ION Arizona #213

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PHOENIX PRIDE MEDIA

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BS WEST

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FRESH BRUNCH

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O NE . N.TEN

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AGRA GAY RODEO

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CORONA RANCH

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SAAF OUT BRUNCH

JE W I SH CO M M . CNT.

Photos by: Danny Catt 24

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AIDS WALK ARIZONA

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TEMPE BEACH PARK

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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ................................ kbushaw@me.com ART DIRECTOR ................................. Alex Campos COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 TUCSON ADVERTISING SALES Danny Catt ........................................... (520) 429-5905 danny.catt@gmail.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez

Danny Catt CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Welcome to the Party!

W

e’re entering our busiest party season of the year. Are you ready? Use ION as your guide to all the great events and fundraisers across Arizona.

Let the Parties Begin You are cordially invited to all the great upcoming ION parties and our cool friends invite you to their parties, too.

Not only did The Cash move their party to the former nightclub Aqua, they’re on our cover, and check out their sexy photos and see your invite on page 67.

Long time ION party goers at Bar1 are hosting their annual fun and hilarious Heel Party this month (see their invitation to you on page 82 plus their own steamy photos). Caravan Taproom is throwing a party for you, too, with their own entourage of hot ‘n’ sexy Adonis Lounge dancers every Wednesday and BS West is having their outrageous party called “Fluffer” on March 30. The girls are back in town from boycott with an awesome drag show. There’s plenty more party invites for you in this issue, so keep turning the pages!

Phoenix Pride VIP Experience Speaking of epic parties, ION Arizona is honored to host the 2019 Phoenix Pride VIP Experience for the fourth year.

Like a fine wine, this party gets better with time. This year we have super sexy adult film star Kirk Cummings DJing all weekend. He’s bringing his fellow stars Brent Corrigan and Armond Rizzo along.

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There’ll be a live musical performance

by ROY in his Arizona debut. The party continues with a massive drag spectacle from the upcoming, new, “Dinner with the Stars” extravaganza. Our amazing VIP weekend ends with a finale performance on Sunday when RuPaul’s Drag Race season 10 contestant Miss Vanjie performs live. Of course, there’s a the huge, air-conditioned showroom/ lounge, executive restrooms, free photo booth, snow cones, massages, and a complimentary gourmet buffet both days.

You’ll also be right up front and center of the Main Stage to see the entertainment up close. This year we’re offering a one day and two day passes. Believe me, the VIP Experience is by far the best way to experience Phoenix Pride. Get your tickets now at PhoenixPride.org/VIP

ION Swag Store But wait! There’s more! ION has a new line of swag made especially for our guests. We have everything ION for you: water bottles, thermoses, stickers, lip balm, rubber bracelets, coasters, shot glasses, t-shirts, hand towels and more—all free when you donate to the local event sponsored charity. Stop by our booth at major events throughout the state and pick up some fun ION party swag!

We have so many other parties and they are all here in this issue. As we always say, “If it’s not in ION Arizona, it’s not happening.” And it’s happening! Party responsibly, be safe, don’t drink and drive, get tested and enjoy your community!

Jack Tesorero Party Monster

Adonis Lounge at Caravan The strip show that’s taking America by storm gets Phoenix hotter than ever every Wednesday night at Caravan Taproom.

Looking for a lap dance? They’ve got over ten dancers to get your blood pumping. The doors open at 9:30 p.m. with showtime at 10 p.m. Caravan Taproom, 4835 N. 15th Ave. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 15)

Fiesta Weekend at Charlie’s It’s a never ending party when Charlie’s turns March 8-9 into “Fiesta Weekend” south of the border style! Experience live music all weekend long and a massive patio expansion. Don’t forget Marla Hooch’s Chili Cook-off on Sunday, March 9 from noon to 5 p.m. Charlie’s, 727 W. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. (See ads on p 17 & 18)

St. Pat O’s Day ‘Tis an Irish tradition from the Old Country ... Legend has it that St. Pat O’ drove all the snakes from Ireland—and right in the pants of the lads o’ Phoenix. You’ll find your Lucky Charms and a free Irish/Italian buffet on Sunday, March 17 at the Pat O’s Bunkhouse, 4428 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. And that ain’t no Blarney.

(See the ad on p. 81)

Fluffer, the Party at BS West Waiting for wood? Not at this event!

There won’t be a limp noodle in the house when the “Fluffer Party” gets started. Mr. Pam brings Falcon Studios stars Woody Fox, Steven Lee and their stable of sexy fluffers to BS West on Saturday, March 30. Huge giveaways, bottle service and free stiffies! BS West, 7125 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. (See ad p. 23)

Evening of Ethereal Creatures You’ll flip your wig! Sherry Vine and Joey Arias bring their New York cabaret show to the Phoenix stage. You’ll also see burlesque legend Satan’s Angel, plus Pyrrha Sutra, and Pandora DeStrange.

The magic happens on Saturday, April 6 at the Crescent Ballroom, 308 N. 2nd Ave. in Phoenix. VIP tix available. If you miss this, well, you’re crazy. Plain and simple. Benefiting Phoenix Pride Community Foundation.

(See ad p. 26)

MARCH 2019 ION EVENTS DATE Sun Wed Thurs Fri Sat 1 2 5 5 6 8-10 9 9 16 16 17 17 22-23 23 23 23 29 30 30 30 thru 31

EVENT LOCATION Flesh w/ Wild Men of the West Stacy’s @ Melrose Adonis Lounge Caravan Taproom Country Thunder The Cash Fireball Fridays The Cash Ciroc Saturdays The Cash Rat’s Ass Party Bunkhouse Melrose on 7th Ave Street Fair Mardi Gras Party Bar1 Mardi Gras Party Dick’s Cabaret Post Mardi Gras Party & Show Karamba Fiesta Weekend Charlie’s SW Leather Contest The Anvil Chili Cook-off Charlie’s Fashionista Provocateur Alwun House High Heels & Harnesses The Anvil St. Pat O’s Day Pat O’s Bunkhouse St. Patrick’s Day Party Dick’s Cabaret Spring White Out Party Dick’s Cabaret Best Beard Contest The Anvil The Flaming Queens Crescent Ballroom Pups in the Pool FLEX Spas The Big Banks Drag Comedy Show C7 Gear Night The Anvil Fluffer BS West Heel Party Bar1 Arizona Renaissance Festival

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Apache Jctn

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Vera Saucy Fashionista Provocateur runway show comes to Alwun House Text by Deon Brown Photography by LeakedGlass 40

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V

era Saucy is shocking. Outrageous.

Controversial. You have no idea exactly how scandalizing Vera is. Or maybe you do.

The free-spirit of Joey Gamboa we know as Vera Saucy prefers the gender neutral pronoun. They are known for promoting and participating in some of the most talked about underground parties and impious performance art pieces in the Valley, providing a stage for queens and performers who might not always fit in the traditional mold. And that’s okay. In fact, Vera celebrates it.

WTQ as they push the envelope, redefining what drag is.”

Vera Saucy Clothing’s “Fashionista Provocateur” inaugural fashion runway show is the perfect finale as Alwun House’s closing event for Art Detour 31 week.

“This is the launch of my queer lingerie collection. I’m shifting the focus more from my drag to my passion for design,” Vera said. “I’ve always dreamed of having an underwear line, and now I’m

Now, the decadent and enfant terrible of Phoenix drag is pursuing their love of fashion and showcasing custom creations in a runway show at the historic Alwun House, where some of the Valley’s most creative artists have exhibited and performed for over 40 years.

The rambling art space hosts the long running Exotic Art Show, bringing together two months of exotic arts and performances. The exhibit opened February 8, featuring a showcase of WTQ (What the Queer) to an audience of over 400 people. The salon also features 134 artworks by 54 artists. Note: mature subject artwork is on display.

Alwun House’s mission is to showcase new and emerging talent. “When we started the Exotic Art Show 36 years ago, we were the first public venue to showcase drag to the general public and arts community,” said Dana Johnson of the Alwun House Foundation. “Today, drag is more mainstream and less shocking. That’s why we’re thrilled to be showcasing March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

Vera concluded, “By creating What the Queer, I know I’ve left my mark on the Arizona drag scene and inspired a whole new generation of Queerdos,” they said. “Now I feel a calling to move on to bigger and brighter things. This runway show is the perfect segue to showcasing my true passion: beautifying and uplifting the queer community through Fashion.”

manifesting that into reality.”

All fashion by Vera Saucy. Accessories are models’ own.

The first show at 8 p.m. will be tame, but the second show at 9 p.m. will be un peu plus outré—a little outrageous. Okay, a lot. Models and artists include Luna Love St. James, Revel Lucien, Jericho Galindo, Gerbil Eggplant, Grey Matter, Yoyo Blackfire, Mia Adams, Jae Sinclair, Brenden Xotul, Misti Malignant, Mx. Clunt, NiMare, Lucci, Quincy Adams, Kimchie and more. DJ Shocksite will be spinning ‘til midnight.

Fashionista Provocateur

One of Vera’s models and muses, Damien Haddid, will be bringing his own “muchness” to Vera’s stage. “I like to think of my whole life as a performance,” he said.

Proceeds benefit the Alwun House Foundation. Find out more at AlwunHouse.org

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Saturday, March 16 Alwun House 1204 E. Roosevelt St. in Phoenix Doors open at 7 p.m. with shows at 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. and a stage show at 10 p.m. VIP seating available.

21+ cash bar. BYOD ... “Bring Your Own Debauchery “

Tickets available at VeraSaucy.com through EventBrite.

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“Miss Vanjie.

Miss Vaanjie.

Miss … Vaaanjie!”

RuPaul’s Drag Race Meme Queen come to Phoenix Pride VIP Experience N

ever have more iconic (or more baffling) words been uttered by a departing queen from the mainstage of RuPaul’s Drag Race. (Well, Tammie Brown comes pretty close.)

Despite being the first queen eliminated from season 10, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo’s mesmerizing exit (backwards and in high heels, remember) inspired memes, tweets and celebrity shout-outs and an overwhelming demand to see more of this charismatic queen. Guess what? Miss Vanjie’s pulling a “Shangela” and she’ll be back to compete once again! She’s coming back with a “Vanj-eance” for RPDR season 11, premiering March 11 on VH1, but can the queen live up to the memes? You be the judge!

Here’s the best part! You’ll see if Miss Vanjie survived the first four challenges Mama Ru gives when she makes a live appearance as the headliner in the Phoenix Pride VIP Experience on Sunday, April 7, exclusive to VIP ticket holders.

“Get these cookies, baby!” Tickets available now at PhoenixPride.org/VIP

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Miss & Mister Phoenix Pride Pageant 2019

The winners will promote pride in our community, acting as role models with integrity and dignity, raising awareness (and funds) for the Phoenix Pride Scholarship Program. Join us as we honor reigning Phoenix Pride royalty, Mya McKenzie and Carrington Hall-Dubois on March 24 at 4 p.m. at the DoubleTree Hilton by Tempe, 2100 S. Priest Dr. VIP and general admission. For your tickets visit PhoenixPride.org

MARCH 2019 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

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9:00pm

The Rock

Late Nite Snax w/ Benaddiction

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10:30pm Karamba

New Drag Lineup w/ Mileena Dallas & Fernanda Vargas

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10:00pm The Rock

Mugged w/ Doja & Brii

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10:30pm Karamba

St. Patrick’s Day Show w/ Ruby Reynolds

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10:00pm The Rock

Trailer Trash Review w/ Lady Christian

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10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

The Big Banks Theory Comedy Show

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

The Strip Factor - Claudia B, Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano

Tuesdays

BS West

Stars with Coco Iman

Tuesdays

8:00pm

Charlie’s

Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”

Wednesdays 8:30pm

Charlie’s

La Loteria with Susan Martell

Wednesdays 9:30pm

Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Karime Lizaldi Show

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Aubrey Ghalichi Show

Thursdays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay

2nd & 4th Fri 10:00pm The Rock

Coco’s Charm School

Fridays

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

Friday’s

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Fridays

10:30pm The Rock

The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

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10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B

1st Sunday

2:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Excuse Our Beauty Revue

Charlie’s

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7:00pm

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10:30pm Charlie’s

Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

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Star Wars: The New Hope

Watch Han Solo, Luke Skywalker & Princess Leia save the galaxy on the big screen with the Phoenix Symphony accompanying the film with John Williams’ legendary score LIVE! March 15-16 at Symphony Hall. 75 N. 2nd St. in Phoenix. Tickets: PhoenixSymphony.org or call 602-495-1999

Disney’s DCappella

If you loved Pitch Perfect (except for the awful sequels) and Disney songs, you’ll go bananas for these seven singers who make music using only their mouths!

Aca-AWESOME! Tuesday, March 12 at Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in Phoenix.

Get tix at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Pink

Get this party started! This showstopping performer is guaranteed to give one of the best concerts you’ve ever seen in your entire life! Saturday, March 30 at Gila River Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. For tix go Ticketmaster.com or call 800-745-3000

MARCH 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST LOCATION 1-3 McDowell Mtn. Music Festival Hance Park - Phoenix 2-3 Innings Music Fesival Tempe Beach Park 3 AZ Music Festival Musical Instrument Museum - Phx 5 Justin Timberlake Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 9 Flying Burrito Music & Food Fest Crescent Ballroom - Phx 9 Joe Jackson Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 9 Billy Joel Chase Field - Phoenix 10 ABBA Mania Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 12 Disney’s DCappella Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 14 Julio Iglesias Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 15 Zac Brown Band Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale 15-16 Star Wars: New Hope Phx Symphony Hall 15 Bebe Neuwirth UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson 15-17 Pot o’ Gold Music Festival Steele Ind. Schl. Park - Phx 20 Why Don’t We Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 23 Garth Brooks State Farm Stadium - Glendale 29 Michael Bublé Talking Stick Arena - Phx 30 Pink Gila River Arena - Glendale 30 Death Cab for Cutie Tucson Music Hall 31 En Vogue Chandler Ctr. for the Arts

PHONE M3FFest.com InningsFestival.com 480-478-6000 800-745-3000 877-435-9849 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 602-495-1999 520-621-3341 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 480-782-2680

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I Am My Own Wife

The Pulitzer and Tony award-winning show based on the true story of Charlotte von Mahlsdorf, an East German transgender woman who survived the Nazi onslaught. Actor Seth A. Tucker portrays over 30 different characters in this riveting play. Blk Box Phx performs March 7-16 at The Phoenix Theatre Co. 1825 N. Central Ave. at McDowell Rd. Tix at BlkBoxPhx.com or call 602-254-2151. Use code CHARLOTTE for $5 per person.

Bebe Neuwirth

You know her as “Roxy Hart” from Chicago on Broadway, as well as the deadpan Lilith Sternin, Frazier Crane’s wife on Cheers and Frazier. She brings her inimitable talent to Tucson on Friday, March 25 at the UofA Centennial Hall, 1020 E. University Blvd. Visit Centennial.HallTucson.org or call 833-215-5121

Randy Rainbow

You can’t pigeonhole YouTuber, comedian, actor, writer, Sirius XM Radio host and super gay weblebrity Randy Rainbow. His hilarious mashups and political commentary are priceless. You’ll be over the rainbow when Randy brings his comedy to Phoenix on Friday, March 15 at 8 p.m. at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. For tix call 877-840-0457

MARCH 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE

6-31 7 7-16 thru 9 9-30 thru 10 14-16 15 15 15-4/20 thru 17 thru 17 21 27 29-4/7 thru 3/30 thru 4/16 thru 5/23

EVENT

COMPANY

Airness Phoenix Theatre Co. Tiffany Jenkins Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix I Am My Own Wife Blk Box Phx @ Phx Theatre Taming of the Shrew SW Shakespeare Co.- Mesa American Mariachi AZ Theatre Co - Tucson Jersey Boys Phoenix Theatre Co. Nicole Byer Tempe Improv Randy Rainbow Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix Bebe Neuwirth UofA Centennial Hall - Tucson Mamma Mia! AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria Detroit 67 Black Theatre Troupe Hello, Dolly!

Mesa Encore Theatre Aziz Ansari Comerica Theatre - Phoenix PIAF! The Show Scotts. Ctr for the Arts Frost/Nixon iTheatre Collaberative - Phoenix Singin’ in the Rain Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert Marvelous Wondrettes Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert Foreplay Phoenix Theatre Co.

PHONE

602-254-2151 877-840-0457 602-254-2151 480-644-6500 520-622-2823 602-254-2151 480-921-9877 877-840-0457 833-215-5121 623-776-8400 602-258-8129 480-644-6500 602-258-9481 480-497-1181 480-497-1181 602-254-2151

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Different Is Good Mapplethorpe

T

hese three films have a common thread: a crisis can make you stronger.

Check out the Canadian teenagers embroiled in sex scandal. Or, examine the famous photographer with AIDS confronting his own mortality in a socially and politically unforgiving climate while still changing the world of art. Try not to cry when an orphaned elephant learns that a handicap can be a gift. Being different can make us better. What we make of obstacles and challenges put before us is the true test.

Giant Little Ones Starring: Josh Wiggins, Darren Mann, Kyle MacLachlan, Maria Bello This coming of age mega-soap opera worthy drama explores everything that made high school so problematic—with new, 21st century issues galore. Franky (Wiggins) is angry when his dad (MacLachlan, Showgirls) leaves his wife (Bello, Beautiful Boy) for another man. Things are further complicated for the junior BMOC during his epic 17th birthday party when he winds up drunk, in bed, with his popular bestie, Ballas (Mann). Aaaand guess what happens? Everything snowballs in this heartfelt, intimate, coming-of-age story about friendship, self-discovery, and the power of love without labels.

Limited release. Opens March 1

Starring: Matt Smith, Marianne Rendón, John Benjamin Hickey This biopic of the controversial 20th century photographer Robert Mapplethorpe (Smith, Dr. Who, The Crown) begins when he moves into the Chelsea Hotel with then unknown singer Patti Smith (Rendón). Mapplethorpe’s struggle to understand his own sexuality intersects his lust for mainstream recognition as an artist just as the AIDS Crisis looms.

A portrait of an artist at the height of his craft and of the self-destructive impulses that threaten to undermine it all.

Limited release. Opens March 1

Dumbo Starring: Danny DeVito, Colin Farrell, Michael Keaton, Eva Green Inspired by the Walt Disney 1941 animated classic about a flying baby pachyderm, director Tim Burton (Beetlejuice) gives the heartwarming tale new wings. And ears. Max Medici (DeVito, Cheers, Big Fish) hires veteran Holt Farrier (Farrell, The Beguiled) to care for a newborn elephant with oversized ears. V.A. Vandervere (Keaton, Bird Man), a conniving entrepreneur, acquires the failing circus with a nefarious plot of his own.

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

Ariana Grande

Thank U, Next Where Grande’s last release Sweetener seemed full of resolve and affirmations after the tragic incident at her 2017 concert, Thank U, Next is an album made for and by a truly millennial perspective. The album’s anthemic first single “Thank U, Next” addresses her up and down love life, but replaces the “I Will Survive” and “to the left” messaging with one of appreciation and self-love. The theme of an adult ethos hidden in an almost childish smokescreen is found throughout the album. Grande effortlessly glides over “7 Rings,” “Make Up,” “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored.” With the help of pop mastermind Max Martin, Grande tries on a Pat Benetar-esque sound on “bad idea”—the album’s pay off after so many Southern hip hop inspired tracks.

What Thank U, Next lacks in grandeur it makes up for in authenticity and fun. We already know she can hit those Mariah notes. Available Now

Avril Lavigne

Head Above Water

There’s a line in the sand dividing millennials.

For the older half, it’s Avril Lavigne. Her 2002 debut was a complete commercialization à la Hot Topic. Younger counterparts

found the TRL-ready alternative answer in Britney. With a slew of indie upstarts praising Lavigne’s influence, the time was ripe for a comeback. Her latest release sees Lavigne reaching for adulthood in content. Unfortunately, the lyrical and musical tropes she built her original successes on don’t work anymore. When she reaches for something more radio ready with Nicki Minaj on “Dumb Blonde” it feels like a fun-house version of “Hollaback Girl.” Avril Lavigne may be back but it’s complicated. Available Now

Broods

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Broods – “Too Proud” Ben Platt – “Bad Habit” Judah & The Lion – “Pictures” feat. Kacey Musgraves MUNYA – “Benjamin” Ladytron – “Until the Fire” Michael Brun – “How About This” ft. Uniiqu3 Jamila Woods – “ZORA” Das Body – “Taller Than the Average Man” Kehlani – “Feels” Jenny Lewis – “Red Bully & Hennessy” March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

It’s bigger. It’s bolder. It’s better! The new Cash Nightclub and Lounge is open and it’s ready for you. You’ll love the spacious, chic, sophisticated design and you’ll be amazed with the new, improved sound system and light show. Looking for eye candy? We’ve got the hottest go-go girls around. Make the night special with VIP seating and bottle service.

Join your friends and meet us every Thursday night for Country Thunder. Get ready for the weekend on Fireball Fridays. We’ll keep the party going with Cîroc Luxurious Ultra-Premium Vodka on Cîroc Saturdays.

Your friends are still here. Come make some new ones, too.

Cash Lounge & Nightclub 1730 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix RSVP to reserve VIP seating at 602-244-9943

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In “Dystopia” their newest activewear line for men and women, ES Collection imagines a post-apocalyptic world. Designer Carmen Monforte draws inspiration from films like MadMax, Blade Runner and Waterworld, as well as books like Brave New World and 1984, presenting decadent garments that contradict convention.

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“Dystopia is a futuristic collection that spotlights male and female survivors of a global catastrophe,” she explains. “It was fun to create as traditional aesthetic patterns gave way to exciting new concepts and paradigms.”

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Quality, design, comfort and eco-conscience remain at the forefront of the new collection. Monforte incorporates contrasting thicknesses, styles, colors, and textures into each individual piece. Synthetic quilts and leathers are combined with fine fabrics such as thin polyamides or meshes.

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ES Collection maintains an active awareness of conservation and a strong commitment to the improvement of work and human rights. They favor handmade items and partner with regional suppliers to create local jobs. The brand has always defended and supported equality between individuals, positioning itself against all forms of racial, sexual, cultural and religious discrimination.

Visit EScollection.es for mor information.

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Smashin’ Fashion Antonio Lopez 1970: Sex, Fashion & Disco Series like HBO’s gritty “The Deuce” and AMC’s hit “Mad Men” and Showtime’s “I’m Dying Up Here” have brought the somewhat neglected, often embarrassing decade of the 1970s back, making it “cool” again. Enough distance has separated us from the ugliness of Watergate and polyester that we can look at those wonder years fondly.

Antonio Lopez 1970: Sex, Fashion & Disco is a riveting documentary bringing an exhilarating, often outrageous chapter of fashion history to life.

Lopez was the most influential fashion illustrator of 1970s New York and Paris.

The story is a time capsule of Paris and New York between 1969 and 1973 as viewed through the eyes of Antonio Lopez (1943-1987), the dominant fashion illustrator of the day. Lopez was a seductive arbiter of style and glamour who brought elements of the urban street and ethnicity to the fashion world looking for change and diversity.

unusual beauties, such as Grace Jones, Jessica Lange, and a corps of Warhol’s Superstars. A broke, unknown, 17-yearold Texas beauty fell under his spell and “married” him in a mock ceremony. She went on to become an eagerly sought after high fashion model, marry Mick Jagger, and now she’s the filthy rich Mrs. Rupert Murdoch; she’s Jerry Hall.

Lopez and his entourage are captured on their quest for beauty and pleasure before the decade—saturated by drug use, addiction and promiscuity—came to a crashing halt. The libertine, ferociously bisexual Lopez died from complications from AIDS. Fascinating archival footage and stills of studio life, hotspots like Max’s Kansas City where Lopez held court next to his “frenemy” Andy Warhol, and Paris’ Café de Flore, take the viewers back to the sexually permissive 70’s in New York. Riveting interviews with Lange, models Patti d’Arbanville, Pat Cleveland, Vogue editor-at-large Grace Coddington, Interview magazine journalist Bob Colacello, and others, bring wild tales of the times back to life.

One of the most dazzling histories about the 70’s you’ll see, and a “must” for fashion lovers.

FilmMovement.com

Men and women, both, loved him.

Among Antonio’s discovers/ muses were March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 77

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Luck O’ The Irish H

istorically, the Irish haven’t always been too keen about the gays. You never hear a lot about gay boys like Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael, you know. The Irish love their beer and whiskey. Not so keen on, say, Pink Squirrels, Singapore Slings or anything with an umbrella in it.

But on St. Patrick’s Day, everybody’s Irish! We decided to check out the Irish pub in the desert, Rosie McCaffrey’s, a sister pub to downtown’s Seamus McCaffrey’s carries on all those traditions from the Emerald Isle that you would expect: booze, pub grub, their version of football, and more. You can expect to hear lots of Irish jig music piped in over the speakers, too, in a charming, authentic pub atmosphere.

Owner Seamus came from the Old Country, settling in downtown next door to the San Carlos Hotel in 1990.

(Stories say he was the first to serve Guinness in Arizona.)

Way back in 2002 he moved into a vacated Good Egg on Camelback Road, naming the pub after his wife, Rosie. They uncorked the hooch, tapped a keg, and before you could say, “Sure and Begorrah,” it was Happy Hour. Well, “Hours.” They’re Irish.

cider, and a shot of Tullamore just because they love you. A variety of other flights of whiskeys are available.

So, how are things in Glocca Morra?

Funny you should ask. One thing the Irish know about is potatoes. We tucked into a tasty plate of Irish Potato Skins.

Each ‘tater is topped with corned beef (not enough, unforch), Irish cheddar cheese and green onions, served with sour cream for $10. They also serve several non-Irish-y snacks like a

And if you can’t decide on a what kind of pint to hoist, why don’t you try flight? Not only is there Guinness, but a several more beers, ales, a March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

Quesadilla, Pretzels, Mozzarella sticks and Chips with a Curry Sauce.

Rosie’s nine entrées make decisions difficult, but a few had us feeling we were back home in Derry. Try Harp Battered Fish ‘n Chips voted “Best of Phoenix.” No wonder, with a delicious hand-battered cod filet fried golden brown served with terrific cole slaw, french fries and caper lemon tartar sauce. Only one filet seemed a little stingy for $14 and left us wanting more.

If you love a big, fat sausage as much as do, pick the Bangers and Mash with three mild, gourmet Irish pork sausages served with garlic mashed potatoes smothered in onion gravy and topped with Irish peas. $12

You can’t say “no” to Rosie’s traditional Irish Potato Boxty. We picked their rich Shepherd’s Pie served between two golden potato pancakes, but you might like the corned beef or Guinness prime rib of beef filling. Sure to please, just $14.

Of course, St. Patrick himself would give his blessing to other dishes, like Giants Causeway Meatloaf, Grilled Salmon, Guinness Steak & Mushroom Pie and, of course, Corned Beef & Cabbage, plus many more.

A variety of sandwiches, sliders and salads are on the menu, as well.

For St. Paddy’s Day—or any other day—it’s a great day for the wearin’ o’ the green and to look over a four-leaf clover at Rosie McCaffrey’s, darlin’. You don’t have to be a leprechaun, they’ve got your Lucky Charms.

Rosie McCaffrey’s Irish Pub 906 E. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix Phone: 602-251-1916 RosieMcCaffreys.com

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Photography by: LeakedGlass Models: Carlos Lara and Devon Norris Are you feeling sexy? Are you feeling scandalous?

You know you are. “Sexy Scandalous” is the theme for Bar1’s ninth annual Heel Party! So take off those sandals and flip-flops, get yourself a pedicure, dig through your closet and polish up those Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks or Bandolinos, because it’s time to get sexy, scandalize everyone, kick up your heels and party with your friends at Bar1.

Practice walking in heels, and we’ll see you Saturday night, March 30

3702 N. 16th St. in Phoenix

March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

BS West Industry Night (W)

FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)

26

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

OZ Bingo Night (W) Film Bar The Greatest Showman

27

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

31

Double Tree Hilton Tempe Phoenix Pride Pageant

25

Caravan Adonis Lounge (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Happy Hour All Day (W)

Bunk House St Pat O’s Day

24

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

20

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

19

Film Bar The Birdcage

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

18

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

BS West Industry Night (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

Karamba New Drag Lineup

Karamba Club Kid Drag Night

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

28

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

The Cash Country Thunder (W)

21

House Of Comedy Sarah Tiana

The Rock Mugged

Cruisin 7th The Big Banks Theory

The Rock Trailer Trash Review

29 MarMM

House Of Comedy Ben Gleib

Dick’s Cabaret Spring White Out Party

Flex Spas Pups in the Pool

30 BS West Fluffer

Bar 1 Heel Party

Cresent Ballroom The Flaming Queens

23

Steel Indian School Park Pot Of Gold

The Cash Fireball Fridays (W)

22

The Anvil High Heels & Harnesses

16 The Anvil Pup Night

15

Karamba Masquerade Ball

Charlie’s Fiesta Weekend

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

Caravan Adonis Lounge (W)

14

Charlie’s Chili Cook-off

9

Melrose District Melrose Street Fair

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

8

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

The Anvil Red Hanky Party

The Cash Country Thunder (W)

7

THURSDAY

Roosevelt Row First Friday

2

SATURDAY

Karamba Mardi Gras Party

13

6

WEDNESDAY

Karamba St Patrick’s Day Show

17

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

12

5

TUESDAY

The Rock Late Nite Snax

11

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

4

MONDAY

Stacy’s @ Melrose Flesh (W)

10

3

SUNDAY

March 2019 1

FRIDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

Buy 1 get 1 for $1. Go-Go Dancers, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

Caravan

BOGO Wells & Dom Until 8pm

BOGO Wells & Dom Until 8pm

Beer Bust $2.50 until 8pm SL Plat. boys $5 U-call-it penny drinks

The Cash

Fireball Fridays $2 AMF, Dom, Vodka Red bull till 11p $100 Ciroc

$6 Ciroc $2 AMF, Patron, Corona

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Oz Bar

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Darts 2pm KARAOKE 9pm-Cl

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

Karamba

The Rock Stacy’s

W

W

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for $1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Underwear Night $2 off with your pants off

Ladies Night $3 Dom Pitch $3 Shots $4 Wine

Adonis Lounge 2-4-1 Until 8pm

KARAOKE w/ Tony Hummel BOGO Wells & Dom ALL DAY

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Country Thunder Thursdays $3 Blue Moon $3 Titos Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm

$3 Modelo Pitchs / $3 1800 Coconut Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karime Show

Urban Thursdays Aubrey Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers $3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 8pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call All DAy KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

MONDAY

TUESDAY

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

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PHOENIX Address

Phone

1. Anvil Pg 31

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Bar 1 Pg 82-83

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

3. Bliss/ReBar Pg 30

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

4. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

5. BS West Pg 23

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse Pg 20

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. Caravan Taphouse Pg 15

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

8. The Cash Pg 67

1730 E McDowell Rd.

9. Charlie’s Pg 16-17

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

11. Cruisn’ 7th Pg 31

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

12. Dick’s Cabaret Pg 92

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

13. FEZ Pg 30

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

14. Flex Spas Phoenix Pg 99

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

15. Hula’s Modern Tiki P58

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

16. Karamba Pg 28

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

(602) 254-0231 x

17. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

18. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881

19. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

20. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

x

21. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

22. The Rock Pg 4-5

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 267-9959 (602) 242-5114

x

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

23. Stacy’s @ Melrose Pg 7

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

24. Hotel Congress

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

25. IBTs

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053

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Miss Tiger,

T

his month’s Favorite Bitch® goes old school. So settle in, sip some suds and savor a few o’ my grandmommy’s good ol’ Irish proverbs for an ultra modern world!

P.S. Love you, Grandma Daisy!

Dear Miss Tiger, I’m lucky to have a man with a big eggplant. Problem is I’m just too tight.

Recovering from marathon sex is the worst! I’m afraid of getting hemorrhoids!

— Andy Dear “May Your Home Always Be Too Small To Hold All Your Friends,” And about those hemorrhoids … in the words of a thoughtful Irish proctologist, “Here’s to eyes in your head and none in your spuds!”

Favorite Bitch, I bet my Boo that I could walk into a club and get any dude I want. He told me to prove it. I hooked-up with a trick later that night. Now he’s calling me a ho saying I cheated on him. What do you think about this shit?

— Damon Dear You Are A Hoe, But on the other hand, a town tramp once confessed, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.”

Better get on that Truvada, Boo!

I don’t give a shit what my friends say. I’m in love with my 72-year-old boyfriend.

What difference does it make if I’m 23?

— Dakota Dear Who Needs Lucky Charms Cereal When You Got A Sugar Daddy, When the corner hooker feared that her aging would lose customers my grandmommy said, “The older the the fiddle the sweeter the tune.”

Looks like: 1. You all up in his music 2. Your Spotify has Cardi B. on a heavy rotation: “I don’t really need the D, I need the money.”

Hey Miss Tiger, I won $500 on a scratcher. My boyfriend cashed it and kept it because he lent me some money awhile back!

— Trina Dear Shoulda Done Like Grandmommy Taught Yo’ Ass & Slept With A Bra On, A priest told a gambler that, “forgetting a debt doesn’t mean it’s paid.”

Like my grandmommy informed me right before an ass whooping … “A little fire that warms is better than a big fire that burns.” You ain’t got dementia, you got some goddamn nerve! Be glad you got robbed and not evicted!

Miss Tiger Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com March 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

by Addison DeWitt

A

I

t isn’t easy being me. I work my soft, delicate, heavily lotioned hands to the boner for you as but a lowly scribe to the court, a mere scrivener, a cipher ...

Am I here to vilify you or perjure myself?

Nay, gentle reader! Okay, I may tattle a wee bit here and there, but it’s always true and served up with love. And maybe with a Pink Squirrel and peanuts. This screed is nothing as scurrilous as tatty “Gossip Column.” I call it “Society News.”

If you’re here, it’s because I love you.

You’ll know when I don’t.

Onward and upward! Every Democrat in town E scrambled to see First Lady Michelle Obama speak at Comerica Theatre promoting her book, Becoming.

Online resources report that a Meet ‘n’ Greet package cost a whopping $2,750 just to get a Polaroid with her!

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C

D

Girl, those are Beyoncé prices! I didn’t check their bank accounts, but José Miguel Santiago (A) got a squeeze and a snapshot with her, and so did lucky Rebecca Wininger and her wife, Wendi Sorensen (B).

Our own dashing don Oscar De las salas teamed B up with society doyenne Miss Billie Jo Herberger (C) for an Oscar® (it’s a registered trademark. I gotta stay legal.)

Viewing Party benefiting Valley Youth Theatre where our Oscar gave out his own Oscars® to attendant fashionalities. (D) Local celebs Cozi Pfeifer and Tanner Cordell (E) kibitzed with George Clooney in the Green Room by the hummus and crudité.

(Sorry, George was just stepped out of the frame. Dammit!)

Handsome Joen Romero Martínez, the lovely Irma Orozco, debonair Ivan Lugo took a selfie with event host Oscar (F) just as

F

G

Meryl Streep got up to go to the powder room. Ivan owns the Lugari Pet Salon in Scottsdale where rumor has it he grooms Charlize Theron’s dogs.

(Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. I’ll never tell! Heck, it sounds good!)

Wedding bells are gonna chime!

Phoenix FLEX Spa manager Jesse Baltazar and Southwest Center’s Eion Cashman (G) are engaged!

Together with little Jax, they make three!

Congratulations, boys!

Every kiss begins with KY Jelly. There may be another wedding soon!

Snuggle-wuggle bears Christopher Tong and Brandon Slayton are settin’ H up house under the big top! (Or bottom!)

(H) They packed up their U-Hoo Haul (I) and are makin’ plenty o’ I honey in their very own hive now! Bear hugs, boys!

And all of this is the truth. Well ... most of it.

V

enus is entering Aquarius on March 1 means it’s time to let your freak flag fly!

You’re in crusader mode, but don’t get self-righteous. Don’t say I didn’t warn you: Three times yearly Mercury goes into retrograde. This is the first, lasting from March 5-28. Communication goes haywire and progress is slow. As usual, electronics can be wonky, so watch out for SNAFUs with your computer, phone and maybe even your vibrator. Plus, two conjunctions with Neptune make things slippery for all of us. ¶ Pay attention: the Sun conjuncts with Mercury on March 15 and that’s an ideal moment to send a romantic message or pitch an idea. March 21 marks the last of the three Supermoons for 2019.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 A brain-storming session brings a successful outcome, even if you didn’t agree with everything or everyone at the get-go.

It’s all about compromise. Birthday rams can expect a big reward for a job well done and overdue good news.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Exciting and even a little bit kinky people attract you, thanks to Uranus. You’re usually a little shy, but much more uninhibited this month. I can’t even print some of things you’ll be doing. Is this the real you? Uranus needs to come around more often.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Money issues (mainly the lack thereof) are frustrating. But the good news is that your outgoing personality and ability to communicate helps unravel a sticky situation, so don’t worry.

CANCER June 22 - July 22 The power of the Sun, Mercury and Uranus make you more decisive. Your intellect combined with compassion puts you on the track to sainthood. Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration. You’re no saint. We all know that. Don’t worry, we’re not judging. Much.

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LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 A lesson learned reveals what’s important, but you have to learn it for yourself. You’re extraordinarily giving, but don’t be too showy about it or you’ll appear ostentatious.

An old love is on the horizon, but look out; remember what happened last time?

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 You have the ability to concentrate on everything. Well, everything that concerns you. Breakthroughs in your artistic and creative bring on success and spur you on.

Ever considered macaroni and seed art?

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Feeling a little sensitive? It’s okay. You spend a lot of time doing bullshit online tests like, “Which Dog Am I?”, and they only make you question yourself. Look for the bigger picture. Others find you extra-appealing.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Mars is acting up. Release your pent up energy or frustration through exercise, sex or even–ahem!–self-gratification. Adjust your perspective and compromise (even though you’re right. You’re not always right.)

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 See that door? No, the one on the left. Open it. You’ll be making a wise decision soon.

Just don’t open the door on the right.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Engage in achieving the goals you set for yourself last month. Avoid provoking family members. Especially your family members.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 A shocking choice in the Love Department surprises everyone around you. You’ll be meeting someone with a quirky, crazy mind and you’re likely to conjure up something that doesn’t exist ... not quite yet.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Wild feelings make you into a kind of a psychic sponge—and a bit of a drama queen. Your birthday brings on a “Feelsplosion” of happiness and goodwill.

Your creativity hits an all-time high.