ION Arizona #222

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RAINBOWS FESTIVAL

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HERITAGE SQUARE PARK

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35TH ANNIVERSARY

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CHARLIE’S PHOENIX

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ROCK PAGEANT

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THE ROCK

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NOBODY’S BIZNESS

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STACY’S @ MELROSE

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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com ART DIRECTOR Alex Campos ...................... ionazproduction@me.com COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez Rafalogie Studio CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Just Gay

Happy Homo Days W

hen I was a kid, I was bullied for having dark skin, big lips and money.

I felt shame for something everyone actually wants. Not for being gay (yet). My late father would call gay people “light in the loafers” in front of me not knowing I was gay. I was called names, beaten up and spit on by “friends.” One of my bullies, who became my step brother, passed away last year at only 52 years old. I hate the fact that I didn’t shed a tear. Now we have a bully in the White House and has single handily brought bullying back into the mainstream. Calling people names was once reserved for children. I can only imagine the name Mr. Trump will give presidential candidate Mayor Pete Buttigeg. Sad we have to even have to worry about it.

The good news is that we are better than that. If someone is different than you (and BTW we are all different), embrace it. Celebrate it.

I want to invite all of you to celebrate our diversity at this year’s ION APPy Hour Holiday Party. Join ION Arizona and Phoenix Fire Kickball as we enjoy the holidays and the end of another great kick-ball season/Glitter Bowl.

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Download the new ION APP from your Apple and Google Play stores for food, drink specials and an amazing raffle.

This month’s ION APPy hour is at Kobalt on December 21 from 7-9 p.m. For more info, go to the ION APP and click on the ENTERTAINMENT button for more info on this and all LGBTQ+ events throughout our community.

There are a few of my friends that won’t be here to celebrate the holidays. Last month we lost Alan Anderson, a member of the Fender and Friends car club, Danny Becht, one of the most valuable volunteers at Phoenix Pride and Kat Rider, a mother, friend, and Phoenix Fire Kickball teammate. She leaves behind four children, the youngest only 1 years old. If you want to help her family, there is a Go Fund Me to raise money to help her family at GoFundMecom/F/ KatRiderMemorial.

Being bullied and loosing friends and loved ones is a part of life unfortunately but it only makes you stronger. They say life is for the living. So get out and enjoy your life, your family, friends and community. Take care of yourself.

Jack M. Tesorero Proud Homo This is me last month at the Cactus 4 Wheelers annual Turkey Run up the mountail behind Lake Pleasant to Crown King for a night of food, friends and fun.

Great guys and gals that get together and celebrate life.

Get out and enjoy your community and all it has to offer.

You won’t be disappointed.

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By: Deon Brown Art Direction By: Alex Campos Photography By: Rafalogie Studio 26

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Ken Elder’s Annual Onesie Party kicks off the holiday season!

P

ut someone in a pair of pajamas, give ‘em a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, load ‘em all up on a bus and what have you got? Ken Elder’s Annual Onesie Bar Crawl! For the sixth year in a row Phoenix realtor Ken Elder turned what started out as a crazy, cocktail-fueled winter lark into one of the primo parties of the Holiday Season and fundraiser.

So jump into your onesie, long johns, or ‘jammies, but there won’t be any snoozing on this boozie bus. It’s more than a party: it’s also a way to help the Valley’s furry, fuzzy, four-legged friends at the Arizona Animal Rescue Mission.

How did this popular pajama jam start?

“I had just moved here from Tucson six years ago and didn’t know many people,” Ken said. “So I just gathered up about a dozen friends, we all wore onesies and posted selfies on social media from every bar we visited that day. Soon people started texting us asking, ‘Where are you? I want to come!’ By the end of the day we ended up with over 20 people in our entourage.”

Ken explained how his sleep-suit barbounce kept growing. “The second year I rented a single 55-seat bus and turned it into a charity event for one•n•ten’s Angel Tree program where people chose a gift for the program’s LGBTQ youth in need. After that, I decided to focus on animal-centric charities. I ask for each person to donate at least $10. This is the third year that funds will benefit the Arizona Animal Rescue Mission. They’re so appreciative! Some people give more, and some don’t—and that’s okay, too. My goal is to raise at least $5,000 this year.” Past years’ spirit-filled excursions have brought in about $10,000.

Ken Elder & Nikki Knowles

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Onesie Bar Crawl Rescue will be at the kick-off at Kobalt where they’ll be making pet i.d. tags for your own fur babies. You can donate to them online via Ken’s onesie party Facebook event page.

It looks easy, but this party doesn’t happen overnight. Ken starts preparing and organizing in September. “This year we sold out two 55-seat buses in six days. We’re doing two separate bus runs to accommodate everyone. People join in along the way, meeting us at bars along the route.

We’re expecting about 300 people to be part of this year’s party.”

Word about the party spread through the public Facebook event page, “Ken Elder’s 6th Annual Onesie Bar Crawl” and friends invited friends who invited friends and it kept snowballing. Corona Premier is the event’s beverage sponsor, with thanks to Jonathan Hensley, the marketing rep for MillerCoors brands who provided signage in participating bars around town about the event. Every bar extends their hospitality for about 45 minutes to an hour before safely loading the guests (who might be getting a little loaded themselves) back on the bus to the next stop.

Cover Model: Sebastian Tobler

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Onesie Bar Crawl

“Herding cats is difficult, but herding a busload of drunk, gay cats is even harder,” Ken laughed.

There’s never been any serious issues, but if someone over-imbibes, safe transportation home is arranged.

“I like to see everyone having fun,” Ken said. “My favorite part is mingling and connecting with people who’ve joined us and chose to make this part of the day. I want everyone to have a good time. I’ve met so many great people since I started this six years ago. It’s been so cool, and now people expect me to do it. It started as a goofy time with friends; it’s turned into something so much more rewarding. The event has a lot of good, positive energy surrounding it.”

The success of the annual “Ken Elder’s Onesie Bar Crawl” keeps growing in popularity. What’s next? “I think that this summer everyone can look forward to a ‘Ken’s Kaftan Bar Crawl’,” he hinted.

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Onesie Bar Crawl

Jump in your onesie and join in! You can sign up if space is available, or meet the revelers along the way.

Remember to pace yourselves, show the bartenders some love, drink responsibly and don’t drive.

Saturday, December 7 Schedule 10 a.m. Pre-Bar Crawl brunch at the Bevvy Uptown 12 noon - Official kick-off and bus boarding at Kobalt 1:15 Bar1 2:15 Los Diablos 3:15 Charlie’s 4:15 Bunkhouse 5:15 The Rock Bus departures will be staggered to avoid overcrowding at each bar. Buses 1 and 3 depart while buses 2 and 4 return for the second run.

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events 22 Days of Christmas at Charlie’s If every day were just like Christmas, what a wonderful world it would be ... unless it meant hearing Mariah Carey singing, “All I Want for Christmas Is You” for the rest of your life. But Charlie’s is celebrating for just 22 magical days!

Caroling, underwear parties, a bake sale, and maybe even a drag show! Oh. And the fake snow. Lots of it. Everywhere! December 4-25 at Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 13)

Red Brunch & After Party We’re on the fast track to end HIV/AIDS in our lifetime! Aunt Rita’s Red Brunch is here! Get your Bloody Mary, and some Eggs Benedict and do a good deed. Saturday, December 14 at the Sheraton Phoenix Downtown. Reserve your table at RedBrunch.org. Don’t forget the After Party at Diablos honoring Dr. Matthew Harty. (See ads on pp.

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Dirty Santa Comes to OZ Bar “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!” Maybe that famous jolly old elf ain’t as nice as you think he is! Get your picture taken with the dirtiest, nastiest, raunchiest Santa ever and maybe he’ll come down your chimneyß. December 15 & 18 at OZ Bar, 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. in Phoenix.

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Ugly Holiday Sweater Party at BS West Leave your merino wool and cashmere sweaters at home.

Pick out the ugliest holiday sweater you can ... like the one your aunt always wears to your mom’s open house. It’s Customer Appreciation Night, too. You can use any drink token from any year all night long! Friday, December 28 at BS West, 7125 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. (See ad on p. 18)

New Year’s Eve 2020 Out with the old and in with the new! The ‘Teens are over and we’re starting a new decade! Get ready to forget that Auld Acquaintance and maybe you’ll find someone to kiss at midnight. Your favorite bars and clubs are celebrating! Just pick one! Look for their ads: Charlie’s p. 13 • Stacy’s p. 7 BS West p. 18 • Bunkhouse p. 15 • Karamba p. 17 OZ Bar p. 19

DECEMBER 2019 ION EVENTS DATE 4-24 7 7 13 14 14 14 15 & 18 20 20 - 22 21 21 21 23 24-25 25 28 thru 29

EVENT 22 Days of Christmas Festival of Trees Red Hanky Party Merry XXXMas Bash Red Brunch Red Brunch After Party Nasty Santa Fundraiser Dirty Santa Contest Ugly Sweater Contest VIP Card Weekend Glitter Bowl ION Appy Hour Party High Heels & Harnesses Black Party Ugly Christmas Sweater Karaoke Toy Drive & Raffle Best Package Contest Ugly Holiday Sweater Party About Face: Perspectives

LOCATION Charlie’s Arizona Opera Building The Anvil Dick’s Cabaret Sheraton Downtown Diablos The Anvil OZ Bar OZ Bar Dick’s Cabaret Kobalt The Anvil Karamba Karamba FLEX Spas The Anvil BS West Shaneland Arts

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix

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drag A Drag Queen Christmas “Nice” is overrated. After all, everyone knows that “Naughty” is so much more fun! The best queens in the biz bring their annual “Naughty Tour” to Phoenix. Nina West hosts audience faves from RuPaul’s Drag Race, including Willam, Thorgy Thor, Latrice Royale, Manila Luzon and others, plus veteran queen Lady Bunny will tell you what the Holidays are all about ... well, besides presents, natch. Friday, December 13 at Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington St. in Phoenix.

Get your tickets at DragFans.com

DECEMBER 2019 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

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9:00pm

The Rock

Late Nite Snax With Benaddiction

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10:30pm

Karamba

Black Party with Melissa Befierce from Dragula

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10:00pm

The Rock

Christmas Eve wit Barbra Seville

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10:00pm

The Rock

Rock Bottom with Benaddiction

Mondays

10:00pm

Charlie’s

The Strip Factor - Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano

Tuesdays

8:00pm

Charlie’s

Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”

Wednesdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego with Diamond Dallas

Wednesdays

10:30pm

Karamba

Karamba Girls Show with Mileena Dallas & Fernanda Vargas

Thursdays

10:30pm

Karamba

Gigi DeMilo Show

Thursdays

10:00pm

Charlie’s

Pipin’ Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay

2nd & 4th Fri

10:00pm

The Rock

Coco’s Charm School

Fridays

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande

Friday’s

9:30pm

Charlie’s

The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs

Fridays

10:30pm

The Rock

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Saturdays

10:30pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

2nd Sat

8:00pm

Bliss/Rebar

Brunch After Dark Hosted by Navaeh McKenzie

Saturdays

10:00pm

The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B and Pussy LeHoot

3rd Sun

11:00am

Bliss/Rebar

Bliss Blush Drag Brunch Hosted by Barbra Seville

Sundays

7:00pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

10:30pm

Charlie’s

Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano

Sundays

10:30pm

Karamba

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AMBASSADOR RUGS Buy 1 rug get the 2nd for 20% OFF our already low prices!

Vintage, Antique, New Modern Contemporary Hand-knotted by Persians, Turkish & Caucasians, Indian and more!

(520) 668-4901 3108 E Fort Lowell Rd Tucson, AZ 85716

Tuesday-Friday 11am-6pm Saturday 11am-4:30pm

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concerts Jonas Brothers with Bebe Rexha

These siblings were Disney darlings with their own show back in 2005. They grew up, broke up, Joe (the hot one) sang about cake by the ocean, Nick sang about chains. Now they’re back together with Bebe Rexha opening. Catch them on Tuesday, December 10 at Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. TicketMaster.com or 800-745-3000

Snoop Dogg

Well, “fo shizzle, my nizzle” which loosely translated means, “I agree with you, my brother.” You can sheazy your neazy with legendary rapper, ganja king and Martha Stewart’s kitchen co-star on Wednesday, December 11 a The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren in Phoenix. Get hooked up at TicketMaster.com 800-745-3000

Ariana Grande

This Dangerous Woman is the most followed gal on Instagram. Time named her as one of the 100 Most Influential People in the world in 2006 and 2019. Not only that, she’s totally down with the gays. She brings her bunny ears to town on Thursday, December 12 at the Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. TicketMaster.com or 800-745-3000

DECEMBER 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 5-6 ASU Holiday Choral Gala 7 98 Degrees 8 Pete Yorn 10 Jonas Brothers & Bebe Rexha 10 Rob Thomas & Daughtry 11 Kiefer Sutherland 11 Snoop Dogg 12 Ariana Grande 14 Alice Cooper’s Xmas Pudding 17 Dave Koz 17 Il Divo 26 Mannheim Steamroller Xmas

LOCATION PHONE ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 Ovations at Wild Horse Pass - Chandler800-745-3000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Talking Stick Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix 602-716-2222 The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Talking Stick Arena - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Celebrity Theatre - Phx 602-267-1600 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 47

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stage Black Nativity

This classic re-telling of the Christmas story is a holiday staple for everyone. Harlem Renaissance oet Langston Hughes tells the story in dialogue, narrative, pantomime, gospel song and African-American folk spirituals delivering a message of joy, hope, victory and deliverance performed by the Black Theatre Troupe. December 6-22 at the Helen Mason Performing Arts Center, 1333 E. Washington. For tickets visit BlackTheatreTroupe.org or call 602-258-8129

Lewberger

These zany nuts have created viral videos where they perform comedy songs like “The Vagina Song” and “If Men Were Disney Princesses.”

We’re not kidding. You’ll recognize Keith Habersberger as one of “The Try Guys” formerly of Buzzfeed. Saturday, December 21 at CB Live at Desert Ridge, 21001 N. Tatum Blvd. in Phoenix.

Tix at CBLive.com or call 602-910-5161

Summer: the Donna Summer Musical

“Love to love you, baby!” There was a time when you knew it was closing time at a gay bar when they played “Last Dance” by the great Donna Summer. The great Patron Saint of Disco (and gay boys) lives on in this touring Broadway jukebox musical. January 7-12 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. Tempe. For tickets: 480-965-3434 or visit ASUgammage.com.

DECEMBER 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE EVENT COMPANY PHONE 5 Jay & Silent Bob StandUp Live - Phoenix 480-719-6100 6-22 Black Nativity Black Theatre Troupe - Phx 602-258-8129 13 Nick Offerman Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-267-1600 13-14 Marlon Wayans StandUp Live - Phoenix 480-719-6100 15 Marlon Wayans CB Live - Phoenix 602-910-5161 18-2/16 Million Dollar Quartet Phoenix Theatre Co. - Phx 602-254-2151 20-21 The Ultimate Xmas Show (abridged)Madison Arts Ctr. 602-664-7777 21 Lewberger CB Live at Desert Ridge - Phoenix 602-910-5161 thru 23 Winnie the Pooh Xmas Tale Valley Youth Theatre - Phx 602-252-8497 thru 24 A Christmas Carol Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 thru 29 Elf: the musical AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria 623-776-9974 thru 29 The Sound of Music Phoenix Theatre Co. - Phx 602-254-2151 thru 29 Cabaret AZ Theatre Co - Tucson 520-622-2823 JANUARY 2-4 Luenell StandUp Live - Phoenix 480-719-6100 7-12 Summer: the Donna Summer musicalASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

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movies

Kitties and a Classic

Cats

Little Women

Starring: Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, James Corden, Jason Derulo, Rebel Wilson Cat scratch fever! Who hasn’t heard the weepy, classic, musical ballad, “Memory”? It’s been on music boxes, in elevators, mall Muzak ... everywhere.

It’s from Cats. Now it’s an adaptation of the mega-hit stage musical by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, based on the 1939 collection of poetry by T.S. Eliot.

Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech, The Danish Girl, 2012’s Les Misérables) directed his slightly bizarre looking hybrid of a CGI anthropomorphized gang of feral felines. The wild tale is about a tribe of cats called “Jellicle” choose who will ascend to the “Heaviside Layer” and come back to a new life.

Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellan join the all-star kitty cast, including T-Swift in her first mindboggling movie role.

Reactions to the admittedly freakish trailer have been flabbergasting for many, to say the least.

Will these Cats be rabid or remarkable?

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Timothée Chalamet, Laura Dern, Meryl Streep Once upon a time every little girl in America read Louisa May Alcott’s classic about the four brave March girls and their mother who struggle through life during the Civil War. Believe it or not, this is the eighth version of the tale to hit the silver screen. Katherine Hepburn, June Allyson and Winona Ryder have all tackled the plucky heroine, Jo. And don’t even get me started about dear, doomed Beth.

Don’t malign this tale as treacly Victorian melodrama. As a story about the importance of family, understanding and generosity, it still holds a special place in American Literature and stands as an early, understated but powerful piece of feminist writing for its day. Actor/director Greta Gerwig (Lady Bird) brings us her own re-creation of this special story with a stellar cast with the amazing Meryl Streep as the dour Aunt March. Perfect for the Holiday Season.

Opens December 25

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music Mariah Carey

Merry Christmas Deluxe 25th Anniversary Edition

By the time this issue of ION has gone to press hyou will have already heard Mariah’s “All I Want for Chrismas” dozens of times. Since it’s 1994 release, this modern Christmas classic charts higher and higher each holiday season—it’s what’s paying for those paralyzing stilettos, sparkly gowns and gloves that have become Mimi’s calling cards.

The first half of the Deluxe 25th Anniversary Edition album re-release is no different, featuring her untouchable gospel takes of “O Holy Night,” “Hark!

The Herald Angels Sing,” touches of 60’s girl group nostalgia with “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” “Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ and the very 1994 house rendition of “Joy to The World.”

With this re-release, the addendum of the lesser known but equally brilliant “Oh Santa” is accompanied by forgettable new songs and b-side remixes of the original tracks. Most notable is the Flava Mix of “Joy to the World,” a ball-ready blast. For all you lambs there are live recordings of her 1994 performance at the Cathedral of St. John The Divine in NYC. The vocals are all there. When it comes to other Christmas albums: I don’t know her.

Available Now

Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

FKA Twigs

MAGDALENE

During her four year absence, FKA Twigs became tabloid fodder with a very publicized relationship and break-up with actor Robert Pattinson, magnifying her already much-hyped artistic abilities were now under the magnifying glass of crossover fame.

This album’s opening track “thousand eyes” clues us in on her heartache with an almost Gregorian reverence. That moment of grieving is followed up with the grandeur of “home with you.” Her duet with Future, “holy terrain” is the most radio-ready moment on the album, although the rapper is out of his artistic league. Lead single “Cellophane” is the album’s most breathtaking, ending what might be the best release of the year. Available Now Tame Impala

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Tame Impala – “It Might Be Time” ROSALIA – “A Palé” Grimes – “So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth” Toro y Moi – “drip bounce _7_24_18” HAIM – “Now I’m In It” Frank Ocean – “In My Room” Jakob Dylan feat. Regina Spektor –

“Expecting to Fly” Lauryn Hill – “Guarding The Gates” Billie Eilish – “everything I wanted” Zebra Katz – “IN IN IN” December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

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viewing Jawbreaker (1999) Starring: Rose McGowan, Julie Marie Benz, Rebecca Gayheart, Pam Grier, Judy Greer The 90s gave us some brilliant, often oddball movies about often messed-up teenagers. Some of these movies have attained a cult-like status: Election.

Friday. Dazed and Confused. Clerks.

Clueless. The Virgin Suicides. There was also some movie about crazy, lovestruck teens called Titanic ... ever hear of it?

One movie you may not have heard of but has a dedicated following is the very black comedy, Jawbreaker.

Reagan High School is the home turf for a clique of popular, bitchy girls.

When they accidentally kill their bestie, things go terribly wrong. Sound kind of like Heathers (1988)? Yep. It also has a prescient dash of Mean Girls (2004) —was this your inspiration, Tina Fey?— and a little bit of Carrie (1976). The critics hated this movie. Some say it’s one of the worst films of the 90s. Not so.

Most interesting is the cast, including Blaxploitation star Pam Grier, the star of Foxy Brown (1974) and Tarantino’s Jackie Brown (1997) and The L Word, and brilliant character actor Judy Greer (“Kitty Sanchez” from Arrested Development). McGowan (TV’s 2001-06 series Charmed and Tarantino’s Grindhouse) stands out as the queen bee. Since then she

Killers and Country

was named as Time magazine’s 2017 “Person of the Year” as one of the Silence Breakers, speaking out against movie mogul Harvey Weinstein. Look for her then-boyfriend Marilyn Manson in a cameo appearance. She has since come out as lesbian.

Stylish and colorful, 20 years later Jawbreaker is worth a look.

The 20th Anniversary is available now on Blu-ray with exclusive commentary.

Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings Starring: Julianne Hough, Delta Burke, Kathleen Turner, Melissa Leo, Camryn Mannheim Country singer/ songwriter, bosomy Bard of the Smoky Mountains, and gay icon Dolly Parton co-produced and hosts this regrettable, unfortunate collection of sappy, maudlin short films (often not nearly short enough) based on eight of her hits. Sadly, Dolly’s occasional, brief performances take a backseat in this saccharine Hallmark Channel quality streaming series.

Sorry, Dolly.

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Joey Jay Presents the ION Arizona

Holiday Gift Guide Text by: Deon Brown Photography by: LeakedGlass Productions Art Direction by: Alex Campos, Rafalogie Studio, and Joey Jay Embrace the spirit of the season! And you know what that means: shopping, shopping, shopping! If you need some help deciding what to give those special folks on your holiday gift list, ION Arizona made it easy for you! We’ve picked out presents that really slap. (There’s even a little “naughty” mixed in with the “nice.”

Shhhh!) Don’t forget to support your hometown merchants whenever possible.

Remember: Local First!

The spectacular Joey Jay brought his own special sparkle and holiday magic to the pages of our gift guide to make it “extra” only the way he can.

Make this Friday the 13th fabulous! You won’t want to miss Joey Jay’s sizzling performance when he takes the stage on Friday, December 13 with the 4Some Review at KOBALT in Park Central.

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THE “Burrito Blanket” Turn yourself into a human burrito!

These gigantic tortilla lookalikes are blankets made of soft, plush arctic fleece. Super soft to keep you as warm and toasty as a giant burrito!

And you’ll be the yummy filling inside! Vegan friendly and dolphinsafe. From 3 feet up to nearly 6 feet in diameter.

Starting at $23.95 MyBurritoBlanket.co or OfficialBurritoBlanket.com or Amazon

Meme of the Year Ugly Sweater “Don’t judge me.” Let your inner Real Housewife out, girl! Couples will be the hit of holiday parties with these matchy-matchy sweaters. Taylor Armstrong screams while Kyle Richards stands by on one sweater while the other one features that snarky cat.

Single? Then you’re S.O.L. A variety of styles & prices. As shown: $27.98 Search FamilyPanda.co

PlaneAir Travel Mist Traveling this holiday season? This is for you! PlaneAire® is made from 100% pure, certified organic ingredients selected for their antimicrobial, antiviral, and antifungal properties. Your natural line of defense against the germs in airplanes and surfaces everywhere, scientifically proven to erase 99.99% of bacteria. $14.99 for 2 ounce TSA approved bottle.

Available on PlaneAire.com and Amazon.

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Stainless Steel Straws 500 million straws per day is an average of 1.6 straws per person per day in the U.S. Based on this, each person in the US will use approximately 38,000 or more straws between the ages of 5 and 65. Do your part to save the Earth! These stainless steel straws come with their own carrying pouch and cleaner. A variety of eco-minded gift packs are available for the tree-hugger in your life. $12.99 Available at OceanAndCompany.com

The Perfect Package 2.0 from Manscaped.com

If you need to do a little pruning and trimming down south in “Man Country,” or know someone who does, this is it! You’ll get the waterproof precision electric trimmer with skin-safe technology, “Crop Preserver” an anti-chafing ball deodorant, “Crop Reviver” a refreshing ball toner, three disposable mats. Trimmer blade replacement subscription available. The anti-chafing, cooling, boxer briefs, plus “The Shed,” a handsome travel bag are your free gift!

This $139 value is only $74.99. Use ION as your discount code for a 20% off special plus free shipping for ION Arizona readers!

Order at Manscaped.com

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Schitt’s Creek Cutting Boards “The next step is to fold in the cheese. Here’s what you do: You just fold it in.

It’s really not that complicated once you fold in the cheese.”

Having an open house? Let Schitt’s Creek Moira Rose and her son David be your co-hosts. Enchiladas? The directions for the sauce are right here on this laser-engraved cutting board, crafted from bamboo, made to order by hand in North Carolina. Food safe.

Small: 11.5” X 8 3/4” $25.99 • Large: 13 3/4” X 9 3/4” $27.99.

Search Esty.com for CarvedByHeart

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Shaneland Arts If you’re looking for something wildly creative, often handmade by local and national artists for the person who has everything, make Shaneland Arts your first stop. Not only do they have awesome merchandise, they also have art classes, an art gallery, plus creativity coaching! We picked out some of our favorite prezzies just for you! Check out their Angel Tree and buy a gift for a one•n•ten LGBTQ youth while you’re there.

Teddy Bear glowball lamp $276 Betty White “Stay Golden” mug $18.50 Dolly Parton mug by Trevor Wayne

$15.99

Shaneland Arts Soft Bunny Mascots $12 - $24 “Feud!” Bette Davis & Joan Crawford handmade puppets $75 ea.

Robot handmade sculpture $200 Balloon Dog Lamp $25 Stock up on art supplies and unleash your creative juices with paints, brushes, canvases, and more!

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Drag Queen Brunch Discover brunch and cocktails with the top drag queens of New Orleans who spill the tea. Author Poppy Tooker combines the history and tradition of NOLA drag culture with captivating stories, and recipes from some of the Crescent City’s best restaurants. 60 cocktail and brunch recipes take readers on a journey to the Big Easy leaving everyone hungry for more. Photography by Sam Hanna.

Hardcover, 160 pp. 10” x 10” $29.95 Order at PoppyTooker.com or RainbowRoadPress.com or Amazon

50 Queers Who Changed the World 50 Queer Music Icons Who Changed the World These colorful books about LGBTQ+ icons

by Dan Jones and Will Larnach-Jones and illustrated by Michele Rosenthal are fascinating primers celebrating the lives of some of the most influential queers who helped change the world—for everyone!

Hardcover, 112 pp. each, 5.5” x 9”, $14.99 Available at Shaneland Arts, 301 E. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix

Pride Leadership Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of Their Jungle LGBTQ+ folks have the opportunity to develop as a leader by capitalizing on our abilities such as leveraging empathy, shaping our culture, being courageous and authentic. These qualities are already inside you. This book helps show you how to let your LGBTQ+ genius shine.

Softcover, 356 pp. 5.5” x 8.5”, $24.95 Available at Shaneland Arts, 301 E. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

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Bull Bag Buzz Keep your eye on the ball, or in this case, balls.

Part ball stretcher, part ball weight, and part gentle vibrator, Bull Bag Buzz is a triple threat. Simply stretch the Bull Bag gently on and release for added weight, swing, stimulation. The 3-speed Power Bullet delivering an unbelievable experience.

Unlike other toys, this one comes with batteries included!

As low as $29.95 Check out this toy and others at PerfectFitBrand.com

Movo Selfie Ring Light Kit Wondering how your favorite vloggers get such great lighting in their videos? This Movo VGC-3 Selfie Ring Light Kit improves the quality of your videos, whether you’re doing a “tutorial” in your bedroom, a Livestream, or a cooking class. Just clip in your phone, plug in the mic, and adjust the lighting and you’ve got a miniprofessional studio. Compatible with iPhone and Android.

Starting at $19.95 with bundles & extras available.

Search MovoPhoto.com or Amazon

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Doggy Daze It’s easy to see why everyone loves this full-service boutique for dog grooming and more. No appointment necessary for walk-in non-haircut grooms.

They’re proud to be the Valley’s exclusive dealer for Nulo dog food with high meat, low carb recipes. Collars, leashes, toys, treats, shampoos and so much more keep your pooch happy!

They’ve even got some nifty surprises for cats, too.

Nulo $9.99 - $29.99 Biscuits $7.99 TOYS: Octopus - $16.99 • Santa, Reindeer & Lambchop - $14.99 ea.

Shampoo - $17.99 5555 N. 7th St. & Missouri on the NE corner in the Cinema Park Plaza.

DoggyDazeAZ.com

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Whozitz and Whatzits Expect the unexpected at this zany treasure trove of the fun, fantastic, funky and just sometimes just plain zany shop. Get your Mystery White Elephant gifts here; pre-wrapped $2 - $25. A big surprise for everyone!

DC Comics Superhero Tote Bag $25 • Poo Pourri “Merry Spritzmas” gift box $35 • Merman ornaments $39.99 • Golden Girls Panties $12.99 • Whoop Ass Hot Sauces $9.99 • Egyptian Trinket Box, handmade $45.99 All this and more at Whozitz and Whatzitz, Arizona’s Favorite Fun Shop!

1235 E. Northern Ave. in Phoenix • WhozitzAndWhatzitz.com

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Golden Gate Bridge Artifacts Did you leave your heart in San Francisco? If you have a soft-spot for Fog City or know someone who does, a fabulous limited edition memento made from the pedestrian handrail of the famous bridge at Sodom by the Bay will be treasured for ever. Lots to great things choose from, including: Bracelet: $45 • Heart Pendant: $49 • Task • Keyfob: $39 • Lamp: $1,200 Search Etsy.com for Golden Gate Design or visit GoldenGateFurniture.com

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The Wellness spot Come relax and enjoy the many varieties of CBD products in a comfortable, inviting atmosphere with products like, world class strains of flower, wax, shatter, CBD oils, lotions & potions, edibles, bath bombs and more.

After, head over to the Herbal Wellness Center for quality medicinal marijuana products.

Online ordering available from your smart phone.

Watermelon Sweets • Tropical Punch Gummies Frisqué CBD Bath Bomb • Süth Night Night CBD Mints • CBD Alkaline Water • VAPENs • Broad Spectrum CBD Oil 4126 W. Indian School Rd. HerbalWellnessCenter.com

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BS West Industry Night (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

Pat O’s Bunk House Studio 54 NYE Party

Stacy’s @ Melrose NYE 2020

31 NEW YEAR’S EVE

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

The Rock Christmas Eve w/ Barbra

24 CHRISTMAS EVE

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

17

10

Karamba 7 Norteno

Roosevelt Row First Fridays (M)

Charlie’s Pipin’ Hot Thursdays (W)

Karamba Christmas Show

27

Arizona Opera Festival Of Trees

The Anvil Red Hanky Party

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W) BS West Ugly Holiday Sweater Party The Rock Rock Bottom

Kobalt ION Appy Hour

Karamba Black Party

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

28

21

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Aunt Rita’s Foundation Red Brunch

14

7

SATURDAY

December 2019

BS West Formal Male Review (W)

The Anvil Best Package Contest

26

Karamba Not So Silent Night Show

Film Bar RENT

25 CHRISTMAS DAY

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

Charlie’s It Snows Inside

OZ Drag Bingo Night (W)

20

Karamba Feliz Navidad Kick off Party

Comerica Theater Drag Queen Christmas Tour

13

6

FRIDAY

The Anvil APAH Pup Night

19

Bar 1 Two for One (W)

Film Bar RENT

18

Charlie’s Pipin’ Hot Thursdays (W)

Bar 1 Two for One (W)

BS West Formal Male Review (W)

12

5

THURSDAY

Cruisin 7th Cruisin Play Mates (W)

11

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

30

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Karamba A Drag Queen Christmas

29

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

23

Charlie’s Naughty or Nice Undie Night

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

22

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

16

BS West Industry Night (W)

The Rock Late Nite Snax

Karamba Ruby’s Jingle Balls Show

15

Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

9

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

8

Charlie’s Loteria Night (W)

4

WEDNESDAY

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

3

TUESDAY

Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Extravaganza (W)

2

MONDAY

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

1

SUNDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.75 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2.75 Canned Beers ALL DAY

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

2-4-1 Go-Go Dancers, øExtended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Oz Bar

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm POKER 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm-Cl

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

$4 Absolute Vodka/ shots ReverseHH 9pm - Midnight

$7 Sake Bombers ReverseHH 9pm - Midnight

$3 Mimosas $4 Bloody Marys $7 Sake Bombers 11am - 5pm

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

Karamba

The Rock Stacy’s Wok’N’Roll

W

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis 7pm- Close

KARAOKE 9pm $3 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for 1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 8:00pm

$5 Ketel One/Malibu $3.50 Dom Pitch $3 1800 Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays - Gigi DeMilo Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 8pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY DRAG BINGO 8pm Poker 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 7pm POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $3 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

$3 Bud Light/ Kilt Lifter/ Fries $5 Half dozen wings

2 Spring Rolls for $1

$4 Well Drinks Till 9pm

$4 U Call It Shots till 9pm $4 Green Tea Shots

MONDAY

TUESDAY

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

Br

navigat

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PHOENIX Address

Phone

1. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

3. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

4. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

5. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. Caravan Taphouse

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

8. The Cash

1730 E McDowell Rd.

9. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

11. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

12. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

13. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

14. Hula’s Modern Tiki

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

15. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

16. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

17. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

18. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 253-0689

x

(602) 795-7881 (602) 267-9959

19. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

20. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

x

21. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

22. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

24. IBTs

(602) 266-0477

x

(602) 248-8559

TUCSON Address 23. Hotel Congress

(602) 242-5114

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053

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your favorite bitch Dear Miss Tiger,

I

T’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS …

Daytime soaps may take a break from drama during the holidays—but not these folks! Welcome to another holiday (and Grinch approved) installment of Favorite Bitch®!

Hey Miss Tiger, Broke up with my ex because he went to jail for stealing. He’s begging to get back together; he thinks I should forgive him because the flatscreen he stole was supposed to be my Christmas gift.

— Jordan Dear Had He Done LAYAWAY … He Wouldn’t Be Doing The TIME, NEXT! Tiger, We rented a cabin for the holidays. I suffer from dry mouth and woke up in the middle of the night. Sounds were coming from the living room and I saw my best friend giving brains to my man. HELP! — Rocky Dear Santa Wasn’t The Only One Going Down Chimneys, Instead of being mad at your husband, try being mad at your physician: had your doctor treated your damn dry mouth, maybe your man would’ve woken your ass up for cookies and milk … instead of pestering your best friend!

I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family for Hanukkah. ßThis bastard broke up with me the next day! I’m Jewish and he’s Puerto Rican. Was it me or my family?

—Eric Dear Or Maybe It Was Bubbe’s Matzo Ball Soup, How am I supposed to know what made this schmuck disappear? Consult your local yenta for the T on that one! The New Year is right around the corner, so do yourself a favor: cut that mother fuckah outta your life like a fresh circumcision and keep it movin’. Mazel Tov, Zissele!

Favorite Bitch, All I want for Christmas is a bottom that douches before I come over. Not always the case with dick appointments.

— Daddy Dear Queen I Suggest You Write Santa Claus and Not Favorite Bitch, And maybe this year you’ll get eggnog … instead of the usual chocolate pudding.

P.S. Speaking of getting … They givin’ you the bussy for free … so the least you could do is give them a $1.99 Fleet® Enema!

Happy Holidays, Hunties!

The Miss Tiger Show Every Tuesday at 6 p.m. MST Live on MissTiger.com Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93

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NOBODY’S BIZNESS

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STACY’S @ MELROSE

slings & arrows

by Addison DeWitt

Paul Rottas. (D) in their swanky townhome. They had a wide variety of juicy meatballs to nibble on.

A

T

he Rainbows Festival on November 2 seems so long ago, back when the weather was still warm and we were complaining. Now we’re complaining because it’s too cold.

I spotted the fabulous Vera Saucy (second from left) and her gorgeous gang of Queerdos (A) were strutting and preening, spreading their gender fluid love all across the land. Or at least Heritage Square.

That scrumptious Trevor Grant and his husband-slashlovah Tylor Caruso were on the prowl ... for what, I can only imagine. (B)

Community ally Angie Taylor celebrated her birthday at The Rock, when who should appear? A blonde dame who looked suspiciously like one•n•ten Executive Director Nathan Rhoton escorted by his Deputy Director, Kado Stewart.

(Not that kind of escort!) (E)

B

C

The boner-inducing Benaddiction and the fabulous Edward Castro (recently voted “Mr. Rock” and competing for “Mr. Phoenix Pride 2020”) played ringleaders to the stage show in the Lathe House. (C)

The Thunderbird Lounge hosted a party to introduce ION’s fabulous new app.

(Didn’t you see all of the 357 promotional ads for it in this issue? Oh, come on, now!

Download it already!)

The winsome Cozi Phifer cuddled up to her gayboyhusband Ryan Paulsen with pal Mike Chesworth.

(F)

D

E F

G

A-Gays all over town were clamoring for an invitation to the housewarming party of Old Guard hottentots Curtis Steinhoff and

H

While you ate turkey and I ate wet cigarette butts for Thanksgiving, Clayton McKee spent a lovely weekend in Puerto Vallarta getting his footsies and tootsies massaged by a flirtatious guapo on the playa.

(I) As of press time Clayton has not returned.

I

December 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97

homoscopes

R

eady for a peek into 2020? It’s happening now. Fiery Jupiter moves into Capricorn from December 2-19. It only does this every 12 years, now it reveals what’s been hidden. Secrets emerge, and that can be exciting (unless they’re yours. Yikes!)

Expect some curveballs, but be prepared to step in and take over—unless it’s Santa’s job. You can’t do that. The Full Moon on the 12th sets the stage for something epic for you with others. By December 21 the Sun reaches the Solstice, shining a light on a wobbly situation. As the new decade is dawning, what will you remember from this one? Besides the naughty stuff, that is.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 The holidays bring out your inner child.

That’s sweet! It also brings out childish temper tantrums. Santa doesn’t like that.

You’re torn between work and fun. Complete your “to-do” list first.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Changes in your life and a little bit of mistletoe and eggnog make you act out in ways that surprise those around you. You make a few impulsive decisions. Maybe you should think twice?

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Maybe it’s the spirit of the season, but this month you learn what you really value.

Let attachments go and you’ll find a few nuggets of gold in your stocking.

CANCER June 22 - July 22 The key to success is moderation. That’s tough considering what this madcap month means. Push a few of your own boundaries (but don’t mess with anybody else’s) and take a risk. Or two.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Holiday parties keep you from being lonely.

Your social skills grow as you accommodate others, which is a good thing. Nobody likes a pill. Harmony is in the stars.

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VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 An authority figure sets an example for you.

It might be a friend, colleague or neighbor.

Is it Santa Claus? Maybe, maybe not. (It’s probably your mom.) Thoughtful choices bring rewards.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 You’re feeling frisky and share some illuminating “experiences” with someone you love. You share your talents after Dec. 12.

Uncertain what someone wants? Why not just ask them?

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 This is a hectic time of year so any lovey-dovey or career plans stay in the background. Others push you to achieve more. What’s stopping you? Push harder.

Deeper. Faster. Stronger!

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 This year has been one of personal growth.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel.

A birthday means that you’ll discover your priceless qualities in a 99¢ Store world.

Don’t compete for the spotlight you’re already in.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Despite the season, your bank account is in surprisingly good. Not only that, it’s a great time for feeling sexy. Birthday goats can expect renewed health. Eat lots of white cheese. I know it’s weird, but that’s what the stars say.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Follow your dreams. Sometimes you drop everything to help someone and they just stand there and stare at you. So, like, whatever. Learn to work with what’s in front of you. Someone says, “Yes.” (What did you ask them?)

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 You’ve gone through a lot this past year. All this “adulting” has worn you down. Lighten your load! Make someone else help for once. (Like a lazy Aries.) Prepare for a Holiday Extravaganza!