ION Arizona #215

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y Saturdath

Jpum ntoecl8ose

8

1st tito's

cocktail

$

2

with your Splash Bash bracelet!

DJ Kirk Cummings!

4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix facebook.com/stacysatmelrose

602-361-6560

602-264-1700

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BEARRACUDA

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THE ROCK

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PHOENIX PRIDE 2019

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STEEL INDIAN SCHOOL PARK

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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com ART DIRECTOR Alex Campos ...................... ionazproduction@me.com COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Why, Arizona?

I

want to thank all of you who wished me Happy Birthday last month. It makes my heart smile when I listen to all my voicemails, read the texts and the many Facebook likes and comments.

My picture this month is of me in Why, Arizona where I stopped with Michael Don Francesco on our way to celebrate my birthday in Rocky Point, Mexico. It made me reflect on, “Why Arizona?”

When I moved to Arizona in 1998, I didn’t know one person. I packed up the U-Haul in Michigan and drove one way for four days and never looked back. I left the comfort of my hometown, childhood friends and family to start anew. I left my simple lifestyle not knowing what my future would hold.

When I finally settled in, I tried to explore the LGBTQ in Phoenix with no luck. I fired up my 56k modem and searched the new internet. A list of over 30 gay bars came up. I was shocked! So I started to visit some of these and met some great people who took me under their wing and showed me this amazing community.

So in 2001, I started a magazine that would help people find these bars and other gay and gay friendly businesses.

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I was overwhelmed by how big this community really was. I wanted all of these community businesses and organizations to be included. It was tough herding these cats into a new magazine. For the many who have and continue to support ION Arizona, THANK YOU! We’ve passed many milestones since our humble beginnings. One of them was when the owners Apollo’s Lounge (now The Womack), Ron Lindblad and Lee Revelle, passed the “Sexiest Bartender Contest” torch to ION. Since then our bar’s contestants have helped raised over $100,000 for local charities. This year we partnered with RipplePHX to coproduce the event as the finale to their outlandish Carnival Weekend May 16-18 at Stacy’s @ Melrose. There’s still time to get out and support your favorite sexy bartender this month! Check out all the sexy bartenders on page 64.

I hope I answered the age old question: Why, Arizona? It’s because of you, our many businesses and non-profits, our great events throughout the state like Sexiest Bartender and Splash Bash.

That’s why we all have our ION Arizona.

Jack M Tesorero Why Not

JELL-O WRESTLING

SAAF

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Cinco de Mayo at Karamba Celebrate the Mexicans’ 1862 victory during the Franco-Prussian War at the Battle of Puebla! Or just come and have fun at Ruby’s show, karaoke, vaquero dance, the Wild Men of the West and don’t forget lots of cervezas, margaritas and tequila on May 1-6! Where else but Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 27)

RipplePHX Carnival & Sexiest Bartender Contest Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Step right up, ladies and gentleman! The single greatest entertainment spectacular is back! Join in the fun with RipplePHX Spring Carnival all weekend long! Be amazed and astounded when you see the Sexiest Bartender Contest live! On stage! May 10-12 at Stacy’s @ Melrose, 4343 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix! Brought to you by ION Arizona. (See ad on p.

12 and “Sexiest Bartender” contestants on p. 64)

Red is the Night 23 Skidoo! Recreate the forbidden excitement of the speakeasies of the Roaring 20s at this rollicking fundraiser. Help Aunt Rita’s Foundation assist 13 partnering HIV/AIDS agencies help others. Live entertainment! Food! Booze! It all happens on May 11 at the Bentley Projects Warehouse 2015, 215 E. Grant St. in Phoenix. Get your tix at RedIsTheNight.org for more info. (See ad on p. 44) Yowza!

Yowza and Yowza!

Night Out at the Ballet It’s just “tutu” divine! See the prima ballerinas and super-hot ballerinos dance on their tippy-toes in “Eroica” outdoors.

A stunning spring tradition you seriously won’t want to miss. Friday, May 17 at the Desert Botanical Gardens, 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy in Phoenix. Get your tickets early using promo code NIGHTOUT. Call 602-343-1096 or online at BalletAZ.org

Mommie Dearest “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the dirt!”

Usher in Mother’s Day early with a movie about the biggest mother of all time. Faye Dunaway chews up the scenery in this heartwarming picture about how to parent—Joan Crawford style at the Big Gay Movie Classic. Wednesday, May 15 at Film Bar, 815 N. 2nd St. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 52)

MAY 2019 ION EVENTS DATE Weds.

Thurs.

1-6 10-12 12 11 11 12 15 17 17 17-18 18 18 25 26 27 27 29 June 7-9 7

EVENT Adonis Lounge Country Thunder Cinco de Mayo Party Week RipplePHX Carnival Sexiest Bartender Contest AZ Mr. Leather Night/Blackout Party Chili Verde Day Sexiest Bartender Contest Big Gay Movie: Mommie Dearest Night Out at the Ballet Pups ‘n’ Handlers Nigh “Get Lei’d Bash” Anvil’s 9th Anniversary Summer Kick-Off Party Leather Gear Night Carnaval Latino Memorial Day Party Memorial Day Celebration & Buffet Big Gay Singalong: Chicago

LOCATION CITY Caravan Taproom Phoenix The Cash Phoenix Karamba’s Phoenix Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix Anvil Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix Film Bar Phoenix Desert Botanical Gardens 602-343-1096 Anvil Phoenix Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix Anvil Phoenix FLEX Spa Phoenix Anvil Phoenix Karamba’s Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Bunkhouse Phoenix Film Bar Phoenix

Splash Bash Weekend Dancing for One-n-Ten Cast Reveal

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Hot Cakes

Model and Chef Charles Laurent Puts the Icing on the Cake

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C harles Laurent left Paris for New York City to chase his own American Dream. He landed his first job as a door mannequin at Abercrombie & Fitch where he was scouted by a major fashion agency. Soon he was walking for some of the top fashion ateliers in the world.

But his real dream was to create art. While modeling, he enrolled at the International Culinary Center to study French pastry.

Since becoming a full-time cake baker, some of his most prized designs are cakes that celebrate the LGBTQ community and his experience in fashion. He has also distinguished himself for his low calorie, vegan and gluten-free cakes.

“I look back at that young boy I was in France and I smile,” Charles laughs.

“He didn’t travel the typical road to his American Dream but somehow he found his own.”

It just happened to be paved in butter crème. He spoke from his NYC home.

How did you find your way from the runway to the pastry kitchen?

Chef Charles Laurent: I always knew modeling couldn’t last forever and that I would have to find something else to do as a career. Baking has always been a passion, so when I was accepted to culinary, I jumped at the opportunity.

Have you always had a sweet tooth?

CL: I have the worst sweet tooth!

Seriously, a bag of candy will not last a day with me. I also never skip dessert which means I can never skip the gym.

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What have been some of your most outrageous designs?

CL: My Purse Cake has to top the list. It was inspired by a bag from Gucci’s last collection.

I realized the decor entirely with fondant so it’s all edible.

You’ve become known for your vegan treats. What’s your favorite?

CL: I have to say my lemon pineapple coconut crack bars. They’re easy to make and in addition to being vegan, they’re Keto, and sugar free. You can find them on my website.

If we order a cake from your website, will you jump out of it?

CL: Cakes are my favorite things to jump out of! Just be sure to call all your friends on the delivery date.... or don’t and keep the special treat all for yourself.

Let ‘em eat cake!

Especially if it’s one of Charles Laurent’s delights from the oven.

Check them out at LaurentXIV.com/ChefLaurentXIV Follow Charles on Instagram @Laurent.XIV You won’t find out anything about baking, but you’ll be glad you follow him.

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Miss Gay Arizona America 2019

The excitement builds as queens compete together. Who will represent Arizona in the national pageant? This is one of the best state pageants in the nation. Don’t miss out as we honor Miss Gay Arizona America 2018, Adriana Galliano. Featuring Miss Gay Arizona 2019, Andora Te’Tee. Tempe Center for the Arts Theater, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. Saturday, May 11, 2019, 6 p.m. For more information and purchasing tickets visit MissGayArizonaAmericacom or call 480-350-2822

MAY 2019 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

11

6:00pm

Tempe

Miss Gay Arizona America 2019

12

9:00pm

The Rock

Late Nite Snax with Benaddiction

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2:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

One Nation Drag Show hosted by Miss Paige

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10:00pm The Rock

Mugged with Doja & Brii

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2:00pm

Drag Bingo hosted by Lady Christian

Cruisin’ 7th

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10:30pm Karamba

Kalorie Karbdashian at Carnaval Latino

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Trailer Trash Review Final Show

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

The Strip Factor - Claudia B, Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano

Tuesdays

BS West

Stars with Coco Iman

Tuesdays

8:00pm

Charlie’s

Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”

Wednesdays 8:30pm

Charlie’s

La Loteria with Susan Martell

Wednesdays 9:30pm

Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Karamba Girls Show with Mileena Dallas & Fernanda Vargas

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Aubrey Ghalichi Show

Thursdays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay

2nd & 4th Fri 10:00pm The Rock

Coco’s Charm School

Fridays

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

Friday’s

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Fridays

10:30pm The Rock

The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B

Sundays

7:00pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

10:30pm Charlie’s

Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano

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Selena 4Ever!

You’ll never be able to forget Selena, Not even if you wanted to. Catch the “Selena Super Show” May 3-4 at Casino Arizona, 9700 E. Indian Bend in Scottsdale. Info & tix: CasinoArizona.com. You want more? Don’t miss “Selena Night” on Saturday, May 18 at The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren St. in Phoenix. Tickets for both venues available at TicketMaster.com 800-745-3000. “Biddy biddy bom bom!”

Hollywood Vampires

Music creepmeister Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp and Aerosmith’s Joe Perry play the music of rock stars who died from excess in the 1970s. Friday, May 17 at The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren St. in Phoenix.

Tickets: TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000. Find out more at HollywoodVampires.com

The 90’s Will Never End

It’s 90’s madness! Weds. May 22: NKOTB, Salt ‘n’ Pepa, and Naughty by Nature at Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St.TicketMaster.com 800-745-3000 • Friday, May 24: 90s Weekend Jam, Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix. Tix: CelebrityTheatre.com 877-840-0457 • Friday, May 24: I ♥︎ the 90s︎ with Vanilla Ice, Ton Loc & more, Wild Horse Pass 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. Chandler. TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

MAY 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE 3-4 3 3 7 9 11 14 14 17 18 20-21 22 24 24 26 31 JUNE 1

ARTIST LOCATION Selena Super Show Casino Arizona - Scottsdale Lee Ann Womack Musical Instrument Museum - Phx The Motels, Bow Wow Wow + more Blk Live - Scottsdale Violent Femmes The Van Buren - Phoenix Carrie Underwood Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx AVICII Tribute Night The Van Buren - Phoenix Ariana Grande Talking Stick Resort - Phx Santigold The Van Buren - Phoenix Hollywood Vampires The Van Buren - Phoenix Selena Night The Van Buren - Phoenix Willie Nelson Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix NKOTB, Salt N Pepa + more Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 90s Weekend Jam Celebrity Theatre - Phx I ♥︎ the 90s Ovations! Wild Horse Pass The Lemonheads Marquee Theatre - Tempe Brad Paisley Ak-Chin Casino - Phoenix

PHONE 800-745-3000 480-478-6000 480-494-5069 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 480-802-5000

Luis Miguel

800-745-3000

Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx

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Things I Know to Be True

Bob and Fran worked to give their children everything they never had. The kids are ready to fly the nest but not before shattering truths are exposed. Because, family. TUCSON: thru May 5. Temple of Art & Music, 330 S. Scott Ave. 520-622-2823 • PHX: May 16-June 2. Herberger Theatre Ctr. 222 E. Monroe St. 602-256-6995.

Visit ArizonaTheatre.org for more info & tickets.

Joel McHale

This tall drink of water was the star commentator on The Soup and the disbarred lawyer on Community. He takes the stage, passing out plenty of jokes May 18-19 at StandUp Live at CityScape, 50 W. Jefferson in Phoenix. Get your tickets at StandUpLive.com

Chelsea Handler

Everyone’s favorite, vodka-soaked, trampy gal-pal returns back to her stand-up roots, telling one hilarious, shameful story after another, Friday, May 31 at the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. Tickets are at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

MAY 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE

3-26 thru 4 thru 5 thru 11 thru 11 thru 12 16-6/2 16-6/29 17-18 17-6/2 thru 19 22-6/16 24-26 31 thru 6/18

EVENT

COMPANY

Guys and Dolls AZ B’way Theatre- Peoria Let the Right One In Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe Wicked ASU Gammage - Tempe Big River Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert Things I Know ...

AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Boy Gets Girl Mesa Encore Theatre Things I Know ...

AZ Theatre Co. - Phoenix Newsies Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert Joel McHale StandUp Live - Phoenix In the Heights Mesa Encore Theatre Cookin’s a Drag Phoenix Theatre Co. Once Phoenix Theatre Co. Amanda Seales Tempe Improv Chelsea Handler Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Man w/ Pointed Shoes Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert

PHONE

623-776-8400 480-350-2822 480-965-3434 480-497-1181 520-622-2823 480-644-6500 602-256-6995 480-497-1181 480-719-6100 480-644-6500 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 480-921-5877 800-745-3000 480-497-1181

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Summer Cinema T

he studios are rolling out their theatrical treats big time now. Spend some time in air conditioned comfort and check out these dillies.

The Hustle Starring: Anne Hathaway, Rebel Wilson These purloiners in petticoats give garden variety grifters a run for their money in this action-comedy.

Glamorous Josephine Chesterfield (Hathaway, The Devil Wears Prada) fleeces highrollers in fancy casinos. Penny Rust (Wilson, Pitch Perfect franchise) is a neighborhood bar cheat. They join forces to swindle a naive tech billionaire (Alex Sharp). Inspired by Bedtime Story (1964) and Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels (1988).

What’s not to love?

Opens May 10

Hughes twist—not to mention a dream cast. (Lisa Kudrow? We’re so there!)

Amy (Phoenix native Dever, Beautiful Boy) and Molly (Feldstein, Lady Bird) are dorky besties ready to graduate high school. They go out with a bang, cramming four years of fun into one night. Prediction: “Scissoring is not a thing!” will be the catchphrase of the month.

Opens May 24

Aladdin Starring: Will Smith, Mena Massoud, Naomi Scott We don’t know why they didn’t title this movie Genie, instead. Smith gets top billing in Disney’s live action musical based on the legendary 1992 animated feature. (Seriously. Do we really need to tell you the plot?)

Opens May 24

Rocketman Starring: Taron Egerton, Jamie Bell

Booksmart Starring: Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein, Lisa Kudrow, Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, Skyler Gisondo, Noah Galvin This has all the markings of THE movie of the summer. This “buddy picture” with a lesbian twist is part Superbad, but with a 21st century John

This highly stylized, biopic about Sir Elton John sheds light on the early years of Reginald Dwight’s Captain Fantastic, plus the drugs, the sex, the music and his untimely death while horseback riding.

(Kidding! Just seeing if you’re paying attention there.)

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

The Drums

LIZZO

Cuz I Love You The confidence exuded by rapper, singer and flautist LIZZO is aweinspiring, her third release acts as her thesis on self-love.

“Soulmate” tells it all: “True love ain’t something you can buy yourself / True love finally happens when you by yourself / So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself / Another round from the bottle on the higher shelf.” Lead single “Juice” is a viable early entry for Song of the Summer, the 80’s inspired ear-worm is equal parts Pointer Sisters and Prince. LIZZO’s mix of Aretha Franklin, Jean-Pierre Rampal and her duet with Missy Elliott comes full circle “Tempo.” Missy may have opened the door but LIZZO unapologetically walks through it and invites us in. Catch her at The Van Buren on October 23.

Available Now

Brutalism

There wasn’t always a time when Johnny Pierce, the creative force behind The Drums, was comfortable talking about his intimate life. Brutalism is defiantly queer, making anthemic hooks out of mundane but meaningful experiences. “626 Bedford Avenue,” “Body Chemistry” and “Loner” dive into the gay dating experience where Pierce presents it all in his distinct, lighthearted grunge approach.

Available Now

Beyoncé

HOMECOMING

In the age of CD’s, cassettes and vinyl the sensible purchase was the Greatest Hits album. DJ’s could reach for the Best of Donna Summer. Madonna? The Immaculate Collection was—and always is—the answer. HOMECOMING is Beyoncé’s ultimate career retrospective, recorded live, providing not only the hits, but a cultural context for their curation.

The centerpiece is Frank Ocean’s “I Care.” Its live arrangement transcends almost everything she’s ever recorded.

A “must listen” for fans but also the doubters. Available Now

MARINA

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG MARINA – “True” Mark Ronson – “Late Night Feelings”

featuring Lykke Li AMES – “Mama It’s Me” Park Hye Jin – “ABC” Tame Impala – “Borderline” Boy Harsher – “Closer” KAYTRANADA – “DYSFUNCTIONAL”

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OUTcasts Special Starring: Ryan O’Donnell Netflix predicts the new trend in streaming is what it calls, “snackables.”

Short, one-two punch stories that won’t tax your ADHD little minds too much.

Clocking in around 15 minutes per episode, Special fits the bill. Based on star/writer/co-producer O’Donnell’s book, I’m Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves (2015) the series explores his coming out not only as gay, but also differently abled with Cerebral Palsy.

The show bites off a lot, distilling his relationship with his helicopter mother (Jessica Hecht), his job at a Buzzfeedlike company, and losing his virginity to a sex worker, Shay (the show’s most brilliant performance by Brian Jordan Alvarez, Will & Grace’s “Estefan Gloria,” Jack’s Colombian boyfriend), down into bitesize pieces.

The acting, delivery and timing is amateur and painful in patches.

O’Connell can be selfish, rude, a liar and bratty. Just like anybody. Most importantly, the eight episode series

includes the too often ignored disabled in the conversation. That’s the most important lesson here: maybe in our own way we’re all a little bit “special.”

Gentleman Jack Starring: Suranne Jones Picture it: England. 1832. A rich, young woman, Anne Lister (Jones), returns to Halifax, Yorkshire, to Shibden Hall, the ancestral family seat, after a long absence. Dad’s got dropsy, (one of those old timey 19th century ailments) and his mannish, handsome very “out” daughter arrives in fabulous Johnny Cash-like allblack men’s haberdashery to get. shit. done.

“Gentleman Jack,” the gristly, nononsense, ballbusting Anne, has all the warmth and girlish charm of the ferocious, big-shouldered she-wolf Joan Crawford. Still, she shows her vulnerability when she discovers her long distance girlfriend marries. A man.

Based on a real person, Lister is considered to be the first Modern Lesbian. Her diaries are massive; she wrote up to 2,000 words alone every day. That’s longer than your Tweets or Facebook posts. Often written in code, they’re still being deciphered.

If you like lush, English period dramas with intricate plots à la Masterpiece Theatre, HBO delivers with this one.

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Paz Cantina H

ere in Arizona it feels like we celebrate Cinco de Mayo 365 days a year. You can’t swing uno gato muerto around without hitting a Mexican restaurant.

Some succeed. Some don’t.

(Like the ill-fated, highly touted Roland’s on Van Buren. Don’t remember it? Neither did anybody else.) You don’t have to wait for this gringo-fied holiday to enjoy the comidas y bebidas from South of the Border.

This glitzy, modern taqueria fits right in the ever-burgeoning behemoth that’s growing and swallowing up the little old avenue we now call “Roosevelt Row.” Once upon a time a shady Circle K stood on the same property. About six years ago it was smartly rehabbed into the first incarnation of Paz Cantina. As the developers descended, it tumbled down, re-emerging in the same spot three years later at the foot of the luxurious Broadstone Roosevelt Row Apartments. This time they’ve expanded, incorporating a high-tech live music bar and a homey little coffee house flanking the dining room. Even better news: their darling, humble Chef Johanna

Loarte returned (with the original kitchen staff!) serving up her fantastic Sonoran Mexican inspired food.

El Lunch-o is a great way to while away the hours. Grab one of their yummy (if a little weak, but gay bar drinks are always stronger than straight bar drinks) margaritas. Watch the world go by from their large, floor-to-ceiling windows in their sunny, airy dining room. We started with the Paz Trio. A tempting cup of Queso de Paz made with creamy, melted Pepperjack cheese comes with a fine, uncomplicated guacamole, frijoles puercos (basically refried beans, in case you didn’t know) and a heaping basket of fresh, crisp tortilla chips with a smoky, spicy salsa. $15.

You’ll liable to start a revolucíon of your own fighting over the luscious Elote, grilled corn on the cob slathered with mayo, cotija cheese, seasoned with the spicy Tajin. An authentic, gluten free treat for $7. You’ll be tempted by the barbacoa or tinga (shredded chicken) Mini-Chimis, Quesadillas with a choice of meats if you like, House Nachos or Cholo Fries.

We wouldn’t blame you. ¡Viva Tacos y Burros! You have eleven to pick from. All tacos are served with corn tortillas and priced individually (around $4 each) or by the plate (around $11, including rice and beans) with something for todo del mundo. We chose three tacos: El Jefe is stuffed with chorizo, carnitas, and pork belly, garnished with cilantro and onion.

Barbacoa features beef slathered with a May 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

spicy ancho reyes barbecue sauce and chili oil slaw.

Don’t overlook the Camarones taco with crispy or grilled shrimp with pickled onion, cabbage, chipotle aioli and avocado. Our hefty, grilled crustaceans were fresh, crisp and tasty. A veggie and fajita taco is there for non meat eaters. Pick any burrito and make it fayuca; for $3 it’ll be deep-fried and topped with queso, chipotle aioli and pico de gallo.

have to twist our arms to try their fantastic churros. These traditional fried dough fantasies are sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar with dulce de leche (caramel) drizzled on top, served à la mode.

Make time in the a.m. to conquer the coffee bar with Horchata Latte or Mayan Mocha. Sundays bring El Brunch-o! (Tres Leches French Toast? We’re there!) And even if you’re not celebrating Mexico’s whipping the pantalones off the French in 1862, make peace in Paz Cantina. ¡Viva Mexico -- in Phoenix!

Paz has six different Tortas, served on talera rolls including a Sonoran Dog, Pork Belly. The Hamburguesa de Paz is luring us back. $11-$13.

Want more, amigos? Check out their Entrées, like Enchiladas with a choice of viands, a Chimichanga, a Carne Asada steak (Rey de los Filetes) or selection of Family Style Meats (carne asada, barbacoa, chicken tinga), plus meat-free veggie tostadas. Looking for healthy options? ¡No problemo! Ask for gluten free substitutions.

Don’t forget dessert. They didn’t exactly

Paz Cantina 330 E. Roosevelt St. in Phoenix 602-883-3651 PazCantina.com 62

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Step right up! Come one! Come all! You’ll be shocked! You’ll be amazed! See feats of derring do never before attempted behind by the sexiest bartenders in the modern world performed right before your very eyes! All proceeds will benefit RipplePHX helping advance, encourage and educate our community about HIV/AIDS transmission, prevention and care! May we present to you, our talented bartenders! Please! Age 21 and up only, folks! See you there!

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Charlie’s Memorial Day Party

Karamba Carnaval Latino

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

The Womack Bingo No She Didnt

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

28

21

29 Film Bar Chicago

OZ Bingo Night (W)

Caravan Adonis Lounge (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

22

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Bunk House Memorial Day Celebration

The Rock Late Nite Snax

27

BS West Industry Night (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

26

FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Flesh (W)

20

Karamba Rock Star Show

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Sexiest Bartender Contest

19

Film Bar Mommie Dearest

15

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

OZ Bingo Night (W)

Caravan Adonis Lounge (W) OZ Bar Bingo (W) The Cash Country Thunder (W)

The Rock Mugged

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

BS West Underwear Nite (W)

30

Karamba Aubrey’s Britney Night

23

BS West Underwear Nite (W)

The Cash Country Thunder (W)

16

9

Dick’s Cabaret Get Lei’d Bash

The Anvil APAH Pup Night

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

The Rock Trailer Trash Review Final Show

31

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

The Cash Fireball Fridays (W)

24

17

MarMM

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W) Stacy’s @ Melrose Spring Carnival

10

Karamba Cinco de Mayo Vaquero Dance

Karamba Cinco de Mayo Madness

Karamba Cinco de Mayo Kickoff

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

14

8

The Cash Fireball Fridays (W)

3

FRIDAY

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

2

THURSDAY BS West Underwear Nite (W)

The Rock Late Nite Snax

13

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

12

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

BS West Industry Night (W)

Karamba Ruby’s Cinco de Mayo Show

7

TUESDAY

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

6

MONDAY

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

5

SUNDAY

MAY 2019 1

WEDNESDAY

The Anvil Gear Night

1 Cruisin 7th Lady & the Tramps (W)

The Cash Ciroc Saturdays (W)

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

25

Flex Spa’s Summer Pool Party

The Anvil Anvil’s 9th Anniversary

18

Bently Projects Red is the Night

Charlie’s Chili Verde Day

The Anvil Red Hanky Party

Karamba Don’t Stop The Party

11

4

SATURDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.75 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

Buy 1 get 1 for $1. Go-Go Dancers, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

Caravan

BOGO Wells & Dom Until 8pm

BOGO Wells & Dom Until 8pm

Beer Bust $2.50 until 8pm SL Plat. boys $5 U-call-it penny drinks

The Cash

Fireball Fridays $2 AMF, Dom, Vodka Red bull till 11p $100 Ciroc

$6 Ciroc $2 AMF, Patron, Corona

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Oz Bar

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Darts 2pm KARAOKE 9pm-Cl

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

Karamba

The Rock Stacy’s

W

W

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for $1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Underwear Night $2 off with your pants off

Ladies Night $3 Dom Pitch $3 Shots $4 Wine

Adonis Lounge 2-4-1 Until 8pm

KARAOKE w/ Tony Hummel BOGO Wells & Dom ALL DAY

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Country Thunder Thursdays $3 Blue Moon $3 Titos Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm

$3 Modelo Pitchs / $3 1800 Coconut Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays Aubrey Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers $3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 8pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call All DAy KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

MONDAY

TUESDAY

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

Br

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WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2019

PHOENIX Address

Phone

1. Anvil Pg 29

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Bar 1 Pg 25

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

3. Bliss/ReBar Pg 80

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

4. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

5. BS West Pg 23

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse Pg 9

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. Caravan Taphouse Pg 13

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

8. The Cash Pg 28

1730 E McDowell Rd.

9. Charlie’s Pg 11

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

11. Cruisn’ 7th Pg 29

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

12. Dick’s Cabaret Pg 92

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

13. FEZ Pg 80

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

14. Flex Spas Phoenix Pg 99

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

15. Hula’s Modern Tiki P79

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

16. Karamba Pg 27

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

(602) 254-0231 x

17. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

18. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

20. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

x

21. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

22. The Rock Pg 4-5

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 267-9959 (602) 242-5114

x

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

23. Stacy’s @ Melrose Pg 6

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

24. Hotel Congress

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

25. IBTs

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053 May 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

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Dear You’re Really Looking for 9x6UC,

V

ACATION

All I Ever Wanted …

The folks in this month’s Favorite Bitch® wished for Belinda Carlisle Realness … but got travel sickness instead. It’s summer season, hunties— don’t get burned!

Dear Miss Tiger, My husband cheated on me while we were on vacation in Thailand. I decided to forgive him since we’d never see the dude again. Now he wants us to go back to Thailand this summer! I’m worried he’ll cheat.

Any advice?

— Andrew Dear Why The Hell Is He Still Your Husband?

Go to Karamba’s. You’ll get local eggplant, sex in RealTime. Maybe you (and your prostate) will find the man of your dreams!

Hi Favorite Bitch, The new boyfriend and I are planning our vacation. I want to fly first class but wants coach. Should we fly separately?

— Randy Dear Guess It Depends On Whether or Not It’s Paris, Kentucky Or Paris, France, If you really love this dude, then joyfully eat fish sticks on a paper plate instead of craving caviar on Versace china.

Dear Miss Tiger, I was on vacation and hooked up with a dude who was also staying at the same hotel. Got back home and found out he gave me gonorrhea! HELP! — Cody

Marriage Equality also translates to Alimony Equality. Instead of finding your passport—try finding an attorney and start collecting your checks, hunty!

Dear The Only Person Who Could HELP You Already Did When He Prescribed Your Antibiotics,

P.S.

You might wanna consider spending your free time at the hotel gift shop.

Make sure your next troll-of-a-husband isn’t another undercover-sex-tourist …

Hey Miss Tiger, I wasn’t looking for love but met the man of my dreams while vacationing in Puerto Rico. We continued hooking up for FaceTime sex. Someone claiming to be his wife called me and said to stop calling her man. I haven’t heard from Omar since. What should I do?

— White Boy

The Miss Tiger Show Every Thursday at 8 p.m. MST Live on MissTiger.com Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com May 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 81

by Addison DeWitt

A

L

ast month’s Pride may seem like one hazy, boozy, weedy memory for some of you. Well, let’s be serious here: for a lot of you.

(Oh, I saw you there! Staggering around in a world where language had no meaning.) But we had fun, didn’t we? We did.

In case you don’t remember, here’s a few highlights: Where’s PETA!?

Despite the 90 degree plus temps one brave man wore fur coat along the parade route on Sunday. Loving it! (A) From the “Where Are They Now?” Files: long ago ION columnist and society gadabout known as “Micky Blue Eyes” snuggled up to RPDR contestant mouthy Miss Vanjie (B) in the VIP D Experience

B

C

Lounge. (Is it just me or can’t anybody else barely understand a damn word she says on TV?) We’re waiting to find out if Vanjie gave Micky a handie-j in the Port-aPotties. Or maybe he gave her one.

I’ll get to the bottom of this. Or the top.

Or vers. You never know.

Nothing says, “I Love Pride” more than dressing up like little Baby Beetlejuice Juniors! I tip my chapeau to these groovy ghoulies (C) who are part of this brave, new (slightly Tim Burton-esque) world! Free to be, you and me. Or Edward Scissorhands.

Kiddos, I salute you!

Ring, ring!

“Hi, Mom. No, nothin’ much. Seriously.

Nothing much.

At all.” Don’t have a thing to wear? It happens. Sometimes you just put on a skimpy rainbow singlet and a frizzy clown wig. Boom! Pride outfit! (D) Did you know that our own ION copy editor and Hollywood starlet Austin Head appeared in 2018 Dick Cheney bio-pic

E

Garden of “Edenn.” (Oh, you know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, Alex, hunty.

You know!)

Vice as a very classy DC cafeteria attendant, (E) dishing out

chicken and meatloaf to movie stars Steve Carrell’s “Donald Rumsfeld” and Christian Bales “Dick Cheney” in a (sadly) deleted musical number? Sadly, the best stuff is always on the cutting room floor. Austin kept the hairnet as a souvenir.

G (Movie mavens: The truly memorable scene is now available on YouTube, search “Vice Deleted Scenes.”

Austin appears at the 10:44 mark.

And he smiles. He can say anything he wants to ... with just one look he can steal your heart.) So close to the Oscar, Austin. So very close!

“All the single ladies! (All the single ladies!) If you like it you shoulda put a ring on it! Don’t be mad once you see that he want it.” We’re happy to report that darling Jimmy Thomason got all Beyoncé wid it and proposed to his Puerto Rican empanadilla de amor, Jesús Martinez! (I) Hey, Jimmy! Did you get it at Jared? (J)

F

Our ION May 2014 cover man and model (F) Alex DiGuadio competed in his first bodybuilding competition. (G) We’re proud to report Alex took home 2nd and 3rd Place prizes! (H) With that orange spray tan he would look right at home anywhere. Like, say, even the

We’re super unleaded excited to let you know that one of NuTowne Saloon’s most popular mechanics, that sexy little ginger snap Tim Krise made a pit stop and married his longtime beau Gerry Becker (K) at the bar on April 27, just scant days ago from this printing.

Looks like they’ll be getting their lugnuts tightened plus lubed and filtered for the rest of their lives, now.

Congratulations, boys!

And here I am ... always the bridesmaid, but never the bride. But I put out at the reception for the catering staff in the pantry. Just ask me.

H

L

ook to “Get Your Ass Moving” this month. You’ll put decisive plans into motion.

You might find yourself in a difficult or even dangerous situation (well, how dangerous?

A fight in Macy’s at the Clearance rack?

Don’t worry.) This is a great time to focus on perfection. We’re all perfect, you know. ¶ May 6-7: Eta Aquarids Meteor Shower generates up to 60 meteors hourly from the dust particles from Halley’s Comet. What do meteor showers mean? Unpredictability, uncertain outcomes. Consider this a good thing; look for new opportunities, new friendships and hurl yourself into a new project ... like dusting (considering the source. Would it kill you to clean?) ¶ May18: This Blue Moon gives you a second to be wonderful. (The next is August 22, 2021).

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Quit putting things on the back burner.

Strong foundations are really important now.

Listen and accept outside advice. (You’re not always right.) Say, “Yes” and you will get a big surprise. (Really big!)

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Turn on the charm! We know you can be moody. You turn from a caterpillar into a pretty butterfly with a new development.

Birthday Bulls will ride a wave of wild up ‘n’ down emotions with all the wacky people around them. Stick to your boundaries.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Expect daily routines to take a left turn into a new direction. Take pictures! Celebrate your natal day when you accept a thrilling invitation. It might even get a little kinky!

CANCER June 22 - July 22 Money is a sticky wicket. Avoid any financial dealings with friends. Always avoid that.

This is a good time to get in touch with “You.” Let go of negativity. And let go of some old stuff while you’re at it. Like that ugly sweater. Yep. That one.

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LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Venus increases your need for attention, but you’ll have to work harder to get it.

Surprising news forces you to alter plans, but don’t be a big baby about it. It works to your advantage. You make progress.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Experiences spice things up for you. You’re bolder and more adventurous. An emotional mystery box you’ve been tinkering with is unlocked. You discover a hidden talent that’s a real crowd-pleaser. You know the one.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Be strong. Stand up for yourself, but don’t be bitchy about it. Your daring ways brings adventure. Nothing extravagant, but something better than a trip to Costco.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Choices, choices, choices! Be wise, there are so many variables (besides blonde, brunette or redhead.) The stars are aligned to indulge you in ways that will amaze you.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 It’s a good time check out which direction you’re going in. Jupiter, Pluto and Saturn retrogrades slow things down a little, giving you time to check out someone’s ass. Oh yes. Dat ass. Check out your goals, too.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 A commitment takes on a whole new meaning. Maybe it’s out of duty, or obligation, or a goal you set for yourself.

Maybe it’s bottoming. Maybe it’s topping. Be realistic. It’s topping, right?

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 This is a month calling for tact, understanding and diplomacy. That’s not your strong suit right now. You say what you think. You’re right, but others get huffy when they hear the truth.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Throw a party! Clean yo’ crib and have a shindig! You’re called upon to play peacekeeper and bring two catty bitches back together. Do it at your party! (Waiting for my invitation.)