ION Arizona #212

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SUNDAY FUNDAY BRUNCH

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THE LOUIE

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WINTER CARNIVAL

Stacy’s @ Melrose

Photos by: Khiona Marx from Polaroid Phoenix 10

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MISTER & MISS ROCK

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THE ROCK

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TWO DYKES & A MIC

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BS WEST

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WATERING HOLE

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GOGO BOYS PALOOZA

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KARAMBA

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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ................................ kbushaw@me.com ART DIRECTOR ................................. Alex Campos COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 TUCSON ADVERTISING SALES Danny Catt ........................................... (520) 429-5905 danny.catt@gmail.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez

Danny Catt CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy.

B

eing able to work everyday in the Arizona LGBTQ community has been one of the greatest honors of my life. Most people can only dream about openly working and playing everyday. It can, however, turn into a nightmare consuming your time and depleting your energy. You tend to focus so much time on it that you forget to take care of yourself and you begin to lose your own identity. As an example, I couldn’t sleep so I got up at 3 a.m. to write this.

So as of today, when I work for the LGBTQ community, I am “Jack.” When I’m working for myself, I will now be “John,” my given name. My goal is to spend 50% of the time as Jack and 50% of my time as John. When you see me in ION attire, call me Jack. When I’m in civilian clothes, call me John. If you want to date me, I’m both. Best three way ever.

This is my company’s 25th year in business as JMT Designs. The precious metal for 25 years is silver. When I

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started it in 1995, Chrysler was my biggest account and they helped “fuel” the start of ION. So to commemorate this achievement, John bought a precious silver Chrysler. Jack will continue to drive the ION Aztek.

For 17 1/2 years, Jack has had to become a chameleon.

As a desert chameleon, a reptile that changes color to match its environment, Jack has experienced a wide range of subcultures in our community.

One month he’s a pet lover, another month he’s checking out all the sexiest bartenders. Another month he dons leather and another month he breaks out his Speedos. Other months he shows his love of drag, sports and everything in between. This month, Jack is a cowboy!

Jack will see you at the ION booth at the 34rd annual AGRA Rodeo February 15-17 at the Corona Ranch and Rodeo Grounds! John will not be attending, unfortunately.

Jack / John M. Tesorero Urban Cowboy

Renaissance Festival “Hey, derry, derry down!” Hear ye kings and especially you queens! Come to the Renaissance Festival every weekend February 9 thru’ March 31 where it’s always 1492! Phoenix Pride presents the LGBTQ Friends & Family Day on Sunday, February 24. Save $3 when you buy tix online using promo code REDSHIRT. Get directions & festival info at RenFestInfo.com (See ad on p. 29)

Bearracuda 8th Anniversary Party It’s been a wild ‘n’ woolly eight years since The Rock started their monthly fuzzy-wuzzy dance party. The best DJs pump out the hairiest jams for you to dance to, even if you’re smooth! Celebrate eight big, thick, long years of fun with your friends on Friday, February 15 at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. BYOB ... that means “Bring Your Own Brush.” (See ad p. 4 & 5)

34th Annual AGRA Rodeo Ki-yi-yippee, yippee YAY! Saddle up the ol’ cayuse, pardners!

The AGRA Rodeo is comin’ to town! Join in the ropin’, ridin’, wranglin’, and spectatin’ on February 15-17 at the Corona Ranch Rodeo Grounds, 7611 S. 29th Ave. at Baseline Rd. in Laveen. Purchase your tickets online at AGRA-Phx.com.

Make Charlie’s your stompin’ ground all weekend long for even more celebratin’!

(See ads on p. 62-63)

SAAF OUT Brunch It’s a party! SAAF will be honoring one volunteer, one community innovator, and one LGBTQ+ ally who have contributed to the success of the LGBTQ+ community in Tucson. Celebrate at the SAAF OUT Brunch with the fabulous Tempest DuJour as the banquet’s hostess on Saturday, February 16 at the Jewish Community Center, 3800 E. River Rd. Tix at OUTBrunchAZ.org

AIDS Walk Arizona Put on your sneaker and join in the largest gathering in Arizona to advance the cause of HIV/AIDS funding awareness. This year the AIDS Walk and fun-run happens as the sun sets at 6 p.m. on Saturday, February 26 at Tempe Beach Park, on Mill Avenue near Rio Salado Pkwy. in downtown Tempe. It all begins with you! Register at AIDSWalkAZ.org (See ad on p. 15)

FEBRUARY 2019 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT LOCATION Sunday Brunch The Louie 3 Chinese New Year Karamba 9 AGRA Royalty Competition Charlie’s 9 Prison Party The Anvil 6 Red Party Karamba 9-3/31 Renaissance Festival 12 Phoenix Pride Launch Party BS West 13 Big Gay Singalong “Grease” Film Bar 14 Mini-Rodeo Charlie’s 15 Pups & Handlers Party The Anvil 15 Bearracuda 8th Anniversary The Rock 15-16 Customer Appreciation Party Dick’s Cabaret 15-17 AGRA Rodeo Corona Ranch 16 Blackout Party The Anvil 16 SAAF Out Brunch Jewish Comm. Ctr. 17-19 President’s Day Bash Karamba 23 Gear Night The Anvil 23 AIDS Walk Arizona Tempe Beach Park 13 Big Gay Singalong “Moulin Rouge!”

Film Bar March

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Apache Junction Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Laveen Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Phoenix

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Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

Rat’s Ass Party Bunkhouse Melrose on 7th Ave Street Fair Mardi Gras Party Bar1 Mardi Gras Party Dick’s Cabaret Post Mardi Gras Party & Show Karamba

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Tania Katan Gets Away with Everything

Her new book Creative Trespassing explains how you can, too.

By Deon Brown

I

f you know Tania Katan, you know that she’s a little bit Zen with a lot of zest.

Witty, smart, charismatic, she’s also warm and understanding with a keen eye that gives her the ability to assess what’s going on. Tania’s rousing, “all for one and one for all” attitude is all about sparking a revolution with a twist. Her new book, Creative Trespassing: How to Put the Spark and Joy Back Into Your Work and Life is a handbook about being willing to defy conformity and let yourself shine.

Just what is “creative trespassing”?

“How do I bring this creativity and imagination into the less overtly creative work space? Asking people who they are, I would go into places I didn’t necessarily belong, but my background brought my talents from places I’d been into my job, bringing all of these spaces and jobs into the layers.”

connections between the who I was and what I did. I was using everything I was passionate about. Many people feel that same disconnect.

“We all know what’s expected of us in our job. Some are pretty cut ‘n’ dried.

You can put on your headphones and not enjoy life. Or, you might realize that you don’t have to wait to have fun. You can be the personal agency to connect to other people.

Tania shared her own personal journey and the challenge that gave her a chance to prove herself.

“The pivotal moment for me was working for the Scottsdale Center for Contemporary Art as curator. It was a large, corporately structured

Tania explained why she wrote this book.

“I found myself in the working world in weird and wily jobs that didn’t seem to connect to my degree in Theatre; I was a grocery store clerk, barista, printing coordinator,” she relates. “I found myself at conferences where people asked, ‘What do you do?’

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them, so we can see what’s here and to make it better.” organization,” she remembers. “You still have to quantify and qualify the work you do. They brought me in because I thought outside the box ... and then they put in a cubicle. It was ironic,” she laughs. “How would I meet my goals? Bring in new revenue? Audiences? I had no budget.

So I decided to be creative. I assembled my own team, asked the AV department, someone who worked at the desk, docents, and we put on a show. I saw the limits as an opportunity to tunnel under and over, and embrace them rather than avoid them.”

Tania expanded on being a “rule breaker” herself.

“It’s so much a part of my DNA. I exclusively and specifically break the rules to allow for more connections that include everyone. We think of ‘rule breakers’ as saying, ‘Eff You’ to The Man. I think of it as the opposite for people who are trapped and feel disconnected; I break the rules to connect, so that people can see what’s right in front of

LGBTQ people have historically had to learn how to “fit in.” Creative trespassing can help preserve and promote “you.”

“One major theme is being an outsider.

My parents were divorced, we were very poor, my mom was an immigrant.

Trying to fit in as a chubby, dirty, poor kid in Arizona was really hard,” she remembers. “It made my life difficult, but it allowed me to develop skills to connect with people. That’s where I developed a sense of humor and ability to connect with others: who they are, why they are the way they are.

Companies hired me because I didn’t fit in, because I had that ‘special sauce.’

“We’re all part of this vast community who started off as outsiders. It’s challenging. It’s not safe for some people. We have that unique mix. We have that perspective others don’t have: to hide, or run, or celebrate. We will vacillate our whole lives being insiders and outsiders. Everybody. Explore the skills and talents that we have.”

Friday, February 22, 7 p.m.

Individual plus one signed book: $40 VIP tickets available Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts 7380 E. 2nd St. in Scottsdale Tickets: ScottsdaleArts.org 480-499-TKTS

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Haters Roast The Shady Tour 2019

The self-proclaimed “Glamour Toad” from RuPaul’s Drag Race season 7 and RPDR All Stars 2 hosts “The Shady Tour 2019.”

The hungry, plus-size comedy diva from the South brings Latrice Royale, Monet X Change, Alyssa Edwards, Thorgy Thor, Jinkx Monsoon and Miss Cracker for a Battle of the Bitches. Watch the fur fly at 8 p.m., Sunday, February 24 at the Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren in Phoenix. For tickets go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

FEBRUARY 2019 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

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10:00pm Charlie’s

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Manila Luzon

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3:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Devina’s Cotton Club Revue

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9:00pm

The Rock

Late Nite Snax Wit Bennadiction

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Mugged With Doja & Brii

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Dahl Haus

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

The Strip Factor - Claudia B, Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano

Tuesdays

BS West

Stars with Coco Iman

Tuesdays

Charlie’s

Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”

8:00pm

Wednesdays 8:30pm

Charlie’s

La Loteria with Susan Martell

Wednesdays 9:30pm

Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Karime Lizaldi Show

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Aubrey Ghalichi Show

Thursdays

10:00pm Charlie’s

2nd & 4th Fri 10:00pm The Rock

Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay Coco’s Charm School

Fridays

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande

Friday’s

9:30pm

Charlie’s

The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs

Fridays

10:30pm The Rock

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B Excuse Our Beauty Revue

1st Sunday

2:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

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7:00pm

Charlie’s

Sundays

10:30pm Charlie’s

Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano

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10:30pm Karamba

Ruby Reynolds Show

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

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Toni Braxton

They’re everywhere ... just like the Kardashians.

Toni sold more than 67 million albums in addition to being a reality TV star and competing on Dancing with the Stars. Tax troubled Toni appears on Thursday, February 21 at the Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass, 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. in Chandler. For tickets call 800-745-3000 or visit TicketMaster.com

Sarah Brightman

This chippy’s chirpy, operatic trills and tremolo will always cement her as the quintessential “Christine” from her ex-hubby’s The Phantom of the Opera. She brings her tessitura soprano to Phoenix on Wednesday, February 27 at the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. Get your tix at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Music Festivals

Spring is right around the corner in Arizona. Get wild and freaky at two music festivals coming to the Valley. Check out their complete music lineups and buy tickets online. McDowell Mountain Music Festival: March 1-3, Hance Park, 67 W. Culver St. Tix: M3FFest.com • Innings Festival: March 2-3, Tempe Beach Park, 80 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. Tix: InningsFestival.com

FEBRUARY 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1 Kelly Clarkson 5 Joan Osborne 7 Jesse McCartney 11 2Cellos 12 Oak Ridge Boys 13 KISS 13 Neko Case 14 Neko Case 15 Bob Seger 20 Cypress Hill 21 Toni Braxton 26 STRFKR 26 MUSE 27 Sarah Brightman MARCH 1-3 McDowell Mtn. Music Fest 2-3 Innings Festival

LOCATION PHONE Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Mesa Arts Ctr. 480-644-6500 The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Fox Theatre - Tucson 520-547-3040 Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 877-987-6487 The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 The Van Buren - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Wild Horse Pass Casino - Chandler 800-745-3000 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 877-987-6487 Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Hance Park - Phx Tempe Beach Park

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The Lion in Winter

“Of course he has a knife. He always has a knife. We all have knives. It’s 1183 and we’re barbarians.” What family doesn’t have its ups and downs?

Henry II and his wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine hash out the future and throne. February 1-17 at Mesa Encore Theatre Black Box, 933 E. Main St. For tix visit MesaEncoreTheatre.com or call 480-644-6500

Waiting for Henson

Two figures meet on a lonely stretch of road in the middle of nowhere.

Nothing happens, nothing is certain and there’s never anything to do. Absurdist theatre is lampooned with felt, fun, fur and tomfoolery February 1-23 by the All Puppet Players at Playhouse on the Park at the Central Arts Plaza Viad Building, 1850 N. Central Ave at Palm Lane. For your tickets visit AllPuppetPlayers.com or call 602-254-2151. Tell Godot!

With Love, Marilyn

You won’t want to miss this tender, limited engagement, one-woman musical tribute to Marilyn Monroe in this cabaret-style performance. This “what if” moment of a behind-thescenes dress rehearsal with Monroe happens February 14-17 at the Temple of Music & Art, 330 S. Scott Ave. in Tucson. For tickets go to ArizonaTheatre.org or call 520-622-2820

FEBRUARY 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE

1-17 1-23 thru 9 7-10 thru 10 14-17 14/-3/3 16 thru 17 21 21-24 22-3/3 28 thru 3/1 thru 3/10 thru 4/16

EVENT

COMPANY

Lion in Winter Mesa Encore Theatre Waiting for Henson All Puppet Players - Phx Two Trains Running AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Matt Iseman House of Comedy - Phoenix Festival of New American Theatre - Phx Theatre With Love, Marilyn AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Two Trains Running AZ Theatre Co. - Phx Sweet Cabaret - Scorpius Dance Theatre Phx Theatre Disney’s Aladdin ASU Gammage - Tempe Gilbert Gottfried Tempe Improv Gina Yashere House of Comedy Taming of the Shrew SW Shakespeare Theatre - Mesa Amy Schumer Comerica Theatre - Phoenix An American in Paris AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria Jersey Boys Phoenix Theatre Co. Marvelous Wonderettes Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert

PHONE

480-644-6500 602-254-2151 520-622-2823 480-420-3553 602-254-2151 520-622-2823 602-256-6995 602-254-2151 480-965-3434 480-921-9877 480-420-3553 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 623-776-8400 602-254-2151 480-497-1181

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Pour some sugar on me!

Photographer Michael Craft is driven by a passion for capturing life on film—and the desire for the best Red Velvet Cake recipe. The dream of creating a stunning coffee table book has been one of his professional goals for years, so it only seemed natural to photograph hot guys eating luscious desserts.

Michael selected men that are as diverse as the desserts. Everyone will embrace the tasty, tempting diversity and appreciate the delectable photos.

Sweet Tooth is a gorgeous book of eyepopping photographs of beautiful, sexy men accompanied with recipes for mouth-watering desserts that you can make. Perfect for Valentine’s Day and for lovers.

I’m hot, sticky sweet! From my head down to my feet!

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Find out more about Michael Craft’s Sweet Tooth and how to order at SweetToothWorld.com Hardcover, 8.25” x 10” 98 pp. full color, $35 February 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

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February Feels T

his month’s box office flix are heavy on sports stories, along with sinister cinema, too.

Blackouts and dead bodies don’t mix.

What happens when a female reporter is found dead and the underdog for a world title is the suspect? Murder and mystery meet Mixed Martial Arts in A Violent Man. This bloody “whodunit” opens February 8.

Find out What Men Want when a female sports agent (Taqraji P. Henson) racing to sign the next NBA superstar drinks a gypsy’s potion and can read thoughts.

Comedy mayhem ensues! (Opens February 8) Women in the lockerroom goes together just like the English and pro wrestling. No? Check out Fighting with my Family. Based on a true story, this light comedy stars (who else?) former pro wrestler Dwayne Johnson as “The Rock.” Written and directed by funnyman Stephen Merchant. (Opens February 22) If you want inspirational, check out the two really cute, super White brothers competing for a football scholarship learn about sacrifice on and off the gridiron in Run the Race. Produced by religious fanatic, quarterback and outfielder Tim Tebow, expect lots of subliminal Bible-thumping. (Opens February 22)

out about the sick and twisted secrets a pregnant mother finds in a remote nunnery in St. Agatha.

(Opens February 8) Our pick? Surprise!

Isn’t It Romantic Starring: Rebel Wilson, Adam DeVine, Liam Hemsworth We’re willing to forgive the loveable “Fat Amy” for anything.

Including the horrible Pitch Perfect 2 & 3.

Plot: Natalie suffers a concussion. She wakes up, fully aware that her life has become a PG-13 rom-com, and she must escape every cliché—even her gay sidekick—in order to come back to reality and fall in love. Pairing Wilson with frequent foil (Workaholics, Pitch Perfect franchise) Adam DeVine is the icing on the cake.

Trite? Corny? Sure. Make America eat again.

Opens February 14

Predictably, orphans in the movies are always spooky—unless it’s Shirley Temple. Check out the two creepy kids who show up at an isolated country estate in The Turning (opens February 22). Orphans usually come from scary convents, unless you’re watching The Sound of Music or Sister Act. Find February 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

Sharon Van Etten Remind Me Tomorrow

After her fourth album, 2014’s Are We There?

Sharon Van Etten went on hiatus.

She’s back, with a different sound. In lieu of the surging rock guitars of her previous work, she turned to St. Vincent producer John Congelon to provide new, sophisticated textures using pianos and synthesizer starting with the drama of “I Told You Everything.” “No One’s Easy to Love” swirls while “Seventeen” and “Comeback Kid” take on anthemic grandeur. Listen closely: they’re just letters to her younger self.

Available Now

James Blake

Toro Y Moi

Outer Peace

Toro Y Moi made his name on the chillwave trend, a blend of early 70’s funk, with lo-fi recording and distant, live radio vocals.

Since his 2010 debut, the talented producer collaborated with electronic artist Nosaj Thing and rapper Travis Scott. With his eighth album, he channels a groove-focused, new-disco sound à la Daft Punk with Moby’s “Ordinary Pleasure,” and “Laws of the Universe.”

This may be his best release to date.

Available now

Assume Form Blake is the shadowy figure behind some of the most tender pieces of Bey’s Lemonade, and as a writer/producer for Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar, Travis Scott. Where his first three albums seemed to be products of the loneliness of the creative process and new found fame, Assume Form finds Blake in love.

“Can’t Believe We Flow,” “Into the Red” and “Are You in Love?” all explore his newfound bliss. He pulls legend Andre 3000 from retirement for “Where’ the Catch?” and points at ingenues electroflamenco ROSALIA on “Barefoot in the Park,” with soul rising star Moses Sumney on “Tell Them.” The first “mustlisten” of 2019. Available Now

Lizzo

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG Lizzo – “Juice” Ariana Grande – “7 Rings” Dolly Parton – “Here You Come Again” (Dumplin’ Remix) Charlotte Ardigéry – “High Lights” Broods – “Hospitalized” The Drums – “Body Chemistry” Chrome Sparks – “Be On Fire” MUNYA – “It’s All About You” Boy Harsher – “LA” Dawn Richard – “new breed” February 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

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Let’s Talk About Sex BENT Starring: Clive Owen, Lothaire Bluteau, Ian McKellen

Sex Education Starring: Asa Butterfield, Gillian Anderson The English have a reputation of sexual repression.

In 1912 Lady Hillingdon wrote in her journal: “I lie down on my bed, open my legs and think of England.”

Things have changed for the English since then—except for repressed teenage virgin Otis Milburn (Butterfield, Miss Peregrine’s School for Peculiar Children). He’s nervous. He’s awkward.

Having a famous, lusty, sex therapist for a mother (the ageless Anderson, The X Files) doesn’t help.

Mom’s professional teachings rub off on Otis. When he meets school bad girl Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey), they team up with a scheme to counsel fellow students who are having hormone issues. Predictably, trouble is bound to happen.

Season 1 of this slightly John Hughes-like teen comedy is touched by genuine honesty and pathos. Otis’ flamboyant bestie, Eric (Ncuti Gatwa) is gay, out and proud. Maeve’s tarnished reputation hurts. The school bully hides a secret. Layers peel away revealing everybody’s truth.

Solid performances and directing make this charming 8-episode series a delight.

Available now on Netflix

Max (Owen, ), part of the seamy gay underworld of 1930s Berlin, lives a hedonistic life of Caligula proportions. A mean little man named Adolf Hitler put a stop to the good times and Max is sent to Dachau, masquerading as a Jew to avoid classification as homosexual or “bent.” In the work camp he and Horst (Bluteau, The Tudors, Vikings) fall in love among the ruins.

This 1997 film adaptation preserves the very stagey, dramatic poetry of the 1978 play by Martin Sherman, reflecting the contemporary issues of world homosexual repression of the day—a little old fashioned by today’s standards (or is it?) with the doom of AIDS looming ahead. Heavy.

Depressing. Dark. But an important part of the lexicon of gay history in the arts.

Eagle eyed viewers will spot a young Jude Law, Rachel Weisz (The Favourite), and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones) as well as Mick Jagger performing in drag.

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Rottn’ Grapes I

like my wine like I like my men: complex and fruity. The great thing about a wine bar like Rottn’ Grapes is that whenever they uncork a bottle, It gladdens the heart and worries fly away.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a Cabernet or Chianti or even a shy Zinfandel. You don’t have to worry about wine snobbery there.

Keith and Patty planted Rottn’ Grapes’ roots a while back along Central Avenue in uptown Phoenix at Landmark Tower. Five months ago they opened their doors in the historic Gold Spot building in the Roosevelt where they’ve added a tasty menu for lunch and dinner, thanks to Chef Chris Newstrom.

He has plenty of street cred, earning his stripes as Culinary Director at Upward Projects, Executive Chef at St. Francis, Gallo Blanco, LGO and other venues.

He’s created a thoughtful, unpretentious menu that adds “va-voom” to your vino and a blast to your beer. Lunch gave us a chance to check ‘em out.

You can’t pass up the Bruschetta.

Pick four from the eight choices for $15. our favorite was the Prosciutto, mascarpone with pomegranate molasses, but the avocado, ricotta, garlic chili sauce and pepitas is hard to beat. All the artisan breads used at Rottn’ Grapes come from the classy Noble Bread bakery.

Need a little nosh? Their “Starters” include eight options. We picked the Meatballs (not just because of the “balls,” either) made from grassfed beef, veal, pork with a rich marinara, basil and Grana Padano, a competitor to ParmigianoRegiano cheese. The Charcuterie Board is loaded with tasty tidbits to nibble on, too, for $16.

Of course, wine or beer paired with Pizza is a match made in Heaven.

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Five mouthwatering 13-inch pies make for difficult choosing. We picked the Baci Prosciutto. A blend of cheeses, goat cheese, figs, Grana Padano cheese, EVOO nestled on a sweet, spongey dough made daily, under a verdant blanket of fresh arugula. $15. Vegetarian?

Every veggie from the Burpee Seed catalog populates the Shiraz’ Garden Party Pizza. $15

Caesar Salad ($9.50) has an divine anchovy dressing. Vegan, gluten free and dairy free choices are also available.

After 4 o’clock you can dine on Specialty Entrées, like the Wild Mushroom Risotto for $15. Chef Chris always has something fancy in the pantry, like scallops or salmon for market price.

Check out the Panini scene, folks.

They’ve got four. We heart the tender Roast Beef with aged Swiss cheese, fresh horseradish mayonnaise, stone ground mustard and caramelized onions. $12

Lunch specials from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. present a Sophie’s Choice: a personal pizza with soup or salad for $11, or two bruschetta with soup or salad for $11.50. Decisions, decisions. Good news: Happy Hour lasts ‘til 8 p.m. every day, plus they have weekly specials, like $25 Bottle-Schetta: you get four bruschetti and choose a $30 (or under) bottle of wine for $25.

Rottn’ Grapes’ burger is better. It’s a grilled, grass fed burger from Strauss Family Farms 100% all-natural, all grassfed beef, humanely and ethically raised, sourced with compassion and respect in Montana with all the fixin’s plus one side for $14.

We can’t keep a secret bottled up. The Onyx is their underground speakeasy, where they serve top shelf hooch in a super-chill gin joint Friday and Saturday from 7 p.m. to close. But you have to turn off your phone’s ringer. Get it? Got it? Good.

Vegetarians will find suitable options all over the menu. Rottin’ Grapes also has four fresh salads. Rumor has it that their

Hamlet knew there was something rotten in Denmark, but he would’ve loved Rottn’ Grapes. You will, too.

Rottn’ Grapes Roosevelt Row Location RottnGrapes.com 1001 N. 3rd Ave. at Roosevelt Ave. Chef Chris Newstrom

602-346-0068

February 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

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Photography by: Scotty Kirby Art Direction by: Alex Campos Models: Josue Pimienta, Adriana Galliano & Erik Amezcua Be part of the Friday Night Rodeo Kick-Off Party on Friday, February 15 with the electrifying NEON Experience Party at Corona Ranch & Rodeo Grounds. Charlie’s has round trip party bus transportation to and from Corona Ranch for $30. Lineysha Sparx and Jessica Wild from RuPaul’s Drag Race are your hostesses.

The gates open at 4 p.m. for rodeo registration, the bars open at 5 pm. Best of all, admission Friday night is FREE! Don’t miss the exciting rodeo events Saturday and Sunday. Gates open at 9 a.m., and the rodeo starts at 10 a.m.

Charlie’s will again provide ‘round trip transportation Saturday and Sunday with your favorite bartenders and queens will keep the party going. $40 each day. Purchase your Party Bus Tickets at Charlie’s or email corporatecharliesnightclub.com See Adriana Galliano every Sunday night at Charlie’s for her Latin Explosion Show at 10:30 p.m.

Yee-haw! See you there!

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BS West Industry Night (W)

Renaissance Festival Gay Day

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Film Bar Moulin Rouge Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

27

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)

26

The Cash Karaoke (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Happy Hour All Day (W)

FLEX Spas Blackout Party

25

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

20

Film Bar Grease

OZ Bingo Night (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

28

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

House Of Comedy Gina Yashere

21

Karamba Raging Romantics Show

The Rock Mugged W/ Doja & Brii

14

The Louie GoGo Fridays (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday

MARCH 1 MarMM

The Rock Trailer Trash Review

The Cash Cash Inn Country (W)

2

23

The Rock Melrose Street Fair

The Anvil Gear Night

Aunt Rita’s AIDS Walk Arizona

Tucson, AZ SAAF OUT Brunch

The Rock Bearracuda

22

Corona Ranch AGRA Rodeo

16 Dick’s Cabaret Customer Appreciation

15

Charlie’s AGRA Royalty Competition

The Louie GoGo Fridays (W)

House Of Comedy Matt Iseman

Bar 1 $6 Huge Long Islands (W)

13

Karamba Red Party

9

The Anvil Red Hanky Party

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

8

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Charlie’s Manila Luzon

7

THURSDAY

Roosevelt Row First Friday

SATURDAY

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

6

WEDNESDAY

The Rock Hahl Haus

19

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

BS West Industry Night (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

18

BS West PHX Pride Media Launch

Karamba Valentines Day Serenade

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

24

17

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

12

5

TUESDAY

The Rock Late Nite Snax

11

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

The Louie Sunday Funday Brunch (W)

10

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)

4

MONDAY

Karamba Chinese New Year Party

3

SUNDAY

1

FRIDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

Buy 1 get 1 for $1. Go-Go Dancers, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

The Louie

$3 Fireball shots $3 Dos X $5 Absl.

HH & 1/2 Price Select Apps 2p-7p

$3 Corona Premier $5 Patron Shots $6 Tito’s Cocktails

SunFun Brunch $10 Mim.Bottles SunFunday 2p-8p $3 Smirn Drinks

Oz Bar

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Darts 2pm KARAOKE 9pm-Cl

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p

Plazma

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

Bliss/ReBar

BS West Bunkhouse

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

Karamba

The Rock Stacy’s

W

W

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for $1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Industry Night 1/2 off All Day KARAOKE 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

1/2 Priced Well and Beer 2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm

$3 Modelo Pitchs / $3 1800 Coconut Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karime Show

Urban Thursdays Aubrey Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers $2 Bd Lt draft $3 Wells $4 Smirn HH & 1/2 Price Select Apps 2p-7p

$3 Wells $4 Fireball $5 Dom Pitch HH & 1/2 Price Select Apps 2p-7p

$3 Dom Draft $4 Lm Drop $5 Sp HH & 1/2 Price Select Apps 2p-7p

(2-4-1) 1/2 Price Drinks & Apps ALL DAY AND NIGHT!

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 8pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well & Dom $6 Call All DAy KARAOKE 9pm-Cl POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

MONDAY

TUESDAY

90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

Br

Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

Br

Br

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PHOENIX Address 1. 2601 on Central

Phone

2601 N. Central Ave.

Coming Soon!

2. Anvil Pg 29

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

3. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

4. Bar 1 Pg 9

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

5. Bliss/ReBar Pg 30

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

6. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

7. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

8. Bunkhouse Pg 20

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

9. Caravan Taphouse

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

10. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-9943

11. Charlie’s Pg 13

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

12. The Louie Pg 6-7, 61

607 W Osborn Rd.

(602) 644-9555

13. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

14. Cruisn’ 7th Pg 29

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

15. Dick’s Cabaret Pg 76

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

16. FEZ Pg 30

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

17. Flex Spas Phoenix Pg 82

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

18. Hula’s Modern Tiki P58

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

19. Karamba Pg 23

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231 x

20. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

21. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881 x

22. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

23. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

(602) 267-9959 (602) 242-5114

x

24. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

25. The Rock Pg 4-5

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

26. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

27. Hotel Congress

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

28. IBTs

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053

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WWW.IONAZ.COM February 2019

Dear Well Ya Ain’t Gonna Find It On Some Damn Stripper Pole,

L

You may wanna try looking somewhere other than an alcohol infused environment in which men see yo’ half naked ass!

My husband wants to do something special for Valentine’s Day. He’s offering to hire an escort for a three way! Perhaps being with someone new will be exciting? What do you think?

Dear Miss Tiger,

OVE ON TOP OF LOVE

Dear Miss Tiger,

— Ricky Dear Make Sure He’s A Clean Hoe Or It’ll Be The Gift That Keeps On Giving, STDs aside … if he really wants to do something special for you … he’ll give you his credit card, direct you to RentMen.com and keep his thirsty ass outta the equation!

What’s up Favorite Bitch?

Been with this dude for a month. Thinking about letting him cream pie me. That way I can prove I’m committed. What you think?

My boyfriend gave me a gift card to Burlington Coat Factory for Valentine’s Day. WTF? — Brandon Dear Had You Been Giving Him Deep Throat He Wouldn’t Be Giving You Deep Discount, And on that note … NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, Last year my ex-boyfriend cheated on me in the bathroom during our Valentine’s dinner. You told me to leave him and find new dick. I took your advice and celebrating a year anniversary with the love of my life! Love you! Any advice for me and my Boo’s first Valentine’s Day? — Kevin

— Fernando

Dear Lost And Found,

Dear I Think Ya Done Spent Too Many Nights Watching Krispy Creams On The Conveyer Belt,

Love you too, Kevin :)

The only thing I want to be covered in on Valentine’s Day is diamonds!

P.S. A month??? Gurl, ‘bye!

Dear Miss Tiger, Where can I find love? I’m a stripper and guys just want me for sex. Help!

— Salvatore

Yeah, I got some advice … seeing what happened last year, you should avoid restaurants and take your new Boo to a fuckin’ drive thru!

Miss Tiger Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com February 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 79

by Addison DeWitt

T

he end of 2018 seems far away, but I rang in the New Year’s Eve with that dirty darling DJ Kirk Cummings and Kiki Andrews (A) at The Louis. Here’s some gossip: Kirk just announced he’s going to film his first ever “straight” scene in a blue movie.

No word if he’s going to bottom or top for his co-star. (Hey, it’s a fair question!)

Hurry! Hurry!

Hurry! Step right up! The RipplePHX Winter Carnival at Stacy’s @ Melrose had everything to entrance the populace! (Well, except Whacka-Mole or food-on-a-stick.) The event was staged by impresarios Jason Jones and Jeremy Bright (B) who devoted the event to providing information about HIV/ AIDS awareness, PrEP and bearded ladies ... speaking of which,

D

talented, freak-o’-licious be-whiskered, wild woman of Borneo Carnita Asada (C) was on the rampage, shocking, terrorizing and startling women and A pregnant men.

The carnival ringleader was none other than Chris Tong making it more fun than a barrel of monkeys. He even had his own curtain! (D)

C

The sideshow attraction featured a handsome devil with B a glittery blue beard who cavorted with a confetti-covered queen who looked like a cross from sinister game of Candyland and a Stephen King novel. (E) A gorgeous Leopard Woman escaped the Big Cat House and nearly ate two hot men alive! I nearly ate those same two hot men alive, too. (F) Kass Rukstalis and Tuesday Mahrle (G) were amazed at the sheer spectacle of E the evening -- but mostly by the cocktails!

Fabulous Coco St. James wore a 250 million dollar Jackson Pollock (inset) painting she repurposed into a catsuit because she’s filthy rich and can do that.

Her wig was F made out of

dreamy Captain Morgan Pearce and Jake Robert, (M) because that’s what I do. Just when you think things can’t get much more bizarre–and I’ve seen some weird stuff in my day–a girl there was excited to tell H me that she peed into the urinal in the Men’s Room.

How she accomplished that, the world may never know, but I know a carnival where she might get a job in the sideshow, however. I told her she should’ve eaten the giant French mint they leave in it for guests.

those fancy driveG thru carwash hanging soapy strips.

Her sexy boyfriend Withakay Romero kept watch to make sure she didn’t Simonize any Buicks without paying first. (H) Crafty JoAnn “Queen Born Without a Neck” Michaels traded quips with event photographer Khiona Marx (I) while Eddie Broadway (J) was the handsome huckster I representing the Emperor Imperial Margarine Court who operated the Duck Shoot.

Don’t worry; they didn’t use real ducks.

In other news, our city’s always unpredictable filmmaker and K personality par excelence Mike Chesworth is selling his swanky, celebrity highrise apartment on Central Avenue.

(K) Lock, stock and barrel! Mike is abandoning all these worldly trappings to live as a monk in a monastery in Timbuktu. (L) Or the top of the Himalayas. I can’t remember exactly where.

I made a foray to The Rock just to ogle

J

M

Maybe it was because of the Super Blood Wolf Moon, but Jayy Von Monroe (N) sold his underwear to his Uber driver. Now I can’t sleep at night because I’m wondering what Jayy Von’s underwear is like. And L what the Uber driver looks like. Wearing them.

On his head. And how much he paid.

N

T

he New Moon on February 4 helps you walk the path of the mystic. Tap into visions giving you glimpses into the future all the way through 2021 aided by the Full Supermoon on February 19. Mercury will be with Neptune, making this a time when connecting with cosmic wisdom is greater.

Music, meditation, and daydreaming brings intuitive knowledge. It’s a good time for selfexpression and creativity. ¶ Valentine’s Day means Venus increases your need for love and affection–but don’t be a bossy bottom nor power top. ¶ Positive vibes move you into March with greater clarity about who you are. (Hint: you’re not RuPaul.)

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You’re feeling impatient and that little voice inside that’s whispering to you is starting to scream, “Get over it, baby!” The good news is you’re moving beyond those who hinder you’re well-being. That’s a good sign.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Things are happening pretty easily without forcing them. Projects you planned and started yield results. Don’t accept every invitation; follow through on promises.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Work harder to get things the way you want them, but don’t piss people off in the process. Different things that have you confused all come together and make sense to you. Feel better now?

CANCER June 22 - July 22 Be on guard for misunderstandings at the end of the month because what you think you said isn’t necessarily what you meant to say or what they think they heard. You know what I mean. Be more articulater.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Feeling impulsive? Feeling wild? Even a little sexy? Sure, you are. Mars creates an energy build-up. Break out of limiting situations, but don’t be too spontaneous or you’ll regret it.

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VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Save money for future expenses. Your career is on the right path. You achieve your goals. Sounds a little boring, frankly. Time to cause a ruckus when your social life gets a little wild!

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 You’re natural skills to succeed bring new and interesting people along with you. It’s a “package deal.” You’re not happy unless you’re doing something. Don’t be indecisive.

Follow your gut feeling.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 It’s a good time to connect with your roots.

Your immediate family is a little weird, sure, but try to understand them. Just a little. After the Full Moon it’s party time! The Sun sets your “Fun Zone” on fire.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Keep your head in the game–even if you don’t know what the hell you want.

Experiment. Your home becomes a commune for you and others. You’re kinda like a freaky, New Age, hippy beatnik.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Minimal obstacles stand in your way.

Aggressive Mars is weak, but don’t hesitate in decision making. You are guaranteed a fateful meeting, a proposal, suggestion, or something that will blossom.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 The New Moon in Aquarius on the 4th improves your sometimes bizarre, but enviable social life. Birthday Water Bearers can expect to be the belle of the ball. Every.

Single. Day. You have a million ideas.

Create a solution.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 Mercury enters Pisces. Emotions, dreams, visions and intuition guide you. Logic isn’t all that important to you, but you usually make it up as you go along anyway. Birthday fishies are perfectionists; deal with criticism with middle-fingers blazing.