ION Arizona #218

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CARNAVAL LATINO

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KARAMBA

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15TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY

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PLAZMA

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FURR TRADE

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BUNK HOUSE

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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com ART DIRECTOR Alex Campos ...................... ionazproduction@me.com COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez Rafalogie Studio CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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BIZ BOWL

LET IT ROLL

Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce

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We’re Still Having Fun and We’re Still the One

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ho doesn’t love 70s and 80s music? I recently saw Rocketman (Elton John), Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) and Yesterday (The Beatles).

All great movies with inspiring soundtracks from that era. I remember watching MTV videos and listening to these songs on my Sony Walkman cassette player. I bought them all at Columbia House.

God, I’m old!

Another great song back then was “Still the One” by a band called Orleans. It inspired me to create a theme song using it as a cover for ION entitled “Still ION.” I re-wrote the lyrics and commissioned The Platinum Band to record it. The band was the headliner at our Ignition Phoenix 2016 LGBTQ auto show at the Arizona State Fair grounds. I created a karaoke version and is available on our YouTube channel called IONAZtv. Check it out.

Another thing I loved to do back then is play video games at home on my Atari 2600. Today, we play games anywhere on your phone when you download their app. While most of you are reading the print version of ION, 80% of the online readers view it on their phones. So we created an easy way to get your ION delivered to your pocket every month. The ION 24

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App features current and past issues, party cams, upcoming Facebook events, bars, restaurants, doctors, dentists, real estate, theatre and more! Download the beta 1.0 version at the Apple and Android stores. Search for “ION Arizona” or use the QR code on the right. Let us know what you think at IONArizona@me.com Another favorite pastime of mine was bowling.

Who doesn’t love a fun sport where you can get plenty of physical activity, eat nachos and drink beer with great friends?

This month’s ION is devoted to our own Gay Bowling Phoenix leagues as they prepare to start their fall season in early September. We call it, “Let it Roll,” and that’s the same name of the venue where all the leagues play. There’s always room for more bowlers. Sign up! For more info, go to GayPhoenixBowling.com There’s a lot going on this month all inside this print issue, online at IONAZ. com and on our new ION app available on the smart phone right in your pocket.

Listen to our new theme song and download our app today.

Jack Tesorero

I love the 80s

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DANCING FOR ONE.N.TEN

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ONE•N•TEN

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World Hip Hop Dance Championship Over four thousand of the world’s best dancers with crews from over 50 countries will compete for the world title while hip hop icons, artists and celebrities appear and perform. This eight-day event includes the world’s top street dancers competing in the World Battles, Breaking, Popping, Locking, Whacking and All Styles. August 5-10.

Finals at Gila River Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. For tix & more info visit HipHopInternational.com

Shaneland Arts Grand Opening It’s happening! The place where all that’s uniquely “you” is celebrated. Be part of this multi-experience art gallery, including creativity coaching for the artist inside you yearning to come out, art classes, and a quirky, funky artisan gift shop. The magic happens on Saturday, August 17 at ShaneLand Arts, 301 E. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. ShanelandArts.com (See ad p. 76)

Toga Party at BS West It’s just like those wild, bacchanalian parties in ancient Rome that Caligula used to throw! Well, not quite. But it’s a lot of fun! Channel your inner Caesar and turn your 420-thread count sheet into a sexy, skimpy toga. We’ll see you Saturday, August 31 at BS West, 7125 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. (See ad p. 18)

award-winning, contemporary setting american classics w/a mediterranian twist burgers, salads, entrees and more

traditional and comfort classics signature cocktails in a pub-style setting best patio and perfect event venue

fezoncentral.com 105 W Portland St

blissrebar.com 901 N 4th St

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Sausage Party at Bunkhouse Hot diggety dog! We’re gonna speak “frankly:” what has 100 teeth and eats weiners? A zipper! Haul your “buns” over to the Sausage Party! The hot dog buffet starts at 2 p.m. You’ll be able to digest those frankfurters before the Blackout Party starts at 9.m. (You might find a few more weenies!) It happens at the Bunkhouse, 4428 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. (See ad p. 12)

Rocky Point Shrimp Boil at Charlie’s For 31 years John King has been hauling up these tasty crustaceans up from the Sea of Cortez. Better put on your bib and get ready to tuck in! It’s all part of Labor Day Weekend. They even have a giant water slide open all day and all night. The Shrimp Boil starts at 7 p.m. on Sunday, September 1.

Charlies, 727 W. Camelback Rd. (See ad p. 12)

AUGUST 2019 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT Thurs Formal Male Review 7 90s Party 10 AZ Men of Leather Club Night 10 Phx Mercury BG Pride Party 10 Neon & Proud Party 14 Phx Fire Kickball 16 Pup Night 17 Blackout Night & WMW Dancers 17 Blackout Party 17 Grand Opening 21 “Grease” Singalong 24 15th Anniversary Party 27 Bingo w/ Kim Etiquette 30 Gear Night 31 Sausage Party 31-9/2 Labor Day Weekend Parties 31 Toga Party SEPTEMBER 1 Rocky Point Shrimp Boil 1 Carnaval Latino

LOCATION BS West Karamba The Anvil Talking Stick Arena BS West Encanto Park The Anvil The Anvil FLEX Spas Shaneland Arts Film Bar Karamba’s The Womack The Anvil The Bunkhouse Karamba BS West

CITY Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale

Charlie’s Karamba

Phoenix Phoenix

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Dario

Releases “Don’t Let Me Go”, His New Single About Toxic Relationships Photography by: Armando Sanchez

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ario makes his return to pop radio with “Don’t Let Me Go,” an anthemic rock power ballad he wrote about his experience being trapped in a toxic relationship. “Our minds often play games with us, convincing us we want to keep a relationship going even though we’re not getting what we want or deserve,” he reflects. “We tell ourselves we don’t care but deep in our hearts, we really do.” “Don’t Let Me Go” is the first single from Dario’s new LP, Ascension.

“I hadn’t been in a relationship in ten years so I was excited when I finally let my guard down and gave one a try,” Dario continues. “It did not go as I’d hoped. I wanted to be open and honest about the relationship, but the person I was with insisted we keep things private.

As a public person, I can’t live that way.

We eventually had to part ways. I never got the opportunity to say my piece, so I’m saying it in this song.”

Ascension is Dario’s tenth studio album and his most personal to date. Its title refers to Dario stripping himself of all doubt, fear, and insecurity to become the best version of himself. “I took all of 2017 off so that I could work on myself,” he said “I really wanted to take the opportunity to reflect on who I was and how I got to this point in my life.”

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of advocacy in his music today. “I no longer want people to talk. I want to inspire them to take action.” station in the back seat of my father’s truck, and his friend turned to my dad and said, ‘Hey, that boy can sing. You should get him a guitar or something!’ I knew right then and there what I wanted to be when I grew up.” However, at times, he didn’t have the full support of his parents either. “The rejection I experienced as a kid definitely impacts my life and music, even today.”

Dario moved to Hollywood to pursue his pop star dreams in 2006. He knew no one and had very little money but he adapted. “I grew a thick skin that first year. It toughened me up, especially when dealing with record executives.” He admits he and the music industry do not have the best relationship. “The labels are corporate. They prefer structure, whereas I tend to do things my way. I don’t like being told what to do,” he laughs.

Love has been a big theme in Dario’s music, and it remains so in Ascension, but this time around it’s different, more grownup. “I’m an adult and finally comfortable in my skin. I know who I am, what I want, and what I’m willing to do.”

He also takes on inequality, mental health, and the importance

His biggest aim is to provide listeners with an escape. “When you’re too serious, it can cloud everything that makes life happy. It’s important to keep things light and have fun!”

When things get too heavy, or he finds himself in a “Don’t Let Me Go” situation, Dario can always find comfort in his three favorite things in life: lip gloss, highlighters and rhinestones. “You can never have enough of them.”

Dario’s “Don’t Let Me Go” is available on iTunes, Spotify and all digital platforms. Visit DarionOnline.com for more!

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Cazwell and Miss Peppermint L a u n c h N e w P o d c a s t , “ I t ’ s a M e s s ”

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ut rapper Cazwell and drag superstar Miss Peppermint are announcing the launch of their exciting new podcast, “It’s a Mess.” The advice show covers everything from how to tell your coworker their breath smells like an old lobster roll to how to get revenge on the boss that f-ed you over. It also touches on serious topics like trans rights and gay adoption. Each episode features special guests like RuPaul’s Drag Race stars Bob the Drag Queen and Willam reading listeners’ questions. The 45-minute show features new episodes releasing every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify.

“Pep is very sweet and tends to find common ground when there’s a conflict; I tend to be more argumentative,” admits Cazwell on why the two work so neatly together. The two often having different views on how listeners should solve their problems. But there’s a serious side, too. “Trans people of color don’t get their voices heard enough in the gay community,” Cazwell continues. “Pep has a lot to say and all the queens had better give her their full attention. You might learn something.”

Cazwell and Peppermint have been bffs for over twenty years. “When I was starting out I got booked for a gig at Tunnel in New York and needed dancers. I was told to meet a drag queen named ‘Peppermint.’

She was so sweet and helpful; I knew then that we’d become best friends.”

The pair united on several projects through the years, including a gay hip-hop party in New York and several musical works, most notably the EP Blend, allowing the friends to combine their music tastes and giving Cazwell the chance to write Peppermint a trans anthem helping tell the story of her transition.

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Peppermint launched her career in the New York underground, recording music with the likes of Jonny McGovern and Sherry Vine. She rose to national fame competing on the ninth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, where she finished as runner-up. She then made her Broadway debut last year in The Go-Go’s-inspired musical “Head Over Heels,” becoming the first trans woman to originate a principal role on Broadway.

Cazwell also launched his career in the New York underground.

He has over 10 million YouTube/VEVO views with a steady flow of danceable hip hop and club tracks showcasing his hypomanic take on pop culture with hits like “Ice Cream Truck,” “I Seen Beyoncé At Burger King,” “¡Spicy!,” “Cakes”, and his latest release, “I Love You.” Cazwell‘s last EP, “Hard 2 B Fresh,” rose to the top 5 on the iTunes album chart.

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ForeverDogProductions.com New episodes come out every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all popular podcast platforms.

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Labor Day Weekend at Charlie’s

It’s a three day weekend! How are you gonna celebrate? If you’re not working (which is weird since it’s a day about not working) head on over to Charlie’s for their Beach Party with Claudia B. on Saturday, August 31 at 9:30 p.m.

And you can’t miss a Valley tradition: Pussy LeHoot’s Annual Labor Day Show on Monday, September 2 at 1 p.m. You never know what’ll happen during this spectacle. We’re serious. Anything can happen. And we mean anything! Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 13)

AUGUST 2019 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

1

10:30pm

Karamba

Ladies of Chill Pill Gigi Hosts

8

10:00pm

The Rock

Stevens’ Family Values w/ Doja

10

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Samba Under The Stars w/ Claudia B

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10:00pm

The Rock

Face Lift w/ Savannah & Whitney

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10:00pm

The Rock

Rock Bottom w/ Benaddiction

Mondays

10:00pm

Charlie’s

The Strip Factor - Claudia B, Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano

Tuesdays

8:00pm

Charlie’s

Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”

Wednesdays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

La Loteria with Susan Martell

Wednesdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego

Wednesdays

10:30pm

Karamba

Karamba Girls Show with Mileena Dallas & Fernanda Vargas

Thursdays

10:30pm

Karamba

Gigi DeMilo Show

Thursdays

10:00pm

Charlie’s

Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay

2nd & 4th Fri

10:00pm

The Rock

Coco’s Charm School

Fridays

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande

Friday’s

9:30pm

Charlie’s

The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs

Fridays

10:30pm

The Rock

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Saturdays

10:30pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm

The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B

Sundays

7:00pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

10:30pm

Charlie’s

Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano

Sundays

10:30pm

Karamba

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The 70s

The “Me Decade” might be before your time, but it produced some classics. (The Beatle’s Ringo Starr was a holdover from the 60’s.) Who can resist the Wilson sisters of Heart when they sing, “Barracuda” or “Dog & Butterfly”? The original bad girl of Music Joan Jett will always love rock ‘n’ roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby. ZZ Top is still rockin’ those hillbilly beards. Ol’ George Clinton is still funkadelic as ever!

The 80s

Generation Xers unite! Can you believe Weird Al Yankovic is still producing those crazy parody songs? We can’t either. But he is. And he’s still weird. Bid farewell to New Wave party band The B-52s on their final concert tour where they’ll be joined by Berlin, who’ll take your breath away along with the pre-emo weepers, OMD.

The 90s

There’s no nickname for the last decade of the millennium. But it gave us Crash Test Dummies who sang the weird “Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm” song, UB40 with that obnoxious reggae “Red Red Wine,” dreamy Chris Isaak, Blink-182 & Lil Wayne, Korn & Alice in Chains, Collective Soul & The Gin Blossoms plus Slipknot for you metal heads.

AUGUST 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST LOCATION 3 Weird Al Yankovic Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 4 Knotfest Roadshow Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 5 Blink-182 & Lil Wayne Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 6 Carly Rae Jepsen The Van Buren - Phoenix 9 Mary J. Blige & Nas Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 11 Young the Giant/Fitz & the Tantrums Comerica Theatre - Phx 11 Bush, Live Casino del Sol - Tucson 13 Collective Soul/Gin Blossoms Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 14 B-52s, Berlin & OMD Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 15 Slightly Stoopid, Matisyahu Pepsi Amphitheater - Flagstaff 17 George Clinton Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 22 Crash Test Dummies Marquee Theatre - Tempe 25 Chris Isaak Fox Theatre - Tucson 26 Ringo Starr Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 27 Chris Isaak Mesa Arts Ctr. 28 Heart, Joan Jett Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 29 UB40 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 29 ZZ Top Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 31 Korn, Alice in Chains Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix

PHONE 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-344-9435 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 480-656-9940 602-267-1600 480-839-0707 520-547-3040 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 800-745-3000

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Small Mouth Sounds

In the overwhelming quiet of the woods, six runaways from city life embark on a silent retreat. As these strangers confront internal demons both profound and absurd, their vows of silence collide with the human need to connect. Filled with awkward and insightful humor, this unique and compassionate play asks how we address life’s biggest questions when words fail us. A Stray Cat Theatre production, August 9-24 at the Tempe Center for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. For tix call 480-350-2814 or or check out StrayCatTheatre.org

Patrick Warburton

You might remember him as the dumb, hunky “Puddy” from Seinfeld. He’s also the Tick and voice talent on Family Guy, Lemony Snicket, and The Bee Movie. Now Warburton’s touring comedy show, plus special guests reading from the hilarious, bestselling book, Letters from a Nut by Ted L. Nancy featuring real, hokey letters to real companies and people all over the world along with their responses. The laughs happen Thursday August 22 at CB Live at Desert Ridge 21001 N Tatum Blvd. Tickets at CBlive.com or call 602-910-5161

Josh Blue

The winner of NBC’s Last Comic Standing puts the “cerebral” in cerebral palsy. His self-deprecating humor about his disability not only makes you think but will win your heart (while you laugh yourself silly.) Catch him August 29-31 at the Tempe Improv, 930 E. University Rd. in (duh!) Tempe. For tickets go to TempeImprov.com or call 480-921-9877

AUGUST 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE EVENT 6-11 Book of Mormon 9-24 Small Mouth Sounds 9-25 Matilda: the musical thru 11 Spamilton thru 17 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 22 Patrick Warburton 23-24 Patrick Warburton thru 24 Sister Act 28-10/13 Kinky Boots 29-31 Josh Blue

COMPANY ASU Gammage - Tempe Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe Valley Youth Theatre Phoenix Theatre Hale Theatre - Gilbert CB Live Desert Ridge Tempe Improv AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria Phoenix Theatre Tempe Improv

PHONE 480-965-3434 480-350-2TCA 602-258-9481 602-254-2151 480-497-1181 602-910-5161 480-921-9877 623-776-8400 602-254-2151 480-921-9877

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Girls Just Wanna ...

The Kitchen Starring: Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Hadish, Elizabeth Moss With a string of tragically unfunny “comedies” behind her (Tammy, Life of the Party, The Boss, and The Heat. Okay. Identity Thief is pretty funny.) it looks like Melissa McCarthy has found her niche after the brilliant Can You Ever Forgive Me? She teams up with Hadish (Girls’ Trip) and Moss (The Handmaid’s Tale) as 1970s Hell’s Kitchen housewives whose mobster husbands are sent to the big house. They take mafia matters into their own hands while taking out the competition.

Opens August 9

Where’d You Go, Bernadette?

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kristin Wiig, Billy Crudup, Laurence Fishburne “People like you must create; if you don’t, you become a menace to society.”

That’s Bernadette (Blanchette, Carol). Despite being the most exciting thing to happen to architecture, she’s also agoraphobic, she hates people—most of all, her neighbor, Audrey (Wiig, SNL, Bridesmaids). Why does she suddenly disappear? “It’s

my one chance to launch my second act.” Forget Carmen Sandiego ... where in the world is Bernadette? This mystery-comedy-drama is based on the bestselling book of the same name.

Opens August 16

Brittany Runs a Marathon Starring: Jillian Bell, Utkarsh Ambudkar, Mikah Stock No, not Britney Spears. This Brittany (wisecracking Bell, Portlandia, Workaholics, Office Christmas Party) shines in this heartwarming true comedy about a fat girl who—you guessed it—runs a marathon. But there’s so much more to it. Look for the Next Big Thing, Tony nominated Mikah Stock, (Bondage, Tales of the City) for the win.

Opens August 23

Vita & Virginia Starring: Gemma Arterton, Elizabeth Debicki, Isabella Rossellini A romantic British drama about legendary Bloomsbury twilight lovers, manic depressive writer Virginia Woolf (Debicki, The Great Gatsby) who based her novel Orlando on her main squeeze, vivacious Vita Sackville-West (Arterton, Clash of the Titans.) Besides ... Isabella Rossellini? Hello?!

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

Blood Orange

Orville Peck

Angel’s Pulse

Pony

Queer cowboys have always been a culturual obession, in Tom of Finland’s illustrations, as one of the Village People, in film in Brokeback Mountain. Canadian born Orville Pecks takes the archetype to somewhere it hasn’t been: a masked, enigmatic, outlaw. Peck perfectly reconciles queer narratives with a the sounds of Johnny Cash, Merle and Haggard on this debut record. His burrly baritone soars like Roy Orbison’s tenor did on “Dead of Night”—a sexy Lana Del Rey style track where he swoons “see, see the boys as they walk on by.” Pony offers up something timeless defiant and groundbreaking just in its being.

Available Now

Iggy Azalea

In My Defense After years of setbacks and growing anticipation, the Australian rapper has finally released In My Defense—the follow-up to her 2014 debut album The New Classic. The album is full of the sparse, piano earworm led beats, the kind we hear Cardi B rap so virtuously. Where Cardi, Minaj or Cupcakke would fill the space with their animated and clever flows, Azalea falls flat. “Sally Walker,” “Thanks I Get,” “Freak of the Week” are reminiscent of the hotel lobby covers of pop songs— generic and indiscernible.

Available Now

Following up the critically acclaimed release of Negro Swan earlier this year, Dev Hynes, the man behind the production pen name Blood Orange, has blessed us with a palette cleanser of sorts. His new mixtape, Angel’s Pulse doesn’t dwell to far from Hynes’ calling card of airy R&B vocals. Abrupt transitions give the feeling of switching between radio stations and discovering genius collaborations with other indie auteurs Toro Y Moi, ‘Dark & Handsome’, Arca, ‘Take it Back’, and ingenue Tinashe, ‘Tuesday Feeling’. Angel’s Pulse moody and immersive soundscape feel fitting for those dwindling Summer days.

Available Now Beyoncé

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Beyoncé – “FIND YOUR WAY BACK” Whitney Houston / Kygo – “Higher Love” Sam Smith – “How Do You Sleep?”

Charli XCX / Christine and the Queens – “Gone” ROSALÍA – “Millionària” Thom Yorke – “Traffic” Magadalena Bay – “Nothing Baby” BANKS – “Contaminated” Cupcakke – “Aeysha” Leon Bridges – “That Was Yesterday” August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

Bye, Bye, OITNBlackbird O

ne of the first series commissioned

by Netflix in 2013, Orange Is The New Black ushered in a monumental era of television. For six unforgettable seasons the drama tackled some of the most difficult, relevant, and human stories of our time.

OITNB was essentially a show built on the understanding that “liberty and justice for all” is a lie. The series set in a women’s prison in upstate New York compelled viewers to see how corrupt the system can be; how Black and Brown people are set up to fail by racist systems; how bad luck is often the only thing separating prisoners from the people outside.

Notably, OITNB was among the earliest TV shows to feature a transgender character, Sophia Burset, played by a trans actor, Laverne Cox, and to use that character to explore the challenges Sophia faced in prison: verbal and physical abuse, refusal

to release her prescribed hormone therapy, solitary confinement. The recurring character, the lovable bull dyke inmate Carrie “Big Boo” Black (Lea Delaria), was an audience favorite in 62 episodes.

After the first three season, the show began following a darker trajectory. After season six upwards of 75 characters flooded the storyline until writers pared the cast down to a core ensemble.

Now, in its final season, Piper (Taylor Schilling) struggles with life on the outside, while life in the big house— corrupt and unjust as ever—goes on without her. Taystee’s (Danielle Brooks) friendship with Cindy (Adrienne C. Moore) still hangs in the balance as her wrongfully decreed life sentence looms, while the inmates struggle with the reality of their place in this world.

Will finale satisfy fans? Or should they lock ‘em up and throw away the key?

Fans can still follow Orange is the New Black on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. See more at Netflix.com/OITNB Available now on Netflix.

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J

ust in time for this year’s Super Bowl, BKD’s Backyard Joint opened up their casual dining restaurant and sports bar.

Teammates Brandon, Kelly, and Dan are co-owners, with years of experience playing together on the same league that brought you famous The Melting Pot fondue speciality restaurants around the Valley.

Genuine hospitality is their number one value, camaraderie and sportsmanship (that means no fighting, kids), and a sense of belonging for their guests and staff makes them Number One for fans.

The East Valley Tribune nominated this new team for a whopping six awards recently: Best New Business, Best Sports Bar, Best Wings, Best Place to Watch a Game, and Best Customer Service. Guys will like Justin behind the bar, just don’t get too likkered up and get fresh, now.

Think of BKD’s gridiron as your go-to friendly neighborhood bar ... but even better. With TV’s mounted everywhere you’ll see why sports fanatics love it. (They don’t show RuPaul’s

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Drag Race here. Sorry.) They broadcast popular UFC fights (the next one is this August 17 at 7 p.m.)

Live Music Saturday pulls in music lovers; Josh West, one of the top 20 contestants from NBC’s The Voice entertained recently. You can also get in on Jack Trivia and win prizes, karaoke, or games on their patio, like jenga. They even have free WiFi! BKD’s Chef Mark Coakley fired up the kitchen stove just about a month ago and introduced their championship menu. And it’s an all-star lineup. The appetizing “Pre-Game Warm Up” puts 11 items on the field. Try out their Backyard Wings Your Way with a variety of styles. They also serve up Sliders, Buffalo Chicken Bacon Fries, Mega Pretzel, Fajita Quesadilla, potato skins, beer-battered shrimp, and Loaded Duck-Fat Fries.

How about BKD’s Tailgate Tacos, featuring two six-inch tacos with grilled corn or soft flour tortillas plus a delicious cob o’ elote. We picked Hatch Chile Pork, and Fried Bay Pub Shrimp. Vegetarian? Try their meatless Jackfruit Carnitas to tempt your tongue.

Don’t expect any wardrobe malfunctions during BKD’s crowd pleasing Halftime Sandwiches and Wraps, but your nipples will sure perk up (and your shirt will get tighter). We loved the Rosemary Turkey Melt with smoked Applewood bacon, roasted red peppers, spinach, sliced

“oven”—when we were there.)

avocado, chipotle aioli and smoked cheddar on rosemary focaccia.

All sandwiches and wraps come with a side of World Cup worthy french fries. Mac N Cheese makes a surprise play here you won’t want to miss. Choose either BKD’s Pork Belly Buff or Smoked Beef Brisket macaroni and cheese made with Cavatapi pasta, cheese. Sometimes Chef Mark will recruit a special just for fans, like Mac ‘n’ Cheese with Lobster. Rich, flavorpacked leg and claw meat made us cheer. Flip a coin and choose from other styles.

You’ll zero in on BKD’s Bullseye Burgers. Seven hamburgers made with fresh 1/2 pound house blend top round and brisket patties, served with french fries. The Field of Greens is where you’ll get your crisp, fresh salads for those of you who are counting calories instead of keeping score.

Four desserts will satisfy any sweet tooth. We tackled their housemade Blueberry Cobbler served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream but we hear the Triple Layer Chocolate Cake is the real MVP. (It was still in the bullpen—I mean,

Lookin’ for suds? BKD’s has 24 beers on tap—two-thirds are locally brewed craft beers.

Their own craft beer is brewed for them by O’Dell’s in Colorado.

The beers on tap rotate. You might start rotating if you have too many, so enjoy them responsibly. We’re big fans of the Purple Heart Cider, produced locally.

Ask about their Beer or Mimosa Tower.

BKD’s Backyard Joint is a one big World Series, Super Bowl, World Cup, Stanley Cup, NBA Finals, and the Olympics all together at one great place! With karaoke night and a dog friendly patio! They have a mobile customer loyalty app you’ll wanna download on your smart phone to keep up with their great specials. BKD’s Backyard Joint welcomes you. They’ve got a seat at the 50 yard line waiting for you.

BKD’s Backyard Joint Follow BKD’s Backyard Joint on Facebook and Twitter @ BKDsBackyardJoint 980 E. Pecos Rd., Ste. 5 in Chandler 480-935-2537 BKDsBackyard.com

Photography by: LeakedGlass Art Direction by: Alex Campos Text by: Deon Brown Models: Jay, Bedro, and Elin Jay and Bedro styled by: Rafalogie Studios Elin styled and dress designed by: Ashprin Couture

W

here else can you be part of a sport that’s all about back ends, ball spinners, bed posts, double-wood, and angle of entry, not to mention cock and balls? Sounds sexy, right? It is. But it ain’t Grindr here. We’re talking about Gay Bowling Phoenix. Their constitution states, “This organization shall promote unity, communication and fellowship in all LGBTQ and Allied competitions and community at large.”

They forgot to add how much fun it is!

This isn’t new. It’s probably the oldest gay sports league in the Valley. One single gay bowling league started in Phoenix in the 1970s and officially sanctioned in 1980 as “Our Gang.” They’re still an active team on the league, bowling every Monday night. Now Gay Bowling Phoenix boasts nearly 600 members with 100 three- or four-person teams on six leagues. That’s a lot of balls, baby—but they don’t discriminate. Everyone who wants to bowl is welcome.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2019

In it to win it? There are nearly 200 gay bowling leagues across the United States. We’re proud to tell you that Gay Bowling Phoenix boasts of one of the largest prize funds of all, putting about $20,000 collectively in winning purses annually. That sure sweetens the pot!

Make friends and bowl with Gay Bowling Phoenix. All skill levels are welcome, there’s no judging. (Now when was the last time you heard that?) The Wednesday league bowl mostly for fun, whereas the seasoned athletes on the Monday and Friday leagues bowl with a competitive edge. Check your schedule, there’s an opportunity to bowl just about every night of the week with your friends. There are leagues on Thursday nights and Sunday mornings, too.

Costs usually range from about $12 to $17 per week.

You can be part of the games and action—but no “sour apples” allowed. (That’s another bowling term. Join Gay Bowling Phoenix and you’ll find out what it means.) Let It Roll bowling alley in Sunnyslope is the friendly sponsor for all the league games and tournaments.

August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

Tournaments

Bowling for dollars (and fun!) This is the big one, folks! You won’t want to miss the Phoenix Regional Invitational Tournament (PRIT) on Presidents’ Day Weekend 2020. This tournament has been around almost 40 years. This one’s a whopper with one of the largest prize funds with cash payouts. Bowling teams come from all over the country to compete. There’s three ways to win: Doubles, Singles and Teams. Last year’s first place team won $2,000; Doubles won $1,000, while Singles Men and Women pocketed $500. Think you’ve got enough body english and the skills to keep your balls out of the gutter? You might win big!

Events & Fundraising

Gay Bowling Phoenix believes in giving back. Their cash gifts help others in need. Beneficiaries of their generosity includes one•n•ten who help the LGBTQ youth find their place in the world, without any judgment and providing resources for their future betterment, Joshua Tree Feeding Project, a food pantry for those living with HIV/AIDS and limited resources, and others.

Bingo O 69! Join your bowling pals the second Saturday of every month at Stacy’s @ Melrose. The doors open at 1 p.m and the games start at 2 p.m. Win cash prizes up to $100 and be sure to enter to win the cash raffle. So bring your lucky troll dolls or good luck charms and get ready to win! Bingo!

The Turkey Bowl Shake your tail feathers and get ready for the Turkey Bowl coming up in midNovember 2019. That’s right around the corner! Gobble up some winning cash awards and other great prizes. Join Gay Bowling Phoenix for complete information and finalized dates. (FYI: A “turkey” is three consecutive strikes, just in case you didn’t know. Or did you?)

This is a great time to join Gay Bowling Phoenix and knock down some pins! Why should you join? Here’s a few of the reasons from the Gay Bowling Phoenix board members: “I joined Gay Phoenix Bowling for the camaraderie and a night out, but specifically for the friends I’ve made.” -- Randy Krogstad, Director of Sponsorship “I like bowling for the sociability, competition, and a good middle of the week break.” -- Edward Dondlinger, President “Bowling for me has always been the perfect combination of friends, fun, and drinks!” -- Jeff Donovan, Vice President

Join a League Now!

The 2019-2020 season starts in early September. For more information about joining, check out their Facebook page under GayBowlingPhoenix.com

So get your balls polished, check out a pair of those cute shoes, and get ready to bowl! It all happens at the sponsoring bowling alley, Let It Roll Bowl at 925 N. 12th St. in Phoenix

August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

Sponsors

Absolut® Vodka

An LGBTQ ally since 1981, Absolut® Vodka takes pride in diversity. As a premium vodka it is an icon in its own right and regarded to be the true taste of vodka around the globe.

Stacy’s @ Melrose Right in the heart of the Melrose District, you’ll find Stacy’s @ Melrose, a friendly dance bar to meet up with your friends. Stacy’s is the place to be for Bingo the second Saturday of every month. A popular bartender around town before opening his own bar six years ago, owner Stacy Louis is also a big supporter of many local and national groups and causes. StacysAtMelrose.com

Pat O’s Bunkhouse After decades of involvement in the LGBTQ community, Pat O is a celebrated bartender and bar owner in Phoenix.

As a sponsor of many organizations and causes, it’s no wonder his watering hole is one of the Valley’s favorites.

BunkhouseSaloonPhoenix.com

Let It Roll Let It Roll partners with a number of Phoenix Schools, charities and organizations. They also support local artists, musicians and comedians providing them with a stage. Check out their Rock N Cosmic Bowl on Fridays and Saturdays with a live DJ. They are the only bowling alley that GayPhoenixBowling.com calls “home.” Let them welcome you. LetItRollBowl.com

Kobalt at Park Central Now celebrating 13 years of being different, Kobalt at Park Central features award-winning karaoke four days a week and the Best Drag Show in town, thanks to Phoenix New Times. No attitude, great cocktails and a Friday Happy Hour hotspot. You’ll feel right at home. KobaltBarPhoenix.com

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Extravaganza

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

BS West Formal Male Review (W) OZ Bar Bingo (W)

Cruisin 7th Cruisin Play Mates (W) Charlie’s Loteria Night (W)

29

Charlie’s Pipin’ Hot Thursdays (W)

Film Bar Grease

28

BS West Formal Male Review (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

22

BS West Formal Male Review (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

21

The Rock Face Lift

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

The Anvil Red Hanky Party The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

The Anvil Gear Night

The Rock Bearracuda

Karamba Labor Day Party Pat O’s Bunk House Sausage Party

31

Cruisin 7th Lady & the Tramps (W) Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

FLEX Spa’s Blackout Night

The Anvil Blackout Night

Karamba 15th Anniversary

24

17

Talking Sticks Arena Phoenix Mercury Home Game

Charlie’s Samba Under The Stars

10

3

SATURDAY

The Rock Queer Girl

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

The Rock Rock Bottom

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

30 MarMM

23

16

9

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

The Rock Face Lift

The Rock Stevens’ Family Values

15

8

Roosevelt Row First Fridays (M)

2

FRIDAY

Karamba Ladies of Chill Pill

Cruisin 7th Cruisin Play Mates (W)

14

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

The Womack Bingo No She Didnt

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

27

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

20

13

The Rock Late Nite Snax

26

Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

25

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

19

BS West Industry Night (W)

Charlie’s Its My Pachanga

Stacy’s @ Melrose Flesh (W)

18

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

The Rock Chill Pill Sunday

12

Karamba 90’s Party

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

Charlie’s Banana Hammock Sundays (W)

11

Film Bar A Star Is Born

7

WEDNESDAY

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

6

TUESDAY

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

5

MONDAY

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

4

SUNDAY

AUGUST 2019 1

THURSDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.75 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2.75 Canned Beers ALL DAY

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

Buy 1 get 1 for $1. Go-Go Dancers, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

Karamba Plazma The Rock Stacy’s

W

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.25 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis 7pm- Close

KARAOKE 9pm $3 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for $1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm

$5 Ketel One/Malibu $3.50 Dom Pitch $3 1800 Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays - Gigi DeMilo Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $3 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

MONDAY

TUESDAY

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

Br

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WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2019

PHOENIX Address

Phone

1. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

3. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

4. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

5. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. Caravan Taphouse

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

8. The Cash

1730 E McDowell Rd.

9. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

11. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

12. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

13. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

14. Hula’s Modern Tiki

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

15. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

16. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

17. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

18. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 253-0689

x

(602) 795-7881 (602) 267-9959

19. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

20. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

x

21. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

22. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

24. IBTs

(602) 266-0477

x

(602) 248-8559

TUCSON Address 23. Hotel Congress

(602) 242-5114

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053 August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

78

WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2019

Dear Miss Tiger,

H

unties, y’all need to break out the unicorn rafts because this month’s Favorite Bitch® is overboard … and drowning in drama!

Dear Miss Tiger, My bestie invited me to his pool party. He’s gay and so were most of the dudes there. So anyways, I wore a thong bikini and TBH I don’t see the problem. My so-called-best-friend said I looked like a slut and told me to go home! It’s been a month and we’re still not talking. What do you think?

— Josh Dear I Think He Knew Your Buns Would Be Lookin’ For Any Ol’ Hotdog Come Nightfall, And your bestie wasn’t in the mood for the party being all about your ass cheeks … and not all about his fierce barbecue chicken … NEXT! Favorite Bitch, I went on a cruise and met the man of my dreams. but as soon as I got back, he unfollowed me on Instagram and isn’t returning my DMs. WTF? — Billy Dear You Got The Honeymoon But You Definitely Didn’t Get The Groom, Next time you’re on vacation, try stickin’ to sight seeing instead of setting your eyes on every new eggplant. You’ll have fond memories and photos— instead of Instagram stories that disappear quicker than he did.

I bottomed while swimming in a hotel pool. Didn’t think twice about it because I’m on PrEP. Problem is I tested positive for gonorrhea. Any advice?

— Charlie Dear For Starters Take Your Happy Rectum To The Pharmacy Or Any Gay Bar And Get Some Goddamn Condoms, But unlike your rubber ducky they’re not waterproof! Be glad the only gift he gave you was the clap. He could’ve given you something you can’t return.

Hi Miss Tiger, Help! I invited my sister and her husband to a gay beach party. I was scandalous and in the bushes getting some ‘brains’ from somebody. It felt so good that I just had to see who it was. Miss Tiger, it was my sister’s husband!!!

— Jonathan Dear This Is Why Straight Folks Should Opt-Out Of Certain Gay Gatherings, All I gotta say is that your brother-in-law can’t blame his deep throat skills on the alcohol!

P.S. Can I get his number???

The Miss Tiger Show Every Tuesday at 6 p.m. MST Live on MissTiger.com Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

by Addison DeWitt

B

Y

A

ou could almost feel the excitement in the air. The tension was building!

You could even say it was “palpable.”

(Oh, look at me! I just did!)

Why? Because it was the annual “Dancing for one•in•ten” competition. Their hostess, the lovely Barbra Seville (A) looked, well, lovely in her first gown of the evening, I must say.

80

Handsome Chase Hunt, (the future Mr. HuntKirby), soothed his incredibly youthful future mother-in-law, Sharon Watkins-Kirby, (D) who was a bundle of nerves waiting for her baby birthday boy, Scotty Kirby, (the future Mr. Kirby-Hunt) to take the stage with his partner, Jordyn Reyes. (E) Those two put D their paws up and showed us their teeth, Gaga style.

Rah, rah, ah-ah-ahah! Ro-mah, romah-ma-ah!

C

Competition alum Devon Norris and his oh-so-dreamy coordinating boyfriend Carlos Lara, Jr., were all “Boys Gone Wild!” with their sizzling painted-on hot pants showing off legs that went from here to next Sunday.

(B) Those sex-o’-matic boys have a walk that makes grown men feel underage, sisters.

Speaking of sisters, (C) those heaven sent Sisters of Perpetual F Motion—I mean WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2019

“Indulgence”— must’ve blessed the show because there wasn’t a Showgirls beads-on-the-stage sabotage moment to ruin the event. (Even though that would’ve really livened things up, you have to admit! Is that bad?)

No, it’s not “The Parent Trap.”

But here’s two Courtney Bennetts (F) of Tito’s Handmade Vodka! (Say, Courtney, do I get a kickback shilling for their Texasstyle Kickapoo Joy Juice? Get back to me.) She to be the dance floor darling as the top fundraiser raking in $54k for one•in•ten. Remember, that’s Tito’s Handmade Vodka. (That’s another shout-out. You’re welcome.

Ka-ching!)

E

What’s better than one Josue from

Charlie’s?

I’ll tell you.

Two Josues from Charlie’s, of course! (G) Of course, three would be nice. More would too much for me to handle.

Maybe. (Maybe not.) That sexy muchacho could cha-cha his way into my bedroom with and play with my Chiapanecas any time.

G

I

The fabulous Kado Stewart, Deputy Director at one•in•ten, played stage manager. But it takes more than a clipboard, a headset and a fancy official t-shirt, to be like Kado. And nobody messes with Kado.

You know what else makes you look totally bad ass? A girlfriend, like past (formerly known as) “Dancing with the Bars” contestant Jacqueline Ariel. Get a clipboard, headset, fancy t-shirt and a foxy girlfriend. Even then, you’ll still never be as fabulous as Kado.

Never. (H) Gal pals and past “Dancing with/for” contestants Kat Carlson and Tuesday Mahrle cheered on the dancers. (I) Tuesday was suddenly overcome by a case of the vapors. Honey, that bargain basement Distilled Russian Potato Water I saw in the flask in her purse must’ve “turned.” It certainly wouldn’t have if it was fresh Tito’s Handmade Vodka. (That’s three mentions, Courtney.) Or maybe she got ahold of some bad clams.

Everyone’s favorite sporty spice athlete

Ryan Santana and radio personality Aneesh Ratan hollered, “Rah, rah, sisboombah!” from the bleachers.

(J) The competition was worth H all the corns, fallen arches, sprained ankels, pulled hamstrings, hammertoes, bunions and spurs, wasn’t it? All for the children!

Meanwhile, letters, letters, letters from the readers are pouring in! Readers keep begging, “More! More!

More!” You asked for it!

J You got it! Now, another installment of “Keeping Up with the Davenports!” Last month we caught Christopher and Clayton at the Aunt Rita’s Project Red Fashion Show with front row Miranda Priestly and Anna Wintour seating, of course.

(K) And looking a little judge-y.

Everybody wants to be them. Sigh!

“That’s all.”

(Courtney, call me. We’ll talk about my commission from Tito’s Handmade Vodka for the namedropping.

Four times.)

K August 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

N

o “butt jokes.” We’ve all heard ‘em.

But your ass is about to be kicked into high gear because Uranus goes into retrograde from August 11 through January 10, 2020.

Brace yourself for a jolt of inspiration— expect it to be unconventional, because Uranus is the weirdo planet. Expect immense personal growth along and parts of you to be awakened that you haven’t even realized dozed off. Don’t laugh, Uranus is a mover and a shaker, so don’t try to resist the sure-fire changes that are coming. It sounds like an ABC After School Special about hitting puberty, and it’s a little bit like that—but without training bras, periods or uncomfortably obvious boners.

Every sign is affected differently. Embrace the challenge. You’ll be surprise at the magic Uranus brings to you this month.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You’ve had a lot of new ideas lately. Now it’s time to deal with personal development.

You don’t always like that. Actually, you’re rarely ever like that. Seize this opportunity to create a new “you.”

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Expect things to annoy you this month.

Everything will drive you crazy. Family.

Health. Sex. Work. Here’s the good news: expect money. A lot of money. Don’t spend it carelessly on a hooker.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Devotion to family and friends is your hallmark. You’ve got energy and drive.

Got a birthday? You’ll indulge in wild and exaggerated excesses. So many that you might embarrass yourself. Who cares?

Everyone wants to be you. Who wouldn’t?

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 A set back has you shaking your fist at the Universe. You might even say, “Damn you!”

Accept it and you’ll get a surprise. Birthday Virgos are on a health kick. You’ll get something super juicy at Jamba Juice.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Who has the potential? You do. Who makes things happen? You do. Who has the ability?

You do. You make the impossible look easy.

Are you a Marvel superhero in disguise?

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Attention to detail is the name of the game.

Mercury contributes to your personal image campaign. Welcome publicity comes your way. And you love it.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Explore new territories and conquer new worlds. Good fortune is at your fingertips, thanks to Jupiter in your House. You spend lavishly. Don’t go crazy and waste it.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 It’s easier to push your ideas through and influence others. You’re especially charming and sociable. Your libido is through the roof.

Everything is stimulating. .

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Career is your big focus because your family is all, you know, family. Don’t make any big decisions because you’re feeling emotional. Old memories and an old love revisit. That should be interesting.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 No offense, but others have said you’re unbearable lately. Selfish, too. Your social circle helps mold you into a gorgeous creature. On the upside: expect lots of money. I mean lots. So screw the haters.

CANCER June 22 - July 22 Goals. You’ll be surprised how many of them you achieve! It’s your chance to shine and everyone notices you. You solve a big problem. It’s really big. Like algebra ... but worse. Very impressive!

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 A spark of self-satisfaction brings you contentment. Do you care what others think of you? Heck, no! Pursue your desire; you’re not afraid of failure. Bring sneakers to wear with everything. But no Crocs.

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WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2019