ION Arizona May 2023 Issue 254

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Boys of Summer Arizona: Where Summer Lasts All Year

ION CRUISES

When I was 16 in Detroit, I looked forward to summer. Sunshine and warm weather finally arrived by June. The cold winter months were behind us. I would get in my 10 year old Mustang, “roll” down the windows, “push” in my cassette tape and play Don Henley’s song, “Boys of Summer.” (For our younger readers, it was remade by The Ataris, ironically my favorite video game console at the time). Yes, I’m old.

Living in Arizona is like having summer last all year long. You can drive down the street with the windows down and your favorite music playing on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora the list goes on. What’s better than listening to your favorite artist is seeing them live. What’s better than seeing them live is seeing them for FREE! ION Arizona has teamed up with LIVE NATION to give away free tickets to many artists’ concerts including Madonna, P!NK, Sam Smith, and RuPaul’s “Werq the World Tour” to name a few. To enter, email IONArizona@me.com and enter the artist you want to see in the subject.

Enjoy this issue featuring an interview with the entertaining TikTok kitchen phenomenon, B. Dylan Hollis, author of the forthcoming book, Baking Yesteryear, plus our annual sexy swimsuit feature. We’d like to thank ES Collection for supplying these amazing suits which the models got to keep.

That’s it for me. I’m going for a drive, listen to my music and enjoy all that our wonderful state has to offer. Be safe, be kind, and have fun!

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If I Knew You Were Comin’

I’d’ve

Baked A Cake

TikTok star Dylan Hollis introduces Baking Yesteryear … a new fashioned cookbook for old time’s cake.

Gentles, and Ladymen …” The pandemic was no cakewalk (so to speak) but TikTok baker and social media personality B. Dylan Hollis managed to make everything look – well – easy as pie. During lockdown Hollis researched vintage cookbooks, making his first foray into baking on TikTok in April, 2020 with a Pork Cake (now with over 2 million views). Hilarious and handsome Hollis now has 9.9 million followers on TikTok. His double-entendres and innuendos are tops. (“Celery is like your parents: dirtier than you think.” “It’s horrible now, but I hope it turns out okay … like children.” “Looks like we got two fruitcakes here.”)

Someone’s in the kitchen with Dylan … So Hollis culled 101 heirloom goodies (and a couple of wild fails) in his forthcoming cookbook, Baking Yesteryear: the best recipes from the 1900s to the 1980s showcasing Cornflake Macaroons, Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake, Potato Chip Cookies, and more. Do you know the Muffin Man? Or the Cupcake Man? The Pie Man? ION does. Meet Dylan Hollis.

Ready to bake? Gotta use your fingies! Floof Powder! Moo Juice! Eggies! ‘Nilla! CIMMANIM! And FIYAH!

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ION: Tell us about your cookbook, Baking Yesteryear.

B. Dylan Hollis: It’s been the object of my affection ever since I fell in love with baking. I wanted to be able to put words into the joys of exploring history through ingredients, pastries, and eating cake. You can read about history or watch movies, but to be able to replicate that which folks in yesteryear ate – for a quick second –you can put yourself in a 1942 living room. Baking Yesteryear is structured decade by decade right up through the 1980s.

I wanted an easy way to bring that into other people’s homes because, I can only do so much on camera and my personality – I’m a bit abrasive and a bit loud and I yell too much and that’s not for everybody – but to be able to write down and share these recipes was difficult; old cookbooks have no standard measurements and these things took great effort. The recipes wouldn’t even say to “bake the cake” or “at a low or moderate temperature,” or even what to bake it in. There was not fireless cookery yet, so keeping the coals at a given temperature and getting things to rise as with a layer cake would be incredibly special. Maybe a wedding would be the only time they’d have a cake in their life.

ION: This hobby stemmed from lockdown during the pandemic. Did you bake prior to that?

Dylan: No, not at all. I began baking during the quarantine – I had nothing else to do. I’ve always been a lover of yesteryear; I collected many trinkets and one was an old, absurd cookbook. I put two and two together, and I was on TikTok to cure boredom, and it was the perfect storm.

ION: Are there days where you bake just for yourself?

Dylan: Of course. For example, today I was feeling the need to bring spring into my home to defend against the snow. So I said, “Let’s just make a good ol’ Lemon Ice Box Pie.” Sometimes it’s a problem because I’ll bake on film and then I’ll bake for myself and I’ve got too much going on and then I need to send out my baked goods to friends and neighbors, but they like me for it.

ION: If you’re baking alone, do you narrate the recipe and process as if it were a TikTok?

Dylan: Not so much. Some things are perennial: I’ll forever have difficulty pronouncing ‘cinnamon’ correctly — I used to be able to, but through these videos, now it’s stuck. But no, for the sake of my voice and my larynx, I try not to narrate in my yell-y, shout-y manner.

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ION: How much do you spend in ingredients monthly?

Dylan: Roughly? I had one month where it was nearly a grand. That was at the height of recipe testing for the cookbook. On average, I probably spend $500, $600 a month. That’s not including my own consumption. Most of that is nuts (which I’m partial to anyway.) For a lot of these old recipes, they loved hazelnuts and walnuts and they’re quite expensive.

ION: Have you made anything that initially you did not like and then tried it again later and thought, “This isn’t so bad after all”?

Dylan: You’re going to get the inside scoop here. When it comes to my reactions — they’re all genuine. I think it’s very easy for someone to tell “acting” when it comes with food and reaction, so I’ve never even attempted to like something which I hated or hate something which I liked. However, there was one recipe that didn’t do very well on TikTok, but it went by the name of “Poor Man’s Pie.” It’s simple, basically just heavy cream with a bit of flour mixed in to thicken it. Originally it did not sit well with me; it was a bit gelatinous, but I made it again because it came up quite often in old cookbooks so I made it again off camera and I came to like it. That was the one recipe I initially quite hated; I have since then reversed chorus.

ION: Have you been approached about your own baking TV show?

Dylan: There’s production teams and producers and everyone with lots of big ideas. When you have someone who’s strangely successful or pulls these things off on the internet, you’re approached with all sorts of wild ideas. Baking is a great love of mine and it’s completely consumed my life, so of course I would say, “Yes.” I would love to revive the oldschool, 1950s, 1960s, 1970s TV variety shows, and you bet your bottom dollar we’d have a baking segment. Much like my life, I’d try and keep it varied.

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When it comes to Food Network and these folks, I haven’t the ego to think that I can come head-to-head with these people who bake. I’m sure you’ve seen towering croquembouches and 47 layer cakes, and that’s not what the average person bakes. We want to come home and have a chocolate mayonnaise cake. If folks who watch TV would love that, sure, but I like the quaint nature of that which I do.

ION: From Bermuda to Laramie, Wyoming … Bermuda’s population of 64,000. Laramie is half of that.

Dylan: Yes, and a whole lot bigger. For all intents and purposes I live in Bermuda, but I say I “haunt” Laramie. I grew up on an island so small – it’s a mile wide, and it’s quite claustrophobic. Not to mention when it comes to being a gay man, it’s a terrible, terrible place to be. Not when it comes to persecution, but just with marriage – it’s not legal. That’s why I sought America. We don’t have many years on this Earth, so I said, “Where can I go that is the complete opposite of this place?” and I landed on either Wyoming, Montana or Alaska. The best thing that ever happened to me is my time in the United States.

ION: Has fame spoiled Dylan Hollis?

Dylan: No, truthfully. You go to places like California and celebrities are put on a pedestal and deified. It’s an American creation. I wouldn’t consider myself famous. “Famous” is Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan. Having a lot of followers on TikTok is a few levels down, but no, it’s not spoiled me. I don’t see this as being more special than anything else. I don’t offer anything crucial; I offer entertainment and that’s a great privilege, but no, it’s certainly not spoiled me.

ION: Dylan, you’re stuck on a desert island with just three desserts, which do you choose?

Dylan: I would certainly have tiramisu. Number two would be a tall glass of rum raisin ice cream. And number three, to lighten things up, would be a Hummingbird Cake.

[A banana-pineapple and pecan spice cake of Jamaican origin. — ed.]

ION: Is there a secret about yourself that you would like to reveal to the world in ION Arizona?

Dylan: This is not the strangest thing, but I don’t like making pies. I can’t make a good pie pastry.

ION: A very wise man once said, “The main ingredient in pie pastry is doubt.” [From one of Hollis’s TikToks. — ed.)

Dylan: (Laughs) I wish I had more juicy secrets, honestly. Maybe if I didn’t have a book coming out I would tell you some different secrets, but we can stay with those for now.

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ION: If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

Dylan: I would be able to snap my fingers and make a perfect meringue instantly, every time. I can’t stand beating egg whites stiff by hand, which means you need to bring out the beaters. I hate cleaning things up, I hate extra dishes, and I hate this

ION: You made blancmange once; I had no idea it would be just such so gelatinous. (“There’s no Jello-O in here, just the Dark Arts.”)

Dylan: I didn’t enjoy the blancmange, that’s alongside Spanish Creams – those desserts are very old. I found recipes that popped up fairly often across decades. One cookbook had this recipe for a boiled raisin cake, and then another recipe from 1902, and then a 1907 boiled raisin cake. I baked them all, take what I liked from some and left out what I didn’t like from others to create the best version.

ION: Dylan, you’re really making a mark in the LGBTQ and current pop cultural landscape.

Dylan: Well, thank you. When I was trying to find something to stick, as soon as I found this, it took off. It just so happens that what is popular is also that which I love greatly — which is baking.

Baking Yesteryear: the best recipes from the 1900s to the 1980s is Hollis’s unconventional cookbook for conventional ovens.

DK Publishing. $32 MSRP. Available July 25, 2023. Pre-order on Amazon and Barnes & Noble for about $21. Hardcover, 256 pp.

Follow Dylan on TikTok exclusively at B.DylanHollis and on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube. Imposters abound.

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PHX ATTRACTIONS

Alien: A Puppet Show

This rip-roaring tribute to the space thriller features all the nail-biting suspense and out-of-this-world action of the original – but with puppets! In space no one can hear you scream (and laugh!) This ain’t for kids. All Puppet Players, Playhouse on the Park Theatre at 1850 N. Central Ave. & Palm Lane. For tix go to AllPuppetPlayers.com or call 602-254-2151

May 5—June 3

Mother Bruncher

No hangovers allowed! Games, photo booth, raffle and live auction raise funds for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. Fiona the Hippo and friends will be shaking their bustles & brassieres. Doors open at 11 a.m. General seating, so don’t be tardy for this party at Warehouse215, at 215 E. Grant St. in Phoenix. Search EventBrite.com for tickets.

Saturday, May 13

Miss Gay Western States America Pageant

Queens compete in evening gown, interview, talent, on-stage question and yodeling for a faux diamond tiara. (Just kidding about the yodeling business!) StandUp Live, 50 W. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Info & tix: WesternStatesAmerica.com VIP tickets available.

Sunday, May 14 at 6 p.m.

The Rocket Man Show: A Tribute to Elton

There’s only one Captain Fantastic but you won’t need a million bucks for this awesome tribute artist. You can do the “Crocodile Rock” with B-B-Benny and the Jets at the Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix. Tickets: CelebrityTheatre.com or call 602-267-1600 Wednesday, May 17 at 7:30 p.m.

EVENTS
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Dick’s Cabaret 80’s Throwback Party

It’s, like, totally tubular! (And you know exactly what we mean when we say that!) Wear your your best 80s garb, and the strippers will take theirs all the way off, baby! It’s totally radical (and testicle, too!) 3432 E. Illini St. in Phoenix.

DicksCabaret.com

Friday, May 19 - Sunday, May 21

Mohave Pride 2023

Motor up to the Heart of Historic Route 66 for the LGBTQ+ Fantassance Fair at Metcalf Park in Kingman, just three hours from Phoenix. Stay for the adults only “Drag N’ Slay After Party” and Beale Street Celebrations on Saturday, May 20, from 8-11 p.m. and let your freak flag fly!

Visit MohavePride.com for more info.

May 19-21 from 10 a.m.-7:30 p.m.

Shania Twain “Queen of Me” Tour

“Man, I Feel Like A Woman.” We have a lot to thank Canada for: k.d. lang, The Weeknd, Ryan Reynolds, Justin Bieber … meh, – but Shania Twain is one of the best-selling pop-country artists ever! Talking Stick Resort Amphitheatre, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. in Phoenix. Tickets at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Tuesday, May 30

Born To Be Brave

The Phoenix Gay Men’s Chorus brings a musical celebration of diversity and resilience. Join them for a high-energy production with 70+ singers, live instrumental music, and stunning sets celebrating the power of music and the beauty of diversity. Tempe Ctr. for the Arts. 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. Tix: PHXGMC.org

Saturday, June 3 & Sunday, June 4

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ION LIFTOFF AFTER PARTY

#ION PETE KING PRESENTS

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It’s POOL SZN. Find a cool pool and get your sexiest swimsuit from the current ES Collection. Since 2006 they’ve been dedicated to the design, manufacture and sale of eyecatching men’s swimwear around the world. All you have to do is choose.

Shop ES Collection Now

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Photography by: LeakedGlass

Models: Colter, Jairo, and Ryan

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Stand Up Live Miss Gay Western States Pageant

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

BS West T Girl Revue (W)

Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)

Kingman Mohave Pride Weekend

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

BS West Drag Bingo (W)

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Memorial Day Party

Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)

Talking Stick Amphatheatre Shania Twain

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From the Rooftop Sunday Funday (W) From the Rooftop Sunday Funday (W) Charlie’s Sucia Sunday (M) Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W) From the Rooftop Sunday Funday (W)
Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays BS West Drag Bingo (W) BS West T Girl Revue (W)
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BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday (M)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Clarendon Hotel #Fraylife Pool Party

Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W)

Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)

Location TBD PHX Takeover (M)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Charlie’s AGRA Celebration

Wherehouse 215 Mother Bruncher

BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W) BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Kingman Mohave Pride Weekend

Dick’s Cabaret 80’s Throwback Party

Charlie’s AniMay Party

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Charlie’s Daddy Dukes Hoedown

Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday (M)

Tempe Center for the Arts Gay Men’s Chorus Concert

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ION STREAMING

RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars

Mama Ru hosts yet another money grabbing hook & eye popping corset competition with season 8 of Super Model of the World wannabe’s in “Fame Games.” Some girls are true champs, but then there’s wringers like the shockingly untalented Kandy Muse. Why? Who knows. Ru knows. The fixed fan fave premiers on Friday, May 12.

Ciao House

Celebrity chef and former Phoenix culinary cutie Gabe Bertaccini (who co-hosted the sappy 2020 Netflix series, Say I Do with a team of gay wedding planners) along with Alex Guarnaschelli hosts 10 (fame) hungry up ’n’ coming chefs in a glam 14th century Tuscan villa in Borgo San Lorenzo. Watch the farfalle fly on the Food Network every Sunday night at 8 p.m.

Unstable

Ellis Dragon, (the eternally dreamy Rob Lowe) is a recently widowed billionaire biotech genius attempting to forge a relationship with his son, Jackson, (Lowe’s real life son, John Owen Lowe.) Comedian Aaron Branch (who is not gay) is Malcolm, the slavishly devoted, sweetly gay project manager in this innocent, cute, “feel good” series.

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Little Richard: I Am Everything

Documentary examines flamboyant King (and Queen) of rock ’n’ roll.

Sundance documentary Little Richard: I Am Everything tells the story of the Black queer origins of rock n’ roll, exploding the whitewashed canon of American pop music to reveal the innovator – the originator – and, no, it wasn’t Elvis, no matter what you’ve been told; it was Richard Penniman, known worldwide as “Little Richard,” who shocked the world with “Good Golly, Miss Molly,” “Lucille” and “Tutti Frutti.”

Through a wealth of archive and performance that brings us into Richard’s complicated inner world, the film unspools the icon’s life story with all its switchbacks and contradictions. In interviews with family, musicians, and cutting-edge Black and queer scholars, the film reveals how Richard created an art form for ultimate self-expression, yet what he gave to the world he was never able to give to himself. The world tried to put him in a box, but Richard was an omni being who contained multitudes – he really was unabashedly everything. Sexually charged and wild, Little Richard, however, renounced his queerness. “He was very, very good at liberating other people. He was not good, however, at liberating himself,” recounts one scholar. Enthralling, exciting, animalistic, and radical. He had all the complexities of a Black artist who was unapologetically queer and flamboyant one minute, only to renounce his sexuality and hedonism as a man of God the next.

Nearly eclipsed by Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, and other rockers of the day, Little Richard created the original rock ’n’ roll icon. “I was unpredictable, they didn’t know what do with me,” he once said. “When you got, goddamit, show it to the world!” And, boy, did he ever.

“Tutti frutti, oh rootie, a wop bop a loo bop a lop bom bom!”

The 98 minute documentary features commentary from entertainers including John Waters, Sir Paul McCartney, Tom Jones, Mick Jagger, Billy Porter, and others.

Directed by Lisa Cortés, Little Richard: I Am Everything is available on Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Vudu, YouTube, Google Play, Microsoft, Redbox, DirectTV, Dish, Verizon Fios, Suddenlink, AT&T Cox, and other streaming platforms.

Find out more at LittleRichardDocumentary.com

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ION ARTS

Private Lives

Amanda and Elyot are on their honeymoon … but not with each other. The divorced couple (now with new spouses) are in the same hotel in this classic comedy by Noël Coward with new twists and direction. Presented by the Arizona Theatre Company at the Herberger Theater, 222 E. Monroe St. in Phoenix. Tickets: ATCorg or call 800-833-SEAT. Special “Pride Night” performance Monday, May 8.

May 11-28

Sarah Silverman “Grow Some Lips”

Tasteless. Gross. Aggressively dumb. And that’s why we love this Emmy award-winning, yet tasteless performer. Expect comedy about Jews and diarrhea delivered with her no-nonsense “lips service.” She’ll be blabbing at the Arizona Federal Theatre, 400 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. Tix at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Sunday, May 14 at 7 p.m.

Hayley Kiyoko: The Panorama Tour

This Disney Channel child star and “Velma Dinkley” of the Scooby Doo! movie franchise is dubbed the “Lesbian Jesus” by her fans. Her 2015 hit “Girls Like Girls” is an anthem for we love, plus her novel of the same name coming out May 30. The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren St. in Phoenix. Hustle up tickets at LiveNation.com

Thursday, May 18 at 7 p.m.

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DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

BS West Elements After Dark 10:30p DJ Dance Party 10p $8 U-Call-It 8p-Mid KARAOKE 9p $6 Deep Eddy Vodka Charlie’s $2 HH 6p-8p Piper M’Shay 8:30p Sinful Studs 9:30p $2 HH 6p-8p Line Dancing 6p Saturday Stars 9:30p Sinful Studs 5:30p Pussy LeHoot & Friends 8:30p Centrico Open 11a-2p, 5p-Mid Located inside San Carlos Hotel Open 11a-2p, 5p-Mid Located inside San Carlos Hotel Open 10a-2p Located inside San Carlos Hotel From the Rooftop Open 4p-12p DJ 6p-Mid #brunchbeats 10a-3p DJ/Live Music 11a-1a #brunchbeats DJ 11a-6p Thunderbird Lng Open 4p- 2a HH 4p-7p DRAG every First Friday w/ Pandora Open 4p- 2a FREE Classic Video Games Open 4p- 2a FREE Classic Video Games Sazerac HH 4p-8p House DJ 9p- Cl HH 4p-8p House DJ 9p- Cl Sunday Funday Drink Specials ALL DAY Hula’s Open 11a - Midnight HH 10:30am-3:30pm HH 10:30am-3:30pm Wok’N’Roll PHX Chinese, Sushi & Rock n Roll DRAG BINGO 8p-10p KARAOKE 10p-Cl Chinese, Sushi & Rock n Roll
HYDRATION PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY ION APP: RESTAURANTS ► PHOENIX / SCOTTSDALE ► CENTRICO 62 IONARIZONA MAY 2023
ION APP: TRAVEL & LEISURE ► PHOENIX / SCOTTSDALE ► CAMBRIA HOTEL T-Girl Revue 10:30p HH $3 off U-Call-It 4p-8p DRAG BINGO 9p HH $3 off U-Call-It 4p-8p 2-4-1 ALL DAY Weekend Wednesday 10:30p Fuego Latin Night 10:30p $3 Dom Pitchers $4 Limeade Cocktails KARAOKE 8p 2-4-1 ALL DAY DRAG BINGO 8p Sinful Studs 10:30p $3 Corona Bottles $4 Pitchers Claudia & Co. 8:30p 2-4-1 ALL DAY Line Dancing 6p Pipin’ Hot w/ Piper M’Shay 8:30p CLOSED Open 11a-2p, 5p-9p Located inside San Carlos Hotel Open 11a-2p, 5p-9p Located inside San Carlos Hotel Open 11a-2p, 5p-9p Located inside San Carlos Hotel Open 4p-10p HH 5p-7p Open 4p-10p HH 5p-7p Open 4p-10p HH 5p-7p / Live Music Open 4p-10p HH 5p-7p / Live Music Open 4p- 2a HH 4p-7p FREE Classic Video Games Open 4p- 2a HH 4p-7p FREE Classic Video Games Open 4p- 2a HH 4p-7p FREE Classic Video Games Open 4p- 2a HH 4p-7p FREE Classic Video Games HH 4p-8p KARAOKE 8p HH 4p-8p Taco Tuesday / House DJ HH 4p-8p Whiskey Flights & Cigars HH 4p-8p Retro Dance Mystery Mondays $7 Mystery Cocktail / Shot Tuesday 2 n’ 2 2 apps & 2 Tropical Cocktails for $30 All Night Happy Hour HH All Night Tiki Tacos $5 a la carte Tacos SIN Service Industry Night $4 Drink Specials Chinese, Sushi & Rock n Roll Chinese, Sushi & Rock n Roll Chinese, Sushi & Rock n Roll MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY MAY 2023 IONMOBILE 63
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70 IONARIZONA MAY 2023
PHOENIX METRO WEBSITE ADDRESS PHONE Friendly bars, clubs & restaurants: INSIDE THIS ISSUE 2424 E. Thomas Rd. (602) 334-1462 3702 N. 16th St. (602) 266-9001 4301 N. 7th Ave. (602) 515-3667 7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale (480) 945-9028 4428 N. 7th Ave. (602) 200-9154 1730 E. McDowell Rd. (602) 253-0689 202 N. Central Ave. (602) 254-8226 727 W. Camelback Rd. (602) 265-0224 3702 N. 7th St. (602) 212-9888 3432 E. Illini Rd. (602) 274-DICK 105 W. Portland St. (602) 287-8700 1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy. (602) 271-9011 222 E Portland St (Cambria) (602) 675-3500 5114 N. 7th St. (602) 265-8454 1724 E. McDowell Rd. (602) 254-0231 8925 N. 12th St. (602) 795-6007 3110 N. Central Ave. Ste 175 (602) 264-5307 3347 N. 7th Ave. (602) 277-4831 5002 E. Van Buren St. (602) 267-9959 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. (602) 242-5114 1560 E. Osborn Rd. (602) 266-0477 3308 N. 24th St. (602) 429-9660 4129 N. 7th Ave. (602) 248-8559 821 N. 2nd St. (602) 334-1626 4343 N. 7th Ave. (602) 264-1700 710 W. Montecito Ave. (602) 283-4621 2801 N. Central Ave. (602) 230-2960 4412 N. Miller Rd. (480) 427-2526 Anvil Bar 1 Boycott Bar BS West Bunkhouse The Cash Centrico Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Flex Spas From The Rooftop Hula’s Karamba King Pin Bar/Rest Kobalt Mi Patio NuTowne Saloon OZ Bar Plazma Rewined Bar The Rock Sazerac Stacy’s @ Melrose Thunderbird Lnge Wok n Roll - Phx Wok n Roll - Scott anvilbaraz.com bar1bar.com boycottbarphx.com bswest.com bunkhousesaloonphx cashnightclub.com centricophx.com charliesphoenix.com cruisin7th.com dickscabaret.com fezoncentral.com flexspas.com ftrooftop.com hulasmoderntiki.com karambanightclub.com kingpingrill.com kobaltbarphoenix.com mipatioaz.com nutownebar.com ozbarphx.com rewinedphx.square therockdmphoenix sazeracphoenix.com stacysatmelrose.com thunderbirdloungephx woknrollaz.com woknrollaz.com MAY 2023 IONMOBILE 71
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ION FABULANCE
ION APP: OPEN FOR BUSINESS ► PRINTING ► FAST SIGNS 76 IONARIZONA MAY 2023
MAY 2023 IONMOBILE 77

It’s gonna be May! It’s National Masturbation Month and the Cosmos can help you find pleasure alone, easy-peasy, thanks to flirtations Venus who loves to to love you, baby. Venus offers suggestions for you at the finale of every starry sign. ¶ Gemini season begins on Sunday, May 21 and that’s all about late-night shenanigans with friends kand lovers, making out in public, and getting hot, horny ’n’ steamy summer flings. ¶ Get into your sexy groove, because faraway transformation kingpin Pluto is in retrograde. This gives you ferocious stamina, social mobility, and “hands on” opportunities until October. It feels so right. Everyboy does it. Or should. Don’t resist.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

ION HOMOSCOPES

For quite a while Jupiter has giving you help, offering ways to better yourself. On May 16 the giant planet packs up and leaves. So, now’s the time to open up those gifts Jupiter. Ruin your eyesight a little.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20

Take inventory of the past. What worked? What didn’t? Look for Jupiter to promote growth after May 17. Birthday Cows will find new opportunities and a beneficial compromise takes place. Have a taffy pull or polish the pearl, girl!

GEMINI May 21 - June 21

You’ve always been dramatic, and that’s okay. Time to flip the script when Gemini Season begins on May 21 and the Sun is in your sign. Birthday Twins learn when to unplug and when to plug in. Ram the ham or shuck the corn.

CANCER June 22 - July 22

This is your time to shine. Projects and assignments need to be completed, but your audacious charm convinces others to help. Don’t get greedy just because you’re cute. Sexy Venus urges you to rub one out. Why say “no”?

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Leave the door open for Jupiter to help you move ahead with something meaningful. This takes more than luck. You’ll meet people who can make this happen. Like Rosie Palmer and her five sons. Or daughters.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You’re uptight. We all know that. (Don’t be all butt-hurt. You know it’s true.) Pluto goes retrograde and urges you to “Let it go! Let it go!” The New Moon on May 19 encourages you to plant a seed. Or spill it, Onan style.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

As the Goddess of Love, Venus has her hands all over you and your relationships. Pluto goes retrograde on May 1, and it’s time for a makeover. You might have a summer fling. Or you might not. You can always play Uno.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23

It feels like you’re starting all over. You’re not. You’re refining and perfecting “you” thanks to the lunar eclipse on May 5. You’ll emerge as a new incarnation Wax on. Whack off.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Feeling more outgoing and confident? You can thank Mercury for that. It’s time to look for a deeper understanding with others. Mutual handies can be fun.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

The lunar eclipse stirs up social drama. . Venus and Saturn get flirty, and so do you. If you’re alone (or with someone else) you can always diddle the skittle.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Connect with the beauty of everyday life. Don’t be a size queen. Little things make a big difference. Make stomach pancakes if you’re bored.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Someone who drifted away returns for a karmic reunion. Taurus and Cancer are on your side. Someone needs your skills. Self-imposed abstinence? Slam the clam or go to the palm prom.

78 IONARIZONA MAY 2023
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