ION Arizona #210

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DAVID HERNANDEZ

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STACY’S @ MELROSE

FOR MORE GREAT PHOTOS VISIT IONAZ.COM

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A NIGHT @ THE CENTER

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Southwest Center

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DRAG RACE TUCSON

IBT’s

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COLBY OLSEN FOUNDATION

Photos By: Danny Catt 20

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FREAKY FRIDAY

FOR MORE GREAT PHOTOS VISIT IONAZ.COM

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PLAZMA

17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ................................ kbushaw@me.com ART DIRECTOR ................................. Alex Campos COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 TUCSON ADVERTISING SALES Danny Catt ........................................... (520) 429-5905 danny.catt@gmail.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez

Danny Catt CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2018: 23 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2018 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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If Arizona doesn’t have an ocean, why do we have a BLUE wave?

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hen I started ION Arizona in 2001, I vowed never to talk politics. We were an all entertainment, all fun, sexy publication.

So I apologize for breaking my rule, but this last election was just too awesome.

from the U.S. Army under the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, yet fought to remain in the service until the conclusion of his term (and won!) The list goes on, but it started my own personal blue wave.

I was raised Italian, Catholic, racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and Republican. Not because I chose to be, but because of my conservative upbringing.

It was rampant where I was from in the Midwest.

That’s why they voted for Trump. They spoke his language. That’s why I left and moved to Arizona 20 years ago—a deep Red State. I didn’t know it at the time, but I wasn’t moving to Arizona for it’s awesome weather or low cost of living, but to cleanse myself of the hatred and start new. To create a better life for me and to hopefully change the world for the better.

But I believe in people. I believe that the majority of people will do the right thing.

On November 7 we saw that in a big way. Three of my friends and supporters of the Arizona LGBTQ community won! Not only did Democrats take control of the United States House of Representatives, but in Phoenix Ken Cheuvront won Justice of the Peace, Kyrsten Sinema flipped Jeff Flake’s Senate seat (thanks Donald Trump) and Katie Hobbs is our next Secretary of State, the second most powerful position in the state.

I now follow politics, met thousands of people, business owners, community leaders and politicians and with their help, I made a drastic 180° from my sad upbringing. Make no mistake, I don’t regret my past, because if I didn’t make the change, I wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have ION Arizona.

The change started immediately. Neil Guiliano, the mayor of the city of Tempe, Arizona, where I moved, was the first openly gay mayor in the country. Then I found out we had an openly gay state senator, Ken Cheuvront, and we had the first openly gay State Representative who was given an honorable discharge 26

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I couldn’t be prouder of those who voted and of Arizona than I am today. Arizona made me a better, happier, more confident and successful person. I hope it can do the same for you and any other modern day pioneers who take a risk and move across the country to look for a better life.

I call it Arizona. I call it home. Go blue.

Enjoy your holidays, your friends, your family, your pets and your community.

Oh, and this issue of ION Arizona. Happy Holidays from all of us at ION Arizona!

Sincerely,

Jack M. Tesorero Proud Gay Arizonan and Democrat

WAX A BEAR

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THE ANVIL

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Studio 54 at Film Bar When the doors opened to this legendary NYC disco in 1977, it became the hedonistic, glitterfilled epicenter of the party universe. You might find yourself dancing with Liza Minnelli. Or doing blow in the basement with Truman Capote. This stunning documentary takes a look beyond the velvet rope of the club you probably could never get into. No cocaine allowed. Opens December 7 at Film Bar. 815 N. 2nd St. near Roosevelt St. Visit TheFilmBarPhx.com (See ad p. 50)

Nasty Santa at The Anvil For once, you’re gonna hope that you’ve been naughty. Very, very naughty! Santa’s coming from theNorth Pole, and he’s got a score to settle with bad children! Sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up! If you’re good (or bad!) he might paddle your behind—if you’re lucky! Join in the holiday fun and raise money for a good cause on Saturday, December 8 at The Anvil.

2424 E. Thomas Rd. in Phoenix.

AnvilBarAZ.com (See ad p.33)

Black Party at Karamba Guess what the dress code is? Plaid? Nope. Polka dots? Nope. Give up? Black! You’ll look chic and dashing for this party. Not only that, black is slenderizing. Cash prizes for the “Best Dressed in Black” guest. Be creative! Saturday, December 15 at Karamba, 1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix.

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New Year’s Eve 2019 Forget that auld acquaintance, folks! Have a cup of kindness ... well, and vodka, whiskey, beer, or maybe even a stripper! Kiss 2018 “Adios!” and start those resolutions tomorrow. Because it’s New Year’s Eve! Check out the ads for Bar1, BS West, Karamba, and Dick’s Cabaret and pick out where you wanna be at midnight.

1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 11)

Mr. Leather Weekend Expect the Valley to smell like the interior of a brand new car that weekend. Leather lovers from all over the country will converge here in the desert (where the weather’s perfect for your assless leather chaps) for this weekend of cigars, fellowship, piercings, a pageant, and, well, leather. Visit MrPhoenixLeather.com for details, and don’t miss the After Party at FLEX Spas. (See ad on p. 99)

DECEMBER 2018 ION EVENTS DATE 1-25 7 7 8 9 & 30 14-16 15 15 21 21 22 22 22 29 31 31 JANUARY 4-6 5

EVENT LOCATION 25 Days of Christmas Charlie’s Vaqueros Arizona Karamba Studio 54 (movie) Film Bar Photos w/ Nasty Santa The Anvil Big Gay Singalongs Film Bar VIP Card Weekend Dick’s Cabaret High Heels & Harnesses The Anvil Black Party Karamba Merry XXXmas Bash Dick’s Cabaret Posada Christmas Party Karamba Best Package Contest The Anvil Retro Game Show Club Congress Sexy Santa Party Karamba Gear Night The Anvil Bearracuda The Rock New Year’s Eve Parties

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Everywhere

Mr. Phoenix Leather Weekend Mr. Phoenix Leather After Party

mrphoenixleather.com Phoenix

Various FLEX Spas

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“What’s it all about, Elfie?”

Toby Yatso brings a little bit of Christmas to the Phoenix Theatre stage in ELF: The Musical.

By: Deon Brown

Photos By: LeakedGlass

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staple and audience favorite at Phoenix Theatre since he started performing with them in 2007, the lanky, affable Toby Yatso has starred in over two dozen productions (and that translates into countless performances.)

Toby was named Phoenix Theatre’s Artist in Residence in 2008, because his star power (and talent) is ... Just.

That. Good. If you hear that Toby Yatso is starring in a Phoenix Theatre production, see it. It’s bound to be boffo.

(That’s show biz talk for “really, really, really successful.”)

We caught up with Toby while he grabbed a quick bite before rehearsal. (What does he eat to tackle over two strenuous hours for each performance?

Toby relayed a line from the show: “The five basic food groups!

Candy, candy canes, cookies, candy corn and syrup!”)

Some of Toby’s own personal favorite productions at Phoenix Theatre include, Buyer and Seller, Mary Poppins, and the hilarious musical comedy Avenue Q ... four times.

“Each one of those shows in particular are special to

me,” Toby said. “And now I think ELF is becoming one, too. There’s just a whole lot of joy in each performance There’s something especially euphoric about it -- especially nowadays, when I think we need it most.”

Based on the 2003 movie comedy, the stage musical ELF is Buddy’s tale: a young orphan who accidentally crawls into Santa’s bag of gifts and is whisked off to the North Pole where he’s raised

by Santa as one of his own elven kids.

Simple Buddy is oblivious that he’s actually a human, until his enormous size and lousy toy-making abilities force him to face the truth. With Santa’s permission, Buddy travels to New York City to find his birth father and discover his true identity. Once he arrives, Buddy is determined to win over his new family and help New York remember the true meaning of Christmas.

The motion picture starred Saturday Night Live alum Will Ferrell. “The musical is a little more family friendly, less SNL,” said Toby. “It has its own legs.”

You might say that it has 60 legs, all in all.

The production features a whopping cast of 30.

Toby explained that this role is especially unique.

“In a way, Buddy is from another world.

Everyone has to love him for who and what he is and he has to love them for who and what they are, with everyone meeting somewhere in the middle,” he said, adding, “and that’s a beautiful thing.”

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days where I’m wondering if I got enough sleep.”

Singing and dancing on London’s rooftops or in a sidewalk chalk drawing in Hyde Park as Mary Poppin’s beau, Bert, the chimney sweep, required work on Toby’s part. So did learning puppeteering (while talking and singing) as “Princeton” for Avenue Q. But these roles couldn’t compare to the sheer physicality the role that Buddy the Elf takes to bring to life.

“It’s challenging because of the high energy it requires,” Toby explained.

“I’m on stage a lot. Unlike some plays, this one has a lot of up time, and very little down time.

It’s like a dopamine shot— even on the

Despite the fantastical make-believe of the Christmas-y world of Buddy, Toby finds a genuine foundation that grounds the tall, hyper-optimistic elf to Earth.

“It feels real. It’s brought lots of secondary gains to my life lately and that’s nice,” Toby said. “On stage I’m roller-ice skating, it snows, and I’m jumping rope with a string of lights ... I feel like I’m getting away with something, and that’s a delight,” he laughed.

So, after playing one of Saint Nick’s most endearing elves on stage for a month, we asked Toby, “Is there a Santa Claus?”

Toby paused thoughtfully, and answered: “In our hearts there always will be, and that’s why we’re still telling these stories that as a culture we come back to generation after generation.

The essence of ELF is about loving yourself and each other for who we are; it’s an allegory for love and acceptance.”

That’s elvish for “Yes.”

Stay on Santa’s “Nice” list!

See ELF: The Musical now through December 30 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. Get your tickets at PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151

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“Come on Down!”

Tempest DuJour celebrates seven years of the fabulous Retro Game Show!

Tempest, tell ‘em what they won...

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Photo: Anthony Van Dao

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empest DuJour’s Retro Game Show has been a hit at Tucson’s Club Congress for seven years now. She’s bringing it to Phoenix on a more semiregular basis in 2019. Here’s what Tempest’s creator Patrick Holt had to say about the game show experience.

ION: When did you start performing?

Patrick Holt: Technically my first drag performance was in my nursery school production of “Henny Penny.”

I made a costume from a paper bag and the seed was planted. In college I played around at parties, but I didn’t start taking it seriously until 2006; I realized what a hypocrite I was preaching to my students about fearlessly living their dreams. I jumped in the deep end and it turns out I’m a pretty good swimmer!

ION: What’s your favorite part of being Tempest DuJour?

PH: The best part is the freedom and power that comes from the “mask” of drag. I’m suddenly acceptable and admired by people who otherwise wouldn’t even want anything to do with me. The self-indulgent part of me loves the applause and admiration.

More importantly, I have the power and platform to be heard regarding issues that are meaningful to me. The best part is the communal experience of sharing laughter and happiness with a

room full of strangers. There are so few opportunities for this in life, so I take it seriously—especially when someone is paying to see me. I’m obligated to show up and give them my best.

ION: What does Patrick Holt think about Tempest?

PH: Patrick loves the balance that Tempest provides. Juggling drag, fatherhood, an academic career, and work as a freelance costume designer can be overwhelming.

Performing as Tempest is the carefree release from the pressures of all those other parts of my life where people are depending on me. Being Tempest DuJour makes me a better dad and professor and designer.

ION: Give us a tidbit of gossip about your experience on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

PH: Being selected was a dream come true! To sit in a room with Ru, and have her say “I chose you!” is an incredible and validating experience. Going home first was devastating; I literally went into therapy over it (as have many other girls from the show.) But if you really understand how the reality TV world works, you learn not to take it personally.

If I ever had the chance to do it again I would probably take the advice that Ru gave to Violet Chachki on my season when she said, “It’s one thing to play December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 41

nice, it’s an entirely different thing to win.” I have plenty of gossip and insider information, but I also signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement that keeps my mouth shut. Tight.

ION: Tell us about “Retro Game Show Night.”

PH: The show was born in a discussion I had with my producing partner and dear friend, David Hoffman. My strength as a drag performer is in improvisation and audience interaction. There are plenty of traditional lip synching shows out there already doing a fabulous job, I just thought it would be nice to have an alternative for people who might want something different. We wanted a

show that wasn’t for any particular audience—something inviting to everyone. So we have developed several game shows based on those we grew up watching on TV, but with a sassy twist.

We attract a really diverse audience of all ages and orientations. I never wanted it to be a “gay” show, but rather a really fun game show that just happens to be hosted by a giant drag queen. I’ll always be grateful to our LGBTQ community who supports us and has been a foundation for our success.

ION: Tell us about the show’s “celebrity guests.”

PH: Some of the regulars include crowd favorite, Elena Sanchez, a hilariously inappropriate self-described chola whore who revels in the number of STD’s she’s overcome. There’s Sister Mary Seamus from the Sisters of the Perpetual Anal Wart,

and my pot-loving, Burning Man-loving uncle who lives in a van down by a wash. One night the comedian and comedy writer Bruce Vilanch from The New Hollywood Squares showed up and played a round!

ION: How many versions of classic game shows do you stage?

PH: We play Sassword, The Mismatch Game, The Family Fuss, The $9.95 Pyramid Game, The Hollywood-ish Squares, Battlemimes, The Not So Newlywed Game and more. The Wheel of Misfortune is so unpredictable and the audiences really get involved. We’re constantly tweaking the games based on audience reaction and developing new ones.

ION: If you could be on a classic TV game show, which one would it be and why?

PH: I’ve always loved Jeopardy! But I’d rather go on in full drag, and purposely give ridiculously wrong answers just to shake things up. It’s not that I’d enjoy watching Alex Trebek squirm, okay ... yes it is.

ION: Any lessons from your game show that we can take into everyday life?

PH: The big lesson is that people are really hungry for a chance to laugh and have fun together. I always welcome the audience as “gay, straight, and

Photo by Mamta Popat

everything in between” because I want everyone to feel included and entitled to fun, especially in our current political climate. The aspect of comedy I love the most is that it takes the truth and forces you to confront it. I never want to offend but I think it’s okay to laugh at what makes us all different. The ridiculousness of an eight-foot-tall, middle-aged, single father, university professor drag queen hosting a game show is a good start.

Tempest DuJour’s co-producer, on-stage sidekick and enthusiastic bell-ringer David Hoffman weighed in about the experience.

ION: What’s the best thing about Retro Game Show Night for you?

David Hoffman: If I had known being a producer would mean I’d regularly be getting drunk with a drag queen on stage while we made strangers ridicule December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43

themselves for our amusement, I would have done it a long time ago.

ION: What’s it like working with Tempest DuJour? Spill it!

DH: As long as we keep Tempest to four drinks (or under) per show, working with her is a blast. But after that fifth or sixth drink, I usually find religion and start praying to Baby Jesus she makes it through the show mostly upright and coherent.

Catch Retro Game Show Night’s 7th anniversary show on Saturday, December 22. Tickets can be purchased through HotelCongress. com or purchased at the door if available. With pre-purchased tickets you can get reserved seating in “The Splash Zone,” a few rows of prime seating for the early birds.

Information can be found about “Retro Game Show Night” on their Facebook page and Instagram.

Photo by Mamta Popat

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Christmas Queens

Nothing says, “Let’s celebrate the Holidays!” quite like seeing a bunch of glamorous ‘ho ho ‘ho’s in women’s clothing and singing songs that are a lot raunchier than “White Christmas.” Don’t expect any silent night here! RuPaul’s Drag Race alumnae Farrah Moan, Monét X Change, Miss Vanjie, Naomi Smalls Aja, Thorgy Thor, Latrice Royale and hostess Miz Cracker promise to ring in the holidays laughing all the way! 8 p.m., December 17 at The Van Buren, 401 W. Van Buren in Phoenix. Tix available at TicketMaster.com or call 800-653-8000

DECEMBER 2018 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

9 & 23

10:00pm The Rock

LOCATION

SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Late Nite Snax with Benaddiction

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10:00pm The Rock

Mugged with Doja & Brii

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10:00pm The Rock

Dahl Haus

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10:30pm Karamba

Karime’s Posada Navidena

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10:30 pm Karamba

Ruby’s Christmas Queens Show

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Claudia B & Coco St. James - The Strip Factor

Tuesdays

BS West

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

The Next Big Star with Naomi St. James Karime Lizaldi Show

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s

Diamond in Fuego

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Aubrey Ghalichi Show

Thursdays

10:00pm Charlie’s

2nd & 4th Fri 10:00pm The Rock Fridays

10:30pn

Fridays

10:30pm The Rock

Cruisin’ 7th

Piping Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay Coco’s Charm School TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy’s Patio Show

1st Saturday 9:30pm

Oz Bar

Sinful Saturday Hosted by Sonja Jae Savage

1st Sunday

2:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Excuse Our Beauty Revue

Sundays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

7:00pm

BS West

The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show

Sundays

10:30pm Karamba

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ArizonaDrag.com’s “Jingle Ball” Make the season merry and bright! And a little bit gay, too! ArizonaDrag.com is proud to present their annual Jingle Ball! See the best in the Grand Canyon State’s drag scene, just in time for the Holidays with shows in two cities!

Hosted by Ben Addiction starring Joey Jay, Roman Holiday, Justin Deeper, Dvyne Valentino, Mister & Miss ArizonaDrag.com PRIDE, Karloz and Von Teaze Glam.

“The jig is up!” Don’t miss a special performance from RuPaul’s Drag Race veteran, Alexis Mateo! Bam! TUCSON Saturday, December 8 at the Screening Room, 127 E. Congress St. PHOENIX Sunday, December 9 at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. Doors open at 5 p.m. Showtime is 6 p.m.

VIP: $20 includes Meet & Greet. - General Admission: $10 Tickets on sale at ArizonaDrag.com

Mister & Miss Phoenix Pride Preliminaries Who will be Mister & Miss Phoenix Pride 2019? Here’s your chance to compete and dazzle the audiences.

The final competition for the Miss & Mister Phoenix Pride Pageant will be at 4 p.m. on March 24, 2019 at the Tempe DoubleTree by Hilton, 2100 S. Priest Dr. Meet your new Pride Royalty at Phoenix Pride, April 6 & 7 at Steele Indian School Park

Upcoming Pride Preliminaries DATE - LOCATION DEC 19 Miss & Mister Stacy’s @ Melrose JAN 3 Miss & Mister SK Photo Pride at Stacy’s 5 Miss Club Volt 6 Miss Supreme Pride 13 Miss & Mister Rock 20 Miss Cruisin’ 7th

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Smashing Pumpkins

The legendary alternative band releases their first album in 18 years, “Shiny and Oh, So Bright.” The whiny Billy Corrigan and the band bring their show to Arizona! Tucson: Thursday, Dec. 6 - Rialto Theatre, 318 E. Congress St. Tix: 877-987-6487, RialtoTheatre.com or TicketFly.com • Phoenix: Friday, Dec. 7 Mesa Amphitheatre, 263 N. Center St. Tix: 480-644-2560 or MesaAmp.com

Jason Mraz

The folky, fedora-topped ganja-lovin’, hipster Mr. A to Z is still strumming since his 2002 hit “I’m Yours” was everywhere.

Endlessly. Non-stop. Catch the cannabis crooner Friday, December 21 at the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St in Mesa.

For tix call 480-644-6500 or visit MesaArtsCenter.com

Decadence Arizona

Billed as Arizona’s biggest New Year’s Eve experience, you can expect an “ecstatic” throng of trippy folks ready to “roll” in the New Year! Skrillex, Marshmello, Alison Wonderland and lots more will entertain you. Sunday-Monday, December 30-31 at Rawhide, 5700 W. Loop Rd., Chandler. Tix and info DecadenceArizona.com

at

DECEMBER 2018 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 2 Andrea Boccelli 3 Live 101.5 Jingle Bash 5 The English Beat 6 David Archuleta 6 Charlie Daniel’s Band 6 Smashing Pumpkins 7 Smashing Pumpkins 7 Puddles Pity Party 8 Squirrel Nut Zippers 8 Alice Cooper’s Xmas Pudding 14 Ok Go 14 Daughtry 16 Il Divo 21 Manhattan Transfer 21 Jason Mraz 27 Mannheim Steamroller 30-31 Decadence Arizona

LOCATION PHONE Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx 800-745-3000 Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 Mesa Arts Center - Mesa 480-644-6500 Wild Horse Pass - Chandler 800-745-3000 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 877-987-6487 Mesa Amphitheatre 480-644-2560 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Rialto Theatre - Tucson 877-987-6487 Celebrity TheatrePhx 602-267-1600 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 Comerica Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000 Musical Instrument Museum - Phx 480-478-6000 Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 Rawhide - Chandler SeeTickets.us December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

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Die Hard: A Christmas Story

Imagine a puppet version of Bruce Willis, a battle for Nakatomi Plaza, R-rated songs and lots of f-bombs ... it’s John McClane trying to save the day from criminal Hans Gruber during a Christmas party. A new holiday tradition! Now thru’ December 29 at Playhouse on the Park, 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Lane. Tickets: 602-254-2151 Visit AllPuppetPlayers.com for more info.

ELF: the musical

Poor Buddy! He’s an orphan who accidentally crawled into Santa’s bag of prezzies and ends up in the North Pole. What happens when he starts to search for his birth parents? Now thru’ December 30 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix—it’s a lot closer than the North Pole! Tickets: 602-254-2151 or visit PhoenixTheatre.com

Nico Santos

You probably recognize this Filipino-American actor as part of the round table on Chelsea Lately, or as “Mateo” from the NBC comedy Superstore. He stole the show as the foppish “Oliver” in the rom-com, Crazy Rich Asians. Catch him on December 27-29 at the Tempe Improv, 930 E. University Dr. in Tempe. Tickets: 480-928-9877 or visit TempeImprov.com

DECEMBER 2018 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE

1-30 7-8 13-15 14 19-23 thru 29 thru 24 27-29 thru 29 thru 30 30-31

JANUARY

2-20

EVENT

The Music Man AZ Theatre Co.Tucson Marlon Wayans StandUp Live - Phoenix Dana Carvey Tempe Improv Andrew Dice Clay StandUp Live - Phoenix Mike Vecchione House of Comedy-Phx Miracle on 34th St. AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria A Christmas Carol Hale Center Theatre - Gilbert Nico Santos Tempe Improv Die Hard: A Christmas Story All Puppet Players - Phx ELF: the musical Phoenix Theatre- Phoenix Rob Schneider Tempe Improv

COMPANY

520-622-2823 480-719-6100 480-921-9877 480-719-6100 ShowClix.com 623-776-8400 480-497-1181 480-921-9877 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 480-921-9877

PHONE

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Phoenix Theatre

602-254-2151

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Superheroes Aquaman

O

Starring: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe

ne drops down from the sky ... one rises up from the briny deep. Girl Power and Macho Man. Both have the power to save humankind.

Mary Poppins Returns Starring: Emily Blunt, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Meryl Streep, Colin Firth She’s baaaack!

Disney’s famous nanny is still “practically perfect in every way.” The bitchy-but-caring spinster (Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada) lands on the London doorstep of the Banks children who’ve grown up, but facing a crisis. But, as usual, Mary proves that for every job that must be done there is an element of fun. Lamplighter Jack (Miranda, Hamilton) is her new love interest. (Apparently Mary has a thing for unskilled, low-level, menial laborers.)

Songs from the team of Shaiman and Whitman (Hairspray ) pepper the picture.

Look for 91-year-old Dick Van Dyke (Mary’s spurned chimney sweep beau “Bert” from the 1964 classic) to make a surprise appearance.

We bet that before you can say, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” good ol’ Mary reaches into her carpetbag to bring happiness back to the Banks clan.

And just in time for Academy Award nominations. Whew!

Gone are Aquaman’s traditional, bottle-blonde, wavy locks and SoCal good looks. He’s had a makeover and re-appears as a tattooed, bearded, bad-ass. With a trident, of course.

Arthur Curry (Momoa, Game of Thrones) is perfectly happy as a trippy, hippy, beachy dude who probably smells like patchouli, spending his youth surfing some tasty waves and mackin’ on the Bettys. But things get a little fishy when he learns the origins of his half-human/ half-Atlantean true self and that he’s destined to be not only a fierce, slightly homeless looking warrior, but king of the deep in this breathtaking, oceanic, DC inspired film.

Mera (Heard, Magic Mike XXL, Justice League) is Aquaman’s ally and bears a striking resemblance to fierce ‘n’ foxy little mermaid Ariel. Look for Grace Jones’ ex-beau, Nordic god Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV) as King Nereus.

More info at AquamanMovie.com Opens December 21

Opens December 19 December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

Robyn

Jessie J

If Robyn’s last album, Body Talk, was all robots and the mechanical, then Honey is a warmer and sweeter, sensual record about being human starting from a place of loss and grief, emerging into the light. “Missing U” straddles dance and despair, telling the story of her breakup and the loss of her long time collaborator.

“Human Being,” “Baby Forgive Me” and “Send to Robyn Immediately,” are stripped of the anthemic and sometimes distracting expectations of a Robyn record, trading the bombastic for the ambient. Title track “Honey” and might be Robyn’s best to date. Ending with an affirmation, “Never going to be brokenhearted ever again” with on “Ever Again,” she lets us know that she has a resolution. Available Now

Mariah Carey

This Christmas Day

Honey

If you’re going to tackle Christmas classics, you need a decent set of pipes to hit the back of the cathedral. Jessie J should have no problem, and her first festive set here features some big tunes and some equally big names to sing along with her. Her hip hop “Jingle Bells” is worth the listen.

Available Now

LeiKeli47

Caution

Mariah’s first release in four years could be the redemption of Mimi, getting out of her own way with an album of chilled out, sophisticated R&B, finding new, muchneeded collaborators on “Giving me Life” (Blood Orange), “The Distance” (Ty Dolla Sign) and “8th Grade” (Timbaland). “A No No” and “Caution” are the freshest Carey’s sounded since “Honey.” Caution is a sign she’s not done yet. Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD

ARTIST - SONG LeiKeli47 – “Tic Boom” Ariana Grande – “Thank U Next” ROSALIA – “DI MI NOMBRE” Morrissey – “Back on the Chain Gang” Anderson.Paak – “Tints” (feat. Kendrick Lama John Legend - “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (feat. Esperanza Spalding) Ari Lennox – “Grampa” blossoms at my feet, flower – “pizzagurl” Jessica Pratt – “This Time Around” Cherry Glazerr – “Daddi” December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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Santa vs.

Satan A

Christmas Conundrum: Compare and contrast St. Nick to Old Nick. Who’s the friend? Who’s the fiend? Paper due January 2.

a Hogwarts-quality sleigh ride special effects that are gasp-worthy. And wait ‘til you see Mrs. Claus.

Will this join the cavalcade of Christmas classics? Probably not. But it’s sweet.

(And Santa’s a snack!)

The Christmas Chronicles

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Starring: Kurt Russell, kids

Starring: Kiernan Shipka

Santa baby! This lighthearted holiday fare from Netflix offers a cutesy twist on the night before Christmas, 2018.

Like most yuletide tales, this one has a weepy foundation: the Pierce clan is facing a blue Christmas without their noble father (Oliver Hudson, real life son of actress Goldie Hawn and stepson to Kurt Russell. Nice ) who died as a firefighter. Son Teddy is on his way to being a juvenile delinquent, while perky, Pollyanna daughter Kate is bound to film Santa in the act on Christmas Eve.

Sabrina Spellman (Shipka, the embittered, bitchy tween Sally Draper from Mad Men) lives with her spinster witch aunts in Greendale, a suburb of allAmerican ginger Archie Andrews’ Riverdale, but spookier. Much spookier. The daughter of a warlock and a mortal, Sabrina is due to be baptized into the Church of Night, worshipping Satan.

Beelzebub. Lucifer.

The Dark Lord. Old Scratch.

Sure enough, Santa (former child star Russell, Goldie Hawn’s main squeeze) shows up, looking spa-fit ‘n’ trim and, well, kinda hot, frankly.

A cross between Dos Equis beer shill Don Julio and a humpy, hairy, surfer dude daddy who might offer you his bong.

The kids join Santa on his 24hour worldwide delivery, but a series of mishaps threaten to derail Christmas.

Harry Potter two-time director Chris Columbus produced the fluff featuring

The series has striking Harry Potter overtones with “muggle born” Sabrina struggling with mortal issues while attempting to foil a “He Who Must Not Be Named” Voldemort-esque nemesis using things like enchanted spiders, a magical animal, and the help of her teen besties.

Will Good triumph over Evil because Sabrina feels #MeToo about the whole thing.

Kudos to Netflix for casting Chance Perdomo as warlock “Ambrose,” Sabrina’s hot, bi-racial, pansexual cousin, Ambrose, who’s sexual overdrive is fine by us.

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A Decade of Giving YO U ʼ R E I N V I T E D

SAT U R DAY

DECEMBER 1

2018

7pm - 10pm

Ballet Arizona 2835 E. Washington St. Phoenix, AZ 85034

Tickets:

$100 VIP | $75 regular admission

Kick off the holiday season in style!

Join us for our annual showcase of beautifully decorated holiday trees, wreaths, menorahs and various displays -- all up for auction and sale!

Proudly Sponsored By: Benefiting: This is a 21+ event

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POMO PIZZERIA I

don’t mean to be a snob, (okay, I am a bit of a snob) but I outgrew gobbling Domino’s Pizza right about the time I paid off my student loans.

(Frankly, I usually ordered it hoping to challenge their “30 minutes or less or your pizza is free” guarantee because I was poor. And cheap.) One of the great things about being a grown up in an age when “adulting” is so hard for you Millennials, is being able to go to a local, casual restaurant, relax, and order some quality food with some pedigree and enjoy at your leisure with friends or family. There’s plenty to choose from, too, and it won’t empty out your purse.

Pomo Pizzeria Napoletana is one of those charming little places situated right on the sidewalk near downtown, in the ever more and more trendy Roosevelt District. (It’s right next to the disappointing pub called Chambers we reviewed this past March.) This small, peppy pizza bistro is by the local Pomo Restaurant Group (who are the godfathers behind celebrity chef Scott Conant’s dazzling Mora on 7th Street, plus six other restaurants and bistros in the Valley). Some of you might remember

they’ve been here for five years now.

It’s not hard to guess that Pomo Pizzeria Napoletana takes pride in their—you guessed it—pizza. Owner Stefano Fabbri is from the little village of Riccione in the Province of Rimini, Emilia-Romagna in northern Italy, where he honed his skills in his grandfather’s bakery. He moved to Phoenix in 2008. The rest, as they say, is history.

Pomo isn’t any kind of hokey, phony baloney, Chef Boyardee kinda pizza joint. Their brick oven was imported from Naples, Italy constructed with ornate brickwork and bonded together with volcanic sands from the coast. The

Pomo’s original location in the late, once great Scottsdale Borgata collection of boutique shops.

Founded eight years ago, December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 63

(but not disappointed) that it didn’t include traditional chopped salad staples, like garbanzo beans, diced bell peppers and corn. This was simple and bright. $9.95. Chicken or shrimp can be added for a fee.

recipes have been handed down through the family for generations. They use refined organic wheat flour imported from Naples, along with Mediterranean sea salt plus the best ingredients available. Seriously!

The pasta is made every morning in Scottsdale and distributed to their locations. My source reports that only a man named Pasquale is privy to the secret recipe.

We started with an order of Bruschette, choosing the Calabrese, with ‘nduja (a spicy, spreadable, pork salami), burrata (a creamy cheese), gaeta olive and basil. Two thick chunks are $9.95. (We kinda thought we’d have four on the board, honestly.)

A fresh Chopped Salad with spring mix, feta cheese, diced avocado, red onion, sliced almond, cherry tomatoes, with a spritely lemon vinaigrette dressing was refreshing. We were surprised 64

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Two varieties of pizza highlight the menu: Pizza Napolitana, featuring a thicker, blistered crust, with a soft center, topped with EVOO and Pizza Rimini, a thin crust, a northern Italian favorite. We started with the robust Don Alfonso, a Napolitana style ‘za with hot sopresseta, sausage, red bell pepper, tomato sauce and mozzarella for $14.98. The rich sausage and salami, the sweet, delicately herbs flavoring the tomato sauce, and the fresh mozzarella don’t disappoint. Thirteen other

Napoletana style pies are on the menu.

(Bestsellers include the Principe and the Toto Sapore.) Don’t worry ... gluten free and vegan options are available, too.

If you pass up the pasta, you’re “pozzo.” Hand crafted daily, these noodles (made with locally farmed, fresh eggs) are nothing to sneeze at.

The Paccheri Carbonara offered thick, al dente pasta, rich and toothsome. The pancetta, pecorino romano cheese and egg yolk “gravy” left us weeping for more when it was finished. $15.98 We decided to order the Chicken Milanese Panini, but it’s nothing to crow about. The pounded chicken breast is breaded, nesting in a ciabatta roll with Roma tomato. We couldn’t find a trace of the spicy aioli spread, leaving it dry and tasteless. For $11.98 we felt a little clucked.

Everyone cheered up with a round of Pomo’s La Luna Gelato. Creamy and rich, no wonder it won “Best Gelato in Phoenix” at this year’s Gelato Festival at Kierland Commons. You need this in your life.

Got a question? Their friendly, helpful servers are happy to answer. (You

can’t miss the one with a derrière like two luscious, plump pomodoros in his Levis.) Lovely Paola, the manager, loves to chat with diners about Pomo.

It’s nice to know that Italy isn’t represented in Phoenix only by Olive Garden. Downtown’s La Piazza is another authentic brisk, bustling bistro, and the genuine romance of Cibo in the Roosevelt or the heart and hustle of ristorante Forno 301 all have plenty of merit, too. You’re bound to find your own piece of the pie—pizza pie, that is—here at Pomo.

Pomo Pizzeria Napolitana 705 N. 1st St. in Phoenix 602-795-2555 December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65

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Big Fat Gift List

Text by: Deon Brown Photography by: LeakedGlass 68

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I

t’s not the gift that’s important, it’s the giving. Well, yes and no. The gift really is pretty important. If you’re thinking, “What am I gonna give this year?” or if you hate to shop, I’ve made it easy for you. I scoured site after site for those special things that’ll make someone’s holiday extra-special. And one or two of them might make your cold winter nights a little extra “zing,” too.

Remember, there’s lots of choices on the Amazon and the Internet, but you should always start right in your own hometown. The same goes for choosing a drag queen, for example. Local First!

Light Up Your Beard!

Hey, lumbersexuals! You don’t have to be jolly old St. Nick to bring a little extra holiday sparkle to your whiskers and the hair of your chinny-chin-chin!

We love the 16-pieces of light up beard ornaments with mini-clips $24.99.

They also have a variety of beard ornaments and beard glitter oil with brushes.

Free shipping!

Beardaments.com December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

Burn Candle Co.

Soy to the world! These candles are handpoured in Phoenix using 100% advanced soy wax harvested from crops right here in ‘Murica! Blended with fragrance and essential oils, they offer seasonal scents, like Grandma’s Pumpkin Pie and one that smells like me: Barrel Aged Bourbon. A portion of their quarterly sales goes to a local charity. Proud members of Local First, they can often be found at street fairs and markets. Feel the burn! From $10.

BurnCandles.co

Avocado Huggers

I don’t know about you, but when I get in my kitchen to make my famous Guacamole, an entire avocado is entirely too much! Who could possibly finish a whole avocado in a single sitting? Not me! That’s why I need these food grade silicon storage solutions to keep the fruit fresh, longer. The “pit pocket” can be pushed in, or cover the giant seed for freshness. $7.95 for a set of two.

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Ladder 34 Rescued Goods

Choose from a variety of gift items repurposed from decommissioned firehoses used by firefighters from cities all across the USA. Hot, huh? (Not just because they’re fire-related.) Choose from belts, floor mats, plus dog collars & leashes in a variety of colors. These sell out fast! Place your order now for the best selection.

Ladder34.com

Nuni Tortilla Toaster It takes forever to warm up all those tortillas at dinnertime. Who can wait?

I mean, let’s taco ‘bout it! The Nuni Tortilla Toaster is made for 6-inch corn, flour or wheat tortillas. Choose from 5 different settings, plus, it shuts off automatically. Available in four colors. Now there’s no need to flip your tortilla ... but you might flip your wig!

Your abuela will love you. $99.

NuniToaster.com

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The Decision Coin

Some decisions are hard. Should you call in sick today? Is that guy worth gettin’ any action? How about another helping of fries? Man (or drag queen) alone cannot make such calls. That’s why I have “The Decision Coin,” allowing me to swiftly and boldly make even the hardest of choices. Crafted from solid brass, The Decision Coin helps you when you’re truly torn. Also, yes, you should get the fries. 1.5” in diameter, solid brass, and made in ‘Murica, dammit. $19 This (and lots of other really fab stuff) available on Shop.CoolMaterial.com

Wallet Buckle This is the perfect “Dad Gift.” (Chicks dig it, too.) Featured on ABC’s Shark Tank, this heavy-duty, tough-stuff belt buckle has a secret compartment and can store up to four credit cards with real (or fake!) IDs. It’s perfect for festivals, concerts or stadiums or everyday. They’ve got 195 styles to choose from, but the Arizona theme rocks! Prices start at $34.95 with free shipping on orders over $75.

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Fingerprint Padlock

Uervoton fingerprint padlock lock has the security of a traditional one with added intelligence and convenience. Use the companion app to check the battery life, the entry log, and grant or revoke access to individuals whenever you like. It is anti-shim and anti-pry, too. Constructed with weatherproof aluminum alloy metal body, hardened steel shackle–just like my girdles. $50

Amazon.com (surprised?)

Facebook Portal

Let’s cut the crap, Facebook. All of your advertisements feature the Facebook Portal being used to talk to relatives and business associates, when we all know that this video conferencing device is going to be almost exclusively used for homemade pornographical purposes. Your twink friend can use it to make content for his OnlyFans site. With a built-in smart camera, your friend won’t miss any of the–ahem–“action.” Alexa is already built in. $199 to $349

PortalFacebook.com

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Kundalini Bracelets Namasté, you! Whenever my chakras are off kilter and my chi isn’t balanced, I get my karma realigned with these authentic, fair trade bracelets made by artists with designs based on Zen Buddhism. These are carefully handmade, blessed, empowering people to live with intention and attract luck, peace, willpower and positive vibes. Did you know that I banged Leonardo di Caprio? I did.

Now he wears these. Necklaces, bangles and rings available, too. $20-$63

KundaliniSpirit.com

Inlighten Tech This is how you light up holiday parties ... raves, nightclubs and New Year’s Eve bashes! I like to stand out in a crowd with fiber optic light-up hoodies, brassieres, neckties, bomber jackets and more. These scintillating accoutrements use bluetooth technology and are sound reactive, offering fullspectrum color control and multiple pulse modes. Sleeveless hoodie: $399

Inlighten.com

Lovense Hush

Bring on some serious excitement, stimulating your secret spot. Hook up to this app-controlled bluetooth toy and open up a whole new pleasure zone. The twist: it’s remote-controlled, operated by you or your partner’s cell phone! Perfect for for long distance relationships or solo.

Sync to music, create and share patterns or respond to sound-activated vibrations that’ll rock your world, hands-free. Made of smooth, inviting, body-safe silicone, waterproof and USB rechargeable.

Discreet, easy to use and intuitive. $119

Lovense.com

Rainbow Winter Scarf I know what you think when you think of winter: scarves. I do, too.

The ability to accessorize is what separates us from the beasts. Just ask Johnny Depp. He wears scarves all the time. This stylish, handmade scarf is designed by an independent LGBT artist, easy to wear and pair with jeans or a fabulous sequined gown. 31.5” x 78.7”, cotton/poly blend. Regularly $60, on sale for $29.99. This independent source for PRIDE shopping includes t-shirts, flags and more!

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KJP Fantastic Fox What does the fox say? If you’ve got a fox on your gift list, you’ll yip for the wool acrylic blend unisex Fantastic Fox Sweater from Kiel James Patrick in Rhode Island. Got a Fox in Sox in your house? Get the Fantastic Fox Socks made by the world’s most advanced miniaturized knitting specialists. I’m not kidding. Like little sweaters for your feet! KJP has lots more preppy clothes, jewelry, and pet accessories in stock for the Yankee in you.

Sweater: $128 Socks: $35

KielJamesPatrick.com

Friends* *Bearing Gifts Have you ever wondered what gifts movie stars and royals give their friends? Read Joseph Cicio’s lively story told through the prezzies from his famous besties: a beech tree from Joan Rivers, an antique mirror from Lauren Bacall, a sterling silver box from The Prince of Wales. Need someone fabulous on your own shopping list? You know, something for the person who has everything? Cicio is a gift-giving expert and his ideas in this book helps solve your holiday shopping woes. If you got the moola.

192 pages, 124 illustrations, 9.5” x 12.25” $75 SRP. Available on Amazon, about $50 80

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Food & Drink Infographics: A Visual Guide to Culinary Pleasures

When I get my hungry on I like to find out just what happens exactly when I stuff my pie hole.

This amazing book is filled with curiosities, illustrations, charts, data and useful information about veggies, knives, cheese, sushi, coffee and anything else in the gastronomical world. Cooks, gourmets and gourmands will love this! $70

TASCHEN.com Hardcover, 9” x 14”, 464 pages

The Greatest Showman Reimagined I know. You’re thinking you’ve heard the songs a million times. These versions by P!NK, Kesha, Pentatonix and others will have you singing, “Never Enough!” (I might do that at my show, come to think of it.) It’s streaming, but the CD makes a nice little hostess gift or stocking stuffer for a show tunes queen. $27

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Tito’s Handmade Vodka Texas gave us lots of great things. The Alamo. Blue Bell Ice Cream. Neiman Marcus. Selena. Toast. The Bushes ... well, not so much. But I love Tito’s Handmade Vodka. Not only do they advertise in ION, they’re big supporters of the LGBTQ community, sponsoring Phoenix Pride, Rainbows Festival, and other causes. Check out their online gift shop with barware, sweaters, ice coolers, lawn chairs, mugs and dog stuff, too. 100% of the net profits go to your choice of their non-profit partners. (They said I didn’t qualify. So tip me at my show.)

TitosVodka.com

The Night Sky Star Map Starry, starry night! Remember a special occasion, birthday, anniversary—or the night you lost your virginity even—with a customized map of the night sky. Choose any date, background color, inscriptions or other thoughtful options with this breathtaking 18” x 24” image printed on the finest art matte paper. Frames are available for an additional charge. $60

TheNightSky.com

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And I sure hope you’ve been bad boys and girls! Because we’re gonna to have a “Grandé XXXmas Spectacular” on Friday, December 21, starring the naughtiest elves of all, Kim Etiquette, Nikki Knowles, Olivia Gardens and Ava Love St. James. I’ll see you there ... with bells on! And, no. I’m not kiddin’.

There ain’t no stage big enough to fit me, honey! But this is a good start! Top off your work week at “TGIF: Thank Grandé It’s Friday!” hosted by me, Espressa Grande, at Cruisin’ 7th, every Friday.

Happy Holidays from Espressa Grande

FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)

Phoenix Theater Elf: The Musical

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

The Rock Late Nite Snax

BS West New Years Eve Party

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

JAN 1

The Rock Coco St. James

House Of Comedy Jimmy Shubert

27

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

The Rock Adriana Galliano

The Rock Trailer Trash Review

The Cash Cash Inn Country (W)

The Anvil Gear Night

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

29

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Dick’s Cabaret Merry XXXmas Bash

28

Hotel Congress Tucson Retro Game Show

22 Cruisin 7th Grande XXXmas Spectacular

21

December 2018

I N PARTY CAM EVENTS • (W) WEEKLY EVENT

Bar 1 New Years Eve Party

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

31

The Cash Karaoke (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

FEZ $5 Big Margaritas (W)

The Rock Late Nite Snax

30

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)

26

Charlie’s Christmas Day Show

25 MERRY CHRISTMAS

Plazma Sinful Studs (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

24

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

BS West Industry Night (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

OZ Bingo Night (W)

20

Karamba Black Party

Charlie’s Onesie Party

The Rock Mugged w/ Doja & Brii

Charlie’s Mexican Christmas

19

The Anvil High Heels & Harnesses

15

2601 on Central Sabados Rockeros (W)

The Anvil Photos w/ Nasty Santa

Cruisin 7th TGIF

14

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday

8

SATURDAY

House Of Comedy Angelo Tsarouchas

13

7

FRIDAY

Film Bar Rent

Karamba Ruby’s Christmas Queens Show

23

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Happy Hour All Day (W)

18

The Cash Free Dance Lessons (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

OZ Bar Bingo (W)

Charlie’s House Queens Show

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

12

BS West The Studs of Scottsdale (W)

6

THURSDAY

Film Bar Heathers

5

WEDNESDAY

Charlie’s Caroling for a Cause

11

4

TUESDAY

The Rock Dahl Haus

17

Charlie’s Undie Monday Naughty or Nice

10

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)

3

MONDAY

Karamba Jenni Rivera Tribute

16

9

2

SUNDAY

hydrat

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

PHOENIX FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Anvil

DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.25 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2 Canned Beer

HH $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $5 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $5 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

BS West

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

Buy 1 get 1 for $1. Go-Go Dancers, Extended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

The Cash

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm $1 Drafts 8-10pm $5 Long Isl 10-cl

HH $3 Well & Dom 4-8pm DJ Delicious 9pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY KARAOKE 8pm

Charlie’s

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 10pm-Mid

2-4-1 Well/Dom Noon-7pm $3 Deep Eddy & Blue Chair Bay 10p

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3 Pitch / $3 Lng Island Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$4 & $5 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Bliss/ReBar

Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s

W

Karamba

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Los Diablos

HH ALL DAY SINFUL FRIDAYS GO GO BOYS 9:30pm

HH ALL DAY $$7 LI, Marg & AMF pitchers $5 Dom Pitchers & Tito’s K 1pm

$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

The Rock

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl

Stacy’s

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock

Plazma

HH All Day $7 LI, Marg & AMF pitchers $5 Dom Pitchers & Tito’s

Br

BrBroadw

yBB

yBB

TUCSON FRIDAY SATURDAY Hotel Congress

IBTS

Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr

Br

Br

SUNDAY Br

Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis

KARAOKE 9pm $2.75 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $4 Well & Beer $2 OFF Apps/GlassWine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Toco Platters $5 Margaritas TRIVIA 6:30p $4 Drafts

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for $1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

Industry Night 1/2 off All Day KARAOKE 8pm

HH $3 Well & Dom ALL DAY 2-4-1 Well & Dom 10pm-close

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 9:30pm

$3 Dos equis / $3 Corona / $3 1800 Coconut Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karime Show

Urban Thursdays Aubrey Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers HH 3pm-7pm $5 Domestic Pitchers ALL DAY

HH 3pm-7pm $2 Tacos $3 Fish Tacos

HH 3pm-7pm $10 Chicken & Fries

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars

MONDAY

TUESDAY

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90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Taco & Tequi

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Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm

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Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY

WEDNESDAY

HH ALL DAY KARAOKE $5 Double cheeseburgers

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THURSDAY

Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm

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PHOENIX Address

1. 2601 on Central

Phone

2601 N. Central Ave.

Coming Soon!

2. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

3. Aqua

1730 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 253-0689

4. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

5. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

6. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

7. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

8. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

9. Caravan Taphouse

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

10. The Cash

2140 E McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-9943

11. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

12. Club Louie (coming soon)

607 W Osborn Rd.

13. Club Volt

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 244-1465

14. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

15. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

16. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

17. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

18. Hula’s Modern Tiki

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

19. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231 x

20. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

21. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

(602) 795-7881 x

22. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

23. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

(602) 267-9959 (602) 242-5114

x

24. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.

25. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 266-0477 (602) 248-8559

x

26. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

TUCSON Address

27. Hotel Congress 28. IBTs

(602) 264-1700 Phone

x

311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848

x

616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053

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H

used it to buy Hanukkah gifts for me. He said he’d totally pay for it, but I feel so violated.

OME FOR THE HOLIDAYS …

Dear Miss Tiger, My husband likes having sex while dressed up as Santa Claus. We tried it—but I got nothing from it. It’s that time of year again and he’s gearing up!

Any advice?

— Straight Woman In Chandler Dear Mrs. Claus, Cut off the warm gingerbread ...

And once his candy cane starts feeling more like an icicle … I guarantee he won’t be bothering you with that holiday-cosplay-bullshit anymore!

Dear Miss Tiger, I dread going to my parent’s house for Christmas. My brother slept with my exhusband and it lead to our divorce. His new boyfriend has no idea why we don’t speak. How am I supposed to sit there and pretend it didn’t happen?

— Alicia Dear I Don’t Do Amnesia And Neither Should You, So pour yourself some holiday cheer and start spilling the T! P.S. There’s nothing better than a Christmas roast. And I’m not talking the kind your Aunt Barb is bringing in her antiquated crock pot!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend stole my credit card and

— Used, Abused and Broke!

Dear Feeling Violated Is When He He Steals Your Credit Card And Buys Gifts For His Side Piece, And on that note … NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I needed cash and sold sperm at a fertility clinic during my freshman year of college. I received a letter from my “son” who wants to connect during the holiday.

Help!

— Gay Guy Dear See What Happens When You DON’T DO Like All The Other Gay College Boys Who Moonlighted As A Stripper?

Be thankful you got a kid who might just look after your ass when the disco ball fades and old age settles in.

In the words of Patti LaBelle’s 1996 best seller … Don’t Block the Blessings. And if the holiday reunion goes to hell, she can help me you with something else too … drowning your sorrows in some Patti LaBelle Sweet Potato Pie!

Miss Tiger Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com Instagram/Twitter: @MissTiger Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com December 2018 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

by Addison DeWitt

like a little Harajuku schoolgirl the first time I saw Joey Jay. (B) Muscles. Hairy chest. Delicious derrière. Flaxen locks. And that face! I also adore him when he puts on a sparkly girdle and bra (C) to A perform at Club Volt, too. Va-va-va-voom! I follow Joey on Instagram @ LashesAndCarCrashes and you’ll see why he’s so dreamy.

I

t’s the end of the year.

You know what that means ... well, maybe you don’t. It’s “The Column You Love to Hate! (When you bother to read it) ... it’s my 38th Annual “Gab Fab List.”™ This is the touching, yearly entry when I shed ink to acknowledge you— my precious public—and what you mean to me. Sometimes my zipper is up while I type this, but often my zipper is down.

Here’s a holiday snapshot I like to call, “The Hardy Boys & the Mystery of the Anorexic Christmas Tree.” Carlos Lara and Devon Norris (A) dress up like twinsies (note their matching gym shortsies) and attempt fatten up their skinty tree. So vewy pwecious!

How can I ignore the boy next door? I cried 96

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D

So ... do blondes have more fun? I wouldn’t mind testing that theory out with young, musclebound, L’Oréal whippersnapper Tanner James a.k.a. “Thor” (D) at the Caravan Taproom. I just wanna bring a box C of Sharpies and color in all of his sexy tattoos. (Well, that’s not all I wanna do. But it’s a start while I hunt for his Magic Marker.) You can catch Thor in his scanties behind the bar every Wednesday night. If I don’t catch him, first.

“Hey, batter, batter, batter ... swing!”

Bobby Garcia Veyna (E) is always welcome to show me his own personal Louisville Slugger on or off the diamond.

I’m happy to get frisky in the dugout

with Bobby anytime. It wouldn’t take much for him to make all the way “home” with me. I’ve got some Cracker Jacks for him to snack on. Okay, so mine are a little stale ... You just mind your own business, people!

“True Confessions: JayyVon Monroe Made Me His Zombie Concubine!” Well, I wish ... I don’t mind admitting it ... whenever I see JayyVon (F) I feel like I’m caught in an scandalous, Macedonian XXXrated version of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

Whenever he looks at me with those preternaturally hypnotic eyes it makes me want to do things that would probably get me banned from attending any future high school reunions—not that I care so much about that. JayyVon can cast his wicked homo-hex on me anytime he wants with a quick little “Bibbidy-Bobbidy-Boo!” and his special magic wand. And, yes.

“Wand” is a euphemism. You’ll see what I mean about JayyVon at his monthly show, “The Dähl House” at The Rock, and every Tuesday at “The

Queer Agenda” at Stacy’s. (And, yes, that was a shameless plug for our advertisers’ bars.)

E

G

Who knew that stand-up comedy could be so funny and so gorgeous at the same time? (Hey, Letterman or Leno were no beauties. Right?)

With Tony Tripoli (G) you get both: “Ha ha’s” and “handsome.”

And maybe a “hard-on,” too.

So that’s three things.

Look for him the comedy F circuit. (He’s single, too.

Who doesn’t like a good laugh in bed after an orgasm?)

Everyone got a big surprise when Karrington Valenzuela (Neveah McKenzie) (H) was picked to compete in a “80s Dance Off” at Paula Abdul’s recent concert, easily winning contest with his mad “NKOTB” moves. That was “The Right Stuff,” for sure, you little #FitFish, you!

Horny Holidays, everyone!

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A

s 2018 winds down, finish any tasks you started. Mercury is in retrograde until December 6, so avoid signing any contracts.

This is a good time to relax and enjoy the Yuletide season. If you’re more on the Druid or witchy side of things, the Winter Solstice rings in on Friday, December 21 at 3:22 p.m in Arizona. Are you feeling balanced?

Challenge yourself. Hey, if that famous, old, fat guy can drive a team of reindeer on a sleigh around the world in one night, it won’t hurt you to extend yourself and help someone that extra little bit. You’ll feel so good! Trust me on this one.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Look forward to good news. Keep conversation pleasant when you’re socializing. (We all know that this time of year with one egg nog too many you might go too far. It happens to everyone.)

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Neptune gets in the way of your stars.

Confusing, delusional, wacky, Neptune! This is often an astrological recipe for passionate upheaval, so just chill wit’ yo’ elves and don’t be all up in yo’ grill.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21 In a grand finale for the year, you get a chance to achieve a real goal. Don’t neglect the possibilities—they’re next to the fruitcake and cookies. It’s a good time to lay the foundation for a really big project.

CANCER June 22 - July 22 Good news lifts your spirits and you get a dose of confidence. Practice your charm, tact and diplomacy in social situations. Don’t just blurt out what’s on your mind. You’ve done it in the past. Try not to do it again.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 You’re getting all the holiday gifts you asked for! (Well, except for the pony. Be reasonable now.) You spread extra cheer, and get an offer that’s too good to be true.

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VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Expect a busy social calendar. You’re dependent on others to get stuff done, because it’s all about collaboration and consensus. Don’t just bulldoze through things alone. Emotional security is yours.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Time to lay an old issue to rest. Mercury retrograde left you tongue-tied, but now it’s time to turn new words into action.

Spontaneously express yourself. Even if you have to take off your clothes!

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Wonderful vibes, wonderful news, wonderful people make everything, well, pretty darn wonderful! Even though things look good, read the fine print before you sign anything.

Otherwise things may not be so wonderful.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Jupiter ushers in good times, good luck and good friends. Birthday Sags can expect others to share their ideas and socialize in the flesh. And you can expect a little extra “flesh,” too, if you catch my drift.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Visions and dreams give you direction, thanks to planetary strength in your own sign. This makes you a little aggressive, and a little, shall we say, “over assertive.” So watch it. Birthday goats will fare well doing something philanthropic. It’s nice to be nice.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Are you on the right track? You can get a little scatterbrained (not like that’s anything new.) Solutions percolate for important issues confronting you. Listen to your feelings, don’t eat them, and exercise.

Look forward to a breakthrough. You get a fabulous idea!

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 It’s a good time to be flexible and avoid any emotional outbursts. You know you can get a little out of control in that arena, right?

Avoid any major acquisitions. Keep your purse shut tight!