November 2008 ION Arizona

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ION INCOGNITO

PHOENIX

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- GRAND OPENING

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ION INCOGNITO

PHOENIX

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- GRAND OPENING

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Just Jack Since 2002 ION Arizona has partnered with Energy Arizona FM 92.7/101.1 FM. Unfortunately, this economy has taken our friend off the airwaves. Energy Arizona was recently sold and has now stopped broadcasting after six years. We will miss the colorful antics of Pistol Pete and their great dance music. We want to thank Michael Mallace, Beau Duran and Pete Kelly for their support of ION Arizona, Splash Bash and the GLBT community. We will miss you!

Starting November 1st and ending November 22nd, ION Arizona and Pumphouse II are launching the 2008 Food Drive to benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program. This is an easy way to help people in need. It’s easy!

Either bring in non-perishable food items or purchase some of ours at the bar. We have limited the collection points to five bars including the new Fantasy Grill in Tempe, Wild Card in Chandler, Apollo’s, icepics video bar and, of course, Pumphouse II. Let’s see which bar can collect the most food. The winning bar will be announced next month.

This month we’ve teamed up with Pucker and BS West to launch the 2008 Pucker Model Search on Friday nights in November. The contestants who will compete will be picked on the 7th and 14th for finals on the 21st.

Three winners will receive $200 each, fabulous prizes, and will be featured on the December cover of ION Arizona! It all happens at BS West!

Everyone is encourage to be part of it or just come out and enjoy the show.

People ask us all the time where we find our models. We utilize modeling agencies, Dick’s Cabaret as well as readers’ submissions from our website. Every once in a while 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

an ION model will get noticed by a national agency and signed on to an international modeling contract. Since appearing in ION, Santiago Peralta, one of our popular and sexiest models of all time has been featured in Arena and Genre magazines, Blank magazine in Panama, and modeled for Baskit and Play underwear. ION has an exclusive on his latest Baskit photoshoot courtesy of photographer Bruno Rand. Congratulations, Santiago!

This month we’re featuring our annual holiday gift guide featuring unique gifts you probably won’t be opening in front of your parents. You sure won’t find these one-of-a-kind gifts at Target or Walmart, only at ION’s favorite retailers. Check them out and give the gift of looking good and feeling good.

This month’s Party Penguin is Marc Gaston. Marc is the Executive Artistic Director of the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus (PMMC) was responsible for bringing us their popular ABBA show last summer and more recently, their Halloween Party at the Ice House. He leads the 140+ member choir that performs all year and hosts many fundraising events. Look for their “A Holiday for All” concerts in December. Congratulations, Marc!

Happy Thanksgiving! Be thankful for what you have.

Air in your lungs, a great state, a growing GLBT community and ION Arizona magazine!

Jack Tesorero Publisher November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Just Jack Since 2002 ION Arizona has partnered with Energy Arizona FM 92.7/101.1 FM. Unfortunately, this economy has taken our friend off the airwaves. Energy Arizona was recently sold and has now stopped broadcasting after six years. We will miss the colorful antics of Pistol Pete and their great dance music. We want to thank Michael Mallace, Beau Duran and Pete Kelly for their support of ION Arizona, Splash Bash and the GLBT community. We will miss you!

Starting November 1st and ending November 22nd, ION Arizona and Pumphouse II are launching the 2008 Food Drive to benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program. This is an easy way to help people in need. It’s easy!

Either bring in non-perishable food items or purchase some of ours at the bar. We have limited the collection points to five bars including the new Fantasy Grill in Tempe, Wild Card in Chandler, Apollo’s, icepics video bar and, of course, Pumphouse II. Let’s see which bar can collect the most food. The winning bar will be announced next month.

This month we’ve teamed up with Pucker and BS West to launch the 2008 Pucker Model Search on Friday nights in November. The contestants who will compete will be picked on the 7th and 14th for finals on the 21st.

Three winners will receive $200 each, fabulous prizes, and will be featured on the December cover of ION Arizona! It all happens at BS West!

Everyone is encourage to be part of it or just come out and enjoy the show.

People ask us all the time where we find our models. We utilize modeling agencies, Dick’s Cabaret as well as readers’ submissions from our website. Every once in a while 10

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

an ION model will get noticed by a national agency and signed on to an international modeling contract. Since appearing in ION, Santiago Peralta, one of our popular and sexiest models of all time has been featured in Arena and Genre magazines, Blank magazine in Panama, and modeled for Baskit and Play underwear. ION has an exclusive on his latest Baskit photoshoot courtesy of photographer Bruno Rand. Congratulations, Santiago!

This month we’re featuring our annual holiday gift guide featuring unique gifts you probably won’t be opening in front of your parents. You sure won’t find these one-of-a-kind gifts at Target or Walmart, only at ION’s favorite retailers. Check them out and give the gift of looking good and feeling good.

This month’s Party Penguin is Marc Gaston. Marc is the Executive Artistic Director of the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus (PMMC) was responsible for bringing us their popular ABBA show last summer and more recently, their Halloween Party at the Ice House. He leads the 140+ member choir that performs all year and hosts many fundraising events. Look for their “A Holiday for All” concerts in December. Congratulations, Marc!

Happy Thanksgiving! Be thankful for what you have.

Air in your lungs, a great state, a growing GLBT community and ION Arizona magazine!

Jack Tesorero Publisher November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Don Thompson

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER production@ionaz.com ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com PHOTOGRAPHERS: Richard Bolinski Don Thompson

Corey Blanchette Carl James

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Corey Blanchette Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662.

Published monthly by

© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media

a JMT Designs, Inc. company

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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ION AIDS WALK

ION RAINBOW FESTIVAL

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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ION AIDS WALK

ION RAINBOW FESTIVAL

PHOENIX, ARIZONA 16

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Ms. Club Vibe Contest

Joshua Tree Food Drive

Won’t you lend a helping hand to someone who might need it? Help out in the 2008 Food Drive to benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program from November 1-22. Bring in non-perishable canned food or boxed items to share with those less fortunate. If you forget to bring something, bars will have a supply of food on hand you can buy to donate. Bring your food to Wild Card, Fantasy Grill, Apollo’s, icepics and Pumphouse.

Bust up your wigs and break out the ballgowns! Enter the Miss Club Vibe contest! There’s no entry fee, a $400 prize package, and best of all – half-price drinks! This is a preliminary and the winner will qualify to run for Ms. Gay Pride!

We’ll see you at Club Vibe on Wednesday, November 24 at 8 p.m. 3031 E. Indian School Rd. Phone: 602-244-9977

Phoenix Hellraisers Flag Football

Calling all you hot ‘n’ sweaty jocks! Make friends and have fun with the boys in the Phoenix Helllraisers Flag Football League.

Our boys came in 7th Place nationally in Gaybowl VIII last year in Salt Lake City! The season starts December 6. They play every Saturday at Colter Park on 7th Ave. & Colter St. in Phoenix. www.Visit PhoenixFlagFootball.com for info or call Jared Garduno at 602-284-9207. Bring your own jockstrap.

Pucker Model Search at BS West

Pucker up, you sexy mother-Puckers! If you’ve got what it takes, you may be the next Pucker Model 2009! The stiff competition for cash & prizes takes place November 7 & 14 with the finals November 21 at 9 p.m. at BS West. The top three will win $200 each and be on ION’s December cover! We’ll see you supermodels on the runway at BS West at 7125 E. 5th Ave.

The Backdoor

Like they always say, “Backdoor guests are best!” So get your little tush down to the newest dance club and bar in Tempe! The Backdoor is offering terrific daily specials, happy hour, free wifi service and more! Join in on the fun on Wednesday, November 26 for their Grand Opening Party starting at 6 p.m. The Backdoor is on 1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. just north of Curry. Phone: 480-967-DOOR

Phoenix Faerie Festival

Calling all Faeries, Sprites, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns, Fauns, Nymphs, Dryads and other Wee Folk. If you like the Renaissance Festival, you’ll love this! Come to the Faerie Realm, also known as Estrella Mountain Regional Park at 14805 W. Vineyard Ave. in Goodyear on Saturday, November 15! For info visit www.WesternGatesFaerieRealms.com or call 623-932-3811. No pets, Trolls or Gnomes.

Fantasy Grill

Let your imagination – and appetite – run wild at the Fantasy Grill. Meet your friends for food, fun, and lots of entertainment at this newly revamped hotspot. They’ve got nightly specials and brunch on Sundays! See you at 227 E. Baseline Rd., Suite J7, just east of Mill Ave. in the Mill Town Center. Phone: 480-659-1445. Check out their food review in this issue.

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NOVEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

Thru 11/16

Cowboy Artists at the Phx. Art Museum

Phoenix

1

Happening in Downtown Phx–Copper Square

Phoenix

1-2 6-9

Dogathon at Scottsdale Waterfront Scottsdale Fashion Week at the Waterfront

Scottsdale Scottsdale

6-9

AZ Classic Jazz Festival at San Marcos Hotel

Chandler

7-6 7, 14, 21

Scottsdale Greek Festival at the Civic Center Pucker Model Search at BS West

Scottsdale Scottsdale

8-9

Heard Museum Spanish Market

Phoenix

9 14-16

El Salvador Festival at Faith Lutheran Church Bluegrass Festival

Phoenix Wickenberg

14-16

Fountain Festival of the Arts

Fountain Hills

15

Phoenix Faerie Festival-Estrella Mtn. Park

Goodyear

15 17

Woofstock at Tumbleweed Park Holiday Festival at Mesa Arts Ctr.

Chandler Mesa

23

Discover India – Heritage Square

Phoenix

23-24 24

Glendale Glitters Spectacular Fantasy of Lights at Tempe Beach Park

Glendale Tempe

24

Ms. Club Vibe Contest

Phoenix

26 27-1/10/09 28-12/23

The Backdoor Grand Opening Zoo Lights at the Phoenix Zoo Luminarias at Desert Botanical Park

Tempe Phoenix Phoenix

December 5-7 Tempe Festival of the Arts

Tempe

6 6 6-7

Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale

APS Electric Light Parade Phx Hellraisers Flag Football at Colter Park Festival of the Wise-Scottsdale Civic Ctr.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Ms. Club Vibe Contest

Joshua Tree Food Drive

Won’t you lend a helping hand to someone who might need it? Help out in the 2008 Food Drive to benefit Joshua Tree Feeding Program from November 1-22. Bring in non-perishable canned food or boxed items to share with those less fortunate. If you forget to bring something, bars will have a supply of food on hand you can buy to donate. Bring your food to Wild Card, Fantasy Grill, Apollo’s, icepics and Pumphouse.

Bust up your wigs and break out the ballgowns! Enter the Miss Club Vibe contest! There’s no entry fee, a $400 prize package, and best of all – half-price drinks! This is a preliminary and the winner will qualify to run for Ms. Gay Pride!

We’ll see you at Club Vibe on Wednesday, November 24 at 8 p.m. 3031 E. Indian School Rd. Phone: 602-244-9977

Phoenix Hellraisers Flag Football

Calling all you hot ‘n’ sweaty jocks! Make friends and have fun with the boys in the Phoenix Helllraisers Flag Football League.

Our boys came in 7th Place nationally in Gaybowl VIII last year in Salt Lake City! The season starts December 6. They play every Saturday at Colter Park on 7th Ave. & Colter St. in Phoenix. www.Visit PhoenixFlagFootball.com for info or call Jared Garduno at 602-284-9207. Bring your own jockstrap.

Pucker Model Search at BS West

Pucker up, you sexy mother-Puckers! If you’ve got what it takes, you may be the next Pucker Model 2009! The stiff competition for cash & prizes takes place November 7 & 14 with the finals November 21 at 9 p.m. at BS West. The top three will win $200 each and be on ION’s December cover! We’ll see you supermodels on the runway at BS West at 7125 E. 5th Ave.

The Backdoor

Like they always say, “Backdoor guests are best!” So get your little tush down to the newest dance club and bar in Tempe! The Backdoor is offering terrific daily specials, happy hour, free wifi service and more! Join in on the fun on Wednesday, November 26 for their Grand Opening Party starting at 6 p.m. The Backdoor is on 1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. just north of Curry. Phone: 480-967-DOOR

Phoenix Faerie Festival

Calling all Faeries, Sprites, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns, Fauns, Nymphs, Dryads and other Wee Folk. If you like the Renaissance Festival, you’ll love this! Come to the Faerie Realm, also known as Estrella Mountain Regional Park at 14805 W. Vineyard Ave. in Goodyear on Saturday, November 15! For info visit www.WesternGatesFaerieRealms.com or call 623-932-3811. No pets, Trolls or Gnomes.

Fantasy Grill

Let your imagination – and appetite – run wild at the Fantasy Grill. Meet your friends for food, fun, and lots of entertainment at this newly revamped hotspot. They’ve got nightly specials and brunch on Sundays! See you at 227 E. Baseline Rd., Suite J7, just east of Mill Ave. in the Mill Town Center. Phone: 480-659-1445. Check out their food review in this issue.

18

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

NOVEMBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

Thru 11/16

Cowboy Artists at the Phx. Art Museum

Phoenix

1

Happening in Downtown Phx–Copper Square

Phoenix

1-2 6-9

Dogathon at Scottsdale Waterfront Scottsdale Fashion Week at the Waterfront

Scottsdale Scottsdale

6-9

AZ Classic Jazz Festival at San Marcos Hotel

Chandler

7-6 7, 14, 21

Scottsdale Greek Festival at the Civic Center Pucker Model Search at BS West

Scottsdale Scottsdale

8-9

Heard Museum Spanish Market

Phoenix

9 14-16

El Salvador Festival at Faith Lutheran Church Bluegrass Festival

Phoenix Wickenberg

14-16

Fountain Festival of the Arts

Fountain Hills

15

Phoenix Faerie Festival-Estrella Mtn. Park

Goodyear

15 17

Woofstock at Tumbleweed Park Holiday Festival at Mesa Arts Ctr.

Chandler Mesa

23

Discover India – Heritage Square

Phoenix

23-24 24

Glendale Glitters Spectacular Fantasy of Lights at Tempe Beach Park

Glendale Tempe

24

Ms. Club Vibe Contest

Phoenix

26 27-1/10/09 28-12/23

The Backdoor Grand Opening Zoo Lights at the Phoenix Zoo Luminarias at Desert Botanical Park

Tempe Phoenix Phoenix

December 5-7 Tempe Festival of the Arts

Tempe

6 6 6-7

Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale

APS Electric Light Parade Phx Hellraisers Flag Football at Colter Park Festival of the Wise-Scottsdale Civic Ctr.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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k.d. lang

Hey, hey the big-boned gal from Southern Alberta is back on tour with a new sound. She’s not as torchy or twangy as she was in the past, she’s still got a great set of pipes and lush arrangements. You can see everybody’s favorite singing lesbian perform live at the Mesa Arts Center at 1 E. Main St. in Mesa on November 11. Call 480-644-3500 for tickets.

Backstreet Boys

Hot on the heels of the NKOTB reunion tour, aging boy banders Backstreet Boys hit the boards of the Dodge Theatre on November 21 because “I Want It That Way.” Dreamy Kevin Richardson is gone, but Howie, A.J., Brian and Nick are still hotties. Maybe an N*Sync reunion is next! Catch ‘em at the Dodge at 400 W. Washington. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2800.

NOVEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

2 2 3 6-8 7 7-8 8 10 11 11 15 15 16 20-23 21 21 21 & 23 23 26 28

Jerusalem Symphony Orch.

Travis Tritt & Marty Stuart Jackson Browne Stravinsky: Petrushka Carrie Underwood Spaghetti Western Orchestra Linda Ronstadt Blues Traveler Alanis Morrisette k.d. lang Smash Mouth Matisyahu & Flobots Jason Mraz The Mikado Chris Botti Backstreet Boys Night in Vienna Trans-Siberian Orchestra Coldplay Celtic Thunder

Mesa Arts Center Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre Symphony Hall Jobing.com Arena Theatre 4301 Chandler Arts Center Rialto Theatre - Tucson Dodge Theatre Mesa Arts Center Celebrity Theatre Marquee Theatre Dodge Theatre ymphony Hall Mesa Arts Center Dodge Theatre Symphony Hall Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre

December 4 Wynonna Christmas 6 Celine Dion 8 Wayne Newton 22

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Mesa Arts Center Jobing.com Arena Desert Diamond Casino - Tucson November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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k.d. lang

Hey, hey the big-boned gal from Southern Alberta is back on tour with a new sound. She’s not as torchy or twangy as she was in the past, she’s still got a great set of pipes and lush arrangements. You can see everybody’s favorite singing lesbian perform live at the Mesa Arts Center at 1 E. Main St. in Mesa on November 11. Call 480-644-3500 for tickets.

Backstreet Boys

Hot on the heels of the NKOTB reunion tour, aging boy banders Backstreet Boys hit the boards of the Dodge Theatre on November 21 because “I Want It That Way.” Dreamy Kevin Richardson is gone, but Howie, A.J., Brian and Nick are still hotties. Maybe an N*Sync reunion is next! Catch ‘em at the Dodge at 400 W. Washington. For tix visit LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2800.

NOVEMBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

2 2 3 6-8 7 7-8 8 10 11 11 15 15 16 20-23 21 21 21 & 23 23 26 28

Jerusalem Symphony Orch.

Travis Tritt & Marty Stuart Jackson Browne Stravinsky: Petrushka Carrie Underwood Spaghetti Western Orchestra Linda Ronstadt Blues Traveler Alanis Morrisette k.d. lang Smash Mouth Matisyahu & Flobots Jason Mraz The Mikado Chris Botti Backstreet Boys Night in Vienna Trans-Siberian Orchestra Coldplay Celtic Thunder

Mesa Arts Center Celebrity Theatre Dodge Theatre Symphony Hall Jobing.com Arena Theatre 4301 Chandler Arts Center Rialto Theatre - Tucson Dodge Theatre Mesa Arts Center Celebrity Theatre Marquee Theatre Dodge Theatre ymphony Hall Mesa Arts Center Dodge Theatre Symphony Hall Jobing.com Arena Jobing.com Arena Dodge Theatre

December 4 Wynonna Christmas 6 Celine Dion 8 Wayne Newton 22

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Mesa Arts Center Jobing.com Arena Desert Diamond Casino - Tucson November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

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Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? With the holidays nearing, look for an abundance of new releases. In addition to these, look for albums from Ryan Adams, Celine Dion (greatest), Toby Keith, Rascal Flatts, The Cure, Fall Out Boy, Brandy, Il Divo, Nickelback, Ludacris, The Killers, David Archuleta, David Cook and new Beyonce!

Pink – Funhouse

When most artists end a relationship, the album that ensues is usually full of despair.

But not Pink; she only wants to pick up, grow up and move on. Funhouse, Pink’s fifth album is one that shows maturity, yet caters to the fun side we’ve grown to love. “So What,” Pink’s first solo #1 is infectiously bubbly while second single “Sober” starts off slow, but jams with a gutsy chorus. And then there’s “Please Don’t Leave Me;” the album’s “Who Knew.” I didn’t think it could get much better; but it did. This album will truly keep her diva status in full gear.

Snow Patrol – Hundred Million Suns

With the success of Eyes Open and “Chasing Cars” in 2006, much anticipation surrounds their fifth release.

The band takes on a different approach and says “goodbye” to their classic ballads and “hello” to rock and experimentation. Lead single “Take Back the City” is thrilling with catchy hooks. But it’s their icy “Golden Floor” and “Lifeboats” that tackles a new approach with an almost eighties air. Then there’s the eleven-minute, “The Lightning Strike;” just plain strange. The band claims it’s their best record. However, I need a few more listens.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Dido – Safe Trip Home

It has been five years since Life For Rent and unfortunately, the time off seems to have misguided Dido further from mainstream. Back with eleven new tracks, Home proves to be even milder mannered, palatable for only her true fans. Lead single, “Don’t Believe in Love,” showcases a bluesier, up-tempo edge, but “Look No Further” and Grafton Street” fall flat without the catchy hooks we’ve grown to expect.

However, the uplifting tracks, “Us 2 Little Gods” and the slow/fast pace of “It Comes and Goes” shine brightly.

Seal – Soul

After disappointing sales from his last album (155k to date), Seal picks himself up, sheds the dancefloor image and delivers what most want from him – his SOUL! Though the album is a collection of cover tunes, these updated yet classically unaltered songs will surely appease the base he lost and will be the perfect gift for mom this season. Tracks of note include Harold Melvin’s “If You Don’t Know Me by Now,” Sam Cook’s “A Change is Gonna Come” and James Brown’s “It’s A Man’s Man’s World.”

In other music news, both Enya and Sarah Brightman are hoping to follow Josh Groban’s success with their holiday themed album. Both have been pressured to release Christmas albums for years but both have declined. Come November, it WILL be beginning to look and sound a lot like Christmas – Oh what an orgasm our ears await! Until next month …

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27

Written by Dave Jackson djackson@virginmega.com

Yo, DJ! What’s New? With the holidays nearing, look for an abundance of new releases. In addition to these, look for albums from Ryan Adams, Celine Dion (greatest), Toby Keith, Rascal Flatts, The Cure, Fall Out Boy, Brandy, Il Divo, Nickelback, Ludacris, The Killers, David Archuleta, David Cook and new Beyonce!

Pink – Funhouse

When most artists end a relationship, the album that ensues is usually full of despair.

But not Pink; she only wants to pick up, grow up and move on. Funhouse, Pink’s fifth album is one that shows maturity, yet caters to the fun side we’ve grown to love. “So What,” Pink’s first solo #1 is infectiously bubbly while second single “Sober” starts off slow, but jams with a gutsy chorus. And then there’s “Please Don’t Leave Me;” the album’s “Who Knew.” I didn’t think it could get much better; but it did. This album will truly keep her diva status in full gear.

Snow Patrol – Hundred Million Suns

With the success of Eyes Open and “Chasing Cars” in 2006, much anticipation surrounds their fifth release.

The band takes on a different approach and says “goodbye” to their classic ballads and “hello” to rock and experimentation. Lead single “Take Back the City” is thrilling with catchy hooks. But it’s their icy “Golden Floor” and “Lifeboats” that tackles a new approach with an almost eighties air. Then there’s the eleven-minute, “The Lightning Strike;” just plain strange. The band claims it’s their best record. However, I need a few more listens.

26

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Dido – Safe Trip Home

It has been five years since Life For Rent and unfortunately, the time off seems to have misguided Dido further from mainstream. Back with eleven new tracks, Home proves to be even milder mannered, palatable for only her true fans. Lead single, “Don’t Believe in Love,” showcases a bluesier, up-tempo edge, but “Look No Further” and Grafton Street” fall flat without the catchy hooks we’ve grown to expect.

However, the uplifting tracks, “Us 2 Little Gods” and the slow/fast pace of “It Comes and Goes” shine brightly.

Seal – Soul

After disappointing sales from his last album (155k to date), Seal picks himself up, sheds the dancefloor image and delivers what most want from him – his SOUL! Though the album is a collection of cover tunes, these updated yet classically unaltered songs will surely appease the base he lost and will be the perfect gift for mom this season. Tracks of note include Harold Melvin’s “If You Don’t Know Me by Now,” Sam Cook’s “A Change is Gonna Come” and James Brown’s “It’s A Man’s Man’s World.”

In other music news, both Enya and Sarah Brightman are hoping to follow Josh Groban’s success with their holiday themed album. Both have been pressured to release Christmas albums for years but both have declined. Come November, it WILL be beginning to look and sound a lot like Christmas – Oh what an orgasm our ears await! Until next month …

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

27

by Kimberly M. Ruff Another pu-pu platter for you-you:

Madagascar 2

Starring (the voices of): Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith You’ll remember in Madagascar that Alex the Lion (Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Rock), Melman the Giraffe (Schwimmer) and Gloria the Hippo (Pinckett) end up, through a series of misunderstandings and accidents, on the island of Madagascar instead of back in their posh life at the Central Park Zoo in New York. Gradually adapting, the foursome decide that despite being “wild”

his former bandleader he jumps at the opportunity…and the money.

Success at this point depends on the consent and participation of the other half, Louis (Jackson).

Neither have seen nor spoken to one another for twenty years due to a longstanding grudge. Can they somehow put all that behind them as they step into the past? Mac and Jackson perform all their songs and dances in this comedy written and directed by Malcolm D. Lee (Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins).

Release Date: November 07, 2008.

Twilight

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson

animals, they’re really not cut out for the wild at all and opt to take the penguin’s ship back to New York, except … the ship is out of fuel. In Madagascar 2, the penguins have managed to retool an old plane and everyone is prepared to return to home. To their surprise, the plane works – briefly – before both engines blow and they end up crash-landing in Africa. Amongst their own kind, they once again must learn to adapt to the wild and truly understand the difference between the wild kind and the zoo kind.

Release Date: November 07, 2008.

Soul Men

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac In one of Bernie Mac’s final performances, he turns in a hilarious performance as Floyd, current owner of a Car Wash and one half of the former soul-singing duo, The Real Deal. When he’s contacted to perform a tribute to 28

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Based on the popular book series

by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight is the story of a love affair between two supernaturally starcrossed lovers: a vampire, Edward Cullen (Pattinson) and a human, Bella Swan (Stewart).

Bella is beautiful, intelligent and balks at being trendy and popular; she’s not like the other girls. When she moves to Forks, Washington, she finds her match in Edward, your typical 108-year-old vampire masquerading as a 17-yearold boy who can read minds. Lucky for her, he chooses not to drink blood, so he’s essentially the perfect man – a wise, mature, youthful fellow who knows what you’re thinking without you even having to tell him. Toss in the “but he’s a vampire!” element, and you’ve got what every painfully shy, goth, Catholic high school girl yearns for.

Release Date: November 21, 2008 November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

by Kimberly M. Ruff Another pu-pu platter for you-you:

Madagascar 2

Starring (the voices of): Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith You’ll remember in Madagascar that Alex the Lion (Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Rock), Melman the Giraffe (Schwimmer) and Gloria the Hippo (Pinckett) end up, through a series of misunderstandings and accidents, on the island of Madagascar instead of back in their posh life at the Central Park Zoo in New York. Gradually adapting, the foursome decide that despite being “wild”

his former bandleader he jumps at the opportunity…and the money.

Success at this point depends on the consent and participation of the other half, Louis (Jackson).

Neither have seen nor spoken to one another for twenty years due to a longstanding grudge. Can they somehow put all that behind them as they step into the past? Mac and Jackson perform all their songs and dances in this comedy written and directed by Malcolm D. Lee (Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins).

Release Date: November 07, 2008.

Twilight

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson

animals, they’re really not cut out for the wild at all and opt to take the penguin’s ship back to New York, except … the ship is out of fuel. In Madagascar 2, the penguins have managed to retool an old plane and everyone is prepared to return to home. To their surprise, the plane works – briefly – before both engines blow and they end up crash-landing in Africa. Amongst their own kind, they once again must learn to adapt to the wild and truly understand the difference between the wild kind and the zoo kind.

Release Date: November 07, 2008.

Soul Men

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac In one of Bernie Mac’s final performances, he turns in a hilarious performance as Floyd, current owner of a Car Wash and one half of the former soul-singing duo, The Real Deal. When he’s contacted to perform a tribute to 28

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Based on the popular book series

by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight is the story of a love affair between two supernaturally starcrossed lovers: a vampire, Edward Cullen (Pattinson) and a human, Bella Swan (Stewart).

Bella is beautiful, intelligent and balks at being trendy and popular; she’s not like the other girls. When she moves to Forks, Washington, she finds her match in Edward, your typical 108-year-old vampire masquerading as a 17-yearold boy who can read minds. Lucky for her, he chooses not to drink blood, so he’s essentially the perfect man – a wise, mature, youthful fellow who knows what you’re thinking without you even having to tell him. Toss in the “but he’s a vampire!” element, and you’ve got what every painfully shy, goth, Catholic high school girl yearns for.

Release Date: November 21, 2008 November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

29

ionmovies

NOVEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

DATE MOVIE

30

7

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

7

Soul Men

7

Repo! The Genetic Opera

7

Role Models

7

House

14

Quantum of Solace

21

Bolt

21

Twilight

28

Transporter 3

28

Four Christmases

28

Australia

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

GENRE

RATING

Animated / Family

G

Comedy/ Music

R

Fantasy/ Horror/ Musical

R

Comedy

R

Drama/ Horror/ Thriller

R

Action/ Adventure/ Thriller

PG-13

Animartion/ Comedy/ Family

PG

Action/ Horror/ Romance

PG-13

Action

PG-13

Comedy/ Holiday

PG-13

Adventure/ Drama/ War

NYR November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

ionmovies

NOVEMBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS

DATE MOVIE

30

7

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

7

Soul Men

7

Repo! The Genetic Opera

7

Role Models

7

House

14

Quantum of Solace

21

Bolt

21

Twilight

28

Transporter 3

28

Four Christmases

28

Australia

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

GENRE

RATING

Animated / Family

G

Comedy/ Music

R

Fantasy/ Horror/ Musical

R

Comedy

R

Drama/ Horror/ Thriller

R

Action/ Adventure/ Thriller

PG-13

Animartion/ Comedy/ Family

PG

Action/ Horror/ Romance

PG-13

Action

PG-13

Comedy/ Holiday

PG-13

Adventure/ Drama/ War

NYR November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 31

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com In a matter of days the 2008 “Race to the White House” will have come to a close, which means two things for us at home.

First, we’ll have a new President with plans to improve our economy and health care system, as well as handle the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Second, and probably most important, media coverage of the two candidates will grind to a halt, which means we need to find something else on TV to watch. I suggest you cast your ballot on these …

best friend, Dena (McCarthy), and her adult best friend, Andrea (Esposito), for guidance and support. The pair function like the metaphorical angel and devil on her shoulders, pulling her in opposite directions. Grounding her in this process is her old doorman, Frank (Tim Russ).

Applegate shines as Samantha, with McCarthy as the perfect Pollyanna and Esposito plays Andrea like a modern-day Bette Davis.

Samantha Who?

Starring: America Ferrera, Vanessa Williams, Rebecca Romijn

Starring: Christina Applegate, Jean Smart, Jennifer Esposito, Melissa McCarthy

Samantha Newly (Applegate) comes to after being comatose for a week only to discover, well … everything. Suffering amnesia, she’s a thirty-five year old newborn, equipped with a career, a boyfriend, a best friend, a fabulous wardrobe and a disturbing past as a manipulative, opportunistic bitch. But, like so many of us have said the morning after we’ve made embarrassing mistakes courtesy of alcohol: does it count if we don’t remember? For Samantha, it doesn’t.With her family and friends generally supportive, she takes baby steps into her future, with occasional stumbles and falls. The only thing that remains to be seen is whether or not people really can change.

Season 1 introduces the viewer (and Sam) to Sam. After getting out of the hospital and back to her uptown apartment, Sam discovers that she’s been having an affair despite being in a relationship with the affable Todd (Barry Watson). They break up and she moves back in with her estranged parents, Regina (Smart) and Howard (Kevin Dunn), turning to her childhood 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Ugly Betty

Given that the show is based on a Colombian telenovela (trans: soap opera), the show is given to fits of a high drama in the midst of campy comedy and earnest sweetness, with constant plot twists. Betty Suarez (Ferrera) is an ugly duckling that’s already matured. Despite her gawky looks, she has a heart of gold and works diligently as the secretary for Daniel (Eric Mabius) at the magazine Mode, earning his trust and respect. Like any cut-throat fashion magazine, the workplace is full of two-faced backstabbers which makes Betty even more of a commodity. Season 2 picks up with brother and sister, Daniel and Alexis (Romijn) in the hospital after their near-fatal car accident with Wilhelmina (Williams) making a quick move to marry into the family’s fortune and realize her creative vision for Mode.

At the same time, Betty’s worrying about her family and stressing over her love life.

Will she somehow manage to save the day? Will she finally get her man? If you like cat fights, snarky one-liners, and high fashion, Ugly Betty is the show for you.

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at wesobergman@yahoo.com November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33

by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com In a matter of days the 2008 “Race to the White House” will have come to a close, which means two things for us at home.

First, we’ll have a new President with plans to improve our economy and health care system, as well as handle the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Second, and probably most important, media coverage of the two candidates will grind to a halt, which means we need to find something else on TV to watch. I suggest you cast your ballot on these …

best friend, Dena (McCarthy), and her adult best friend, Andrea (Esposito), for guidance and support. The pair function like the metaphorical angel and devil on her shoulders, pulling her in opposite directions. Grounding her in this process is her old doorman, Frank (Tim Russ).

Applegate shines as Samantha, with McCarthy as the perfect Pollyanna and Esposito plays Andrea like a modern-day Bette Davis.

Samantha Who?

Starring: America Ferrera, Vanessa Williams, Rebecca Romijn

Starring: Christina Applegate, Jean Smart, Jennifer Esposito, Melissa McCarthy

Samantha Newly (Applegate) comes to after being comatose for a week only to discover, well … everything. Suffering amnesia, she’s a thirty-five year old newborn, equipped with a career, a boyfriend, a best friend, a fabulous wardrobe and a disturbing past as a manipulative, opportunistic bitch. But, like so many of us have said the morning after we’ve made embarrassing mistakes courtesy of alcohol: does it count if we don’t remember? For Samantha, it doesn’t.With her family and friends generally supportive, she takes baby steps into her future, with occasional stumbles and falls. The only thing that remains to be seen is whether or not people really can change.

Season 1 introduces the viewer (and Sam) to Sam. After getting out of the hospital and back to her uptown apartment, Sam discovers that she’s been having an affair despite being in a relationship with the affable Todd (Barry Watson). They break up and she moves back in with her estranged parents, Regina (Smart) and Howard (Kevin Dunn), turning to her childhood 32

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Ugly Betty

Given that the show is based on a Colombian telenovela (trans: soap opera), the show is given to fits of a high drama in the midst of campy comedy and earnest sweetness, with constant plot twists. Betty Suarez (Ferrera) is an ugly duckling that’s already matured. Despite her gawky looks, she has a heart of gold and works diligently as the secretary for Daniel (Eric Mabius) at the magazine Mode, earning his trust and respect. Like any cut-throat fashion magazine, the workplace is full of two-faced backstabbers which makes Betty even more of a commodity. Season 2 picks up with brother and sister, Daniel and Alexis (Romijn) in the hospital after their near-fatal car accident with Wilhelmina (Williams) making a quick move to marry into the family’s fortune and realize her creative vision for Mode.

At the same time, Betty’s worrying about her family and stressing over her love life.

Will she somehow manage to save the day? Will she finally get her man? If you like cat fights, snarky one-liners, and high fashion, Ugly Betty is the show for you.

Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at wesobergman@yahoo.com November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

33

ION TUCSON PRIDE

TUCSON, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35

ION TUCSON PRIDE

TUCSON, ARIZONA 34

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35

W

INTERVIEW:

QUEER ON THEIR FEET DIANA YANEZ, JASON DUDEY & JENNIE McNULTY

by Deon Brown 36

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

ho doesn’t love a good laugh?

Get ready because “Queer On Their Feet” is coming to Arizona!

The talented troupe features the side-splittingly funny comedic queer antics of weisenheimers Jennie McNulty, Jason Dudey and Diana Yanez will be performing their own unique stand-up comedy. Additionally, they’ll all be on stage together doing improv with suggestions from their audience. ION caught up with these clever screwballs and found out what makes them tick. Here are some highlights from our interview with them. For a real treat, read the entire unedited thoughtful and hilarious conversations with Jennie, Jason and Diana exclusively online at www.ION.com

JENNIE: We’re usually getting yelled at in the locker room. After the game, we’re talking about where we’re headed for beer.

Jennie McNulty

Jason Dudey

A favorite on Olivia Cruises, Jennie can be seen on the LOGO Channel’s One Night Stand Up and on her walking talk show, Jennie McNulty Presents: Walking Funny With … in addition to perform in Las Vegas, The Dinah, and every summer in Provincetown. You learn more about this fantastic funny gal at www.

JennieMcNulty.com

Jason is the guy-next-door – who just happens to be gay. He’s He’s produced and hosted Gender Blender and performed in Gays R Us at the Hollywood Improv and you can see him on LOGO’s Wisecracks – OutLaugh Comedy Festival. Find out more about him on www.JasonDudey.com

ION: Shouldn’t everyone have a Lesbian around the house?

JENNIE: Everyone should have a lesbian build their house. And then stay for a few months to discuss and talk about how the house makes them feel.

ION: Where is your funny bone?

JENNIE: In the bottom drawer of the nightstand.

ION: You’ve entertained troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. What was that like? Did you tailor your comedy differently?

JENNIE: Those were the most rewarding shows I’ve ever done. Our troops are absolutely amazing Americans. Please, thank any serviceperson you see. NOW... did I change my shows? Yes, and that is the only venue in which I do so. And by “change” I mean I remove all relationship material. I can’t change pronouns so I just don’t do the material at all. And, after I talk about playing football on stage, I get a lot of advice from the guys that have played. I do, however, wear a rainbow bracelet, necklaces and earrings the entire time I’m overseas. Seriously, I don’t take them off at all and I’ve had a few soldiers comment so I feel like I’m giving a silent “shout out.”

ION: You play women’s tackle football.

What do you talk about in the locker room?

37

ION: You played “fake-a-date” for nine proms! What was the worst prom date?

JASON: All of them, I was the only one that got drunk on prom night but never got laid.

And you should have seen some of the guys we double-dated with, HOT HOT HOT. I was too busy acting like I was interested in my date.

ION: Why should every straight girl have a gay boyfriend?

JASON: Just for the shoes, really. Have you seen what straight girls without a gay boyfriend have on their feet when they walk out of the house? It’s awful really.

ION: Has Jason Dudey done Jury Duty or been on Judge Judy?

JASON: This has to be the worst question ever asked. Dudey has been known to fall in love with someone on Active Duty.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

W

INTERVIEW:

QUEER ON THEIR FEET DIANA YANEZ, JASON DUDEY & JENNIE McNULTY

by Deon Brown 36

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

ho doesn’t love a good laugh?

Get ready because “Queer On Their Feet” is coming to Arizona!

The talented troupe features the side-splittingly funny comedic queer antics of weisenheimers Jennie McNulty, Jason Dudey and Diana Yanez will be performing their own unique stand-up comedy. Additionally, they’ll all be on stage together doing improv with suggestions from their audience. ION caught up with these clever screwballs and found out what makes them tick. Here are some highlights from our interview with them. For a real treat, read the entire unedited thoughtful and hilarious conversations with Jennie, Jason and Diana exclusively online at www.ION.com

JENNIE: We’re usually getting yelled at in the locker room. After the game, we’re talking about where we’re headed for beer.

Jennie McNulty

Jason Dudey

A favorite on Olivia Cruises, Jennie can be seen on the LOGO Channel’s One Night Stand Up and on her walking talk show, Jennie McNulty Presents: Walking Funny With … in addition to perform in Las Vegas, The Dinah, and every summer in Provincetown. You learn more about this fantastic funny gal at www.

JennieMcNulty.com

Jason is the guy-next-door – who just happens to be gay. He’s He’s produced and hosted Gender Blender and performed in Gays R Us at the Hollywood Improv and you can see him on LOGO’s Wisecracks – OutLaugh Comedy Festival. Find out more about him on www.JasonDudey.com

ION: Shouldn’t everyone have a Lesbian around the house?

JENNIE: Everyone should have a lesbian build their house. And then stay for a few months to discuss and talk about how the house makes them feel.

ION: Where is your funny bone?

JENNIE: In the bottom drawer of the nightstand.

ION: You’ve entertained troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. What was that like? Did you tailor your comedy differently?

JENNIE: Those were the most rewarding shows I’ve ever done. Our troops are absolutely amazing Americans. Please, thank any serviceperson you see. NOW... did I change my shows? Yes, and that is the only venue in which I do so. And by “change” I mean I remove all relationship material. I can’t change pronouns so I just don’t do the material at all. And, after I talk about playing football on stage, I get a lot of advice from the guys that have played. I do, however, wear a rainbow bracelet, necklaces and earrings the entire time I’m overseas. Seriously, I don’t take them off at all and I’ve had a few soldiers comment so I feel like I’m giving a silent “shout out.”

ION: You play women’s tackle football.

What do you talk about in the locker room?

37

ION: You played “fake-a-date” for nine proms! What was the worst prom date?

JASON: All of them, I was the only one that got drunk on prom night but never got laid.

And you should have seen some of the guys we double-dated with, HOT HOT HOT. I was too busy acting like I was interested in my date.

ION: Why should every straight girl have a gay boyfriend?

JASON: Just for the shoes, really. Have you seen what straight girls without a gay boyfriend have on their feet when they walk out of the house? It’s awful really.

ION: Has Jason Dudey done Jury Duty or been on Judge Judy?

JASON: This has to be the worst question ever asked. Dudey has been known to fall in love with someone on Active Duty.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

QUEER ON THEIR FEET Diana Yanez Cuban-American actress/filmmaker/ comedian. Diana is a terrific triple-threat.

She’s been seen on many highly respected TV shows and toured with Margaret Cho and Cyndi Lauper. She’s also a key producer of LOGO’s Outlaugh on Wisecrack. See why she’s the bomb at www.DianaYanez.com ION: In addition to English, you’re fluent in Spanish and German. Do you perform comedy in those languages?

DIANA: I do but more as a side dish then the actual main course. Some things just sound better in their original Cubanosity. As far as Deutschland goes, I developed a character called Bettina Bitsch-Schlappenhausen. What came out was a mostly German monologue that has enough words in English that you can follow along. Oddly it’s very popular.

Since I speak German, I don’t really see what’s so funny about her. All I can tell you is: “Ich bin eine LESBISCHE FRAU!” ION: What do Americans need to learn about foreign Gay people?

DIANA: That they are mostly just like us except they wear strange outfits and eat bratwurst. Just kidding. I have noticed that whatever the nationality when it’s a nonissue most people just act like themselves regardless of whether they are gay or not.

I remember my male friends that were in the closet – they were such out of control sissies! Rip-roaring flamers! Then as soon as they came to terms with being gay and came out of the closet, the extremity ceased and they were normal people; individual and beautiful but not a caricature. My theory is that when you deny what you are your subconscious says, “No way! You are so gay!” And makes you do crazy things like scream like a little girl when there’s a cockroach in the car. Of course, exempted from this theory are people whose real self is extreme (femme or butch) and God love them for giving us the edges of the “shades of gray” scale.

ION: Your short film, “Spanish for Your 38

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Nanny” is hysterical. Tell us more about your filmmaking.

DIANA: Filmmaking is a big passion of mine. I’m always happy to work in other people’s films, too. It seems to me that the real original and hilarious stuff is happening like that. Unfortunately, accountants make the decisions on most mainstream media. They don’t take a lot of chances and a lot of the very best comedy and performers are left out. Thank goodness for the internet.

ION: What’s the quickest way to get a woman or a man in bed?

JENNIE: Through the kitchen. The front room hallway is at least ten feet longer.

JASON: Pay him. I mean, really.

DIANA: I had an idea and I experimented with it last Fall. I tried good, old-fashioned honesty. During my Sensuous Woman Show in NY, I told a lovely lady that I was not really girlfriend material because I was only temporarily in town but that I did find her attractive, could promise her a fun romantic date and that if we got to the sex part I promised I would be a passionate and safe partner. It worked! Not right away. She had to think about it. But it worked!

ION: What makes you laugh?

JENNIE: I like witty or silly ... anything that is not mean-spirited. I never watch American Idol; I can’t stand to hear that panel of “experts” just be mean to them to get laughs. And it advocates a certain type of behavior that we really don’t need in our country right now. How about a little love, peeps?

JASON: People, every day life makes me crack up. I just saw a nice little old lady beating up a parking meter this morning. Must have eaten her quarter. Damn, I’m glad I’m not her son, the parking meter looked like rolled up aluminum foil when she was done with it. She probably still got a parking ticket; it’s L.A. and that’s what they do.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

QUEER ON THEIR FEET Diana Yanez Cuban-American actress/filmmaker/ comedian. Diana is a terrific triple-threat.

She’s been seen on many highly respected TV shows and toured with Margaret Cho and Cyndi Lauper. She’s also a key producer of LOGO’s Outlaugh on Wisecrack. See why she’s the bomb at www.DianaYanez.com ION: In addition to English, you’re fluent in Spanish and German. Do you perform comedy in those languages?

DIANA: I do but more as a side dish then the actual main course. Some things just sound better in their original Cubanosity. As far as Deutschland goes, I developed a character called Bettina Bitsch-Schlappenhausen. What came out was a mostly German monologue that has enough words in English that you can follow along. Oddly it’s very popular.

Since I speak German, I don’t really see what’s so funny about her. All I can tell you is: “Ich bin eine LESBISCHE FRAU!” ION: What do Americans need to learn about foreign Gay people?

DIANA: That they are mostly just like us except they wear strange outfits and eat bratwurst. Just kidding. I have noticed that whatever the nationality when it’s a nonissue most people just act like themselves regardless of whether they are gay or not.

I remember my male friends that were in the closet – they were such out of control sissies! Rip-roaring flamers! Then as soon as they came to terms with being gay and came out of the closet, the extremity ceased and they were normal people; individual and beautiful but not a caricature. My theory is that when you deny what you are your subconscious says, “No way! You are so gay!” And makes you do crazy things like scream like a little girl when there’s a cockroach in the car. Of course, exempted from this theory are people whose real self is extreme (femme or butch) and God love them for giving us the edges of the “shades of gray” scale.

ION: Your short film, “Spanish for Your 38

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Nanny” is hysterical. Tell us more about your filmmaking.

DIANA: Filmmaking is a big passion of mine. I’m always happy to work in other people’s films, too. It seems to me that the real original and hilarious stuff is happening like that. Unfortunately, accountants make the decisions on most mainstream media. They don’t take a lot of chances and a lot of the very best comedy and performers are left out. Thank goodness for the internet.

ION: What’s the quickest way to get a woman or a man in bed?

JENNIE: Through the kitchen. The front room hallway is at least ten feet longer.

JASON: Pay him. I mean, really.

DIANA: I had an idea and I experimented with it last Fall. I tried good, old-fashioned honesty. During my Sensuous Woman Show in NY, I told a lovely lady that I was not really girlfriend material because I was only temporarily in town but that I did find her attractive, could promise her a fun romantic date and that if we got to the sex part I promised I would be a passionate and safe partner. It worked! Not right away. She had to think about it. But it worked!

ION: What makes you laugh?

JENNIE: I like witty or silly ... anything that is not mean-spirited. I never watch American Idol; I can’t stand to hear that panel of “experts” just be mean to them to get laughs. And it advocates a certain type of behavior that we really don’t need in our country right now. How about a little love, peeps?

JASON: People, every day life makes me crack up. I just saw a nice little old lady beating up a parking meter this morning. Must have eaten her quarter. Damn, I’m glad I’m not her son, the parking meter looked like rolled up aluminum foil when she was done with it. She probably still got a parking ticket; it’s L.A. and that’s what they do.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

QUEER ON THEIR FEET ION: Do you love Lucy?

JENNIE: Of course, who doesn’t? I was influenced more by Carol Burnett and Gilda Radner and, believe it or not – Cher. You might not think of Cher as a comedian but I’m a huge Cher fan and part of what first made me so were the old Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour shows. She was the first woman to be funny and sexy.

JASON: Lucy is the most brilliant comedic actress ever. She and Carol Burnett got me through my growing up years. Lucy could do a three-minute scene without one word and you’d be laughing the entire time. Well unless of course you’re blind, then it wouldn’t translate, I guess.

DIANA: Lucy Lawless? Ha, ha! I love Lucille Ball! I should’ve been her Ricky!

ION: Does God have a sense of humor?

JENNIE: Sure, look at ... (fill in the blank)....

Honestly, I think the Universe operates on more of an overall energy basis than something as specific to humans as “a sense of humor.” But, I think laughter and humor feed the human psyche in such a deep and positive way that it feels like a gift from God. JASON: Absolutely, Look at the six protestors that show up every year at gay pride in L.A. They are behind a fence screaming and ranting while we are walk free and enjoy a parade. Now who looks like an animal?

DIANA: Okay seriously. If God is a Being, male or female, an actual entity instead of everything, or universal consciousness – of course!

Jeez! That’s why I don’t get people that get all bent out of shape when someone makes a funny out of religion or “god” things. I have a “spongeJesus” on my refrigerator. I personally trust that the Jesus Christ I know thinks that spongeJesus is hilarious!

are stepping on their huge shoes. Mimes are actually funny. It’s actually funnier to watch a crowd watch a mime. They’re so interested in what they are doing; is he building a box? Is he climbing a ladder.

Nooo … he is standing in front of people jumping up and down and waving his hands at nothing. That’s the funny part!

DIANA: I once dressed up as a clown for my friend’s daughter’s birthday party.

When I showed up the little girl screamed at the top of her lungs and all the other kids followed her lead, screaming and clawing at each other, as they cowered in a corner of the jumping castle. So I guess … clowns are smelly. I mean, scary.

ION: Do your parents think you’re funny?

JASON: Yes, I have had my mom laughing for years. I’ve also had her wanting to wring my neck but she’s come around. My dad, Major Dudey, has come around too. He’s such a good sport. She can hear, and he can see, he can walk and she can ride her Rascal scooter, she has a bad knee, he has a bad shoulder. I guess I really only have one complete parent. You kind of have to put them together to get one whole one.

DIANA: I’m not sure about that. They haven’t seen much of my work. I think they watched my video “My Puss” with Margaret Cho once and were horrified. They don’t trust showbiz so I imagine that their fears get the best of them.

ION: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving and why?

JENNIE: I’m very grateful for all the gifts I’ve been given (sense of humor at the top of the list), my wonderful and supportive family, my general good health, and my incredible and lovely partner. And a Lion victory … one can dream, can’t one?

ION: Clowns & Mimes: funny or scary?

JASON: They’re freaky. A clown is stuck out there in the middle of some fair blowing up ridiculous animal balloons that will get popped in the hot car on the way home all while children 40

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

JASON: I’m thankful that I can laugh at all this and most importantly I can make people laugh. Laughing really is the cure all. We are all so stressed with every day things, emails, work, cell phones, traffic, November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

QUEER ON THEIR FEET ION: Do you love Lucy?

JENNIE: Of course, who doesn’t? I was influenced more by Carol Burnett and Gilda Radner and, believe it or not – Cher. You might not think of Cher as a comedian but I’m a huge Cher fan and part of what first made me so were the old Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour shows. She was the first woman to be funny and sexy.

JASON: Lucy is the most brilliant comedic actress ever. She and Carol Burnett got me through my growing up years. Lucy could do a three-minute scene without one word and you’d be laughing the entire time. Well unless of course you’re blind, then it wouldn’t translate, I guess.

DIANA: Lucy Lawless? Ha, ha! I love Lucille Ball! I should’ve been her Ricky!

ION: Does God have a sense of humor?

JENNIE: Sure, look at ... (fill in the blank)....

Honestly, I think the Universe operates on more of an overall energy basis than something as specific to humans as “a sense of humor.” But, I think laughter and humor feed the human psyche in such a deep and positive way that it feels like a gift from God. JASON: Absolutely, Look at the six protestors that show up every year at gay pride in L.A. They are behind a fence screaming and ranting while we are walk free and enjoy a parade. Now who looks like an animal?

DIANA: Okay seriously. If God is a Being, male or female, an actual entity instead of everything, or universal consciousness – of course!

Jeez! That’s why I don’t get people that get all bent out of shape when someone makes a funny out of religion or “god” things. I have a “spongeJesus” on my refrigerator. I personally trust that the Jesus Christ I know thinks that spongeJesus is hilarious!

are stepping on their huge shoes. Mimes are actually funny. It’s actually funnier to watch a crowd watch a mime. They’re so interested in what they are doing; is he building a box? Is he climbing a ladder.

Nooo … he is standing in front of people jumping up and down and waving his hands at nothing. That’s the funny part!

DIANA: I once dressed up as a clown for my friend’s daughter’s birthday party.

When I showed up the little girl screamed at the top of her lungs and all the other kids followed her lead, screaming and clawing at each other, as they cowered in a corner of the jumping castle. So I guess … clowns are smelly. I mean, scary.

ION: Do your parents think you’re funny?

JASON: Yes, I have had my mom laughing for years. I’ve also had her wanting to wring my neck but she’s come around. My dad, Major Dudey, has come around too. He’s such a good sport. She can hear, and he can see, he can walk and she can ride her Rascal scooter, she has a bad knee, he has a bad shoulder. I guess I really only have one complete parent. You kind of have to put them together to get one whole one.

DIANA: I’m not sure about that. They haven’t seen much of my work. I think they watched my video “My Puss” with Margaret Cho once and were horrified. They don’t trust showbiz so I imagine that their fears get the best of them.

ION: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving and why?

JENNIE: I’m very grateful for all the gifts I’ve been given (sense of humor at the top of the list), my wonderful and supportive family, my general good health, and my incredible and lovely partner. And a Lion victory … one can dream, can’t one?

ION: Clowns & Mimes: funny or scary?

JASON: They’re freaky. A clown is stuck out there in the middle of some fair blowing up ridiculous animal balloons that will get popped in the hot car on the way home all while children 40

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

JASON: I’m thankful that I can laugh at all this and most importantly I can make people laugh. Laughing really is the cure all. We are all so stressed with every day things, emails, work, cell phones, traffic, November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

QUEER ON THEIR FEET lines, debt ... The fact that I can stand in front of an audience and get them to laugh is definitely a gift. Until you’ve looked out and seen 300 people cracking up you haven’t lived. Then again if you look out and see 300 people not laughing you better not live too much longer.

DIANA: Shoot, I am one lucky girl. I am thankful for everything. I am thankful to work with some of the best comics and comedic actors on the planet. Jennie McNulty is truly a gem of person, a real hero – not only as a truly genius comic but also as good friend and supporter. And Jason Dudey has always tickled the gay man in me (They’d have had sex by now, believe me.) It seems that despite all the financial troubles the world has endured this past year, for me it’s been a year of great abundance. Thanks, Universe!

Catch these funnybone-tickling laff-meisters live in Tucson, Friday, November 14 at 8 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church at 4831 E. 22nd St. in Tucson for a benefit show.

On Saturday, November 15 at 8 p.m. you’ll find ‘em at Phoenix College’s Bullpit Auditorium, on the campus near 15th Avenue and Thomas Road. Order your tix in advance at www.BrownPaperTickets.com and we’ll see you there for an unforgettable night of laughter.

Watch Diana Yanez’s films “Spanish for Your Nanny” & “My Puss” on youtube.com

You’ll laugh so hard that milk comes out of your nose – well – you know what we mean.

42

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

43

QUEER ON THEIR FEET lines, debt ... The fact that I can stand in front of an audience and get them to laugh is definitely a gift. Until you’ve looked out and seen 300 people cracking up you haven’t lived. Then again if you look out and see 300 people not laughing you better not live too much longer.

DIANA: Shoot, I am one lucky girl. I am thankful for everything. I am thankful to work with some of the best comics and comedic actors on the planet. Jennie McNulty is truly a gem of person, a real hero – not only as a truly genius comic but also as good friend and supporter. And Jason Dudey has always tickled the gay man in me (They’d have had sex by now, believe me.) It seems that despite all the financial troubles the world has endured this past year, for me it’s been a year of great abundance. Thanks, Universe!

Catch these funnybone-tickling laff-meisters live in Tucson, Friday, November 14 at 8 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church at 4831 E. 22nd St. in Tucson for a benefit show.

On Saturday, November 15 at 8 p.m. you’ll find ‘em at Phoenix College’s Bullpit Auditorium, on the campus near 15th Avenue and Thomas Road. Order your tix in advance at www.BrownPaperTickets.com and we’ll see you there for an unforgettable night of laughter.

Watch Diana Yanez’s films “Spanish for Your Nanny” & “My Puss” on youtube.com

You’ll laugh so hard that milk comes out of your nose – well – you know what we mean.

42

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

43

ION WOODY’S

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

ION WOODY’S

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

Kathy Griffin

This long-suffering D-lister has not only made a career of it, she’s won Emmys because of it. Come join all the other gays in town when the acid-tongued, redheaded vixen works at offending just about everybody when she performs live at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington on November 6 & 7. Call 602-379-2888 to see if there’s any tickets left.

Sylvia Browne

Here’s another wacky redhead who’s nutty as a fruitcake and sounds like Harvey Fierstein. If you’re in the mood for a good laugh and feel like parting with your money, you’ll love this “spiritual psychic” charlatan who’ll do some kooky hocus-pocus & chant some mumbojumbo about your dead relatives, future and crap. This crackpot “performs” at the Celebrity Theatre at 440 N. 32nd St. or call 602-267-1600 for tickets

NOVEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 8 thru 9 thru 15 thru 15 thru 16 thru 1/4/09 6&7 8 12-12/07 14 14 14 & 15 14 14-30 15 18-23 18-23 20-23 20-23 21-23 21-30 22 27-12/20 28-12/21 28-12/28 28-12/31

A Vampire Tale A View of the Harbor Eat the Taste All Shook Up Cabaret Blithe Spirit Kathy Griffin Daniel Tosh Forbidden Broadway Cheech & Chong Mr. & Mrs. Wyatt Earp American Ballet Theatre II Queer On Their Feet A New Brain Queer On Their Feet Happy Days Capitol Steps The Mikado American Comedy Tour Don Pasquale Señor Tortuga Sylvia Browne A Winter’s Tale Sister’s Christmas Catechism A Christmas Carol Christmas Jukebox

Little Theatre at Phx. Theatre Herberger Theater Ctr. Herberger Theater Ctr. B’way Palm Dinner Theatre Arizona Broadway Theatre Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Phoenix Theatre Dodge Theatre ASU Kerr Cultural Ctr. Mesa Arts Center Unitarian Universalist Church/Tucson Soul Invictus Bullpit Auditorium-Phx College ASU Gammage Theatre 4301 Phx. Symphony Hall Tempe Improv ASU Lyric Opera Theatre Stageworks at Mesa Arts Ctr. Celebrity Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatre 4301 Arizona Broadway Theatre Copperstate Dinner Theater

602-254-2151 602-252-8497 602-252-8497 480-325-6700 623-776-8400 480-483-1664 602-379-2888 602-267-1600 602-254-2121 602-379-2888 480-784-4444 480-664-6500 not available 480-235-5259 not available 480-965-3434 480-994-2787 602-266-7464 480-921-9877 480-965-6447 480-644-6500 602-267-1600 480-664-6500 480-994-2787 623-776-8400 602-279-3129

December 2-7 6

Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee Chelsea Handler

Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre

480-784-4444 602-379-2888

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

Kathy Griffin

This long-suffering D-lister has not only made a career of it, she’s won Emmys because of it. Come join all the other gays in town when the acid-tongued, redheaded vixen works at offending just about everybody when she performs live at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington on November 6 & 7. Call 602-379-2888 to see if there’s any tickets left.

Sylvia Browne

Here’s another wacky redhead who’s nutty as a fruitcake and sounds like Harvey Fierstein. If you’re in the mood for a good laugh and feel like parting with your money, you’ll love this “spiritual psychic” charlatan who’ll do some kooky hocus-pocus & chant some mumbojumbo about your dead relatives, future and crap. This crackpot “performs” at the Celebrity Theatre at 440 N. 32nd St. or call 602-267-1600 for tickets

NOVEMBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP

46

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

DATE

EVENT/ARTIST

LOCATION

PHONE

thru 8 thru 9 thru 15 thru 15 thru 16 thru 1/4/09 6&7 8 12-12/07 14 14 14 & 15 14 14-30 15 18-23 18-23 20-23 20-23 21-23 21-30 22 27-12/20 28-12/21 28-12/28 28-12/31

A Vampire Tale A View of the Harbor Eat the Taste All Shook Up Cabaret Blithe Spirit Kathy Griffin Daniel Tosh Forbidden Broadway Cheech & Chong Mr. & Mrs. Wyatt Earp American Ballet Theatre II Queer On Their Feet A New Brain Queer On Their Feet Happy Days Capitol Steps The Mikado American Comedy Tour Don Pasquale Señor Tortuga Sylvia Browne A Winter’s Tale Sister’s Christmas Catechism A Christmas Carol Christmas Jukebox

Little Theatre at Phx. Theatre Herberger Theater Ctr. Herberger Theater Ctr. B’way Palm Dinner Theatre Arizona Broadway Theatre Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre Dodge Theatre Celebrity Theatre Phoenix Theatre Dodge Theatre ASU Kerr Cultural Ctr. Mesa Arts Center Unitarian Universalist Church/Tucson Soul Invictus Bullpit Auditorium-Phx College ASU Gammage Theatre 4301 Phx. Symphony Hall Tempe Improv ASU Lyric Opera Theatre Stageworks at Mesa Arts Ctr. Celebrity Theatre Mesa Arts Center Theatre 4301 Arizona Broadway Theatre Copperstate Dinner Theater

602-254-2151 602-252-8497 602-252-8497 480-325-6700 623-776-8400 480-483-1664 602-379-2888 602-267-1600 602-254-2121 602-379-2888 480-784-4444 480-664-6500 not available 480-235-5259 not available 480-965-3434 480-994-2787 602-266-7464 480-921-9877 480-965-6447 480-644-6500 602-267-1600 480-664-6500 480-994-2787 623-776-8400 602-279-3129

December 2-7 6

Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee Chelsea Handler

Orpheum Theatre Dodge Theatre

480-784-4444 602-379-2888

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

47

A New Fantasy in Tempe Who says there’s nothing going on out in the ‘burbs? Tucked away just a hip-hop, skip and a jump from Central Phoenix you’ll find a nice surprise waiting for you in Tempe. The Fantasy Grill, located in the Mill Town Center, is throwing open its doors welcoming the GLBT community with food, fun, a great events calendar and much more.

Great food is just one reason to come here.

Start with the Crazy Cowgirl Salad. With fresh chopped leaf lettuce tossed with diced tomato, shredded carrot, cucumber and shredded parmesan cheese, topped off with your choice of original (plain) or hot Buffalo style chicken strips, and your choice of dressing. Light, refreshing and pretty crazy, kids! A generous half-order is $5, and a full-size is only $8.50.

Their signature Fantasy Sandwich is called “Better Than a Philly.” It’s made with thinly sliced ribeye steak, sauteed mushrooms, peppers and onions, then smothered with provolone cheese, a bit of mayonnaise, and piled onto a fresh Italian roll. Believe me, it’s a lot of sandwich.

More Restaurants.

More Choices.

More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

They have a lot more Fantasy Sandwiches to choose from and they’re all delicious. Unfortunately, my ultimate Fantasy Sandwich featuring me squeezed between Justin Timberlake and Chris Carrabba is not on the menu. But you’ll be real happy with their sandwiches.

They also have a great variety of twelveinch long hoagies, also available as a wrap. Don’t miss out on the Gentleman’s Club. You’ll get a huge pile of oven-

roasted turkey, smoked ham and smoky bacon strips loaded with Swiss cheese and fresh avocado, topped with crisp lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo. A full is $12 and a half is only $8.

In addition, they’ve got a fantastic Fantasy Lunch Menu, where for $7.50 you can choose from a variety of sandwiches, burger or hot wings with your choice of salad and a sixteen-ounce fountain drink or domestic draft.

What a deal!

The Fantasy Grill has a fantastic line up of events nearly every night of the week. “Manic Mondays” feature half-off cocktails and Madonna music videos throughout the night.

Tuesdays are “Leather –‘n’-Lace” with drink specials and a drag show. “Pot Luck Wednesday” will feature a charity raffle with great prizes. Stop by on “Fabulous Fridays” for the Drag Kings’ show.

Saturday nights the DJ will be spinning hip-hop for you young ‘uns.

But wait … don’t miss out on “Recovery Sunday” with brunch from 11 a.m. when the Fantasy Grill will offer Flaming Burritos and Buns ‘n’ Sauce (biscuits and gravy) with $3 Mimosas and $4 martinis.

I think the biggest Fantasy taste treat there is the adorable Johny Lee who works there. He can have any salad undressing in a second. Or anybody else, for that matter. Go there and you’ll see what we mean.

Fantasy Grill is open Mon-Weds 2pm2am, Thurs-12 noon-7pm, Fri-12 noon2am, Sat-3pm-2am and Sun-11am-11pm.

They’re at 227 E. Baseline Rd., #J7.

Phone: 480-659-1445 November 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM November WWW.IONAZ.COM 49

A New Fantasy in Tempe Who says there’s nothing going on out in the ‘burbs? Tucked away just a hip-hop, skip and a jump from Central Phoenix you’ll find a nice surprise waiting for you in Tempe. The Fantasy Grill, located in the Mill Town Center, is throwing open its doors welcoming the GLBT community with food, fun, a great events calendar and much more.

Great food is just one reason to come here.

Start with the Crazy Cowgirl Salad. With fresh chopped leaf lettuce tossed with diced tomato, shredded carrot, cucumber and shredded parmesan cheese, topped off with your choice of original (plain) or hot Buffalo style chicken strips, and your choice of dressing. Light, refreshing and pretty crazy, kids! A generous half-order is $5, and a full-size is only $8.50.

Their signature Fantasy Sandwich is called “Better Than a Philly.” It’s made with thinly sliced ribeye steak, sauteed mushrooms, peppers and onions, then smothered with provolone cheese, a bit of mayonnaise, and piled onto a fresh Italian roll. Believe me, it’s a lot of sandwich.

More Restaurants.

More Choices.

More Value.

Check out the new Daily Specials Guide on page 86!

48

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

They have a lot more Fantasy Sandwiches to choose from and they’re all delicious. Unfortunately, my ultimate Fantasy Sandwich featuring me squeezed between Justin Timberlake and Chris Carrabba is not on the menu. But you’ll be real happy with their sandwiches.

They also have a great variety of twelveinch long hoagies, also available as a wrap. Don’t miss out on the Gentleman’s Club. You’ll get a huge pile of oven-

roasted turkey, smoked ham and smoky bacon strips loaded with Swiss cheese and fresh avocado, topped with crisp lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo. A full is $12 and a half is only $8.

In addition, they’ve got a fantastic Fantasy Lunch Menu, where for $7.50 you can choose from a variety of sandwiches, burger or hot wings with your choice of salad and a sixteen-ounce fountain drink or domestic draft.

What a deal!

The Fantasy Grill has a fantastic line up of events nearly every night of the week. “Manic Mondays” feature half-off cocktails and Madonna music videos throughout the night.

Tuesdays are “Leather –‘n’-Lace” with drink specials and a drag show. “Pot Luck Wednesday” will feature a charity raffle with great prizes. Stop by on “Fabulous Fridays” for the Drag Kings’ show.

Saturday nights the DJ will be spinning hip-hop for you young ‘uns.

But wait … don’t miss out on “Recovery Sunday” with brunch from 11 a.m. when the Fantasy Grill will offer Flaming Burritos and Buns ‘n’ Sauce (biscuits and gravy) with $3 Mimosas and $4 martinis.

I think the biggest Fantasy taste treat there is the adorable Johny Lee who works there. He can have any salad undressing in a second. Or anybody else, for that matter. Go there and you’ll see what we mean.

Fantasy Grill is open Mon-Weds 2pm2am, Thurs-12 noon-7pm, Fri-12 noon2am, Sat-3pm-2am and Sun-11am-11pm.

They’re at 227 E. Baseline Rd., #J7.

Phone: 480-659-1445 November 2008 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM November WWW.IONAZ.COM 49

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

50

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

ION: Your father is Jewish and your mother is Mormon. Did this give you Pork and Polygamy issues growing up?

CHELSEA: I’m conflicted, to say the least. I love pork and polygamy.

INTERVIEW

CHELSEA

by Deon Brown E! channel’s very own comedian, author, television host, actress and author Chelsea Handler has proved time and time again that there is no cow too sacred for her to butcher. The vivacious vixen star of late night’s Chelsea Lately and the New York Times’ bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea has entertained audiences with her raunchy and raucous stories of her alcoholfueled life and tales – like the time she woke up, hungover, next to a Mexican midget. You’ll have to read her book for the whole story. In the meantime, find out what Chelsea had to tell ION readers what’s on her mind these days.

ION: Were you voted “Most” anything in high school? If not, what did you deserve?

CHELSEA: I was voted “Most Likely To Not Amount To Anything.”

ION: Which celebrities in Hollywood need to be bitch-slapped these days?

CHELSEA: John Mayer is ridiculous. David Hasselhoff is my hero.

ION: If you were stuck on a desert island, what and who couldn’t you live without?

CHELSEA: Chuy [Bravo, Handler’s personal assistant. – ed.] and Grey Goose.

ION: Can you tell us one thing you regret?

CHELSEA: Not developing better eating habits when I was younger.

ION: You’ve supported Barak Obama for president. At press time, do you think that you’ll be invited to any of the Inaugural Balls if he wins?

CHELSEA: I’m not a fan of balls. Either one of them.

ION: If you were President, what would your platform be?

CHELSEA: Bagels and gay marriage. And apologizing to the rest of the world.

ION: Is there life after death?

CHELSEA: Heaven!

ION: Gays men love you. What advice would you give to your GLBT audience to live by?

CHELSEA: Suck it forward.

ION: What’s the most embarrassing question you’ve been asked?

CHELSEA: If I’m a transsexual.

ION: Do you ever imagine your audiences naked out there?

CHELSEA: No – I’m too busy trying to keep my own clothes on.

ION: What are your thankful for this Thanksgiving?

CHELSEA: My life!

ION: Is it okay to lie for sex?

CHELSEA: It’s always ok to lie if you’re protecting someone else’s feelings.

ION: Would you send me a lock of your hair?

CHELSEA: No. I have to hold on to all I’ve got.

ION: It’s been said that Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. What do you say?

CHELSEA: I say “Yes” to power and a bigger “Yes” to funny.

ION: Are you superstitious? Any that you believe in?

CHELSEA: I believe in always giving away anything you find too valuable.

ION: Please name some of your guilty pleasures for us.

CHELSEA: Nachos, gummi bears, and porn.

If you think you can handle Chelsea Handler now’s your chance! Catch the cheeky chatterbox performing live on Saturday, December 6 at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington in Phoenix.

Get your tickets at www. dodgetheatre.com or call 480-784-4444 for details.

Vodka is for sale at the Dodge. Just don’t tell Chelsea.

Photos courtesy the E! Channel 52

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

ION: Your father is Jewish and your mother is Mormon. Did this give you Pork and Polygamy issues growing up?

CHELSEA: I’m conflicted, to say the least. I love pork and polygamy.

INTERVIEW

CHELSEA

by Deon Brown E! channel’s very own comedian, author, television host, actress and author Chelsea Handler has proved time and time again that there is no cow too sacred for her to butcher. The vivacious vixen star of late night’s Chelsea Lately and the New York Times’ bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea has entertained audiences with her raunchy and raucous stories of her alcoholfueled life and tales – like the time she woke up, hungover, next to a Mexican midget. You’ll have to read her book for the whole story. In the meantime, find out what Chelsea had to tell ION readers what’s on her mind these days.

ION: Were you voted “Most” anything in high school? If not, what did you deserve?

CHELSEA: I was voted “Most Likely To Not Amount To Anything.”

ION: Which celebrities in Hollywood need to be bitch-slapped these days?

CHELSEA: John Mayer is ridiculous. David Hasselhoff is my hero.

ION: If you were stuck on a desert island, what and who couldn’t you live without?

CHELSEA: Chuy [Bravo, Handler’s personal assistant. – ed.] and Grey Goose.

ION: Can you tell us one thing you regret?

CHELSEA: Not developing better eating habits when I was younger.

ION: You’ve supported Barak Obama for president. At press time, do you think that you’ll be invited to any of the Inaugural Balls if he wins?

CHELSEA: I’m not a fan of balls. Either one of them.

ION: If you were President, what would your platform be?

CHELSEA: Bagels and gay marriage. And apologizing to the rest of the world.

ION: Is there life after death?

CHELSEA: Heaven!

ION: Gays men love you. What advice would you give to your GLBT audience to live by?

CHELSEA: Suck it forward.

ION: What’s the most embarrassing question you’ve been asked?

CHELSEA: If I’m a transsexual.

ION: Do you ever imagine your audiences naked out there?

CHELSEA: No – I’m too busy trying to keep my own clothes on.

ION: What are your thankful for this Thanksgiving?

CHELSEA: My life!

ION: Is it okay to lie for sex?

CHELSEA: It’s always ok to lie if you’re protecting someone else’s feelings.

ION: Would you send me a lock of your hair?

CHELSEA: No. I have to hold on to all I’ve got.

ION: It’s been said that Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. What do you say?

CHELSEA: I say “Yes” to power and a bigger “Yes” to funny.

ION: Are you superstitious? Any that you believe in?

CHELSEA: I believe in always giving away anything you find too valuable.

ION: Please name some of your guilty pleasures for us.

CHELSEA: Nachos, gummi bears, and porn.

If you think you can handle Chelsea Handler now’s your chance! Catch the cheeky chatterbox performing live on Saturday, December 6 at the Dodge Theatre at 400 W. Washington in Phoenix.

Get your tickets at www. dodgetheatre.com or call 480-784-4444 for details.

Vodka is for sale at the Dodge. Just don’t tell Chelsea.

Photos courtesy the E! Channel 52

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

Play Underwear Fascinations Antik Denim Jeans Dragonfly William Rast Jeans Varo Men’s Boutique

54

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

Play Underwear Fascinations Antik Denim Jeans Dragonfly William Rast Jeans Varo Men’s Boutique

54

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

4115 N. 7th Ave. Phoenix 602.274.1429 Instigator Magazine

Tripp Handcuff Vest

Bico “id” Necklaces Genuine Leather “Nemesis” Wrist Watches

“Lick My Latex” Sweater by Folter

Leather Scented Candle, Mist and Soap

Party Penguin not included

56

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

4115 N. 7th Ave. Phoenix 602.274.1429 Instigator Magazine

Tripp Handcuff Vest

Bico “id” Necklaces Genuine Leather “Nemesis” Wrist Watches

“Lick My Latex” Sweater by Folter

Leather Scented Candle, Mist and Soap

Party Penguin not included

56

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

4025 N. 16th St. Phoenix 602.265.ROOT

Archipelago Botanical Lotions, Candles, Soaps and more.

Brotherhood and Wisdom of Avalon Tarot Decks

Sebastian’s Leather Harness Colt Leather Arm Banned

58

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

4025 N. 16th St. Phoenix 602.265.ROOT

Archipelago Botanical Lotions, Candles, Soaps and more.

Brotherhood and Wisdom of Avalon Tarot Decks

Sebastian’s Leather Harness Colt Leather Arm Banned

58

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

Starina’s Grand Feather Boa

Jeannie Bottle Sebastian & Starina’s Deluxe Jewelry: Bracelet, Earrings &Necklace

Dryad Scuplture & Wall Art

Fresh Cut Flowers & Arangements

60

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

Starina’s Grand Feather Boa

Jeannie Bottle Sebastian & Starina’s Deluxe Jewelry: Bracelet, Earrings &Necklace

Dryad Scuplture & Wall Art

Fresh Cut Flowers & Arangements

60

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

www.fascinations.net Massage Oils

Pink Lube

Grrltoyz Harness

Lelo BO Vibrating C-Ring (rechargeable)

Personal Lubricants

62

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

www.fascinations.net Massage Oils

Pink Lube

Grrltoyz Harness

Lelo BO Vibrating C-Ring (rechargeable)

Personal Lubricants

62

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

LaserRX

$75 Gift Certificates for only $50

Red Chile Shirt & Wristwatch both available at Dragonfly

“Forever Known” Monarchy Shirt Baca’s Ensemble available at Dragonfly

Bill Lavin Leather Island Shoes

LYDC Purse from Fascinations

64

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

LaserRX

$75 Gift Certificates for only $50

Red Chile Shirt & Wristwatch both available at Dragonfly

“Forever Known” Monarchy Shirt Baca’s Ensemble available at Dragonfly

Bill Lavin Leather Island Shoes

LYDC Purse from Fascinations

64

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Not Made in China Briefs from Fascinations 66

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

Not Made in China Briefs from Fascinations 66

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

CREDITS

Photography Don Thompson Art Direction Kevin Bushaw Makeup Anton Khatchaturian Male Models Felipe, Gabriel, Mikey and Bricen Female Models Vanessa and Baca from Boycott Production Assistant Sheryl Bushaw and Dani Schor Special thanks to Dragonfly Clothing (602) 687-6749 Fascinations - Elliot Rd. Location (480) 222-0040 The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381 LazerRX (602) 814-0117 The Off Chute Too (602) 274-1429 The Root Seller (602) 265-ROOT Varo Mens’ Boutique (623) 466-7788

Credits

68

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

CREDITS

Photography Don Thompson Art Direction Kevin Bushaw Makeup Anton Khatchaturian Male Models Felipe, Gabriel, Mikey and Bricen Female Models Vanessa and Baca from Boycott Production Assistant Sheryl Bushaw and Dani Schor Special thanks to Dragonfly Clothing (602) 687-6749 Fascinations - Elliot Rd. Location (480) 222-0040 The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381 LazerRX (602) 814-0117 The Off Chute Too (602) 274-1429 The Root Seller (602) 265-ROOT Varo Mens’ Boutique (623) 466-7788

Credits

68

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

70

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

70

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

ION Model Makes it BIG

72

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Santiago first appeared in ION’s annual swimsuit isue last year in June 2007.

Since then he’s graced our cover twice. Now he’s modeling for Baskit Underwear, Play, Genre Magazine, & More! We’re sure we’ll see him more and more...

Congratulations, Santiago!

Photography Bruno Rand

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73

ION Model Makes it BIG

72

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Santiago first appeared in ION’s annual swimsuit isue last year in June 2007.

Since then he’s graced our cover twice. Now he’s modeling for Baskit Underwear, Play, Genre Magazine, & More! We’re sure we’ll see him more and more...

Congratulations, Santiago!

Photography Bruno Rand

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73

74

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

74

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

76

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

76

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

Vol. 2, Issue 8

NOVEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Archaeologists Discover Ancient Gay Temple

�����������

PHOENIX – Archeologists confirmed that the building which once housed the notorious Levi/Leather gay bar, Cellblock, is actually the remains of an ancient ceremonial temple where Aztec priests ritually sacrificed victims to satisfy their gods.

The currently defunct and decaying bar, located at 998 E. Indian School Rd., was completed as an Aztec temple dedicated to their gods, Titzanass and Yankintzfun, patron deities of an ancient Aztec tribe called the Dixanbutzalot people, about whom little is known except for their ritualistic practice of homosexuality.

with tattoos and wore black, tanned leather thongs resembling athletic supporters and silver-studded harnesses, sporting thick moustaches and wearing hats that resembled those of the soldiers of the American Civil War. Many heavy-gauge piercings adorned many of their private parts, as well as nipples and ears.

“It must’ve been spectacular,” said research assistant, Roy “Boy” Slavin. “We still find evidence of some kind of a ‘naughty corner’ in the temple’s rear interior, surrounded by a chainlink sort of cage. This must’ve been where the sacrificial victims were kept and ritualistically fellated or masturbated. There are also many vulgar pictograms in an area resembling some sort of primitive lavatory, which has suffered from flood damage through the centuries.”

�����������

Dr. Tom “Daddy” Leatherlord, the site’s chief archaeologist said that the discovery came as quite a surprise. “We knew that for years the building housed a Mexican restaurant called “La Cucaracha” before it was a gay bar for manly ����������������������������������������������������� men who like manly things, but our research Researchers were also shocked to find the temple has shown that the intricate carvings and reliefs once housed an aquarium with the mummified resembling serpents and dragons adorning the remains of several exotic, tropical fish, which are structure are actually Pre-Columbian, dating back not native to the desert region. They also found a as far as 1450.” cockring.

The temple was originally more than four-stories.

The National Geographic Society has been Above the now caved in ceiling must have been contacted to film a documentary about this private chambers for the high priests of this extraordinary temple dedicated to homosexuality. extinct tribe of tall, well-built, extremely wellendowed people who adorned their manly bodies

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� 78

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

Vol. 2, Issue 8

NOVEMBER 2008

����������� OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

�����������������������������������������������������

Archaeologists Discover Ancient Gay Temple

�����������

PHOENIX – Archeologists confirmed that the building which once housed the notorious Levi/Leather gay bar, Cellblock, is actually the remains of an ancient ceremonial temple where Aztec priests ritually sacrificed victims to satisfy their gods.

The currently defunct and decaying bar, located at 998 E. Indian School Rd., was completed as an Aztec temple dedicated to their gods, Titzanass and Yankintzfun, patron deities of an ancient Aztec tribe called the Dixanbutzalot people, about whom little is known except for their ritualistic practice of homosexuality.

with tattoos and wore black, tanned leather thongs resembling athletic supporters and silver-studded harnesses, sporting thick moustaches and wearing hats that resembled those of the soldiers of the American Civil War. Many heavy-gauge piercings adorned many of their private parts, as well as nipples and ears.

“It must’ve been spectacular,” said research assistant, Roy “Boy” Slavin. “We still find evidence of some kind of a ‘naughty corner’ in the temple’s rear interior, surrounded by a chainlink sort of cage. This must’ve been where the sacrificial victims were kept and ritualistically fellated or masturbated. There are also many vulgar pictograms in an area resembling some sort of primitive lavatory, which has suffered from flood damage through the centuries.”

�����������

Dr. Tom “Daddy” Leatherlord, the site’s chief archaeologist said that the discovery came as quite a surprise. “We knew that for years the building housed a Mexican restaurant called “La Cucaracha” before it was a gay bar for manly ����������������������������������������������������� men who like manly things, but our research Researchers were also shocked to find the temple has shown that the intricate carvings and reliefs once housed an aquarium with the mummified resembling serpents and dragons adorning the remains of several exotic, tropical fish, which are structure are actually Pre-Columbian, dating back not native to the desert region. They also found a as far as 1450.” cockring.

The temple was originally more than four-stories.

The National Geographic Society has been Above the now caved in ceiling must have been contacted to film a documentary about this private chambers for the high priests of this extraordinary temple dedicated to homosexuality. extinct tribe of tall, well-built, extremely wellendowed people who adorned their manly bodies

�����������

����������������������������������������������������� 78

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

����������� �����������������������������������������������������

Pop Star Battles Nightmarish Addiction to Reality & Life

����������� �����������

Paparazzi have carefully HOLLYWOOD documented Hollywood’s – Anonymous sources Golden Child exercising, inside Tinseltown have jogging, drinking Jamba recently revealed that Juice and eating healthy, one of entertainment’s well-balanced meals best and brightest is ����������������������������������������������������� while still managing to fighting for her career find time to spend with as she battles her family and friends. So far demons. It’s a story no images of her vagina not often heard in the have been photographed Land of Make-Believe. as she emerges from This star’s tragic tale her car for at a trendy involves a painful, nightclub. No scandalous threatening addiction sex videos have surfaced to reality – and life. of her on the Internet with a douche bag male Pop princess, motion companion with a dubious picture star and Hollywood royalty are just some of the titles reputation. No rumors of Lesbianism have circulated about her, either. she’s had bestowed upon her. Still, every day is an uphill fight in an effort to stave off the self-absorbed, imaginary world that begs “This is a wake-up call for her,” said one friend. “We’d like to see her in a quick, to be let in her door while she maintains a out-of-control downward spiral that could healthy grip on her own life. seriously compromise her reputation and career. But it this rate, I’m sorry to report, “We’ve tried to convince her that an ����������������������������������������������������� she could maintain a successful career and a irresponsible usage of controlled substances happy life for a long, long time to come.” and alcohol abuse and a few nights of drugfueled sex binges with a wide variety of One studio publicist said, “Our thoughts famous and anonymous partners is the only and prayers are with her family during this way out,” said an assistant to the assistant to difficult time. We only wish the worst for an assistant publicist for the sensation. “But her. Like a failed relationship or an unwanted she insists on maintaining a clear-headed, pregnancy.” lucid approach to her own life. It’s spinning wildly out of control. We may never see her in a rehab clinic at this rate.”

�����������

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����������������������������������������������������� November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

����������� �����������������������������������������������������

Pop Star Battles Nightmarish Addiction to Reality & Life

����������� �����������

Paparazzi have carefully HOLLYWOOD documented Hollywood’s – Anonymous sources Golden Child exercising, inside Tinseltown have jogging, drinking Jamba recently revealed that Juice and eating healthy, one of entertainment’s well-balanced meals best and brightest is ����������������������������������������������������� while still managing to fighting for her career find time to spend with as she battles her family and friends. So far demons. It’s a story no images of her vagina not often heard in the have been photographed Land of Make-Believe. as she emerges from This star’s tragic tale her car for at a trendy involves a painful, nightclub. No scandalous threatening addiction sex videos have surfaced to reality – and life. of her on the Internet with a douche bag male Pop princess, motion companion with a dubious picture star and Hollywood royalty are just some of the titles reputation. No rumors of Lesbianism have circulated about her, either. she’s had bestowed upon her. Still, every day is an uphill fight in an effort to stave off the self-absorbed, imaginary world that begs “This is a wake-up call for her,” said one friend. “We’d like to see her in a quick, to be let in her door while she maintains a out-of-control downward spiral that could healthy grip on her own life. seriously compromise her reputation and career. But it this rate, I’m sorry to report, “We’ve tried to convince her that an ����������������������������������������������������� she could maintain a successful career and a irresponsible usage of controlled substances happy life for a long, long time to come.” and alcohol abuse and a few nights of drugfueled sex binges with a wide variety of One studio publicist said, “Our thoughts famous and anonymous partners is the only and prayers are with her family during this way out,” said an assistant to the assistant to difficult time. We only wish the worst for an assistant publicist for the sensation. “But her. Like a failed relationship or an unwanted she insists on maintaining a clear-headed, pregnancy.” lucid approach to her own life. It’s spinning wildly out of control. We may never see her in a rehab clinic at this rate.”

�����������

����������� 80

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����������������������������������������������������� November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

����������� Hillary Bankrolls Bid for Presidency 2012.

Sells Pantsuits.

�����������������������������������������������������

����������� �����������

everything! Pantsuits CHAPPAQUA, are great for flattering New York – Sen. a fat ass and hiding Hillary Clinton (Dthick ‘cankles,’ too.

NY) admitted defeat, ����������������������������������������������������� And you can always conceding the election pop the collar! What on the morning of a treat!”

Wednesday, November 5 from her home with Clinton her husband, former recommended that President Bill Clinton a good, sturdy by her side. pantsuit is great for conventions, “I want to thank the ribbon-cutting ceremonies, speeches and people of the United States, for all the honors long, imaginary plane flights to Bosnia. “I and titles you’ve pressed me to take. But suggest the pantsuit lined with Kevlar for I’m contented – let me simply go on – as the those trips,” advised the Senator. “Just in case Senator who brings her people to the heart you come under some imaginary gunfire from of the President,” she said, ripping off lyrics hypothetical snipers,” she added. from the 1979 Broadway musical Evita.

�����������

As a dozen or so morbidly obese American Sen. Clinton continued, “I am hereby women and a few undocumented aliens eagerly announcing my intention to run to be pawed through the Presidential wannabee President in 2012.” In a surprise move to nominee’s wardrobe looking for bargains begin fundraising for her next presidential they’ll never be able to shoehorn their way into, bid the Senator rolled out rack after rack of ����������������������������������������������������� the former First Lady mused to her husband, “It her signature horrible pantsuits onto the front was a damn good campaign, though. Close, but lawn of her home for a yard sale. no cigar. No offense, Bill.”

“Here’s a lovely red pantsuit – it’s a red, “You can certainly tell who wears the pantsuits polyester double-knit,” gushed the Senator to in this family,” joked President Bill Clinton. one bargain hunter. “I’ve also got it in blue, polyester double-knit, tan, polyester doubleFashion mavens everywhere are wondering knit, white polyester double-knit, black what the Senator will be wearing on the next polyester double-knit and even pink polyester campaign trail. Who knows? Maybe the double-knit. It doesn’t end there! I’ve got Hostess Skirt will make a comeback. yellow, brown, grey, taupe – just about

����������� 82

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����������������������������������������������������� November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

����������� Hillary Bankrolls Bid for Presidency 2012.

Sells Pantsuits.

�����������������������������������������������������

����������� �����������

everything! Pantsuits CHAPPAQUA, are great for flattering New York – Sen. a fat ass and hiding Hillary Clinton (Dthick ‘cankles,’ too.

NY) admitted defeat, ����������������������������������������������������� And you can always conceding the election pop the collar! What on the morning of a treat!”

Wednesday, November 5 from her home with Clinton her husband, former recommended that President Bill Clinton a good, sturdy by her side. pantsuit is great for conventions, “I want to thank the ribbon-cutting ceremonies, speeches and people of the United States, for all the honors long, imaginary plane flights to Bosnia. “I and titles you’ve pressed me to take. But suggest the pantsuit lined with Kevlar for I’m contented – let me simply go on – as the those trips,” advised the Senator. “Just in case Senator who brings her people to the heart you come under some imaginary gunfire from of the President,” she said, ripping off lyrics hypothetical snipers,” she added. from the 1979 Broadway musical Evita.

�����������

As a dozen or so morbidly obese American Sen. Clinton continued, “I am hereby women and a few undocumented aliens eagerly announcing my intention to run to be pawed through the Presidential wannabee President in 2012.” In a surprise move to nominee’s wardrobe looking for bargains begin fundraising for her next presidential they’ll never be able to shoehorn their way into, bid the Senator rolled out rack after rack of ����������������������������������������������������� the former First Lady mused to her husband, “It her signature horrible pantsuits onto the front was a damn good campaign, though. Close, but lawn of her home for a yard sale. no cigar. No offense, Bill.”

“Here’s a lovely red pantsuit – it’s a red, “You can certainly tell who wears the pantsuits polyester double-knit,” gushed the Senator to in this family,” joked President Bill Clinton. one bargain hunter. “I’ve also got it in blue, polyester double-knit, tan, polyester doubleFashion mavens everywhere are wondering knit, white polyester double-knit, black what the Senator will be wearing on the next polyester double-knit and even pink polyester campaign trail. Who knows? Maybe the double-knit. It doesn’t end there! I’ve got Hostess Skirt will make a comeback. yellow, brown, grey, taupe – just about

����������� 82

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

����������������������������������������������������� November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 83

84

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Back Door

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe

(480) 967-DOOR

4.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

5.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

7.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Fantasy Grill

227 E. Baseline Rd. - Tempe

(480) 659-1445

14.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

15.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

16.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

17.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

18.

New: INCOGNITO

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

19.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

20.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

21.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

22.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

23.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

24.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

25.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

26.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

27.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

28.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

29.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

30.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

31.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85

84

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

2.

Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

3.

Back Door

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe

(480) 967-DOOR

4.

Bar 1

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

5.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

7.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

8.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club

1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 234-1654

C

Clarendon Hotel

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

(602) CLARENDON

10.

Club Vibe

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 224-9977

11.

Cruisin’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

12.

Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13.

Fantasy Grill

227 E. Baseline Rd. - Tempe

(480) 659-1445

14.

Friends

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 277-7729

15.

Forbidden

6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

forbiddenaz.com

16.

Homme

138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0875

17.

icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

18.

New: INCOGNITO

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 955-9805

19.

Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

20.

Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

21.

Miami

716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 258-6122

22.

OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

23.

Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

24.

Pumphouse II

4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 275-3509

25.

Retro Bar

3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 493-0355

26.

The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

27.

Roscoe’s

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

28.

Taylor’s Tavern

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 867-2463

29.

Velocity

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

30.

Wild Card

801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

(480) 857-3088

31.

Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 265-3233

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85

������������������� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

PHOENIX

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602-200-2000 602-252-5252 602-437-4000

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Apollo’s*

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Back Door

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Bar 1

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BS West*

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� 86

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������������������� Discount Cab: Yellow Cab: AAA Cab:

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TUCSON

� 86

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IF IT’S NOT IN������������, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

ION TUCSON AIDS WALK

88

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

TUCSON NIGHTLIFE

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog

2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone

(520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 (520) 887-3777 (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858

445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr.

(520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma

ION TUCSON AIDS WALK

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November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89

ION REHAB HALLOWEEN

Photos courtesy of Just Sayin’ (www.justsayinphotography.com) November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91

ION REHAB HALLOWEEN

Photos courtesy of Just Sayin’ (www.justsayinphotography.com) November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91

Meet the Men This month’s lovey-dovey couple joined ION in Tucson to help celebrate their Gay Pride. After we stuffed their little bellies with a delicious dinner at Manuel’s at La Posada Lodge & Casitas, we chauffeured them to the popular watering hole, Woody’s. After they drank about 584 Purple Otter Pops, we thought it was about time for them to hit they hay. Here’s a peek at their date ...

NAME: Robert SIGN: Leo OCCUPATION: Race Car Driver YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS: Masculine, thoughtful, adventurous.

ORIGINALLY FROM: Phoenix, AZ TURN ONS: Guy’s guys TURN OFFS: Drama FAVORITE SPORTS: Racing, Soccer, Snowboarding DREAM DESTINATION: Fiji NAME: Russ SIGN: Pisces OCCUPATION: Mechanic YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS: Shy, laidback, caring.

ORIGINALLY FROM: Littleton, CO TURN ONS: Confidence, mature guys.

TURN OFFS: People who don’t know how to have a good time.

FAVORITE SPORTS: Motorsports.

DREAM DESTINATION: Australia

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 83 (Free code: 4448)

92

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Meet the Men This month’s lovey-dovey couple joined ION in Tucson to help celebrate their Gay Pride. After we stuffed their little bellies with a delicious dinner at Manuel’s at La Posada Lodge & Casitas, we chauffeured them to the popular watering hole, Woody’s. After they drank about 584 Purple Otter Pops, we thought it was about time for them to hit they hay. Here’s a peek at their date ...

NAME: Robert SIGN: Leo OCCUPATION: Race Car Driver YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS: Masculine, thoughtful, adventurous.

ORIGINALLY FROM: Phoenix, AZ TURN ONS: Guy’s guys TURN OFFS: Drama FAVORITE SPORTS: Racing, Soccer, Snowboarding DREAM DESTINATION: Fiji NAME: Russ SIGN: Pisces OCCUPATION: Mechanic YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS: Shy, laidback, caring.

ORIGINALLY FROM: Littleton, CO TURN ONS: Confidence, mature guys.

TURN OFFS: People who don’t know how to have a good time.

FAVORITE SPORTS: Motorsports.

DREAM DESTINATION: Australia

602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc

Get a Date Tonight!

See ad on page 83 (Free code: 4448)

92

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

by Addison DeWitt Thanksgiving. It’s the time of year when we pause to reflect on the blessings we’ve received in life. A time for gorging yourself at dinner. A time when you can look forward to getting together with your family and picking a long, bitter, vicious argument and be absolutely justified with every hateful insult and know that you’ve pretty much got immunity through the entire Holiday Season. Pretty much. Just don’t push it.

Yes, Thanksgiving. I’d like to take time and stop and smell the neuroses. There’s so much I’m thankful for.

I’m actually really thankful for the wonderful people behind 1 Voice LGBT Community Center who staged Elevate, the Fourth Annual Gala. Nabobs of the Valley were treated to a fabulous evening of hors d’oeuvres, a divine fashion show including nearly naked men like past ION models, Allen Greenspan and Santiago Peralta who sashayed down the catwalk in next-tonothing wearing only slinky, sexy BoyRio swimsuits. Honey, I can tell you one thing: people were not looking at the swimsuits.

Super scrummy David Kitchen was recruited to model a suit of natatorial sartorial stitch-wizardry that nearly had me dogpaddling backstage looking for a lifeguard. I noticed Devin Slayton sitting ringside. More on that later. I have to say that the Swimsuit Spectacular was better than Baywatch. Much, much better. If only those boys could learn how to run in slow motion. If only …

The audience was treated to the fine terpsichorean skills of Scorpius Dance Theatre who performed before a rapt audience. I could chassé that divine dancer Jimi Marinaro across a Thanksgiving buffet anytime.

Many thanks to the rock ‘em, sock ‘em sexpot Rocco Meneguale, the 1 Voice 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Founder and Board Chairman whose “come-hither”bedroom eyes make me weak in the jaw. I mean, “knees.”

Obviously he has the same effect on his blondalicious boyfriend, FEZ’s fab Mark Howard.

1 Voice was so grateful to their many supporters, like Chad Christian and Joe Bushong – and their gorgeous friend Grant. Woof! I spotted H.O.W.’s wonderful Regina Gazelle and Tom Awai in attendance. And I am unanimous when I say how thankful everybody is for the Unsinkable Kirk Baxter. Not only is he a motivating force behind our community, he also generously donated his Very Very VIP table – including an entire bottle of champagne – to me when he left to fulfill another no doubt fancy and extraordinary social engagement.

I’m also thankful for the BS West annual Halloween Extravaganza.

Mike Fornelli (pictured) and his cast and crew sure know how to stage one heckuva show. I would’ve been and eensy-weensy bit more thankful if that Divine Doyenne of Drag, Phaedre, would’ve “hid her candy” inside those super-tight, white hotpants.

Your bits were bulge-y, baby. Honey, I was standing in the back of the parking lot and I could see your twig and berries popping out. And I’m nearsighted. Otherwise it would’ve been “all good” as you say. Oh so often, so very, very often.

I think I speak for everybody in the greater Metropolitan Phoenix Area when I say “thanks” for that yearly treat, BS West.

I’d be ungracious if I weren’t thankful for FEZ who celebrated their 3rd Anniversary on October 26th. And a million meals later, they’re still serving one delicious FEZ burger after another. And how does Mark Howard do it and still look so gosh darn good? Oh. Yes. Now I remember. It’s November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95

by Addison DeWitt Thanksgiving. It’s the time of year when we pause to reflect on the blessings we’ve received in life. A time for gorging yourself at dinner. A time when you can look forward to getting together with your family and picking a long, bitter, vicious argument and be absolutely justified with every hateful insult and know that you’ve pretty much got immunity through the entire Holiday Season. Pretty much. Just don’t push it.

Yes, Thanksgiving. I’d like to take time and stop and smell the neuroses. There’s so much I’m thankful for.

I’m actually really thankful for the wonderful people behind 1 Voice LGBT Community Center who staged Elevate, the Fourth Annual Gala. Nabobs of the Valley were treated to a fabulous evening of hors d’oeuvres, a divine fashion show including nearly naked men like past ION models, Allen Greenspan and Santiago Peralta who sashayed down the catwalk in next-tonothing wearing only slinky, sexy BoyRio swimsuits. Honey, I can tell you one thing: people were not looking at the swimsuits.

Super scrummy David Kitchen was recruited to model a suit of natatorial sartorial stitch-wizardry that nearly had me dogpaddling backstage looking for a lifeguard. I noticed Devin Slayton sitting ringside. More on that later. I have to say that the Swimsuit Spectacular was better than Baywatch. Much, much better. If only those boys could learn how to run in slow motion. If only …

The audience was treated to the fine terpsichorean skills of Scorpius Dance Theatre who performed before a rapt audience. I could chassé that divine dancer Jimi Marinaro across a Thanksgiving buffet anytime.

Many thanks to the rock ‘em, sock ‘em sexpot Rocco Meneguale, the 1 Voice 94

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Founder and Board Chairman whose “come-hither”bedroom eyes make me weak in the jaw. I mean, “knees.”

Obviously he has the same effect on his blondalicious boyfriend, FEZ’s fab Mark Howard.

1 Voice was so grateful to their many supporters, like Chad Christian and Joe Bushong – and their gorgeous friend Grant. Woof! I spotted H.O.W.’s wonderful Regina Gazelle and Tom Awai in attendance. And I am unanimous when I say how thankful everybody is for the Unsinkable Kirk Baxter. Not only is he a motivating force behind our community, he also generously donated his Very Very VIP table – including an entire bottle of champagne – to me when he left to fulfill another no doubt fancy and extraordinary social engagement.

I’m also thankful for the BS West annual Halloween Extravaganza.

Mike Fornelli (pictured) and his cast and crew sure know how to stage one heckuva show. I would’ve been and eensy-weensy bit more thankful if that Divine Doyenne of Drag, Phaedre, would’ve “hid her candy” inside those super-tight, white hotpants.

Your bits were bulge-y, baby. Honey, I was standing in the back of the parking lot and I could see your twig and berries popping out. And I’m nearsighted. Otherwise it would’ve been “all good” as you say. Oh so often, so very, very often.

I think I speak for everybody in the greater Metropolitan Phoenix Area when I say “thanks” for that yearly treat, BS West.

I’d be ungracious if I weren’t thankful for FEZ who celebrated their 3rd Anniversary on October 26th. And a million meals later, they’re still serving one delicious FEZ burger after another. And how does Mark Howard do it and still look so gosh darn good? Oh. Yes. Now I remember. It’s November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM

95

(Continued) probably partly due to a little TLC here and there from his beau, Rocco Meneguale (see above.) Color me Split Pea Green Soup with envy, gentlemen!

I was thankful to see how well attended the birthday was. Nothing like delicious free food and drinks to bring out the cheapskates – I mean, “well-wishers” to an event like that! Notice I was first in line? Yes, darlings, I can pinch a penny so tight it would make Lincoln shit.

Party crashers pandering for the buffet included the delightful Devin Slayton who seemed to receive extra special attention from his waiter, who just coincidentally happened to be none other than – guess who? – yep.

David Kitchen (see above.)

Hmmm … I’m seeing a pattern here. Eagle-eyed readers will remember just recently I reported that these two were spotted looking all dewy-eyed at one another across a table at Maizie’s, and now I daresay things have developed substantially.

I’m guessing that Devin has sampled more than David’s Phyllo Packets and moved on to taste his Tomato Taza and lapped at his Balsamic Apple Salad. Just a guess.

You know, folks, stories like this with that kind of poetic license and literary imagery are things that wet dreams are made of. Mine certainly are, anyway. Well, at least it keeps me going, anyway. And don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it, either.

I was certainly grateful to see Jim Patches and his fuzzy huzzy Marc Chatow, a.k.a. Eric Evans. Let’s all say, “Hurray for hair!” Fans will be delighted that these two hirsute hotties are featured in all their pulchritudinous glory in the 2009 calendar, “Bearhunter.” And, boy!

What pulchritude they got! So if you go ga-ga for grizzlies, you’ll love counting down the 96

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

days with this calendar. Especially with Jim as “Mr. July” and Marc as “Mr. December.”

I’m oh-so-thankful for those dear, sweet, youths at Dick’s Cabaret. Bless their little hearts. Every time I see those kids like Cameron, Spanky, Matthew, Sin and all the others slaving away on that Big Brass Pole all for the sake of Art, well, gentle readers, I tell you, it just makes me want to give my oh-so-generous Endowment to them. But they’ll settle for a few pictures of Uncle Andy in my rapidly depleting wallet instead. Who knows? You may discover the next American Idol with the purchase of a well-worthit Sofa Dance there. And I’m giving an extra special “thanks” to Dick’s very own Cynthia, the Hostess with the Most-ess. And I can’t forget Freakk.

And thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for giving Ryan Freeman (pictured to the luscious left) such gorgeous legs. I just had to throw that in. Just puttin’ it out there. Sorry. It doesn’t really relate to anything. But I am thankful. And I’m sure his darling boyfriend, Josh, is pretty happy for them, too.

Finally, if you made it this far, I’m more than thankful for my readers. That’s you. Whether you like me or not. Remember, you’re getting this for free, boys and girls. You should be grateful. Well, or maybe you’re not grateful.

Depending what kind of ink I’m dishing your way. Let’s think about it.

Addison makes a wonderful guest at Thanksgiving dinners, buffets, or banquets.

He even likes leftovers. But not sloppy seconds. Consider inviting him to your Thanksgiving banquet. He’ll even let you have the drumstick. But he likes the stuffing.

Write to Addison at RumorHound@aol.com 97

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

(Continued) probably partly due to a little TLC here and there from his beau, Rocco Meneguale (see above.) Color me Split Pea Green Soup with envy, gentlemen!

I was thankful to see how well attended the birthday was. Nothing like delicious free food and drinks to bring out the cheapskates – I mean, “well-wishers” to an event like that! Notice I was first in line? Yes, darlings, I can pinch a penny so tight it would make Lincoln shit.

Party crashers pandering for the buffet included the delightful Devin Slayton who seemed to receive extra special attention from his waiter, who just coincidentally happened to be none other than – guess who? – yep.

David Kitchen (see above.)

Hmmm … I’m seeing a pattern here. Eagle-eyed readers will remember just recently I reported that these two were spotted looking all dewy-eyed at one another across a table at Maizie’s, and now I daresay things have developed substantially.

I’m guessing that Devin has sampled more than David’s Phyllo Packets and moved on to taste his Tomato Taza and lapped at his Balsamic Apple Salad. Just a guess.

You know, folks, stories like this with that kind of poetic license and literary imagery are things that wet dreams are made of. Mine certainly are, anyway. Well, at least it keeps me going, anyway. And don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it, either.

I was certainly grateful to see Jim Patches and his fuzzy huzzy Marc Chatow, a.k.a. Eric Evans. Let’s all say, “Hurray for hair!” Fans will be delighted that these two hirsute hotties are featured in all their pulchritudinous glory in the 2009 calendar, “Bearhunter.” And, boy!

What pulchritude they got! So if you go ga-ga for grizzlies, you’ll love counting down the 96

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

days with this calendar. Especially with Jim as “Mr. July” and Marc as “Mr. December.”

I’m oh-so-thankful for those dear, sweet, youths at Dick’s Cabaret. Bless their little hearts. Every time I see those kids like Cameron, Spanky, Matthew, Sin and all the others slaving away on that Big Brass Pole all for the sake of Art, well, gentle readers, I tell you, it just makes me want to give my oh-so-generous Endowment to them. But they’ll settle for a few pictures of Uncle Andy in my rapidly depleting wallet instead. Who knows? You may discover the next American Idol with the purchase of a well-worthit Sofa Dance there. And I’m giving an extra special “thanks” to Dick’s very own Cynthia, the Hostess with the Most-ess. And I can’t forget Freakk.

And thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for giving Ryan Freeman (pictured to the luscious left) such gorgeous legs. I just had to throw that in. Just puttin’ it out there. Sorry. It doesn’t really relate to anything. But I am thankful. And I’m sure his darling boyfriend, Josh, is pretty happy for them, too.

Finally, if you made it this far, I’m more than thankful for my readers. That’s you. Whether you like me or not. Remember, you’re getting this for free, boys and girls. You should be grateful. Well, or maybe you’re not grateful.

Depending what kind of ink I’m dishing your way. Let’s think about it.

Addison makes a wonderful guest at Thanksgiving dinners, buffets, or banquets.

He even likes leftovers. But not sloppy seconds. Consider inviting him to your Thanksgiving banquet. He’ll even let you have the drumstick. But he likes the stuffing.

Write to Addison at RumorHound@aol.com 97

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Psst ... you’ve got a little crazy on your face. Try to avoid going to extremes and being so melodramatic or the expression just might stick.

Libra

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Remember that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Wake early, eat your Queerios, and get a jump-start for what will surely be a productive month of mornings.

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Don’t confuse your hardware and software this month. Read instructions manuals carefully and try to avoid tangling your cords.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

Expect a change of heart this month and don’t be afraid to go out of your way to beg forgiveness for acting like such an insensitive asshole.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Can’t make up your mind? Well, neither can anyone else, so take stand, be bold, and start calling the shots, otherwise you’ll just be considered mindless.

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Be cautious not to shoot from the hip. Make sure to take good aim for the battles you choose this month. If not, you may wind up shooting yourself in the foot.

98

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Pisces

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

What’s cookin’ good lookin’? Get romantic in the kitchen and concoct up some creative cuisine for a delicious date. If you’re not a chef, you’ll have to get more creative than pizza to feed your lover’s appetite.

Aries

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Commit a random act of kindness and expect nothing in return. This holiday season, you’ll need all the good karma you can get.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Work a new style and don’t be afraid to go out on a fashion limb.

Just as soon as people decide to stop poking fun at you, everyone will be following in your trendy footsteps.

Learn dirty sex talk in a foreign language and show off your new talent in bed. It will drive your partner wild and also be a little confusing, which is always funny.

Approach this month like a trashy talk-show guest. Make things up, get in people’s faces, make threats that you have little intention of following up on, and use excessive slang.

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

Color outside the lines. Keep things funky fresh and don’t dare compare yourself to the mundane. And if you’re feeling really crazy, drop the crayons and skip to permanent markers.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99

Virgo

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Psst ... you’ve got a little crazy on your face. Try to avoid going to extremes and being so melodramatic or the expression just might stick.

Libra

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Remember that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Wake early, eat your Queerios, and get a jump-start for what will surely be a productive month of mornings.

Scorpio

Oct. 23 - Nov. 23

Don’t confuse your hardware and software this month. Read instructions manuals carefully and try to avoid tangling your cords.

Sagittarius

Nov. 23-Dec. 23

Expect a change of heart this month and don’t be afraid to go out of your way to beg forgiveness for acting like such an insensitive asshole.

Capricorn

Dec. 23- Jan. 20

Can’t make up your mind? Well, neither can anyone else, so take stand, be bold, and start calling the shots, otherwise you’ll just be considered mindless.

Aquarius

Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Be cautious not to shoot from the hip. Make sure to take good aim for the battles you choose this month. If not, you may wind up shooting yourself in the foot.

98

WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008

Pisces

Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

What’s cookin’ good lookin’? Get romantic in the kitchen and concoct up some creative cuisine for a delicious date. If you’re not a chef, you’ll have to get more creative than pizza to feed your lover’s appetite.

Aries

Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Commit a random act of kindness and expect nothing in return. This holiday season, you’ll need all the good karma you can get.

Taurus

Apr. 21 - May 20

Gemini

May 21 - June 21

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Work a new style and don’t be afraid to go out on a fashion limb.

Just as soon as people decide to stop poking fun at you, everyone will be following in your trendy footsteps.

Learn dirty sex talk in a foreign language and show off your new talent in bed. It will drive your partner wild and also be a little confusing, which is always funny.

Approach this month like a trashy talk-show guest. Make things up, get in people’s faces, make threats that you have little intention of following up on, and use excessive slang.

Leo

July 23 - Aug. 22

Color outside the lines. Keep things funky fresh and don’t dare compare yourself to the mundane. And if you’re feeling really crazy, drop the crayons and skip to permanent markers.

November 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99

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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2008