy Lee and Duke Ellington, and Sammy Davis, Jr., were right at home performing on stage for Tinseltown’s elite.

If you’re looking for that elegant little amuse bouche for a chic get-together, this recipe not only looks glamorous, it tastes fabulous and it’s easy to make, too. (Recipe courtesy of L.A.’s Legendary Restaurants.)

Ciro’s Crabmeat Cocktail This was Ciro’s number one hors d’oeuvre, served in an iced pedestal dish. Serves 6 24 oz of crabmeat 2 stalks of celery, diced 1/2 medium onion, diced 4 stalks green onion, chopped 2 tbsp. pickle relish 1/4 cup mayonnaise 1 tsp. prepared mustard 3 drops hot pepper sauce 52

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combine crabmeat, celery, onion, green onion, relish, mayonnaise, mustard and hot pepper sauce.

2. Place into a dish or arrange on a bed of lettuce for a first course.

L.A.’s Legendary Restaurants is a richly illustrated book celebrating the Golden Age of Hollywood through food and drink, filled with anecdotes, vintage photographs, historic menus and over 100 recipes adapted for today by award-winning chef and best-selling author George Geary. He’s best known for creating all of the cheesecakes for TV situation comedy classic, The Golden Girls. You can’t go wrong with credentials like that, now can you?

L.A.’s Legendary Restaurants Celebrating the Famous Places Where Hollywood Ate, Drank and Played Hardcover, black & white/color illustrations. 272 pp. 8 3/4” x 11” $45 MSRP Available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com

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Fashion That’s Smashin’

Royal Black Sheep S leek and super-chic. Sultry and sublime. Shimeon Mattox is the arresting, mysterious, yet glamorous and glowing personality behind Royal Black Sheep Autograph Collection.

Photos by Tajji Sharp

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You’ve seen Shimeon all over the Valley. And now he’s proud to present an exclusive fashion show showcasing partial highlights of the Royal Black Sheep atelier. Mattox worked closely with designers Natalia Acosta of Phoenix and Ann Millinery from New York City to create the innovative haute couture presented for the first time at an exclusive runway show at the new FOUND:RE Hotel in downtown Phoenix.

Shimeon’s unique attraction to fashion is guided by a sense of spiritual inner-strength. “Universal Love is something I strongly believe in,” he says. This is reflected in his color choices.

“The couple wearing magenta represents unconditional love.

The turquoise satin bow symbolizes protection, making the individual a Warrior of Light, Love and Peace,” Shimeon explains.

“Royal Black Sheep is a fashionforward clothing company geared toward men and women opposed to the typical, appreciate the unique, artistic, glamorous and cool,” said Shimeon.

“Royal Black Sheep is for individuals who’ve beat the notions of what the world said that they should be.”

Friday, April 7, 2017 FOUND:RE Hotel 1100 N. Central Ave. at Portland St. in Phoenix Tickets: VIP - $252 | Seating - $152 Standing - $70. For tickets or questions email RoyalBlackSheep@gmail.com

Phone: 310-424-0132

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Miss & Mister Phoenix Pride Pageant

Are you my Mummy? And who’s yer Daddy? This pageant’s theme is “Egyptian Royalty: Ascension to the Throne.” The new Queen and King will be chosen to be the faces of the Phoenix Pride organization. Their royal task will be to promote pride in our community, state and country as well as portray role model qualities with integrity and dignity, raise awareness of the Phoenix Pride Scholarship Program. It happens on Sunday, March 19 at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton, in the Fiesta Ballroom, 2100 S. Priest Dr. in Tempe. Doors open at 5 p.m. For your ticket visit PridePageantTickets.org

Hot Tuna Casserole

Michelle Visage, RuPaul’s Drag Race wisecracking, truth-telling, soothe-saying celebrity judge gal pal with the big mouth and even bigger bazooms is reunited with RPDR contestant Tempest DuJour and joined by Coco St. James for an evening jokes, jabs, song, dance and drag for “Hot Tuna Casserole” on Friday, March 17 at H2O Discotec, 61 E. Congress in downtown Tucson!

MARCH 2017 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Wed 1 Sat 11 9:30pm Wed 15 10:00pm Fri 17 Fri 17 9:00pm Sat 18 9:30pm Sun 19 5:00pm Sun 19 Thurs 30 Fri 31 Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesday 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm 1st & 3rd Thurs 9pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 10:00pm 2nd & 4th Fri 10:30pn Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st Sunday 2:00pm Sundays 11:00am Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 7:00pm 3rd Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Karamba Savannah’s Post Mardi Gras Show Charlie’s Miley Mitchells Phoenix Pride Benefit Show Charlie’s Pride Contestant Review H20 Tucson Hot Tuna Casserole The Cash RPDR Season 9 Contestant - Aja hosted by Piper M’Shay Charlie’s Pussy’s St. Pati’O Show DoubleTree Hotel Miss & Mister Phoenix Pride Pageant Karamba Rocio Dur Sal Tribute Karamba Selena Tribute The Cash Pride Kickoff Show with Barbra Seville Charlie’s Claudia B Hosts The Strip Factor Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West Stars Choice Season 18 - Kendra’s Farewell Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Cruisin’ 7th Camping Out with the Southern Belles Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Charlie’s Coco St. James’ Neon Party Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Cruisin’ 7th Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Cruisin’ 7th Excuse Our Beauty Revue Los Diablos Broadway Brunch with Olivia Gardens Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends BS West The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show Cruisin’ 7th The Morning After with Trixxie Deluxxe March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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Native Son

Set in 1930s Chicago, Bigger Thomas struggles to find a place for himself in a prejudicial world after unleashing a series of events that seal his fate. Adapted from Richard Wright’s iconic novel.

Staged by Stray Cat Theatre, March 10-25 at the Helen Mason Performing Arts Ctr. 1333 E. Washington St. in Phoenix. Get tix at StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-227-1766

Kinky Boots

Young Charlie struggles to keep his family’s shoe factory alive. The fab drag queen, Lola, gives him an idea in this Tony award-winning musical by Harvey Fierstein and Cyndi Lauper. March 14-19 at UofA Centennial Hall, 1020 E. University Blvd. For tix go to UApresents.org or call 520-621-3341

TJ Miller

He’s the slobby, arrogant pothead Erlich on HBO’s Silicon Valley, and he’s also the voice of the snotball for the Mucinex commercials. He’ll be doing standup March 30-31 at the House of Comedy, 5350 E. High St. in Phoenix. For tix go to AZHouseOfComedy.net or call. 480-420-3553

MARCH 2017 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE

EVENT

3-4 4 thru 4 4-25 5 8-4/2 10-19 10-25 thru 11 12 14-19 14-19 16-26 17-4/16 23-26 23-25 25 30-31 30-4/16 31-4/1 31-4/15 31-4/1

Heather McDonald Kathy Griffin Permanent Collection Ring of Fire Bill Maher Bullets Over Broadway Billy Elliott: the musical Native Son Photograph 51 Dick Gregory Kinky Boots Finding Neverland Albatross Jesus Christ, Superstar Jessimae Peluso Nicole Byer Lewis Black TJ Miller Ring of Fire Men are From Mars ...

Hughie Ben Vereen

COMPANY

PHONE

Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 Desert Diamond Casino 520-297-7777 iTheatre Collaborative - Phx 602-258-2481 AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson 520-622-2823 Tucson Music Hall 800-745-3000 Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 Stray Cat Theatre - Phx 602-227-1766 SW Shakespeare Co. - Mesa 480-644-6500 StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 AZ Theatre Co. - Phx 602-256-6995 AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 House of Comedy - Phx 480-420-3533 Tempe Improv 480-621-9877 Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 House of Comedy - Phx 480-420-3533 AZ Theatre Co. - Phx 602-256-6995 AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson 520-622-2823 iTheatre Collaborative 602-258-2481 UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

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VIVA PHX

Here’s your chance to see 75 bands in 18 venues for one night only in downtown Phoenix. The Mowgli’s (pictured), Reverend Horton Heat and The Drums are just a few of the badass bands who’ll be blowing it up on Saturday, March 11 at various locations all in downtown Phoenix. (Obviously!) For more information and tickets call 480-829-1300 or go to VIVAPHX.com

Elton John

Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road, and hello, Sir Elton! The legendary, flamboyant rocket man, born Reginald Dwight, will be doing the Crocodile Rock on Tuesday, March 21 at the Tucson Arena, 260 S. Church Ave. For tickets visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.

Pot of Gold Music Festival

Yet another fantastic live music marathon featuring Death Cab for Cutie (pictured), Fitz & The Tantrums, Matisyahu, Flogging Molly, Less Than Jake and so many more! All the cool kids will be there on Friday, March 17 & Saturday, March18 at Rawhide at Wild Horse Pass, 5700 W. N. Loop Road in Chandler. For tix and more info check out PototOfGoldAZ.com

MARCH 2017 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1 Green Day 3 McDowell Mtn. Music Festival 4 Bon Jovi 4 Red Hot Chili Peppers 7 Daya 10 The Drums 11 Viva PHX 11 Art Garfunkel 17 Pot of Gold Music Fest 21 Elton John 23 Vince Gill & Lyle Lovett 28 Eric Church 29 Panic! at the Disco

LOCATION PHONE Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 Hance Park - Phx MMMF.com Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Livewire - Scottsdale 480-361-9783 191 Toole - Tucson 602-445-6425 Downtown Phx 480-829-1300 Chandler Ctr for the Arts 480-782-2680 Rawhide - Chandler PototOfGoldAZ.com Tucson Arena - Tucson 800-745-3000 Mesa Arts Ctr. - Mesa 480-644-6500 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-8000 March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

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Beauty and the Beast Starring: Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Stanley Tucci, Emma Thompson

The Disney machinery churns out yet another blockbuster, live-action fairytale à la Cinderella (2015) with this dazzling bit of eye candy based on the studio’s 1991 classic animated feature.

Belle, (Watson, the Harry Potter franchise) is kidnapped by the Beast (Stevens, the idealistic, doomed Matthew Crawley of Downton Abbey). Locked away, she’s befriended by a talking/singing candelabra, feather duster, chifferobe, clock and tea pot as she learns a tale as old as time: Beauty is only skin deep.

Thank goodness we’re spared Angela Lansbury’s horrible singing.

Opens March 17

Personal Shopper

Labeled a ‘psychological thriller,’ we can’t wait to see why audiences booed this picture at the Cannes Film Festival where it conversely won “Best Director” for Olivier Assayas (Irma Vep, 1996).

Set in Paris, Maureen (Stewart, the Twilight franchise) is a personal assistant to a Very Glamorous Celebrity.

Her recently deceased twin brother communicated with the spirit world, and soon she, too, receives psychic messages from an unknown source.

Disney, Demons &Diapers In an even more bizarre twist, critics claim that everyone’s favorite dead-eyed, mouth-breather Stewart delivers an outstanding performance in this ghostly–some claim confusing–film. Stewart promises the movie includes, “Some of the sexiest shit I’ve done onscreen!” as she pleasures herself while texting an otherworldly presence. Truth.

Opens March 10

The Boss Baby

Voiced by: Alec Baldwin, Miles Bakshi, Steve Buscemi, Tobey Maguire, Jimmy Kimmel, Lisa Kudrow There’s just not enough love to go around. A fast-talking, suit-wearing, briefcase-carrying baby (Baldwin, 30 Rock) is forced to team up with his jealous, seven-year old brother to stop the dastardly plot of the CEO of Puppy Co., Francis E. Francis (Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire), who threatens to destabilize the amount of love in the world.

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by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

RuPaul

Remember Me It’s pretty much expected that with every season of Rupaul’s Drag Race that RuPaul will have a slew of opportunities to eat away at the wallets of her fandom. Chocolate bars, heels, DragCon and, of course, music.

With the show’s ninth season comes Remember Me, a mix of new songs and Ru-mixed classics. Unlike other aging icons, Ru knows the longer in the tooth a legend gets the more fans really just want the classics without much of a chaser.

Remember Me kicks off with “Rock It,” a bouncy bit of disco in the style of Daft Punk that doesn’t disappoint. It’s all chorus, but there are no complaints here. Ru doesn’t expect new fans to know that she made her debut nearly 25 years ago with “Supermodel.” So, being the epitome of an entrepreneur, RuPaul’s remixed his most classic hits for a new generation by letting talented house and electronica artists cover his best.

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Aural Fixation

“Supermodel,” “A Shade Shady” and “House of Love” all take on a new life with their 2017 reincarnations. I prefer the originals but if anything Remember Me proves, as Ru herself says, “You can’t keep a good ho down.”

Available Now

Gabriel GarzónMontano Jardin

“Maybe I’ll learn the rules,” Gabriel GarznMontano sings with “Trial,” on his debut album Jardin. A great statement to make for an experimental and emerging artist. He sent his music to his friend Zoe Kravitz.

After her father Lenny Kravitz heard the EP, he invited Garzón-Montano to open for his 2014 tour. Gabriel’s vocal wisping can also be heard in the background of Drake’s “Jungle.”

Jardin is a mix of hip-hop infused with 60’s and 70’s funk and soul influences.

Montano’s voice is no showstopper, somewhere between Pharrell, Frank Ocean and—at its best—Justin Timberlake. What he lacks in vocal

ability he makes up in recording prowess and inventiveness. “The Game” is the sophisticated version of Timberlake’s “Señorita,” Latin in approach, but Stevie Wonder-like in execution. With “Long Ears” he layers his voice into a choir; every layer more soulful, hypnotic and sexy.

“My Balloon” is almost a radio hit with its swirly synths, bouncy beat and catchy chorus. Lead single “Crawl” is effortlessly cool. Montano does a lot with a little with the song and video: funk and commentary about his lover takes off with a Jamiroquai “Virtual Insanity”-like dance plus geometric visuals. Jardin is not for everyone, but Montano is definitely one to watch. Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Jamiroquai - “Automation” Brooke Candy - “Living Out Loud” feat. SIA Katy Perry - “Chained to the Rhythm” Sam Hunt - “Body Like a Back Road” Jidenna - “The Let Out’

ARTIST - SONG Missy Elliott - “I’m Better” feat. Lamb Goldfrapp - “Anymore” ANOHNI - “Paradise” Kehlani - “Undercover” Hercules & Love Affair - “Controller”

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ionazeditor@me.com

Gays and Grrrs Fair Haven (2015)

Starring: Michael Grant, Tom Wopat, Gregory Harrison

Two Lovers and a Bear (2016)

Starring: Dane DeHaan, Tatiana Maslany, special appearance by Polar Bear

If you missed the Desperado LGBT Film Festival last January, now you can Set in Canada’s see this featured selection out on DVD. inhospitable Great White North, the alcoholic Roman, who has the uncanny Recent high school graduate James ability to speak to a wandering, (Grant, pictured below) returns home to philosophical Polar Bear, (DeHaan, his family’s commercial apple orchard after a long stint in an ex-gay conversion A Place Beyond the Pines) and his emotionally damaged girlfriend, Lucy, therapy camp. Since then, his mother (Maslany, Woman in Gold) jump on inexplicably died and his remote father (Wopat, Dukes of Hazzard) has turned to a pair of snowmobiles in a desperate the oft-photographed, prominently placed attempt to escape their demons. So much whispering I had to turn the sound up bottle for comfort and frittered away to 48 in addition to enabling the closed James’s college tuition. captions feature to understand the In this small town, it doesn’t take long dialogue. before James runs into his ex-beau, Slow, plodding, dreary and boring. The Charlie (Josh Green). Old feelings and single star awarded in the rating is for the randy hormones are reactivated and breathtaking, awesome cinematography before long they share a roll in the hay. of the North Pole’s forbidding landscape.

Literally. In the barn. The preacher’s daughter, James’s wannabe-girlfriend, ★☆☆☆☆ Suzy, rats them out and tattles to the Available now, entire very, very White town.

DVD, Amazon.com Although beautifully shot, well-acted and streaming. $22.98 directed, Fair Haven is part ABC After MSRP School Special, part Lifetime TV movie.

This–unfortunately–very predictable picture is full of pregnant pauses, long, angst-riddled glances, with the resolution to conflict neatly tied up with a big red bow at the end.

For more, check out FairHavenFilm.com ★★☆☆☆

Limited theatrical release March 3.

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6th century explorer Hernando de Soto discovered the mighty Mississippi River. Around 400 years later the Chrysler Corporation named a car after him because that’s what car companies did: Hudson, Cadillac, LaSalle -- all explorers. In 1928 the C.P. Stephens DeSoto Six Motorcars dealership opened for business on Central Avenue in Phoenix. Alas, things change and the glamorous DeSoto went the way of the dodo in 1961.

Flash forward: the relic housing the dealership was rediscovered by modern day explorers Stephen and Jill Jones, introducing the The DeSoto Central Market in April, 2015 as a collective kind of eclectic eating emporium and bar.

The Joneses own all the stalls, except for RADish and Adobo Dragon.

So, in the spirit of this month’s ION celebration of cars and chrome, we decided to do a little exploring of our own, just like the fabled explorer de Soto at the DeSoto. The old dealership’s remodel is creatively reimagined, opened to house half a dozen food stalls. We tried all of them, except the oyster monger, The Walrus and the Pearl. Think of the DeSoto as a hipster food court. So put on your skinny jeans, a fedora, a bow tie and check it out with us. (Whiskers optional.)

So-So Desoto The DCM Burger Joint

Six rather small, pricey burgers, plus a chicken breast and vegetarian sandwich are yours for the choosing. All served with fries or house salad. Sweet potato & lentil veggie patty sub for any meat patty.

The DeSoto Burger features all-natural, hormone & antiobiotic-free Niman Ranch beef, red wine braised onions, aged Cheddar cheese, Arizona lettuce, and peppered bacon on a sesame seed bun.

Chargrilled to smoky, medium-well. $13.

The South x Southwest subbed a juicy pork patty, a large, tasty, roasted poblano chili, candied jalapeños, scrumptious pepper jack fondue, and roasted corn aioli for $14. Big flavor.

Tiny burger.

Extras include cheese curds, chili chz fries, Mothercluckin’ Wings and a salad.

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Adobo Dragon

If you have a “yen” for Asian cooking with a Southwestern flair, you’ll be happy. the Tuna Ceviche with Ahi Tuna failed to impress us with way little tuna and way too much broth. $5.50/$9.50 The Tapas menu includes a warm and flavorful Carnitas Wonton (resembling east Indian samosas) with pulled pork and pickled onion (the Yucatan’s “escabeche,” a specialty) stuffed into a crispy wonton pastry shell and baked for $4.75.

The Posole Ramen Soup, a clever twist on the Mexican stew with

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chicken breast instead of the traditional pork loin was a hit.

We loved the surprise hard boiled egg and ramen. A bowl is a steep at $9.75, though.

Take a “Bao.” You’ve got five Taiwanese sandwiches with a twist to choose from, each with their distinctive, fluffy, steamed buns cradling your favorite fillings. The Albondigas (meatball) Bao and the Grilled Chicken Bao were a hit. Not a bad deal, get any two sandwiches, plus a side salad for $9.95.

The Bento Box left us bent outta shape. Choose chicken, beef, fish or the vegetarian. The plastic compartmented “box” includes rice, veggies (seasoned peppers and onion) and seasonal fruit for a whopping $11.50. A better

bet is Tokyo Express, Kyoto Bowl, Yoshi’s or Tokyo Joe’s for a fraction of the price.

TEA & TOAST

The name says it all: Tea. Lots of it.

And and five different kinds of toast.

We jammed on the one loaded with Smoked Bacon Jam, sunnyside up egg, pine nuts and smoked paprika for $7 — believe us, it’s a deal. It’s just right.

LARDER & DELTA

Celebrate the pantries of the South! You’ll find the richest and most creative menu here, with Fried Chicken Skin Po’ Boys, Shrimp ‘n’ Grits and Tender Belly Pig Ears (“cheetos”). It may not be the healthiest, but we won’t tell, darlin’.

We picked the KFC Sandwich with a succulent, tender, deep-fried chicken thigh, a spoonful of jalapeño apple cabbage slaw, and aioli on a potato bun, served with housemade chips for $11 in Yankee money. We’re anxious to try a few other treats, like their “McRib” and Hoppin’ John.

RADish

The emphasis is on vegetables here. All their produce here comes from mostly local growers: McClendon’s Select, Maya’s Farm, Duncan Family Farms, Niman Ranch and Crooked Sky Farms and turned into a variety of salads and wraps with a couple of grain bowls thrown into the mix. As expected, kale, quinoa and arugula are superstars here.

Fortunately, you can even have meat, should you choose. Fresh and delicious,

most of these hover around the $10 range.

Thirsty? Don’t miss out on their specialty cold pressed juices with names like “Feel the Bern” and “Can’t Tox This.” Each is blended with specific healthy advantages in mind for about $7 per 12 ounce bottle.

The DeSoto Central Market needs to be here. Still, it’s got that “So, that’s against the rules. You can’t sit with us” feeling.

We wish there were more of that big city hustle and bustle, like the Los Angeles Grand Central Market in miniature. Is it “Too Cool for School?” You decide.

In conclusion: Conquistador and famous explorer Francisco Vàsquez de Coronado searched for Cíbola, one of the lost Seven Cities of Gold. He never found it. All that gold is probably in Phoenix at the expensive DeSoto Central Market.

915 N . Central Ave. DeSotoCentralMarket.com March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

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Photos by Scotty Kirby Models are JD Sanders & Chi Kawamoto Special Thanks to Kent Schweiss, Alex Oliphant, Brett Larkin, John Pepin, and John Singleton.

Shot on location at the Downtown AAMCO

L

ooking for a classy chassis?

Something that’ll really get your pistons pounding? Whether you’re into performance or muscle cars and trucks, sleek, chic, sports cars, classic or vintage cars and trucks, or 4-wheeling vehicles, the Ignition Circuit Quarterly Car Show & Party celebrates every make, model and all automotive interests at one great event car lovers won’t want to miss.

March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

I

f you’re looking for advanced automotive diagnostic and total repair, you can trust AAMCO, in business in downtown Phoenix for over 30 years.

You’ll get quality complete care for your car. Financing can often be arranged.

Visit AAMCOPhoenixCentral.com for more information.

332 W. Van Buren St. 602-714-2516 12036 N Cave Creek Rd. 602-730-7796

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& s r e d Fen iends Fr

G

et your kicks on Route 66. Or just come to the Ignition Circuit Auto Show this month to see some of the best steel on wheels that Detroit ever made.

And Japan. And Germany. You get the picture.

The cars at this event come from a group of energetic men and women, who had been members of other car or truck clubs, formed Fenders and Friends in 2015 to create a broad band of new activities and events.

“Whether you’re into performance or muscle cars and trucks, sleek and fast European sports cars, classic or vintage cars and trucks, 4-wheeling or the Wild West Ranch Trucks of today,

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Fenders and Friends is the group that appreciates and celebrates every make, model and all automotive interests as well as the diversity of ages that we see throughout the LBGT community,” added Kent.

Fenders and Friends put the focus on their vintage, classic and unique automobiles for the last Ignition Circuit Auto Show held last year at Stacy’s @ Melrose. 58 vehicles on display drew over 500 attendees in an exciting event sponsored by ION Arizona magazine.

“We plan to continue this event at

various locations throughout metro Phoenix, and then possibly to both Northern and Southern Arizona,” said Kent Schweiss, a founding member of the group. “A large number of people have a love affair with their cars and trucks. In many ways your vehicle of choice is a direct extension of both your personality and your lifestyle.

From the Ignition Circuit Shows and other parties that Fenders and Friends is creating, to a Road Rally or a DriveIn Movie Night, to the technical displays you’ll see at the upcoming Ignition Circuit Show and Party at Charlie’s, Fenders and Friends is creating an opportunity to meet new people, make new friends, and display your ride while developing your interest in other vehicles.

keep an eye open for their soon to be launched website listing all their events, articles and vehicles, parts or services, items for sale or wanted.

So send them a Friend Request on Facebook and join in!

Fenders & Friends motto says it all: “Drivin’ and Smilin’!”

Don’t miss out on the next Ignition Circuit Show and Party!

Saturday, March 18 12 noon - 4 p.m.

Charlie’s 747 W. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. FREE! Pictured Left to Right: Kent Schweiss with his ’64 Grand Prix, John Pepin with his ‘63 Thunderbird, and Alex Oliphant with hus ‘72 Blazer.

Fenders and Friends is very casual. Best of all, there are no dues, no Board, or Directors, no monthly meetings, either.

You’ll find a calendar packed with fun events and things to do. You don’t have to have a vintage or classic car or vehicle, but you need to love them!

Look up Fenders and Friends on Facebook and March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

s u t c a C ers

4

l e e h W -

C

actus 4-Wheelers is a group of off-road enthusiasts from all walks of life: straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, closeted, questioning or otherwise, they have ‘em all! Since 1997 they’ve been getting adventurous people with 4x4’s together to go enjoy the great outdoors, and take their 4-wheel drive vehicles off the paved roads and

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use them for what they were intended for: four wheeling!

Founder Brett Larkin worked with other enthusiastic members to create this friendly and fun group for people who like to get together, pack up, and get out

of the urban chaos for just the day, or a weekend getaway. They also encourage non-offroad events and gatherings, such as camping, boating, pool parties and barbecues.

“It’s a great way to spend time with old

friends while making new ones, compare vehicles, give and get advice, learn the ropes of 4-wheeling, and have fun!” said Brett.

Cactus 4-Wheelers takes pride in this diverse, caring, adventurous group of people. “Expect the Unexpected!”

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Anvil Beards, Boxers ‘n’ Briefs (W)

The Rock Rock’n Bodies Review (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

27

Dick’s Cabaret Amateur Night (W)

The Cash Dance Lessons (W)

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21

Los Diablos Taco Tuesday (W)

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose SONGO Music Trivia (W)

14

Los Diablos Taco Tuesday (W)

Hotel Congress - Tucson Geeks Who Drink Trivia (W)

BS West Stars Choice Auditions (W)

7

TUESDAY

OZ BAR Karaoke (W)

Karamba Salsa Nights (W)

29 Great Skate Glendale Gay Skate

Bar 1 9 Year Anniversary Party

22

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

ReBar Ignite Monthly Mixer

15

Cruisin’ 7th Wild Men of the West (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Maricopa Health Clinic Free STD Testing

The Cash Live Music (W)

30 OZ BAR Karaoke (W)

31 The Rock Bearracuda

Bentley Projects Red Is the Night

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23 Cruisin’ 7th Comedy Night (W)

Hotel Congress - Tucson Live Music (W)

H2O- Tucson Hot Tuna Casserole

The Cash AJA

17 St. Patrick’s Day

Los Diablos Finally Friday (W)

Bunkhouse Make It Rain Beer Bust

Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Nite

BS West Elements Drag Show (W)

H20 - Tucson Fierce A$$ Fridays (W)

10

3

FRIDAY

Bunkhouse Underwear & Gear Night (W)

BS West Men of BS West

Karamba St. Patrick’s Day Party

16

Stacy’s @ Melrose Thirsty Thursday (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Comedy Night (W)

Bunkhouse Underwear & Gear Night (W)

9

Karamba Ruby’s Show (W)

The Rock Undie Night with Chris (W)

8

Cruisin’ 7th Comedy Night (W)

2

THURSDAY

Bunkhouse Karaoke (W)

1

WEDNESDAY

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Charlie’s Totally 80’s Weekend - TIFFANY

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Tucson Convention Cntr Moda Provacateur

Crusin’ 7th TS Dancers (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Bunkhouse Jazz with Kenny Thames (W)

20

BS West Service Industry Night (W)

The Cash Karaoke with DJ Kat

19

Hotel Congress - Tucson 90’s House Party (W)

Los Diablos Broadway Brunch (W)

13

Crusin’ 7th TS Dancers (W)

BS West Showgirl Follies (W)

12

Bar 1 Beer Bust (W)

6

MONDAY

Los Diablos Broadway Brunch (W)

5

SUNDAY Karamba Masquerade Ball

Melrose Street Fair

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Stacy’s @Melrose Growlr Roughhouse

Charlie’s Ignition Circuit

Bunkhouse IGRA Beer Bust & Show

Anvil Boys of Leather Gear Night

BS West Pop Goes the Zipper

25

BS West Studio 54 Party

AZ Renaissance Fest Gay Day at the Ren Fest

18

Charlie’s Brides of March

Bunkhouse SW Leather Beer Bust Show

AZ State Fairgrounds Celtic Music & Microbrew Fest

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4

SATURDAY

hydrat D R I N K

&

E V E N T

G U I D E

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

Anvil

SUNDAY

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

AMF Crandberry Vodka $3 Bud Light $2 9:30-11:30pm pint 1-8pm

Latin Music/go-Go Dancers $3 Great Drink Specials

KARAOKE 9-11pm & Drag Show

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys

$12 Bttle of Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cocktails 2-7pm KARAOKE

Elements Show 10pm $5 U-Call-It Drinks & Shots

2-4-1 All Day/All Night Go-Go Boys, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 Miller - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Miller Products

2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm $2.50 Bud Products

Happy Hour All Day JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7pm

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid

2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm $3 Absolut/Barcardi Flavors 10-Mid

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Event Night 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7-9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

$4 Signature Brunch Drinks 10a-3p $4 Mimosas $5 Big Bloodys

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Finally Friday HH 3pm-7pm Reverse HH 10p-Close

HH 12pm-Close $5 Dom Pitchers $7 LIT&AMF Pitchers

Oz Bar

$5 Long Islands & AMFs KARAOKE 8pm-Close

$5 Pinnacle KARAOKE 8pm-Close

2-4-1 Call & Top Shelf KARAOKE 2pm-6pm

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH 11am-6pm KARAOKE 9pm Barbra Seville Show 10pm

Beer Bust until 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch KARAOKE 8pm-Cl 2-4-1 $3 Shots

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

HH 11am-8pm KARAOKE $3 Well & Dom B.Seville10pm

$2 Miller & Bud Light All Day Wild Men of the West 10pm

Stacy’s

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

HH 4-8pm Live DJ $2 Rolling Rock

Sunday Funday $3 Mimosas Live DJ $1 Rolling Rock & Cocktails

Switch

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Margarita Sunrises - All Day

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Pomegranate Gin Fizz - All Day

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemon - All Day

Aqua Nightclub

Bar 1 Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ

Karamba Los Diablos

The Rock

Br

Brunch 10am-2pm KARAOKE 2pm-6pm $4.50 Mimosas, $7 LI / AMF / Marg Pitchers

Br

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY

H2O Hotel Congress

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a FIERCE A$$ Fridays

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a SLAYYY Saturdays

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Br

Br

SUNDAY HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 TUESDAY 8pm-close Well Vodka & Miller High Life

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

THURSDAY KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm Great Drink Specials

MONDAY BEER BUST $1 Bud Light Draft 7pm-close

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 HUGE Long Island Ice Tea

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$22 Any Wine Bottle & Cheese Board 1-8pm

Service Industry DJ Tsunami $2 Drafts, $3 Well, $4 Bomb.

Stars Choice Show 9pm w/ Kendra Katoure $5 3 Olives

2-4-1 All Day / All Night Go-Go Boys - A Valley Tradition VIP

The Men of BS 10pm $3 Drafts/$4 Barcardi/$5 Skyy Infused

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm

HH 8am-2pm | $4.50 Fireball( All Day) KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

HH 2-4-1 Well / Dom 8am-2pm Underwear Night WMW $1 Off

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm Dance Lessons 7:30pm

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm KARAOKE 2-4-1 Well 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl Half off with your Pants Off $3 J.D.

2-4-1 Cocktail / Beer 8pm-Close

$3 Pitcher / $3 Absolut 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Comedy Night 9pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

$5 Cover!

With coupon on our website

$5 Big Signature Margaritas

$5 All Classic Martinis

$2 OFF Glasses of Wine 50% OFF Bottles

$5 G-Spots, O-Spots, B-Spots & A-Spots

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Cumbia Night Savannah Show $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

Salsa Nights $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays Ruby Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

HH 3pm -Close $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

Taco & Tequila Tuesdays $5 Patron & Margs $4 Dos Equis

HH 3pm-7pm KARAOKE 7pm-Cl All Drinks Buy 1 get 1 for $1 7-Cl

HH 3pm-7pm $3 Well & Domestics 7pm-Close

2-4-1 Call & Top Shelf Poker 6pm & 8pm

$1 OFF Call & Top Shelf Poker 6pm & 8pm

2-4-1 Call & Top Shelf Poker 6pm & 8pm

$1 OFF Call & Top Shelf KARAOKE 8pm-Close

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm 8pm-Close $3 Well & Domestic

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day

HH All Day SONGO 6-9pm $3 Mojitos All Day

2-4-1 All Day Live DJ

Thirsty Thursday HH Live DJ $1 Well & Rolling Rock

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 House Cab. or Chard. - All Day

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Vodka Italian Soda - All Day

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Sangrias - All Day

HH $4 Spec cocktails/well/beer/wine $4 Caiprininhas - All Day

MONDAY

TUESDAY

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a $2 Twosdays

Br

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

Taco & Tequi

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Br

Br

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

HH Aquadec Rooftop Bar 6p-2a

HH Aquadec 2-4-1 6pm-2am 2-4-1 Blo fish Thursdays

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Br

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PHOENIX Address

1. Anvil

Phone

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd

3. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

4. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

5. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd

(602) 244-9943

8. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

9. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

10. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

11. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

12. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

13. Toasted

4221 N 7th Ave, Phoenix

(602) 234-0333

14. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

15. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central

(602) 264-5307

16. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd

(602) 795-7881

17. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St

(602) 267-9959

18. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd

(602) 242-5114

19. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

20. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

21. Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St.

22. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

(602) 253-0689

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

23. Switch

2603 N. Central Ave.

24. Ticoz

5114 N. 7th St.

25. Twisted Peacock

(602) 285-0833

(602) 264-1700

x

(602) 264-2295 (602) 200-0160 x

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 267-8707

TUCSON Address

Phone

27. H2O

61 E. Congress St.

(520) 623-5400

28. Hotel Congress

311 E Congress St.

(520) 622-8848

x

March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 103

March 2017

Vol. 10, Issue 12

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Milo Yiannopolous gets two fives for a ten at OUTRAGEOUS! NAMBLA Conference.

OUTRAGEOUS!

San Francisco – How do you separate “This qualifies Milo as the perfect speaker the boys from the men? With a crowbar, to deliver the keynote address at our 2017 they say. Breitbart News Network’s ultraconference,” said one anonymous director for conservative cocksucking bad boy Milo the controversial organization NAMBLA, the Yiannopolous built his anti-feminist, American Man-Boy Love Association, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THEantiTRUTHNorth IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL muslim, anti-progressive brand of bigotry by that promotes mutually consensual opposing practically everything branded as relationships between male youths and adult “liberal.” men. “He totally understands! Hell, he’s Greek! He knows that Aristophanes was a However, the unpredictable, foppish, young right on guy!” maverick of right-wing journalism got his come-uppance when sources revealed a clip “We can’t wait for this conference!” enthused with Yiannopolous defending unseemly one NAMBLA member. “I mean, what’s sexual relationships between early teenagers better than sex with 28-year-olds?” he asked. and “older men.”

“There’s twenty of ‘em!” he guffawed.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 105

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OUTRAGEOUS! White House Releases Names of Bad Hombres, Nasty Women

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

WASHINGTON, D.C. – During the final Charlie Sheen, the “Try Guys” at BuzzFeed, televised debate on October 19, 2016 between all the readers of Instinct magazine and John presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Lennon.

Donald Trump, the Republican nominee decried the threat of the “bad hombres” Just a few of the “Nasty Women” to beware crossing the border and called Secretary of are: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Katy Perry, Clinton “such a nasty woman.”

Abdul, Oprah Winfrey, Britney Spears, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH Paula IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Betty White, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL The White House released an expanded list TRUTH Madonna, the Barefoot Contessa, Lindsay of “Bad Hombres” and “Nasty Women” who Lohan and her mother, Yoko Ono, Serena threaten the very moral fiber and safety of the and Venus Williams, Paris Hilton, Pamela United States of America.

Anderson, and the lady who checks your receipt at Costco when you leave.

Topping the “Bad Hombres” list are: Ross Matthews, Larry Flynt, Snoop Dogg, Oliver RuPaul appears on both lists.

Stone, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Jared Leto, Zach Galifianakis, “Weird Al” Yankovich, White House insiders continue to collect Adam Lambert, Jared Fogle from “Subway,” names nationwide.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

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L

OVE or MONEY? If you find yourself answering the latter to this question, then you might be just as trifflin’ as the people in this month’s column. So clutch the pearls, better yet, clutch your pocket book ... because this installment of Favorite Bitch® is all about money grabbin’ hoes. Whether they’re stealin’ it or chargin’ for it ... love DO come at a price, Hunty!

Dear Miss Tiger, Sometimes older guys hit me up on Grindr. If they’re hot, I ask them if they can be generous. They get mad and call me a whore. I’m only 22 and if a dude twice my age wants to top me, I think he should be okay with paying for it. Am I wrong?

— Connor Dear Why Buy Ketchup When You Can Load Up For Free at Burger King, If you think your “bubble” is all that ... and you’re sellin’ it like doughnuts by the dozen, then get the hell off Grindr and take your cream-filled and glazed buns over to RentMen.com - and pay for a listing instead of trollin’ Grindr for free!

Dear Miss Tiger, My ex was under the weather and asked me to come over. I was making soup for him and found an empty can filled with thousands of dollars. I stole $700. What should I do? I’m worried he might notice.

— Gregory Dear Take Yo’ Ass Back And Empty The Hell Outta That Can, You gave that fool the best years of

your life and all you think its worth is 700 dollars? Bitch, please ...

Dear Miss Tiger, Money is tight. My friends keep saying I should be a go-go boy. I’m a body builder with a huge muscle butt. Should I go for it?

— Hector Dear I Hope You Got A Huge Eggplant To Match, There’s nothing worse than stuffin’ dollar bills down the front of a stripper’s jock strap and realizing he should be wearing a diaper instead!

Dear Miss Tiger, What kind of places are good for finding guys on the DL? — Giovanni Dear Careful, Boo, ‘Cuz You Might Find His Wife Waiting When Y’all Leave That Hotel Room, You’ll find DL trade at the same place you go when you wanna lose DL trade: a place somewhere between love and hate.

Dear Miss Tiger, My fiancé is upset that I’m asking him to sign a pre-nup. What’s the problem?

— Jake Dear Marriage Equality Also Means Divorce Equality, There isn’t a problem. He’ll either give up his John Hancock or give up on you ... and dip his pen in somebody else’s ink well!

Miss Tiger

Advice Columnist • Radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Twitter/Instagram MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 111

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by Addison DeWitt

Desmond (G) moment when he motored to BS West only to post on Facebook, “I don’t B know any of these people. They should know who I am!” Honey, there are 7.4 billion people in the world. Everyone who C knows Clayton, stand on the left ... everyone who doesn’t, step to the right.

F

rom the A “Watch Your Head, Girl” files: Past Miss Phoenix Pride Marcos Sandoval a.k.a. Trixxie Deluxxe (A) is packing up her girdle ‘n’ gowns and going to Paris and London! You might wanna be careful, girl. Historically, folks there have a fondness for chopping off queens’ heads. Examples: Marie Antoinette (B) and Anne Boleyn (C). Leave your crown at home. It might set ‘em off.

Some guy out there who doesn’t know Clayton is this guy.

(H) The bastard stole a gas powered trimmer. If you see him D call the police (and Clayton, if you know him.)

E

From the “I’mma Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap” files: Husband.

Father. Activist. Pillar of F the Community David Patterson (D) ran two marathons in six days last month. What happened after one race when H perfect David dropped his phone in front of a Catholic priest?

(E) He said “FUCK!” That’s like throwing chum to a shark!

Watch your mouth, honey!

I From the “It’s the Bars That Got Small!” files: The lovable, shy, strictly downtown gadabout Clayton McKee (F) had a Norma

Finally, perhaps the most polarizing family drama you can imagine. And it happened to G sensitive, precious, little Buddy Early. (I) Read this and cry. Buddy loves cilantro. Nobody else in his family can stand it. I can only imagine how difficult this makes get-togethers. Coming to Lifetime TV soon, Not Without My Cilantro!

I’m on your side, Buddy. I hope you know that.

March 2017 WWW.IONAZ.COM 113

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he Full Moon on March 12 exposes shocking truths. Or are they really truths?

You decide. The Vernal Equinox occurs in Phoenix on March 20 at 3:29 a.m. portioning out equal amounts of day and night. You benefit from this harmonious balance in your public and personal life by understanding others better. Shocker, I know. On March 29, the occultation of fast-moving Mercury, Mars and a crescent Moon form a perfect triangle signaling a swift, easy progression of plans. Easy peasy.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Knock. Who’s there? Opportunity. And it only knocks once. Take a chance on something that drops in your lap. If it doesn’t work out, no biggie. Your birthday finds you doing something nutty. You make an impression on someone. What kind? That’s up to you.

Taurus April. 21 - May 20 Last month’s eclipse and this month’s equinox have you all excited. Like, about everything. You’re giddy. Like you’re in a Katy Perry video. New ideas are generated.

Conserve your energy to carry them out.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 You get more done when you’re alone than with others, which is weird, because you love an audience. A family skeleton is revealed. That’s weird, too. You make a weird decision. A weird problem is resolved.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 Think outside the box and express lots of emotions. You find enduring results because of all of these “feelings.” You push through boundaries. Time to remind some bitches exactly who you are, dammit!

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 Expect extraordinary events to happen.

You’ll give into your desires, but you need to stay engaged because someone is scheming. You like it when things are dark, deep and mysterious.

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 You feel driven to expand personal experiences. You’re optimistic and feel a need to learn more about how the world works, but this is not the best time to bargain. Don’t isolate yourself—get out and live!

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 You’re having a hard time making decisions, partly because you want everyone to be happy. That’s always a mistake. Power conflicts happen. This might be a good time to pick up yoga.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 It’s a good time to revise your schedule and eliminate bad habits. (Do I really need to elaborate on your “bad habits”?)

Avoid extravagance. You receive either a compliment or a gift. (You prefer a gift.)

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 You’re flexing your cosmic muscles. More structure in your life relieves stress. Focus on daily chores. A task you’ve been avoiding is solved. The next six months are smooth sailing. Hoist the mizzenmast!

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 You reach the top of a personal Mt. Everest.

This accomplishment is after a dreary uphill climb. This is a good time to write down your thoughts. Now what? Focus on a second chance, either for yourself or someone else.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 You have all kinds of new ideas and some hare-brained schemes. What else is new?

People are jealous of you. Why? Because you’re pretty, that’s why. You’re oddly dependable this month. That’s unusual.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 The forces of Nature threaten to blow you off course. You adapt and steer the ship to suit you. (What else is new?) If it’s your birthday, expect dearly needed financial stability. Someone is generous with their money.